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OCEAN'S 11 (1960)--Directed by Lewis Milestone.
Stars Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr., Peter Lawford, Angie Dickinson, Richard Conte, Cesar Romero. One of the
coolest movies ever made, this all-star home movie was the first film to star the "Rat Pack", Frank's posse who spent more
time drinking, singing, carousing and playing golf than they did acting on the set of this caper flick. OCEAN'S 11 has often
been criticized, like Burt Reynolds' '80s larks, for being more fun to make than to watch, but I think that's its charm. Rarely
have more charming and downright cool performers walked the Earth than the '60s Rat Packers, and just being in their presence--even
through celluloid--is a big thrill.
The thin thread of a story involves a plot to rob five Las Vegas casinos simultaneously
on New Year's Eve. Danny Ocean (Sinatra) recruits ten members of his World War II paratroop unit to pull the caper, including
just-in-from-Hawaii singer Sam Harmon (Martin), Bojangly garbage man Josh Howard (Davis) and wealthy mama's boy Jimmy Foster
(Lawford). Pace is not this movie's greatest asset, in that the first hour is spent just getting the whole gang together amidst
moments of interplay between the 11 and with others. Danny is visited by his estranged wife (Dickinson), who is cool to the
idea of their reconciliation. Foster is dismayed by his mother's impending sixth marriage to hood Duke Santos (Romero). Tony
Bergdorf (Conte), upon learning he's got "the Big Casino", needs the loot from the caper to make sure his son is provided
for after his death. Meanwhile, Martin and Davis sing, Sinatra and Lawford get messages, everyone wears V-neck sweaters, and
most of the time characters stand around drinking Scotch and smoking cigarettes patiently while waiting for their next line.
No question about it--OCEAN'S 11 is as empty as Dino's liquor cabinet on New Year's Day, but it's hard not to be seduced
by the insouciant charms of the stars. After performing onstage in the evenings and partying 'til the wee hours of the morning,
the Pack wasn't in the mood for much complexity in their film, so Milestone basically stands them in front of the set, points
his camera in their direction, and gets it all in one--heck, maybe occasionally two--takes. Much of the dialogue seems gleaned
from their nightclub act, and I imagine a certain amount of adlibbing took place. Strangely, the film doesn't feel as freewheeling
as other vanity shows--like, say, CANNONBALL RUN, which has a certain sloppiness amid its car stunts and face-slappings. In
contrast, OCEAN'S 11 emits a very laidback quality, which I suppose is fitting, considering its stars, but its technical proficiency
works against it in many ways. A film this bright, colorful and well-staged ought to have more to its core than boozy indifference.
Don't get me wrong--I like OCEAN'S 11. The Rat Pack is always fun to watch, and there's the extra bonus of spotting
all the familiar faces--Joey Bishop, Shirley MacLaine, Red Skelton, George Raft, Norman Fell, even Henry Silva, who later
popped up in Sinatra's THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE and SERGEANTS THREE. The songs, like Davis' "E-O-Eleven", by Sammy Cahn and
Jimmy Van Heusen are catchy, and Dean's "Ain't That A Kick in the Head" is a jaunty classic (Steven Soderburgh, who directed
the 2001 remake, used it in his ultracool crime flick OUT OF SIGHT). And the whole thing closes on a surprisingly downbeat
twist, which, combined with a clever final shot, manages to leave you with a weightier taste than the movie probably earns.
Also with Akim Tamiroff, Buddy Lester, future director Richard Benedict, Donald "Red" Barry, Joan Staley, Pinky Lee, Hoot
Gibson, Louis Quinn and the voice of Richard Boone. Nelson Riddle did the swinging score, including some neat music for Saul
Bass' animated opening credits. SF author George Clayton Johnson co-wrote the story, and Billy Wilder allegedly did a script
polish. From the director of ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT. Ring-a-ding-ding.
OCEAN'S ELEVEN (2001)--Directed by Steven
Soderbergh. Stars George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Julia Roberts, Andy Garcia, Matt Damon. THE CANNONBALL RUN of the
2000's, as Hollywood's biggest stars screw around having a lark in the world's most expensive home movie. As in the
original, ex-con Danny Ocean (Clooney) recruits ten others to participate in a daring heist: the robbery of $160 million from
three casinos simultaneously, all owned by sinister Terry Benedict (Garcia), who just happens to be dating Danny's ex-wife
Tess (Roberts). The crime community appears to consist of an interesting subculture of charming con artists skilled
in any number of handy impersonations and able to glibly think on their feet no matter the situation or monkey wrench.
Ted Griffin's screenplay really isn't all that tight; whenever he's written himself into a corner, he just pulls out a deux
es machina such as a super-duper pulse generator that conveniently knocks out all the electrical power in Las Vegas.
There is fun to be had in OCEAN'S ELEVEN, mainly from watching the stars wear nice clothes and banter with each other.
Clooney and Roberts surprisingly have little chemistry; in fact, I didn't get the vibe that any of the actors even knew one
another, much less were pals. Soderbergh keeps the pace chugging right along, the production design sparkles, and David
Holmes' swinging score evokes the swanky cool of the Rat Pack original. Just don't expect to remember anything about
this film a week later. Also with an unbilled Don Cheadle, Elliott Gould, Carl Reiner, Scott Caan, Casey Affleck and
Bernie Mac. Original OCEANers Henry Silva and Angie Dickinson have cameos if you don't blink.
OCEAN'S TWELVE (2004)--Directed by Steven Soderbergh.
Stars George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Julia Roberts, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Andy Garcia, Matt Damon, Vincent Cassel. If you
liked the 2001 original, you might like the sequel, as it delivers more of the same preposterous thrills using the same glossy
cast. Terry Benedict (Garcia), pissed off about the $160 million Danny Ocean's (Clooney) gang stole from his casino
in the first film, gives them three weeks to repay the debt or face potentially fatal consequences. Since the thieves
have spent most of the loot, they have to pull off a trio of heists in Europe to earn the money. A thorn in Ocean's
side is Francois Toulour (Cassel), a French thief trying to beat the Ocean gang to the robberies in order to steal the loot
for himself, and a thorn in Rusty's (Pitt) side is beautiful Interpol agent Isabel (Zeta-Jones), an old flame looking to jail
the gang out of spite. George Nolfi's sloppy screenplay doesn't care much about story logic or suspense, just about
making the stars look as appealing as possible. A hint of snarky charm rears its head early on, as Clooney introduces
himself to a mark as a wealthy Hispanic high-school basketball coach, but the cuteness grows tiring after awhile. TWELVE
is harmless and empty, much like the first film, but even less filling. Also with Don Cheadle, Elliott Gould, Carl Reiner,
Scott Caan, Casey Affleck, Bernie Mac, Albert Finney, Topher Grace and Bruce Willis. Score by David Holmes. Lensed
in Holland, Italy and the Chicagoland area.
OCEAN’S THIRTEEN (2007)—Directed
by Steven Soderbergh. Stars George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Al Pacino, Ellen Barkin, Matt Damon. Watching OCEAN'S 13,
it occurred to me that I don't remember a damn thing about OCEAN'S 12 or OCEAN'S 11. Truth is, I have stronger feelings towards
MAUDLIN'S 11 than those other films. But that's as it should be. After all, they were made as frothy romps, and if I was still
thinking about them a week later, they really wouldn't be doing their job.
OCEAN'S 13 is pretty much the same old same old, but very skillfully
done by director Steven Soderbergh, who receives tremendous support from composer David Holmes, who delivers a deliciously
jaunty score. To get back on a mean hotel magnate who cheats trusting Reuben Tishkoff (Elliott Gould) out of his fortune,
causing Reuben to suffer a stroke, Danny Ocean (George Clooney) pulls his caper team back together for revenge. The hotelier,
Willie Bank (Al Pacino), is holding the grand opening of his new Vegas casino on July 3, and Ocean means to bankrupt him by,
among other things, staging an earthquake on the premises.
The first half-hour or so is way too complicated for its own
good. Or maybe I should say "confusing," because complicated doesn't have to mean "difficult to follow." Eventually, the screenplay
starts to settle down, and you get a fix on the caper, but Soderbergh and his writers, David Levien and Brian Koppleman, have
a lot of characters to juggle...I count at least seventeen major characters.
Frankly, no matter what happens in OCEAN'S 13, it's hard to pass
up a movie with this cast. You've got Clooney and Brad Pitt and Damon and Pacino and Barkin (reunited from SEA OF LOVE) and
Andy Garcia and Elliott Gould (still wearing those huge fucking glasses) and Carl Reiner and Bernie Mac and Don Cheadle. Casey
Affleck and Scott Caan are, again, very funny as bickering brothers. Eddie Izzard and Vincent Cassel are back. Julian Sands.
