THE INCREDIBLE 2-HEADED TRANSPLANT (1971)--Directed by Anthony Lanza.  Stars Bruce Dern, Pat Priest, Casey Kasem, John Bloom, Albert Cole.  "One Wants to Love!  One Wants to Kill!"  This incredible horror movie released by AIP absolutely has to be seen to be believed.  Bruce Dern, in one last gasp of drive-in madness before SILENT RUNNING, THE COWBOYS and Jack Nicholson launched him into the realm of mainstream movies, is his typically nutty self as Dr. Roger Girard, a mad scientist who, despite being married to dishy, bikini-clad Priest (TV's Marilyn Munster), locks himself in his private laboratory in order to fulfill his obsession:  creating two-headed animals, including snakes, rabbits and monkeys.  When an escaped homicidal maniac rapist (Cole) who laughs constantly falls into Roger's custody, he decides to take that extra step--for mankind's sake, of course--and graft the killer's head onto the shoulder of his hulking retarded handyman (Bloom).  The two heads talk to each other (well, more like Bloom sobs a lot while Cole laughs his head off), escape from the lab, and go on a slaughter spree, starting with some necking teenagers and moving on to a trio of bikers, who are pounded with their own chain.  As Dern's physician pal, bad Top 40 DJ Kasem tries to make sense of it all.  He has about as much success as you will.

Dern is the main reason to watch this crazy movie, delivering his usual intense performance combined with just the right level of tongue-in-cheek acknowledgement that, yes, this is a pretty silly movie.  What makes Dern so much fun to watch in his early psycho drive-in roles, like THE CYCLE SAVAGES and THE WILD ANGELS, is the authenticity he brought to them.  He wasn't really a biker or doper and certainly not a raving maniac, but there always was something in his eyes onscreen that made you wonder how much he was acting and how much came out of his own eccentricities.  It often appears as though he's improvising dialogue, which is just as well, since it has to be more interesting and certainly more natural than the words penned by John Lawrence (who wrote Lanza's earlier THE GLORY STOMPERS) and James Gordon White (who wrote THE THING WITH TWO HEADS the same year!).  And believe me, the script has more than a few whoppers!  Like when Dern, referring to a dead chimp, says, "You know, if this little fella had been healthy, he'd be alive right now". 

As whacked-out as it is, Dern's isn't the hammiest performance in the film.  That dishonor falls on Cole, whose entire repertoire consists of rolling his eyes, sticking his tongue out, laughing and panting.  It's among the worst acting you'll ever see, not even worthy of a film called THE INCREDIBLE 2-HEADED TRANSPLANT, although I must admit it sort of adds to the movie's goofy feel.  After all, it is the kind of movie where an obviously deranged mad doctor can be married to a lonely, horny, sexy blonde who takes bubble baths and lounges in bikinis and nighties, where Casey Kasem not only acts (!), but also provides the (poorly disguised) voices of several radio announcers, and where a gory opening scene of a middle-aged couple lying murdered in their home and their daughter being fondled by a crazed killer rapist can be immediately followed by a treacly soft-rock theme song titled "It's Incredible" (warbled in grand Janis Ian-style by Bobbie Boyle).

AIP released THE THING WITH TWO HEADS the same year, this time splicing rich bigot Ray Milland's noggin onto the body of convicted killer Rosey Grier.  TRANSPLANT is probably the better of the two films, since it's slightly nuttier and stars Bruce Dern, whose unhinged charm is easier to take than Milland's bitching and moaning.  In addition to Boyle's singing, the musical score by John Barber is one of the most unusual of the period, sounding as though one of Dern's pet monkeys was let loose in a recording studio, thumping on various harps, xylophones and keyboards as tape rolled in the next room.  Also by Larry Vincent, Berry Kroeger, Don Brodie and Jack Lester.  Priest was actually the second actress to play the normal teen daughter Marilyn on THE MUNSTERS, replacing Beverly Owen after the first season.

INCUBUS (1965)—Directed by Leslie Stevens.  Stars William Shatner, Allison Ames, Milos Milos, Ann Atmar, Eloise Hardt.  One of the most unusual horror films ever made was never released in the U.S., but it was a critical favorite in France.  The reason you never saw it is because writer/director Stevens (THE OUTER LIMITS) had the unique idea to perform all the dialogue in Esperanto!  Creatively, it does work with Conrad Hall’s moody black-and-white cinematography to promote an otherworldly feel.  For years, INCUBUS was thought to be lost, until producer Tony Taylor discovered a print with French subtitles in Paris.  It’s worth watching, as demon Kia (Ames, who married Stevens) tires of luring the evil and the infirm to their deaths, and decides to work her sinister charms on Marc (a pre-Kirk Shatner), a virtuous soldier who lives with his vulnerable sister Arndis (Atmar).  Marc falls in love with her immediately, but when he, not knowing her true identity, lures her into a church (which hurts her), she seeks revenge by sending an incubus (Milos) after Arndis.  Mostly shot at Big Sur, INCUBUS is an intriguing experiment for sure, but also a mature and arty film with decent performances that feels unlike anything else you’ve ever seen.  Probably because it is.  Dominic Frontiere’s score consists mainly of OUTER LIMITS cues.

Sam's medical skills make him the busiest man in town when Galen is rocked by a series of brutal rapes and murders.  The female victims are shown bleeding from their pelvic areas, and suffered ruptured uteri in the attacks.  So much semen is found inside the bodies that, at first, a gang of rapists are suspected by police chief Walden (Ireland), even though the sperm is colored red.  There's also the curious fact that Tim has begun acting strangely, sweating and ranting of nightmares, after each of which he claims that another murder has taken place.  Although his story is pooh-poohed by the spineless police chief (Ireland), Sam begins to suspect the attacker is an incubus, a demon who takes the male form to impregnate women while they sleep.  He also starts a curious affair with Galen's new newspaper editor (Keane), who bears a striking resemblance to his late girlfriend.

