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SON OF BLOB (1972)--Directed by Larry Hagman.
Stars Robert Walker, Jr., Gwynne Gilford, Godfrey Cambridge. Silly comedy sequel directed by the star of I DREAM OF JEANNIE.
The red, gelatinous creature returns to small-town Americana, eating people along the way. Played more for laughs than scares,
it finds a few. Also with Carol Lynley, Burgess Meredith, Cindy Williams, Shelley Berman and Hagman. Was re-released as BEWARE!
THE BLOB with the line, "The movie J.R. shot!"
SON OF THE PINK PANTHER (1993)--Directed by Blake
Edwards. Stars Roberto Benigni, Debrah Farentino, Robert Davi. Benigni was a highly acclaimed Italian comic actor, but you'd
never know it by watching this extremely unfunny comedy that's an embarrassment to everyone involved. It's mostly an insult
to the memory of the late Peter Sellers--this is Edwards' THIRD Pink Panther movie since Sellers died, and none of them are
good. Benigni plays Inspector Clouseau's bastard son, who certainly seems to inherited his dad's clumsiness and stupidity,
but none of Sellers' talent. Farentino is gorgeous as a kidnapped princess, and series regulars Herbert Lom and Burt Kwouk
appear. Also with Claudia Cardinale, Robert Davi and Jennifer Edwards.
SONIC IMPACT (1999)--Directed by Rodney McDonald.
Stars Ice-T, James Russo, Michael Harris. Phoenician Entertainment raided Universal's stock footage library for AIRPORT
'77 clips to use in their SUBMERGED, so I suppose it makes sense that they swiped from AIRPORT 1975 to use in this direct-to-video
slugfest that bears a remarkable resemblance to their AIR RAGE, which also starred Ice-T. Russo (miscast as a leading
man) stars as FBI agent Halton, who finally captures drug dealer Barrett (Harris) after three years of pursuit, a quest that
cost him his marriage. Upon transportation cross-country to New York by another agent, Taja (Ice-T), Barrett escapes
and blows a hole in the cockpit, which doesn't deter him from ignoring the pilot's warnings that a crash is imminent and demanding
to be taken to San Diego (the reason being that it's close to Mexico, but I don't know why Barrett doesn't just demand to
be taken there instead). McDonald (SURFACE TO AIR) and writer Sean McGinly (VENOMOUS) know every cliché and make sure
to include them all, resulting in a completely predictable and dry film with little to recommend. Phoenician didn't
even bother to assemble a top-flight trash cast for this one, nor did they commission an original score, content to recycle
Eric and David Wurst's music from several other productions. Also with Mel Harris (THIRTYSOMETHING), Brittany Daniel
(JOE DIRT), J. Kenneth Campbell, Sam Anderson and Dean Norris.
THE SONS OF KATIE ELDER (1965)--Directed
by Henry Hathaway. Stars John Wayne, Dean Martin, Earl Holliman, Michael Anderson, Jr., James Gregory. Gunfighter Wayne is
reunited with his three estranged brothers after hearing of their mother's death. They plan to settle their mother's estate
and go their separate ways again, until they discover their father was cheated of his land and murdered by a ruthless baron
(Gregory). A terrific cast and lots of action propels this popular Western. You'll even ignore the fact that the four brothers
look nothing alive, and are of disparate ages and personalities. Also with Martha Hyer, George Kennedy and Dennis Hopper.
From the director of TRUE GRIT.
SORCERER (1977)--Directed by William Friedkin. Stars Roy Scheider,
Bruno Cremer, Francisco Rabal. Sometimes infuriating remake of the 1952 French classic WAGES OF FEAR stars Scheider and some
unrecognizable (to American audiences) foreign actors in a plot to transport unstable explosives over some very rugged jungle
territory. It was expensive, it looks fantastic, and it sometimes builds quite a bit of suspense, but Walon Green's (THE WILD
BUNCH) screenplay is also confusing and pretentious. This was Friedkin's follow-up to THE EXORCIST, and derailed his directorial
career big time. Filmed in Mexico, Israel and France. Music by Tangerine Dream.
SORCERESS (1982)--Directed by Jack Hill.
Stars Leigh Harris, Lynette Harris, Roberto Ballesteros. Hill's final film to date was not a happy experience.
Executive producer Roger Corman fired him during post-production while shearing nearly 20 minutes out of the movie.
Jim Wynorski, who only wrote the story, received full screenplay credit. Hill keeps producer credit with "Brian Stuart",
the Christian names of Hill's sons, named as the director. It's actually a fun little movie with a sense of humor, although
many of the laughs are unintentionally earned at the expense of Corman's cheap special effects. A pair of sexy twins
(the Harris sisters) grows up as warriors in the home of a couple who took them in as babies after their mother was murdered
by evil ruler Traigon (Ballesteros). Years later, their adopted family is killed by Traigon's goons and it's vengeance
time. Other characters include a goofy white-bread Deathstalker type, a Viking, a satyr in an amateurish mask, an army
of ape slaves and a bat creature and a floating woman's head that engage each other in a battle of eye blasts. Willy-nilly
cutting renders much of Hill's screenplay incomprehensible, but as long as you're on the lookout for mindless action, hot
naked twins and some laughs, SORCERESS fits the bill. You also get to hear James Horner's BATTLE BEYOND THE STARS score
inappropriately trotted out again. Filmed in Mexico.
SORORITY GIRL (1957)—Directed by Roger
Corman. Stars Susan Cabot, Dick Miller, Barboura Morris, June Kenney. Corman often surprised critics with his
intelligent, respectful handling of female actors and characters, and SORORITY GIRL is one of his best examples. Cabot
is extremely good as Sabra, a beautiful, wealthy and spoiled member of a USC sorority who only feels good about herself when
she’s tearing somebody else down. She verbally and physically (by spanking) abuses a homely sorority sister, and
when local club owner Mort (Miller) rebuffs her sexual advances in order to stay faithful to Sabra’s goody-two-shoes
roomie Rita (Morris), she convinces a pregnant teen (Kenney) to blackmail him by falsely naming him as the father. A
brisk 62-minute feature that likely played only on the bottom half on an American International double bill, SORORITY GIRL
is sharply paced and strongly acted by members of Corman’s informal repertory company, particularly Cabot, who plays
Sabra as more pitiful than evil and manages to almost make her comeuppance sympathetic. It was remade in 1994 as CONFESSIONS
OF SORORITY GIRLS with Jamie Luner (PROFILER) in the Cabot role. Also with Barbara Crane, Fay Baker and Beach Dickerson.
Music by Ronald Stein.
SORORITY HOUSE MASSACRE II (1990)--Directed
by Jim Wynorski. Stars Melissa Moore, Robin Harris, Bridget Carney, Dana Bentley, Stacia Zhivago. I never saw the original
SORORITY HOUSE MASSACRE, but I don't imagine this picks up where the first one left off. Five beautiful, big-breasted girls
spend the night in a haunted sorority house, where they change clothes, take showers, stomp around in skimpy nighties, and
fight a psycho killer. Not much of this makes sense--some of the scenes may have been shot for a different movie and recycled
here. Wynorski is credited as Arch Stanton, which is a reference to THE GOOD, THE BAD & THE UGLY. Producer Julie Corman
is listed as Shelly Stoker. Who knows what that means? Also with Peter Spellos and porn actress Savannah. Also known as NIGHTIE
NIGHTMARE.
SOUL HUSTLER (1973)--Directed by Burt Topper. Stars Fabian Forte, Nai Bonet, Tony Russel,
Casey Kasem, Larry Bishop. The former Hound Dog Man is better than you might think as Matthew, a guitar-playing, heroin-addicted
drifter who becomes a gospel-rock superstar overnight. While cruising through the desert with only his two dogs and hitchhiker
Brian (Bishop) for company, Matthew stops off at an evangelical tent show owned by the shady Reverend Evin Calder (Russel),
where he picks up some extra bread by fleecing the crowd. Calder realizes Matthew has something he doesn't--youth and a way
with a song--and hires Matthew as a headliner. Soon, with ex-junkie Vietnam vet Brian in tow as chauffeur, roadie and hooker
procurer, Matthew, the Son of Jesus, heads to the top of the charts and a sold-out gig at the Los Angeles Forum, where he
receives an award from the city.
