HEAR NO EVIL (1992)--Directed by Robert Greenwald. Stars Marlee Matlin, Martin Sheen, D.B. Sweeney. Pretty routine thriller that seems loosely based on WAIT UNTIL DARK. Matlin (deaf in real life) plays a hearing-impaired woman who accidentally comes into possession of a rare coin that some bad guys want. Sheen walks through his role as a bad cop. Matlin, who has a brief topless bathing scene, seems to be a pretty good actress--it's too bad her choice of roles is limited by her handicap. Also with John C. McGinley, Mickey O'Malley and Marge Redmond.

HEARTBREAK RIDGE (1986)--Directed by Clint Eastwood. Stars Clint Eastwood, Marsha Mason, Mario Van Peebles, Everett McGill. Eastwood gives an offbeat performance as tough, vulgar Gunnery Sergeant Tom Highway, who is assigned to train a platoon of green recruits. After various DIRTY DOZEN-like training scenes and a couple of attempted reconciliations with ex-wife Mason, Highway leads his men into the Grenada conflict. Script by James Carabatsos; cast includes Moses Gunn, Bo Svenson and Eileen Heckart. The Marine Corps criticized the film during its initial release because of the rough language spoken by the soldiers in the film.

HEARTBURN (1986)--Directed by Mike Nichols. Stars Meryl Streep, Jack Nicholson, Maureen Stapleton, Jeff Daniels. The leads try hard, but are let down by a weak script by Nora Ephron (SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE). Streep is an author and Nicholson a Washington columnist who marry, but the relationship goes sour when Nicholson takes a mistress. Excellent cast includes Stockard Channing, Richard Masur, Catherine O'Hara, Steven Hill and Mercedes Reuhl. Ephron based her screenplay at least partially on her own marriage to WASHINGTON POST reporter Carl Bernstein (ALL THE PRESIDENT'S MEN).

HEARTS OF DARKNESS: A FILMMAKERS JOURNEY (1991)--Directed by George Hickenlooper. Riveting and surprisingly candid documentary about the making of APOCALYPSE NOW in the Philippines during the late 1970s. Francis Ford Coppola's wife Eleanor shot much of the behind-the-scenes footage, which details the firing of original lead Harvey Keitel after one week's filming, a hurricane that destroyed the films sets and delayed production six months, Martin Sheen's near-fatal heart attack, improvisation by actors like Dennis Hopper and Larry Fishburne and Coppola's near-breakdown. One of the best making-of features ever.

HEARTS OF THE WEST (1975)--Directed by Howard Zieff. Stars Jeff Bridges, Alan Arkin, Andy Griffith, Blythe Danner. Critically acclaimed box-office flop comedy is a wonderfully amiable tale of moviemaking in the 1930s. Bridges is an Iowa rube who goes West to be an author of Western fiction, but ends up working as a stuntman and actor in the B-pictures being made by neurotic director Kessler (Arkin, who is hilarious). Like most of Bridges's films of the period, HEARTS OF THE WEST became a minor cult hit, thanks to the gentle humor and nostalgic feel of Hollywood life during that period. Griffith has some nice moments as a washed-up cowboy star, and the terrific cast of character actors includes Donald Pleasance, Herb Edelman, Alex Rocco, Richard B. Shull, Anthony James, Thayer David, Dub Taylor, Matt Clark, Frank Cady, Woodrow Parfrey, Bill Quinn, Frank Bonner, William Christopher and Richard Stahl. Zieff's second film as a director. His only films of the '90s are the Anna Chlumsky comedy MY GIRL and its sequel. Produced by actor Tony Bill.

HEAT (1987)--Directed by Dick Richards. Stars Burt Reynolds, Peter MacNicol, Karen Young, Diana Scarwid, Howard Hesseman. Las Vegas adventurer Reynolds is hired by a rich wimp (MacNicol) to teach him how to be a tough guy. Reynolds must also battle the mob when he avenges his friend's (Young) beating. Pretty lame mix of sex and violence, although Burt's fans might like it. Reynolds and director Richards had a well-publicized fistfight on the set.

HEAT (1995)--Directed by Michael Mann. Stars Al Pacino, Robert DeNiro, Val Kilmer, Tom Sizemore. Quite simply one of the best cop movies in many years. Michael Mann, who has written, produced and/or directed some terrific thrillers (MANHUNTER, THIEF), comes through again with this three-hour cops-and-robbers epic. The key here is the first-time teaming of screen legends Pacino and DeNiro (both starred in THE GODFATHER, PART II, but shared no scenes). Al plays a thrice-married L.A. cop with a harried home life who is assigned to investigate a well-choreographed armored-truck robbery in which three guards were killed. The crooks, who commit holdups with MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE-like precision, are led by DeNiro, a clever career criminal who has amassed much wealth, but little personal happiness. Mann's film follows the actions of both protagonists: Pacino's obsession with DeNiro's capture and DeNiro's dream of one more big score before retirement. The two stars only meet twice (over coffee in a diner, and the exciting climactic shootout), but both scenes are well written and performed and are worth waiting for. Of course, the concept of hero and villain being two sides of the same coin is not new, but Pacino, DeNiro and Mann make it worth another spin. HEAT also boasts an exceptional supporting cast, including Kilmer and Sizemore as DeNiro's cohorts in crime, Diane Venora as Pacino's frustrated wife, Amy Brenneman (NYPD BLUE) as a lonely young bookstore employee who falls for DeNiro, Dennis Haysbert, Ted Levine, Mykelti Williamson, Jeremy Piven and Ashley Judd as Kilmer's wife.

HEAT VISION AND JACK (1999)—Directed by Ben Stiller. Stars Jack Black, Owen Wilson, Ron Silver, Christine Taylor, Vincent Schiavelli. Famous failed TV pilot must still keep some Fox execs up at night, considering the movie stardom to come for its director and stars. In Stiller’s parody of THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN, Black stars as Jack Austin, an astronaut who became the world’s smartest man after being exposed to excessive solar radiation. He travels the country on a talking motorcycle named Heat Vision (voiced by Wilson), while evil NASA assassin and parttime actor Ron Silver (“You were a bad guy in TIMECOP.”) pursues him in order to steal his brain. In a small desert town, an alien named Paragon possesses fry cook Schiavelli and begins exterminating humans. Jack and Heat Vision help comely sheriff Taylor stop the alien menace. Clever stuff fully aware of its silly premise and with a good-sport performance by Silver. Stiller puts in a cameo as a strip club DJ. Writers Rob Schrab and Dan Harmon later produced THE SARAH SILVERMAN PROGRAM.

HEATHERS (1989)--Directed by Michael Lehmann. Stars Winona Ryder, Christian Slater, Shannen Doherty. A clever script by Daniel Waters and good acting by Ryder and Slater propel this funny black comedy. Offbeat Ryder becomes a member of a snobby high-school clique consisting of four girls who happen to be named Heather. When Ryder becomes disgusted at the Heathers' stuck-up attitude, she decides to teach them a lesson. However, the revenge takes a wrong turn when delinquent boyfriend Slater begins murdering Heathers. Slater does a mean Jack Nicholson impression. Lehmann's direction bogs down some during the last half-hour, but film is terrific anyway. Look for the ADAM-12 in-joke.

HEAVEN CAN WAIT (1978)--Directed by Warren Beatty & Buck Henry. Stars Warren Beatty, Julie Christie, James Mason, Dyan Cannon, Charles Grodin. This charming fantasy was nominated for nine Academy Awards, including four for Beatty as Best Actor, Director, Writer (with Elaine May) and Picture (he produced it); it only won for Art Direction-Set Decoration. Warren plays Joe Pendleton, a quarterback for the Los Angeles Rams who is killed before his time, and sent back to Earth by Mr. Jordan (Mason) in the body of a millionaire who was murdered by his two-timing wife and his cowardly secretary (Cannon and Grodin, who are hilarious). Beatty buys the Rams so he can quarterback them in the Super Bowl, and he falls in love with a British woman played by Beatty's former flame Christie in an unflattering, curly hairdo. Not many bellylaughs, but its sweet and fun. Also with Jack Warden, Vincent Gardenia, Buck Henry, R.G. Armstrong, Keene Curtis, Hamilton Camp and Deacon Jones. Music by Dave Grusin.

HEAVEN'S PRISONERS (1996)--Directed by Phil Joanou. Stars Alec Baldwin, Mary Stuart Masterson, Eric Roberts, Kelly Lynch, Teri Hatcher. This troubled production was filmed in 1994, but, after its studio went bankrupt, sat on the shelf until released by Fine Line in the spring of '96. Baldwin executive-produces and stars as James Lee Burke's literary detective Dave Robicheaux, an alcoholic ex-New Orleans cop-turned-bait shop owner. He and his wife (Lynch) are out on their boat one morning when a plane crashes nearby. Robicheaux is able to save one passenger, a little girl from South America, whom the Robicheauxs adopt. Soon Baldwin is up to his eyeballs in druglords, mobsters, revenge and a local crime boss and former childhood friend of Robicheaux's named Bubba Rocque (Roberts in cornrows!). Masterson is miscast as a stripper with (you guessed it!) a heart of gold, and Hatcher (TV's Lois Lane) makes an indelible entrance as Rocque's lush wife who drinks gin rickeys completely nude on the balcony of her mansion. HEAVEN'S PRISONERS (the title is meaningless within the context of this film) isn't particularly bad, but it isn't very good either. Baldwin gives an interesting performance in what was obviously meant as a franchise role for him, but there's just too much plot, and not a very interesting one at that. The ending shows signs of last-minute reshooting.

HELL'S ANGELS ON WHEELS (1967)--Directed by Richard Rush. Stars Adam Rourke, Jack Nicholson, Sabrina Scharf, Jana Taylor. Nicholson plays Poet, a gas-station attendant who is saved from a beating by Rourke's biker gang. Poet joins up, just in time to steal Rourke's girl (Scharf). Lots of rumbles, motorcycles, bodypainting, sex and psychedelics. Also with real-life Angels' leader Sonny Barger, Jack Starrett, Bruno VeSota and Gary Littlejohn. Music by The Poor. Cinematography by Laszlo Kovacs (EASY RIDER). From the director of THE STUNT MAN.

