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THE HAUNTING (1999)--Directed by Jan de Bont. Stars
Liam Neeson, Lili Taylor, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Owen Wilson. Reasonably chilling DreamWorks remake of Robert Wise's 1963 haunted
house classic is based on Shirley Jackson's famous novel THE HAUNTING OF HILL HOUSE. Neeson plays Dr. David Marrow, a scientist
studying the effects of fear in humans, who summons a group of insomniacs to a spooky old New England mansion under the guise
of examining their sleep disorders: Eleanor (Taylor), a sheltered spinster who has spent the past eleven years caring for
her demanding invalid mother; Theo (Zeta-Jones), a high-living bisexual artist from New York; and Luke (Wilson), a wisecracking
surfer dude. There are also two others, who are quickly (and confusingly) removed from the story early on, and it's a mystery
why they were added to the film in the first place. To put his experiment in motion, Marrow plants the idea of mysterious
suicides, ghosts and haunted mansions into his subjects' minds to gauge their reactions, not realizing that Hill House, in
fact, really is haunted.
Taylor, who specializes in fragile young women, delivers the film's best performance, although
her character is the only one with any meat on it. de Bont wisely refrains from overloading on special effects for most of
the film's running time, instead using sound and Eugenio Zanetti's outstandingly spooky sets to lay a foundation of creepiness.
David Self's script contains too many holes for it to be completely satisfying, and the updating of the characters--in Wise's
THE HAUNTING, Eleanor and Theo were chosen because of their high ESP quotient, and Luke had just inherited Hill House--seems
senseless, since the characters' sleep disorders have little to do with the story. Also with Bruce Dern, Marian Seldes, Virginia
Madsen and Todd Field. Music by Jerry Goldsmith. Cinematographer Caleb Deschanel and editor Michael Kahn are two of the best
in the business, and frequently work on movies by DreamWorks boss Steven Spielberg. Producers Susan Arnold and Donna Arkoff
Roth are the daughters of '50s sci-fi director Jack Arnold (THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING MAN) and American-International Pictures
founder Samuel Z. Arkoff.
THE HAUNTING OF MORELLA (1990)--Directed by Jim
Wynorski. Stars David McCallum, Nicole Eggert, Lana Clarkson, Christopher Halsted. Thirty years after HOUSE OF
USHER, Roger Corman was still producing low-budget Edgar Allan Poe adaptations. Wynorski directed this cheapie that,
even at 82 minutes, just spins its wheels for most of the running time. Seventeen years after his wife Morella (Eggert)
was executed for being a witch, blind Gideon (McCallum) mopes around his spacious estate with only his daughter Lenora (also
Eggert) and some servant girls to keep him company. It’s just a few days until Lenora’s 18th birthday--the
day she receives her trust fund--and a young lawyer named Guy (Halsted) comes around to work out the legalities. The
trust fund is brought up, but quickly forgotten in R.J. Robertson’s sloppy screenplay, as Guy starts taking Lenora on
long walks down by the cemetery, where Morella is interred. Before you know it, evil governess Coel (Clarkson) is cutting
up sexy virgins and spilling their blood across Morella’s corpse, returning her to life inside her chaste daughter’s
body and turning her into a pelvis-thrusting nympho.
The cavalcade of bare breasts (Eggert uses a body double in her
sex scenes) and hints of lesbianism mark MORELLA definitively as a Wynorski film, but there’s precious little story
to work with, and so the film just limps along to its obvious climax. The performances are not very good, and Eggert’s
porcelain limitations in a dual role are a major liability. Maria Ford, Debbie Dutch and Gail Harris also provide nudity.
Music by Fredric Ensign Teetsel and Chuck Cirino.
HAVE A GOOD FUNERAL, FRIEND…SARTANA WILL PAY
(1970)--Directed by Giuliano Carnimeo. Stars Gianni Garko, Daniela Giordano, Antonio Vilar. Sartana (Garko) relies
on his mastery of firearms, dynamite and playing cards (!) to wipe out his enemies in this stylish Italian western.
Arriving just in time to see a man murdered by mercenaries, Sartana kills them and travels to the nearby town of Indian Creek
to investigate the reason for the massacre. No points for guessing that the wealthy bank owner (Vilar) may be involved.
Sartana’s faceoff against a crippled Chinese casino owner is a highlight of this outrageous western with less action
than most others of its type. Also with George Wang, Helga Line and Rick Boyd. Music by Bruno Nicolai.
HE KNOWS YOU'RE ALONE (1980)--Directed by Armand
Mastroianni. Stars Don Scardino, Caitlin O'Heaney, Tom Rolfing, Lewis Arlt. Routine slasher entry that's only of interest
as Tom Hanks's film debut. Someone is murdering prospective brides on the eve of their weddings. When Amy (O'Heaney), whose
cad of a fianc goes out of town for the weekend, appears to be the next victim, she turns to former flame Marvin (Scardino,
SQUIRM) for protection. The killer is also pursued by an obsessed detective (Arlt) whose fianc was the killer's first casualty.
The killer's identity isn't a mystery, but scripter Scott Parker neglects to provide him with any real motivation or personality.
He isn't scary at all, and Mastroianni fails to provide enough gore or nudity to satisfy his core audience (a fake-looking
head in a fish tank helps, I guess), although a pre-credit movie-theater stalking generates a bit of suspense. Hanks appears
briefly near the end as the date of a murder victim, and is really pretty good, showcasing a light comic potential that would
blossom on his BOSOM BUDDIES sitcom later that year. One of the more blatant HALLOWEEN ripoffs, right down to the musical
score by Alexander and Mark Peskanov, which apes John Carpenter's famous theme as much as possible. Familiar faces in the
cast include Patsy Pease (DAYS OF OUR LIVES), James Rebhorn (his film debut), Paul Gleason (THE BREAKFAST CLUB) and Dana Barron
(BEVERLY HILLS 90210). Scardino has turned to directing (LAW & ORDER, TRACEY TAKES ON), while O'Heaney was a regular on
TALES OF THE GOLD MONKEY. From the director of ROBIN COOK'S INVASION and ROBIN COOK'S VIRUS.
HE WALKED BY
NIGHT (1948)--Directed by Alfred Werker & Anthony Mann. Stars Richard Basehart, Scott Brady. This film noir was
directed almost entirely (uncredited) by the great Mann, who was under contract at the time to Eagle-Lion, the studio that
made this dark classic. Basehart is pretty creepy as a psycho killer and electronics expert being hunted for killing a cop.
This procedural mostly follows the detectives (led by Brady) investigating the murder by questioning witnesses, gathering
evidence, checking lab results and other humble tasks. This film was almost certainly one of the inspirations for DRAGNET;
in fact, Jack Webb appears here as a lab technician. The exciting climax takes place in the Los Angeles canals (where much
of THEM! was filmed). Also with Whit Bissell.
HEAD (1968)--Directed by Bob Rafelson. Stars Micky
Dolenz, Davy Jones, Michael Nesmith, Peter Tork. The Monkees' first and only movie is a plotless mishmash of satire, parody,
music and special effects. You've got to give them credit for not doing a ninety-minute television episode, which would have
made lots of money at the box-office. HEAD was aimed at an older, more mature audience, which never found the movie thanks
to Columbia Studios's inefficient ad campaign. Film is interesting and fast-paced with great cameos by Victor Mature, Annette
Funicello, Timothy Carey, Frank Zappa, Teri Garr, Tor Johnson, Ray Nitschke and Jack Nicholson, who co-wrote the screenplay
with Rafelson. Songs include "The Porpoise Song" and "As We Go Along". Rafelson and co-producer Bert Schneider also did the
Monkees' television series.
THE HEADLESS EYES (1971)—Directed by Kent Bateman. Stars Bo Brundin.
Although this pretentious thriller has appeared to pick up several admirers in recent years, I found it to be a big bore.
A starving artist (Brundin, a Swedish actor who appeared in productions both in Hollywood and at home) has his eye gouged
out by a woman whose apartment he’s burglarizing. After screaming, “My eye!” a hundred times, he runs
off, goes crazy, and begins stalking women, removing their eyes, and bringing them home. THE HEADLESS EYES is difficult
to watch, not just because it’s so dull, but also because of its rock-bottom Milliganesque production values:
rotten sound, ugly sets, grainy 16mm photography. There’s too little action and gore to satisfy horror fans, and
I doubt many arthouse audiences would find this mess of any interest. Really, the only interesting aspect is the director,
who fathered actors Jason (ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT) and Justine (FAMILY TIES) Bateman. Shot—very quickly, I’m
sure—in New York.
