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FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH (1982)--Directed
by Amy Heckerling. Stars Sean Penn, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Judge Reinhold, Phoebe Cates, Ray Walston, Brian Backer, Robert
Romanus. This landmark teen comedy is still one of the most influential films of its time; it was named to the American Film
Institute's list of the 100 funniest movies ever made, and, of course, box-office smashes like AMERICAN PIE and SCARY MOVIE
wouldn't exist if FAST TIMES hadn't blazed a trail ahead of them. What sets FAST TIMES apart from nearly every teen-oriented
sex comedy that came after it is its realistic depiction of kids as curious, inexperienced fumblers trying to fit into an
adult world and an underlying sense of drama beneath the sometimes scatological hijinks. FAST TIMES is also notable for its
star-studded cast, none of whom were well-known at the time: Sean Penn, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Phoebe Cates, Judge Reinhold,
Nicolas Cage (then billed under his real name, Nicolas Coppola), Forest Whitaker, Eric Stoltz, Anthony Edwards and James Russo.
In 1979, Cameron Crowe released FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH, a non-fiction book (with names and places changed to
protect the innocent) about day-to-day life in a Southern California high school. Crowe, who had dropped out of school at
age 15 to become a journalist for ROLLING STONE, had gone undercover to write about the lives of typical teenagers. Producer
Art Linson and Universal optioned the book, hired Crowe to write the screenplay, and chose Heckerling--an NYU Film School
grad who had never before made a feature film--to direct it.
Like the book that inspired it, FAST TIMES is an episodic
journey through the lives of the students of Ridgemont High School, including Brad Hamilton (Reinhold), the BMOC with a cherry
cruising vessel who flips burgers at a fast-food joint; Brad's sister Stacy (Leigh), a sexually inexperienced 15-year-old
who discovers the hardships of being a teen; Stacy's beautiful pal Linda Barrett (Cates), the school sexpot with a college-age
boyfriend (and a wonderful way with a carrot!); Mark "the Rat" Ratner (Backer), a nice guy who has a crush on Stacy; Damone
(Romanus), a slick-talking huckster; and Jeff Spicoli (Penn), a stoned-out surfer dude with a love of tasty waves and cool
Buds and a penchant for showing up late for Mr. Hand's (Walston) American history class.
The tone set by Crowe and
Heckerling is quite uneven--it ain't easy to juggle dope-smoking hijinks, comic car crashes and an uncomfortable abortion
subplot--but, again, the film's occasional shift into serious drama is what sets it apart from PORKY'S, MY TUTOR, LOSIN' IT
and dozens of other '80s teen flicks. Crowe's dialogue is always right on target--I identify with these characters more than
the angst-filled teens of John Hughes's films or the self-aware heroes of BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER and other contemporary
teenfests.
The cast, sensitively directed by Heckerling (who hasn't made a film this good since), is attractive and
more believable because of their own Hollywood inexperience. Penn, who had already appeared in TAPS, steals the picture; his
Spicoli was the subject of all the posters and trailers at the time of the film's 1982 release, and there's no question about
it--he nails the prototypical stoner so well that his portrayal has been ripped off over and over since. Leigh is suitably
fresh-faced as Stacy, which makes her emotional turmoil more of a jolt for the audience. It's hard to imagine anyone else
as Brad (Nicolas Cage almost landed the part, but, at 17, he was too young to work the extensive late-night shooting hours),
since Reinhold has the perfect mixture of WASPy career orientation and clueless enthusiasm for his dead-end fast-food job.
As for Phoebe Cates, there are few movie images scorched into the minds of teenage boys as vivid as the scene in which she
emerges in slow motion from a swimming pool clad (and soon unclad) in a red bikini. Her character isn't written as vividly
as some of the others, but Cates does convey a sense of sexuality that her emotions aren't yet ready to understand.
Universal
has done a fine job of presenting FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH on DVD, although it could have been better. The image, letterboxed
at 1.85:1, is slightly grainy, but I imagine this is a result of Matthew Leonetti's cinematography, and it's hard to believe
it's ever looked better--at least on home video. Surprisingly, for a film so reliant on contemporary rock songs, the soundtrack
was mixed in mono, and that's how it has been reproduced for the DVD. Perhaps because Universal was afraid the film, which
was originally rated X because of its frank sexual content, would bomb, they didn't bother with the added expense of mixing
it for stereo on its original release. While the DVD would probably have benefited from a new stereo mix, the monophonic sound
is clear enough. There are also French and English subtitles.
