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Goliath-Gymkata

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GOLIATH AND THE DRAGON (1960)--Directed by Vittorio Cottafavi.  Stars Mark Forest, Broderick Crawford, Sandro Moretti, Leonora Ruffo.  American muscleman/actor Forest (re: Lou Degni) stars in his first peplum as Goliath, a family man with super-strength who runs afoul of insidious King Eurystheus (Crawford), the man who killed Goliath's parents years earlier and now attempts the same deed against his brother Illus (Moretti) and wife Dejanara (Ruffo).  First, Eurystheus swipes a valuable "blood gem" from the sacred statue guarding Goliath's "wind goddess" and tosses it into the treacherous "Cave of Horrors", where it is guarded by a ferocious dragon.  After Goliath successfully retrieves the gem, bypassing the dragon (not that he didn't want to fight it, but his goddess chewed him out for even thinking about it...), the big, gruff, scarfaced dictator attempts to squash Illus beneath the hoof of an elephant.  Later, he kidnaps Dejanara and threatens to drop her into a pit of asps, finally forcing Goliath to get medieval on Eurystheus and destroy his entire city.
 
Beautifully presented on Something Weird Video's DVD in its original 2.35:1 ratio and monophonic English-dubbed track, GOLIATH is a colorful fantasy that combines action, spectacle and, yes, many campy laughs.  The joy received from seeing Forest duke it out with a three-headed firebreathing dog; a flying, hairy bat-monster; a centaur; a papier-mâché dragon (also seen in stop-motion form in footage shot by a young Jim Danforth and added later by American International, the U.S. distributor); and even a big ol' tree is not diminished by the silly, cheap special effects used to create them.  Judging the performances is tricky, since all the actors have been dubbed, but at least the voices "match" their physical appearance--quite important in the case of the iconic Crawford, an Oscar-winner and familiar star of TV's HIGHWAY PATROL whose bellowing is sorely missed.  AIP also added a score by Les Baxter that fits the action quite well, helping to make GOLIATH one of the better Italian "sword & sandal" adventures of the era.
 
As usual, SWV has gone the extra mile with the DVD, even including an entire feature as an extra.  It's presented fullscreen with no digital enhancement, but THE CONQUEROR OF ATLANTIS is a fun 1965 peplum starring Kirk Morris (re: Adriano Bellini) as Heracles, a shipwreck victim nursed back to health by beautiful young Princess Virna (Luciana Gilli).  When she is kidnapped, Heracles and bearded sidekick Karr (Andrea Scotti) track her to a hidden city wherein hides the last survivors of Atlantis, including insidious, green-bearded despot Ramir (Piero Lulli), who plans to use his army of sexy Amazon warriors and gold-skinned, zipper-jumpsuited zombies to rule.  SWV obviously thinks less of ATLANTIS than GOLIATH, but I think the combination of sword & sandal tomfoolery and pulp SF is a good match, making it of almost equal fun.
 
The DVD also contains three short subjects.  One is a short clip from an Italian documentary narrated by Boris Karloff; another, an odd clip of a posing muscleman being circled by a female dancer.  The third is very cool, an approximately-ten-minute version of FIRE MONSTERS AGAINST THE SON OF HERCULES, which not only contains some hilarious-looking monsters and the dopey, peroxided presence of star Reg Lewis, but also the amazing "Sons of Hercules" theme song, which accompanied this and other pepla in American syndication packages.  You also get a collection of sword & sandal ads and lobby cards and eleven similar trailers, including Roger Corman's ATLAS and Gordon Scott (TARZAN'S GREATEST ADVENTURE) starring in SAMSON AND THE 7 WONDERS OF THE WORLD.
 
GOLIATH AWAITS (1981)--Directed by Kevin Connor.  Stars Mark Harmon, Robert Forster, Christopher Lee, Emma Samms, Frank Gorshin.  At close to 200 minutes, it's difficult to slog through.  Originally aired under the "Operation Prime Time" banner, which I believe was a series of 4-hour (with commercials) syndicated TV-movies that also included THE GIRL, THE GOLD WATCH AND EVERYTHING, GOLIATH offers an interesting premise: that forty years after their luxury liner was blasted by German U-boats in the South Atlantic, more than 300 survivors have created their own society 1000 feet down, thanks to a lucky air bubble that was trapped beneath the surface with them.
 
Mark Harmon, Robert Forster, Frank Gorshin, Emma Samms, Eddie Albert, John Carradine and John McIntire are among the stars, but the best performance is that by Christopher Lee, a ship's engineer who was one of the few officers left alive after the sinking and who was elected leaders of the survivors.  Lee has turned his people into a group of passionate followers, many of whom have known no other life besides one led by Lee.  It's a fascinating character and wonderful work by Lee, who would have made a fine Captain Nemo.  It also helps that the teleplay by POLICE WOMAN vets Pat Fielder and Richard Bluel allows Lee the only three-dimensional character to play.
 
The other actors are okay at best.  Gorshin is an overacting cartoon as Lee's Irish-born henchman, Harmon and Samms are serviceable but vapid as young lovers, and Forster is barely there as the leader of a group of Naval frogmen come to rescue the survivors.  It's odd that Forster seems to have been more passionate about his work in such films as VIGILANTE, WALKING THE EDGE and ALLIGATOR--exploitation movies--than his role in a mainstream Hollywood television production.  Also with Alex Cord, Jean Marsh, John Ratzenberger, Duncan Regehr, Jeannette Nolan and Alan Fudge.  Music by George Duning.  GOLIATH was released on home video in a truncated 110-minute version, which is probably a better one.
 
GONE BABY GONE (2007)—Directed by Ben Affleck.  Stars Casey Affleck, Michelle Monaghan, Ed Harris, Amy Ryan, Morgan Freeman, John Ashton.  Ben Affleck made his feature directing debut with this somber adaptation of a Dennis Lehane novel.  Struggling private detectives Patrick (Casey Affleck, Ben’s brother) and Angie (Monaghan) take the case of a missing little girl in a blue-collar section of Boston.  The girl’s mother Helene (Oscar nominee Ryan, who’s excellent) is not exactly a pillar of society, and the cops on the case, played by a typically solid Harris and the refreshing Ashton (MIDNIGHT RUN), aren’t thrilled with having to babysit a pair of amateur dicks.  Moments of tense drama and an atmosphere of stark realism eventually give way to a pat ending that lets the rest of the film down.  Is it still worth watching?  Absolutely, though it may give you MYSTIC RIVER flashbacks (that Clint Eastwood film was also a Boston-shot mystery based on a Lehane novel about a childhood trauma).  Affleck shows a mature hand behind the camera with a style that entertains but doesn’t detract from the story.  He also attracted a fine cast, including Amy Madigan, Edi Gathegi, Titus Welliver, Mark Margolis and Michael Williams.
 
GONE IN 60 SECONDS (1974)--Directed by H.B. Halicki. Stars H.B. Halicki. Halicki must have been an interesting guy. He was a junkman and expert driver who made a ton of money renting cars to Hollywood studios--enough money to amass one of the world's largest toy model collections. Armed with a healthy ego, Halicki decided he wanted to set the world's record for smashing the most cars on film. That's the sole reason this movie was made, and almost the sole reason to see it. Halicki (who also wrote, produced and coordinated the stunts) plays an expert car thief who butts horns with his gang after a car they boost turns out to be stuffed with the Mob's heroin. The film's highlight is its climactic 40-minute (!) car chase, in which Halicki (performing his own stunts) outruns dozens of police vehicles, most of them crashing and smashing along the way. One particular stunt involving Halicki's Mustang getting wrapped around a post along an interstate wrap looks particularly hairy, and was reportedly an unplanned accident.

GONE IN 60 SECONDS (2000)--Directed by Dominic Sena. Stars Nicolas Cage, Angelina Jolie, Robert Duvall, Giovanni Ribisi, Christopher Eccleston, Delroy Lindo. A loose remake of the late H.B. Halicki's 1974 drive-in car-crash classic, GONE IN 60 SECONDS is more ear-numbing, brain-rattling, senses-shaking white noise from producer Jerry Bruckheimer, whose other inflictions upon moviegoers include ARMAGEDDON, COYOTE UGLY, CON AIR and DAYS OF THUNDER. Cage coasts as Memphis Raines, the most famous car thief in the world, who has retired to a small town to run a go-cart track. After his idiot brother Kip (Ribisi) annoys a mobster named Calitri (Eccleston), Raines is forced out of retirement to steal fifty cars for Calitri in a 24-hour period, or Kip gets to kiss the inside of a junkyard crusher. Car number 50 turns out to be a magic one for Memphis: Eleanor, a '67 Shelby Mustang, his dream vehicle. After assembling his crack car-theft team--including crusty mentor Otto (Duvall) and comely blond bartender Sway (Jolie)--Raines attempts to pull off his master plan while staying at least one step ahead of his archenemy, Detective Castlebeck (Lindo).

It's difficult to believe that a movie ostensibly about car chases and stunts could be this boring, but Sena (KALIFORNIA) manages it somehow. Scott Rosenberg's screenplay is void of logic or characterization, and Bruckheimer's trademark fast-cutting style is all wrong for this type of movie. A car chase isn't going to be exciting if we can't see it, and Sena does too much shooting in close-up and bouncing around the camera. Halicki, a stuntman who also wrote, produced and directed the original GONE, may not have been a wizard of style, but he knew how to make cars smash into one another, and that's what GONE IN 60 SECONDS is all about.

Cage is okay, but he's played this same character in previous Bruckheimer pictures. Jolie, one of Hollywood's most exciting actresses, is completely wasted; she looks fetching enough as a blonde, but it hardly makes sense to cast her and then shove her into the background of scenes. The vet supporting cast is fine, including Will Patton, Chi McBride and Vinnie Jones as members of Cage's crew. Also with Scott Caan, T.J. Cross, Timothy Olyphant, Grace Zabriskie, Frances Fisher, Jaime Bergman, Bodhi Elfman, Carmen Argenziano and Master P. Music by Trevor Rabin. Halicki's widow Denice and uncredited screenwriter Jonathan Hensleigh earned executive producer credits.
 
GOOD GUYS WEAR BLACK (1979)--Directed by Ted Post.  Stars Chuck Norris, Anne Archer, James Franciscus.  Big Chuck is right on the edge of drive-in stardom as John T. Booker (as the opening titles make clear), a retired Special Forces vet living a relaxed lifestyle as a graduate assistant/test driver (!) in San Francisco.  Six years earlier, his unit of CIA commandos, the "Black Tigers", were ambushed while rescuing American POWs from a prison camp in 'Nam.  Now, he's approached at work by a beautiful young woman named Margaret (Archer), who claims to be a reporter, but knows a lot more than she should about that classified mission.  And when his former squad members start getting bumped off one by one (one gets it while driving a train, another while ski jumping in Aspen!), Chuck takes it personally all the way to the source, corrupt Secretary of State-elect Conrad Morgan (Franciscus).
 
Norris' most overtly political vehicle to date deserves props for its complex and even slightly thought-provoking storyline, but suffers from Chuck's presence.  At that point (or perhaps even now), Norris was not solid enough as an actor to carry a film with as little action as this one, a point plainly clear during a dialogue-heavy climax at Franciscus' home.  The stunts and chases are pretty good and cleanly directed by Post (MAGNUM FORCE), especially the famous one used in the trailer where Norris jumps through the windshield of a moving car, but the movie as a whole is a bit flat, though not unentertaining.  The supporting cast helps a lot; Franciscus makes for a silky antagonist, Archer is lovely as always, Lloyd Haynes (ROOM 222) lends comic relief as Chuck's old boss, and Dana Andrews provides a few nice moments as Morgan's ex-assistant (Andrews appears to have been dubbed, at least partially, by LOST IN SPACE's Dr. Smith, Jonathan Harris, who receives special onscreen thanks).  Jim Backus (GILLIGAN'S ISLAND) pops up in a very strange and out-of-place cameo as a doorman.  Also with Soon Teck-Oh, Stack Pierce, Jerry Douglas and Aaron Norris.  Music by Craig Safan.
 
GOOD MORNING, VIETNAM (1987)--Directed by Barry Levinson. Stars Robin Williams, Forest Whitaker, Bruno Kirby, Robert Wuhl. Box-office smash stars Williams as real-life disc jockey Adrian Cronauer, who entertained the troops over Armed Forces Radio during the Vietnam War and upset the military brass with his irreverent, iconoclastic material. The romantic subplot involving Williams and a Vietnamese girl isn't very interesting; the film comes alive only when Williams is doing his fast-paced patter (reportedly improvised) in the DJ booth. The supporting actors are funny too. Do you realize Wuhl appeared in some of the most popular films of the late-'80s, including BULL DURHAM and BATMAN? More movies could use this good-luck charm.
 
GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK. (2005)--Directed by George Clooney.  Stars David Strathairn, George Clooney, Frank Langella.  GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK (yes, there’s a period in the title) is a very good movie.  Nominated for six Oscars, including Best Picture, Clooney’s second film as a director is a glowing portrait of CBS newsman Edward R. Murrow (Strathairn), who’s often credited with helping to bring down Joseph McCarthy, the junior senator from Wisconsin who ruined many lives with his vicious Red-baiting.  Make no bones about it--McCarthy was a bad guy, a bully and a coward who accused hundreds of American citizens of being Communists without a shred of evidence to back up his claims.  A perfect example of his weak character is demonstrated in GN&GL:  his interrogation of Annie Moss, a black, middle-aged Pentagon worker who was called before the Senate to testify to charges of being a Communist.  After just a few minutes, it became clear to all that questioning Mrs. Moss was a bust, so McCarthy made up an excuse and left the hearings, leaving his subordinates to clean up his embarrassing mess (later scholars have attempted to prove that Moss was, indeed, a member of the Communist Party, but no one has done so conclusively).