THE HEADLESS GHOST (1959)—Directed by Peter
Graham Scott. Stars Richard Lyon, Liliane Sottane, David Rose, Clive Revill. The titular spook barely appears
in this 62-minute B-picture, though nothing in it really makes an impression. Three college students—two American
males and a Danish female—spend the night in an old English castle to see if the legends about it being haunted are
true. The spirit of a 14th-century nobleman (Revill) appears and requests that the trio find a secret passage and a
hidden pouch of magic powder that will allow the ghosts of the castle to finally rest for eternity. Many long takes
signal a truncated budget and shooting schedule that producer Herman Cohen quickly assembled in order to deliver to American
International Pictures a second feature to play with the color HORRORS OF THE BLACK MUSEUM. The black-and-white cheapie
is at least shot in scope, but I don’t know why Cohen bothered with a movie in which so little happens. The massive
padding (several late scenes involving the castle’s owner, his wife and some dim bobbies will have you scratching your
head) and pointless dialogue (very little of the exposition turns out to be necessary to the storyline) threatens to tip the
movie over on its side like Fred Flintstone’s car at the drive-in restaurant. Outside of a bit of color in Revill’s
supporting performance, THE HEADLESS GHOST has nothing to recommend, neither comedy nor scares. Also with Alexander
Archdale, John Stacy, Jack Allen and Josephine Blake, who provides a sexy dance number.
HEAR NO EVIL (1992)--Directed by Robert Greenwald.
Stars Marlee Matlin, Martin Sheen, D.B. Sweeney. Pretty routine thriller that seems loosely based on WAIT UNTIL DARK. Matlin
(deaf in real life) plays a hearing-impaired woman who accidentally comes into possession of a rare coin that some bad guys
want. Sheen walks through his role as a bad cop. Matlin, who has a brief topless bathing scene, seems to be a pretty good
actress--it's too bad her choice of roles is limited by her handicap. Also with John C. McGinley, Mickey O'Malley and Marge
Redmond.
HEARTBREAK RIDGE (1986)--Directed by Clint Eastwood. Stars Clint Eastwood, Marsha Mason,
Mario Van Peebles, Everett McGill. Eastwood gives an offbeat performance as tough, vulgar Gunnery Sergeant Tom Highway, who
is assigned to train a platoon of green recruits. After various DIRTY DOZEN-like training scenes and a couple of attempted
reconciliations with ex-wife Mason, Highway leads his men into the Grenada conflict. Script by James Carabatsos; cast includes
Moses Gunn, Bo Svenson and Eileen Heckart. The Marine Corps criticized the film during its initial release because of the
rough language spoken by the soldiers in the film.
HEARTBURN (1986)--Directed by Mike Nichols. Stars
Meryl Streep, Jack Nicholson, Maureen Stapleton, Jeff Daniels. The leads try hard, but are let down by a weak script by Nora
Ephron (SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE). Streep is an author and Nicholson a Washington columnist who marry, but the relationship goes
sour when Nicholson takes a mistress. Excellent cast includes Stockard Channing, Richard Masur, Catherine O'Hara, Steven Hill
and Mercedes Reuhl. Ephron based her screenplay at least partially on her own marriage to WASHINGTON POST reporter Carl Bernstein
(ALL THE PRESIDENT'S MEN).
HEARTS OF DARKNESS: A FILMMAKERS JOURNEY (1991)--Directed by George Hickenlooper.
Riveting and surprisingly candid documentary about the making of APOCALYPSE NOW in the Philippines during the late 1970s.
Francis Ford Coppola's wife Eleanor shot much of the behind-the-scenes footage, which details the firing of original lead
Harvey Keitel after one week's filming, a hurricane that destroyed the films sets and delayed production six months, Martin
Sheen's near-fatal heart attack, improvisation by actors like Dennis Hopper and Larry Fishburne and Coppola's near-breakdown.
One of the best making-of features ever.
HEARTS OF THE WEST (1975)--Directed by Howard Zieff. Stars
Jeff Bridges, Alan Arkin, Andy Griffith, Blythe Danner. Critically acclaimed box-office flop comedy is a wonderfully amiable
tale of moviemaking in the 1930s. Bridges is an Iowa rube who goes West to be an author of Western fiction, but ends up working
as a stuntman and actor in the B-pictures being made by neurotic director Kessler (Arkin, who is hilarious). Like most of
Bridges's films of the period, HEARTS OF THE WEST became a minor cult hit, thanks to the gentle humor and nostalgic feel of
Hollywood life during that period. Griffith has some nice moments as a washed-up cowboy star, and the terrific cast of character
actors includes Donald Pleasance, Herb Edelman, Alex Rocco, Richard B. Shull, Anthony James, Thayer David, Dub Taylor, Matt
Clark, Frank Cady, Woodrow Parfrey, Bill Quinn, Frank Bonner, William Christopher and Richard Stahl. Zieff's second film as
a director. His only films of the '90s are the Anna Chlumsky comedy MY GIRL and its sequel. Produced by actor Tony Bill.
HEAT
(1987)--Directed by Dick Richards. Stars Burt Reynolds, Peter MacNicol, Karen Young, Diana Scarwid, Howard Hesseman. Las Vegas
adventurer Reynolds is hired by a rich wimp (MacNicol) to teach him how to be a tough guy. Reynolds must also battle the mob
when he avenges his friend's (Young) beating. Pretty lame mix of sex and violence, although Burt's fans might like it. Reynolds
and director Richards had a well-publicized fistfight on the set.
HEAT (1995)--Directed by Michael
Mann. Stars Al Pacino, Robert DeNiro, Val Kilmer, Tom Sizemore. Quite simply one of the best cop movies in many years. Michael
Mann, who has written, produced and/or directed some terrific thrillers (MANHUNTER, THIEF), comes through again with this
three-hour cops-and-robbers epic. The key here is the first-time teaming of screen legends Pacino and DeNiro (both starred
in THE GODFATHER, PART II, but shared no scenes). Al plays a thrice-married L.A. cop with a harried home life who is assigned
to investigate a well-choreographed armored-truck robbery in which three guards were killed. The crooks, who commit holdups
with MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE-like precision, are led by DeNiro, a clever career criminal who has amassed much wealth, but little
personal happiness. Mann's film follows the actions of both protagonists: Pacino's obsession with DeNiro's capture and DeNiro's
dream of one more big score before retirement. The two stars only meet twice (over coffee in a diner, and the exciting climactic
shootout), but both scenes are well written and performed and are worth waiting for. Of course, the concept of hero and villain
being two sides of the same coin is not new, but Pacino, DeNiro and Mann make it worth another spin. HEAT also boasts an exceptional
supporting cast, including Kilmer and Sizemore as DeNiro's cohorts in crime, Diane Venora as Pacino's frustrated wife, Amy
Brenneman (NYPD BLUE) as a lonely young bookstore employee who falls for DeNiro, Dennis Haysbert, Ted Levine, Mykelti Williamson,
Jeremy Piven and Ashley Judd as Kilmer's wife.
HEATHERS (1989)--Directed by Michael Lehmann. Stars
Winona Ryder, Christian Slater, Shannen Doherty. A clever script by Daniel Waters and good acting by Ryder and Slater propel
this funny black comedy. Offbeat Ryder becomes a member of a snobby high-school clique consisting of four girls who happen
to be named Heather. When Ryder becomes disgusted at the Heathers' stuck-up attitude, she decides to teach them a lesson.
However, the revenge takes a wrong turn when delinquent boyfriend Slater begins murdering Heathers. Slater does a mean Jack
Nicholson impression. Lehmann's direction bogs down some during the last half-hour, but film is terrific anyway. Look for
the ADAM-12 in-joke.
HEAVEN CAN WAIT (1978)--Directed by Warren Beatty & Buck Henry. Stars Warren
Beatty, Julie Christie, James Mason, Dyan Cannon, Charles Grodin. This charming fantasy was nominated for nine Academy Awards,
including four for Beatty as Best Actor, Director, Writer (with Elaine May) and Picture (he produced it); it only won for
Art Direction-Set Decoration. Warren plays Joe Pendleton, a quarterback for the Los Angeles Rams who is killed before his
time, and sent back to Earth by Mr. Jordan (Mason) in the body of a millionaire who was murdered by his two-timing wife and
his cowardly secretary (Cannon and Grodin, who are hilarious). Beatty buys the Rams so he can quarterback them in the Super
Bowl, and he falls in love with a British woman played by Beatty's former flame Christie in an unflattering, curly hairdo.
Not many bellylaughs, but its sweet and fun. Also with Jack Warden, Vincent Gardenia, Buck Henry, R.G. Armstrong, Keene Curtis,
Hamilton Camp and Deacon Jones. Music by Dave Grusin.
HEAVEN'S PRISONERS (1996)--Directed by Phil
Joanou. Stars Alec Baldwin, Mary Stuart Masterson, Eric Roberts, Kelly Lynch, Teri Hatcher. This troubled production was filmed
in 1994, but, after its studio went bankrupt, sat on the shelf until released by Fine Line in the spring of '96. Baldwin executive-produces
and stars as James Lee Burke's literary detective Dave Robicheaux, an alcoholic ex-New Orleans cop-turned-bait shop owner.
He and his wife (Lynch) are out on their boat one morning when a plane crashes nearby. Robicheaux is able to save one passenger,
a little girl from South America, whom the Robicheauxs adopt. Soon Baldwin is up to his eyeballs in druglords, mobsters, revenge
and a local crime boss and former childhood friend of Robicheaux's named Bubba Rocque (Roberts in cornrows!). Masterson is
miscast as a stripper with (you guessed it!) a heart of gold, and Hatcher (TV's Lois Lane) makes an indelible entrance as
Rocque's lush wife who drinks gin rickeys completely nude on the balcony of her mansion. HEAVEN'S PRISONERS (the title is
meaningless within the context of this film) isn't particularly bad, but it isn't very good either. Baldwin gives an interesting
performance in what was obviously meant as a franchise role for him, but there's just too much plot, and not a very interesting
one at that. The ending shows signs of last-minute reshooting.