Yes, it's a pretty typical show biz rags-to-riches story, and it's obvious there's
going to be no easy way out for Matthew, but the production is pretty lively, the campy dialogue is fun, and--I'm ashamed
to say--my toes were frequently tapping during Fabian's bubblegummy tunes, which were mostly written by Harley Hatcher (WILD
WHEELS). Topper (THE HARD RIDE), who also wrote and produced SOUL HUSTLER, was obviously working with little money, and he
cuts a few corners showing the various transitions in Matthew's meteoric rise, but I liked his PG feature better than I thought
I would. Kasem looks ridiculous in a curly-headed rug as Matthew's PR man. Also with William Bonner (SATANS SADISTS), Kitty
Vallacher (GRAVE OF THE VAMPIRE), Marshall Reed, Robert Swan and Tracy Morgan. According to the Internet Movie Database, editor
Kenneth D. Crane was also the (uncredited) director of the stunning THE DOUBLE GARDEN, a hilarious Japanese monster movie
about a walking man-eating plant that was penned by Ed Wood (has anyone else seen this one?)!
I think it was originally
released as THE DAY THE LORD GOT BUSTED; I have an original one-sheet in which the SOUL HUSTLER title was obviously pasted
over the first. The Monterey Home Video tape is complete as far as I can tell. The picture and sound were pretty good--especially
considering the tape's age--and the feature is followed by two previews for other Monterey releases: 1961's JOHNNY NOBODY
with Aldo Ray and 1977's HUGHES AND HARLOW: ANGELS IN HELL, directed by Larry Buchanan!
SOUL VENGEANCE--See WELCOME HOME, BROTHER
CHARLES.
SOUTH BEACH (1992)--Directed by Fred Williamson.
Stars Fred Williamson and an amazing trash cast. See this Po' Boy potboiler for the cast alone. Besides producer/director
Williamson as tough Miami private eye Mac Derringer, SOUTH BEACH features Gary Busey as Fred's goofy partner, Peter Fonda
as a ponytailed club owner, Robert Forster as a cop, Vanity as Fred's luscious ex-wife, Henry Silva as a mobster and Stella
Stevens as his mole, Isabel Sanford as Fred's mom, Frank Pesce as an informant and Sam J. Jones as a psycho. It appears
that Williamson could only afford to pay these actors to work a minimum number of days. Writer Michael Montgomery dances
around this by spreading out their scenes throughout the movie and rarely having more than one of them on-screen with Fred
at the same time. The story meanders all over the place, and characters seemingly pop up at random, just because Williamson
had another half-day to shoot with the actor. The plot finds Derringer investigating the murder of one of Vanity's co-workers
at a phone-sex operation and finds himself framed for murder. He still manages to get into several scrapes, usually
with one of his pals around to help shoot his way out, and even get jiggy with a cute blonde. The cast is having a really
good time; the opening titles play over a long scene of Williamson and Busey playing golf and improvising. Editor Doug
Bryan also provided some songs for the soundtrack.
SOUTH PARK: BIGGER, LONGER & UNCUT (1999)--Directed
by Trey Parker. Stars the voices of Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Mary Kay Bergman, Isaac Hayes. Who would have thought this daring
and subversive political satire--and an animated one at that!--would receive a wide summertime theatrical release by a major
Hollywood studio? At a time when studio fare is dumb and becoming dumber than ever before in an attempt to appeal to as many
mainstream (aka lowest common denominator) audience members than ever before, and demographics and focus group test scores
have replaced tight scripting and interesting actors as the movies' most important ingredients, it's refreshing to see an
honest-to-goodness attempt at slipping revolutionary themes into what could have easily been just another cheap and stupid
ripoff of a successful television show.
As in the highly-rated Comedy Central series, SOUTH PARK: BIGGER, LONGER &
UNCUT (yes, the title is a double entendre) follows four elementary school boys--leader Stan, Jewish Kyle (the Larry of the
group), fat Eric Cartman and Kenny, who dies in every episode--living in a small Colorado town where it snows all the time.
They're excited to see a movie starring their favorite TV actors, Terrence and Phillip, but when a theater employee turns
them away because of the movie's R rating, they bribe a homeless man to buy them tickets. After witnessing the movie's non-stop
profanity, the boys find they can't help using these new words in their own speech, and soon their parents and teachers have
rallied to ban the movie, declare war on Canada (where the movie was made), and sentence Terrence and Phillip to death in
the electric chair during a USO show emceed by Big Gay Al (replete with beret and pink scarf). Kenny, who has been killed
and sentenced to Hell, overhears a conversation between Satan and the late Saddam Hussein (now lovers), and discovers that
the deaths of Terrence and Phillip will mean the beginning of the Apocalypse and world domination by Satan. Oh, yeah, did
I mention this movie is a musical? 14 songs--ranging from "Uncle F***a" to "Kyle's Mom Is a Big Fat B***h"--co-written by
Marc Shaiman (THE ADDAMS FAMILY) as parodies of LES MISERABLES and treacly Disney numbers, and if none of them receive Oscar
nominations, it's a sure sign that the Academy just...doesn't...get...it.
Director Parker and his co-scripters Matt
Stone (who performs most of the voices that Parker doesn't) and Pam Brady tackle heady issues like political correctness,
censorship, parenting, racism, the military, the media--even Microsoft--using some of the foulest and most offensive language
and images you can imagine, and the timing--in the wake of the finger-pointing, media backlash and hypocritical Puritanism
in Washington following the Columbine shootings--couldn't be better. Parker and Stone's film is screamingly funny, and even
though they can't quite make the quality laughs stretch all the way to the end (the film clocks in at 81 minutes), I appreciate
the effort. And I haven't even mentioned the talking Godzilla-sized female genitalia. Also featuring the voices of George
Clooney (as a doctor), Eric Idle, Minnie Driver (as Brooke Shields), Dave Foley (as all of the Baldwin brothers!) and Mike
Judge.
SOUTHERN COMFORT (1981)--Directed by Walter Hill. Stars Powers Boothe, Keith Carradine, Peter
Coyote, Fred Ward, T.K. Carter. Good action film about a group of National Guardsmen who become lost in the Louisiana bayou,
and are stalked by unseen Cajun hillbillies. The twist is that the Guardsmen started the whole thing by firing shots at the
backwoodsmen as a prank. An obvious copy of DELIVERANCE, which can also be seen as a metaphor for Vietnam. Hill's direction
is properly suspenseful, and Carradine and Boothe are excellent as the lone survivors. Nerve-wracking finale. Music by Ry
Cooder. Also with Brion James.
SOYLENT GREEN (1973)--Directed by Richard Fleischer. Stars Charlton
Heston, Edward G. Robinson, Joseph Cotten, Chuck Connors. The macho star of PLANET OF THE APES and THE OMEGA MAN once again
lives through a nuclear holocaust. It's 2022, and New York City is in the midst of a serious overpopulation problem. The government
provides food for its citizens in the form of square crackers called "soylent green". There's lots of action and clichéd dialogue,
but the whole film is basically a set-up for its twist ending. The legendary Robinson is touching in his final role; he died
of cancer later that year. Also with Brock Peters, Leigh Taylor-Young, Whit Bissell and Mike Henry.
SPACE COWBOYS (2000)--Directed by Clint Eastwood.
Stars Clint Eastwood, Tommy Lee Jones, Donald Sutherland, James Garner, James Cromwell. Just call 'em GRUMPY OLD ASTRONAUTS.
Former NASA hotshots Eastwood, Jones, Sutherland and Garner are reunited for a mission to blast off into Earth's orbit to
repair a tumbling satellite. Not very original, but the visual effects are pleasing, and it's great to see these veteran
stars working. Also with Marcia Gay Harden, Loren Dean, Courtney B. Vance, William Devane, Barbara Babcock, Kate McNeil
and Blair Brown. Music by Lennie Niehaus. Eastwood and Sutherland previously worked together on KELLY'S HEROES,
whereas Clint guest-starred on Garner's MAVERICK series in the '50s.