The DVD contains a fun documentary, RELIVING OUR FAST
TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH, which focuses on the cast members and how they were hired. Leigh, Cates and Crowe are, disappointingly,
not featured, but new interviews with Heckerling, Reinhold, Backer, Romanus, Walston, producer Linson, casting director Don
Phillips and others shed interesting light on the projects genesis. Surprisingly, Sean Penn appears, and while his comments
aren't wildly illuminating, it's great to know that this great filmmaker isn't ashamed of his exploitation-film beginnings.
There's also a feature-length commentary track by Crowe and Heckerling; in fact, it's feature-length-plus, since the
two continue chatting long after the movie's closing credits have faded. Their conversation is more like a giggly chat between
two old friends (which in fact they are), but does provide some interesting information about their battles with Universal,
the MPAA and sometimes their own actors. Both gush over Sean Penn, who was set in his Method ways even back then (even resorting
to some behind-the-camera chicanery to garner an appropriately prickly response from Ray Walston). You'll learn that the All-American
Burger joint where Brad works is now a Chinese restaurant, the mall at which many interiors were filmed has been torn down,
and that shots of Robert Romanus's sex organ had to be edited out to receive an R rating, since, according to the MPAA, male
organs are "aggressive"!
Also with bios of Heckerling and many of the cast, a trailer, instant access to the movies
many rock hits, some hidden Easter Eggs that'll take you to some of the film's classic quotes, and a Hangouts of Ridgemont
High feature that tells you a little more about many of the locations where FAST TIMES was filmed. The supporting cast includes
Scott Thomson, Vincent Schiavelli, Amanda Wyss (BETTER OFF DEAD...), Kelli Maroney (CHOPPING MALL), Pamela Springsteen (The
Bosss sister) as a cheerleader, Taylor Negron, BEVERLY HILLS COP director Martin Brest as a doctor, Nancy Wilson of Heart
(also Crowe's wife) and Lana Clarkson (DEATHSTALKER). Songs include "Somebody's Baby" by Jackson Browne, "We Got the Beat"
by The Go-Gos, "Fast Times" by Sammy Hagar, "American Girl" by Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers and hits by Don Felder, Oingo
Boingo, Quarterflash, Joe Walsh, The Ravyns, Billy Squier, Jimmy Buffett, Poco, Stevie Nicks and the Cars. Heckerling went
on to LOOK WHO'S TALKING, CLUELESS and LOSER. Crowe wrote and directed SAY ANYTHING..., SINGLES, JERRY MAGUIRE and ALMOST
FAMOUS.
FASTER, PUSSYCAT! KILL! KILL! (1965)--Directed
by Russ Meyer. Stars Tura Satana, Haji, Lori Williams, Susan Bernard, Stuart Lancaster. Probably the most outrageous
of Meyer's outrageous filmography, FASTER presents three of the hottest, scariest anti-heroines in film history. Varla
(Satana), Billie (Williams) and Rosie (Haji), when they aren't stripping in Vegas, get their kicks by tearing across the desert
in their convertibles and terrorizing fellow travelers. Taking straight Linda (Bernard) hostage and beating her boyfriend
to death, the three untamed chicks invade the farm of an old man (Lancaster) who reportedly has a large cache of cash hidden
on his property. Wild dialogue, crisp editing and photography, loads of sex appeal and a down-and-dirty approach mark
FASTER as one of cult cinema's most enduring classics, loaded with quotable dialogue and the pneumatic physicality of its
stars, particularly Satana, who isn't much of an actress, but holds the screen in a manner that you can't ignore. Also
with Paul Trinka, Ray Barlow and Dennis Busch.
THE FASTEST GUITAR ALIVE (1967)--Directed by
Michael Moore. Stars Roy Orbison, Sammy Jackson, Joan Freeman, Lyle Bettger. Don't miss the Big O in his film debut as a singing
cowboy who battles bad guys with his combination guitar/rifle. Poorly directed western with an awful performance by Orbison.
Of course, it's essential viewing. Songs include "Whirlwind", "Pistolero", "Good Time Party" and the title tune.