HEIST (2001)--Directed by David Mamet. Stars
Gene Hackman, Delroy Lindo, Danny DeVito, Sam Rockwell, Ricky Jay, Rebecca Pidgeon. Typically terse Mamet dialogue and
a great cast highlight this twisty caper drama. A jewel heist goes awry for veteran Joe (Hackman) when his face is caught
on camera. Forced to retire to Mexico, his money man, furrier Bergman (DeVito), refuses to give him his share of the
loot unless he agrees to one more job: the theft of gold from a Swiss cargo plane. With no other choice, unless he'd
rather retire to Mexico broke, Joe assembles his squad, including old pal Bobby (Lindo), con man Pinky (Jay) and his younger
wife Fran (Pidgeon). Also along at Bergman's request is his nephew Jimmy Silk (Rockwell). Enjoy the many double-
and triple-crosses in Mamet's screenplay. Nothing is as it seems, although, admittedly, once you know to expect double-crosses,
they don't carry as much impact. Even in his 70's, Hackman is more than able to carry a picture, especially aided as
he is by crafty veterans and a strong helmer. Perhaps a bit more humor wouldn't have hurt, but fans of Mamet's unique
vision will find much here to enjoy. Theodore Shapiro contributes an exciting score. Franchise Pictures also helped
finance Mamet's next film, the equally taut SPARTAN.
HELL IS FOR HEROES (1962)--Directed by Don Siegel.
Stars Steve McQueen, Nick Adams, Bob Newhart. This lean black-and-white war picture stars McQueen as his typically tight-lipped
tough guy, part of a very small platoon attempting to hold back a much larger Nazi approach without the manpower or weapons
to do so. Full of sweat, guts and suspense, HELL assembles an excellent cast to present Richard Carr and Robert Pirosh's
treatise on the futilities of war. It's interesting to see Newhart, then a Grammy-winning comedy sensation, in his film
debut as a meek file clerk who becomes an unwitting member of McQueen's squad. Fess Parker, James Coburn, Harry Guardino,
Bobby Darin, Mike Kellin, L.Q. Jones and Robert Phillips also portray grunts in this Paramount sleeper.
HELL ON WHEELS (1967)—Directed by Will Zens.
Stars Marty Robbins, John Ashley, Bob Dornan. If you’ll believe country-western singer Robbins, former teen idol
Ashley and future hard-core Republican Congressman Dornan as brothers, I reckon you’ll buy just about anything.
Like Marty playing himself: a well-known country singer who also happens to be the best stock car racer in Nashville.
Younger brother Del (Ashley), Marty’s mechanic, resents playing second fiddle and quits to soup up cars for a notorious
bootlegger. Did I mention that other brother Steve (Dornan) is an ATF agent busting moonshiners and blowing up their
stills with dynamite? Zens isn’t the world’s most dynamic director, but HELL ON WHEELS is worth a few laughs.
Between the authentic stock car footage and the frequent stops in the storyline so Robbins and fellow Nashville talents Connie
Smith and The Stonemans can perform a few songs, there isn’t a whole lot of story anyway. It’s no surprise
Ashley soon split to headline (and produce) horror movies in the Philippines after playing second banana Del-style to non-actor
Robbins. Also with Gigi Perreau and Marvin Miller (THE MILLIONAIRE).
HELL RAIDERS (1968)—Directed by Larry Buchanan.
Stars John Agar, Richard Webb, Bill Thurman, Joan Huntington. Would you believe a World War II actioner filmed in Texas?
Schlock filmmaker Buchanan may be best known for his junky remakes of American International science fiction and horror hits
like IT CONQUERED THE WORLD (Buchanan’s version: ZONTAR, THE THING FROM VENUS) and INVASION OF THE SAUCERMEN (re: THE
EYE CREATURES), but this one copies AIP’s SUICIDE BATTALION. You won’t once believe you’re in Italy
in 1944. You’ll hardly believe someone bothered to write this screenplay, as it’s chock-a-block with characters
and situations that were movie clichés 20 years earlier. You wouldn’t even read dialogue this hokey in a comic
book. Cigar-chomping Major Paxton (Agar) and his men, including the second-in-command who hates him (Webb), a grizzled
older father figure (Thurman), a green rookie who writes letters to his parents, an Italian-American in love with a local
hooker, and other caricatures, volunteer for a suicide mission to sneak into a former Allied headquarters, since invaded by
Nazis, and destroy administration records still store there. Talky and slow-moving, and you can’t even get a charge
out of the action scenes, because they’re as amateurish and cheap as the acting and the dialogue. Even by Larry
Buchanan standards, HELL RAIDERS is quite a dog. And that’s saying a lot.
HELL UP IN HARLEM (1973)--Directed by Larry Cohen.
Stars Fred Williamson, Julius H. Harris, D'Urville Martin, Gloria Hendry, Gerald Gordon. I get the feeling this American-International
Pictures sequel to BLACK CAESAR was written, filmed, edited and released in a hurry to capitalize on the success of the previous
picture. It's confusing and choppily edited, and the characters portrayed by Williamson and Harris don't act at all like they
do in BLACK CAESAR, meaning Cohen either didn't care about continuity or didn't have time to worry about it. The Hammer returns
as Tommy Gibbs, the Harlem mob kingpin who somehow survives the what-appeared-to-be-fatal gunshot wounds he suffered at the
end of BLACK CAESAR, and, with the help of his previously-estranged father (Harris), kills the mobsters responsible. Tommy
retires to Beverly Hills with his wife and two children, leaving Papa in charge of his Harlem empire. The corrupt white New
York City district attorney DiAngelo (Gordon) wants revenge against Tommy to pay Tommy back for his revenge against DiAngelo
(are you getting all this?), so DiAngelo orders his hoods to murder Tommy's former girlfriend (Hendry), and sends a hit squad
all the way to L.A. to whack Tommy. Although it's difficult to tell what's going on, Cohen, who also wrote the screenplay
and produced, keeps everything moving so quickly, the audience doesn't have much time to be baffled. His screenplay is filled
with action, including a thrilling assault on a gangster's beachside Florida mansion and a chase that sends Williamson to
Kennedy Airport, where he jumps on a plane and flies all the way to Los Angeles just so he can kill a guy who got off the
previous flight! Williamson is his usual charismatic self, and Martin scores points as Reverend Rufus, a roguish priest. Also
with Margaret Avery and Tony King. Music by Freddie Perren with songs performed by Motown's Edwin Starr (War).
HELLBOUND
(1994)--Directed by Aaron Norris. Stars Chuck Norris, Calvin Levels, Christopher Neame, Sheree J. Wilson. Chuck
Norris vs. Satan: whose kung fu is best? OK, so it isn’t Satan exactly fighting Big Chuck in the fiery finale
of this Cannon movie, merely his minion, Prosetanos (Neame), who masquerades as an antiquities professor. 800 years
after King Richard the Lion-Hearted entombed him, Prosetanos escapes and seeks to collect all nine pieces of a jeweled scepter
he needs in order to rule the world. He murders an Israeli rabbi in Chicago and runs afoul of tough detective Frank
Shatter (Norris) and his jive-talking partner Jackson (Levels), who journey to Jerusalem to continue their investigation.
Director Aaron Norris (Chuck’s brother) and stunt choreographer Mike Norris (son) deliver plenty of karate-kicking,
heart-ripping action, but without much energy or flair. Neame’s performance is ridiculously over-the-top, and
Levels never aims higher than “ugly American in a foreign land”. Chuck and Wilson must have gotten along,
because she played his love interest on WALKER, TEXAS RANGER. Theatrical trailers and one-sheets were produced, but
HELLBOUND only played in a few theaters. More than two years after it was produced, it finally came out on home video
in 1994. Music by George S. Clinton.
HELLBOY (2004)--Directed by Guillermo del Toro.
Stars Ron Perlman, Selma Blair, John Hurt, Doug Jones, Karel Roden, David Hyde Pierce. Mike Mignola's cult comic book
hero comes to the big screen in this effective blockbuster from Revolution Films. A prologue finds a young investigator
of the paranormal accompanying American G.I.'s into Russia in 1944, where they stumble onto a group of Nazis, led by Gregori
Rasputin (Roden), performing an experiment involving a parallel universe. The Joes manage to prevent the Nazis from
succeeding, but the experiment results in a devilish-looking "baby", colored red with horns on its forehead and a large stone
right hand, crossing over into our world.
Sixty years later, the lad has grown into a large, cigar-chomping
wiseass named Hellboy (Perlman), and is working for the FBI as a monster fighter under the guidance of the now-elderly paranormal
investigator, Professor Broom (Hurt). Other mutants under Broom's care are Abe Sapien (played by Jones and voiced by
an unbilled Pierce), a gill-man with a fondness for rotten eggs, and Liz Sherman (Blair), who can start fires just by thinking
about it. Hellboy finds his greatest challenge yet when Rasputin appears in New York City with an ambitious plan to
destroy the world using giant squids from outer space or some such nonsense.