David Paymer is here. It was incredible to see Bob Einstein, of all people, being hilarious as usual. Everyone wears nice
clothes and engages in witty banter and nobody gets hurt, not even Pacino really.
THE
OCTAGON (1980)--Directed by Eric Karson. Stars Chuck Norris, Lee Van Cleef, Art Hindle, Karen Carlson.
In just his fourth starring role, Norris plays Scott James, a martial arts superstar who retired from competition after seriously
injuring an opponent. Now he just works out and hangs around the site of the latest big match with his karate pal A.J.
(Hindle, who's got the feathered hair thing going big time). Trying to describe THE OCTAGON's plot is pretty tricky,
since it doesn't make too much sense, and scripter Leigh Chapman (DIRTY MARY CRAZY LARRY) throws in too many scenes that have
no purpose. For example, Hindle is having a conversation on the street with another competitor (played by a pre-GHOSTBUSTERS
Ernie Hudson). He seems a bit distracted, and finally cuts off Hudson to dash across the street, presumably to meet
or follow someone. We never find out whom. There's also a scene in a cocktail lounge that begins with nearly a
minute of some drunk whining about having no peanuts. I presume the actor playing the drunk was related to one of the
moviemakers, since the character, dialogue and scene itself serve no function whatsoever. Borscht Belt comic Jack Carter
also appears in two scenes as some character--I'm not sure whom--trying to convince Norris to get back into the ring.
Even though the scenes take place on different days, Carter is wearing the exact same outfit in both. It's possible
some things were left on the cutting room floor, since Dann Cahn's editing is choppy all the way through.
Anyway, Scott and A.J. attend a dance recital, and Scott, after
meeting the lead dancer backstage, asks her to dinner. His plans for romance are foiled after he takes her back to her
place to discover that an army of ninja has slaughtered her entire family. During Scott's battle with them, the dancer
too dies. The next day, he meets sexy heiress Justine (Carlson), who tries to trick him into hiring on as an assassin.
She wants to whack a man named Seikura, whom she believes murdered her father. Scott knows Seikura well; they grew up
together in Japan as brothers, but Seikura was forced to leave after shaming their father.
There's much more going on in Karson's film, including a secret
training base for ninja assassins run by Seikura in Central America; a crusty old mercenary with a hoop earring played by
B-movie vet Van Cleef; and the "octagon" itself, which is never referred to by name and, despite giving the film its title,
is never either explained or showcased very well by Karson. It's actually an impressive set--an eight-sided obstacle
course filled with blade-wielding ninja who leap out of every corner and behind every barrier. Norris' climactic tangle
in the octagon is the best scene in the movie, even if you hardly understand the plot to that point. It's possible Karson
(OPPOSING FORCE) was aware of his story's pitfalls, since he in no way skimps on the action, throwing in several well-choreographed
(by Chuck and his brother Aaron) karate battles along with a few explosions, a car chase, some bullets and even a burning
man. Still, it's hard to take seriously an action film that tries to illustrate what's going through its hero's head
by having Chuck dub his thoughts in a low whisper and playing them back with a laughable echo effect ("Seikura-ah-ah-ah...why-why-why-why?
My brother-er-er-er-er.").
It isn't one of Norris' best films, but it's well paced, corny,
contains a cool score by Richard Halligan (I'm so tired of the cheap synth scores that saturate TV and low-budget films today),
and is a fun reminder of how drive-in flicks used to be. Also with Carol Bagdasarian ("sister" to Alvin, Theodore and
Simon), Tadashi Yamashita, Richard Norton, Kim Lankford, an unbilled Tracey Walter, Brian Tochi, stunt coordinator Aaron Norris,
and Chuck's son Mike as Chuck's father in a flashback. You also might notice big Brian Libby, who later turned up in
a much larger role in Norris' SILENT RAGE. Paul Aaron, who receives story credit, was probably originally attached to
direct, since he had just worked with Chuck on A FORCE OF ONE. Screenplay writer Chapman had an interesting career,
combining acting as "The Girl" in '60s television shows like THE MONKEES and THE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E. with penning action-oriented
scripts for MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE and THE WILD, WILD WEST.
OCTAMAN (1971)--Directed by Harry Essex.
Stars Kerwin Mathews, Jeff Morrow, Pier Angeli. Ridiculous horror film about a group of scientists who run afoul of a landlubbing
octopus (with six arms) that walks around on two feet like a man in a rubber suit. Special effects whiz Rick Baker designed
the monster costume, which is not representative of his later works. Angeli was making an acting comeback of sorts, which
became short-lived when she died of a drug overdose shortly after filming. Director Essex wrote CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON.
OCTOPUS 2: RIVER OF FEAR (2001)—Directed
by Yossi Wein. Stars Michael Reilly Burke, Meredith Morton, Fredric Lehne. I presume Nu Image made a lot of money
on their creature features, since it made so many of them. Most of them were generated from the same basic template:
take a small cast of unknown but capable actors to Bulgaria, fill the other speaking roles with Bulgarian actors (with their
voices dubbed back in the States), pour in a mixture of bad CGI and rubber on-set effects, rewrite the JAWS screenplay, and
add production value by buying stock footage from larger-budgeted Hollywood movies.
OCTOPUS 2 is basically the same movie as SHARK ZONE, but slightly
better. For one thing, it’s more fun to watch actors flailing about on a wooden dock, wrapping a rubber tentacle
around themselves (see Bela Lugosi in BRIDE OF THE MONSTER), than it is to see blurry underwater footage of a shark.
Also, Wein does a pretty good job of faking New York City on Bulgarian locations, and Nu Image shot quite a bit of second-unit
in the Big Apple to complete the illusion. OCTOPUS 2 moves at a rapid pace, and it has lots of monster attacks to keep
you awake. It runs out of story just before the end with an action climax that might make you think, “Isn’t
this movie supposed to be about an octopus?”, but I liked the movie more than I expected to.
Harbor Patrol cops Nick (Burke) and Walter (Lehne) investigate mysterious
killings that take place at the waterfront. Walter has only another week before he transfers to a safer desk job, so
I’m sure you see where this is going. Nick comes to believe that the murders are being committed by a giant octopus,
but, of course, nobody believes him, most of all the Mayor, who’s thinking only about the number of tourists expected
to attend the upcoming July 4th celebration…at the waterfront. Nick teams up with the Mayor’s assistant,
Rachel (Morton), to capture or kill the big beast. At first I thought Morton was cast because of her resemblance to
actress Amy Brenneman, so Nu Image could use stock footage from DAYLIGHT at the climax. Well, it does use DAYLIGHT scenes,
but none with the back of Brenneman’s head. I still think I might be right about Morton’s casting.
Also with Clement Blake, Chris Williams, John Thaddeus and Paul Vincent O’Connor. OCTOPUS 2 has nothing to do
with the original OCTOPUS, which is typical of Nu Image’s “monster line,” which also includes the CROCODILE
and SHARK ATTACK series.
OCTOPUSSY (1983)--Directed by John Glen. Stars Roger
Moore, Louis Jourdan, Maud Adams, Steven Berkoff, Kristina Wayborn, Vijay Armitraj. Routine James Bond film was Roger Moore's
next-to-last. Agent 007 goes after an Afghan prince (Jourdan) and a Russian general (Berkoff) who plan to discredit the United
States by exploding a nuclear bomb at an American Air Force base in Germany. Bond must also deal with a band of smugglers
composed of beautiful women and led by Octopussy (Adams). The stunts and action scenes are good, but some of the humor is
downright embarrassing; for instance, having 007 yell like Tarzan while swinging through some trees. Theme performed by Rita
Coolidge. Was released the same year as Connery's return to the role in NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN, which was the better film but
didn't do as well at the box office. Lois Maxwell and Desmond Llewellyn return as Miss Moneypenny and Q, respectively.
THE
ODD COUPLE (1968)--Directed by Gene Saks. Stars Jack Lemmon, Walter Matthau. The most popular and successful of Neil
Simon's creations. Everyone knows the story by now: finicky Felix Unger (Lemmon) is tossed out by his wife and moves into
a New York apartment with his best friend, sloppy sportswriter Oscar Madison (Matthau). The two stars are perfectly cast,
and, although Saks' direction is stagy, Simon's screenplay will keep you entertained. Also with Herb Edelman, John Fiedler
and Carole Shelley and Monica Evans as the Pidgeon sisters.
