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SABATA (1969)--Directed by Gianfranco Parolini
(as Frank Kramer). Stars Lee Van Cleef, William Berger, Pedro Sanchez. Although he played heroes and villains,
soldiers and pirates--even ninjas--the late Lee Van Cleef will always be first and foremost known as a western actor.
Fittingly, he made his film debut in the classic HIGH NOON as one of the heavies who menaced Gary Cooper, but he didn’t
become a household name until he traveled to Italy to co-star as Clint Eastwood’s rival in FOR A FEW DOLLARS MORE, the
middle leg of Sergio Leone’s operatic “Dollars” trilogy. With his distinctive hawk-like nose, piercing
eyes, and authoritative presence, Van Cleef, now in his forties and with dozens of films and television shows on his resume,
became one of the few screen performers of the era to make the jump from character actor to full-fledged movie star, even
if he had to go to another continent to do it.
After reuniting with Eastwood and Leone in THE GOOD, THE BAD &
THE UGLY, Van Cleef opted to stay in Italy, where he continued to star in what were known as “spaghetti westerns”.
Usually vilified by American critics, when they weren’t being ignored completely, Italian westerns were generally grittier
than their U.S. counterparts in terms of screen violence and unafraid to tinker with the genre by adding supernatural or fantastic
overtones. As opposed to what Hollywood westerns were like during the 1960’s and 1970’s (with the occasional
exception of something like THE WILD BUNCH), spaghetti oaters oozed operatic style and myth and weren’t afraid of being
outlandish.
Case in point, SABATA, a frenetic comic adventure starring Van Cleef
in the title role as an expert gunfighter who nabs the thieves who pulled off a nicely choreographed gold robbery in the town
of Daugherty. This draws, not praise, but barely disguised scorn from the town leaders, since they were the ones who
organized the heist. Sabata learns this and blackmails them, including Stengel (Franco Ressel), a fey sadist with a
penchant for gimmickry who sends a succession of assassins to (unsuccessfully) silence Sabata. It sounds like a standard
western plot so far, except that the characters would seem more at home in a James Bond film than a western. The well-armed
Sabata’s arsenal includes a trick pistol that shoots from the handle, and he teams up with Banjo (William Berger), a
musical conman with a rifle concealed in his instrument; Carrincha (Pedro Sanchez), a fat comic-relief sidekick; and Indio
(Nick Jordan), a mute Indian acrobat who bounces off trampolines seemingly concealed all over the desert. Sabata is
a crack shot, of course, but also has a talent for flipping coins with deadly accuracy, which comes in handy when he’s
been disarmed. SABATA is good-natured, well-photographed fun that doesn’t take itself too seriously, an attribute
that also applies to Van Cleef, who looks like he’s having a ball.
Sabata returned two years later in ADIOS, SABATA, but Van Cleef
did not. Common wisdom has it that Yul Brynner starred in a film titled INDIO BLACK, which was also directed by SABATA’s
Gianfranco Parolini, but when it was dubbed into English for its U.S. release, it was transformed via new dialogue into a
Sabata film. I doubt this for two reasons; first being that some of the actors are clearly mouthing the word “Sabata”,
and the second being that ADIOS, SABATA features similar characters (a rich villain with a gadget-strewn headquarters, an
Indian acrobat, a fat Mexican comic relief) and a nearly identical plot. There’s another gold robbery, this one
pulled off by Sabata (a black-tasseled, bald-pated Brynner) in support of Mexican revolutionaries who oppose a sadistic Austrian
colonel (Gerard Herter) who gets his kicks gunning down peasants for sport. Sabata’s partners include mute acrobat
Septiembre (Sal Borgese), who uses his feet to toss ball bearings at his opponents, and con artist Ballantine, played by Dean
Reed, a notorious American folk singer who emigrated to Europe and toured the Soviet Union at the height of the Cold War.
While Van Cleef is certainly missed, Parolini and Brynner maintain the same level of action, humor and outrageous gadgetry
that characterized SABATA, resulting in an exciting “sequel.”
A grinning Van Cleef came back, once again under the helm of Parolini,
in RETURN OF SABATA, the third and least of the United Artists trilogy, despite its nutty theme song and a very loose performance
by its star. Once again, Sabata is involved with a gold theft, a colorful assortment of accessories (two acrobats this
time), a snide villain, and several doublecrosses. Unfortunately, there’s less action, and too much of the film
takes place in town or inside buildings, as opposed to the vast open spaces of the earlier SABATA movies. Probably the
result of a lower budget and an unfinished screenplay, RETURN putters along, as Sabata, now a sideshow gunslinger in a traveling
circus, becomes involved with a venal Irish town boss (Giampiero Albertini) and, yep, another cache of gold.
Van Cleef became so identified with spaghetti westerns that he was
often hired to star in Hollywood westerns made to look like they were Italian. As he aged, he moved back into character
roles, often getting cast as an authority figure to younger action stars such as Chuck Norris and Kurt Russell. Van
Cleef never retired from show business and died much too early of a heart attack in 1989 at the age of 64.
SABRINA (1995)--Directed by Sydney Pollack. Stars
Harrison Ford, Julia Ormond, Greg Kinnear, John Wood. Pollack hits and misses with this lukewarm remake of Billy Wilder's
'50s classic. Ford is in high Cary Grant mode as Linus Larrabee, board of directors of one of the richest companies in the
world (I don't know what the company does, but it sure makes a lot of money). Linus is single, serious, straitlaced and an
excellent yet cold businessman. Kinnear (pretty good in his film debut) is Linus' younger brother David, a devil-may-care
playboy who is as interested in goofing off as Linus is in making money. Then there's Sabrina (Ormond), the young daughter
of the family chauffer. Sabrina has grown up on the estate, and has had a crush on David her entire life. Her father (Wood,
who's excellent) sends her to Paris with the hope she will get over David and meet someone new. Meanwhile, David has fallen
for a pediatrician (Lauren Holly). They plan to get married, which is fine with Ford, since a merger with her family's corporation
would net his company a ton of bucks. When Sabrina returns from France, she and David fall in love, which jeopardizes David's
engagement and Linus's fortune. Therefore, Linus tries to woo Sabrina into falling for him and forgetting David--of course,
falling for her in the process.
SABRINA is, of course, a fairy tale, and it works most of the time on that level,
even though Pollack's pacing is sometimes slow. The film's success lies mainly with the charm of its actors, and although
Kinnear is off-screen for much of the middle (perhaps the filmmakers were afraid Kinnear's acting inexperience would show;
it doesn't), the three leads do a fine job, particularly British actress Ormond in a role that looks as though it were written
for Sandra Bullock. Ford is known primarily for action roles, but here, as in WORKING GIRL, he proves adept at romantic comedy.
The fine supporting cast includes Nancy Marchand, Richard Crenna
and Angie Dickinson. Music by John Williams, with songs by Williams and Alan and Marilyn Bergman. Screenplay by Barbara Benedek
and David Rayfiel (Pollack's usual collaborator). Wilder's version cast Audrey Hepburn as Sabrina, and Humphrey Bogart and
William Holden in the Ford and Kinnear roles.
SACRIFICE (2000)--Directed by Mark L. Lester.
Stars Michael Madsen, Jamie Luner. Here's a plot you don't see every day. Women who have had abortions are the
targets of a hooded serial killer who slices off their breasts and buries them during his private freako religious ceremonies.
One victim, a forest ranger, is the daughter of bank robber Tyler Pierce (Madsen), who busts out of jail to investigate the
murders. The local mob boss refuses to lend a hand, so Tyler teams up with his moll, a foxy hooker in short skirts played
by red-haired Luner (PROFILER). She's nice to look at, and Madsen is always pretty interesting, but SACRIFICE doesn't
really distinguish itself until the lurid climax, which finds Luner strapped to a medical table with her legs spread and her
feet in the air as the killer attempts to cleanse her of her sins or some such. Shot in Mobile by the director of TRUCK
STOP WOMEN, SACRIFICE is based on a Mitchell Smith novel and is worth a cursory look. Also with Joshua Leonard (THE
BLAIR WITCH PROJECT), Michelle Lintel (BLACK SCORPION), Bokeem Woodbine (SNIPER 2), Diane Farr (LOVELINE) and Deborah Shelton
(BODY DOUBLE).
SAFARI 3000 (1982)--Directed by Harry Hurwitz. Stars David Carradine, Stockard
Channing, Christopher Lee, Hamilton Camp. Here's a low-budget CANNONBALL RUN ripoff shot in Africa. Movie stuntman Eddie Miles
(Carradine) is recruited by PLAYBOY journalist J.J. Dalton (Channing) to drive in a three-day cross-country rally across Africa.
With their pet baby baboon in tow, they battle such obstacles as elephants, lions, con artists, unruly natives and the evil
machinations of the Really Rottens of the race: Count Borgia (Lee), an uptight Italian aristocrat, and his German aide-de-camp
Feodor (Camp). Channing is winning as always, although Carradine and Lee are not exactly natural comedians (Carradine is much
more relaxed than usual though), and Camp is pretty embarrassing. Hurwitz (THE ROSEBUD BEACH HOTEL) and cinematographer Adam
Greenburg (THE TERMINATOR) have assembled some nice travelogue shots, but not much action to go with them. Producers Arthur
Gardner and Jules Levy also made the car-crash dramas WHITE LIGHTNING and GATOR. Music by Ernest Gold (EXODUS).
THE SAGA OF THE VIKING WOMEN AND THEIR VOYAGE TO THE WATERS
OF THE GREAT SEA SERPENT (1957)—Directed by Roger Corman. Stars Abby Dalton, Susan Cabot, Richard Devon,
Jonathan Haze, Jay Spear. AIP must have saddled this with a tongue-twisting title so audiences wouldn’t be able
to tell their friends not to go see it. Saddled with an impossibly low budget for an adventure of this type, Corman
puts his stock company of actors through their perfunctory paces, passing off familiar Southern California locations like
Leo Carrillo Beach and Bronson Caverns as…Norway, I guess. The version I saw ran less than 65 minutes, so it at
least doesn’t wear out its welcome, and some of it is pretty hilarious. I don’t know how the actors managed
to keep straight faces, but, outside of Spear as a ridiculously fey warrior, they manage decent performances under circumstances
where they likely had no more than two takes to recite Lawrence Goldman’s ponderous dialogue.
A society of super-hot Viking babes decides to build a boat and
go searching for their men, who never returned from their last mission. With diminutive stowaway Ottar (Haze) as their
“protector,” the women encounter an ocean vortex that destroys their boat and washes them ashore, where they are
captured by barbarian Stark (Devon) and his army of Grimolts. Stark also captured the women’s boyfriends and uses
them as slave labor in nearby caves where they move rocks around. One of the women, Enger (Cabot), the only brunette,
is also the only one without a man of her own, so she sells out her people to get into Stark’s good graces. Meanwhile,
the audience endures the backbiting, exotic dancing, cheap costuming and occasional fighting just so they can finally get
a glimpse of the “great” sea serpent, which turns out to be a stupid hand puppet built by special effects men
Jack Rabin, Irving Block and Louis DeWitt. I hope it didn’t take all three of them to make it.
SAGA, also released as the more reasonable THE VIKING WOMEN AND
THE SEA SERPENT, was reportedly a troubled production, not surprisingly. The original leading lady bowed out, forcing
Corman to bump each of the actresses up a notch and land Dalton her second lead in a Corman picture (ROCK ALL NIGHT was the
first). Devon bumped heads with the director, who allegedly forced his actors to perform some dangerous stunts to keep
costs down (although the actor continued to work for Corman). Dalton may be the lead, but Cabot has a more interesting
part, one similar to her SORORITY GIRL. Also, Haze gets quite a workout, not very believable as a badass, but he does
perform a lengthy fight scene in which he leaps over a fire pit several times. You also get to see the lovely June Kenney
(YOUNG REBELS), Gary Conway (I WAS A TEENAGE FRANKENSTEIN), Michael Forest (BEAST FROM HAUNTED CAVE), Sally Todd (FRANKENSTEIN’S
DAUGHTER) and Betsy Jones-Moreland (LAST WOMAN ON EARTH).
SAHARA (2005)--Directed by Breck Eisner.
Stars Matthew McConaughey, Steve Zahn, Penelope Cruz, William H. Macy, Lambert Wilson. McConaughey is captivating as
undersea adventurer Dirk Pitt in his adaptation of a Clive Cussler novel. Pitt and his sidekick Al Giordano (Zahn) are
dispatched to the Sahara Desert in search of a Civil War battleship long-rumored to be hidden there. They team up with
Eva Rojas (Cruz), a doctor investigating the deaths of hundreds of North Africans attributed to plague. Together, they
discover that a French industrialist (Wilson) is dumping nuclear waste into the Niger River, killing the so-called plague
victims and threatening all life on Earth. Reminiscent of the down-to-earth adventures of Indiana Jones, SAHARA offers
big chases and busy action sequences that rely on old-fashioned stunts over flashy CGI effects, and McConaughey flashes a
toothy charm that works in tandem with Zahn’s comic relief. Eisner keeps the romantic angle at arm’s length
until the final fade, choosing to keep Pitt focused on his work, which just happens to be saving the world. Morocco
and Spain substitute for the Sahara. Also with Rainn Wilson and Delroy Lindo. Score by Clint Mansell and a lot
of ‘70s rock songs.