Truthfully, del Toro's needlessly confusing plot is HELLBOY's worst
asset, as I had little idea of who the bad guys were or exactly what they wanted to accomplish. On the other hand, production
design, visual effects and particularly Marco Beltrami's score are top-notch, as is Perlman's charismatic central performance.
Despite his monstrous appearance, Hellboy is a sympathetic, likable character, easy with whom to identify, especially when
he pines away for the lovely, heavy-lidded Liz, played by Blair with great vulnerability. Del Toro adds plenty of humor
to the dark storyline, adding up to a rousing adventure with style. Also with Jeffrey Tambor, Rupert Evans, Bridget
Hodson, Corey Johnson and Ladislav Beran as the film's most intriguing villain, an armor-clad martial artist and swordsman
with the extraordinary ability to turn himself on and off using a control dial embedded in his chest. Filmed in Prague
on a relatively low $60 million budget.
THE HELLCATS (1968)--Directed by Robert F. Slatzer.
Stars Dee Duffy, Sharyn Kinzie, Lydia Goya, Sonny West, Robert F. Slatzer. A murdered cop's girlfriend (Duffy) joins a female
motorcycle gang undercover. She follows the gang on a drug-smuggling run into Mexico, but becomes the prisoner of mob kingpin
Mr. Adrian (Slatzer) upon her return. The Hellcats are eventually killed or arrested and Duffy's revenge is enacted. Songs
by Davy Jones and the Dolphins and Somebody's Children. The multi-talented Slatzer co-wrote the script too.
HELLGATE (1989)—Directed by William A. Levey.
Stars Ron Palillo, Abigail Wolcott, Petrea Curran, Joanne Warde, Evan J. Klisser, Carel Trichardt. Despite an exploding
goldfish, a face-chomping mutant turtle, zombies, bikers, a ‘50s diner, topless women, a 19th-century ghost town, can-can
dancers, finger-chopping, a hand-sized crystal that shoots lasers, and Horshak’s ass, HELLGATE somehow still manages
to be a stupid and boring horror movie. Four “youths” (including WELCOME BACK, KOTTER star Palillo, who
was forty) investigate some mysterious goings-on at Hellgate, a tourist-trap ghost town where Matt (Palillo) encountered a
gorgeous nympho (Wolcott) and her father, Lucas (Trichardt), a creepy Gomez-Addams-looking dude who blew up Matt’s buddy
Chuck’s (Klisser) ski with his laser. Could Wolcott be the legendary Hellgate Hitchhiker, the subject of local
folklore, who was abducted by a biker gang 35 years earlier and taken to Hellgate, where a strange crystal found buried in
a mine turned everyone into zombies? I think that’s how the legend goes. Little about HELLGATE makes any
sense, including the alleged comic relief, which appears to be intentional, but is so unfunny and out of place that who knows?
Levey throws in just about every wayward plot development and horror cliché he can think of, deluging the viewer in tamely
produced random mayhem. You won’t be frightened, but you may be amused at the cheap outdoor set built to represent
a combo diner/gas station. Palillo also appeared in Levey’s COMMITTED and SKATETOWN, U.S.A.
HELLHOLE (1985)—Directed by Pierre de Moro.
Stars Judy Landers, Mary Woronov, Marjoe Gortner, Ray Sharkey. It seems like this sleazy cross between a slasher flick
and a women-in-prison shocker should be more entertaining than it actually is. An obviously high Sharkey takes bad-acting
honors as Silk, a sleazebag killer who coerces buxom blonde Susan (Landers) off a ledge. The fall doesn’t kill
her, but turns her into an amnesiac, and Silk’s powerful boss (we never find out exactly why he wants Susan dead) maneuvers
her into an all-female sanitarium that he owns. There, gay necro doc Fletcher (Woronov) and sexually repressed Dr. Dane
(Gortner) perform hush-hush lobotomies on pretty young things and toss their mindless remains into a dank dungeon. With
two separate writers listed in the closing crawl as providing “additional dialogue,” it’s no surprise that
HELLHOLE is foolishly and incomprehensibly written. Landers got rich playing dumb sexpots during the 1980s, but she
never did much for me, and she leaves HELLHOLE’s nude scenes to other actresses to perform (leading me to wonder why
de Moro bothered to hire her). The campy cast does its best to pull this one over the top, but the juice just ain’t
there. Also with Richard Cox, Edy Williams, Dyanne Thorne, Terry Moore and Robert Z’Dar.
HELL'S ANGELS ON WHEELS (1967)--Directed by Richard
Rush. Stars Adam Rourke, Jack Nicholson, Sabrina Scharf, Jana Taylor. Nicholson plays Poet, a gas-station attendant who is
saved from a beating by Rourke's biker gang. Poet joins up, just in time to steal Rourke's girl (Scharf). Lots of rumbles,
motorcycles, bodypainting, sex and psychedelics. Also with real-life Angels' leader Sonny Barger, Jack Starrett, Bruno VeSota
and Gary Littlejohn. Music by The Poor. Cinematography by Laszlo Kovacs (EASY RIDER). From the director of THE STUNT MAN.
HELL’S ANGELS ’69 (1969)—Directed
by Lee Madden. Stars Tom Stern, Jeremy Slate, Conny Van Dyke, Sonny Barger, G.D. Spradlin. As far as I know, this
is the only fiction film produced with the full blessing of the actual Hell’s Angels. Members of the Oakland chapter,
including the notorious Sonny Barger, play themselves in this needlessly complicated biker flick shot in and around Las Vegas.
Two rich brothers, Chuck (Stern) and Wes (Slate), concoct a plot to steal $600,000 from Caesar’s Palace that involves
infiltrating the Angels and using them (without their knowledge) to decoy the cops away from their getaway. When Sonny
and the guys discover the ruse, they trade in their Harleys for dirt bikes and pursue the brothers and former Angel mama Betsy
(Van Dyke) into the desert. Spradlin eats some running time as a detective who occasionally enters scenes, but has no
impact whatsoever on the story. Stern and Slate, both of whom had previously starred in biker movies, created the story,
which combines a caper with typical biker shenanigans (drinking beer, slapping women, terrorizing “citizens,”
etc.). It’s not very good, but there are some good stunts and cinematography, and it’s interesting to see
the actual Hell’s Angels in action (they’re poor actors though). Also with Terry the Tramp, Magoo, Sweet
Terry, Tiny and Skip. Steve Sandor receives a prominent credit, but I don’t think he’s in the movie.
HELL'S HIGHWAY: THE TRUE STORY OF HIGHWAY SAFETY FILMS
(2003)--Directed by Bret Wood. Wood's documentary about the Highway Safety Foundation, which produced several driver's
education scare films that freaked out generations of teens in the 1950's, '60s, '70s and '80s (including this one), is a
bizarre, interesting and not totally successful trip down memory lane. It's difficult to muster up much nostalgic or
camp value for these films, drenched as they were in actual gore. Based in Mansfield, Ohio, the Foundation was created
by an accountant named Richard Wayman, who recruited photographers and crime reporters to shoot 16mm film of real car crashes,
complete with mangled corpses, and used them to produce short color films aimed at frightening young people into driving carefully.
With titles like MECHANIZED DEATH, WHEELS OF TRAGEDY and THE CHILD MOLESTER (one of the occasional forays into other types
of scare films), these pictures weren't exactly subtle, and to meet many of the folks who made them, including photographer
John Domer, police chief John Butler and Earle J. Deems, who took over the Foundation after Wayman's death, is a fascinating
experience. They don't seem to be monsters or creeps, and sincerely believe they were aiding society (and, in fact,
the Highway Safety Foundation did play a large part in passing life-saving highway legislation). Wood illustrates his
points with many grotesque film clips that could never be shown in public schools today (Kino Video's DVD release offers more
clips and three films in their entirety). He also raises more questions than he can answer, and one potentially lurid
subplot about the Foundation's alleged foray into pornography is quickly dismissed. Ronald Reagan, James Stewart (voice
only) and Hans Conried appear in clips.
HELP! (1965)--Directed by Richard Lester. Stars
the Beatles, Leo McKern, Eleanor Bron, Victor Spinetti, Roy Kinnear. The Beatles' and Lester's color follow-up to A HARD DAYS
NIGHT was this wacky tale of a religious sect out to steal Ringo's ring in order to use it for a sacrifice. Like the first
movie, HELP! is filled with great one liners and non sequiters, sharp editing and terrific songs; it also features gorgeous
locations and brilliant color. Great scenes include the "Ticket to Ride" sequence in the Swiss Alps, the band performing "You're
Gonna Lose That Girl" in a recording studio and Paul McCartney shrunk to the size of an insect.
HELTER SKELTER (1976)--Directed by Tom Gries.
