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SABATA (1969)--Directed by Gianfranco Parolini
(as Frank Kramer). Stars Lee Van Cleef, William Berger, Pedro Sanchez. Although he played heroes and villains,
soldiers and pirates--even ninjas--the late Lee Van Cleef will always be first and foremost known as a western actor.
Fittingly, he made his film debut in the classic HIGH NOON as one of the heavies who menaced Gary Cooper, but he didn’t
become a household name until he traveled to Italy to co-star as Clint Eastwood’s rival in FOR A FEW DOLLARS MORE, the
middle leg of Sergio Leone’s operatic “Dollars” trilogy. With his distinctive hawk-like nose, piercing
eyes, and authoritative presence, Van Cleef, now in his forties and with dozens of films and television shows on his resume,
became one of the few screen performers of the era to make the jump from character actor to full-fledged movie star, even
if he had to go to another continent to do it.
After reuniting with Eastwood and Leone in THE GOOD, THE BAD &
THE UGLY, Van Cleef opted to stay in Italy, where he continued to star in what were known as “spaghetti westerns”.
Usually vilified by American critics, when they weren’t being ignored completely, Italian westerns were generally grittier
than their U.S. counterparts in terms of screen violence and unafraid to tinker with the genre by adding supernatural or fantastic
overtones. As opposed to what Hollywood westerns were like during the 1960’s and 1970’s (with the occasional
exception of something like THE WILD BUNCH), spaghetti oaters oozed operatic style and myth and weren’t afraid of being
outlandish.
Case in point, SABATA, a frenetic comic adventure starring Van Cleef
in the title role as an expert gunfighter who nabs the thieves who pulled off a nicely choreographed gold robbery in the town
of Daugherty. This draws, not praise, but barely disguised scorn from the town leaders, since they were the ones who
organized the heist. Sabata learns this and blackmails them, including Stengel (Franco Ressel), a fey sadist with a
penchant for gimmickry who sends a succession of assassins to (unsuccessfully) silence Sabata. It sounds like a standard
western plot so far, except that the characters would seem more at home in a James Bond film than a western. The well-armed
Sabata’s arsenal includes a trick pistol that shoots from the handle, and he teams up with Banjo (William Berger), a
musical conman with a rifle concealed in his instrument; Carrincha (Pedro Sanchez), a fat comic-relief sidekick; and Indio
(Nick Jordan), a mute Indian acrobat who bounces off trampolines seemingly concealed all over the desert. Sabata is
a crack shot, of course, but also has a talent for flipping coins with deadly accuracy, which comes in handy when he’s
been disarmed. SABATA is good-natured, well-photographed fun that doesn’t take itself too seriously, an attribute
that also applies to Van Cleef, who looks like he’s having a ball.
Sabata returned two years later in ADIOS, SABATA, but Van Cleef
did not. Common wisdom has it that Yul Brynner starred in a film titled INDIO BLACK, which was also directed by SABATA’s
Gianfranco Parolini, but when it was dubbed into English for its U.S. release, it was transformed via new dialogue into a
Sabata film. I doubt this for two reasons; first being that some of the actors are clearly mouthing the word “Sabata”,
and the second being that ADIOS, SABATA features similar characters (a rich villain with a gadget-strewn headquarters, an
Indian acrobat, a fat Mexican comic relief) and a nearly identical plot. There’s another gold robbery, this one
pulled off by Sabata (a black-tasseled, bald-pated Brynner) in support of Mexican revolutionaries who oppose a sadistic Austrian
colonel (Gerard Herter) who gets his kicks gunning down peasants for sport. Sabata’s partners include mute acrobat
Septiembre (Sal Borgese), who uses his feet to toss ball bearings at his opponents, and con artist Ballantine, played by Dean
Reed, a notorious American folk singer who emigrated to Europe and toured the Soviet Union at the height of the Cold War.
While Van Cleef is certainly missed, Parolini and Brynner maintain the same level of action, humor and outrageous gadgetry
that characterized SABATA, resulting in an exciting “sequel.”
A grinning Van Cleef came back, once again under the helm of Parolini,
in RETURN OF SABATA, the third and least of the United Artists trilogy, despite its nutty theme song and a very loose performance
by its star. Once again, Sabata is involved with a gold theft, a colorful assortment of accessories (two acrobats this
time), a snide villain, and several doublecrosses. Unfortunately, there’s less action, and too much of the film
takes place in town or inside buildings, as opposed to the vast open spaces of the earlier SABATA movies. Probably the
result of a lower budget and an unfinished screenplay, RETURN putters along, as Sabata, now a sideshow gunslinger in a traveling
circus, becomes involved with a venal Irish town boss (Giampiero Albertini) and, yep, another cache of gold.
Van Cleef became so identified with spaghetti westerns that he was
often hired to star in Hollywood westerns made to look like they were Italian. As he aged, he moved back into character
roles, often getting cast as an authority figure to younger action stars such as Chuck Norris and Kurt Russell. Van
Cleef never retired from show business and died much too early of a heart attack in 1989 at the age of 64.
SABRINA (1995)--Directed by Sydney Pollack. Stars
Harrison Ford, Julia Ormond, Greg Kinnear, John Wood. Pollack hits and misses with this lukewarm remake of Billy Wilder's
'50s classic. Ford is in high Cary Grant mode as Linus Larrabee, board of directors of one of the richest companies in the
world (I don't know what the company does, but it sure makes a lot of money). Linus is single, serious, straitlaced and an
excellent yet cold businessman. Kinnear (pretty good in his film debut) is Linus' younger brother David, a devil-may-care
playboy who is as interested in goofing off as Linus is in making money. Then there's Sabrina (Ormond), the young daughter
of the family chauffer. Sabrina has grown up on the estate, and has had a crush on David her entire life. Her father (Wood,
who's excellent) sends her to Paris with the hope she will get over David and meet someone new. Meanwhile, David has fallen
for a pediatrician (Lauren Holly). They plan to get married, which is fine with Ford, since a merger with her family's corporation
would net his company a ton of bucks. When Sabrina returns from France, she and David fall in love, which jeopardizes David's
engagement and Linus's fortune. Therefore, Linus tries to woo Sabrina into falling for him and forgetting David--of course,
falling for her in the process.
SABRINA is, of course, a fairy tale, and it works most of the time on that level,
even though Pollack's pacing is sometimes slow. The film's success lies mainly with the charm of its actors, and although
Kinnear is off-screen for much of the middle (perhaps the filmmakers were afraid Kinnear's acting inexperience would show;
it doesn't), the three leads do a fine job, particularly British actress Ormond in a role that looks as though it were written
for Sandra Bullock. Ford is known primarily for action roles, but here, as in WORKING GIRL, he proves adept at romantic comedy.
The fine supporting cast includes Nancy Marchand, Richard Crenna
and Angie Dickinson. Music by John Williams, with songs by Williams and Alan and Marilyn Bergman. Screenplay by Barbara Benedek
and David Rayfiel (Pollack's usual collaborator). Wilder's version cast Audrey Hepburn as Sabrina, and Humphrey Bogart and
William Holden in the Ford and Kinnear roles.
SACRIFICE (2000)--Directed by Mark L. Lester.
Stars Michael Madsen, Jamie Luner. Here's a plot you don't see every day. Women who have had abortions are the
targets of a hooded serial killer who slices off their breasts and buries them during his private freako religious ceremonies.
One victim, a forest ranger, is the daughter of bank robber Tyler Pierce (Madsen), who busts out of jail to investigate the
murders. The local mob boss refuses to lend a hand, so Tyler teams up with his moll, a foxy hooker in short skirts played
by red-haired Luner (PROFILER). She's nice to look at, and Madsen is always pretty interesting, but SACRIFICE doesn't
really distinguish itself until the lurid climax, which finds Luner strapped to a medical table with her legs spread and her
feet in the air as the killer attempts to cleanse her of her sins or some such. Shot in Mobile by the director of TRUCK
STOP WOMEN, SACRIFICE is based on a Mitchell Smith novel and is worth a cursory look. Also with Joshua Leonard (THE
BLAIR WITCH PROJECT), Michelle Lintel (BLACK SCORPION), Bokeem Woodbine (SNIPER 2), Diane Farr (LOVELINE) and Deborah Shelton
(BODY DOUBLE).
SAFARI 3000 (1982)--Directed by Harry Hurwitz. Stars David Carradine, Stockard
Channing, Christopher Lee, Hamilton Camp. Here's a low-budget CANNONBALL RUN ripoff shot in Africa. Movie stuntman Eddie Miles
(Carradine) is recruited by PLAYBOY journalist J.J. Dalton (Channing) to drive in a three-day cross-country rally across Africa.
