THE PHANTOM EMPIRE (1986)--Directed by Fred Olen Ray.  Stars Ross Hagen, Sybil Danning, Jeffrey Combs, Dawn Wildsmith, Michelle Bauer, Robert Quarry.  This six-day wonder, filmed almost entirely in L.A.'s Bronson Caverns, isn't very good, but it's hard to imagine anyone not having fun with it.  A small group of adventurers--including devil-may-care salvage expert Cort (Hagen) and his butch assistant Eddy (Wildsmith), geologist Strock (Quarry) and dashing young archeologist Paris (Combs)--walk (!) via some caves to the center of the Earth, where they find a sexy mute cavegirl (Bauer), some hideous cannibalistic mutants, Robby the Robot (!) and an Amazon queen (Danning) from another planet who captures Paris for mating purposes.

Believe it or not, the movie makes even less sense than the plot description would indicate.  Inconsistent characterizations, flat dialogue, a lot of aimless wandering, and whiplash seesawing between low comedy and lowbrow adventure are to blame.  However, the game cast, many of whom have appeared in far worse movies, is pretty likable and definitely captures the right spirit, and I have to admit some admiration for the way in which director Ray managed to make a very small cave look much bigger than it is.  And by the time the cast emerges into a hidden underground world which looks a lot like the California desert--including a sun in the sky (!)--it's doubtful you'll still be nitpicking very much.  Wildsmith, Ray's then-wife, fails as the tough-talking, sarcastic comic relief, but it's interesting to see the jittery Combs (RE-ANIMATOR) play a romantic lead, and Quarry's resemblance to Albert Finney is uncanny.  Plus, Bauer appears topless, which is always a treat.

PHOBIA, under the guidance of five different writers (including Hammer veteran Jimmy Sangster and ALIEN scribe Ronald Shusett), is structured as a whodunit, but there are so few characters and motives that it shouldn't take you terribly long to guess the killer's identity.  Huston directs flatly, a good sign he was just a traffic cop-for-hire on this project.  He certainly shows no particular flair for suspense or psychological terror, and anyone curious about Huston's career will find nothing here to remind him or her of his work on THE MALTESE FALCON or THE LIST OF ADRIAN MESSENGER.  The cast must take some of the blame too.  Glaser's first feature film lead was also his last; he's never the least bit believable as a psychiatrist and is particularly awful in the allegedly suspenseful climax.  Colicos at least shows some energy in a perplexingly one-dimensional role, but Hogan is a drip as the female lead, and no one else in the cast manages a memorable impression either.

PHOBIA earns some points for not only being shot in Toronto, but also being set there (most budget-conscious producers that film in Canada try to hide it by using stock or second-unit footage of American cityscapes), not that the city is used to any great advantage.  A brief car chase and a few glimpses of female nudity might wake you up temporarily, but Huston's slothful pace will quickly knock you back into Dreamland.  Also with Alexandra Stewart, Lisa Langlois, Patricia Collins, Robert O'Ree and David Bolt.  Music by Andre Gagnon.  Glaser never again starred in a feature, but he did direct several, including THE RUNNING MAN and KAZAAM.

THE PHOENIX (1981)—Directed by Douglas Hickox. Stars Judson Scott, Shelley Smith, E.G. Marshall, Richard Lynch, Fernando Allende, Jimmy Mair. Erich von Daniken’s best seller CHARIOTS OF THE GODS was the inspiration for this television pilot. Archeologist Ward Frazier (Marshall) and his team discover an ornate sarcophagus buried in Peru (which looks a lot like the Fox ranch near Malibu, California). Inside is a big, blond hippie named Bennu (Scott), who can read minds, shoot electricity from his fingertips, and speak perfect English. He also can’t survive in Earth’s pollution, so he teams up with a beautiful photographer (Smith) to win the $500,000 he needs to construct a rejuvenated body at a crooked casino, which puts a few hoods on his tail. Unwilling to be the subject of worship by the Peruvian government or curiosity by the Americans, Bennu sets out alone to find himself.