Although clearly made with not a lot of money, INCUBUS is a swiftly entertaining if not completely fulfilling shocker.  Hough, a horror vet (THE LEGEND OF HILL HOUSE), skillfully films the attacks as graphically as he can without going too far (although some may argue that he did), and he wisely keeps the incubus off camera until the end.  The monster suit by Les Edwards and Maureen Sweeney is actually pretty good, but as is often the case, the film is scarier if we are allowed to use our imagination as to the creature's appearance.  Hough also found some neat old locations to shoot in, but one of the film's weaknesses is that we don't get to see much of the town or its people, and thus it feels a bit claustrophobic.  Cassavetes, with his perpetual sneer and brusque manner, is also hard to take as a hero, although his quirky performance does add to the film's interest.  Also somewhat unusual is a slight incestuous context; in Cassavetes' first scene, he peeks at his daughter stepping out of the shower, and it's surely no coincidence that Jenny and his dead girlfriend are the same age. 

Also with Helen Hughes, Harvey Atkin, and Mitch Martin.  Music by Stanley Myers (THE DEERHUNTER).  Cassavetes previously appeared in Hough's BRASS TARGET.  Based on the novel by Ray Russell, who penned Roger Corman's X--THE MAN WITH THE X-RAY EYES.  I have an old radio spot for INCUBUS (its on-screen title, not THE INCUBUS as it's often referred to) that makes it seem a lot creepier than it actually is.  The Vestron Video copy runs 92 minutes on the nose and seems to be complete.

It’s easy to assign blame to executive producer/co-writer George Lucas (who takes story credit with Jeff Nathanson; David Koepp wrote the screenplay), seeing as how he destroyed the STAR WARS legacy with three inadequate sequels, but Ford and Spielberg, who also had total script approval, deserve some too.  Koepp’s treatment feels like a Frankensteinian stitchwork of “cool scenes” from the many earlier scripts Lucas commissioned during the 2000s.  Many scenes, which may have made sense in those scripts, play without context and without a point here, one example being Indy’s accidental invasion of a Nevada nuclear test site, where he ludicrously survives an atomic bomb blast.  As the button to a setpiece that integrates the surroundings into the action, this could have been fun, but as KOTCS plays, there’s no reason for Indy to even be there.

I really don’t want to spend much energy listing the reasons why KOTCS doesn’t work, not as an action/adventure or as an Indiana Jones movie.  I could talk about idiotic CGI gophers or the outlandish action scenes that bear more resemblance to Tom & Jerry cartoons than the 1940s Republic serials Spielberg and Lucas grew up with.  Or the absurd decision to make Indy a deadbeat dad by introducing motorcycle tough Mutt Williams (a miscast LeBeouf), who is sent by his mother, Marion (the welcome Allen), Indy’s flame from RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK, to recruit Indy to rescue her from Russians after the titular skull.

Besides Ford, who still has a gleam in his eye that proves Indy’s having a good time, no matter what pickle he’s gotten himself into, Blanchett is the only performer who appears to understand the pulp genre.  As psychic KGB agent Irina Spalko, Blanchett decks herself out in a vaguely dominatrix uniform, complete with rapier, to knock Indy about.  Janusz Kaminski’s photography doesn’t match the richness of Douglas Slocombe’s on the original trilogy, and even the reliable John Williams seems to be sleepwalking, mostly recycling themes for the earlier pictures.  Of course, this is necessary to some extent, but this is the first score for an Indiana Jones film that I didn’t whistle upon leaving the theater.

While Lucas plans to continue making sequels with LeBeouf under Indy’s trademark fedora (good luck with that, George; I expect Shia to be in ten years where Chris O’Donnell is now), I’d rather he didn’t.  I don’t think I could take another heartbreak like this one.

INDIANA JONES AND THE LAST CRUSADE (1989)--Directed by Steven Spielberg.  Stars Harrison Ford, Sean Connery, Julian Glover, Alison Doody.  Besides the original, the third Indiana Jones adventure seems to be most everybody’s favorite, due to the warm byplay between Ford (as Indy) and Connery, playing Indy’s absentminded father, Henry Jones, Sr.  Jeffrey Boam’s fun screenplay sends “the Jones boys” into the Turkish desert on a search for the Holy Grail, which is rumored to bestow eternal life to anyone who drinks from it.  Few filmmakers have ever directed action better than Spielberg, who presents a desert tank chase almost on par as his classic truck chase in RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK.  Blond Doody is a vast improvement over Kate Capshaw in INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM, and former James Bond foe Glover (FOR YOUR EYES ONLY) is a classy Jones villain, though not on par with Paul Freeman’s oily Rene Belloq in RAIDERS.  In a clever and thrilling prologue, River Phoenix plays teenaged Indy, which must have spurred Lucas to create THE YOUNG INDIANA JONES CHRONICLES for ABC.  Denholm Elliott (as Marcus Brody) and John Rhys-Davies (as Sallah) are welcome returning guests from the first film.  Nineteen years later, Spielberg, executive producer George Lucas and Ford reunited for the disappointing INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL, which sadly doesn’t live up to the imaginative pulp title.

INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM (1984)--Directed by Steven Spielberg. Stars Harrison Ford, Kate Capshaw, Ke Huy Quan, Amrish Puri. Sequel to RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK is overly violent, but an excellent adventure film following Jones (Ford), love interest Capshaw and young sidekick Quan into India, where they encounter a magic jewel and a white slavery ring. Whereas the first movie slowed down only briefly to allow audiences to catch their breath, this one almost never stops. The best scenes include a breathtaking mine-car chase and the Busby Berkeley-like prologue. Great use of sets and locations. George Lucas was the executive producer. Screenplay by Willard Huyck and Gloria Katz (AMERICAN GRAFFITI). Music by John Williams. Look for Dan Aykroyd's cameo.

INFERNO (1999)--Directed by Harley Cokliss.  Stars Ray Liotta, Gloria Reuben, Armin Mueller-Stahl.  Liotta stars in this routine direct-to-video crime thriller as an amnesiac who wakes up in the Mexican desert and wanders back to his hotel to discover a dead man in his shower.  As he methodically puts the pieces of his identity back together, he begins to realize he's not a very nice guy.  Meanwhile, two groups of thugs--one of them working for crime boss Mueller-Stahl--is demanding that Liotta cough up the $500,000 they allege he has--something he might do if only he could remember where he stashed the damn cash.  Liotta is good, and Reuben is appealing as the love interest, but INFERNO doesn't exactly burn up the screen, and you've seen all this before.  Also known as PILGRIM, INFERNO was directed by BLACK MOON RISING helmer Cokliss.