THE SAINT (1997)--Directed by Philip Noyce. Stars
Val Kilmer, Elisabeth Shue. This dull actioner bears no resemblance whatsoever to either Leslie Charteris' literary hero or
the suave rogue played by Roger Moore in the '60s TV series. The Saint isn't even British anymore! Simon Templar (Kilmer)
is a thief and master of disguise who wants to make one last big score before settling down (he needs $50 million to retire
on--I guess 40 or 45 mil just won't do...). Bubbly blond scientist Shue has discovered a top-secret formula, but writes it
down on paper and leaves it lying around her apartment for Templar to steal! The Saint eventually develops a conscience, and
he and Shue find themselves running from Russian spies. The problem is that Kilmer lacks magnetism and is unbelievable in
his various guises (his aliases are taken from former real-life saints). Noyce has made some intelligent adventures (most
notably Harrison Ford's Jack Ryan pictures), but this one is very slow-moving and dull. Too much like some of the non-Bond
spy films made in England in the '60s. If you listen carefully, you might catch a Roger Moore voiceover at the end.
THE
SAINT IN LONDON (1939)--Directed by John Paddy Carstairs. Stars George Sanders, Sally Gray, David Burns, Gordon McLeod.
Famed sleuth Simon Templar (Sanders), also known within disreputable circles as The Saint, returns to London just in time
to become involved in a plot to counterfeit and distribute one million pounds in foreign currency. Accompanied by cute socialite
Penny Parker (Gray) and ex-con valet Dugan (Burns), Templar, working on a tip from the British Secret Service, stumbles onto
the torture of a count, a murder and a few kidnappings, while keeping a mere step ahead of his friendly nemesis, Inspector
Teal (McLeod) of Scotland Yard.
Less of a mystery than a straight crime drama, THE SAINT IN LONDON
showcases Sanders' natural charm and humor, and serves as a fine showcase for his talent. Carstairs, who, decades later, also
directed episodes of the Roger Moore TV series, moves the proceedings along, although he doesn't much take advantage of London
locations. Also with Henry Oscar, John Abbott, Ralph Truman and Carl Jaffe. Based on THE MILLION POUND DAY by Saint creator
Leslie Charteris. Surprisingly, Burns did not continue as sidekick Dugan, even though he and Sanders appear to have had nice
chemistry together.
ST. IVES (1976)--Directed by J. Lee Thompson.
Stars Charles Bronson, John Houseman, Jacqueline Bisset, Maximilian Schell. ST. IVES was the first of nine movies Bronson
made with director J. Lee Thompson. In it, he plays a professional "go-between" (I don't know how you get that gig) named
Raymond St. Ives who is hired by wealthy crook Houseman to ransom some ledgers stolen from Houseman's safe. Of course, no
job is as easy as it seems, and when Bronson shows up at the ransom site with $100,000 and finds no ledgers, but a dead guy
in a dryer, he realizes this gig isn't going to be the cakewalk he was hoping for. He does eventually sleep with Jacqueline
Bisset, which you would imagine would make the whole ordeal worthwhile. What's really cool about ST. IVES, in addition to
the punchy Lalo Schifrin score, is the supporting cast. If you watched more than five movies made during the 1970's, you've
seen most of the performers before. Harry Guardino (THE ENFORCER), Dana Elcar (BARETTA) and Harris Yulin (NIGHT MOVES) play
cops. Maximilian Schell gets "guest star" billing as a shrink. Michael Lerner (BARTON FINK) is a lawyer. Elisha Cook (THE
MALTESE FALCON) is a hotel clerk. Daniel J. Travanti (HILL STREET BLUES), Burr DeBenning (THE INCREDIBLE MELTING MAN), Val
Bisoglio (QUINCY, M.E.), Dick O'Neill (CAGNEY & LACEY), George Memmoli (PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE), stuntman Dar Robinson
and Olan Soule (the voice of Batman on SUPERFRIENDS) are in it too. You'll also see Robert Englund and Jeff Goldblum (also
in Bronson's DEATH WISH) in small roles.
THE SAINT STRIKES BACK (1939)--Directed by John Farrow. Stars George Sanders, Wendy Barrie, Jonathan Hale.
Sanders takes over for Louis Hayward as Leslie Charteris' legendary contemporary Robin Hood, Simon Templar aka The Saint.
This time out, Templar, accompanied by friendly rival Inspector Fernack (Hale), pops up in San Francisco and runs afoul of
a bitter policemans daughter (Barrie) out to find the men who framed her father. Later SAINT features would lean more towards
comedy than thrills, and, while STRIKES BACK isn't devoid of humor, there seems to have been an effort made by director Farrow
and writer John Twist (who based his script on a Charteris novel) to establish the Saint as a mysterious creature of the night.
Perhaps no other RKO SAINT film is as noir as this one.
Also with Jerome Cowan, Barry Fitzgerald, future Commissioner
Gordon Neil Hamilton, Willie Best as Templar's butler, Edward Gargan and a bit by serial heavy Tris Coffin. The Australian-born
Farrow was married to actress Maureen O'Sullivan, and is the father of actresses Mia and Tisa Farrow. Sanders played the Saint
four more times before relinquishing the reins to Hugh Sinclair; he was also the Falcon for RKO before handing that sleuthing
role over to his brother Tom Conway.
THE SAINT TAKES OVER (1940)--Directed by Jack Hively.
Stars George Sanders, Jonathan Hale. With tongue pressed firmly in one cheek and a Scotch glass in the other, Simon
Templar (Sanders) comes to the aid of his old rival, when police inspector Fernack (Hale) is accused of bribery and murder.
The two actors have wonderful chemistry together, especially in the scenes where Hale is at the mercy of Sanders' quipping.
Also with Wendy Barrie, Paul Guilfoyle, Morgan Conway and Pierre Watkin.
THE SAINT'S DOUBLE TROUBLE (1940)--Directed by Jack
Hively. Stars George Sanders, Bela Lugosi, Jonathan Hale, Helene Whitney, Thomas W. Ross. In Philadelphia, Professor Horatio
Bitts (Ross) is delighted to receive a package from his old university protégé Simon Templar (Sanders), the globetrotting
rogue known around the world as The Saint. The package contains a mummy shipped directly from Cairo, which Bitts immediately
stores in his vault for later study. That night, Templar drops by in person, where he is greeted coolly by the professor's
daughter Anne (Whitney), an old flame who disapproves of The Saint's notorious reputation--a reputation that becomes worse
when the corpse of a thug known as The Dutchman is found in the garden behind the Bitts home with Templar's calling card found
nearby. The Saint's police adversary, Inspector Fernack (Hale)--who just happens to be in town visiting his old buddies on
the Philadelphia force--isn't completely convinced of Simon's guilt, but has no choice but to arrest him for the crime. It
turns out that Bitts's visitor wasn't Simon Templar at all, but a lookalike named Duke (also Sanders), a jewel thief who used
the mummy to smuggle two small sacks of diamonds into the United States from Cairo. Convincing Fernack to allow him to escape,
The Saint poses as Duke in an effort to infiltrate his gang and recover the diamonds.
Duke's partner--referred to
only as Partner--is played by horror legend Lugosi, who's fourth-billed here behind the likes of Helene Whitney and Jonathan
Hale, and actually has very little to do. In fact, there's no real reason why Lugosi had to play the role, since Partner has
even less screen time than Duke's other henchmen, a pair of comic relief numbskulls named Limpy and Monk. While Bela is serviceable
enough in the part, it's a pretty straightforward gangster bit and requires Lugosi to do no more than banter a bit with Sanders
as the heavy. Lugosi completists should see THE SAINT'S DOUBLE TROUBLE, as long as they don't expect any Poverty Row-style
histrionics.
Besides Lugosi, the only other reason to track down this routine RKO programmer is to see Sanders in
dual roles. While George, who often had trouble maintaining his concentration on the set, probably had a nice time playing
two parts, scripter Ben Holmes doesn't take much advantage of the situation, failing to develop Duke as a worthy opponent
for a slick sleuth like The Saint. Hively's direction is perfunctory at best, although using rear-screen projection to show
both Sanderses onscreen at the same time is a neat switch from the more common split-screen approach.
Also with Donald
MacBride, John F. Hamilton, Elliott Sullivan and Byron Foulger. Hale portrayed Inspector Fernack in five SAINT features, four
opposite Sanders. THE SAINT TAKES OVER was next. Bela starred in the classic THE DEVIL BAT for PRC the same year.
ST.
ELMO'S FIRE (1985)--Directed by Joel Schumacher. Stars Rob Lowe, Emilio Estevez, Demi Moore, Ally Sheedy, Mare Winningham,
Judd Nelson, Andrew McCarthy. Pretentious drama about seven smug Georgetown graduates, all of whom are unsure about their
professional and personal futures. Schumacher's script is shallow, and there isn't a talented actor in the bunch. Also with
Martin Balsam and Andie MacDowell. Music by David Foster. John Parr sings the hit theme. From the director of FALLING DOWN.
SALEM'S LOT (1979)--Directed by Tobe Hooper. Stars David Soul, James Mason, Lance Kerwin, Bonnie
Bedelia. This four-hour (with commercials) made-for-TV adaptation of Stephen King's popular novel is one of the scariest television
shows ever. Soul plays a best-selling author who returns to his hometown of Jerusalem's Lot, Maine, and becomes involved with
a cute art teacher (Bedelia), a mysterious British antiques dealer (Mason) and a townful of vampires. Some of scripter Paul
Monash's dialogue is dated, and many characters are introduced just to be quickly dropped, but horror fans should receive
a jolt or two, thanks to Hooper's strong direction and a very creepy performance by genre vet Reggie Nalder as Barlow, the
Nosferatu-like Master. Also with Ed Flanders, George Dzundza, Lew Ayres, Fred Willard, Julie Cobb, Geoffrey Lewis, Bonnie
Bartlett, Brad Savage, Joshua Bryant, Barbara Babcock and Kenneth McMillan. Music by Harry Sukman. Also exists on video in
a feature-length version titled SALEM'S LOT: THE MOVIE, which was released theatrically overseas and reportedly contains stronger
footage not seen on American television.
THE SALZBURG CONNECTION (1972)—Directed by
Lee H. Katzin. Stars Barry Newman, Anna Karina, Karen Jensen. Whatever happened to Barry Newman? It looked
like he was headed for big things, as he tackled the lead roles in four successive Hollywood thrillers beginning with 1970’s
THE LAWYER, continuing through the cult classic VANISHING POINT (recently referenced multiple times by Quentin Tarantino in
GRINDHOUSE) and the Alistair MacLean adaptation FEAR IS THE KEY, and culminating in this espionage thriller based not on a
MacLean novel, but one by Helen MacInnes. Perhaps none of them were hits (SALZBURG definitely wasn’t), and studios
no longer saw Newman as a bankable name. He then turned to television, reprising his LAWYER role as New Mexico defense
attorney Tony Petrocelli in the NBC drama PETROCELLI, in which he starred for two seasons. After PETROCELLI left the
airwaves, Newman popped up in various films and TV-movies (occasionally a series), but never lived up to the promise of his
early starring roles.
That THE SALZBURG CONNECTION is a flop is no fault of Newman’s.
It’s a tedious, talky and ridiculously complicated thriller about an American lawyer (Newman) on vacation in Salzburg
who is asked by his employer, a publishing company, to clear up what appears to be a clerical error concerning an Austrian
photographer compiling a coffee table book of lake photos. He stumbles into a mélange of domestic drama and international
intrigue when he discovers the man has been murdered and that secret agents from all over the globe are after something the
victim hid before his death: a trunk containing a list of Nazi sympathizers during World War II, many of whom have put
their secret lives behind them to become prominent citizens. Newman becomes involved with two beautiful women—the
photographer’s widow (Karina) and a gorgeous blond CIA agent (Jensen)—yet director Katzin allows barely a hint
of romance outside of the striking Austrian locations. Despite intriguing early acting roles by Klaus Maria Brandauer
(MEPHISTO) and Udo Kier (FLESH FOR FRANKENSTEIN), THE SALZBURG CONNECTION is a complete dud.
SAMURAI COP (1991)--Directed by Amir Shervan.
Stars Robert Z'Dar, Matt Hannon, Mark Frazer. Media Blasters unearthed this ultra-obscure action film for DVD release
in 2004. It appears to have never before been released, at least not in the United States, and was never given an MPAA
rating. It's one of the most inept films I've ever seen, making it one of the most irresistible as well. Z'Dar,
known at the time for his title role in the MANIAC COP trilogy, is not the Samurai Cop, but rather a Japanese (!) assassin
in the employ of a Japanese gangster in Los Angeles. The titular cop is Joe Marshall (wooden block Hannon), an undercover
detective from San Diego who teams up with a jive black partner (Frazer) to bring down seemingly the entire Yakuza.
Shervan, an Iranian filmmaker who reportedly owned a chain of theaters in his country (probably the only one where SAMURAI
COP ever played), is truly a remarkable director. Not only do basics like story logic, characterization and visual style
go completely out the window, but also, oh, minor attributes such as establishing shots, sound effects and continuity.
