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THE PELICAN BRIEF (1993)--Directed by Alan
J. Pakula. Based upon the novel by John Grisham. Stars Julia Roberts, Denzel Washington, John Heard, Sam Shepard, Robert Culp,
James B. Sikking. Dull, overlong thriller about a Tulane law student who accidentally figures out the killer of two Supreme
Court justices when the combined forces of the FBI and CIA come up empty. Film consists mostly of a paranoid Julia hiding
out in a variety of expensive motel rooms. You'd think if she were bright enough to solve two political murders, she'd be
smart enough to dye and cut her long red hair. The relationship between her and her professor/lover (Shepard) is not fleshed
out at all, and there's no chemistry with Washington as a reporter she turns to for help. Robert Culp is good as the President
of the United States, a bumbling and bland Bush/Reagan hybrid. Pakula has made some excellent thrillers in the past, but this
one is on auto-pilot. I didn't like the book either.
PENDULUM (1969)--Directed by George Schaefer.
Stars George Peppard, Jean Seberg, Richard Kiley, Robert F. Lyons, Charles McGraw, Madeleine Sherwood. Detective Peppard takes
a leave of absence when a convicted murderer he arrested (Lyons) is freed on a technicality. Peppard becomes a prisoner himself
when he is framed for the murders of his wife (Seberg) and her lover. He escapes in an effort to clear his name. Schaefer's
drama is based on characters and plot rather than action. You might want to give this underrated movie a try.
PENN
AND TELLER GET KILLED (1989)--Directed by Arthur Penn. Stars Penn Jillette, Teller, Caitlin Clarke, David Patrick
Kelly. An unusual black comedy by the director of BONNIE & CLYDE. Penn & Teller play themselves, abrasive comic magicians.
Penn--the tall, ponytailed one--does all the talking, while the diminutive Teller remains silent. When Penn announces during
a television appearance that he thinks it would be exciting to have someone make an attempt on his life, psychotic fan Kelly
tries to make Penn's wish come true. Original screenplay by Penn and Teller contains moments of surreal, offbeat humor, much
of which falls flat. I think director Penn was the wrong director for this type of material, although everyone tries hard.
An interesting failure.
THE PEOPLE THAT TIME FORGOT (1977)--Directed by Kevin Connor. Stars Patrick
Wayne, Doug McClure, Sarah Douglas, Thorley Walters. This juvenile sequel to THE LAND THAT TIME FORGOT stars the Duke's son
as a 1918 adventurer who organizes a search party (including lovely reporter Douglas) to find missing pal McClure. Before
you know it, Wayne and the gang are battling more cheap-looking dinosaurs and other prehistoric creatures. Kids might like
it; their dads will definitely dig the skimpy fur bikini worn by co-star Dana Gillespie (one reminiscent of the eye-popping
outfit she wore in 1968's THE LOST CONTINENT). An Amicus production.
THE PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS
(1991)--Directed by Wes Craven. Stars Brandon Adams, Ving Rhames, Everett McGill, Wendy Robie, A.J. Langer. A lot of horror
fans liked this creepy satire, but I thought it was dumb and over-the-top. Adams plays a young boy who breaks into a big,
spooky house, only to discover the couple that lives there has been kidnapping people and holding them captive in secret passages
along with some cannibal mutants. Gene Siskel somehow found this to be a Reaganomics allegory, but I sure didn't get it. McGill
and Robie are convincing as psychos, and played another strange couple on TV's TWIN PEAKS.
PERFECT PREY (1998)--Directed by Howard McCain.
Stars Kelly McGillis, David Keith, Bruce Dern, D.W. Moffett. Watching this capable thriller felt like reading a Tami
Hoag novel. It's decent enough, but adds nothing new to the overplayed serial-killer genre, and once again features
an intelligent female protagonist who loses her brains in the final reel in order to set up a confrontation with the killer.
Texas Ranger Audrey McLeah (McGillis), an ace investigator, remains traumatized by an incident that happened to her in college
where she was abducted and tortured. She escaped, and a man who confessed to the crime was arrested and sentenced to
Death Row. A decade later, Houston detective Swaggert (Dern) recruits her to investigate a similar series of kidnappings
and murders that are being committed by a madman (Keith) with the same M.O. McCain and writer Robert McDonnell do a
slick job of compiling the requisite clichés, but bring nothing particularly exciting to the table. The cast is good
enough, and the Texas scenery provides a bit of a visual flair. Also with Joely Fisher (ELLEN), Richard Riehle and Gregg
Daniel.
PERFECT STRANGER (2007)—Directed by
James Foley. Stars Halle Berry, Bruce Willis, Giovanni Ribisi. Berry is an investigative newspaper reporter who
looks into the murder of a childhood friend. Likely suspect Willis is a high-powered, womanizing advertising executive
who may have killed her to prevent his wife from learning about his mistress' unplanned pregnancy. Berry is no actress,
but I do love looking at her on the big screen. Very little of PERFECT STRANGER makes sense, even after the silly twist
ending, which appears to invalidate much of what we've seen. Even before then, Berry's friendship with her weirdo researcher
Ribisi is an unlikely one, and several red herrings go nowhere (so whose side is Esmeralda on anyway?). Willis, whose
character is basically rendered superfluous, does a nice job with an impossible role. Also with Nicki Aycox, Patti D’Arbanville,
Clea Lewis, Richard Portnow, Gary Dourdan and Heidi Klum.
THE PERFECT WEAPON (1991)--Directed
by Mark DiSalle. Stars Jeff Speakman, John Dye, James Hong, Mako, Professor Toru Tanaka, Beau Starr. It's somewhat
surprising to see a major studio like Paramount lend its logo to this cheap little martial-arts picture. No doubt, they
were trying to groom their own Jean-Claude Van Damme in real-life Kenpo Karate black-belt Speakman, but just two years later,
he was working for Cannon. Speakman is not a bad actor, considering he was hired for his impressive chopsocky skills,
as Jeff Sanders, a New Mexico construction worker estranged from his family who returns to Los Angeles' "Koreatown" to avenge
the death of family friend Kim (Mako). At odds with his father (Starr) and brother Adam (Dye), both policemen, Jeff
learns he is the "perfect weapon" to investigate Kim's death, since his status as an outsider will open doors to him that
the police can never penetrate. Learning that Kim was the victim of a homicidal giant (Tanaka) working at the behest
of Korean mobster Yung (Hong), Jeff kicks, punches and smashes his way through a small Asian army to avenge his friend.
Dully directed by DiSalle (KICKBOXER) and armed with a routine
paint-by-numbers script by David Campbell Wilson (SUPERNOVA), THE PERFECT WEAPON remains watchable because of Speakman's amazing
speed and agility as a martial artist. While it seems like everybody in action movies these days uses some sort of karate--usually
awkwardly faked through obvious doubles and fast editing--Speakman is the real deal, and DiSalle is smart enough to point
the camera in his direction and stand back. The production suffers from its low budget ("Koreatown" looks more like
a studio lot to me), but martial arts fans will probably groove on the many authentic fights. Prominent billing for
the abbreviated performances by Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa, Clyde Kusatsu and especially Mariska Hargitay (LAW & ORDER: SPECIAL
VICTIMS UNIT), who doesn't even have dialogue, indicates much of their work was probably left on the editor's floor in favor
of action (THE PERFECT WEAPON runs under 90 minutes). Also with Dante Basko, Seth Sakai and Branscombe Richmond.
Music by Gary Chang. Snap's "The Power", heard over the credits, was a chart hit.
