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SHAKEDOWN (1988)--Directed by James Glickenhaus.
Stars Peter Weller, Sam Elliott, Patricia Charbonneau, Richard Brooks. All the elements for an exciting action movie
are present, but the damn thing never really clicks, despite the leading men’s chemistry. Criminal attorney Weller
and burned-out detective Elliott (like Sam ever plays any other kind) team up to investigate what appears to be an open-and-shut
case of a black drug dealer (Brooks) killing an undercover cop in Central Park. However, Weller believes his client’s
preposterous claims of self-defense and discovers a frightening cabal of crooked cops with little regard for the lives of
lawyers who provoke them. Weller’s tedious relationship with prosecuting attorney Charbonneau takes up time better
spent on Glickenhaus’ explosive action scenes, including a wild chase down 42nd Street and a squirrelly roller coaster
ride. The climax, however, is ridiculously over-the-top and fatally damaged by awful blue-screen work. Also with
Antonio Fargas, John C. McGinley, Larry Joshua (sporting a hilariously inappropriate mullet), Blanche Baker and Paul Bartel.
SHAKER RUN (1985)--Directed by Bruce Morrison.
Stars Cliff Robertson, Leif Garrett, Lisa Harrow. New Zealand is the novel setting of this car-chase flick, which stars
Robertson as washed-up American racecar driver Judd and '70s teen idol Garrett as his young mechanic Casey. Both are
hired by Dr. Christine Ruben (Harrow) to transport a stolen virus cross-country into the safe hands of the CIA. The
virus had been accidentally discovered by her research team and was the target of military forces that would like to develop
it as a weapon. Not wanting her work to be used in the art of killing, Christine swipes the bug from its laboratory,
and pays Judd and Casey $3000 to drive it into waiting CIA arms. Of course, the plan goes awry, and the trio finds themselves
dodging bullets, helicopters, explosions and other fast cars. SHAKER RUN contains several nifty car jumps and stunts,
and Robertson brings a hefty dose of color to his crusty character. SHAKER isn't the world's most plausible picture,
but few that rely on elaborate car chases for their thrills are. Also with Shane Briant, Peter Hayden and Ian Mune.
THE SHAKIEST GUN IN THE WEST (1968)--Directed
by Alan Rafkin. Stars Don Knotts, Barbara Rhoades, Jackie Coogan, Donald Barry. Milquetoast dentist Knotts goes West, and
ends up married to a conniving robber (Rhoades). When Indians attack their wagon train, Knotts becomes a hero, even though,
unbeknownst to him and everyone else, Rhoades did the shooting. Good for kids, but not too funny for viewers over the age
of ten.
SHAKMA (1990)—Directed by Tom Logan.
Stars Roddy McDowall, Christopher Atkins, Amanda Wyss. I bet you’ve never seen a slasher movie with a baboon antagonist.
It’s MAZES AND MONSTERS meets FRIDAY THE 13TH in this surprisingly downbeat horror movie about a bunch of medical students
who lock down the building on campus where their labs are and play a Dungeons & Dragons-like role-playing game for real.
The wild card that not even dungeonmaster (and professor) McDowall could anticipate is that a vicious baboon, under the influence
of a drug that makes it aggressively violent, is loose in the building and killing everyone. Although some animatronic
effects are used, most of the mayhem was filmed using a real baboon, which is pretty damn ugly and frightening as it slams
into doors, races down corridors, and rips the faces off its victims. SHAKMA actually received a theatrical release,
although I don’t think it sold many tickets. Nor should it have, although you’ll definitely cheer when Shakma
slices up the annoying nerd, and the body count is higher than I expected, killing off characters I expected to survive.
Also with Ari Meyers (KATE & ALLIE).
SHAMPOO (1975)--Directed by Hal Ashby. Stars
Warren Beatty, Julie Christie, Goldie Hawn, Lee Grant, Jack Warden. Robert Towne and Warren Beatty's sharp, satirical Oscar-nominated
screenplay (Towne says he wrote it alone, and gave Beatty credit as a favor) pokes fun at sexual mores, politics, Southern
California life and more. Beatty is George Roundy, a sweet, womanizing hairdresser who pursues affairs with Warden's wife
(Grant) and mistress (Christie), even though regular girlfriend Hawn is the woman he really loves. Beatty gives a winning
performance, and Christie's under-the-table fellatio scene is a real hoot. Look for a teenaged Carrie Fisher as another of
Beatty's conquests. From the director of COMING HOME, although the story goes that Beatty (as he is on many of the films in
which he stars) was SHAMPOO's true auteur. Also with George Furth, Jay Robinson, Tony Bill, Brad Dexter and HOUSE ON HAUNTED
HILL director William Castle. Grant won a Best Supporting Actress Oscar.
SHAMUS (1973)--Directed
by Buzz Kulik. Stars Burt Reynolds, Dyan Cannon, John P. Ryan, Joe Santos. Burt is a down-and-almost-out Brooklyn private
eye hired by heiress Cannon to find some stolen diamonds. He finds a warehouse full of stolen guns instead. Reynolds is his
usual charming self, and Kulik tosses in enough chases and shootouts to keep things interesting. From the director of THE
HUNTER.
SHANGHAI KNIGHTS (2003)--Directed by David
Dobkin. Stars Jackie Chan, Owen Wilson, Aiden Gillen, Fann Wong. Pretty much more of the same light mixture of
laughs and anachronistic action SHANGHAI NOON provided. Chan and Wilson are back as Chon Wang and Roy O'Bannon, this
time in London to track down the killer of Chon's father, an oily Parliament member named Rathbone (Gillen) who plans to use
the Imperial Seal he swiped to murder his way to the British throne. I had fun with the first movie, and I guess I did
with this one too, but Dobkin and returning writers Miles Millar and Alfred Gough don't provide anything new of any substance,
falling back on the same old characterizations and even providing the boys with still another beautiful Chinese woman, Chon's
sister Lin (Wong) this time, to rescue. References to Hollywood movie-making, Jack the Ripper and Charlie Chaplin are
meant as humorous in-jokes, but only illustrate the sloppiness of Millar and Gough's script, since their appearances clash
with recorded history. Also with Donnie Yen, Tom Fisher and Aaron Johnson. Filmed mainly in Canada and the Czech
Republic. Music by Randy Edelman.
SHANGHAI NOON (2000)--Directed by Tom Dey.
Stars Jackie Chan, Owen Wilson, Lucy Liu. Just call it BUTCH AND RISING SUNDANCE: THE EARLY YEARS. Although this movie certainly
wouldn't exist if BUTCH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE KID had never been made, Jackie Chan's latest Hollywood swatfest more closely
resembles his previous release, 1998's RUSH HOUR, than anything else. Both films have exactly the same setup and plot, but,
thankfully, differ in sidekicks. Whereas RUSH HOUR teamed up Chan with motormouthed comedian Chris Tucker as an extremely
annoying detective, SHANGHAI NOON wisely steps back and allows Chan to take the leading role with a more laidback actor, Owen
Wilson, at his side. These two have a genuine chemistry together, and many of the film's pleasures are due to their charm.
It's 1881, and, in China's Forbidden City, icy Princess Pei Pei
(Liu from ALLY MCBEAL) is being forced into a marriage with the 12-year-old Emperor. Entranced by the story of Sleeping Beauty,
Pei Pei is convinced to flee to America with her unctuous English teacher (Jason Connery, Sean's son), not knowing he's part
of a kidnap plot led by the traitorous Lo Fong (Roger Yuan), who puts his Chinese slaves to work on his Nevada railroad. Lowly
servant Chon Wang (Chan)--yes, there are plenty of John Wayne jokes--accompanies three Imperial Guards and his uncle, the
Royal Interpreter, to the United States to deliver the 100,000-gold-coin ransom for Pei Pei's return.
Chon eventually becomes involved with Roy O'Bannon (Wilson), who's
sort of like a stoned James Garner. Roy's a train robber, but not a particularly good one; in fact, he's really in the outlaw
game only to impress girls. He won't let his gang steal from women, and even flirts with one just before dynamiting a safe.
It's during one of these heists that Chon and Roy first meet, and, due to some not-particularly-believable-but-who-cares-in-a-movie-like-this
circumstances, they find themselves sharing the same jail cell. Like all movie buddies, they dislike each other at first,
but realize that they really need each other--Roy knows his way around Nevada; Chon knows the location of the ransom money--and
decide to become partners.