Clooney’s masterstroke was in not casting an actor to portray McCarthy, but rather using actual news footage.  And, really, McCarthy’s stumbling, sweating, paranoid visage would probably come across to audiences as unbelievable if even the most gifted performer were to attempt to re-create it.  Succinct at 92 minutes and nearly devoid of fat, GN&GL is a sharply portrayed glimpse of the network news game of the 1950’s, and even if Murrow comes across as a little too good to be true at times, the movie is still recommended for anyone who thinks the days of politicians using slander and bullying tactics to destroy lives are long in the past.  Clooney plays Murrow’s boss Fred Friendly, and Langella is properly menacing as CBS president William Paley, who begrudgingly allowed Murrow and Friendly to go after the powerful Washington figure.  Robert Downey Jr. and Patricia Clarkson play a couple keeping their marriage a secret in accordance to CBS’ non-fraternization rules.  Also with Jeff Daniels, Ray Wise as doomed newscaster Don Hollenbeck, Tom McCarthy, Tate Donovan, Reed Diamond, Robert Knepper and Glenn Morshower.  There’s no score, but Dianne Reeves’ jazz singer serves as a sort of Greek chorus.

THE GOOD SON (1993)--Directed by Joseph Ruben. Stars Macauley Culkin, Elijah Wood, Wendy Crewson. Culkin's dad Kit forced 20th Century-Fox to cast Mac in this tepid thriller before he would sign the contract for HOME ALONE 2. Macauley is admittedly not too bad in this BAD SEED-with-a-gender-switch, but the film just doesn't come together anyway. Wood goes to New England to stay with his cousin's family after his mother dies and his father travels overseas. His cousin (Culkin) is a ten-year-old psycho who tries to kill his siblings, causes an interstate pileup and even tries to murder his own mom! Also with David Morse, Daniel Hugh-Kelly and Quinn Culkin. Music by Elmer Bernstein. From the director of SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY.

THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY (1966)--Directed by Sergio Leone. Stars Clint Eastwood, Lee Van Cleef, Eli Wallach. The third installment of the Leone/Eastwood "spaghetti western" trilogy is the best of the three, as well as one of the all-time great westerns. Set during the Civil War, this epic contains more humor than the previous two entries, due mostly to Wallach's presence, as well as Leone's striking desert landscapes, elaborate battle scenes, and strong statements against war and religion. The Man With No Name competes with two other gunfighters (Van Cleef and Wallach) in a race to find a stash of stolen gold. The climax with the three men facing down one another in a graveyard is one of filmdom's most exciting endings. Of the leads, only Wallach has much dialogue; however, all three give terrific performances. Eastwood--the good--is laconic and tense. Van Cleef--the bad--properly steely-eyed. Wallach--the ugly--ruthless, yet not too bright. Ennio Morricone contributed the memorable score.

THE GOODBYE GIRL (1977)--Directed by Herbert Ross. Stars Richard Dreyfuss, Marsha Mason, Quinn Cummings. Dreyfuss won a Best Actor Oscar for his funny portrayal of a struggling New York stage actor who finds himself living with dancer Mason and her smart-aleck ten-year-old daughter (Cummings). The relationship between Dreyfuss and Mason begins in antagonism as the insults and wisecracks fly freely; of course, they end up madly in love with each other. An original screenplay by Neil Simon. Also with Barbara Rhoades, Nicol Williamson and Paul Benedict (hilarious as a crazed director who demands that Dreyfuss play Richard III as a flaming homosexual). Hit title song by David Gates. Nominated for six Oscars, including Best Picture and Supporting Actress (Cummings).

GOODBYE, NORMA JEAN (1976)—Directed by Larry Buchanan.  Stars Misty Rowe, Terence Locke, Preston Harmon, Patch McKenzie.  When junk filmmaker Buchanan opens his Marilyn Monroe biopic with a legend promising the following story is absolutely true—not the legend or the story as Marilyn told it, but as it actually happened—you can be sure you’re getting 100% bullshit.  It isn’t as way out as DOWN TO US, Buchanan’s incredibly bonzo movie exposing the “conspiracy” behind the deaths/murders of Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin (spoiler: the CIA did it), but it’s crazy enough to leave footprints on Monroe’s grave.

Writer/producer/editor/director Buchanan takes us from the movie legend’s teenage years, sneaking out of her foster mother’s house to see CITIZEN KANE at a Hollywood bijou, through her modeling days in sleazy pulps and stag movies, right up to her first screen test at “Lion-Rampart.”  It seems as if trying to become a movie star is only what Norma Jean Baker did when she wasn’t being raped or otherwise abused by every man (and some women) she ever met.  It’s a wonder any woman survived California in the 1940s. 

HEE HAW honey Rowe acts with such vapidity that you wonder why anyone ever thought Norma Jean could become a movie star.  Beyond the blonde hair, small waist and swell bust, Misty’s Marilyn is charisma-free and such a ditz that you won’t be rooting for her to do anything but pop her top again.  Despite his long film career, it appears Buchanan knows little about Hollywood, as his fantasy Fantasyland is stocked with ludicrous caricatures of horny photographers, horny agents, horny casting agents…you get the picture.  The strangest character is Ralph (Locke), a corporal who witnesses Norma Jean’s first rape and becomes her lover or pal or…I don’t know what.  Not a boyfriend, but a platonic companion.  A friend with benefits, I’d say, except Norma Jean despises the sexual act, a consequence of constantly being forced to perform it.

Buchanan actually make a quickie sequel a decade later called GOODNIGHT, SWEET MARILYN, which blended footage from this movie with new scenes starring Paula Lane as an older Marilyn who sings to JFK and is killed by the government before she can squeal about the Kennedys’ Mafia ties.  You gotta love Larry Buchanan.

GOR (1988)--Directed by Fritz Kiersch.  Stars Urbano Barberini, Rebecca Ferratti, Oliver Reed, Jack Palance.  If you make it to the end of this dull barbarian fantasy, you'll be treated to a cameo by a wasted-looking Palance in a ridiculous hat.  It was to set up the sequel, OUTLAW OF GOR.  In GOR, Barberini plays a wimpy college professor who is magically transported to the land of Gor, where he miraculously becomes an expert fighter overnight and teams up with a sexy slave girl (Ferratti) and her colleagues to topple the reign of evil king Reed.  Despite a great number of action scenes and scantily clad women, GOR is not nearly as exciting as you might think.  Watching an obviously inebriated Reed stumble around does provide some entertainment value, however.  Also with Donna Denton, Paul Smith and Arnold Vosloo.  Cannon released this Harry Alan Towers production based on the GOR novels by John Norman.

GORDON’S WAR (1973)--Directed by Ossie Davis.  Stars Paul Winfield, Carl Lee, David Downing, Tony King.  The late Paul Winfield, nominated for an Oscar the year before for SOUNDER, contributes another strong performance as Gordon, a Green Beret who returns from Vietnam to learn his wife has died from a drug overdose--a habit she picked up while Gordon was overseas. Overcome with grief, he organizes a group of three Army buddies and makes war on the pimps and pushers of the neighborhood, including the colorfully named Big Pink, Luther the Pimp, and the dude who runs Harlem's action: druglord Spanish Harry (Gilbert Lewis).

Grittier and less cartoony than many other black action flicks of the era, GORDON'S WAR benefits from some of the seediest New York locations ever put on film (also a highlight of Davis' previous directorial effort), nice chemistry among the four leads--Winfield, Carl Lee as poetry-reading Bee, Tony King as behemoth Roy and David Downing as wisecracking Otis--and a serious approach by scripters Howard Friedlander and Ed Spielman (white guys who created TV's KUNG FU). There's no shortage of violence either, the highlights being a brutal leg-breaking and an exciting car/motorcycle chase through the streets of Harlem.  Reportedly, Davis was fired during production and replaced by television director Bruce Kessler, who may have shot those scenes.  Music by Angelo Badalemente (TWIN PEAKS) using a “Andy Badale” pseudonym and Al Elias. 

GORILLA AT LARGE (1954)--Directed by Harmon Jones.  Stars Cameron Mitchell, Anne Bancroft, Raymond Burr, Lee J. Cobb, Peter Whitney.  20th Century Fox produced this idiotic 3D mystery in gorgeous Technicolor.  I’m sure it looked ridiculous to 1950s audiences, but it induces howls today, thanks to its remarkable cast of soon-to-be stars.  Is it a gorilla or someone dressed in a gorilla suit who is murdering members of Cy Miller’s (Burr) carnival?  Since the main attraction is supposed to be a real gorilla, but is played by George Barrows in a suit, how can anyone tell?  Gruff detective Garrison’s (Cobb) main suspects are blond barker Joey (top-billed Mitchell) and brutish gorilla trainer Kovacs (Whitney).  Disney’s MIGHTY JOE YOUNG remake ripped off the ending of this movie.  Bancroft is smokin’ as Burr’s acrobat wife with great legs.  Lee Marvin is a dimwitted comic-relief cop.  Warren Stevens and John Beradino also play cops.  Sure, it’s a dumb movie by the director of DON’T WORRY, WE’LL THINK OF A TITLE, but a must-see for trash-movie fans.  Also with Billy Curtis, Charlotte Austin, John Kellogg and Chuck Couch.

GORKY PARK (1983)—Directed by Michael Apted.  Stars William Hurt, Joanna Pacula, Lee Marvin, Brian Dennehy, Ian Bannen.  Based on a best-seller by Martin Cruz Smith, GORKY PARK is a murder mystery involving a Moscow detective, Arkady Renko (Hurt), who is saddled with a case of three faceless corpses found frozen in a park.  It’s one of those cases that can bring nothing but heartache to the man investigating it, due to the brutality and the political aspects of it, since it appears as though the KGB may be heavily involved.  In addition to his former KGB superior (Bannen), with whom he has a tumultuous relationship, Renko’s list of suspects and obstacles includes Jack Osborne (Marvin), an American millionaire who trades in Soviet sables; William Kirwill (Dennehy), a New York cop with a personal interest in the murders; and Irina (Pacula), who was friendly with all three victims.  Shooting in snowy Finland and Sweden, Apted does a terrific job of handling Dennis Potter’s complex plot and characters, as well as coaxing strong, consistent performances from his disparate cast.  Renko appeared as the hero in several more Smith mysteries, but none have yet been adapted to film.  Music by James Horner.

THE GOSPEL OF JOHN (2003)--Directed by Philip Saville.  Stars Henry Ian Cusick, Stuart Bunce, Christopher Plummer.  Remember when you were nine years old and sitting in Sunday School class listening to stories of Christ and his apostles?  Remember how you realized deep down that you were learning something of great weight and importance, but all you really wanted to do was slip out of church, change out of the nice clothes your mom laid out that morning into shorts and your CONAN THE BARBARIAN T-shirt, and spend the day playing baseball?  I felt like pounding my mitt about twenty minutes into this ponderous three-hour Biblical epic.

Reportedly adapted by John Goldsmith, whose credits also include film versions of DAVID COPPERFIELD and GREAT EXPECTATIONS, word-for-word from the American Bible Society's Good News Bible, GOSPEL feels more like a lesson than a film, overly burdened with a maddening narration by Christopher Plummer that had me ready to tear my heart out.  Hiring the great Canadian actor Plummer (THE INSIDER), whose mellifluous tones could sooth even the hardiest of souls, was a good idea.  Exactly interpreting the Good News Bible (which I haven't read) was a very bad one.  Director Philip Seville (METROLAND) isn't content to show us Jesus (Henry Ian Cusick) walking on water or changing water into wine; he has Plummer inform us of it too, I suppose for the benefit of the blind members of the audience.  The narration is so simpleminded, it even describes to us mundane tasks.  It literally tells us things like, "Jesus said...", followed by Cusick's dialogue.  "And then Jesus turned to the crowd," as Jesus--guess what?--turns to the crowd.  "And then Marty's eyelids began to close, as the combination of Christopher Plummer's restful voice and the complete lack of compelling drama assaulted his attention span."

I'm not sure whether to blame Goldsmith or the Good News Bible for the often atrocious dialogue that occasionally interrupts Plummer's monologue.  I swear this exchange actually happened:

Jesus Christ: "Tear this temple down, and, in three days, I will build another."
Other Guy: "Will you rebuild this temple in three days?"

Admittedly, hearing aids weren't available to the masses in the year 1 B.C., but three hours of this is not the way I wanted to spend my Saturday afternoon.

The cast, led by Cusick, Stuart Bunce as John, Daniel Kash as Simon Peter and an actress who is neither young nor beautiful enough to play Mary, appear to be giving their all, but not enough to escape the small-town Passion Play trappings of their material.  As Christ, Cusick falls somewhere between Jeffrey Hunter and Ted Neeley; handsome and reassuring, Cusick, who looks a little like Ralph Fiennes, plays the Savior not as the charismatic force I would imagine He really was, but as a gentle, good-humored social worker.  Miroslaw Baszak's camera nicely captures the Spanish countryside, which probably looks more like ancient Jerusalem than Jerusalem does, while Jeff Danna's lovely score provides some majesty the script and direction do not.

THE GOSPEL OF JOHN may be historically accurate, although a printed prologue attempts to head off any charges of anti-Semitism, but dramatically it's a bore.  Your mileage may vary.  I'd rather field grounders.

GOTCHA! (1985)--Directed by Jeff Kanew. Stars Anthony Edwards, Linda Fiorentino, Alex Rocco. Engaging comedy/adventure about an ordinary college student (Edwards) who becomes involved in a game of international intrigue and a sexy, slightly older woman (Fiorentino). Shot on location in Paris and East Berlin. From the director of REVENGE OF THE NERDS.

THE GRADUATE (1967)--Directed by Mike Nichols. Stars Dustin Hoffman, Anne Bancroft, Katharine Ross, William Daniels. Dated but essential comedy about a college graduate (Hoffman) unsure about what he wants to do with his life. He scorns his family's upper-class friends, but is seduced by one of them (Bancroft), and eventually falls in love with her daughter (Ross). Was a smash hit when originally released, thanks mostly to the witty screenplay by Nichols, Buck Henry and Calder Willingham and to some outstanding songs by Simon and Garfunkel, which are seamlessly interwoven into the film. This was Hoffman's first major role and Nichols's second film. Look for a young Richard Dreyfuss in a tiny role.

