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MACHINE-GUN KELLY (1958)--Directed by Roger
Corman. Stars Charles Bronson, Susan Cabot, Morey Amsterdam. One of Corman's best films as a director is this taut low-budget
crime drama starring Bronson (in what might be his first leading role) as legendary '30s bank robber George "Machine-Gun"
Kelly. Corman opens with an atmospheric robbery sequence told mostly in shadow and without dialogue. After making several
enemies among law enforcers and lawbreakers alike, Kelly decides to give up the bank-robbing game, and kidnaps a little girl
and her nurse for ransom. Bronson is excellent in the title role, and even better is the sexy Cabot as Kelly's moll, the real
brains of the outfit. Future DICK VAN DYKE second banana Amsterdam registers as Fandango, a swishy crook who loses his arm
to an angry bobcat. Also with Richard Devon, Frank DeKova, Barboura Morris, Jack Lambert, Lori Martin and Connie Gilchrist.
Somebody should release Gerald Fried's jazz score to CD--it really swings, man! Bronson, who was 37 at the time, starred in
his own TV series, MAN WITH A CAMERA, the same year. Corman did another gangster flick, I, MOBSTER, next. Corman regular Dick
Miller was originally to play the lead, but when scripter R. Wright Campbell started pushing for his brother William to get
the part, Corman ended the bickering by casting Bronson instead.
THE MacKINTOSH MAN (1973)--Directed
by John Huston. Stars Paul Newman, Dominique Sanda, James Mason, Harry Andrews. Slow-moving espionage antics, more in the
mold of John LeCarre than of Ian Fleming. Newman plays a British agent who adopts a number of undercover guises in his mission
to expose Commie spy Mason, a prominent member of Parliament. Not terribly exciting, although there are a couple of chases
and fights, and the Irish and Maltese locations are interesting to look at. Sanda's performance isn't much, but she is beautiful.
Screenplay by Walter Hill, who, in Sanda's defense, has never been good at writing roles for women. Offbeat score by Maurice
Jarre. Newman, Huston, and Hill worked together previously on THE LIFE AND TIMES OF JUDGE ROY BEAN.
MACON COUNTY JAIL (1997)--Directed by Victoria
Muspratt. Stars Ally Sheedy, David Carradine, Charles Napier. JACKSON COUNTY JAIL was such a smash hit for Roger
Corman in 1974 that he remade it twice. The first time was for television just a couple of years later as OUTSIDE CHANCE with
Yvette Mimieux reprising her role. To the best of my knowledge, it's the only time a theatrical release has been remade for
television with the same director (Michael Miller) and principal cast. MACON COUNTY JAIL is pretty much a straight remake,
but instead of Mimieux and Tommy Lee Jones, we get Ally Sheedy and David Carradine as misunderstood escapees. And clearly
Corman wants to remind us of MACON COUNTY LINE, another 1974 drive-in hit about two brothers running afoul of Southern lawman
Max Baer. This movie has nothing to do with MACON COUNTY LINE, but the boxes might look nice resting side-by-side on
video store shelves.
Poor Ally. She gets fired from her marketing job and returns
home just in time to find her boyfriend pounding some fake-boobed bimbo on the hood of his car. While he's whining, "It's
not what it looks like," Ally's busy packing, telling us about her new job in New York. On the cross-country drive, she stupidly
picks up a hitchhiker, a punker chick named Bess who talks about how she stabbed her boyfriend to death. That night, Ally
runs over a dog, and when she gets out of the car, carrying only her mace (just in case she is attacked by muggers in the
wilderness), Bess steals her car, her ID, her money, everything.
Stumbling into a rural gas station, the redneck moron employee
somehow thinks Ally is there to rob him and pulls a shotgun on her. The bumbling cops take her to jail, where she's to wait
to be arraigned on Monday. In the adjoining cell is Coley (Carradine), an escaped con/convicted wife killer who stands by
helplessly while Ally is raped in her cell that night by the on-duty deputy, the n'er-do-well son of the local sheriff (Napier).
Coley manages to get free of his bonds just as Ally is bashing her attacker's brains out with a nearby stool, and the two
are soon on the run from local law enforcement, now accused cop killers.
MACON's biggest flaw is its ever-changing tone. It alternates
scenes of dumb-country-bumpkin comic relief, like with the Fifesque cops or Ally's encounter with a yokel working in a convenience
store, with more somber moments Muspratt is just not mature enough to handle. Ally's rape scene is quite graphic, but is made
more nauseating by the filmmakers' decision to inappropriately slather a sickly maudlin pop ballad over it. A later encounter
with Carradine's former cellmate and the thinly rendered women he lives with (wives, daughters, whores, what?) results in
another cop killing, a serious story element that the film is too lightweight to have earned. Coming as it does on the heels
of another cop's death, in which his police cruiser smashes into another vehicle at about four miles per hour and causes them
both to explode (!), the film doesn't seem to know how to present its lawman antagonists. Muspratt's screenplay is not very
good, and it's impossible to believe in its characters or situations--surprising, since it's based on Donald Stewart's JACKSON
COUNTY JAIL script, and if she had just adapted it even more closely, she obviously would have had a better movie. Carradine's
performance is good--the lifer with a heart of gold and a tragic backstory to match--but Sheedy never grew into much of an
actress (and her character is too stupid to earn much sympathy from us, rape scene aside), and the sturdy Napier is only given
enough material to go through the motions with no character to work with. His sheriff is alternately murderous and compassionate,
whatever Muspratt's plot needs at the moment. Carradine and Napier first worked together twenty years earlier in another
Corman film, THUNDER AND LIGHTNING.
MACON COUNTY LINE (1974)--Directed by Richard Compton. Stars
Alan Vint, Jesse Vint, Cheryl Waters, Max Baer Jr, Geoffrey Lewis. TV's Jethro produced and co-wrote this evocative '50s-set
drive-in classic that plays more like an art film than an exploitation picture. Brothers Chris and Wayne Dixon (played by
real-life brothers Alan and Jesse Vint) are spending their last few days before basic training cruising around the South in
a Chrysler convertible, chasing women and raising hell. Jenny (Waters) is a pretty hitchhiker in a pink dress the brothers
pick up along the way for whom both brothers have eyes, yet who seems only interested in Chris. Their party is interrupted
when their car breaks down in a bucolic Louisiana burg. Waiting for their water pump to be jerry-rigged long enough to get
to the next town (none of the three has any cash), they encounter Sheriff Reed Morgan (Baer), who suggests the trio leave
town as soon as they can. Later that night, while Morgan is picking up his son from military school, a pair of thugs break
into his home, rob the place, and rape and murder his wife. Morgan assumes Jenny and the two brothers are the culprits, grabs
a shotgun, and goes on a one-man vigilante stalking spree--one that culminates in a shocking twist ending.
Although
a synopsis of the plot by Baer and director Compton (DEADMAN'S CURVE) makes MACON COUNTY LINE seem like a typical drive-in
revenge yarn, it's actually much more. Virtually no action takes place during the first two-thirds, as Compton instead develops
the characters into people with whom we can identify, as well as the period setting using music, actual locations (the Sacramento,
California area subbing for Louisiana) and vintage automobiles. Even supporting characters such as the dim garage mechanic
played by Lewis (EVERY WHICH WAY BUT LOOSE) are given individual scenes in which to shine--scenes that do nothing towards
advancing the plot, but go a long way towards lending verisimilitude to the period atmosphere. Cinematographer Daniel Lacambre,
who shot many low-budget quickies for Roger Corman, went above and beyond the call of duty for Compton and Baer, using natural
light sources to establish a realistic tone.
Much care went into the presentation of the sheriff played by Baer, who
was trying mightily to escape the Jethro typecasting after nine years on THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES. It's a very good performance,
as Baer avoids turning Morgan into a typical redneck sheriff by showing his friendly interaction with the townspeople, but
also shading him during a well-scripted scene in which he gently urges his son not to play with the black children who live
near the school. Morgan may be a racist, but he isn't necessarily a bad man, which makes his peril more interesting. The Vints
are, of course, believable as siblings, and are also somewhat shaded as sympathetic rogues. Waters is fine in a role that
doesn't really allow her to do more than smile and disrobe, but Lewis is hilarious, and other veteran character actors like
James Gammon and Sam Gilman stand out as well.