The remaining running time consists mostly of amusing banter between
the leads, a bit of social commentary involving Chinese and Indian traditions that wisely isn't forced and doesn't seem out
of place like it should in a movie like this one, and several exciting fight scenes, in which Chan uses anything and everything
around him as a weapon to bonk his opponents on the head or knock them on their backs. You'd be surprised what you can do
with a horseshoe and piece of rope.
Chan is, of course, one of the screen's great physical actors. He's
different from most action stars in that he uses his amazing martial-arts skills as a device for comedy, rather than bloodletting--more
Buster Keaton than Bruce Lee. His English isn't the best--although his command of the language is probably no worse than Arnold's
or Jean-Claude's or, heck, even Stallone's, for that matter--but he's such a likable personality that he inspires patience
in his audience. His hands and feet do most of his talking anyway.
Wilson seems more than willing to use words rather than weapons
against the bad guys. He can't shoot worth a darn anyway, and when forced into a shootout, prepares himself by convincing
himself he isn't going to be shot down like a fish in a barrel. Wilson's zonked-out insouciance was put to good use in surfer-dude
roles in ARMAGEDDON and THE HAUNTING, and he shows some real comic timing when playing a bathtub drinking game with Chan or
haggling with a gunfighter over how many bullets to use in their duel. His character is more self-involved than Garner's Bret
Maverick, but the antecedent is definitely present.
Liu isn't used much as the plot's MacGuffin, but gets to show a
little spunk at the climax. Yuan proves to be a good match for Chan's fighting skills, while Xander Berkeley scores as sinister
sheriff Van Cleef, obviously a tribute to that great Western character actor Lee Van Cleef. And yes, the title is a clever
pun on a certain 1952 Gary Cooper classic, which, perhaps not coincidentally, also featured Lee Van Cleef in a meaningful
role. Cinematographer Daniel Mindel's camera perfectly captures the Alberta, Canada (filling in for Nevada) locations, while
composer Randy Edelman received some fine training by scoring Fox's sly Western parody THE ADVENTURES OF BRISCO COUNTY JR.
back in the '90s. Also with Walton Goggins, Brandon Merrill, Eric Chen, Rong Guang Yu and Cui Ya Hi.
THE SHAPE OF THINGS TO COME (1979)--Directed by
George McCowan. Stars Jack Palance, Barry Morse, Eddie Benton, Nicholas Campbell, Carol Lynley. Although called
H.G. WELLS' THE SHAPE OF THINGS TO COME in the opening titles, this has little to do with him. Survivors of the holocaust
that destroyed the Earth and are now living on the Moon rely on a radiation-fighting drug to survive. It can only be
found on the planet Delta 3, which has been taken over by crazed wannabe dictator Omus (Palance). Scientist John Caball
(Morse), his son Jason (Campbell) and Jason's girlfriend Kim (Benton) hop aboard John's experimental starship, and, along
with their robot pilot Sparks, head through space for a showdown with Omus. Since Palance is the only performer who
shows much energy, it's unfortunate that he appears only for one scene at the beginning and not again until close to the climax.
His absence certainly affects the pacing by TV director McCowan, who can't find much more for his heroes to do until they
get to Delta 3 except chat with one another and discover a coven of sick children on Earth's ravaged surface. Although
both Earth and Delta 3 bear a remarkable resemblance to each other, almost as if McCowan used the same Canadian locations
to represent both. Palance's histrionics provide a few laughs, as do the clunky robot suits, but not enough to recommend
this STAR WARS-inspired lunacy, which doesn't even come close to offering the thrills promised in its poster. Also with
John Ireland. Music by Paul Hoffert. Benton, a U.S. television regular, later changed her name to Anne-Marie Martin,
the name she used when she co-starred on ABC's SLEDGE HAMMER and when she penned TWISTER along with her husband Michael Crichton.
SHARK ATTACK (1999)--Directed by Bob Misiorowski.
Stars Casper Van Dien, Ernie Hudson, Bentley Mitchum, Jennifer McShane. Nu Image sure stretched their meager library
of shark-chomping stock footage to the limit, churning out several middling adventures with the word "shark" in the title.
They're all pretty interchangeable, but if you're still jonesing for a bitedown at the conclusion of the Discovery Channel's
"Shark Week", then maybe this'll do.
Marine biologist Steven McKray (Van Dien) is summoned to South Africa
by an old school friend investigating a series of vicious shark attacks. When Steven arrives, his friend is dead, a
shark victim himself, and is being mourned by the friend's sister Corinne (McShane) and scientific colleague Miles (Mitchum).
The sharks have become extra-aggressive, tracking prey right up to the beach and eating humans almost daily. The local
fishermen are going broke, because the sharks are eating all the fish, and the community is in danger of losing their businesses
to financier Laurence Rhodes (Hudson). That means it's up to Steven to discover what's driving the shark population
to such a high level of bloodlust.
The only thing that surprised me about SHARK ATTACK is the lack
of a JAWS-type subplot about whether to close the beaches and ruin the tourist trade. Other than that, this is standard
Nu Image hokum with a couple of well-handled chase scenes included for good measure. Van Dien is a problem, as always,
but the supporting cast props him up as they go through the motions, pretending to be afraid of stock-footage sharks.
There is a fake shark that rears its plastic head in quick cuts, but it won't fool anyone. Filmed in Port Alfred, South
Africa. Music by Serge Colbert. Two more SHARK ATTACK films followed.
SHARK ATTACK II (2001)—Directed by David Worth. Stars
Thorsten Kaye, Nikita Ager, David Alexander, Danny Keough. Beware of sharks that
roar (!) in Nu Image’s DTV sequel to SHARK ATTACK. Remember what I wrote
about SHARK ATTACK surprising me by not ripping off JAWS’ subplot about closing the beaches? Well, here it is! Progeny of the mutated maneaters from SHARK
ATTACK have made it to Cape Town, where they continue their tried-and-true movie tradition of chomping down on swimmers and
scuba divers. Now it’s up to marine biologist Kaye and blonde diver Ager,
who wants revenge on the great white that ate her sister, to capture the killer sharks and avoid interference by greedy businessman
Keough and Australian TV personality (think Steve Irwin) Alexander. As ridiculous
as it all is (particularly scenes where humans converse with each other…while underwater!), Nu Image gives their audience
exactly what they want—good pacing, a little sex and plenty of blood spurting.
The post-dubbed performances are pretty weak, particularly that of Ager, whose wooden reaction shots during a beach
massacre may cause laughter. Director Worth returned to Bulgaria for, yep, SHARK
ATTACK 3 a year later.
SHARK ATTACK 3: MEGALODON (2002)—Directed by David Worth. Stars John Barrowman, Jennifer
McShane, Ryan Cutrona. Worth, director of Nu Image’s dumb SHARK ATTACK II, returns for another sequel, this time
utilizing leading lady McShane, who co-starred in the first SHARK ATTACK as a different character. It’s basically
a remake of SHARK ATTACK II, as well as another Nu Image movie, SHARK ZONE. Really, almost every Nu Image monster movie
I’ve seen, up to and including OCTOPUS II, has basically the same plot, almost as if the studio uses the same draft
and changes the names and locations.
Here, handsome Beach Patrol officer Ben (Barrowman) discovers a prehistoric shark swimming near Mexican waters, occasionally
chomping on naked lovers. He posts a photo of its tooth on the Internet (using a digital camera not hooked up to a computer
that takes a photo of him holding the shark, yet magically erases his fingers from the shot automatically), and Cat (McShane),
a paleontologist from San Diego, flies down to help Ben hunt the 40-footer. Turns out the shark is actually a baby,
and when Cat kills it by shoving a shotgun into its maw and screaming, “You’re extinct, fucker,” just like
Linda Hamilton in THE TERMINATOR, its mama, a big ol’ shark large enough to swallow entire boats, rafts and jet skis
(!) whole, comes looking for blood.
This is a terrible movie, beginning with Worth’s unconvincing use of Bulgaria to stand in for Mexico and Bulgarian
actors attempting to play Mexican. Some trudge ahead using their actual accents, which obviously don’t sound Mexican.
The actors who don’t speak English very well are later dubbed, but with halting speech patterns because they were directed
to speak the dialogue phonetically. The leading actors barely emote more naturally, and I suspect, watching him make
out with McShane and judging from the utter lack of sexual chemistry, that Barrowman isn’t used to physical contact
with women, making SHARK ATTACK 3’s only memorable line of dialogue even more of a cackler (I suspect this was an ad-lib
that Worth inexplicably left in the final cut).
