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THE PLAYER (1992)--Directed by Robert Altman.
Stars Tim Robbins, Greta Scacchi, Fred Ward, Whoopi Goldberg. Practically every star in Hollywood, it seems, makes a token
appearance in this searing satire of Hollywood life. Griffin Mill (Robbins) is a studio exec who accidentally kills a screenwriter
whom he believed was sending him threatening postcards. Robbins also strikes up a relationship with the writer's beautiful
girlfriend (Scacchi), who may or may not be from Iceland. The plot is just a blueprint for Altman and Oscar-nominated writer
Michael Tolkin (who based the script upon his own novel) to riff on studio politics, shallow lifestyles, the increasing frivolousness
of Hollywood product and moviemakers who have become completely out of touch with the lives of regular Americans. Bolstered
by a terrific cast, including Dina Merrill, Vincent D'Onofrio, Peter Gallagher, Brion James, Cynthia Stevenson, Lyle Lovett,
Dean Stockwell and Richard E. Grant. Look for cameos by Burt Reynolds, Bruce Willis, Julia Roberts, Peter Falk, Susan Sarandon,
Cher, James Coburn, Malcolm McDowell, Andie MacDowell, Steve James, Steve Allen, Robert Wagner, Jill St. John, Jayne Meadows,
Richard Anderson, Paul Dooley and many, many more. Music by Thomas Newman.
PLAYING BY HEART (1998)--Directed
by Willard Carroll. Stars Sean Connery, Gena Rowlands, Angelina Jolie, Gillian Anderson, Jon Stewart, Madeliene Stowe, Anthony
Edwards, Dennis Quaid. Amiable love story about the relationships between seemingly unrelated couples (and then some) over
the space of a weekend. Setting the pace are Connery (taking a welcome break from big studio blockbusters and very good in
an atypical role) and Rowlands as a long-time-married couple who, worried about Connery's health, begin squabbling over an
affair he had many years before. Jolie is a twentysomething party girl attracted to an HIV-positive man, Stowe is unhappily
married and having an affair with her priest, and Anderson (of THE X-FILES) is relationship-reticent but slyly attracted to
a nice-guy architect (Stewart). These stories (and others) do come together in a surprise ending (that you'll probably predict
and is not that big a deal anyway) that is touching and warm. Some stories are better than others (I liked Jolie's performance
and the sweet Anderson-Stewart tale best), but none of them really drag, and the performances are generally good. Also with
Jay Mohr, Ellen Burstyn, Nastassja Kinski, Patricia Clarkson and Ryan Phillippe. Music by John Barry.
PLAYING
GOD (1997)--Directed by Andy Wilson. Stars David Duchovny, Timothy Hutton, Angelina Jolie. X-FILES star Duchovny
plays his first feature lead in this uneven thriller armed with an interesting premise, but suffering from jarring changes
in tone and a campy performance by Hutton. Duchovny is Dr. Eugene Sands, a drug-addicted surgeon who lost his license to practice
after losing a patient on the operating table while under the influence. In a seedy Los Angeles bar to buy synthetic heroin
to feed his habit, he witnesses a mob hit. Using his medical skills, he saves the victim's life, and the next day is recruited
by gangster Raymond Blossom (Hutton) to be his personal physician. Sands reluctantly finds himself being sucked into the underworld
life, where he becomes involved with hitmen, Russian counterfeiters, the FBI and Blossom's gorgeous girlfriend Claire (Jolie,
possessor of the sexiest lips and eyes in the business). Hutton in his '70s-style polyester threads and bleached-blond hair
is a bad guy parody in a Dennis Hopper-type of role, and clashes strongly with the rest of the film, which careens from Tarantinoesque
noir to action flick to comic relief. Duchovny is pretty good--his world-weary narration is reminiscent of a young Robert
Mitchum--but I think his future is in light comedy; his Emmy nominations have been for his brilliantly funny guest shot (as
himself) on THE LARRY SANDERS SHOW and X-FILES episodes that were mostly played for slapstick. As a first feature, PLAYING
GOD is OK, but it'll be exciting to see where his post-X-FILES career path leads him. Also with Michael Massee (a personal
friend of Duchovny's who is interestingly cast against type as an FBI agent), John Hawkes and Tracey Walter. Music by Richard
Hartley. The director is a veteran of the British TV crime drama CRACKER.
THE PLEDGE (2001)--Directed
by Sean Penn. Stars Jack Nicholson, Robin Wright Penn. The third drama directed by actor Penn was poorly marketed by Warner
Brothers as a thriller with guns and car chases. THE PLEDGE is actually a thoughtful character study powerfully performed
by Nicholson, and, although the plot centers on a serial killer, the mystery aspects are nearly nil.
It doesn't start
out that way though. Nicholson plays Detective Jerry Black, who leaves his own retirement party when the raped and mutilated
body of a little girl is found in the woods. Taking it upon himself to notify her parents when the other officers bow out,
Jerry makes a promise to them (the "pledge" of the title) to find her murderer. The cops think they have their suspect, and
when he commits suicide in jail, the case is closed. Jerry isn't convinced, however, but is stonewalled by his former colleagues,
and eventually finds himself living alone and running a small town service station. He unexpectedly begins a relationship
with Lori, a waitress (Wright Penn), and invites her and her daughter Chrissy to move in with him. Although Jerry's no longer
lonely, he becomes more consumed with finding the killer, especially when he thinks Chrissy is the next target.
When
Nicholson is on his game, no actor is better, and his performance here is excellent. It's clear from the names that appear
in the supporting cast that Penn loves actors, and several pop up in THE PLEDGE in well-defined cameos. The only one that
really doesn't work is Benicio Del Toro's mumbling murder suspect, who, adorned with a long, black wig and relying on hackneyed
Method mannerisms, comes across as obvious and even irritating. Setting the mood early on by flashing back from Nicholson's
final fate and dissolving from flying crows to a stark wintry landscape, Penn allows the story to flow at a languid pace,
which probably didn't please audiences fooled by the trailer into expecting an action movie, but does allow his actors to
explore their characters to the fullest extent the screenplay by Jerzy Kromolowski and Mary Olson-Kromolowski will allow.
Long on tense atmosphere but short on thrills, THE PLEDGE is a triumph of substance over style and works nicely as a workshop
for actors.
Also with Aaron Eckhart, Sam Shepard, Patricia Clarkson, Helen Mirren, Tom Noonan, Michael OKeefe, Costas
Mandylor, Vanessa Redgrave, Lois Smith, Mickey Rourke, Harry Dean Stanton, Franciose Yip and Brittany Tiplady. Music by Hans
Zimmer and Klaus Badelt. British Columbia substitutes for the film's Nevada setting. Based on a Dutch novel by Friedrich Durrenmatt.
POCKET MONEY (1973)--Directed by Stuart Rosenberg. Stars Paul Newman, Lee Marvin. Quirky, amiable
comedy about a slow-witted cowboy (Newman) and his drunken conman pal (Marvin) who team up to bring a herd of cattle from
Mexico to Arizona. Screenplay by Terrence Malick (BADLANDS) meanders a bit, and the plot isn't terribly strong, but the two
leads seem to be having a great time working together. Also with Strother Martin and Wayne Rogers.
POINT BLANK
(1967)--Directed by John Boorman. Stars Lee Marvin, John Vernon, Angie Dickinson, Carroll O'Connor. Violent cult film stars
Marvin as a hood out for revenge against his partner (Vernon), who shot Marvin and left him for dead. Boorman uses tricky
camera angles and interesting locations to keep things moving. The violence is unusually strong. Marvin gives one of his best
performances. Good supporting cast includes Sharon Acker, Keenan Wynn, Lloyd Bochner, Sid Haig and James B. Sikking. Vernon's
first American film (he's from Canada). Major cult film in Europe. Script by Alexander Jacobs and David Newhouse is based
on a novel by Donald E. Westlake. From the director of DELIVERANCE.
POINT BLANK (1997)--Directed by Matt Earl
Beesley. Stars Mickey Rourke, Kevin Gage, Danny Trejo. Mickey barely looks human in this movie. His skin
is brown and leathery, his hair looks like a discolored toupee, his muscles are huge and misshapen, he walks funny, and he
speaks maybe 100 words in the whole film. He's miscast as an action star, which is especially apparent when "Mickey"
eludes gunfire by performing a wild series of ninja backflips that would awe Olga Korbut. Former Texas Ranger Rudy Ray
(Rourke) comes to the rescue when his brother Joe (Gage), on death row for killing a drug dealer, escapes from his prison
bus and, along with several psychotic ex-cons, takes a mall hostage. Bang bang--the bad guys go down like fish in a
barrel when Rudy gets all DIE HARD on them, while simultaneously trying to help Joe reach freedom. Jim Bannon's screenplay
is poor even by bad-movie standards; a mall, at least this one, is terribly difficult to keep secure, and it's impossible
to believe the cops surrounding the place would be unable to storm it. The actors are left to their own devices with
little aid from Beesley, which is why Trejo rants, raves and shoves his face into a mound of cocaine while a sexy hostage
willingly (!) does a pole-shaking striptease act for him. Filmed in Fort Worth, Texas. Also with Frederic Forrest,
Paul Ben-Victor, Nina Savelle and James Gammon. Music by Steve Edwards.