Stars George DiCenzo, Steve Railsback. I first read HELTER SKELTER my first year out of college. I was working
the graveyard shift at a small Top 40 radio station, and I usually read to pass the time between Tommy Page and Tora Tora
Tora records. Here’s some advice: alone in the middle of the night in a rickety old building is the worst
possible setting in which to read HELTER SKELTER , which is Vincent Bugliosi’s 1974 best-seller about the Manson Family
murders. Bugliosi is the Los Angeles County district attorney who prosecuted Manson and members of his cult who were
convicted of committing the seven “Tate-LaBianca” slayings.
HELTER SKELTER was remade in 2004, but it’s hard to imagine
it being more gripping than Tom Gries’ 1976 version, which aired over two nights and four hours almost five years to
the day after Manson was handed the death sentence by a California jury (California later repealed the death penalty, and
Manson is now serving life). Told in docudrama fashion, Gries opens his film with the discovery of the bodies in Roman
Polanski’s Beverly Hills mansion, which included Polanski’s actress wife Sharon Tate. The crime scene is
surprisingly bloody for network television at that time, although audiences inured by LAW & ORDER will barely shrug.
Gries (QB VII) and writer JP Miller (DAYS OF WINE AND ROSES),
along with character actor George DiCenzo, who sometimes addresses the home audience directly as Bugliosi, carefully lay out
the puzzle pieces and introduce us to a sprawling cast of characters: the cops, the lawyers, the victims, and, yes,
the killers. The ugly star of our story is Manson himself, a lunatic, sociopath and--in the eyes of his followers--Jesus
Christ. Matching DiCenzo’s solid turn is Steve Railsback (THE STUNT MAN) in a starmaking performance as Manson.
It’s nigh impossible to tear your eyes away from Railsback, who nails the madman’s wide-eyed presence so distinctly
that you fear the actor may have a murderous skeleton or two in his own closet.
HELTER SKELTER is three hours that feels half its length.
It’s smart and skillfully presented, but most importantly, it’s a powerful reminder that no Hollywood screenwriter
can create a greater evil than what already exists in our own backyards. Nancy Wolfe, Christina Hart and Cathey Paine
are chilling as Manson’s female co-defendants. Also with Marilyn Burns, Paul Mantee, Sondra Blake, Jon Gries,
Alan Oppenheimer, Linden Chiles, David Clennon and Marc Alaimo.
HELVETICA (2007)—Directed by Gary Hustwit.
Probably the best film ever made about a typeface, Hustwit’s HELVETICA explores the origins and the cultural impact
of Helvetica, a font created in Germany during the 1950s. You might be surprised to learn just how much a simple typeface
affects our everyday lives and the extents to which generations of graphic designers have gone to (unsuccessfully) replace
it. Crisp editing and a bouncy score prevent HELVETICA from becoming dry. I’m no graphic designer, but I
still found the film to be of interest, as Hustwit interviews various graphic designers and marketing experts from around
the world. I have to admit that I was particularly fascinated when Hustwit traveled to Germany and showed off the original
Helvetica drawings. Those interested in typography, printing and design will likely find much to admire about HELVETICA.
HENRY: PORTRAIT OF A SERIAL KILLER (1986)--Directed
by John McNaughton. Stars Michael Rooker, Tom Towles, Tracy Arnold. A very impressive directorial debut by McNaughton. This
Chicago-lensed horror film sat on the shelf for four years before finally getting a decent release by MPI in an unrated version
(the MPAA slapped an X on it). Loosely based on real-life serial killer Henry Lee Lucas, who claimed to have murdered over
300 people, HENRY follows Henry (Rooker), a quiet, illiterate ex-con who murders people becausewelljust because. We see him
go about his business very methodically, intelligently and, most frighteningly, cold-bloodedly. He isn't emotional about murder,
because he has no emotions. Living in a rundown Chicago apartment with old jail buddy Otis (Towles), Henry begins processing
new feelings when Otis's younger sister Becky (Arnold) moves in with them, an ex-stripper escaping from an abusive husband.
Benefiting from a sharp, clinical directorial approach and three exceptional performances, HENRY is one of the best
horror movies ever made. It isn't "fun" or "exciting", but it is truly disturbing and one of the most fascinating character
studies of Evil ever filmed. HENRY's most notorious setpiece involves Henry and Otis videotaping their slaughter of an entire
family, and then watching the tape at home in slow motion. McNaughton made another horror film, THE BORROWER, before going
Hollywood with MAD DOG AND GLORY and WILD THINGS. Rooker became an in-demand character actor (SEA OF LOVE, THE BONE COLLECTOR).
HERCULES (1959)--Directed by Pietro Francisi. Stars Steve Reeves, Sylva Koscina, Gianna Maria Canale.
It's difficult to fathom today the immense popularity of this low-budget Italian adventure. The muscular Reeves became a superstar
for his portrayal of the legendary hero, who, in this film, battles monsters, mutants, ape men and Amazons in his search for
Jason and the Argonauts. He also loves gorgeous princess Koscina. Film is crudely made, and the dubbing is awful, but it's
fun in a kitschy way. Cinematography by famed Italian horror director Mario Bava. The Montana-born Reeves was a former Mr.
Universe.
HERCULES
(1983)--Directed by Luigi Cozzi. Stars Lou Ferrigno, Sybil Danning, Ingrid Anderson. The director of the hilariously
insane STARCRASH turns to fantasy and the Greek warrior who appeared in dozens of Italian sword-and-sandal features during
the 1960’s. INCREDIBLE HULK Ferrigno is perfectly cast in this PG Cannon feature as Hercules, whose super-strength
is first demonstrated when Baby Herc strangles a pair of sea snakes. In the film’s most notorious scene, he fights
a bear with his bare hands and throws the carcass into outer space! Hercules falls in love with the beautiful Cassiopeia
(Anderson), whom he must rescue when she’s kidnapped by the evil seductress Ariadne (Danning). That mission is
hard enough without also having to endure the wrath of Hera, who hangs around outer space with some other gods and thinks
up dangerous obstacles for Hercules to fight, such as a giant robot that shoots laser beams from its eyes. Cozzi allows
the pace to flag occasionally, but the high points, including the unconvincing miniatures and the wacky addition of science
fiction elements to the traditionally fantastic legend, make the Golan-Globus production a must-see for fans of bad movies.
Brad Harris and William Berger also appear, and the great Pino Donaggio provided the score. Surprisingly, Cannon released
a sequel in theaters two years later.
HERCULES II (1985)--Directed by Luigi Cozzi.
Stars Lou Ferrigno, William Berger. Evil King Minos (Berger), whom Hercules defeated in Ferrigno’s previous Hercules
movie, returns from the dead to bug the crap out of the Greek strongman once more. This time, Herc teams up with a pair
of sexy ladies and fights more oddball villains, such as a colony of swamp monsters. The plot involves Hercules’
search for the stolen Thunderbolts of Zeus, which have materialized on Earth in the form of enemies that he must fight.
The wild climax finds Hercules and Minos transforming into animated figures that fight each other in outer space. Then,
Herc must grow millions of yards in height in order to physically prevent the Moon from colliding with Earth. Also released
as THE ADVENTURES OF HERCULES, this Cannon sequel must have stunned audiences who paid to see this one at their favorite multiplex.
Cozzi recycled Pino Donaggio’s score from the first movie. Ferrigno also made THE SEVEN MAGNIFICENT GLADIATORS
and SINBAD OF THE SEVEN SEAS in Italy.
HERCULES AGAINST THE MOON MEN (1964)--Directed
by Giacomo Gentilomo. Stars Alan Steel, Anna Maria Polani. Hercules (well, he's really Maciste, but Hercules was
a more marketable name in the United States) comes to the rescue when evil Queen Samara begins sacrificing virgins to her
new alien pals from the Moon. These "Moon Men" are gigantic rock creatures that unfortunately don't fight Herc until
the film's waning moments. Samara tries to seduce the big palooka (played by Steel) with some sort of magic potion,
but quick-thinking Herc pours the juice onto the floor when Her Majesty isn't looking. If you like sandstorms, large
apes with tusks, big-ass rocks and large, sweaty men that can lift heavy stuff, check this Italian peplum out.
HERCULES IN THE HAUNTED WORLD (1961)--Directed
by Mario Bava. Stars Reg Park, Christopher Lee, Leonora Ruffo. Hercules’ girlfriend, the Princess Deianira
(Ruffo), falls ill, so the big guy (Park) journeys all the way to Hell to retrieve a magic rock that will make her all better.
However, the princess’ evil uncle (Lee) doesn’t want her to get better, ‘cause he wants to be the sole ruler.
Eh, who cares about the story? Under Bava’s direction, the movie is sumptuous indeed with atmosphere and fascinating
color schemes. Hercules’ final battle with Lee and his zombie of army is certainly memorable. One of the
best pepla.
HERCULES UNCHAINED (1960)--Directed by Pietro Francisi.
Stars Steve Reeves, Sylva Koscina, Gabrille Antonini, Sylvia Lopez. Hercules gets amnesia and falls for an evil queen (Lopez).
Koscina returns as a princess, and Antonini plays Ulysses. Hercules fights tigers, swarms of enemy warriors, and professional
wrestler Primo Carnera. Mario Bava served as cinematographer and head of special effects. It was a very big hit here for American
producer Joseph E. Levine, who bought the U.S. rights to this and its predecessor HERCULES for a song, and marketed the bejeezus
out of it, much to the delight of children everywhere. Reeves plays Hercules for the second and last time. Many more Herc
adventures would follow, starring the likes of Reg Park, Alan Steel, Kirk Morris, etc.
