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T-FORCE (1995)--Directed by Richard Pepin. Stars Jack Scalia, Erin Gray,
Bobby Johnston. Energetic SF actioner that borrows heavily from THE TERMINATOR and ALIEN NATION. The Terminal
Force is a special branch of the Los Angeles Police Department: four super-strong, indestructible robots (or "cybernauts",
as they're called here) that are called in when extra firepower is called for. After a hostage situation goes bad, mayor
Gray (BUCK ROGERS IN THE 25TH CENTURY) demands the T-Force's destruction. Reasoning that self-preservation is more important
than upholding the law, three T-Force members escape with plans to kill all officials involved in the order to shut them down.
Hotshot cop Scalia, who hates robots (think James Caan in ALIEN NATION), must team up with "good" cybernaut Kane (Johnston)
to stop them. All the buddy-cop clichés are present, along with a high body count and plenty of PM-style explosions.
Also with Evan Lurie, Deron McBee, Jennifer MacDonald, Martin E. Brooks and Vernon Wells. Scalia also served as associate
producer, as he also did on PM's DARK BREED and THE SILENCERS.
T-MEN (1947)--Directed by Anthony Mann. Stars Dennis
O'Keefe, Mary Meade, Alfred Ryder, Charles McGraw, Wallace Ford. Cinematographer John Alton is the real star of this hard-hitting
documentary-style noir, which casts light leading man O'Keefe against type as Treasury agent Dennis O'Brien, who is sent undercover
to ferret out a squad of counterfeiters. O'Brien and partner Tony Genaro (Ryder) pose as Detroit thugs to build their street
cred, then head to Los Angeles in pursuit of an oily informer known as "Schemer" (Ford). Ingratiating themselves with sultry
Evangeline (Meade) and chief fingerbreaker Moxie (McGraw), the agents attempt to stay one step ahead of the counterfeiting
ring using sweat and deception.
T-MEN is an extremely good-looking film; Alton paints nearly every frame with shadows
and unusual lighting effects to create T-MEN's gritty atmosphere. O'Keefe is very good playing essentially two characters--earnest
T-Man O'Brien and Irish goon Vinny Harrigan--and he's nearly matched by veteran heavy McGraw, who's never less than terrifying.
Reed Hadley's narration hasn't dated well--it's very ponderous--but probably at the time helped to lend the film its realistic
style. Also with June Lockhart (LOST IN SPACE), Jane Randolph (THE HONEYMOONERS), Jim Bannon, John Newland (ONE STEP BEYOND),
Lyle Latell (Dick Tracy's sidekick Pat Patton in the RKO series), Keefe Brasselle and Frank Ferguson. Mann directed several
terrific crime dramas (SIDE STREET, BORDER INCIDENT, RAW DEAL, HE WALKED BY NIGHT, FOLLOW ME QUIETLY) before teaming up with
James Stewart for a series of well-regarded adult westerns. Music by Paul Sawtell. Oddly, Alton failed to score an Oscar nod,
but Jack Whitney did for Best Sound Recording.
TACTICAL ASSAULT (1998)--Directed by Mark Griffiths.
Stars Robert Patrick, Rutger Hauer, Isabel Glasser. Here's a psycho-killer movie disguised as a direct-to-video military
thriller. After several years as a prisoner of war in Iraq, Captain John Holiday (Hauer) joins his old friend, Colonel
Lee Banning (Patrick), at an Air Force base, where he proceeds to torment Banning and his pregnant wife (Glasser). Holiday
blames Banning for his capture behind enemy lines and subsequent imprisonment, and is not the type to forgive and forget.
Pretty silly stuff, mixing military dogfight stock footage and nutty scenes of Hauer chasing his victims around an empty base
in a tank. Also with Ken Howard and Dey Young. Made in Budapest by the director of HARDBODIES.
T.A.G. THE ASSASSINATION GAME (1982)--Directed by Nick Castle. Stars
Robert Carradine, Linda Hamilton, Bruce Abbott, Kristine DeBell, Perry Lang. College students play a harmless stalking game
where they track their "enemies" and shoot them with suction-cup dart guns. Everybody's having a good time, until sore loser
Abbott starts playing for keeps--with real ammo! Carradine is the school newspaper editor who falls for lovely player Hamilton.
Starts off as a comedy, but ends as a thriller. Both parts are interesting, but they don't come together too well. Look for
Michael Winslow of the POLICE ACADEMY series and an early bit by Forest Whitaker. From New World Pictures.
THE TAKE (1974)--Directed by Robert Hartford-Davis.
Stars Billy Dee Williams, Vic Morrow, Eddie Albert, Frankie Avalon. A nifty cast and a surprisingly amoral tone give
this energetic crime drama a list. Billy Dee plays Sneed, a San Francisco cop transferred to New Mexico to battle the
Syndicate, headed by desert-loving Victor Manso (Morrow). Sneed soon finds himself in a jam when he begins taking bribes
from Manso while simultaneously seeking to bust him on narcotics and counterfeiting charges under the watchful eye of commanding
officer Barrigan (Albert). The PG movie is pretty violent, including an opening reel shootout and a corker of a car
chase across the New Mexican desert. An eyebrow or two may rise at the sight of Avalon cursing and sweating as a sleazy
stoolie. His career was on the wane, although THE TAKE led to some TV guest roles and a summer replacement variety series.
Also with Sorrell Booke, Tracy Reed, A Martinez, Albert Salmi, James Luisi and John Davis Chandler. Music by Fred Karlin.
TV vet Del Reisman and Oscar nominee Franklin Coen (THE TRAIN) receive screenplay credit.
TAKE A HARD RIDE (1975)--Directed by Anthony M.
Dawson. Stars Jim Brown, Fred Williamson, Jim Kelly, Lee Van Cleef, Dana Andrews. A dying rancher (Andrews) asks an honest
employee (Brown) to deliver $86,000 to his family across the desert. Brown is trailed by a fast-talking conman (Williamson);
both team up against ruthless bounty hunter Van Cleef when it appears Van Cleef will stop at nothing to get his hands on the
money. A pretty standard combination of the blaxploitation and spaghetti western genres that reunites the cast of the successful
(and essential) THREE THE HARD WAY. Music by Jerry Goldsmith. With Barry Sullivan, Catherine Spaak and Harry Carey Jr. Filmed
in the Canary Islands.
TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN (1969)--Directed by Woody Allen. Stars Woody Allen,
Janet Margolin, Louise Lasser. Woody's directorial debut was this hilarious parody documentary of Virgil Starkwell, the worst
bank robber on earth. Lots of brilliant sight gags and one-liners--Allen uses a gun carved out of soap to break out of jail
(of course, the tables are turned when it begins to rain); he uses a holdup note to rob a bank, but the teller can't read
his handwriting.
TAKING LIVES (2004)--Directed by D.J. Caruso.
Stars Angelina Jolie, Ethan Hawke. Few recent comedies have had laughs as big as the one I received from this mostly
dull and sometimes stupid serial-killer thriller starring the stunning Jolie and the always-lifeless Hawke. I'm glad the scene
exists, if only to snap me out of the sleepy stupor the plodding storyline and unconvincing performances had lulled me into.
The moment when Jolie, as FBI profiler Illeana Scott, summoned to
Canada by the Montreal police to assist in the apprehension of a serial killer who murders men and mutilates them in order
to conceal their identity, innocently prepares to enter a hospital elevator, only to spot, as the doors open, the killer tearing
the head off of a bloody corpse is absolutely sublime in its incredulity. It's like a Zucker/Abrahams/Zucker parody of a serial-killer
thriller in that moment. Let's set aside for the moment the preposterousness of the scene, like what did he kill with, how
could he have been prepared to run into the victim, whom the killer knows, there, and how in the world could he possibly have
thought he could escape (generous screenwriters, I suppose). Up to that point, TAKING LIVES has been a pretty straightforward
police procedural. By "straightforward", I mean "deeply clichéd"--there isn't a single scene, scare or plot twist that you
haven't seen before. It's not even a surprise to learn the killer's identity, since there's obviously no other reason for
the character to be in the movie unless he is. But the audience is in no way prepared for the schlocky gruesomeness of the
scene. Adding to the hilarity is Jolie's performance. From nowhere, her character, in a split second, changes from a dedicated,
obsessed, highly trained FBI profiler into an insipid ditz, who can only stand there with her mouth open gaping at the bloodbath
in front of her, unable to pull her weapon, leap into the elevator, wedge the doors open or even say, "Hey, you." I haven't
seen anything in a Hollywood thriller this funny since the notorious paralyzation of Richard Dreyfuss in the even more ridiculous
SILENT FALL.
That scene is truly the highlight of TAKING LIVES, which is otherwise
dotted with an indifferent Jolie performance, a sopoforic score by Philip Glass, and truly poor acting by Hawke, whose very
first scene clues you in to the direction his character is headed, long before we're supposed to know. I really like Jolie
as an actress, and I suppose her performance has the makings of a decent one inside her somewhere, but I don't think the director
and script helped her very much in this case. Few actresses as talented as she have such poor judgment in choosing movie projects.
And her presence provides the interest in TAKING LIVES' next best scene, which is a completely perfunctory sex scene. There
are few people on the planet I would rather see naked than Angelina. But let's face it--she and Hawke have no chemistry, and
there is no way that her character would be attracted to his, not as they are presented and performed.
I won't even get into my third-favorite scene, which is the climax
and is so stupidly presented and requires such a suspension of disbelief that your head might start aching from the vigorous
shaking the scene induces. I will, however, ask two questions about the mysterious secret room seen earlier in the movie.