The longhaired Hannon must have gotten a haircut during the four-week shooting schedule, because he appears in several scenes
wearing a ludicrous wig. Much of his time is wasted in senseless sexual banter with every woman he meets or good-natured
racial banter with his partner Frank. The stunt work and excessive shootouts are marked by their lack of energy, and
the dialogue is completely wretched, with highlights being the implausibly forward nurse who comes on to Joe and the hilariously
foul-mouthed police captain. SAMURAI COP is startling in its awfulness, failing to reach a level of competency in any
department. An absolute must-see for bad-movie fans who think they've seen it all. Also with Melissa Moore, Cameron
(allegedly porn actress Krista Lane), Janis Farley and Jimmy Williams.
SAN FRANCISCO INTERNATIONAL (1970)—Directed
by John Llewellyn Moxey. Stars Pernell Roberts, Clu Gulager, Tab Hunter, Van Johnson, Beth Brickell, David Hartman,
Dana Elcar. Uninspiring TV pilot inspired by Arthur Hailey’s best seller AIRPORT hits the same clichés and more.
Despite Allan Balter and William Read Woodfield’s Emmy nomination for best teleplay, this solidly directed and cast
Universal production is a bit of a snoozer. Airport manager Jim Conrad (Roberts) and security chief Bob Hatten (Gulager)
are in for one helluva day, what with a cargo plane heist engineered by fake priest Hunter, a newspaper columnist’s
(Johnson) crumbling marriage, the kidnapping of the wife of a pilot (Hartman), a blustery businessman (Elcar) who claims to
have slugged by a hippie, and a preteen boy who accidentally takes off in a small airplane all happening on their watch.
Roberts’ charm and Gulager’s improvisational mumbling provide a steady backbone, but, boy, you’ve seen everything
here many times before. Good ratings spawned a regular SAN FRANCISCO INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT series, in which Lloyd Bridges
took over for Roberts in a role that presages his hilarious turn in AIRPLANE! It was part of NBC’s revolutionary
FOUR-IN-ONE umbrella, which included consecutive six-week runs of this series, ROD SERLING’S NIGHT GALLERY, THE PSYCHIATRIST
and MCCLOUD. After one season, MCCLOUD moved to the long-running NBC SUNDAY MYSTERY MOVIE umbrella, NIGHT GALLERY had
its own slot, and SAN FRANCISCO INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT and THE PSYCHIATRIST were history.
SAN QUENTIN
(1946)--Directed by Gordon Douglas. Stars Lawrence Tierney, Marian Carr, Barton MacLane, Joe Devlin, Harry Shannon. Tough
guy Tierney plays Joe Roland, an ex-con on parole who, while in the joint, founded a prison reform program that earned the
respect of San Quentin warden Kelly (Shannon). The newspapers are giving Kelly a hard time, however, and want the successful
program shut down, barking that Kelly's mollycoddling the prisoners. The press may get its wish when murderous bank robber
Nick Taylor (MacLane) abuses the system to carry out a successful escape, shooting down several bystanders in the process.
In an effort to clear the prison welfare system's good name, Roland vows to bring Taylor in with the aid of pretty fiancé
Betty (Carr) and wide-mouthed comic sidekick Broadway (Devlin). Real-life Sing Sing warden Lewis F. Lawes appears in the prologue,
(badly) reading some preachy stage-setting narration. Raymond Burr appears in one of his first films as one of Taylor's goons.
Also with Robert Clarke, Tom Keene, Carol Forman, Tony Barrett, Robert Bray and Selmer Jackson. Co-writer Arthur A. Ross penned
SATAN'S SCHOOL FOR GIRLS and earned an Oscar nomination for BRUBAKER.
SANCTUARY OF FEAR (1979)--Directed by John Llewellyn
Moxey. Stars Barnard Hughes, Kay Lenz, Michael McGuire. Hughes is perfectly cast as G.K. Chesterton’s Father
Brown in this unsold pilot film. Well, “perfectly cast” with the caveat that Brown has been transplanted
from London to New York City, where he becomes involved with a struggling actress (Lenz) who keeps stumbling over dead bodies,
only the corpses are gone by the time police lieutenant Bellamy (McGuire) arrives. Is someone gaslighting Kay?
Or is she the killer? Lenz and Hughes work well together in this light mystery, which probably would have turned into
a pretty good series. Maybe it (and the shortlived NERO WOLFE series with William Conrad) were a bit ahead of their
time, as the later success of MURDER, SHE WROTE demonstrates. Crime dramas of the late 1970’s were action-oriented,
and it’s unlikely Hughes would have been chasing anyone down a dark alley or squealing tires through Manhattan.
Hughes reportedly believed this pilot would have sold if it had run less than two hours (with commercials). Also with
David Rasche, Robert Schenkkan, George Hearn, Saul Rubinek, Jeffrey DeMunn and Fred Gwynne as a judge. Music by Jack
Elliott and Allyn Ferguson. Gordon Cotler and Don Mankiewicz also penned the similar LANIGAN’S RABBI pilot with
Art Carney.
THE SAND PEBBLES (1966)--Directed by Robert Wise.
Stars Steve McQueen, Candice Bergen, Richard Crenna, Mako. McQueen received his only Oscar nomination for this epic adventure
about a maverick engineer aboard a Navy gunship in 1926 China. When civil war breaks out, the ship is torn between sides,
and McQueen's loyalties are split between the service and his love for a young missionary (Bergen). Crenna is good as the
ship's captain, and Mako received an Academy Award nomination as McQueen's Chinese assistant. Also with Richard Attenborough,
Simon Oakland and Gavin MacLeod. Received seven Oscar nominations, including Best Picture. From the director of THE DAY THE
EARTH STOOD STILL.
SANDRA, THE MAKING OF A WOMAN (1970)—Directed
by Gary Graver. Stars Monica Gayle, David Roya, Uschi Digart. Minor Seventies starlet Gayle, best known as the scheming Patch
in SWITCHBLADE SISTERS, is an appealing sexpot in director/editor/cinematographer Graver’s softcore drama. After her
mean, drunken, crippled father dies in a car crash, Sandra (Gayle) splits for San Francisco, where she hooks up with a lot
of dudes. BILLY JACK rapist Roya plays her dimwit hometown boyfriend. Uschi is a randy Avon lady with a yen for girls. Sandra
gets a job as a receptionist, and her new boss takes her to lunch at a ratty strip joint her first day. It’s hilarious
trying to pay attention to their conversation, while a bongo player and a black stripper perform (badly) behind them. Monica
looks naturally spectacular naked, which she is in most of this film. Graver’s pretentious editing and photography tricks
add visual spice to this cheap production. Something Weird Video’s scratchy, splicy print runs 77 minutes and carries
incomplete credits.
SANDS OF THE KALAHARI (1965)--Directed by Cy Endfield.
Stars Stanley Baker, Stuart Whitman, Susannah York, Harry Andrews, Theodore Bikel, Nigel Davenport. Yeah, the premise
is a lot like that of FLIGHT OF THE PHOENIX (released the same year), but this downbeat desert adventure is still worth watching.
A plane carrying six men and a woman crashes in the African desert. The pilot dies, but the rest of the party manages
to salvage some equipment and hike under the blistering sun to a mountain containing fresh water and a cave for shelter.
Unlike the hearty heroes of PHOENIX, all of whom more or less got along with each other and were able to work together to
fix their plane, Endfield's characters are less black-and-white and more sharply drawn. One Alpha male critical to their
survival by hunting for game also becomes the film's "villain". Another attempts to rape York, but is later instrumental
in the party's rescue. There are no good guys or bad guys, just human beings who sometimes act selfishly and sometimes
nobly. Endfield's intense desert locations (Spain?) add to the audience's discomfort, as the castaways not only face
internal battles, but also a wild pack of baboons. John Dankworth's score adds to the suspense of this film that was
released in the U.K. and the U.S. by Paramount. From the director of MYSTERIOUS ISLAND.
SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS (1964)--Directed by Nicholas Webster. Stars John Call, Leonard Hicks,
Victor Stiles, Donna Conforti, Vincent Beck, Pia Zadora. Just about as inept as they come. Children on Mars are depressed
(I think it's because of the green dickies and plastic helmets with antennae sticking out of the top that all Martians are
required to wear), so Martian leader Kimar (Hicks), accompanied by treasonous council member Voldar (Beck) and a foolish-looking
robot (actually a man dressed in silver-painted cardboard boxes), lands on Earth to kidnap Santa Claus and (accidentally)
a pair of Earth children. Santa builds toys under duress, but finally escapes to the North Pole after teaching the Martians
the true meaning of Christmas. I'm not sure which is worse: the acting, dialogue, sets, photography, costumes or special effects.
Zadora plays Girmar, one of the green Martian kids. Pretty awful, which means it's pretty funny. You'll love the ridiculous
theme song, "Hooray for Santy (sic) Claus"! The ear-wrenching musical score is by one-time TONIGHT SHOW bandleader Milton
Delugg! Filmed in a studio on Long Island by a future WALTONS director.
SANTO AND BLUE DEMON VS. DR. FRANKENSTEIN (1974)--Directed by Miguel M. Delgado. Stars Santo,
Blue Demon, Jorge Russek, Sasha Montenegro. I was stunned to realize this was an uncredited remake of DOCTOR OF DOOM,
which shared screenwriter Alfredo Salazar. Professional masked wrestlers Santo and Blue Demon run afoul of Dr. Irwin
Frankenstein (Russek), who's performing brain transplant experiments on beautiful women. When Santo's girlfriend Alicia
(Montenegro) is kidnapped to serve as the mad doc's next donor, our two rasslin' heroes team up with a pair of apathetic female
police detectives to storm Frank's lab and rescue "Licia". Then, to gain vengeance upon Santo for ruining his plan,
Dr. Frankenstein poses as a masked wrestler's masked manager and sets up a professional match between Santo and his super-strong
zombie Golem. It's all great fun, packed with cheap sets, silly dialogue, colorful costumes and, of course, lots of
padding posing as wrestling action.
SANTO AND BLUE DEMON VS. DRACULA AND THE WOLF MAN (1973)-Directed by Miguel M. Delgado. Stars
Santo, Blue Demon, Aldo Monti, Agustin Martinez Solares, Nubia Marti. What's better than one Mexican masked wrestler
fighting classic Universal monsters? How about two of them! Santo teams up with another legendary wrestling superstar,
Blue Demon (who starred in his own series of adventures), when the scientist father of his beautiful girlfriend Lina (Marti)
is kidnapped and killed by a hunchback who uses the old man's blood to resuscitate the corpses of Count Dracula (Monti) and
the Wolf Man (Solares). The scientist was a descendent of the man who destroyed Drac centuries ago, so the Count now
seeks revenge on the whole family. He sends the Wolf Man, in his human guise as suave Rufus Rex, to seduce Lina's cousin
and lure her to their cave hideout so he can transform her into a vampire. As the title suggests, Delgado's film is
an entertaining and colorful romp, featuring silly special effects, good sets and makeup and plenty of action. Delgado
pads the action with three gratuitous wrestling matches that have nothing to do with the plot, but it's fun to see Santo and
Blue Demon tag-teaming the rambunctious White Angel and Renato the Hippie! Music by Gustavo Cesar Carrion. The
two stars reunited a year later to fight Dr. Frankenstein.
SANTO AND BLUE DEMON VS. THE MONSTERS (1970)--Directed by Gilberto Martinez Solares. Stars
El Santo, Blue Demon, Carlos Ancira. There can be no discussing Mexican wrestling movies without El Santo, the most
famous luchador of them all and one of the biggest movie stars in the country’s history. Known as “the man
in the silver mask,” Santo--who, like The Lone Ranger, was never seen in public without his face covered--graduated
from the wrestling arena to the silver screen in the late 1950’s, when he played a supporting role in a pair of superhero
adventures. It wasn’t until 1961 and the release of INVASION OF THE ZOMBIES that Santo became a leading man, kicking
off a string of more than fifty wild-and-wooly motion pictures that sicced “El Enmascarado de Plata” against witches,
Martians, stranglers, she-wolves, mad scientists and other colorful villains. Only a few of them played in the United
States, dubbed into English with the hero’s name changed to Samson, as in SAMSON VS. THE VAMPIRE WOMEN (1962).
One of Santo’s best adventures was surely inspired by Universal’s great “monster mashes” of the
1940’s: HOUSE OF FRANKENSTEIN and HOUSE OF DRACULA, in which the studio’s roster of fright icons teamed
up to scare matinee audiences. This movie had so many monsters that not even Santo could take them all on, so he gained
a partner. Blue Demon was likely Mexico’s second-most popular masked wrestler, and had already gone solo in several
starring vehicles before becoming a sidekick in SANTO AND BLUE DEMON AGAINST THE MONSTERS.