The acting is still better than the visual effects, which mix grainy stock footage with unconvincing underwater photography.
The crummy CGI leads to some real howlers involving one shot of a shark leaping out of the ocean that is recycled several
times to show it swallowing swimmers and boaters whole. SHARK ATTACK 3 is the worst Nu Image killer-shark movie I’ve
seen, but it’s in some ways its most entertaining. Continuity errors abound, and a major communications corporation
employs a pair of stoners, one of whom wears a large earring and the other a ponytail, as its main computer experts.
Veteran character actor Cutrona impersonates Dale Dye as a former Navy man with huge portraits of George W. Bush and Dick
Cheney hanging on the wall of his living room. Worth (KICKBOXER) even manages to get some gratuitous surgically enhanced
breasts in his movie, which are no less convincing than anything else in it.
THE SHARK HUNTER (1979)—Directed by Enzo G. Castellari.
Stars Franco Nero. Nero, in a silly long blond wig, survives a plane crash off the coast of Mexico and sets up home
on a Cozumel beach, where he idles around on a hammock and occasionally wrestles sharks for the fun of it. He does a
lot of scuba diving to cover for the fact that he’s been searching for the underwater wreckage of his plane, which was
carrying $100 million in Mob money. Some gangsters eventually show up in Mexico looking for the money too. There’s
a car chase and some action, but Castellari’s slack direction brings little excitement to the plot. The climax
is clever though. American actor Michael Forest (ATLAS) plays a Mob gunsel, and Castellari gives himself a juicy cameo
as a thug who splashes Franco in mud.
SHARK SKIN MAN AND PEACH HIP GIRL (1998)--Directed
by Katsuhito Ishii. Stars Tadanobu Asano, Sie Kohinata. I didn't get very much out of this energetic Japanese
gangster movie. An assassin (Asano) who swiped 100 million yen from the Yakuza teams up accidentally with a cute hotel
clerk (Kohinata) after he smashes his car into hers while fleeing from a pair of hitmen who want their money back. It's
kind of like his chocolate getting into her peanut butter. Among the motley crew of madmen chasing our heroes is a gay
super-assassin who looks about as menacing as Wally Cox, but shoots as straight as Clint Eastwood. Truthfully, my attention
wandered most of the time, but there's a great deal of silly humor mixed in with the bullets and occasional (non-graphic)
sex scene. Its Japanese title is SAMEHADA OTOKO TO MOMOJIRI ONNA.
SHARK ZONE (2003)--Directed by Danny Lerner.
Stars Dean Cochran, Brandi Sherwood, Alan Austin, Velizar Binev. Give Nu Image credit for giving its audience what it
wants. Any movie with the word "shark" in the title had better deliver plenty of gory chompdowns, and SHARK ZONE does,
in spades. Its astonishing body count almost makes up for the huge lapses in story logic, performances and production
values. Well, almost, though if SHARK ZONE were any better, it would probably be less entertaining. Take, for
instance, the staggering amount of stock footage that looks gleaned from the Discovery Channel. Notice how director
Lerner uses the same clips over and over again, sometimes forgetting that large chunks of chum used to lure the sharks within
camera range are present in the shot. And, heck, sometimes he even runs out of shark footage and substitutes whale footage
instead. After all, who can tell the two creatures apart? Aside from everybody, that is.
Seeing great white whales substitute for sharks is nearly as funny
as watching Lerner pass Bulgaria off as San Francisco. A few second-unit shots of trolleys aside, Eastern Europe hardly
resembles one of America's loveliest cities, and Sam Parish's ridiculous screenplay doesn't help the charade much. You
see, Parish posits that an 18th century Spanish galleon was sunk off the San Franciscan coast, taking the crown jewels, which
resemble large, uncut diamonds, to the ocean floor. Sailed from Spain to the western coast of North America? Would
it have hurt Parish to look at a map before he started typing his screenplay?
A group of treasure hunters, including teenaged Jimmy Wagner (Cochran,
in a role tailor-made for Dean Cain) and his father (Austin), attempt to explore the sunken vessel, but are attacked by a
school of man-eating sharks. This allegedly takes place miles off the Frisco coast, but since Lerner's camera accidentally
captures the Sofia waterfront in the background of his shots, we'll just assume the party is really, really lost.
Ten years later, the lone survivor, Jimmy, works as the chief of
security at a beach that is the site of an upcoming fiesta that, according to the mayor (also played by Austin, for no good
reason except the probable shortage of English-speaking actors in Bulgaria), is an important source of tourism dollars.
It doesn't look like much of a beach, and it's hard to believe that San Francisco is so dependent upon this puny little place
to fill its coffers, but he's the mayor. However, when sharks attack a bunch of swimmers, Jimmy wants to close down
the beaches against the wishes of the mayor, who isn't portrayed by Murray Hamilton, but might as well be. The plot
pretty much follows that of JAWS from this point on, with lots of people being eaten, Jimmy pleading with the mayor to close
the beach, and the mayor saying basically, "Hey, people will be okay if they keep their eyes open." And as if ripping
off JAWS wasn't enough, Parish and Lerner provide us with a parallel plot, this one involving a Russian mobster (Nu Image
regular Binev) who kidnaps Jimmy's son and forces him to take his goons to the location of the sunken Spanish ship (remember
that?), so they can steal the diamonds. Jimmy never does kill all of the sharks, and the movie ends after about 90 minutes
feeling only half-finished.
Still, I really don't mind, because Nu Image is like a hilarious
parallel universe where anything can happen. Russian mobsters can control San Francisco's economy, sharks with extremely
fake-looking Styrofoam fins travel in schools and chomp down on dozens of victims who shouldn't have been in the water anyway,
beach security guards boss around helicopter pilots and blow up sharks with grenades, and said security guard can end up married
to a gorgeous supermodel (played by Cochran's real-life wife Sherwood) who makes for the world's least convincing housewife.
Oh, and bartenders can moonlight as macho shark hunters.
Back to giving Nu Image credit, SHARK ZONE looks glossy, considering
its budget, which forced Lerner to substitute cardboard sets for luxury boats. Some of the visual effects, like the
sharks (which roar, by the way...) ripping into human bodies, look pretty good, as does the miniature work. The CGI
is awfully shoddy though, particularly the effects that provide Lerner's final shock. Nu Image appears to be grooming
Cochran for DTV stardom, casting him in other projects like AIR MARSHAL and TARGET OF OPPORTUNITY. Serge Colbert provided
the score, and I suspect at least one of SHARK ZONE's stock footage shots to have been swiped from JAWS 3-D. Nu Image
also made a trio of SHARK ATTACK thrillers, as well as movies about killer octopi and crocodiles.
SHARKS’ TREASURE (1975)—Directed by
Cornel Wilde. Stars Cornel Wilde, Yaphet Kotto, John Neilson, David Canary, Cliff Osmond. The last movie of Wilde’s
interesting directing career (the star also produced and wrote the film) casts the buff 60-year-old as the skipper of a salvage
boat that trolls the Gulf of Mexico looking for a sunken treasure chest. The eccentric Wilde walks around with no shirt
and tiny shorts, doing one-handed pushups, for no reason than to show off what great shape he is in. Matter of fact,
everyone, including Yaphet Kotto as one of Wilde’s crew, wears tiny shorts. The treasure hunters, which also include
young Neilson and stutterer Canary (JOHNNY FIRECLOUD), are waylaid by gay escaped convicts who force their "bitch" to wear
a bikini and do a striptease. The climax takes place on a deserted island. I'm a Wilde fan and this PG adventure
is actually kinda entertaining, if not weird. The one-sheets promise much more shark action than actually occurs; on
the other hand, the oddball episodic structure certainly provides surprises. United Artists released it.
SHARKY'S MACHINE (1981)--Directed by Burt Reynolds.
Stars Burt Reynolds, Rachel Ward, Vittorio Gassman, Charles Durning. I'm betting you're thinking that if you live to
be 100, you'll never enjoy the amazing sight of Burt Reynolds beating the crap out of a couple of ninjas. Well, you'd actually
be right, but just barely.
SHARKY'S MACHINE is the best film directed by Reynolds, who also
stars in it as Sharky, a tough narcotics cop who gets screwed by the department after a bust goes bad and he takes the blame.