THE POINT MEN (2001)--Directed by John Glen.
Stars Christopher Lambert, Kerry Fox, Vincent Regan, Maryam d'Abo. This globetrotting espionage adventure went straight
to video in the United States. Lambert (HIGHLANDER) plays Tony Eckhardt, a member of an elite Israeli Secret Service
unit comprised entirely of foreigners and based in Luxembourg. Called "The Foreign Legion", Tony's squad is disbanded
after their assassination attempt on PLO terrorist Amar Kamil (Regan) causes an international incident. Some members,
like Tony, settle for unfulfilling desk jobs; others leave the agency for new careers in New York and Monaco. But when
they start dying one by one in what appear to be random accidents, Tony's suspicions that Amar survived the attempt on his
life become more plausible. Ridley Highsmith's (FALLEN KNIGHT) screenplay attempts to stretch the boundaries of what
is basically a simple revenge plot, adding layers of international intrigue and themes of family and trust. Director
Glen, a veteran of several James Bond movies (including THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS, which also co-starred d'Abo), is perfect for
this type of epic action picture, juggling a myriad of exotic settings (including Jerusalem, Tel Aviv, Monaco and New York
City) and an overly complex storyline like a master craftsman. There are a few red herrings that don't work (such as
a framing device that suggests Lambert doesn't survive the movie), but THE POINT MEN is a smart, steady spy movie that might
have been a modest theatrical hit if Columbia Tri-Star had been brave enough to release it there. Also with Donald Sumpter,
Oliver Haden, William Armstrong, Cal Macaninch and Nicolas de Pruyssenaere. THE POINT MEN was Glen's first film in nine
years and his last to date.
POLICE ACADEMY (1984)--Directed by Hugh Wilson.
Stars Steve Guttenberg, Kim Cattrall, George Gaynes, David Graf, G.W. Bailey. Idiotic comedy about a group of raw recruits
pulling pranks and making trouble for the police establishment while training to be cops. Few laughs, no imagination, poor
performances. Thank goodness Guttenberg finally stopped getting film roles. Wilson created TV's WKRP IN CINCINNATI, which
was a good show. He later directed BURGLAR and GUARDING TESS. Three strikes. You're out. Graf, who plays tough Tackleberry,
died of a heart attack at a relative's wedding in 2001 at the age of 50.
POLICE STORY (1985)—Directed by Jackie Chan.
Stars Jackie Chan, Brigitte Lin, Maggie Cheung. Chan’s marvelous action setpieces are the center of this entertaining
police comedy that opens with the spectacular destruction of a hillside squatters’ camp and ends with the star sliding
down a pole wrapped in glass lights. Policeman Chan (Jackie) is assigned to baby-sit a valuable witness: the secretary
(Lin) to a big-time druglord the Hong Kong police have been after for years. In between attempts on Lin’s life,
the bad guys frame Chan for the murder of a police officer. While a couple of chatty scenes go on too long, POLICE STORY
is generally rapidly paced and an excellent showcase for Chan’s stunning stuntwork and fighting prowess. However,
it isn’t just a lark as many Chan films are; the director/star occasionally offsets the comic action with drama, and
his performance is slightly darker than what his U.S. fans are used to. Jackie played the same character in three sequels,
the second of which was retitled SUPERCOP for its American theatrical release, and the third JACKIE CHAN’S FIRST STRIKE.
POLICE STORY: THE CUT MAN CAPER (1974)--Directed
by Don Medford. Stars Robert Hooks, Scoey Mitchlll, Lou Gossett Jr., Raymond St. Jacques, Godfrey Cambridge. This
protracted episode of NBC's POLICE STORY stars Hooks and Mitchlll as black LAPD Robbery-Homicide dicks Ernie and Malcolm,
assigned to investigate a series of pawnshop robberies being committed by a gang of West Texans led by Floyd (St. Jacques).
A street-smart snitch named Freddie (Gossett) turns out to be more of a hindrance than a help when he runs off with the department's
expensive homing transmitter and, later, sets the gang up with a robbery mastermind named "Cut Man" (Cambridge) who masquerades
as a barber. Hooks (TROUBLE MAN), who looks cool with his mustache and gimmick of carrying two big guns in his vest
pockets, and Mitchlll, normally a comedic actor (BAREFOOT IN THE PARK), have some neat chemistry in what may have been a potential
pilot for a spinoff series (JOE FORRESTER starring Lloyd Bridges began as an episode of POLICE STORY, for instance), and Larry
Brody's teleplay is a slick blend of humor and police procedural. Action fans may want to look elsewhere, because the
shootouts and car chases are definitely at a minimum. Also with James Gregory, Tracy Reed and Albert Popwell.
Music by Richard Markowitz; POLICE STORY theme by Jerry Goldsmith.
POLICEWOMEN (1974)--Directed by Lee Frost.
Stars Sondra Currie, Tony Young, Jeannie Bell, Elizabeth Stuart, Phil Hoover. There's only one policewoman, despite
the title, which was probably meant to remind audiences, but not infringe upon the copyright, of the Angie Dickinson TV series.
Sexy red-haired Currie, who barely stands five feet, plays policewoman Lacy Bond, expert with a gun, behind a steering wheel
and with her fists. After foiling a mass breakout in a women's jail, Lacy is recruited by a trio of detectives including
hunky Lt. Frank Mitchell (Young) to investigate a series of armed robberies by an all-girl gang ("Like a female Mafia?" Lacy
asks). This crack crime ring consists of dozens of gorgeous bikini-clad women who swim, play tennis and bounce around
in little clothing on the estate of their boss, septuagenarian Maude (Stuart), and her thirtysomething strongman husband Doc
(Hoover). After making the acquaintance of one of the gang, beautiful black Pam (Bell), Lacy manages to infiltrate them,
just before Maude's last big score--smuggling a shipment of stolen gold bars.
If you can stand the sometimes atrocious acting and Currie's laughable
skills as a martial artist, POLICEWOMEN is a pretty good time under the steady hand of veteran exploitation filmmakers Frost
and producer/co-writer Lee Bishop. A film that doesn't take itself too seriously, POLICEWOMEN throws in enough nudity,
kung fu, exploding cars and humor to make it a lively time at the drive-in. Stuart is a feisty and interesting choice
for an archvillainess, while Currie handles herself nicely in and out of her clothes. Bell was a former PLAYBOY Playmate
and blaxploitation movie vet who would soon star in her own movie, TNT JACKSON, where she participated in a memorable topless
karate fight. Also with William Smith in an amusing cameo as "The Karate Teacher", Bishop, the lovely Jennifer Brooks
(Cheri Caffaro's THE ABDUCTORS co-star, billed here as "Laurie Rose") and Susan McIver. The library soundtrack is hilarious
at times. Released by Crown International.
THE POM POM GIRLS (1976)--Directed by Joseph
Ruben. Stars Robert Carradine, Michael Mullins, Lisa Reeves, Jennifer Ashley. Typical '70s drive-in nonsense from Crown International
Pictures. Carradine and Mullins play California high-school students who chase girls, get into fights, defy authority, play
football and cruise in their hot rods. The climax involves a nod to REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE (a much better movie, it goes without
saying) in that Carradine and his rival for Reeves's affections engage in a game of chicken on top of a beachside cliff. Despite
its R rating, Ruben's film is pretty tame--there are some nude scenes, but no raunchy sex or profanity--and about on the same
level as other era teen comedies like THE VAN and DRIVE-IN. Also with Susan Player, Bill Adler, James Gammon (NASH BRIDGES),
Cheryl "Rainbeaux" Smith and Sondra Lowell. From the director of SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY. He and Carradine later teamed up
to do JOYRIDE.
POOR WHITE TRASH (1957)—Directed by Harold
Daniels. Stars Peter Graves, Lita Milan, Timothy Carey. Obviously, Graves didn’t sign on to make a movie
titled POOR WHITE TRASH. It was originally BAYOU, but after it failed at the box office, producer M.A. Ripps bought
it, shot some steamy new inserts and musical numbers, and re-released it with an outrageously lurid marketing campaign as
POOR WHITE TRASH. It must have worked, because the movie allegedly played theatrically into the 1970s. Graves,
who had already been a regular on the FURY TV series, is Yankee architect Martin Davis, who goes to the Louisiana bayou in
search of a job designing a new office building in New Orleans. He doesn’t get it, but he does become romantically
attached to Marie (Milan), a teenage Cajun girl. Unfortunately, brutal store proprietor Ulysses (Carey) has the hots
for her (he even rapes her in one of Ripps’ reshoots) and is prepared to fight Martin for her. Not much story
here, and the budget is low, but at least it looks and feels authentic, as though you can taste the crabs and feel the sweat.
Carey, as usual, wildly overplays everything (you gotta see his leg-shaking Cajun dancing), though, strangely, his accent
is more understandable than the rest of the cast’s. Douglas Fowley, Jonathan Haze and Ed Nelson also went to Louisiana
for filming. Ripps held on to the rights, and almost two decades later, released an unusual backwoods horror movie as
the unrelated POOR WHITE TRASH PART II.
