RESERVOIR DOGS (1993)--Directed by Quentin Tarantino. Stars Harvey Keitel, Lawrence Tierney, Chris Penn, Steve Buscemi, Tim Roth, Michael Madsen. Interesting debut by writer/director Tarantino about a group of gangsters who attempt to rob a diamond exchange and the bloody aftermath. The job is masterminded by crime boss Tierney (great to see him back on the big screen). The gangsters are all known as Mr. White, Mr. Pink, etc.; only Tierney knows their real names so if police captures one, he will be unable to inform on the others. However, the plan goes awry, and much blood is spilled. Keitel and Madsen stand out among the tough-guy cast. Script is full of pop-culture references; Tarantino also has a small role as one of the gangsters. He's obviously seen a lot of crime movies and TV cop shows. Plenty of graphic violence and vulgar language; definitely not for the squeamish.

RETURN OF THE DRAGON (1973)--Directed by Bruce Lee. Stars Bruce Lee, Nora Miao, Bob Wall, Chuck Norris, Wang Ing Sik. Lee is a Hong Kong adventurer who travels to Rome to stop the mob from taking over his family's restaurant. Along the way, he takes on dozens of opponents in kung-fu fights. The film's best scene is the Lee-Norris battle in the Colosseum (even though none of it was actually filmed there). Norris's film debut. Lee's only directorial effort, and the only one of his films that he had any kind of creative control over. Dubbing is terrible.

RETURN OF THE EVIL DEAD (1973)--Directed by Amando de Ossorio.  Stars Tony Kendall, Frank Brana, Esperanza Roy, Fernando Sancho, Lone Fleming.  De Ossorio’s first sequel to TOMBS OF THE BLIND DEAD is slightly better, for no other reason in that it contains more zombie action.  A small village in Portuguese celebrating the burning of blood-drinking Knights Templar five centuries earlier is attacked by the zombies of those same Knights.  A small group of survivors holes up in a church NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD-style and has until sunrise in which to effect an escape.  Since the corpses had been blinded by their killers before being killed, they react only to sound, resulting in some nicely effective suspense scenes in which potential victims try to sneak past their skeletal tormentors.  Also known as ATTACK OF THE BLIND DEAD and RETURN OF THE BLIND DEAD, this sequel moves at a more rapid pace and provides a couple of human villains, so we can look forward to their gory demises.

RETURN OF THE 5 DEADLY VENOMS--See CRIPPLED AVENGERS.

RETURN OF THE JEDI (1983)--Directed by Richard Marquand. Stars Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, Billy Dee Williams, Alec Guinness and the voice of James Earl Jones. Final segment of George Lucas's original STAR WARS trilogy is like a comic-book come to life. The action is fast and furious, and the cast seems to be having a good time. The loose ends come together a little too neatly though, and I really hate the Ewoks. Got to love Jabba the Hut and Fisher's tiny outfits. Co-written by Lawrence Kasdan. Great visual effects from the gang at Industrial Lights and Magic. From the director of JAGGED EDGE.

RETURN OF THE LASH (1947)--Directed by Ray Taylor.  Stars Lash LaRue, Al St. John, George Chesebro, Brad Slaven.  LaRue had a short-lived career in B-westerns during the '40s and early '50s, his chief gimmick being his use of a bullwhip to disarm the bad guys instead of a gun.  Clad in black, wearing his hat at a jaunty angle, and endowed with thick, dark eyebrows, LaRue looked more like a heavy than the actual heavies in the movies he made.  In several, he played a character known as the Cheyenne Kid, usually accompanied by his loyal but buffoonish bewhiskered sidekick Fuzzy Q. Jones, played by former silent comic St. John (billed here as Al "Fuzzy" St. John).

Here, Cheyenne and Fuzzy find themselves in the middle of a range war started by local crime boss Big Jim Kirby (Chesebro).  However, at less than an hour in length, RETURN OF THE LASH seems as though it gives more screen time to Fuzzy's allegedly "comic" antics than to its star.  In fact, Lash doesn't even show up until about ten minutes in.  Between the horse chases, gunfights and furniture-smashing brawls, there's an odd subplot involving Fuzzy's amnesia, causing him to forget where he hid the $33,000 the ranchers need to stave off Kirby's reign.  Little kids are probably the best audience for this fast-paced programmer, although for anyone else it isn't really any worse than a painless way to kill an hour.  Also with Mary Maynard, Lee Morgan and Kermit Maynard.  From PRC.