Mad scientist Bruno Halder (Carlo Ancira) has a plan to conquer the world from his base beneath a mountain-top castle,
and it involves his awesome all-monster army, including a wolfman, the Frankenstein monster, a mummy, a midget, a Cyclops,
a vampire, two sexy vampire women and a slew of green-faced zombies. To keep Santo, who moonlights from his regular
job as a wrestling champion to take on crime-fighting duties for the government, out of his hair, Bruno kidnaps Santo’s
best friend, Blue Demon, and stashes him in a duplicating machine, resulting in an evil Blue Demon twin. With the evil
Blue Demon taking the lead, Bruno periodically sends out his monsters to kidnap or kill people, principally his sexy niece
Gloria (Hedy Blue), who also happens to be Santo’s girlfriend.
Logic? Bah, this movie needs no stinking logic. There’s no way you could possibly be bored, as SANTO
AND BLUE DEMON AGAINST THE MONSTERS basically consists of one ridiculous fight scene after another. People get kidnapped
and people escape. The monsters stalk their victims, and Santo beats them up. Seeing Santo and Blue Demon fighting
one another is the equivalent of a Silver Age Marvel comic where Spider-Man and Daredevil had to duke it out before resolving
their misunderstanding and teaming up to take on the bad guys. I suppose if you’re someone who has no interest
in monsters, midgets, exploding castles, mad scientist laboratories, funky jazz or beefy guys in colorful masks, this movie
ain’t for you. So what are you doing reading this?
SANTO IN THE TREASURE OF DRACULA (1969)--Directed by Rene Cardoza. Stars Santo, Aldo Monti, Noelia
Noel, Carlos Agosti, Alberto Rojas. El Santo is not just a star wrestler and stalwart crime fighter, we learn, but also
a scientist who has built a time machine. For some reason, women are more capable of time travel than men, so Luisa
(Noel), the daughter of Santo's nuclear physician friend Dr. Sepulveda (Agosti), volunteers to test the machine. She
lands in the 19th century, where Santo, Sepulveda and cowardly sidekick Perico (Rojas) watch her on a television screen in
a familiar version of Stoker's Count Dracula legend. The flashback goes on for quite some time, until Santo hurriedly
returns Luisa to the present day, just before Dracula (Monti) can transform her into his vampire bride. The rest of
the film finds Santo and his friends attempting to retrieve from Dracula's crypt a medallion and ring that reveal the location
of the vampire's treasure, which Santo wants to use to help those in need. He's opposed by the Black Hood, whose gang
also wants Dracula's wealth for its own nefarious purposes. The flashback is well done, but the story is old hat by
now, and Cardoza adds nothing new to it. Later, he swipes plot points from his own WRESTLING WOMEN VS. THE AZTEC MUMMY
to set up a lengthy wrestling match between Santo and the Black Hood's son Atlas. This is neither among the best or
the worst Santo entries. Although reportedly filmed in color, THE TREASURE OF DRACULA may only exist today in a black-and-white
print.
SANTO VS. DR. DEATH (1973)--Directed by Rafael Romero Marchent. Stars Santo, Carlos Romero Marchent,
Georges Rigaud, Helge Line. Diring the 1960's and '70s, one of Mexico's leading heroes was El Santo, a husky professional
wrestling who always wore a silver mask in the ring. He also wore it in several dozen films, which often pitted Santo
against fantastic adversaries like vampires, aliens, mummies...even "karate killers". In this color outing, one of only
a handful to be dubbed into English, Santo's foe is "Dr. Death", who is never actually referred to by that name.
After a valuable painting is vandalized while under strict guard in a Mexican museum, Santo is recruited by Interpol
to travel to Madrid, the painting's previous home, and investigate the man who appraised it, Dr. Mann (Rigaud). Mann,
a doctor of "art and chemistry", lives in a spacious castle along with several beautiful models who pose for his paintings.
Even though none are ever seen again after hiring on with Mann, the ladies have little compulsion over signing on for a several-month
stretch, their duties leaving them plenty of time for sunbathing and reading magazines. Teaming up with Spanish agent
Paul (Marchent), Santo concocts a plot to send another agent, Sara (Line), undercover as Mann's new model, leaving her to
poke around the doctor's dungeon while Santo wins the local wrestling championship. Mann's scheme is a devious one indeed.
Turns out he's holding his models prisoner and injecting them with cancer. When their tumors grow large enough, he kills
the women (sliding their corpses into an acid bath), removes the tumors, and uses them in a secret formula to duplicate expensive
paintings, keeping the originals (including the Mona Lisa!) and returning the fakes.
Although SANTO VS. DR. DEATH contains long stretches when its hero is off-screen--and when he's present, it's often in
lengthy, gratuitous wrestling matches that have nothing to do with the plot--it's a lot of fun, filled with enough pulpy trappings
to fill a 12-chapter serial. Booby traps, car crashes, boat chases, fights, helicopters, gorgeous women, a mad scientist,
a masked hero...yep, it's all here. The dubbed dialogue is often hilarious, and, in truth, Santo (called "The Saint"
here) is not much of an investigator, but this is a pretty difficult film to dislike. It also contains a dizzying jazz/rock
theme that was about five years out of date, but still pretty darned cool. Viva El Santo! Also known as THE SAINT
VS. DR. DEATH and SANTO CONTRA EL DOCTOR MUERTE.
SANTO VS. THE MARTIAN INVASION (1967)—Directed by Alfredo Crevenna. Stars El Santo, Manuel
Zozaya, Wolf Ruvinskis. Martians dressed like The Mighty Thor, with the addition of belt devices that can disintegrate
their enemies or transport themselves back to their ship, invade Earth to rid us of our nuclear weapons, beginning with Mexico,
which, er, has no nuclear weapons. Masked wrestler Santo and professor Zozaya are pretty much the only humans willing
to fight the Martians, who can’t breathe oxygen and rely on special breathing pills to survive on the surface.
In addition to the Thor look-alikes, the Martians are also composed of really hot chicks with plunging necklines. Hopefully
they’ll want to mate with Earth men. Fun Mexican SF in attractive black-and-white.
SANTO Y LA TIGRESA (1973)--Directed by Alfredo B. Crevenna. Stars El Santo, Irma Serrano, Carlos
Suarez. This is the least effective Santo film I've seen to date, which isn't helped by its very cheap appearance and
its DVD presentation, which offers some very confusing English subtitles. Santo and his comic relief sidekick Carlitos
(Suarez) are summoned to the hacienda of Irma (Serrano), who claims that unknowns who want to get their hands on her property
have made several attempts on her life. There's little beyond that to the plot, which Crevenna attempts to spice up
with animal brutality, musical numbers, red herrings and Suarez's unfunny antics. Ultimately, Santo, who only gets to
wrestle once, has nothing to do with the finale. I found little action or entertainment in this straightforward mystery,
and prefer Santo's monster mashes. Mexican title: EL AGUILA REAL.
SARTANA’S HERE…TRADE YOUR PISTOL FOR A COFFIN (1970)--Directed by Guiliano Carnimeo.
Stars George Hilton, Charles Southwood, Piero Lulli. Hilton takes over the role of gunfighter Sartana in the series’
fifth western and the fourth directed by Carnimeo as “Anthony Ascott”. You’ve seen this plot a hundred
times, but the fun is in the storytelling and in Hilton’s sly performance. Sartana matches wits with Spencer (Lulli),
the shady owner of a mining company whose gold shipments keep getting robbed. Sartana offers to help keep future shipments
safe, even though you suspect he really wants the gold for himself. Also vying for Spencer’s affections is Sabbath
(Southwood), a dandy mama’s boy with a parasol and a deadly aim with a pistol. Francisco DeMasi’s score
is brassy and loud, and are so are the many gimmicky shootouts that may have you calling “bullshit” if you’re
not into this sort of thing. Also with Erika Blanc, Nello Pazzafini and Rick Boyd. This Italian production is
available on DVD as FISTFUL OF LEAD.
SASQUATCH (2003)--Directed by Jonas Questel. Stars Lance Henriksen. You would think Lance
Henriksen fighting Bigfoot would kick major ass, wouldn't you? Not so in SASQUATCH, a low-budget 12-day wonder with
Henriksen playing Harlan Knowles, a rich bastard who organizes a search party in the Washington mountains for a crashed airplane
containing his daughter. Unfortunately, director Jonas Questel is more interested in his clichéd characters than in
the monster, and the body count is disappointingly low. He also relies on blurry cinematography, poor editing (count
the number of jump cuts that were probably caused by Questel not shooting enough coverage), and a monster suit that looks
different from shot to shot.
Questel probably can't be blamed for much of SASQUATCH's failure, as you'll learn from listening to the entertaining
DVD commentary he carries along with his producer and two of the actors. First off, the four of them, who admit they
are watching the final film for the first time, express shock and embarrassment at the title: SASQUATCH. It was shot
as THE UNTOLD, and was still THE UNTOLD as far as any of them knew. Of course, the new title "tips the hat a little
early" and definitely sets you up for a different kind of movie than THE UNTOLD would have. Some scenes were filmed
later in Los Angeles by a different director and crew, including a ridiculously gratuitious topless scene and the climax of
Henriksen hunting Sasquatch. The original makeup effects creator died after principal photography, and the new guy ended
up building a different Sasquatch costume, which is why the monster looks different in some shots. There's another idiotic
scene of a woman undressing and preparing for bed in which the editor has, for no reason and less sense, spun the image in
a slow 360-degree turn, causing some laughter on the commentary. The no-name cast of mainly Canadian actors includes
Andrea Roth (RESCUE ME), Philip Granger, Russell Ferrier, Mary Mancini and Erica Durance, later Lois Lane on the SMALLVILLE
series.
SASQUATCH MOUNTAIN--See DEVIL ON THE MOUNTAIN.
THE SATAN BUG (1965)--Directed by John Sturges. Stars George Maharis, Richard Basehart, Anne Francis,
Dana Andrews. Secret agent Maharis is on a mission to stop mad scientist Basehart from destroying Los Angeles with a toxic
virus. Despite a screenplay co-written by James Clavell (SHOGUN), Sturges, who has directed some terrific action movies (THE
GREAT ESCAPE comes to mind), can't generate any excitement from the talky script, and Maharis is a dull lead. Has a nice score
by Jerry Goldsmith, and Francis is lovely, although underutilized. Also with Frank Sutton, Edward Asner, John Anderson and
Simon Oakland.
THE SATANIC RITES OF DRACULA (1973)--Directed by Alan Gibson. Stars Christopher Lee,
Peter Cushing. The first vampire/spy movie. Lee's last time out as Count Dracula; he claims he hated doing these last few
Hammer films anyway. This time, the sinister vampire wants to use the Black Plague to conquer the world. Dracula is back and
posing as a reclusive billionaire named D.D. Denham, who has kidnapped some of Britain's leading scientists in an attempt
to develop a serum that would wipe out Earth's human populations. Cushing returns as Dr. Van Helsing's modern-day relative,
who pushes Dracula into a thornbush. An unusual mixture of James Bondian espionage antics and gothic horror. Also with Michael
Coles, Freddie Jones and Joanna Lumley, who is gorgeous as Van Helsing's red-haired granddaughter Jessica. Pretty violent
stuff, which wasn't released in the United States until 1978 as COUNT DRACULA AND HIS VAMPIRE BRIDE with a silly ad campaign.
Gibson directed Lee and Cushing the year before in DRACULA A.D. 1972.
SATAN'S CHILDREN (1974)--Directed by Joe Wiezycki. Stars Stephen White, Robert C. Ray II, Kathleen
Marie Archer. This extremely cheap and obscure regional horror movie was made by a director of newscasts and other local
programming at a TV station in Florida. It has some bad acting and pretty outrageous story twists, but it's usually
interesting. Wimpy red-haired teen Bobby (White), sick of being mistreated by his bullying stepfather and seductive
stepsister, runs away from home, only to be gang-raped by four bikers who leave him unconscious and naked near a compound
for Satan worshippers. Since their leader Simon (Ray) is away, second-in-command Sherry (Archer) orders Bobby taken
inside and cared for. She has sex with him, but is later buried in the sand, covered with honey and attacked by ants
at Simon's command. Simon also tells Bobby, who whines about how much his butt hurts, that being raped means he is weak,
and Satan has no room for weaklings in his flock. So he busts out of the compound, kills his mean family, rapists and
Satanists with a shotgun. The End. Pretty much anyway.
SATAN’S PRINCESS (1990)--Directed by Bert I. Gordon. Stars Robert Forster, Caren Kaye, Lydie
Denier, Philip Glasser. Gordon on his best day was no better than an average director, but his enthusiasm and lack of
taste was generally good for an entertaining movie. SATAN'S PRINCESS is a well-paced and generally silly combination
of urban crime drama and supernatural chiller. And it features Borscht Belt comic Jack Carter as a 15th-century Spanish
priest. Yep, it's that kind of movie.
One thing you gotta respect about Robert Forster is that he never walked through any of these movies. Not only
did he always give the project 100%, regardless of how much of a turkey it was, he usually was able to jack the movie up a
notch or two with his performance. SATAN'S PRINCESS is dumb and often laughable, but I'll be damned if Forster doesn't
project what the screenplay doesn't and create a full-fledged character that's a joy to watch.