Anchor Bay's DVD looks and sounds terrific. Among the extras are a
theatrical trailer, which is surprisingly non-exploitative for an American-International release, and a new documentary called
MACON COUNTY LINE: 25 YEARS DOWN THE ROAD, which runs only about seven minutes, and is really only of interest to see what
Baer, Lewis and Jesse Vint look like today. All of them (and Compton) clearly enjoyed making the film, and reflect fondly
on it.
The standout extra is the feature-length commentary track by Compton and DVD producer William Lustig. All of
Lustig's commentaries are excellent (I rented UNCLE SAM just so I could hear what he had to say about it), and this is no
exception. He asks Compton all the right questions--not that Compton needed much prodding. The director was clearly prepared,
and has many interesting anecdotes concerning the locations, budget and post-production process (among other aspects) and
pointing out several actor friends of Baer's who did the movie for no money as a favor. Perhaps the stunner is his admission
that the opening title card proclaiming MACON COUNTY LINE as a true story was a lie--it was placed there after preview audiences
found the story to contain too many coincidences and plot contrivances (after all, how could audiences complain about contrivances
in actual events?). Even Lustig was originally fooled, since he admits he was planning to track down the real characters to
use in one of the DVD's supplements!
Also with Joan Blackman (BLUE HAWAII) as Morgan's wife, Timothy B. Scott, future
TIGER BEATer Leif Garrett and Doodles Weaver. Bobbie Gentry ("Ode to Billie Jo") composed and performed the end theme. The
score is credited to Stu Phillips, although it sounds like library music to me. After a few more drive-in flicks, Compton
moved to television, directing episodes of L.A. LAW and T.J. HOOKER and still working on series such as THE FUGITIVE and THE
LONE GUNMEN. Baer moved to directing as well, including a hit based upon Gentry's "Ode to Billie Jo", but eventually left
show business, and got rich opening a BEVERLY HILLBILLIES-themed casino in Las Vegas.
THE MAD BOMBER
(1973)--Directed by Bert I. Gordon. Stars Vince Edwards, Chuck Connors, Neville Brand. Four exploitation legends
come together to make this hilarious crime drama, which was also released as THE POLICE CONNECTION, I guess to fool people
into thinking it was a sequel to THE FRENCH CONNECTION. Connors is pretty amazing as William Dorn, an uptight cat with
wire-frame glasses who's blowing stuff up all over L.A. to protest his daughter's overdose death. One of his targets
is a hospital, where he's spotted by psycho rapist George Fromley (Brand), who had just finished strangling one of his victims
in a supply closet. Tough cop Geronimo (Edwards) is the ostensible hero, although he seems just about as crazy as his
antagonists as he pursues them with an intense glower.
Watching the rough-looking Brand masturbating while watching 8mm
porn loops in his poolhouse is a sight, unfortunately, not soon forgotten, and it's somehow worth noticing that Brand, the
fourth most honored G.I. in World War II, killed a lot of men for the freedom to pleasure himself on film. Thank you,
Neville. THE MAD BOMBER is surprisingly sleazy, as you may have guessed, and features an excellent gory burn victim,
as well as plenty of nudity. My favorite scene though is the first, in which a crazy-looking Connors intimidates a pedestrian
into picking up his litter. You might recognize familiar TV guest stars Hank Brandt, Christina Hart (who appears nude),
Tom Hallick, Ted Gehring, Jack Garner (James' brother), Del Monroe and Royce Applegate. Music by Michel Mention.
The director of THE AMAZING COLOSSAL MAN also wrote, produced and served as cinematographer. Jerry Gross' Cinemation
was the original distributor. All three stars had been regulars on successful TV series--Connors was THE RIFLEMAN, Edwards
as BEN CASEY and Brand on LAREDO.
MAD DOCTOR OF BLOOD ISLAND (1968)--Directed
by Gerry de Leon & Eddie Romero. Stars John Ashley, Angelique Pettyjohn, Eddie Garcia, Ronald Remy, Alicia Alonzo. If
you love naked Filipino women, inept makeup effects and the wide sideburns of John Ashley, MAD DOCTOR OF BLOOD ISLAND is for
you. Former BEACH BLANKET BINGO costar Ashley plays Dr. Bill Foster, a U.S. Government agent sent to Blood Island to investigate
sightings of green-skinned villagers dripping green blood. Along for the ride is Sheila Willard (Pettyjohn), ostensibly visiting
her alcoholic long-lost father, but in actuality on Blood Island to scream, get kidnapped and have sex with John Ashley. Foster
discovers that natives are suffering from chlorophyll poisoning, which resident scientist Lorca (Remy) treats with a sedative,
hot soup and no green vegetables, of course. Assisted by Carlos (Garcia), whose mother remained on Blood Island after the
death of his father Don Ramon, and hot-to-trot native girl Marla (Alonzo), who wastes no opportunity to bare some skin and
press the flesh with any hot-blooded male who crosses her path, Foster discovers that Lorca's experiments in curing leukemia
by injecting chlorophyll into his patients is actually turning them into hideous, green-blooded mutants, and the series of
gory murders plaguing the island is being committed by Don Ramon, whose death was faked in order to hide his condition.
One
of many crudely-filmed Philippines-based horror films starring Kansas City-born John Ashley, who would go on to also produce
many of them, MAD DOCTOR OF BLOOD ISLAND, if nothing else, is audacious entertainment and sort of fun in a late-night-TV kind
of way. The direction by de Leon and Romero consists mainly of unconvincing day-for-night photography and headache-inducing
zooms whenever someone is being attacked by the monster (probably to disguise the silly makeup). Thankfully, the sleaze factor
is high; a precredit sequence admonishes audience members to repeat the Oath of the Green Blood while swallowing packets of
actual green blood (yech!) that were handed out during theatrical release, then a stark-naked girl is seen running through
the jungle just long enough to be slaughtered by the zoom-hidden creature. The gore factor is also surprisingly high with
blood-drenched corpses and even a disembodied limb or two.
Ashley manages to hold on to his dignity by being likable
and convincing in his fight scenes. Pettyjohn, best known as the stacked slave whom Captain Kirk taught to kiss in a well-remembered
STAR TREK episode and who would later appear in hardcore porn as Heaven St. John, pops her top, but is overshadowed by Alonzo,
who always appears in skimpy clothing and positively oozes carnality.
Ashley returned in BEAST OF BLOOD, which began
exactly where MAD DOCTOR left off with Eddie Garcia this time in the role of the thought-to-be-dead Dr. Lorca. Ashley went
on to produce films like TWILIGHT PEOPLE (a loose remake of MAD DOCTOR) and BLACK MAMA, WHITE MAMA before running TV series
such as WALKER, TEXAS RANGER and THE A-TEAM. Kane W. Lynn, who owned MAD DOCTOR's distribution company Hemisphere Pictures,
is credited as executive producer. The first time I bought this tape, it was titled THE REVENGE OF DR. X and released by Regal
Video. Imagine my surprise when I discovered the film, which carries MAD DOCTOR's credits, was actually an even more hilariously
awful Japanese-made monster movie called THE DOUBLE GARDEN, which starred former MGM leading man James Craig and was reputedly
penned by Ed Wood!
MAD FOXES (1981)--Directed by Paul Grau.