GRADUATION DAY (1981)--Directed by Herb Freed.  Stars Christopher George, Michael Pataki, E.J. Peaker, Patch McKenzie, Carmen Argenziano.  I looked for this slasher film for several years, and it really isn't worth the effort, now that I've seen it.  However, it stars one of my favorite genre actors, rugged Christopher George and features a topless Linnea Quigley and a clothed Vanna White in a small role.  After a high-school track star dies of a blood clot just after breasting the tape in a big meet, the rest of her team gets killed off in various creative and bloody ways just before graduation.  Director Herb Freed assembles a handful of red herrings, including the girl's Navy ensign sister (McKenzie), her track coach (George), her boyfriend and the asshole principal (Michael Pataki).  What's neat are the comedic moments performed by the veteran cast members, including some well-timed banter between Pataki and his secretary (HELLO, DOLLY!'s E.J. Peaker) and a late-in-the-game turn by Argenziano ("You look Lebanese.") as a cop. I don't know what's harder to believe: that pretty Peaker would be sleeping with Michael Pataki or that a woman handled the gore effects.  At any rate, GRADUATION DAY is a minor blip at best on the slasher scale.

GRAN TORINO (2008)—Directed by Clint Eastwood. Stars Clint Eastwood, Bee Vang, Ahney Her, Christopher Carley. If this crowd- and critic-pleaser really is Clint’s swan song as an actor, he surely picked a good one to go out on. Certainly, his crusty Korean War vet Walt Kowalski is one of his most memorable characters, which is saying a lot for a guy with four dozen pictures under his belt. He’s a crusty old racist bastard alright, unable to cope with his own family, much less the new Hmong neighbors. Slowly, though, he becomes attached to Sue (Her) and Thao (Vang), the teen siblings next door to his Detroit house, and takes steps to protect them from a Vietnamese gang. Since Eastwood also directed, it meanders a bit longer than it should, but it’s also a good story well told. Clint’s assured direction is additionally impressive, considering he recruited a mostly local cast of Asian actors who perform as well as any trained Hollywood actor could. His performance is overly broad at times, but it’s a terrific way to go out, as he has indicated he won’t act again. With Brian Haley, John Carroll Lynch, Brian Howe, and William Hill.
 
GRAND DUEL (1972)--Directed by Giancarlo Santi.  Stars Lee Van Cleef, Alberto Dentice, Horst Frank.  Ex-lawman Clayton (Van Cleef) captures a convicted murderer on the run named Philip Wermeer (Dentice) and attempts to bring him in, but he keeps getting waylaid by bounty hunters after the $3000 price on Wermeer’s head.  Clayton knows the young man is innocent of killing the patriarch of the Saxon family and finally arrives in Saxon City, where the victim’s sons want to see Wermeer hanged.  All three Saxons are sadists, including corrupt sheriff Eli (Marc Mazza) and effete leper Adam (Klaus Grunberg), and were likely involved in the murder of Wermeer’s own father.  Clayton sticks around to help Philip clear his name and to square off with vicious David Saxon (Frank), who likely knows more about the killings than he’s letting on.  A generous dose of nudity and profanity add some punch to this action-filled western with an intriguing mystery and a strong performance by Van Cleef, who makes tough-guy cool seem so effortless.  He was pretty much doing nothing except westerns at the time.  Also known as THE BIG SHOWDOWN.
 
THE GRAND SILENCE (1968)--Directed by Sergio Corbucci.  Stars Jean-Louis Trintignant, Klaus Kinski, Vonetta McGee, Frank Wolff.  One of the great Italian westerns not to be directed by Sergio Leone, Corbucci's downbeat film takes place in snowy Utah for an effectively bleak atmosphere.  A small town is plagued by ruthless bounty hunters, who gun down petty criminals for the cash on their heads.  The deadliest is Loco, who kills so many people that he can't carry them all back to collect his reward, so he buries them in the snow until he can come back for them.  One of his victims is the husband of Pauline (McGee), who hires a mute gunslinger named Silence (French heartthrob Trintignant) to enact her revenge, not knowing that Silence has his own reasons for wanting Loco dead.  Hauntingly scored by the great Ennio Morricone and effectively acted, photographed and directed, THE GRAND SILENCE is one of the genre's landmarks, offering up an unusual setting and a dramatic climax likely to leave you shaken.

GRAND THEFT AUTO (1977)Directed by Ron Howard. Stars Ron Howard, Nancy Morgan, Barry Cahill, Clint Howard, Peter Isacksen, Paul Linke. "Nobody's faster! He's a high-speed disaster!" Opie's first film as a director was part of a deal with New World Pictures head Roger Corman. Howard agreed to star in EAT MY DUST! if Corman would allow him to direct a similar drive-in picture. As long as Ron agreed to star in the film as well as direct, that was A-OK with Rog, who gave comparable breaks to Martin Scorsese, Peter Bogdanovich and Francis Ford Coppola, among others.

Howard's reputation for getting more bang for his bucks must have started on GRAND THEFT AUTO, as cars chase, crash, smash and blow up with surprising regularity. He plays Sam Freeman, a poor youth engaged to be married to Paula Powers (fresh-faced Morgan), the daughter of snobbish gubernatorial candidate Bigby Powers (Cahill). When Bigby opposes his daughter's marriage--he's already arranged her engagement to whiny polo player Collins Hedgeworth (Linke)--Paula steals his Rolls Royce, and makes a mad dash with Sam for Vegas to elope--a feat made more difficult by an army of pursuers after a $25,000 bounty offered by Bigby.

Reportedly filmed in 15 days for $600,000, GRAND THEFT AUTO is decent drive-in fare with enough broad humor and car crashes to keep audiences awake. It isn't particularly sophisticated, but it is quickly paced by Howard (who also penned the script with his actor father Rance) and sharply edited by Joe Dante, who would soon begin directing New World pictures himself (HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD). Morgan, who married John Ritter, oddly didn't go on to have much of a film career, but Howard gets goofy supporting performances from his brother Clint and Peter Isacksen (the tall doofus from CPO SHARKEY) as a pair of hot-rodding idiots, Hoke Howell as a greedy minister and TV mom Marion Ross (HAPPY DAYS) as a rich woman who wrestles a cop.

Also with Elizabeth Rogers, Rance Howard, Ken Lerner, Paul Bartel, Robby Weaver (son of actor Dennis Weaver, with whom Clint Howard starred on the GENTLE BEN series), Leo Rossi, Jim Begg, DJ Don Steele (basically reprising his DEATH RACE 2000 role) and HAPPY DAYS producer Garry Marshall as a mobster. The funky score by Peter Ivers makes me wonder why he never again worked in film. Dante, producer Jon Davison (AIRPLANE!), second unit director Allan Arkush (ROCK AND ROLL HIGH SCHOOL) and unit production manager Michael Finnell (THE HOWLING) went on to work together several times in various combinations. Howard's next directorial efforts were in television until breaking through with the hilarious NIGHT SHIFT in 1982. He more or less retired from acting then.

GRANDVIEW, U.S.A. (1984)--Directed by Randal Kleiser. Stars Jamie Lee Curtis, Patrick Swayze, C. Thomas Howell, Troy Donahue, Jennifer Jason Leigh. A well-known cast propels this uninteresting drama about a teenager (Howell) who becomes involved with an older woman (Curtis). Curtis runs the local demolition derby, which is to be torn down and replaced with a country club by Howell's father (Donahue). The small-town flavor is authentic (film was partially shot in Pontiac, Illinois), but the plot and situations are silly, and I can't buy a beautiful, intelligent woman like Curtis falling for a teenager.

GRAVE OF THE VAMPIRE (1972)--Directed by John Hayes. Stars William Smith, Michael Pataki, Lyn Peters, Diane Holden, Kitty Vallacher. This low-budget sleeper seems fairly difficult to find these days, but some strong performances and a high body count make it worth the hunt.

After beginning with a blue MPAA rating card (it's a PG!), the film opens in the late 1940s as two young lovers, who have hidden themselves away in a cemetery for a few hours of privacy, are attacked by a vampire (Pataki). The man is killed--his body drained of its blood--and the woman, Leslie (Vallacher), is raped. The vampire is believed to be one Caleb Croft, a murderer and rapist who had been accidentally killed three years before. Leslie becomes pregnant as a result of the rape, and is advised by her doctor to abort it. She refuses, and later gives birth to a baby boy with gray skin and a taste for blood. Flash-forward a couple of decades, and we discover the now-adult James (Smith) has been circling the globe in an effort to find his father and kill him out of revenge. James discovers Croft, now using the name Lockwood, teaching a night class on the occult at a local university. James enters the class, and makes the acquaintance of a pair of beautiful students, carefree Anita (Holden) and cerebral English teacher Anne (Peters), who just happens to resemble Croft's late wife.

Although the film's shoestring budget is betrayed by its cheap-looking sets, some amateurish performances by bit players, and unexceptional photography, GRAVE has much to recommend, starting with its two leads. Pataki is marvelously malevolent, but succeeds in creating a slight level of sympathy for Croft as he grieves for his late wife. Smith is, of course, a tragic hero, forced to stick to the shadows and afraid to become emotionally involved with other humans, since he can never be sure he won't break his diet of raw meat and give in to his craving for human blood. Holden has some nice moments as she discovers the life of a vampire isn't quite as glamorous as she thinks.

While most of the murders take place with the weapons held just below camera range (I'm not sure why Hayes was so intent on securing a PG rating), GRAVE is actually quite brutal at times, and boasts a spectacular climax that must have given Pataki and Smith bruises for days. The screenplay by Hayes and David Chase, the Emmy-winning creator of THE SOPRANOS and author of the novel upon which GRAVE is based, contains some nifty dialogue, and is perhaps more thoughtful that it needed to be. Jaime Mendoza-Nava's score is properly atmospheric.

Also with Lieux Dressler (KINGDOM OF THE SPIDERS), Eric Mason, William Guhl, Margaret Fairchild and a bushy-haired Carmen Argenziano. From the director of the evocatively titled MAMA'S DIRTY GIRLS and JAILBAIT BABYSITTER. The VHS print used by CIC Video is dark and faded, and contains many splices and markings on the film itself. I don't know whether it is cut or not, although it appears complete. The clamshell video box misspells the cast's names as "Mike" Pataki, "Lynn" Peters and "Dianne" Holden. Although the film seems to have been re-released theatrically in 1981 as SEED OF TERROR, GRAVE OF THE VAMPIRE may not have been its original title, since it appears during the opening credits on a separate card that doesn't match the rest of the titles.

THE GRAVY TRAIN--See THE DION BROTHERS.

THE GRAY GHOST (1957)—Directed by Frank McDonald.  Stars Tod Andrews, Phil Chambers, Jean Willies.  CBS broadcast 39 episodes of this half-hour adventure series set during the Civil War.  Andrews starred as John Singleton Mosby, a real-life Confederate spy known in the North and the South as the “Gray Ghost,” because of his highly effective guerrilla tactics.  In the pilot episode, Mosby kidnaps a Union general to use in a prisoner exchange and save beautiful spy Ansonia (Willes) from the hangman’s noose.  Production values are decent, and Mosby expert Virgil Carrington Jones is on hand to maintain a semblance of authenticity.  The problem is that there’s little reason to root for Mosby.  Setting aside the idea that he’s on the side of slavery, we already know the Confederacy lost, and the Union officers seen in the pilot seem like decent men.  Why should we want the Gray Ghost to win?  Perhaps giving Mosby an evil rival in blue would have put the audience in his corner.  Douglas Dick, Mark Dana and Willis Bouchey co-star in the premiere.  Lindsley Parsons was the executive producer.

GREASE (1978)--Directed by Randal Kleiser. Stars John Travolta, Olivia Newton-John, Stockard Channing. This screen musical based on a successful Broadway play about teenage life in the '50s was a box-office hit (it's the top-grossing movie musical ever made), but I find it to be boring and crudely made. Newton-John is no actress, and the rest of the cast, especially Channing (who gives the best performance), is way too old to believably portray high-school students. Also with Jeff Conaway, Didi Conn, Eve Arden, Sid Caesar, Edd Byrnes, Joan Blondell and Frankie Avalon spoofing himself as "Teen Angel" and singing "Beauty School Dropout". Travolta truly does drip with charisma, and GREASE was re-released in 1998 to capitalize on his new wave of fame following PULP FICTION and FACE/OFF. Songs include "Grease" by Frankie Valli and "You're the One That I Want" by Travolta and Newton-John. Photographed flatly by Bill Butler, GREASE was Kleiser's first film, and was reportedly hampered in his choice of camera angles by Butler. Choreography by Patricia Birch, who directed the ill-fated sequel. From the director of THE BLUE LAGOON.

GREASE 2 (1982)--Directed by Patricia Birch. Stars Maxwell Caulfield, Michelle Pfieffer, Adrian Zmed, Lorna Luft. Makes GREASE look like WEST SIDE STORY. British Caulfield transfers to a California high school and disguises himself as a biker to win the heart of female gang member Pfieffer. Interesting only as an early showcase of Michelle's talents. Also with Tab Hunter, Sid Caesar, Connie Stevens, Eve Arden, Didi Conn, Eddie Deezen and Doublemint twins Jean and Liz Sagal. Directed by the choreographer of the first GREASE movie.

 
THE GREAT ALLIGATOR (1979)--Directed by Sergio Martino.  Stars Mel Ferrer, Barbara Bach, Claudio Cassinelli.  Not only is this Italian JAWS ripoff not any good, it's not even good as far as killer alligator movies go.  For some reason only he can fathom, Joshua (Ferrer) has opened a paradise resort in the middle of Godknowswhere, some jungle in the middle of South America, Africa, someplace like that (the film never deigns to say, but Martino shot it in Sri Lanka).  The area is only inhabited by primitive natives who become restless when they believe their god, a giant 'gator named Kuma, has returned to chomp down on the locals.  Hunky photographer Daniel (Cassinelli) tries to get the mayor to close the beaches...uh, I mean...Joshua to close the hotel, but there's dough to be made.  It isn't until Joshua's sexy hotel manager, a wannabe anthropologist named Alice (Bach), is captured, stripped and trussed up down by the river to act as a sacrifice to Kuma that the magnate finally listens.  But by then it's too late, as Kuma tears through his guest list like Raymond Burr at an Amish buffet.  The special effects are pretty crummy, and so is this movie, which is pretty boring and doesn't build up its body count until the final reel.  Much of the cast reunited to make SCREAMERS for director Martino. 