HELL’S ANGELS ’69 (1969)—Directed by Lee Madden.  Stars Tom Stern, Jeremy Slate, Conny Van Dyke, Sonny Barger, G.D. Spradlin.  As far as I know, this is the only fiction film produced with the full blessing of the actual Hell’s Angels.  Members of the Oakland chapter, including the notorious Sonny Barger, play themselves in this needlessly complicated biker flick shot in and around Las Vegas.  Two rich brothers, Chuck (Stern) and Wes (Slate), concoct a plot to steal $600,000 from Caesar’s Palace that involves infiltrating the Angels and using them (without their knowledge) to decoy the cops away from their getaway.  When Sonny and the guys discover the ruse, they trade in their Harleys for dirt bikes and pursue the brothers and former Angel mama Betsy (Van Dyke) into the desert.  Spradlin eats some running time as a detective who occasionally enters scenes, but has no impact whatsoever on the story.  Stern and Slate, both of whom had previously starred in biker movies, created the story, which combines a caper with typical biker shenanigans (drinking beer, slapping women, terrorizing “citizens,” etc.).  It’s not very good, but there are some good stunts and cinematography, and it’s interesting to see the actual Hell’s Angels in action (they’re poor actors though).  Also with Terry the Tramp, Magoo, Sweet Terry, Tiny and Skip.  Steve Sandor receives a prominent credit, but I don’t think he’s in the movie.

HELL'S HIGHWAY: THE TRUE STORY OF HIGHWAY SAFETY FILMS (2003)--Directed by Bret Wood.  Wood's documentary about the Highway Safety Foundation, which produced several driver's education scare films that freaked out generations of teens in the 1950's, '60s, '70s and '80s (including this one), is a bizarre, interesting and not totally successful trip down memory lane.  It's difficult to muster up much nostalgic or camp value for these films, drenched as they were in actual gore.  Based in Mansfield, Ohio, the Foundation was created by an accountant named Richard Wayman, who recruited photographers and crime reporters to shoot 16mm film of real car crashes, complete with mangled corpses, and used them to produce short color films aimed at frightening young people into driving carefully.  With titles like MECHANIZED DEATH, WHEELS OF TRAGEDY and THE CHILD MOLESTER (one of the occasional forays into other types of scare films), these pictures weren't exactly subtle, and to meet many of the folks who made them, including photographer John Domer, police chief John Butler and Earle J. Deems, who took over the Foundation after Wayman's death, is a fascinating experience.  They don't seem to be monsters or creeps, and sincerely believe they were aiding society (and, in fact, the Highway Safety Foundation did play a large part in passing life-saving highway legislation).  Wood illustrates his points with many grotesque film clips that could never be shown in public schools today (Kino Video's DVD release offers more clips and three films in their entirety).  He also raises more questions than he can answer, and one potentially lurid subplot about the Foundation's alleged foray into pornography is quickly dismissed.  Ronald Reagan, James Stewart (voice only) and Hans Conried appear in clips.

HELP! (1965)--Directed by Richard Lester. Stars the Beatles, Leo McKern, Eleanor Bron, Victor Spinetti, Roy Kinnear. The Beatles' and Lester's color follow-up to A HARD DAYS NIGHT was this wacky tale of a religious sect out to steal Ringo's ring in order to use it for a sacrifice. Like the first movie, HELP! is filled with great one liners and non sequiters, sharp editing and terrific songs; it also features gorgeous locations and brilliant color. Great scenes include the "Ticket to Ride" sequence in the Swiss Alps, the band performing "You're Gonna Lose That Girl" in a recording studio and Paul McCartney shrunk to the size of an insect.

HELTER SKELTER (1976)--Directed by Tom Gries.  Stars George DiCenzo, Steve Railsback.  I first read HELTER SKELTER my first year out of college.  I was working the graveyard shift at a small Top 40 radio station, and I usually read to pass the time between Tommy Page and Tora Tora Tora records.  Here’s some advice:  alone in the middle of the night in a rickety old building is the worst possible setting in which to read HELTER SKELTER , which is Vincent Bugliosi’s 1974 best-seller about the Manson Family murders.  Bugliosi is the Los Angeles County district attorney who prosecuted Manson and members of his cult who were convicted of committing the seven “Tate-LaBianca” slayings.

HELTER SKELTER was remade in 2004, but it’s hard to imagine it being more gripping than Tom Gries’ 1976 version, which aired over two nights and four hours almost five years to the day after Manson was handed the death sentence by a California jury (California later repealed the death penalty, and Manson is now serving life).  Told in docudrama fashion, Gries opens his film with the discovery of the bodies in Roman Polanski’s Beverly Hills mansion, which included Polanski’s actress wife Sharon Tate.  The crime scene is surprisingly bloody for network television at that time, although audiences inured by LAW & ORDER will barely shrug.

Gries (QB VII) and writer JP Miller (DAYS OF WINE AND ROSES), along with character actor George DiCenzo, who sometimes addresses the home audience directly as Bugliosi, carefully lay out the puzzle pieces and introduce us to a sprawling cast of characters:  the cops, the lawyers, the victims, and, yes, the killers.  The ugly star of our story is Manson himself, a lunatic, sociopath and--in the eyes of his followers--Jesus Christ.  Matching DiCenzo’s solid turn is Steve Railsback (THE STUNT MAN) in a starmaking performance as Manson.  It’s nigh impossible to tear your eyes away from Railsback, who nails the madman’s wide-eyed presence so distinctly that you fear the actor may have a murderous skeleton or two in his own closet.

HELTER SKELTER is three hours that feels half its length.  It’s smart and skillfully presented, but most importantly, it’s a powerful reminder that no Hollywood screenwriter can create a greater evil than what already exists in our own backyards.  Nancy Wolfe, Christina Hart and Cathey Paine are chilling as Manson’s female co-defendants.  Also with Marilyn Burns, Paul Mantee, Sondra Blake, Jon Gries, Alan Oppenheimer, Linden Chiles, David Clennon and Marc Alaimo.

HELVETICA (2007)—Directed by Gary Hustwit.  Probably the best film ever made about a typeface, Hustwit’s HELVETICA explores the origins and the cultural impact of Helvetica, a font created in Germany during the 1950s.  You might be surprised to learn just how much a simple typeface affects our everyday lives and the extents to which generations of graphic designers have gone to (unsuccessfully) replace it.  Crisp editing and a bouncy score prevent HELVETICA from becoming dry.  I’m no graphic designer, but I still found the film to be of interest, as Hustwit interviews various graphic designers and marketing experts from around the world.  I have to admit that I was particularly fascinated when Hustwit traveled to Germany and showed off the original Helvetica drawings.  Those interested in typography, printing and design will likely find much to admire about HELVETICA.

HENRY: PORTRAIT OF A SERIAL KILLER (1986)--Directed by John McNaughton. Stars Michael Rooker, Tom Towles, Tracy Arnold. A very impressive directorial debut by McNaughton. This Chicago-lensed horror film sat on the shelf for four years before finally getting a decent release by MPI in an unrated version (the MPAA slapped an X on it). Loosely based on real-life serial killer Henry Lee Lucas, who claimed to have murdered over 300 people, HENRY follows Henry (Rooker), a quiet, illiterate ex-con who murders people becausewelljust because. We see him go about his business very methodically, intelligently and, most frighteningly, cold-bloodedly. He isn't emotional about murder, because he has no emotions. Living in a rundown Chicago apartment with old jail buddy Otis (Towles), Henry begins processing new feelings when Otis's younger sister Becky (Arnold) moves in with them, an ex-stripper escaping from an abusive husband.

Benefiting from a sharp, clinical directorial approach and three exceptional performances, HENRY is one of the best horror movies ever made. It isn't "fun" or "exciting", but it is truly disturbing and one of the most fascinating character studies of Evil ever filmed. HENRY's most notorious setpiece involves Henry and Otis videotaping their slaughter of an entire family, and then watching the tape at home in slow motion. McNaughton made another horror film, THE BORROWER, before going Hollywood with MAD DOG AND GLORY and WILD THINGS. Rooker became an in-demand character actor (SEA OF LOVE, THE BONE COLLECTOR).

HERCULES (1959)--Directed by Pietro Francisi. Stars Steve Reeves, Sylva Koscina, Gianna Maria Canale. It's difficult to fathom today the immense popularity of this low-budget Italian adventure. The muscular Reeves became a superstar for his portrayal of the legendary hero, who, in this film, battles monsters, mutants, ape men and Amazons in his search for Jason and the Argonauts. He also loves gorgeous princess Koscina. Film is crudely made, and the dubbing is awful, but it's fun in a kitschy way. Cinematography by famed Italian horror director Mario Bava. The Montana-born Reeves was a former Mr. Universe.

HIDDEN ASSASSIN (1995)--Directed by Ted Kotcheff.  Stars Dolph Lundgren, Maruschka Detmers, John Ashton.  Gritty, back-to-the-basics direction by Kotcheff (FIRST BLOOD) and interesting Prague locations put this decent thriller a rung or two ahead of usual Lundgren fare.  The 6'6" Swede plays Michael Dane, a U.S. Marshal assigned to transport a beautiful killer back to the States for trial.  Simone (Detmers) is accused of shooting the Cuban ambassador from a storm drain, and the government is demanding she be taken into custody before an important summit in Prague gets underway.  Accompanied by his partner and foster father Alex (Ashton), Dane captures, loses, and recaptures Simone, as well as uncovering a conspiracy within his own ranks.

I mean it as a compliment when I say HIDDEN ASSASSIN looks like it could have been released in 1976.  International in scope, lean and bloody in its action scenes, and given a realistic texture by cinematographer Fernando Arguelles, it moves at a decent clip, while still giving its foreign-born stars a few opportunities to emote.  Ashton (BEVERLY HILLS COP) provides a dose of color to the shootouts and stunts.  Detmers first caused a stir in the '80s when she reportedly became the first non-adult film star to perform an on-screen sex act in the French/Italian DEVIL IN THE FLESH.  Kotcheff is currently an executive producer of NBC's LAW & ORDER: SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT.  Originally released as THE SHOOTER, HIDDEN ASSASSIN was its title when released on home video by Dimension.  If you're a '70s sitcom fan, you might recognize the actor playing Lundgren's boss:  Gavan O'Herlihy, who was the mysterious oldest son Chuck on HAPPY DAYS.

HIDE AND GO SHRIEK (1988)—Directed by Skip Schoolnik. Stars George Thomas, Donna Baltron, Sean Kanin, Scott Fults, Ria Pavia, Bunky Jones, Brittain Frye, Annette Sinclair. Come on, at the very least, you gotta give this late-in-the-game slasher flick props for its title. Four high-school couples gather for what they call “the adventure of their lives.” One Chinese fire drill later, they arrive at their destination—John’s (Kanin, later a regular on THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL) father’s furniture store, where the teens plan to spend the night partying and getting busy. Who is the crossdressing strongman who’s killing them off? It’s probably not the creepy ex-con security guard with the snake tattoo who’s cooking Steakum in the basement. Whoever he is, he gets his kicks by dressing up in his latest victim’s clothes and luring his next victim to his or her doom. The wackier the climax of these things, the better, as far as I’m concerned, and HIDE AND GO SHRIEK is blessed with a truly weird ending. All four leading actresses show their bodies (hooray). Director Schoolnik moved into television as a producer on ANGEL and K-VILLE. Also with Jeff Levine and Scott Kubay.