With their pet baby baboon in tow, they battle such obstacles as elephants, lions, con artists, unruly natives and the evil
machinations of the Really Rottens of the race: Count Borgia (Lee), an uptight Italian aristocrat, and his German aide-de-camp
Feodor (Camp). Channing is winning as always, although Carradine and Lee are not exactly natural comedians (Carradine is much
more relaxed than usual though), and Camp is pretty embarrassing. Hurwitz (THE ROSEBUD BEACH HOTEL) and cinematographer Adam
Greenburg (THE TERMINATOR) have assembled some nice travelogue shots, but not much action to go with them. Producers Arthur
Gardner and Jules Levy also made the car-crash dramas WHITE LIGHTNING and GATOR. Music by Ernest Gold (EXODUS).
THE SAGA OF THE VIKING WOMEN AND THEIR VOYAGE TO THE WATERS
OF THE GREAT SEA SERPENT (1957)—Directed by Roger Corman. Stars Abby Dalton, Susan Cabot, Richard Devon,
Jonathan Haze, Jay Spear. AIP must have saddled this with a tongue-twisting title so audiences wouldn’t be able
to tell their friends not to go see it. Saddled with an impossibly low budget for an adventure of this type, Corman
puts his stock company of actors through their perfunctory paces, passing off familiar Southern California locations like
Leo Carrillo Beach and Bronson Caverns as…Norway, I guess. The version I saw ran less than 65 minutes, so it at
least doesn’t wear out its welcome, and some of it is pretty hilarious. I don’t know how the actors managed
to keep straight faces, but, outside of Spear as a ridiculously fey warrior, they manage decent performances under circumstances
where they likely had no more than two takes to recite Lawrence Goldman’s ponderous dialogue.
A society of super-hot Viking babes decides to build a boat and
go searching for their men, who never returned from their last mission. With diminutive stowaway Ottar (Haze) as their
“protector,” the women encounter an ocean vortex that destroys their boat and washes them ashore, where they are
captured by barbarian Stark (Devon) and his army of Grimolts. Stark also captured the women’s boyfriends and uses
them as slave labor in nearby caves where they move rocks around. One of the women, Enger (Cabot), the only brunette,
is also the only one without a man of her own, so she sells out her people to get into Stark’s good graces. Meanwhile,
the audience endures the backbiting, exotic dancing, cheap costuming and occasional fighting just so they can finally get
a glimpse of the “great” sea serpent, which turns out to be a stupid hand puppet built by special effects men
Jack Rabin, Irving Block and Louis DeWitt. I hope it didn’t take all three of them to make it.
SAGA, also released as the more reasonable THE VIKING WOMEN AND
THE SEA SERPENT, was reportedly a troubled production, not surprisingly. The original leading lady bowed out, forcing
Corman to bump each of the actresses up a notch and land Dalton her second lead in a Corman picture (ROCK ALL NIGHT was the
first). Devon bumped heads with the director, who allegedly forced his actors to perform some dangerous stunts to keep
costs down (although the actor continued to work for Corman). Dalton may be the lead, but Cabot has a more interesting
part, one similar to her SORORITY GIRL. Also, Haze gets quite a workout, not very believable as a badass, but he does
perform a lengthy fight scene in which he leaps over a fire pit several times. You also get to see the lovely June Kenney
(YOUNG REBELS), Gary Conway (I WAS A TEENAGE FRANKENSTEIN), Michael Forest (BEAST FROM HAUNTED CAVE), Sally Todd (FRANKENSTEIN’S
DAUGHTER) and Betsy Jones-Moreland (LAST WOMAN ON EARTH).
SAHARA (2005)--Directed by Breck Eisner.
Stars Matthew McConaughey, Steve Zahn, Penelope Cruz, William H. Macy, Lambert Wilson. McConaughey is captivating as
undersea adventurer Dirk Pitt in his adaptation of a Clive Cussler novel. Pitt and his sidekick Al Giordano (Zahn) are
dispatched to the Sahara Desert in search of a Civil War battleship long-rumored to be hidden there. They team up with
Eva Rojas (Cruz), a doctor investigating the deaths of hundreds of North Africans attributed to plague. Together, they
discover that a French industrialist (Wilson) is dumping nuclear waste into the Niger River, killing the so-called plague
victims and threatening all life on Earth. Reminiscent of the down-to-earth adventures of Indiana Jones, SAHARA offers
big chases and busy action sequences that rely on old-fashioned stunts over flashy CGI effects, and McConaughey flashes a
toothy charm that works in tandem with Zahn’s comic relief. Eisner keeps the romantic angle at arm’s length
until the final fade, choosing to keep Pitt focused on his work, which just happens to be saving the world. Morocco
and Spain substitute for the Sahara. Also with Rainn Wilson and Delroy Lindo. Score by Clint Mansell and a lot
of ‘70s rock songs.
THE SAINT (1997)--Directed by Philip Noyce. Stars
Val Kilmer, Elisabeth Shue. This dull actioner bears no resemblance whatsoever to either Leslie Charteris' literary hero or
the suave rogue played by Roger Moore in the '60s TV series. The Saint isn't even British anymore! Simon Templar (Kilmer)
is a thief and master of disguise who wants to make one last big score before settling down (he needs $50 million to retire
on--I guess 40 or 45 mil just won't do...). Bubbly blond scientist Shue has discovered a top-secret formula, but writes it
down on paper and leaves it lying around her apartment for Templar to steal! The Saint eventually develops a conscience, and
he and Shue find themselves running from Russian spies. The problem is that Kilmer lacks magnetism and is unbelievable in
his various guises (his aliases are taken from former real-life saints). Noyce has made some intelligent adventures (most
notably Harrison Ford's Jack Ryan pictures), but this one is very slow-moving and dull. Too much like some of the non-Bond
spy films made in England in the '60s. If you listen carefully, you might catch a Roger Moore voiceover at the end.
THE
SAINT IN LONDON (1939)--Directed by John Paddy Carstairs. Stars George Sanders, Sally Gray, David Burns, Gordon McLeod.
Famed sleuth Simon Templar (Sanders), also known within disreputable circles as The Saint, returns to London just in time
to become involved in a plot to counterfeit and distribute one million pounds in foreign currency. Accompanied by cute socialite
Penny Parker (Gray) and ex-con valet Dugan (Burns), Templar, working on a tip from the British Secret Service, stumbles onto
the torture of a count, a murder and a few kidnappings, while keeping a mere step ahead of his friendly nemesis, Inspector
Teal (McLeod) of Scotland Yard.
Less of a mystery than a straight crime drama, THE SAINT IN LONDON
showcases Sanders' natural charm and humor, and serves as a fine showcase for his talent. Carstairs, who, decades later, also
directed episodes of the Roger Moore TV series, moves the proceedings along, although he doesn't much take advantage of London
locations. Also with Henry Oscar, John Abbott, Ralph Truman and Carl Jaffe. Based on THE MILLION POUND DAY by Saint creator
Leslie Charteris. Surprisingly, Burns did not continue as sidekick Dugan, even though he and Sanders appear to have had nice
chemistry together.
ST. IVES (1976)--Directed by J. Lee Thompson.
Stars Charles Bronson, John Houseman, Jacqueline Bisset, Maximilian Schell. ST. IVES was the first of nine movies Bronson
made with director J. Lee Thompson. In it, he plays a professional "go-between" (I don't know how you get that gig) named
Raymond St. Ives who is hired by wealthy crook Houseman to ransom some ledgers stolen from Houseman's safe. Of course, no
job is as easy as it seems, and when Bronson shows up at the ransom site with $100,000 and finds no ledgers, but a dead guy
in a dryer, he realizes this gig isn't going to be the cakewalk he was hoping for. He does eventually sleep with Jacqueline
Bisset, which you would imagine would make the whole ordeal worthwhile. What's really cool about ST. IVES, in addition to
the punchy Lalo Schifrin score, is the supporting cast. If you watched more than five movies made during the 1970's, you've
seen most of the performers before. Harry Guardino (THE ENFORCER), Dana Elcar (BARETTA) and Harris Yulin (NIGHT MOVES) play
cops. Maximilian Schell gets "guest star" billing as a shrink. Michael Lerner (BARTON FINK) is a lawyer. Elisha Cook (THE
MALTESE FALCON) is a hotel clerk. Daniel J. Travanti (HILL STREET BLUES), Burr DeBenning (THE INCREDIBLE MELTING MAN), Val
Bisoglio (QUINCY, M.E.), Dick O'Neill (CAGNEY & LACEY), George Memmoli (PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE), stuntman Dar Robinson
and Olan Soule (the voice of Batman on SUPERFRIENDS) are in it too. You'll also see Robert Englund and Jeff Goldblum (also
in Bronson's DEATH WISH) in small roles.
THE SAINT STRIKES BACK (1939)--Directed by John Farrow. Stars George Sanders, Wendy Barrie, Jonathan Hale.
Sanders takes over for Louis Hayward as Leslie Charteris' legendary contemporary Robin Hood, Simon Templar aka The Saint.
This time out, Templar, accompanied by friendly rival Inspector Fernack (Hale), pops up in San Francisco and runs afoul of
a bitter policemans daughter (Barrie) out to find the men who framed her father. Later SAINT features would lean more towards
comedy than thrills, and, while STRIKES BACK isn't devoid of humor, there seems to have been an effort made by director Farrow
and writer John Twist (who based his script on a Charteris novel) to establish the Saint as a mysterious creature of the night.