THE PERILS OF GWENDOLINE (IN THE LAND OF YIK YAK)
(1984)--Directed by Just Jaeckin. Stars Tawny Kitaen, Brent Huff, Bernadette Lafont, Zabou. French filmmaker Jaeckin
(EMMANUELLE) somehow manages to make kung fu, lost cities, jungle danger and topless Amazon women in leather S&M gear
boring. Based on a 1940s comic strip, GWENDOLINE finds American sexpot Kitaen and her pal Beth (model Zabou) teaming
with a reluctant mercenary (Huff) to find her missing father, who disappeared while searching Asia for a rare butterfly.
It tries to rip off ROMANCING THE STONE and adds a bunch of non-erotic nudity, but the poor dubbing and slack pacing miss
the target. Kitaen, who looks great naked, is believably innocent-looking as the virginal Gwendoline, but Huff is much
too young and callow to play Michael Douglas/Harrison Ford. Now available on DVD as a director’s cut titled GWENDOLINE.
Kitaen had greater success making music videos with her rock star husband David Coverdale of Whitesnake, but became something
of a joke a decade later after beating up her baseball-player (second) husband Chuck Finley and appearing on the reality show
THE SURREAL LIFE.
PERILS OF THE DARKEST JUNGLE (1944)--Directed by Spencer Gordon Bennet and Wallace
Grissell. Stars Linda Stirling, Allan Lane, Duncan Renaldo, George J. Lewis, Crane Whitley. Originally released in 12 chapters
as THE TIGER WOMAN, PERILS stars 22-year-old Stirling as The Tiger Woman, white goddess leader of a South American tribe.
Greedy oil magnates, led by corrupt lawyer Dagget (Whitley), have discovered The Tiger Woman's true identity as Rita Arnold,
heir to the massive Arnold fortune. If they can steal her late father's papers, which are buried with him on native land,
and prove her identity, they plan to kill her and replace her with one of their own in order to claim her inheritance. The
Tiger Woman, who has no memory of her previous life in civilization, teams up with macho mercenary Allen Saunders (Lane) and
loyal sidekick Jose (Renaldo) to prevent the oil profiteers' takeover. I liked the similar JUNGLE GIRL, with Frances Gifford
protecting her tribe of African natives, a lot better. Also with LeRoy Mason, Robert Frazer, Stanley Price, Kenne Duncan,
Tom Steele, Eddie Parker, Duke Green, Carey Loftin, Dale Van Sickel and Robert Wilke. Music by Joseph Dubin.
PETS
(1974)--Directed by Raphael Nussbaum. Stars Candice Rialson, Ed Bishop, Joan Blackman, Teri Guzman. The stage origins of this
talky production in misogyny and sleaze are apparent from its blatant three-act structure. First presented as a series of
three one-act plays penned by Richard Reich, PETS jams the acts together, using the character played by '70s drive-in icon
Rialson as the connecting fiber.
After a pre-credits sequence showing teen runaway Bonnie (Rialson) escaping from
her abusive brother, she finds herself teamed up with a black hustler named Pat (Guzman). The two broke ladies kidnap a middle-aged,
middle-class jogger, tie him up and drop him off the side of the road with Bonnie guarding him, while Pat ransacks his house.
On her own again later, Bonnie meets at a roadside fruit stand lesbian artist Geraldine (Blackman), who takes Bonnie back
to her place and hires her as a live-in model. They also begin an affair, which comes to a violent end after Bonnie, who still
craves the one physical joy Geraldine can never provide, gets it on with a denim-wearing burglar. Fleeing the scene, Bonnie
hooks up with one of Geraldine's clients, misogynist art collector Victor (Bishop), who believes women exist only to fill
his sexual and material needs, and keeps them caged in his basement, where he sometimes whips and rapes them.
As a
showcase for Candice Rialson, PETS sort of works. Except for the chatty third act, she has a lot of screen time and finds
plenty of excuses to whip off her top and engage in steamy softcore sex. She's a very sexy screen presence, and even if director
Nussbaum has difficulty keeping his stories on track, at least he's wise enough to show off Rialson to great advantage. As
exploitation cinema, PETS is a mess, despite the copious nudity. The lurid ad campaign, including a trailer built around Bishop's
kinky lifestyle and images of a nearly nude Rialson being whipped and crawling on all fours, doesn't accurately reflect the
real tone of the film, which is a pretentious affair featuring too much steak--more like ground beef--and not enough sizzle.
The screenplay is extremely heavy-handed, and, of the performers, only Bishop brings any energy to his words.
Also
with Brett Parker, K.T. Stevens and Barry Kroeger. Music by George Del Barrio. The German-born Nussbaum made several films
in his homeland before shooting PETS in Los Angeles. Even more surprising than seeing UFO star Bishop, a veteran of several
Gerry & Sylvia Anderson productions in England, in his film is Joan Blackman, who twice played Elvis Presley's female
lead. Rialson received a special "Introducing" credit, even though she appeared in four other films released the same year.
After starring roles in HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD and CHATTERBOX, she more or less vanished from public life. A real shame too.
PHANTASM (1979)--Directed by Don Coscarelli. Stars Michael Baldwin, Bill Thornbury, Reggie Bannister,
Angus Scrimm, Kathy Lester. This teen-oriented horror film relies more on atmosphere and mood than logic, and was a surprise
low-budget (about $300,000) hit for its 23-year-old director and his cast of unknowns. After the death of 15-year-old Mike's
(Baldwin) parents, strange things start happening at the local funeral parlor--especially after Mike, who lives with his older
brother Jody (Thornbury), sees the mysterious Tall Man (Scrimm) effortlessly lift a casket meant for burial into the back
of a hearse and drive off with it. Turns out the Tall Man is an alien from another dimension, and is bringing our dead back
to life as dwarves and sending them home to use as slave labor! He kills those who get in his way with a flying silver ball
that burrows into his victims' heads and spurts blood out a hole in the other side! The Tall Man, a cadaverous-looking elderly
man, appears to have a number of menacing powers, including the ability to invade a person's dreams and to transform himself
into the sexy Lady in Lavender (Lester), all the better to entice his unsuspecting prey into becoming his latest capture.
In an effort to stop his invasion, Mike and Jody, teaming up with their comic-relief pal Reggie (Bannister), the local ice-cream
man, invade the Tall Man's mausoleum, where they discover the portal to their enemy's world.
Narratively, not a whole
lot about PHANTASM makes much sense, but that really isn't the point. Coscarelli's imaginative direction and dreamlike photography
(he also wrote, produced and edited PHANTASM) go a long way towards the film's success, along with the likable performances
by Baldwin, Thornbury and Bannister, who quickly became the film series' most popular hero. Although rated R, PHANTASM was
certainly popular with teenagers in part because of Baldwin's character, who drinks beer, shoots guns, drives a cool car (a
black Hemi-cuda with a pistol-grip gearshift) and saves the world from an alien invasion. After decades in show business (and
a Grammy nomination for writing classical album liner notes), Scrimm (real name: Rory Guy) became a contemporary horror icon
due to his ghastly appearance and menacing tone ("Boyyyyyyyyy!"), appearing at numerous horror conventions as well as three
(so far) PHANTASM sequels.
Also with Lynn Eastman, Terrie Kalbus, Mary Ellen Shaw and Susan Harper. The excellent
atmospheric score by Fred Myrow and Malcolm Seagrave, one of the horror genre's best, was released overseas as a 12-inch disco
single. The mansion used for the exterior of the Tall Man's mausoleum is the same house used in BURNT OFFERINGS. Coscarelli's
mother served as the film's production designer and costumer, and is credited using pseudonyms. Coscarelli's next film was
THE BEASTMASTER.