POOR WHITE TRASH (2000)--Directed by Michael
Addis. Stars Sean Young, William Devane, Jason London, Tony Denman, Jacob Tierney. This amusing comedy was better
than I had expected. Trailer trash mom Linda (Young) turns to a life of crime in order to put her good-for-nothing son
through college. Teaming up with said son Michael (Denman), his best pal Lennie (Tierney), her much younger lover Brian
(London) and bankrolled by sleazy lawyer Ron Lake (Devane), Linda sticks up a fast-food restaurant, but has trouble hanging
onto the loot when double- and triple-crosses ensue. As a former resident of Southern Illinois, I enjoyed spotting familiar-looking
locations in and around Benton, West Frankfort, Christopher, DuQuoin, Marion and Carbondale, Illinois. Also with the
smoking hot Jaime Pressly as Devane's trophy wife, Tim Kazurinsky, Danielle Harris and M. Emmet Walsh. Music by Tree
Adams.
POOR WHITE TRASH PART II (1974)—Directed
by S.F. Brownrigg. Stars Gene Ross, Norma Moore, Ann Stafford, Camilla Carr, Charlie Dell. This grimy backwoods
horror movie was originally released as SCUM OF THE EARTH, but found new life with a new title and a marketing scheme that
paired it with the 1957 black-and-white bayou melodrama POOR WHITE TRASH. After her husband is murdered next to a lake
with an ax in his chest, Helen Fraser (Moore) holes up deep in the woods in a cabin owned by the Pickett family—alcoholic
pedophile Odis (Ross), pregnant young wife Emmy (Stafford), promiscuous daughter Sarah (Carr) and retarded son Bo (Dell).
Helen faces scorn and the threat of rape and death indoors, while, outside, an unseen killer bumps off the cast one by one.
There’s a lot of talking and not much gore, but the acting is surprisingly good for this type of film, and the grimy
sets look properly primitive and barely livable. The surprise ending is highly ridiculous, but at least you can’t
say you saw it coming. Much of the cast also appeared in Texas-based Brownrigg’s DON’T LOOK IN THE BASEMENT.
POPEYE DOYLE (1986)--Directed by Peter Levin.
Stars Ed O'Neill, Matthew Laurance, Candy Clark. Future Ed Bundy O'Neill steps into the porkpie hat of Gene Hackman
in this gritty but empty TV pilot based on THE FRENCH CONNECTION. Obsessed New York detective Popeye Doyle (O'Neill)
and his partner Parese (Laurance) investigate the drug-overdose death of a beautiful call girl. Believing her death
was no accident, Doyle begins looking into the woman's life, becoming more and more captivated by a series of sexy homemade
videotapes. Those and other leads point towards a Jordanian diplomat, Middle Eastern terrorists, and an uneasy alliance
with an Israeli agent as Doyle's "routine" murder investigation turns into a broad case of international intrigue. Although
Levin's action scenes and O'Neill's performance provide most of POPEYE's thrills, the project suffers from comparison to William
Friedkin's Oscar-winning film, and everyone involved would have been better off creating a concept from scratch. Levin
and writer Richard DiLello uncomfortably attempt to copy elements from CONNECTION--the car chase, long winter stakeouts, Doyle's
interrogation technique--but all they do is remind us how great the original film is. Brad Fiedel's effective theme
is a nice touch, but DOYLE is a novelty at best. Also with James Handy, Audrey Landers and J.K. Simmons. 40-year-old
O'Neill began his long run on MARRIED WITH CHILDREN a year later. In 2003, he took over another legendary cop role,
that of Joe Friday (Jack Webb) in ABC's DRAGNET series.
POPULATION/436 (2006)—Directed by Michelle
MacLaren. Stars Jeremy Sisto. It doesn’t take long to recognize this intriguing direct-to-video thriller
as a riff on Shirley Jackson’s “The Lottery.” It also isn’t surprising that it feels like an
episode of THE X-FILES, considering it was directed in Canada by a former executive producer of that spooky series.
There isn’t really enough story here to carry the entire running time, and even though the plot unfolds more slowly
than I would prefer, MacLaren and writer Michael Kingston present a curious mystery with a spine-shivering underpinning of
dread.
U.S. census taker Steve Cady (Sisto) enters the small town of Rockwell
Falls to investigate why its population has remained at exactly 436 for more than 100 years. Everyone there is extremely
nice and welcoming, and society doesn’t seem to have progressed much further than the early 20th century. As I
mentioned above, it won’t take long to recognize the seeds of “The Lottery” here, but the town’s mysterious
secret runs deeper than that, and the appealing Sisto is very fine as the Everyman forced to discover it if he wants his life
back.
The movie doesn’t identify Rockwell Falls’ precise location,
and we don’t get to see as much of the town as we would like (probably due to budgetary considerations, which must also
be responsible for the shoddy and quite unnecessary visual effects). We learn enough to fear for Sisto when the time
comes, however, as MacLaren delivers an appropriately (and surprisingly) bleak shocker. Fred Durst, Peter Outerbridge,
Charlotte Sullivan and R.H. Thomson co-star. Sisto went on to play television leads on KIDNAPPED and LAW & ORDER.
PORKY'S (1981)--Directed by Bob Clark. Stars
Dan Monahan, Wyatt Knight, Mark Herrier, Kim Cattrall, Alex Karras, Susan Clark. This youth comedy about a bunch of horny
high-school boys in 1963 Florida is a guilty pleasure, and spawned an entire genre of teen sex farces during the '80s. Vulgar
humor is the type you'd hear in a junior high school boys' locker room. Cattrall is a cheerleader who howls like a dog during
sex, and one character is a burly girls' gym teacher named Miss Ballbricker. That gives you an idea of the level of comedy
we're talking about. Amazingly, this was a huge box-office hit. From the director of A CHRISTMAS STORY!
PORKY'S
II: THE NEXT DAY (1983)--Directed by Bob Clark. Stars Dan Monahan, Wyatt Knight, Mark Herrier, Scott Colomby, Edward
Winter. This dumb sequel is made even worse by the inclusion of a serious subplot concerning anti-Semitism and the Ku Klux
Klan. Includes the same poor acting, sophomoric humor and embarrassing sex jokes as the original, and was a big enough hit
to spawn a third chapter in this acclaimed trilogy. Also with Susan Clark, Alex Karras, Kim Cattrall and Nancy Parsons as
Miss Ballbricker all reprising their roles from the original.
PORKY'S REVENGE (1985)--Directed by
James Komack. Stars Dan Monahan, Wyatt Knight, Scott Colomby, Kim Evenson, Nancy Valen. Bill Bixby's swinging photographer
pal from THE COURTSHIP OF EDDIE'S FATHER directs a lame '80s sex comedy. This time those horny Florida teens graduate from
high school (many of them look as though they're in their 30s). Valen joined the cast of BAYWATCH a decade later. George Harrison
does an Elvis song on the soundtrack, which also includes Phil Collins, Jeff Beck, Dave Edmunds and Robert Plant.
THE
PORNOGRAPHER (1993)--Directed by Patrick Sheane Duncan. Stars Jason Rowlin, Melora Hardin, Margot Kidder. Pretentious
art film about a successful artist (Rowlin in a one-note performance) who isn't happy unless everyone around him is suffering.
Writer/director Duncan's heavy-handed message that artists have to prostitute themselves for their art isn't exactly new,
and there aren't any new twists here. Kidder has a few effective scenes as a former porn actress dying of AIDS. Shot in 16mm.
Duncan did manage to assemble some interesting actors, including Kidder, Gerrit Graham, Fionnula Flanagan and Art LeFleur.
From the scripter of NICK OF TIME and MR. HOLLAND'S OPUS.
PORTLAND EXPOSÉ (1957)—Directed by Harold
Schuster. Stars Edward Binns, Virginia Gregg, Carolyn Craig, Russ Conway, Lawrence Dobkin, Frank Gorshin, Joe Marrs,
Jeanne Carmen, Francis de Sales. Producer Lindsley Parsons actually shot this Allied Artists crime drama in Portland,
Oregon, although it doesn’t really take the best advantage of being on location. It’s a good little cheapie
with a competent cast. Solid character actor Binns is topbilled as George Madison, a family man who buys a Portland
tavern, but is forced into business with mobsters who put slot machines and prostitutes in the place. Given that he
had no choice in the matter—a thug threatens to splash his teenage daughter’s face with acid if he doesn’t
submit—George goes along to get along and settles into a comfortable profit-sharing arrangement with the gang until
one of them, convicted statutory rapist Joe (Gorshin), attacks George’s daughter Ruth (Craig). George goes into
undercover mode, maneuvering his way up in the organization while wearing a wire and delivering the tapes to district attorney
Alfred Grey (de Sales). Chugging along to 72 minutes, Schuster’s film is neither slick nor plausible, but it is
an entertaining time-filler that benefits from a slightly harder edge than you might expect from a ‘50s B-pic.
Conway, Dobkin and Marrs are well-cast as Syndicate higher-ups, and buxom blond Carmen melts the screen as goodtime girl Iris.
Also with Richard Bellis, Larry Thor and Joe Flynn.