SPACE MONSTER--See SPACE PROBE--TAURUS.
SPACE MUTINY (1987)--Directed by David
Winters. Stars Reb Brown, Cameron Mitchell, John Philip Law, Cissy Cameron, James Ryan. This hilariously bad space adventure
has been parodied on MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000. Brown (CAPTAIN AMERICA) is a dumb jock hero who battles seditious space
cop Law (in a wildly hammy performance). Amazingly, all the outer-space special-effects shot are swiped from BATTLESTAR GALACTICA!
I wonder if Universal knows about this. As awful as Brown and Law are, Mitchell's grandly untalented daughter Cissy, who sashays
around in a miniskirt and bad hairdo attempting to seduce the hero, gives the worst performance. The climax features Law and
Brown blasting away at each other from some slow-moving futuristic golf carts that you know are driving down the same warehouse
hallway over and over again. Filmed in South Africa. Winters was a well-regarded choreographer who directed some episodes
of THE MONKEES.
SPACE PROBE--TAURUS (1965)--Directed by Leonard Katzman. Stars
Francine York, Russ Bender, James B. Brown, Baynes Barron. It's hard to believe
this laughable SF movie was made in the mid-'60s. Its cheap-looking special effects,
tacky sets, childish dialogue, ludicrous story and anachronistic attitude towards women harken back to the days of LOST CONTINENT
and CAT WOMEN OF THE MOON.
In the "futuristic" year of 2000, the spaceship Hope One blasts off from Earth on course for a new planet to colonize. I think Taurus is its destination, but everyone pronounces it funny. The previous expedition, aboard Faith One, didn't return from its mission after a fatal dose of radioactivity. The new crew consists of: stern Colonel
Hank Stevens (Brown), whose lack of a sense of humor is eclipsed only by his decidedly misogynist views towards women ("Space
is no place for a woman!"); comic relief John Andros (Barron), whose only job seems to be making lame wisecracks and daydreaming
about women (we even see one of his creepy fantasies--ewww!); wise scientist Paul (Bender); and stacked scientist Lisa (York),
who appears to be along only because the only other qualified crewmember weighed 120 pounds more than she!
The storyline pretty much plays like Clichéd Space Exploration Storyline 101--there's even a meteor shower to contend
with (the flaming meteors actually resemble meatballs soaked with lighter fluid). Even
though he's a big jerk, Hank ends up getting it on with Dr. Lisa after forcing her to kiss him three times (no sexual harassment
back then). Cynical wiseass John gets to prove that he's an old softy after all. And, despite the singular alternate title of SPACE MONSTER, the crew actually has
several space monsters to deal with, none of which are scary, threatening or even less than comical. At one point, after Hope One has crash-landed at the bottom of an ocean (portrayed by an unconvincing model
planted at the bottom of an aquarium, complete with air bubbles gurgling from the nosecone), the ship is attacked by giant
crabs. And they are clearly crabs, although it takes this crack staff of scientists
and educated explorers a while to figure it out.
SPACE PROBE--TAURUS was both written and directed by Leonard Katzman, who was not well known at the time, but later
became quite successful in television as a producer of series like GUNSMOKE, HAWAII FIVE-0 and DALLAS. I realize he was working on a limited budget here, but he made plenty of wrong decisions that had little
to do with budget. For instance, the spaceship doors are designed so that it
takes them a good nine or ten seconds to open. Imagine how much screen time is
eaten up by watching cast members open and close doors. Not only is the screenplay's
negative attitude towards women outlandishly outdated, but also amazing is its xenophobia, justifying the death of one alien
more or less because it was "ugly".
Surprisingly, the performances aren't half-bad, considering what the actors were working with. Red-haired York receives top billing, and it's probably to her credit that Lisa isn't nearly as incompetent
as she could have been. I mean, at least we see her doing some actual science-type
stuff in addition to providing her male companions with food pills and kisses. American
International Pictures sold the film directly to television, where it has been seen under several different titles, including
SPACE MONSTER, FIRST WOMAN INTO SPACE and FLIGHT BEYOND THE SUN. It recently
aired on American Movie Classics, where its host erroneously claimed it was released two years before STAR TREK (which first
aired in 1966) and four years before 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY (1968).
SPACE RAGE: BREAKOUT ON PRISON PLANET
(1985)--Directed by Conrad E. Palmisano. Stars Richard Farnsworth, Michael Pare, Lee Purcell, William Windom, John Laughlin.
Boy, does this have all the earmarks of a troubled production. It runs only 77 minutes (and still feels like there isn't
enough story to fill them), the opening titles list only the main stars and Palmisano's directing credit, and the end credits
list an entirely new crew for "Reshoots", including director Peter McCarthy and a different producer and cinematographer.
On the other hand, the concept and execution are so simple that the backstage mayhem shouldn't confuse any audience members,
and, in fact, I found SPACE RAGE to be a competent little B-picture.
A B-western is more like it, since that's really what SPACE RAGE is. Grange (Pare) is a ruthless killer sentenced
to life on New Botany Bay, a remote desert mining planet that bears a surprising resemblance to Southern California.
The planet's governor, Tovah (Windom), is also the prison warden, and his number-one man in charge of bringing back "escapers"
(and there seem to be several every day) is legendary bounty hunter Walker (Laughlin), who lives peacefully nearby with his
wife (Purcell) and young son. After Grange organizes a mass breakout (which isn't difficult, since there don't seem
to be very many guards) and kidnaps Tovah, Walker and his crusty mentor, the Colonel (Farnsworth), a former Los Angeles cop
who has nightmares about being stabbed by a hood after forgetting to load his shotgun, pile into their dune buggies and chase
Grange's gang across the desert to the sleepy ghost town he has taken over.
This is certainly one of the cheapest films I've seen lately. We never see any of the townspeople Grange allegedly
has hostage, and what few sets there are seem to be built of cardboard. Most of the action takes place on free desert
landscapes, and the tiny budget looks to have been lavished on stunts, chases and explosions. Palmisano, directing his
first film, was and is one of Hollywood's most highly respected stuntmen, which accounts for the high-blasting action scenes.
That doesn't leave the actors much to do, although the skinny Pare, looking silly in a ponytail, isn't up to the job anyway.
Farnsworth is his same old wrinkled self and Windom is fine, but Laughlin is a pretty bland hero. With so many stunts
and so few sets and characters, it's hard to see why reshoots were necessary, unless they were for a prologue showing Grange's
arrest--a prologue without which the film would barely reach the 70-minute mark.
Also with Dennis Redfield, William Sylvester, Lewis Van Bergen, Paul Linke and a ton of Palmisanos in the cast and
crew. The rock soundtrack is by a band called Yorface! Although rated R, some gore appears to have been trimmed,
at least from the Lightning Video tape I saw. In particular, one scene in which Farnsworth blasts two guys with a shotgun
has a lot of awkward cuts in it, ultimately showing a corpse with an enormous bloody hole, but how he got that way is mostly
gone.
SPACE RAIDERS (1983)--Directed by
Howard R. Cohen. Stars Vince Edwards, David Mendenhall. Roger Corman produced this juvenile space opera that recycles
sets, props, special effects and even James Horner's score from BATTLE BEYOND THE STARS. Mendenhall (OVER THE TOP) plays
Peter, a 10-year-old kid who stows away aboard a spaceship stolen by a band of roguish pirates led by tough guy Hawk (BEN
CASEY star Edwards). Hawk may be a murdering scoundrel, but he has a good heart, and promises to take Peter home.
Unfortunately, the kid's new friends also have to avoid capture by the corporate thugs sent by Peter's middle-management father
to rescue him and by a pair of idiotic kidnappers (think HOME ALONE) who want to ransom Peter back.
