Why All the Sitting Around?
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: LOST
Whew...for some reason, I'm really feeling beat tonight. I planned to stay in, but Cheeseburger and Shark Hunter came to pick me up, and we joined the gang at Guido's for Libby's last night in town. I spent some time chatting up a lovely young woman, which was great fun, even though Cheeseburger gave me just five minutes to get ready, so I had to make do without shaving and changing my shirt.

I finished watching this week's LOST when I got home. Seriously, I don't get the acclaim this show is getting. Every episode follows the same formula, which is A) something strange happens to one of the characters, who refuses to share it with the rest of the castaways, B) we get a flashback into one of the character's pre-crash life, which is always some elaborate and unbelievable backstory--apparently there were no tourists, businessmen or just regular Joes on that Sydney-to-NY flight, C) somebody needs something, can't find it, and threaten/blackmail/beg the sly ol' Southern conman to get it back, D) at least two characters have a fight or argument over something stupid. Right now, I'm frustrated because, a few episodes back, a crazy dude who wasn't on the plane with everyone else showed up and kidnapped a pregnant woman. You would think that the castaways would be beating the bushes searching for her until they got her back. And a handful of them did just that in one episode. But now I guess they're content to sit around the beach on their asses while the psycho tortures and abuses her. Does it not bother any of LOST's huge audience that these apathetic characters are sitting around twiddling their thumbs while one of them is a kidnap victim? Heck, doesn't it bother any of you that none of them seems interested in exploring the island? How do they know there isn't a major city just a few miles down the beach? They've made a few minor explorations around the island, but haven't covered much of it, at least as far as they know. Yeah, yeah, there's a monster out there (oh, brother), but wouldn't you take the chance? Some of LOST's performances are fine, but I haven't found a shred of believability in most of the main characters, and in fact I find them pretty shallow.

The major exception is the Locke character portrayed by Terry O'Quinn, a wonderful actor who oozes strength, nobility, confidence, mystery, wisdom and humanity. I know--big buildup--but O'Quinn is worth it. You may remember him from Chris Carter's TV series, particularly his semi-regular role on MILLENNIUM as Lance Henriksen's friend/partner/rival/nemesis Peter Watts. He was also THE STEPFATHER, which is a damned effective little horror movie.

Anyway, I'd love to hear some feedback on LOST. Like BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER, LOST is an acclaimed genre series whose charms seems to have zipped right over my head. What are you getting out of LOST that I'm not?

I finished watching ROAD RAGE tonight, a 2000 direct-to-video action movie starring Casper Van Dien. To be blunt, Van Dien, whom you'll remember from STARSHIP TROOPERS, has no business making movies. He's completely worthless as an actor, and his oddly orange hair is a distraction. He plays an underprivileged guy who breaks up a fight between a college classmate and her boyfriend, and while giving her a ride home, ends up in a film-length car chase with a psycho in a pickup truck who's trying to kill them. ROAD RAGE has some execrable dialogue, spoken by actors barely above the level of high-school play. The low-budget chases aren't particularly interesting either, and Casper's older wife, Catherine Oxenberg (you remember her from either DYNASTY, LAIR OF THE WHITE WORM or, if you were here on Crappy Movie Night, TIME SERVED, a womens' prison flick where she played a convict/stripper) has a cameo as a forest ranger. I'd rather watch TIME SERVED again. And so would you.

I'll Tell Ya Sometime
Mood:  sharp
Now Playing: ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13
Showed the John Carpenter original to Cheeseburger, Panno and Salva tonight in anticipation of the remake. One aspect of Carpenter's film that I like is its lean storytelling. You just know that the new version is going to have tons of plot, too many characters, and a barrage of loud automatic gunfire. Carpenter rachets up the suspense by giving us only as much information as we need to know (which is more than the characters have, another method of building tension) and by slowly developing each of the major characters before they arrive at the precinct house. Some of the performances are a bit laconic, but we do get to know these characters, we like them, and we want them to survive. Carpenter also supplies his faceless villains with silencers; one of his most effective scenes features a bunch of cops getting gunned down by silent bullets, as you just hear the thwip-thwip of slugs penetrating chests and bodies falling to the ground. That's a much creepier concept than giving the heavies personalities and arming them with heavy artillery, as you can bet the remake does.