Stars Jose Gras. I don’t know if this tasteless Spanish/Swiss co-production is the work of a creative madman or
an inept moron. It’s basically a rape/revenge exploitation picture with gore and softcore sex, but the crazy dubbing
and wild plot make me wonder whether it’s really an intentional comedy. Hal (Gras), trying to get his drunk 18-year-old
virgin girlfriend home to have sex with her, is beaten by Nazi-loving bikers who rape his girl. Pissed as hell, Hal
recruits some kickboxers to invade the funeral the bikers are throwing for a fallen comrade at an amphitheater. They
beat up the bikers and castrate their leader. Later, after Hal shags another chick at his pad, he picks up a sexy hitchhiker
and takes her to his parents’ country home. While he’s out shagging her, the bikers show up and slaughter
his family and the servants. This WTF movie is like watching Wimbledon. So, yeah, you guessed it, it’s Hal’s
turn for revenge in the gruesome finale. Horribly filmed and dubbed with oddball scenes like a naked drunken biker doing
karate kicks outdoors and a long, pointless skinny-dip, MAD FOXES is absurd and takes a lot of patience to watch. I
can see how bad-movie lovers could have quite a laugh at it, but it’s too grimy for my tastes. Believe it or not,
Krokus did some tunes for it.
MAD JAKE (1990)—Directed by Tucker Johnston.
Stars John Saxon, Danny Nelson, Lori Birdsong, Christian Hesler, Ralph Pruitt Vaughn, Laura Whyte. Boxer Evander Holyfield
was the executive producer of this black comic horror movie reminiscent of MOTEL HELL. It all rests on the shoulders
of Southern-based star Nelson, who plays Jake, a religious nut who, with help from his psychotic son Hiram (Hesler) and his
fat retarded son Roy (Vaughn), kidnaps travelers and keeps their suffering bodies alive on jury-rigged life support systems
in his barn, so he can sell their organs on the black market. He becomes infatuated with April Evans (Birdsong), a jailbait
beauty pageant contestant in a wheelchair, who reminds Jake of his late wife, and sabotages the Evans family RV to get her.
Top-billed Saxon has a large, though supporting, role as April’s Everyman dad. Johnston, who hasn’t made
another feature, nicely juggles the comedy and horror elements, and is greatly aided by the imaginative production design
and gore effects. Hesler, whose performance is terrible, was already dead of AIDS by the time this movie came out.
It’s also available as BLOOD SALVAGE. Holyfield and his trainer Lou Duva have cameos, as does Ray Walston as Jake’s
buyer.
MAD MAX (1979)--Directed by George Miller.
Stars Mel Gibson, Steve Bisley, Joanne Samuel. In post-apocalyptic Australia, Max (Gibson) is a motorcycle cop whose partner,
wife and baby are killed by a biker gang called the Glory Riders. Max gets revenge. Miller proves he's one of the best action
directors around; his stunts and chases are absolutely breathtaking. If you look closely enough, you can see that Miller is
making a statement about humanity and the end of civilization, but who cares? This film really moves. Gibson is okay as Max,
but doesn't really give any indication of upcoming superstardom. Filmed in Australia, but the voices (including Gibson's)
were dubbed by actors with American accents. Music by Brian May. This and the immediate sequel, THE ROAD WARRIOR, are among
the most influential films ever made; after this, screens were inundated with desert wastelands, punked-out villains and post-apocalyptic
anarchists.
MAD MAX BEYOND THUNDERDOME (1985)--Directed by George Miller and George Ogilvie. Stars
Mel Gibson, Tina Turner, Bruce Spence, Angelo Rossitto. Good sequel is still the least of Miller's three action films starring
Gibson as post-apocalyptic hero Mad Max. This time Max becomes the leader of a band of children living on their own in the
desert. He ends up in Barter Town, led by tyrant Auntie Entity (Turner), and fights a life-or-death battle in the Thunderdome,
a round cage inside of which the gladiators hang from harnesses attached to the ceiling. Miller and Ogilvie have created a
totally original universe filled with fascinating characters and ideas, but the film relies less on action than on characterization,
which works to a disadvantage in this case. The scenes with the kids aren't really interesting. The directors should have
jettisoned that plotline and concentrated more on the Barter Town material. The final chase is almost on a level with the
action in THE ROAD WARRIOR.
THE MAD MONSTER (1942)--Directed by Sam Newfield.
Stars George Zucco, Glenn Strange, Anne Nagel, Johnny Downs. For goofy, old-fashioned thrills, you can't do much better
than a horror movie from Poverty Row. "Poverty Row" is the term used to describe (extremely) low-budget potboilers churned
out by small independent studios like Monogram, Producers Releasing Corporation (PRC) and Mascot during the 1930's and '40s.
Even though these films were generally shot very quickly and cheaply, many of them have an eccentric charm to them, usually
because of their illogical plots, nutty dialogue and/or ripe performances by their veteran stars, who were often noted scene-stealers
like Bela Lugosi, George Zucco and Lionel Atwill. If you can tolerate their limited sets, clunky special effects and monster
makeup, sparse musical scores, and sometimes-plodding pace, some of these black-and-white B-movies muster just enough dusty
entertainment to keep you awake for 70 minutes.
THE MAD MONSTER is pretty silly stuff, starring genre fave Zucco
as Dr. Cameron, a mad scientist who plots revenge against the former faculty colleagues who mocked his fantastic theories
involving animal research and had him kicked off the university staff. This leads to a brilliant scene where Cameron engages
in an imaginary debate with said rivals, arguing with ghostly figures that sit around his table and tell him what a nut he
is. What's really funny is that the conversation is taking place in Cameron's mind, yet he doesn't score as decisive a victory
as you would expect in the debate. It's pretty bad when you get your ass kicked in your own fake argument.
To get back at those who laughed at him, Cameron injects his retarded
handyman Petro (played by Glenn Strange, a veteran actor and stuntman best known for playing the Frankenstein Monster in ABBOTT
& COSTELLO MEET FRANKENSTEIN and bartender Sam on GUNSMOKE) with wolf blood, which transforms the dumb hulk into a wolfman.
This is done by plopping a wig on Strange, putting extra hair on his face, and shoving a pair of fangs into his mouth. Through
some hilariously contrived machinations, Cameron manages to not only get Petro in the vicinity of his enemies so he can kill
them in an animalistic rage, but he also manages to be somewhere else at the time of the murders, establishing an alibi (which
he doesn't need, since law enforcement doesn't appear very interested in this crimes).
Meanwhile, Cameron's cute daughter (Nagel) is busy defending her
father to her boyfriend (top-billed Downs), a reporter (all these films have a reporter in them). Zucco acts like a complete
asshole throughout the movie, slapping his handyman, insulting his rivals, condemning the boyfriend's profession. He's really
the best thing about THE MAD MONSTER, because it's true that these PRC movies would hardly be worth watching at all if he
wasn't in them, just as Monogram's THE DEVIL BAT and THE CORPSE VANISHES, to name just two, would be total bores without Bela
Lugosi's insanely rich performances to anchor them. Strange and Zucco also acted together in THE BLACK RAVEN, another
PRC feature the same year.
MADAME SIN (1972)—Directed by David
Greene. Stars Bette Davis, Robert Wagner. Wagner was also a producer of this classy TV pilot lensed in England.
Madame Sin (Davis), an Oriental villainess who operates her worldwide criminal organization from a private island near Scotland,
kidnaps a former CIA agent (Wagner) and forces him to help her snatch a nuclear submarine from the British Navy. A little
James Bond, a little Fu Manchu, and a little bit of THE PRISONER, MADAME SIN offers sumptuous production values and a deliciously
sly performance by Davis, who presumably would have popped up in a different location in each episode with a new plot against
Earth. I don’t know why ABC would have passed on this one, unless it was just too expensive to sustain on a weekly
basis. It’s fun and ends in an intriguing fashion. Denholm Elliott co-stars as Madame Sin’s assistant.
Also with Gordon Jackson, Catherine Schell, Dudley Sutton, Roy Kinnear and Burt Kwouk. Music by Michael Gibbs.
MADE MEN (1999)--Directed by Louis Morneau.