HERO (2002)--Directed by Zhang Yimou. Stars
Jet Li, Tony Leung, Maggie Cheung, Zhang Ziyi, Donnie Yen, Daoming Chen. Fans of CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON will
find similar thrills in this period fantasy that teams up several of Asia's biggest movie stars. The King of Qin (Chen)
fears assassination by a representative from one of China's other six provinces. A nameless warrior (Li) enters the
palace, claiming to have singlehandedly defeated the king's three most feared enemies: assassins Sky (Yen), Broken Sword
(Leung) and Snow (Cheung). In RASHOMON-fashion, Nameless tells the stories of how he was able to kill them all.
China's most expensive production of all time, Yimou's $31 million budget is proudly on display, resulting in glorious sets
and cinematography, as well as imaginative action sequences in which the fighters float over treetops and skip across pond
surfaces. Performances are subdued, with Leung and Cheung taking top honors as lovers divided by their individual senses
of honor. The lovely Ziyi basically reprises her CTHD character, but is never less than watchable. Miramax bought
U.S. distribution rights in 2002, but sat on it for nearly two years. Trailers touting HERO as a "Quentin Tarantino
Presentation" unspoiled before KILL BILL, VOL. 2 showings, but QT's name is absent from the print itself.
HERO
AND THE TERROR (1988)--Directed by William Tannen. Stars Chuck Norris, Brynn Thayer, Jack O'Halloran, Steve James.
Norris is actually pretty good as a sensitive Los Angeles cop chasing a hulking homicidal maniac known as "The Terror". Big
Chuck handles the obligatory shootout and kung-fu scenes with his normal aplomb, but is also surprisingly capable in his scenes
with pregnant girlfriend Thayer. Also with Ron O'Neal, Billy Drago (later to co-star with Chuck in DELTA FORCE 2) and Jeffrey
Kramer. Based on a novel by actor Michael Blodgett (BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS).
HERO AT LARGE
(1980)--Directed by Martin Davidson. Stars John Ritter, Anne Archer, Bert Convy, Kevin McCarthy. Ritter plays a down-on-his-luck
actor who gets a job making public appearances as movie superhero Captain Avenger. While returning in costume from an engagement,
Ritter foils a holdup and becomes a real-life hero. Ritter is engaging in his first film lead, and Archer is cute as his love
interest.
HEROES STAND ALONE (1989)--Directed by Mark Griffiths. Stars Chad Everett, Bradford Dillman,
Elsa Olivero. Produced by Luis Llosa, who graduated to directing mainstream Hollywood actioners like THE SPECIALIST and SNIPER.
Nothing very thrilling happens in this action flick starring MEDICAL CENTER's Dr. Joe Gannon (Everett) as a CIA agent in Central
America battling renegade agent Dillman. I remember Everett plugging this and THE JIGSAW MURDERS on TV's PASSWORD PLUS with
Bert Convy! Filmed as DUNCAN'S DODGERS.
HEROIC TRIO (1992)--Directed by Ching Siu Tung & Johnny
To. Stars Michelle Yeoh, Anita Mui, Maggie Cheung. Lots of stylized violence occurs in this really bizarre fantasy about three
gorgeous Asian superheroes who battle an evil demon cult which kidnaps babies and eats them. Michelle is the kung-fu fighting
Invisible Woman, Anita is Wonder Woman (NOT the popular DC Comics heroine created by William Moulton) and Maggie is the chopper-riding
Thief Catcher. The sequel to this Asian smash took place in a post-apocalyptic future.
HICKEY & BOGGS
(1972)--Directed by Robert Culp. Stars Bill Cosby, Robert Culp, Rosalind Cash, Vincent Gardenia. Interesting attempt at film
noir starring I SPY stars Culp and Cosby as down-and-out private eyes looking for a missing girl and $400,000 from a botched
bank robbery. Story is confusing and disjointed, but there's some good use of Los Angeles locations, and Culp handles the
action sequences well. Highlights include exciting shootouts in the L.A. Coliseum and the Dodger Stadium parking lot. Culp
and Cosby eschew their familiar hip, wisecracking personas for dourer, seedier personalities, but the chemistry between them
still remains. I doubt if this was a box-office hit during its original release--I SPY fans probably found it too downbeat--and
it isn't easy to find today, but fans of the private eye genre should keep an eye out for this one. Screenplay by Walter Hill
(48 HOURS). Look for Michael Moriarty and James Woods in small roles. Supporting cast also includes Robert Mandan, Jack Colvin,
Ed Lauter, Bill Hickman, Roger E. Mosley, Lou Frizzell and Isabel Sanford. Music by Ted Ashford.
HIDALGO (2004)--Directed by Joe Johnston.
Stars Viggo Mortensen, Omar Sharif, Zuleikha Robinson, Louise Lombard, Silas Carson, Adam Alexi-Malle. HIDALGO is the
sort of old-fashioned swashbuckler they say Hollywood doesn't make any more. It's got cowboys and Indians, a beautiful
princess, swordfighting, killer leopards, a kidnapping and daring rescue, a hissable villain complete with a black goatee,
a taciturn hero in a big hat and a lot more. You would think that the central story, that of a man attempting a grueling
3000-mile race across the Arabian desert, is compelling enough. However, screenwriter John Fusco (YOUNG GUNS) manages
to bulk up the proceedings, as well as the delicious supporting performances, by giving his hero a few extra tasks to perform
along the way.
That hero is Frank T. Hopkins (Viggo Mortensen, Aragorn from the
LORD OF THE RINGS trilogy), a guilt-ridden sot reduced to performing in Buffalo Bill Cody's Wild West show after witnessing
the Army's massacre of dozens of Native Americans at Wounded Knee. An opportunity for redemption arrives in the form
of Aziz (Adam Alexi-Malle), an emissary of wealthy Sheikh Riyadh (Omar Sharif), who invites (more like dares) Frank and his
pure mustang Hidalgo to compete in the world's deadliest long-distance horse race, 3000 miles across an area of desert known
as the Ocean of Fire, where obstacles include not only 100 of the finest Bedouin horses and riders available, but also locusts,
sandstorms and a lot of really mean cheaters. The "Great Horse Race of the Bedouin" ends up resembling a live-action
episode of SCOOBY DOO'S ALL-STAR LAFF-A-LYMPICS, with beautiful blond aristocrat Lady Davenport (Louise Lombard) and the Sheikh's
unscrupulous nephew Katib (Silas Carson) leading the Really Rottens.
While director Joe Johnston, whose expertise with family-oriented
adventure began with HONEY, I SHRUNK THE KIDS and THE ROCKETEER, stages the race on startling Moroccan locations, Shelly Johnson's
camerawork beaming the sweltering sun directly into our laps, HIDALGO's most rousing sequences involve the charismatic Riyadh
and his liberated daughter Jazira (Zuleikha Robinson, last seen adding exotica to Fox's short-lived THE LONE GUNMEN series)
and Frank's relationships with both. While Hopkins is scorned by the competition for being an outsider from the West,
the Sheikh, an avid reader of dime novels, finds the cowboy a fascinating novelty. And although he threatens to castrate
Frank when he and the curious Jazira are discovered together unchaperoned, it is to Hopkins the Sheikh turns for help when
Jazira is snatched by Katib and held for ransom.
Allegedly based on a true story (I'm not buying it myself), the
screenplay by John Fusco is admittedly a bit rambling and unfocused, a flaw that slicing 15 minutes off the running time might
have fixed. As the tight-lipped hero, Mortensen is one of the few actors today who seem convincing in an Old West setting,
while the rest of the cast have a good time with the lean caricatures Fusco has created for them to play. And even though
HIDALGO's only connection with true events seems to be that Hopkins did, in fact, exist, the film's greatest strength is that,
as if you were a child, you'll wish it all did happen. Also with an unbilled Malcolm McDowell in a delicious cameo,
J.K. Simmons (SPIDER-MAN) as Buffalo Bill, Elizabeth Berridge as Annie Oakley, Floyd Red Crow Westerman, Jerry Hardin, Chris
Owen and Jeff Kober. C. Thomas Howell appears in the prologue sporting an English accent so bad, you figure he must
be blackmailing somebody on the production staff. Also filmed in Montana and South Dakota. Music by James Newton
Howard.
THE HIDDEN (1987)--Directed by Jack Sholder.
Stars Michael Nouri, Kyle MacLachlan. New Line surprised a lot of critics with this influential sci-fi/action movie
that’s a real sleeper. Hot-headed Los Angeles detective Beck (Nouri) reluctantly teams up with eccentric FBI agent
Gallagher (MacLachlan) to track a rash of serial killings being performed by seemingly ordinary citizens. As the chases,
shootouts, crashes and murders pile up around the city, we learn that the killer is a gooey space alien who passes from human
body to human body, possessing them and using them to act out violently. Sholder has a great talent for directing action,
but much of the movie’s heart lies in the relationship between Beck and Gallagher, particularly when the cop discovers
that his mysterious new partner knows more about their prey than he lets on. Spectacular stunt work and a strong script
by Jim Kouf (written under a pseudonym) set this violent buddy-cop movie ahead of most of the competition. Sholder also
gets good work from his supporting cast, including Ed O’Ross (48 HOURS), Clu Gulager, William Boyett (ADAM-12), Katherine
Cannon, Richard Brooks, James Luisi, Lin Shaye, Chris Mulkey and foxy Claudia Christian as a stripper. Music by Michael
Convertino. THE HIDDEN II came out several years later, but without any original cast or major crew members.