A trendy mix of New Age mumbo-jumbo and standard action/adventure tropes made THE PHOENIX a bit different from most network fare, which, along with the appeal of Judson Scott, pulled in enough ratings to make the series a go. ABC premiered the series nearly a year after this pilot aired, but cancelled it after four episodes. Two months later, Scott appeared as Ricardo Montalban’s sidekick in STAR TREK II: THE WRATH OF KHAN, which might have helped the show’s ratings, if the network had stuck with it. Also with Daryl Anderson (LOU GRANT), Hersha Parady, Lyman Ward, Carmen Argenziano, Stanley Kamel, and Angus Duncan. THEATER OF BLOOD director Hickox’s debut in U.S. television. Creators Anthony and Nancy Lawrence wrote and produced the pilot.

PHOENIX THE WARRIOR (1987)--Directed by Robert Hayes.  Stars Persis Khambatta, Kathleen Kinmont, Peggy Sanders.  In the post-apocalyptic future, the few men left on Earth are the prisoners of the evil Reverend Mother, who uses their bodily fluids intravenously to stay alive.  However, there aren't many left, and when she learns that a young woman named Keela (Sanders) has become pregnant through a seeding process with a rare baby boy, she sends assassin Cobalt (Khambatta) and her band of punk-chick rogues into the desert to capture her.  Fortunately, Keela has befriended a brave Amazon warrior named Phoenix (Kinmont), who helps to defeat Cobalt and her boss.  This is a very silly movie, but it does move along rather nicely, and offers a brief display of gratuitous nudity, lots of splashy blood squibs, dune buggy crashes, atrocious dialogue and performances, and the sleek blond presence of Kinmont.  If you survived BARBARIAN QUEEN, you'll do fine with this one, which aired occasionally on USA's UP ALL NIGHT and provides the unlikely sight of two hot scantily clad women contemplating sex with a dork suffering from pattern baldness.  Hayes is primarily a cinematographer in television and DTV movies.

PICASSO TRIGGER (1989)--Directed by Andy Sidaris.  Stars Steve Bond, Dona Speir, Hope Marie Carlton, Roberta Vasquez, John Aprea, Rodrigo Obregon.  Another of Sidaris' fast-moving espionage adventures starring a bevy of PLAYBOY playmates.  This cartoonish sequel to HARD TICKET TO HAWAII finds a team of American spies led by Travis Abilene (Bond) battling a band of goons working for mobster Miguel Ortiz (Obregon), who wants revenge on the agents who killed his brother.  Separate subplots concern the assassination of a pacemaker-wearing hitman with the unusual moniker of Picasso Trigger (Aprea) and Travis' reunion with college flame Pantera (Vasquez), who spent two years undercover as Triggers moll.  Actually, despite the huge cast of characters and globe-trotting locations (including Paris, Las Vegas, Louisiana, Texas and Hawaii), the plot really doesn't hold much water; take away all the trappings, and it can be boiled down to "bad guys try to kill the good guys, while good guys blow up all the bad guys". 

More elaborate and labyrinthine than HARD TICKET--if not necessarily any smarter--PICASSO, like all of Sidaris' films, features slick though clearly low-budget action sequences, lame attempts at humor, lots of explosions and a wide assortment of gorgeous naked women.  Not only have Donna (Speir), Taryn (Carlton) and several other characters returned from HARD TICKET, but also PICASSO plays much like an expanded version of that film.  Since Sidaris used a radio control helicopter in HARD TICKET, an airplane and a buggy--both armed with a bomb--are used to explosive effect.  HARD TICKET had four PLAYBOY Playmates, so PICASSO has seven--all except (inexplicably and disappointingly) Vasquez appear nude.  Most of HARD TICKET-s main cast is back--some as different characters.  And the level of gadgetry has gone up a notch--a bomb-carrying boomerang, a crutch that doubles as a shotgun.  Keep in mind that these devices would be pretty useless in the real world, and Sidaris doesn't really use them to great effect, but they are, I suppose, more interesting than just pulling out a pistol and blasting somebody.  It ain't art, but it sure is a lot of fun.  Also with Bruce Penhall of CHIPS, Cynthia Brimhall, Patty Duffek, Kym Malin, Harold Diamond and Wolf Larson.