He's transferred to the black hole of Vice, which is headquartered in the precinct basement and plays host to the worst pimps,
hookers, dopers, and lowlifes Atlanta has to offer. The cops assigned to Vice were once among the cream of the crop, but the
frustration and humiliation of what they do has turned them into jelly. So it is that they leap at the chance to do
real police work. A case involving a major pimp and a politician (Earl Holliman) running for governor spurs Sharky to put
an illegal 24-hour surveillance on the apartment of a gorgeous $1000-a-night call girl named Dominoe (Rachel Ward). While
spying on her, Sharky falls in love with her, and he takes the case personally when a crazed, cokeheaded assassin (Henry Silva)
blasts her face off with a shotgun.
Reynolds the actor certainly loved the opportunity to put together
a very sharp cast for his crime drama, including Charles Durning as his Vice boss; Brian Keith, Bernie Casey and Richard Libertini
as his "machine"; John Fiedler; Vittorio Gassman; Hari Rhodes; Joseph Mascolo and Darryl Hickman as a jerk cop named Smiley.
Reynolds the stuntman certainly dug the brutal action scenes, including an opening shootout on a city bus and a suspenseful
climax with Sharky and Silva stalking each other on the top floors of the Peachtree Plaza Hotel. And Reynolds the director
got to spot the film with a lot of cool jazz songs by artists like Julie London and Joe Williams. SHARKY's pace flags
somewhat in the middle, as Reynolds spends more time than he needed on conversations (albeit well-acted ones) between cops
that don't serve the plot and on Sharky's various introspections. What we'd rather see is Reynolds fighting ninjas.
Can you believe it? While poking around a friend's basement, Sharky
is attacked by two Asian badasses with "numbchucks", who start whaling away at Sharky, "kicking his ass," to paraphrase Casey.
The fight is well-staged by Reynolds, who has to come out second best (let's face it, not even Burt can beat up a pair of
awesome ninjas), but he holds his own and has nothing to be ashamed of. Sharky gets a second crack at them a little while
later, and two guesses as to who survives.
SHAUN OF THE DEAD (2004)--Directed by Edgar
Wright. Stars Simon Pegg, Kate Ashfield, Nick Frost. It may be difficult to straight-facedly watch another zombie
movie after experiencing this cheeky British comedy. Made by the creative team behind the Channel 4 sitcom SPACED, SHAUN
isn’t a spoof or a parody, just a wickedly funny account of how a 29-year-old slacker named Shaun (Pegg) might handle
a day in which his girlfriend breaks up with him, his co-workers disrespect him, and a horde of zombies begins roaming the
countryside. A cheeky mixture of witty dialogue and gore, SHAUN became a sleeper hit in the United States, grossing
nearly as much as George Romero’s serious zombie sequel, LAND OF THE DEAD. The scene in which Shaun and his buddy
Ed discuss Shaun’s record collection while dispatching a pair of brain eaters is particularly sharp.
SHE (1965)--Directed by Robert Day. Stars Ursula
Andress, Peter Cushing, John Richardson, Bernard Cribbins, Christopher Lee, Rosenda Monteros. Hammer's Cinemascope/Technicolor
version of H. Rider Haggard's classic 1887 novel, which had already been filmed six times before, but only once since the
inception of sound pictures. In 1918 Palestine, three ex-World War I soldiers--Major Holly (Cushing), his manservant Job (Cribbins)
and Holly's "son" Leo (Richardson)--set out across the desert in search of the Lost City of Kuma. After a series of obstacles,
the trio finally arrives in Kuma to discover a band of natives led by a gorgeous white goddess named Ayesha, or She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed
(played by the gorgeous 29-year-old Andress). They also discover that Leo is the spitting image (and possible reincarnation)
of Ayesha's former lover Kallikrates, who was killed by Ayesha in a jealous rage over 2000 years before. Action, humor and
thrills in the usual Hammer style. Andress and Richardson certainly make a beautiful couple, although neither is a good actor.
Cushing and Cribbins are wonderful, and Lee is menacing as Ayesha's High Priest Billali. David T. Chantler adapted Haggard's
novel. James Bernard's score was among his favorite for Hammer. Michael Carreras produced. Partially shot on location in Israel's
Negev Desert. Bonus: Cushing bellydances!
SHE'S ALL THAT (1999)--Directed by Robert Iscove. Stars
Freddie Prinze Jr., Rachael Leigh Cook, Matthew Lillard, Jodi Lyn O'Keefe, Paul Walker, Kevin Pollak. Another in a long line
of tame romantic comedies aimed at teenagers is let down by an frustratingly shallow script, which adapts George Bernard Shaw's
PYGMALION--most famously filmed as MY FAIR LADY--to a Southern California high school setting. Zach (Prinze) is the coolest
guy in school--superstar athlete, straight-A student and boyfriend of the hottest girl in school, curvaceous but vain Taylor
(O'Keefe). Two weeks before prom, Zach finds himself in deep trouble: Taylor has broken up with him to pursue unctuous TV
star Brock (Lillard)--who'd rather watch himself being obnoxious on THE REAL WORLD than make out with Taylor--leaving Zach
without a date. Humiliated--I mean, what's a BMOC without a gorgeous prom date?--Zach accepts a bet from best friend Dean
(Walker) that he can turn any girl on campus into the prom queen. Dean's choice: geeky artist Laney (Cook), a bespectacled
introvert who lives with her hearing-impaired little brother and pool-cleaner father (Pollak). No points for guessing that
Laney turns out to be a major fox with the right clothes and makeup, that Zach really does come to love Laney, that Laney
dumps Zach after learning about the bet, that Laney is humiliated by jealous rival Taylor, and that--in the end--everyone
gets what he or she deserves.
This material is obviously a fairy tale--more CINDERELLA than Holly Golightly--but SHE'S
ALL THAT would have benefited from some sort of grounding in reality. We're asked to believe that Laney and Zach would so
easily fall in love, yet we never really hear any sort of deep conversations between them or witness any indication that they
have bonded in a meaningful way. Iscove, who has done fine work in television (including a Disney musical version of CINDERELLA),
does his best to make the script seem fresh, whipping up a couple of fantasy sequences and playing one dialogue scene while
Pollak amusingly plays along (badly) to JEOPARDY in the background. The lesson--that Laney can only be cool by shedding her
individuality--is, of course, the wrong one for teenagers struggling with their own need for acceptance, and Iscove never
really resolves the question of whether Zach is in love with the pre- or post-makeover Laney.
Prinze and Cook work
well together; both are armed with amiable, sweet screen presences. Prinze will probably never become an A-list actor--he's
too slight to make action films and too sweet to fit into edgier fare--but he could easily have a decent career as a romantic
lead if he holds on to his gentle sense of humor. Cook is, of course, much too beautiful to be believable as lonely geek Laney,
a problem with all films with this particular plot contrivance. Even with her gigantic horn-rimmed glasses and baggy, paint-stained
clothes, it's obvious that Cook is not the type who sits home alone on Saturday night, waiting for her phone to ring. Lillard
stands out as a character not-so-loosely based upon real REAL WORLD contestant Puck (who was kicked out of his San Francisco
house), while O'Keefe, whose role mainly asks her to wear slinky clothing and act like a complete bitch, does her job with
aplomb.
SHE'S ALL THAT isn't, although Prinze, Cook and director Iscove deserve some credit for trying. Also with
Anna Paquin as Zach's sister, Kieran Culkin, Usher Raymond, Elden Henson, Li'l Kim, Gabrielle Union, Tim Matheson, Clea DuVall,
Debbi Morgan, Chris Owen, Alexis Arquette, Charlie Dell and Patricia Charbonneau. Look closely for a cameo by Sarah Michelle
Gellar. Music by Stewart Copeland.
SHE'S HAVING A BABY (1988)--Directed by John Hughes. Stars Kevin
Bacon, Elizabeth McGovern, Alec Baldwin, William Windom. Upscale yuppies Bacon and McGovern are having troubles in their attempt
to conceive a child. Their parents are anxious for a grandchild. Bacon's slimy pal Baldwin is anxious to help McGovern conceive.
Pretty typical Hughes vehicle; at least he made a film for adults for a change.
SHE'S OUT OF CONTROL
(1989)--Directed by Stan Dragoti. Stars Tony Danza, Ami Dolenz, Catherine Hicks, Wallace Shawn, Dick O'Neill. Divorced dad
Danza becomes a jealous papa when he realizes his little girl (Dolenz) has become a very sexy teenager. He becomes obsessed
with her love life, much to the chagrin of girlfriend Hicks. This is supposed to be a light comedy, but some of Danza's behavior
teeters on the brink of incest. If you don't become uncomfortable at some scenes, you may find some laughs here. Dolenz is
the daughter of Monkee Micky. From the director of MR. MOM.