THE INGLORIOUS BASTARDS (1977)--Directed by Enzo G. Castellari.  Stars Bo Svenson, Peter Hooten, Fred Williamson.  This action-packed DIRTY DOZEN-inspired WWII adventure was made in Italy.  A small group of American G.I. prisoners--including a deserter, an Italian forger, racist conman Tony (Hooten), macho killer Canfield (Williamson) and maverick fighter pilot Yeager (Svenson)--escape from the MPs taking them to be court-martialed, and attempt to sneak cross-country across the Swiss border 160 miles away, killing lots of Germans and blowing stuff up along the way.  Unfortunately, some of those Germans turn out to have actually been American commandos undercover on a mission to stop a Nazi train, forcing Svenson’s ragtag squad to take their place in order to avoid prison. 

This movie is a lot of fun, featuring a very high body count, some funny dialogue, just enough characterization so we can distinguish among all the actors in identical uniforms, and good performances by Svenson and Williamson.  As usual, Castellari keeps the pace moving very quickly; hardly more than five minutes ever pass without some machine guns being fired or a truck or two exploding.  The final train assault is excitingly lensed by Castellari, although the trite love story subplot could have been jettisoned.  Also with Ian Bannen, Michael Pergolani, Richard Basehart’s son Jackie as a coward, Debra Berger, John Sinclair, Donald O’Brien and a cameo by Castellari.  Francisco DeMasi (LONE WOLF MCQUADE) did the militaristic score.  The first of six movies in which Svenson and Williamson have acted together.  INGLORIOUS BASTARDS has also appeared as DEADLY MISSION, COUNTERFEIT COMMANDOS and G.I. BRO.  From the director of 2020 TEXAS GLADIATORS and WARRIORS OF THE WASTELAND.

THE INITIATION (1984)—Directed by Larry Stewart.  Stars Daphne Zuniga, Vera Miles, Clu Gulager, James Read, Hunter Tylo, Robert Dowdell.  What happens when a bunch of guys from the schlock TV show BUCK ROGERS IN THE 25TH CENTURY reunite to make a slasher movie?  Not much, although there are a couple of notable aspects of THE INITIATION:  soap opera superstar Tylo (THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL) doing full-frontal nudity (under her original married name of Deborah Morehart) and one of the stupidest denouements in horror history.

College freshman Kelly (Zuniga, who made this the year before THE SURE THING) suffers from a recurring nightmare where she stabs her father in the leg while he’s having sex with her mother and then sets on fire a strange man who enters the bedroom.  She also has no memories before the age of nine, which is coincidentally the age she is in the dream.  Meanwhile, a psycho burn victim (Dowdell, a regular on VOYAGE TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA) escapes from a nearby sanitarium.  I wonder if everything is somehow connected.  It is, but not exactly how you’d guess (not that you can be blamed for not predicting writer Charles Pratt Jr.’s dopey climax).  Pledging a sorority, Kelly and her friends are assigned to break into the mall that her daddy (Gulager) owns and steal a watchman’s uniform.  More murders ensue.  Tylo, as a fellow pledge, pops her top again.  We all rejoice.

The only feature directed by TV hack Stewart, THE INITIATION’s executive producers were BUCK ROGERS’ Bruce Lansbury (who made MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE and THE WILD WILD WEST, in addition to BUCK ROGERS) and Jock Gaynor (Dowdell was a guest star on their show).  Producer Scott Winant went on to make THIRTYSOMETHING, MY SO-CALLED LIFE and HIDDEN PALMS.  Pratt, Zuniga and Tylo later worked together on MELROSE PLACE.  I wonder if any of these people ever talk about THE INITIATION.

THE IN-LAWS (1979)--Directed by Arthur Hiller. Stars Peter Falk and Alan Arkin. One of the greatest screen comedies ever made. Conservative dentist Arkin's daughter is marrying crazed CIA agent Falk's son. The weekend before the wedding, the two fathers end up in a zany adventure involving a South American dictator, a firing squad, currency plates swiped from the U.S. mint and plenty of serpentining. The chemistry between the two leads is terrific, and they're aided by Andrew Bergman's (HONEYMOON IN VEGAS) hilarious screenplay. Also with Richard Libertini, Nancy Dussault, Penny Peyser, Ed Begley, Jr., Barbara Dana, David Paymer and Michael Lembeck. The infectious score is by John Morris. From the director of LOVE STORY.

INTO THE SUN (2005)--Directed by mink.  Stars Steven Seagal, Matthew Davis, Takao Osawa, William Atherton.  Seagal doesn't exactly stretch as a CIA agent in Tokyo who investigates the assassination of an important Japanese politician.  The screenplay, co-written by Seagal, is overly complicated, but it involves a team-up between Japanese and Chinese gangsters that could turn the city into a bloodbath.  Seagal's character, Travis Hunter, was reared in Tokyo, and is apparently the only agent familiar enough with Yakuza customs to crack the case.  His officious boss (Atherton) partners him with a green FBI agent (Davis) who's so clumsy, he accidentally discharges his pistol on a crowded street.  Despite a general lack of action--Seagal's investigation mostly consists of driving from one location to the next and following the bouncing clue ball--INTO THE SUN is a mildly diverting vehicle for Seagal's fans, boasting nice production values, competent direction and photogenic Japanese and Thai locations.  Seagal does most of his fighting with a sword, adding some novelty to the action sequences, which may have been inspired a bit by KILL BILL (that film's co-star, Chiaki Kuriyama, has a five-second cameo).  The one-named director comes from music videos and is attached to the next MORTAL KOMBAT film.  Decent score by Stanley Clarke.  Listen closely to hear several songs sung by star Seagal.