THE RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD (1985)--Directed by Dan O'Bannon.  Stars Clu Gulager, James Karen, Don Calfa, Thom Mathews.  John Russo and Russell Streiner wrote the story for this unofficial sequel to George Romero’s NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, but O’Bannon’s witty scripting and some gung-ho actors elevate the material to a terrific horror/comedy that outshines Romero’s own DAY OF THE DEAD, released the same year.  O’Bannon’s plot posits that the events of NOTLD actually occurred, but were hushed up by the U.S. Army.  Warehouse workers Karen and Mathews find a canister of an experimental chemical that caused the dead to rise in 1968 and accidentally let it loose, where the fumes spread to a cemetery next door.  Karen and Mathews have terrific comic chemistry with each other and with Gulager, who plays their level-headed boss.  The action quickly moves from Gulager’s medical supply house to a mortuary run by Calfa, where the frantic zombie-makers are joined by Mathews’ teen punker friends.  O’Bannon effectively mixes frenetic comedy and blood-spurting horror, fading only during the hasty and confusing ending.  Karen and Gulager ended up doing a lot of cheap horror movies after this.  In fact, Karen and Mathews (also in FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VI) returned as different but similar characters in RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD PART II, one of horror’s oddest titles.  Linnea Quigley’s nude cemetery dance is a highlight.  Also with Jewel Shepard, Miguel A. Nunez Jr., Beverly Randolph and Jonathan Terry.  Matt Clifford’s score is a good one.

RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD, PART II (1988)--Directed by Ken Wiederhorn. Stars James Karen, Thom Mathews, Suzanne Snyder, Dana Ashbrook. More like a remake of Part I than a sequel. Another Army container of zombie gas breaks open, and zombies are everywhere. Not as many laughs, but as much blood and gore as the first. From the director of EYES OF A STRANGER.

RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD 3 (1993)--Directed by Brian Yuzna. Stars Mindy Clarke, J. Trevor Edmond, Kent McCord. Director Yuzna, who was involved in such gorefests as BRIDE OF RE-ANIMATOR, takes creator Dan O'Bannon's LIVING DEAD series in a different direction. The tongue-in-cheek atmosphere is gone, as Colonel McCord takes command of an Army base, and begins testing the trioxin gas on corpses in an effort to use (and control) the dead as soldiers. When McCord's rebellious teenage son's girlfriend (Clarke) is killed in a motorcycle accident, the son (Edmond) uses the gas to bring her back, not knowing what a gut-muncher she will turn into. Serious with a downbeat ending, yet fast-paced and satisfying for fans of this genre. The script does a good job at making McCord's character sympathetic, instead of a one-dimensional military type. Also with Sarah Douglas, James Callahan, Basil Wallace and former PLAYBOY Playmate Pia Reyes. The FX and makeup were handled by five different units, and supervised by Tom Rainone. Nice to see McCord (ADAM-12) again in a substantial role.

THE RETURN OF THE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E.: THE 15-YEARS-LATER AFFAIR (1983)--Directed by Ray Austin. Stars Robert Vaughn, David McCallum, Patrick Macnee, Anthony Zerbe. A proposed pilot for a series that didn't happen. U.N.C.L.E. agents Napoleon Solo (Vaughn) and Illya Kuryakin (McCallum) are back to hunt down THRUSH's Zerbe, who is threatening the free world with a stolen nuclear bomb. Original co-star Leo G. Carroll was dead, so Macnee plays Mr. Waverly. Austin never directed an episode of the series, but did do some AVENGERS shows. Also wtih Gayle Hunnicutt, Keenan Wynn, Geoffrey Lewis and former James Bond George Lazenby, who appears in an Aston Martin with JB license plates. Teleplay by Michael Sloan.