PICKUP ON SOUTH STREET (1953)--Directed by Samuel Fuller.  Stars Richard Widmark, Jean Peters, Richard Kiley, Thelma Ritter, Murvyn Vye, Willis Bouchey.  Pulp fiction doesn’t get much better than director Samuel Fuller’s second picture for 20th Century Fox.  A former journalist, pulp writer and World War II infantryman, Fuller excelled at translating his own brash, two-fisted personality to the movie screen as the writer and director of terse melodramas that were often barely noticed upon their original release.  His earliest films were westerns and war dramas for the independent producer Robert Lippert, better known for his science fiction releases like ROCKETSHIP X-M and SUPERMAN AND THE MOLE MEN.  FIXED BAYONETS, a searing Korean War drama starring Richard Basehart (MOBY DICK), was Fuller’s first film for a major studio, and his sixth picture, 1953’s PICKUP ON SOUTH STREET, gave him the opportunity to demonstrate what the cigar-chomping scrapper could do with a decent budget and Fox’s backlot and seasoned crew at his disposal.

Richard Widmark, typecast as smirking weasels since his starmaking turn as psycho killer Tommy Udo in 1947’s KISS OF DEATH, stars as Skip McCoy, a three-time loser who picks the purse of slinky Candy (Jean Peters) on a New York City subway.  Right from this opening scene, we know we’re in for something unusual, as Fuller shoots it as if it were a sex scene--the whooshing of the train, sweaty close-ups of his stars, Widmark’s fingers slithering seductively into the beautiful Peters’ “purse”.  We’re also drawn immediately into the suspense; we know the Feds are on Peters’ tail, but not why, and we know Widmark has swiped something important, but what?

Unbeknownst to both Candy and McCoy, her wallet also contains top-secret microfilm stolen from the U.S. and earmarked for the Communist agents employing her ex-lover Joey (Richard Kiley).  Once McCoy realizes what he’s got and what it’s worth, he plays both sides against the middle in an effort to get the price he wants for it.  Attempts by the cops and the F.B.I., represented by Captain Tiger (Murvyn Vye) and Agent Zara (Willis Bouchey), to appeal to his sense of patriotism and civic duty fall flat (Widmark’s incredulous tone when he asks the agents, “Are you waving the flag at me?” is dead-on perfect); McCoy is only out for number one.  Joey tries a different tactic, using the scrumptious former prostitute Candy to seduce the microfilm away from McCoy.  She actually falls for the guy, which puts her in harm’s way when Joey decides to drop the kid-gloves approach and use murder as a bargaining tactic.

What a tricky performance by Richard Widmark.  McCoy is a lowlife, a two-bit hood who pilfers from honest Joes and lives in a shack without electricity on the waterfront.  He has no qualms about selling his purloined prize to the Commies.  He’s terribly rough with Candy, who loves him, even to the point of smacking her.  Yet when he eventually repents and goes after Joey at great risk to his life, the audience is behind him all the way.

That we are is not solely due to Widmark’s acting, but also to that of his costars Kiley and Thelma Ritter (REAR WINDOW), who earned an Academy Award nomination for playing Moe Williams, a stoolie who harbors a motherly-like affection for McCoy, even while selling him out to the Feds.  If Moe, a sad but inherently good woman who carries the burden of an unlucky life on her shoulders, likes him so much, there must be a reason, and we’re induced to give her the benefit of the doubt and root for him too.

And then there’s Kiley, who went on to a distinguished stage and screen career that included many heavies, but few as menacing as Joey.  Fuller’s most audacious staging is a fight scene between Kiley and Jean Peters filmed in one agonizing take without stunt doubles, a brutal shot that reveals great courage in the artists involved and undoubtedly several bruises on Peters.  It’s bravura action filmmaking with not only a visceral impact, but also a point.  McCoy may be a bad guy, but Joey is a Bad Guy and needs to be stopped.