It's also interesting to see Austin Stoker playing the leading role of Bishop, the police lieutenant in charge of keeping everyone alive. Outside of the blaxploitation genre, there were very few black leading men who were active in major Hollywood features at that time. Stoker was a good, solid actor who got to play somewhat looser in the very rare COMBAT COPS aka PANIC CITY (the title of my British X-rated print), in which he played a macho cop seeking a racist serial killer in blackface. He would have been a terrific lead in a TV cop show.

Not many people saw PRECINCT during its original release, and it continued to be a relative sleeper for many years afterward. My brother and I saw it on home video back in the '80s and became big fans of it, turning on friends to it whenever possible. Over the last decade or so, PRECINCT appears to have built a fan base; it has been released twice on DVD. Quentin Tarantino is reportedly a fan, probably because of Carpenter's terse screenplay filled with black humor and many homages to his favorite childhood movies.

I also watched a 1984 interview with Carpenter from a Canadian talk show. In it, he mentions an idea he had back in the 1970's for a western that would have starred John Wayne and Elvis Presley! He even had talks with Wayne's son Michael about it, but The Duke's health was too far gone at that point; he and Presley died about a year apart. It seems unlikely that Carpenter, based only on the strength of his first film, DARK STAR, and ASSAULT (and, to be fair, his Oscar-winning short subject BRONCO BILLY), would have enough juice to interest The Duke and The King, but it unquestionably would have been an interesting film.

Also on tonight's agenda was ARENA, an Empire picture made around the time of ROBOT JOX. It's not terribly interesting, pitting a human against extraterrestrials in futuristic intergalactic boxing matches. Claudia Christian of BABYLON 5 plays a major role in it, and Richard Band's score is characteristically good. And that's about all I can say for Arena, which looks cheap and has little spectacle.

Who's Meeting Me at B-Fest?
Mood:  celebratory
Now Playing: DARK DESCENT
A hearty thanks to Tolemite, who worked the phone lines this afternoon and snared tickets for him, me and Kevin to attend B-Fest January 28 and 29. B-Fest is an annual 24-hour marathon of crappy movies held at Northwestern University's student center. Imagine sitting in an auditorium watching 15 consecutive movies, plus shorts, subsisting on a steady stream of Red Can (Coca-Cola), bologna sandwiches, Hostess products, Fritos and water. Sounds great, huh? No question, B-Fest is a test of human endurance. You try keeping your eyelids open at 5:30am while THE SLIME PEOPLE plays and see how you do. I've never forgiven myself for nodding off during SPAWN OF THE SLITHIS last year; it's unlikely I'll get another chance to see it anytime soon.

Here's the 2005 crop of films. It's a darned good list. I've seen all but five, and each should provide some solid laughs.

ISLAND OF TERROR--Peter Cushing fights alien rock monsters on a British island
THE APPLE--Cannon produced this notorious disco/glam/rock musical that has become celebrated for its awfulness
THE SWARM--"There's no bee there. I promise."
THE WIZARD OF SPEED AND TIME (short)--Mike Jittlov's incredible short film is an annual favorite
PLAN NINE FROM OUTER SPACE--"Day! Night! Tor! Bela! Not Bela!"
BLACK BELT JONES--Jim Kelly is The Man
BEAUTY AND THE ROBOT--Better known as SEX KITTENS GO TO COLLEGE with the pulchritudinous Mamie Van Doren
DEATH WISH 3--Bronson!
PROJECT MOONBASE--Robert Heinlein wrote this one
3 NINJAS: HIGH NOON AT MEGA MOUNTAIN--Actually 3 NINJAS IV, it played theaters and stars Hulk Hogan (!), Loni Anderson in boots (!!) and Jim Varney!!!
ROBOT MONSTER--A robot monkey monster alien from outer space
CLASS OF NUKE 'EM HIGH--I'm not much of a Troma fan
LASSIE: THE ADVENTURES OF NEEKA--Edited from episodes of the '60s color TV episodes
ICE PIRATES--Bob Urich fights a space herpe
EARTH VS. THE FLYING SAUCERS--Harryhausen!
BREAKIN' 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO--Ozone! Turbo! Special K (what a fox)!

This will be my fourth B-Fest with Kevin and third with Toler. I wrote journals on past B-Fests for the old Mobius site, but those archives have been lost. Trust me when I say it's a great time. If watching Charlie Bronson punch holes in punks' chests at 4:45am is your bag, that is.