There may be a lot to like here for kids weaned on BUCK ROGERS and BATTLESTAR GALACTICA, but it's mostly slow going
for me. Despite their reputation as great thieves, Hawk's crew, which also includes one foxy leather-pants-wearing lady,
is easily killed off by some of the least mobile robots in cinematic history. Edwards is an unlikely choice for a hero,
although he does handle some of the more mawkish scenes with ease. Also with Patsy Pease (DAYS OF OUR LIVES), Thom Christopher,
William Boyett, Luca Bercovici (the director of PARASITE), MACON COUNTY LINE director Michael Miller and Dick (no relation)
Miller as a used car salesman of the future. Cohen wrote several New World hits like UNHOLY ROLLERS and COVER GIRL MODELS.
SPACEHUNTER: ADVENTURES IN THE FORBIDDEN ZONE (1983)--Directed
by Lamont Johnson. Stars Peter Strauss, Molly Ringwald, Michael Ironside, Ernie Hudson, Andrea Marcovicci. Columbia
Pictures shelled out about $12 million to shoot this silly space opera in 3-D, one of several genre pictures to dangle their
toes in such gimmicky waters during the early 1980’s. Shooting special effects, stunts and explosions is tricky,
even before the added pressures of filming in 3-D (using a two-camera process). Perhaps director Jean LeFleur (ILSA,
THE TIGRESS OF SIBERIA) just couldn‘t keep up; he was fired during production in Utah and replaced by Lamont Johnson
(THE EXECUTION OF PRIVATE SLOVIK), an acclaimed television director who had earned accolades from Emmy voters and the Directors
Guild of America, but had little experience with science fiction. Ditto star Strauss, the Emmy-winning star of THE JERICHO
MILE who made a name for himself in TV miniseries like RICH MAN, POOR MAN and MASADA, but on the surface seemed miscast as
a wisecracking action hero. If you’re curious about how it all turned out, not to worry. SPACEHUNTER provides
89 minutes of dumb fun, its script--cobbled together by six different scribes, including MEATBALLS’ Dan Goldberg &
Len Blum--a bouncing-ball medley of laser battles, fleshy zombies shaped like the Pillsbury Doughboy (perhaps SPACEHUNTER
was still on executive producer Ivan Reitman’s mind when he directed GHOSTBUSTERS a year later), sexy Amazons, a sea
dragon, hang-gliding mutants, futuristic motorcycles, sadistic deathtraps and sand. Lots and lots of sand.
Wolff (Strauss), a space-jaunting mercenary one step ahead of bill collectors and a vengeful ex-wife, learns
about a hefty reward being offered for the safe return of three sexy party girls who managed to escape an exploding spaceship
unharmed and float to rest on a plague-riddled desert planet called Terra 11. Upon landing on the planet and exploring
it behind the wheel of his super-spacejeep, called a “scrambler”, Wolff and his foxy robot mechanic Chalmers (Marcovicci)
quickly encounter the three sexpots, who are being cared for by a large band of space pirates floating across the desert on
a sail-powered ship. Really. An elaborate battle scene finds the girls kidnapped by mutants under the command
of Overdog (Ironside), the perverted cyborg czar of Terra 11 who kidnaps children and sucks their lifeforce into his body
to keep him healthy. Not that he looks very healthy; the makeup effects by Tom Burman (THE BEAST WITHIN) make Overdog
look like a cross between Nosferatu and Doctor Octopus. The rest of the running time consists of Wolff bopping cross-country
in his 4x4 Wolffmobile, encountering one obstacle after another on his journey into the Forbidden Zone to rescue the chicks
and get the reward. For company, he picks up Niki (Ringwald), a foulmouthed desert urchin who serves as his guide into
the Zone, and Washington (Hudson), an old rival driving a huge tank-like craft with a sharp blade attached to the front.
While the screenplay isn’t high on logic (why does jaded man-of-action Wolff carry a bottle of shampoo
in his pocket?), it does move incredibly quickly, creating a new menace for our heroes to fight every few minutes and keeping
them in plenty of trouble until it’s time for them to battle Overdog. Johnson and his cast are aided by some remarkably
imaginative sets designed by Jackson DeGovia (2004’s THE STEPFORD WIVES) and a rousing orchestral score by the great
Elmer Bernstein (THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN), whose heroic theme adds a morale boost to Wolff’s dusty journey. Although
clearly influenced by THE ROAD WARRIOR, the production design and art direction create a properly junky world for the action
to take place in, one cluttered with rusty metal and weird shapes, such as Overdog’s lair, which includes a Maze of
Death that looks like it came out of an overly sadistic Republic serial. The miniature and matte effects are pretty
good, considering the budget, but are nowhere near as impressive as those of RETURN OF THE JEDI, which opened in the U.S.
just five days after SPACEHUNTER in May of 1983.
The performances are as good as can be expected, considering the actors are competing with hang-gliders, rocket-launching
Land Rovers and sea monsters for attention. Strauss handles the sub-Han Solo heroics just fine, although, aside from
a brief turn as PETER GUNN on television, he never again tackled an action-oriented role. Ironside is too slathered
in prosthetics to do much more than leer and slobber, and I wonder how much further over the top he could have gone if not
for SPACEHUNTER’s PG rating. Hudson is loyal and likable in the sidekick role, while Ringwald, never one of my
favorite actresses, is properly annoying--perhaps too much so--as a filthy tomboy in an uncomfortably inappropriate relationship
with the much older Wolff. While there’s no overt indication of romantic interest, it seems unlikely that a loner
like Wolff would get involved with a bratty teenage girl for paternal reasons, so…
Beeson Carroll (M*A*S*H), Harant Alianak, Cali Timmins, Aleisa Shirley and Deborah Pratt also appear in this
Canadian co-production, which was partially filmed on soundstages in Vancouver. Columbia/Tri-Star’s DVD presents
SPACEHUNTER in two versions--full-frame and its 1.85:1 theatrical ratio--accompanied by trailers for three other Columbia
SF movies, but sadly not SPACEHUNTER. The 3-D aspect was played up on SPACEHUNTER’s one-sheet and presumably in
all its marketing, so perhaps Columbia is hiding that fact from today’s audiences. SPACEHUNTER was not a big box-office
hit (how could it have been, coming out as it did just before JEDI?), and Johnson never again worked on a big-screen project,
returning to TV and most recently helming episodes of FELICITY.
SPARTACUS (1960)--Directed by Stanley Kubrick. Stars Kirk Douglas, Tony Curtis, Jean
Simmons, Laurence Olivier, Charles Laughton, John Gavin, Peter Ustinov. Douglas is well cast as the legendary title character,
leader of a Roman slave rebellion in 71 B.C. Three-hour epic contains beautiful location scenery, good dialogue by Dalton
Trumbo, exciting action sequences, and clever supporting performances, especially by Ustinov (who was Oscar-nominated) and
Olivier. On the other hand, Gavin is his usual wooden self, and Curtis's Bronx accent is always good for a laugh. When re-released
in 1992, footage originally cut by the censors was re-instated, including a suggestive scene where slave Curtis bathes Olivier
(as Crassus). Sir Laurence was already dead, so Anthony Hopkins dubbed his voice. Also with Herbert Lom, Woody Strode, John
Ireland and John Hoyt. Classic score by Alex North.
SPARTAN
(2004)--Directed by David Mamet. Stars Val Kilmer, William H. Macy, Kristen Bell. Val Kilmer, an actor whose relevance
I thought was well past its expiration date, plays an uncompromising Marine training officer named Bobby Scott in SPARTAN,
a fantastic thriller written and directed by the Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright David Mamet. I call Scott a "training
officer", even though his actual occupation is oblique. We first see him in an Army camp training a pair of young recruits
in a series of exercises in which the two finalists are eventually placed in a locked room and ordered to fight each other
until only one man is left standing. But when Laura Newton (Kristen Bell), a Boston college student, turns up missing
and is presumed kidnapped, the Secret Service commands Scott, a "worker bee" dedicated to following orders without question,
to step up and lead the investigation.
Why is the Secret Service
involved? Part of what's wonderful about Mamet's screenplay is the way in which he moves the plot along by delivering
just enough information to keep the audience curious. Although no one in the film ever says so directly, Laura is clearly
the daughter of the President of the United States. Because we're so absorbed in the story, we get to figure out who
Laura is, but Mamet, who has more respect for the intelligence of his audience than most filmmakers, never hits us over the
head with her identity the way other Hollywood action films would (if for no reason that a dramatic "The President's daughter
is missing!" sound byte for the trailer).