SHEBA, BABY (1975)--Directed by William
Girdler. Stars Pam Grier, Austin Stoker, D'Urville Martin. Pam looks beautiful, and manages to whip a few behinds here and
there, but is let down by a routine script by director Girdler, which casts her as Sheba Shayne, a successful Chicago private
eye who is summoned home to Louisville, Kentucky to protect her fathers business from ruthless mobsters. Girdler throws enough
fights, shootouts and sexy costumes into the mix to prevent you from becoming bored, but SHEBA doesn't have the same edge
as COFFY or FOXY BROWN. Lots of characters call Sheba a bitch, and usually end up dead as a result. The Louisville locations
are original, even if the stock characters aren't. Also with Rudy Challenger, Dick Merrifield, Christipher Joy and Charles
Broaddus. Barbara Mason performs the theme song, which was released by Buddah Records. Girdler died in 1978 in a helicopter
crash in the Philippines while scouting locations for a new picture.
SHEENA (1984)--Directed by John
Guillermin. Stars Tanya Roberts, Ted Wass, Donovan Scott, Elizabeth of Toro. An unintentionally campy update of the popular
comic strip. Voluptuous bleached-blond Roberts is Sheena, Queen of the Jungle. She has a "way" with animals, and when her
mentor is accused of a murder, Sheena uses her powers--and two TV newsmen (Wass, Scott)--to find the real bad guys. Wass is
a pretty bland romantic lead, and, while Tanya (a former "Charlie's Angel") looks fantastic in a fur bikini, her acting isn't
too strong. Thank goodness her character doesn't know much English. Six-foot-tall Irish McCalla played Sheena in a '50s TV
series.
SHELL SHOCK (1964)--Directed by John Hayes.
Stars Carl Crow, Beach Dickerson, Frank Leo. Unusual but slow-paced WWII drama shot in Bronson Canyon and the Hollywood
Hills. A newly medaled G.I., Johnny Wade (Crow), has a nervous breakdown during an assault on a German platoon, leading
to one soldier's death. Brutal Sgt. Rance (Dickerson), who believes he should have gotten the promotion instead of Wade,
believes Johnny is faking his illness and allows him to escape into the Italian front. A group of G.I.'s, including
Rance and Johnny's childhood friend Gil (Leo), are sent after him. Hayes, probably for budgetary reasons, is fond of
long shots of people walking from one edge of the frame to the other. The short bursts of wartime action are decent,
and there's nothing wrong with the performances, but the languid pace makes SHELL SHOCK difficult to warm up to, and not even
the late addition of beautiful Italian women to the mix is enough to make up for it. It's an earnest, sincere effort
at making a war film with ambitious dramatic value, but an interesting failure. Also with Pamela Gray, Dolores Faith
and Bill Guhl. Music credited to Jaime Mendoza-Nava, but I detect a few library cues on the soundtrack as well.
THE SHEPHERD (2008)—Directed by Isaac Florentine.
Stars Jean-Claude Van Damme, Stephen Lord, Scott Adkins, Natalie Robb. I think it’s clear by now that Jean-Claude
Van Damme deserves another shot at the big time. In his direct-to-DVD movies over the last few years, the ‘80s
action star has demonstrated a mature screen persona and a finely lined face that would serve him well as a character actor.
While he doesn’t smile very much on screen, I think that’s due to the current trend of grim, gritty action cinema,
rather than the loss of any sense of humor (as online clips of the forthcoming JCVD demonstrate).
While Van Damme definitely serves a Hollywood movie role, he also
deserves better than what director Isaac Florentine gives him in THE SHEPHERD. As Florentine's films become bleaker
and more conventional, they also get less interesting. The comic-book silliness of U.S. SEALS 2, the voluptuous fantasy
of BRIDGE OF DRAGONS (where Dolph Lundgren fought a formidable foe in Cary Hiroyuki Tagawa), and the futuristic spaghetti
western COLD HARVEST (Gary Daniels in two roles) are much more fun and make better use of Florentine's skills than the routine
THE SHEPHERD. While THE SHEPHERD is certainly better than most of the action movies that get played in multiplexes,
and it is a fine showcase for Van Damme, it should have been better and might have if it hadn't taken itself so danged seriously.
Set in New Mexico (but filmed in Bulgaria), THE SHEPHERD casts Van
Damme as another DTV hero scarred by a violent incident in his past and on a single-minded mission of revenge. After
his teenage daughter is killed by a drug overdose, New Orleans cop Jack Robideaux (Van Damme) joins the Border Patrol, so
he can track down Meyers (Lord), a big-time druglord with whom Jack served in Afghanistan. Shootouts, tortures and chases
ensue, but not with the joie de vivre of earlier Florentine features.
SHERLOCK HOLMES AND THE SECRET WEAPON (1942)--Directed
by Roy William Neill. Stars Basil Rathbone, Nigel Bruce, Lionel Atwill, William Post Jr. After two 20th Century
Fox films set in Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's original Victorian setting, Universal snared the Sherlock Holmes rights and immediately
transplanted the legendary detective to contemporary London, so he could match wits with Nazis and wartime saboteurs.
In their second Universal feature, Holmes (Rathbone) and Watson (Bruce) are assigned to keep safe a Swiss scientist named
Tobel (Post), whose new bombsight could be a major boon for the Allies. However, soon after Tobel's arrival in England,
he's kidnapped by Holmes' equally intelligent archfoe, Professor Moriarity (Atwill). Tobel had wisely disassembled the
bombsight into four parts and hidden each in a different location, meaning it's up to Holmes and Watson to decipher the clues
and find all four before Moriarity can torture the information out of the Swiss man. Witty, fast-moving, atmospheric
and crisply performed, SECRET WEAPON is one of the best Holmes outings, offering serial-like thrills in the face-to-face scenes
between Rathbone (who also gets to show off his character-acting chops in a series of disguises) and Atwill, culminating in
a creepy blood-draining torture. Also with Dennis Hoey as Inspector Lestrade, Mary Gordon as Mrs. Hudson, Holmes Herbert,
Kaaren (sic) Verne, James Craven and Paul Fix. SHERLOCK HOLMES IN WASHINGTON was next for the sleuths.
THE SHINING (1980)--Directed by Stanley Kubrick.
Stars Jack Nicholson, Shelley Duvall, Scatman Crothers, Barry Nelson. Another bad Stephen King movie, although this one is
at least ambitious. Nicholson is an author with writers' block who takes a job as caretaker of an isolated hotel during the
wintertime in order to work on his new book in piece. He takes his wife and son along for the winter, and it isn't long before
they realize that Jack has started to turn psychotic. Kubrick uses a lot of fancy camera pyrotechnics to keep the audience
involved, but the film is dull and sterile. Confusing screenplay by Kubrick and Diane Johnson. Nicholson's performance is
way over the top.
SHOCK WAVES (1977)--Directed by Ken Wiederhorn.
Stars Peter Cushing, Brooke Adams, Luke Halpin. Cushing and Carradine worked only four days apiece and look very gaunt
in this atmospheric horror film shot in Florida. A small cruise ship carrying four passengers and three crew members,
after nearly being rammed by a mysterious freighter that bears down on it in the fog, crash-lands on a small island.
Exploring the terrain, the landing party discovers an abandoned hotel with only one resident: a surly middle-aged gentleman
(Cushing) with a German accent. After two of the crew are found murdered, Cushing admits he's an ex-Nazi SS officer
who was forced to destroy an "experiment" in the waning days of World War II. Nazi scientists had created a race of
zombie warriors that needed no food, no ammunition, no oxygen--virtual killing machines. Cushing sank the freighter
thirty years earlier and sought refuge on the island, but it appears the zombies are back...and doing what comes naturally
for them.