Fuller’s directing style is lean and mean, and he doesn’t waste a single one of his 80 minutes, packing more plot and terse dialogue into them than many contemporary filmmakers can in two hours.  A fiercely independent man, Fuller went on to direct many more unorthodox pictures like SHOCK CORRIDOR and VERBOTEN, usually without big-studio backing, but with an over-the-top style uniquely his.  He was a genre filmmaker with an arthouse sensibility, and rarely have the two sides enjoyed a smoother meeting than in PICKUP ON SOUTH STREET.

PIECES (1981)--Directed by Juan Piquer Simon.  Stars Christopher George, Lynda Day George, Edmund Purdom.  If your stomach is strong enough to handle the gore, this knuckleheaded Spanish/Italian slasher film provides a ton of unintentional laughs.  Thirty years after he hacked up the mother who berated him for putting together a pornographic jigsaw puzzle, a mad killer is slicing up coeds on a Boston campus with a chainsaw and taking some of the body parts home with him.  Christopher George (ENTER THE NINJA) is the wisecracking, ineffectual cop assigned to the case.  Part of his brilliant strategy is to bring in tennis pro Lynda Day George to act as a decoy to trap the killer, even though when the situation actually presents itself, she panics, drops her gun and acts like a complete numbskull.  It shouldn't take you very long to guess the killer's identity, and the stupid script, poor acting, low budget and stilted dialogue will keep you in stitches.  Illogic runs rampant, so don't expect PIECES to adhere to any sense of, er, sense.  My favorite part might be the Chinese guy who attacks a woman for no reason whatsoever, but is revealed to just be kidding around.  Or something.  I still don't get it.  Also with Paul Smith, Jack Taylor and Frank Brana.  Music by Cam.  From the director of SUPERSONIC MAN.

PIT STOP (1967)--Directed by Jack Hill. Stars Brian Donlevy, Dick Davalos, Sid Haig, Ellen McRae (Burstyn), Beverly Washburn. Twelve years after starring opposite James Dean in EAST OF EDEN, Davalos played the lead in director Jack Hill's follow-up to SPIDER BABY, which was ironically released after PIT STOP. Davalos is Rick, a brooding loner who, after being arrested for drag racing down a Los Angeles street, is bailed out of jail by middle-aged auto racing promoter Grant Willard (Donlevy), who recruits Rick to participate in the wonderful, wacky world of figure-eight racing, which is exactly what it sounds like it is. Participation in this very dangerous sport is the bailiwick of the crazy, and the "dingiest of the dingy" is trash-talking Hawk (Haig), who also drives for Willard. He and Rick become violent rivals, for both the approval of their boss and the sexual favors of curvy teenager Jolene (Washburn).

If nothing else, PIT STOP is a fascinating glimpse into the world of figure-eight racing, which is one of the most dangerous sports I've ever seen. Hill filmed many real auto races in the California area, and all of the crashes and smash-ups seen in PIT STOP are real--no stuntwork was involved. Cinematographer Austin McKinney, who filmed Hill's earlier Mexican horror films with Boris Karloff, lends the picture a gritty feel, filming in black-and-white (probably a budgetary measure rather than an artistic one) and using handheld cameras in documentary fashion. Hill's screenplay is a little thin on plot, but his characters have an edge to them, and are made vivid by the talented cast.

Haig delivers the standout performance, hamming it up as the champion big wheel of the racetrack, but also lending more emotional shades to Hawk when he's eclipsed by Rick as BMOC. Davalos is taciturn, while Donlevy adds weight as the veteran of the cast. 35-year-old Ellen Burstyn--still being billed as Ellen McRae--looks much younger, and shows promise of the wonderful actress to come as an awkwardly-scripted mechanic who has an affair with Davalos; she had been a regular on a couple of TV series, and would become a star in 1971's THE LAST PICTURE SHOW.