What begins as a mystery
story, as Scott follows the intricate clues to a sleazy nightclub that caters to middle-aged men with much younger tastes
and, ultimately, a white slavery operation in Dubai, ends as a political thriller along the lines of THREE DAYS OF THE CONDOR,
in which we discover a government conspiracy so shocking that it forces Bobby, a dedicated soldier who has never considered
the motives or the consequences of the tasks he has performed under orders, to reevaluate his beliefs.
Kilmer, who has a tendency
to sleepwalk through roles that don't interest him, is very good in SPARTAN, weaving his way through the tangled web of Mamet-speak,
handling the terse, stylized dialogue with great charm and verisimilitude. While nobody in real life talks the way Mamet
writes, I liken his dialogue to a musical symphony with syllables replacing notes. Kilmer gets the tempo down like an
old be-bopper, repeating certain phrases and words, especially during interrogation scenes, to an hypnotic effect. Mamet
regulars Ed O'Neill, Clark Gregg and, particularly, William H. Macy, who looms over the first half of the film like a sinister
shadow, provide solid support.
SPARTAN isn't perfect.
Mamet's intricate plotting boils down to a routine shootout in an airplane hangar, complete with smack-talking villain, and
many story points and characterizations appear pulled from Fox's excellent TV series 24 (I often found myself picturing Kiefer
Sutherland in the Kilmer role). Mamet's disdain for episodic television has been documented, so I'm sure any likeness
is coincidental, but speaking as a 24 fan, it does exist. Not that you should let it detract from what is sure to be
one of the year's finest thrillers, a smart, tightly plotted thriller that doesn't depend upon splashy CGI effects to earn
its buzz. Filmed entirely on location in Los Angeles, Boston and London. Also with Stephen Culp, Geoff Pierson,
David Paymer, Derek Luke, Alexandra Kerry and Tia Texada. Music by Mark Isham. Joseph Merhi, the former co-owner
of PM Entertainment who directed several very good direct-to-video action movies like THE SWEEPER and EXECUTIVE TARGET, was
a co-producer.
SPASMS
(1982)--Directed by William Fruet. Stars Peter Fonda, Oliver Reed, Kerrie Keane, Al Waxman. What kind of B-movie
star would Peter Fonda be without at least one killer-snake movie on his resume? SPASMS is a looney-tunes Canadian horror
movie with Toronto very unconvincingly standing in for San Diego (!) and Oliver Reed equally unconvincingly standing in for
a good actor. How much of this comes from the source material, a novel called DEATH BITE, I don't know, but the story concerns
big game hunter Reed's obsession with bagging a giant serpent god from Hell that he encountered on a trip to New Guinea seven
years earlier that crippled him and killed his brother. He now maintains a psychic link with the snake that psychiatrist Fonda
claims is caused by a virus that was spread in the snake's venom. Reed has the snake captured and shipped to California, where
it escapes, killing a nude woman taking a shower (of course) and many more people, including legendary Canuck character actor
Al Waxman as Crowley, hired by a local snake worshipping cult to snatch the serpent and deliver it to their "church".
To call Reed's performance
"unrestrained" is an understatement, and I ain't buying Fonda's shrink credentials either. Dick Smith provides some bubbling
bladder effects, but the snake itself is wonderfully phony-looking. It appears director William Fruet ran out of either time
or money to shoot the climax, which barely registers and is over before you know it. Kerrie Keane, fresh off THE INCUBUS,
and Angus MacInnes from STRANGE BREW are also in it. Tangerine Dream performs the closing theme. SPASMS garnered a bit of
notoriety during its original U.S. release, thanks to the juicy stills of Waxman's lumpy demise that surfaced in FANGORIA.
It's not really a very good movie, and, in fact, it isn't even the best killer-snake movie Oliver Reed made in 1982.
You’d have to check out VENOM for that. From the director of DEATH WEEKEND.
SPECIAL
BULLETIN (1983)--Directed by Edward Zwick. Stars Ed Flanders, Kathryn Walker, Rosalind Cash. Made-for-TV suspenser
scared a few real-life viewers during its original broadcast because it was directed to resemble a real television news bulletin.
Shot on videotape, it's about some nuclear protesters threatening to blast a major city off the map unless the U.S. agrees
to disarm its missiles. NBC ran a bunch of disclaimers during the broadcast, but some people took it seriously anyway. From
the director of COURAGE UNDER FIRE.
SPECIAL
DELIVERY (1976)—Directed by Paul Wendkos. Stars Bo Svenson, Cybill Shepherd, Michael C. Gwynne.
Who would’a thought big Bo (PART 2—WALKING TALL) could do romantic comedy? He and Shepherd share a surprisingly
amiable chemistry in this lighthearted heist film shot by Bing Crosby Productions (who also did the WALKING TALL series) on
a low budget. I wish director Wendkos would have been able to open the action up somewhat, as at least half the film
is set on one block of backlot street. Four ‘Nam vets rob a bank. One is killed. Two are captured.
The fourth, Murdock (Svenson), on the run, stashes $500,000 in loot inside a corner mailbox. Unbeknownst to him, sleazy
drug dealer Gwynne also knows about the loot and wants it for himself. Murdock teams up with another witness, kooky
divorcee Shepherd, whose studio apartment overlooks the mailbox, to figure out how to get to the stash before the 11:45pm
scheduled mail pickup. The chase that climaxes the movie is something of a fizzle, but the two leads work well together,
and Wendkos assembles an appealing supporting cast of familiar faces to keep the energy level high. Also with Tom Atkins,
Vic Tayback, Robert Ito, John Quade, Gerrit Graham, Jeff Goldblum, Sorrell Booke, Kim Richards, Edward Winter, Lynette Mettey
and Deidre Hall. Lalo Schifrin’s score is reminiscent of DIRTY HARRY, but a bit too gritty for this frothy vehicle.
SPECIAL EFFECTS (1984)--Directed by Larry Cohen.
Stars Zoe Tamerlis, Eric Bogosian, Brad Rijn, Kevin OConnor. Some Cohen cultists have overrated this talky thriller. I thought
it was quite slow and boring. Bogosian (in his first film) plays an arrogant movie director named Chris Neville, who has been
fired from his latest big-budget special effects blockbuster. He strangles struggling blond actress Andrea (Tamerlis from
MS. 45) in his bedroom when she becomes upset that he's filming them having sex. Neville then plans to use the snuff footage
in a new film, using an Andrea lookalike (also Tamerlis) and Andrea's real-life husband Keefe (Rijn) as the leads, and frame
Keefe for the killing. Cohen, who also penned the screenplay, is going for some what-is-fact-and-what-is-fiction existentialism
here (Neville, as is Cohen, is a JFK conspiracy buff, and watches the Kennedy and Oswald assassinations over and over again),
but none of his characters are likable, and Bogosian's is the only one who's the least bit interesting. Music by Michael Minard.
Also with Richard Greene, Bill Oland, Steven Pudenz and Kitty Summerall.
SPECIAL
FORCES (2003)--Directed by Isaac Florentine. Stars Marshall Teague, Eli Danker, Tim Abell, Scott Adkins.
Florentine continues his string of highly stylized low-budget action films with this solid entry filmed in Lithuania.
While neither as absurd nor wild as his previous film, the excellent U.S. SEALS II, SPECIAL FORCES still provides plenty for
action fans to get into. Most of the bloodshed is the result of machine-gun battles and more realistically rendered
military firefights, but Florentine's penchant for staging acrobatic martial-arts battles is cranked up at the climax, featuring
a pair of bone-crunching fights choreographed by Akihiro Noguchi.
Rafendek (Danker),
a Moldavian military commander involved in ethnic cleansing, kidnaps an American college student who witnesses his men gunning
down civilians and holds her for ransom. What he gets is a U.S. Special Forces squadron led by Major Don Harding (Teague),
who bears a personal grudge against Refendek dating back to the war in Bosnia. Harding's--and Florentine's, for that
matter--secret weapon is Talbot, a British agent out to avenge the murder of his partner by Rafendek and portrayed by Scott
Adkins, a marvelous martial artist who takes advantage of Florentine's skills for shooting high-octane action scenes.