HIDDEN ASSASSIN (1995)--Directed by Ted Kotcheff.
Stars Dolph Lundgren, Maruschka Detmers, John Ashton. Gritty, back-to-the-basics direction by Kotcheff (FIRST BLOOD)
and interesting Prague locations put this decent thriller a rung or two ahead of usual Lundgren fare. The 6'6" Swede
plays Michael Dane, a U.S. Marshal assigned to transport a beautiful killer back to the States for trial. Simone (Detmers)
is accused of shooting the Cuban ambassador from a storm drain, and the government is demanding she be taken into custody
before an important summit in Prague gets underway. Accompanied by his partner and foster father Alex (Ashton), Dane
captures, loses, and recaptures Simone, as well as uncovering a conspiracy within his own ranks.
I mean it as a compliment when I say HIDDEN ASSASSIN looks like it
could have been released in 1976. International in scope, lean and bloody in its action scenes, and given a realistic
texture by cinematographer Fernando Arguelles, it moves at a decent clip, while still giving its foreign-born stars a few
opportunities to emote. Ashton (BEVERLY HILLS COP) provides a dose of color to the shootouts and stunts. Detmers
first caused a stir in the '80s when she reportedly became the first non-adult film star to perform an on-screen sex act in
the French/Italian DEVIL IN THE FLESH. Kotcheff is currently an executive producer of NBC's LAW & ORDER: SPECIAL
VICTIMS UNIT. Originally released as THE SHOOTER, HIDDEN ASSASSIN was its title when released on home video by Dimension.
If you're a '70s sitcom fan, you might recognize the actor playing Lundgren's boss: Gavan O'Herlihy, who was the mysterious
oldest son Chuck on HAPPY DAYS.
HIDE IN PLAIN SIGHT (1980)--Directed by James Caan.
Stars James Caan, Jill Eikenberry, Robert Viharo, Kenneth McMillan, Josef Sommer, Danny Aiello, Barbara Rae. Caan made a promising
directorial debut with this dramatization of a true story in which he plays Tom Hacklin, a Buffalo, New York factory worker
who loses contact with his children when his ex-wife (Rae) and her mobster husband (Viharo) are relocated by the Federal Witness
Protection Program. The United States Government gives Hacklin the runaround when he attempts to uncover the whereabouts of
his kids, so, supported by his new wife (Eikenberry) and well-meaning lawyer (Aiello), he determines to find them himself.
This is the sort of material that usually plays like a made-for-TV movie, but a passionate performance by Caan and an earnest
directorial approach to a fascinating subject elevate HIDE IN PLAIN SIGHT to the level of good solid drama. Filmed on location
in Buffalo, Washington, D.C. and Albuquerque, N.M. Also with Kenneth McMillan, Josef Sommer and David Clennon. Music by Leonard
Rosenmann. It's too bad Caan hasn't directed since.
HIGH ANXIETY (1978)--Directed by Mel Brooks.
Stars Mel Brooks, Madeline Kahn, Cloris Leachman, Harvey Korman. Following the successes of YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN and SILENT
MOVIE, Brooks and his repertory company spoofed Alfred Hitchcock in this comic thriller filled with wacky puns and sight gags.
The problem during its initial release (in the pre-VCR days) is that no one had seen most of the films being parodied in decades,
so the jokes went over the heads of many audience members. May be better appreciated today. Also with Charlie Callas, Howard
Morris, Dick Van Patten, Jack Riley and future Oscar-winner (and co-writer) Barry Levinson in a bit as a bellboy.
HIGH CRIME
(1973)--Directed by Enzo G. Castellari. Stars Franco Nero, James Whitmore, Fernando
Rey. One of Italian cinema's most ambitious and popular crime thrillers was clearly
influenced by the success of THE FRENCH CONNECTION. Nero (DJANGO) plays Belli,
a tough narcotics detective who's out for revenge after several of his fellow officers are killed by a car bomb that was intended
to take out Belli as well. Despite the warnings of his boss Scavino (Whitmore),
Belli plunges headlong into a bloody gang war involving veteran mobster Cafiero (Rey, who also played the French druglord
in FRENCH CONNECTION). Belli's detecting method mostly involves beating the crap
out of everybody he meets, with the fury growing more intense every time one of his friends, relatives or lovers is whacked
by the Mob.
Castellari's action scenes are about as good as '70s cinema produced,
with plenty of bloody squibs, shootouts, explosions and car crackups (I particularly love the ragged body that tumbles in
slow-motion out of a burning auto). Where HIGH CRIME really earns its stripes,
though, is in its story, which carefully lays out its elaborate plot and takes the time to create an emotionally charged character
for Nero to play. By exploring his tender side, which he doesn't have much time
to use in a life that calls for him to constantly smack the crap out of thugs and bad guys, Belli's personal losses carry
more impact than, for instance, in a DEATH WISH sequel where Charles Bronson's "loved one du jour" is just fodder to propel
the bloodletting. Also with Delia Boccardo, Stefania Girolami (the director's
daughter) and Silvano Tranquilli. Italian title:
LA POLIZIA INCRIMINA, LA LEGGE ASSOLVE. Brothers Guido and Maurizio de
Angelis composed the excellent funk score, excerpts of which can be heard on PIOMBO ROVENTE, a compilation of '70s Italian
crime score cuts. Whitmore was then coming off his first season on the TEMPERATURES
RISING sitcom.
HIGH CRIMES (2002)--Directed by Carl Franklin.
Stars Ashley Judd, Morgan Freeman, Jim Caviezel, Amanda Peet, Adam Scott. The secret to a good mystery is the sportsmanship
with which it plays with its audience. That means its author has to set up specific rules and then stay within those
boundaries when constructing the plot. This sense of fair play can only result in an ending that, in retrospect, can
be the only logical one, yet still be a surprise to the audience. Authors like Ed McBain, Erle Stanley Gardner and Agatha
Christie understood this; so did Alfred Hitchcock.
Ashley Judd seems to
be making a career of starring in glossy Hollywood thrillers in which she gets to be both spunky and victimized, such as EYE
OF THE BEHOLDER and DOUBLE JEOPARDY. She even starred with Morgan Freeman in KISS THE GIRLS, a silly James Patterson
bestseller with a denouement that felt as though it was picked out of a hat. Director Carl Franklin has already shown
he can make a good mystery; his Walter Mosley adaptation DEVIL WITH THE BLUE DRESS was deserving of Oscar buzz for Denzel
Washington and Don Cheadle. With Judd and Franklin teaming up--and Freeman bringing his patented paterfamilias schtick
to the party--their latest suspenser should have worked like a charm. But it doesn't. And it's easy to see why.
I haven't read the Joseph Finder novel that Cary Bickley and Yuri Zeltser adapted for the screen, but it's hard to believe
that it could possibly be as muddleheaded as the screenplay. If it is and Bickley and Zeltser were just following along, then
it's harder to swallow that Franklin and Company could have read it.
Judd is all Kentucky
downhome freshness as hotshot San Francisco defense attorney Claire Kubik, all smug as a bug after freeing her rapist client
on a technicality. Since she and husband Tom (Jim Caviezel) are busy suburbanites trying to get pregnant, they have
to schedule their lovemaking sessions right down to the last minute ("7 minutes with you on top and my hips elevated").
Life is so happy and gay--boy, isn't she surprised when the two of them are ambushed and arrested by the FBI during a Christmas
shopping spree. It seems Tom isn't really Tom Kubik. He's Ron Chapman, and he's accused of murdering nine civilians
while on a Marine mission in El Salvador in 1988. Claiming he was framed, Ron deserted, changed his name, got married,
and up to now, lived a quiet, assuming life in Frisco. Standing by her man to the end and unsatisfied with the babyfaced
defender assigned by the Marines to Tom's court martial, Claire decides to defend her husband herself and recruits Charlie
Grimes (Freeman), an alcoholic ex-Marine lawyer to help out. Remember Tommy Lee Jones in RULES OF ENGAGEMENT?
That's pretty much who Freeman plays here.
Judd and Freeman are
pros, and even when the paint-by-numbers script lets them down, they still manage to keep their dignity. Judd even manages
a few quiet moments of nifty expression, whether nervously questioning the man she loves for the first time since learning
of his former life or defiantly flipping the bird at a truckload of rowdy soldiers. They manage better than Adam Scott
as the Marine defender Lieutenant Embry and Amanda Peet as Claire's freespirited sister Jackie, two characters that are so
superfluous that their actual story purpose seems a foregone conclusion (although when Jackie's apparent fate as the film's
requisite Sacrificial Lamb doesn't happen, it smacks more of creative reticence than an actual plot twist). At least
Scott has a decent handle on his shy but earnest character, unlike Peet, who bounces, smokes and loudmouths her way through
every scene like she did research for her character by watching an ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS marathon.