Why would the killer go there, and how did he manage to shove that heavy bookcase against the door from the other side of
it?? Also with Kiefer Sutherland, Olivier Martinez, Tcheky Karyo and Gena Rowlands.
THE TAKING OF BEVERLY HILLS (1991)—Directed
by Sidney J. Furie. Stars Ken Wahl, Matt Frewer, Robert Davi, Harley Jane Kozak. Exploding cars rule the screen
in this barely released action movie, made back in the day when studios still believed slab Wahl was a movie star. Basically
DIE HARD IN BEVERLY HILLS, the ludicrous premise has a bunch of ex-cops faking a chemical spill in America’s wealthiest
community and then looting it to the tune of $700 million after everyone is evacuated. Even the cops are fooled, leaving
it up to pro quarterback Boomer Wells (Wahl) and Officer Ed Kelvin (Frewer), who backed out of the heist when he learned his
partners were carrying guns, to save the day by tossing Molotov cocktails out of a stolen Rolls Royce, just a step ahead of
a hitman driving a tank! And here’s a coincidence that’ll throw you for a loop: the mastermind, “Bat”
Masterson (Davi), is the owner of Boomer’s football team. And he’s jealous because the athlete has taken
up with the woman (Kozak) he wants to marry. Inexpensively lensed somewhere other than Beverly Hills, TAKING manages
to destroy a lot of property and a few people in pursuit of its unlikely plot, but it does so efficiently and with some flair.
Also with Branscombe Richmond, William Prince, Lyman Ward, George Wyner, Ken Swofford and Fear’s Lee Ving. Music
by Jan Hammer. Wahl, who found success as TV’s WISEGUY, never again headlined a feature, and seems to have retired
from acting.
THE TAKING OF PELHAM ONE TWO THREE (1974)--Directed
by Joseph Sargent. Stars Walter Matthau, Robert Shaw, Martin Balsam, Hector Elizondo, Tony Roberts. New York City Transit
Authority Lieutenant Zachary Garber (Matthau) is having a bad afternoon. After giving a guided tour of the subway system to
four visiting Japanese dignitaries who (he believes) don't speak English, Garber returns to his station to discover that a
subway car containing eighteen hostages--the Pelham 123--has been hijacked by four machine-gun-toting terrorists, including
case-of-the-sniffles-carrying Mr. Green (Balsam), hotheaded ex-mobster Mr. Grey (Elizondo) and ice-cold former mercenary Mr.
Blue (Shaw). Mr. Blue, the group's leader, allows Matthau one hour to deliver $1 million in old $50s and $100s, or he'll begin
killing hostages, which of course include a jive-talking black man, a couple of screaming kids, an Hispanic woman who doesn't
understand English, an undercover policeman, some hippies and an old Jew (John Rocker would definitely not enjoy this ride).
Although the plot is standard hostage stuff, the clever screenplay by Peter Stone (CHARADE), which is based upon a
novel by John Godey, definitely isn't, peppering the dialogue and characterizations with cynical humor ("Screw the passengers!
What the hell do they expect for their lousy 35 cents--to live forever?"); it's hilarious the way the harried civil servants
rant, curse and scream at each other on a routine basis, not too mention the apoplexy that sets in when Shaw and crew toss
their monkey wrench into the proceedings. True, many of the jabs at The System and New York's political structure are broad
(the city's cowardly mayor, for instance), but the fine cast of character actors makes them work. Matthau, best known as a
comic actor, is completely believable as a dedicated cop trying to match wits with an adversary much smarter and deadlier
than the muggers and pushers he usually deals with in the subway. His work is equaled by Shaw, who leaves no doubt that he
will do exactly as he says he'll do if his instructions are not followed to the letter.
Actual New York City locations
are well used. Although a disclaimer at the end claims the NYC Transit Authority did not participate in the making of PELHAM,
it's clear that director Sargent would not have been able to create the tense atmosphere that he does without using real subway
cars and tunnels. Cinematographer Owen Roizman, who also shot THE FRENCH CONNECTION, handles the dark, dank underground photography
quite well, while David Shire's funky musical score contributes to the film's gritty feel.
Also with future FAMILY
star James Broderick (Matthew's pop), Earl Hindman (later to be Tim Allen's half-hidden neighbor on HOME IMPROVEMENT), Dick
O'Neill, Lee Wallace as the Mayor, Kenneth McMillan, Doris Roberts (EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND), the solid black presence Julius
Harris as a police inspector (Matthau, upon meeting Harris for the first time after speaking to him over the radio, stammers,
"Er, I thought you were a, uh, taller person, oh, hell, I don't know what I thought."), Jerry Stiller (very funny as Matthau's
partner), Sal Viscuso and a nice bit by Tony Roberts. Probably Sargent's best film made for theaters, although he's done some
excellent work in television. Film was remade for television in 1998 in Toronto (unsuccessfully substituting for New York)
with Edward James Olmos and Vincent D'Onofrio in the Matthau and Shaw roles.
TAKING THE HEAT (1993)--Directed by Tom Mankiewicz.
Stars Tony Goldwyn, Lynn Whitfield, Alan Arkin. This is a pretty routine made-for-cable-TV action movie starring Goldwyn
(GHOST) as yuppie Michael Norell, who witnesses a murder late one evening while picking up a pair of skis from a locally owned
sporting goods store. The killer is Mob boss Tommy Canard (Arkin), who is arrested for the murder and whose preliminary
hearing happens to take place the same day as a major New York City heat wave, causing phone lines, electricity and traffic
to come to a standstill. With Canard's thugs hot on their tail, Norell and comely NYPD detective Carolyn Hunter (Whitfield)
attempt to dash across town to the courthouse while dodging bullets, bombs and Cupid's Arrows of Cliched Love.
Besides a small amount of amusing comic relief and the novelty of
seeing scene-stealing character actors Arkin, Peter Boyle, George Segal and Will Patton--all of whom probably shot their scenes
in less than two days--working together, TAKING THE HEAT has little to recommend for action fans, being little more than a
cheap retread of all those dumb thrillers where the male lead has to hold on to his love interest's hand during all the shootouts
and chases. It's also the kind of movie where a professionally trained police officer is beaten up by the heavy so the
male lead, a pretty wimp who's never been in a fight in his life, can come to her rescue. In the midst of this, Whitfield
delivers a very good performance, looking sexy and adding the right off-the-cuff charm to this froth, although Goldwyn is
his usual smarmy self. Also with Joe Grifasi, Greg Germann (ALLY MCBEAL), Rachel York and Eddie Mekka (LAVERNE &
SHIRLEY). Music by Patrick Williams. Directed by the uncredited screenwriter of SUPERMAN.
TAKIN' IT ALL OFF (1988)--Directed by Ed Hansen.
Stars Kitten Natividad, Farley Maynard, Fred Hampton, Candie Evans. A school for strippers faces foreclosure, so the students
decide to hold a big show to raise money. One young shy beauty finds she is unable to take it all off, so mentor Betty Bigones
(Natividad) hypnotizes her so whenever she hears a certain song, she is forced to disrobe. Pretty dumb stuff. Lots of nudity
though, and Natividad's assets are impressive indeed. A sequel to TAKIN IT OFF.
TALES FROM THE CRYPT
(1972)--Directed by Freddie Francis. Stars Joan Collins, Ian Hendry, Richard Greene, Peter Cushing, Patrick Magee, Ralph
Richardson, Nigel Patrick. Amicus produced this darkly comic horror anthology based on EC Comics stories of the 1950s
written by William Gaines, Al Feldstein and Johnny Craig. Richardson is a “cryptkeeper” who lures five people
into a cave and gets them to talk about what evil deed led them there. The best segment is the last, in which an exploited
patient (Magee) in a home for the blind turns the tables on the cruel, tight-fisted major (Patrick) who runs the place.
Other tales feature a killer Santa Claus stalking murderess Collins, Cushing as a kindly garbage man bullied by his wealthy,
snobby neighbor, Greene in a contemporary retelling of “The Monkey’s Paw,” and Hendry as a man who abandons
his family to run off with his young mistress. Producer Milton Subotsky rewrites the EC tales with sadistic glee, and
their black humor helps make the somewhat horrific scenarios more palatable. A box office success, Amicus soon followed
with THE VAULT OF HORROR and FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE, which all featured EC Comics adaptations performed by top-class British
actors.
TALES FROM THE CRYPT PRESENTS: BORDELLO OF BLOOD (1996)--Directed by Gil Adler. Stars Dennis
Miller, Angie Everhart, Chris Sarandon, Corey Feldman, Erika Eleniak. Second feature film based on the successful HBO teleseries,
which was itself drawn from the classic EC comics of the 1950s. Lovers of gore and bare breasts should have a field day with
this tongue-in-cheek vampire romp, anchored by comedian Miller's initial foray into leading-manhood. When the delinquent brother
(Feldman) of the virginal secretary (PLAYBOY Playmate Eleniak) of a sinister televangelist (Sarandon) disappears after a visit
to the local whorehouse, Miller as seedy (are there any other kind?) private eye Rafe Guttman is called in to investigate.
Guttman discovers the brothel's employees are actually vampires (!) led by voluptuous redhead Everhart. Sarandon, who has
found a unique way to rid his congregation of sinners, refers her clientele. Similar but inferior to Robert Rodriguez and
Quentin Tarantino's FROM DUSK TILL DAWN (released earlier the same year), BORDELLO OF BLOOD still boasts (besides a terrific
title) a fun, easygoing performance by Dennis Miller; Miller doesn't really act--he's just Dennis Miller running around a
bunch of vampires. Still, he seems to be having a good time (like he knows how silly all this is), and many of his one-liners
are funny (Miller reportedly wrote much of his own dialogue). Bizarre climax finds Miller and Sarandon blowing up topless
vamp hookers with Super Soaker squirt guns filled with holy water to the strains of the Sweet's "Ballroom Blitz". Also with
Phil Fondacaro, cameos by William Sadler and Whoopi Goldberg (!) and the voice of John Kassir as the annoying Cryptkeeper.