HIDE IN PLAIN SIGHT (1980)--Directed by James Caan. Stars James Caan, Jill Eikenberry, Robert Viharo, Kenneth McMillan, Josef Sommer, Danny Aiello, Barbara Rae. Caan made a promising directorial debut with this dramatization of a true story in which he plays Tom Hacklin, a Buffalo, New York factory worker who loses contact with his children when his ex-wife (Rae) and her mobster husband (Viharo) are relocated by the Federal Witness Protection Program. The United States Government gives Hacklin the runaround when he attempts to uncover the whereabouts of his kids, so, supported by his new wife (Eikenberry) and well-meaning lawyer (Aiello), he determines to find them himself. This is the sort of material that usually plays like a made-for-TV movie, but a passionate performance by Caan and an earnest directorial approach to a fascinating subject elevate HIDE IN PLAIN SIGHT to the level of good solid drama. Filmed on location in Buffalo, Washington, D.C. and Albuquerque, N.M. Also with Kenneth McMillan, Josef Sommer and David Clennon. Music by Leonard Rosenmann. It's too bad Caan hasn't directed since.

HIDING OUT (1987)—Directed by Bob Giraldi.  Stars Jon Cryer, Keith Coogan, Annabeth Gish, Oliver Cotton, John Spencer.  Only in the ‘80s would someone think this was a good idea for a teen movie.  Wealthy NYC stockbroker Cryer, a reluctant witness in the trial of a mobster, hides from a hitman by cutting his beard, adding blond highlights, and posing as a student at his old high school in Maryland.  He hangs out with his dorky teenage cousin (Coogan) and falls for a cute classmate (Gish).  Stale gags about student elections, driver’s education, uptight teachers, wizened old black janitors, and meeting your date’s father abound.  Anyone who can’t see how this plot will turn out should have his movie-watching license revoked.  Spencer (THE WEST WING) is good as the FBI agent assigned to protect Cryer (TWO AND A HALF MEN).  Giraldi was a world-class director of commercials and music videos making his first foray into feature films.  He wasn’t that good at it, though a story this dumb would be difficult for anyone to pull off.

HIGH ANXIETY (1978)--Directed by Mel Brooks. Stars Mel Brooks, Madeline Kahn, Cloris Leachman, Harvey Korman. Following the successes of YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN and SILENT MOVIE, Brooks and his repertory company spoofed Alfred Hitchcock in this comic thriller filled with wacky puns and sight gags. The problem during its initial release (in the pre-VCR days) is that no one had seen most of the films being parodied in decades, so the jokes went over the heads of many audience members. May be better appreciated today. Also with Charlie Callas, Howard Morris, Dick Van Patten, Jack Riley and future Oscar-winner (and co-writer) Barry Levinson in a bit as a bellboy.

HIGH CRIME (1973)--Directed by Enzo G. Castellari.  Stars Franco Nero, James Whitmore, Fernando Rey.  One of Italian cinema's most ambitious and popular crime thrillers was clearly influenced by the success of THE FRENCH CONNECTION.  Nero (DJANGO) plays Belli, a tough narcotics detective who's out for revenge after several of his fellow officers are killed by a car bomb that was intended to take out Belli as well.  Despite the warnings of his boss Scavino (Whitmore), Belli plunges headlong into a bloody gang war involving veteran mobster Cafiero (Rey, who also played the French druglord in FRENCH CONNECTION).  Belli's detecting method mostly involves beating the crap out of everybody he meets, with the fury growing more intense every time one of his friends, relatives or lovers is whacked by the Mob.

Castellari's action scenes are about as good as '70s cinema produced, with plenty of bloody squibs, shootouts, explosions and car crackups (I particularly love the ragged body that tumbles in slow-motion out of a burning auto).  Where HIGH CRIME really earns its stripes, though, is in its story, which carefully lays out its elaborate plot and takes the time to create an emotionally charged character for Nero to play.  By exploring his tender side, which he doesn't have much time to use in a life that calls for him to constantly smack the crap out of thugs and bad guys, Belli's personal losses carry more impact than, for instance, in a DEATH WISH sequel where Charles Bronson's "loved one du jour" is just fodder to propel the bloodletting.  Also with Delia Boccardo, Stefania Girolami (the director's daughter) and Silvano Tranquilli.  Italian title:  LA POLIZIA INCRIMINA, LA LEGGE ASSOLVE.  Brothers Guido and Maurizio de Angelis composed the excellent funk score, excerpts of which can be heard on PIOMBO ROVENTE, a compilation of '70s Italian crime score cuts.  Whitmore was then coming off his first season on the TEMPERATURES RISING sitcom.

HIGH CRIMES (2002)--Directed by Carl Franklin.  Stars Ashley Judd, Morgan Freeman, Jim Caviezel, Amanda Peet, Adam Scott.  The secret to a good mystery is the sportsmanship with which it plays with its audience.  That means its author has to set up specific rules and then stay within those boundaries when constructing the plot.  This sense of fair play can only result in an ending that, in retrospect, can be the only logical one, yet still be a surprise to the audience.  Authors like Ed McBain, Erle Stanley Gardner and Agatha Christie understood this; so did Alfred Hitchcock.

Ashley Judd seems to be making a career of starring in glossy Hollywood thrillers in which she gets to be both spunky and victimized, such as EYE OF THE BEHOLDER and DOUBLE JEOPARDY.  She even starred with Morgan Freeman in KISS THE GIRLS, a silly James Patterson bestseller with a denouement that felt as though it was picked out of a hat.  Director Carl Franklin has already shown he can make a good mystery; his Walter Mosley adaptation DEVIL WITH THE BLUE DRESS was deserving of Oscar buzz for Denzel Washington and Don Cheadle.  With Judd and Franklin teaming up--and Freeman bringing his patented paterfamilias schtick to the party--their latest suspenser should have worked like a charm.  But it doesn't.  And it's easy to see why.  I haven't read the Joseph Finder novel that Cary Bickley and Yuri Zeltser adapted for the screen, but it's hard to believe that it could possibly be as muddleheaded as the screenplay. If it is and Bickley and Zeltser were just following along, then it's harder to swallow that Franklin and Company could have read it.

Judd is all Kentucky downhome freshness as hotshot San Francisco defense attorney Claire Kubik, all smug as a bug after freeing her rapist client on a technicality.  Since she and husband Tom (Jim Caviezel) are busy suburbanites trying to get pregnant, they have to schedule their lovemaking sessions right down to the last minute ("7 minutes with you on top and my hips elevated").  Life is so happy and gay--boy, isn't she surprised when the two of them are ambushed and arrested by the FBI during a Christmas shopping spree.  It seems Tom isn't really Tom Kubik.  He's Ron Chapman, and he's accused of murdering nine civilians while on a Marine mission in El Salvador in 1988.  Claiming he was framed, Ron deserted, changed his name, got married, and up to now, lived a quiet, assuming life in Frisco.  Standing by her man to the end and unsatisfied with the babyfaced defender assigned by the Marines to Tom's court martial, Claire decides to defend her husband herself and recruits Charlie Grimes (Freeman), an alcoholic ex-Marine lawyer to help out.  Remember Tommy Lee Jones in RULES OF ENGAGEMENT?  That's pretty much who Freeman plays here.

Judd and Freeman are pros, and even when the paint-by-numbers script lets them down, they still manage to keep their dignity.  Judd even manages a few quiet moments of nifty expression, whether nervously questioning the man she loves for the first time since learning of his former life or defiantly flipping the bird at a truckload of rowdy soldiers.  They manage better than Adam Scott as the Marine defender Lieutenant Embry and Amanda Peet as Claire's freespirited sister Jackie, two characters that are so superfluous that their actual story purpose seems a foregone conclusion (although when Jackie's apparent fate as the film's requisite Sacrificial Lamb doesn't happen, it smacks more of creative reticence than an actual plot twist).  At least Scott has a decent handle on his shy but earnest character, unlike Peet, who bounces, smokes and loudmouths her way through every scene like she did research for her character by watching an ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS marathon.

It's hard to judge Caviezel's performance, since it's unclear he knew any more about his character than we do.  He tries, but guided by the script's unreasonable and downright silly demands placed upon him, isn't able to accomplish much.  Neither is Franklin, who tosses in enough false scares, shadowy threats, bats to the head, mysterious informers, and government cover-ups to make us believe something suspenseful is happening, even when it's clear nothing is.  What's maddening about HIGH CRIMES is that you won't realize it until it's all over, and you start wondering, hey, then who planted the bug and why did somebody run them off the road and why was that big guy acting so mean if he really had no reason to and...  In fact, it's making me mad right now thinking about it.

Also with Tom Bower, Bruce Davison, Juan Carlos Hernandez, Michael Gaston and Emilio Rivera.  Music by Graeme Revell.  Producer Jesse B'Franklin is the director's wife.  Franklin is a former actor who played black sidekicks in the TV series CARIBE, FANTASTIC JOURNEY and MCCLAIN'S LAW before moving into feature directing.

HIGH DESERT KILL (1989)—Directed by Harry Falk.  Stars Anthony Geary, Marc Singer, Micah Grant, Chuck Connors.  Less than a year after their friend Paul’s death, buddies Jim (Geary) and Brad (Singer) set out on the annual hunting trip the three of them usually took together, accompanied for the first time by Paul’s younger nephew Ray (Grant).  Strangely, all the game seems to have been shooed off, the only living creature around being grizzled mountain man Stan (Connors), who shares his campsite with the three men.  The absence of anything to shoot at is just one of the strange sensations surrounding this year’s trip.  Two sexy young women visit their campsite, incite the men to fight each other for the right to sleep with them, and then disappear the next morning.  As does the corpse of a bear that three of them kill.  And is that really their late friend Paul that Jim sees roaming around?  CHINA SYNDROME screenwriter T.S. Cook penned this odd made-for-cable picture that doesn’t quite pay off at the end, though it might have made a neat little half-hour TV episode with the fat trimmed out of it and the performances toned down somewhat.  The last credit of Falk’s directing career, which began making episodes of his then-wife Patty Duke’s ‘60s sitcom.  Also with Lori Birdsong (MAD JAKE), Deborah Anne Mansy and Vaughn Armstrong.  Music by Dana Kaproff.