RETURN OF THE MOD SQUAD (1979)--Directed by George McCowan. Stars Michael Cole, Clarence Williams III, Peggy Lipton, Tige Andrews, Tom Bosley. Six years after THE MOD SQUAD was cancelled, the cast reunited for this disappointing crime drama. Pete (Cole), Linc (Williams) and Julie (Lipton) are called back to duty after several attempts are made on the life of their former boss, Adam Greer (Andrews). Much to the consternation of the brass, the Squad refuses to carry guns, just like in the old days. The culprit is Frank Webber (Bosley), whose real targets are the Mod Squaders themselves, whom he holds responsible for the death of his son. In the climax, Webber kidnaps Julie and shoots her up with an overdose of PCP, leading Pete and Linc to talk her down from a high ledge. Bosley is grossly miscast, which leads to much hilarity in the scenes where he's acting psychotic, and the leads tend to sleepwalk through their performances (which, come to think of it, they tended to do in the original series as well). Also with Roy Thinnes, Simon Scott, Todd Bridges, Victor Buono, Ross Martin, Taylor Lacher, Rafael Campos, Jess Walton, Mark Slade, John Karlen, Tom Ewell and boxer Sugar Ray Robinson as himself. From the Canadian-born director of FROGS.

THE RETURN OF THE PINK PANTHER (1975)--Directed by Blake Edwards. Stars Peter Sellers, Christopher Plummer, Herbert Lom, Catherine Schell, Burt Kwouk. Terrific slapstick starring Sellers once again as bumbling French Inspector Clouseau. The Pink Panther diamond has been stolen again, and, much to his dismay, the Chief Inspector (Lom) assigns Clouseau to the case. Another episode of chases, sight gags and pratfalls. Sellers and Edwards's third PINK PANTHER film. Music by Henry Mancini.

RETURN OF THE REBELS (1981)--Directed by Noel Nosseck. Stars Barbara Eden, Don Murray, Christopher Connelly. Any movie that opens with the credit "Special Guest Star: Jamie Farr" is obviously not one you would want to endure. This pretty lame made-for-TV movie finds Eden (still looking quite hot a decade after I DREAM OF JEANNIE's cancellation) running a campground in the Southwest. When a group of rowdy teenagers takes over the campsite and drives Barbara's customers away, she recruits her old biker gang, the Rebels, to run the punks out. There's hardly any action, the comedy is forced, the performances are simply perfunctory, and, most importantly, there's no danger--the teens are no worse than any spoiled prep schoolers, and the whole threat comes to an end just by pushing their leader into the lake! The only reason to search this out is to see future star Patrick Swayze as the smarmy teen king. Unless you're a big Jamie Farr fan, that is. Also with Robert Mandan and Michael Baseleon.

RETURN OF THE SEVEN (1966)—Directed by Burt Kennedy.  Stars Yul Brynner, Robert Fuller, Emilio Fernandez, Julian Mateos.  Six years after Chris (Brynner) and six other gunfighters made MGM a ton of money in THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN, a sequel was produced.  Yul was the only cast member to return, although one could argue that bringing back Elmer Bernstein as composer was almost as important.  Larry Cohen, who had just created BRANDED for television, wrote the script, which plays like a remake, rather than a sequel.  Once again, a Mexican bandit (Fernandez) is terrorizing cowardly villagers and stealing the men to use as slave labor to build a church.  One of the victims is Chico (Mateos in a role played by Horst Buchholz in the original film), who gets word of the abductions to Chris.  And, once again, the taciturn leader recruits five gunmen (Chico being the seventh) to battle Fernandez under incredibly dismal odds.  Fuller plays Vin, the Steve McQueen role; after years as a regular on LARAMIE and WAGON TRAIN, he probably hoped to duplicate the WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE star’s leap to movie superstardom, but it didn’t happen.  Claude Akins and Warren Oates are the recognizable supporting players, while Jordan Christopher (WILD IN THE STREETS) handles “Introducing” billing status.  Filmed in Spain, RETURN OF THE SEVEN is decent shoot-‘em-up fare, but nothing special.  Also with Elisa Montes, Rudy Acosta and Fernando Rey.  Bernstein was once again nominated for an Oscar, although his score sounds a lot like THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN to me.