Decent performances and chilling creature makeup by Alan Ormsby highlight
this sleeper that's better than you'd expect from the director of KING FRAT. What Wiederhorn and John Harrison's screenplay
lacks in logic (several important expository scenes were snipped out of the film, causing the audience to wonder what's happening
at times) is made up for in the director's insistence on creating a spooky atmosphere through mood rather than gore and in
Ormsby's makeup, which almost make you believe in underwater Nazi zombies. Cushing and Carradine were paid just $5000
apiece, but were well worth it, since their mere presence and horror-film pedigrees cement the preposterous premise on firm
ground. In retrospect, SHOCK WAVES (shooting title: DEATH CORPS) may be most notable as an early assignment for
Brooke Adams, who is very good as the ingénue and looks quite fetching in her yellow bikini. She had already appeared
in several films and TV shows, but it wouldn't be until the year after SHOCK WAVES' release when Terrence Malick's DAYS OF
HEAVEN and Philip Kaufman's INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS put her on the Hollywood A-list. Halpin is the only other
familiar name, having played one of the kids on the FLIPPER TV series. Also with John Carradine, Fred Buch, Don Stout
and Jack Davidson. Richard Einhorn composed the all-electronic score. Producer Reuben Trane also served as cinematographer.
SHOCKER (1989)--Directed by Wes Craven. Stars
Michael Murphy, Mitch Pileggi, Peter Berg, Cami Cooper, Ted Raimi. Another silly and cliched Craven shocker. Psychotic TV
repairman Pileggi murders an entire family, except for son Berg. Pileggi is tried and convicted to die in the electric chair;
except he doesn't--he is able to travel through the TV waves and escape. He shows up in Berg's dreams, and reveals his location
to Berg. Cop Murphy looks on in disbelief. So will you. From the director of DEADLY FRIEND.
SHOCKWAVE (2006)—Directed by Jim Wynorski.
Stars Joe Lando, Blake Gibbons, Joshua Cox. Although I appreciate Wynorski’s extensive use of popular movie location
Vasquez Rocks to stage SHOCKWAVE’s precredits sequence, this Sci-Fi Channel thriller is a lazy and cheap pastiche of
scenes, characters and concepts from the director’s earlier films, such as CHOPPING MALL and THE CURSE OF THE KOMODO.
In one scene, characters escaping from a robbery take off in a helicopter, fly for awhile, encounter bad weather, and make
an emergency landing in the same clearing from which they left, even though they’re supposed to have landed hundreds
of miles away. Almost everyone in the movie acts like a complete nincompoop, which makes writing a script a much easier
task for Wynorski and Bill Monroe.
The aforementioned robbers, who swiped their loot from the vault
of a cruise ship in “Bora Bora” (actually the docked Queen Mary in Long Beach, California), end up stranded on
the same island as a bunch of Navy SEALs who are assigned to capture a pair of super-intelligent and super-deadly government-sanctioned
robots designed to be “perfect soldiers.” Outside of DR. QUINN’s Lando, the main actors are untalented
unknowns, although Wynorski did manage to snare names for cameos, including Tim Thomerson, George Takei, Robert Picardo, Alexandra
Paul, Billy Mumy, Michael Dorn, Jay Richardson and Hudson Leick. SHOCKWAVE (a title that makes no sense) may have been
called A.I. ASSAULT when it made its Sci-Fi debut.
SHOGUN ASSASSIN (1980)—Directed by Robert Houston.
Stars Tomisaburo Wakayama, Akihiro Tomikawa, Kayo Matsuo. Roger Corman’s New World released this unusual Japanese/American
production. Actor Houston (THE HILLS HAVE EYES) took a pair of Japanese action movies based on the popular LONE WOLF
AND CUB manga series, recut them into one feature, added English dubbing and a new score by former Paul Revere and the Raiders
frontman Mark Lindsay (“Just Like Me”), and put it in theaters in conjunction with an effective marketing campaign.
Released without an MPAA rating, the bloodsoaked adventure proved quite popular with drive-in audiences. Professional
executioner Ogami Itto (Wakayama) wanders Japan, pushing his baby son (Tomikawa) in a wooden cart outfitted with weaponry
and hiring himself out as an assassin. Much of his killing is done for free, as his former employer keeps sending mercenaries,
including an army of women, to cut him down. Lindsay’s electronic score is effective, and so are the gallons of
blood splashed out of Ogami’s adversaries and across the screen. It’s a good-looking, well-paced gorefest
with familiar voices Sandra Bernhard, Lennie Weinrib, Marshall Efron and more. Perhaps Houston found all the best parts,
but I’m surprised Corman didn’t solicit further “Baby Cart” adventures. Four more films continued
the Japanese series.
SHOOT (1976)--Directed by Harvey Hart. Stars
Cliff Robertson, Ernest Borgnine, Henry Silva. Confusing allegory about five macho hunters, led by their National Guard commander
(Robertson), who are attacked in the woods (for no reason) by another group of hunters. One of Robertson's party is wounded
(not seriously), and one of their opponents is killed. When they discover that their faceless enemies have reported the death
as a hunting accident, their jingoistic paranoia leads them to assemble a whole platoon (complete with helmets, flak jackets
and grenades) for a climactic grudge match.
Obviously meant to convey an anti-gun sentiment, these characters (except
for Borgnine's, who tries to talk some sense into his pals) are poster boys for Reagan-era Republicans, and are too cartoony
to take seriously. The females are treated unsympathetically, with Robertson's wife a whining simp and the wife of another
character embarrassingly attempting to vamp a stony Robertson. Director Hart and scripter Dick Berg (who based his screenplay
on a novel by Douglas Fairbairn) have attempted to structure their story as a satire, I imagine (the hunters seem to begin
firing at one another simply because there aren't any animals to shoot at), but if they were successful at all, it went over
my head. Also with James Blendick, Larry Reynolds, Les Carlson, Kate Reid and Helen Shaver. Music by Doug Riley. Filmed in
and around Toronto, Canada. Hart, who was raised in Canada and worked mainly in television, directed episodes of STAR TREK,
THE WILD, WILD WEST and COLUMBO.
SHOOT TO KILL (1988)--Directed by Roger Spottiswoode. Stars Tom
Berenger, Sidney Poitier, Clancy Brown, Kirstie Alley. There's a killer in the midst of guide Alley's camping trip in the
snowy mountain ranges of the Pacific Northwest. FBI agent Poitier is on the killer's trail; he just needs the help of outdoorsman/Alley's
boyfriend Berenger to get to him. Some beautiful mountain scenery complements the typical buddy-cop plot and Poitier's dignified
presence. Also with Richard Masur and Andrew Robinson. Poitier's first performance in ten years; he made LITTLE NIKITA the
same year.
SHORT CIRCUIT (1986)--Directed by John Badham. Stars Steve Guttenberg, Ally Sheedy, Fisher
Stevens, Austin Pendleton, G.W. Bailey. With Guttenberg's name in the credits, you know it won't be good, but kids may enjoy
this juvenile science-fiction tale. Guttenberg and Indian pal Stevens invent a robot, which the government intends to use
as a weapon. When the robot is struck by lightning, it assumes human characteristics, escapes from the lab, and moves in with
animal-lover Sheedy. Guttenberg and Stevens chases after the robot, while military officer Bailey wants to destroy it. Fast-moving
and silly.
SHORT NIGHT OF THE GLASS DOLLS (1971)--Directed
by Aldo Lado. Stars Jean Sorel, Ingrid Thulen, Barbara Bach, Piero Vida. Lado's directorial debut was this mildly
entertaining giallo with an intriguing premise. The corpse of an American journalist named Gregory Moore (Sorel), on
assignment in Prague, is found in a park. He's taken to the morgue where we discover that Moore is actually alive, but
in a complete state of paralysis so advanced that doctors are unable to detect any life signs. As they attempt to understand
why rigor mortis has not started to set in or why his body is still warm, Gregory flashes back to how he came to be lying
on a slab, starting with the disappearance of his beautiful girlfriend Mira (Bach).
One night, after being called out on a story that turned out to
be a wild goose chase, Moore returned to his apartment to discover Mira missing. None of her possessions were taken,
including her money, passport or clothes, although the fact that Mira must have been naked when she vanished seems to mean
little to the policeman (Vida) in charge of the case. Since the cops are of little help, Gregory, with the help of his
journalist friends, begins investigating himself, a path that leads to a very unusual and surprising finale.
At the same time, Lado cuts back and forth between scenes of Gregory's
quest and his voiceover in the morgue, creating two plots of suspense for the price of one. Both stories come to stunning
though in-character conclusions, thanks in part to Sorel, whose pretty boy looks belie some solid acting chops and the convincing
weight he lends to the preposterous story. Although it doesn't quite follow the formula of a straight giallo, SHORT
NIGHT (there are no glass dolls anywhere) is a satisfying mystery story, though ultimately a downbeat one. Also with
Mario Adorf (MANHUNT IN MILAN). Music by Ennio Morricone.