THE GREAT ESCAPE (1963)--Directed by John Sturges. Stars Steve McQueen, James Garner, Richard Attenborough, James Donald. One of the all-time great adventure films, and the one that made a world superstar of McQueen. Film is a funny and exciting tale of Allied soldiers in a World War II POW camp who attempt a daring mass escape involving three different tunnels. McQueen established his cool, authority-jabbing antihero screen persona as Virgil "Cooler King" Hilts, a master escape artist who refuses to give in to the Nazis no matter what they do to him. McQueen's motorcycle jump over a barbed-wire fence and the image of McQueen in solitary tossing a baseball against the wall have become indelible screen images. Star-studded cast includes Donald Pleasence, James Coburn, Charles Bronson and David McCallum. Script by James Clavell based on Paul Brickhill's factual novel. Terrific score by Elmer Bernstein. Filmed in Yugoslavia.
 
THE GREAT MERLINI (1951)—Directed by Ted Post.  Stars Jerome Thor, Barbara Cook, Robert Noe.  It’s probably a good thing for Thor that this mystery pilot didn’t take off, because he ended up doing the successful FOREIGN INTRIGUE series instead.  The Great Merlini was certainly a colorful role, based on a literary character by Clayton Rawson, who also wrote this episode, “The Transparent Man”.  Thor plays a stage magician who solves mysteries on the side, at least as long as someone is paying his fee.  Merlini is hired to safeguard a priceless necklace from a burglar who claims he will lift it precisely at midnight, even if it’s surrounded by police.  Imagine the surprise when an invisible man invades the locked room where the gems are being kept and swipes them right before Merlini’s very eyes.  The cheap sets and flubbed dialogue are signs of a quickie production, but Thor and Cook as his lovely assistant have nice chemistry, and the show’s premise is a good one (Bill Bixby in THE MAGICIAN and Hal Linden in BLACKE’S MAGIC had the same idea).  Most notable is 37-year-old E.G. Marshall (THE BOLD ONES) as a crook.

THE GREAT OUTDOORS (1988)--Directed by Howard Deutsch. Stars John Candy, Dan Aykroyd, Stephanie Faracy, Annette Bening, Chris Young. Broad comedy about a Chicago salesman (Candy), who takes his family on a lakeside vacation and ends up sharing his trip with obnoxious brother-in-law Aykroyd and his eccentric family. Candy shows a genuine warmth on screen, and Aykroyd is pretty good in a variation on his E. Buzz Miller SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE character. Script by John Hughes.

THE GREAT SCOUT AND CATHOUSE THURSDAY (1976)--Directed by Don Taylor. Stars Lee Marvin, Oliver Reed, Robert Culp, Kay Lenz, Strother Martin. A few laughs in this broad comedy/western about a trapper (Marvin), an Indian (Reed) and a prostitute (Lenz) who team up to recover a cache of stolen gold from bad guy Culp. "Cathouse Thursday", by the way, is the name of Lenz's character. Good performance by Culp; Marvin and Reed are over-the-top as usual.

 
THE GREAT TEXAS DYNAMITE CHASE (1977)--Directed by Michael Pressman.  Stars Claudia Jennings, Jocelyn Jones, Johnny Crawford.  The late Jennings had one of her biggest roles in this women-on-the-run pic that predates the similar THELMA & LOUISE, but she's overshadowed by her co-star Jones, who has a juicier role to run with.  Just as soon as Candy (Jennings) busts out of prison, she's back at the lawbreakin' game, using the explosives experience she picked up on the joint's road construction crew to rob banks using dynamite as a weapon.  On her first gig, she runs into an unexpected ally--Ellie-Jo (Jones), who's just been fired from her teller job for being late and enthusiastically aids Candy in collecting the cash.  With no plans and no one else to turn to, the young women decide to team up as "dynamite women", traveling around Texas in a Rolls Royce knocking over small town banks.  Former RIFLEMAN costar Crawford (Top 40 fans might remember his hit, "Cindy's Birthday") plays Slim, a hostage who becomes a partner and Ellie-Jo's lover.
 
Although released by New World Pictures, TEXAS seems to lack a certain energy that characterizes most of that studio's output (I think it was produced elsewhere as a negative pickup for New World).  Both leads deliver fine performances, although only Jones has a well-rounded character to play.  We learn little about Jennings, knowing only that she has a family and served time in prison for some unknown offense, and her character doesn't progress much from there.  As befitting a former PLAYBOY Playmate, Jennings spends much time unclothed, asserting her sexuality as she wills.  Jones, the daughter of familiar character actor Henry Jones (ARACHNOPHOBIA), also appears nude, as does Crawford, who must have stunned some audiences who remembered him as Chuck Connors' little boy on THE RIFLEMAN.  Pressman, whose later career hasn't amounted to any better than journeyman status (THE BAD NEWS BEARS IN BREAKING TRAINING, anyone?), stages a few car chases and shootouts, but not spectacularly so, and while TEXAS DYNAMITE CHASE certainly lives up to that part of its title, I wouldn't call it "great".  Perhaps MILDLY DIVERTING TEXAS DYNAMITE CHASE is more applicable.  Craig Safan supplied the score.  Also with the scrumptious Tara Strohmeier as Jennings' sister, Stefan Gierasch, Tony Lorea, Oliver Clark, Bart Braverman and Christopher Pennock.  Cinematographer Jamie Anderson lensed several New World films, such as HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD, before graduating to Kevin Smith movies in the 1990s.
 
GREAT WHITE (1980)--Directed by Enzo G. Castellari.  Stars Vic Morrow, James Franciscus.  The director of 1990: THE BRONX WARRIORS (also with Morrow) and INGLORIOUS BASTARDS shot this blatant JAWS (and JAWS 2, for that matter) ripoff in Malta.  In fact, it was so blatant that Universal sued for copyright infringement, and it was pulled from U.S. theaters.  It has never been legally available on American home video.  The history of GREAT WHITE's distribution is more interesting than the film itself, although Castellari can always be counted upon to concoct a hysterical scene or two. 
 
Franciscus (CAT O' NINE TAILS) plays an author named Peter Benton (obviously a nod to JAWS author Peter Benchley) and Morrow (HUMANOIDS FROM THE DEEP) as a Scottish (!) seaman team up when a gigantic great white shark begins terrorizing the Florida town of Port Harbor.  The big Windsurfing Regatta is coming up, and even though one teen has already been chomped on, the mayor refuses to cancel.  That leads to the amazing scene in which the shark plows through dozens of windsurfers like bowling pins, knocking them into the water one by one, culminating in a great moment when the shark somehow blasts a boat containing a male passenger about 20 feet into the air (he repeats this stunt later).  The local butcher must have traded in his Pinto for a Rolls Royce that weekend, because half the people in town, including the mayor, some dumb teenagers, and an ambitious news team, use huge chunks of raw meat to lure the shark out into the open.  For some reason, the cops and the Coast Guard never really get involved, leaving it up to the writer (why?) and sea captain to get the job done.
 
All of the scenes involving the (fake-looking) shark are pretty entertaining, but the dialogue and pacing is otherwise so bad that GREAT WHITE is a mixed bag.  Whatever the shark is made from (foam?), it looks hilarious, leaping from the water with a single expression and roaring (!) as it takes a bite out of its human pursuers.  The best scene finds the mayor dangling a side of beef from a helicopter to attract the shark.  What he planned to do with it after he caught it, I don't know, but it's a moot point after the Great White yanks the chopper (like in JAWS 2) down into the ocean for a quick bite.  On the other hand, GREAT WHITE's surface photography is very good, crisp and clean like an American production.  However, the underwater scenes are too dark, making it difficult to sometimes make out what's happening, especially the drab climax (I had to rewind it and watch it again).
 
Franciscus is fine in the lead, but Morrow's Scottish accent is all over the place--when he chooses to use it, that is!  Both provide their own voices.  Most of the Italian actors were dubbed, although, unusually for an Italian production, Castellari did record some sound live.  Also with John Sinclair, Timothy Brent (re: Giancarlo Prete of WARRIORS IN THE WASTELAND), Stefania Girolamo (the director's daughter) and Joyce Lee.  The de Angelis Brothers provided the obtrusive score, including, I guess, the silly disco tune that plays over the opening title sequence of a guy windsurfing.  Film Ventures International, which had earlier put out GRIZZLY, another JAWS ripoff with a big bear substituting for a shark, released GREAT WHITE in 1982 before it was yanked from American distribution.  It has also been seen as THE LAST SHARK and L' ULTIMO SQUALO.
 
THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO (1981)--Directed by Rod Holcomb. Stars William Katt, Robert Culp, Connie Sellecca. Executive producer Stephen J. Cannell, whose previous series like TENSPEED AND BROWN SHOE and THE ROCKFORD FILES effectively mixed drama, light comedy, action and breezy characterization, wrote this entertaining pilot for the 1981-83 ABC-TV series, which was a hit until the network stupidly moved it to Friday nights for its third (unsuccessful) season.
 
Curly-haired Katt (CARRIE) is high school teacher Ralph Hinkley, who's hampered at work by a class of budding juvenile delinquents and at home by a custody battle with his ex-wife over son Kevin (Brandon Williams). While stranded in the desert one night, Ralph meets super-square, jingoistic FBI agent Bill Maxwell (Culp), and the two have a close encounter with a gigantic, brightly colored spaceship. Speaking through their car radio and the re-animated corpse of Maxwell's former partner, the aliens give them a red superhero costume (complete with boots and cape), and tell them to use it to save the Earth from destruction. Which would be a lot simpler if Ralph hadn't lost the instruction manual the "little green guys" (as Maxwell refers to them) thoughtfully provided. Teaming up with Ralph's pretty attorney girlfriend Pam Davidson (Sellecca), Ralph and Bill use the supersuit (which works only when Ralph wears it) to prevent a wealthy political booster from taking over the United States.
 
The adventure plot is actually pretty thin, and it's obvious that creator Cannell's teleplay (which was Emmy-nominated) was really only supposed to develop the characters and settings and establish the fantastic premise. The notion of a superhero who doesn't know how to use his powers--and, in fact, doesn't even know what they are!--is a very good one; instead of flying, Ralph mostly just waves his arms and screams before crashing to the ground in a lump. Katt and Sellecca are a likable couple, and Culp is outstanding as macho Maxwell, a by-the-book, Red-baiting conservative forced to believe in creatures from outer space and teamed with a liberal do-gooder and a lady lawyer who isn't the type to sit on the sidelines out of danger while the boys get their hands dirty. It may have looked like a cartoon on paper, but Culp, using an impeccable sense of timing and his own innate energy, brings Maxwell to three-dimensional life. He's hilarious. Also with series regulars Michael Pare, Faye Grant, Jesse D. Goins and Don Cervantes, and guest stars G.D. Spradlin, Richard Herd, Bob Minor, Ned Wilson and Jeff MacKay. Music by Mike Post and Pete Carpenter. Joey Scarbury performed the theme "Believe It Or Not", which reached #2 in BILLBOARD.
 
Extras on Anchor Bay's Season One box set (Cannell apparently owns the series) consist of 75 minutes of talking-head interviews with Cannell, Katt, Culp, Sellecca and Pare. All are proud of the show and had a good time on it, despite the younger stars' occasional clashes with the veteran Culp. I had trouble paying attention to what Sellecca had to say; the beautiful brunette doesn't appear to have aged a day in 23 years! Cannell discusses how the series was pitched to him by ABC execs Marcy Carsey and Tom Werner. Katt hated wearing the "jammies". Culp, not normally a Method actor, found himself often slipping into "Maxwell mode" at home at night, much to his wife's consternation. Pare, who is interviewed by Sellecca, laughs about not having the musical skills to play a musician in one episode, even though he ended up playing the lead in EDDIE AND THE CRUISERS the following summer.
 
THE GREATEST '70s COP SHOWS (1972-76).  In an attempt to gauge buyer interest in their cop-show inventory, Columbia TriStar released this DVD containing one episode each of five different TV crime dramas:  CHARLIE'S ANGELS, S.W.A.T., THE ROOKIES, STARSKY & HUTCH and POLICE WOMAN.  The DVD is promoted as containing the first episodes of each show, which is technically true, although all five series had already appeared on the air in some form, either as a 90-minute pilot or as a spinoff of NBC's anthology series POLICE STORY (which was the case with POLICE WOMAN).  Season One boxed sets of CHARLIE'S ANGELS and S.W.A.T. have already been announced for later this year, but brisk sales of this Columbia sampler could mean major releases of the other shows included here.
 
CHARLIE'S ANGELS starred Kate Jackson, Farrah Fawcett-Majors and Jaclyn Smith (a more gorgeous actress there rarely has been) as sexy policewomen stuck in unfulfilling positions (crossing guard, secretary, etc.) who are recruited by swanky millionaire Charlie Townsend (who was never fully seen by either the audience or the Angels and whose voice was provided by future DYNASTY star John Forsythe) to join his private detective agency.  David Doyle (CAPRICORN ONE) co-starred as John Bosley, Charlie's aide-de-camp who provided the Angels with their assignments and often went undercover (in one sense of the word only) with them.  In "Hellride", which aired September 22, 1976, Sabrina (Jackson) poses as a racecar driver and hits the all-female racing circuit (!) to investigate a fatal accident.  With Bosley and Jill (Fawcett-Majors) snooping around the track in the guise of a traveling minister and his sexpot daughter and Kelly (Smith) using her feminine wiles to get close to a suspect, the Angels discover plans for a diamond heist planned to take place during a cross-country road race into Mexico.  "Hellride", as penned by Edward J. Lakso and directed by Richard Lang, is neither one of the series' best or worst episodes, although it does feature some minor action scenes and the normally glamorous Smith looking downright smashing in jeans and a T-shirt.  Don Gordon is the main guest star, along with Mayf Nutter, Kurt Grayson, John Dennis Johnston, Ric Mancini and Jenny O'Hara.  Jack Elliott and Allyn Ferguson composed the score, including the familiar theme.  CHARLIE'S ANGELS was the biggest hit of the five series showcased on this disc, even landing the stars on the cover of TIME, but I think it's the least of them, as the scripts, performances and action were shortchanged in favor of new ways of putting its actresses into the tiniest costumes possible.
 