OF UNKNOWN ORIGIN (1983)--Directed by George P. Cosmatos.
Stars Peter Weller, Jennifer Dale, Lawrence Dane, Shannon Tweed. A pre-ROBOCOP Weller stars in this unusual Canadian
thriller featuring a chilling battle between man and rat. You heard me. And not a giant rat either, or even a
wild pack of rats. Just one man and one rat fighting over the same turf: the restored brownstone owned by an attorney
named Bart (Peter Weller). Bart hopes to use the peace and quiet created by his wife and son's vacation to whip together
an important transaction for his boss at the firm and earn himself a monster promotion. Instead of peace, Bart discovers only
obsession as a ferocious rat begins systematically destroying the house. Over the course of 85 minutes, the cool, collected
attorney turns into Gene Hackman in THE CONVERSATION, gutting the damn place in his quest to stomp a mudhole in that rat's
ass. Directed by Cosmatos (RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD PART II) with a surprising amount of tension and featuring the film debut
of PLAYBOY Playmate and future Cinemax queen Shannon Tweed (who does indeed appear nude under the opening titles) as Weller's
wife, OF UNKNOWN ORIGIN is better than you'd guess from the premise, delivering a marvelously thoughtful performance by Weller
and a few genuinely creepy scares. It was filmed in Montreal, which substitutes nicely for Manhattan. Also with Maury
Chaykin and Louis Del Grande.
OFF LIMITS (1988)—Directed by Christopher Crowe.
Stars Gregory Hines, Willem Dafoe, Fred Ward, Amanda Pays. Although it was made at a time when buddy cop films (such
as LETHAL WEAPON and Hines’ own RUNNING SCARED) were popular, this dark procedural is more interested in police work
than bellylaughs, though it does contain some humor. In Saigon during the late 1960s, U.S. military policemen McGriff
(Dafoe) and Perkins (Hines) investigate a tawdry case involving a serial killer who targets Asian prostitutes with babies.
It’s a dirty job, which finds them in conflict with Vietnamese policemen, pursued by ruthless gunmen, and running up
against their prime suspects: colonels who outrank them. Nobody else will touch the case, and McGriff and Perkins’
only help comes in the form of Sister Nicole (Pays), who helps raise the victims’ babies at an orphanage. Crowe
does a nice job giving Thailand the sweaty, claustrophobic look and feel of Saigon, and the script’s heavy doses of
sleaze and violence are perfectly at home there. Granted, you’ll solve the mystery more than an hour before Hines
and Dafoe do, but Crowe and Jack Thibeau’s script is professional enough, given the effort of its solid actors.
Ward provides color as the cops’ boss, and Scott Glenn checks in as a kinky suspect. Also with Keith David, David
Alan Grier, Kay Tong Lim and Richard Brooks. Music by James Newton Howard. Crowe made only one other film, the
laughable WHISPERS IN THE DARK, but found some success writing and producing for television (SEVEN DAYS).
OFFICE SPACE (1999)--Directed by Mike Judge. Stars
Ron Livingston, Jennifer Aniston, Stephen Root, Gary Cole. Judge, the creator of TVs BEAVIS & BUTTHEAD and KING OF THE
HILL, directs and writes his first live-action feature, a sporadically amusing story of 9-to-5'ers working at a faceless computer-software
corporation who become fed up with their insincere bosses, malfunctioning office equipment, bland cubicles and their dull
day-to-day drone-like existence. Aniston (of TV's FRIENDS) surprisingly has little to do as a frustrated waitress at a chain
restaurant hounded by her boss for not wearing enough flair on her uniform. Root (NEWSRADIO) registers as Milton, the muttering,
enigmatic star of some animated shorts Judge made for SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, although the character gets too much screen time,
and there isn't enough to Milton to be able to milk him throughout the length of a feature. The highlight is Cole (who was
amazing channeling Robert Reed in the BRADY BUNCH features), who consistently hits the right note as the condescending, two-faced
vice-president, who is never seen without his ubiquitous coffee mug (the movie's biggest laugh involves Cole in one of Livingston's
nightmares). Music by John Frizzell. Also with Alexandra Wentworth and an unbilled cameo by Judge as Aniston's boss.
OH,
GOD! (1977)--Directed by Carl Reiner. Stars George Burns, John Denver, Teri Garr. Burns is a total delight as the
Supreme Being who chooses a mild-mannered supermarket manager (Denver) to be his messenger on Earth. Of course, not even befuddled
wife Garr believes Denver for one moment, but the Almighty eventually proves himself in court. The real surprise is pop singer
Denver in his film debut. He is totally believable and even charming on occasion. Clever screenplay by Larry Gelbart. Also
with Donald Pleasence, Ralph Bellamy, Dinah Shore, Barnard Hughes, Barry Sullivan, Jeff Corey, Paul Sorvino, William Daniels
and director Reiner as a judge.
OH, GOD! BOOK II (1980)--Directed by Gilbert Cates. Stars George
Burns, Suzanne Pleshette, David Birney, Louanne. Burns is as funny and charming as ever in this inferior sequel, which is
bogged down by TV-level direction and an awful performance by Louanne as a little girl chosen by God to spread his word. She
comes up with a slogan, "Think God", which is accepted as clever by the rest of the world. Pleshette and Birney play her estranged
parents. Also with Conrad Janis, Hans Conreid and Howard Duff.
OKIE NOODLING (2001)--Directed by Bradley Beesley.
Just when you think you've seen every conceivable sport, Beesley comes along with this 57-minute documentary partially funded
by public television. "Noodling" is the traditional regional art of fishing by hand. Beesley's camera captures
several Oklahoma fishermen who eschew poles and bait for the thrill of grabbing 50-pound catfish. One does this by wading
through the river for hours and poking your arm into holes dug into the bank. When a big catfish chomps on your hand,
you grab it and wrestle it to the surface. It seems as though you'd have to be an idiot or a maniac to catch fish this
way, but Beesley has obvious affection for the sport and the men who perform it. OKIE is too short to investigate its
subject fully, but I'm not sure how much more there is to study. When you've seen one redneck grab a large ugly fish,
you've seen them all, I reckon. An interesting hour.
OKLAHOMA! (1955)--Directed by Fred
Zinnemann. Stars Gordon MacRae, Shirley Jones, Gene Nelson, Gloria Grahame. Even if you've seen this classic Rodgers and Hammerstein
musical before, you probably haven't seen this version. OKLAHOMA! was originally released in CinemaScope in a 35mm version
and in Todd-AO in 70mm, which means it was actually filmed twice using two different cameras. Therefore, different takes were
used for each version, and it is the CinemaScope print that has been shown on television and videocassette over the years.
As usual for a musical, the plot is no great shakes--cowpokes Curly (Gordon MacRae) and Will (Gene Nelson) pursue
the romantic charms of Laurey (19-year-old Shirley Jones in her film debut) and Ado Annie (Gloria Grahame), despite interference
from sinister Jud Fry (Rod Steiger), in turn-of-the-century Oklahoma--but the songs, the production values and the stars make
this a must-see for musical fans. MacRae is a great singer, and audiences who remember Jones primarily as the mom from THE
PARTRIDGE FAMILY may be stunned to realize what a fresh-faced ingenue she was. The songs, written by Richard Rodgers and Oscar
Hammerstein for the 1948 Broadway play, are, of course, amazing, and even musical neophytes will recognize many of them: "Oh,
What A Beautiful Mornin'", "People Will Say We're In Love" and the title song especially. I'm kinda partial to "Poar Jud Is
Daid", sung by MacRae and Steiger, myself.
Director Zinnemann (FROM HERE TO ETERNITY) spent nine months on location
in Nogales, Arizona on a shoot plagued by poor weather and production delays. Every cent of the $8 million-plus budget appears
to be on screen, and Zinnemann even recruited Agnes de Mille, choreographer of the Broadway version, to stage the musical
numbers. Look for many familiar faces in the supporting cast, including Eddie Albert, James Whitmore, Jay C. Flippen, Roy
Barcroft (as a marshal, natch) and an uncredited Ben Johnson. Lead Nelson more or less abandoned his acting and dancing career
after a back injury, and became a director, helming several movies and dozens of television shows, including HAWAII FIVE-0,
STAR TREK, FANTASY ISLAND and THE ROOKIES.
OLD SCHOOL (2003)--Directed by Todd Phillips.