HIGH FIDELITY (2000)--Directed by Stephen Frears. Stars John Cusack, Jack Black, Iben Hjejle, Todd Louiso. More so than any other actor of his generation, John Cusack has always seemed easy to identify with. Although his characters are generally witty, passionate and the smartest guy in the room, he also has a wry genuineness which has led him to virtually become a spokesman for the '80s Generation, due in no small part to his Lloyd Dobler character in 1989's SAY ANYTHING..., whose rain-soaked boombox serenade of the girl he loved has become an indelible film image. And so it goes with Rob, the Chicago record-shop owner Cusack plays in HIGH FIDELITY, an American film version of Nick Hornby's 1995 British novel, who talks directly to the camera as though the audience was an old pal. While this gimmick can seem cloying in the hands of other performers, Cusack's natural likability draws us in to where we really feel as though Rob is an intimate of ours.

Rob owns Championship Vinyl, a record store that actually sells records. His employees include meek, eager-to-please Dick (Todd Louiso) and obnoxious Barry (Jack Black of Tenacious D, who nearly steals the picture), the kind of guy who thinks his opinion means everything and yours is just a nuisance. All three are music-trivia junkies, debating the merits of the Righteous Brothers versus Mitch Ryder, and engaging in frivolous Top 5 lists like Top 5 Songs About Death. Like most Cusack characters, Rob is unlucky at love, and has just been dumped by Laura (Danish actress Iben Hjejle in her U.S. debut). Whereas Rob still lives in a crummy apartment, wears complimentary band T-shirts, and hasn't an ambitious bone in his body, Laura feels she has outgrown Rob, and has shacked up with a supercilious, ponytailed New-Ager played in an amusing cameo by Tim Robbins. To recover from his early-30s, where-is-my-life-going malaise, Rob revisits his Top 5 breakups in an attempt to discover what led these women to break up with him; they include waifish Sarah (Lili Taylor), gorgeous jetsetter Charlie (Catherine Zeta-Jones), and virginal Penny (Joelle Carter). His interactions with all three--as well as a one-night-stand with sexy chanteuse Marie (Lisa Bonet)--allow Rob--and us--to discover that he isn't necessarily such a nice guy after all, and that indeed he has a great deal of growing up to do.

Director Stephen Frears, who teamed with Cusack on THE GRIFTERS a decade ago, allows the episodic plot to play itself out loosely, and is wise enough to stay out of the way and not try to jazz up the proceedings with stylish gimmicks. Screenwriters D.V. DeVincentis, Cusack and Steve Pink (CON AIR's Scott Rosenberg is also credited) earlier collaborated on an even better Cusack starrer, GROSSE POINTE BLANK, and have demonstrated an ability to tap into a truly hip vein, dotting the dialogue with clever throwaways and pop references. Aided by a talented supporting cast--which also includes Sara Gilbert, Natasha Gregson Wagner, Joan Cusack and a surprise cameo by a rock legend--and a remarkably eclectic soundtrack that runs the gamut from The 13th Floor Elevators to The Beta Band, Cusack and Company have achieved an appropriately arch antidote for turning-thirty angst. After all, if Lloyd Dobler can grow up, so can we.

Also with Chris Rehmann, Ben Carr and Marc Busey. Music score by Howard Shore. Cusack and Robbins have appeared together in six films, including their first, TAPEHEADS, and 1999's CRADLE WILL ROCK. Mike Newell, who directed Cusack in PUSHING TIN, served as an executive producer. So how in the hell do you pronounce "Iben Hjejle" anyway?

HIGH NOON, PART II: THE RETURN OF WILL KANE (1980)—Directed by Jerry Jameson.  Stars Lee Majors, David Carradine, Pernell Roberts, Katherine Cannon, J.A. Preston, Michael Pataki.  I can’t imagine a more ludicrous title or concept than this.  Admit it—at first glance, you’d assume this was an SCTV parody with Joe Flaherty as Gary Cooper, wouldn’t ya?  (“Yup.”)  Then you notice that it was written by Elmore Leonard, which piques your interest a little bit.  And once you start to get into it, you realize that it really isn’t too bad.  In fact, HIGH NOON, PART II would likely play much better under any other title, because as good as it is, it of course doesn’t measure up to the 1952 classic.

More than a year after killing Frank Miller and leaving Hadleyville with his wife Amy (Cannon stepping into Grace Kelly’s dainty shoes), former marshal Kane (Majors) returns to buy some horses and settle down.  His dreams of a simple future are shattered, however, when his horses are unnecessarily killed during a gun battle between a posse led by arrogant new marshal Ward (Roberts) and the roguish but basically decent Ben Irons (Carradine), who has a $5000 bounty on his head.  Kane knows Irons is innocent of the murder charge against him, but Ward, who delights in cruelly mistreating everyone, including his deputies Darold (Pataki) and Alonzo (Preston), insists on hunting Irons anyway, ordering his men to shoot to kill on sight.  As we know from the Cooper film, Kane can’t bear to let an injustice pass, and his decision to bring Irons in himself to stand trial makes him an enemy of the gun-happy Ward.

Let’s get it out of the way—no, Majors (in between THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN and THE FALL GUY) is no Cooper, but he isn’t bad either.  In fact, his casting as a durable, righteous western hero is spot-on, and he’s an excellent foil for both the wry Carradine (THE LONG RIDERS had already come out) and the bigoted sadist Roberts.  Nicely photographed in Old Tucson by Harry May (FRIENDLY FIRE), HIGH NOON, PART II benefits from its rousing score, which is reminiscent of Ennio Morricone (who composed the theme to Majors’ earlier western series THE MEN FROM SHILOH).  Since no music credit is given, and some of the score sounds familiar, I’ve concluded that CBS or producer Edward J. Montagne (MCHALE’S NAVY) oddly decided to use library tracks.  An unusual decision for a TV-movie of that era, but an effective one.  Carradine later appeared three times with Majors on THE FALL GUY (once memorably with his father John and brothers Keith and Robert), while Roberts guest-starred on Lee’s series THE BIG VALLEY and THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN.  Also with Tracey Walter, Britt Leach, Frank Campanella and M. Emmet Walsh.

HIGH PLAINS DRIFTER (1973)--Directed by Clint Eastwood. Stars Clint Eastwood, Verna Bloom, Marianna Hill, Mitchell Ryan, Geoffrey Lewis. Eastwood's second film as a director was this bizarre western about a mysterious stranger who rides into a small town, rapes the women and shoots some men, paints the town red, and rides off into the sunset. I think he's supposed to represent the spirit of a lawman who was beaten to death while the townspeople stood by and watched. Movie is directed well by Eastwood, who shows a certain Sergio Leone flair for action. Especially interesting to watch today after the success of Clint's 1992 western UNFORGIVEN, a film that bears more than a few similarities to this one. Screenplay by Ernest Tidyman (SHAFT).

HIGH ROAD TO CHINA (1983)--Directed by Brian G. Hutton. Stars Tom Selleck, Bess Armstrong, Jack Weston. It's well known that Selleck was director Steven Spielberg's original choice to play Indiana Jones in RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK, but Selleck's MAGNUM, P.I. shooting schedule made it impossible for him to become a big-screen superstar. Undeterred, he starred in this RAIDERS-influenced adventure two years later as alcoholic biplane pilot Patrick O'Malley, who's hired by a spoiled heiress, Eve Tozer (Armstrong), to find her father, who's gone missing on an expedition in China. She has only a few days to find him, before his greedy business partner declares him dead and takes all his assets. Soaring across the Asian skies with O'Malley's faithful mechanic Struts (Weston) in tow, the duo follows all the Known Rules of Movie Couples, at first hating each other (O'Malley even smacks Eve at one point), and then, for no real reason, falling in love. Blessed with a lush John Barry score and picturesque Yugoslavian locations, HIGH ROAD takes the low road when it comes to straightforward action and character development. The stars are cute and the pictures are pretty, but there isn't much for the audience to embrace, and the film falters, especially under the standards for a period adventure set by RAIDERS. Also with Wilford Brimley, Brian Blessed, Robert Morley and Cassandra Gava. Selleck's feature career never did take off, although he did score a hit in THREE MEN AND A BABY.

HIGH SCHOOL CAESAR (1960)--Directed by O'Dale Ireland. Stars John Ashley, Gary Vinson, Judy Nugent. Ashley is pretty good (although he appears to be copying some of Elvis Presley's moves) as Mat Stevens, the senior class president whose sidelines include selling tests, running a protection racket, and setting up his wimpy flunky Cricket with the hot new blonde in school. It's all the fault of his rich parents, who mail him checks and leave him in their mansion with his own butler and cook while they're off gallivanting in Europe. Throw in some dancing, drag racing, a rumble and a confrontation with hero Vinson, and you've got a decent enough low-budget teen exploitation film released by Roger Corman's Filmgroup. Ireland, who also produced and provided the story, made DATE BAIT the same year. Vinson became a regular on MCHALE'S NAVY. Also with Steve Stevens, Lowell Brown and Daria Massey. Reggie Perkins performed the rockabilly-style rock tunes.

HIGH SCHOOL CONFIDENTIAL! (1958)--Directed by Jack Arnold. Stars Russ Tamblyn, Mamie Van Doren, John Drew Barrymore, Jackie Coogan, Jan Sterling, Diane Jergens. Tamblyn plays Tony, a tough-talking teen who marks his first day at his new high school by asking blond teacher Sterling for a date. He also moves in on turf run by J.I. (Barrymore), the marijuana-dealing leader of the Wheeler Dealers, and puts the moves on J.I.'s weedhead girl Jergens, who's addicted to pot. Tony, who has his hands full (so to speak) fending off the amorous advances of his tremendously stacked aunt (!) Van Doren (with whom he lives), turns out to be an undercover narc out to bust the towns major pot dealer Mr. A (Coogan). Producer Albert Zugsmith's sleazefest is filled with rock music, beatnik slang, drag races, and an attitude towards marijuana that makes REEFER MADNESS seem hip. I have the feeling Arnold, Tamblyn and many other cast members must have been playing this as the hilarious exploitation movie that it is, although some of the square audiences chose to view it as a serious look at drug abuse, which shows how teens who dabble in grass can go straight to full-out heroin addiction in no time flat. A sure sign of the film's true intentions is its introduction, which features Jerry Lee Lewis belting out the title song on the back of a flatbed truck for no reason. Van Doren, who was 27 at the time (three years older than nephew Tamblyn), practically steals the show, rolling around on the bed in her tight sweaters with an apple perched seductively in her mouth. Many of you will recognize these familiar cast members: Lyle Talbot, Michael Landon, Ray Anthony, William Wellman Jr., Charles Chaplin Jr., Jody Fair, Gil Perkins and Mel Welles. I've heard William Smith is in there somewhere, but I didn't see him. A major must-see, it was re-released in 1964 as THE YOUNG HELLIONS.