Speaking of chest-hole punching, Dean Cain stars in DARK DESCENT, which I caught tonight before and after 24. Believe it or not, this Bulgarian-lensed direct-to-video thriller is a ripoff of OUTLAND, which was itself a ripoff of HIGH NOON. I like Cain, but DARK DESCENT is pretty dismal. It does offer one thing I've never seen before though. The setting is an underwater mining colony. One character goes nutzoid and drills a hole in the wall of his quarters. Water bursts through the hole, but the colony's sensors quickly seal that room off by slamming shut its circular doors. But before the door to the corridor can completely shut, a jet stream of water bursts through the tiny circular opening with such force that it shoots clear through a guy's back and out his chest like an arrow. Never seen anyone impaled by water before. It might even be cooler than the baddie in DRIVE who flicks a quarter clean through some dude's throat and imbeds it in the wall behind him. Now that's "flippin'" sweet. Literally.

Lay Off, Baby, I Got Work To Do
Mood:  party time!
Now Playing: THREE THE HARD WAY
If you saw this poster hanging in a theater lobby, wouldn't you make an effort to see this movie?

Damn right you would.

THREE THE HARD WAY brings together for the first time three of the biggest badasses in blaxploitation history: Fred "The Hammer" Williamson, Jim Brown and Jim Kelly. Brown and Williamson had been successfully starring in black action films such as SLAUGHTER, HAMMER and BLACK CAESAR for a couple of years, although Brown had enjoyed a slight mainstream career in major studio films like THE DIRTY DOZEN and 100 RIFLES. Kelly had made a splash the year before in 1973 as Bruce Lee and John Saxon's co-star in ENTER THE DRAGON.

THREE THE HARD WAY is one of my favorite blaxploitation flicks. Despite its frequent padding, sloppy production values and confusing script, it offers up tons of action and a ridiculously campy premise that add up to a wild combination of sub-budget Bond film and Marvel superhero comic. A wealthy white supremacist named Mr. Feather (the always fey Jay Robinson) concocts a plan to exterminate America's black population by poisoning the water supply of several major cities with a deadly chemical that only affects African-Americans. Record producer Brown, PR man Williamson and karate teacher Kelly stumble onto Robinson's operation when Brown's girlfriend (Sheila Frazier) is kidnapped and attempt to destroy it. All three leads are given properly heroic introductions, then, after damaging Robinson's plot in a series of solo adventures, team up to destroy the villains compound in a colorful Bondian climax. Lots of stuntmen with machine guns and red berets are wiped out and many cars explode. The shootouts, martial-arts battles, and stunts (performed by Hal Needham's Stunts Unlimited) are top-notch (the body count must run into triple digits) and Robinson's performance is hilariously over-the-top. You'll also see some funky '70s threads, songs by The Impressions, a senseless part for Alex Rocco as a cop who doesn't do jack, and some very hateful villains.

There's also a bizarre scene where Williamson extracts information from one of Feather's henchmen by siccing a trio of foxy topless dominatrixes on him. Sweaty, sassy and adorned only in tight leather pants, these three malicious mamas (one is played by Irene Tsu, who's still working in television) are simultaneously sensual and scary.

Scripters Eric Bercovici and Jerry Ludwig wrote dozens of HAWAII FIVE-0 episodes and later reteamed with Brown, Williamson and Kelly for the 1975 western TAKE A HARD RIDE with Lee Van Cleef. Several years later, the Beatles of Blaxploitation got together for the only time, as Richard Roundtree (SHAFT) joined Brown, Kelly and The Hammer for ONE DOWN, TWO TO GO, which Williamson directed. It's not really very good, but how can you pass up a chance to see these guys working together?

Is That Russian for "Whacking Off"?
Now Playing: RED HEAT
Harken back to a time known as the late-1980's, a time in which Hollywood peppered the landscape with dozens of movies fitting into the "buddy cop action/comedy" genre in hopes of capitalizing on the success of films like 48 HRS. and LETHAL WEAPON. You wouldn't believe some of the teamups that happened as a result: Anthony Edwards and Forest Whitaker in DOWNTOWN, Jay Leno and Pat Morita in COLLISION COURSE, Lee Majors and Don Rickles in KEATON'S COP, Dabney Coleman and Matt Frewer in SHORT TIME, Tom Hanks and a dog in TURNER & HOOCH, Jim Belushi and a dog in K-9, Jim Belushi and John Ritter in REAL MEN...