PHANTASM II (1988)--Directed by Don Coscarelli. Stars James LeGros, Reggie Bannister,
Angus Scrimm, Paula Irvine, Samantha Phillips. After an unfulfilling experience directing THE BEASTMASTER in which the executive
producer overruled him in many creative decisions, including hiring Rip Torn instead of Klaus Kinski to play the adventure's
heavy, Coscarelli returned to direct this sequel. Universal balked at allowing the original PHANTASM's teenage star Michael
Baldwin to reprise his role, saying they needed a recognizable working actor in the lead role, so LeGros (DRUGSTORE COWBOY)
landed the part.
Although released nine years later, PHANTASM II actually begins at the exact moment the previous
film left off; those events cause Mike (LeGros) to be confined to a mental hospital. He now shares a psychic bond with Elizabeth
(Irvine), and upon his release, Mike teams up with ice-cream vendor Reggie (Bannister), Elizabeth and sexy hitchhiker Alchemy
(Phillips) in pursuit of the Tall Man (Scrimm), who's traveling cross-country decimating small towns in his neverending quest
to populate his world's slave labor camps using Earth's shrunken corpses.
Although Coscarelli's screenplay is even more confusing this time
around (I mean, did Reggie blow up Mike's house or not? Was the first PHANTASM a dream after all?), his visual style and imaginative
story twists remain the film's chief assets. A loftier budget allowed Coscarelli to play around with three silver spheres
this time (the poster's tagline was "The Ball Is Back!"), which provide some of PHANTASM II's biggest thrills (including a
ball which saws its way clear through a human body and out through his face), along with Reggie's chainsaw battle against
a creepy corpse and more hooded dwarves, which are decked out in this movie with horrific makeup (their faces went unseen
in the original). I enjoyed this sequel a lot, especially after the pace picked up about a half-hour in, and even Coscarelli's
standard twist non-ending didn't bother me very much, thanks to the movie's likable spirit of outrageous fun. Bannister makes
the best of his expanded screen time this time out, and gets to blast the baddies with a cool-looking quadruple-barreled shotgun.
LeGros is fine, although PHANTASM fans lament the absence of original Mike Baldwin, who does appear in flashbacks from the
first movie.
Also with Kenneth Tigar, Stacey Travis and Ed Gale. Fred Myrow collaborates with Christopher Stone on
the musical score this time, which was released on a soundtrack album with music from the first PHANTASM. Universal sprung
for a second sequel six years later.
PHANTASM III: LORD OF THE DEAD (1994)--Directed by Don Coscarelli.
Stars A. Michael Baldwin, Reggie Bannister, Angus Scrimm, Bill Thornbury, Gloria Lynn Henry, Kevin Connors. Again picking
up immediately at the climax of the previous feature, PHANTASM III finds Reggie (Bannister) still cruising cross-country in
his black 'Cuda tracking down the Tall Man (Scrimm), whose actions at the end of PHANTASM II have placed Mike (Baldwin, reprising
his role from the original) into a coma. On his journey, Reggie meets a young boy, Tim (Connors), whose parents were murdered
by the Tall Man, and a kung-fu-fighting black woman named Rocky (Henry). Meanwhile, Mike is attacked in the hospital by one
of the Tall Man's minions, disguised as a nurse and bearing one of the silver spheres. He's also visited by the spirit of
his dead older brother Jody (Thornbury), who pops up in Reggie's presence as well merely to toss off a few cryptic sentences.
All the characters eventually meet up at another of the Tall Man's funeral-parlor hideouts, where Mike is subjected to some
unwanted brain surgery, and Reggie appears to have met his maker in another of Coscarelli's increasingly frustrating cliffhanger
endings.
PHANTASM III (the onscreen title is PHANTASM: LORD OF THE DEAD) isn't as good as the two movies that came
before it, despite some nice performances by Baldwin and Thornbury, who really manage to connect as long-lost brothers, and
Bannister, who does a nice job balancing his hero role (he's really the star of PHANTASM III) with Coscarelli's silly comic
relief. Coscarelli appears to be running out of ideas, as many scenes are eerily similar to those of the first two PHANTASMs,
while the subplot involving a trio of white-trash zombies appears to have been swiped from RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD. Still,
Coscarelli is an imaginative enough filmmaker to at least maintain a semblance of dreamy style if not narrative substance,
and fans of the murderous silver spheres will see more of them than ever before.
Also with Cindy Ambeuhl, Brooks Gardner,
John Davis Chandler (THE OUTLAW JOSEY WALES), Sarah Scott Davis, Samantha Phillips and Paula Irvine in flashbacks from PHANTASM
II, and an appearance by Kathy Lester, who portrayed the Lady in Lavender in PHANTASM. Fred Myrow and Christopher Stone once
again composed the score with Coscarelli's father Dac serving as executive producer. The balls would again be back in PHANTASM
IV: OBLIVION.
PHANTASM IV: OBLIVION (1998)--Directed by Don Coscarelli. Stars A. Michael Baldwin,
Reggie Bannister, Angus Scrimm, Bill Thornbury. More introspective and pretentious than previous PHANTASMs, Coscarelli's third
sequel benefits from flashbacks to never-before-seen footage from the 1979 original, which doesn't add much to the story,
but makes for interesting viewing as we bounce between the teenage Mike (Baldwin) and his adult counterpart.
Picking
up where PHANTASM III left off (as usual), Mike is seen plowing across the desert in a hearse after discovering he has one
of the Tall Man's silver spheres imbedded inside his skull and that his dead brother Jody (Thornbury) may be in cahoots with
his mortal enemy. Meanwhile, Reggie (Bannister), who has survived his cliffhanger confrontation with dozens of silver spheres
which had pinned him to a wall, follows Mike into the desert, armed with his supercool quad-barreled shotgun and a sphere
containing Jody's spirit. While Mike experiences a few mind-blowing hallucinations and discovers the Tall Man's true identity
and origin as a kindly 19th-century scientist who became twisted by his discovery of the hooded dwarves' home world, Reggie
picks up a hot blond hitchhiker (groan--not again!) and fights a Maniac Cop. The climax is overly confusing, with Jody seemingly
being used by the Tall Man to lure Mike over to the Dark Side, characters bouncing back and forth through time, Mike's apparent
destiny as the next Lord of the Dead, and another frustrating open ending.
The lapses in logic, a mainstay of the
PHANTASM series, are sillier than ever--why does the Tall Man allow Reggie to escape death at the beginning of the movie,
yet try to kill him the rest of the time? And how did Reggie's hardtop Hemi-cuda turn into a convertible between movies? Worst
of all, Coscarelli's revelation of the Tall Man's identity doesn't explain much about his crossover to villainy and why a
mild-mannered pharmacist would choose to betray his planet and kidnap Earth corpses for use as slave labor on another world.
Scrimm, who does a lot with very little dialogue, wisely chooses not to play the Tall Man for laughs, which makes for a more
menacing antagonist for our heroes. Baldwin is an adequate actor, but his presence and history, along with the PHANTASM flashbacks,
carry a lot of weight, and Bannister is, once again, a heckuva lotta fun, whether putting some Rico Suave moves on a much
younger woman or just kicking some monster booty.
Coscarelli still shows flashes of the visual style that made the
original PHANTASM a cult classic, and I guess he deserves props for attempting to make a movie with the Roman numeral IV in
it something more ambitious than it had to be, but PHANTASM IV is a great disappointment, given that fans would have appreciated
some sort of closure or at least an acceptable explanation as to what Mike, Reggie and Jody have been dedicating their lives
since 1979. Also with Heidi Marnhout and Bob Ivy. Fred Myrow, who contributed to all four PHANTASMs, collaborated with Christopher
Stone on the musical score; Myrow passed away in 1999 at the age of 59. Baldwin receives a co-producer credit this time. Coscarelli
has said he'd like to do another PHANTASM movie, this one to be penned by Roger Avary, the Oscar-winning co-writer of PULP
FICTION.