HIGH SCHOOL HELLCATS (1958)--Directed by Edward Bernds.  Stars Yvonne Lime, Brett Halsey, Jana Lund.  Hee hee.  Was high school ever like this?  New-girl-in-school Joyce (Lime, who is much too foxy to ever be considered unpopular) has trouble fitting in, and accepts an invitation by head Hellcat Connie (Lund) to join her gang, which apparently rules their suburban high school.  But first, Joyce has to pass her initiation, which includes wearing forbidden slacks to school (gasp!) and swiping $2 earrings from the local jewelry story (she left two bucks on the counter when the Hellcats weren't looking).  Her sophisticated new beau, Mike (Halsey), a law student who jerks sodas on the side, disapproves of the Hellcats, as does her angry father (who never does anything but bitch, moan and order his wife around).  At 69 minutes, this AIP release moves quickly and tells its ludicrous story with aplomb, bolstered by an attractive, energetic cast and a zany screenplay by Mark and Jan Lowell (DIARY OF A HIGH SCHOOL BRIDE) that appears set on another planet.  A couple of surprising deaths and one out-of-character fistfight add to the intensity.  Music by Ronald Stein.  Also with Susanne Sidney, Don Shelton, Viola Harris, Rhoda Williams and Robert Anderson.  You probably remember Lime from I WAS A TEENAGE WEREWOLF. 

HIGH SCHOOL U.S.A. (1983)--Directed by Rod Amateau. Silly made-for-TV comedy filled with has-been stars of the '60s and soon-to-be stars of the '80s. Of the former, look for Bob Denver, Dwayne Hickman, Tony Dow, Angela Cartwright, Elinor Donahue, David Nelson, Barry Livingston, Dawn Wells and Steve Franken. Also with Michael J. Fox, Crispin Glover, Todd Bridges, Dana Plato, Anthony Edwards and Nancy McKeon. Bridges builds a clunky, '30s-looking robot with a bow tie. Brilliant casting: spastic Glover as Denvers son!

HIGH-BALLIN' (1978)--Directed by Peter Carter. Stars Peter Fonda, Jerry Reed, Helen Shaver. Okay exploitation about a couple of independent truckers (Fonda, Reed) out to expose the corrupt leader of a transport company. Jerry sings, the good-'ol-boys fight some goons, and everybody crashes lots of trucks. Released by American-International Pictures. From the director of THE INTRUDER WITHIN.

HIGHLANDER (1986)--Directed by Russell Mulcahy. Stars Christopher Lambert, Sean Connery, Roxanne Hart, Clancy Brown. This silly but fast-paced adventure stars Lambert and Brown as a pair of immortal warriors battling for the ultimate prize of Total Knowledge. The parallel stories take place in medieval Scotland and modern-day New York. The only way a Highlander can be killed is by decapitation. Connery plays a Spanish (!) Highlander named Ramirez who becomes the medieval Lambert's mentor. Flashy direction by music-video veteran Mulcahy and a lot of exciting swordfighting scenes, but the story makes little sense. After being brutally edited by 20th Century Fox before its U.S. release, HIGHLANDER was a box-office bust, but did so well on video and cable that it was followed by two sequels and a syndicated TV series. Music by Queen.

HIGHLANDER II: THE QUICKENING (1991)--Directed by Russell Mulcahy.  Stars Christopher Lambert, Sean Connery, Virginia Madsen, Michael Ironside, John C. McGinley, Allan Rich.  At least three different versions of this film exist; this review is based on the original U.S. theatrical version, which also was released on videocassette.  It’s practically a lost film today, as the VHS tape is out of print, and it’s unlikely to receive a DVD release (though you never know).

This ridiculous sequel is stupefyingly bad, starting from a senseless premise and following it through to its anticlimactic end.  Most shocking, it completely contradicts much of what was previously established in the first film, where Connor MacLeod (Lambert) defeated the last of his people in combat to become the last Highlander (“There can be only one,” remember?) and lose his immortality.  HIGHLANDER II strangely posits that there are more Highlanders after all, and they come, not from medieval Scotland, but outer space!  The planet Zeist, to be exact, where MacLeod and his mentor Ramirez (a slumming Connery) are revealed as rebels whose attack against evil leader Katana (Ironside) failed.  Instead of executing them, the two are transported to Earth where they will never die.  Somehow, this is considered to be a great punishment.  When only one of them remains, he can choose either to return to Zeist or stay on Earth and grow old.  MacLeod vows to return to Zeist, though he never does.

In 1999, the ozone layer has been depleted, and MacLeod and his friend Alan Heyman (Rich) create the December Installation:  a shield that completely covers the Earth and protects it from solar radiation that has killed millions of people.  Unfortunately, it also shuts out sunlight, clouds, rain and the stars.  By 2024, the world is dark and gloomy, though The Shield Corporation, which owns the shield, is highly profitable under the watchful corporate eye of CFO Blake (McGinley).

Meanwhile, Katana, 500 years after MacLeod’s exile, for some reason decides to send two idiot assassins to Earth to take out his old enemy, who’s aged into an elderly man and would seem to pose no threat to anyone, much less somebody on a distant planet.  By the way, it isn’t established why Katana remains alive five centuries later.  If the inhabitants of Zeist are immortal, why would sentencing MacLeod and Ramirez to a life of immortality be such a harsh punishment?  MacLeod kills the assassins (in what is probably the movie’s best action scene), regains his youth (which occurred when the killers arrived from Zeist), and teams up with environmental terrorist Louise (Madsen) to defeat Katana (who has also come to Earth) and break up the Shield Corporation.

Filmed on the cheap in Argentina (though Connery allegedly made over $3 million for less than two weeks work), HIGHLANDER II occasionally showcases some very large sets, though often dark, bare ones influenced by BATMAN or maybe BLADE RUNNER.  MacLeod’s fight with the flying assassins appears to have been shot indoors or perhaps a backlot, and even though it doesn’t look anything like New York City, it does give the setpiece an otherworldly feel.  The clumsy editing produces several glaring continuity errors, such as the Zeist-born Katana knowing all about THE WIZARD OF OZ (!) and both Katana and MacLeod changing swords and clothes during their final battle.  The occasional comic lines fall flat, as do the awful power ballads sprinkled throughout.  Only Connery delivers a decent performance, and he’s barely trying.  Lambert is wooden, Ironside is ridiculously broad, and Madsen barely resonates (barely has a character, really), though screenwriter Peter Bellwood deserves his share of blame.

HIGHLANDER II was reportedly butchered by the financiers before its U.S. release, which director Mulcahy disowned.  The cut released in Europe was slightly different, and a more recent “Director’s Cut” substantially so, removing all references to Zeist and adding nearly twenty minutes of previously unseen footage.  I can’t say that either version is better, though it’s hard to see how they could be any worse.  HIGHLANDER II is one of the dumbest sequels ever made, though it isn’t at all boring.  On the contrary, it’s an often fascinating example of inept moviemaking, and it does contain much to laugh at, including some woeful visual effects.  Even Stewart Copeland’s score is bad.

Somehow, this movie didn’t bring the HIGHLANDER franchise to a screaming halt.  Two more films followed (as well as a third so-far-unreleased sequel), as well as two television series, comic books, action figures and much more.  HIGHLANDER remains alive and well more than twenty years after the first film.  If HIGHLANDER II couldn’t kill it, then the franchise may prove to be as immortal as its characters.

HIGHLANDER: ENDGAME (2000)--Directed by Douglas Aarniokoski.  Stars Adrian Paul, Christopher Lambert, Bruce Payne, Lisa Barbuscia, Donnie Yen.  Not even HIGHLANDER: ENDGAME, which teams up the star of the popular syndicated television series (Paul) with the man who starred in three previous theatrical HIGHLANDER films (Lambert), can put an end of this long-running sword-and-sorcery franchise.  Six editors and four writers receive credit for this confusing mishmash of solemnity and swordplay, which features enough exposition to power a whole army of B-pictures.

The original HIGHLANDER, directed by Russell Mulcahy and released in 1986, starred Frenchman Lambert as 16th-century Scottish warrior Connor MacLeod, who is revealed to be immortal following a bloody battlefield skirmish.  Counseled by his mentor,  Spanish Immortal Ramirez (portrayed by the very Scottish Sean Connery), Connor learned that the point of being an Immortal was to travel around the world, seeking out other Immortals, lopping off their heads (the only way to kill an Immortal) and sucking down their “quickening”--all their memories, strength and experience.  The goal is The Prize, which will go to the last Immortal left on Earth (their slogan is “There can be only one”).  Connor actually became the last one at the end of HIGHLANDER, but since the movie was a slight hit, he returned (along with Connery) in HIGHLANDER II: THE QUICKENING, which was set in the future and established Connor and Ramirez as aliens from the planet Zeist!  What HIGHLANDER II essentially did was ignore all the backstory and continuity from the first movie, as did the second sequel, HIGHLANDER: THE FINAL DIMENSION, which pit Lambert against a nose-ringed Immortal with a Rasta haircut played by Mario Van Peebles.  The syndicated TV show, which premiered in 1992, starred Paul as Duncan MacLeod, who also drifted from city to city (and country to country) slicing the heads off other Immortals.  It also contradicted information set up in the earlier HIGHLANDER movies, which maybe doesn’t matter, since HIGHLANDER: ENDGAME, the fourth feature, tosses out much of the show’s backstory, and, in fact, seems to indicate that the events of HIGHLANDER II and III never happened! 

For the first time since the show’s pilot episode, Connor and Duncan team up to battle Jacob Kell (Payne), an extremely powerful, charismatic and looney-tunes Immortal on a vendetta to kill Connor, whom he blames for the death of his father.  The fact that his dad murdered Connor’s mother first seems to be lost on Kell, who has somewhat of an ego problem.  His loyal followers include Jin Ke (Yen, also the film’s fight coordinator), an amazingly dexterous martial-arts fighter, and Faith (Barbuscia), Duncan’s former wife and Immortal who blames Duncan for her condition (never mind that the TV show firmly established that Duncan had never been married).

As someone who never watched the TV series and saw the first two movies on their original theatrical releases, I had no idea what was happening most of the time.  The story bounces around to four or five different time periods; the flashbacks are supposed to add character development and plot exposition, but they aren’t really very clear.  Reference is made to Connor’s daughter, whom we never see.  Interesting concepts like Sanctuary, where at least two Immortals are kept prisoner for eternity to ensure there will never “be only one”, are quickly introduced then dropped.  Regular characters from the television series pop in and out with no explanation, and will be enigmas to anyone unfamiliar with the show.  Jin Ke is introduced as someone who you expect will be a major character and formidable foe for the MacLeods, but he’s dispatched early on.  Faith is supposed to carry a burning lifelong hatred for Duncan, since, if not for him, she would have grown old and died hundreds of years ago, instead of being permanently frozen as a young babe with a hot body.  Not much sympathy from me on that count. 