Stars James Belushi, Timothy Dalton, Steve Railsback, Michael Beach, Vanessa Angel. Here's a surprisingly fine thriller
that received scant, if any, theatrical distribution, despite it's being produced by A-listers Richard Donner (LETHAL WEAPON)
and Joel Silver (THE LAST BOY SCOUT). Belushi stars in full-tilt, wiseassed Jim Belushi mode as Bill "The Mouth" Manucci,
who scammed $12 million from a mysterious Chicago mobster known as The Skipper, ratted him out to the Feds, and is now living
under the Witness Protection Program with his sexy wife Debra (Angel) in a dusty farmhouse outside tiny Harmony, Oklahoma,
population under 1000. Somehow, his location is discovered by the Skipper, who sends four of his boys to kill Bill and
retrieve the dough. Things don't exactly go as planned, and Bill finds himself on the run from the gunsels, a gang of
hillbilly crystal-meth producers led by straight-out-of-DELIVERANCE Kyle (Railsback) and the local redneck sheriff, played
deliciously by the Welsh Dalton (LICENSE TO KILL).
The screenplay, partially penned by SMALLVILLE creators Alfred Gough
and Miles Millar, doesn't contain quite enough story for its 91-minute running time, but it does create plenty of colorful
characters and funny dialogue between the many explosions and gun battles. Belushi is funny, given the right material,
and even though Bill is a liar and a schemer, he wouldn't really hurt anyone, and we do find ourselves rooting for him.
Dalton seems to be having a ball gnashing his teeth in a role he seems miscast in, but his Southern accent isn't too bad,
and his scenes are among the film's best. Beach, as one of Belushi's killers, delivers the best overall performance,
projecting equal amounts of humor and menace, as we try to decide whether he's a good guy or bad.
Eventually, MADE MEN (not much of a title, that) bogs down in a
series of monotonous gunshots, last-minute saves, pistols that never run out of ammo and perhaps a twist too many, but it's
a delightful sleeper that should please unassuming action fans who enjoy quirky characters and a good sense of humor among
their exploding cars. Also with Carlton Wilborn, Jamie Harris and Dick O'Donnell. Music by Stewart Copeland.
Filmed in Utah. Beach is one of the stars of NBC's THIRD WATCH.
MADHOUSE (1974)--Directed by Jim Clark.
Stars Vincent Price, Peter Cushing, Robert Quarry, Natasha Pyne. Price delivers a good performance as a faded horror movie
actor, who, after recovering from a nervous breakdown suffered after the beheading murder of his wife (a murder for which
he was accused but acquitted), moves to London to reprise his famous Dr. Death character in a television series. There, the
cast and crew (and others) are killed off using the same methods as the victims in Prices old movies. Writer Greg Morrison
introduces a large number of red herrings--including crass producer Quarry, friendly screenwriter Cushing and cute PR girl
Pyne--although we aren't entirely certain that Price himself isn't the killer. In fact, Price isn't even sure of it. Clark,
an Oscar-winning editor whose credits include THE KILLING FIELDS, THE MISSION and THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH, directs with a
bit of style, but is let down by a stupid ending. Also with Adrienne Corri, Barry Dennen, real-life talk show host Michael
Parkinson as himself and the always sexy Linda Hayden as one of Dr. Death's victims. Features clips from some of Price's Poe
films for American-International Pictures like THE PIT AND THE PENDULUM, THE RAVEN and HOUSE OF USHER. Music by Douglas Gamley.
MADIGAN (1968)--Directed by Don Siegel. Stars Richard Widmark, Henry Fonda, James Whitmore, Inger
Stevens, Harry Guardino, Susan Clark. Good crime drama with two distinctive plotlines: detectives Widmark (as Madigan) and
Guardino chase down a serial killer, and police commissioner Fonda must deal with a minor, but crucial, piece of corruption
perpetrated by best friend Whitmore. One of Widmark's best roles; he would go on to play Madigan in a 1970s TV series. From
the director of DIRTY HARRY.
MADMAN (1982)--Directed by Joe Giannone.
Stars Gaylen Ross, Tony Fish, Paul Ehlers. A slow pace mars this routine slasher flick highly influenced by FRIDAY THE
13TH. It also shares the same plot as THE BURNING, which was made in upstate New York at the same time MADMAN was filming
on Long Island, causing Giannone to radically rewrite his screenplay to change the antagonist from a backwoods hulk named
Cropsy to a backwoods hulk named Madman Marz. A bunch of youths attending camp are stalked one night by the mysteriously
deformed Madman Marz, thought to be an urban legend that axed his family to death many years earlier. The plot goes
no farther than that; the kids go into the woods and are murdered in numerous gruesome ways, the most memorable being a girl
fixing her truck’s engine who is beheaded when Marz jumps onto the open hood. There are a few okay gore effects,
and DAWN OF THE DEAD’s Ross is a stalwart Final Girl, but MADMAN is nothing special.
THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN (1960)--Directed by John
Sturges. Stars Yul Brynner, Steve McQueen, Eli Wallach, Charles Bronson, Robert Vaughn, James Coburn, Brad Dexter, Horst Buchholz.
Classic western led by a terrific cast, exciting action sequences, and Elmer Bernstein's rousing score. When Mexican bandit
Wallach and his men terrorize a tiny village, the townspeople recruit gunfighter Brynner and six others to fight their battle.
Of the seven, only Brynner was a big star when this was made. Highlight is Coburn's knife-throwing battle with a bullying
cowboy.
MAGNOLIA (1999)--Directed by Paul Thomas Anderson. Stars Tom Cruise, Jason Robards, Julianne
Moore, William H. Macy, John C. Reilly, Melora Walters, Philip Baker Hall, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Jeremy Blackman. Writer/co-producer/director
Anderson's follow-up to BOOGIE NIGHTS, his critically-lauded veneration of the Southern California porn scene of the '70s
(which I thought was the best film of 1997), is a wildly ambitious, often self-indulgent and ultimately middling series of
tales involving a group of people--some tangentially related to others, some directly so--during one night in Los Angeles.
Using many of his BOOGIE cast members, Anderson's theme seems to be that random chance plays a greater part in our lives that
we'd like to admit--that no matter how much we plan ahead, the odds are good that wild coincidence will somehow change those
plans.
The film opens with a narrated trilogy of stories (probably urban legends) involving simple fate, the best
known involving the suicidal young man who jumped off his family's apartment building and was struck by an accidental shotgun
blast on his way down, causing the person who fired the shot to be arrested for murder. These amusing vignettes set the stage
for the astonishing plot point that arrives in the film's final half-hour. The sprawling cast includes: Big Earl Partridge
(Robards), a wealthy television producer dying of cancer; his young wife Linda (Moore), a drug-addled wreck who originally
married Earl for his money, but has grown to love him on his deathbed; Earl's estranged son Frank "T.J." Mackey (Cruise),
a misogynist seller of self-help seminars designed to teach lonely men how to seduce and destroy women; Paul (Hoffman), Earl's
nurse, who genuinely cares about the old man; Jimmy Gator (Hall), the host of one of Partridge's game shows (HOW MUCH DO KIDS
KNOW?) who's also dying of cancer; Jimmy's estranged, coke-addled daughter Claudia (Walters); Donnie Smith (Macy), a former
big-money winner on Jimmy's show who's grown up to be a pathetic loser; Jim Kurring (Reilly), an ineffectual policeman who
falls for Claudia while checking a noise complaint at her apartment; and young Stanley (Blackman), a child prodigy and reluctant
newest star of Jimmy's game show who's pressured by his stage father.
The surprising plot phenomenon that affects
his cast at the climax (I guarantee you'll never see it coming) will probably be criticized by many as being contrived or
unrealistic, but Anderson does take the time to set it up using the afore-mentioned prologue and references to Exodus and
biblical plagues. It's certainly cheeky, and I'm happy anytime I see something in a film I've never seen before. My biggest
complaint with MAGNOLIA is that it's way too long at 179 minutes. Anderson had final cut--a directorial privilege rarely given
to filmmakers in their 20s--but would have benefited from a strong producer, since there are a good number of scenes that
could have been snipped (most of them involving Macy and Moore, whose characters I never quite got a bead on).
Where
MAGNOLIA works best is in its performances. They are all terrific, with Cruise, Reilly, Hall and Walters standing out most
prominently. Cruise, playing an unlikable macho posturer, has his shining moment after being blindsided during a television
interview, and the sensitive emotions that he's tried to repress since his childhood come streaming back to him. He has a
showier scene later in the picture, but I thought his quiet determination in the earlier scene was more impressive. The fumbling
relationship between Reilly and Walters is MAGNOLIA's most interesting, and I was rooting for them to have a happy ending.