INTOLERABLE CRUELTY (2003)--Directed by Joel Coen.  Stars George Clooney, Catherine Zeta-Jones.  When is a Coen Brothers movie not a Coen Brothers movie?  When Ethan and Joel Coen, two of Hollywood's most original voices, are handed a story and screenplay by three other writers, including Robert Ramsey and Matthew Stone, whose BIG TROUBLE was one of last year's biggest bombs, and then teamed up with ultra-commercial producer Brian Grazer, who's a master of slick, breezy entertainment, but would barely know a rebellious idea if it nipped him in the ass.  For the Coens, who have always originated their own projects, which range from the subversive noir BLOOD SIMPLE to the Depression-era fable OH, BROTHER, WHERE ART THOU?, INTOLERABLE CRUELTY must have been a whim, a challenge to see if they could work as hired hands, so to speak, within The System.  And while the film's cartoonish tone and dark comic sensibilities are sure signs of the Coens' involvement, you still get the sense that somebody--maybe Grazer, maybe Universal--is holding them back, preventing INTOLERABLE CRUELTY from being as meanspirited as it should be.

The Coens rewrote the Ramsey/Stone screenplay, of course, the result being a mad romp in the spirit of a 1930's screwball comedy, complete with silly names and rapid pun-filled dialogue.  Our (anti-)hero is Miles Massey, a shark of a divorce attorney (reinforced by his habit of always checking his freshly polished teeth) to whom cases are "campaigns" and who has become so good at his job that ennui is setting in.  And representing Massey is a genuine movie-star performance by George Clooney, whose wonderfully expressive face and commitment to being unafraid to look foolish reminds one of Cary Grant's star turns in ARSENIC AND OLD LACE and HIS GIRL FRIDAY.  Less silly, but just as luminous, is Catherine Zeta-Jones as Massey's foil, Marylin Rexroth, a golddigger with teeth more sparkling than Miles' and a body to match, poured into dresses that call to mind an amoral Jessica Rabbit.

The two first square off after tycoon Rex Rexroth (Edward Herrmann) is busted in bed with a much younger woman by ass-nailin' P.I. Gus Petch (Cedric the Entertainer) and hires Miles to ensure wife Marylin is left high and dry in the divorce settlement.  For Miles, it's love--or something--at first sight, and months later, when Marylin returns to draw up a prenuptial agreement for her impending marriage to dorky Texas oil baron Howard D. Doyle (Billy Bob Thornton), he makes a slight move on her, fascinated and perplexed by a woman as dishonorably addicted to winning as he.

It's evident that Joel and Ethan Coen love actors as much as actors love to perform in their films.  Herrmann, who has made a living playing stiff sourpusses, most notably FDR, seems positively gleeful cavorting in bed with five top-heavy underwear models (come to think of it, why shouldn't he be?).  Thornton hauls out his overused Texas drawl for a pair of sharp scenes.  Geoffrey Rush channels James Woods as a cuckolded soap-opera producer massaging the new holes in his buttocks.  Cedric the Entertainer is crude, but often funny in material that seems more akin to his sketch-comedy show than the Coens' hyperventilated universe.  Julia Duffy, who I haven't seen since the NEWHART series, portrays Marylin's snooty rich girlfriend like an older, lonelier Stephanie with a weakness for Botox as comfort food.  Royce Applegate, Judith Drake, Booth Colman and George Ives upstage even Clooney in a marvelously timed trial scene involving a middle-aged woman's claims of sex slavery against her husband.  And hulking character actor Irwin Keyes as an assassin named Wheezy Joe gets more laughs with his asthma puffer than he has in all of his other films combined.

Working with their regular cinematographer Roger Deakins (who photographs some exquisite L.A. driving scenes), composer Carter Burwell and editor "Roderick Jaynes" (the Coens' nom de plume), Ethan and Joel Coen have managed to mostly subvert INTOLERABLE CRUELTY's mainstream leanings, although the ending settles for a romantic fade, rather than the cruel fate the story demands.  Coming as it does from the creators of THE BIG LEBOWSKI, one of the funniest comedies ever made, INTOLERABLE CRUELTY can only be disappointing, and while it doesn't fall into the Coens' 50th percentile, there's enough star charisma, energy and style to make it worth a look.

NOTE:  Keep an eye out for cult actor Bruce Campbell, an old friend of the Coens (Joel worked as an editor on Campbell's THE EVIL DEAD), who pops up playing presumably the same character he did in FARGO.  Also with Richard Jenkins, Paul Adelstein, Jonathan Hadary, Stacey Travis, Tom Aldridge, Jack Kyle, Emma Harrison, Blake Clark and John Bliss.  The animated opening titles play over Elvis Presley's recording of "Suspicious Minds", the King's final #1 hit.  Songs by Simon & Garfunkel, Chuck Mangione, Melissa Manchester and Tom Jones are also used to good effect.  Applegate, who also appeared in GODS & GENERALS and SEABISCUIT in 2003, died in a New Year's Day house fire.

THE INTRUDER (1961)--Directed by Roger Corman. Stars William Shatner, Leo Gordon, Robert Emhardt. STAR TREK fans, look out! TV's stalwart Captain Kirk plays a vicious racist! He visits a small Missouri town at the time of desegregation, and convinces the bigoted white townspeople to harass the black high school students. Shatner also forces the daughter of a prominent white citizen to accuse a black student of rape. An unusually serious picture for Corman, THE INTRUDER was extremely controversial at the time, and, despite good reviews, did not do well at the box office. In fact, Corman claims it's his only film not to make money. If you can ignore the cheap production and somewhat campy (by today's standards) approach, you'll find it to be quite a powerful drama. Many of today's viewers will be surprised to see that Shatner could actually act! Screenplay by Charles Beaumont. Filmed on location in Missouri with actual townspeople playing themselves; many were reportedly upset to discover that Shatner's character was supposed to be a bad guy! With Frank Maxwell, Beverly Lunsford, Jeanne Cooper (THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS), and Charles Barnes as the falsely accused boy; I don't think Barnes ever made another film. Also released as SHAME and I HATE YOUR GUTS.

INVISIBLE GHOST (1941)--Directed by Joseph H. Lewis. Stars Bela Lugosi, Polly Ann Young, John McGuire. Poverty Row studio Monogram tried to disguise this slightly entertaining mystery as a horror movie. There's no ghost in it--invisible or otherwise. Lugosi gives an atypically warm performance as Kessler, a wealthy man with a beautiful daughter (Young, sister of Loretta) who remains haunted by the knowledge that, some years earlier, his wife ran away with his best friend. His large house has been plagued by a series of unsolved murders over the years. When Young's fianc (McGuire) is convicted and executed for one of them, his twin brother arrives to clear the family name. Film contains a goofy and illogical screenplay by Helen & Al Martin that actually adds to the fun, as does Lugosi and a pretty good supporting cast. Also with Clarence Muse (very good as the family butler Evans), Terry Walker, Betty Compson and Ottola Nesmith. From the director of GUN CRAZY.