THE PHANTOM (1943)--Directed by B. Reeves Eason. Stars Tom Tyler, Kenneth MacDonald, Jeanne
Bates, Frank Shannon. This entertaining 15-chapter Columbia serial runs about three chapters too long, unable to sustain its
pace and climaxing in a disappointing off-screen skirmish. Based on the legendary comic strip feature created by Lee Falk,
THE PHANTOM tells the story of Geoffrey Prescott (Tyler), a young archeologist set to accompany Professor Davidson (Shannon)
and his party, including his pretty niece Diana Palmer (Bates), into the jungle to search for the lost city of Zoloz. Davidson
has in his possession six pieces of ivory which, when joined together like a jigsaw puzzle, reveal Zoloz's location. Unfortunately,
the pivotal seventh piece is owned by Dr. Bremmer (MacDonald), a traitor who already knows where Zoloz is and plans to build
a secret enemy air base there. Prescott slips away from the expedition in the middle of the night, however, when he receives
word of his father's ill health. Through the centuries, the jungle has been protected by a mysterious masked hero in purple
garb and a skull-and-crossbones belt symbol called The Phantom. He's believed to be immortal, but in actuality, the Phantom
runs in the family--when one dies, his son, in this case Geoffrey, replaces him. Upon his father's death, Geoffrey dons the
familiar purple tights and vows to protect the jungle from evil, starting with those attempting to prevent Davidson's party
from reaching Zoloz.
Despite the way it poops out at the end, THE PHANTOM is a lot of fun, filled with exciting cliffhangers,
plentiful fights, and a sturdy performance by Tyler, who had played the Fawcett superhero Captain Marvel in Republic's THE
ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN MARVEL two years earlier. Although second-billed, Bates has very little to do in this serial; it appears
as though serial vet Breezy Eason was uninterested in building a romance between Diana and the Phantom (they were an item
and eventually married in the comic strip), choosing to use that screen time to give the kids what they really wanted anyway--more
action scenes, shootouts and shots of the Phantom's heroic dog Devil. MacDonald, who played the foil in several Three Stooges
shorts, and Shannon, Dr. Zarkov in the FLASH GORDON serials, may be familiar to film buffs, as are supporting actors Stanley
Price, Joe Devlin, Anthony Caruso, Anthony Warde, Eddie Parker, Pat O'Malley, I. Stanford Jolley and even Jay Silverheels.
Lee Zahler is credited with the score. Falk's jungle hero didn't return to the big screen until Simon Wincer's fun but unsuccessful
1996 remake, which cast Billy Zane as the Phantom.
THE PHANTOM (1996)--Directed by Simon Wincer.
Stars Billy Zane, Kristy Swanson, Treat Williams, Patrick McGoohan. Paramount’s entertainingly old-fashioned PG
adventure is based on the 1936 King Features comic strip hero created by Lee Falk. The masked, purple-garbed Phantom,
known as The Ghost Who Walks by the local natives who believe him to be immortal, has patrolled the African jungles for over
400 years, protecting the area from poachers, thieves, killers and supernatural forces. The Phantom is not really immortal,
however; the mantle (and costume) of the Phantom is merely passed down from generation to generation. Billy Zane, who
projects appropriate earnestness, athleticism and joy at being a costumed hero (if little else), plays the Phantom of 1936,
the 21st Ghost Who Walks, while television legend Patrick McGoohan appears in spirit form as Zane’s father, Phantom
#20, who dispenses advice.
The Phantom becomes involved in a plot by New York businessman Xander
Drax (Williams) to track down three mythical skulls--made of gold, bronze and brass--containing mystical powers that Drax
can use to rule the world. Swanson (the original BUFFY, THE VAMPIRE SLAYER) is Diana Palmer, perky niece of a New York
newspaper owner who becomes involved in stopping Drax's plan and with the Phantom. Pirates, kidnappers, mobsters in
pinstriped suits, sharks, fuel-depleted seaplanes and many other obstacles stand between the Phantom and his quest to prevent
Drax’s evil scheme, but he manages to pull through with daring aplomb.
Jeffrey Boam's screenplay is very reminiscent of the Indiana Jones
films and THE ADVENTURES OF BRISCO COUNTY, JR. (he also wrote for those franchises), but remains faithful to the Phantom legend
that predates most other superheroes more familiar to today’s audiences (though Bob Kane and Bill Finger’s Batman
owes a great allegiance to it). THE PHANTOM is a beautiful film that owes a great debt to its Australian and Thai locations,
and the costumes and production design that turn the Paramount lot into 1930s New York City are equally plush. Matter
of fact, outside of Christopher Reeve as Superman, Zane’s costume is the most attractive and believable I’ve ever
seen on a filmed superhero, and the actor looks plausible behind the black mask and purple rubber. Those who claim that
superhero costumes look cool in the funny books, but silly in the “real world,” need to look closely at Marlene
Stewart’s wardrobe skills here.
THE PHANTOM is the movie I wish the Batman films could be, and I
like it better than any of those pictures. It’s light, exciting, old-school adventure with a rousing David Newman
score and a joie de vivre missing from contemporary comic book adaptations. Williams camps it up too much, making his
megalomaniac more entertaining than intimidating, but he’s capably aided by Catherine Zeta-Jones in her first big Hollywood
film. THE PHANTOM is where I first saw her, and I predicted she would be both a major star and a terrific Bond girl.
Well, I wasn’t half bad.
Pegged as Paramount’s big action blockbuster in the summer
of 1996, THE PHANTOM was a bust, which I attribute to its awful “Slam Evil” marketing campaign. A money-loser
in ’96, it’s a film worth reevaluating in the midst of Hollywood’s current infatuation with comic book heroics.
Also with James Remar, Casey Siemaszko, Bill Smitrovich, Samantha Eggar and Cary Hiroyuki-Tagawa.
THE PHANTOM EMPIRE (1986)--Directed by Fred Olen Ray. Stars
Ross Hagen, Sybil Danning, Jeffrey Combs, Dawn Wildsmith, Michelle Bauer, Robert Quarry.
This six-day wonder, filmed almost entirely in L.A.'s Bronson Caverns, isn't very good, but it's hard to imagine anyone
not having fun with it. A small group of adventurers--including devil-may-care
salvage expert Cort (Hagen) and his butch assistant Eddy (Wildsmith), geologist Strock (Quarry) and dashing young archeologist
Paris (Combs)--walk (!) via some caves to the center of the Earth, where they find a sexy mute cavegirl (Bauer), some hideous
cannibalistic mutants, Robby the Robot (!) and an Amazon queen (Danning) from another planet who captures Paris for mating
purposes.
Believe it or not, the movie makes even less sense than the plot description would indicate. Inconsistent characterizations, flat dialogue, a lot of aimless wandering, and whiplash seesawing between
low comedy and lowbrow adventure are to blame. However, the game cast, many of
whom have appeared in far worse movies, is pretty likable and definitely captures the right spirit, and I have to admit some
admiration for the way in which director Ray managed to make a very small cave look much bigger than it is. And by the time the cast emerges into a hidden underground world which looks a lot like the California
desert--including a sun in the sky (!)--it's doubtful you'll still be nitpicking very much.
Wildsmith, Ray's then-wife, fails as the tough-talking, sarcastic comic relief, but it's interesting to see the jittery
Combs (RE-ANIMATOR) play a romantic lead, and Quarry's resemblance to Albert Finney is uncanny. Plus, Bauer appears topless, which is always a treat.