Perhaps no other RKO SAINT film is as noir as this one.
Also with Jerome Cowan, Barry Fitzgerald, future Commissioner
Gordon Neil Hamilton, Willie Best as Templar's butler, Edward Gargan and a bit by serial heavy Tris Coffin. The Australian-born
Farrow was married to actress Maureen O'Sullivan, and is the father of actresses Mia and Tisa Farrow. Sanders played the Saint
four more times before relinquishing the reins to Hugh Sinclair; he was also the Falcon for RKO before handing that sleuthing
role over to his brother Tom Conway.
THE SAINT TAKES OVER (1940)--Directed by Jack Hively.
Stars George Sanders, Jonathan Hale. With tongue pressed firmly in one cheek and a Scotch glass in the other, Simon
Templar (Sanders) comes to the aid of his old rival, when police inspector Fernack (Hale) is accused of bribery and murder.
The two actors have wonderful chemistry together, especially in the scenes where Hale is at the mercy of Sanders' quipping.
Also with Wendy Barrie, Paul Guilfoyle, Morgan Conway and Pierre Watkin.
THE SAINT'S DOUBLE TROUBLE (1940)--Directed by Jack
Hively. Stars George Sanders, Bela Lugosi, Jonathan Hale, Helene Whitney, Thomas W. Ross. In Philadelphia, Professor Horatio
Bitts (Ross) is delighted to receive a package from his old university protégé Simon Templar (Sanders), the globetrotting
rogue known around the world as The Saint. The package contains a mummy shipped directly from Cairo, which Bitts immediately
stores in his vault for later study. That night, Templar drops by in person, where he is greeted coolly by the professor's
daughter Anne (Whitney), an old flame who disapproves of The Saint's notorious reputation--a reputation that becomes worse
when the corpse of a thug known as The Dutchman is found in the garden behind the Bitts home with Templar's calling card found
nearby. The Saint's police adversary, Inspector Fernack (Hale)--who just happens to be in town visiting his old buddies on
the Philadelphia force--isn't completely convinced of Simon's guilt, but has no choice but to arrest him for the crime. It
turns out that Bitts's visitor wasn't Simon Templar at all, but a lookalike named Duke (also Sanders), a jewel thief who used
the mummy to smuggle two small sacks of diamonds into the United States from Cairo. Convincing Fernack to allow him to escape,
The Saint poses as Duke in an effort to infiltrate his gang and recover the diamonds.
Duke's partner--referred to
only as Partner--is played by horror legend Lugosi, who's fourth-billed here behind the likes of Helene Whitney and Jonathan
Hale, and actually has very little to do. In fact, there's no real reason why Lugosi had to play the role, since Partner has
even less screen time than Duke's other henchmen, a pair of comic relief numbskulls named Limpy and Monk. While Bela is serviceable
enough in the part, it's a pretty straightforward gangster bit and requires Lugosi to do no more than banter a bit with Sanders
as the heavy. Lugosi completists should see THE SAINT'S DOUBLE TROUBLE, as long as they don't expect any Poverty Row-style
histrionics.
Besides Lugosi, the only other reason to track down this routine RKO programmer is to see Sanders in
dual roles. While George, who often had trouble maintaining his concentration on the set, probably had a nice time playing
two parts, scripter Ben Holmes doesn't take much advantage of the situation, failing to develop Duke as a worthy opponent
for a slick sleuth like The Saint. Hively's direction is perfunctory at best, although using rear-screen projection to show
both Sanderses onscreen at the same time is a neat switch from the more common split-screen approach.
Also with Donald
MacBride, John F. Hamilton, Elliott Sullivan and Byron Foulger. Hale portrayed Inspector Fernack in five SAINT features, four
opposite Sanders. THE SAINT TAKES OVER was next. Bela starred in the classic THE DEVIL BAT for PRC the same year.
ST.
ELMO'S FIRE (1985)--Directed by Joel Schumacher. Stars Rob Lowe, Emilio Estevez, Demi Moore, Ally Sheedy, Mare Winningham,
Judd Nelson, Andrew McCarthy. Pretentious drama about seven smug Georgetown graduates, all of whom are unsure about their
professional and personal futures. Schumacher's script is shallow, and there isn't a talented actor in the bunch. Also with
Martin Balsam and Andie MacDowell. Music by David Foster. John Parr sings the hit theme. From the director of FALLING DOWN.
SALEM'S LOT (1979)--Directed by Tobe Hooper. Stars David Soul, James Mason, Lance Kerwin, Bonnie
Bedelia. This four-hour (with commercials) made-for-TV adaptation of Stephen King's popular novel is one of the scariest television
shows ever. Soul plays a best-selling author who returns to his hometown of Jerusalem's Lot, Maine, and becomes involved with
a cute art teacher (Bedelia), a mysterious British antiques dealer (Mason) and a townful of vampires. Some of scripter Paul
Monash's dialogue is dated, and many characters are introduced just to be quickly dropped, but horror fans should receive
a jolt or two, thanks to Hooper's strong direction and a very creepy performance by genre vet Reggie Nalder as Barlow, the
Nosferatu-like Master. Also with Ed Flanders, George Dzundza, Lew Ayres, Fred Willard, Julie Cobb, Geoffrey Lewis, Bonnie
Bartlett, Brad Savage, Joshua Bryant, Barbara Babcock and Kenneth McMillan. Music by Harry Sukman. Also exists on video in
a feature-length version titled SALEM'S LOT: THE MOVIE, which was released theatrically overseas and reportedly contains stronger
footage not seen on American television.
THE SALZBURG CONNECTION (1972)—Directed by
Lee H. Katzin. Stars Barry Newman, Anna Karina, Karen Jensen. Whatever happened to Barry Newman? It looked
like he was headed for big things, as he tackled the lead roles in four successive Hollywood thrillers beginning with 1970’s
THE LAWYER, continuing through the cult classic VANISHING POINT (recently referenced multiple times by Quentin Tarantino in
GRINDHOUSE) and the Alistair MacLean adaptation FEAR IS THE KEY, and culminating in this espionage thriller based not on a
MacLean novel, but one by Helen MacInnes. Perhaps none of them were hits (SALZBURG definitely wasn’t), and studios
no longer saw Newman as a bankable name. He then turned to television, reprising his LAWYER role as New Mexico defense
attorney Tony Petrocelli in the NBC drama PETROCELLI, in which he starred for two seasons. After PETROCELLI left the
airwaves, Newman popped up in various films and TV-movies (occasionally a series), but never lived up to the promise of his
early starring roles.
That THE SALZBURG CONNECTION is a flop is no fault of Newman’s.
It’s a tedious, talky and ridiculously complicated thriller about an American lawyer (Newman) on vacation in Salzburg
who is asked by his employer, a publishing company, to clear up what appears to be a clerical error concerning an Austrian
photographer compiling a coffee table book of lake photos. He stumbles into a mélange of domestic drama and international
intrigue when he discovers the man has been murdered and that secret agents from all over the globe are after something the
victim hid before his death: a trunk containing a list of Nazi sympathizers during World War II, many of whom have put
their secret lives behind them to become prominent citizens. Newman becomes involved with two beautiful women—the
photographer’s widow (Karina) and a gorgeous blond CIA agent (Jensen)—yet director Katzin allows barely a hint
of romance outside of the striking Austrian locations. Despite intriguing early acting roles by Klaus Maria Brandauer
(MEPHISTO) and Udo Kier (FLESH FOR FRANKENSTEIN), THE SALZBURG CONNECTION is a complete dud.
SAMURAI COP (1991)--Directed by Amir Shervan.
Stars Robert Z'Dar, Matt Hannon, Mark Frazer. Media Blasters unearthed this ultra-obscure action film for DVD release
in 2004. It appears to have never before been released, at least not in the United States, and was never given an MPAA
rating. It's one of the most inept films I've ever seen, making it one of the most irresistible as well. Z'Dar,
known at the time for his title role in the MANIAC COP trilogy, is not the Samurai Cop, but rather a Japanese (!) assassin
in the employ of a Japanese gangster in Los Angeles. The titular cop is Joe Marshall (wooden block Hannon), an undercover
detective from San Diego who teams up with a jive black partner (Frazer) to bring down seemingly the entire Yakuza.
Shervan, an Iranian filmmaker who reportedly owned a chain of theaters in his country (probably the only one where SAMURAI
COP ever played), is truly a remarkable director. Not only do basics like story logic, characterization and visual style
go completely out the window, but also, oh, minor attributes such as establishing shots, sound effects and continuity.
The longhaired Hannon must have gotten a haircut during the four-week shooting schedule, because he appears in several scenes
wearing a ludicrous wig. Much of his time is wasted in senseless sexual banter with every woman he meets or good-natured
racial banter with his partner Frank. The stunt work and excessive shootouts are marked by their lack of energy, and
the dialogue is completely wretched, with highlights being the implausibly forward nurse who comes on to Joe and the hilariously
foul-mouthed police captain. SAMURAI COP is startling in its awfulness, failing to reach a level of competency in any
department. An absolute must-see for bad-movie fans who think they've seen it all. Also with Melissa Moore, Cameron
(allegedly porn actress Krista Lane), Janis Farley and Jimmy Williams.