INVISIBLE INVADERS (1959)--Directed by Edward L. Cahn. Stars John Agar, Robert Hutton, John Carradine, Phillip Tonge, Jean Byron. Hooboy, is this a turkey! Cahn, who directed several entertaining low-budget crime dramas and westerns during the late '50s and early '60s, didn't fare so well in the science fiction field. After nuclear scientist Karol Noymann (Carradine, who has very little screen time) blows himself up in his laboratory and is mourned at his funeral, his colleague Dr. Penner (Tonge) is stunned that evening when Noymann comes a-knockin' at the door, a bit pasty-faced, but able to walk and talk. Only he ain't really Noymann. He's actually an emissary for a group of aliens who have been spying on Earth from their hidden base on our moon. Oh yeah, and he's invisible too. And has arrived in an invisible spaceship (a pretty pathetic concept, but great on the ol' special effects budget). Noymann gives Penner a message: the governments of Earth have 24 hours to surrender, or else his people will destroy us. Of course, Penner becomes a laughing stock--his own daughter Phyllis (Byron, later on THE PATTY DUKE SHOW) and her sort-of boyfriend Dr. Lamont (Hutton) barely believe him, and Earth's leaders merely mock him. Hopefully, Penner remembered to say "I told you so" when the invisible aliens begin reanimating the corpses of Earthlings and send them shambling out to wreak all kinds of havoc, like crashing cars and planes and blowing lots of stuff up. Teaming up with no-nonsense Army Major Jay (Agar), the Penners and Lamont barricade themselves in a bunker located in Bronson Caverns, while working against time to develop a method for stopping the invasion.

Carradine really got off easy, since he got to shoot all his scenes in a day and go home. Everyone else had to stick around for the seven or eight days it must have taken to film this dreck. Filled with somnambulant performances (what else would you expect from Hutton and Agar?), mucho stock footage (some of which does contain nice miniature work--and the rolling car crash from THUNDER ROAD), non-existent special effects, and static direction by Cahn, INVISIBLE INVADERS fails to work on any level. Although the fate of the whole world is in danger, we never see anything outside of Griffith Park, and the four protagonists have barely any contact with other living beings. Screenwriter Samuel Newman also penned THE GIANT CLAW and several Jungle Jim movies. Cahn and producer Robert E. Kent made 31 movies together; I think INVISIBLE's production company, Premium Pictures, may have belonged to Kent. Music by Paul Dunlap.

THE INVISIBLE MAN (1933)--Directed by James Whale. Stars Claude Rains, Gloria Stuart. Classic Universal horror film is based on the story by H.G. Wells. Rains is outstanding as a scientist who develops a method (using a drug known as monocaine) to turn objects invisible. He uses himself as a guinea pig; unfortunately, the process turns him insane as well as invisible. While police and his friends, fellow scientists and fianc search madly for him, Jack Griffin goes on a megalomaniacal murder spree that terrorizes England. Rains is never seen until the end; his performance is totally voice-driven, and what a marvelous performance it is. Great special effects by John P. Fulton; watch for the blooper near the end when Rains leaves shoeprints (!) in the snow. Frightening, witty & smart, THE INVISIBLE MAN is one of the best horror films of the decade. Look for John Carradine and Dwight Frye in bit parts. From the director of FRANKENSTEIN.

THE INVISIBLE MAN RETURNS (1940)--Directed by Joe May. Stars Sir Cedric Hardwicke, Vincent Price, Nan Grey, John Sutton. First sequel to THE INVISIBLE MAN concerns Sir Jeffrey Radcliffe (Price), who is on death row for his brothers murder. Dr. Frank Griffin (Sutton), the brother of the original Invisible Man, turns Radcliffe invisible to effect his escape. Price has to find the real murderer and clear his name before the drug (here called duocaine) drives him mad. With his marvelous voice, Price was great casting for a role played almost completely unseen. The special effects by John P. Fulton are marvelous, and this Universal horror is great fun.

THE INVISIBLE MONSTER (1950)--Directed by Fred C. Brannon. Stars Richard Webb, Aline Towne, Stanley Price, Lane Bradford, John Crawford. Not one of Republic's best chapterplays, THE INVISIBLE MONSTER contains no monster, and the invisibility gimmick is used to little effect. Price plays a megalomaniac who calls himself the Phantom Ruler, who has ideas of creating an invisible army that will enable him to rule the world. Operating out of a warehouse basement, he has created a chemical which, when mixed with the rays of a special lamp, will allow any object coated with it to become invisible. Clad head to toe in a chemical-coated robe and mask, the Phantom Ruler, aided by two henchmen, pull off a number of robberies to finance his deadly scheme. His plans are waylaid by insurance investigators Lane Carson (Webb) and Carol Richards (Towne), who are hot on his trail at all times. One could do a lot of interesting and fascinating things with an invisible villain, but scripter Ronald Davidson and director Brannon don't seem to have thought of any. Price is a colorless villain, and, in fact, there's rarely any reason for him to become invisible--a visible bad guy could carry out most of his exploits just as easily! Webb (soon to become TV's Captain Midnight) has a great voice, but comes off wooden here, and the stunts and special effects, while well-handled by Republic's topnotch crew, are mostly unoriginal and unexciting. You'd be much better off with Republic's THE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN MARVEL or SPY SMASHER instead. Also with Dale Van Sickel, John Hamilton, Dave Sharpe, Tom Steele, Douglas Evans, George Meeker, Eddie Parker and Edward Keane. Charles Regan is credited in the cast list, but does not appear anywhere in THE INVISIBLE MONSTER.