Follows TALES FROM THE CRYPT PRESENTS: DEMON KNIGHT, also with Sadler.
TALES FROM THE DARKSIDE: THE MOVIE
(1990)--Directed by John Harrison. Stars Deborah Harry, Christian Slater, David Johansen, James Remar, Rae Dawn Chong. Anthology
adaptation of the syndicated TV horror series. A young boy caged by cannibalistic housewife Harry narrates three tales of
terror. None of the three are very good, but I suppose the scariest is the final segment, which features Remar and Chong as
a New York couple being stalked by a gargoyle. Scripted by George A. Romero and Michael McDowell from stories by Stephen King,
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and McDowell. Also with William Hickey and Robert Klein. Harrison frequently helmed segments of the
TV show.
TALK RADIO (1988)--Directed by Oliver Stone. Stars Eric Bogosian, Ellen Greene, Alec Baldwin,
John Pankow, John C. McGinley. Bogosian is overwhelming as a cynical radio talk show host, whose abrasive style and obnoxious
attitude towards his listeners makes him a ratings success, but eventually leads to tragedy. Based on his own one-man play,
Bogosian's screenplay keeps him on-screen in almost every scene. On the surface, Barry Champlain seems like a one-dimensional
character as he constantly abuses everyone in his life, including his wife (Greene), producer (Baldwin), and faceless callers
to his program. But Bogosian brings Champlain to life and turns him into a fascinating individual that we want to know more
about while simultaneously hating his guts. Stone's fluid camera work keeps the constant control room scenes from becoming
dull. One of Stone's best works, which has been greatly underrated for some reason.
TALLEDEGA NIGHTS: THE BALLAD OF RICKY BOBBY (2006)—Directed
by Adam McKay. Stars Will Ferrell, John C. Reilly, Gary Cole, Sasha Baron Cohen. If you enjoyed ANCHORMAN: THE
BALLAD OF RON BURGUNDY, you might enjoy director McKay and star Ferrell’s followup, which attempts to spoof NASCAR the
way the first film did television news. Unfortunately, I didn’t like it nearly as much. Ferrell and McKay’s
plot is nearly an exact duplicate, as hotshot NASCAR driver Ricky Bobby (Ferrell) finds success on the racing circuit, lets
success go to his head, falls into a physical and emotional shambles, and is finally redeemed before the bloopers play over
the credits. Reilly, not a natural comedian, struggles somewhat as Ricky’s taken-for-granted teammate, but nowhere
near as badly as Cohen’s eccentric, unlikable turn as Ricky’s gay French rival. The gags are stale, and
Ferrell is desperate enough to strip down to his tighty whiteys not once but twice in pursuit of laughs. The crudity
is enough to nearly disguise Cole’s surprisingly human touch as Reese Bobby, Ricky’s deadbeat dad. It’s
the best performance in the movie and the only one that feels ambitious. I was a big fan of ANCHORMAN, but this is a
step down for Ferrell. Also with Amy Adams, Leslie Bibb, Jane Lynch, Michael Clarke Duncan, David Koechner (who appeared
in SNAKES ON A PLANE the same summer), Greg Germann, Molly Shannon, Andy Richter and Pat Hingle.
TANGO & CASH (1989)--Directed by Andrei Konchalovsky.
Stars Sylvester Stallone, Kurt Russell, Jack Palance. You probably won't see a more preposterous storyline anywhere,
but scripter Randy Feldman's ampped-up attitude and the two stars' charm turn TANGO & CASH into a stupid, fun ride.
Sly is Ray Tango; Russell is Gabe Cash--rival Los Angeles police detectives that prove such a nuisance to criminal kingpin
Yves Perret (Palance) that he arranges for them to be framed on an (obviously) trumped-up murder charge and sent to prison
(he explains to his lackeys why he doesn't just kill Tango and Cash and be done with them, but it makes so little sense, I
just can't bring myself to repeat it here). Somehow, Perret's pull is so powerful that the two cops are sent to live
with the general population of a maximum-security prison instead of the country club they were assigned to...and nobody notices.
Of course, Tango and Cash team up to bust out, discover who their common foe is, and demolish his impenetrable airport hideout
with a super-duper bulletproof SUV.
T&C captures 1980's action movies at its silliest, from Harold
Faltermeyer's dorky synth score to cameraman Donald Thorin's glossy sheen, even down to Russell's opulent high locks.
The plot is thin, but the explosions and gunfire are thick. Even though there's a lot of violence, it's clearly all
played tongue-in-cheek, and the stars, who seem comfortable working together (Stallone rarely appears in films with stars
of equal stature), capture that of-course-we-know-how-stupid-this-is vibe perfectly (Russell is particularly good in this
regard). Credited solely to RUNAWAY TRAIN helmer Konchalovsky, PURPLE RAIN's Albert Magnoli also directed much of the
film, but I'm unsure as to which director was dismissed or why. Teri Hatcher looks yummy as nominally Tango's sister,
but really "the girl who gets kidnapped by the bad guy", while the rest of the supporting cast features Michael J. Pollard,
James Hong, Clint Howard, Robert Z'Dar, Marc Alaimo, Michael Jeter, Lewis Arquette, Richard Fancy, Brion James as Palance's
Aussie henchman and a strangely uncredited Geoffrey Lewis.
TANK (1984)--Directed by Marvin Chomsky. Stars
James Garner, Shirley Jones, C. Thomas Howell. Goofy action/comedy about the teenage son (Howell) of an Army major who is
arrested and jailed for a crime he didn't commit. Major Garner refuses to let his son be unjustly punished, so he steals a
Sherman tank, smashes his way into the jail, and escapes to the state line. That's really about all there is to it. Garner
is his usual affable self, and it's good to see Jones on a motion picture screen again. G.D. Spradlin plays his 548th corrupt
sheriff/politician/businessman role. Also with Jenilee Harrison (THREE'S COMPANY). Director Chomsky won an Emmy for making
HOLOCAUST for television.
THE TAO OF STEVE (2000)--Directed by Jenniphr Goodman. Stars Donal Logue,
Greer Goodman, Ayelet Kaznelson. Logue won a Special Jury Prize at the 2000 Sundance Film Festival for his role as Dex, an
obese, dope-smoking slacker who has no problem scoring with the ladies, thanks to his Tao of Steve philosophy. According to
Dex, Steve is more than a name--it's a state of mind, personified by such cool Steves as HAWAII FIVE-0's Steve McGarrett,
THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN's Steve Austin and the Steve who personifies Steveness: Steve McQueen. The Steve philosophy involves
eliminating your desire for sex, being excellent at something in front of women, and withdrawing from sex when women are ready
for it. Despite his loser status, Dex scores with almost every woman he meets, including his married friend Beth (Kaznelson),
until Syd (Goodman) comes into his life. Syd affects the Steve inside of Dex, since he likes her too much to work the Steve
philosophy on her, and he finds himself befuddled by his new feelings.
First-time director Goodman, who also scripted
with her sister Greer (who plays Syd) and Duncan North (the real-life Dex), has fashioned an amusing little comedy that plays
a little better than the trifle it actually is. Any movie that features a reference to the Sid & Marty Krofft show THE
BUGALOOS and a lounge guitar version of Morton Stevens's HAWAII FIVE-0 theme on the soundtrack gets high marks in my book
anyway, but the unfamiliar cast and likable dialogue are enough to make up for the standard boy-meets-girl plot. Logue, who
has appeared in supporting parts in dozens of movies like THE PATRIOT and THE THIN RED LINE, is a fine romantic lead, despite
his unconventional looks.
While THE TAO OF STEVE won't make you forget WHEN HARRY MET SALLY... or even RETURN TO ME,
it works quite well as an agreeable enough romantic comedy. Filmed in Santa Fe, New Mexico. Also with Kimo Wills, David Aaron
Baker and Nina Jaroslaw. Music by Joe Delia with a couple of amusing songs by Eytan Mirsky ("I Want to Be Your Steve McQueen").
TAPS (1981)--Directed by Harold Becker. Stars Timothy Hutton, George C. Scott, Ronny Cox. When trustees
of a military academy announce plans to tear the school down and build condominiums on the property, the student body led
by Hutton seizes the campus and holds it hostage. Scott is good as the commanding officer who sees eye-to-eye with Hutton.
A pretty good drama with a weak ending, it's probably mostly worth seeing for early performances by Sean Penn and Tom Cruise.
From the director of MALICE.
TARANTULAS: THE DEADLY CARGO (1977)--Directed by Stuart Hagmann. Stars
Claude Akins, Charles Frank, Pat Hingle, Deborah Winters, Bert Remsen. Not too bad as killer spider movies go. Poisonous banana
spiders terrorize the sleepy California town of Finleyville after a cargo plane carrying coffee from Ecuador crashlands there.
These ugly little buggers, which seem to move very quickly, immediately head for the produce warehouses that hold Finleyville's
major source of income. Fire chief Akins and crusty town doctor Hingle want to destroy the spiders before anyone else is killed,
but mayor Remsen, like all movie mayors in the post-JAWS '70s, wants only to keep the news of the spiders quiet until all
his oranges can be shipped.