Also with Susan Stokey, Michael Sonye, Tricia Brown and a
no-holds-barred cameo by Russ Tamblyn. Music by Robert Garrett. When you learn the whole film was designed around one spur-of-the-moment scene shot one night after Ray's
COMMANDO SQUAD wrapped, you won't be very surprised. Danning's futuristic Land
Rover might look familiar to you; it was built by Dean Jefferies for the LOGAN'S RUN TV series.
THE PHANTOM OF HOLLYWOOD (1974)—Directed
by Gene Levitt. Stars Jack Cassidy, Peter Lawford, Peter Haskell, Broderick Crawford, Skye Aubrey. Boy, this is
a heartbreaker. After the production of THEY ONLY KILL THEIR MASTERS, MGM decided to demolish its historic backlot,
where hundreds of memorable films like THE WIZARD OF OZ were produced. The studio managed to squeeze in this TV-movie
that sadly captures some of the bulldozing and destruction on film. Worldwide Studios, run by Roger Cross (Lawford),
is selling off its land for quick cash, nostalgia be damned. However, the lot appears to be haunted by a mysterious
figure—a masked man with a mace who haunts the backlot and murders anyone he believes to be disrespectful of Worldwide’s
history. Security chief O’Neal (Crawford) and PR man Ray (Haskell) try to find him before he can harm Randy, Cross’
kidnapped daughter (played by Aubrey, the real-life daughter of ex-studio head James Aubrey). Levitt uses lots of film
clips and a recognizable cast, including Jackie Coogan, John Ireland, Regis Toomey and Kent Taylor, to pep up his picture.
In the lead is Cassidy, who plays both the scarred hammy ex-matinee idol who lives beneath the studio lot and his elderly
brother who runs Worldwide’s film vault. I’m sure he had a very good time.
PHANTOM OF SOHO (1964)--Directed by Franz
Josef Gottlieb. Stars Dieter Borsche, Barbara Rutting, Peter Vogel, Hans Sohnker, Helga Sommerfeld. This entertaining West
German "krimi" is based on a novel by Bryan Edgar Wallace. A serial killer in a hooded skull mask is slashing the survivors
of a shipwrecked yacht named Yolanda. Chief Inspector Patton (Borsche) of Scotland Yard is called in by his superior Sir Phillip
(Sohnker) to investigate. Assisted by devoted Sergeant Hallan (Vogel), Patton centers his search on a high-class strip joint
called the Zanzibar, where several of the victims were seen just before their deaths. The suspects include the wheelchair-bound
mistress of the club and her physician; a mysterious brute with a birthmark around one eye; an obnoxious blackmailing sea
captain; Clarinda (Rutting), a mystery novelist who tags along with Patton for research purposes; and even Sir Phillip, another
frequent Zanzibar guest. The Sinister Cinema print I saw was quite splicy, and was probably cut of some of the more gruesome
moments. I'm a sucker for this type of mystery, however, and enjoyed PHANTOM, rough dubbing, slow pace and all. Sommerfeld
as the official Zanzibar photographer plays most of her scenes in her underwear. Music by Martin Bottcher. Also known as DAS
PHANTOM VON SOHO.
PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE (1974)--Directed by Brian DePalma. Stars
William Finley, Jessica Harper, Paul Williams, Gerrit Graham, George Memmoli. Intermittently entertaining horror/rock
musical was released the year before THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW and also carries something of a cult following. DePalma
regular Finley plays Winslow Leach, a meek songwriter whose work is stolen by Faustian rock producer Swan (Williams, who composed
all the songs), who plans to premiere Leach's cantata at the reopening of the renowned Paradise theater. Swan has Winslow
framed and imprisoned on a drug charge, but the furious songwriter escapes and is horribly disfigured while destroying Swan's
record plant. Out of unbalanced revenge, he dons a mask and cape and becomes The Phantom, stalking the Paradise to protect
the girl he loves, singer Phoenix (Harper). The climax, in particular, is a letdown, and DePalma's pacing is way off,
but the costuming and performances are interesting. Williams is a talented songwriter, but I think he's miscast as both an
actor and composer. The songs in PHANTOM really don't resemble what rock fans were listening to in 1974, although Graham's
wonderful Mick Jagger impression (he's playing a gay glam-rocker named Beef) helps give the film some credibility. PHANTOM
presents some nice ideas, Harper is wonderful, and Finley's Phantom costume and mask are cleverly designed, but as a whole,
I think the film is just okay. Jack Fisk was the production designer, and his wife Sissy Spacek (BADLANDS) receives
a set dresser credit. Also with Keith Allison (Paul Revere and the Raiders), Archie Hahn, Cheryl "Rainbeaux" Smith,
Robin Mattson, Janit Baldwin, Patrice Rohmer, Jennifer Ashley and Rod Serling. George Aliceson Tipton provided much
of the score.
PHASE
IV (2001)--Directed by Bryan Goeres. Stars Dean Cain, Brian Bosworth, Mimi Kuzyk, Stephen Coats. Two
college football superstars team up for the first time in this surprisingly absorbing direct-to-video mystery set at fictitious
"New England University" (although the Canadian accents of the supporting cast betray the Halifax locations). Simon
Tate (Cain), an ex-Navy SEAL and high school football star hoping to regain his past glory on the NEU team, investigates when
his good friend Dr. Ben Roanic (Coats) is suspected of stalking and murdering a beautiful coed, Hallie Holt, the daughter
of prominent U.S. Senator Diana Holt (Kuzyk), and later killed in a police pursuit. The only clue is a matchbox containing
three mysterious pills that Roanic was able to slip into Simon's pocket before his death. Doggedly connecting each dot
in an effort to clear his friend's name, Simon finds himself marked for murder when he begins to learn too much about an experimental
drug treatment called "Phase II" and its test subjects--including Hallie--who have been dying in a series of seemingly random
"accidents".
Goeres, a former assistant director on many PM Entertainment
action movies including EXECUTIVE TARGET and TERMINAL COUNTDOWN, deserves a lot of credit for going the extra mile on PHASE
IV. Teaming with Jeff Hare (FLYING VIRUS) on the screenplay, Goeres develops his story as far as his budget and shooting
schedule will allow, spending as much effort crafting an engrossing storyline and well-rounded characters as he does in designing
elaborate action scenes. We know little more than Simon does as he pieces the clues together one at a time, leading
to the truly shocking secret of "Phase IV". Yes, Goeres and Hare do cut a few corners in logic (one of which obviously
exists only to set up another explosion to keep the action fans happy), and the subject of greedy pharmaceutical manufacturers
isn't exactly daring--everybody hates the drug companies--but if you're a sucker for a good conspiracy thriller, PHASE IV
has much to like. Second unit director Spiro Razatos (MANIAC COP) really works his magic too, starting things off with
an exciting car chase on a snowy road (slightly marred by some ill-advised CGI work) and piling on several more well-executed
chases, fights and explosions.
Former Superman Cain is a terrific hero, his good looks and
sense of humor contributing to the Everyman persona he first cultivated as Clark Kent on the LOIS & CLARK television series.
Making Simon a SEAL was a (too-) convenient way of explaining how he could consistently outfight and outrun his enemies, but
Cain seems comfortable handling both the physical and more dramatic chores in the script. Bosworth, playing the heavy
as a corrupt police detective, grimaces his way through the movie, careful not to ham it up, which might have stolen a few
scenes from his more experienced castmates, but also wouldn't have projected the sinister menace his character needs to properly
threaten Cain. Kuzyk handles most of PHASE IV's more dramatic scenes, scoring big as a woman torn between her roles
as a powerful politician and a grieving mother.