IRON EAGLE (1986)—Directed by Sidney J. Furie.  Stars Louis Gossett Jr., Jason Gedrick, Tim Thomerson.  This monumentally stupid pro-Reagan military thriller somehow spawned three sequels.  It has excellent special effects and a wildly simplistic political viewpoint that makes the Rambo films look progressive.  High school student Doug Masters (Gedrick) and his Junior Woodchucks, along with retired colonel Chappy (Gossett), make the Air Force look like a bunch of boobs as they steal classified information, hack into the base’s computers, file false flight plans, and manage to swipe a pair of fully armed F-16s so Doug and Chappy can fly to Libya and rescue Doug’s father (Thomerson), a pilot shot down and sentenced to hang.  Oh, and it all happens in about a day and a half.  Gossett is very good and tries very hard to sell the premise, which is somewhat reminiscent of RED DAWN but somehow even less plausible.  Lots of cool combat footage (some filmed using radio control models) and a silly but exciting race between a Cessna and a dirt bike, along with a hip rock soundtrack (Doug can’t concentrate in the air unless he’s cranking his favorite tunes), helped make IRON EAGLE a hit.  Also with Melora Hardin (later on THE OFFICE), Robbie Rist (Cousin Oliver on THE BRADY BUNCH), Jerry Levine (TEEN WOLF), Larry B. Scott (REVENGE OF THE NERDS) and David Suchet (POIROT).  Score by Basil Poledouris.  Filmed partially in Israel.

THE IRON GIANT (1999)--Directed by Brad Bird. Stars the voices of Jennifer Aniston, Harry Connick Jr., Christopher McDonald, Eli Marianthal. One of the best animated features in some time, THE IRON GIANT, from former SIMPSONS director Brad Bird, has no talking animals, no wacky sidekicks and no treacly Alan Menken songs. What it does have is imagination, charm and a whole lotta heart.

Set during the '50s in the quaint Maine town of Rockwell (as in Norman), THE IRON GIANT focuses on young Hogarth (Marianthal), a typical boy who likes furry critters, monster movies and Superman comic books. He'd like a pet, but his single (widowed?) mom Annie (Aniston), who works as a waitress at the local diner, won't allow it. Later that night, while engrossed in a schlocky B-movie on late-night TV, he hears noises outside. Investigating, he discovers a 100-foot robot chomping on the nearby power plant. Scared out of his wits, he rescues the robot from electrocution by flipping off a handy on/off switch. His mother doesn't believe his story, but sinister G-Man Kent Mansley (McDonald), sent by Washington to investigate a sailor's wild tales of a sea monster (the robot crashed off the Maine coast from his outer space flight), does, and resorts to some underhanded tricks to force Hogarth to tell what he knows. Hogarth eventually befriends the robot, and calls upon local junk-dealing beatnik artist Dean (Connick) to help conceal it, which of course ain't easy with a 100-foot metal-eating talking robot.

This movie contains plenty of action and comedy, and is the result of a sharp screenplay by Bird and Tim McCanlies (based upon a novel and play by Ted Hughes that I'm not familiar with) that creates a warm sense of nostalgia for the simple Red-baiting '50s (the government-issued duck and cover atomic scare films are lovingly spoofed here; can you believe how blatantly the U.S. Government lied to us back then?) and living, breathing characters (more realistic than those in many live-action movies) who speak sharp dialogue. The friendship that develops between Hogarth and the robot is very similar to the one between Elliott and E.T. in Steven Spielberg's E.T. THE EXTRATERRESTRIAL, and in fact there's a strong Spielberg feel to the whole film, which is not a knock of Bird or the movie, but illustrates Hogarth's position as protector and defender, especially when the narrow-minded military hears word of the robot's existence. There's also a strong anti-gun stance here, but not any stronger than BAMBIs (there's even a dead deer), but it bears more resonance following the recent mass shootings in America. Best of all, even though it's a family-oriented film (there's some minor swearing and a laxative joke), THE IRON GIANT will appeal to all ages, and is a rare animated feature that won't bore parents, especially the ones who grew up reading Superman comics in the '50s. Also with the voices of James Gammon, Cloris Leachman, M. Emmet Walsh, John Mahoney and Vin Diesel as the robot. Music by Michael Kamen is appropriately sensitive and heroic, while a few era novelty tunes lend a sense of setting. The Who's Pete Townshend was an executive producer.

IRRESISTIBLE FORCE (1993)--Directed by Kevin Hooks.  Stars Stacy Keach, Cynthia Rothrock, Christopher Neame.  Coming in at just about 75 minutes, this CBS TV-movie is a decent time-waster, about on the same level as a WALKER, TEXAS RANGER episode.  Keach is pretty good as a veteran cop who promises his wife that he'll stay out of shootouts from now on by teaming up with a female partner, his logic being that women are more likely to negotiate than draw their weapons.  Ironically, Keach draws Rothrock, a new recruit who actually flunked out of the police academy for--ho ho!--being too aggressive.  But the force needs more female cops, so little Cynthia, she of the high-kicking feet and vacuum-packed sweater hugging her too-large-for-her-tiny-frame bosom, becomes Stacy's new partner.  And just in time to rip off DIE HARD by getting trapped inside a new shopping mall being held hostage by terrorist Neame.  Hooks and writer Carleton Eastlake offers plenty of wisecracks, gunfire and plot contrivances, which are nicely held together by Keach's presence and Rothrock's moves.  The Gold Coast of Australia uncomfortably fills in for Southern California.  Also with Nicholas Hammond (THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN), Michael Bacall and Paul Winfield.  Music by David Michael Frank.  Might have made for an interesting series. 

THE ISLAND (1980)—Directed by Michael Ritchie. Stars Michael Caine, David Warner, Jeffrey Frank, Angela Punch McGregor, Brad Sullivan, Frank Middlemass. Universal’s notorious big-budget flop solves the mystery of the Bermuda Triangle. You’ll never guess what it is. Pirates. Arrrrr!

Caine, in the middle of his prime “paycheck” period, plays a reporter named Blair Maynard, who takes his 12-year-old son Justin (Frank) to investigate the Bermuda Triangle. Their flight with the world’s worst pilot (a welcome Brad Sullivan) crashes and burns in the Triangle, where father and son are kidnapped by a band of buccaneers.

At first, the pirates, who have been pillaging the seas for 300 years and speak their own language of backwards English, plan to kill Blair and Justin, but the group’s leader, John David Nau (Warner, a year after playing an excellent Jack the Ripper in TIME AFTER TIME), has a better idea. Since generations of inbreeding have left the tribe unable to generate healthy children, Nau decides to use Blair to “thrust” with the island’s lone woman (McGregor). He also brainwashes Justin into becoming his son; his planned initiation will be to kill his father.