The actors may have been aided by Anderson's decision to shoot many scenes in one continuous take, sometimes by just setting
the camera on a tripod and letting his performers go, and other times in long, technically-complex Steadicam shots that add
a certain kineticism to the pace.
Technically, the film is fine, although nearly every minute is buried under an avalanche
of Jon Brian's score or Aimee Mann's songs. Although it could have been the poor sound system at the theater in which I saw
MAGNOLIA, much of the dialogue was drowned out by the often-distracting music. Although Anderson's opus never reached out
and grabbed me, I must admit that it's probably a film that would work better after a second or even a third viewing to snare
all the subtext. Unfortunately the film's length will prevent me from watching it again. Also with Michael Murphy, Melinda
Dillon, April Grace, Luis Guzman, Ricky Jay (who also provides the opening narration), Alfred Molina, Thomas Jane, Michael
Bowen, porn stars Veronica Hart and Melissa Spell, Felicity Huffman, Jim Beaver, Robert Downey and Henry Gibson.
MAGNUM
FORCE (1973)--Directed by Ted Post. Stars Clint Eastwood, Hal Holbrook, David Soul, Robert Urich, Tim Matheson, Felton
Perry, Mitchell Ryan. Second DIRTY HARRY thriller pits Eastwood's legendary detective against a band of vigilante motorcycle
cops who are gunning down bad guys released by the court system on technicalities. Lots of brutal action, and it's fun to
see future TV cops Soul and Urich in early roles. Not as good as Don Siegel's original, but Post adds a lot of interesting
camera tricks to keep things moving. Script by John Milius and Michael Cimino. Good score by Lalo Schifrin. From the director
of HANG 'EM HIGH. Look for Suzanne Somers in an early silent role as a topless woman shot dead in a swimming pool.
MAGNUM, P.I.: DON'T EAT THE SNOW IN HAWAII
(1980)--Directed by Roger Young. Stars Tom Selleck, John Hillerman, Larry Manetti, Roger E. Mosley, Fritz Weaver.
This entertaining pilot movie introduces the characters and Hawaiian backdrop of CBS-TV's long-running private eye series
MAGNUM, P.I. Vietnam veteran and former Naval Intelligence officer Thomas Magnum (Selleck) works as a private investigator
on the Hawaiian island of Oahu. Thanks to an arrangement with a former client, millionaire best-selling author Robin
Masters, Magnum lives free of charge in the guesthouse on Masters' opulent estate, run by officious British major domo Higgins
(Hillerman), and drives the writer's cherry red Ferrari.
When Dan Cook, Magnum's buddy from 'Nam, is found dead in Honolulu
with twelve exploded packets of cocaine in his stomach, it is assumed by the authorities that he was smuggling drugs into
Hawaii from Japan. The victim also served with Magnum in Naval Intelligence, which revokes Cook's pension and benefits
and rules he be buried without proper military honors. His commanding officer, Captain Cooly (Weaver), who dislikes
both Magnum and Cook, refuses to investigate the matter. Since Magnum is certain his friend would never be involved
with cocaine smuggling and must have been somehow framed, he looks into the case, calling upon two more Vietnam pals, chopper
pilot T.C. (Mosley) and nightclub owner Rick (Manetti), for assistance.
Bolstered by top-notch direction by Young, an interesting choice
who was an Emmy winner for a LOU GRANT episode, the teleplay by executive producers Donald Bellisario and Glen A. Larson (who
seems to have had little to do with the weekly series; in fact, given Larson's track record, it's doubtful the show would
have been as good as it was if he had been involved) does a nice job laying out the show's premise, establishing the relationships
among the four regulars and creating a good mixture of action, mystery, drama and humor. The chemistry isn't quite there
yet, but you can see the makings of it, especially in the bickering between Selleck and Hillerman, and enough violence and
car crashes slip into the pilot to keep network executives from fidgeting. The major problem is that the script seems
to run out of gas near the end, presenting a limp "twist" and failing to address how the cocaine got into Cook's stomach,
the one element that propels the whole story.
Selleck, of course, became a major television star after a decade
of exploitation films (TERMINAL ISLAND), soap operas (THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS), small supporting parts in studio pictures
(COMA) and celebrated guest shots (THE ROCKFORD FILES). I would imagine it was Selleck's entertaining work as hotshot
private eye Lance White on a pair of ROCKFORD episodes that convinced Bellisario that the 35-year-old actor was light leading
man material. Equally convincing in the pilot's lighter moments (retrieving a pair of binoculars to spy upon a pair
of nude sunbathers) and scenes of heavy drama, Selleck and his Ferrari became instant symbols of the islands, replacing the
humorless and tightfisted Jack Lord of HAWAII FIVE-0, which aired its final original episode eight months before MAGNUM premiered,
giving CBS another eight seasons of use out of its Honolulu production offices. Also impressed was Steven Spielberg,
who attempted to hire Selleck to play Indiana Jones in RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK. The star's television contract prevented
him from earning probable big-screen success (hard to believe there was a time Harrison Ford played second fiddle to Tom Selleck),
although Selleck tried 1930's-style adventure in 1982's HIGH ROAD TO CHINA, which was not a hit.
MAGNUM, P.I. aired mainly on Thursday evenings on CBS for eight
seasons. While news of a theatrical reunion was often rumored during the 1990's, it seems time for that has passed.
Selleck did pile up a respectable film career, although nothing he has done since has approached the MAGNUM series in popularity.
Also with Pamela Susan Shoop, Robert Loggia, W.K. Stratton, Branscombe Richmond, Clyde Kusatsu, Bellisario favorite Jeff MacKay
and a bit by Judge Reinhold. Ian Freebairn-Smith composed the slightly jazzy orchestral score. It's easy to forget
that the MAGNUM, P.I. series originally had a different theme, a catchy Freebairn-Smith number. After a handful of episodes,
it was replaced by the guitar-driven rock theme everyone is familiar with today. When split into two one-hour episodes
for syndication, Freebairn-Smith's original theme was jettisoned in favor of Post's, but Universal's VHS release retains the
Freebairn-Smith piece, well-remembered by many who saw MAGNUM's premiere over twenty years ago, as well as the opening title
sequence designed around the shape of the crest on Magnum's ring.
MAJOR LEAGUE (1989)--Directed by David S.
Ward. Stars Charlie Sheen, Tom Berenger, Corbin Bernsen, Margaret Whitton. Amiable baseball comedy about a team of misfits
owned by Whitton, who wants the team to lose so she can move it to Florida. Despite a poor start, the offbeat players, led
by veteran catcher Berenger and hard-throwing relief pitcher Sheen, pull things together and win the World Series. Also with
James Gammon, Wesley Snipes, Rene Russo and a hilarious Bob Uecker as the drunken team announcer. MAJOR LEAGUE 2 was released
in 1994.
MALIBU BEACH (1978)—Directed by Robert
J. Rosenthal. Stars Kim Lankford, James Daughton, Stephen Oliver. Would you believe a sequel to THE VAN?
Lunky Oliver as the “big, dumb turd Dugan” is the only cast member to roll over to MALIBU BEACH, which was directed
by THE VAN’s screenwriter and also produced by Crown International Pictures. Like THE VAN, it’s a mainly
plotless look at Southern California teenagers with little more to do besides drive around, hang out at the beach, and chase
members of the opposite sex. You’ll love the running gag about the dog that runs around stealing girls’
bikini tops. That’s Rosenthal’s best lesson to young filmmakers: when running into editing difficulties,
you can’t lose cutting away to another shot of a topless girl chasing a puppy on a beach. Good-looking Daughton
and Lankford look like they belong together, although it takes them almost 90 minutes to figure it out for themselves.
It’s all light and frothy, and I can barely remember anything about it, except that it’s painless stuff.