While Adkins doesn't show a lot of acting chops, he's good enough, and his fists and feet are more than capable of doing his
performing for him. Music by Stephen Edwards.
THE SPECIALIST (1994)--Directed by Luis
Llosa. Stars Sylvester Stallone, Sharon Stone, James Woods. Woods is the best thing in this dull adventure starring Sly as
a former CIA assassin hired by grieving Stone to kill the Cuban dope dealers who killed her family. An out-of-control Woods
is Stallone's corrupt former partner. Sly and Sharon have a brief shower scene, but there's no chemistry between them at all.
As hammy as Woods is, Rod Steiger and Eric Roberts as the Cuban bad guys outdo him! Music by John Barry.
SPECIES
(1995)--Directed by Roger Donaldson. Stars Ben Kingsley, Michael Madsen, Forest Whitaker, Natasha Hentsridge. A gorgeous naked
blonde from outer space invades L.A. and graphically kills everyone in sight in an effort to get laid! What's not to like?
Actually, this is a throwback to those '50s sci-fi monster movies that used to star Richard Carlson or Richard Denning...only
with more blood and much nudity. Some government scientists, led by the enigmatic Kingsley, have created a little girl using
a combination of human and extraterrestrial DNA. When the super-strong "Sil" decides she doesn't like being a guinea pig any
more, she breaks out of the Utah installation and hops a train to Los Angeles. Kingsley, recognizing the bad publicity that
could occur, assembles a MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE-type team, led by assassin Madsen and sensitive psychic Whitaker, to track her
down and kill her. Meanwhile, Sil has grown up to be a gorgeous stone fox (played by 20-year-old Henstridge in a striking
debut), and is cruising the L.A. club scene in order to find an appropriate mate, leaving piles of dead bodies in her tow.
The cast seems to recognize the silliness of it all, and plays along smoothly--Madsen in particular is a pleasure,
as he tosses off the requisite one-liners in a way that lets the audience know he's having a good time. Whitaker is unusual
and interesting in a film that doesn't really bother with much in the way of characterization; that's unfortunate as far as
Kingsley's character is concerned. At the film's beginning, he seems to take a fatherly interest in the half-alien child he
has created, but later he seems cold and obsessed with her death. The makeup effects are appropriately gooey. Visual effects
by Richard Edlund. Script by Dennis Feldman. Also with Alfred Molina and Marg Helgenberger (an Emmy winner for CHINA BEACH).
SPECIES II (1998)--Directed by Peter Medak. Stars Michael Madsen, Natasha Henstridge, Marg Helgenberger,
Mikelti Williamson. This unpleasant, big-budget misfire came and went quickly in theaters in the spring of 98. Madsen delivers
one of the least energetic performances I've ever seen--it seems obvious he didn't want to make this sequel, and he walks
through it like a zombie--and Henstridge, who wears very little clothing throughout, is extremely underused and underwritten.
This sequel follows the plot of the first film--gorgeous alien stalks L.A. mating and then killing its victims--but
this time the stalker is male: an American astronaut who was the first man to walk on the surface of Mars, but returned to
Earth infected with some sort of virus than turns him into a horny killer who sprouts tentacles and impregnates his victims
with more monsters. He collects his offspring in some sort of VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED community in his barn. Madsen is called
in by the military to stop the astronaut, and he teams up with Dr. Helgenberger and sex-crazed astronaut Williamson. Henstridge
plays a clone of the original Sil, this time named Eve, who lounges around her laboratory prison watching DUKES OF HAZZARD
reruns. Much gorier, bloodier and uglier than the original, but with worse acting, editing and, especially, writing--much
of this film makes no sense at all. With George Dzundza, James Cromwell and pointless, what-the-hell-were-they-thinking uncredited
cameos by Peter Boyle and Richard Belzer (who appears for about ten seconds on a TV screen as the President).
SPECIES
III (2004)--Directed by Brad Turner. Stars Robert Knepper, Robin Dunne, Sunny Mabrey, Amelia Cooke, Natasha
Henstridge. Not that you were waiting for it, but the SPECIES series returns in this direct-to-video entry which retains
the gore and sex content of the earlier films, but sacrifices pace, scope and excitement. Picking up where the putrid
SPECIES II left off, half-breed alien Eve (Henstridge in a small wordless cameo) dies giving birth to a beautiful blond girl
who is snatched by mad scientist Knepper and skirted away to his university home. Sara, who grows into a sexy young
woman (Mabrey) within a few days, seems at ease roaming around Knepper's house in the buff, while the mad doc attempts to
use her DNA to, I don't know, something for the greater good, I suppose. Knepper and his college student sidekick Dunne
aren't evil, just greatly misguided, as so many movie scientists are, messing around in alien DNA where they have no business.
Turner does a poor job of recapping the first two films, so you may not realize that the other aliens who stop by occasionally
to fight Sara are her half-siblings spawned in SPECIES II. Considering the small budget, the gore and CGI effects are
reasonably well done, while the vapid Mabrey and the even sexier Cooke provide an excellent skin quotient. Room is left
for another sequel, although it's hard to see where MGM could take the franchise from here. Also with Mike Warren (HILL
STREET BLUES), Christopher Neame (DRACULA A.D. 1972) and Rick Dean.
SPECTRE (1977)--Directed
by Clive Donner. Stars Robert Culp, Gig Young, John Hurt, Ann Bell. STAR TREK creator Gene Roddenberry produced
this atmospheric, sexy series pilot in England. NBC aired it in May 1977, but declined to pick up the series.
SPECTRE was shown overseas in a continental cut containing flashes of female nudity, which is the print I saw on Fox Movie
Channel. I suspect SPECTRE may have influenced THE X-FILES as much as KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER reportedly did.
Culp stars as William Sebastian, an arrogant criminologist obsessed with investigating supernatural phenomena, and Young is
Dr. Hamilton, a skeptical alcoholic physician who goes along with Sebastian mainly to keep him out of trouble. The duo
investigate an English manor, ostensibly to prove that the lady of the house, Anitra Cyon (Bell), is crazy, but actually discover
that her alleged encounters with ghostly spirits are real. The finale features Druid priests, topless women, a green
lizard man, tumbling boulders and lots of special effects. Culp and Young offer strong performances, and I wish their
adventures had continued. Also with Gordon Jackson, James Villiers, Jenny Runacre, Michael Latimer and Roddenberry’s
wife Majel Barrett, who would have been a series regular as Culp’s mysterious secretary Lilith.
SPEED
(1994)--Directed by Jan De Bont. Stars Keanu Reeves, Dennis Hopper, Sandra Bullock, Joe Morton, Jeff Daniels. Exciting high-octane
thriller with a brilliant premise. Hopper is a psychotic mad bomber who rigs a Los Angeles commuter bus with an explosive
device set to detonate if the bus travels under 50 mph. Reeves plays a member of the L.A. bomb squad who finds himself on
the bus and into danger. Features taut direction by DeBont in his debut; he previously served as cinematographer on such action
classics as DIE HARD and TOTAL RECALL. Graham Yost's script features some awful dialogue, but DeBont and the cast (especially
Hopper) turn it into one of the year's best movies.
THE SPEED LOVERS
(1968)--Directed by William F. McGaha. Stars William F. McGaha, Fred Lorenzen. Who the hell is William F. McGaha
and where is he now? This mad genius apparently made just three movies in his career, serving as writer, producer, director
and star. One is THE SPEED LOVERS, which I’ll get to in a moment. His first was a softcore nudie flick called
BAD GIRLS FOR THE BOYS, and it comes as no surprise to me that his last was J.C., in which McGaha plays none other than Jesus
Christ, born again as the leader of a biker gang out to knock off The Man. Judging from his ego-fueled masterpiece,
THE SPEED LOVERS, it makes sense that McGaha would have something of a Messianic complex.