Forster is Lou Cherney, a crippled ex-cop with a retarded son and a put-upon girlfriend (Kaye). Cherney walks with
a cane as a result of a shotgun blast in the line of duty that shattered his knee. His disability surprisingly doesn't
affect the story a bit, although it does give Forster more to play than just a standard "moody, alcoholic ex-cop obsessed
with an unsolved case he takes too personally". Providing him with a retarded son seems like overkill, but the boy does eventually
become a story point.
The case Cherney can't shake involves a missing person, a female runaway he could never find. The girl's father
hires Cherney to continue his investigation, which leads him to a murdered model and her boss at the agency, Nicole St. James
(Lydie Denier). For reasons not immediately explained, Nicole takes a shining to the battered gumshoe and invites him
back to her mansion for some hot sex. Considering we've already seen Nicole engage in full-frontal lesbian sex with
the girl that Cherney's searching for, we're now ready to anoint Bert I. Gordon as a genius.
This gets most of the sex out of the way, but there's more craziness to come. Just about everyone in Lou's life comes
to a violent demise. His son is occasionally possessed by Nicole and driven to violent acts, including pounding an icepick
into his old man's back and forcing a psychic to leap to her death. Cherney makes a call and picks up some homemade weaponry
from a dude named Jilly, who's recognizable as actor Daryl Anderson, the unkempt photographer Animal from the LOU GRANT TV
series. I'm not completely sure about the film's resolution, except that Cherney flames the French chick with a rickety-looking
flamethrower that I wouldn't trust to fire BBs, much less napalm. She's supposed to be a 500-year-old demon, not an alien,
but she still sheds her (hot) human skin to reveal some unrealistic makeup effects.
Plenty of sex and violence keep this junky freight train of schlock rolling right along with Forster and Denier doing
their best to keep it classy. Forster's weary manner of handling the script's one-liners (which are really funny) adds intentional
humor (God knows there's plenty of unintentional laughs, and he manages to kick plenty of ass, bad leg be damned. Unsurprisingly,
Forster didn't sign on to make a picture called SATAN'S PRINCESS (who would?). It was filmed as THE MALEDICTION, but I can
imagine the smell of sweat from the Paramount marketing execs who would have to sell that to video stores. Gordon’s
last film to date.
SATAN'S SADISTS (1969)--Directed by Al Adamson. Stars Russ Tamblyn, Regina Taylor, Scott Brady, Kent
Taylor. Universally touted by bad movie lovers as the sickest and sleaziest biker movie ever. Former WEST SIDE STORY star
Tamblyn and his gang drug and rape college women, kill innocent families, and generally make life miserable for everyone.
A Vietnam-vet drifter takes care of them in the bloody climax. Well-endowed biker chick Taylor was the director's wife; she
was billed as "the freak-out girl". Also with Robert Dix, Bambi Allen and future bad film directors John "Bud" Cardos and
Greydon Clark as "Acid". Music by The Nightriders.
SATAN'S SCHOOL FOR GIRLS (1973)--Directed by David
Lowell Rich. Stars Pamela Franklin, Kate Jackson, Roy Thinnes, Lloyd Bochner, Jo Van Fleet, Cheryl Ladd, Jamie Smith-Jackson,
Terry Lumley. Despite its silly title, SATAN'S SCHOOL FOR GIRLS shapes up as one of the best of an impressive line of '70s
made-for-television horror films. After Elizabeth (Franklin) returns home to find her highstrung sister Martha (Lumley) hanging
from the rafters, she flies cross-country to Massachusetts to investigate the death. The authorities are calling it a suicide,
but Elizabeth refuses to believe her sister would kill herself, even though all the house's doors and windows were locked
from the inside.
Registering at the Salem Academy for Women under an assumed name, Elizabeth begins questioning the
students, who include gloomy Debbie (Smith-Jackson), friendly Jody (Ladd, billed under her maiden name Cheryl Stoppelmoor)
and levelheaded Roberta (Jackson). The girls refer to the headmistress (Van Fleet) as The Dragon Lady, and seem freaked out
by the eccentric and sometimes cruel psychology professor Delacroix (Bochner). They also have crushes on charismatic art teacher
Clampett ("special guest star" Thinnes). As the film's title would indicate, there's a lot more happening at Salem Academy
than midterms and slumber parties. The mysterious suicides continue as Elizabeth determines to unearth the circumstances of
her sisters death, discovering in the process that nearly no one is whom he or she appears to be.
Although Arthur
A. Ross's (CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON) teleplay comes up a bit short at the climax, SATAN'S SCHOOL FOR GIRLS registers
a fair number of impressive shock sequences, while containing all the haunted-house clichés horror fans love: dark cellars,
electrical blackouts, shots of women in nightgowns walking down dimly-lit hallways during a thunderstorm. Ross and director
Rich (TERROR AT 37,000 FEET) seem to have taken the story seriously, and the presence of puns both verbal (one character exclaims,
"What the devil's going on?") and visual (the heavy wooden door leading to the cellar's secret room is subtly similar to the
front door of Elizabeth's house where Martha meets her death) indicate their level of ambition.
Franklin, a critically
acclaimed child star who abandoned films in her late 20s, carries the film on her shoulders in a role which closely resembles
that of Jessica Harper, another cult actress whose screen appearances are sadly rare, in SUSPIRIA, directed by Dario Argento
a few years later. Franklin's believable performance as a pixyish Nancy Drew is paralleled by those of Jackson, playing the
same sort of natural leader that would make her famous in CHARLIE'S ANGELS, and Thinnes, normally a dependable, handsome TV
leading man, who lends Clampett enough devilish charm to pull this type of role off.
The fine score is by Laurence
Rosenthal. Aaron Spelling and Leonard Goldberg produced; Spelling would also produce the 2000 remake, which featured Jackson
as the school's headmistress. Also with Bill Quinn, Bing Russell, Gwynne Gilford, Ann Noland and Frank Marth. Jackson and
Ladd would star together on CHARLIE'S ANGELS beginning in 1977. Thinnes, whose genre credentials were already set with his
leading role on TV's THE INVADERS, appeared in several made-for-TV horror films, and had a recurring role on THE X-FILES.
Ross was nominated for a Best Original Screenplay Oscar for BRUBAKER. Rich has directed dozens of telefilms and television
series since the 1950s, as well as the Three Stooges SF comedy HAVE ROCKET WILL TRAVEL.
SATAN’S TRIANGLE (1975)—Directed by Sutton Roley. Stars Doug McClure, Kim Novak, Alejandro
Rey, Jim Davis, Ed Lauter, Michael Conrad. Coast Guard chopper pilot McClure rescues prostitute Novak, stranded alone
on a yacht in the middle of the “Devil’s Triangle” in the Caribbean. She tells him about the storm
that attacked the boat the night before and killed everyone else on board, including the captain (Lauter), her rich fisherman
client (Davis) and a priest (Rey), whom they found floating in the ocean after a plane crash. McClure manages to convince
her that the mysterious deaths have rational, rather than supernatural, explanations, but later changes his mind when he has
a horrific encounter of his own. Roley was a director to whom to turn when you had a screenplay without much life.
McClure’s ocean rescue is handled well, but the middle section—a long flashback dotted with weird deaths—drags
on, despite Roley’s visual punch. It really gets silly as it heads towards a typically ‘70s downer twist
ending. I think the movie would have been helped had Roley gone all out with the spooky stuff. Music by Johnny
Pate.
SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER (1977)--Directed by John Badham. Stars John Travolta, Karen Lynn Gorney, Donna
Pescow, Joseph Cali, Fran Drescher. It's easy to make fun of this movie since it's such an important landmark of the disco
scene, but, even though it's dated a bit, it's still an absorbing drama. Travolta earned an Oscar nomination as a Brooklyn
teenager who sees his skills on the dance floor as his only ticket to the big time. Available in PG and R versions. The Bee
Gees' double soundtrack album is still one of the top five best-selling albums of all time. From the director of STAKEOUT.
SATURN 3 (1980)--Directed by Stanley Donen. Stars Farrah Fawcett, Kirk Douglas, Harvey Keitel. Adam
(Douglas) and Alex (Fawcett) are scientists working and living alone on Saturn 3, a lab located on Saturn's third moon, Titan.
Their research ostensibly involves hydroponics and finding a solution to Earth's dwindling food supply, but all they really
do is lounge around in their underwear and sometimes take showers. Out of the blue, Captain James (Keitel, sporting a ponytail
and a dubbed-in clipped English accent) pops in carrying a mysterious cylinder and claiming he's been sent by their employers
to assist them in their work. He isn't really James though; his name is Benson, and for some reason that I never figured out,
he killed the real James and took his place.
The cylinder contains a disassembled robot named Hector, which Benson
puts together (how did he get all those pieces into that little-bitty cylinder?) and programs using his own brain and his
own thoughts. Unfortunately, Benson is a psychopath, and, since he's attracted to Alex ("You have a beautiful body. May I
use it?" he asks in one of screenwriter Martin Amis's more embarrassing moments), so is Hector, and soon both man and machine
are competing for the right to "use" Alex's body, whether she likes it or not.
That really is about all there is to
the plot, and it's a mystery why the film was made at all. Although the final third is nothing but a series of chases and
gory confrontations, SATURN 3 is never exciting or suspenseful, and it's a real shame to see Donen (Stanley Donen! My God,
this is the guy who directed SINGIN IN THE RAIN, for Chrissakes!), Douglas and Keitel involved in such a tawdry enterprise.
Douglas is the only performer who shows any vitality (as well as his wrinkly ass--the second time I've seen it in a month,
thanks to HOLOCAUST 2000); Keitel doesn't seem to be having any fun (although it's difficult to assess his performance fairly,
given that his voice isn't heard at all), and Fawcett, despite her lead billing (was she really THAT hot coming off of CHARLIE'S
ANGELS?), is never more than a black hole onscreen. In fact, her nipples, flashed during a brief topless scene, display more
pertness than her acting ever does, even in her most histrionic moment. This was her third consecutive box-office flop (after
SOMEBODY KILLED HER HUSBAND and SUNBURN), and Farrah quickly returned to the small screen, where she later received acclaim
for her work in THE BURNING BED.
To be fair, SATURN 3 was a troubled production. Oscar-winning art director John Barry
(not to be confused with the James Bond composer) was to make his directorial debut on SATURN 3 (hes credited with the story),
but was fired two weeks into shooting, and replaced by Donen. Ironically, Barry died while working on THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK
before SATURN 3 was ever released. It's hard to believe it ever could have been a good film, regardless of whoever directed
it. Amis's script is chockful of laughable dialogue and poor science (betcha didn't know Titan has the exact same gravity
as Earth!), the sets--while massive (the film was shot at Shepperton Studios in England)--are nondescript, the visual effects
come off as cheap and farcical in the wake of STAR WARS, SUPERMAN and ALIEN (believe it or not, Donen tries to ripoff STAR
WARS's classic opening shot to dismal effect), and Elmer Bernstein's bombastic musical score does its best to make you believe
something of great importance is happening on the screen, even though in your heart of hearts you know it just isn't so.
I've
seen stills of Keitel being stabbed in the neck by Douglas, but no scene like this appears anywhere in the film itself. I've
heard that SATURN 3 was heavily cut by ITC prior to its release, and it's possible this scene could have been included as
a dream sequence or alternate ending. Also with Douglas Lambert and the voice of Ed Bishop (UFO). Amis is actually a well-known
British novelist (THE RACHEL PAPERS) who undoubtedly would prefer to put SATURN 3 into a circular file and rocket the negative
off to Titan--and fast!
SAVAGE! (1973)--Directed by Cirio H. Santiago. Stars James Iglehart, Carol Speed, Lada Edmund
Jr. Savage (Iglehart) is a mercenary on the side of a corrupt Latin American government who kills in battle the leader
of a band of earnest revolutionaries. With the coaxing of two foxy American ladies (Speed, Edmund), Savage comes to
realize that his sympathies actually lie with the rebels, and switches sides, attempting to overthrow his former bosses.
This is a pretty typical Santiago movie, substituting gun-blazing action and gratuitous nude scenes for plot complexity or
astute characterizations. Filmed in the Philippines and released by New World in the U.S., SAVAGE! is a relatively entertaining
actioner that won't tax your brain much and gives you a nice scene of Speed (ABBY) and Edmund (RAPE SQUAD) bathing topless
as a respite from the explosions. Iglehart's brief career as a leading man also led him to star in BAMBOO GODS AND IRON
MEN. Also with Vic Diaz and Ken Metcalfe. Music by Don Julian.
THE SAVAGE BEES (1976)—Directed by Bruce Geller. Stars Michael Parks, Gretchen Corbett,
Ben Johnson, Horst Bucholz, James Best. What happens when a swarm of killer bees flies from Brazil to New Orleans, just
in time for Mardi Gras? Find out in this TV-movie directed by the creator of MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE (which once used infected
mosquitos to make that week’s villain ill). Bodies are showing up around the parish, but deputy mayor Pelligrino
(Best) refuses to alert the public or cancel Mardi Gras. That means it’s up to coroner Parks, insect expert Corbett
and sheriff Johnson to kill the bees all by themselves, or at least with the aid of officious beemaster Bucholz, who flies
all the way from Rio de Janeiro. Shooting on actual locations, including the Superdome, adds atmosphere to this silly
thriller. The climax may have read like dynamite on paper, but is more reactive than active, and plays dully on screen.