Also with Tara Strohmeier as a nympho, Flora Plumb, Susan Player, Bruce Kimball, Michael Luther and Bill Adler. ZAPPED!
was next for Rosenthal.
MALIBU EXPRESS (1985)--Directed by Andy Sidaris.
Stars Darby Hinton, Sybil Danning, Barbara Edwards, Kimberly MacArthur, Brett Clark. Sidaris, a former ABC sports director,
has become a cult filmmaker, thanks to these breezy adventure films featuring convoluted plots, slick action, stiff acting,
and lots of gorgeous naked women. Texas private eye Hinton is hired by a beautiful Contessa (Danning) to investigate the sale
of computer secrets to the Soviets. Edwards was a PLAYBOY Playmate of the Year. For the benefit of lady viewers, Hinton takes
his shirt off a lot.
MALIBU HIGH (1979)—Directed by Irv Berwick.
Stars Jill Lansing, Alex Mann, Garth Pillsbury. Crown International pulled off one of the great bait-and-switch routine
with this sleazy drama that was advertised as a light-headed teen romp along the lines of MALIBU BEACH, which Crown had just
released. Heck, the sexy California blonde posing on the one-sheet isn’t even in the movie.
Instead, MALIBU HIGH follows Kim (“introducing”
Jill Lansing), a tough brunette who’s flunking out of school and fighting with her mother all the time. Tired
of being pushed around, Kim decides to—what else?—start using her to-die-for bod to get ahead, seducing her teachers
to score all A’s and turning tricks to earn bread. She gets tired of scoring with dirty old men for 40% of the
take, so she tells pot-dealing pimp Tony (Mann) to get screwed and upgrades to the surprisingly agreeable Lance (Pillsbury
from Russ Meyer movies), who not only gives Kim 60% of the take, but also convinces her to become an assassin.
How a typical California teenager graduates from high school
dancer to gun-wielding hitwoman is an amazingly delirious path in the hands of clumsy filmmaker Berwick (HITCH-HIKE TO HELL),
who also saddles MALIBU HIGH with one of cinema’s most inappropriate scores. Fights between Kim and her mom are
punctuated with the bumper music from SCTV NETWORK 90, while the climactic chase is supported by the theme to THE PEOPLE’S
COURT (actually a library cue composed by Alan Tew). Most of the performances are grim, though Lansing, who doesn’t
appear to have done much else, does a decent job, considering she has to carry the entire film—and doubtlessly with
little help from her director. They don’t make ‘em like MALIBU HIGH—now or ever—and we’re
the better for it.
MALICE (1993)--Directed by Harold Becker. Stars Alec Baldwin, Nicole Kidman,
Bill Pullman, Bebe Neuwirth. You’ve got to be on your toes to keep up with this slick early-‘90s thriller,
which was sumptuously shot by Gordon Willis (THE GODFATHER) and intelligently directed by Harold Becker (SEA OF LOVE).
I saw it in its initial release, where it benefited from a marvelously evasive trailer that indicated the movie was about
one thing, when it’s really about something else. The trailer (which is not, sadly, on MGM’s DVD) made MALICE
appear as though it were about a serial rapist stalking college coeds and the college professor (Bill Pullman) accused of
the crimes. And, in fact, that is part of the movie, but simply as a subplot. Considering the way that storyline
plays out, I believe it exists solely to fool people in the trailer.
I wish I could say more about MALICE, but it really is a movie that
you have to experience cold. Pullman is Andy Safian, the assistant dean of a small Eastern university, and Nicole Kidman
is his sweet wife Tracy. They live together in a three-story Victorian house that they plan to fix up. A chance
encounter reunites Andy with Jed Hill (Alec Baldwin), the BMOC of the high school they both attended. Jed is a brilliant
surgeon just hired at the local hospital. He’s charming, handsome, smart and funny. Andy seems to worship
the guy, just as he perhaps did in high school, where they ran in separate circles, and invites Jed to move in to the third
floor of his and Tracy’s house.
Okay, that’s it, I won’t say anything more about
the plot. It’s masterfully crafted by Aaron Sorkin and Scott Frank, to this day two of Hollywood’s most
respected screenwriters. You know the brilliant Sorkin from A FEW GOOD MEN, SPORTS NIGHT and THE WEST WING (when it
was the best drama on network television), and Frank’s resume includes GET SHORTY and the terrific OUT OF SIGHT. Although you may likely pick a nit or two long after you’ve ejected the
DVD from your player, while MALICE plays, it’s efficiently manipulative, pulling your attention one direction and then
trapping it with a bait-and-switch. Like most Hollywood thrillers, it runs out of gas in the third act, but I still
admire the filmmakers’ effrontery.
Becker also calls upon some interesting supporting actors to act
as red herrings: Peter Gallagher (currently on THE O.C.), Josef Sommer (the President in X-MEN 3), delectable Debrah
Farentino, Tobin Bell (the creepy-looking killer from SAW). Anne Bancroft and George C. Scott perform cameos, and there’s
even a bit by 19-year-old Gwyneth Paltrow, who was known mainly as Blythe Danner’s daughter at that stage of her career.
MALICE is one of Alec Baldwin’s best performances. He
is at his best, period, when playing either oily bad guys or comedic roles. I think he lost his way in the 1990s after
the success of THE HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER, which caused him to play square-jawed hero-types in disappointments like THE SHADOW,
THE GETAWAY and HEAVEN’S PRISONERS. Among a brilliant cast of character actors, he steals GLENGARRY GLEN ROSS
from Jack Lemmon, Al Pacino, Ed Harris and others with a monologue (written by David Mamet) that plays like an actor’s
dream. MALICE provides him with a similar show-stopper, a legal deposition where Hill is forced to defend himself against
a malpractice charge:
“I have an M.D. from Harvard. I am board-certified in
cardiothoracic medicine and trauma surgery. I have been awarded citations from seven different medical boards in New
England, and I am never, ever sick at sea. So I ask you, when someone goes into that chapel and they fall on their knees
and they pray to God that their wife doesn't miscarry or that their daughter doesn't bleed to death or that their mother doesn't
suffer acute neural trauma from post-operative shock, who do you think they're praying to? Now, go ahead and read your
Bible, Dennis, and you go to your church, and, with any luck, you might win the annual raffle, but, if you're looking for
God, he was in Operating Room number two on November 17, and he doesn't like to be second-guessed. You ask me if I have
a God complex. Let me tell you something. I am God.”
MALLRATS (1995)--Directed
by Kevin Smith. Stars Shannen Doherty, Jeremy London, Jason Lee, Claire Forlani, Michael Rooker, Ben Affleck, Ethan Suplee,
Jason Mewes, Kevin Smith, Renee Humphrey. Smith's second feature (after the indie smash CLERKS) was loudly regarded as a failure
at the time; despite its paltry $6 million budget, Universal still lost money on it, and most reviews were abysmal at best.
MALLRATS has its moments--and is better than what mostly passes for teen-oriented comedy these days--but it's still Smith's
worse film to date.
Twentysomethings T.S. Quint (London) and Brodie Bruce (Lee in his feature debut)--yes, the characters'
names are cribbed from JAWS--spend a day slacking at the local mall following early-morning breakups with their girlfriends.
T.S.'s falling-out with Brandi (Forlani) came about when she blew off their planned trip to Florida to appear on a local game
show--produced by her father Jared Svenning (Rooker), who despises T.S.--which is being broadcast live that night from the
mall. Brodie's girl Rene (Doherty) is just tired of being ignored in favor of comic books and video games. The mall (a real
one located in Eden Prairie, Minnesota, although MALLRATS is ostensibly set in New Jersey) contains a colorful array of characters:
Willem (Suplee), who's obsessed with finding the sailboat in one of those weird 3-D photographs; Shannon (Affleck), the Fashionable
Male who steals Rene from Brodie; Trish "the Dish" (Humphrey), a 15-year-old genius writing a book on human sexuality; and--last
but not least--Jay (Mewes) and Silent Bob (Smith), two cartoony drug dealers who provide most of the film's cleverest bits.