Lambert himself looks significantly older than he did in 1986 (I was surprised to learn he’s only a year older than Adrian Paul); never a wildly convincing actor in the first place, his performance here consists mostly of intense staring.  Paul is actually pretty credible--he’s had six seasons to practice his role--and might be an interesting lead in a better film.  Payne is wildly over-the-top, and would probably have chewed up the lush Romanian countryside where HIGHLANDER: ENDGAME was filmed if any of his scenes were actually filmed there (I suspect only a second unit went to Romania).  Barbuscia can’t act, but at least flashes some brief nudity. 

For a film that’s all about swordfighting and chopping off peoples’ heads, HIGHLANDER: ENDGAME is intriguingly and disappointingly bloodless.  Most of the decapitations take place offscreen, and director Aarniokoski, something of a Robert Rodriguez protégé making his feature debut, stages the swordfighting scenes so incompetently that the whirling camera, rapid cutting and smoky photography overwhelm the action.  There should have been only one HIGHLANDER.  Also with series regulars Jim Byrnes and Peter Wingfield.  Scripter Joel Soisson also wrote DRACULA 2000 and MIMIC 2, and took over the direction of MANIAC COP 3 after William Lustig was fired.  No fewer than ten producers--including Peter Davis & William Panzer, who have been with HIGHLANDER since the first movie--receive screen credit.

HIGHWAY RACER (1977)--Directed by Stelvio Massi.  Stars Maurizio Merli, Remy Julienne.  Merli plays a slightly psychotic detective named Palmer in this Italian crime drama.  Palmer is the department's best driver, but even he is flummoxed by a string of armed robberies committed by stunt-driving crooks who easily evade their police pursuers.  Palmer is kicked off the case after a couple of crackups, including one that causes his partner's death, but he's soon recruited by his boss to infiltrate the gang and tip off the department to their next robbery.  Massi stages several exciting car chases and stunts in this one, including a dangerous-looking jump and a collision between a car and pedestrian that might have gone awry.

HIGHWAYMEN (2004)--Directed by Robert Harmon.  Stars Jim Caviezel, Rhona Mitra, Colm Feore.  HIGHWAYMEN sat on New Line Cinema's shelf for a long time before finally being dumped into about 100 theaters early in 2004, probably to burn off a contractual agreement.  The juicy premise and its exciting trailer (which ran for months in theaters) really primed me to look forward to finally seeing the film, as did my strange curiosity about big-studio dump jobs (like EYE SEE YOU).

HIGHWAYMEN probably isn't worth making a major effort to see, even though the ingredients for a good movie are in there somewhere.  Clocking in at 80 minutes (including credits), director Robert Harmon (THE HITCHER) and writers Craig Mitchell & Hans Bauer (KOMODO) present a film that's desperately short on plot and character development.  Ironically, in the case of the villain, a psychotic hit-and-run driver in an exo-skeleton (Colm Feore), we get a little too much characterization.  Harmon would have been much better off leaving HIGHWAYMEN's antagonist mysteriously unseen, like Dennis Weaver's rival in the classic DUEL or "Rusty Nails" in JOYRIDE, two films similar to and better than HIGHWAYMEN.

In a nutshell, which is all it takes to describe HIGHWAYMEN's plot, brooding Rennie (Jim Caviezel, who portrayed Jesus in THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST) has spent the last two years of his life tooling around the United States in his sweet '68 Hemi 'Cuda searching for his wife's killer.  Five years earlier, Rennie watched as a man purposely swerved and mowed down his wife on the side of the road.  Rennie jumped into his own car and chased him, culminating in a crash that sent the driver into the hospital for 18 months and Rennie into prison for three years.  The driver, an ex-auto insurance salesman named Fargo (Feore), has continued his string of murders ever since, usually targeting random women.  Police have been unable to connect the random hit-and-run deaths to any one perpetrator, but Rennie, armed with a cool car and a battery of electronic equipment, has followed Fargo all over the country on a mission of revenge.  When Fargo, armed with a menacing '72 Cadillac El Dorado, targets a beautiful young singer named Molly (BOSTON LEGAL's Lara Croft-lookalike Rhona Mitra), but manages to kill most of her friends instead, she becomes Rennie's reluctant partner in vengeance.

I have to assume that a lot of interesting footage is strewn about somebody's cutting room floor, since the truncated running time, lack of meat to Harmon's story and the oft-postponed theatrical release indicate severe post-production problems.  No deleted scenes are included on New Line's DVD, which only whets my appetite for more information.  Even with more footage, HIGHWAYMEN still has some problems, chiefly Caviezel's lifeless performance--I just didn't care very much about his quest--and a dud of a finale.  Harmon does stage a couple of exciting crash sequences earlier in the film; implausible, perhaps, as one chase involves Mitra upside down in a burning car that's being dragged down a deserted highway, but exciting for sure.  But the climax pitting Caviezel and Feore fails to satisfy, and an ill-advised final shot seems way out of character.  The script plays fast and loose with logic too, including a strange scene where Caviezel tastes (!) motor oil in an effort to track his enemy's movements.  Filmed in Canada, HIGHWAYMEN co-stars Frankie Faison as a traffic investigator hot on Caviezel's trail and Gordon Currie as Mitra's wimp friend.  Mark Isham's score is pretty good for a movie that no one got a chance to see.  Nu Image's Avi Lerner receives an executive producer credit.

HIJACK (1972)--Directed by Leonard Horn. Stars David Janssen, Keenan Wynn, William Schallert, Jeanette Nolan, Lee Purcell. One of TV's greatest stars, Janssen, plays maverick trucker Jake Wilkinson in this solid made-for-television action movie. Wilkinson and his aged buddy and partner Mac (Wynn) are hired by Kleiner (Schallert) on behalf of the U.S. Government to haul a semi from Los Angeles to Houston. Kleiner refuses to tell Jake what's in the truck--just that it's non-explosive and non-chemical--but offers him $6000 plus the return of Jake's drivers license, which was yanked after he punched out a weigh station officer. All eighteen wheels have barely hit the hard road when Jake and Mac are attacked by an army of mysterious gunmen, who use pickup trucks, high-powered rifles, helicopters and subterfuge in an effort to nab whatevers inside the semi.

Under Horn's efficient direction, the action never lets up, and Janssen's wry sense of humor and warm relationship with his ill friend are effective. Scenes involving comic relief hillbilly Nolan and Janssen's one-nighter with teen Purcell feel like padding, but HIJACK doesn't suffer much for it. Also with Ron Feinberg, Tom Tully and John A. Zee. Score by Jack Elliott and Allyn Ferguson. Co-scripters James D. Buchanan and Ronald Austin wrote lots of CHARLIE'S ANGELS episodes. Janssen and Purcell got together again a year later in a two-part CANNON episode, a rare episodic TV role for Janssen, who had moved on to a steady stream of telefilms by then.

HILLBILLYS IN A HAUNTED HOUSE (1967)—Directed by Jean Yarbrough. Stars Joi Lansing, Ferlin Husky, Lon Chaney Jr., John Carradine, Basil Rathbone, Don Bowman. Believe it or not, this dreary musical/horror/comedy is a sequel to the Woolner Brothers’ THE LAS VEGAS HILLBILLYS. It was the final feature for director Yarbrough, whose 35-year career included RKO shorts and Abbott & Costello films, and the esteemed Rathbone.

Country singer Husky returns as country singer Woody Wetherby, who’s traveling with cohorts Boots Malone (Lansing) and Jeepers (Bowman) in a convertible with bull horns strapped to the hood to a jamboree in Nashville. A wicked thunderstorm strands them in a dilapidated old country home, which is purported by the locals to be haunted, but is actually the base of operations for a group of spies. The reluctant visitors encounter rattling chains, rotating portraits, and bats on strings. Wooooo, scary!

The concept is similar to a Bowery Boys programmer from two decades earlier, but the writing and performing are even worse (Bowman is especially clumsy as the unfunny “comic” relief). Grizzled old Lon steals a top-secret rocket formula by donning a white lab coat, walking boldly onto a missile base, and chatting up the janitor to gain access to a locked office. It’s kinda fun to see old pros Rathbone, Chaney, and Carradine hamming it up (with George Barrows as Anatole, their pet ape) as the heavies. As pathetic as this film is, they do look as though they’re enjoying themselves. More than we are, I imagine.

Duke Yelton’s plot really exists only as an excuse to string together a bunch of country-western songs by Husky, Merle Haggard, Sonny James, and others. James literally wanders onto the set, sings two songs, and leaves. Haggard is seen singing on a television watched by an insomniac Jeepers. To be fair, some of the reverb-heavy songs, such as James’ “The Cat Came Back,” are pretty good and probably made Southern drive-in audiences happy.

Also with Richard Webb, Jim Kent, Molly Bee, and Linda Ho. The pneumatic Lansing, who replaced LAS VEGAS HILLBILLYS’ Mamie Van Doren as Boots, was appearing on THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES at the time. She sadly died of breast cancer in 1972 at age 43.

THE HILLS HAVE EYES (1977)--Directed by Wes Craven.  Stars Susan Lanier, James Whitworth, Robert Houston, Dee Wallace, Michael Berryman.  Wes Craven didn’t get into filmmaking to be what he calls a “violence/horror” director.  After the enormous notoriety and box office success of LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT, his first film, Craven spent nearly five years bouncing around the industry as an editor and screenwriter.  Being a sensitive, erudite artist (and former college professor) from the Midwest, Craven’s personality didn’t naturally lend itself to terror and gore, and he had no aspiration to make another movie like LAST HOUSE, an unrelentingly vicious drama about escaped convicts who abduct, brutalize, rape and murder two teenage girls.  But he also had a family to feed, and when producer Peter Locke approached Craven to write and direct another movie in the LAST HOUSE vein, he said yes.

The result was THE HILLS HAVE EYES, a remarkably bleak thriller influenced at least as much by THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE as LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT.  It was made for little money, but is a more assured film than LAST HOUSE and is more action-oriented.  Demonstrating his desire to make an exploitation movie with more purpose than just to freak out its audience, Craven filled his screenplay with three-dimensional protagonists and made them easy to sympathize with, making their fates more tragic than if they were marking time in a run-of-the-mill slasher flick.  The up-and-coming cast is not always equal to the task, but they’re capable and likable, and we’re appalled and petrified by what awaits them in the Nevada desert…

The Carter family--dad Big Bob (Russ Grieve) and mom Ethel (Virginia Vincent), daughters Lynne (Dee Wallace) and Brenda (Susan Lanier), son Bobby (Robert Houston), Lynne’s husband Doug (Martin Speer) and baby daughter Katy (Brenda Marinoff), and German shepherds Beauty and Beast--are on their way to California from Cleveland when their RV leaves the highway and breaks down in the desert many miles from civilization.  A seemingly batty old gas station attendant (John Steadman) warned the Carters not to drive alone into the desert, but Big Bob’s stubborn quest to find a dried-up old silver mine the family inherited got the family stuck and stranded.