S.W.A.T. premiered February 24, 1975 after its pilot aired as an episode of THE ROOKIES, and detailed the adventures of a Special Weapons and Tactics police squad led by Steve Forrest as square-jawed Dan "Hondo" Harrelson.  His S.W.A.T. unit consisted of second-in-command Deacon (Rod Perry), sensitive Street (Robert Urich), ladies man Luca (Mark Shera) and sniper T.J. (James Coleman).  "The Killing Ground", penned by producer Rick Husky (who also produced the CHARLIE'S ANGELS episode on this DVD) and directed by Harry Falk (a former husband of Patty Duke), details how Street, Luca and T.J. came to be recruited for Hondo's elite new squad, while a trio of redneck cousins races around the unidentified city (which also seems to have been the setting for fellow Spelling-Goldberg shows THE ROOKIES and T.J. HOOKER) ambushing cops, one of whom was Street's partner.  Showing off the high level of violence that earned the series its notoriety and probably led to its cancellation after less than two seasons, "The Killing Ground" benefits from an exceptional guest cast, including Geoffrey Lewis, Jesse Vint and William Lucking as the cop killers, Kenneth Tobey and a lovely young Annette O'Toole.  S.W.A.T. was the second series for Urich (after BOB & CAROL & TED & ALICE), who went on to star in more series than any other actor.  Barry DeVorzon's exceedingly hummable theme became a #1 hit for a studio band called Rhythm Heritage.
 
Film star Angie Dickinson came to regular television in POLICE WOMAN as gorgeous fortysomething detective Pepper Anderson, who worked alongside Earl Holliman as her superior officer, Lt. Bill Crowley (Bert Convy played the role in its POLICE STORY pilot), and familiar faces Charles Dierkop and Ed Bernard as partners Royster and Styles.  In "The End Game", which aired on NBC September 13, 1974, Pepper faces down a ruthless gang of bank robbers led by guest star Paul Burke (NAKED CITY).  Under the tutelage of executive producer David Gerber (the only non-Spelling/Goldberg production on the DVD), it's a typically strong episode that mixes gritty location filming, solid action scenes, a nice Morton Stevens score (Stevens also penned the memorable theme and was nominated for an Emmy) and strong camaraderie among the cast with an unexpected sensitivity, thanks to the feminine presence of Dickinson, who, even though the series is titled POLICE WOMAN, remains on less than equal footing with her male co-stars, sobbing in the corner while the men storm in, guns blazing.  Deirdre Lenihan, fresh off the PINS AND NEEDLES sitcom, Skip Homeier, Suzanne Benton, Jonelle Allen, Linda Dano and James Murtaugh also guest star in the episode, which was directed by Alvin Ganzer and written by Mark Rodgers.  
 
Social relevance in an Aaron Spelling show?  THE ROOKIES had it in spades, as three young policemen played by Sam Melville, Michael Ontkean and first-among-equals Georg Stanford Brown often used their brains, mouths, youthful exuberance and "with-it" attitude instead of violence to battle the bad guys.  Gerald O'Loughlin offered excellent support as their crusty superior, while Kate Jackson, fresh off DARK SHADOWS, played Melville's wife, a nurse.  Hal Sitowitz's teleplay for "Concrete Valley, Neon Sky", directed by Michael Caffey and telecast September 11, 1972, offers more heart than brains, serving up a story of gang warfare that plays like a scrapped early draft of WEST SIDE STORY, pitting 25-year-old "juvenile delinquents" against our overly earnest heroes.  One thing's for sure--Brown is a star, his dignified confidence and bold magnetism adding enough weight to Sitowitz's clumsy monologues to allow the audience to admire the messenger, if not the message.  He stands in great contrast to wimpy Ontkean, who can barely hold the screen with both hands when standing next to him.  Elmer Bernstein's powerful theme and witty score complete the episode, which works as a good example of the image that television executives had of 'Nam-era youth.
 
It's just another "Savage Sunday" on the streets of L.A., where plainclothes detectives Dave Starsky (Paul Michael Glaser) and Ken Hutchinson (David Soul) are chasing a '63 Chevy with a bomb in the trunk.  In the first regular episode of STARSKY AND HUTCH, telecast September 3, 1975, two senior citizens plan to explode their Chevy in front of the courthouse to protest living conditions at their city-funded home, but the car is stolen by a pair of salt-and-pepper armed robbers to use as a getaway car.  Fred Freiberger penned the action-packed teleplay and Jack Starrett (credited as "Claude Ennis Starrett, Jr.") provided imaginative direction, as Starsky and Hutch burn rubber and break rules all over the city, much to the chagrin of apoplectic boss Captain Dobey (Bernie Hamilton).  Oddly, both this episode and "Concrete Valley, Neon Sky" include a scene in which the heroes challenge gang members to a basketball game scored with "Sweet Georgia Brown."  Lalo Schifrin provides both score and theme, the first of many for this ABC series that relied heavily on the magnetism of its stars and Starsky's red-and-white Ford Torino.
 
Columbia TriStar has provided few extras, merely trailers for their upcoming BAD BOYS II and CHARLIE'S ANGELS: FULL THROTTLE and brief bios for the regular cast members of the series included.  Strangely, Earl Holliman is missing, although lesser regulars Dierkop and Bernard are represented with filmographies.  The episodes contain no chapter stops, and only POLICE WOMAN includes the original teaser.  THE GREATEST '70s COP SHOWS is a misnomer, to be sure, but it also provides enough of a taste of these five series to give you a good indication of their quality.  POLICE WOMAN is probably the only one that I would buy DVD sets of, if only because the others have been rerun more recently on cable.  If nothing else, you get five hours of solid police action, colorful scenery, authentic music and some fine performances.  Not bad for under 20 bucks.
 
THE GREEN ARCHER (1940)--Directed by James W. Horne. Stars Victor Jory, Iris Meredith, James Craven, Robert Fiske, Dorothy Fay, Forrest Taylor, Herbert Evans. Based (loosely, I imagine) upon a story by Edgar Wallace, this 15-chapter Columbia chapterplay details the evil schemes of Abel Bellamy (Craven), who begins his reign of terror by framing his brother Michael for murder. After Michael is presumed killed in a train wreck on his way to prison, Bellamy, assisted by his secretary Savini (Fiske) and a loyal gang of thugs, masterminds a series of jewel thefts from inside the castle he inherited from his late brother, while keeping Michael's widow Elaine (Fay) prisoner within the castle's labyrinth of catacombs. Opposing Bellamy's plan is ace insurance investigator Spike Holland (Jory), who lives next door to the castle (!) with Elaine's sister Valerie (the fetching Meredith), her father Mr. Howett (Taylor) and the veddy English butler Henderson (Evans). Nearly all the action takes place in either the castle--decked out with a series of secret entrances, passages and prisons--or the Howett home. Also complicating Bellamy's plans is The Green Archer, a mysterious masked bowman in an emerald costume and cape who always seems to pop up in time to rescue the good guys from Bellamy's latest deathtrap. Adding to the confusion is a second Green Archer, a fake one hired by Bellamy to scare snoopers away from the castle.

The Green Archer's true identity will probably not come as any surprise to anyone who's ever seen more than a couple serials, but don't let THE GREEN ARCHER's lack of originality turn you off from a roaring good time. It's not one of the best serials ever made--or even one of Columbia's best--but action fans should eat up the flying fists and frequent fighting. Craven, whose serial experience includes turns in BATMAN AND ROBIN, FLYING DISC MAN FROM MARS and THE PURPLE MONSTER STRIKES, steals every scene in which he appears, broadly portraying Bellamy as a megalomaniac, while Jory, who played the Phantom in another serial the same year, is serviceable if a bit intense as the intrepid hero.

Also with Kenne Duncan as Michael Bellamy, Joseph Girard, Fred Kelsey, Harry Tenbrook and Anthony Warde. Horne's directing career stretches back to 1915 (!); he died just two years after THE GREEN ARCHER hit bijous. A German version of Wallace's story was released in 1961 with GOLDFINGER villain Gert Frobe as Abel Bellamy, while a silent serial directed by B-movie vet Spencer Gordon Bennet (SUPERMAN) came out in 1925.
 
THE GREEN ARCHER (1961)--Directed by Jurgen Roland.  Stars Gert Frobe, Karin Dor, Klausjergen Wussow, Eddi Arent.  One of the least interesting German krimis, this adaptation of an Edgar Wallace novel was a lot more fun as a Columbia serial.  Scotland Yard inspector Featherstone (Wussow) investigates the criminal goings-on of master bad guy Abel Bellamy (Frobe), while comic relief photographer Spike Holland (Arent) breaks the fourth wall.  I was so bored by this movie that I can tell you little more than that.  A mysterious figure in a green archer's costume (although the film is in black-and-white) shoots arrows into much of the cast.  Known in Germany as DER GRUNE BOGENSCHUTZE.  Music by Heinz Funk.
 
GREMLINS (1984)--Directed by Joe Dante. Stars Zach Galligan, Phoebe Cates, Hoyt Axton, Frances Lee McCain, Polly Holliday. Summer comedy/horror hit about a cute little creature named Gizmo, which is bought by an inventor (Axton) in a Chinese gift shop as a Christmas present for his son (Galligan). Gizmo seems harmless enough, until it spawns other gremlins, which go on a massive spree of killing and destruction in a small Midwestern town. Humor is extremely dark at times; witness Cates's reason for hating Christmas so much. Look for many clever in-jokes (a typical Dante trait) and a lot of great character actors, including Dick Miller, Scott Brady, Kenneth Tobey, Edward Andrews, Keye Luke and even Robby the Robot! Screenplay by Chris Columbus (HOME ALONE). Score by Jerry Goldsmith. Steven Spielberg was an executive producer. Dante made GREMLINS 2: A NEW ORDER in 1990.
 
GRINDHOUSE (2007)—Directed by Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino (and Rob Zombie and Edgar Wright and Eli Roth).  Stars Rose McGowan, Kurt Russell, Josh Brolin, Freddy Rodriguez, Michael Parks, Marley Shelton, Jeff Fahey, Michael Biehn, Sydney Poitier, Vanessa Ferlito, Jordan Ladd, Tracie Thoms, Rosario Dawson, Zoe Bell, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Danny Trejo.  It's ironic that the most original film experience Hollywood has presented in years is one that has roots in movies of thirty years ago. Leave it to Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino, two of the most creative filmmakers working today, to make it work.
 
GRINDHOUSE takes its title from a particular cinematic subgenre that was extremely popular years ago. Oh, we still have exploitation movies, but now they cost $175 million and are made by major studios. But back then, most "drive-in" or "grindhouse" movies were filmed on a low budget by independent producers and released regionally in the United States by "bicycling" a dozen or so prints around the country. Some of the better exploitation movies of the era, however, were made by major studios, such as VANISHING POINT (20th Century Fox) and THE OUTFIT (Warner Brothers), but most of the time, they were products of companies long since evaporated into the ozone: American International Pictures, New World Pictures, Dimension Pictures, Hallmark Releasing, Film Ventures International, Manson International, Compass International Pictures (which released HALLOWEEN), Aquarius Releasing and so many more.
 
It's this type of film to which Rodriguez and Tarantino pay homage in their new film GRINDHOUSE. To duplicate the '70s experience as best they can, the two men have done something unique in Hollywood and created not just a film, but an entire nostalgic experience. GRINDHOUSE includes two full-length feature films, as well as trailers, intertitles and even an advertisement. Clocking in at just over three hours, GRINDHOUSE is a full evening's entertainment.
 
It opens with a trailer for a non-existent film called MACHETE, which hilariously posits the menacing character actor Danny Trejo as a badass hitman recruited to rescue a rich man's (direct-to-video leading man Jeff Fahey) kidnapped family, but who is set up by the government as a patsy. They "fucked with the wrong Mexican," as the narrator (in a deep Percy Rodrigues/Adolph Caesar style) says. Machete teams up with an equally badass priest (Cheech Marin) for revenge, which culminates in Machete jumping a machine-gun-shooting motorcycle over a giant fireball. MACHETE gets GRINDHOUSE off to a wonderful start, and it's rumored that Rodriguez (who directed it) may bring back Trejo and Fahey for an actual MACHETE movie.
 
Rodriguez's 85-minute feature, PLANET TERROR, is next. It's a balls-to-the-wall non-stop blood-and-gore horror flick about a Texas community infested with mad flesh-eating zombies (though the word is never used). More Umberto Lenzi than George Romero, these mutated humans are the result of the U.S. military's careless germ warfare experiments. Identifiable by the pulsating pus spots on their skin, these zombies wreck havoc on the town, leading various disparate citizens to band together for survival.
 
PLANET TERROR is grand, goofy fun, filled with splashy blood squibs and imaginative special effects. Rose McGowan (CHARMED) gets top billing as stripper Cherry Darling, who doesn't let an amputated leg keep her off the battlefield. Armed (legged?) with a sub-machine gun strapped to her stump, Cherry and ex-beau mechanic El Wray (Freddy Rodriguez) lead the rebel attack against an army (literally) of zombies, which include an unbilled Bruce Willis. Josh Brolin, Marley Shelton, Naveen Andrews (LOST), Nicky Katt and Tom Savini also appear, but, for me, the biggest thrill was seeing genre favorites Michael Biehn (THE TERMINATOR) and Jeff Fahey (DARKMAN III) in major, chewy supporting roles. I really, really liked Fahey in this movie. Heck, I never thought I'd see Fahey on the big screen again, and he got such short shrift in the marketing that I figured his role was small. Nope. It's a great part, and I love the concept of him and Biehn as brothers who don't get along. I enjoyed filling in their backstories.
 
I also appreciated Rodriguez's great lengths to make PLANET TERROR look like a junky old print, including the pops and scratches and faded color. There's a "missing reel" gag that's perfect, melting out of a sex scene and popping back into major chaos. It also leads to a bit with Biehn learning El Wray's "secret identity" (which we never really learn, 'cause it's in the "missing" footage), and background gags with extras that tag along with the main characters--extras who just appear out of nowhere, including the lady deputy whose clothes get skimpier and skimpier. Funny stuff.
 