SAN QUENTIN (1946)--Directed
by Gordon Douglas. Stars Lawrence Tierney, Marian Carr, Barton MacLane, Joe Devlin, Harry Shannon. Tough guy Tierney plays
Joe Roland, an ex-con on parole who, while in the joint, founded a prison reform program that earned the respect of San Quentin
warden Kelly (Shannon). The newspapers are giving Kelly a hard time, however, and want the successful program shut down, barking
that Kelly's mollycoddling the prisoners. The press may get its wish when murderous bank robber Nick Taylor (MacLane) abuses
the system to carry out a successful escape, shooting down several bystanders in the process. In an effort to clear the prison
welfare system's good name, Roland vows to bring Taylor in with the aid of pretty fiancé Betty (Carr) and wide-mouthed comic
sidekick Broadway (Devlin). Real-life Sing Sing warden Lewis F. Lawes appears in the prologue, (badly) reading some preachy
stage-setting narration. Raymond Burr appears in one of his first films as one of Taylor's goons. Also with Robert Clarke,
Tom Keene, Carol Forman, Tony Barrett, Robert Bray and Selmer Jackson. Co-writer Arthur A. Ross penned SATAN'S SCHOOL FOR
GIRLS and earned an Oscar nomination for BRUBAKER.
SANCTUARY OF FEAR (1979)--Directed by John Llewellyn
Moxey. Stars Barnard Hughes, Kay Lenz, Michael McGuire. Hughes is perfectly cast as G.K. Chesterton’s Father
Brown in this unsold pilot film. Well, “perfectly cast” with the caveat that Brown has been transplanted
from London to New York City, where he becomes involved with a struggling actress (Lenz) who keeps stumbling over dead bodies,
only the corpses are gone by the time police lieutenant Bellamy (McGuire) arrives. Is someone gaslighting Kay?
Or is she the killer? Lenz and Hughes work well together in this light mystery, which probably would have turned into
a pretty good series. Maybe it (and the shortlived NERO WOLFE series with William Conrad) were a bit ahead of their
time, as the later success of MURDER, SHE WROTE demonstrates. Crime dramas of the late 1970’s were action-oriented,
and it’s unlikely Hughes would have been chasing anyone down a dark alley or squealing tires through Manhattan.
Hughes reportedly believed this pilot would have sold if it had run less than two hours (with commercials). Also with
David Rasche, Robert Schenkkan, George Hearn, Saul Rubinek, Jeffrey DeMunn and Fred Gwynne as a judge. Music by Jack
Elliott and Allyn Ferguson. Gordon Cotler and Don Mankiewicz also penned the similar LANIGAN’S RABBI pilot with
Art Carney.
THE SAND PEBBLES (1966)--Directed by Robert Wise.
Stars Steve McQueen, Candice Bergen, Richard Crenna, Mako. McQueen received his only Oscar nomination for this epic adventure
about a maverick engineer aboard a Navy gunship in 1926 China. When civil war breaks out, the ship is torn between sides,
and McQueen's loyalties are split between the service and his love for a young missionary (Bergen). Crenna is good as the
ship's captain, and Mako received an Academy Award nomination as McQueen's Chinese assistant. Also with Richard Attenborough,
Simon Oakland and Gavin MacLeod. Received seven Oscar nominations, including Best Picture. From the director of THE DAY THE
EARTH STOOD STILL.
SANDS OF THE KALAHARI (1965)--Directed by Cy Endfield. Stars Stanley Baker, Stuart Whitman, Susannah
York, Harry Andrews, Theodore Bikel, Nigel Davenport. Yeah, the premise is a lot like that of FLIGHT OF THE PHOENIX
(released the same year), but this downbeat desert adventure is still worth watching. A plane carrying six men and a
woman crashes in the African desert. The pilot dies, but the rest of the party manages to salvage some equipment and
hike under the blistering sun to a mountain containing fresh water and a cave for shelter. Unlike the hearty heroes
of PHOENIX, all of whom more or less got along with each other and were able to work together to fix their plane, Endfield's
characters are less black-and-white and more sharply drawn. One Alpha male critical to their survival by hunting for
game also becomes the film's "villain". Another attempts to rape York, but is later instrumental in the party's rescue.
There are no good guys or bad guys, just human beings who sometimes act selfishly and sometimes nobly. Endfield's intense
desert locations (Spain?) add to the audience's discomfort, as the castaways not only face internal battles, but also a wild
pack of baboons. John Dankworth's score adds to the suspense of this film that was released in the U.K. and the U.S.
by Paramount. From the director of MYSTERIOUS ISLAND.
SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS (1964)--Directed by Nicholas Webster. Stars John Call, Leonard Hicks,
Victor Stiles, Donna Conforti, Vincent Beck, Pia Zadora. Just about as inept as they come. Children on Mars are depressed
(I think it's because of the green dickies and plastic helmets with antennae sticking out of the top that all Martians are
required to wear), so Martian leader Kimar (Hicks), accompanied by treasonous council member Voldar (Beck) and a foolish-looking
robot (actually a man dressed in silver-painted cardboard boxes), lands on Earth to kidnap Santa Claus and (accidentally)
a pair of Earth children. Santa builds toys under duress, but finally escapes to the North Pole after teaching the Martians
the true meaning of Christmas. I'm not sure which is worse: the acting, dialogue, sets, photography, costumes or special effects.
Zadora plays Girmar, one of the green Martian kids. Pretty awful, which means it's pretty funny. You'll love the ridiculous
theme song, "Hooray for Santy (sic) Claus"! The ear-wrenching musical score is by one-time TONIGHT SHOW bandleader Milton
Delugg! Filmed in a studio on Long Island by a future WALTONS director.
SANTO AND BLUE DEMON VS. DR. FRANKENSTEIN (1974)--Directed by Miguel M. Delgado. Stars Santo,
Blue Demon, Jorge Russek, Sasha Montenegro. I was stunned to realize this was an uncredited remake of DOCTOR OF DOOM,
which shared screenwriter Alfredo Salazar. Professional masked wrestlers Santo and Blue Demon run afoul of Dr. Irwin
Frankenstein (Russek), who's performing brain transplant experiments on beautiful women. When Santo's girlfriend Alicia
(Montenegro) is kidnapped to serve as the mad doc's next donor, our two rasslin' heroes team up with a pair of apathetic female
police detectives to storm Frank's lab and rescue "Licia". Then, to gain vengeance upon Santo for ruining his plan,
Dr. Frankenstein poses as a masked wrestler's masked manager and sets up a professional match between Santo and his super-strong
zombie Golem. It's all great fun, packed with cheap sets, silly dialogue, colorful costumes and, of course, lots of
padding posing as wrestling action.
SANTO AND BLUE DEMON VS. DRACULA AND THE WOLF MAN (1973)-Directed by Miguel M. Delgado. Stars
Santo, Blue Demon, Aldo Monti, Agustin Martinez Solares, Nubia Marti. What's better than one Mexican masked wrestler
fighting classic Universal monsters? How about two of them! Santo teams up with another legendary wrestling superstar,
Blue Demon (who starred in his own series of adventures), when the scientist father of his beautiful girlfriend Lina (Marti)
is kidnapped and killed by a hunchback who uses the old man's blood to resuscitate the corpses of Count Dracula (Monti) and
the Wolf Man (Solares). The scientist was a descendent of the man who destroyed Drac centuries ago, so the Count now
seeks revenge on the whole family. He sends the Wolf Man, in his human guise as suave Rufus Rex, to seduce Lina's cousin
and lure her to their cave hideout so he can transform her into a vampire. As the title suggests, Delgado's film is
an entertaining and colorful romp, featuring silly special effects, good sets and makeup and plenty of action. Delgado
pads the action with three gratuitous wrestling matches that have nothing to do with the plot, but it's fun to see Santo and
Blue Demon tag-teaming the rambunctious White Angel and Renato the Hippie! Music by Gustavo Cesar Carrion. The
two stars reunited a year later to fight Dr. Frankenstein.
SANTO AND BLUE DEMON VS. THE MONSTERS (1970)--Directed by Gilberto Martinez Solares. Stars
El Santo, Blue Demon, Carlos Ancira. There can be no discussing Mexican wrestling movies without El Santo, the most
famous luchador of them all and one of the biggest movie stars in the country’s history. Known as “the man
in the silver mask,” Santo--who, like The Lone Ranger, was never seen in public without his face covered--graduated
from the wrestling arena to the silver screen in the late 1950’s, when he played a supporting role in a pair of superhero
adventures. It wasn’t until 1961 and the release of INVASION OF THE ZOMBIES that Santo became a leading man, kicking
off a string of more than fifty wild-and-wooly motion pictures that sicced “El Enmascarado de Plata” against witches,
Martians, stranglers, she-wolves, mad scientists and other colorful villains. Only a few of them played in the United
States, dubbed into English with the hero’s name changed to Samson, as in SAMSON VS. THE VAMPIRE WOMEN (1962).