That night, as Doug and Big Bob trek into the dark on foot in a desperate search for help, the typically middle-class Carters experience their worst nightmares:  a ruthless, barbaric attack by a family of crazed inbred cannibals led by Jupiter (James Whitworth), the long-abandoned mutant son of the gas station attendant who “stole” a prostitute and fathered his own “blood relations” (the original title of Craven’s screenplay).  With a brood including Ruby (Janus Blythe), Mars (Lance Gordon) and the film’s poster boy, Pluto (played by Michael Berryman, who survived dozens of birth defects that left him with a unique, unearthly appearance perfectly suited, unfortunately, for horror roles), “Papa Jupe” sees the Carters as little more than nourishment that will keep his family alive.

THE HILLS HAVE EYES is more than just a creepy movie where hideous bad guys attack “whitebreads” (a Craven term) in the desert.  What elevates the film above mere “geek show” status is the surprising development Craven lends his characters going into the third act.  The “regular” people--the Carters--fight back against their aggressors, turning savage to summon up the bloodlust they consider necessary to battle Jupiter’s army/family on their own terms.  Meanwhile, Craven provides a fascinating yet frightening glimpse into Papa Jupe’s camp and his family’s personalities.  No, they’re never sympathetic and you won’t root for them to win, but you will understand why they behave the way they do.  You will also come to believe that the two sides are perhaps not as far apart on the evolutionary scale as you originally thought.

Lensed in the arid wastelands near Victorville, California and originally released by a very small outfit called Vanguard, Wes Craven’s second feature is an improvement over his first and still one of the most impactful of his career.  Of his performers, 26-year-old Dee Wallace was the only one to go on to a substantial Hollywood career.  Shortly after acting for Craven, she nailed starring roles in THE HOWLING and E.T.: THE EXTRATERRESTRIAL and continues to work in major studio productions, including the current ABC sitcom SONS AND DAUGHTERS.

Chances are that you may also have seen Michael Berryman (he’s certainly difficult to not notice) if you watch enough horror movies, but THE HILLS HAVE EYES remains the benchmark of his unusual acting career.  His physical deformities (he’s wearing no prosthetics; that’s the way he looks) bring an edginess to the movie that’s difficult to shake, as it blends with Craven’s smart script, focused direction and tight editing, as well as a sparsely creepy score by Don Peake (KNIGHT RIDER), to help create one of the seminal horror films of the 1970’s.

THE HILLS HAVE EYES (2006)--Directed by Alexandre Aja.  Stars Ted Levine, Aaron Stanford, Kathleen Quinlan, Emilie de Ravin, Robert Joy, Billy Drago.  Aja’s (HAUTE TENSION) remake of Wes Craven’s creepy 1977 low-budgeter is inferior in every way.  Which is amazing, considering that, outside of the opening scene, which is as blatant a case of “Hey, audience, we think you’re stupid” as I’ve seen in a Hollywood movie lately, the movie is virtually a carbon copy of the original.  As in the first film, the Carter family, led by gruff ex-cop Big Bob (Levine) and faithful wife Ethel (Quinlan), is stranded in the desert, where they are beset by a family of cannibal mutants and their patriarch Jupiter (Drago).  Whereas Craven nicely delineated his villains by giving each a distinctive personality and intriguing backstory, Aja is content just to let them be plot devices.  We don’t know who they are, what makes them tick, not even how many there are.  It’s not a rotten film, just a completely unnecessary one.  Aja delivers the gory goods though (see the unrated DVD if you can), but in a movie that doesn’t seem worth the effort.  Some of the performances are better than the original cast, and Morocco is an effectively rocky location; see, I do have something good to say about this movie.  Also with Dan Byrd, Vinessa Shaw, Laura Ortiz, Tom Bower and Greg Nicotero, who also did the effective but cartoony makeup effects with partner Howard Berger.  Score by tomandandy is mostly effective, but much overdone.

THE HILLS RUN RED (1966)—Directed by Carlo Lizzani.  Stars Thomas Hunter, Henry Silva, Dan Duryea, Nando Gazzolo.  Two Confederate soldiers, Ken (Gazzolo) and Jerry (American actor Hunter), cross the desert with a cache of stolen Union gold.  Jerry is captured and sentenced to five years in a U.S. prison.  Ken escapes with the loot, changes his name, and reneges on his promise to share the gold with Jerry’s wife, who dies in poverty.  When Jerry gets out of prison, he vows to track down his old friend and kill him.  With the aid of mysterious middle-aged gunfighter Getz (Duryea), Jerry manages to infiltrate Ken’s gang, led by Mexican psycho Garcia Mendez (Silva).  Plenty of solid action and colorful performances enliven this decently produced Italian western, as well as an Ennio Morricone score.  Lizzani was credited on U.S. prints as Lee W. Beaver.

HI-RIDERS (1978)--Directed by Greydon Clark.  Stars Darby Hinton, William J. Beaudine, Stephen McNally, Roger Hampton, Neville Brand.  Car nuts and action fans might have a good time with this breezy chase film shot in Southern California.  Good-time boy Mark (Hinton) and his girlfriend challenge Billy (Hampton), a big dumb cheating palooka and member of the Hi-Riders car club, to a drag race.  Billy loses and refuses to pay, even after losing a second race in front of witnesses, but Hi-Riders leader T.J. (Beaudine) befriends Mark and invites the couple to drink with them at a local watering hole owned by sardonic Red (Brand).  Clark's screenplay is light on plot, but suffice to say that it involves a lot of drinking, partying, driving and racing.  After Billy and the son of the community's richest man are killed in a race (while driving into a roadside storage shed marked "Gasoline.  No smoking."), the boy's father, Mr. Lewis (McNally), puts out a contract on the Hi-Riders, offering $50,000 for their deaths.  Since every redneck with a pickup truck and a shotgun within 25 miles joins the posse, you wouldn't think the $4000 apiece they'll earn for committing a dozen murders would be worth the effort, but Mark, T.J. and their galpals spend the remainder of the running time dodging bullets and bashing bumpers.  Stunt coordinator Vic Rivers was killed performing one of HI-RIDERS' stunts, and the film is dedicated to him.  Also with top-billed Mel Ferrer, Ralph Meeker, Diane Peterson and Karen Frederik.  Dean Cundey was the cinematographer.  Songs performed by Coyote and the Pack. 

HIS NAME WAS JASON: 30 YEARS OF FRIDAY THE 13TH (2009)—Directed by Daniel Farrands.  Stars Tom Savini.  Pittsburgh native Tom Savini, who created the gruesome gore effects for the first and the fourth FRIDAY THE 13TH movies, is a scream as host of this Anchor Bay documentary that covers all twelve entries in the lucrative horror film series, including the 2009 remake.  Actors, writers, directors, stuntmen, special effects artists—it seems as though nearly everyone associated with the franchise is interviewed here, and most fans will probably get a real kick out of it.  I mostly enjoyed it, but ninety minutes is not nearly enough time to cover such a broad topic, and HIS NAME WAS JASON frequently falls down. 

Crucial omissions include Steve Miner, the only man to direct two FRIDAY THE 13TH movies, including Part 3, which had a notoriously troubled production history, Ronny Yu (the director of FREDDY VS. JASON), actor Kevin Bacon (who wasn’t yet a star when he did the original), and Corey Feldman, whose turn as a child actor in Part 4 took the franchise in a new direction.  Harry Manfredini, whose original score is synonymous with the series and recognized even by people who haven’t seen a FRIDAY THE 13TH movie, is given maybe thirty seconds, as is the reclusive director Danny Steinmann (FRIDAY THE 13TH, PART V: A NEW BEGINNING), who also reportedly ran a chaotic set.  The fat banana-eating hitchhiker from Part 4 getting more screen time than Harry Manfredini is a ludicrous editing decision.

The talking head segments are shot very dark, and director Farrands mostly ignores clips of the movies produced by New Line Cinema, even though FREDDY VS. JASON is the most popular Jason Voorhees film to date.  If you’ve read Peter Bracke’s comprehensive oral history CRYSTAL LAKE MEMORIES, you already know almost everything you could possibly want to know about the FRIDAY THE 13TH movies, and HIS NAME WAS JASON delivers little that is new, outside of the fun of seeing the joy with which the participants tell their story and how well many of the actresses have aged (helloooo, Jensen Daggett).

Disc 1 of the two-disc set also includes “The Men Behind the Mask,” which are extended versions of interviews with all the men who have played hockey-masked killer Jason over the years.  Most interesting is Ted White (FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE FINAL CHAPTER), an old-time western actor and stuntman from the 1950s who obviously takes no crap and has candid comments about working with Corey Feldman and director Joseph Zito.

Disc 2 is filled with informative extras, beginning with “Final Cuts,” which, like “The Men Behind the Mask,” are interviews with all of the directors, including Marcus Nispel (the 2009 remake), but not Miner and Yu.  I’ve seen Sean Cunningham talk about FRIDAY THE 13TH so many times that I can probably now tell the story better than he can, but I love his candor in admitting he made his groundbreaking horror movie simply to make money from ripping off HALLOWEEN.  He also mocks the conventional wisdom that the audience needs to identify with the characters in a horror movie, so their deaths carry more dramatic weight (I think he’s not wrong).  “Final Cuts” is essential, in that the information imparted by the directors here is better than what Farrands used in HIS NAME WAS JASON, particularly Joseph Zito’s and Tom McLoughlin’s (Part 6) take on the material.

“From Script to Screen” collects interviews with the delightfully good-humored Victor Miller (the first FRIDAY), who compares the critical backlash to the movies with the Congressional hearings against comic book publishers in the 1950s, and a few other series screenwriters.  It’s a kick to hear middle-aged men speaking thoughtfully, but not deludedly, about writing trashy slasher flicks. 

“Dragged from the Lake” is a compendium of stories that didn’t make the final cut.  Oddly, they’re usually people talking about specific scenes, but they aren’t illustrated with clips to remind us what they’re talking about.  Actress Adrienne King’s harrowing tale of a threatening stalker is a dramatic highlight.  Her ordeal spawned some very dark art, which she shares with us.

“Fan Films,” you can guess what that is.  “Closing the Book on THE FINAL CHAPTER” finds director Zito and actor Erich Anderson revisiting the cabin where the fourth film was shot.  Similarly, actress Gloria Charles returns to the barn where her character met Jason in FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 3 in “Fox Comes Home.”