Ritchie’s film is the best kind of terrible movie. It isn’t dull, and it doesn’t play it safe. Peter Benchley adapted his own novel, but Ritchie is unable to work magic on the author’s material the way Steven Spielberg transformed Benchley’s terrible JAWS novel into a horror classic. It’s hard to believe we’re supposed to take THE ISLAND seriously, but scenes like Caine’s tangle with a phony jellyfish or a mulleted kung fu fighter wearing nut-squeezingly tiny shorts are clearly meant to be suspenseful.

Caine is a real pro, and never lets his (presumed) disdain for the material get in the way of an entertaining performance. The pirates’ inexperience with holding prisoners is made clear in the number of times Maynard escapes their clutches, and the reporter’s surprising ability to swim miles in choppy Caribbean waters makes me think he should have chased an Olympic medal instead of a journalism career.

Many critics were undoubtedly appalled at the level of gore and violence in THE ISLAND, particularly the fake-looking makeup effects in the opening scene and the wild finale involving Caine getting medieval with a machine gun. The violence definitely fits Ritchie’s over-the-top tone, and even though I think the intelligent director was miscast here overall, I think it makes sense to go nuts with the squibs in a film where a reporter and his son battle anachronistic pirates on a desert island.

Adding to the hilarity is Caine’s brief but definitely out-of-place anti-drug message during a pirate raid on a sailboat. Ennio Morricone’s lively score tries its best to save this goofy movie, but there’s only so much il maestro can do.

THE ISLAND AT THE TOP OF THE WORLD (1974)--Directed by Robert Stevenson. Stars David Hartman, Donald Sinden, Mako. Epic Disney adventure film in the 20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA mold. Hartman (a dull action hero) joins wealthy Englishman Sinden on a 1907 Arctic expedition to find Sinden's missing son. They encounter a race of Vikings. Good special effects and sets, but the film is dull. Maurice Jarre contributed the score.

ISLAND CLAWS (1981)—Directed by Hernan Cardenas. Stars Robert Lansing, Barry Nelson, Nita Talbot, Steve Hanks, Jo McDonnell, Martina Deignan. Writer/producer/director Cardenas has his heart in the right place, but making crabs—as ugly as they are—look menacing is too difficult for him. Professional performances, authentic Florida scenery, and a musical score by Bill Justis (SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT) that evokes monster flicks of the 1950s go a long way towards making this movie feel creepier than it has any right to be.

Irish bar owner Moody (Lansing), pretty blond reporter Jan Raines (McDonnell), and hunky marine biologist Pete (Hanks) battle the cranky crustaceans after nuclear power makes them feisty enough to attack bicyclists and blow up a school bus. The fact of the matter is crabs are slow and they’re soft and I don’t think people have a natural aversion to them like they do spiders or snakes. Now, when the giant crab shows up in the third act…that is awesome. Cardenas’ ecological message gets lost amid the crab attacks, but who cares when there’s a giant roaring crab.

As killer-crab pics go, ISLAND CLAWS falls behind Roger Corman’s more atmospheric ATTACK OF THE CRAB MONSTERS, but #2 ain’t bad. An attempt to add texture through backstory involving Jan’s wealthy father and the death of Pete’s parents almost works, but falls off the road on the way to the big crab finish. FLIPPER star Luke Halpin was among the stuntmen on this film co-written by Ricou Browning.

THE ISLAND OF DR. MOREAU (1977)--Directed by Don Taylor. Stars Burt Lancaster, Michael York, Nigel Davenport, Barbara Carrera. This big-budget (by AIP standards at least) adaptation of H.G. Wells anti-vivisection treatise is better than you may have heard, but it isn't scary, and the makeup by John Chambers, Dan Striepeke and Tom Burman isn't as believable as the ones they created for PLANET OF THE APES. York plays a sailor named Braddock, who is shipwrecked upon a remote island in the Pacific inhabited by the mad Dr. Paul Moreau (Lancaster), who is experimenting on animals, transforming them into humans in an attempt to learn more about heredity and discover new methods of curing disease. Braddock also meets Moreau's beautiful ward Maria (Carrera), who knows only of life on the island, and falls in love with her. Braddock is horrified by Moreau's experiments, which have resulted in a band of mutated animals living in a nearby cave, but when he protests too much, Moreau captures him, reverses his procedure, and regresses Braddock into a savage.

York is pretty good, especially during his transformation scenes, but Lancaster doesn't have a whole lot to do except mouth typical movie mad scientist platitudes, and Davenport, as Moreau's guilt-ridden assistant Montgomery, is completely wasted. Carrera is a vapid actress, but she's also exotically gorgeous, which is really what her role calls for. Some of the editing seems abrupt, making me think AIP may have done some last-minute cutting before release; my guess is that Maria was written by John Herman Shaner and Al Ramrus and played by Carrera as one of Moreau's subjects, but that this important character element was removed by the studio to ensure a happily-ever-after ending. Fine score by Laurence Rosenthal uses strident strings and brass to create a soundscape reminiscent of Bernard Herrmann or Jerry Goldsmith's PLANET OF THE APES music. Filmed in the Virgin Islands. Also with Richard Basehart as the Sayer of the Law, David Cass, Gary Baxley and Nick Cravat as MLing. From the director of ESCAPE FROM THE PLANET OF THE APES and DAMIEN: OMEN II.