POSEIDON (2006)—Directed by Wolfgang
Petersen. Stars Josh Lucas, Kurt Russell, Richard Dreyfuss, Emmy Rossum, Mia Maestro, Jacinda Barrett, Kevin Dillon,
Freddy Rodriguez, Andre Braugher. It's easy to see why POSEIDON was a summer dud. I can stay home and watch the original
POSEIDON ADVENTURE on a DVD that looks and sounds just as good, but has a better story, better actors and better special
effects. Who gives a rip about Josh Lucas, Emmy Rossum, Mia Maestro and castoffs from THE REAL WORLD? Warners really
fell down on the job when it came to casting this thing. Yes, Kurt Russell and Richard Dreyfuss (and Andre Braugher) are terrific
actors, but part of the "fun" of a movie like this is watching stars navigate the obstacles and try to keep from drowning.
Who cares if Johnny Drama gets smushed while trying to save his gin?! Russell and Dreyfuss aren't enough. Of course, who are
today's equivalents of Ernest Borgnine and Roddy McDowall?
You probably know the story already. It's New Year's Eve on
the S.S. Poseidon, and a "rogue wave" pulls its head out of the screenwriter's ass just long enough to tip the boat upside-down.
Captain Braugher tries to hold things together, but a small group of survivors attempts to navigate their way to the propeller
tubes. Among them are professional gambler Lucas, former New York City mayor Russell, gay Dreyfuss, Russell's daughter (Rossum)
and her fiancé, a single mom (Barrett) and a little kid, Johnny Drama (Dillon), a Latina stowaway (Maestro) and her hookup
(Rodriguez). Some make it, some don't. You probably won't care who.
Wolfgang Petersen may be a better director than Ronald Neame,
but he doesn't do a better job of telling a story than Neame did in THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE. For instance, why was everyone
going to the top/botton of the ship? What did they expect to find? The question comes up in ADVENTURE, and Gene Hackman tells
them: hope. No one asks in POSEIDON; they simply head to the top because the screenplay tells them too. Of course, if Lucas
had known all along there was going to be a large raft waiting that was just big enough to hold all the survivors,
it would make sense. I mean, what kind of deus ex machina is that?
One scene that should have worked is the one in which Dreyfuss
sacrifices another man's life to save his own. On paper, it may have been written as a powerful moment--what could be more
emotional than a regular Joe "killing" another man in a desperate act of self-preservation? However, the setup is awkward
(why would the guy tell Dreyfuss to go first?), the scene happens too quickly, and it occurs too early in the movie, so we
don't know either character well enough yet to have sympathy for them. I can't say I was disappointed by POSEIDON, because
I wasn't expecting much (certainly not nine minutes of closing credits), but it really is an unexciting waste of time. It
doesn't even have a Christmas tree! Also with Mike Vogel, Stacy “Fergie” Ferguson, Gordon Thomson and Kelly McNair.
Music by Klaus Bedelt.
THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE (1972)--Directed by
Ronald Neame. Stars Gene Hackman, Ernest Borgnine, Shelley Winters, Jack Albertson, Roddy McDowell, Carol Lynley, Stella Stevens,
Red Buttons, Leslie Nielsen, Pamela Sue Martin. A luxury cruise ship is overturned by a tidal wave on New Year's Eve. The
few survivors include a radical priest that swears (Hackman), an overbearing cop (Borgnine) and his ex-prostitute wife (Stevens),
a middle-aged Jewish couple (Winters and Albertson), and a pretty teenage girl (Martin). They and the rest of the all-star
supporting cast must climb to the top...er, bottom...of the upside-down ship to reach safety. Highlight is the portly Winters's
underwater swim. Look for the line of spit running from Hackman's mouth to her forehead during her death scene. One of the
best of the '70s disaster film cycle. Oscar winner for special effects. Song, "The Morning After", sung by Maureen McGovern.
POSSE (1993)--Directed by Mario Van Peebles. Stars Mario Van Peebles, Stephen Baldwin, Billy Zane,
Richard Jordan. Van Peebles leads a band of ex-soldier/outlaws in this pretty good blaxploitation western. Filled with action,
vengeance and familiar faces, including Big Daddy Kane, Tone Loc, Tiny Lister, Salli Richardson, Pam Grier, Isaac Hayes, Robert
Hooks, Melvin Van Peebles, Blair Underwood, Paul Bartel, Nipsey Russell and Woody Strode. Zane and Jordan (in one of his last
roles) are the bigoted white-guy villains.
POSSE FROM HELL (1961)—Directed by Herbert
Coleman. Stars Audie Murphy, John Saxon, Vic Morrow, Zohra Lampert, Robert Keith, Royal Dano, Paul Carr, Lee Van Cleef.
Deputy Audie goes after a band of four vicious outlaws who shot up the town of Paradise, robbed the bank of $11,000, and kidnapped
Helen Caldwell (Lampert) to use as a hostage. While Murphy would rather go it alone (the easier to get revenge against
the men who killed his friend the marshal), he is stuck with an inexperienced posse that includes dandy Easterner Seymour
(Saxon), Helen’s grief-stricken uncle (Dano), over-confident crack shot Jock (Carr) and blustery Union captain Brown
(Keith). Since Morrow and Van Cleef are members of the outlaw gang, you should have a decent idea of how nasty the protagonists
are in this Universal-International western. This and a Murphy war movie, BATTLE AT BLOODY BEACH, are the extent of
Coleman’s feature directing career. Working steadily during the 1950s as Alfred Hitchcock’s producer, Coleman
went back to that position after getting the directing bug out of his system. Also with Rodolfo Acosta, Frank Overton
and Ward Ramsey.
THE POSTMAN (1997)--Directed by Kevin Costner. Stars Kevin Costner, Will Patton,
Olivia Williams. Kevin's first film as director since his Oscar-winning DANCES WITH WOLVES was this $80 million three-hour
post-apocalyptic flop. Costner's epic ego trip takes place in 2013, after some sort of war and plague has destroyed the United
States. He plays a drifter who finds an abandoned mail truck and the skeleton of a former U.S. Postal Service carrier, and
gets the idea to pretend to be a member of the newly established U.S. Government (the capital of which is in Minneapolis)
in order to get free food and supplies from surviving settlements. He adopts the guise of The Postman, which begins to backfire
when his fictitious story begins to raise the hopes of the people he meets of a better tomorrow (The Postman says the new
President, Richard Starkey [the real name of Beatle Ringo Starr], has a slogan--"Stuff's getting better!"). Also, the countryside
is being terrorized by General Bethlehem (a miscast Patton, who worked with Costner in NO WAY OUT), a tyrannical despot who
leads an army known as the Clan and travels the wasteland robbing, raping, and pillaging the poor. Bethlehem sees The Postman
as a symbol of hope, which makes Costner a threat to Bethlehem's rule.
The problem with all this is that it isn't
good enough (or even bad enough) to be very entertaining. The script by Eric Roth (FORREST GUMP) and Brian Helgeland (L.A.
CONFIDENTIAL) was heavily rewritten by Costner, and contains so many plot contrivances (how can Patton NOT recognize The Postman
later, since he recruited Costner into his army earlier in the film?), clunky lines ("You pass out hope like it was candy
from your pocket"), underdeveloped characters and meandering sequences that it seems as though Costner was trying to figure
out what kind of film to make. THE POSTMAN isn't an action film or a romance or a Civil War allegory or a science-fiction
story, although it contains elements of all these genres. Warner Brothers had such a tough time trying to sell it that the
studio's marketing director was fired after its box-office collapse. However, the film's intentions are so honest and well-meaning
that it's tough to be too hard on it. Even though THE POSTMAN was one of the most critically lambasted movies of the decade,
it isn't as bad as youve heard. But it isn't good either. Also with Larenz Tate, Daniel Von Bergen, Tom Petty, Giovanni Ribisi,
Joe Santos, Peggy Lipton and all of Costner's children in small roles. James Newton Howard provided the majestic score. Costner
even sings (with Amy Grant) the closing theme! And it's a cover of a '60s Lovin' Spoonful hit ("You Didn't Have To Be So Nice")!
Done as a ballad!
P.O.W. THE ESCAPE (1986)--Directed by Gideon Amir. Stars David Carradine,
Mako, Steve James. Carradine got the Cannon Group's B-team in this loose remake of MISSING IN ACTION 2. While
Chuck Norris and Michael Dudikoff were working with directors like Sam Firstenberg and Joseph Zito, cinematographer Joao Fernandes
and composer Jay Chattaway, Carradine was sweating it out in the Philippines with AMERICAN NINJA producer Amir, who had never
before directed. It isn't great, but P.O.W. THE ESCAPE, despite its dumb title, is a serviceable action movie that stars
Carradine as Colonel James Cooper, who is captured by the Cong and placed in a prisoner-of-war camp run by sadistic Vinh (Mako).
A propaganda victory for the VC, Cooper is due to be transported to Saigon in two days time. But Vinh offers him a deal--help
Vinh to defect to the United States in exchange for passage of all the prisoners to safety. Vinh, of course, has a trick
or two up his sleeve, but so does Cooper, who must also contend with a traitor within his ranks and a Vietnamese army dead
set on blasting his men to Kingdom Come. James has little to do as a POW, but Amir's film provides a bit of "escape",
although don't expect anything on the level of Norris' MIA trilogy or PLATOON LEADER.