Writer Guerdon Trueblood penned the sequel, THE REVENGE OF THE SAVAGE BEES, two years later.
SAVAGE DAWN (1985)—Directed by Simon Nuchtern. Stars Lance Henriksen, George Kennedy, Karen
Black, Richard Lynch, William Forsythe, Claudia Udy, Michael Sharrett. It seems as though it would be very difficult
to screw up this scenario: blond CIA commando Henriksen and his crippled pal Kennedy, who fires explosives from his
souped-up wheelchair, take on an army of deviant bikers led by perennial psychopath Forsythe. Somehow, director Nuchtern
(THE BODYGUARD) manages to suck most of the life out of what should have been an exploitation classic. Stryker (Henriksen)
appears in the small desert town of Agua Dulce to visit his old CIA pal Tick Rand (Kennedy), who lives near an abandoned gold
mine with his son (Sharrett) and hot teen daughter Katie (Udy), who puts some moves on Dad’s mysterious friend.
The town and its law are overwhelmed when Forsythe’s biker gang comes to town, raping, pillaging and murdering.
Stryker is disgusted, but wants to stay uninvolved—hey, it ain’t his town—but when the violence gets personal—and
you knew it was going to—the tough agent grabs some guns and hits the street. The slumming performers bring a
lot to the film and give it whatever energy it has, though Lynch’s bit as a horny priest feels isolated from the main
story. Henriksen doesn’t act as though he’s slumming, imbuing his stoic hero with an intensity doubtfully
called for by the script or the director. Also with Leo Gordon, Lewis Van Bergen, Elizabeth Kaitan, Mickey Jones and
Sam Kinison as a Jesus-loving barber.
SAVAGE INSTINCT--See THEY CALL ME MACHO WOMAN.
SAVAGE MUTINY (1953)—Directed by Spencer Gordon Bennet. Stars Johnny Weissmuller, Angela
Stevens, Gregory Gaye. Jungle Jim is tasked to evacuate a tribe of villagers from an island off the African coast, because
the Americans plan to use it as an atomic bomb test site. However, a pair of enemy agents, led by trader Kroman (Gaye),
tricks the natives into returning to the island, so they can photograph their charred radioactive corpses and use the film
as anti-American propaganda. Despite its rather childish ideas concerning the long-term effects of radiation (the film
indicates the natives will be able to return home after a few months), SAVAGE MUTINY is one of producer Sam Katzman’s
better Jungle Jim entries. Former serial director Bennet provides plenty of gun-shootin’, native-battlin’,
panther-rasslin’ action, and the vaguely European baddies (Gaye uses an accent of sorts, but it doesn’t sound
Russian) are thoroughly evil and deserving of a good Jungle Jim thrashing. Stevens, as a World Health Organization nurse
who accompanies Jim so that she can provide the natives with inoculations, later co-starred in Katzman’s CREATURE WITH
THE ATOM BRAIN. Also with Lester Matthews, Charles Stevens, Leonard Penn and Nelson Leigh.
THE SAVAGE
SEVEN (1968)--Directed by Richard Rush. Stars Robert Walker Jr., Adam Roarke, Joanna Frank, Mel Berger. Dick Clark
produced this fast-paced and well-acted biker movie, which came out a year before EASY RIDER. A biker gang led by Kisum (Roarke)
cruises into a Native-American shantytown owned by cruel white businessman Fillmore (Berger). At first the bikers fight with
the Indians, led by hotheaded half-breed Johnnie (Walker), who takes offense to Kisum's attraction to his Cher-lookalike sister
Marie (Frank). Later, after seeing how Fillmore's racist thugs oppress the Indians, the gang takes the townspeople's side
in opposing Fillmore's rule, robbing his general store and just generally causing havoc. The climax, which results after one
of the bikers is accused of raping and killing an Indian girl, is a veritable orgy of violence filled with motorcycle stunts,
stabbings, beatings and burning men.
Rush, one of the sixties' most idiosyncratic exploitation directors (PSYCH-OUT,
HELL'S ANGELS ON WHEELS), delivers a top-notch biker flick--one of the genre's best. Thanks in great part to stunt coordinator
Chuck Bail (CLEOPATRA JONES AND THE CASINO OF GOLD), who also plays one of Fillmore's goons, THE SAVAGE SEVEN contains many
exciting fights and action scenes, while Michael Fisher's dialogue is more natural and even amusing than we're accustomed
to hearing in this type of programmer.
Roarke (really the star despite his fifth billing) was a biker-movie regular
(THE LOSERS) who is excellent in a rare leading role. Also with John Garwood, Larry Bishop (Joey's son) and Richard Anders
as bikers; Max Julien (THE MACK) and director John "Bud" Cardos (KINGDOM OF THE SPIDERS) as Indians; and Billy Green Bush,
Duane Eddy, Beach Dickerson, Gary Kent and Susannah Darrow. Look for Penny Marshall in an early role. Laszlo Kovacs was the
cinematographer. Music by Jerry Styner and future California lieutenant governor Mike Curb with songs by Cream and Iron Butterfly.
American-International Pictures released it. Frank, who really does look a lot like a hippie-era Cher, is reportedly the sister
of NYPD BLUE creator Steven Bochco!
SAVAGE SISTERS
(1974)--Directed by Eddie Romero. Stars Gloria Hendry, Rosanna Ortiz, Cheri Caffaro,
John Ashley, Sid Haig. Being a Bond girl didn't do jack for Gloria Hendry's career,
since one year after appearing alongside Roger Moore in LIVE AND LET DIE, she was in the Philippines starring in this low-budget
women's prison movie. Actually, very little of the film is set in prison, and
those scenes seem more like an afterthought--like maybe AIP would have an easier time distributing and advertising it as a
WIP.
GINGER star Caffaro plays Jo,
an American debutante committed to the political goals of her revolutionary boyfriend of six months. She and fellow radical Wai Lin (Ortiz) are captured during an attempt to rob government bagmen of $1 million
in U.S. currency. Jo's boyfriend is killed, and she pledges revenge on the Latin
American mercenary (Haig) who doublecrossed her people and stole the money for himself.
In prison, Jo and Wai Lin are tortured by enthusiastic Major Jackson (Hendry), but after Jackson learns of the stolen
million from fast-talking con man Billingsley (producer Ashley), all four decide to team up, bust out of jail, and nail both
Haig and the money.
SAVAGE SISTERS, although filled
with the normal amounts of profanity and violence you'd expect from a movie in this genre (the body count is especially high),
is surprisingly timid in the nudity department. Although most of the female cast
disrobes, their private parts are discreetly hidden by editing tricks or conveniently placed furniture. The print I watched was broadcast over Canada's Drive-In Channel, but if they didn't censor the curse words
or violence, it seems unlikely they'd snip boob shots (it aired with an 18+ rating).
Also unusual is that SAVAGE SISTERS is mainly played for comedy, especially during the second half after Ashley makes
his main entrance (for some reason, he opens the film in character describing the characters were about to meet). His performance is pretty broad as he attempts to screw his partners in crime (in more ways than one),
but he looks like a model of efficiency compared to Haig, whose muggings closely resembles Charles Nelson Reilly on a Saturday
morning TV show. I wish Romero, who directed and produced (often with Ashley,
who spent most of the early '70s making drive-in flicks in Manila) several exploitation movies, had cast a more attractive
actress than Ortiz, but Hendry and Caffaro are fetching indeed (Caffaro has the film's best line; when stumbling into an occupied
room while searching a whorehouse, she covers herself with, "Well, shit! If youre
gonna start without me, then forget it!").
Also of note is Les Baxter's screaming jazz riffs, which
are pretty fun, but seem out of place--more conducive to a late '60s IRONSIDE episode.
Also with the ubiquitous Vic Diaz, Eddie Garcia, Rita Gomez, and John Plater.
After appearing briefly in BLACK MAMBA and SUDDEN DEATH, Ashley more or less retired from the business for awhile,
but eventually moved back to Los Angeles (where he had appeared in several teen-oriented films in the '60s) and became a full-time
television producer, working on series like THE A-TEAM and WALKER, TEXAS RANGER. Hendry
never again had a role this prominent, and Caffaro returned only briefly to the screen with the GINGER knockoff TOO HOT TO
HANDLE.
SAVAGE STREETS (1984)--Directed by Danny
Steinmann. Stars Linda Blair, John Vernon, Robert Dryer, Linnea Quigley. Next to CHAINED HEAT, SAVAGE STREETS is probably
the best of Linda's '80s exploitation movies. It's a sick and brutal revenge drama starring the 25-year-old Oscar-nominated
actress as high school delinquent Brenda, leader of a nice girl gang called the Satins. Brenda smokes, curses and gets into
fights with a bitchy cheerleader, but she's really a good kid inside, and dotes on her deaf-mute little sister Heather (future
scream queen Quigley, a year older than Blair). The schools other gang is the Scars, a quartet of dope-dealing thugs led by
Jake (Dryer), who wears a razor blade as an earring. After the Scars rape Heather and leave her lying in a coma on the bathroom
floor in retaliation for the Satins stealing their convertible, Brenda arms herself with a crossbow, and takes to the streets
for revenge.
Although basically just another DEATH WISH clone--albeit a sleazier, rougher one--Steinmann (FRIDAY THE
13TH: A NEW BEGINNING) and co-writer Norman Yonemoto aim higher, fleshing out the sisters' warm relationship, giving one of
the Scars a guilt complex, and adding scenes between Brenda and her mother and Brenda and a sympathetic English teacher. What
we're really interested in, though, is the sleaze factor, and it's pretty high. The crude yet quotable dialogue is frequently
hilarious ("Go f#*k an iceberg!"), and the bloody, fiery climax is a crowd-pleaser.
Dryer is a repulsive, convincing
psycho, and, although Blair is miscast as a street tough, she's an eye-boggling sight in her opening scene tube-top and handles
the wiseass action scenes fine. Vernon (who also appeared with Blair in CHAINED HEAT) has very little screen time, but nearly
steals the film as a foul-mouthed, pissed-off principal. Also with Sal Landi, Johnny Venocur, Debra Blee of THE BEACH GIRLS,
Lisa Freeman, Rebecca Perle (who played a sympathetic hooker in TIGHTROPE), LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY's Carole Ita White and Judy
Walton. Cinematographer Stephen Posey now directs episodic television. Some of the blistering rock tunes were composed by
Paul Revere and the Raiders frontman Mark Lindsay.
SAVAGE WEEKEND (1979)—Directed by David Paulsen.
Stars Caitlin O’Heaney, Christopher Allport, David Gale, Jeff Pomerantz, William Sanderson. Slow-moving,
unsuspenseful slasher film finds various couples visiting a country home. Said couples are eventually murdered systematically
by a masked killer. Is it the flamboyantly gay Allport, macho neighbor Gale, dimwit handyman Sanderson? Who cares?
O’Heaney, who has nude scenes, later popped up in the slasher flick HE KNOWS YOU’RE ALONE and as the love
interest in the shortlived TALES OF THE GOLD MONKEY TV series.
SAVAGES (1974)--Directed by Lee H. Katzin.
Stars Andy Griffith, Sam Bottoms, James Best. SAVAGES features a raging Andy Griffith who is slightly more restrained
than he was in PRAY FOR THE WILDCATS, but no less sinister and fascinating (both films aired in 1974). He's a wealthy lawyer
with a bum leg who hires a sensitive, eccentric young local (Bottoms) to be his guide on a hunting trip into the desert. In
his haste to shoot a rare ram, he accidentally kills an old prospector. Unwilling to allow Bottoms to report the accident,
he forces the youth to strip down to his shorts and leaves him in the desert without any water or protection. Occasionally
he pops up with his rifle and fires a few shots in Bottoms' direction, just to keep him on his toes. Yep, it's the 436th unofficial
remake of THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME, but a suspenseful one, directed tightly on simmering desert locations and clocking in at
just over 70 minutes, keeping the pacing taut. In addition to Griffith and Bottoms, it's interesting to see Best show up as
a rural sheriff, just a couple of years before beginning his signature role as Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane on THE DUKES OF HAZZARD.
The kicker of an ending would have fit quite well into a COLUMBO episode. Also with Noah Beery Jr., Jim Antonio and
Randy Boone. William Wood's teleplay is based on DEATH WATCH, a novel by Robb White, who penned screenplays for William
Castle's horror films. Filmed in Red Rock Canyon State Park in the Mojave Desert.
SAVANNAH SMILES
(1982)--Directed by Pierre DeMoro. Stars Bridgette Andersen, Mark Miller, Donovan Scott. Amiable family fare about a precious
six-year-old girl (Andersen) who runs away from her well-meaning but neglecting parents, and takes up with a pair of conmen
(Miller, Scott). They hold her for ransom at first, but then come to really love the little girl. Also with Peter Graves,
Michael Parks and Pat Morita. Got huge ratings when broadcast on HBO.
SAVATE (1994)--Directed by Isaac Florentine.