The climax, featuring the amplified sound waves of wasps, a power outage and a clumsy
arsonist, is just hokey enough to be fun, Hagmann struts more visual style than most '70s television directors, and Akins
and Hingle deliver solid work. Unfortunately, the teleplay by TV vets John Groves and Guerdon Trueblood forces most of the
spiders' victims to act like numbskulls so they can be bitten; the victims include the sheriff's adulterous wife, a security
guard, some illegal aliens and a little boy. Music by Mundell Lowe. Also with Sandy McPeak, John Harkins, Charles Siebert,
Matthew Laborteaux, and Tom Atkins and Howard Hesseman (sporting a not-very-credible Texas accent) as the cargo plane pilots.
Made for television, but released theatrically overseas. From the award-winning director of THE STRAWBERRY STATEMENT.
TARGET
(1985)--Directed by Arthur Penn. Stars Gene Hackman, Matt Dillon, Gayle Hunnicutt, Josef Sommer. Hackman seems to almost be
doing a parody of his patented "everyman" role. He's a regular Dallas lumberyard owner with a beautiful wife (Hunnicutt) and
an estranged teenage son (Dillon). When Hunnicutt is kidnapped in Paris, Hackman reveals to Dillon that he is actually a retired
CIA agent, and that Hunnicutt has been kidnapped for revenge! The father-and-son team flies to France to track down the kidnappers
themselves. The action scenes are well done, and Hackman is believable in his role. Hackman and director Penn previously worked
together on BONNIE AND CLYDE and NIGHT MOVES; this film is the worst of the three.
TARGET: HARRY (1969)--Directed by Roger Corman
(as “Henry Neill“). Stars Vic Morrow, Suzanne Pleshette, Victor Buono, Stanley Holloway. This rarity
was produced by Gene Corman in Monaco and Turkey and was intended as an ABC TV-movie. The network reportedly rejected
it, and there’s evidence that it sat on a shelf for a decade before finally surfacing in movie houses. Ridiculous
nude inserts were commissioned and clumsily edited into scenes to garner an R rating. When it finally came out, director
Roger Corman had taken his name off of it, and Mark Thomas McGee’s McFarland biography of Corman ignores it. TARGET:
HARRY, made as WHAT’S IN IT FOR HARRY?, is not very good, but is worth the trouble for Corman completists. Bob
Barbash’s script doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, and there’s a lot of running, jumping and location-hopping
to accompany a thin plot.
Morrow is Harry Black, a freelance pilot based in Monte Carlo who
is hired to take Jason Carlyle (Holloway) to Istanbul. Carlyle, who’s carrying a set of stolen counterfeit plates,
is murdered there, and suspicion falls upon Harry, whom thieves Rashi (Buono) and Diane (Pleshette) suspect of stealing the
plates for his own financial gain. Corman paces the 82-minute feature okay and usually manages to find a pretty place
to put his camera, but TARGET: HARRY is basically an international riff on THE MALTESE FALCON and not one that adds anything
to the characters or story. Michael Ansara and Cesar Romero add some class, and Charlotte Rampling is lovely in an early
role. Corman himself provides a wordless cameo. Score by Les Baxter in a subpar Bond mode.
TARGET OF OPPORTUNITY (2005)--Directed by Danny
Lerner. Stars Dean Cochran, Todd Jensen, Nadia Konakchieva. Two of Nu Image’s hunky action stars, Cochran
(SHARK ZONE) and Jensen (OPERATION DELTA FORCE V), team up for the first time in this action-packed DTV thriller shot in Bulgaria.
Five years after Nick (Jensen) saved his best friend Jim’s (Cochran) life during a CIA operation in Chechnya, he’s
arrested while traveling alone in the Eastern European country of Gorna. A mysterious woman named Elena (Konakchieva)
contacts Jim, now an Army psychiatrist, in Las Vegas, and asks him to break Nick out of prison. The American authorities
are no help, and warn Jim to let Nick fry, that he’s a dirty agent. Hey, but what are friends for, right?
Les Weldon’s screenplay is little more than a clothesline to hang action sequences on, and Lerner gets the most out
of his Bulgarian locations and economy. Enough stuff blows up to give TARGET more production value than it ever could
have bought in the States, and the locations, including a rusty old prison and a rotting trainyard, are visually interesting
and provide the cast with lots of rundown objects to hide behind when trading bullets with each other. Cochran and Jensen
have a nice frat-boy vibe between them, and even though Weldon gives them ostensible love interests, Lerner’s more interested
in the buddies blowing stuff up than romancing the ladies. Music by Steve Edwards. Cochran and Jensen both have
roles in THE CUTTER, Chuck Norris’ Nu Image debut.
TARKAN VS. THE VIKINGS (1971)--Directed by Mehmet
Aslan. Stars Kartal Tibet, Bilal Inci, Eva Bender, Seher Seniz. From the early 1960’s through the mid-1980’s,
Turkey produced hundreds of the most mindblowing and bizarre adventure movies ever made. A stirring symbiosis of action,
sex, violence, fantasy and color, Turkish “pop cinema” is virtually unknown in America, partially because very
little of it was ever released here, but mostly because most of it no longer exists. Many Turkish film producers held
little regard for preserving history, and many of the negatives were destroyed in order to collect the film’s silver
content. What still remains is an obvious affection for American superheroes and low-budget serials of the 1940’s.
If you’re looking to dip your big toe into the wild world of Turkish pop cinema, Mondo Macabro has collected two fun
examples on one DVD.
Tarkan was a comic book hero created in Turkey who was very reminiscent
of Robert E. Howard’s Conan. The popular comic book inspired a slew of movie adaptations, of which one was 1971’s
TARKAN VS. THE VIKINGS. It’s one of the fastest-paced movies I’ve ever seen, pounding with battle scenes,
multiple locations, stolen music cues, sadism and doublecrosses. The action barely slows down, and when it does, director
Mehmet Aslan serves something else certain to grab our attention, be it a costume made of pink fur (what animal could have
provided that hide?) or the hilarious sight of a wolf sobbing (!) at the grave of its father.
Tarkan (Kartal Tibet) is a Hun assigned to protect the luscious
Princess Yonca (Fatma Belgen), but their fort is invaded by a Viking horde led by evil Toro (Bilal Inci). Nearly everyone,
including children and Tarkan’s pet wolf Kurt, is slaughtered, and Toro escapes with the kidnapped Princess. Seething
with vengeance, Tarkan leads Kurt, Jr. on a mission to retrieve Yonca and pay back Toro for his pet’s murder.
To ensure that TARKAN VS. THE VIKINGS is more than a mere revenge tale, director Aslan stirs the pot with an exotic Chinese
moll named Lotus (Seher Seniz), an army of sexy Amazon warriors, orgies, a pit of poisonous vipers, sensuous dancing and more
bizarre deathtraps, including an inflatable (!) octopus with large eyes that feeds upon Toro’s human sacrifices.
Yes, it’s all terribly absurd, yet wildly exhilarating, blessed
with a pace that barely allows the audience to breathe. This is somewhat due to director Aslan’s odd aversion
to transitions and establishing shots. He cuts immediately from one scene to the next without indicating what’s
going on, leaving it up to his alert audience to fill in some blanks. That may involve giving the movie more thought
than it really deserves. The characters are delineated well enough so there are no doubts about their motivations, and
TARKAN VS. THE VIKINGS is more concerned with delivering violent setpieces and exploitative elements than story nuances.
A word of warning: this is one comic book movie that’s not appropriate for kids. The gore and nudity are
relatively tame, but would still garner an R rating in the U.S.
TARZAN AND THE AMAZONS (1945)--Directed by Kurt
Neumann. Stars Johnny Weissmuller, Brenda Joyce, Johnny Sheffield, Barton MacLane, Maria Ouspenskaya. After Maureen O'Sullivan
left, and the Tarzan series moved from MGM to RKO, Tarzan and Boy were left on their own in the jungle for awhile (it was
explained that Jane was visiting family in England and doing her part for the war effort by working as a nurse). In this middling
entry, Jane returns to her family (nobody notices that she's now a blonde) in the form of Brenda Joyce, who would play Jane
more times on screen than anybody except O'Sullivan. Tarzan battles a group of greedy archeologists who plunder gold artifacts
from the city of Palmira, which is populated by beautiful brunette white women and ruled by the diminutive Queen Ouspenskaya
(THE WOLF MAN). The bad guys are pretty dull, and the climax is incredibly rushed--director Neumann neglects to show us exactly
how Tarzan manages to save Boy from the clutches of the Queen--but there're fewer Cheta hijinks than usual, and Weissmuller
handles the action well enough. Also with Henry Stevenson, Donald Douglas and Shirley OHara. Music by Paul Sawtell.
TARZAN
AND THE HUNTRESS (1947)--Directed by Kurt Neumann. Stars Johnny Weissmuller, Brenda Joyce, Johnny Sheffield, Patricia
Morison, Charles Trowbridge. Weissmuller's next-to-last Tarzan film is one of his worst. A group of zookeepers, led by beautiful
brunette Tanya (Morison), comes to the jungle hunting animals for its zoo in the United States. The local king (Trowbridge)
gives them permission to capture just two of each species, but they get greedy and murder the king so his nephew, who is sympathetic
to their cause, will replace him on the throne. Tarzan didn't want them hunting any animals at all, so when he figures out
the hunters' plan, he goes ballistic. Unfortunately, most of the action is confined to the final third, with too much screen
time being eaten up by dull talk and tiresome Cheta comic relief. Joyce doesn't do much as Jane, and Sheffield was getting
too big to be called Boy any longer. In fact, this was Sheffield's last Tarzan film; he went to Monogram to star in a series
of 12 Bomba the Jungle Boy programmers. Also with Barton MacLane, John Warburton, Ted Hecht and Wallace Scott. Music by Paul
Sawtell. From the director of THE FLY.