PLANET TERROR leads into three more trailers, all entertaining. Rob Zombie directed WEREWOLF WOMEN OF THE SS, which recalls the bizarre "Nazisploitation" movies that came out of Europe during the '70s. One of cinema's sleaziest genres, it nonetheless looks downright tame under Zombie's direction, though he assembled a marvelous trash cast, including Udo Kier (ANDY WARHOL'S FRANKENSTEIN), Tom Towles (HENRY: PORTRAIT OF A SERIAL KILLER), Bill Moseley (THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE), Sybil Danning (CHAINED HEAT) and "Nicolas Cage as Fu Manchu."
 
Edgar Wright (SHAUN OF THE DEAD) spoofs the "Don't" horror movies of the '70s--DON'T LOOK IN THE BASEMENT, DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE, DON'T GO NEAR THE PARK et al.--with DON'T, which is a one-note gag, but a good one. Eli Roth (HOSTEL) parodies slasher flicks with the grimy-looking THANKSGIVING, which features a naked cheerleader, many bad-taste gags, bestiality, Jordan Ladd and a hilarious cameo by Michael Biehn, whose "Son of a bitch!" earns a big laugh.
 
Tarantino anchors GRINDPROOF with his own full-length feature. DEATH PROOF was touted as a slasher movie/car-chase flick, but it's really neither, despite elements of both. Too talky to be an authentic drive-in movie (hey, it was written by Quentin Tarantino), DEATH PROOF opens with three young women (Sydney Poitier, Vanessa Ferlito, Jordan Ladd) acting like they're in SWINGERS, talking a lot of shit, smoking pot, drinking beer, and considering what guys they'll go home with that night. At the bar, they engage in conversation with Stuntman Mike (Kurt Russell), an older man with a '71 Chevy Nova. As psychotic as he is charming, Stuntman Mike eventually engages in a game of late-night chicken with the trio. Later, he tries the same dangerous road games with another trio of hot babes (Rosario Dawson, Zoe Bell, Tracie Thoms), but bites off more than he can handle, not realizing Thoms and Bell are professional Hollywood stuntwomen.
 
Kurt Russell is so freaking charismatic, it's scary. First off, he's still rocking that mullet, and he's the only guy in the history of the world who has ever looked cool in one. Ever. He really owns the first half of DEATH PROOF, and everything he says and does is three times as interesting as the women are. The movie's biggest flaw is that Russell vanishes for about a half-hour in the middle, and he is sorely missed. On the plus side are the car chases, which are the best Hollywood has seen in at least a decade and feature 100% stuntwork--no CGI. It helps when you cast a real stuntperson--Zoe Bell--as your leading lady, meaning you can get up close and personal with the camera as the cars are tearing along at high speeds.
 
Both DEATH PROOF and PLANET TERROR have neat little stylistic touches I got a kick out of. In lieu of the regular Dimension Films logo (Disney's production arm dedicated to genre fare), Tarantino opened DEATH PROOF with the logo of the old Dimension Pictures (no relation), a shortlived '70s company that made drive-in classics like SWEET SUGAR and TERMINAL ISLAND. It's too bad company president Charles Swartz died recently before he could see his proud company immortalized in a QT joint.
 
I also liked the opening title sequences, right down to the copyright notices, the huge fonts (I miss those), the DeLuxe credit and the MPAA certification, and the separate DEATH PROOF title card, which "replaced" the original title. Whereas Rodriguez scored PLANET TERROR with an authentic-sounding John Carpenter-ish synth score, Tarantino dug into his record collection to pull out badass rock cuts like Jack Nitzsche's "The Last Ride" (from VILLAGE OF THE GIANTS!) and soundtrack clips from super-cool Italian crime dramas.
 
As flat-out entertainment goes, you'll be hard-pressed to find more fun at the movies this year than GRINDHOUSE. As a concept, it's prime material for unlimited sequels. Maybe a blaxploitation movie backed with a moonshinin' movie or a space opera on a bill with a spaghetti western?
 
GRIZZLY (1976)--Directed by William Girdler.  Stars Christopher George, Andrew Prine, Richard Jaeckel.  This entertaining killer bear thriller is almost an exact duplicate of JAWS, right down to the greedy authority figure who refuses to evacuate and the explosive finale.  For some reason, an 18-foot grizzly bear is stalking the woods of Maine, chomping down on defenseless campers, usually women.  One victim is a hottie forest ranger who takes time out from the grizzly hunt to go skinny-dipping under a waterfall!  Another is a little boy who has his leg ripped off by the bear ("He's alive?"  "Part of him is.").  And this is one badass bear too--strong enough to decapitate a horse with one swoop of his hairy paw.  George, a veteran of junky horror movies, plays Kelly, the heroic forest ranger whose guilt pangs grow stronger with every death.  Prine is a pip as a maverick chopper pilot, and Jaeckel chews some scenery as a mountain man wrapped in a deer pelt. 
 
To pick out just one favorite moment from GRIZZLY is a tough task.  There's so much silly dialogue, ridiculous story points, hammy acting and nutty action scenes that to pick and choose from this Cheese Buffet would load up a plate Fat Albert couldn't finish.  The scene where George and Prine gut a deer and hang it from a tree as bait is a classic, as is George's confrontation with his officious boss ("All you care about is a warm, brown, plastic office in Washington!") and the deux es machina climax in which George pulls out a weapon that A) we didn't know he had or why he would have it in the first place and B) he pulls out way too late.  Of course, the bear knocking down the lookout tower is amazing too... 
 
Girdler followed up GRIZZLY with DAY OF THE ANIMALS, I guess with the notion that one killer animal is great, but dozens are even better.  He also made the truly wacky horror film THE MANITOU before dying in a helicopter crash at age 31.  Also with Joan McCall, Joe Dorsey, JAWS victim Susan Backlinie and co-writer Harvey Flaxman as a reporter.  Robert O. Ragland somehow convinced an English philharmonic orchestra to score this.  Years later, footage was shot for a proposed GRIZZLY II in Kentucky with Charlie Sheen, George Clooney and Laura Dern, but the film was never finished.  The existing footage will probably never be seen.  Legendary comic book artist Neal Adams ("Batman", "Deadman") drew the poster.  From Edward L. Montoro's Film Ventures International.
 
GRIZZLY II (1983)—Directed by David Sheldon.  Stars Steve Inwood, Deborah Raffin, John Rhys-Davies, George Clooney, Charlie Sheen, Laura Dern, Deborah Foreman, Jack Starrett, Charles Cyphers, Marc Alaimo, Dick Anthony Williams, Louise Fletcher.  GRIZZLY II is something of a Holy Grail for trash movie fans, in that it was never completed and never released.  Only a handful of lucky viewers have managed to sneak a peek at the unfinished workprint in the nearly 25 years since production began under the direction of Sheldon, a former AIP executive who produced and wrote the original film (GRIZZLY director William Girdler died in a helicopter crash in 1978).  No shots of the animatronic bear appear, except for a couple of laughable ones near the end, so all of the bear attacks consist of actors screaming, waving their arms and fleeing from a POV camera.  The sound was recorded on-set (other ends of radio conversations are held with actors standing behind the camera), and the temporary music includes cuts from Michael Jackson’s (then-hot) THRILLER, which would surely have been too expensive for this budget-conscious production.  Some plot threads are left hanging, the musical sequences last much too long, and the ending isn’t even cut together—it’s just a collection of outtakes and alternate angles—so clearly Sheldon had more to shoot before the producers ran out of money and shut the film down.
 
Judging from what exists, GRIZZLY II potentially could have been a decent monster flick and certainly would be of interest today, if for no other reason than it marks the film debuts of Clooney and Sheen, who appear with Dern as a trio of teen hikers who get munched by the unseen grizzly.  Like JAWS (and GRIZZLY, for that matter), authority figures refuse to step in and cancel a big rock concert scheduled in a national park just because the hero park ranger (Inwood, not much of a lead, but then off the hit STAYING ALIVE) claims a 20-foot grizzly bear is killing people and heading toward the event.  While he and his conservationist girlfriend (Raffin) chase the bear and debate whether or not it deserves to die, four poachers (three of them played by recognizable character actors Starrett, Cyphers and Alaimo) attempt to trap it themselves.  They want revenge because the bear killed their buddy, who killed its cub and sliced open its gall bladder for use as an aphrodisiac!  Foreman, who probably shot this before VALLEY GIRL was a hit, plays the ranger’s teenage daughter, who falls for the preening rock star in tight green shorts (who can’t sing worth a lick).  Rhys-Davies, who was in RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK, is a French grizzly hunter (the “Quint” of the movie).
 
With this cast, a decent body count, and a promising finale involving rock music, a giant killer bear, and thousands of extras, GRIZZLY II could have been an interesting horror movie, but is now merely a curiosity.  Nick Maley (INSEMINOID) was reportedly contracted to create the animatronic bear effects in Hungary, but never got to begin his work before the plug was pulled.  Much that is known about GRIZZLY II, including its full title, is the result of rumors and hearsay, making the existence of the workprint even more romantic.  I’m surprised no one has bought the rights and attempted to complete it and release it with the names of Clooney and Sheen front and center.

THE GROOVE TUBE (1974)--Directed by Ken Shapiro. Stars Ken Shapiro, Chevy Chase, Richard Belzer. This collection of sketches and blackouts parodying television features a lot of crude and scatological humor. Segments include a childrens show host who reads FANNY HILL to his preschool-age audience, a commercial for a product called Brown 25 (from the Uranus Corporation), and "The Dealers" about a pair of marijuana pushers. Works much of the time, but not as funny as the similar but slightly less offensive KENTUCKY FRIED MOVIE. Chase's film debut.

GROSSE POINTE BLANK (1997)--Directed by George Armitage. Stars John Cusack, Minnie Driver, Alan Arkin, Dan Aykroyd. Very funny comedy with touches of satire, a bit of action and a winning performance by producer/co-writer/star Cusack. I thought it was one of the year's best films.

Cusack is charming and funny as Martin Blank, a successful freelance assassin who receives an invitation to his 10-year high school reunion in Grosse Pointe, Michigan. At first he doesn't want to go because he doesn't think he has anything in common with his former classmates any more (what's he gonna do--tell him he's a hitman, the kind of guy who would kill the president of Paraguay with a fork?), but changes his mind when he's assigned a target for assassination near his hometown. Martin also takes the opportunity to attempt to patch things up with his high-school sweetheart Driver, whom he ditched on prom night and hasn't spoken to since.

What's so great about the screenplay (credited to Cusack and some of his real-life high school buddies) is that almost every character--lead or supporting--is fleshed out in some way and becomes an actual three-dimensional person. Arkin gives one of the movie's funniest performances as Cusack's timid shrink, who is terrified of Cusack and doesn't want to be his doctor, but too scared to send him away. Aykroyd is great as rival hitman Grocer, who wants to recruit Blank into his new union for professional killers, and John's sister Joan Cusack has a nice role as Blank's neurotic secretary. Even the various hitmen, sinister government agents and high school classmates are fleshed out a bit; when it's rare these days to find a script that bothers to create one or two interesting characters, it's quite a breath of fresh air to see a movie that cares about even its smallest of speaking parts.

Armitage doesn't seem to have been given much credit for GROSSE POINT BLANK's success, but his second film since the '70s (his roots are in Roger Corman's New World Pictures, where he made exploitation like HIT MAN) is also his best, thanks to his nice handling of actors and zippy pacing. Great martial arts fight between Cusack and Benny "the Jet" Urquidez. Also with Jeremy Piven, Barbara Harris, Hank Azaria, Mitchell Ryan and various Cusack family members. This is one movie I'd love to see a sequel to. From the director of MIAMI BLUES.
 
GROTESQUE (1988)—Directed by Joe Tornatore.  Stars Linda Blair, Tab Hunter, Donna Wilkes, Guy Stockwell.  What a strangely structured film.  A vanload of murderous punkers breaks into the home of Orville Kruger (Stockwell) and terrorizes his family, including daughter Lisa (Blair) and her friend Kathy (Wilkes).  During the rampage, Orville’s mutant retarded son escapes from his hidden room and goes ape on the killers.  The next morning, Orville’s brother Rod (Hunter) kidnaps the surviving punkers and enacts his own cruel revenge.  Finally, director Tornatore pulls a ridiculous climax out of his rear end that leaves you wondering whether the whole movie is supposed to be a gag.  None of it is funny, hence the confusion.  Being as Orville Kruger is a monster makeup artist for horror movies, I guess it’s not really so surprising.  GROTESQUE is LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT meets THE UNSEEN meets DEATH WISH meets BLAZING SADDLES!  Hunter, who looks somewhat like Adam West here, is actually quite good in a movie that doesn’t deserve him.  Also with Charles Dierkop, Brad Wilson, Robert Z’Dar, producer Mike Lane (who once guest-starred on THE TAB HUNTER SHOW), Tornatore as a gun dealer, and Nels Van Patten.  Filmed in Big Bear, California.
 
GROUND CONTROL (1998)--Directed by Richard Howard.  Stars Kiefer Sutherland, Robert Sean Leonard, Bruce McGill, Henry Winkler.  24 couldn't have come along at a better time if GROUND CONTROL is indicative of the projects Sutherland found himself in before playing the lead in Fox's innovative hit drama series.  Filmed very cheaply by first-time director Howard, whose idea of an air traffic tower is a completely black set with a couple of computer consoles, GROUND CONTROL is filled with good actors forced to utter technical gobbledygook in lieu of interesting dialogue.  Four years after a plane he was guiding crashed, killing everyone on board (it wasn't his fault), air traffic controller Sutherland is recruited by his old boss McGill to help out on an understaffed and overworked New Year's Eve.  After the accident, Sutherland became a burnt-out drunk, but a divorce, rehabilitation and a new job designing computer software seems to have helped him overcome his guilt.  But is he ready to jump back into the saddle during a night filled with power outages, poor weather, little support and competition from a cocky younger controller (Leonard)?
 