Hey, there's that name again. The late-1980's was also a time when Hollywood tried to turn Jim Belushi into an action star. Why would anyone attempt to transform a sarcastically funny ex-SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE cast member and future ACCORDING TO JIM sitcom star into a guns-blazing, fists-thumping action hero? I don't know, but it almost worked.

Belushi, who changed his name to "James" during this period, costarred with none other than Arnold Schwarzeneggar in RED HEAT, a buddy cop action/comedy by Walter Hill, the director of 48 HRS. The trailer is amusing, since it posits Arnold and James as equals, using just their surnames in promotion: "Schwarzeneggar. Belushi. RED HEAT!"

It's not bad, really, but is definitely on Hill's B-list. You know the story: uptight cop teams up with carefree slob cop to catch druglord. At first, they hate each other, but soon learn to trust and even like each other. And punctuated with a chase or a shootout every 11 minutes or so. Peter Boyle (EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND) is the cop superior who takes Belushi off the case (fat chance), Larry Fishburne (THE MATRIX) is another uptight cop, and Gina Gershon (BOUND) is a dancer. It's certainly worth a rental, if only to see a naked Arnold fighting a bunch of other naked guys in a snowbank in Austria (meant to simulate the Soviet Union). RED HEAT also shot for a day in Moscow's Red Square, and there's some novelty value in seeing Arnold, playing a Soviet cop, walking there. And, by the way, Schwarzeneggar makes no effort to attempt a Russian accent, so prepare yourself for a German-sounding "Ivan Danko".

Personally, I prefer Belushi in THE PRINCIPAL, in which he goes mostly alone as a wisecracking screwup of a teacher who is sentenced to be the new principal at an inner-city high school that more closely resembles Beirut than DAWSON'S CREEK. It's an effective if unexceptional action picture with Belushi joking and thumping his way through the paces.

"James Belushi...is...THE PRINCIPAL." Man, I miss those days.

Henriksen: Piranha Hunter
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: PIRANHA II: THE SPAWNING
Or, to be accurate and use the on-screen title, PIRANHA PART TWO THE SPAWNING. You've got to have faith to continue watching a film when the folks who made it can't even get the title right. The one that appears on the print is not only a grammatical nightmare, but darned bulky as well.

Blame Greek executive producer Ovidio G. Assonitis, who reportedly locked the director out of the editing room and cobbled the picture together himself. That director's name was James Cameron, who was directing his first film after several years working at Roger Corman's New World Pictures as a set designer, art director, visual effects technician, model maker, etc. Would Cameron have directed a better picture than what PIRANHA II turned out to be if he had been left alone? Considering his second film was THE TERMINATOR, it appears likely. But you have to wonder if anyone could make a good movie about man-eating piranha that leap out of the Jamaican waters, fly across the beach (!), attach themselves to the necks of unsuspecting tourists, and start chomping away.

That's right, I said fly. These piranha fish fly, although they look like cheap rubber novelty props on sticks being batted against the faces of the actors. When a scuba diving couple is found munched to death off the coast of a Caribbean island, the sheriff (Lance Henriksen, badass as usual), his estranged diving-teacher wife (Tricia O'Neil, looking sexier than I've ever seen her) and her horny student (obnoxious Steve Marachuk) team up to investigate. Just like in PIRANHA, the mutated fish with bat-like wings are the result of tampering by the U.S. Government, and officials of the beachside hotel refuse to evacuate in order to avoid a panic (just like JAWS...coincidence? Ha ha ha ha ha!). Henriksen (whose name is misspelled in the titles) was probably cast by Assonitis, who used him in another Italian horror film called THE VISITOR. Cameron must have liked his work, since Lance popped up in THE TERMINATOR and ALIENS.

Boobs, blood, silly special effects, Lance Henriksen leaping from helicopters, misguided comic relief, and a "Directed by James Cameron" credit--what's not to love?