Those who believe direct-to-video action movies are nothing
more than junk tossed together quickly to fill space on store shelves may be right--in general--but every once in a while,
something with more meat slips through the cracks, made with extra care by filmmakers working above and beyond the call of
their buck-oriented bosses. PHASE IV is one of those. Also with Nigel Bennett, Richard Donat and Heather Mathieson.
Music by Sean Murray. Cain set an NCAA record as a Princeton safety for catching 12 interceptions in one season; Bosworth
racked up a school-record 22 tackles in one game as a linebacker at Oklahoma.
PHILADELPHIA (1993)--Directed by Jonathan
Demme. Stars Tom Hanks, Denzel Washington, Mary Steenburgen, Jason Robards, Joanne Woodward. The first Hollywood-financed
and -distributed AIDS movie. Tom Hanks is excellent in the role of a gay lawyer with AIDS who is fired from his law firm and
sues for discrimination. Washington is his homophobic attorney. Movie is OK, but doesn't quite live up to pre-release hype.
It wants to be both a serious disease movie and a courtroom drama, but would have been better if it had been one or the other.
I don't imagine this is the movie Demme wanted to make, but is a compromise to which he had to accede to get the film made.
The relationship between Hanks and his partner (Antonio Banderas) is not fully sketched out. In fact, we really don't learn
much of anything about gays or the AIDS virus. Hanks won an Oscar. So did Bruce Springsteen for Best Original Song "Streets
of Philadelphia". Neil Young was nominated for his, "Philadelphia". From the director of CAGED HEAT.
PHOBIA
(1980)--Directed by John Huston. Stars Paul Michael Glaser, Susan Hogan, John
Colicos. How did TV's "Starsky" come to topline a horror movie directed by one
of the greatest filmmakers of all time? I have no idea, but judging from the
results, neither did they. Glaser demonstrates his lack of big-screen charisma
as Dr. Peter Ross, a behaviorist experimenting with "implosion therapy". This
seems to consist of freaking out phobia victims by shoving their faces into whatever creeps them out the most. An agoraphobic is forced into a crowded subway, for instance, while a middle-aged man who sobs hysterically
around snakes is commanded to touch one as part of his treatment. It sounds like
lousy medicine to me, but I guess we'll never find out, because Ross' patients start dying off one at a time--drowning, explosion,
crushed in an elevator shaft, etc. Colicos plays the brutal police inspector
investigating the killings.
PHOBIA, under the guidance of five different writers (including Hammer veteran Jimmy Sangster and ALIEN scribe Ronald
Shusett), is structured as a whodunit, but there are so few characters and motives that it shouldn't take you terribly long
to guess the killer's identity. Huston directs flatly, a good sign he was just
a traffic cop-for-hire on this project. He certainly shows no particular flair
for suspense or psychological terror, and anyone curious about Huston's career will find nothing here to remind him or her
of his work on THE MALTESE FALCON or THE LIST OF ADRIAN MESSENGER. The cast must
take some of the blame too. Glaser's first feature film lead was also his last;
he's never the least bit believable as a psychiatrist and is particularly awful in the allegedly suspenseful climax. Colicos at least shows some energy in a perplexingly one-dimensional role, but Hogan
is a drip as the female lead, and no one else in the cast manages a memorable impression either.
PHOBIA earns some points for not only being shot in Toronto, but also
being set there (most budget-conscious producers that film in Canada try to hide it by using stock or second-unit footage
of American cityscapes), not that the city is used to any great advantage. A
brief car chase and a few glimpses of female nudity might wake you up temporarily, but Huston's slothful pace will quickly
knock you back into Dreamland. Also with Alexandra Stewart, Lisa Langlois, Patricia
Collins, Robert O'Ree and David Bolt. Music by Andre Gagnon. Glaser never again starred in a feature, but he did direct several, including THE RUNNING MAN and KAZAAM.
PHOENIX THE WARRIOR (1987)--Directed by Robert Hayes.
Stars Persis Khambatta, Kathleen Kinmont, Peggy Sanders. In the post-apocalyptic future, the few men left on Earth are
the prisoners of the evil Reverend Mother, who uses their bodily fluids intravenously to stay alive. However, there
aren't many left, and when she learns that a young woman named Keela (Sanders) has become pregnant through a seeding process
with a rare baby boy, she sends assassin Cobalt (Khambatta) and her band of punk-chick rogues into the desert to capture her.
Fortunately, Keela has befriended a brave Amazon warrior named Phoenix (Kinmont), who helps to defeat Cobalt and her boss.
This is a very silly movie, but it does move along rather nicely, and offers a brief display of gratuitous nudity, lots of
splashy blood squibs, dune buggy crashes, atrocious dialogue and performances, and the sleek blond presence of Kinmont.
If you survived BARBARIAN QUEEN, you'll do fine with this one, which aired occasionally on USA's UP ALL NIGHT and provides
the unlikely sight of two hot scantily clad women contemplating sex with a dork suffering from pattern baldness. Hayes
is primarily a cinematographer in television and DTV movies.
PHONE BOOTH (2003)--Directed by Joel Schumacher.
Stars Colin Farrell, Kiefer Sutherland, Forest Whitaker, Katie Holmes. Larry Cohen's screenplay floated around Hollywood
for more than 20 years before 20th Century Fox and director Schumacher (A TIME TO KILL) finally figured out how to present
it. Since more than an hour of its 80-minute running time takes place in and next to a telephone booth in Times Square,
the problem was keeping the material from becoming stagebound. Thanks to fine performances by the leads and Schumacher's
capable direction, PHONE BOOTH is always watchable, despite some lapses in logic.
Farrell (DAREDEVIL) is Stu Shepard, an obnoxious publicist who answers
a ringing telephone in the only phone booth left in New York City and is greeted by a cool voice (Sutherland) who somehow
knows intimate details of Stu's personal life and promises to shoot him with a high-powered rifle if he hangs up the phone
or attempts to leave the booth. As police, led by sensitive Captain Ramey (Whitaker), cordon off the area after a fatal
shooting attributed to Stu, Stu's stress mounts as he is berated by Sutherland's faceless stranger, who demands that Stu repent
for his lying, scheming ways, including the affair he was contemplating with one of his young actress clients (Holmes).
Despite a wandering accent, I thought Farrell and Sutherland were
wonderful in this pretty good little B-picture, which actually clocks in at about 76 minutes, minus the end crawl. While
Cohen receives sole screenplay credit, Schumacher has said that others did some script doctoring, maybe even major surgery.
I'd be curious to read Cohen's draft, because I have to guess, knowing his reputation as a maverick New York independent,
it's probably much tighter than what ended up on-screen. For instance, Sutherland's major reason for threatening Farrell's
life is because Farrell did not sleep with a woman who was not his wife. It's made clear that Farrell never slept with the
Holmes character and, even though he did lie and string her along, probably hasn't even made any kind of move on her. And
that makes him an adulterer? Even more ludicrous is the suggestion that Farrell's "acts" make him the equal of Sutherland's
previous victims, a pedophile and a white-collar crook who bilked his shareholders out of millions. My bet is that the
Farrell character was more of a scumbag in Cohen's original script, but was softened by Schumacher and company (including
Farrell) to make him more sympathetic. I also think Cohen, as a New Yorker, has a more accurate feel for the city than is
demonstrated by Schumacher, whose touchy-feely California vibe infiltrates the policeman character--does Schumacher really
think we care about Whitaker's marital problems?