POWDERKEG (1971)--Directed by Douglas Heyes.
Stars Rod Taylor, Dennis Cole, Fernando Lamas, John McIntire. Frequent MAVERICK and TWILIGHT ZONE contributor Heyes
wrote, produced and directed this pilot for the BEARCATS! series. The pilot must have been successful, but BEARCATS!
fizzled after 13 weeks. Hank Brackett (Taylor) and Johnny Reach (Cole) are 1914 mercenaries who travel the West in their
souped-up Stutz Bearcat. Their fee is a blank check, on which they fill in the amount they believe they deserve at the
end of each job. In the pilot, their client is Cyrus Davenport (McIntire), a railroad baron whose train has been hijacked
by Mexican bandit Chucho Morales (Lamas), who threatens to kill all of the passengers unless his brother is spared the hangman's
noose. Taylor and Cole share a fun macho exuberance, but Lamas' growly performance is a major liability. I was
surprised to note that the Bearcat is barely utilized by Heyes, who would do better work on the similar ALIAS SMITH AND JONES.
Also with Tisha Sterling, Reni Santoni, Michael Ansara, Roy Jenson, Luciana Paluzzi, William Bryant, Jay Novello, John S.
Ragin and Joe DeSantis. Music by John Andrew Tartaglia and Hal Hopper. Heyes, who also served as executive producer
of BEARCATS!, hired Cole again for his BARBARY COAST pilot with William Shatner, but Cole was replaced in the series by Doug
McClure.
THE POWER (1968)--Directed by Byron Haskin.
Stars George Hamilton, Suzanne Pleshette, Michael Rennie, Gary Merrill. When a scientist working on a government research
project is murdered, fellow scientist Hamilton becomes the number-one suspect. He didn't do it, but one of his partners on
the project did, using superstrength and telekinetic powers. Hamilton tries to clear his name with the help of romantic interest
Pleshette. Interesting science fiction with a great cast, including Arthur O'Connell, Richard Carlson, Earl Holliman, Nehemiah
Persoff, Aldo Ray and Yvonne DeCarlo. Atmospheric musical score by Miklos Rosza. Produced by George Pal. From the director
of WAR OF THE WORLDS.
THE POWER WITHIN (1995)--Directed by Art
Camacho. Stars Ted Jan Roberts, William Zabka, Ed O’Ross, Gerald Okamura, Tracy Melchior. PM looked as though
they were grooming teenager Roberts to be the next Don “The Dragon” Wilson. He made several kid-oriented
martial-arts films for the company, including this pleasant enough timewaster that offers a fight scene on the front lawn
of the Griffith Park Observatory. As if working up the nerve to ask pretty Sandy (Melchior) to prom isn’t stressful
enough for teen Stan (Roberts), he also has to contend with a mysterious old Asian (Okamura) who bequeaths a magic ring with
mystical powers to him and a psychopath (Zabka) who wants the ring’s powers to rule the world. There’s a
lot of running, kicking and fighting, but nobody really gets hurt, and Camacho is careful to weave a positive message, even
bringing in old buddy Wilson to preach to Stan a non-aggression stance. Karen Valentine (ROOM 222) as Stan’s former-child-star
mother is a welcome presence. Also with John O’Hurley (DANCING WITH THE STARS), Keith Coogan, Irwin Keyes, P.J.
Soles and Karen Kim.
POWERFORCE (1983)--Directed by Michael Mak.
Stars Bruce Baron, Bruce Li, Mandy Moore. Unfortunately, not that Mandy Moore. This Mandy plays Princess Rawleen
of “Mongrolia,” who is kidnapped from her estate by an army of orange-clad ninjas. The U.S. government sends
studly agent Jack Sargent (Baron) on a rescue mission, but he first has to team up with Li’s fighting squad called Dragonforce
(an alternate--and better--title for this movie). That’s about it for plot. The entertainment value comes
from the crazy fight sequences and ridiculous plot turns. For instance, when Sargent is injured by a ninja’s poisoned
shuriken, Li heals him by smacking a cobra on the head and letting it suck the poison out of the wound. The bad guys
hypnotize Rawleen, strip her, shave her head, and paint Chinese words on her skin. I dunno why, but she’s naked.
During the big climax, many ninjas blow up. I dunno why, but exploding ninjas are cool. POWERFORCE is dumb but
often hilarious and perfect for late-night viewing.
POWWOW HIGHWAY (1989)--Directed by Jonathan
Wacks. Stars A Martinez, Gary Farmer, Jonelle Romero. Charming little buddy/road movie about a pair of Cheyenne Indians--one
cynical and hot-tempered (Martinez), the other simple and quiet (Farmer)--and their road trip to rescue Martinez's sister
(Romero) from a New Mexican jail. Their encounters along the way change both characters for the good. This low-budget sleeper
is definitely worth a look.
PRAY FOR THE WILDCATS (1974)--Directed by Robert
Michael Lewis. Stars Andy Griffith, William Shatner, Robert Reed, Marjoe Gortner, Angie Dickinson, Lorraine Gary, Janet
Margolin. Amazing! Hilarious! Bizarre! Don't miss! One of the strangest made-for-television
movies of the 1970's, a decade filled with oddball made-for-TV movies. Undoubtedly intended as a desert-set DELIVERANCE ripoff,
WILDCATS stars William "Captain Kirk" Shatner, Robert "Mike Brady" Reed and Marjoe Gortner (a former child evangelist/con
artist) as advertising executives who attempt to suck up to their aggressive, wealthy client by accompanying him on a motorcycle
jaunt through the desert to Baja. The client, a bully named Farragut, is portrayed by Andy of Mayberry in an unbelievable
performance of excess and wild indulgence.
While their frustrated wives and girlfriends stew at home, the
city boys set out across the barren sand, a grueling journey that becomes even more so when they discover that Andy is more
than just a cruel businessman--he's also a horny, drunken psychopath whose tequila-drenched run-in with a couple of hippies
turns ugly in a hurry. When the hot cockteasing blond hippie refuses to give it up to Andy--even for $100--he spikes the radiator
of their groovy VW bus with a handy axe and leaves them in the desert to die. Later, when the wimpy ad guys begin to piece
together what happens, Jack Turley's teleplay gets all bogged down in middle-aged meaning-of-life speeches, as milquetoasts
Reed and Shatner discuss taking acid and geeky, with-it Gortner sells out to piggyback onto Griffith's promises of big money.
Occasionally, director Robert Michael Lewis beams us back home
for a quick update on the desperate housewives--Reed's loveless marriage to Angie Dickinson and Shatner's dull marriage to
Lorraine Gary have resulted in Angie and Bill having boring, adulterous sex (I imagine they were used to it, seeing as they
played a nude sex scene together in BIG BAD MAMA the same year, 1974), while Marjoe's comely girlfriend, Janet Margolin, considers
whether or not to abort their pregnancy.
Alternately hilarious and bizarre, PRAY FOR THE WILDCATS is
unquestionably a must-see for Crappy Movie fans. One thing that fascinates me is the production's choice of wardrobe; the
cast is dressed in motocross outfits that look remarkably like the velour shirts and black pants worn by the Enterprise crew
on STAR TREK, and whenever you see Shatner on-screen in his trademark gold tunic, you can't help but wonder whether you've
stumbled upon TREK's Lost 80th Episode, in which Captain Kirk finds himself transported in time and TV Land to an alternate
universe where the Bradys live in Mayberry, RFD. Music by Fred Myrow (PHANTASM). From the director of GUILTY OR
INNOCENT: THE SAM SHEPPARD MURDER CASE.
PREDATOR (1987)--Directed by John McTiernan. Stars Arnold
Schwarzenegger, Carl Weathers, Bill Duke. Exciting, well-crafted action picture about a team of American mercenaries led by
Arnold, who are sent on a mission into a South American jungle. They find themselves being killed off one at a time by a scary-looking
monster from outer space. The visual effects and action scenes are well handled by McTiernan, who is assisted by an accomplished
cast. Screenplay by Jim and John Thomas. Also with Sonny Landham, Jesse Ventura and 7-foot Kevin Peter Hall as the alien.
Jean-Claude Van Damme supposedly did some of the creature's stunts. Music by Alan Silvestri has never been released as a soundtrack
album. From the director of DIE HARD.
PREDATOR 2 (1990)--Directed by Stephen Hopkins. Stars Danny
Glover, Maria Conchita Alonzo, Gary Busey. The original film's writers, brothers Jim and John Thomas, also scripted this thrilling
sequel, set in downtown Los Angeles. It's 1997, and police are almost powerless against the numerous drug gangs shooting up
the city. When one gang is found slaughtered in an abandoned building that the cops have surrounded, detective Glover and
his team are brought in to investigate. Their job isn't easy, since creepy government agent Busey is also on the case. Of
course, the Predator (or his kin) has once again decided to go hunting for human trophies. Hopkins keeps the action at a brisk
pace, and an interesting cast (including Bill Paxton, Ruben Blades and Robert Davi) adds to the premise's believability. The
urban jungle of Los Angeles is an exciting setting for the Predator's hunt. More gory than the original. Also with Calvin
Lockhart, Morton Downey Jr., Kent McCord (ADAM-12), Adam Baldwin, Teri Weigel and Kevin Peter Hall as the Predator. Music
by Alan Silvestri. From the director of BLOWN AWAY.