Three fans tell the story of “FRIDAY THE 13TH in 4 Minutes.”  “Jason Takes Comic Con” interviews the cast of the 2009 FRIDAY THE 13TH at the 2008 San Diego International Comic Con.  Learn how to stay alive on your next camping trip through “The Camp Crystal Lake Survival Guide.”  The Universal Studios theme park has a FRIDAY THE 13TH attraction, which is profiled in “Inside Halloween Horror Nights.”  “Shelly Lives” is a mock commercial starring Part 3’s Larry Zerner in a reprise of his annoying character, now a sleazy lawyer who represents slasher victims in lawsuits.

The DVD also comes with a poster, which is okay, and a coupon worth $5 off your ticket to see the 2009 remake.  I picked up the entire package for less than $15, making HIS NAME WAS JASON, flaws and all, a good buy for FRIDAY fans, though anyone else will probably be bewildered.

HISTORY OF THE WORLD-PART I (1981)--Directed by Mel Brooks. Stars Mel Brooks, Dom DeLuise, Harvey Korman, Madeline Kahn, Cloris Leachman. Like many of Brooks's films, this comedy is a hit-and-miss mnage of slapstick, parody and burlesque that will offend many and amuse few. Sketches take place during the Dawn of Man (in a clever 2001 spoof), medieval Rome, the French Revolution and the Spanish Inquisition. Also with Sid Caesar, Gregory Hines, Henny Youngman, Hugh Hefner, Orson Welles and Bea Arthur.

HIT LIST (1988)--Directed by William Lustig. Stars Jan-Michael Vincent, Leo Rossi, Lance Henriksen, Charles Napier, Rip Torn. Fast-paced but routine action movie bolstered by several very good performances, most notably Henriksen's as a smooth-talking shoe salesman who's also a psycho Mob hitman with an enormous back tattoo. Brash mobster Torn sends Henriksen to murder protected government witness Rossi before he can testify. Unfortunately Henriksen receives the wrong address from Torn's spy, and accidentally kills Vincent's friend, knocks out his wife and abducts his son instead. Vincent teams up with Rossi to rescue his kid, while on the run from obsessed FBI agent Napier, who won't stop at anything to see Torn behind bars. The flimsy script is basically used as a clothesline on which to hang action scenes, which are well-staged by Lustig and stunt coordinator Spiro Razatos. The acting is a mixed bag: Henriksen is outstanding as a seemingly indestructible hired killer, Torn is properly arrogant, and Rossi has some humanizing moments as a drug-dealing family man, but Vincent is a block of wood, and Napier isn't able to find more than one dimension to play, resorting to chain-smoking and coughing in an attempt to flesh out his role. Also with Harold Sylvester, Jere Burns, Ken Lerner, scripter John Goff as a prosecutor, executive producer Lisa M. Hansen as a shoe store clerk, Frank Pesce and Felice Orlandi (BULLITT).

HIT MAN (1972)—Directed by George Armitage.  Stars Bernie Casey, Pam Grier, Don Diamond.  Producer Gene Corman lured away the writer of three drive-in movies for his brother Roger’s New World Pictures to write and direct this entertaining blaxploitation flick.  If it all looks familiar, it’s a remake of GET CARTER, which MGM had just released the year before.  Okay, so Casey is no Michael Caine, and Armitage’s direction is a bit punchy, but HIT MAN is still a good action movie that’s sadly MIA on DVD.  Tyrone Tackett (Casey) comes to L.A. from Oakland for his brother’s funeral, and ends up dipping his toes into pornography and murder within the Mafia.  He doesn’t play drunk very well, but otherwise Casey (a former Ram) is very believable as a badass who wants answers and isn’t slow to start hitting when he doesn’t get them fast enough.  He’s tough and funny, depending upon whether he’s trading barbs with street punks or sexy ladies, including Marilyn Joi as his main squeeze in Oakland, Lisa Moore as a hot-to-trot motel proprietress and Grier (whose second billing belies her brief screen time) as a porn actress who meets a hairy end.  Also with Roger E. Mosley, Sam Laws, Christipher Joy, Bhetty Waldron, Candy All, John Lupton, an uncredited John Daniels (BLACK SHAMPOO) and Paul Gleason, who was also in Armitage’s PRIVATE DUTY NURSES.  Music by H.B. Barnum.

HITCH HIKE TO HELL (1978)--Directed by Irvin Berwick.  Stars Russell Johnson, Robert Gribbin.  The Internet Movie Database lists this as a 1968 release, but the fashions, sleaze factor and Johnson's age clearly peg this as a mid '70s production.  It's possible, though, that it didn't receive distribution until 1978.  Gribbin is pretty amazing as Howard, a psycho killer with a mother fixation who has a menial job making deliveries for Mr. Baldwin's dry cleaning service.  Years before, his sister had run away from home, so now Howard spends most of his time cruising the California back highways, picking up female hitchhikers, and raping and murdering them.  He suffers from blackouts when this happens, and appears in a daze when trying to explain to his boss why he was late or to his mother why he wants another root beer (Howard sure do love his root beer!).  Meanwhile, police detective Shaw, played in a very "Professor"-like manner by GILLIGAN'S ISLAND vet Johnson, sits around his office conducting a very laidback investigation into the killings.  Every once in a while, he visits a crime scene, furrowing his brow and shaking his head dejectedly at another dead teenager.  Sometimes he telephones the apathetic parents of the teens, resulting in more furrowing and head shaking.

Berwick's structure is predictable but oddly effective.  The usual routine consists of Howard picking up a comely hitcher, lecturing her about running away from her parents, dragging her off into the weeds, raping and strangling her, returning to work or home and asking for a root beer, Johnson acting all solemn and giving an order to his partner to do something just before contacting a parent, and then the circle begins again.  The contrast between Gribbin's whacked-out pyrotechnics and Johnson's insouciant line deliveries is a wonder to behold, and it's a wonder that both performances are as good as they are (Gribbin especially could have gone too far, and while his acting is ripe indeed, it isn't bad).  Of course, the screenplay is pretty knuckleheaded.  My favorite parts are Johnson taking a worried mother to a crime scene to identify her dead 12-year-old daughter, who's still lying naked and bloody in a dumpster (!), and a hitchhiker, mistaking Howard's ordering her into the back of his van for a sexual proposition, responding, "You're not exactly Burt Reynolds, but what the heck."  Familiar character actor John Harmon plays Mr. Baldwin.  Fun trash from the director of THE MONSTER OF PIEDRAS BLANCAS.  Johnson actually stayed pretty busy in features and TV during the '70s, culminating in three GILLIGAN'S ISLAND reunion movies for NBC.

THE HITCH-HIKER (1953)--Directed by Ida Lupino. Stars William Talman, Edmond OBrien, Frank Lovejoy. Excellent suspenser was one of many independent low-budget productions directed by character actress Lupino and produced by her husband Collier Young. Talman is very creepy as a psycho killer who kidnaps a pair of average Joes out on a weekend camping trip. As they head towards Mexico and Talman's getaway plan, O'Brien (the family man) and Lovejoy (the tougher one) plot their own escape. Although shot on with very little money and time, Lupino keeps the suspense level very high, and is aided by three great performances and desolate desert locations.

THE HITCHER (1986)--Directed by Robert Harmon. Stars Rutger Hauer, C. Thomas Howell, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Henry Darrow. Pointless thriller starring Hauer in his umpteenth psycho-killer role as a murderous hitchhiker stalking Texas teen Howell and waitress Leigh. Excellent stunts and cinematography, but it won't take you long to realize that if the characters in this movie acted like reasonably intelligent human beings, the movie would be over. Leigh's final fate seems unnecessarily cruel. Music by Mark Isham.

THE HITCHER II: I'VE BEEN WAITING (2003)--Directed by Louis Morneau.  Stars C. Thomas Howell, Kari Wuhrer, Jake Busey.  This unnecessary sequel picks up fifteen years after the events of the first film, as Jim Halsey, who barely survived his run-in with psychotic hitchhiker Rutger Hauer, returns to Texas for the first time since then with his girlfriend Maggie (Wuhrer).  Would you believe, despite his paranoia, that they end up picking up another crazy hitcher, this time portrayed by Busey?  To be fair, the screenplay does throw one very effective curveball our way, and Alberta, Canada does an outstanding job standing in for the American Southwest, but there's little to distinguish the film from most other DTV sequels.  Busey is nowhere near as scary as Hauer, and Wuhrer tries to be defiant, but doesn't have the dramatic chops to pull it off.  Look for a cameo by Steve Railsback (THE STUNT MAN).  Music by Joe Kraemer.

THE HITMAN (1991)--Directed by Aaron Norris.  Stars Chuck Norris, Michael Parks.  Norris made this in Vancouver at the end of Cannon's heyday as major purveyors of schlock cinema.  Chuck plays Cliff Garret, a detective who is waylaid by his crooked partner (played by KILL BILL's Michael Parks) and left for dead.  Cliff survives the attack, however, and pops up three years later wearing a mullet and a butch attitude as Danny Grogan, a tough enforcer in the employ of Seattle mobster Al Waxman (CAGNEY & LACEY).  He’s really working as an undercover operative out to nail Waxman’s mob.  This means Chuck has to act all tough and surly and mean, and he doesn't pull it off very well.  He's just too nice of a guy.  It doesn't help that his character gets dragged into a sappy subplot involving the black latchkey kid across the hall whom he builds models with and teaches to fight the neighborhood racist.  Parks is great in his few scenes (no points for guessing that he and Norris will meet up again at the end of the picture).  He and Norris appear to be just about the only non-Canuck actors, which include Alberta Watson (24) and William B. Davis, best known as the Cigarette-Smoking Man from THE X-FILES, as a doctor.  SPACEHUNTER’s Don Carmody produced it.

HOLLOW POINT (1996)—Directed by Sidney J. Furie.  Stars Thomas Ian Griffith, Tia Carrere, Donald Sutherland, John Lithgow.  HOLLOW POINT is a direct-to-video action romp that teams Griffith (EXCESSIVE FORCE) as a pill-popping ex-DEA agent and yummy Carrere (RELIC HUNTER) as a tough FBI agent that compete with one another to capture a colorful mobster played by Lithgow (3RD ROCK FROM THE SUN). Sutherland steals all of his scenes as a very effective mob assassin who murders Tia's friend in retaliation for her busting up a mobster's son's wedding. What's tricky about the role is that, after Griffith and Carrere capture him early in the film, instead of busting Sutherland, they cart him around to use as information. Sutherland becomes, in effect, a comic-relief sidekick who befriends his captors and even gives them his loft as a wedding present (don't ask). It's a role that necessitates a good deal of charm, because the movie demands that we like Sutherland--so much so that it's easy to forget that he's a killer. A charming and eccentric killer, to be sure, but one who's very good at his job. Furie does a good job keeping the action moving and the laughs coming. I can watch lovely Carrere in just about everything, and even though she's obviously miscast as an FBI agent, she fares better than Griffith, who's not my favorite leading man and certainly one who seems uncomfortable sparring romantically with his leading lady.