One of Santo’s best adventures was surely inspired by Universal’s great “monster mashes” of the
1940’s: HOUSE OF FRANKENSTEIN and HOUSE OF DRACULA, in which the studio’s roster of fright icons teamed
up to scare matinee audiences. This movie had so many monsters that not even Santo could take them all on, so he gained
a partner. Blue Demon was likely Mexico’s second-most popular masked wrestler, and had already gone solo in several
starring vehicles before becoming a sidekick in SANTO AND BLUE DEMON AGAINST THE MONSTERS.
Mad scientist Bruno Halder (Carlo Ancira) has a plan to conquer the world from his base beneath a mountain-top castle,
and it involves his awesome all-monster army, including a wolfman, the Frankenstein monster, a mummy, a midget, a Cyclops,
a vampire, two sexy vampire women and a slew of green-faced zombies. To keep Santo, who moonlights from his regular
job as a wrestling champion to take on crime-fighting duties for the government, out of his hair, Bruno kidnaps Santo’s
best friend, Blue Demon, and stashes him in a duplicating machine, resulting in an evil Blue Demon twin. With the evil
Blue Demon taking the lead, Bruno periodically sends out his monsters to kidnap or kill people, principally his sexy niece
Gloria (Hedy Blue), who also happens to be Santo’s girlfriend.
Logic? Bah, this movie needs no stinking logic. There’s no way you could possibly be bored, as SANTO
AND BLUE DEMON AGAINST THE MONSTERS basically consists of one ridiculous fight scene after another. People get kidnapped
and people escape. The monsters stalk their victims, and Santo beats them up. Seeing Santo and Blue Demon fighting
one another is the equivalent of a Silver Age Marvel comic where Spider-Man and Daredevil had to duke it out before resolving
their misunderstanding and teaming up to take on the bad guys. I suppose if you’re someone who has no interest
in monsters, midgets, exploding castles, mad scientist laboratories, funky jazz or beefy guys in colorful masks, this movie
ain’t for you. So what are you doing reading this?
SANTO IN THE TREASURE OF DRACULA (1969)--Directed by Rene Cardoza. Stars Santo, Aldo Monti, Noelia
Noel, Carlos Agosti, Alberto Rojas. El Santo is not just a star wrestler and stalwart crime fighter, we learn, but also
a scientist who has built a time machine. For some reason, women are more capable of time travel than men, so Luisa
(Noel), the daughter of Santo's nuclear physician friend Dr. Sepulveda (Agosti), volunteers to test the machine. She
lands in the 19th century, where Santo, Sepulveda and cowardly sidekick Perico (Rojas) watch her on a television screen in
a familiar version of Stoker's Count Dracula legend. The flashback goes on for quite some time, until Santo hurriedly
returns Luisa to the present day, just before Dracula (Monti) can transform her into his vampire bride. The rest of
the film finds Santo and his friends attempting to retrieve from Dracula's crypt a medallion and ring that reveal the location
of the vampire's treasure, which Santo wants to use to help those in need. He's opposed by the Black Hood, whose gang
also wants Dracula's wealth for its own nefarious purposes. The flashback is well done, but the story is old hat by
now, and Cardoza adds nothing new to it. Later, he swipes plot points from his own WRESTLING WOMEN VS. THE AZTEC MUMMY
to set up a lengthy wrestling match between Santo and the Black Hood's son Atlas. This is neither among the best or
the worst Santo entries. Although reportedly filmed in color, THE TREASURE OF DRACULA may only exist today in a black-and-white
print.
SANTO VS. DR. DEATH (1973)--Directed by Rafael Romero Marchent. Stars Santo, Carlos Romero Marchent,
Georges Rigaud, Helge Line. Diring the 1960's and '70s, one of Mexico's leading heroes was El Santo, a husky professional
wrestling who always wore a silver mask in the ring. He also wore it in several dozen films, which often pitted Santo
against fantastic adversaries like vampires, aliens, mummies...even "karate killers". In this color outing, one of only
a handful to be dubbed into English, Santo's foe is "Dr. Death", who is never actually referred to by that name.
After a valuable painting is vandalized while under strict guard in a Mexican museum, Santo is recruited by Interpol
to travel to Madrid, the painting's previous home, and investigate the man who appraised it, Dr. Mann (Rigaud). Mann,
a doctor of "art and chemistry", lives in a spacious castle along with several beautiful models who pose for his paintings.
Even though none are ever seen again after hiring on with Mann, the ladies have little compulsion over signing on for a several-month
stretch, their duties leaving them plenty of time for sunbathing and reading magazines. Teaming up with Spanish agent
Paul (Marchent), Santo concocts a plot to send another agent, Sara (Line), undercover as Mann's new model, leaving her to
poke around the doctor's dungeon while Santo wins the local wrestling championship. Mann's scheme is a devious one indeed.
Turns out he's holding his models prisoner and injecting them with cancer. When their tumors grow large enough, he kills
the women (sliding their corpses into an acid bath), removes the tumors, and uses them in a secret formula to duplicate expensive
paintings, keeping the originals (including the Mona Lisa!) and returning the fakes.
Although SANTO VS. DR. DEATH contains long stretches when its hero is off-screen--and when he's present, it's often in
lengthy, gratuitous wrestling matches that have nothing to do with the plot--it's a lot of fun, filled with enough pulpy trappings
to fill a 12-chapter serial. Booby traps, car crashes, boat chases, fights, helicopters, gorgeous women, a mad scientist,
a masked hero...yep, it's all here. The dubbed dialogue is often hilarious, and, in truth, Santo (called "The Saint"
here) is not much of an investigator, but this is a pretty difficult film to dislike. It also contains a dizzying jazz/rock
theme that was about five years out of date, but still pretty darned cool. Viva El Santo! Also known as THE SAINT
VS. DR. DEATH and SANTO CONTRA EL DOCTOR MUERTE.
SANTO VS. THE MARTIAN INVASION (1967)—Directed by Alfredo Crevenna. Stars El Santo, Manuel
Zozaya, Wolf Ruvinskis. Martians dressed like The Mighty Thor, with the addition of belt devices that can disintegrate
their enemies or transport themselves back to their ship, invade Earth to rid us of our nuclear weapons, beginning with Mexico,
which, er, has no nuclear weapons. Masked wrestler Santo and professor Zozaya are pretty much the only humans willing
to fight the Martians, who can’t breathe oxygen and rely on special breathing pills to survive on the surface.
In addition to the Thor look-alikes, the Martians are also composed of really hot chicks with plunging necklines. Hopefully
they’ll want to mate with Earth men. Fun Mexican SF in attractive black-and-white.
SANTO Y LA TIGRESA (1973)--Directed by Alfredo B. Crevenna. Stars El Santo, Irma Serrano, Carlos
Suarez. This is the least effective Santo film I've seen to date, which isn't helped by its very cheap appearance and
its DVD presentation, which offers some very confusing English subtitles. Santo and his comic relief sidekick Carlitos
(Suarez) are summoned to the hacienda of Irma (Serrano), who claims that unknowns who want to get their hands on her property
have made several attempts on her life. There's little beyond that to the plot, which Crevenna attempts to spice up
with animal brutality, musical numbers, red herrings and Suarez's unfunny antics. Ultimately, Santo, who only gets to
wrestle once, has nothing to do with the finale. I found little action or entertainment in this straightforward mystery,
and prefer Santo's monster mashes. Mexican title: EL AGUILA REAL.
SARTANA’S HERE…TRADE YOUR PISTOL FOR A COFFIN (1970)--Directed by Guiliano Carnimeo.
Stars George Hilton, Charles Southwood, Piero Lulli. Hilton takes over the role of gunfighter Sartana in the series’
fifth western and the fourth directed by Carnimeo as “Anthony Ascott”. You’ve seen this plot a hundred
times, but the fun is in the storytelling and in Hilton’s sly performance. Sartana matches wits with Spencer (Lulli),
the shady owner of a mining company whose gold shipments keep getting robbed. Sartana offers to help keep future shipments
safe, even though you suspect he really wants the gold for himself. Also vying for Spencer’s affections is Sabbath
(Southwood), a dandy mama’s boy with a parasol and a deadly aim with a pistol. Francisco DeMasi’s score
is brassy and loud, and are so are the many gimmicky shootouts that may have you calling “bullshit” if you’re
not into this sort of thing. Also with Erika Blanc, Nello Pazzafini and Rick Boyd. This Italian production is
available on DVD as FISTFUL OF LEAD.
SASQUATCH (2003)--Directed by Jonas Questel. Stars Lance Henriksen. You would think Lance
Henriksen fighting Bigfoot would kick major ass, wouldn't you? Not so in SASQUATCH, a low-budget 12-day wonder with
Henriksen playing Harlan Knowles, a rich bastard who organizes a search party in the Washington mountains for a crashed airplane
containing his daughter. Unfortunately, director Jonas Questel is more interested in his clichéd characters than in
the monster, and the body count is disappointingly low. He also relies on blurry cinematography, poor editing (count
the number of jump cuts that were probably caused by Questel not shooting enough coverage), and a monster suit that looks
different from shot to shot.