RETURN OF THE SISTER STREET FIGHTER (1975)—Directed by Kazuhiko Yamaguchi.  Stars Etsuko Shihomi, Rinichi Yamamoto, Yasuaki Kurata.  Shihomi (perhaps better known to American audiences as “Sue Shiomi”) reprised her role as Koryu Lee from SISTER STREET FIGHTER in two quickly made sequels (she played a different character in the fourth SISTER STREET FIGHTER movie).  Here, she takes a little girl to Yokohama to find the girl’s mother, who has been kidnapped and forced to become the sex slave to a Japanese gold smuggler named Oh Ryu Mei (Yamamoto).  When Koryu threatens to shut down the villain’s operation, he sends an army of assassins after her, including cocky young Takeshi Kurosaki (Kurata), who has his own agenda in the fight.  This very short movie is mostly Shihomi looking cute and getting into fights, and Yamaguchi’s punchy direction keeps the comic-book action at a high level.  A funky score and some weirdly garbed opponents for Koryu to battle add some color to this fun movie.

RETURN OF THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN AND THE BIONIC WOMAN (1987)--Directed by Ray Austin. Stars Lee Majors, Lindsay Wagner, Richard Anderson. Director Austin (a former stunt coordinator for THE AVENGERS) and writer/producer Michael Sloan follow up their MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E. remake (THE RETURN OF THE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E.: THE 15-YEAR-LATER AFFAIR) with this reunion between bionic astronaut Steve Austin (a pudgier Majors), bionic skydiver Jaime Sommers (Wagner) and their O.S.I. boss Oscar Goldman (Anderson). Martin Landau, who would soon move on to better things, and Gary Lockwood are other '70s TV actors showing up here. There would be two other bionic reunions, none of which were turned into series.

RETURN OF THE STREET FIGHTER (1974)--Directed by Shigehiro Ozawa.  Stars Sonny Chiba, Masashi Ishibashi.  Stand aside for the incredible Chiba, who kicks, paws, punches, slashes and smashes his way through another Asian cast as Terry Tsurugi, an assassin for a Japanese mobster who decides one of his assigned targets doesn't deserve killing.  This makes Terry a victim, as he now finds himself on the run from his former bosses.  Never mind the confusing plot or the dubbed dialogue and bask in Chiba's marvelous physicality.  The lure of Tsurugi is that he appears so damned invulnerable, often lacing into his opponents without the slightest thought of strategy or sense.  He even does battle again with his old foe Junjo (Ishibashi), who was presumed dead after Terry ripped his throat out at the conclusion of THE STREET FIGHTER.

RETURN TO HORROR HIGH (1987)--Directed by Bill Froehlich. Stars Lori Lethin, Brendan Hughes, Scott Jacoby. Someone is killing off crewmembers of a horror film being shot at a high school where some real murders took place years earlier. There are a few clever scenes involving the film-within-the-film, but there isn't enough gore or nudity to please fans of the genre. Also with TV vets Alex Rocco, Vince Edwards, Philip McKeon, Andy Romano, future Batman George Clooney and Maureen "Marcia Brady" McCormick.

RETURN TO MACON COUNTY (1975)--Directed by Richard Compton. Stars Nick Nolte, Don Johnson, Robin Mattson, Robert Viharo. Sequel to MACON COUNTY LINE without any of that film's cast members. Fun-loving hotrodders Nolte and Johnson pick up hitchhiker Mattson and return to the title county to drink beer, drive fast and cause mischief. Exploitation worth seeing for the early performances of two major stars.

RETURN TO ME (2000)--Directed by Bonnie Hunt. Stars David Duchovny, Minnie Driver, Carroll OConnor, Robert Loggia, Bonnie Hunt, James Belushi, Joely Richardson, David Alan Grier. Spring is here, the sap is running, and love is in the air. At least it is in Chicago--the setting of this often touching romantic comedy--and in the hearts of audiences who will almost certainly be won over by the warmth and good feeling of comic actress Bonnie Hunt's (JUMANJI) directorial debut, which transcends its somewhat morbid premise to almost certainly score successfully with the dating crowd.