TARZAN AND THE LEOPARD WOMAN (1946)--Directed by Kurt Neumann.
Stars Johnny Weissmuller, Brenda Joyce, Johnny Sheffield, Acquanetta. Arguably the most entertaining of the post-O'Sullivan
Weissmuller Tarzan flicks, featuring plenty of action, a pulpy plot and the exotic presence of Acquanetta, a descendant of
the Arapaho tribe who often portrayed south-of-the-border beauties and was touted as the Venezuelan Volcano! Acquanetta plays
Lea, the High Priestess of a cult of leopard worshippers who are attacking jungle caravans, stealing all the goods and leaving
no survivors. The local commissioner believes the encounters to be the work of actual leopards, but Tarzan (Weissmuller),
noticing that the victims have been ripped apart by claws but display no teeth marks, deduces that the murders are actually
being committed by people disguised as leopards. He, Jane (Joyce) and Boy (Sheffield) are kidnapped by the cult, while Cheta
saves the day. Also with Anthony Caruso, Dennis Hoey, Edgar Barrier, Tommy Cook and wrestler King Kong Kashay as a strongman
named Tongolo the Terrible who gets into a wrestling match with Tarzan. Music by Paul Sawtell. Collier Young, who wrote three
other Tarzans, four Jungle Jims and one Bomba, scripted.
TARZAN AND THE LOST CITY (1998)--Directed
by Carl Schenkel. Stars Casper Van Dien, Jane March, Steven Waddington. The first live-action Tarzan feature since the Oscar-nominated
GREYSTOKE: THE LEGEND OF TARZAN, LORD OF THE APES (1984) may also be the worst in one of Hollywood's longest-running series.
The first film to adapt Edgar Rice Burroughs' legendary King of the Jungle was 1918's TARZAN OF THE APES, starring former
Arkansas cop Elmo Lincoln. After James Pierce and Buster Crabbe took their shots at the character, Olympic gold medalist Johnny
Weissmuller stepped into the role, and made it his own. Originally teamed with the exquisite Maureen O'Sullivan as Jane, Weissmuller
played Tarzan 12 times in 16 years, more than any other actor. He's still regarded by most fans as the One True Tarzan, much
like Sean Connery's identification with James Bond.
After Weissmuller, there was Lex Barker, Gordon Scott, Denny Miller,
Jock Mahoney, Mike Henry and 6'4" Ron Ely, who starred in a decent one-hour NBC series filmed on location in Brazil and Mexico,
and may have fit Burroughs' literary description of the character more than any other actor who played the part. After a 13-year
absence from the big screen, Miles O'Keeffe landed the title role in TARZAN, THE APE MAN, a stunningly awful vanity project
for Bo Derek (who played Jane) directed by husband John Derek. Christopher Lambert was John Clayton, Lord of the Apes in GREYSTOKE,
which was critically acclaimed and hailed by fans for remaining reasonably faithful to Burroughs. And now...Casper Van Dien,
who was an expressionless cipher in his previous starring role in STARSHIP TROOPERS (which actually worked to director Paul
Verhoeven's advantage in that clever war satire), and is even more blank if possible here. What's scarier is that Jane March
as Jane (who sadly doesn't appear in a loincloth until the final seconds) may be even worse.
TARZAN AND THE LOST CITY
opens in England, where nobleman John Clayton (Van Dien), on the eve of his impending marriage to Jane, receives some sort
of telepathic communication from the African village where he was raised, and tells Jane he must postpone their nuptials so
he can investigate the trouble at home. The trouble stems from evil poacher Ravens (Waddington), who will stop at nothing--not
even the killing of natives or the destruction of their property--to find the hidden civilization of Opar, where lies (or
so rumored) untold wealth. Of course, Jane, being a politically correct '90s liberated woman in a movie set in 1916, follows
her man to Central Africa so she can be kidnapped by Ravens and rescued by Tarzan.
It's hard to believe Warner Brothers
bought this for theatrical distribution; although the jungle scenery (filmed in South Africa) is lush, the screenplay is on
the level of a Saturday morning cartoon, the PG-rated action scenes are boring, director Carl Schenkel (THE MIGHTY QUINN)
resorts to unmotivated 360-degree circling shots to spice up the dialogue, and the cheap computer-generated special effects
wouldn't pass muster on an episode of XENA--not to mention the man-in-a-suit apes, which wouldn't have fooled an audience
in Weissmuller's day. The script conjures up a bunch of supernatural baloney out of nowhere at the film's climax (which manages
to ripoff RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK as much as possible), and, even worse, turns Tarzan--the film's hero--into a passive character.
He has nothing to do with rescuing his fiance, vanquishing the main villain, or putting any of the film's finish into motion.
As a fan of Tarzan movies, I found this one to be a huge disappointment. Also with Winston Ntshona, Rapulana Seiphemo, Ian
Roberts and Sean Taylor. Music by Christopher Franke.
TARZAN AND THE LOST SAFARI (1957)--Directed
by H. Bruce Humberstone. Stars Gordon Scott, Robert Beatty, Betta St. John, Wilfred Hyde-White. A plane crash strands five
socialites in the jungle. With Tarzan (Scott) as their guide, the party treks across hazardous country towards civilization
while battling crocodiles, poisonous spiders, swamps, Oparian natives who want to use the white men and women as human sacrifices,
and a treacherous hunter (Beatty) who wants to sell the party to the Oparians in exchange for treasure. As the first Tarzan
feature to be shot in color and Cinemascope using actual African locations, TARZAN AND THE LOST SAFARI still suffers from
skimpy production values; many outdoor scenes were shot on soundstage sets, and the plane crash is created through editing
rather than using miniatures. Writers Montgomery Pittman and Lillie Hayward have created only about a half-hour of plot, which
is padded with interminable hiking, swimming, wildlife footage and Cheta monkeyshines. The climax isn't too bad, St. John
is attractive, Hyde-White provides amusing comic relief, and Scott is a decent Tarzan, although his monosyllabic portrayal
of the Jungle King was beginning to wear thin by this time. Also with Yolande Donlan (wife of British director Val Guest),
George Coulouris, Peter Arne and Orlando Martins. Music by Clifton Parker.
TARZAN AND THE MERMAIDS
(1948)--Directed by Robert Florey. Stars Johnny Weissmuller, Brenda Joyce, George Zucco, Linda Christian, John Laurenz, Fernando
Wagner. Weissmuller's 12th (and final) Tarzan feature in 16 years should have been a classic. It boasts a director with style
(Florey made MURDERS IN THE RUE MORGUE, and was originally set to helm FRANKENSTEIN before being replaced by James Whale);
a gorgeous leading lady in Christian; one of the screen's greatest villains in Zucco; lovely Mexican locations; a decent,
pulpy plot; and a score by 23-time (!) Oscar nominee Dimitri Tiomkin. So why isn't it great? Well, unfortunately screenwriters
Carroll Young and Albert DePina have crafted only about 20 minutes worth of plot, and stretched it over a 68-minute running
time. Then producer Sol Lesser or somebody else at RKO had the rotten idea of introducing Benji (Laurenz), a comic-relief
wandering mailman/troubadour who breaks into song every ten minutes or so. The songs, written by Laurenz, are pretty annoying,
and tend to stop the action in its tracks.
On the hidden island of Aquatania, beautiful young native Mara (Christian)
is being forced by the treacherous high priest (Zucco) into a marriage with island god Balu. Unbeknownst to the superstitious
natives, Balu is actually Varga (Wagner), a thief out to rape Aquatania of its valuable black pearls. Mara escapes from Zucco,
and flees to safety at the home of Tarzan (Weissmuller) and Jane (Joyce), but when Zucco's men recapture Mara, Tarzan must
journey to the hidden land to save her.
Christian, who later married Tyrone Power, was 22 when this was shot in and
around Acapulco; despite her special "Introducing Linda Christian" billing, she had already appeared in a few films. Born
in Mexico, she worked steadily in films through the late 1960s. Lesser declined to renew Weissmuller's contract for any more
Tarzan pictures; he was replaced by Lex Barker, while Weissmuller moved to Columbia to star in a series of 16 Jungle Jim features
and a television series. His stunt double, Angel Garcia, was reportedly killed doing the climactic cliff dive seen here. Also
with Andrea Palma, Edward Ashley, Gustavo Rojo and Matthew Boulton.
TARZAN AND THE SHE-DEVIL (1953)--Directed
by Kurt Neumann. Stars Lex Barker, Joyce Mackenzie, Raymond Burr, Monique van Vooren, Tom Conway. The Barker Tarzan features
were, in general, the worst of the series, partly because of Barker's colorless performances, but also due to the worn-out
storylines, dull sets and toothless villains. Barker's fifth and final Tarzan (he married Lana Turner the same year) is probably
the most watchable, which means it's the funniest (unintentionally).
Tarzan battles sinister ivory poachers financed
by exotically beautiful Lyra (van Vooren), the she-devil of the title. The hunters, led by Vargo (Burr) and Fidel (Conway),
raid native villages for slaves to use in their hunt. After he believes Jane to be dead after a fire destroys their treehouse,
Tarzan mopes around and allows himself to be captured and beaten, rather than kicking the rears of the guys who did it.