Also with George Washburn, Titus Moody and custom car manufacturer George Barris as himself. PIT STOP boasts an amazing psychedelic rock score--heavy on bass and fuzz guitar--by a Seattle band called The Daily Flash. I don't know if there ever was a soundtrack album, but I'd like to find one. Roger Corman served as an uncredited executive producer. PIT STOP finally came out in 1969; because it was filmed in black-and-white, it was relegated to the bottom half of a double bill. Hill became one of the most important exploitation filmmakers of the 1970s with THE BIG BIRD CAGE, THE SWINGING CHEERLEADERS and other ahead-of-their-time sex-and-violence flicks.

PITCH BLACK (2000)--Directed by David Twohy. Stars Vin Diesel, Radha Mitchell, Cole Hauser, Keith David. Effective low-budget SF filmed in Australia and released by Universal. A passenger spaceship crash-lands on a desert planet with three suns. Among the survivors are pilot Carolyn Fry (Mitchell), drug-addicted bounty hunter Johns (Hauser), Muslim priest Imam (David) and Riddick (Diesel), a convicted murderer being transported by Johns to prison. After the party starts getting brutally picked off one at a time by a vicious species of flesh-eating creatures (mostly CGI creations, but some animatronics too), they realize that the killers are afraid of the light, and figure, in a three-sunned world with perpetual sunlight, they'll be okay as long as they stay in the open. Of course, they didn't count on the planet's first solar eclipse in 22 years...

Written by genre vets Jim and Ken Wheat (SILENT SCREAM) and directed by noted screenwriter Twohy (THE FUGITIVE), PITCH BLACK slightly transcends its ALIEN echo due to its careful characterizations and stark location photography (cinematographer David Eggby, who also shot MAD MAX, lends the desert footage a bleached-out look to capture the survivors isolation). Diesel is charismatic as the dangerous anti-hero Riddick, but Mitchell gives the best performance, finely straddling the fence between tough chick and vulnerability. Never as suspenseful as it ought to be, but a good SF sleeper. Music by Graeme Revell. Also with Claudia Black, Lewis Fitz-Gerald, Rhiana Griffith and John Moore.

THE PLAGUE OF THE ZOMBIES (1966)--Directed by John Gilling. Stars Andre Morell, Diane Clare, John Carson, Brook Williams. Twelve citizens--all young, male and apparently healthy--of a small Cornish village have dropped dead in the last year. The town's young doctor (Williams) can find no reason for the mysterious deaths, so he wires his distinguished former professor Sir James (Morell), who comes to help along with his beautiful daughter (Clare). It turns out the town squire (Carson) is turning the townspeople into zombies for use as slave labor in his tin mine. Typically good Hammer horror of the period, featuring good use of color, a brassy James Bernard score, plenty of blood and a fiery finale. Roy Ashton designed the zombie makeup, which would look obsolete with the release of Romero's NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD just two years later. Also with Jacqueline Pearce, Alex Damon and Hammer regular Michael Ripper.

PLAN NINE FROM OUTER SPACE (1956)--Directed by Edward D. Wood, Jr. Stars Gregory Walcott, Mona McKinnon, Dudley Manlove, Joanna Lee, Bela Lugosi. Maybe the funniest and most entertaining movie ever made. Aliens from outer space raise the dead in an attempt to take over Earth. Their first eight attempts failed. Everything about this film is terrible--the acting, directing, special effects, dialogue, sets, continuity. Lugosi died during production, so Wood covered for him by using a wildly unconvincing double--Wood's chiropractor--and splicing that footage together with the few minutes of Lugosi that he did have. See flying saucers made of flaming paper plates! See day change to night and vice versa! See actors trip over tombstones made of cardboard! Also with Vampira, Tor Johnson and the absurd Criswell. Wood's "masterpiece". Don't miss! Tim Burton chronicled the making of this movie in his excellent ED WOOD.