You'd think a night among air traffic controllers would be more exciting than what Howard shows us, but he's so bereft of ideas, he even throws in an unnecessary subplot involving a numbers-crunching safety inspector and a controller who freaks out under pressure.  Sutherland's quiet desperation seems like an audition for 24's on-the-move Jack Bauer, but the best performance is that by Winkler (HAPPY DAYS) as an engineer forced to keep the power on under a tight budget.  The only reason to watch is to see the cast, including Kelly McGillis, Kristy Swanson, Margaret Cho, Michael Gross and Charles Fleischer, working together, although it's too bad none of them had anything better to do.  Also with Eleanor Mondale, John Bennett Perry, Farrah Forke, Brian George and former Dodger Steve Sax.  Randy Miller's score sounds more expensive than the movie it covers.  Trimark released it directly to video.
 
GROUND RULES (1997)—Directed by Patrick G. Donahue.  Stars Sean Donahue, Richard Lynch, Frank Stallone, Ted Markland.  If you saw Donahue’s previous film, the ridiculous PAROLE VIOLATORS, you know pretty much what you’re getting into, except GROUND RULES is much less entertaining.  The father-and-son director-and-star team, who are stuntmen in their spare time, occasionally slap together enough money to make their own crap action films around their hometown of San Jose, California.  This one seems to be influenced by ROLLERBALL, and has bad guy Lynch attempting to take over the sport of battleball, which apparently fuels a million-dollar underground gambling community (even though we only see it happening inside cheap California dive bars).  Sean Donahue plays a motorcycle mechanic who quickly becomes a battleball star, while fighting against Lynch, who threatens to destroy the integrity of the sport (it doesn’t appear to me that it has any, but…).  Unlike PAROLE VIOLATORS and especially the classic KILL SQUAD, the Donahues’ craziest movie, the action content is quite tame, leaving the performers and production values to unsuccessfully carry the picture.  You can safely skip this one, unless you just have to see germophobe Lynch begging Donahue to bring him some tissues.
 
GROUNDHOG DAY (1993)--Directed by Harold Ramis. Stars Bill Murray, Andie MacDowell, Chris Elliott, Stephen Tobowlowsky. The title implies a spoof of '80s slasher movies, but film is actually a delightful comedy given a slightly surreal touch by director Ramis. Murray (in his best performance to date) plays a sarcastic and slightly mean TV weathercaster who is sent to broadcast from the annual Groundhog Day festivities in Punxstautawney, Pennsylvania (actually Woodstock, Illinois). Due to some unexplained twist, Murray finds himself awaking every day at 6:00 A.M. (always with Sonny & Cher on the radio) and reliving Groundhog Day over and over again. After initial bouts with disbelief, self-absorption, and suicide, Murray eventually realizes how disagreeable his life has been, and tries to win the love of producer MacDowell. Ramis does a great job capturing the spirit of small-town America, while Danny Rubin's script keeps the clever moments coming. A great deal of fun.

THE GROUNDSTAR CONSPIRACY (1972)--Directed by Lamont Johnson. Stars George Peppard, Christine Belford, Michael Sarrazin. Peppard never made it as a movie star for some reason; I suspect because he always seemed a bit distant and didn't project much warmth onscreen. He's pretty good in this thriller as a government agent investigating an explosion at a space project laboratory in which many scientists were killed. Amnesiac survivor Sarrazin becomes Peppard's chief suspect. Also with Cliff Potts, James Olson and James McEachin. Taut direction by Canadian Johnson.

GROWING UP BRADY (2000)--Directed by Richard A. Colla. Stars Adam Brody, Kaley Cuoco, Daniel Hugh Kelly, Michael Tucker, Rebeccah Bush. For some reason, the BRADY BUNCH phenomenon refuses to die. I don't think even kids who grew up on the show, either during its original 1969-74 ABC airing or in countless reruns afterwards, think it's very funny, yet the Bunch continues to thrive in documentaries, home video, books, numerous guest appearances, theatrical spoofs, and even additional series, including a jaw-droppingly ludicrous late-'70s variety show. This silly made-for-TV movie is based upon an autobiography by Barry Williams, who played oldest son Greg and appears in wraparound segments here. After wandering onto the Paramount Pictures lot and into Stage 5, where THE BRADY BUNCH was filmed, Williams flashes back to the day, beginning with his audition with executive producer Sherwood Schwartz (Tucker). The plot jumps quickly across the series' five seasons, landing periodically on Barry's playful hijinks around the studio, co-star Robert Reed's (Kelly) dissatisfaction with the show's scripts and with kissing his TV wife Florence Henderson (Bush), and Williams's constant quest to make out with comely co-star Maureen McCormick (Cuoco), who played his sister onscreen but shared a hot sexual chemistry with him off. BRADY fans may get a kick out it, but GROWING UP BRADY, as innocuous as it may be, is just too much BRADY for me. Also with Marianne McAndrew, an awful Paul Greenberg as BRADY guest star Davy Jones and Schwartz as himself. From the director of BATTLESTAR GALACTICA.

GRUMPY OLD MEN (1993)--Directed by Donald Petrie. Stars Jack Lemmon, Walter Matthau, Ann-Margret, Daryl Hannah, Kevin Pollak. Surprise hit about two elderly next-door neighbors in a Minnesota small town who battle for the affections of their attractive new neighbor. Lemmon and Matthau are very good, of course, in their sixth or seventh screen teaming. It's good to see Burgess Meredith on the big screen again in his eighties, but it's embarrassing to hear him spout profanities like a junior-high schoolboy. Ann-Margret looks excellent in her fifties. Only movie I can think of with an ice-fishing backdrop. Also with Ossie Davis. From the director of MYSTIC PIZZA.

THE GUARDIAN (1984)--Directed by David Greene. Stars Lou Gossett, Jr., Martin Sheen, Arthur Hill. The residents of a fancy Manhattan apartment house are tired of being plagued by crime, so they hire a hard-nosed ex-military man (Gossett) to serve as a security officer. Liberal tenant Sheen protests Gossett's vigilante-like tactics. Made for HBO. Gossett and Sheen are excellent.

THE GUARDIAN (1990)--Directed by William Friedkin. Stars Dwier Brown, Jenny Seagrove, Carey Lowell, Brad Hall, Miguel Ferrer. Awful horror from the director of THE EXORCIST. A young married couple (Brown, Lowell) hire gorgeous Brit Seagrove as a nurse for their baby boy...without checking out her references carefully or anything like that. If they had, they may have discovered that Seagrove is a tree-worshipping Druid who plans to sacrifice their baby to a neighborhood Redwood. The scene of Brown chainsawing the blood-spurting tree is priceless. Script by Steven Volk, Dan Greenburg and Friedkin is based on Greenburg's novel THE NANNY. Hall was formerly a member of the SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE cast, and married to SEINFELD star Julia Louis-Dreyfus.
 
GUARDIAN (2000)--Directed by John Terlesky.  Stars Mario Van Peebles, James Remar, Stacy Oversier, Karina Lombard.  This clunky combination of THE MATRIX, FALLEN and END OF DAYS was directed by the star of DEATHSTALKER II and reunites the leads from BLOWBACK.  During the Gulf War, Captain John Kross (Van Peebles) fails in his mission to rescue an American baby from an Iraqi archeological site, glimpsing a mysterious woman in black fleeing with the child before he passes out.  Twelve years later, Kross is an LAPD cop partnered with wisecracking Carpenter (Remar).  While trying to stop the flow of a new drug called Chaos, which causes its addicts to perform brutal murders, Kross is reunited with the woman, Selene (Oversier), who warns him of a demon named Telal and demonstrates otherworldly powers.  It becomes evident to Kross that he has been selected for some higher purpose, but Telal, who can leap from body to body at will, may prevent him from achieving his eternal goal.  Van Peebles and Remar are a good team, but a jumbled screenplay and underwhelming action scenes lend little excitement to this DTV horror film.  Ice-T has a cameo as a drug dealer, and Daniel Hugh Kelly (HARDCASTLE & MCCORMICK) is pretty good as an FBI agent.  I wonder if he and Van Peebles (SONNY SPOON) shared any Stephen J. Cannell stories?  Van Peebles and Remar also starred together in 2000's BLOWBACK.

GUARDING TESS (1994)--Directed by Hugh Wilson. Stars Nicolas Cage and Shirley MacLaine. Pretty awful movie with MacLaine as a former First Lady and Cage as the Secret Service agent assigned to protect her. Of course, they begin as antagonists, and eventually learn to care about each other. Supposed to be a comedy, although there sure aren't many laughs. About two-thirds of the way through, it becomes a violent melodrama with a ludicrous subplot involving MacLaine's kidnapping. None of it is plausible. The love-hate relationship has been done a million times before, and there are no new twists here. From the director of POLICE ACADEMY and BURGLAR.
 
A GUIDE FOR THE MARRIED MAN (1967)--Directed by Gene Kelly. Stars Walter Matthau, Robert Morse, Inger Stevens. Morse is considering having an affair. His womanizing friend Matthau tries to convince him that an affair will improve his marriage to sexy Stevens. Cameos by Jayne Mansfield (in her next-to-last Hollywood picture), Jack Benny, Lucille Ball, Marty Ingels, Wally Cox, Jeffrey Hunter and Louis Nye. Theme performed by the Turtles. Music by John Williams.

GUILTY AS SIN (1993)--Directed by Sidney Lumet. Stars Don Johnson, Rebecca DeMornay. Silly thriller about a handsome psychopath (Johnson) accused of murdering his wife and his defense attorney (DeMornay) who falls in love with him. Lumet is a great filmmaker, but he doesn't seem to have an affinity for this kind of goofy trash. Larry Cohen (GOD TOLD ME TO) wrote the screenplay, and it would have been interesting to see what he could have done as director of this material. Also with Stephen Lang as DeMornay's lover, Jack Warden and Dana Ivey. Set in Chicago, but lensed in Toronto.
 
GUILTY CONSCIENCE (1985)—Directed by David Greene.  Stars Anthony Hopkins, Blythe Danner, Swoosie Kurtz.  Mystery masters Richard Levinson and William Link, who created COLUMBO, wrote this clever whodunit that plays like a backstage view of their writing sessions.  Hopkins is a vain criminal attorney who wants to murder his wife (Danner), and plays various scenarios in his head in an attempt to pick out the fatal flaw in them that will get him convicted.  Greene (FATAL VISION) stages them like fantasy courtroom scenes with Hopkins playing both the defendant and prosecuting attorney.  In between his conniving thoughts and bitchy conversations with Danner, who plans to divorce him and ruin his career, a flaky woman (Kurtz) rings the front doorbell of their mansion.  Boy, I wish I could say more, but almost every scene of this made-for-TV movie is either a clue, a red herring or a surprising plot twist.  It’s very talky—most of it takes place in the dysfunctional couple’s home, and I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that Levinson and Link wrote it as a play—but artfully performed by its three leads and delightfully written.  Billy Goldenberg composed the score.

THE GUMBALL RALLY (1976)--Directed by Chuck Bail.  Stars Michael Sarrazin, Tim McIntire, Normann Burton.  If your phone rings and the only word you hear on the other end is “Gumball”, you know it’s time for another cross-country road race.  Basically the same plot as CANNONBALL RUN (with less mugging), DEATH RACE 2000 (with less satire) and CANNONBALL (with less violence).  Director Bail aims for low comedy similar to IT’S A MAD, MAD, MAD, MAD WORLD in this fun tale of hotrodders who race from New York City to Long Beach without getting caught by apoplectic cop Burton.  Sarrazin and McIntire play long-time buddies and rivals who organize the race.  Also in the mix are Raul Julia as an Italian (!) lothario, Gary Busey, Steven Keats, Susan Flannery, SWITCHBLADE SISTERS star Joanne Nail, Harvey Jason, Tricia O’Neil (PIRANHA II) in a bikini, Colleen Camp, Nicholas Pryor, Pat O’Malley, Med Flory (funny in a small role as a dim cop) and the voice of Casey Kasem.  Gearheads will flip out when they see the Cobra, Ferrari, Porsche, Rolls Royce, Jaguar, etc. tearing ass down the highway at high speeds.  Stuntman Bail also produced and co-wrote the screenplay.  Music by Dominic Frontiere.
 
THE GUN AND THE PULPIT (1974)—Directed by Daniel Petrie. Stars Marjoe Gortner, Slim Pickens, Pamela Sue Martin, David Huddleston, Jeff Corey. Marjoe’s only television western casts the ex-evangelist as a gunslinger on the run who assumes the identity of a dead traveling preacher named Frank Fleming. He hides out in tiny Castle Walk, Arizona, which is run with an iron fist by cruel Ross (Huddleston). One wonders whether Marjoe’s efforts to clean up the town stem from his being a good guy or trying to get under dewy teenager Martin’s dress. It’s one of Gortner’s best performances, probably because he enjoyed the irony of playing someone pretending to be a God-fearing man. He and composer George Aliceson Tipton really bring out the humor in William Bowers’ breezy teleplay that bears similarity to his SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL SHERIFF. Petrie (ELEANOR AND FRANKLIN) deserves some credit for the terrific acting, including Pickens as Gortner’s eye-patched ally and the wry Corey as the leader of the posse tracking Marjoe. Also with Estelle Parsons, Robert Phillips, Jon Lormer, Joan Goodfellow, and Geoffrey Lewis.
 
GUN FEVER (1958)—Directed by Mark Stevens.  Stars Mark Stevens, John Lupton, Larry Storch, Aaron Saxon.  If you’re curious what a bad performance by comic Storch (F TROOP) as a murderous Mexican bandito would be like, this independently produced western is the right place.  The third feature to be directed by actor Stevens (probably best known as TV’s MARTIN KANE, PRIVATE EYE) and the first to be co-written by him, GUN FEVER is an unusual film that doesn’t have much to say, but is a change of pace from typical Hollywood westerns.  The threadbare sets and dirt floors, as well as Stevens’ use of a wind machine in nearly every exterior shot, give the production a bleak atmosphere to match its plot.  Prospector Lucas (Stevens), accompanied by his best friend Simon (Lupton), sets out to murder Trench (Saxon), the white outlaw who led an Indian raid that murdered his parents.  What Lucas doesn’t know is that Trench is Simon’s father, whose murderous lifestyle led his son to walk out of his life six years earlier.  A pretty actress named Jana Davi plays Tanana, a widowed Indian whom Simon falls for on the way to Trench’s hideout.  Dean Fredericks (THE PHANTOM PLANET), Russell Thorson, Iron Eyes Cody and Bill Erwin—the modern-day Burt Mustin—co-star.  Stevens moved to Spain, where he appeared in westerns and Paul Naschy werewolf movies.  He died there in 1994.
 