It's hard to judge Caviezel's
performance, since it's unclear he knew any more about his character than we do. He tries, but guided by the script's
unreasonable and downright silly demands placed upon him, isn't able to accomplish much. Neither is Franklin, who tosses
in enough false scares, shadowy threats, bats to the head, mysterious informers, and government cover-ups to make us believe
something suspenseful is happening, even when it's clear nothing is. What's maddening about HIGH CRIMES is that you
won't realize it until it's all over, and you start wondering, hey, then who planted the bug and why did somebody run them
off the road and why was that big guy acting so mean if he really had no reason to and... In fact, it's making me mad
right now thinking about it.
Also with Tom Bower,
Bruce Davison, Juan Carlos Hernandez, Michael Gaston and Emilio Rivera. Music by Graeme Revell. Producer Jesse
B'Franklin is the director's wife. Franklin is a former actor who played black sidekicks in the TV series CARIBE, FANTASTIC
JOURNEY and MCCLAIN'S LAW before moving into feature directing.
HIGH DESERT
KILL (1989)—Directed by Harry Falk. Stars Anthony Geary, Marc Singer, Micah Grant, Chuck Connors.
Less than a year after their friend Paul’s death, buddies Jim (Geary) and Brad (Singer) set out on the annual hunting
trip the three of them usually took together, accompanied for the first time by Paul’s younger nephew Ray (Grant).
Strangely, all the game seems to have been shooed off, the only living creature around being grizzled mountain man Stan (Connors),
who shares his campsite with the three men. The absence of anything to shoot at is just one of the strange sensations
surrounding this year’s trip. Two sexy young women visit their campsite, incite the men to fight each other for
the right to sleep with them, and then disappear the next morning. As does the corpse of a bear that three of them kill.
And is that really their late friend Paul that Jim sees roaming around? CHINA SYNDROME screenwriter T.S. Cook penned
this odd made-for-cable picture that doesn’t quite pay off at the end, though it might have made a neat little half-hour
TV episode with the fat trimmed out of it and the performances toned down somewhat. The last credit of Falk’s
directing career, which began making episodes of his then-wife Patty Duke’s ‘60s sitcom. Also with Lori
Birdsong (MAD JAKE), Deborah Anne Mansy and Vaughn Armstrong. Music by Dana Kaproff.
HIGH
FIDELITY (2000)--Directed by Stephen Frears. Stars John Cusack, Jack Black, Iben Hjejle, Todd Louiso. More so than
any other actor of his generation, John Cusack has always seemed easy to identify with. Although his characters are generally
witty, passionate and the smartest guy in the room, he also has a wry genuineness which has led him to virtually become a
spokesman for the '80s Generation, due in no small part to his Lloyd Dobler character in 1989's SAY ANYTHING..., whose rain-soaked
boombox serenade of the girl he loved has become an indelible film image. And so it goes with Rob, the Chicago record-shop
owner Cusack plays in HIGH FIDELITY, an American film version of Nick Hornby's 1995 British novel, who talks directly to the
camera as though the audience was an old pal. While this gimmick can seem cloying in the hands of other performers, Cusack's
natural likability draws us in to where we really feel as though Rob is an intimate of ours.
Rob owns Championship
Vinyl, a record store that actually sells records. His employees include meek, eager-to-please Dick (Todd Louiso) and obnoxious
Barry (Jack Black of Tenacious D, who nearly steals the picture), the kind of guy who thinks his opinion means everything
and yours is just a nuisance. All three are music-trivia junkies, debating the merits of the Righteous Brothers versus Mitch
Ryder, and engaging in frivolous Top 5 lists like Top 5 Songs About Death. Like most Cusack characters, Rob is unlucky at
love, and has just been dumped by Laura (Danish actress Iben Hjejle in her U.S. debut). Whereas Rob still lives in a crummy
apartment, wears complimentary band T-shirts, and hasn't an ambitious bone in his body, Laura feels she has outgrown Rob,
and has shacked up with a supercilious, ponytailed New-Ager played in an amusing cameo by Tim Robbins. To recover from his
early-30s, where-is-my-life-going malaise, Rob revisits his Top 5 breakups in an attempt to discover what led these women
to break up with him; they include waifish Sarah (Lili Taylor), gorgeous jetsetter Charlie (Catherine Zeta-Jones), and virginal
Penny (Joelle Carter). His interactions with all three--as well as a one-night-stand with sexy chanteuse Marie (Lisa Bonet)--allow
Rob--and us--to discover that he isn't necessarily such a nice guy after all, and that indeed he has a great deal of growing
up to do.
Director Stephen Frears, who teamed with Cusack on THE GRIFTERS
a decade ago, allows the episodic plot to play itself out loosely, and is wise enough to stay out of the way and not try to
jazz up the proceedings with stylish gimmicks. Screenwriters D.V. DeVincentis, Cusack and Steve Pink (CON AIR's Scott Rosenberg
is also credited) earlier collaborated on an even better Cusack starrer, GROSSE POINTE BLANK, and have demonstrated an ability
to tap into a truly hip vein, dotting the dialogue with clever throwaways and pop references. Aided by a talented supporting
cast--which also includes Sara Gilbert, Natasha Gregson Wagner, Joan Cusack and a surprise cameo by a rock legend--and a remarkably
eclectic soundtrack that runs the gamut from The 13th Floor Elevators to The Beta Band, Cusack and Company have achieved an
appropriately arch antidote for turning-thirty angst. After all, if Lloyd Dobler can grow up, so can we.
Also with
Chris Rehmann, Ben Carr and Marc Busey. Music score by Howard Shore. Cusack and Robbins have appeared together in six films,
including their first, TAPEHEADS, and 1999's CRADLE WILL ROCK. Mike Newell, who directed Cusack in PUSHING TIN, served as
an executive producer. So how in the hell do you pronounce "Iben Hjejle" anyway?
HIGH NOON, PART II: THE RETURN OF WILL KANE
(1980)—Directed by Jerry Jameson. Stars Lee Majors, David Carradine, Pernell Roberts, Katherine Cannon, J.A. Preston,
Michael Pataki. I can’t imagine a more ludicrous title or concept than this. Admit it—at first glance,
you’d assume this was an SCTV parody with Joe Flaherty as Gary Cooper, wouldn’t ya? (“Yup.”)
Then you notice that it was written by Elmore Leonard, which piques your interest a little bit. And once you start to
get into it, you realize that it really isn’t too bad. In fact, HIGH NOON, PART II would likely play much better
under any other title, because as good as it is, it of course doesn’t measure up to the 1952 classic.
More than a year after killing Frank Miller and leaving Hadleyville
with his wife Amy (Cannon stepping into Grace Kelly’s dainty shoes), former marshal Kane (Majors) returns to buy some
horses and settle down. His dreams of a simple future are shattered, however, when his horses are unnecessarily killed
during a gun battle between a posse led by arrogant new marshal Ward (Roberts) and the roguish but basically decent Ben Irons
(Carradine), who has a $5000 bounty on his head. Kane knows Irons is innocent of the murder charge against him, but
Ward, who delights in cruelly mistreating everyone, including his deputies Darold (Pataki) and Alonzo (Preston), insists on
hunting Irons anyway, ordering his men to shoot to kill on sight. As we know from the Cooper film, Kane can’t
bear to let an injustice pass, and his decision to bring Irons in himself to stand trial makes him an enemy of the gun-happy
Ward.
Let’s get it out of the way—no, Majors (in between
THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN and THE FALL GUY) is no Cooper, but he isn’t bad either. In fact, his casting as a
durable, righteous western hero is spot-on, and he’s an excellent foil for both the wry Carradine (THE LONG RIDERS had
already come out) and the bigoted sadist Roberts. Nicely photographed in Old Tucson by Harry May (FRIENDLY FIRE), HIGH
NOON, PART II benefits from its rousing score, which is reminiscent of Ennio Morricone (who composed the theme to Majors’
earlier western series THE MEN FROM SHILOH). Since no music credit is given, and some of the score sounds familiar,
I’ve concluded that CBS or producer Edward J. Montagne (MCHALE’S NAVY) oddly decided to use library tracks.
An unusual decision for a TV-movie of that era, but an effective one. Carradine later appeared three times with Majors
on THE FALL GUY (once memorably with his father John and brothers Keith and Robert), while Roberts guest-starred on Lee’s
series THE BIG VALLEY and THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN. Also with Tracey Walter, Britt Leach, Frank Campanella and M.
Emmet Walsh.
HIGH PLAINS DRIFTER (1973)--Directed by Clint
Eastwood. Stars Clint Eastwood, Verna Bloom, Marianna Hill, Mitchell Ryan, Geoffrey Lewis. Eastwood's second film as a director
was this bizarre western about a mysterious stranger who rides into a small town, rapes the women and shoots some men, paints
the town red, and rides off into the sunset. I think he's supposed to represent the spirit of a lawman who was beaten to death
while the townspeople stood by and watched. Movie is directed well b
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