PLANES, TRAINS AND AUTOMOBILES (1987)--Directed by John Hughes. Stars Steve Martin, John Candy, Laila Robins. Steve Martin stars in this comedy as an uptight businessman trying to get home to Chicago in time to share Thanksgiving dinner with his family. On the flight from New York, he finds himself seated next to an obnoxious shower curtain ring salesman (Candy). Unfortunately for Martin, there's a snowstorm, which closes O'Hare Airport, and his flight is rerouted to Wichita. Finding himself inexorably linked to the loud Candy, his attempts at getting home become more frustrating, as he encounters a hotel room with one tiny bed for the two of them, a burning car, a ride in the back of a redneck's hay-filled pickup, and a burglar who snares all of his cash.

PLANES, TRAINS & AUTOMOBILES ranks among the best performances in the careers of both leads. Martin, who mostly plays straight man, takes advantage of a few opportunities to play wild and crazy guy, especially in his hilariously profane yet classic exchange with an impossibly cheery car rental agent. Candy is a real revelation here. This is a character who could easily have been a caricature, yet Candy brings genuine poignancy to his part, proving that tragedy is indeed the foundation for great comedy. Written, produced and directed by John Hughes, who made his reputation with Brat Packer box-office hits in the '80s, and proved, with this movie, he could be successful in an adult environment as well. Also with Michael McKean, Martin Ferrero, Lyman Ward, Dylan Baker, Edie McClurg, Richard Herd and cameos by Kevin Bacon and William Windom. Music by Ira Newborn.

PLANET OF THE APES (1968)--Directed by Franklin J. Schaffner. Stars Charlton Heston, Kim Hunter, Roddy McDowell, James Daly, Maurice Evans, James Whitmore, Linda Harrison. Excellent big-budget science-fiction adventure stars Heston as an astronaut who crashlands on an Earth-like planet ruled by intelligent apes who use mute humans as slaves. Great looking film with beautiful landscapes and interesting sets. Heston is a brave hero, and John Chambers's Oscar-winning ape makeup looks astonishingly realistic. The great twist ending blew me away as a kid. Script by Rod Serling and Michael Wilson, based upon a novel by Pierre Boulle. Produced by Arthur P. Jacobs, who made four sequels. Terrific score by Jerry Goldsmith. I once saw all five APE movies in a row at the long-gone Orpheum Theater in Champaign, Illinois.

PLANET OF THE APES (2001)--Directed by Tim Burton. Stars Mark Wahlberg, Tim Roth, Helena Bonham Carter, Estella Warren, Michael Clarke Duncan, Cary Hiroyuki-Tagawa. Fanciful director Burton's "reimagining" of the 1968 SF classic contains better makeup and special effects, but is inferior in all other regards. Instead of chiseled-chinned Chuck Heston as the human hero in a "maaaaadhoouuuuuse" filled with talking apes, we get wimpy ex-rapper Wahlberg as U.S. Air Force pilot Leo Davidson, who, for two years, has been stationed aboard the Oberon, a space station circling Saturn, training chimpanzees to fly spaceships. The opening reel is excellent, containing sharp special effects and plenty of intrigue, as Leo is sucked into a strange space/time warp and crashlands on a planet where highly evolved apes rule and primitive humans are used as slaves. Leo is captured and caged with a gorgeous though vapid blonde named Daena (played by gorgeous though vapid blond supermodel Warren). Although he really doesn't stand out from the pack that much, he also becomes the center of interest for a pair of apes with opposing motives: Ari (Carter), the sensitive daughter of a powerful senator who opposes the tyranny against humans, and Thade (Roth), a ruthless general with a venomous hatred for all humans, especially ones--like Leo--who refuse to kowtow to his authority. With the help of Ari and her noble assistant Krull (Tagawa), Leo, accompanied by Daena and a ragtag group of rebels, escapes from Ape City, and heads into the Forbidden Zone in search of his fellow astronauts.