Stars Luke Wilson, Vince Vaughn, Will Farrell, Jeremy Piven, Elisha Cuthbert, Pat Cranshaw. After coming home early
from a business trip to find his girlfriend involved in a kinky three-way, Mitch (Wilson) moves out of the house they shared
and into one close to a university campus. An odd quirk in the zoning laws forces Wilson to turn his crib into a fraternity
house, so with his two best pals--cynical family man Beanie (Vaughn) and dopey newlywed Frank (Farrell)--he becomes the leader
of the school's most unusual--and popular--frat, composed mostly of non-students, including 89-year-old Blue (Cranshaw).
Since this is an unabashed ripoff of several movies, including its granddaddy ANIMAL HOUSE, the college is run by an unscrupulous
dean (Piven), who instigates a master plan to get the guys tossed off campus.
Despite the ribald humor and flashes of nudity and un-PC material,
OLD SCHOOL is actually rather tame, thankfully avoiding the shower of bodily fluid jokes we usually get in films of this type
and nicely showcasing the disparate comic timing of its leads. While Wilson is his usual laidback self and Vaughn back
to his SWINGERS persona, Farrell, a funny guy who previously was unable to sustain his sketch-comedy skills over the length
of an entire feature (JAY & SILENT BOB STRIKE BACK, for instance), really steals this movie, especially in a very funny
streaking sequence. Much of the humor has already been done better elsewhere. An oral-sex demonstration swiped from
FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH, a K-Y jelly wrestling scene pilfered from STRIPES (which was directed by OLD SCHOOL executive
producer Ivan Reitman), the entire plot lifted from ANIMAL HOUSE, and so on. I was sorry to see Piven wasted as the
straight man (think how good he would have been in the Vince Vaughn role). Cuthbert's twinkly presence confirms my crush
on this 24 star. OLD SCHOOL is good slob comedy, not great or even very good. But if you think naked white men look
funny, you might like it. Also with Leah Remini, Ellen Pompeo, Craig Kilborn, Perrey Reeves, Juliette Lewis, Seann William
Scott, Andy Dick, Artie Lange, Terry O'Quinn, Harve Presnell and James Carville.
THE OMEGA MAN (1971)--Directed by Boris Sagal.
Stars Charlton Heston, Anthony Zerbe, Rosalind Cash. Well-directed end-of-the-world movie based on Richard Matheson's novel
I AM LEGEND. Heston plays the lone survivor on an Earth destroyed by germ warfare (in the early '70s). He spends his days
watching WOODSTOCK over and over again in an abandoned movie theater, and his nights battling mutant vampires known as the
Family. Heston becomes an obvious Christ symbol, and is even crucified at the end. Many science-fiction purists find fault
with it, but I find it exciting with a real visual flair. Early shots of Heston driving a convertible through an absolutely
deserted Los Angeles are genuinely eerie. Also with Paul Koslo, Eric Laneuville and Lincoln Kilpatrick.
OMEGA SYNDROME (1987)--Directed by Joseph
Manduke. Stars Ken Wahl, George DiCenzo, Nicole Eggert, Doug McClure. Don't let the misleading title fool you
into thinking this is a high-tech thriller or a SF movie. Nope, it's a New World action picture set in Los Angeles about
a Vietnam veteran (Wahl) after his daughter's kidnappers. A white supremacist group called Omega snatches Wahl's 13-year-old
daughter (a pre-BAYWATCH Eggert) in order to blackmail her physician grandfather into murdering a hospitalized member who
plans to testify against them. The LAPD, in the form of snack-happy police lieutenant McClure (THE VIRGINIAN), seems
in no great hurry to find Nicole, spurring Wahl to team up with crippled 'Nam buddy DiCenzo (HELTER SKELTER) and storm Omega's
warehouse compound. Despite a couple of good stunts, OMEGA is short on action and suspense, and Manduke's stale directing
betrays his television background; even the gun-shooting climax looks like a TV show. You could pass this one by and
not feel you're missing much. Also with Xander Berkeley (24), Ron Kuhlman, Al White, Bill Morey and Colm Meaney.
THE OMEN (1976)--Directed by Richard Donner.
Stars Gregory Peck, Lee Remick, Harvey Stephens, David Warner, Leo McKern. Pretty good horror film about the American ambassador
to England (Peck) and his wife (Remick) whose baby dies in childbirth. Remick doesn't know, so Peck pulls a baby switch with
a child whose mother died in giving birth. After a few years, it becomes evident that their son (Stephens) is the Anti-Christ
and must be destroyed. Typically slick direction by Donner, making his first major film, but the plot and some dialogue is
silly. Excellent score by Jerry Goldsmith. Features one of the screen's great decapitation scenes, courtesy of a sheet of
plate glass. From the director of LETHAL WEAPON. At least three sequels followed.
ON DEADLY GROUND (1994)—Directed by
Steven Seagal. Stars Steven Seagal, Michael Caine, Joan Chen. It’s not a good movie, but Seagal deserves
some credit for integrating important environmental messages into a standard big-budget, major-studio action movie.
Yes, it’s a very self-indulgent movie (Seagal’s name appears five times in the opening titles) that copies the
silliest parts of BILLY JACK. The epilogue, in which Seagal spouts a nearly-four-minute monologue deprecating Big Business’
soiling of the environment and preaching the virtues of alternative energy, was highly jeered at the time, but dammit if he
isn’t right. As Forrest Taft, ex-CIA spook turned oil firefighter, Seagal battles the one-dimensional villainy
of greedy oil tycoon Dick Cheney…er…Michael Jennings (Caine), who commits sabotage and murder in order to ensure
he gets his filthy refinery going before his lease runs out and the land reverts to its original owners, a local Eskimo tribe.
Seagal accumulates a good cast (I don’t know why Caine made this movie, but it benefits from his junky performance)
and handles the big setpieces fairly well. It’s a stupid, lunkheaded script that doesn’t make very much
sense, and some of it attracts huge (unintentional) laughter, particularly a fight scene between Seagal and Mike Starr.
Just four years later, THE PATRIOT became Seagal’s first feature to go directly to home video, where the increasingly
prolific (though lazy) actor has mostly languished since. Also with John C. McGinley, R. Lee Ermey, Shari Shattuck,
Richard Hamilton and Billy Bob Thornton. Music by Basil Poledouris.
ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE (1969)--Directed
by Peter Hunt. Stars George Lazenby, Diana Rigg, Telly Savalas, Gabriele Ferzetti, Julie Ege. After six turns as James Bond,
Sean Connery finally said, "No more." Producers Albert R. Broccoli and Harry Saltzman turned to an unknown Australian model
with no acting experience named George Lazenby to fill Connery's footsteps. His performance was universally blasted at the
time of the film's initial release, but today, while he's no Connery...or Moore...or Brosnan--or even Dalton--Lazenby holds
up okay. Archenemy Ernst Stavro Blofeld (Savalas) plans to unleash a deadly germ that will wipe out most life on the planet.
007 goes undercover in a Swiss chalet to stop him. Some great stunts and plot twists. The beautiful Rigg (THE AVENGERS) was
probably the best of all the Bond heroines. One of the best Bond films would have been even better with Connery in the lead.
The slight box-office performance of this film and a one-million-dollar salary led to Connery's return two years later in
DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER. Score by John Barry; Louis Armstrong sings "We Have All the Time in the World".
ON THE EDGE (2002)--Directed by Fred Williamson.
Stars Fred Williamson, Jim Brown, Bernie Casey, Ron O'Neal, Gary Busey, Ice-T, Derrick Franklin. It's hard to ignore
any movie with this cast, even though Busey appears to be in a haze, and Ice-T is somewhat wasted (in another sense) as a
small-time dope dealer. Private eye Dakota Smith (a role Williamson played in three of his Po' Boy productions) steps
in when a young basketball prospect (Franklin) becomes involved with drugs. A connection is suspected when Franklin's
neighbors, the wife and teenage son of Dakota's childhood pal Rex (Casey), are gunned down with no explanation. The
cops are little help in the ghetto, leading Fred, Bernie, Brown and O'Neal as Franklin's dad to arm themselves and put the
smack down on assassin Busey. Williamson hasn't improved much as a director, but he manages to provide a slick performance,
and you'll be happy to know that he's still performing nude sex scenes with young hotties. ON THE EDGE is pretty turgid,
though, with only the cast to recommend it.
ON THE WATERFRONT (1954)--Directed by Elia
Kazan. Stars Marlon Brando, Karl Malden, Eva Marie Saint, Lee J. Cobb, Rod Steiger. Many Oscars were bestowed upon this great
film, including a Best Actor statue to Brando for one of his best performances. He's Terry Malloy, a dim longshoreman who
tries to expose a corrupt union boss played by Cobb. Saint won an Academy Award in her film debut as Brando's love interest,
and Malden (who was nominated) is terrific as a crusading priest. Other Oscars went for the direction, screenplay, editing,
and cinematography. Greatest scene is Brando's "I coulda been a contender" speech in the back seat of Cobb's automobile. One
of the best dramas of the '50s.