SHORT TIME (1990)--Directed by Gregg Champion.
Stars Dabney Coleman, Teri Garr, Matt Frewer. An uneasy blend of comedy, action and drama, SHORT TIME is an affable
little picture that goes a long way on its very fine lead performance by Coleman. Thanks to some mixed-up X-rays at
the lab, conservative police detective Burt Simpson (Coleman) believes he has only two weeks to live. Since he's due
to retire before that and his ex-wife (Garr) and son can collect his life insurance only if he's killed in the line of duty,
Burt turns into Dirty Harry, taking enormous chances and catching a lot of bad guys in his quest to get himself whacked, much
to the bemusement of his partner Ernie (Frewer). Champion stages some nifty action scenes in his directorial debut,
including a corker of a car chase, but it's Coleman, in a rare sympathetic role, who really makes it work by investing a strong
sense of reality in John Blumenthal and Michael Berry's absurd premise. Frewer is properly nutty as the comic sidekick
(and, yes, I realize the two cops are named "Ernie" and "Burt"). Also with Barry Corbin, Joe Pantoliano, Xander Berkeley
and Kaj-Erik Eriksen (BOSTON PUBLIC). Music by Ira Newborn.
SHOWGIRLS (1995)--Directed by Paul Verhoeven.
Stars Elizabeth Berkley, Gina Gershon, Kyle MacLachlan, Robert Davi, Alan Rachins. This adult drama about Las Vegas lap-dancing
from the writer/director team behind the smash hit BASIC INSTINCT was released in a swarm of media controversy, thanks to
the NC-17 rating it received from the MPAA. Verhoeven and scripter Joe Ezsterhas take care to showcase female nudity at every
available opportunity, which are plentiful, since the plot concerns a hard-bodied young woman named Nomi (Berkley of TV's
teen sitcom SAVED BY THE BELL) who arrives in Las Vegas with dreams of becoming a showgirl in a hotel show.
Her first
step is to procure a job bumping and grinding at a sleazy strip joint run by a crude Robert Davi (LICENSE TO KILL). As we
all know, all of the entertainment industry's best dancers are recruited in topless bars, so Nomi soon becomes hired as one
of dozens in a show called GODDESS, starring a superstar named Crystal (Gershon). After that, the plot turns into ALL ABOUT
EVE as the naive starlet sets out to reach the top by whatever means available. Since the studio (Metro-Goldwyn-Meyer) intended
for SHOWGIRLS to receive an NC-17 rating anyway, Verhoeven and Ezsterhas could have pushed the envelope a bit more than usual,
and made an insightful backstage look at the hows and whys of exotic dancing. Instead the screenplay seems to be a conglomeration
of a 15-year-old boy's masturbatory fantasies. The plot is completely unoriginal, the dialogue is laughable, and as an actress,
Elizabeth Berkley is an incredible dancer.
SHOWTIME (2002)--Directed by Tom Dey.
Stars Robert DeNiro, Eddie Murphy, Rene Russo, William Shatner. The writers and the director of SHANGHAI NOON reunite
for this similar buddy movie starring the unlikely duo of DeNiro and Murphy as Los Angeles cops who star in a reality TV series.
Murphy's Trey Sellars is a showboat patrolman and aspiring actor who's excited about the camera time; DeNiro's surly Mitch
Preston just wants to do his job and be left alone, but is ordered to star in a hit TV series as punishment (!) after he shoots
a TV camera during a bust. It wants to be a mixture of SHANGHAI NOON and BEVERLY HILLS COP, but the stars don't have
the chemistry that Jackie Chan and Owen Wilson do, and the story is flimsy and needlessly violent. I guess you could
argue that about COP too, but Murphy's ballsy presence and the supporting cast overwhelmed that script in a manner that doesn't
happen in SHOWTIME.
The real problem with SHOWTIME is that it doesn't even believe
its own premise. The first scene is DeNiro telling a bunch of kindergarten kids that police work is not what it looks like
on TV, that he doesn't get into car chases or big action setpieces. Ten minutes later, he's shooting it out with drug dealers
in a back room someplace with helicopters overhead and bad guys with huge guns and armor-piercing bullets. Then Dey has the
gall to present a scene in which DeNiro is chewed out by his superior, who is a large black man (they really should have hired
Frank McRae from 48 HRS. to play this role; that might have given this part a tongue-in-cheek nod to the audience that would
make it work). You can't base your film on the premise that real cops are not based on TV clichés and then make the guy who's
chewing the maverick cop out a big black man. The film even knows this is a cliché, since there's a scene where Trey is auditioning
for a bad cop movie and the superior officer is being played in the audition by...a large black man.
SHOWTIME does have one very funny scene in which DeNiro and
Murphy are being schooled on how to be a TV cop by none other than T.J. Hooker himself, William Shatner. Shatner is great
and a good sport demonstrating the finer techniques of kicking in doors while still showing the camera your best profile,
jumping on to car hoods, and tasting drugs ("Hooker knows it's cocaine."). It's Chapter 10 if you have the DVD. Just watch
that part and skip the rest. Also with Drena DeNiro, Kadeem Hardison, Alex Borstein, Mos Def, Frankie Faison and Pedro
Damian as the dull Eurotrash heavy. Good score by Alan Silvestri, and Dey's action scenes are pretty good, even if they
do resemble a PM flick. The climax presents some impressive CGI effects too.
SHREK (2001)--Directed by Andrew Adamson
& Vicky Jenson. Stars Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy, Cameron Diaz, John Lithgow. Like Disney's TOY STORY movies, adults will
enjoy this frantic animated comedy as much as their kids. An ugly ogre named Shrek (voiced by Myers with an unexplained Scottish
accent) teams up with happy-go-lucky ass Donkey (Murphy) to rescue Princess Fiona (Diaz) from the tower where she's being
guarded by a ferocious dragon. Height-challenged Lord Farquaad (Lithgow) wants Fiona to be his wife, so he can become king.
Fiona wants only to be kissed by her One True Love, so she can live happily ever after. Shrek wants only to left alone, while
Donkey wants to be Shrek's friend. A well-written and performed fantasy with colorful computer animation and very funny voice
work by Murphy. A pet project of DreamWorks head Jeffrey Katzenberg.
THE SIDEHACKERS (1969)--Directed
by Gus Trikonis. Stars Ross Hagen, Michael Pataki, Diane McBain. Hagen, who also produced, plays a champion motocross rider
whose girlfriend is murdered by Pataki and his ruthless biker gang. Ross wants revenge and goes after them with his own biker
buddies. Also with Hoke Howell, Edward Parrish and big, bald Robert Tessier. Originally released as FIVE THE HARD WAY. I don't
know what the hell a sidehacker is either. From the director of TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT.
SIDEWAYS (2004)--Directed by Alexander Payne.
Stars Paul Giamatti, Thomas Haden Church, Virginia Madsen, Sandra Oh. The director of ELECTION makes an equally entertaining,
if less acerbic, comedy that follows a pair of middle-aged pals on a road trip through Northern California wine country.
Miles (Giamatti) is a neurotic, divorced English teacher and failed author who takes advantage of his friend's last week of
"freedom" before getting married to get away together. Jack (Church) is a washed-up soap actor who's less interested
in Miles' lectures about wine as he is about hooking up with as many hotties as possible before his wedding. So when
Jack manages to score with a zesty winery pourer, Stephanie (played by Oh, Payne's real-life squeeze), Miles is thrust into
a situation he's not quite prepared for: a date for Stephanie's friend Maya (Madsen). Miles and Maya, a waitress
at a local restaurant, are old acquaintances from his occasional trips to the area, and he has a crush on her that becomes
more pronounced when he discovers she's into wine too. SIDEWAYS, obviously, is not what it's about, so much as how it's
about it. Payne has created four vivid characters who talk, drink, muse, have sex, fight, all in a very absorbing manner,
and all four are vividly brought to life by the actors who inhabit them. Giamatti, so wonderful as the grouchy comic-book
writer Harvey Pekar in AMERICAN SPLENDOR, outdoes his acclaimed work there, inhabiting his character so completely that you
feel every bit of his pain, his passion, his broken dreams and failed ambitions. It's a wonderful performance which
is nearly matched by Madsen, who shares one particular scene with Giamatti on a porch that is as well-acted as anything else
you're likely to see this year, a conversation about wine that isn't really about wine as much as it's about loneliness and
insecurity. Church, whom you probably know only as the Dumb Guy on a dumb '90s sitcom called WINGS, is so good you'll
hardly believe he's the same guy. Payne's sense of humor runs from the sublime to the slapsticky, although broader scenes
set on a golf course and in a fat waitress' house are so funny, you'll probably not even notice they run counter to the more
sensitive humor of earlier scenes. SIDEWAYS is one of 2004's best films. Music by Rolfe Kent.