THE ISLAND OF DR. MOREAU (1996)--Directed by John Frankenheimer. Stars Marlon Brando, Val Kilmer, David Thewlis. This whacked-out version of H.G. Wells' classic novel is not really a good movie, but it's so off-the-wall bizarre that I almost have to recommend it. You should be familiar with the story by now: Brando is the eccentric genius Dr. Moreau, who lives on a private island where he experiments on animals in an attempt to turn them into humans. Thewlis is a United Nations diplomat stranded at sea, who is rescued and taken to the island by Moreau's assistant Kilmer. There Thewlis is horrified by the weird array of freaks and monsters created by Moreau. This film had an extremely troubled production, and a film about the making of this film would probably be more entertaining than the film itself. The original director, Richard Stanley (who retains screenplay credit), was fired soon after shooting started.  Frankenheimer was brought in, cast member Rob Morrow (NORTHERN EXPOSURE) was fired, Kilmer decided he didn't want to play the U.N. diplomat, so he was shifted to the role of Montgomery, and Thewlis was hired to play the role Kilmer originally was signed for. Brando decided to play his first scene in a Mama Cass-like caftan and covered head-to-toe in white pancake makeup (he appears in a later scene wearing an ice bucket on his head!), and Kilmer affects a Brando imitation for much of his part. A good score by Gary Chang, some lush location photography (shot in Australia), convincing makeup and creature effects by Stan Winston, but the last half hour really falls apart, and ISLAND must be considered an interesting failure. I guess that's better than many of the cookie-cutter adventures coming out of Hollywood these days. Also with Fairuza Balk and Ron Perlman.

ISLAND OF TERROR (1966)--Directed by Terence Fisher. Stars Peter Cushing, Edward Judd, Carole Gray. Nicely paced horror movie about the inhabitants of a remote island off the Irish coast being terrorized by bone-sucking monsters that crawl (slowly) across the ground. A reclusive scientist seeking a cure for cancer created them accidentally. Leading the fight are a womanizing young doctor (Judd) and his wisecracking mentor (Cushing, who is great). With more money for special effects, this could have been a lot better, but there's something refreshing about it just the way it is. Some scenes are pretty shocking (like Cushing's hand amputation!).

ISLAND OF THE BURNING DOOMED (1967)--Directed by Terence Fisher. Stars Christopher Lee, Patrick Allen, Jane Merrow, Peter Cushing. From Planet Films, which tried to take a bite out of the British horror pie dominated by Hammer and Amicus. During the dead of winter, a small island off the British coast is in the midst of a mysterious heat wave. A scientist played by Lee discovers the cause: invading aliens made of heat impulses that proceed to burn many of the island's inhabitants to a proverbial crisp. Eventually it rains, and the creatures (which look like large glowing rocks) are destroyed. Allen is a typical British stiff-upper-lipped hero, and Merrow makes a lovely heroine. Lee, Cushing, and director Fisher usually worked for Hammer. A pretty good film, but not as good as the title. Ronald Liles and Pip & Jane Baker adapted John Lymington's novel, NIGHT OF THE BIG HEAT.

IT! THE TERROR FROM BEYOND SPACE (1958)--Directed by Edward L. Cahn. Stars Marshall Thompson, Shawn Smith, Kim Spalding. Scripted by science-fiction scribe Jerome Bixby, this, more than any other '50s monster movie, is often referenced when discussing ALIEN. A team of American astronauts travels to Mars to pick up the only survivor (Thompson) of a previous expedition. Thompson is accused of killing the rest of his team, and is being brought back to Earth to stand trial. He claims some sort of monster slaughtered his crew, but no one believes him--that is, until the creature stows away aboard their spacecraft and begins murdering again. While the makers of ALIEN had surely seen IT! at some point, I'm not sure their monster movie was a direct ripoff. The idea of a rampaging killer on board a spaceship was not new, even in 1958. This, however, is not too bad, considering the low budget and the lowly skill of director Cahn (INVISIBLE INVADERS). Some of the special effects are surprisingly ambitious (shots of two astronauts walking on the outside of the ship), and the monster suit, while possessing a silly scowl on its face, is menacing enough. Also with Ann Doran and Ray "Crash" Corrigan as the blood-drinking Martian.

IT CAME FROM HOLLYWOOD (1982)--Directed by Malcolm Leo & Andrew Solt. Stars John Candy, Dan Aykroyd, Gilda Radner, Cheech & Chong. Fun compilation of clips from campy B-flicks of the 1950s and '60s. Look for your favorite scenes from such classics as ATTACK OF THE 50 FOOT WOMAN, THE BRAIN THAT WOULDNT DIE, THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING MAN and a whole segment on Edward D. Wood Jr.! I could do without the unfunny introductions by Candy and Co. though.

IT CONQUERED THE WORLD (1956)--Directed by Roger Corman. Stars Peter Graves, Lee Van Cleef, Beverly Garland. "It" is a ridiculous-looking three-foot rubber monster shaped like an artichoke. A scientist (Van Cleef) talks to it on his ham radio and becomes its slave. The monster from Venus also takes control of neighbor Graves's wife, so Peter blasts her with a shotgun. When "it" goes too far and murders Van Cleef's wife (Garland) with rubber bat creatures, he goes out to Bronson Canyon and destroys it with a blowtorch. Corman's second science-fiction picture pretty much sealed his future. Also with Corman regulars Dick Miller, Jonathan Haze and scripter Charles B. Griffith. Paul Blaisdell "plays" the Venusian.

IT LIVES AGAIN (1978)--Directed by Larry Cohen.  Stars Frederic Forrest, Kathleen Lloyd, John Ryan.  Several months after the events of IT'S ALIVE, more mutant babies have been discovered across the country.  The government has discovered a method of predicting prenatally which mothers are likely to deliver monsters, resulting in a group of covert operatives who kidnap the mothers and slaughter their children at birth.  Frank Davis (Ryan), the father of the first killer baby from the original film, opposes this faction and takes steps to protect expectant mother Jody Scott (Lloyd) and her lawyer husband Eugene (Forrest).  Unlike IT'S ALIVE, in which the protagonists attempted to destroy the monster, our heroes do their best to defend the creature from a murderous government force.  They are eventually given shelter in a scientific community, where they discover the existence of two more mutants.  Ryan takes a backseat to Forrest and Lloyd this time, but all three actors are quite good, even when Cohen's screenplay occasionally falters.  Cohen again refrains from showing too much of the monsters, which are again created by the great Rick Baker.  It's not as good as the first film, but is more polished and scarier than its immediate sequel.  Bernard Herrmann was dead by the time IT LIVES AGAIN was made, so Laurie Johnson refurbished Herrmann's cues from the original and even orchestrated some new ones.  Jim Dixon returns as LAPD officer Perkins, appearing with Andrew Duggan, John Marley and Eddie Constantine.  Filmed in Tucson, San Francisco and Los Angeles.