Much
hilarity ensues due to the silly dialogue, clumsy direction and inept special effects (the wires used to control the natives'
boomerangs are painfully visible). Van Vooren's performance is terrible; the Belgian figure skater later appeared in Jon Voight's
first film, FEARLESS FRANK, and the hilarious ANDY WARHOL'S FRANKENSTEIN as Udo Kier's sister/wife. Burr is properly sinister
(it strikes me that he and William Conrad had similar careers), and Conway is Conway. Also with Michael Granger, Robert Bice
and Henry Brandon. Music by Paul Sawtell. Mackenzie doesn't register much as Jane (Barker's five films all co-starred different
Janes); she made only two more films, but later guest-starred on Burr's PERRY MASON program.
TARZAN AND THE
SLAVE GIRL (1950)--Directed by Lee Sholem. Stars Lex Barker, Vanessa Brown, Hurd Hatfield, Anthony Caruso, Robert
Alda, Denise Darcel. A lively pace makes Barker's second Tarzan flick worth watching. A tribe of lion worshippers (known as
Lionians) is dying off due to a mysterious plague. They kidnap beautiful brunettes to use as breeding stock. Unfortunately
for them, one of their victims is Jane (Brown), which makes Tarzan pretty P.O.'ed. This was Brown's only appearance as Jane,
and although she's quite gorgeous, she seems too young and naive to have stayed alive in the jungle this long. Barker says
a little bit more than Johnny Weissmuller used to, but is mostly uninteresting, and remains one of my least favorite Tarzans.
Campiest moment is a knockdown dragout catfight between Jane and a very stacked French/Mexican (?) gypsy nurse named Lola
(Darcel). Also with Arthur Shields and Robert Warwick, and Eva Gabor is reportedly in there too, but I didn't spot her. Music
by Paul Sawtell.
TARZAN AND THE VALLEY OF GOLD (1966)--Directed by Robert Day. Stars Mike Henry,
David Opatoshu, Manuel Padilla Jr. Former football player Henry plays the King of the Jungle for the first of three times.
They were all shot back-to-back--this one in Mexico, the two sequels in Brazil. This was designed to cash in on the then-current
James Bond craze. Tarzan goes to Mexico City in a suit, and carries a briefcase! A sniper attacks him in a bullfighting ring.
The plot concerns an evil millionaire named Vinaro (Opatoshu) who hires an army to take him through the jungle to a lost city
of gold. He also gives explosive jewelry to his enemies. The best of Henry's outings has some pretty exciting scenes, but
the ending is a bit lame--Tarzan and Vinaro don't even have any scenes together! Opatoshu doesn't have the magnetism to pull
off such a larger-than-life role. Screenplay by Clair Huffaker. Music by Van Alexander. Produced by Sy Weintraub. Also with
Don Megowan as the bald henchman Mr. Train and the gorgeous Nancy Kovack, who unfortunately has too little to do as Vinaro's
moll Sophia. Released by American International Pictures. Was filmed as TARZAN '66.
TARZAN GOES TO INDIA
(1962)--Directed by John Guillermin. Stars Jock Mahoney, Leo Gordon, Mark Dana, Jai the Elephant Boy. Pretty exciting adventure
shot on location and featuring ex-stuntman Mahoney (who had played the villain in the previous Tarzan adventure) taking over
jungle duties for the first time. The King of the Jungle travels to India to prevent a herd of elephants from being killed
by the ruthless constructors of a new dam. Colorful scenery and plenty of action. While Mahoney seems a bit slight for the
role physically, he's likable and handles the stunt scenes well. Music by Ravi Shankar. Produced by Sy Weintraub.
TARZAN
THE APE MAN (1932)--Directed by W.S. Van Dyke. Stars Johnny Weissmuller, Neil Hamilton, C. Aubrey Smith, Maureen
O'Sullivan. Five-time Olympic gold medalist Weissmuller was 28 years old when he played Edgar Rice Burroughs' legendary King
of the Jungle for the first time. His name would become synonymous with Tarzan, and he remains to this day the most famous
and beloved Ape Man of all.
This MGM jungle adventure boasts pretty decent production values for the time, and appears
(as was the immediate sequel TARZAN AND HIS MATE) to have been made for adult audiences as much as for kids. James Parker
(Smith) leads an expedition, including Harry Holt (Hamilton), into Africa in a search for a legendary Elephant's Graveyard,
supposedly stocked with millions of dollars in ivory. Parker receives a surprise when his daughter Jane (20-year-old O'Sullivan)
drops in from England for a visit, and demands to accompany the party on their journey. Parker isn't thrilled with Jane being
subjected to such danger, but Holt, who has fallen in love with the vivacious young woman, likes the idea of getting close
to her. After a dangerous mountain climb and a thrilling battle with hippos and crocodiles while crossing a river on rafts,
Jane is kidnapped by a mysterious man who appears to be able to control animals, to move from tree to tree and swing from
vines like a monkey and to speak not a word of English. The man, of course, is Tarzan, with whom Jane falls in love and whom
the expedition counts on for help when it is attacked by vicious pygmies.
Despite little acting experience, this is
one of Weissmuller's best performances, and even though he never says, "Me Tarzan, you Jane", his scenes with O'Sullivan are
among the movie's best. The real revelation here is O'Sullivan, who is undoubtedly filmdom's sexiest Jane, Bo Derek be damned.
She's quite beautiful and sweet, and even though Jane flirts with Harry a little bit and seems genuinely touched by his interest,
she's kind enough not to lead him on. O'Sullivan would play Jane in five more MGM features, and when she decided to leave
the series, so did MGM, which obviously realized her importance to the films' success (Weissmuller went on to play Tarzan
many more times at RKO). The script by Cyril Hume and Ivor Novello is very loosely based on Burroughs' novel (in the books,
Tarzan was intelligent and erudite, having been educated in England before returning to the wild). Produced by Irving Thalberg.
Also with Doris Lloyd, Forrester Harvey, Ivory Williams and, of course, Cheta the Chimp. This was the first non-silent Tarzan
feature.
TARZAN, THE APE MAN (1981)--Directed by John Derek. Stars Bo Derek, Richard Harris, Miles
O'Keefe, John Philip Law. Awful remake with only one reason to see it: frequent gazes at Bo's curvaceous naked body. Bo plays
Jane and is painted white by African natives. Tarzan (O'Keefe) doesn't speak at all, but he saves Bo from wild animals. Harris
is Jane's father; he has a nude scene too! Pretty boring. The acting is as bad as you would expect from the cast.
TARZAN
THE MAGNIFICENT (1960)--Directed by Robert Day. Stars Gordon Scott, Jock Mahoney, John Carradine. Colorful and exciting
jungle adventure filmed on location in Africa. It's notable for the teaming of Scott and Mahoney, who plays the villain here,
but would replace Scott as Tarzan in the next movie. Mahoney is Coy Banton, oldest son of the evil Banton family, who, along
with his father (Carradine) and three brothers, terrorize the African jungle, killing and robbing the natives. When Tarzan
catches Mahoney, the two attempt to make it cross-country to prison while being pursued by Bantons family. Scott and Mahoney
work well together, the African scenery is beautiful, and there's an exciting climactic fight between the two leads. This
was obviously aimed at a more adult audience, and the extra care shows. Also with Betta St. John and Lionel Jeffries.
TARZAN
TRIUMPHS (1943)--Directed by William Thiele. Stars Johnny Weissmuller, Johnny Sheffield, Frances Gifford, Stanley
Ridges. After Maureen O’Sullivan elected not to continue her role as Jane, MGM decided to bow out of the Tarzan
series. Producer Sol Lesser set up shop over at RKO for five more Weissmuller programmers before Lex Barker took over
the jungle man role in 1949. To compensate for O’Sullivan’s absence, scripters Roy Chanslor and Carroll
Young created the role of Princess Zandra, ruler of a hidden city in Africa, and cast fetching Frances Gifford, a 23-year-old
brunette who had caused a splash two years earlier as the star of Republic’s 15-chapter serial JUNGLE GIRL. Tarzan
and Boy are still living together in their treehouse (Jane, it is explained, is visiting her sick mum in London), oblivious
to the war between the Axis and the Allies. When Zandra explains the Nazis’ plan to conquer the world, Tarzan
remains apathetic, saying he wishes to be left alone, that man’s determination to kill each other is none of his business--that
is until Nazi paratroopers drop in to enslave Zandra’s people and rob the land of its precious raw materials.
“Now Tarzan make war!” An exciting and action-packed adventure with a high body count and Weissmuller at
his best. Also with Sig Ruman, Philip Van Zandt, Rex Williams and Pedro de Cordoba. Music by Paul Sawtell.
TARZAN'S DEADLY SILENCE (1970)--Directed by Robert
L. Friend. Stars Ron Ely, Jock Mahoney, Nichelle Nichols, Woody Strode, Manuel Padilla, Jr. Feature-length version of a two-part
episode of the NBC-TV series. 6'4" Ely plays Tarzan and does all of his own stunts. Former Tarzan Mahoney is a whip-wielding
ivory poacher. Filmed on location in Mexico. Ely was a pretty good Tarzan, but a bust as Doc Savage. His Tarzan yell was actually
dubbed from an old Johnny Weissmuller picture.