Questel probably can't be blamed for much of SASQUATCH's failure, as you'll learn from listening to the entertaining
DVD commentary he carries along with his producer and two of the actors. First off, the four of them, who admit they
are watching the final film for the first time, express shock and embarrassment at the title: SASQUATCH. It was shot
as THE UNTOLD, and was still THE UNTOLD as far as any of them knew. Of course, the new title "tips the hat a little
early" and definitely sets you up for a different kind of movie than THE UNTOLD would have. Some scenes were filmed
later in Los Angeles by a different director and crew, including a ridiculously gratuitious topless scene and the climax of
Henriksen hunting Sasquatch. The original makeup effects creator died after principal photography, and the new guy ended
up building a different Sasquatch costume, which is why the monster looks different in some shots. There's another idiotic
scene of a woman undressing and preparing for bed in which the editor has, for no reason and less sense, spun the image in
a slow 360-degree turn, causing some laughter on the commentary. The no-name cast of mainly Canadian actors includes
Andrea Roth (RESCUE ME), Philip Granger, Russell Ferrier, Mary Mancini and Erica Durance, later Lois Lane on the SMALLVILLE
series.
SASQUATCH MOUNTAIN--See DEVIL ON THE MOUNTAIN.
THE SATAN BUG (1965)--Directed by John Sturges. Stars George Maharis, Richard Basehart, Anne Francis,
Dana Andrews. Secret agent Maharis is on a mission to stop mad scientist Basehart from destroying Los Angeles with a toxic
virus. Despite a screenplay co-written by James Clavell (SHOGUN), Sturges, who has directed some terrific action movies (THE
GREAT ESCAPE comes to mind), can't generate any excitement from the talky script, and Maharis is a dull lead. Has a nice score
by Jerry Goldsmith, and Francis is lovely, although underutilized. Also with Frank Sutton, Edward Asner, John Anderson and
Simon Oakland.
THE SATANIC RITES OF DRACULA (1973)--Directed by Alan Gibson. Stars Christopher Lee,
Peter Cushing. The first vampire/spy movie. Lee's last time out as Count Dracula; he claims he hated doing these last few
Hammer films anyway. This time, the sinister vampire wants to use the Black Plague to conquer the world. Dracula is back and
posing as a reclusive billionaire named D.D. Denham, who has kidnapped some of Britain's leading scientists in an attempt
to develop a serum that would wipe out Earth's human populations. Cushing returns as Dr. Van Helsing's modern-day relative,
who pushes Dracula into a thornbush. An unusual mixture of James Bondian espionage antics and gothic horror. Also with Michael
Coles, Freddie Jones and Joanna Lumley, who is gorgeous as Van Helsing's red-haired granddaughter Jessica. Pretty violent
stuff, which wasn't released in the United States until 1978 as COUNT DRACULA AND HIS VAMPIRE BRIDE with a silly ad campaign.
Gibson directed Lee and Cushing the year before in DRACULA A.D. 1972.
SATAN'S CHILDREN (1974)--Directed by Joe Wiezycki. Stars Stephen White, Robert C. Ray II, Kathleen
Marie Archer. This extremely cheap and obscure regional horror movie was made by a director of newscasts and other local
programming at a TV station in Florida. It has some bad acting and pretty outrageous story twists, but it's usually
interesting. Wimpy red-haired teen Bobby (White), sick of being mistreated by his bullying stepfather and seductive
stepsister, runs away from home, only to be gang-raped by four bikers who leave him unconscious and naked near a compound
for Satan worshippers. Since their leader Simon (Ray) is away, second-in-command Sherry (Archer) orders Bobby taken
inside and cared for. She has sex with him, but is later buried in the sand, covered with honey and attacked by ants
at Simon's command. Simon also tells Bobby, who whines about how much his butt hurts, that being raped means he is weak,
and Satan has no room for weaklings in his flock. So he busts out of the compound, kills his mean family, rapists and
Satanists with a shotgun. The End. Pretty much anyway.
SATAN’S PRINCESS (1990)--Directed by Bert I. Gordon. Stars Robert Forster, Caren Kaye, Lydie
Denier, Philip Glasser. Gordon on his best day was no better than an average director, but his enthusiasm and lack of
taste was generally good for an entertaining movie. SATAN'S PRINCESS is a well-paced and generally silly combination
of urban crime drama and supernatural chiller. And it features Borscht Belt comic Jack Carter as a 15th-century Spanish
priest. Yep, it's that kind of movie.
One thing you gotta respect about Robert Forster is that he never walked through any of these movies. Not only
did he always give the project 100%, regardless of how much of a turkey it was, he usually was able to jack the movie up a
notch or two with his performance. SATAN'S PRINCESS is dumb and often laughable, but I'll be damned if Forster doesn't
project what the screenplay doesn't and create a full-fledged character that's a joy to watch.
Forster is Lou Cherney, a crippled ex-cop with a retarded son and a put-upon girlfriend (Kaye). Cherney walks with
a cane as a result of a shotgun blast in the line of duty that shattered his knee. His disability surprisingly doesn't
affect the story a bit, although it does give Forster more to play than just a standard "moody, alcoholic ex-cop obsessed
with an unsolved case he takes too personally". Providing him with a retarded son seems like overkill, but the boy does eventually
become a story point.
The case Cherney can't shake involves a missing person, a female runaway he could never find. The girl's father
hires Cherney to continue his investigation, which leads him to a murdered model and her boss at the agency, Nicole St. James
(Lydie Denier). For reasons not immediately explained, Nicole takes a shining to the battered gumshoe and invites him
back to her mansion for some hot sex. Considering we've already seen Nicole engage in full-frontal lesbian sex with
the girl that Cherney's searching for, we're now ready to anoint Bert I. Gordon as a genius.
This gets most of the sex out of the way, but there's more craziness to come. Just about everyone in Lou's life comes
to a violent demise. His son is occasionally possessed by Nicole and driven to violent acts, including pounding an icepick
into his old man's back and forcing a psychic to leap to her death. Cherney makes a call and picks up some homemade weaponry
from a dude named Jilly, who's recognizable as actor Daryl Anderson, the unkempt photographer Animal from the LOU GRANT TV
series. I'm not completely sure about the film's resolution, except that Cherney flames the French chick with a rickety-looking
flamethrower that I wouldn't trust to fire BBs, much less napalm. She's supposed to be a 500-year-old demon, not an alien,
but she still sheds her (hot) human skin to reveal some unrealistic makeup effects.
Plenty of sex and violence keep this junky freight train of schlock rolling right along with Forster and Denier doing
their best to keep it classy. Forster's weary manner of handling the script's one-liners (which are really funny) adds intentional
humor (God knows there's plenty of unintentional laughs, and he manages to kick plenty of ass, bad leg be damned. Unsurprisingly,
Forster didn't sign on to make a picture called SATAN'S PRINCESS (who would?). It was filmed as THE MALEDICTION, but I can
imagine the smell of sweat from the Paramount marketing execs who would have to sell that to video stores. Gordon’s
last film to date.
SATAN'S SADISTS (1969)--Directed by Al Adamson. Stars Russ Tamblyn, Regina Taylor, Scott Brady, Kent
Taylor. Universally touted by bad movie lovers as the sickest and sleaziest biker movie ever. Former WEST SIDE STORY star
Tamblyn and his gang drug and rape college women, kill innocent families, and generally make life miserable for everyone.
A Vietnam-vet drifter takes care of them in the bloody climax. Well-endowed biker chick Taylor was the director's wife; she
was billed as "the freak-out girl". Also with Robert Dix, Bambi Allen and future bad film directors John "Bud" Cardos and
Greydon Clark as "Acid". Music by The Nightriders.
SATAN'S SCHOOL FOR GIRLS (1973)--Directed by David
Lowell Rich. Stars Pamela Franklin, Kate Jackson, Roy Thinnes, Lloyd Bochner, Jo Van Fleet, Cheryl Ladd, Jamie Smith-Jackson,
Terry Lumley. Despite its silly title, SATAN'S SCHOOL FOR GIRLS shapes up as one of the best of an impressive line of '70s
made-for-television horror films. After Elizabeth (Franklin) returns home to find her highstrung sister Martha (Lumley) hanging
from the rafters, she flies cross-country to Massachusetts to investigate the death. The authorities are calling it a suicide,
but Elizabeth refuses to believe her sister would kill herself, even though all the house's doors and windows were locked
from the inside.