THE PREMONITION (1999)--Directed by David S.
Cass, Sr. Stars Burt Reynolds, Charles Durning, Bruce Dern, Gigi Rice. Second in a series of movies made for TNT cable starring
Reynolds as Miami detective Logan McQueen. At the end of the first movie, McQueen was imprisoned for a crime he didn't commit,
and this sequel opens with him in prison, where he meets a Death Row serial killer named Winslow (Dern). Reynolds is released
from prison, only to be recruited by the cops to help solve a series of car bombings--murders that Winslow claims to see in
his nightmares before they are committed. Reynolds wears an awful, long, white toupee with a ponytail during the jail scenes,
and is let down by a pedestrian script and boring action sequences. Dern chews the scenery the way only he can, and Durning
turns in fine work with little screen time as Reynolds' ex-partner. Flashbacks to the first Logan McQueen movie, HARD TIME,
make it look like it might be worth seeing. Also with Roscoe Lee Browne, Richard Riehle, Michael DeLuise and Michael Buie.
Music by Snuff Garrett. Also known as HARD TIME II: THE PREMONITION.
PRESCRIPTION: MURDER (1968)--Directed by
Richard Irving. Stars Peter Falk, Gene Barry, Katherine Justice, Nina Foch. Where it all began. When Falk
first put on Lieutenant Columbo's shaggy raincoat for this Universal TV-movie in 1968, who could have known that he would
still be wearing that same raincoat (and it is the same raincoat; it came straight from Falk's own closet) in the 21st century.
Adapted by Richard Levinson and William Link from their own play, which starred character actor Thomas Mitchell as Columbo,
MURDER sets the formula for nearly every Columbo adventure yet to come, most importantly by squaring the slovenly detective
off against a real smoothie, his opposite in style, played by Barry (BURKE'S LAW). Barry, who never made a return appearance
to the COLUMBO-verse, is the quintessential Columbo villain--suave, urbane, cold, clever and arrogant. In other words,
the perfect foil for Falk, whose rumpled appearance, absentmindedness, short stature and acute politeness masked an intelligence
and an eye for details that always led to the killer's demise.
Psychiatrist Ray Flemming (Barry) thinks he's committed the
perfect murder. By strangling his wife Carol (Foch) in their penthouse apartment and recruiting his young mistress,
actress Joan Hudson (Justice), to pose as Carol during a staged argument that results in "Carol" refusing to accompany him
on a flight to Acapulco, Flemming has a perfect alibi when his wife's corpse is found a few days later. Witnesses saw
Carol stalk off the airplane prior to takeoff, and the waters off the Mexican coast are ideal for dumping the expensive items
"stolen" by the robber who will be blamed for Carol's death. MURDER also sets the COLUMBO formula by showing the killer's
preparation and deed in great detail. Falk doesn't come out until at least a half-hour into the film, as Levinson and
Link provide a good hard look at Flemming's elaborate plan in which he appears to leave no clues to his guilt.
However, there is no such thing as the "perfect murder".
Columbo becomes a bit of a pest, stopping by Flemming's home and office at all hours, asking questions that seem inconsequential
until he has no doubt of the doctor's guilt. The fun is in the cat-and-mouse aspect of Levinson and Link's teleplay,
where Columbo knows his adversary is guilty, and Flemming knows that Columbo knows, yet without proof, what can the detective
do? The two parry with each other over bourbon, talking about hypothetical murders, Barry's cool charm meshing with
Falk's puppy-dog determination. The actors have excellent chemistry, and the grudging respect that the two characters
have for each other, even as one tries to jail the other for murder, is quite clear in the performances.
If there is a weakness, it would be in Irving's direction,
which does a poor job of masking MURDER's stage origins. Too many scenes consist of two actors awkwardly standing together
facing the camera, rather than each other, and the sets are built with only three walls, resulting in little variety to cinematographer
Ray Rennahan's camera angles. Falk still had not quite found his character yet; scenes in which Columbo loses his temper
and shouts are terribly out of character for the always-in-control sleuth he would become. Still, the acting is strong
enough to overcome Irving's static direction, and Dave Grusin's jazzy score kicks the suspense up a notch. William Windom,
Virginia Gregg and Anthony James also appear.
Even though PRESCRIPTION: MURDER was a ratings success, Universal
didn't make a follow-up for three years. 1971's RANSOM FOR A DEAD MAN served as a backdoor pilot for the series, which
took up one spoke of the NBC SUNDAY MYSTERY MOVIE wheel for seven seasons, airing every month or so in 90- or 120-minute episodes.
In 1989, COLUMBO returned to television as part of the ABC MYSTERY MOVIE on Saturday nights, along with Burt Reynolds as B.L.
STRYKER, Telly Savalas as KOJAK and others. COLUMBO was the only show to survive, as Falk continued making two-hour
movies with the character through 2003's COLUMBO LIKES THE NIGHTLIFE.
THE PRESIDENT'S ANALYST
(1967)--Directed by Theodore J. Flicker. Stars James Coburn, Godfrey Cambridge, Severn Darden. This trippy satire of Washington
and government was released by Paramount Pictures, and was probably too far ahead of its time for '60s audiences. Coburn parodies
his OUR MAN FLINT persona as Dr. Sidney Schaefer, a New York psychiatrist who is chosen to be the private shrink of the President
of the United States. Unfortunately, he soon knows too much, and becomes hunted by spies, both American and foreign. One running
joke is that the compassionate Soviet agent (Darden) wants him to defect, while the American government just wants Coburn
dead. Flicker's screenplay shoots its arrows at a lot of sacred cows, and hits its targets most of the time. Coburn is very
good in his role, and the cast features such familiar faces as Will Geer, William Daniels, Arte Johnson and Pat Harrington
(who runs the omnipotent Phone Company). Highly recommended, it's one of the best comedies of its time. Music by Lalo Schifrin,
with some songs by Clear Light and Barry McGuire, who also acts. Also with Joan Delaney, Joan Darling and Jill Banner (SPIDER
BABY).
THE PRESIDIO (1988)--Directed by Peter Hyams. Stars Sean Connery, Mark Harmon, Meg Ryan,
Jack Warden. It’s hard to believe there ever was a time when Mark Harmon could be considered equal to Sean Connery.
Larry Ferguson’s screenplay is weak and labored, but like most of Hyams’ pictures, the cinematography and action
sequences are enough to get by. Harmon is a maverick San Francisco police detective and Connery is a straight-laced
U.S. Army cop who team up to solve a murder at the Presidio. Of course, the two men despise each other, but begrudgingly
come to respect and even like each other. Connery gets a couple of monologues, which is probably what lured him to act
in what is basically a routine action movie. He also has a show-stopping fight scene where he batters a bigger bully
using just his thumb. Also with Patrick Kilpatrick, John DiSanti, Dana Gladstone, Mark Blum and Jenette Goldstein.
Score by Bruce Broughton.
PRETTY IN PINK (1986)--Directed by Howard
Deutch. Stars Molly Ringwald, Jon Cryer, Andrew McCarthy, Harry Dean Stanton, James Spader, Annie Potts. A John Hughes-scripted
love triangle involving poor teenager Ringwald, her nerdy pal Cryer (who loves her), and wealthy McCarthy (whom Ringwald loves).
Ringwald and McCarthy make plans to attend the prom together, but his snobby friends get in the way. Everything works out
for everyone in the end, however. Stanton is outstanding as Ringwald's understanding, unemployed father.
PRETTY
MAIDS ALL IN A ROW (1971)--Directed by Roger Vadim. Stars Rock Hudson, John David Carson, Telly Savalas, Angie Dickinson.
Sex-drenched black comic thriller probably best known today as being the only feature film script written by STAR TREK creator
Gene Roddenberry. No phasers or starships in this one, but plenty of bikini-clad coeds. The Rock plays a groovy high school
football coach and counselor who likes to spend quality extracurricular time with his female students. When a few of them
turn up dead, cop Telly suspects Hudson, who is also playing mentor to a teenage virgin (Carson). It was Vadim's first American
studio film, and it features a great supporting cast including Roddy McDowall, William Campbell, James Scotty Doohan, Joy
Bang, JoAnna "Isis" Cameron, Barbara Leigh, Keenan Wynn, Margaret Markov and Brenda Sykes. It's pretty uneven, but the cast
and sleaze factor make the experience worthwhile. Roddenberry, who also produced, was under contract to MGM at the time. Theme
song performed by The Osmonds. From the director of BARBARELLA.
PRETTY WOMAN (1990)--Directed by
Garry Marshall. Stars Richard Gere, Julia Roberts, Jason Alexander, Ralph Bellamy, Laura San Giacomo, Hector Elizondo, Larry
Miller. Manipulative yet extremely popular fairy tale about a wealthy businessman (Gere) who pays a sweet L.A. prostitute
(Roberts) $3000 to spend a week with him and pose as his wife in order to impress some important business associates. Of course,
they fall in love for real. The two stars show real chemistry together, but Marshall tries too hard, and J.F. Lawton's screenplay
is predictable and implausible. Look for terrific supporting work by Elizondo as the sympathetic hotel manager and Miller
as a sycophantic sales clerk.