TARZAN'S DESERT MYSTERY (1943)--Directed by William
Thiele. Stars Johnny Weissmuller, Nancy Kelly, Johnny Sheffield, Lloyd Corrigan. RKO followed up the success of TARZAN TRIUMPHS
by once again pitting our favorite jungle man against Nazis. Jane's absence (actress Maureen O'Sullivan had left the series)
is explained in a letter to Tarzan (Weissmuller) and Boy (Sheffield) saying she's in London doing her share for the war effort
by working as a nurse. Many of the soldiers are suffering from jungle diseases, and she asks Tarzan to deliver some mysterious
medicine that can only be found in a faraway jungle on the other side of a desert. Tarzan, Boy and Cheta the chimp meet up
with an entertainer named Connie (Kelly), and arrive in the city of Ber-Hurare, which is being infiltrated by Nazis right
under the nose of its trusting ruler Sheik Abdul El Khim (Corrigan). See Tarzan fight man-eating plants, prehistoric monsters
(courtesy of back-projected stock footage from ONE MILLION YEARS B.C.), a giant spider and many of Der Fuhrer's best men.
Slow moving in parts, and O'Sullivan is greatly missed. Music by Paul Sawtell. Also with Robert Lowery, Otto Kruger, Joe Sawyer,
Nestor Paiva and Philip Van Zandt.
TARZAN'S FIGHT FOR LIFE (1958)--Directed by Bruce Humberstone.
Stars Gordon Scott, Eve Brent, Carl Benton Reid. Producer Sol Lesser's swan song in filmmaking, and thank goodness, because
this is one of the dullest Tarzan movies ever. Scott (playing the King of the Jungle for the third time) helps out a white
doctor (Reid) who's being terrorized by natives led by a warrior and a jealous witch doctor. The dialogue by Thomas Hal Phillips
is awful, Humberstone's direction perfunctory, and the performances--particularly Jil Jarmyn as Reid's whiny daughter--are
nothing to write home about. Brent as Jane proves she's no Maureen O'Sullivan, and, while there's no Boy, there is a kid in
a silly-looking wig named Tartu, who is the legally adopted son of Tarzan and Jane. When Lesser sold off the rights to make
Tarzan movies to Sy Weintraub, Weintraub wisely dumped the Jane and Boy/Tartu characters, made Tarzan educated and more erudite,
traveled to Africa for expensive location scenery, and the result was TARZAN'S GREATEST ADVENTURE, one of the most exciting
jungle adventures ever filmed. Also with Rickie Sorensen as Tartu, James Edwards, Harry Lauter and Woody Strode. Believe it
or not, the musical score was composed by future Oscar winner Ernest Gold (EXODUS)!
TARZAN'S GREATEST ADVENTURE
(1960)--Directed by John Guillermin. Stars Gordon Scott, Anthony Quayle, Niall MacGinnis, Sean Connery. This Tarzan adventure
aimed at adults would be worthy of your time even if Connery wasn't in it. The future 007 plays one of Quayle's henchmen.
Evil diamond hunter Slade (Quayle), three partners, and his moll travel up an African river in search of a hidden diamond
mine, killing and robbing along the way. Tarzan, accompanied by a gorgeous blond pilot he saved after a crash-landing, must
stop them. Scott, a former lifeguard, plays Tarzan for the fourth time. Some people think he was the best Tarzan of all. He
certainly looks the part, and acquits himself nicely in the acting department. Guillerman filmed on location in Africa, and
the many action scenes are really exciting. The final battle between Scott and Quayle on a rocky cliff is pretty brutal. Produced
by Sy Weintraub.
TARZAN'S NEW YORK ADVENTURE (1942)--Directed by Richard Thorpe. Stars Johnny Weissmuller,
Maureen O'Sullivan, John Sheffield. The fifth MGM Tarzan feature was a box-office flop, and was the swan song for the studio
and for its Jane (O'Sullivan). It's not a bad picture really (although it's kind of dull and has too many Cheta antics), and
the premise is intriguing, but I imagine Tarzan fans wanted their hero swinging through the jungle battling wild animals and
poachers in a loincloth, rather than dressed up in a suit and engaging in a child custody suit in family court.
Boy
(Sheffield), who believes Tarzan (Weissmuller) and Jane to be dead, is kidnapped by men who want to use him in a trained elephant
act in the United States. His parents (and Cheta the chimp) journey to the Big Apple to bring him back, where they engage
in all sorts of fish-out-of-water jokes (like Tarzan's discovery of a shower). Since Tarzan and Jane aren't legally married,
they end up in court against the circus owner who plans to legally adopt Boy. Not one of my favorite Tarzans, although Tarzan's
leap from the Brooklyn Bridge is pretty cool. Also with Paul Kelly, Chill Wills and Mantan Moreland. Producer Sol Lesser took
the Tarzan series (and Weissmuller and Sheffield) to RKO for many more (lower-budgeted) jungle adventures, without O'Sullivan,
who was looking for more serious roles.
TARZAN'S PERIL (1951)--Directed by Byron Haskin. Stars Lex
Barker, Virginia Huston, George Macready, Alan Napier. Barker is a pretty dull Tarzan in his third of five outings as Edgar
Rice Burroughs' legendary hero. An escaped killer named Radijeck (Macready) and his gang sell guns to one of two warring tribes.
Radijeck also kills Tarzan's friend Commissioner Peters (Napier). This makes Tarzan mad. This was the first Tarzan flick filmed
in Africa--a second unit crew shot some background plates, wildlife footage and crowd scenes, while the cast stayed in Hollywood--and
while the location shooting and Karl Struss's cinematography add a bit of luster to the production, there just isn't enough
going on to make TARZAN'S PERIL of interest. Tarzan's perils include a fake-looking snake (a puppet on strings) and a fake-looking
man-eating plant (uh, on strings). Huston plays Jane for the first (and last) time. Also with Douglas Fowley, Glenn Anders,
Dorothy Dandridge and Edward Ashley. Music by Michel Michelet. From the director of WAR OF THE WORLDS.
TARZAN'S
SECRET TREASURE (1941)--Directed by Richard Thorpe. Stars Johnny Weissmuller, Maureen O'Sullivan, John Sheffield.
Greedy scientists kidnap Jane (O'Sullivan) and Boy (Sheffield) to force Tarzan (Weissmuller) to lead them to a secret gold
cache. The immediate follow-up to TARZAN FINDS A SON has a better-than-average supporting cast, but it would have better if
MGM hadn't recycled that stock footage of Weissmuller wrestling a crocodile for the third damn time. The studio began cutting
back costs after the death of Irving Thalberg, so the Tarzan series started using more clips from previous films and less
shooting on location. Music by David Snell. Barry Fitzgerald adds considerable comic relief as a likable drunken Irishman.
Also with Tom Conway, Reginald Owen, Phillip Dorn and Cordell Hickman.
THE TATTOO CONNECTION (1978)--Directed by Tso Nam
Lee. Stars Jim Kelly. The athletic co-star of ENTER THE DRAGON popped up in Hong Kong to make this cheap kung-fu
flick, packed with loud action and gratuitous nudity. Even though the film has been released on DVD as BLACK BELT JONES
2, Kelly (who according to the trailer is "as violent as hell") actually plays an American agent named Lucas who arrives in
Hong Kong to retrieve a stolen diamond. He eventually sorta teams up with the sidekick of the Chinese thug who possesses
the diamond, but the two end up fighting near the climax anyway. There isn't really a lot to say about THE TATTOO CONNECTION;
as cheapjack chopsocky goes, it's pretty typical, although the opening and closing fight scenes are more competently presented
than the norm. Kelly is usually watchable, even though someone else less interesting dubs his voice, and his rotten
dancing, opposite a sexy topless chick under the influence of a mickey, is laughable. Kelly pretty much retired around
this time; not a big surprise, considering he was reduced to stuff like this and two Al Adamson movies.
TAXI
DRIVER (1976)--Directed by Martin Scorsese. Stars Robert DeNiro, Cybill Shepherd, Jodie Foster, Harvey Keitel, Albert
Brooks, Joe Spinell. Disturbing character study of Travis Bickle (DeNiro), a lonely and paranoid Vietnam vet who takes a job
as a New York City cab driver. He becomes obsessed with a 12-year-old prostitute (Foster) and tries to rescue her from her
ruthless pimp (Keitel). Probably DeNiro's best performance; the conversations between Keitel and himself seem to be improvised.
Written by Paul Schrader. Gritty cinematography by Michael Chapman. Was Bernard Herrmann's last score; he died the day after
its completion.
THE TEACHER (1974)—Directed by Hikmet Avedis.
Stars Angel Tompkins, Jay North, Anthony James. Is it a sex comedy? Is it a psycho-killer movie? Like Shimmer,
THE TEACHER is a sex comedy and a psycho-killer movie. Creepy perv James follows sexy schoolteacher Tompkins every day
and spies on her whenever she sunbathes topless on her boat. James’ younger brother brings his pal North to the
abandoned warehouse where James keeps his binoculars so they can stalk her too. James flips out and scares his brother
into falling off a ledge, killing him. He simultaneously blames North for his brother’s death and threatens him
not to tell the cops what happened. But, hey, he was in ‘Nam, so it all makes sense to him. Meanwhile, North’s
mother, who has kind of a crush on her son, strangely pushes him into a sexual relationship with Tompkins. While they
laugh it up having sex all the time, James runs around waving a bayonet around, threatening to cut them up. Nobody really
seems very nervous about James skulking around their hedges with a sharp instrument.
Avedis has a real problem with pacing, but Tompkins and James are
very good and almost make this Crown International potboiler work. She shows great enthusiasm in her many nude scenes
with North, the former DENNIS THE MENACE star, but you’ll wish she hadn’t picked such a drip to fall for.
You’d think he’d be happy having tons of sex with Angel Tompkins, but, noooo, he’s always whining about
missing phone calls or getting home before his dad returns from work. Med Flory wisely doesn’t take his role as
the beleaguered father very seriously, nor does Barry Atwater in one scene as a dorky sheriff. Marlene Schmidt, on the
other hand, thinks she’s in the running for an Oscar as North’s mother. Shorty Rogers composed the kitschy
score, while Sammy Fain and Paul Francis Webster, of all people, penned the title tune.