Registering at the Salem Academy for Women under an assumed name, Elizabeth begins questioning the
students, who include gloomy Debbie (Smith-Jackson), friendly Jody (Ladd, billed under her maiden name Cheryl Stoppelmoor)
and levelheaded Roberta (Jackson). The girls refer to the headmistress (Van Fleet) as The Dragon Lady, and seem freaked out
by the eccentric and sometimes cruel psychology professor Delacroix (Bochner). They also have crushes on charismatic art teacher
Clampett ("special guest star" Thinnes). As the film's title would indicate, there's a lot more happening at Salem Academy
than midterms and slumber parties. The mysterious suicides continue as Elizabeth determines to unearth the circumstances of
her sisters death, discovering in the process that nearly no one is whom he or she appears to be.
Although Arthur
A. Ross's (CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON) teleplay comes up a bit short at the climax, SATAN'S SCHOOL FOR GIRLS registers
a fair number of impressive shock sequences, while containing all the haunted-house clichés horror fans love: dark cellars,
electrical blackouts, shots of women in nightgowns walking down dimly-lit hallways during a thunderstorm. Ross and director
Rich (TERROR AT 37,000 FEET) seem to have taken the story seriously, and the presence of puns both verbal (one character exclaims,
"What the devil's going on?") and visual (the heavy wooden door leading to the cellar's secret room is subtly similar to the
front door of Elizabeth's house where Martha meets her death) indicate their level of ambition.
Franklin, a critically
acclaimed child star who abandoned films in her late 20s, carries the film on her shoulders in a role which closely resembles
that of Jessica Harper, another cult actress whose screen appearances are sadly rare, in SUSPIRIA, directed by Dario Argento
a few years later. Franklin's believable performance as a pixyish Nancy Drew is paralleled by those of Jackson, playing the
same sort of natural leader that would make her famous in CHARLIE'S ANGELS, and Thinnes, normally a dependable, handsome TV
leading man, who lends Clampett enough devilish charm to pull this type of role off.
The fine score is by Laurence
Rosenthal. Aaron Spelling and Leonard Goldberg produced; Spelling would also produce the 2000 remake, which featured Jackson
as the school's headmistress. Also with Bill Quinn, Bing Russell, Gwynne Gilford, Ann Noland and Frank Marth. Jackson and
Ladd would star together on CHARLIE'S ANGELS beginning in 1977. Thinnes, whose genre credentials were already set with his
leading role on TV's THE INVADERS, appeared in several made-for-TV horror films, and had a recurring role on THE X-FILES.
Ross was nominated for a Best Original Screenplay Oscar for BRUBAKER. Rich has directed dozens of telefilms and television
series since the 1950s, as well as the Three Stooges SF comedy HAVE ROCKET WILL TRAVEL.
SATAN’S TRIANGLE (1975)—Directed by Sutton Roley. Stars Doug McClure, Kim Novak, Alejandro
Rey, Jim Davis, Ed Lauter, Michael Conrad. Coast Guard chopper pilot McClure rescues prostitute Novak, stranded alone
on a yacht in the middle of the “Devil’s Triangle” in the Caribbean. She tells him about the storm
that attacked the boat the night before and killed everyone else on board, including the captain (Lauter), her rich fisherman
client (Davis) and a priest (Rey), whom they found floating in the ocean after a plane crash. McClure manages to convince
her that the mysterious deaths have rational, rather than supernatural, explanations, but later changes his mind when he has
a horrific encounter of his own. Roley was a director to whom to turn when you had a screenplay without much life.
McClure’s ocean rescue is handled well, but the middle section—a long flashback dotted with weird deaths—drags
on, despite Roley’s visual punch. It really gets silly as it heads towards a typically ‘70s downer twist
ending. I think the movie would have been helped had Roley gone all out with the spooky stuff. Music by Johnny
Pate.
SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER (1977)--Directed by John Badham. Stars John Travolta, Karen Lynn Gorney, Donna
Pescow, Joseph Cali, Fran Drescher. It's easy to make fun of this movie since it's such an important landmark of the disco
scene, but, even though it's dated a bit, it's still an absorbing drama. Travolta earned an Oscar nomination as a Brooklyn
teenager who sees his skills on the dance floor as his only ticket to the big time. Available in PG and R versions. The Bee
Gees' double soundtrack album is still one of the top five best-selling albums of all time. From the director of STAKEOUT.
SATURN 3 (1980)--Directed by Stanley Donen. Stars Farrah Fawcett, Kirk Douglas, Harvey Keitel. Adam
(Douglas) and Alex (Fawcett) are scientists working and living alone on Saturn 3, a lab located on Saturn's third moon, Titan.
Their research ostensibly involves hydroponics and finding a solution to Earth's dwindling food supply, but all they really
do is lounge around in their underwear and sometimes take showers. Out of the blue, Captain James (Keitel, sporting a ponytail
and a dubbed-in clipped English accent) pops in carrying a mysterious cylinder and claiming he's been sent by their employers
to assist them in their work. He isn't really James though; his name is Benson, and for some reason that I never figured out,
he killed the real James and took his place.
The cylinder contains a disassembled robot named Hector, which Benson
puts together (how did he get all those pieces into that little-bitty cylinder?) and programs using his own brain and his
own thoughts. Unfortunately, Benson is a psychopath, and, since he's attracted to Alex ("You have a beautiful body. May I
use it?" he asks in one of screenwriter Martin Amis's more embarrassing moments), so is Hector, and soon both man and machine
are competing for the right to "use" Alex's body, whether she likes it or not.
That really is about all there is to
the plot, and it's a mystery why the film was made at all. Although the final third is nothing but a series of chases and
gory confrontations, SATURN 3 is never exciting or suspenseful, and it's a real shame to see Donen (Stanley Donen! My God,
this is the guy who directed SINGIN IN THE RAIN, for Chrissakes!), Douglas and Keitel involved in such a tawdry enterprise.
Douglas is the only performer who shows any vitality (as well as his wrinkly ass--the second time I've seen it in a month,
thanks to HOLOCAUST 2000); Keitel doesn't seem to be having any fun (although it's difficult to assess his performance fairly,
given that his voice isn't heard at all), and Fawcett, despite her lead billing (was she really THAT hot coming off of CHARLIE'S
ANGELS?), is never more than a black hole onscreen. In fact, her nipples, flashed during a brief topless scene, display more
pertness than her acting ever does, even in her most histrionic moment. This was her third consecutive box-office flop (after
SOMEBODY KILLED HER HUSBAND and SUNBURN), and Farrah quickly returned to the small screen, where she later received acclaim
for her work in THE BURNING BED.
To be fair, SATURN 3 was a troubled production. Oscar-winning art director John Barry
(not to be confused with the James Bond composer) was to make his directorial debut on SATURN 3 (hes credited with the story),
but was fired two weeks into shooting, and replaced by Donen. Ironically, Barry died while working on THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK
before SATURN 3 was ever released. It's hard to believe it ever could have been a good film, regardless of whoever directed
it. Amis's script is chockful of laughable dialogue and poor science (betcha didn't know Titan has the exact same gravity
as Earth!), the sets--while massive (the film was shot at Shepperton Studios in England)--are nondescript, the visual effects
come off as cheap and farcical in the wake of STAR WARS, SUPERMAN and ALIEN (believe it or not, Donen tries to ripoff STAR
WARS's classic opening shot to dismal effect), and Elmer Bernstein's bombastic musical score does its best to make you believe
something of great importance is happening on the screen, even though in your heart of hearts you know it just isn't so.
I've
seen stills of Keitel being stabbed in the neck by Douglas, but no scene like this appears anywhere in the film itself. I've
heard that SATURN 3 was heavily cut by ITC prior to its release, and it's possible this scene could have been included as
a dream sequence or alternate ending. Also with Douglas Lambert and the voice of Ed Bishop (UFO). Amis is actually a well-known
British novelist (THE RACHEL PAPERS) who undoubtedly would prefer to put SATURN 3 into a circular file and rocket the negative
off to Titan--and fast!
SAVAGE! (1973)--Directed by Cirio H. Santiago. Stars James Iglehart, Carol Speed, Lada Edmund
Jr. Savage (Iglehart) is a mercenary on the side of a corrupt Latin American government who kills in battle the leader
of a band of earnest revolutionaries. With the coaxing of two foxy American ladies (Speed, Edmund), Savage comes to
realize that his sympathies actually lie with the rebels, and switches sides, attempting to overthrow his former bosses.
This is a pretty typical Santiago movie, substituting gun-blazing action and gratuitous nude scenes for plot complexity or
astute characterizations. Filmed in the Philippines and released by New World in the U.S., SAVAGE! is a relatively entertaining
actioner that won't tax your brain much and gives you a nice scene of Speed (ABBY) and Edmund (RAPE SQUAD) bathing topless
as a respite from the explosions. Iglehart's brief career as a leading man also led him to star in BAMBOO GODS AND IRON
MEN. Also with Vic Diaz and Ken Metcalfe. Music by Don Julian.