Smith is one of contemporary cinema's most observant writers, but his dialogue, like Quentin Tarantino's and David
Mamet's, needs to be spoken by good actors to avoid sounding stilted and unbelievable. London, who mostly walks around in
a haze, and Lee, whose shrill performance makes Brodie too obnoxious to root for, aren't good enough to make Smith's words
seem natural. Peppered with references to Marvel Comics, Burt Reynolds movies and events from CLERKS, the thin plot is really
just a clothesline on which to hang a series of sight gags and scatological jokes--many of which are funny.
MALLRATS
is probably Smith's most professional-looking feature; Universal provided Smith with cinematographer David Klein and editor
Paul Dixon, who give the picture a slick look. Ira Newborn's score is in on the joke, frequently cribbing notes from Danny
Elfman's BATMAN soundtrack to punctuate the comic-geek atmosphere. Rooker seems to be having a grand time hamming it up (although
he really isn't all that funny), and it's interesting to see Affleck and Forlani just before they became major Hollywood players
in GOOD WILL HUNTING and MEET JOE BLACK respectively. Also with Joey Lauren Adams (Smith's then-paramour), Priscilla Barnes
as a topless psychic, Sven-Ole Thorsen, game show host Art James, producer Scott Mosier, CLERKS star Brian O'Halloran, and
Marvel Comics creator Stan Lee in a good-humored bit as himself. Elizabeth Ashley originally appeared as the Governor of New
Jersey, but her entire role vanished when the original opening sequence was cut from the final film.
MALONE
(1987)--Directed by Harley Cokliss. Stars Burt Reynolds, Cliff Robertson, Cynthia Gibb, Scott Wilson, Kenneth McMillan.
The late 1980's were a tough time for Reynolds. Just a few years earlier, he had been one of the world's biggest movie
stars for more than a decade. But too many idiotic home movies overloaded with car crashes and cameos by his repertory
company of C-level game show personalities helped to ruin his Hollywood standing, which he tried to repair in a number of
action-oriented potboilers.
Burt IS Malone, a ex-CIA assassin who "retires" and heads west in
his sweet '69 Mustang. Or not so sweet, since it tosses a rod near a podunk Oregon town and has to be pushed to the
nearest filling station, which is owned by crippled Vietnam vet Paul Barlow (Wilson) and his teenage daughter Jo (Gibb).
There aren't many townspeople left; most of them split after their homes and businesses were bought out by wealthy survivalist
Charles Delaney (Robertson). The Barlows are one of the few holdouts, but it's getting harder for them to resist Delaney's
offer of big bucks when their neighbors are getting run down in the street right under the useless nose of the corrupt sheriff
(McMillan). Despite some crinkly flirting with young Jo (which, thankfully, remains unconsummated), Malone would just
as soon fix his transmission and split, rather than become involved. It's only when Delaney makes it personal by sending
a couple of New York goons his direction that Malone, in clichéd SHANE style, decides to take a stand.
Cokliss, who made a small name for himself as a director of low-budget
SF movies like BATTLETRUCK and BLACK MOON RISING, unfortunately provides more talk than action on his British Columbian locations.
Which is a shame, because MALONE's action scenes, few that they are, provide just about all the energy the film can muster.
Reynolds is fine as MALONE's taciturn lead; it's just that Christopher Frank's screenplay doesn't offer enough depth or solid
dialogue to keep us immersed in its drama. Whereas we'd much rather see Burt busting caps in some redneck asses, he
spends most of his time bonding with new pal Wilson (whom the macho star seems more interested in than the cute teen who keeps
sneaking into his bedroom) instead.
After RENT-A-COP, SWITCHING CHANNELS and PHYSICAL EVIDENCE played
to increasingly smaller audiences, Reynolds turned to series television after a nearly 20-year absence, portraying a detective
on B.L. STRYKER and then earning his first Emmy as the star of the sitcom EVENING SHADE. Also with Lauren Hutton, Tracey
Walter, Philip Anglim, Dennis Burkley and Stephen E. Miller (MILLENNIUM). Music by David Newman.
MAMA'S
DIRTY GIRLS (1974)--Directed by John Hayes. Stars Gloria Grahame, Candice
Rialson, Sondra Currie, Mary Stoddard, Paul Lambert, Anneka Di Lorenzo. Any film
that opens with a shot of drive-in queen Rialson (HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD) standing topless in front of a mirror is A-OK in my
book. Squeezing into a teeny bikini, Rialson's character, Becky, heads out to
the pool to taunt a fat, middle-aged man who pours drinks from his swanky plywood-decorated bar. Teasing him to the limit, the man finally tries to rape her, only to be caught by Becky's mother, "Mama"
Love (Grahame). The man is Mama's husband of one year, and in exchange for not
reporting his attack to the police, he writes a full confession of his misdeed and expresses regret. This is later used as evidence of his suicide after Mama, Becky and oldest daughter Addie (redhaired Currie)
slash his wrists in the shower.
It seems Mama, with her gorgeous
teenage daughters in tow--virginal Cindy (Stoddard) is the youngest--subsists on wealthy men, marrying them and then committing
murder for their inheritances. Mama's next victim is motel owner Harold (Lambert),
but writer Gil Lasky (BLOOD AND LACE) throws a nice twist in at this point: unbeknownst
to Mama, Harold drowned his first wife to collect her inheritance, and upon learning about Mama's fortune, wants her dead
just as badly. This leads to some amusing WAR OF THE ROSES-type antics, while
in the meantime, Addie strikes up a sexual relationship with the local (married) sheriff, Cindy begins dating a nice local
boy who works in his dad's hardware store (and who later becomes a murder suspect), and Becky teases the motel's hulking retarded
handyman (who, of course, wears overalls and says things like, "Gosh, you sure are pretty, Becky.").
All
three daughters and the stunning redhaired actress who plays the sheriff's wife, Di Lorenzo, appear nude, and director Hayes
throws in enough humor to keep the film's unpleasant premise from bogging it down. Oscar
winner Grahame (THE BAD AND THE BEAUTIFUL) has never been a particular favorite of mine, but she brings the right touch of
grifter charm and maternal instinct to her role and has good chemistry with the women playing her daughters. After vanishing from movie screens through most of the '60s, she bounced back with several exploitation
roles during the 1970s. Rialson's fans will enjoy her work here (she appeared
in four other films the same year), since she appears in a variety of skimpy outfits while flipping her lustrous blonde hair. Gulp. Currie is the only major cast member
who still appears in film and television guest roles. Producer Ed Carlin also
made BATTLE BEYOND THE STARS, MOONSHINE COUNTY EXPRESS and THE SWINGING BARMAIDS. Director
Hayes made the excellent low-budget GRAVE OF THE VAMPIRE. MAMA'S DIRTY GIRLS
was put out by Premiere Releasing, which also provided the moviegoing audience with the softcore THE MANHANDLERS and Carlin's
SWINGING BARMAIDS.
MAMBO
ITALIANO (2003)--Directed by Emile Gaudreault. Stars Luke Kirby, Peter Miller, Paul Sorvino, Ginette Reno.
Rarely have I experienced such a heavy dose of déjà vu as when I saw MAMBO ITALIANO, a Canadian comedy directed by Emile Gaudreault
and written by Gaudreault and Steve Galluccio, based upon Galluccio's play. It might as well have been titled MY BIG
FAT ITALIAN OUTING, as it copies the formula, characters and situations from last year's sleeper hit MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING.
Except that the loud, screaming, conservative parents are Italian, and the Vardalosian protagonist, babyfaced Angelo Barberini
(Luke Kirby, last seen in HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION), is a homosexual.
Set
in the Little Italy section of Montreal (Angelo's immigrant parents accidentally boarded a boat heading for the "other America":
Canada), MAMBO ITALIANO deals with Angelo's worse-than-death fate: being both gay and Italian. He has managed to keep
his secret in the closet for nearly thirty years, but, after an unexpected reunion with a childhood friend, a macho policeman
named Nino (Peter Miller), the two men fall in love and move into an apartment together. This is a major blow to their
parents, since Italian children leave home only after marriage or after death, so the couple agree to keep their relationship
hidden in the closet. This is an especially amenable solution to Nino, whose job would be placed in jeopardy if the
department got wind of his sexual orientation, but dreamer Angelo, who aspires to write soap operas for television, wants
his family to know who he really is.