ONCE BITTEN (1985)--Directed by Howard Storm. Stars Jim Carrey, Lauren
Hutton, Karen Kopins. I'm sure Carrey doesn't list this early effort on his resume. He plays a nerdy high-school virgin who
is seduced by a sexy vampire (Hutton). A mostly stupid teen comedy, typical of the period, with an appearance by Cleavon Little
as Hutton's gay sidekick. Kopins (who was cast in the aborted CHARLIE'S ANGELS '88 TV remake) is Carrey's sweet girlfriend.
ONCE UPON A SPY (1980)--Directed by Ivan
Nagy. Stars Ted Danson, Christopher Lee, Mary Louise Weller, Eleanor Parker. From its silly opening credits, which
attempt to imitate James Bond movies by filming silhouettes of nude women doing gymnastics on a futuristic set, to the cheesy
climax in which Danson climbs a giant laser to deflect its deadly beam backwards into the villain's lair, this unsuccessful
TV pilot suffers from campy "been-there-done-that"-itis. Computer nerd Jack Chenault (a pre-CHEERS Danson) is recruited
by The Lady (Parker) for an undercover assignment involving a supercomputer that was stolen using a shrinking ray developed
by scientific genius Marcus Valorium (Lee, who had just played the heavy in another Nagy TV-movie, CAPTAIN AMERICA II).
Since reluctant hero Chenault has no training as a field agent, The Lady teams him with sexy "K-12" spy Paige Tannehill (Weller).
A supposedly exciting climax that involves Danson guiding Weller through a giant maze as a pair of assassins stalks her is
ruined by continuity errors (the maze never quite looks like the map), lapses in logic (how and why would Valorium construct
something like this?) and budget (Weller is clearly wandering down the same stretch of corridor over and over). Danson,
who had not done much of anything at this point, outside of a soap opera and a brief bit in THE ONION FIELD, is light leading-man
material, but the teleplay by Jimmy Sangster (who wrote so many great Hammer horror films with Lee) lets him down. Also
with Irena Farris, Leonard B. Stone and Terry Lester. John Cacavas' score attempts to ape John Barry.
ONCE
UPON A TIME IN THE WEST (1969)--Directed by Sergio Leone. Stars Henry Fonda, Charles Bronson, Jason Robards,
Claudia Cardinale, Gabriele Ferzetti. One of the western genre's all-time greats is as much art film as action entertainment.
Clocking in at 165 minutes (with only fifteen pages of dialogue), Leone's vision lies in his panoramic vistas (filmed in Spain
and Utah's Monument Valley), Ennio Morricone's classic score (which contains themes for all four main characters) and the
iconic performances by the cast.
Jill McBain (top-billed Cardinale) arrives in the tiny desert town
of Flagstone from New Orleans to discover her husband and his children have been slaughtered on his ranch. Evidence
points in the direction of bandit Cheyenne (Robards), but the murders were actually committed by steely-eyed assassin Frank
(Fonda) in the employ of railroad baron Morton (Ferzetti), who wants McBain's land. Also involved is a mysterious harmonica-playing
gunfighter (Bronson) out for revenge against Frank for a transgression so long ago that Frank doesn't even remember it.
WEST definitely moves at its own pace, but nearly every shot is
lit and framed like a painting, ensuring that there's always something fascinating to look at, whether it's the natural phenomena
of Leone's desert (painstakingly lensed by cinematographer Tonino Delli Colli) or Bronson's craggy visage in close-up.
Leone also uses sound as well as any western ever has, cutting Morricone's score, which was recorded before principal photography
began, to the rhythm of each scene. Paramount lavished Leone's largest budget to date on WEST, but cut twenty minutes
from it, and released it on a double bill with THE GREEN SLIME, which should tell you how much they believed in Leone's vision.
Fonda surprised many audiences with his portrayal of a completely amoral killer, while Bronson's ascension to international
stardom received a major boost by a role that seems originally tailored for Clint Eastwood. Also with Frank Wolff, Jack
Elam, Woody Strode, Al Mulock, Keenan Wynn, Lionel Stander and Frank Brana. Another western this good didn't come along
until Eastwood's 1992 Oscar winner UNFORGIVEN, which was dedicated to Leone. Make sure you see this on the big screen
if you can, although Paramount's DVD looks and sounds marvelous.
THE ONE-ARMED EXECUTIONER (1980)--Directed
by Bobby A. Suarez. Stars Franco Guerrero, Jody Kay, Peter Cooper, Nigel Hogge. Interpol agent Ramon Ortega (Guerrero)
appears to have it all--a good job busting druglords in Manila, a beautiful blonde wife named Ann and a huge array of "fashionable"
leisure suits and turtlenecks. His blissful lifestyle comes to a painful end when Ann is stripped and murdered in their
home by a bearded goon working for a druglord named Edwards, who also orders Ortega's left arm to be lopped off with a sword.
After a period of mourning, self-pity and public drunkenness, Ortega determines, with the aid of elderly ex-Interpol agent
Wo Chen, to learn to fight and shoot one-handed in preparation for a vengeful assault on Edwards' island stronghold.
Although Guerrero's "missing" arm is obviously taped against his
body in most shots, the film is still a lot of fun, containing plenty of action, a funky musical score, many ugly '70s-style
costumes and a satisfying climax. Plus, I love the fake wooden airplane that blows up in one scene. Suarez's pacing
suffers somewhat in the middle, but it's interesting to see a trashy film like this one spend the time and energy to expand
Guerrero's character somewhat, showing him at his lowest point in order to garner sympathy. Paragon Video's out-of-print
VHS is horribly misframed, often cropping the characters completely out of the shot and doing much disservice to Suarez's
many explosions, gun battles and martial-arts fights.
ONE CRAZY SUMMER (1986)--Directed by Savage
Steve Holland. Stars John Cusack, Demi Moore, Curtis Armstrong, Joel Murray. In the summer following his high school graduation,
aspiring cartoonist Hoops McCann (Cusack) travels with his buddy George (Murray) to the island Nantucket, where they team
up with nitwit twins Egg and Clay Stork and Ack Ack (Armstrong), the mild-mannered son of a gung-ho Boy Scout leader, to prevent
a greedy land developer from snaring property owned by Cassandra (Moore), a pretty cornrowed rock singer. As with Holland's
earlier collaboration with Cusack, BETTER OFF DEAD..., style and quirky characterization is more important than the plot,
which is just a clothesline for a series of sight gags and strange peripheral characters, such as George's uncle Frank, who
spends every waking moment perched in front of his radio in hopes of winning a million-dollar call-in contest. Some of the
jokes don't work, but enough do to keep you entertained, and Cusack keeps the sometimes far-out atmosphere as grounded as
possible. Also with Tom Villard and Bobcat Goldthwait as the Stork twins, Joe Flaherty, William Hickey, Mark Metcalf, Billie
Bird, John Matuszak, Jeremy Piven, Kimberly Foster, Rich Hall, Taylor Negron and Rich Little.
ONE DAY IN SEPTEMBER (2000)--Directed by
Kevin Macdonald. Narrated by Michael Douglas. Macdonald's Oscar-winning documentary plays like a crisp thriller,
detailing the events of September 5, 1972 when a group of eight Palestinian terrorists held the Israeli Olympic team hostage
within the Olympic village in Munich during the Summer Games. The real-life drama played out all day and well into the
night as audiences around the world, thanks to ABC's coverage, looked on with fear and suspense. Macdonald's biggest
coup was landing an on-camera interview with Jamal al-Gashey, the only surviving terrorist, who has never before spoken publicly
about the siege and has been in hiding ever since. Even more shocking than the hostage drama is the incompetence of
the German police force, whose lack of preparedness certainly must be held responsible for the event's bloody climax.
Macdonald mixes new interviews with actual news footage, giving the film a fast pace and a fascinating look at recent history.
ABC's Jim McKay, Chris Schenkel, Howard Cosell and Peter Jennings are seen and heard in old clips, and it would have been
nice to have gotten their current take on their role in history.
ONE DOWN, TWO TO GO (1983)--Directed by Fred
Williamson. Stars Fred Williamson, Jim Brown, Jim Kelly, Richard Roundtree. The Hammer doesn't hit the nail on the head this
time. After karate tournament promoter Roundtree is screwed out of his profits and his best fighter (Kelly) is shot and left
for dead by mobsters, he calls tough-guy buddies Williamson and Brown for help. Williamson, Brown and Kelly were in THREE
THE HARD WAY and TAKE A HARD RIDE together, but this limp actioner lacks the energy and style of those pictures. There are
a few fights, gun battles and chases, but nothing you haven't seen before, and the stars have all done better work elsewhere.