PRIMAL FEAR (1996)--Directed by Gregory Hoblit. Stars Richard Gere,
Laura Linney, Edward Norton, John Mahoney. I have to say that I am a sucker for overwrought courtroom dramas like this one.
This thriller, based upon a novel by William Diehl, tosses one implausibility after another into the mix until eventually
you're forced to sit back in awe at the absurdity of it all. Gere is perfectly cast as an arrogant, publicity-seeking Chicago
defense attorney who takes a case involving a 19-year-old Kentucky altar boy accused of stabbing an archbishop 78 times. Since
clergymen in movies like this are always involved in sordid affairs, it's no surprise to see the screenplay (co-written by
Steve Shagan) introduce elements of pornography, corruption, organized crime and multiple personality disorder, to name just
a few. Hoblit, an Emmy-winning director with credits on groundbreaking crime series such as L.A. LAW and NYPD BLUE making
his feature debut here, should know better than to let the courtroom histrionics get out of hand, but maybe that's why we
like films like this. After seeing the Simpson trial tediously unfold before us on Court TV, we now know fiction is much more
exciting (if not necessarily more interesting) than the real thing. PRIMAL FEAR (I have no idea what the title means) has
a slick look, some nice Chicago locations, a good cast (including Maura Tierney, Andre Braugher, Alfre Woodard and Joe Spano),
a nice, smarmy performance by Gere, and an Oscar-nominated performance by Norton (in his first major role) as the accused
killer. If you can allow your disbelief to be willfully suspended, you may just have a good time.
PRIME CUT (1972)--Directed by Michael Ritchie.
Stars Lee Marvin, Gene Hackman, Sissy Spacek. This brutal thriller plays more like a cheap grindhouse item than a studio
film with major stars. Marvin is tough Chicago hitman Nick Devlin, assigned by the Syndicate to rub out Kansas City
mob boss Mary Ann (Hackman), who stiffed the mob for a bunch of dough and turned the last three triggermen who came gunning
for him into sausages at his meat plant. Mary Ann is also in the white slavery trade, kidnapping teenaged orphans and
showcasing them nude in his cattle pens for prospective customers. One such slave is Poppy, played by 22-year-old Spacek
in her first major film and doing full-frontal nudity to boot. Ritchie provides a couple of ace action scenes, including
a chase across a wheat field with Marvin and Spacek running from a pursuing combine. Gregory Walcott is frightening
as Mary Ann's sadistic brother Weenie, who habitually chomps on raw hot dogs. Also with Eddie Egan, Les Lannom, Howard
Platt, Bill Morey and Janit Baldwin. Music by Lalo Schifrin. This was likely made before, but released after,
THE FRENCH CONNECTION made Hackman a superstar.
PRIME TARGET (1991)--Directed by David Heavener.
Stars David Heavener, Tony Curtis, Jenilee Harrison. I don't know where or how do-it-all David Heavener gets financing for
his bad, low-budget features, but they must make some money for somebody, because he cranks these out pretty regularly. He
serves as star, writer, producer, director and musician for his films. In this one, he plays a maverick cop assigned to transport
a gangster (Curtis) cross-country to prison. The names in the cast also include Robert Reed, Don Stroud, Isaac Hayes and Andrew
Robinson. Filmed in Bakersfield, California.
PRINCE OF THE CITY (1981)--Directed by Sidney Lumet.
Stars Treat Williams, Jerry Orbach. Based upon Robert Daley's non-fiction book about New York detective Robert Leuci, who
helped ferret out police corruption in the NYPD. Williams is very good as Danny Ciello, who gets roped into the investigation
by declaring he will not rat out his friends and partners under any circumstance, but becomes drawn deeper and deeper into
the case until he is given an offer by the government he can't refuse. The Oscar-nominated screenplay by Lumet and Jay Presson
Allen is quite convoluted, but the fine cast of character actors keeps you riveted to the screen. It seems like this was the
film that should have made Williams a big star, but it was not a box-office hit. Also with Lance Henriksen and Peter Michael
Goetz.
THE PRINCESS BRIDE (1987)--Directed by Rob Reiner. Stars Cary Elwes, Robin Wright, Mandy Patinkin,
Wallace Shawn, Andre the Giant, Chris Sarandon. When her beloved (Elwes) is killed in battle, a beautiful princess (Wright)
becomes engaged to an evil prince (Sarandon). She is kidnapped by three bumbling thugs, and is rescued by a masked stranger.
Guess who? Reiner's film is funny, exciting, charming, witty and enormously entertaining. William Goldman (MAVERICK) adapted
his own novel for the screen. Also with cameos by Peter Falk, Fred Savage, Billy Crystal and Carol Kane. "My name is Inigo
Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die!" Music by Mark Knopfler of Dire Straits.
THE PRINCIPAL
(1987)--Directed by Christopher Cain. Stars James Belushi, Louis Gossett, Jr., Rae Dawn Chong, Michael Wright. Implausible
but entertaining actioner about a lone-wolf teacher (Belushi) who is punished by the school district by being assigned as
the new principal of a rowdy inner-city high school. Along with tough security guard Gossett, Belushi sets out to make the
students and faculty feel safe from a ruthless gang led by Wright. Belushi provides some welcome moments of humor, and is
totally believable in the action sequences. Chong stands out as a caring teacher who falls for the gruff Belushi.
PRISONERS OF THE LOST UNIVERSE
(1983)--Directed by Terry Marcel. Stars Richard Hatch, Kay Lenz, John Saxon. “Kleel’s law is harsh
but fair!” Three TV stars went to Europe to make this goofy PG fantasy. Director Marcel does a terrible
job substituting England for Los Angeles; the characters drive obviously foreign cars with the steering wheel on the right
side! The story is silly, but the actors are game, and some light humor helps. A TV reporter (Lenz) and an electrician
(Hatch) in a flannel suit accidentally fall into a parallel dimension ruled by evil warlord Kleel (Saxon). Coincidentally,
blue-collar Hatch is also a kendo expert, which comes in handy when fighting armies of monsters, mutants and enemy soldiers.
Besides Saxon, PRISONERS lacks star power, but kids and action fans might have a good time with it.
PRIVATE BENJAMIN (1980)--Directed by Howard Zieff. Stars Goldie Hawn, Eileen Brennan, Robert Webber,
Armand Assante, Albert Brooks. Goldie is good as a wealthy young woman who enlists in the Army after her husband (Brooks)
dies of a heart attack on their wedding night. The snazzy sales pitch by recruiter Harry Dean Stanton suckers her. Brennan
does lots of slow burns as Goldie's frustrated commanding officer--kind of a female Sgt. Carter. The first half about Hawn's
misadventures in basic training is pretty funny, but the last half about her romance with an Italian gynecologist (Assante)
is dull.
PRIVATE DETECTIVE (1939)--Directed
by Noel M. Smith. Stars Jane Wyman, Dick Foran. A little bit of THE THIN MAN and a bit of MOONLIGHTING as sexy
private eye Jinx (Wyman) and her policeman fiancé Jim (Foran) are thrown together to investigate a murder. This Warner
Brothers B-pic is less than an hour long and is good fun. The banter between Foran and the delightful Wyman is terrifically
good-humored, and even though the mystery plot won’t tax your brain very much, it’s hard not to have a good time
with these actors. Also with Morgan Conway, Maxie Rosenbloom, Gloria Dickson, Leo Gorcey and Willie Best.
PRIVATE DUTY NURSES (1972)--Directed by George
Armitage. Stars Katherine Cannon, Pegi Boucher, Joyce Williams, Dennis Redfield, Herb Jefferson Jr., Paul Hampton.
Armitage, who penned GAS-S-S-S and NIGHT CALL NURSES for Roger Corman, served as writer, producer and director of this indirect
sequel to THE STUDENT NURSES. One of New World Pictures' unofficial "3 Girls" series, PRIVATE DUTY NURSES follows the
romantic and professional pursuits of three sexy young nurses. Spring (TV regular Cannon) tends to a motorcycle-riding
'Nam vet (Redfield), whom she falls in love with. Lola (Williams) becomes involved with an angry young black doctor
(Jefferson) who works at a free clinic in the ghetto, while troubled Lynn (Boucher) encounters a rapist, a drug smuggler and
her creepy landlord (Hampton). All three female leads perform nude scenes, which is nice, but despite Armitage's occasional
visual flair, including the use of flash-forwards, PRIVATE DUTY NURSES is a pretty dull affair. THE YOUNG NURSES and
CANDY STRIPE NURSES followed. Also with Paul Gleason (THE BREAKFAST CLUB), Joseph Kaufmann and George Sawaya.
A decent band called Sky, featuring a pre-Knack Doug Feiger, provides the score. It's only 75 minutes long.
THE PRIVATE EYES (1980)--Directed by Lang
Elliot. Stars Don Knotts, Tim Conway, Trisha Noble, Bernard Fox. Dumb, juvenile comedy about a pair of detectives assigned
to Scotland Yard (Knotts, Conway) to investigate the murders of a pair of wealthy Brits. Plenty of sight gags, puns, pratfalls
and other slapstick and mystery movie clichs. Kids should like it. Co-written by Conway, it made a ton of money for New World
Pictures.