I had a good time seeing HOUSE OF FLYING DAGGERS on the big screen at Boardman's Art Theater last night. Their speakers certainly got a workout, because there's some mighty percussion in this film. HOUSE is by Yimou Zhang, who also directed HERO, and stars Ziyi Zhang (God, I love her shoulders) as a blind dancer named Mei who becomes involved with an underground group of assassins called the House of the Flying Daggers, and is being used by a flip policeman named Jin (Takeshi Kaneshiro) who pretends to help her escape so she can lead him and his men to the House's leader. It's very similar to HERO and Ang Lee's CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON with lush locations, balletic martial-arts battles, tragic love stories, and the porcelain Ziyi, as lovely a woman as ever graced a film screen.

I don't understand why American filmmakers haven't embraced an actress this enchanting who can also move well and speak passable English. At least she appeared to be able to speak English when she acted in RUSH HOUR 2, although it's possible she learned her lines phonetically. The struggles that women of color have landing decent roles in Hollywood productions are well-known (just ask Angela Bassett, who went from an Oscar nod for WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT to starring in SUPERNOVA and appearing as decoration in THE SCORE, she'll tell you loud and clear), and perhaps Zhang has fallen into that trap as well. Still, she's young and worth keeping an eye on.

My place looks a little difference today. I rotated out the exploitation movie posters that adorn my walls with a new batch I received in the mail yesterday for a buck apiece. Gone are such titles as MOONSHINE COUNTY EXPRESS, PRIME CUT, BIG BAD MAMA, MR. NO LEGS and STARCRASH. They've been replaced with CHATTERBOX, MITCHELL, WALKING TALL PART II, VICE SQUAD, AVALANCHE, TWO-MINUTE WARNING and several others. Stop by and take a look.

Is This Because I'm A Lesbian?
Mood:  incredulous
Now Playing: LAW & ORDER
Good grief, that was some bad writing. I just watched Elisabeth Rohm's swan song as ADA Serena Southerlyn, which wrapped up with a complete out-of-left-field non sequitur involving the character's homosexuality. The episode ends with Serena being fired by her boss, the district attorney (a solid Fred Dalton Thompson), because she's too passionate for prosecutorial work. After laying his cards on the table, explaining that she's an excellent attorney and that her passion makes her an advocate, which is the wrong temperament for putting bad guys in jail, he tells her, "You're fired." She pauses for a moment, and asks him, "Is this because I'm a lesbian?"

WTF?

Rohm has been on the show, stinking up the sets, for about four years now. There has never been any indication in any episode that she was gay, straight, bi, whatever. So they pick her final episode to do it. Well, in and of itself, that's okay. But do a show about that. Make her last case one involving gay rights and use Serena's orientation to make a point or serve the story. But to pelt us in literally the last fifteen seconds of her tenure with "Is this because I'm a lesbian?" (Thompson assures her, and us, that it isn't...and I believe him; who wouldn't believe Fred Thompson?) is just bad writing, an NBC-style "shock" ending that shocks only in its cheap theatricality.

Meanwhile, THE WEST WING might be getting better. What was once one of TV's best dramas sank to a recond low last season and didn't get off to a great start this year. However, the shift is now away from Martin Sheen's presidency and onto the upcoming presidential election, which has already introduced Jimmy Smits to the main cast. Smits is playing a personable Texas congressman whom Josh Lyman (Bradley Whitford) recruited to run for the presidency against Vice President "Bingo" Bob Russell (Gary Cole doing a great clueless guy) and oily ex-VP John Hoynes (Tim Matheson). Smits has already shaken things up, lightening the screen with major charisma and taking the focus of the show out of the White House and onto the campaign circuit, which creates new story ideas. Aside from Martin Sheen's arresting work as POTUS, the WEST WING cast was becoming too shrill for their own good, as the writers began penning out-of-character material for them and transforming the series from social drama to soap opera like executive producer John Wells' other series ER. I had pretty much given up on WEST WING last year, but Jimmy Smits and more future appearances by Alan Alda (whom Smits may be running against) have me interested again.

Did I use "whom" correctly? I hate that word.

"The Daaaarrrrrrkkkkkkk"
Now Playing: THE DARK
Taking a bit of a break from my new Toshiba DVD recorder. I learn something new every time I sit down with it. Here's something I never knew: some television broadcasts are copy-protected to prevent dubbing. I recorded a Cinemax showing of FIGHTING MAD, a 1976 action picture starring Peter Fonda and directed by Jonathan Demme, with the intent of saving it to DVD-R. It recorded alright, but after I did some editing and created chapter breaks (complete with thumbnails...I can even do that!), the Toshiba refused to burn it to DVD. What I think might be the case is that these Cinemax broadcasts can be recorded one time, but just once. So I think I can probably record directly to DVD-R. That means I won't be able to do any editing, but at least I'll have the movie on disc.