Not surprisingly for a screenplay written by the guys who penned THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES and SUPERMAN IV: THE QUEST FOR PEACE (although APOLLO 13's Oscar nominee William Broyles Jr. also is credited), POTA is nearly bereft of logic. I can't describe most of the major plotholes without giving away too much of the plot, but POTA is one of those movies that seems satisfying while you're watching it, but, like George Sanders's mental wall in VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED, it falls apart brick by brick when you start thinking about it on the car ride home. After a bravura opening half-hour or so, the narrative clogs down a bit in the middle, and then kicks up again for a SPARTACUS-styled action finale mixed with muddled science-fiction time-travel twists. The worst moment is the film's final minute in which Burton introduces such a wrongheaded, illogical and stupendously stupid twist that it's clear he had little intention of taking the APES mythos seriously. Not only does the twist make absolutely no sense, but it also seems to contradict the events of the film.

While Burton is not noted for his direction of action sequences, those in POTA are among his best. A nighttime raid on an ape camp provides a few thrills, as well as Leo's initial capture in the forest (which echoes Heston's similar incarceration in the original) and the final battle, which unfortunately ends with a whimper rather than a bang. The performances are OK, with Roth's frothing, sinister turn as Thade stealing the picture, and Carter just as good, introducing a charming coquettishness to her compassionate ape. The other primate-portraying performers are buried under so much makeup that it's difficult for any of their own personalities to shine through. Wahlberg is kind of an awkward hero, and, when you think about it, he really doesn't do anything heroic except run from point A to B to C right on schedule. Rick Baker will certainly earn an Oscar for his startling makeup, although, as I said above, it's probably TOO good--too successfully hiding its human wearers. The Leo/Daena/Ari love triangle is never developed the way you'd like it to be--I imagine Fox jettisoned this material in favor of action--and when Wahlberg and Carter duplicate the Heston/Kim Hunter kiss from the original film, it feels shallow.

Although I begrudgingly recommend POTA, it has major faults, and I feel that, had the summer not been dominated by so many thudding bores disguised as action films (like SWORDFISH and TOMB RAIDER), it looks a lot better compared to them. The makeup, FX, production design and Danny Elfman's score (which reminds one of Jerry Goldsmith's discordant classic from the '68 film) are excellent, and the visceral elements are enough to keep one awake even when the story is peeling apart. Just make sure you walk out before the final 90 seconds to avoid feeling too pissed off.

Also with Paul Giamatti as a comic-relief orangutan, an underused Kris Kristofferson (there must be a lot of his stuff on the cutting room floor), David Warner, Lisa Marie, Anne Ramsay, Baker in ape makeup and '68 APES alumni Linda "Nova" Harrison and Heston in a good, unbilled cameo as Thade's dying father with a shocking secret. Producer Richard D. Zanuck (Harrison's ex-husband) was the head of 20th Century-Fox when the first APES was made and released. Locations include Hawaii, Australia and the Utah desert near where the '68 film shot.

PLANET OF THE VAMPIRES (1965)--Directed by Mario Bava. Stars Barry Sullivan. Italian-made space opera about a spaceship crew which crashlands on a spooky, fogbound planet and attacked by their own dead crewmembers. Somewhat slow moving, but very atmospheric with excellent color cinematography, sets and costume design. Also with Norma Bengell, Angel Aranda, Fernando Villena and Evi Marandi.

PLATOON (1986)--Directed by Oliver Stone. Stars Charlie Sheen, Tom Berenger, Willem Dafoe, Forest Whitaker, John C. McGinley. Best Picture Oscar winner; won four altogether, including one for director Stone. Realistic account of the war in Vietnam, as seen through the eyes of an idealistic young enlistee (Sheen). I find it a bit overrated, although the power of some of Stone's images will stun even the most cynical of viewers. The offbeat casting of Dafoe as a kind, compassionate sergeant and Berenger as a vicious one was a clever idea. Not as good as APOCALYPSE NOW, or even Stone's BORN ON THE FOURTH OF JULY, but worth seeing.