RETURN TO ME works even better as a showcase for the nimble comic talents of THE X-FILES star David Duchovny. Although X-FILES fans have been aware of Duchovny's dry wit and penchant for pratfalls for years, big-screen crowds may be pleasantly surprised by his light touch and likable presence, two aspects of his persona he was not able to display in his previous vehicle, the violently schizophrenic PLAYING GOD, in which he portrayed a drug-addicted physician forced into a doctor-patient relationship with a vicious mobster. This time, Duchovny plays Bob, a Chicago architect very much in love with his wife Elizabeth (in an extended cameo by Joely Richardson), a zoologist who teaches sign language to a gorilla. She is unexpectedly killed in an auto accident, and Bob goes into a long period of depression. One year later, he meets a kind waitress at an Irish-owned Italian restaurant (!) named Grace (Minnie Driver), who's enjoying a new lease on life thanks to her new heart, which was graciously donated to her by--wait for it--Elizabeth. Neither Bob nor Grace is aware of their beyond-the-grave connection, and they fall in love.

The screenplay by Hunt and regular writing partner Don Lake is not just interested in the romance between Bob and Grace. In fact, most of the movie's laughs come from the colorful supporting characters, like Grace's brogue-sporting grandfather Marty O'Reilly, who owns the restaurant at which she works (Carroll O'Connor); her Italian uncle Angelo (Robert Loggia); her wise-cracking best pal Megan (Hunt); Megan's slob fireman husband Joe (James Belushi); and Bob's womanizing buddy Charlie (David Alan Grier). The improvisational feel of the performances adds to the movie's affability, and, in fact, the movie often feels like a jocular family reunion on which we have the good fortune to eavesdrop. Hunt and Lake have a sharp ear for witty dialogue; for instance, an early scene in which Megan visits Grace in the hospital and attempts to bolster her spirits by telling her about all the men who'll be hitting on her after her successful heart transplant, to which Grace replies, "I'm getting a new heart, not a new ass."

It's true that the plot is no great shakes--that's true of most romantic comedies, which usually follow the same boy-meets-girl, boy-loses-girl, boy-and-girl-reunite-at-finale structure--but that isn't as important as the often hilarious jokes, the filial relationships among characters of whom we've come to grow fond, and the fresh chemistry between Duchovny and Driver, who go to great lengths to create characters we want to see get together. RETURN TO ME is a funny and sweet comedy that will make you want to return to the theater so you can see it again.

Also with Eddie Jones, Tom Virtue, Holly Wortell, Chris Barnes, Brian Howe and co-writer Lake as a guy with a bad hair transplant. Music by Nicholas Pike. Legendary cinematographers John A. Alonzo and Laszlo Kovacs filmed on authentic Windy City locations, including Lincoln Park Zoo.

RETURN TO THE BATCAVE: THE MISADVENTURES OF ADAM AND BURT (2003)--Directed by Paul A. Kaufman.  Stars Adam West, Burt Ward, Jack Brewer, Jason Marsden.  This affectionate and very silly TV-movie turned out better than I expected, although don't expect more than a frothy good time with a pair of old chums.  Actors West and Ward, playing themselves, find themselves invited to a charity car show featuring the Batmobile from their old BATMAN TV series.  When the George Barris-customized car is swiped from under their very noses, the two team up to investigate the theft, following a series of clues provided as riddles.  Realizing that the key to discovering the thief lies in their past, Adam and Burt flashback to the 1960's, where they are portrayed by Brewer and Marsden in scenes that look faithful to the original.  West and Ward get into a bar fight with four muscular toughs dressed like henchmen from their old show, are haunted by an unseen narrator that announces upcoming commercial breaks, and encounter strangers with mysterious resemblances to their old co-stars.  None of this is to be taken seriously.  West, a master of projecting fake profundity, and Ward are having a ball, and it's fun to see Frank Gorshin, Julie Newmar, Lee Meriwether and Lyle Waggoner again.  Kaufman had previously directed the similar SURVIVING GILLIGAN'S ISLAND: THE INCREDIBLY TRUE STORY OF THE LONGEST THREE-HOUR TOUR IN HISTORY (Dawn "Mary Ann" Wells served as executive producer of both).