Kelly doesn't seem to have done much after this. Also with Paula Sills, Laura Loftus, Tom Signorelli and Joe Spinell. Dopey
score by Herb Hetzer and Joe Trunzo.
ONE-EYED JACKS (1961)--Directed by Marlon Brando. Stars Marlon
Brando, Karl Malden, Katy Jurado, Pina Pellicer, Slim Pickens, Ben Johnson. Brando's only film as a director. During a bank
holdup, Brando is left behind by his best friend Malden, is captured, and spends five years in prison. When he gets out, he
seeks revenge on his old buddy. Cult western is one of the more offbeat examples of the genre. Brando's visuals and action
scenes are exciting, and his mumbling portrayal of a tough cowboy is just weird enough to be interesting. Stanley Kubrick
was originally set to direct. Brando reportedly worked on the film for almost two years.
ONE FINE DAY
(1996)--Directed by Michael Hoffman. Stars George Clooney, Michelle Pfieffer, Mae Whitman, Charles Durning. Romantic comedies
almost entirely rely on the charms of its leads. Fortunately, this one combines one of our best female movie stars with an
up-and-coming movie star making the move from television. Terrel Seltzer and Ellen Simon's script is pretty flimsy, as a pair
of divorced workaholics manage to meet cute, take care of each others kids and fall in love all in one day, but Pfeiffer and
Clooney manage to almost pull it off. This was Clooney's first big-screen romantic lead, and it seems obvious that he will
become one of Hollywood's biggest stars. After bouncing around in TV for over a decade (including regular roles on THE FACTS
OF LIFE, ROSANNE, BABY TALK, SISTERS and others), he finally found stardom as Dr. Doug Ross in the smash NBC hit ER. From
there he jumped to the big screen in Quentin Tarantino's FROM DUSK TILL DAWN, where he managed to hold the screen alongside
luminaries like Harvey Keitel and Fred Williamson. Frothy score by James Newton Howard.
ONE FLEW OVER THE
CUCKOO'S NEST (1975)--Directed by Milos Forman. Stars Jack Nicholson, Louise Fletcher, Brad Dourif, Christopher Lloyd,
Danny DeVito, Sidney Lassick, William Redfield, Will Sampson. One of three films to sweep the Oscars for Best Picture, Director,
Actor, Actress and Screenplay (IT HAPPENED ONE NIGHT and THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS are the others). Funny but ultimately depressing
film stars Nicholson as a non-conformist convict who fakes mental illness to get out of work duty at the prison. In the mental
hospital, he realizes the inmates really aren't any nuttier than most people on the outside, and disrupts their dull and orderly
lives, much to the chagrin of the stern Nurse Ratched (Fletcher). Was a big hit with young people, thanks to Nicholson's great
performance and film's strong anti-establishment message. Laurence Hauben and Bo Goldman scripted from Ken Kesey's novel.
Dourif was nominated for Best Supporting Actor. Cinematography by Haskell Wexler. Co-produced by Michael Douglas, who was
starring in THE STREETS OF SAN FRANCISCO at the time and received the rights from his father Kirk, who was originally to play
Nicholson's role, but was too old by 1975.
100 RIFLES (1969)--Directed by Tom Gries. Stars Jim Brown,
Raquel Welch, Burt Reynolds, Fernando Lamas, Dan O'Herlihy, Eric Braeden, Soledad Miranda. Burt gets third billing as a half-breed
Indian who is pursued by sheriff Brown for stealing a shipment of guns. Reynolds stole the weapons for use against a ruthless
Mexican dictator (Lamas), and Brown falls into line when he falls in love with Burt's Indian squaw (Welch). Violent western
was controversial at the time for its nude love scene between Brown and Welch. Shot on location in Spain.
$100,000 FOR RINGO (1965)--Directed by Alberto
de Martino. Stars Richard Harrison, Fernando Sancho. After the Civil War, a veteran calling himself Lee Barton
(Harrison) returns to the town of Rainbow Valley, where everyone accuses him of being Ward Cluster, whose wife was murdered
years earlier by venal town boss Tom Cherry. Cherry framed the local Apaches for the murder, and has opened gunrunning
negotiations with a Mexican general in order to get the $200,000 stashed within a church. Barton/Cluster aligns with
the Indians and a Tucson sheriff (Sancho) in hopes of grabbing the treasure himself. De Martino does a nice job explaining
the many major characters and their relationships to everyone else. The action is quick and deadly, the Spanish scenery
eye-pleasing, and the Bruno Nicolai score sharp, making this early Italian western a quite good one. Harrison was already
a major movie star in Europe, and went on to make many more westerns, spy flicks and other action-oriented movies overseas.
ONE MAN ARMY (1994)--Directed by Cirio H.
Santiago. Stars Jerry Trimble, Rick Dean, Melissa Moore, Dennis Hayden. His grandfather's funeral lures Jerry
Pelt (Trimble), the owner of a Los Angeles Tae Kwan Do school, back to the rural Southern California county where he grew
up (and that contains an unusually large Filipino population). He discovers home is not what it used to be, as Johnson
County is now under the corrupt thumb of the sheriff, Jerry's childhood rival Pat Boze (Dean). After reacquainting himself
with his old girlfriend (Moore) and rowdy best pal (Hayden), Jerry figures the best way to stop Boze's reign is to oppose
him in the upcoming election. Not that Boze plans to play fair... Trimble, a real-life kickboxing champion, is
one of many who attempted big-screen stardom. On screen anyway, he looks like a better fighter than the more popular
Don "The Dragon" Wilson, but is also less attractive and less of an actor than Wilson. Daryl Haney's story is nothing
to write home about, but Santiago keeps the action lively and the running time brief (79 minutes). And scream queen
Moore contributes three nude scenes, which are nice. Santiago isn't fooling anyone by shooting this in the Philippines.
ONE MAN FORCE (1989)--Directed by Dale Trevillion.
Stars John Matuszak, Sam Jones, Ronny Cox, Stacey Q. Big John Matuszak (6’8”) was already dead from AIDS
by the time his big film break was released by James Glickenhaus’ company. “Tooz”, a former Oakland
Raider, had plenty of acting roles under his belt, including THE ICE PIRATES and a regular gig on 1ST AND TEN, but this was
his first time as a leading man. His gonzo acting style, coupled with some wild stunts and chase scenes coordinated
by Spiro Razatos, provides this minor action picture with the ingredients for a good time. Badass L.A. cop Jake Swan
(Matuszak) is pretty pissed when his partner (Jones) is killed in a raid gone bad. So pissed that he--literally--tears
the city apart looking for the killers, causing so much mayhem that his boss (Cox) suspends him. Jake gets his P.I.
license in order to make some dough on the side, and lands a case tracking a kidnapped rock star (Stacey Q). It goes
without saying in a film like this that the two cases will eventually intersect. Tooz is pretty out of control, throwing
refrigerators and Pepsi machines at the bad guys, and screaming his lines whenever Jake gets mad. Intimidating?
You bet. Trevillion’s script is nothing special--in fact, the “twist” at the end is such a cliché
that it would only have been a twist if it hadn’t occurred--but there‘s an action scene every five minutes or
so to keep you amused. Richard Lynch, Charles Napier, Sharon Farrell, Robert Tessier and Buck Flower lend their support.
Music by David Michael Frank.
ONE MAN JURY, THE (1978)--Directed by
Charles Martin. Stars Jack Palance, Christopher Mitchum, Pamela Susan Shoop, Joe Spinell, Andy Romano. Standard DIRTY HARRY
ripoff that more closely resembles a TV pilot than a feature film. It isn't violent or sleazy enough to rate more than a cursory
glance, despite Jack's ripely entertaining performance and a decent action-packed finale. Los Angeles detective Jim Wade (Palance),
sick and tired of the liberal judicial system allowing murderers to go free on technicalities, tracks down a serial killer,
and stops him permanently with a bullet in his forehead. Writer-director Martin (HOW TO SEDUCE A WOMAN) was apparently unable
to sustain this plot for the length of a feature, so he added two subplots involving a bank robber named Chicky (Romano) who
is freed by a lenient judge and a big-time mobster (Spinell) who puts a hit out on Wade. Palance's romantic scenes with his
very young-looking girlfriend (Shoop, who was very popular on television during the '70s and '80s) are pretty hilarious. Mitchum
has very little to do--despite his number-two billing--as Palance's partner. Morton Stevens's soundtrack sounds very similar
to some of his less exotic HAWAII FIVE-0 scores. Also with Angel Tompkins. Also known as DEAD ON ARRIVAL and THE COP WHO PLAYED
GOD.