Of course, Cohen could have included all of this material--I'm just
guessing--but it's an educated guess, considering how familiar I am with Cohen's work. PHONE BOOTH remains one of Schumacher's
best films, at least for what it is--a low-budget 10-day B-pic. I sure would have liked to have seen this script in the hands
of a more capable genre filmmaker though. Radha Mitchell (PITCH BLACK), Richard T. Jones and Tia Texada also appear
in what is basically a two-character radio play. Music by Harry Gregson-Williams. Most of the film was shot on
Fox's backlot, faithfully redressed to resemble Times Square.
THE PHYNX (1970)—Directed by Lee H. Katzin.
Stars A. Michael Miller, Ray Chippeway, Dennis Larden, Lonny Stevens, Lou Antonio, Mike Kellin, Michael Ansara and your grandparents’
favorite stars. Warner Brothers/Seven Arts released (barely) this notorious misfire counterculture comedy. If
you’ve ever seen the equally obscure SKIDOO, you have some idea of what’s in store for you. Made at a time
when Hollywood was desperately trying to reach the increasingly changing youth market, but was run by rich old white guys
to whom “hip” was just a body part they hoped not to break on the ski slopes, THE PHYNX was doomed almost from
the beginning. With a screenplay penned by a Warner Brothers Records house producer and direction by a guy who never
made a comedy in his life, THE PHYNX attempts to rip off THE MONKEES while simultaneously mocking its intended audience.
Colonel Rostinov (Ansara) is kidnapping America’s greatest leaders
and holding them behind the great stone wall protecting Communist Albania. U.S. agent Corrigan (Antonio) has failed
in every rescue attempt (including firing himself from a cannon over the wall, only to be met on the other side by Rostinov’s
trampoline), so he and his boss Bogey (Kellin doing an inexplicable Bogart impression), with the aid of girl-shaped computer
MOTHA, plan to create a rock band consisting of top agents (called The Phynx) and send it on tour into Albania. Four
complete strangers are snatched by the government and trained in the arts of combat and rock ‘n’ roll. Like
The Monkees, the four youths (Miller, Chippeway, Larden, Stevens) play themselves, but unlike the Prefab Four, the interracial
group has little chemistry or comic ability.
Outside of the just plain goofy storyline, THE PHYNX mainly flounders
in its painful attempts at relevance. Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller wrote the songs, which is why they sound like they’re
from 1956, and the “great leaders” snatched by Rostinov are all Hollywood entertainers that were nobodies to 1970
youths. I doubt too many teenagers were very excited about Edgar Bergen, Rudy Vallee, Patsy Kelly, Marilyn Maxwell and
Guy Lombardo (to name just a small handful), but Katzin parades them out like it was NIGHT OF 100 STARS. When Clint
Walker is one of the hippest celebrities in your film, you’ve got a problem. And when THE PHYNX does occasionally
get it right with, say, Richard Pryor and Dick Clark, it doesn’t give them very much to do. On the other hand,
it’s difficult, at least from today’s perspective, if you’re a film fan, not to smile when you see famous
screen teams like Johnny Weissmuller and Maureen O’Sullivan, John Hart and Jay Silverheels and Leo Gorcey and Huntz
Hall trading dialogue again.
Never released on home video and only occasionally seen through long-ago
late-night television airings, THE PHYNX is unlikely to see the inside of a DVD player, nor probably should it. It looks
as though it may have had a decent budget, but its hopelessly square humor (including several racist gags) and waxen guest
stars relegate it to the bottom of Warners’ film vault. Other big names in THE PHYNX are Pat O’Brien, Andy
Devine, Dorothy Lamour, George Jessel, Trini Lopez, Louis Hayward, Rona Barrett, Ed Sullivan, Butterfly McQueen, Colonel Harland
Sanders (!), Joe Louis, Xavier Cugat, Harold “Oddjob” Sakata, Fritz Feld, Busby Berkeley, Ruby Keeler, Patty Andrews,
James Brown and Rich Little doing a Richard Nixon impression so awful that I thought it was supposed to be James Stewart.
PHYSICAL EVIDENCE (1989)--Directed
by Michael Crichton. Stars Burt Reynolds, Theresa Russell, Ned Beatty, Kay Lenz, Ted McGinley. When a mobster is found murdered,
suspended Boston detective Reynolds finds himself under arrest for his killing. He is to be represented in court by an earnest
but inexperienced public defender (Russell). Prosecutor Beatty would like to plea-bargain the case, but Reynolds and Russell
set out to prove his innocence. The actors do what they can with the material, but Crichton's screenplay is weak, and the
ending is confusing.
PICASSO TRIGGER (1989)--Directed by Andy Sidaris. Stars
Steve Bond, Dona Speir, Hope Marie Carlton, Roberta Vasquez, John Aprea, Rodrigo Obregon.
Another of Sidaris' fast-moving espionage adventures starring a bevy of PLAYBOY playmates. This cartoonish sequel to HARD TICKET TO HAWAII finds a team of American spies led by Travis Abilene (Bond)
battling a band of goons working for mobster Miguel Ortiz (Obregon), who wants revenge on the agents who killed his brother. Separate subplots concern the assassination of a pacemaker-wearing hitman with the
unusual moniker of Picasso Trigger (Aprea) and Travis' reunion with college flame Pantera (Vasquez), who spent two years undercover
as Triggers moll. Actually, despite the huge cast of characters and globe-trotting
locations (including Paris, Las Vegas, Louisiana, Texas and Hawaii), the plot really doesn't hold much water; take away all
the trappings, and it can be boiled down to "bad guys try to kill the good guys, while good guys blow up all the bad guys".
More elaborate and labyrinthine than HARD TICKET--if not necessarily any smarter--PICASSO,
like all of Sidaris' films, features slick though clearly low-budget action sequences, lame attempts at humor, lots of explosions
and a wide assortment of gorgeous naked women. Not only have Donna (Speir), Taryn
(Carlton) and several other characters returned from HARD TICKET, but also PICASSO plays much like an expanded version of
that film. Since Sidaris used a radio control helicopter in HARD TICKET, an airplane
and a buggy--both armed with a bomb--are used to explosive effect. HARD TICKET
had four PLAYBOY Playmates, so PICASSO has seven--all except (inexplicably and disappointingly) Vasquez appear nude. Most of HARD TICKET-s main cast is back--some as different characters. And the level of gadgetry has gone up a notch--a bomb-carrying boomerang, a crutch that doubles as a shotgun. Keep in mind that these devices would be pretty useless in the real world, and Sidaris
doesn't really use them to great effect, but they are, I suppose, more interesting than just pulling out a pistol and blasting
somebody. It ain't art, but it sure is a lot of fun. Also with Bruce Penhall of CHIPS, Cynthia Brimhall, Patty Duffek, Kym Malin, Harold Diamond and Wolf Larson.
PICKUP ON SOUTH STREET (1953)--Directed by Samuel Fuller.
Stars Richard Widmark, Jean Peters, Richard Kiley, Thelma Ritter, Murvyn Vye, Willis Bouchey. Pulp fiction doesn’t
get much better than director Samuel Fuller’s second picture for 20th Century Fox. A former journalist, pulp writer
and World War II infantryman, Fuller excelled at translating his own brash, two-fisted personality to the movie screen as
the writer and director of terse melodramas that were often barely noticed upon their original release. His earliest
films were westerns and war dramas for the independent producer Robert Lippert, better known for his science fiction releases
like ROCKETSHIP X-M and SUPERMAN AND THE MOLE MEN. FIXED BAYONETS, a searing Korean War drama starring Richard Basehart
(MOBY DICK), was Fuller’s first film for a major studio, and his sixth picture, 1953’s PICKUP ON SOUTH STREET,
gave him the opportunity to demonstrate what the cigar-chomping scrapper could do with a decent budget and Fox’s backlot
and seasoned crew at his disposal.