In the days before
Hollywood studios blanketed the entire country by releasing their films in 3000 multiplexes at a time, there was room for
smaller independent distributors to stake their claims. Many films never saw any kind of nationwide release. They
were regionally financed and produced, and released only in specific states for a niche audience. Thus was born the
“speedsploitation” genre, in which dozens of Southern filmmakers teased drive-in audiences with a peculiar mixture
of amateurish acting, cornpone atmosphere, fast cars, lurid women and a rockabilly or country-western soundtrack. To
capitalize on the South’s passion for stock car racing, McGaha made THE SPEED LOVERS, a ludicrous melodrama that marked
the quadruple-threat as the Orson Welles of the kudzu set.
Fred Lorenzen plays
himself, “NASCAR’s all-time leading money winner.” While he’s burning around the track, winning
another hefty purse, Scott Clayton (McGaha) drinks alone in a bar, bragging about what a great driver he could be if his buddy
Fred would just give him a chance. Since neither Fred nor his mechanic--Scott’s own father (played by an actor
roughly the same age as McGaha)--will let Scott drive on their team, the brash young man accepts an invitation from sultry
owner Vanessa (Peggy O’Hara) to attend a party at the estate of greasy gangster Pinky Bentley (David Marcus), who resembles
Victor Buono on a four-day drunk. Mesmerized by Bentley’s international bevy of bikini girls, Scott falls into
Pinky’s scheme, which is to force the lad into convincing Lorenzen to drive on Vanessa’s racing team.
To say that McGaha
is a failure as a screenwriter, producer, director and actor would be a deception. It would be true, of course, but
it also would not express the level of joy McGaha’s wretched skills produce in an appreciative audience. The pudgy,
slouchy, hopelessly square star is at least fifteen years too old to depict an impetuous young Turk, and witnessing the cardigan-clad
“romantic lead” dancing woefully and making out with several nubile young ladies in gratuitous scenes he wrote
for himself skirts the attractive line between hilarious and embarrassing. Penning lines like, “What brings you
to my humble web, said the spider to the handsome speed lover?”, is enough to toss McGaha into Movie Jail for life,
and his direction consists of stilted performances, egregious continuity errors and incomprehensible plotting.
McGaha does bookend
the film with real 16mm racing footage shot at the Atlanta International Raceway, which may be a combination of stock footage
and 2nd unit work. It’s actually fairly exciting stuff, even if he did evidently use every crash and smashup he
could find. Lensed in “Speedcolor” and featuring decent rock tunes by Billy Lee Riley and Randy Little and
the Holidays, THE SPEED LOVERS is a hopelessly clumsy exploitation movie, but not a dull one.
SPEED
2: CRUISE CONTROL (1997)--Directed by Jan De Bont. Stars Sandra Bullock, Jason Patric, Willem Dafoe. Keanu Reeves
turned down a multi-million dollar paycheck to return for this sequel; he must have read the script. Too bad sweet Sandra
didn't. She isn't even given much to do--most of the action is given to her new boyfriend, played by handsome but bland Jason
Patric, who may be a good actor, but is clearly no movie star. Instead of an out-of-control city bus, Bullock and Patric find
themselves trapped aboard an out-of-control cruise ship traveling at the maddening speed of...20 miles per hour!? Not many
opportunities for excitement or thrilling visuals there. It's all the masterwork of demented computer genius Dafoe, who has
bleached his hair and puts leeches on his body to purge his blood of copper poisoning. If the gaps in logic don't get you,
the dull pace will. Also with Colleen Camp, Michael G. Hagerty and Tim Conway (!) as Sandy's driving instructor!
SPEED
ZONE (1989)--Directed by Jim Drake. Stars John Candy, Eugene Levy, Donna Dixon, Peter Boyle. Conceived
as CANNONBALL RUN III. Perhaps Orion had difficulties obtaining the rights to the title, but the participation of producer
Albert S. Ruddy and co-star Jamie Farr as "The Sheik" practically guarantees that SPEED ZONE was intended to be a sequel to
the Burt Reynolds moneymakers. The problem is that Burt and his band of merry pranksters aren't in it. Instead, it's an SCTV-ized
version that features John Candy, Eugene Levy and Joe Flaherty, was written by Michael Short, and was directed by Jim Drake.
It's an action/comedy with dull action and little comedy. And certainly lacking the star power of the CANNONBALL films, which
sparkled with names like Roger Moore, Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis Jr., Shirley MacLaine, Farrah Fawcett, Peter
Fonda and Jackie Chan. SPEED ZONE substitutes the Smothers Brothers, Matt Frewer, Alyssa Milano, Melody Anderson, Brooke Shields,
Michael Spinks, Lee Van Cleef (who died in '89), Art Hindle and Tim Matheson.
Candy made a
lot of mediocre movies, but I don't recall him ever giving a bad performance, and even the lack of funny material and the
misguided romance with Dixon (who plays her character as a Marilyn Monroe impression) look somewhat reputable in his capable
hands. Frewer, as an Englishman who teams up with hitman Flaherty (who resembles his Rocco n'er-do-well from the SCTV soap
THE DAYS OF THE WEEK), wrestles with an appalling accent, but plays off Flaherty well, and their scenes are probably the film's
liveliest. Dick and Tom Smothers look like they're having a good time, and Brooke Shields is surprisingly competent playing
herself. Not acquitting themselves as well are Levy (who's wasted), Peter Boyle (struggling with a ridiculous character) and
Shari Belafonte and Melody Anderson as beautiful Ph.D's who aren't allowed to be very sexy. SPEED ZONE is also missing the
daring stunt work that might have made it worthwhile for action fans. There's a lot of fast driving and cars occasionally
bumping each other, but the chases exhibit less energy than the bumper car party that rolls beneath the closing crawl. Also
with Mimi Kuzyk, Carl Lewis, Harvey Atkin, John Schneider, Brian George, Don Lake and Richard Petty. After this and POLICE
ACADEMY 4, Drake went back to TV sitcoms.
SPEEDTRAP (1977)--Directed by Earl Bellamy. Stars Joe Don
Baker, Tyne Daly, Morgan Woodward. I confess to having a weakness for Baker's '70s exploitation flicks. From FRAMED to MITCHELL,
the sight of the big Southerner walking tall and carrying a big stick is something of a guilty pleasure for me. Therefore,
you may want to ignore me when I tell you to check out SPEEDTRAP. A private detective (Baker) and a policewoman (Daly) join
forces to catch a tire-squealing car thief known as the Roadrunner. No points awarded for guessing the masked thief's identity.
Lots of terrific car chases and slow-motion crashes. Also with Richard Jaeckel, Robert Loggia and Lana Wood.
SPEEDWAY
(1968)--Directed by Norman Taurog. Stars Elvis Presley, Nancy Sinatra, Bill Bixby, Carl Ballantine, William Schallert, Gale
Gordon. The seventh abysmal Taurog/Presley collaboration. Elvis is another racecar driver. His sleazy agent (Bixby) has been
embezzling his winnings, which draws the attention of beautiful Internal Revenue agent Sinatra. Elvis draws her attention
as well. Songs include "Your Groovy Self", "He's Your Uncle, Not Your Dad" and four more '60s classics.
SPELLBOUND
(2002)—Directed by Jeffrey Blitz. It may sound unlikely now, but the final third of SPELLBOUND is as suspenseful
as any action movie you’ll see this year. Blitz sends his camera around the country to follow eight junior-high
students as they prepare for Scripps Howard’s 1999 National Spelling Bee. The disparate kids are as fascinating
as the bee itself, coming from all walks of life to compete for a common goal. Among them are Ashley, an inner-city
student whose proud black mother laments the lack of publicity surrounding her little girl’s achievements; Ted, an awkward
Missouri farm boy whose intelligence isolates him from his few peers; Angela, whose Mexican immigrant parents still speak
no English, despite living in America for two decades; April, who refers to her dingbat parents as Archie and Edith Bunker
(to their dismay); and Harry, a hyperactive geek with an oddball sense of humor and quite likely ADD. Blitz doesn’t
delve into the socioeconomic or racial differences between the kids. He presents them so matter-of-factly that it’s
difficult to pick one to root for. All deserve to win, and the contest, held in Washington D.C. and televised live on
ESPN, is genuinely exciting. Prepare to laugh and to cry if you watch this Oscar-nominated documentary.