ONE MAN’S JUSTICE (1995)—Directed
by Kurt Wimmer. Stars Brian Bosworth, Bruce Payne, Jeff Kober, M.C. Hammer. Drill sergeant John North (Bosworth)
is devastated when his wife and daughter are mowed down during a convenience-store robbery, but not as much as when he learns
the killer (Kober) is under federal protection and is being bodyguarded by FBI agent Savak (Payne). If only the movie
(filmed as ONE TOUGH BASTARD) was so straightforward. Instead, Wimmer strings together an unlikely plot that makes Savak
(sporting an un-FBI-like nose piercing and long mullet) a corrupt agent and casts laughingstock rapper Hammer as a frightening
mobster. Payne is an awful actor and a preener unable to go toe-to-toe with Bosworth, who would have been better served
in a straight-ahead revenge flick with a better script. Wimmer’s next film was the acclaimed EQUILIBRIUM.
ONE
MILLION YEARS, B.C. (1966)--Directed by Don Chaffey. Stars John Richardson, Raquel Welch, Martine Beswick, Percy
Herbert. When will filmmakers realize that caveman films never work? The only highlights of this silly Hammer film are Ray
Harryhausen's animated dinosaurs and Raquel's fur bikini. Produced and co-written by Hammer head Michael Carreras. It took
four people to write this movie, even though there's no dialogue.
ONE MORE SATURDAY NIGHT (1986)--Directed
by Dennis Klein. Stars Al Franken, Tom Davis, Moira Harris, Bess Meyer, Chelcie Ross. Dan Aykroyd served as executive producer
for this lame comedy written by and starring SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE's writing team of Franken and Davis. They play a pair of
rock musicians looking for dates on a Saturday night in a small Minnesota town. Franken and Davis were responsible for some
of SNL's funniest moments, but they aren't capable of much on the big screen.
ONE MORE TIME (1970)--Directed
by Jerry Lewis. Stars Peter Lawford, Sammy Davis Jr. Tediously unfunny comedy sequel to the Rat Packers' SALT & PEPPER,
which was moderately amusing in a boozy, Matt Helm kind of way. This one finds our heroes, Lawford as Chris Pepper and Sammy
as Charley Salt (an indication of the movie's level of humor), stripped by the courts of their London nightclub and forced
to come up with a 500 pound fine to avoid jail. With all their assets in escrow, the boys turn to Pepper's stuffy twin brother
(also played by Lawford) for help. When the twin is murdered, Chris (for some reason) switches places with his late brother,
hires Charley to work for him at his luxurious castle, and becomes involved with Scotland Yard and some stolen diamonds. Full
of bad Sammy songs, schmaltzy interludes and dull "booze and broads" humor. The first film directed by Lewis in which he didn't
also appear. Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee make brief pointless cameos; Davis was a huge fan of their Hammer horror films,
and wanted them in ONE MORE TIME, despite the protests of director Lewis.
1,000 CONVICTS AND A WOMAN! (1971)--Directed by
Ray Austin. Stars Alexandra Hay, Sandor Eles, Neil Hallett. Never quite as lurid as its title and concept suggest.
Hay (SKIDOO) turns heads as 17-year-old tease Angela, who returns to England after four years of American schooling in dire
need of sexual attention. Since her father is the warden of a minimum security prison, Angela has no trouble finding
sexually frustrated men to work her curvy wonders on, including her father's driver Paul (Eles). There's not much more
to the plot than Angela tramping around, flashing some skin now and then, and seducing half the men within a quarter-mile
radius, but Austin and his slinky star, who was actually in her late 20's, make it entertaining enough. Look for Robert
Brown, who replaced Bernard Lee as M in the 007 series, as a pervert. Music by Peter J. Elliott.
ONG-BAK (2003)--Directed by Prachya Pinkaew.
Stars Tony Jaa. Jaa is the real deal. The wildly athletic Thai martial artist stars as Ting, a young man from
a tiny village who travels to Bangkok to recover the head of Ong-Bak, a statue of a god worshipped by his people. In
the big city, the naïve country boy teams up with his con artist cousin and a feisty young woman and ends up in one brutal
fight after another against the Thai underworld. Unlike many of today's crop of Asian and (especially) American martial
arts stars, Jaa uses no stunt doubles, no wires, no CGI and no special effects to achieve his jaw-dropping physical feats.
All the chases, fights and stunts you see in ONG-BAK are real, and many of them appear to be quite violent and dangerous.
Jaa's unusual fighting style mainly involves pounding his elbows into his opponents' heads. Comparisons to Jackie Chan
have been made, although Chan is a better actor and plays many of his fight scenes with a light touch. Still, ONG-BAK
is often astonishing to watch, and keeping your eye on Jaa's future projects would probably be a good idea.
ONLY THE LONELY (1991)--Directed by Chris Columbus.
Stars John Candy, Ally Sheedy, Maureen O’Hara. Candy is wonderful as Danny Muldoon, a lonely 38-year-old Chicago
policeman who lives with his mother, played by screen legend O’Hara in her first film in twenty years. He finally
meets a woman he loves, shy mortician Theresa (Sheedy), but his mother’s bigotry and domineering nature prevents the
couple from becoming serious. Candy handles both the farcical and poignant elements of Columbus’ script with aplomb,
and you’ll really be rooting for he and Sheedy to get together. Producer John Hughes assembled a fine supporting
cast as well, including the warm Anthony Quinn as O’Hara’s potential suitor, Bert Remsen, Milo O’Shea, Jim
Belushi, Kevin Dunn and Macaulay Culkin. Music by Maurice Jarre.
OPEN SEASON (1974)--Directed by Peter Collinson.
Stars Peter Fonda, John Phillip Law, Richard Lynch, Cornelia Sharpe, Alberto Mendoza, William Holden. This Spanish production
is still another remake of THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME. For two weeks every summer, childhood buddies and Vietnam vets Ken
(Fonda), Greg (Law) and Artie (Lynch) get away from their suburban homes, wives, kids and lifestyles by taking a hunting trip
deep into the Canadian forest. As kids, they escaped prosecution on a gang rape when the D.A. decided no one would take
the victim's word over those of three respected football stars and scholars, and ever since, they've used their annual getaways
as an excuse to overindulge in liquor, women and debauchery. They've also become bored with hunting regular game, and
spice up their sport by tracking people instead. While driving to their remote cabin, the guys kidnap Martin (Mendoza)
and Nancy (Sharpe), a couple cheating on their respective spouses, and use them as slaves, chaining them to the kitchen and
commanding them to cook, clean and serve them. Martin, a bank executive, believes they're being held for ransom, not
realizing that his captors have a sicker motive.
Although skillfully made and utilizing some wonderful locations
(which look like Canada to me, but the credits claim OPEN SEASON was shot in Madrid, Rome and London), OPEN SEASON doesn't
really have much of a point. Collinson waits too long to get to the hunt, so the first half is mostly slow going, although
there are some fine performances, especially by Lynch, who would soon be relegated to quickie heavy roles. An unusual
star cameo by Holden in the opening reel also mars the film. His first scene is so fleeting and inconsequential that
you know he must factor into the plot somewhere down the line, so when the "twist" occurs 90 minutes later, it isn't much
of a surprise. Writers Liz Charles-Williams and David Osborn, who adapted Osborn's novel THE ALL-AMERICANS, also penned
two '60s Bulldog Drummond thrillers. Music by Ruggero Cini. Also known as THE RECON GAME and by its original Spanish
title of LOS CAZADORES.
OPERATION BIKINI (1963)—Directed by Anthony
Carras. Stars Tab Hunter, Frankie Avalon, Scott Brady, Eva Six. AIP house editor Carras made his directing debut
with this very inexpensive black-and-white war drama with a beach party cast. It is not good at all, but I’m glad
I stuck it out to the better end. Note my surprise when the closing narration was read by none other than William Shatner,
who probably recorded his speech during one of his sessions dubbing star Mark Damon in AIP’s THE YOUNG RACERS.
I’d be curious to know how Shatner landed these voiceover gigs, as he never starred in an AIP production and was at
the time an in-demand television and stage actor too busy, one would think, for voice roles.