TEACHERS (1984)--Directed by Arthur Hiller.
Stars Nick Nolte, JoBeth Williams, Ralph Macchio. MGM released this black comedy that wants to be the M*A*S*H of High
School Movies, and even hired to direct it Arthur Hiller, who had made THE HOSPITAL, which had the same anarchic attitude.
Nolte plays a burned-out teacher in a big-city high school that is being sued by a liberal lawyer (Williams) because her client
graduated from the school, but is unable to read and write. W.R. McKinney's screenplay contains several subplots, including
a 16-year-old girl's affair with the boys' gym teacher, an escaped mental patient who impersonates a history teacher, a cranky
English teacher who dies during class--and no one notices (!), and Nolte's attempt to reach an incorrigible delinquent played
by Macchio. TEACHERS veers back and forth between riotous comedy, heavy drama and maudlin preaching a bit rapidly at
times, but I think it has enough good moments and very good performances to make it worth watching. The supporting cast
is marvelous: Judd Hirsch, Royal Dano, Richard Mulligan, Lee Grant, Morgan Freeman, Madeleine Sherwood, Steven Hill,
Allen Garfield, Laura Dern, Crispin Glover, Art Metrano, William Schallert, Mary Alice, Zohra Lampert, Ron Dean and Anthony
Heald, who would go on to play a vice-principal in the similar Fox television series BOSTON PUBLIC. Songs by .38 Special,
Bob Seger, Ian Hunter and others. Filmed in Columbus, Ohio.
TEAM AMERICA WORLD POLICE (2004)--Directed by Trey
Parker. Stars Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Daran Norris, Kristen Miller. The creators of Comedy Central's SOUTH PARK
spoof both the U.S. war in Iraq and the action oeuvre of Jerry Bruckheimer in this profane comedy. And, oh yeah, it
stars puppets instead of human actors. Reportedly inspired by the British TV series THUNDERBIRDS and originally conceived
as an exact remake of THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW using marionettes, this raucous slap in the face of left-wing Hollywood celebrities
reaches a bit for laughs, even though it often forgets it's supposed to be making fun of bad action movies and actually becomes
one.
Only Broadway actor Gary Johnston (voiced by director/co-writer/co-producer/songwriter
Parker) can save the day when North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il (Parker) begins stockpiling weapons of mass destruction in
an attempt to conquer the free world. Team America, a U.S.-based police force dedicated to wiping out international
terrorism, is short a member after a mission in Paris, and recruits Gary to impersonate an Iraqi terrorist and learn the master
plan. Turns out the plot is already underway, and involves the cooperation of Hollywood's most vocal liberals, including
Alec Baldwin, Tim Robbins, Martin Sheen, Susan Sarandon and many others, none of whom, it should be pointed out, contributed
their own voices to Parker's acidy depictions.
Technically, TEAM AMERICA is a wonder, filling the screen with splashy
miniatures and marvelously detailed sets. Best of all, like the brilliant SOUTH PARK: BIGGER, LONGER AND UNCUT, TEAM
AMERICA is a musical with the songs providing the film's most reliable source of laughs, whether the lyrics are ripping on
Ben Affleck's shortcomings as an actor or providing Team America's hilariously jingoistic battle cry: "America! Fuck
yeah!" Harry Gregson-Williams, who has written several generic action scores, contributes another one, although that's
really the point, and cinematographer Bill Pope (SPIDER-MAN) coats his wooden stars with a sheen that would make human movie
stars envious. Several seconds of a sex scene--involving puppets--had to be cut to avoid an NC-17 rating.
TEAR GAS SQUAD (1940)--Directed by Terry O. Morse.
Stars Dennis Morgan, John Payne, Gloria Dickson, George Reeves. An obnoxious nightclub singer (Morgan) joins the police force
in order to impress a blonde (Dickson) from a family of cops. His instructor at the police academy (Payne) is also, of course,
his rival for Dickson's affections. Morgan is quickly bounced from the force, but finds his training comes in handy when gangsters
murder his drugstore-owning brother (Reeves). Not quite as action-packed as it sounds, TEAR GAS SQUAD is actually more of
a musical comedy than a hard-hitting Warner Brothers crime drama. Irish tenor Morgan sings four or five songs, while most
of the cop stuff takes place during the final reel. Only 55 minutes long (or about 45 if you fast-forward past Morgan's singing
like I did). Also with Harry Shannon, John Hamilton, Edgar Buchanan, Dick Rich, Herbert Anderson, Ben Welden, Mary Gordon
and William Hopper. Songs by M.K. Jerome and Jack Scholl. For Dennis Morgan fans only. Also known as STATE COP, a title just
as misleading as TEAR GAS SQUAD. From the director of the American inserts featuring Raymond Burr for GODZILLA, KING OF THE
MONSTERS.
TEEN WOLF (1985)--Directed by Rod Daniel. Stars Michael J. Fox, Susan Ursitti, James Hampton,
Lorie Griffin, Jay Tarses. FAMILY TIES star Fox filmed this teen comedy before his role in BACK TO THE FUTURE, but it wasn't
released until after the phenomenal success of the Spielberg time-travel comedy. Fox is a typical high-school kid with the
hots for sex kitten Griffin, while remaining oblivious to his effect on perky pal Ursitti. One day Fox turns into a werewolf,
and leads his basketball team to victory. He returns home, and finds out his father (Hampton) is a werewolf too. Fox is his
usual likeable self, with good support from Hampton and Ursitti. An affable time-waster. Jason Bateman played the Fox role
in TEEN WOLF TOO.
TEENAGE CAVEGIRL (2004)--Directed by Fred Olen
Ray. Stars Jezebelle Bond, Kennedy Johnston, Evan Stone, Nicole Sheridan, Alexandre Boisvert, Jay Richardson.
I doubt Ray spent more than $20,000 and five days on this softcore comedy. Parts were filmed in Bronson Canyon, and
I bet the rest of it was shot in his own house. After sexing up a Neanderthal brute (Stone), sexy cave chick Bond leaps
through a time portal to the 21st century, where she watches Johnston and Boisvert having sex in an RV. They take her
home, and while Johnston has sex with her in the tub, Boisvert calls scientist Richardson and his hot wife over to run some
tests on her. Basically, everybody has sex with everybody else, except for Richardson, the only real actor in the cast.
It’s all pretty stupid, but the woman are terrific-looking and the sex pretty hot for this type of thing. Ray
wrote and directed pseudonymously.
TEENAGE CAVEMAN (1958)--Directed by Roger Corman.
Stars Robert Vaughn, Robert Shayne, Frank DeKova, Jonathan Haze, Darrah Marshall. Future U.N.C.L.E. agent Vaughn is "Boy",
a prehistoric rebel without a cause who causes his tribal chief all kinds of problems. He fights an unconvincing monster.
In the surprise ending, we realize the film is actually set in the future after a nuclear war! Corman swiped the dinosaur
footage from ONE MILLION B.C. Try to spot Corman regular Beach Dickerson in four--count 'em!--four roles; he has three death
scenes!
TEENAGE MOTHER (1967)--Directed by Jerry Gross.
Stars Arlene Farber, Julie Ange, Howard LeMay, Frederick Riccio. Make sure you don’t screen this one in mixed
company. What plays for its first hour or so as a routine but outdated juvenile delinquency drama decrying the effects
of sex education on horny teens takes a turn for the bizarre when Gross splices into it an actual birth of a baby. It’s
quite jarring to suddenly, without warning, have a close-up of a spread vagina pushed right into your face. Erika Petersen
(Ange) arrives in a regular American town from Sweden (!) to teach sex ed at the local high school. Meanwhile, good
girl Arlene (Farber) is dating baseball star Tony (LeMay), but sometimes flirts with bad boy Duke (Riccio), who attempts to
rape Erika. When Arlene announces that she’s pregnant, her indignant dad blames the school system for teaching
her about sex, leading to a town council meeting where the beautiful/horrifying birth film is shown. As usual for this
type of film, the performers are much too old for their roles. However, it’s fun to see Fred Willard, later of
FERNWOOD 2-NIGHT and many fine film comedies, playing it straight as a baseball coach. Filmed on Long Island, and featuring
Gross’ earlier film, GIRL ON A CHAIN GANG, playing at a drive-in.
TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES (1990)--Directed by
Steve Barron. Stars Judith Hoag, Elias Koteas, and four short guys in plastic turtle costumes. Fast-paced and silly kiddie
actioner based on the enormously popular comic book and TV cartoon series. Four sewer-dwelling, pizza-eating, slang-talking
turtles battle crime in New York City. They focus on capturing a Japanese gang known as the Foot, when their rat mentor Splinter
is kidnapped. Adults may become quickly bored, but it made over $100 million at the box office, and it couldn't all have come
from kids! Followed by two less successful sequels.
TEEN-AGE STRANGLER (1964)--Directed by Bill Posner.
Stars Bill A. Bloom, Jo Canterbury, John Ensign, Jim Asp. This terribly made independent thriller looks like a student film.
The acting, directing, sound, sets and dialogue are all incredibly poor. Don't miss it! Someone is strangling women in a small
West Virginia community. A teenage boy is the chief suspect. The actual culprit turns out to be the school's adult janitor,
which makes the title meaningless. Filmed in Huntington, West Virginia. Music by Danny Dean & the Daredevils.
TEENAGE ZOMBIES<
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