Stars Olivier Gruner, R. Lee Ermey, Ian Ziering, Ashley Laurence, Marc Singer. I haven't seen too many kung-fu westerns,
but this one is pretty fun. Gruner has never been more than a knock-off of Jean-Claude Van Damme, but he works okay
here as Joseph Charlegrand, a French soldier who becomes a sort of Shane figure to hotheaded teenager Cain Parker (Ziering),
whose older sister Mary (Laurence) is trying to prevent the family farm from being absorbed by ruthless land baron Benedict
(a curiously unbilled Ermey). Charlegrand decides to stick around and help the Parkers, especially when he learns that
Benedict has enlisted an old enemy, sadistic German Ziegfield Von Trotta (Singer), to serve as his personal assassin.
Stylish, violent and laced with campy humor (Singer's broad appearance--including a derby and monocle--and performance are
fun, but certainly push the envelope), SAVATE presents tried-and-true material in a fresh manner. Florentine's martial
arts scenes are frequent and fun, and even though Gruner isn't much of an actor, he's given a nice cast to work off of.
Also with Donald Gibb, Rance Howard and James Brolin. Kevin Kiner's affectionate score sends up the western genre as
much as SAVATE does.
SAVING GRACE (2000)--Directed by Nigel Cole. Stars Brenda Blethyn, Craig
Ferguson, Martin Clunes, Valerie Edmond. Not since Cheech & Chong went UP IN SMOKE in the 1970s has this much reefer been
puffed on the big screen. The new politically correct Hollywood appears to have forgotten how funny potheads can be, but Craig
Ferguson, the Scottish co-star of THE DREW CAREY SHOW who co-wrote, co-produced and co-stars in SAVING GRACE, thankfully hasn't.
Working from a story by producer Mark Crowdy, Ferguson and director Nigel Cole, making his feature debut, have crafted an
amusing British comedy that perhaps won't make you bowl over in laughter, but contains enough cute moments and fine performances
to have picked up a prize at this year's Sundance Film Festival.
Showing elderly people doing something silly or undignified
is one of the cheapest laughs in cinema. Anytime you see a senior citizen cursing, listening to rap music or rollerblading
in a movie, it's a sure sign that the filmmakers have run out of ideas. Normally, the sight of two old ladies giggling and
scarfing on Corn Flakes to cure the munchies after indulging in The Weed would fall into this category, but Ferguson and Cole
somehow make it endearing and very funny. Unlike most Hollywood comedies, SAVING GRACE is more interested in character than
plot, and is fortunate enough to boast a terrific female lead.
Brenda Blethyn, a two-time Oscar nominee for SECRETS
& LIES and LITTLE VOICE, stars as Grace Trevethyn, a recent middle-aged widow living in a stately manor near a picturesque
village on the Cornish coast. Her late husband accidentally fell out of an airplane (they think he was looking for the lavatory
and took a wrong turn), which is a real bummer since he also ran up an enormous debt that Grace, who has lived in her husband's
comfortable shadow all her adult life, can't possibly pay. With creditors knocking at her door, repossessors carting her furniture
away, and a stuffy London banker ringing her telephone off the hook, Grace finds herself backed into a tough situation. Fortunately,
her irresponsibly lovable Scottish gardener Matthew (Ferguson) comes to the rescue with a daring idea: since his marijuana
crop, hidden within the thick trees of the local vicars yard, is in danger of dying out, why not transplant it to Grace's
private greenhouse, where the amateur horticulturist grows the finest orchids around, and split the take? Although Matthew's
fisherwoman girlfriend Nicky (Valerie Edmond) doesn't approve, everyone in town seems to be aware of Grace's new potential
source of income, but she's such a nice lady and has been through so much, all turn a blind eye.
The film's second
half becomes a bit plot-heavy with the introduction of Honey (Diana Quick), Grace's husband's mistress; Vince (Bill Bailey),
a long-haired, Trans Am-driving, Dungeons & Dragons-playing pot dealer; and Jacques Chevalier (Tcheky Karyo of THE PATRIOT),
a French druglord who's really a parody of a French druglord and knows it. None of these characters is dead weight, which
is surprising considering how many interesting folks populate this movie. Besides the two old biddies who mistake pot leaves
for tea leaves and imbibe a somewhat stronger beverage than theyre accustomed to, there's also a thick-witted constable on
the trail of salmon poachers, a priest who scares himself silly watching Christopher Lee vampire flicks on the telly late
at night, a pubkeeper who debates the merits of Kafka vs. Jackie Collins, and the town doctor (Martin Clunes) who isn't above
an occasional toke himself. Each of these characters is allowed at least one prominent moment in Ferguson and Crowdy's screenplay,
and the actors make the most of it.
SAVING GRACE's one-joke premise peters out before the end, which not only contains
an abrupt and not totally believable denouement, but also tacks on a short but extraneous coda--showcasing another new career
for Grace--which feels like it may have been the result of a reshoot. It isn't the high note on which SAVING GRACE deserves
to go out.
SAVING PRIVATE RYAN (1998)--Directed by Steven Spielberg. Stars Tom Hanks, Tom Sizemore,
Edward Burns, Matt Damon. One of the most intense Hollywood films ever made, Spielberg's World War II epic will surely become
known as one of the greatest anti-war messages ever filmed. After a squad led by Captain John Miller (Hanks) takes part in
the D-Day invasion of Normandy, it is given a special mission: to venture into enemy territory to find an American soldier
named Private James Ryan (Damon), whose three brothers were all killed in action. In a public relations move, the U.S. Government
is determined to send the only surviving Ryan son back home to his mother in Iowa.
Spielberg seems to making a statement
about war movies as much as war itself; Hanks' squad is composed of the same character types that always seem to pop up in
WWII flicks: the tough sergeant, the wisecracker from Brooklyn, an introspective Jew, a drawling Southerner, a Midwestern
hayseed, etc. Perhaps the most interesting is a cowardly file clerk (Jeremy Davies) who has never seen combat, but is brought
along on the mission to serve as a translator. The amount of gore, bloodshed and wartime horrors are at the highest levels
I have ever seen in a Hollywood product; if anyone other than Spielberg had directed, this may not have received an R rating.
After seeing SAVING PRIVATE RYAN, I have no doubt that this is what a battlefield is really like, and I can't imagine what
it would be like to fight on one. You will undoubtedly find yourself respecting those who fought and/or died for the United
States even more than you thought you did already. John Williams' majestic and powerful score is among his best. Also with
Giovanni Ribisi, Harve Presnell, Dennis Farina and Ted Danson.
SAW (2004)--Directed by James Wan. Stars
Cary Elwes, Leigh Whannell, Danny Glover. Wan and writer/star Whannell made this low-budget horror movie in just 18
days. It raised some eyebrows at Sundance, where Lions Gate bought it and distributed it with eight seconds cut out
to garner an R rating from the MPAA. It’s got a marvelous premise, bits of edge-of-your-seat suspense, and an
unsettling twist ending. Two men wake up chained to the wall of a large, filthy bathroom. There’s a dead
man lying in the center of the room, presumably a suicide, holding a pistol and a cassette recorder. The men, Adam (Whannell)
and surgeon Lawrence (Elwes), find unusual objects left for them by their abductor, including a frightening photograph, two
cigarettes, cassette tapes and a pair of hacksaws too weak to cut through their chains, but able to slice through bone…
Lawrence realizes they must be victims of the Jigsaw Killer, a brilliant serial murderer who places his victims in elaborate
death traps that allow them a slim chance of escaping. Lawrence knows this because the main detective investigating
the case, Tapp (Glover), considers him to be a suspect. Wan really knows how to make your teeth chatter, and SAW is
impressive for a debut feature. Weak performances by Elwes and Glover, some broad plotholes and too many similarities
to SE7EN prevent it from being any kind of modern classic, but I found the concept to be intriguing, and the over-the-top
climax is a real corker. Also with Shawnee Smith, Michael Emerson, Ken Leung, Dina Meyer, Tobin Bell, Monica Potter
and Ned Bellamy.
SAY
ANYTHING... (1989)--Directed by Cameron Crowe. Stars John Cusack, Ione Skye, John Mahoney, Lili Taylor.
Former rock critic Crowe was responsible for writing two of the best teen movies of the 1980's: FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT
HIGH (directed by Amy Heckerling) and SAY ANYTHING..., which also marked Crowe's directorial debut. Smarter and more
sensitive than PORKY'S and other films of the era that were preoccupied with teenagers trying to get laid and more realistic
than the suburban yuppie brats of John Hughes' oeuvre, SAY ANYTHING... offers two young people in love--not lust--and presents
them as a Romeo and Juliet for the '80s generation.
Lloyd Dobler (Cusack) is a high-school graduate with little idea
of what he really wants to do with his life. An eternal optimist, Lloyd is interested in kickboxing ("the sport of the
future") and is damn sure he doesn't want to pursue any career that deals with buying, selling or processing anything.
He has a crush on classmate Diane Court (Skye), a beautiful "brain" with few friends who's preparing to attend college in
England in the fall. Inspiringly blessed with more courage than most 17-year-old boys, Lloyd calls Diane the day of
their graduation and asks her for a date. She has no idea who Lloyd is, but accepts his invitation anyway. Soon,
to the amazement of Lloyd's friends, including bitter songwriter Corey (Taylor), and the consternation of Diane's inappropriately
doting father (Mahoney), the two are dating and in love.
Avoiding the maudlin sentimentality of other love stories and laced
with simultaneous jolts of humor and pain, SAY ANYTHING... rings true with every line of dialogue, which sounds completely
realistic tumbling from the mouths of Crowe's actors. The 22-year-old Cusack, in the last of his teenage roles (he broke
through to adult parts in THE GRIFTERS a year later), was probably the smartest and most likable young actor of his generation,
and absolutely captures Lloyd's innate sweetness and self-confidence without coming across as overly glib. Skye, who
was 20 at the time, has plenty of chemistry with Cusack, and although her career appeared to spiral downward in SAY ANYTHING...'s
aftermath, stands up to her more experienced co-stars, including Mahoney, who handles the film's most surprising character
arc with professional aplomb.
Since
SAY ANYTHING... is a film by Cameron Crowe, a former ROLLING STONE writer married to Heart's Nancy Wilson (his ALMOST FAMOUS
is an autobiographical glimpse of his teenage years), the soundtrack is spiked with appropriate contemporary hits, most notably
Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes", which has become permanently linked with the film's poster image of Cusack standing with a
boom box over his head. The great Laszlo Kovacs contributes sumptuous photography of SAY ANYTHING...'s Seattle locations,
while familiar faces like Eric Stoltz, Bebe Neuwirth and Jeremy Piven offer clever support. Also with Amy Brooks, Loren
Dean, Jason Gould, producer Polly Platt, Chynna Phillips, Lois Chiles, Philip Baker Hall, Don "The Dragon" Wilson as Cusack's
sparring partner and an uncredited Joan Cusack.
SCALPEL (1976)--Directed by John Grissmer.
Stars Robert Lansing, Judith Chapman. Avco Embassy released this sick chiller anchored by Lansing's naturalistic performance.
He plays Dr. Phillip Reynolds, a noted Atlanta plastic surgeon whose daughter Heather (Chapman) ran away a year ago after
she saw him drowning her boyfriend in the family pool. He killed Heather's mother too, drowning her in a lake, a death
that was chalked off as purely an accident by everybody except her father, Heather's grandfather. When the grandfather
dies, he leaves his entire $5 million fortune to Heather, who isn't around to collect. So when Reynolds comes across
a topless stripper lying near death in the street with her face beaten to a bloody pulp, he brainstorms a plan to reconstruct
her face to resemble Heather's, enabling her to collect his daughter's inheritance, sharing half with him, of course.
Seems like a tidy enough plan...until the real Heather returns to the family mansion and discovers her old man in a kinky
relationship with a woman who looks exactly like her.
It's surprising that SCALPEL is less sleazy that you might think,
considering its broad portrayals of greed, murder and incest. Truth be told, not very much happens during its 95-minute
running time, although what does happen is pretty entertaining, thanks to the cast. Lansing played dozens of heavies
in his career, mostly in episodic television, but it's doubtful many had as much range as the murderous Svengali he plays
here. Chapman is equally effective in her dual role, although Grissmer's screenplay (from a story by producer Joseph
Weintraub) doesn't allow her to cut loose the way Lansing does. In fact, there doesn't seem to be much difference between
Heather and her doppelganger as penned by Grissmer. The final reel packs a punch, though, as Grissmer, probably thinking
this would be his only chance to direct a feature (he was almost right), throws in as many bizarre twists as he can think
of, including a strange ending more appropriate to a caper movie than a psychological thriller about incest.
Arlen Dean Snyder co-stars as Lansing's suspicious brother-in-law.
Robert Cobert (DARK SHADOWS) provides the effective, string-laden score. Filmed in and around Atlanta and Covington,
Georgia. The Charter Entertainment VHS release is titled SCALPEL, although it has also been seen as FALSE FACE.
SCALPS (1983)--Directed by Fred Olen Ray. Stars
Kirk Alyn, Carroll Borland, Forrest J Ackerman. One of Ray's earliest films was shot in 16mm in the California desert.