SIDEWINDER 1 (1977)—Directed by Earl
Bellamy. Stars Michael Parks, Marjoe Gortner, Susan Howard, Alex Cord. Amiable but inert drama finds motocross
racers Parks and Gortner going to work for industrialist Cord, who invites Parks to design a championship motorcycle nicknamed
Sidewinder 1. When Cord is killed in an accident, his sister (Howard) takes over the company and rankles Parks with
her bureaucratic manner. And with good reason, since she keeps talking about selling Sidewinder 1’s design and
getting out of the motocross game, seemingly oblivious to the fact that Parks and Gortner are winning a lot of races.
Not a whole helluva lot actually happens in this movie, although it moves along quickly enough and has quite a few decently
staged races (and crashes). The romantic relationship that develops between Parks and Howard (who also hit the sack
with John Saxon the same year in MOONSHINE COUNTY EXPRESS) isn’t believable, but doesn’t come as much of a surprise
either. Sitcom stars Charlotte Rae (THE FACTS OF LIFE) and Barry Livingston (MY THREE SONS) appear along with Bill Vint
and Byron Morrow playing—what else?—a stuffy banker. Music by Mundell Lowe. From the director of SPEEDTRAP
and SIDECAR RACERS.
SIEGE (1983)—Directed by Paul Donovan
and Maura O’Connell. Stars Tom Nardini, Terry-David Despres, Doug Lennox. It’s 1981 and the Halifax
police force is on strike. White supremacists invade a gay bar and murder the staff and customers, except for Daniel
(Despres), who escapes. The five goons and their leader, Cabe (Lennox), pursue him to a small secluded apartment building,
where Daniel holes up with the tenants, who include a young couple, a homosexual and two blind men. From there, it’s
NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD meets ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13 as the invaders, armed with advanced weaponry, besiege the Good Samaritans.
The cropped video print I saw does the film no favors and probably contributed to the biggest problem I had with SIEGE, which
is that you don’t get a very good sense of the physical layout of the building with its various staircases, drainpipes,
skylights and secret panels. It’s quite a suspenseful film with a fine leading-man turn by Nardini, a once-busy
actor who didn’t do much film or television in the 1980s, but he should have. Also with Barbara Bazinet, Darel
Haeny, Keith Knight, Jack Blum and Blaine Henshaw as himself.
THE SIEGE (1998)--Directed by Edward Zwick.
Stars Denzel Washington, Annette Bening, Bruce Willis. Zwick's drama about domestic terrorism was widely protested by Arab-American
groups upon its original release; while these complaints seem, in my mind, to be uncalled for, the movie itself, while well-made,
was also not worth the commotion. Washington (who is very good) plays an FBI agent called in when Arab terrorists blow up
a bus in New York City, killing many hostages. The terrorists are difficult to track since they consist of many different
cells, all of which know nothing of the identities and actions of the other cells. After more hostage-taking and explosions
(one of which destroys Washington's FBI office), the U.S. President orders martial law in NYC, and General Devereaux (Willis)
takes control, herding Arab-Americans into internment camps and breaking up families. The complex screenplay also teams Washington
with a mysterious female agent (Bening) who seems to know more (and be more involved) than she lets on. Zwick seems more interesting
in making a mainstream action movie than an indictment against racism; he attempts to do both, but doesn't entirely succeed
at either goal. Willis' character is more of a cartoon than a realistic portrayal of an Army general in this type of situation.
Tony Shalhoub gives excellent support as the Lebanese-American partner of Washington who finds his son taken away from him
by the Army despite his American citizenship and his loyal service to the United States as an agent of the FBI.
THE SIEGE OF FIREBASE GLORIA (1989)--Directed
by Brian Trenchard-Smith. Stars Wings Hauser, R. Lee Ermey. Marine Sergeant-Major Hafner (Ermey) and his right-hand
man Corporal DiNardo (Hauser) find themselves in command of the titular Army firebase right at the beginning of the 1968 Tet
Offensive. With just a few hundred drug-addled soldiers to work with, Hafner is forced to defend Gloria against more
than 2000 Viet Cong. The urgent battle scenes are among the most realistic I've ever seen, as hordes of men waving machetes
and machine guns run, scream, kill, bleed and die in a chaotic fashion amid blinding clouds of smoke and deafening explosions.
Australian director Trenchard-Smith handles both the Philippines-lensed action scenes and the quieter moments of military
camaraderie with aplomb, bolstered as he is with dynamite performances by exploitation-film king Hauser and former Marine
and Vietnam vet Ermey. Also with Gary Hershberger (SNEAKERS), Clyde Jones, Albert Popwell, Margi Gerard and John Calvin.
Music by Paul Schutze.
THE SILENCERS (1966)--Directed by Phil Karlson.
Stars Dean Martin, Stella Stevens, Victor Buono, Nancy Kovack, Deliah Lavi, Robert Webber. The first of Dino's four outings
as Donald Hamilton's literary agent Matt Helm. Unlike Hamilton's serious potboilers, Martin's films were sophomoric spoofs
that highlighted sex jokes and silly gadgets. In this one, Dean and beautiful but klutzy Stevens stop Asian villain Tung-Tze
(Buono) from conquering the world with sabotaged American missiles. Also with Arthur O'Connell, Richard Devon and series regulars
James Gregory (as Helm's boss) and Beverly Adams (as Helm's lovely secretary). Theme performed by Cyd Charisse, who also does
a sexy dance over the opening credits that has nothing to do with the movie. MURDERERS' ROW was next for Martin.
THE SILENCERS (1996)--Directed by Richard
Pepin. Stars Jack Scalia, Dennis Christopher. Yes, I admit to an unreasonable fondness for PM Entertainment's
slick action movies, but this one had trouble holding my attention. It's Pepin and co-producer Joseph Merhi's version
of MEN IN BLACK, but made before that Steven Spielberg production. Aliens are here and conspiring with high-placed government
officials to keep their presence a secret from the public. To ensure that secrecy, government assassins known as "Men
in Black" run around murdering citizens who have had contact with extraterrestrials. One who knows the secret is a U.S.
Senator who is killed (in a rousing action scene that begins in a church and ends miles away in the wreckage of a derailed
subway) in the custody of Secret Service agent Rafferty (Scalia). Obsessed with learning the truth behind his boss'
death, Rafferty inadvertently finds himself teamed with hippie spaceman Comdor (Christopher), whose return to his home planet
hinges upon successfully completing his mission to destroy the evil forces that have invaded Earth. Christopher is miscast
as an action star, and PM's trademark action sequences could use a bit more pizzazz (although one stunt in which a car jumps
over a semi and through a hovering helicopter is very cool). I more or less like THE SILENCERS, but PM's forte is straight
action, rather than sci-fi. Also with Lance LeGault, Carlos Lauchu, Clarence Williams III and Madison Mason. Music
by Louis Febre.
SILENT ASSASSINS (1988)--Directed by Doo-yong
Lee and Scott Thomas. Stars Sam Jones, Linda Blair, Jun Chong, Gustav Vintas. Cop Jones, crestfallen after still
another clever escape by his archenemy, a terrorist named Kendrick (Vintas) who distracted Jones by tossing a baby doll into
the ocean, plans to quit the force and move out of L.A. with wife Blair. Relocation plans are placed on hold, however,
when Kendrick kidnaps an elderly scientist and a little Chinese girl and forces the scientist to reveal a secret formula worth
millions. Teaming up with the girl's uncle, martial artist Jun Kim (Chong), Jones shoots, punches and kicks his way
into Kendrick's headquarters. Pretty routine stuff, slightly disappointing, since I hoped the Korean director would
add some spark to the fight scenes (Thomas receives a separate co-director credit). Jones is looser than I've ever seen
him, adding goofy humor to his domestic scenes with Blair, who has little to do and must be present for name value only.
Also with Philip Rhee, Bill Erwin, Rebecca Ferratti as the world's unlikeliest biochemist, Bill "Superfoot" Wallace and Mako.
Chong and Rhee served as co-producers. I don't believe Lee ever directed another American film.
THE SILENT FLUTE
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