I'm getting so I'm pretty decent about creating discs. Last night I dubbed a pretty rank 1979 horror movie called THE DARK to DVD. My prerecord VHS tape is not in good shape; it broke once, and I had to take the shell apart and repair it. Obviously that tape isn't going to last forever, and even though the film isn't all that good, I'd still like to have it. So I dubbed it to the Toshiba hard drive. From there I was able to create chapters, just like a regular DVD. I was also able to create thumbnails for the chapters (I can even name them if I want to). And I was able to create a menu using the colors included or using a screen shot. I found a frame of THE DARK's "monster" shooting laser beams from his eyes, and used that as the "desktop", if you will, for the menu. So now when I place THE DARK into any DVD player, a customized menu featuring the title will come up, and if I want, I can go from there into the chapter menu. It's really kinda cool.

OK, enough about that for now. Let me know if you get bored reading about my new toy. As for THE DARK, well, it's pretty jumbled and the VHS tape's dark print certainly doesn't help. I wouldn't be surprise if THE DARK was shot that way to disguise the ridiculous monster. It's about a zombie/alien/monster that stalks Los Angeles decapitating people and blowing up stuff with its laser-beam eyes. William Devane (now on 24) is the star, with Cathy Lee Crosby (THAT'S INCREDIBLE) as a TV reporter, Richard Jaeckel (THE DIRTY DOZEN) as a cop, and Casey Kasem (!) as a forensic scientist. CSI: AMERICAN TOP 40. Dick Clark was a co-producer, and it was directed by John "Bud" Cardos (KINGDOM OF THE SPIDER) after Tobe Hooper (THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE) got fired. It's a credit to the cast that THE DARK is watchable, but it's pretty disappointing.

I also saw THE ROYAL TENENBAUMS, which, like other Wes Anderson films, I'm tentative about. I loved the visual style, the music and Gene Hackman's performance, but the domestic drama carried less impact inside Anderson's fantasy world than it would have in a "real world" setting. I think the Tenenbaums were too quirky for their material. I haven't disliked any of Anderson's films (I haven't seen BOTTLE ROCKET), but I think RUSHMORE and TENENBAUMS are underwhelming. THE LIFE AQUATIC WITH STEVE ZISSOU is my favorite, possibly because Bill Murray is so good in it, possibly because I liked its mixture of adventure, fantasy, comedy and wistfulness. Its weakest element is the filial relationship between Murray and Owen Wilson, so at least I'm consistent.

Sara, put in a good word for me!

My New Toy
Mood:  accident prone
Sorry I haven't posted lately, but I got my new Toshiba DVD recorder yesterday and have been trying to figure it out since. The manual is 179 pages...and that's the SECOND manual. Much of the material is for features I likely won't use, but I still have to sort the important stuff from the non-important. So far, I can record from the TV, record from VHS, create chapters and playlists, dub from the hard drive to DVD.

I have not been able to set it up so that I can change channels on the cable box using the Toshiba. That's important for timer-recording programs that are on different channels. I have the IR control cable hooked up and have it, for right now, dangling right in front of the cable box. It's a General Instrument digital cable box, and I punched in all the GI codes listed in the manual, but I still can't get it to work. I can change channels using the cable remote, of course, but I need the Toshiba to be able to change channels so I can set it to timer-record programs when I'm not home. I think maybe there's some step I am missing or some connection I have missed. Any suggestions?

I also screwed up and bought 100 blank DVD+R discs, rather than DVD-R. At first, I figured it would be okay, because most DVD recorders and players do support DVD+R. Not this one. Anyone willing to trade some DVD+Rs for DVD-Rs?

And I accidentally deleted something I had dubbed from VHS and was preparing to burn to DVD. I had experimented with it, creating chapters and removing dead spots. Now I gotta do it all over again!

It Had to Happen Eventually
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: BLACK SNAKE
I've finally hit the wall. I have nothing to write about, yet I feel I must feed this machine with something, any kind of drivel, just to keep the blog moving. Judging from the Comments, no one is reading anyway, yet I feel like Jonathan Haze in LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS looking for stiffs to feed to the talking hibiscus. I might be forced to continue with my VHS collection.