PRIVATE
LESSONS (1981)--Directed by Alan Myerson. Stars Eric Brown, Sylvia Kristel, Howard Hesseman, Ed Begley Jr.,
Patrick Piccininni. I can’t imagine a better male fantasy for 15-year-olds than having sex with Sylvia Kristel,
who became an international film star at 21 after playing the title role in the 1974 French softcore classic EMMANUELLE.
Today, the subject of an older woman seducing a teenage boy is fodder for Court TV, but, in 1981, it was worth a mint at the
box office.
PRIVATE
LESSONS stars Eric Brown as 15-year-old Philly Fillmore, a typical teenage boy, which means sex is just about all he ever
thinks about. Philly and his chubby pal Sherman (Patrick Piccininni) spend what would seem to be an inordinate amount
of time trying to catch the Fillmore family’s new French maid Nicole (Kristel) getting undressed. Imagine the
war between anxiety and exhilaration raging within Philly when Nicole invites him to watch her strip nude one evening in her
room and later asks him to join her for a bath.
Dan Greenburg,
who adapted his novel PHILLY, and director Alan Myerson (STEELYARD BLUES) have more story to tell, though, beyond a young
man’s coming of age. Philly and his maid begin a sexual relationship, and if you think Philly has it too good
to be true, you’d be right. Nicole has an ulterior motive for sleeping with him, having struck up an uneasy alliance
with the Fillmores’ sleazy chauffeur Lester (Howard Hesseman on his WKRP IN CINCINNATI hiatus) to blackmail the family.
With names
like Debra LaFave in the news, it’s doubtful a romantic comedy about statutory rape is high on the studios’ list
of movies to remake, which makes PRIVATE LESSONS such a curiosity, if not a reasonably amusing trifle. Especially eyebrow-raising
are Brown’s sex scenes with a nude 29-year-old Kristel. Brown surely looks young and reportedly really was a minor
when he made PRIVATE LESSONS. Myerson doesn’t play the lovemaking for cheap laughs, and Brown’s skill at
portraying a virgin’s nervousness and insecurity almost move the film beyond the realm of exploitation. A very
funny Ed Begley, Jr. as a tennis pro masquerading as a tough cop and Hesseman, mugging from underneath an ill-fitting black
wig, are sharper than their material and do a good job adding class to the film.
Perhaps
not surprisingly, many of PRIVATE LESSONS’ creators came out of television sitcoms, including Hesseman, Begley, director
Myerson (THE BOB NEWHART SHOW) and writer Dan Greenburg (ADAM’S RIB). Myerson, Hesseman and supporting actors
Dan Barrows and Peter Eibling also worked together in The Committee, a renowned California-based improvisation group.
What is surprising are Dan Enright and Jack Barry as executive producers. This was the only feature film foray by one
of the most lucrative packagers of game shows in television history; Barry was still hosting THE JOKER’S WILD at the
time, and their TWENTY-ONE was the series on which Charles Van Doren was fed answers in the 1950's quiz show scandals.
Also with Pamela Jean Bryant, Meridith Baer and Ron Foster. PRIVATE LESSONS marks the first English-language credit
for Dutch cinematographer Jan de Bont, who later directed big-budget blockbusters like SPEED and TWISTER.
PRIVATE PARTS (1997)--Directed by Betty Thomas. Stars Howard Stern, Mary McCormack, Robin Quivers,
Paul Giamatti, Fred Norris. Shock jock Stern is believable playing himself in an amusing comedy based on his best-selling
autobiography. Thomas tells Stern's story in a steady, straightforward manner, beginning with his childhood as the son
of an overbearing radio engineer (whose favorite words seems to be, "Shut up, moron!") and his clumsy attempts at dating while
a socially awkward student at Boston University. There he meets his soulmate Alison (McCormack), a counselor of mentally
disturbed people, who is as calm and well-adjusted as Howard is abrasive. Thomas and screenwriters Len Blum and Michael
Kalesniko accurately portray Stern's rise through the broadcasting ranks, from his first job as a disc jockey playing rock
records at a tiny radio station and culminating on his stature as New York City's #1 air personality on WNBC. Along
the way, he picks up his peculiar supporting cast, including engineer Norris and newsreader Quivers, the sane member of Stern's
posse. You may be surprised to discover what a sweet movie PRIVATE PARTS is, showing the sex- and bodily fluid-obsessed
Stern to be a dedicated husband and father whose policy of brutal on-air honesty sometimes gets him into trouble at home,
while his faithful audience laps it up. The best scenes showcase Giamatti as Stern's boss and chief nemesis at WNBC,
whose attempts to rein in Stern's on-air party earn him the nickname Pig Vomit. Also with Carol Alt, Allison Janney,
Michael Murphy, James Murtaugh, Paul Hecht, Jackie Martling, Reni Santoni, Amber Smith, Richard B. Shull, Christine Tucci
and a memorable nude appearance by Jenna Jameson.
PRIVATE RESORT (1985)--Directed by George
Bower. Stars Rob Morrow, Johnny Depp, Hector Elizondo. Only remembered today as early leads for its two male stars. They're
trying to get laid while working at a ritzy Miami hotel. Elizondo has some really embarrassing moments. From the director
of MY TUTOR.
PRIVATE SCHOOL (1983)--Directed by Noel
Black. Stars Phoebe Cates, Betsy Russell, Matthew Modine, Michael Zorek, Jonathan Prince, Kathleen Wilhoite, Kari Lizer.
I’m still in love with Phoebe Cates. After baring all in PARADISE and performing cinema’s most iconic topless
scene in FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH, the Phabulous One settles for just showing her phenomenal rear in this silly teen sex
comedy. Beautiful and charming, Cates passes the poster-girl baton to costar Betsy Russell, who not only appears in
various luscious states of undress, but also creates her own FAST TIMES moment with a memorable topless horseback-riding scene.
Outside of these two cult actresses, PRIVATE SCHOOL has little more to offer, outside of Modine’s first starring role
as Phoebe’s dull boyfriend. Even though they seem to have no problem getting women, he and his buddies Zorek and
Prince still hatch lamebrained schemes to see girls naked, including building a human ladder outside the girls’ dorm
to take Polaroids of Russell in the shower, and even dressing in drag to infiltrate the girls’ bedrooms. Martin
Mull is hilarious in an unbilled cameo as a pharmacist selling condoms to Cates, and adult costars Ray Walston, Sylvia Kristel
(who’s wasted), Frank Aletter, Fran Ryan, Julie Payne and Richard Stahl attempt to hang on to their dignity. Black
directs competently, but PRIVATE SCHOOL is a definite comedown from PRETTY POISON (though I suppose you direct whatever script
you can get). The killer soundtrack includes Nilsson, Rick Springfield, the Stray Cats, Bow Wow Wow, Vanity and Phoebe
Cates, whose CBS Records contract didn’t amount to much.
PRIVATE WARS (1993)—Directed by John
Weidner. Stars Steve Railsback, Stuart Whitman, Michael Champion. It’s THE MAGNIFICENT ONE as an inner-city
neighborhood hires broken-down ex-cop Railsback to protect them from street punks who smash up their stores and attack citizens.
One of co-writer Weidner’s more ludicrous plot points is that the police, under the leadership of corrupt chief Champion,
refuse to patrol or even answer 911 calls there. The bad guys are in the employ of evil real estate magnate Whitman,
who wants to run everyone out of the neighborhood so he can build condos there. It’s stupid and filled with clichés,
but Railsback and Whitman are pros who try to make it work. Since it’s a low-budget early-‘90s movie, PRIVATE
WARS is shot with lots of smoke and blue filters and features a bunch of kickboxers in ponytails. Also with Holly Floria,
Dan Tullis, Michael DeLano, James Lew, Brian Patrick Clarke and Vince Murdocco.
THE PRIZE FIGHTER (1979)--Directed by Michael
Peerce. Stars Don Knotts, Tim Conway, David Wayne. Fun for those under ten as incompetent boxer Conway and nervous manager
Knotts fall prey to fight fixing in the 1930s. Pratfalls, one-liners, sight gags and slapstick galore.
PRIZZI'S
HONOR (1985)--Directed by John Huston. Stars Jack Nicholson, Kathleen Turner, Anjelica Huston, William Hickey. Offbeat
black comedy about a pair of rival mob hitmen (Nicholson and Turner) who meet, fall in love, marry and are finally hired to
rub each other out. Nicholson is interesting in a character-type role, and Anjelica Huston received a Best Supporting Actress
Oscar as Nicholson's former flame, which she was in real life.
THE PRODUCERS (1968)--Directed by
Mel Brooks. Stars Zero Mostel, Gene Wilder, Kenneth Mars, Dick Shawn. Brooks's directing debut was this riotous comedy about
a theatrical producer (Mostel) who hopes to make a fortune by making a play so bad that it will close early and he'll be able
to keep the rest of his investors' money. With the assistance of his accountant (Wilder), Mostel sells 25,000% of the play
to wealthy old l |