Lt. Hayes (Hunter) and his underwater demolition team hitches a
ride about a submarine captained by Carey (Brady), who takes them to Bikini Atoll, so they can destroy a sunken American sub
before the Japanese can salvage it. Carey’s crew resents being used as a taxi, especially because they’d
rather be out firing torpedoes at the ship that sank their buddies, and Hayes’ men are uncomfortable cooped up in the
sub’s tight quarters. Eventually, they get to the atoll, where Hayes’ team run into more of the enemy than
they expected, as well as native girl Reiko (Six), who rubs lotion on Tab’s back as foreplay the night before the big
mission.
Slow pacing and dumb scripting seriously hobble this cheapie, which
had to have played the back ends of AIP double bills. Carras digs a ton of stock footage out of the library to try to
hold this movie together, but the tiny budget producer Sam Arkoff stuck him with meant he had to shoot everything on small
sets and familiar backlots (actually, I think the GILLIGAN’S ISLAND lagoon may have been a location). At least
the cast is a capable one; Avalon, Gary Crosby, Jim Backus, Jody McCrea and Aki Aleong play Hunter’s team, and Michael
Dante and Richard Bakalyan are on Brady’s crew. However, John Tomerlin’s screenplay makes little attempt
to provide the characters with any background, outside of Crosby’s story about hunting with his dad and Avalon being
girl-crazy.
Oh, yeah, Avalon. The most bizarre moments of this otherwise
humdrum drama are Frankie’s musical fantasies, in which he sings two songs while he and two girls are superimposed over
color jungle scenery. And for this, Frankie’s manager, Bob Marcucci, receives a “Technical Advisor Dream
Sequences” credit! Even stranger is the end, where Shatner’s monologue first plays over an atomic bomb blast,
which cuts to color footage of two contemporary honeys frolicking in bikinis on a beach, while the credits flash. I
have no idea what Carras was doing here, except AIP probably used the bikini girls in the trailer to trick unsuspecting moviegoers.
Carras, by the way, never again directed for AIP, but he did receive a promotion from editor to producer of several Beach
Party movies.
OPERATION C.I.A. (1965)--Directed by Christian
I. Nyby. Stars Burt Reynolds, Danielle Aubry, William Catching, Kieu Chinh. Burt’s first leading role in
a motion picture was as American agent Mark Andrews in this low-budget independent feature that probably never played on the
top half of a double bill. It’s unusual in that it’s set in Saigon at a time when the Vietnam War was underway,
but not yet in the hearts and minds of most Americans. Nyby shot it in Asia, for certain, but I’m not sure if
the locations are in Vietnam or in the Philippines (the presence of ubiquitous character actor Vic Diaz usually pinpoints
a Manila production). OPERATION C.I.A. is not a bad little film, a bit talky during its first half, but certainly topical.
Reynolds’ background as a stuntman comes into play during the second half, particularly a long foot chase through the
city. Burt jumps, runs, fights and swings quite well, and even though he had plenty of television experience already,
I wonder if this film helped him get the lead in the HAWK TV series. After three seasons on GUNSMOKE and lots of guest
shots as heavies, Burt finally got the chance to wear a suit, kiss the girl, and punch bad guys. Andrews is assigned
to Saigon to investigate the death of another agent whose job was to stop an impending political assassination. Its
ultra-conservative viewpoint (student protestors really irk Andrews) may surprise some folks. John Hoyt makes a “guest”
appearance as Burt’s boss. Allied Artists released it. Burt went to Italy to do NAVAJO JOE as his next film.
OPERATION COBRA (1997)--Directed by Fred
Olen Ray. Stars Don "The Dragon" Wilson, Richard Hill, Deepti Bhatnagar, Evan Lurie, Michael Cavanaugh, Tane McClure.
According to director Ray, this ersatz attempt at a James Bond movie was the first American production to be lensed entirely
on location in India. I'm not sure why executive producer Roger Corman made the effort, since, except for a few establishing
shots, most of it was filmed on sets and backlots, rather than natural Indian locations. Obviously, the budget was low,
but Ray certainly could have used a bit more spectacle.
Agent Kyle Connors (Wilson), out to avenge the death of his partner
Trevor (Hill), travels to India in search of a terrorist named Devaad (Lurie), who set the bomb that killed Trevor.
Devaad has obtained a secret computer program that will allow him to hack into any system in the world and that he plans to
use to rob the Bank of England electronically. What Connors doesn't realize is that Devaad has a partner, a surprise
from Kyle's past. Teaming up with a British agent (McClure) and a kindly American mobster (Cavanaugh), Connors uses
his martial arts abilities, as well as some convenient holes in Sean O'Bannon's screenplay, to invade Devaad's stronghold.
Filmed as INFERNO, but released domestically with a title reminiscent
of Jackie Chan's hit OPERATION CONDOR, COBRA is a typically brainless Ray action movie, complete with a plot I doubt even
he understands and gross miscasting of the lead roles. Wilson is out of his element as a womanizing spy who finds himself
the object of three different women's attractions. The grotesque McClure has undergone the plastic surgeon's knife too
many times to be considered sexy in my book, while Lurie's string of poor performances remains untouched. The film's
highlight is the radiant presence of Bhatnagar, a Miss India who's one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen grace an
American film. Her role as Cavanaugh's daughter is kind of a throwaway, but her wet presence in one of Ray's three awkward
sex scenes (only McClure appears topless) is a definite bonus. Also with Jillian Kesner, Kim Ray and cinematographer
Gary Graver. Music by Jeff Walton.
OPERATION DELTA FORCE (1997)--Directed by
Sam Firstenberg. Stars Jeff Fahey, Ernie Hudson, Joe Lara. Pretty good DTV action movie by the director of several
Michael Dudikoff kickfests. A bunch of hardnosed Delta Force combat veterans, led by flinty Lang (Fahey), chase a bunch
of terrorists, led by ponytailed Nash (Lara), who have stolen a fatal virus from a government facility all over the South
African countryside. Making Lang's job more difficult is the presence of Tipton (Hudson), who seems like a pretty good
guy, but whom Lang dislikes for some reason I have forgotten. That's not all I have forgotten about OPERATION DELTA
FORCE, which is a pretty fun movie with a large number of decently staged action sequences. In fact, that's not much
to the film besides the near-constant gunfire, fights and explosions. It must have been successful, since four sequels
followed. Hal Holbrook worked a day and picked up a paycheck. Frank Zagarino, Todd Jensen, Rob Stewart and Natasha
Sutherland are in it too. Music by Serge Colbert. Cinematographer Yossi Wein directed a couple of the sequels.
OPERATION DELTA FORCE II: MAYDAY (1998)--Directed
by Yossi Wein. Stars Michael McGrady, J. Kenneth Campbell, Dale Dye. Terrorists commanded by the megalomaniacal
Flint Lukosh (Campbell) simultaneously hijack a nuclear submarine and a cruise ship captained by former Navy sub commander
Halsey Lang (Dye). Lukosh vows to fire nuclear missiles at Russia unless he's paid a sizable ransom, and uses the cruise
ship as a human shield to prevent the authorities from blowing his sub out of the water. Enter the hardy soldiers of
Delta Force, led by Captain Skip Lang (McGrady), coincidentally the son of Captain Halsey. David Sparling's screenplay
is unfocused and not exactly logical, but it holds together well enough for Wein to stage some impressive gunfights and pyrotechnics,
getting more out of his low budget than many other filmmakers would. Stock footage, however, did pop up in later OPERATION
DELTA FORCE sequels. Also with Todd Jensen (who appeared in OPERATION DELTA FORCE V), Simon Jones and Brian O'Shaughnessy.
OPERATION DELTA FORCE V: RANDOM FIRE (1999)--Directed
by Yossi Wein. Stars Trae Thomas, Toni Caprari, Todd Jensen. A Middle Eastern terrorist named Jafari (Caprari)
is using mind control developed by a Russian psychiatrist to turn ordinary citizens into suicide bombers. Days after
Delta Force leader Captain Brad Kennedy (Thomas) is forced to leave behind several of his men on a doomed mission in Kenya,
he's stunned to see one of them on television, blowing up an economic conference in Boston. Realizing that the other
men must still be alive, but under the guidance of Jafari, Kennedy reorganizes his squad and heads back to Kenya on a rescue
mission. If you like to see lots of stuff blow up, ODFV delivers the goods. The script leaves much to be desired,
and Wein's disregard for military customs, clothing and protocol might leave you wondering whether this film is set in an
alternate universe, but there are worse ways to spend 90 minutes. The cast is interchangeable, except for Caprari, who
has no chance to evolve his standard heavy into any kind of complex character--he's just evil because he is. Also with
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