I did watch BLACK SNAKE tonight, a nice widescreen print. It was directed in Barbados by Russ Meyer in 1973, and is his most atypical film in that it features women with normal-sized breasts and barely any sex and nudity. It's about a slave revolt on a West Indies plantation in 1835, and is sort of like MANDINGO, but less sleazy--if you believe a Paramount-financed feature with James Mason could be sleazier than a Russ Meyer flick. Matter of fact, I think the acting in BLACK SNAKE might be better than MANDINGO too.

BLACK SNAKE veers too much between typical Meyersian broad satire and serious racial drama, although it really starts to cook during the last half-hour or so. It's beautifully photographed and edited, and the performances by the local actors in supporting roles are convincing. It's too good a film to ignore, at least by Meyer fans, but not nearly as interesting as SUPERVIXENS or BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS, Russ' masterpiece.

And, despite its subject matter, it's more tasteful than MANDINGO, not that it would be difficult to achieve. MANDINGO is mindbogglingly sleazy and unrepetantly tasteless, so much so that Tolemite and I once plotted a MANDINGO video game that would include events such as sucker-whipping, bare-knuckles brawling, anus-inspecting, and fights to the death with pitchforks over a cauldron of boiling water. Sounds like it must be time to watch MANDINGO again. If I dare.

Not much of interest happening to me at work or at home. We think Melissa might have had her baby today (yay), but some office favorites have put in their notices, as they leave for greener pastures. I find that I use fewer paper plates these days, now that I have a dishwasher. I've decided that waxed dental floss is way better than unwaxed.

A huge thanks to John for sending a sweet box of crappy movies to my door this week. In fact, BLACK SNAKE was in that box. I'm most excited about the widescreen print of STARCRASH he included. STARCRASH is one of the most beautiful Crappy Movies ever created, fast-paced with bright colors, insane logic, Caroline Munro in a leather bikini, a robot with a Texas accent, a dubbed Joe Spinell dressed as Darth Vader, stop-motion animation, a John Barry score (I'm sure he was tricked into it), Marjoe Freakin' Gortner, a pre-KNIGHT RIDER Hasselhoff (!), and Christopher Plummer as the Emperor of the Universe who has the power to "halt the flow of time" just by demanding it. What a delightfully loopy flick. Gotta see that one again too.

Ah, heck, let's just do it. The "C"s:
Caged Heat 2: Stripped of Freedom
Candy Snatchers, The
Candy Stripe Nurses
Cannibal Girls
Cannon
Capture That Capsule
Car 54, Where Are You?
Car, The
Castle of the Walking Dead
Cavalier
Chain of Command
Challenge of the Tiger
Champion of Death
Charlie Chan at the Circus
Charlie Chan at the Opera
Charlie Chan at Treasure Island
Charlie Chan in Egypt
Charlie Chan in London
Charlie Chan in the Secret Service
Charlie Chan on Broadway
Charlie's Angels (TV series)
Chatterbox
Chesty Anderson, USN
China Strike Force
Chinese Cat, The
Choke Canyon
Chooper, The (Joe Bob Briggs commentary)
Chosen Survivors
Cimarron Strip
Circuit, The
City in Darkness
Clint Eastwood: The Man from Malpaso
Cold Harvest
Cold Night's Death, A
Columbo
Combat
Comin' At Ya!
Contaminated Man
Contract on Cherry Street
Convoy Busters
Corrupt
Count Dracula's Great Love
Cover Girl Models
Crazies, The
Creature with the Blue Hand
Crimson Ghost, The (feature version)
Critical Mass
Cry Terror
Curse of the Faceless Man
Cyborg Cop II

THE CANDY SNATCHERS is coming out on DVD. This is my most anticipated release of the year. It has never had a home video release of any sort in any country, as far as I know, even though it's one of the best films in its genre. That genre being, I guess, unrepentantly grim drive-in exploitation flicks about amoral kidnappers who swipe a teenage girl, rape her, and attempt to ransom her to a stepdad who doesn't give a shit. Don't let my flip description turn you off from THE CANDY SNATCHERS, which is nicely plotted, strongly acted, and ambitiously packed with surprise and suspense. If you don't believe me, come on over and watch my VHS tape. Or wait for the Subversive Cinema DVD. It's worth watching.