REVENGE (1990)--Directed by Tony Scott. Stars Kevin Costner, Madeline Stowe, Anthony Quinn. The master of style-over-substance directs another awful romance/adventure--this one even worse than his previous hit TOP GUN. Air Force pilot Costner visits old chum Quinn in Mexico, and begins a torrid affair with Quinn's sexy young wife (Stowe). Vengeance-driven Quinn gets revenge by busting up Costner and cutting Stowe's face. After Costner recuperates, he decides he wants revenge too! The sex scenes are erotic (though impossible--Costner and Stowe do it in the front seat of a moving jeep!), but film is overlong and silly. Also with James Gammon, Sally Kirkland and Joaquin Martinez. Based on Jim Harrison's novel.

REVENGE OF DOCTOR X (1970)--I don't know who directed it, but I'd sure like to! Stars James Craig. The people who made this bizarre made-in-Japan horror film are mysteries to me, since my tape (released by Regal) has the wrong credits on it. Former MGM contract star Craig is recognizable though as a grouchy American scientist who creates a giant, man-eating plant monster in a greenhouse near a Japanese castle. According to one source, none other than Edward D. Wood, Jr. penned the script for this nonsensical romp, which certainly makes sense considering the non-sequitor-driven dialogue, errors of continuity, sudden shifts in characterization and seemingly out-of-place flashes of female nudity. I love this movie! Also known as THE DOUBLE GARDEN.

THE REVENGE OF FRANKENSTEIN (1958)--Directed by Terence Fisher. Stars Peter Cushing, Francis Matthews, Eunice Gayson, Michael Gwynn, Oscar Quitak. Following the tragic events of THE CURSE OF FRANKENSTEIN, monster-making Baron Frankenstein (Cushing) fakes his own death by guillotine, and relocates in an Eastern European village called Carlsburg as a dedicated physician named Dr. Stein. The local medical council is insulted that Stein, who divides his time between helping rich hypochondriacs and running a free clinic for the poor, refuses to join their society. One of the members, young Hans Kleve (Matthews), ascertains Stein's true identity, and blackmails him into being allowed to assist with his experiments. Stein has a scheme to transplant the brain of his crippled manservant Karl (Quitak) into a healthy new body (Gwynn), which, as all of Frankenstein's plans do, goes murderously wrong. Arguably just as good as its predecessor, REVENGE boasts marvelous production design by Bernard Robinson and good acting all around, but particularly by Cushing, who genuinely seems to care about his downtrodden patients at the clinic, while remaining believable as an insular mad scientist. Also with Richard Wordsworth, Arthur Diamond, Anna Walmsley, Michael Ripper and Lionel Jeffries. Leonard Salzedo's score doesn't approach the wild heights of James Bernard's CURSE music. Jimmy Sangster's screenplay was reportedly polished by George Baxt (billed as Hurford Janes).

REVENGE OF THE CHEERLEADERS (1976)--Directed by Richard Lerner.  Stars Jerii Woods, Rainbeaux Smith, Patrice Rohmer, Helen Lang, Susie Elene, David Hasselhoff, William Bramley.  This silly '70s sex comedy is most notable today for featuring nude scenes and a dorky performance by a very tall and thin Hasselhoff as a lunkheaded basketball player named Boner.  Heather (Smith), Gail (Woods), Sesame (Rohmer), Leslie (Lang) and Tishi (Elene) are the cheerleaders of Aloha High in Aloha, California.  They rule the school, skipping classes, getting high, seducing the boys and running roughshod over all authority figures.  Their reign is endangered, however, when the local school board threatens to merge Aloha with a vocational school run by tough teens.  School board president Hartlander (familiar character actor Bramley) claims the merger is needed to clamp down on Aloha's rampant immorality, but it's really so he can bulldoze the old school and build a mall there.