MAMBO
ITALIANO is amiable enough, I suppose, but its bases have already been covered in MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING, and once you've
seen that movie, there's little reason to also see this one. The similarities between the two films even include pedestrian
direction; although Gaudreault has a somewhat zippier visual style than WEDDING's sitcom-trained Joel Zwick, he still blocks
each scene much like the stage play MAMBO initially was, merely pointing the camera at the actors and cutting back and forth
to the one who's talking.
The
most obvious link between the two films is the overbearing and over-the-top parents played by French-speaking actress Ginette
Reno and familiar American character actor Paul Sorvino (GOODFELLAS). Don't expect to see the words "subtle" or "restrained"
ever used to describe their performances, which are played with the volume all the way up to 11 and make Nia Vardalos' big
fat Greek folks look like masters of underplaying. Kirby, who sounds a bit like Matthew Broderick, is an affable lead,
although he fails to project Angelo's supposedly effeminate nature and has little romantic chemistry with Miller.
You
could find comedies a lot worse than MAMBO ITALIANO if you tried hard enough, and to be truthful, I could come up with as
many reasons to see it as not. Its humor is about on the same level as a typical network sitcom--bland, safe, brightly
lit and dimly written. Gaudreault milks several laughs out of Angelo's first--and only--day working as a gay helpline
phone volunteer and another scene where Angelo's parents discuss whether to attend the wedding of a family friend. But
Galluccio's screenplay is longer on sweetness than laughs, and the casual ITALIANO feels more like a waltz than a mambo.
Also with Claudia Ferri, Sophie Lorain, Mary Walso and Tara Nicodemo. Music by FM LeSieur. Filmed in Quebec.
MAN
BEAST (1956)--Directed by Jerry Warren. Stars Rock Madison, Virginia Maynor, George Skaff, Tom Maruzzi.
Calling this Jerry Warren's best film is damning with faint praise, I know, but MAN BEAST actually looks professional and
is often laughable instead of his usual boring. An expedition instigated by blonde Connie (Maynor) heads into the Himalayans
looking for her missing brother Jim. Instead, they find a distinguished professor and his guide Varga (Skaff) looking
for the legendary Abominable Snowman. Teaming up, the party discovers an entire race of Yeti (although we see only one
at a time, meaning the filmmakers had only one suit). It's hard to believe, but Warren has made a coherent film this
time around, albeit one with hilarious dialogue and wooden performances (watch Maruzzi as studly leading man Steve clumsily
warming his hand over a fire during a lengthy dialogue scene, making it obvious there's no actual fire there). None
of the actors wear gloves, and half the time there isn't even snow in this alleged "Himalayan tundra". At only 62 minutes,
it's over before it can wear out its welcome, and the not-so-surprising twist in the final third is more lurid than you might
expect. Don't ask me who top-billed Rock Madison is; he's credited as playing a character named "Lon Raynon", who doesn't
even appear in the film! From the director of FRANKENSTEIN ISLAND.
THE MAN CALLED FLINTSTONE (1966)--Directed by William
Hanna & Joseph Barbera. Stars the voices of Alan Reed, Mel Blanc, Jean VanderPyl, Gerry Johnson. The Flintstones' and
the Rubbles' vacation in Paris is marred when Fred (Reed) is mistaken for a famous secret agent and becomes embroiled in an
espionage plot involving the Green Goose and his evil organization SMIRK. The first full-length motion picture based on the
classic TV series is a takeoff of THE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E. Kids should love it.
A MAN CALLED SLEDGE
(1970)--Directed by Vic Morrow. Stars James Garner, Dennis Weaver, Claude Akins. TV's Maverick plays very much against type
in this brutal spaghetti western directed by the star of the COMBAT series. Garner is Sledge, a taciturn anti-hero who breaks
some murderers out of a maximum-security prison so he and his gang can steal a shipment of gold. Filmed in Spain and Italy
by producer Dino de Laurentiis. Weaver and Akins offer solid support as Garner's gang. Also with Laura Antonelli, Ken Clark
and John Marley. Garner's fans who know him from THE ROCKFORD FILES and SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL SHERIFF may be disappointed.
THE MAN FROM GALVESTON (1963)—Directed by William
Conrad. Stars Jeffrey Hunter, James Coburn, Joanna Moore, Kevin Hagen. Jack Webb was the executive producer of
this 56-minute Warner Brothers feature. It was intended as a television pilot starring Hunter as Timothy Higgins, a
flamboyant 19th-century defense attorney. A few tweaks were made to the concept, including the addition of Jack Elam
as Hunter’s sidekick, and the series eventually made it to the air in the fall of 1963 as TEMPLE HOUSTON. The
“Perry Mason in the Old West” idea is a sound one, but the series lasted only one season, and Hunter then played
the captain of the U.S.S. Enterprise in the first STAR TREK pilot. Based on THE MAN FROM GALVESTON, TEMPLE HOUSTON may
have been a good show (I’ve never seen it). Higgins/Houston defends John Dillard (Hagen), the wife of Higgins’
old flame Rita (Moore), against a murder charge. The plot by Dean Riesner and Michael Zagor is hoary, particularly now
that we’ve seen virtually every courtroom scenario possible on TV, but Hunter’s bright performance carries it.
It appears as though Hunter would have teamed up in the series with Coburn as a reluctant U.S. marshal on the Circuit Court
beat. TV’s CANNON directed it. Also with Edward Andrews, Ed Nelson, Preston Foster and Grace Lee Whitney.
Music by David Buttolph.
MAN IN THE VAULT (1956)—Directed by Andrew V. McLaglen.
Stars William Campbell, Karen Sharpe, Berry Kroeger, Mike Mazurki. Small-time locksmith Tommy Dancer (Campbell), tired
of busting his hump at his job for what he considers small change, is recruited by sleazy mobster Willis Trent (Kroeger) to
break into a bank safe deposit box and swipe $200,000 in cash. Dancer talks tough, but is really a decent guy, so he
turns Trent down flat. However, Trent isn’t one to take no for an answer, and after sending big hood Louis (Mazurki)
to slap him around and kidnapping his new girlfriend Betty (Sharpe), Tommy changes his tune, albeit reluctantly. MAN
doesn’t look like much perhaps, but it’s a tightly wound B-picture that moves well and takes advantage of crisp
Los Angeles locations (I think only a couple of sets were built for the movie). Campbell, who continued playing leads
in small movies for another decade, is suitably likable as the rakish hero who enjoys bowling and flirting with chicks.
It’s something of a surprise to Tommy when he falls hard for rich girl Betty. Anita Ekberg lands good billing,
but doesn’t do much to earn it except be sexy, which she is very, very good at. Also with Paul Fix, James Seay,
John Mitchum and Pedro Gonzalez Gonzalez. Burt Kennedy wrote it for Batjac Productions, John Wayne’s company.
MAN MADE MONSTER (1942)--Directed by George Waggner. Stars
Lon Chaney Jr., Lionel Atwill, Anne Nagel, Frank Albertson. Chaney had one of his best roles as Dynamo Dan McCormick, a carnival
performer who uses electricity in his act and becomes a real-life Electric Man when the bus he's traveling on smashes into
a power transformer, leaving Chaney the only survivor. Chaney is very good as a sweet, good-natured man who naively becomes
involved with Dr. Rigas (Atwill), a mad scientist who wants to harness Chaney's abilities in order to create his own master
race. After Chaney is framed for murder, he's sentenced to the electric chair, which only rile him and improve his power,
sending him on a destructive rampage. Made by Universal as a B-picture on a low budget, MAN MADE MONSTER works mostly because
of Atwill's delightful hammy performance and Chaney's sensitive acting in a role much like his most famous movie monster,
THE WOLF MAN's Lawrence Talbot. Makeup by Universal legend Jack Pierce.
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