THE SAVAGE BEES (1976)—Directed by Bruce Geller. Stars Michael Parks, Gretchen Corbett,
Ben Johnson, Horst Bucholz, James Best. What happens when a swarm of killer bees flies from Brazil to New Orleans, just
in time for Mardi Gras? Find out in this TV-movie directed by the creator of MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE (which once used infected
mosquitos to make that week’s villain ill). Bodies are showing up around the parish, but deputy mayor Pelligrino
(Best) refuses to alert the public or cancel Mardi Gras. That means it’s up to coroner Parks, insect expert Corbett
and sheriff Johnson to kill the bees all by themselves, or at least with the aid of officious beemaster Bucholz, who flies
all the way from Rio de Janeiro. Shooting on actual locations, including the Superdome, adds atmosphere to this silly
thriller. The climax may have read like dynamite on paper, but is more reactive than active, and plays dully on screen.
Writer Guerdon Trueblood penned the sequel, THE REVENGE OF THE SAVAGE BEES, two years later.
SAVAGE DAWN (1985)—Directed by Simon Nuchtern. Stars Lance Henriksen, George Kennedy, Karen
Black, Richard Lynch, William Forsythe, Claudia Udy, Michael Sharrett. It seems as though it would be very difficult
to screw up this scenario: blond CIA commando Henriksen and his crippled pal Kennedy, who fires explosives from his
souped-up wheelchair, take on an army of deviant bikers led by perennial psychopath Forsythe. Somehow, director Nuchtern
(THE BODYGUARD) manages to suck most of the life out of what should have been an exploitation classic. Stryker (Henriksen)
appears in the small desert town of Agua Dulce to visit his old CIA pal Tick Rand (Kennedy), who lives near an abandoned gold
mine with his son (Sharrett) and hot teen daughter Katie (Udy), who puts some moves on Dad’s mysterious friend.
The town and its law are overwhelmed when Forsythe’s biker gang comes to town, raping, pillaging and murdering.
Stryker is disgusted, but wants to stay uninvolved—hey, it ain’t his town—but when the violence gets personal—and
you knew it was going to—the tough agent grabs some guns and hits the street. The slumming performers bring a
lot to the film and give it whatever energy it has, though Lynch’s bit as a horny priest feels isolated from the main
story. Henriksen doesn’t act as though he’s slumming, imbuing his stoic hero with an intensity doubtfully
called for by the script or the director. Also with Leo Gordon, Lewis Van Bergen, Elizabeth Kaitan, Mickey Jones and
Sam Kinison as a Jesus-loving barber.
SAVAGE MUTINY (1953)—Directed by Spencer Gordon Bennet. Stars Johnny Weissmuller, Angela
Stevens, Gregory Gaye. Jungle Jim is tasked to evacuate a tribe of villagers from an island off the African coast, because
the Americans plan to use it as an atomic bomb test site. However, a pair of enemy agents, led by trader Kroman (Gaye),
tricks the natives into returning to the island, so they can photograph their charred radioactive corpses and use the film
as anti-American propaganda. Despite its rather childish ideas concerning the long-term effects of radiation (the film
indicates the natives will be able to return home after a few months), SAVAGE MUTINY is one of producer Sam Katzman’s
better Jungle Jim entries. Former serial director Bennet provides plenty of gun-shootin’, native-battlin’,
panther-rasslin’ action, and the vaguely European baddies (Gaye uses an accent of sorts, but it doesn’t sound
Russian) are thoroughly evil and deserving of a good Jungle Jim thrashing. Stevens, as a World Health Organization nurse
who accompanies Jim so that she can provide the natives with inoculations, later co-starred in Katzman’s CREATURE WITH
THE ATOM BRAIN. Also with Lester Matthews, Charles Stevens, Leonard Penn and Nelson Leigh.
THE SAVAGE
SEVEN (1968)--Directed by Richard Rush. Stars Robert Walker Jr., Adam Roarke, Joanna Frank, Mel Berger. Dick Clark
produced this fast-paced and well-acted biker movie, which came out a year before EASY RIDER. A biker gang led by Kisum (Roarke)
cruises into a Native-American shantytown owned by cruel white businessman Fillmore (Berger). At first the bikers fight with
the Indians, led by hotheaded half-breed Johnnie (Walker), who takes offense to Kisum's attraction to his Cher-lookalike sister
Marie (Frank). Later, after seeing how Fillmore's racist thugs oppress the Indians, the gang takes the townspeople's side
in opposing Fillmore's rule, robbing his general store and just generally causing havoc. The climax, which results after one
of the bikers is accused of raping and killing an Indian girl, is a veritable orgy of violence filled with motorcycle stunts,
stabbings, beatings and burning men.
Rush, one of the sixties' most idiosyncratic exploitation directors (PSYCH-OUT,
HELL'S ANGELS ON WHEELS), delivers a top-notch biker flick--one of the genre's best. Thanks in great part to stunt coordinator
Chuck Bail (CLEOPATRA JONES AND THE CASINO OF GOLD), who also plays one of Fillmore's goons, THE SAVAGE SEVEN contains many
exciting fights and action scenes, while Michael Fisher's dialogue is more natural and even amusing than we're accustomed
to hearing in this type of programmer.
Roarke (really the star despite his fifth billing) was a biker-movie regular
(THE LOSERS) who is excellent in a rare leading role. Also with John Garwood, Larry Bishop (Joey's son) and Richard Anders
as bikers; Max Julien (THE MACK) and director John "Bud" Cardos (KINGDOM OF THE SPIDERS) as Indians; and Billy Green Bush,
Duane Eddy, Beach Dickerson, Gary Kent and Susannah Darrow. Look for Penny Marshall in an early role. Laszlo Kovacs was the
cinematographer. Music by Jerry Styner and future California lieutenant governor Mike Curb with songs by Cream and Iron Butterfly.
American-International Pictures released it. Frank, who really does look a lot like a hippie-era Cher, is reportedly the sister
of NYPD BLUE creator Steven Bochco!
SAVAGE SISTERS
(1974)--Directed by Eddie Romero. Stars Gloria Hendry, Rosanna Ortiz, Cheri Caffaro,
John Ashley, Sid Haig. Being a Bond girl didn't do jack for Gloria Hendry's career,
since one year after appearing alongside Roger Moore in LIVE AND LET DIE, she was in the Philippines starring in this low-budget
women's prison movie. Actually, very little of the film is set in prison, and
those scenes seem more like an afterthought--like maybe AIP would have an easier time distributing and advertising it as a
WIP.
GINGER star Caffaro plays Jo,
an American debutante committed to the political goals of her revolutionary boyfriend of six months. She and fellow radical Wai Lin (Ortiz) are captured during an attempt to rob government bagmen of $1 million
in U.S. currency. Jo's boyfriend is killed, and she pledges revenge on the Latin
American mercenary (Haig) who doublecrossed her people and stole the money for himself.
In prison, Jo and Wai Lin are tortured by enthusiastic Major Jackson (Hendry), but after Jackson learns of the stolen
million from fast-talking con man Billingsley (producer Ashley), all four decide to team up, bust out of jail, and nail both
Haig and the money.
SAVAGE SISTERS, although filled
with the normal amounts of profanity and violence you'd expect from a movie in this genre (the body count is especially high),
is surprisingly timid in the nudity department. Although most of the female cast
disrobes, their private parts are discreetly hidden by editing tricks or conveniently placed furniture. The print I watched was broadcast over Canada's Drive-In Channel, but if they didn't censor the curse words
or violence, it seems unlikely they'd snip boob shots (it aired with an 18+ rating).
Also unusual is that SAVAGE SISTERS is mainly played for comedy, especially during the second half after Ashley makes
his main entrance (for some reason, he opens the film in character describing the characters were about to meet). His performance is pretty broad as he attempts to screw his partners in crime (in more ways than one),
but he looks like a model of efficiency compared to Haig, whose muggings closely resembles Charles Nelson Reilly on a Saturday
morning TV show. I wish Romero, who directed and produced (often with Ashley,
who spent most of the early '70s making drive-in flicks in Manila) several exploitation movies, had cast a more attractive
actress than Ortiz, but Hendry and Caffaro are fetching indeed (Caffaro has the film's best line; when stumbling into an occupied
room while searching a whorehouse, she covers herself with, "Well, shit! If youre
gonna start without me, then forget it!").
Also of note is Les Baxter's screaming jazz riffs, which are pretty fun, but
seem out of place--more conducive to a late '60s IRONSIDE episode. Also with
the ubiquitous Vic Diaz, Eddie Garcia, Rita Gomez, and John Plater. After appearing
briefly in BLACK MAMBA and SUDDEN DEATH, Ashley more or less retired from the business for awhile, but eventually moved back
to Los Angeles (where he had appeared in several teen-oriented films in the '60s) and became a full-time television producer,
working on series like THE A-TEAM and WALKER, TEXAS RANGER. Hendry never again
had a role this prominent, and Caffaro returned only briefly to the screen with the GINGER knockoff TOO HOT TO HANDLE.
SAVAGE STREETS (1984)--Directed by Danny
Steinmann. Stars Linda Blair, John Vernon, Robert Dryer, Linnea Quigley. Next to CHAINED HEAT, SAVAGE STREETS is probably
the best of Linda's '80s exploitation movies. It's a sick and brutal revenge
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