SPHERE (1998)--Directed by Barry Levinson.
Stars Dustin Hoffman, Sharon Stone, Samuel L. Jackson, Liev Schreiber. Based upon a Michael Crichton bestseller, this $80
million dud manages to waste both a talented cast and a potentially thought-provoking concept. A team of scientists--including
stress psychologist Hoffman, biochemist Stone and mathematician Jackson--is summoned by the U.S. Government to a closely guarded
location 1000 feet below the Pacific Ocean where a spacecraft has been found buried beneath miles of coral. The craft, which
is at least 300 years old, contains a mysterious gold sphere, which begins to affect the crewmembers minds. Soon everyone
is acting suspiciously, people begin dying off, and longtime colleagues refuse to trust each one another.
Despite
attacks by jellyfish, a giant squid, creepy sea snakes, fire, and a sentient being calling itself Jerry, SPHERE actually contains
very little action, and is a failure as a thriller, a horror film or as intelligent science fiction. The squid attack, which
was one of the novel's most exciting setpieces, is disappointingly left mostly offscreen. Instead, the cast is forced to struggle
with underdeveloped characters and line after line of technobabble. The screenplay by Stephen Hauser, Paul Attanasio (QUIZ
SHOW) and Kurt Wimmer tosses in a few ambiguous suggestions of a past romantic relationship between Hoffman and Stone, but
it all collapses into a confusing mess during the final hour. Even Jackson admits on the DVD's audio commentary that he didn't
know exactly what was supposed to be going on either.
The visual effects, supervised by Jeffrey A. Okun (DEEP BLUE
SEA), are murky and unconvincing, and the twist coda, lifted from Crichton's novel, is a complete copout. Elliot Goldenthal
tries but fails to create suspense with a blustery and overly orchestrated musical score. Also with Peter Coyote (E.T. THE
EXTRATERRESTRIAL), Queen Latifah, Marga Gomez, Huey Lewis (!), James Pickens Jr. and Levinson regular Ralph Tabakin (the cranky
coroner from HOMICIDE: LIFE ON THE STREET). Hoffman and Levinson previously worked together on RAINMAN, SLEEPERS and WAG THE
DOG.
SPIDER-MAN
(2002)--Directed by Sam Raimi. Stars Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst, Willem Dafoe, James Franco, Rosemary Harris, Cliff
Robertson, J.K. Simmons. Well, they finally got one right. After years of dreary film versions of Marvel Comics
superheroes, such as THE PUNISHER (which starred Dolph Lundgren as a doltish tough guy), CAPTAIN AMERICA (a ludicrous low-budget
mess that went straight to video) and THE FANTASTIC FOUR (a Roger Corman tax shelter that has never legally been shown anywhere),
SPIDER-MAN is among the finest comic book adaptations ever made. Sure, X-MEN, BLADE and its sequel BLADE II were good
movies, but they contained enough flaws to prevent them from being more than that. One big mistake was to depart from
the elements that made the comics interesting in the first place, like changing their costumes or going for a trendy "dark"
atmosphere. Although the Spider-Man character--and that of his all-too-human alter ego Peter Parker--has undergone much
change in the comic book series over the last forty years, Raimi (EVIL DEAD) and scenarist David Koepp (JURASSIC PARK) wisely
decided to stick with the basic premise cleverly rendered by writer Stan Lee and drawn by Steve Ditko in Marvel's AMAZING
FANTASY #15 in 1963.
Parker (Maguire) is
a nebbishy high school senior living in Queens, New York with his kindly Uncle Ben (Robertson) and Aunt May (Harris).
In most ways, he's a typical put-upon teenager. The other kids pick on him because he's kind of small and prefers science
to football. He lives next door to his dream girl, red-haired Mary Jane Watson (Dunst), but how can he talk to her when
she prefers good-looking jocks to wimpy academics? In fact, Peter's only friend is another loner, brooding Harry Osborn
(Franco), a nice enough but not-so-bright kid whose father just happens to be Norman Osborn (Dafoe), the head of Oscorp Industries
and one of New York's wealthiest men.
Peter's life changes
forever during an afternoon field trip to a laboratory doing research on spiders. He's bitten by one exposed to radiation,
which has the unforeseen side effect of imbuing him with the proportional speed and strength of a spider, as well as the ability
to walk up walls, perform amazing acrobatics and shoot webs organically from his wrists. After a loved one is killed
tragically, Peter takes his Uncle Ben's words "With great power comes great responsibility" to heart, and decides to use his
newfound powers for good. Covered from head to toe in a snazzy red-and-blue costume that includes a mask to conceal
his identity, Parker becomes Spider-Man, a wall-crawling crimefighter who may have met his match in the first supervillain
he tangles with: the Green Goblin, a cackling maniac clad in green armor who appears to cause mayhem and even murder
with reckless abandon. No points for guessing that Mary Jane becomes one of the Goblin's potential victims.
Filled from beginning
to end with a litany of splashy visual effects and clever in-jokes, SPIDER-MAN ultimately succeeds on the strengths of its
characters. One reason Spider-Man has endured all these decades is his Everyman quality. Who hasn't occasionally
been the brunt of a cruel joke or been made to feel like an outsider? Who among us hasn't had to struggle to make a
rent payment or stammered in the presence of a man or woman we secretly love? Unlike the invulnerable Superman and the
wealthy Batman, Spider-Man feels like one of Us--the common man's superhero. Brought to life by the winning Maguire,
Parker is a young man impossible not to root for, whether he's slugging it out with a bad guy or struggling to untie his tongue
long enough to say hi to Mary Jane. By focusing not just on the special effects and fight scenes, but also on the relationships
among the characters, Raimi and Koepp (with uncredited assists from script doctors Scott Rosenberg and Alvin Sargent) have
crafted an action film that runs on emotion as well as adrenaline.
As good as Maguire
is in the title role, a film like this is only as good as its villain, and few performers could have brought what Dafoe (PLATOON)
does to the role. As the Green Goblin, a tormented Jekyll-and-Hyde character torn between revenge upon his business
partners and his love for his son, Dafoe manages a nifty blend of menace and pathos, especially in the scenes where he must
act against himself. It's a very good performance in which he knows better than to go too far, a lesson Jack Nicholson
didn't learn when he undertook the part of the Joker in Tim Burton's BATMAN. Dunst, with her sweet smile and girl-next-door
sexiness, is perfect as M.J., beautiful, yes, but also not unattainable. Harris and Robertson (great to see him back
on the big screen) are perfectly paternal, and Simmons (LAW & ORDER) all but steals his few scenes as J. Jonah Jameson,
Peter's gruff, brushcutted boss at the Daily Bugle, the newspaper for which he works as a freelance photographer.
The CGI effects by
FX master John Dykstra (STAR WARS) are probably about as good as they could be. Spidey often seems a bit flat and "videogame-y"
while swinging across the cityscape, but Bob Murawski's crisp editing and Raimi's deft staging prevents the digital shots
from being distracting. Unfortunately, Danny Elfman's score is not among his best. While his pompous BATMAN score
has become the archetype for superhero music, SPIDER-MAN suffers from the lack of a recognizable theme. It's not bad
music at all (and compared to Michael Kamen's limp X-MEN score, it sounds like Herrmann at his peak), but it doesn't rouse
the way it should. The other technical credits, with sets and backlots often substituting for New York locations, are
well done, as they should be for a movie that cost this much to make.
SPIDER-MAN is not Raimi's
initial foray into the world of superheroics. His DARKMAN was an interesting spin on the Frankenstein legend with Liam
Neeson as an embittered scientist whose face was burned away by criminals. And while Bruce Campbell's bumbling Ash can't
be called a superhero in the traditional sense, the EVIL DEAD trilogy boasts several innovative action scenes and tongue-in-cheek
swashbuckling moments. Also with Bill Nunn, Ted Raimi, Bruce Campbell, Elizabeth Banks and quick cameos by Lucy Lawless
(XENA) and Stan Lee. Lee and Ditko receive deserved opening title cards. Stay for the end credits and receive
a nifty treat: a recording of the endearingly goofy t |