GUN STREET (1961)—Directed by Edward L. Cahn.  Stars James Brown, John Clarke, John Pickard, Peggy Stewart.  If you sit around waiting for something exciting to happen in this 67-minute United Artists western, don’t blame me when you’re eventually disappointed.  I wonder if DRAGNET was an influence on the non-ending, which probably drove theater-goers to riot, if there ever were any.  Sheriff Chuck Morton (Brown) and his young deputy Sam (Clarke) go into (non-)action when they receive word that killer Gary Wells has busted out of prison and may be headed towards town to enact vengeance against the man who testified against him, the jury, and his former wife (Stewart), who’s now married to the town doctor (Pickard).  One fistfight and not a single gun battle make you wonder for whom Cahn and writer Sam Freedle were making this film.  Shot flatly in Cahn’s usual style, GUN STREET (whatever that means) has little to offer, including its C-level cast, whose biggest name, Brown, was overshadowed by his co-star on the hit TV series THE ADVENTURES OF RIN TIN TIN.  You may recognize Warren Kemmerling in the cast.  Music by Richard LaSalle.
 
THE GUNFIGHT AT DODGE CITY (1959)—Directed by Joseph M. Newman.  Stars Joel McCrea, John McIntire, Julie Adams, Richard Anderson, Don Haggerty, Harry Lauter, Wright King.  Bat Masterson (McCrea) rides into Dodge City, where his brother Ed (Lauter), the local marshal, is planning to marry Pauline (Adams), the minister’s daughter.  Bat, who left his previous town after gunning down an Army soldier in self-defense, hopes to settle in Dodge and buys a half-interest in a local saloon.  But gunfighters, particularly one with Bat’s reputation, are never left alone, and he finds himself running for sheriff against the incumbent, the crooked Jim Regan (Haggerty).  Meanwhile, the soldier’s brother (Anderson) shows up in Dodge with revenge on his mind.  Dan Ullman and Martin Goldsmith’s screenplay is unfocused and surprise-free, as sturdy McCrea goes through the typical heroic motions.  Masterson bounces back and forth from town to town in more subplots than the movie and its 80 minutes can handle.  Despite being shot in Cinemascope, GUNFIGHT is as routine visually as it is in its storytelling, though you could do a lot worse with a western that likely played bottom halves of double bills.  The performances are fine, and the script at least attempts a maturity beyond the level of a typical shoot-‘em-up.  Also with Timothy Carey, Walter Coy, James Westerfield, John Mitchum and Nancy Gates.
 
GUNFIGHT AT THE O.K. CORRAL (1957)--Directed by John Sturges. Stars Kirk Douglas, Burt Lancaster, Rhonda Fleming, Jo Van Fleet. Still the greatest screen version of the famous feud between the Earp brothers and the ruthless Clanton gang. Lancaster is Marshal Wyatt Earp and Douglas is Doc Holliday. Terrific cast also includes John Ireland, Earl Holliman, Lee Van Cleef, Jack Elam and DeForest Kelley (Dr. McCoy of STAR TREK). Helped to redefine the western genre and lift it above the B-picture level. Good performances and direction; the climactic shootout is very exciting.

GUNG HO (1986)--Directed by Ron Howard.  Stars Michael Keaton, Mimi Rogers, Gedde Watanabe.  Howard, whose NIGHT SHIFT turned Keaton into a major comic find, gave him the starring role in this amusing cross-cultural comedy as Hunt Stevenson, a Pennsylvania auto plant foreman who convinces a Japanese automaker to reopen the factory and save the jobs of hundreds of local workers.  Hunt’s fast talking gets him into some trouble when the Japanese work ethic clashes with that of the more laidback American employees, but after a period of mistrust and misunderstandings, all ends well.  Howard has a bit of trouble ladling the more dramatic helpings onto the story, but Keaton and Watanabe (SIXTEEN CANDLES) as his Japanese counterpart carry the movie smoothly.  Also with George Wendt (CHEERS), John Turturro, Clint Howard, Sab Shimono, Rick Overton and Rance Howard.  Michelle Johnson’s role looks as though it was mostly relegated to the cutting room floor.  Music by Thomas Newman.
 
GUNMEN (1994)--Directed by Deran Sarafian. Stars Christopher Lambert, Mario Van Peebles, Patrick Stewart. The cast is sure interesting in this dopey buddy/action movie about a DEA agent (Van Peebles) who breaks an outlaw (Lambert) out of a South American jail so they can team up to capture drug money. Stewart (STAR TREK) plays all of his scenes in a wheelchair as a disabled druglord. Also with villainous Denis Leary, Kadeem Hardison, Big Daddy Kane, Sally Kirkland and sexy Brenda Bakke (who played Lana Turner in L.A. CONFIDENTIAL). Written by Stephen Sommers (THE MUMMY).
 
GUNN (1967)--Directed by Blake Edwards.  Stars Craig Stevens, Edward Asner, Laura Devon, Albert Paulsen, Helen Traubel, Marion Marshall, Sherry Jackson.  Five years after the final episode of Edwards' classic private-eye series, PETER GUNN, aired on network television, the urbane detective portrayed by the Emmy-nominated Stevens returned in a color feature film produced by Paramount.  Although Stevens, the glitzy Los Angeles setting and the jazzy Henry Mancini theme remained the same, the series' supporting cast of Lola Albright as Gunn's sexy chanteuse girlfriend, Herschel Bernardi as his police contact and Minerva Urecal as the owner of the jazz club Gunn frequented were replaced with Devon, Asner and Traubel, respectively.  These intruders undoubtedly disappointed fans of the TV show, and fans of PETER GUNN's noirish black-and-white cinematography may have been put off by Philip Lathrop's plain shooting here.  On the other hand, if you come into GUNN with few preconceived notions, you might find it to be an engrossing adult thriller that plays like a bloody, sexy mixture of MANNIX and 007.
 
Gunn investigates when a mobster named Scarlotti, who once saved Gunn's life, his wife and his crew are brutally machine-gunned to death aboard Scarlotti's yacht.  The prime suspect is Scarlotti's number-two man, Nick Fusco (Paulsen).  While dodging bullets from hitmen and kisses from both smoldering galpal Edie (Devon) and curvy temptress Samantha (Jackson), whom Gunn finds twisted in his bed sheets upon returning from a rough night battling baddies (if only we had poor Peter's problems), the sartorially conscious sleuth follows a series of clues perfectly spaced in the screenplay by Edwards and William Peter Blatty (THE EXORCIST) that leads him to an alcoholic sea captain, a racquetball court, a penny arcade and even to a floating cathouse run by the sophisticated Daisy Jane (Marshall), who offers Gunn ten large to find Scarlotti's killer.
 
Edwards' budget may have been large enough to cover the cost of color film, but Paramount couldn't have shelled out very much.  Despite a bit of location shooting, GUNN feels a bit claustrophobic, largely occurring within four hastily furnished walls and accompanied by a professional cast of television favorites.  That may be fitting for a feature extension of a half-hour TV show, but a bit of added spectacle--beyond Sherry Jackson's unclad figure--would have been nice.  I would imagine that the climactic plot twist came as quite a shock to 1967 audiences expecting a clean TV wrap-up.  Stevens' polished performance is enough to make one forgive the litany of private-eye clichés--paying off bartenders for information or the fatal clue provided by a murder victim's final breath--and I even pitied the poor fella for having to choose between spending the night with either Laura Devon or Sherry Jackson.  Whew.  Also with Charles Dierkop, George Murdock, Alan Oppenheimer, Jerry Douglas, J. Pat O'Malley, Dick Crockett, Carol Wayne and Regis Toomey.  An attempt at reaching a younger audience is made by introducing a rock band called The Gordian Knot, who seems to have slipped into obscurity.  Oddly, considering its TV origins, GUNN has never been available on home video.
 
THE GUNS OF NAVARONE (1961)--Directed by J. Lee Thompson. Stars Gregory Peck, David Niven, Anthony Quinn, James Darren, Anthony Quayle, Stanley Baker. An exciting adaptation of Alistair MacLean's best-selling adventure novel. An Allied commando unit, including leader Peck, explosives expert Niven and Greek sailor Quinn, goes on a perilous suicide mission to destroy a pair of giant German cannons perched atop a Greek mountain. Nominated for seven Oscars including Best Picture; it won for Best Special Effects.

GUNS OF THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN (1969)--Directed by Paul Wendkos. Stars George Kennedy, Monte Markham, Fernando Rey, James Whitmore. Well-crafted action-packed western finds Chris (Kennedy in the Yul Brynner role) reuniting his old gang of seven to rescue rebel leader Rey from a Mexican prison. Also with Reni Santoni, Joe Don Baker, Scott Thomas and Bernie Casey. Score by Elmer Bernstein. This was the second sequel to the 1960 classic. THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN RIDE! was next.

GUNSLINGER (1956)--Directed by Roger Corman. Stars Beverly Garland, John Ireland, Allison Hayes. When her husband, the marshal (William Schallert), is killed, Garland puts on his badge and takes his place. Hayes is a ruthless saloonkeeper trying to buy up all the land in order to capitalize on plans for a not-yet-built railroad to pass through town. She hires gunman Ireland to prevent Garland from standing in her way, but doesn't count on them falling in love. Also with Corman regulars Jonathan Haze, Dick Miller and Bruno VeSota. Ireland has smooching scenes with both buxom leads. Lucky cat. Corman's fourth (and last) western was filmed in seven days.

GUS (1976)--Directed by Vincent McEveety. Stars Gary Grimes, Edward Asner, Liberty Williams, Don Knotts, Tim Conway, Tom Bosley. Amiable Disney comedy about a mule that kicks field goals for a struggling pro football team. Grimes is the mule's young owner, Asner the team owner, Knotts the coach. Conway and Bosley try to steal the mule. Also with Johnny Unitas, Dick Butkus and Dick Enberg and Bob Crane as the team announcers.
 
GUYANA: CRIME OF THE CENTURY (1979)--Directed by Rene Cardona Jr.  Stars Stuart Whitman, Gene Barry.  About a year after nearly 1000 people died at Jonestown after chugging Reverend Jim Jones' spiked Kool-Aid, Universal released GUYANA: CULT OF THE DAMNED, which is now GUYANA: CRIME OF THE CENTURY on DVD. It's hard to believe a major Hollywood studio was involved with this sleazy exploitation, which turns one of the world's biggest mass murders into a drive-in freakfest, complete with a guy blowing his brains out, a train cutting someone in half, children being tortured with snakes and electricity, whippings, and hundreds of men, women and children gagging on cyanide and falling on top of a pile of corpses. This Mexican/Spanish/Panamanian production was filmed in Mexico by Rene Cardona, Jr., the "classy" maker of classics like TINTORERA, THE SILENT DEATH, TREASURE OF THE AMAZON, BEAKS and NIGHT OF A THOUSAND CATS. It's one of the most tasteless movies ever made, yet so incompetently produced that it's hard to be offended by it.
 
Whitman (CIMARRON STRIP) is "Jim Johnson" (an opening disclaimer claims the names have been changed to protect the innocent, but I don't know what's so innocent about Jim Jones), who takes his followers from San Francisco to Guyana to set up his own private community of worshippers. In "Johnsontown", he is the Man, the Law, the God. He rules with an iron fist, punishing children who steal food with torture and forcing a young man caught having sex with his girlfriend to fellate a large black man in front of the entire congregation. Barry (BURKE'S LAW) is California congressman "Lee O'Brien", the Leo Ryan proxy who visits the commune to investigate charges of abuse and is shot down for his troubles.
 
Cardona did know how to pick a trash cast, as John Ireland, Joseph Cotton, Yvonne DeCarlo and Bradford Dillman choke down their dignity for a few bucks. What's interesting is that Whitman and Barry actually give good performances; it seems unlikely that they believed this film was providing a public service or even a serious look at the Jonestown massacre, yet they resist the urge to ham or walk through their parts.  Also with Jennifer Ashley, Tony Young, Robert DoQui and Hugo Stiglitz.  I don't know who the suicide victim that opens the film was supposed to be. 

THE GUYVER (1991)--Directed by Screaming Mad George & Steve Wang. Stars Jack Armstrong, Mark Hamill, David Gale, Jimmie Walker, Michael Berryman. Fast-moving sci-fi monster movie based on a Japanese comic book. All-American boy Armstrong comes into possession of the Guyver, which transforms him into an armor-clad, Ultraman-like, martial-arts superhero. Crazed scientist Gale (in a typically over-the-top performance) wants the Guyver, and sends his monster henchmen (including Walker and Berryman) to get it. This is mostly no-holds-barred action, with energetic stunts and gooey makeup effects by George & Wang. Also with Vivian Wu, Spice Williams and Peter Spellos, and Jeffrey Combs and Linnea Quigley share an in-jokey scene.

GYMKATA (1985)--Directed by Robert Clouse.  Stars Kurt Thomas, Richard Norton, Tetchie Agbayani, Conan Lee, Buck Kartalian.  Nobody ever again had the stupid idea to cast professional gymnast Thomas in an action movie.  Neither believable kicking asses nor kissing girls, Thomas flails around uselessly in this dopey chopsocky flick, especially when squaring off against the much bigger and better skilled Norton.  The U.S. recruits gymnast Jonathan Cabot (Thomas) to go to the primitive Asian country of Parmistan and compete in The Game, a rigorous obstacle course that means death to those who are unable to complete it.  Nobody has won The Game in 500 years (so why does anyone try?), but the winner receives one wish, and the United States wants to put a missile base in Parmistan.  Thomas, who combines gymnastics and martial arts for a unique fighting style called “gymkata,” is the Americans’ lone hope.  Thomas’ woeful performing, both as an actor and a fighter, results in much hilarity, as do the stupid dialogue and the amazing coincidence of Parmistan’s ancient architecture resembling gymnastics equipment.  Clouse, the director of ENTER THE DRAGON, shot it in Yugoslavia.

Copyright 2002 Marty McKee