Richard Widmark, typecast as smirking weasels since his starmaking turn as
psycho killer Tommy Udo in 1947’s KISS OF DEATH, stars as Skip McCoy, a three-time loser who picks the purse of slinky
Candy (Jean Peters) on a New York City subway. Right from this opening scene, we know we’re in for something unusual,
as Fuller shoots it as if it were a sex scene--the whooshing of the train, sweaty close-ups of his stars, Widmark’s
fingers slithering seductively into the beautiful Peters’ “purse”. We’re also drawn immediately
into the suspense; we know the Feds are on Peters’ tail, but not why, and we know Widmark has swiped something important,
but what?
Unbeknownst to both Candy and McCoy, her wallet also contains top-secret microfilm
stolen from the U.S. and earmarked for the Communist agents employing her ex-lover Joey (Richard Kiley). Once McCoy
realizes what he’s got and what it’s worth, he plays both sides against the middle in an effort to get the price
he wants for it. Attempts by the cops and the F.B.I., represented by Captain Tiger (Murvyn Vye) and Agent Zara (Willis
Bouchey), to appeal to his sense of patriotism and civic duty fall flat (Widmark’s incredulous tone when he asks the
agents, “Are you waving the flag at me?” is dead-on perfect); McCoy is only out for number one. Joey tries
a different tactic, using the scrumptious former prostitute Candy to seduce the microfilm away from McCoy. She actually
falls for the guy, which puts her in harm’s way when Joey decides to drop the kid-gloves approach and use murder as
a bargaining tactic.
What a tricky performance by Richard Widmark. McCoy is a lowlife, a two-bit
hood who pilfers from honest Joes and lives in a shack without electricity on the waterfront. He has no qualms about
selling his purloined prize to the Commies. He’s terribly rough with Candy, who loves him, even to the point of
smacking her. Yet when he eventually repents and goes after Joey at great risk to his life, the audience is behind him
all the way.
That we are is not solely due to Widmark’s acting, but also to that of
his costars Kiley and Thelma Ritter (REAR WINDOW), who earned an Academy Award nomination for playing Moe Williams, a stoolie
who harbors a motherly-like affection for McCoy, even while selling him out to the Feds. If Moe, a sad but inherently
good woman who carries the burden of an unlucky life on her shoulders, likes him so much, there must be a reason, and we’re
induced to give her the benefit of the doubt and root for him too.
And then there’s Kiley, who went on to a distinguished stage and screen
career that included many heavies, but few as menacing as Joey. Fuller’s most audacious staging is a fight scene
between Kiley and Jean Peters filmed in one agonizing take without stunt doubles, a brutal shot that reveals great courage
in the artists involved and undoubtedly several bruises on Peters. It’s bravura action filmmaking with not only
a visceral impact, but also a point. McCoy may be a bad guy, but Joey is a Bad Guy and needs to be stopped.
Fuller’s directing style is lean and mean, and he doesn’t waste
a single one of his 80 minutes, packing more plot and terse dialogue into them than many contemporary filmmakers can in two
hours. A fiercely independent man, Fuller went on to direct many more unorthodox pictures like SHOCK CORRIDOR and VERBOTEN,
usually without big-studio backing, but with an over-the-top style uniquely his. He was a genre filmmaker with an arthouse
sensibility, and rarely have the two sides enjoyed a smoother meeting than in PICKUP ON SOUTH STREET.
PIECES (1981)--Directed by Juan Piquer Simon.
Stars Christopher George, Lynda Day George, Edmund Purdom. If your stomach is strong enough to handle the gore, this
knuckleheaded Spanish/Italian slasher film provides a ton of unintentional laughs. Thirty years after he hacked up the
mother who berated him for putting together a pornographic jigsaw puzzle, a mad killer is slicing up coeds on a Boston campus
with a chainsaw and taking some of the body parts home with him. Christopher George (ENTER THE NINJA) is the wisecracking,
ineffectual cop assigned to the case. Part of his brilliant strategy is to bring in tennis pro Lynda Day George to act
as a decoy to trap the killer, even though when the situation actually presents itself, she panics, drops her gun and acts
like a complete numbskull. It shouldn't take you very long to guess the killer's identity, and the stupid script, poor
acting, low budget and stilted dialogue will keep you in stitches. Illogic runs rampant, so don't expect PIECES to adhere
to any sense of, er, sense. My favorite part might be the Chinese guy who attacks a woman for no reason whatsoever,
but is revealed to just be kidding around. Or something. I still don't get it. Also with Paul Smith, Jack
Taylor and Frank Brana. Music by Cam. From the director of SUPERSONIC MAN.
PIER 5, HAVANA (1959)--Directed by Edward
L. Cahn. Stars Cameron Mitchell, Allison Hayes, Michael Granger, Eduardo Noriega, Otto Waldis. Mitchell plays good guy Steve
Daggett in this tough crime drama. Just after Fidel Castro's takeover of the Cuban government, Daggett flies down to Havana
from Miami to look for his missing friend Hank Miller, an alcoholic who hasn't been seen since the revolution. Just off the
plane, Daggett is accosted by the Havana police, and taken to the office of Lieutenant Garcia (Granger). Garcia is suspicious
of Daggett's sudden arrival, and takes him to meet Miller's estranged wife Monica (Hayes). Not only is Monica an old flame
of Steve's, he had no idea that she and his best friend were married. Garcia thought Daggett may have been involved with Hank's
disappearance, but Steve's suspicions fall upon aristocrat Fernando Ricardo (Noriega), who shows more than just a friendly
attraction towards Monica. Investigating on his own, Daggett discovers a boatmaker named Schluss (Waldis from THE WHIP HAND),
who appears to be involved in a plot to bomb Havana and recapture the Cuban government for Bautista's forces. But how does
Miller's disappearance tie in?
Slightly more plot-heavy than many of Cahn's B-grade cheapies for United Artists, PIER
5 has a nice pulpy feel to it, including a dash of political intrigue, some nifty performances and quite a bit of serial-type
action. Mitchell and Cahn made three movies together in less than two years, and appear to work well together. Cam had a tendency
to wander off and ham it up when not kept under tight rein by his directors, but Cahn keeps him in line. He isn't a particularly
colorful hero, but he's professional and believable. Hayes (ATTACK OF THE 50 FT. WOMAN) is sexy and sultry as a woman torn
between her husband and the man whom she really loves (Daggett), and Granger keeps us guessing as to Garcia's loyalties. Also
with Logan Field, Nestor Paiva and Fred Engleberg. Score by Paul Sawtell and Bert Shefter. Producer Robert E. Kent also wrote
the screenplay as James B. Gordon.
THE PIGKEEPER'S DAUGHTER (1970)--Directed by Bethel Buckalew.
Stars Terry Gibson, Patty Smith. This crudely-made drive-in sexploitation feature was produced by sleaze legend Harry Novak,
and features a few surprising hardcore-type scenes. The thin plot concerns a cute teenage hillbilly virgin who sees her sister
getting it on with the local stud and decides to find her own sexual partner. Its basically a series of (allegedly) comic
sex scenes, many of which were filmed outside in pastures and barnyards. A bisexual traveling salesman rapes a guy. Pretty
tedious.
PIN DOWN GIRL (1950)--Directed by Robert C. Dertano. Stars Timothy Farrell, Peaches Page,
Clara Mortensen, Rita Martinez. MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 did a number on this astonishingly bad expose of women wrestlers.
Farrell (with his weasely pencil-thin mustache) is wrestling manager Umberto Scali, who pimps and makes book on the side.
Features very poor productio |