21st Century bought it, recut it and released it to theaters. The distributor's re-edited version makes little sense,
and the only names in the cast belong to serial star Alyn (ATOM MAN VS. SUPERMAN) and Borland, who appeared with Bela Lugosi
in a 1930's vampire movie. Six archeology students head to the desert to investigate an Indian burial ground.
The evil spirit of an ancient shaman called the Black Claw possesses one of them and kills the rest, but not until after a
lot of driving and a lot of talking. SCALPS does offer some nifty gore effects, but it takes a long time to get to them.
Ray calls it "character development", but the pacing is definitely this film's biggest problem. It also suffers from
its technical limitations--poor sound, unconvincing day-for-night, out-of-focus photography. Also with Richard Hench,
Jo Ann Robinson, Frank McDonald and Roger Maycock.
SCANNERS (1981)--Directed by David Cronenberg.
Stars Stephen Lack, Jennifer O'Neill, Michael Ironside, Patrick McGoohan. One of Canada's most memorable genre pictures
is the one with the exploding head. Once you've it, you won't forget it. SCANNERS walks a thin line between thoughtful
art film and exploitative gore flick; Dick Smith's makeup effects are magnificent, punctuating the confusing climax with then-state-of-the-art
bladder effects and providing an early boost to the narrative with the most shocking and realistic exploding head sequence
in cinema history. Don't let Cronenberg's penchant for bursts of blood deter you from this unusual film, which blends
elements of horror, science fiction and mystery.
Cameron Vale (Lack) is a vagabond unable to live a normal lifestyle
because of all the voices he constantly hears pounding in his head. After an incident at the mall in which he causes
a woman to have a seizure, he is captured by goons with tranquilizer darts and brought back to ConSec and Dr. Paul Ruth (McGoohan).
Vale is a "scanner", one of 237 human beings with psychic abilities that allow them to do more than just read minds, but also
affect the behavior of others using mental telepathy. Ruth is looking for the perfect scanner to combat Darryl Revok
(Ironside), a powerful scanner who is recruiting other scanners to his cause; namely his plot to conquer the world using scanning.
Ironside, who would move on from this to play another villain in another
Canadian horror film, VISITING HOURS, is a perfect heavy, and his performance, as well as that of the ever-professional McGoohan,
lends the film a touch of class. The charm-free Lack is SCANNERS' biggest detriment, and he isn't helped much by his
female lead, the gorgeous O'Neill, who seems miscast as "the girl". Cronenberg also doesn't seem to know how to end
his film; I'm still not exactly sure what happened at the end. I have a guess, but it doesn't seem consistent with what
we've previously been told about scanners. Pacing is good, pockmarked with plenty of chases and bloodshed to keep the
horror crowd happy, yet Cronenberg's screenplay is wildly ambitious, creating enough potential to spin off what could have
been a nifty TV series if anyone had ever thought to do it. Also with Lawrence Dane, Robert Silverman and Neil Affleck.
Music by Howard Shore.
SCARECROW (1973)--Directed by Jerry Schatzberg. Stars
Gene Hackman and Al Pacino. The stellar performances of Hackman and Pacino propel this aimless and depressing look at Middle
America. Hackman is an ex-con who hopes to get back on his feet by opening a car wash in Pittsburgh. Pacino is a merchant
seaman who wants a reconciliation with his ex-wife and the child he's never seen in Detroit. They hit the road together in
an episodic cross-country journey. The ending is a bit confusing, but you probably won't lose interest. Also with Richard
Lynch, Ann Wedgeworth, and Eileen Brennan. An actors showcase.
SCARECROW SLAYER (2003)—Directed by David Michael
Latt. Stars Tony Todd, Nicole Kingston, David Castro, Jessica Mattson, Stephen Schultz, Todd Rex, Brett Erickson. This cheap
direct-to-video horror flick is apparently a sequel to The Asylum’s SCARECROW, but has nothing to do with it. Or logic,
scares, common sense, or reasonable production value, for that matter. The acting is as hilariously amateurish as the visual
effects. Even top-billed Todd, who plays a vengeance-minded son of a man murdered by a monster scarecrow 35 years earlier,
gives a clumsy performance. But back to the monster scarecrow. Yeah, whenever somebody dies in close proximity to a scarecrow—or
at least this particular one—he or she is assimilated into it. Such is the case with martial artist David (Erickson),
a college freshman who is killed while trying to steal Todd’s scarecrow to get into a fraternity. He becomes the scarecrow
and wanders around killing folks, culminating in a scarecrow-to-scarecrow fistfight that sounds a lot more entertaining than
it really is. Only redheaded Kingston (who resembles Mary Elizabeth Winstead) is appealing as David’s good-girl girlfriend
in a baby tee.
SCARECROWS (1988)--Directed by William Wesley.
Stars Ted Vernon, Michael Simms, Kristina Sanborn, Victoria Christian. Here’s a low-budget shot-in-Florida sleeper
that anticipates the beginning of JEEPERS CREEPERS 2. Five well-trained commandos swipe $3.5 million from the Army and
escape in a hijacked airplane belonging to a middle-aged pilot and his daughter Kellie (Christian). One of the thieves
attempts to doublecross his buddies by jumping out of the plane with the money. He lands near an abandoned farm in Southern
California in the middle of the night, where he attempts to find the loot and hightail out before the other thieves find him.
However, the soldiers and their hostages have more to worry about than stolen money and hot pursuit by the Army. The
scarecrows protecting the farm appear to be alive, and begin slaughtering the party one by one.
SCARECROWS proves you don’t need a lot of money to build suspense.
These creatures are damn scary, prowling around in the woods at night, attacking their prey with a surprising amount of gore.
The scarecrows have the ability to chop away body parts and sew them to their own bodies; they can also reanimate corpses,
leading to a freaky scene where the soldiers discover one of their party has been gutted and stuffed with the stolen cash!
Wesley and screenwriter Richard Jefferies (COLD CREEK MANOR) leave
the scarecrows’ origin and motivation vague, providing just enough to make the premise somewhat believable, but leaving
enough to the imagination to get our blood bubbling. The characters are not particularly likable--they are thieves and
kidnappers, after all--but they are provided with small moments of characterization that allow us to get to know them before
they bite the big bullet. Or machete. Or pitchfork. Wesley didn’t make another feature until 2001’s
ROUTE 666. Star Vernon was also the executive producer. Also with Richard Vidan, B.J. Turner and David James Campbell.
SCARFACE KILLER (1976)--Directed by Fernando DiLeo.
Stars Jack Palance, Al Cliver, Edmund Purdom, Harry Baer, Vittorio Caprioli. SCARFACE KILLER is the video-generated title
on the film and on the video box by Valley Star Productions, but this Italian-made crime drama has also been released as MISTER
SCARFACE, THE BIG BOSS, BLOOD AND BULLETS, RULERS OF THE CITY and in its native country as I PADRONI DELLA CITTA. A German
actor, Baer, stars as Tony, a frustrated underling of Rome mobster Luigi (Purdom) who spends his days collecting protection
money, seducing women and tooling around in his orange dune buggy. Looking to improve his lot in life, Tony swindles ten million
lira from the citys most powerful mobster Manzari (Palance), who's called "Scarface" as the result of being cut in the face
by a thrown bottle during the movie's prologue. Teaming up with former Manzari associates Rick (Cliver) and Napoli (Caprioli),
Tony concocts a scam to fleece Manzari of an even larger fortune, which leads to an extended action scene set in an abandoned
country slaughterhouse. Not much is required from Palance here; his trademark histrionics are kept in check, and his role
is little more than an extended cameo. DiLeo fills the running time with plenty of action (though little gore), even throwing
some martial arts into the mix (unusual for an Italian crime film). Not one of the best crime dramas around, but one that
should hold your interest. Music by Luis Enriquez Bacalov.
SCAVENGER HUNT (1979)--Directed by Michael
Schultz. Stars Richard Benjamin, James Coco, Ruth Gordon, Tony Randall, Cleavon Little, Cloris Leachman, Scatman Crothers,
Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dirk Benedict, Avery Schreiber, Meat Loaf et al. When a wealthy games manufacturer (Vincent Price)
passes away, five teams of greedy individuals run frantically all over L.A. to find all the items on a bizarre list and win
Price's massive fortune. The spirited cast members give it a shot, and there are a few funny moments of slapstick. From the
director of CAR WASH.
SCHIZOID (1980)--Directed by David Paulsen. Stars Klaus Kinski, Mariana Hill,
Donna Wilkes, Craig Wasson, Christopher Lloyd. Who's the crazed scissors slasher hacking up the members of Dr. Pieter Fales's
(Kinski) therapy group and mailing threatening notes to newspaper advice columnist Julie (Hill)? Is it Fales's deranged teenage
daughter Alison (Wilkes, late of HELLO, LARRY), who likes to dress in her dead mother's clothes? Or Julie's nice-guy ex-husband
Doug (Wasson)? Or creepy maintenance man Gilbert (a post-Reverend Jim Lloyd), another member of the group? Hell, it could
be Fales himself; he isn't exactly a prime example of proper doctor-patient behavior, since he's sleeping with at least two
of his group members (including Julie).
The screenplay provides plenty of clues and red herrings, and even though
the killings aren't very gory and the twist ending isn't a huge surprise, SCHIZOID is a decent enough ride as far as it goes.
Both Hill and Wilkes have brief nude scenes, writer/director Paulsen provides a peppy pace if not scintillating dialogue,
and Kinski--who's constantly smoking, following people and generally acting suspicious for no good reason other than to make
the audience suspect him of murder--is always fun to watch.
Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus produced for Cannon, which
also released this as MURDER BY MAIL. Craig Hundley, who used an instrument of his invention called a Blaster Beam to provide
Jerry Goldsmith with many unusual sounds for his standout STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE score (Hundley had also guest-starred
on the original STAR TREK series as a child, playing Captain Kirk's nephew), contributes another peculiarly atmospheric soundtrack,
although it would have worked better in a smaller dose. Also with Richard Herd (T.J. HOOKER) and Joe Regalbuto (MURPHY BROWN)
as cops. 21-year-old Wilkes, who was dropped from the HELLO, LARRY cast allegedly because of drug abuse, went on to star in
the '80s exploitation classic ANGEL ("High School Honor Student By Day. Hollywood Hooker By Night"). Wasson was soon to appear
in BODY DOUBLE, while Lloyd shrugged this one off and became even more famous as Michael J. Fox's co-star in the BACK TO THE
FUTURE movies.
SCHOOL FOR UNCLAIMED GIRLS (1969)--Directed by Robert
Hartford-Davies. Stars Madeline Hinde, Dennis Waterman, Patrick Mower, Renee Asherson. In this strange British
film, teenaged Nicki (Hinde) remains wracked with guilt over her father's death, blaming herself for his fatal accident aboard
a carousel. Her mother Anne (Asherson) plans to marry Harry (Mower), a much younger cad who wants Anne only for her
money. One afternoon while Mom's away, Harry decides to play--with Nicki--and is stabbed for his trouble. He doesn't
die, but she's sent to an all-girls' reform school, complete with shower scenes, vindictive lesbians and a daring escape attempt.
Bolstered by the strangest and most depressing ending this story could
possibly have, SCHOOL is never less than watchable, even if it also is never quite as gripping--or as kinky--as it could have
been. Perhaps a bit less British restraint was called for in this case. Hinde, who never became much of a star,
delivers a good enough performance, but it's the slimy Mower who steals every scene. Also with Janina Faye, Maureen
Lipman and a young Lesley-Anne Down (billed as Lesley Down). Hartford-Davis later came to America to do blaxploitation
pictures like BLACK GUNN with Jim Brown. Released in the U.K. as THE SMASHING BIRD I USED TO KNOW, SCHOOL didn't hit
American shores (thanks to AIP) until 1973, when it must have seemed horribly outdated. Music by Bobby Richards.
SCOOBY-DOO
AND THE ALIEN INVADERS (2000)--Directed by Jim Stenstrum. Stars the voices of Jeff Glen Bennett, Mary Kay Bergman,
Scott Innes, Frank Welker, Mark Hamill. Another straight-to-video comedy-adventure reuniting the animated stars of SCOOBY-DOO,
WHERE ARE YOU?, the enormously successful cartoon series that debuted on Saturday morning television in 1969, and has never
been off the air since. Cruising across the Southwestern desert in their groovy van, the Mystery Machine, teenagers Fred,
Daphne, Velma and Shaggy and their talking dog Scooby-Doo become stranded in a small town that the local citizens believe
to have been infiltrated by aliens. One old-timer even claims to have been abducted. While waiting for the Mystery Machine
to be repaired, the kids investigate the mystery, while Shaggy and Scooby fall head over heels in love with Crystal, a foxy
Native-American photographer, and her dog Amber. While I miss the old-fashioned limited animation from the Hanna-Barbera shows
of my youth and the voice characterizations I grew up with (Casey Kasem is the One True Shaggy in my book), executive producers
William Hanna and Joseph Barbera and director Stenstrum do understand what makes these characters tick, and I enjoyed this
feature in spite of the updated material (why does the Mystery Machine have a luggage rack if there isn't any luggage to put
in it anyway?). Teen dream Jennifer Love Hewitt performs the theme song. Voice artist Bergman (SOUTH PARK) committed suicide
shortly after completing her work on this film.
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