FATAL
ATTRACTION (1987)--Directed by Adrian Lyne. Stars Michael Douglas, Glenn Close, Anne Archer. A lot of people had
second thoughts about extra-marital affairs after viewing this box-office smash. Happily married Douglas engages in a passionate
one-night-stand with a neurotic Close. Actually, neurotic isn't the word when she begins stalking Douglas and wife Archer
like a madwoman. Film is betrayed by an unnecessarily violent and implausible ending. Lyne originally planned to end the movie
with Close committing suicide with a knife covered with Douglas's fingerprints--the ultimate frame. However, when that ending
didn't test well with preview audiences, the cast and crew reunited to shoot an alternate ending. Lyne should have trusted
his instincts. Also with Stuart Pankin, Ellen Foley and Fred Gwynne. Music by Maurice Jarre. Basically an uncredited remake
of PLAY MISTY FOR ME.
FATAL BEAUTY (1987)--Directed by Tom Holland. Stars Whoopi Goldberg,
Sam Elliott, Harris Yulin, John P. Ryan. Bill Svanoe’s original story was most likely intended for a male star.
Matter of fact, I suspect this may have originally been a BEVERLY HILLS COP sequel, because it’s easy to picture Eddie
Murphy as the master-of-disguise, wisecracking Los Angeles detective played here by a post-COLOR PURPLE Whoopi. She’s
Rita Rizzoli (!), a strict anti-drug undercover cop with a hard-on for suspected dope kingpin Conrad Kroll (Yulin).
Standing in the way of an arrest are Rita’s beleaguered boss (Ryan) and laconic Mike Marshak (Elliott), Kroll’s
chief of security who may or may not be involved in his boss’ business. Of course, a relationship begins between
the two, but Elliott and Goldberg have no romantic chemistry together, and a love scene between the two was notoriously deleted
from the final print. Holland (CHILD’S PLAY) crafts a lot of violent shootouts and chases (again, just like BEVERLY
HILLS COP, which was surprisingly bloody for a comedy), but they’re much ado about nothing. Nice supporting cast
though: Brad Dourif, James LeGros, Ruben Blades, Jennifer Warren, Cheech Marin, Charles Hallahan and Celeste Yarnall.
Harold Faltermeyer’s score sounds a lot like, yep, his BEVERLY HILLS COP music.
FATAL BLADE (2000)--Directed by Talun Hsu.
Stars Gary Daniels, Kiyoshi Nakajo. The martial arts fights are very good, but the storyline much less so in this direct-to-video
action movie. Los Angeles cop Richard Fox (Daniels) becomes involved in a Japanese gang war when a Yakuza assassin named
Domoto (Nakajo) arrives from Tokyo and begins wiping out members of an American drug ring. Daniels is a decent actor,
but he's blown off the screen by the forceful presence of Nakajo, who almost seems to be channeling the great Toshiro Mifune
with his confident performance. Considering almost all of his dialogue is delivered in Japanese, that's high praise
indeed. Hsu throws in touches of gore and nudity to keep our eyes open between fights, which are handled quite well
by stunt coordinator Akihiro Noguchi, but hurt by some muted Foley work. Also with Eric Lutes (CAROLINE IN THE CITY),
Jack McGee and Cuba Gooding, Sr. Also known as GEDO.
FATAL INSTINCT (1993)--Directed by Carl Reiner.
Stars Armand Assante, Sean Young, Kate Nelligan, Sherilyn Fenn. NAKED GUN-inspired spoof of FATAL ATTRACTION. Assante (who
has very little flair for comedy) is a cop/divorce lawyer who is stalked by wife Nelligan after cheating on her with sexy
Sean. The gags and film parodies fly fast and furious, but little of it is funny. Also with Clarence Clemons, Eartha Kitt,
James Remar and Tony Randall!
FATAL MISSION (1990)--See ENEMY.
FATE (2003)--Directed by Ace Cruz.
Stars Michael Pare, Philip Michael Thomas, Lee Majors. Detectives played by Pare (EDDIE AND THE CRUISERS) and Thomas
(MIAMI VICE) track a local serial killer played by Majors (THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN). You'd think a premise and cast
like this would be worth either gold or pyrite. You'd be a fool to try to cash this thrill-less thriller in. Dully
shot by producer and supporting actor Cruz in Georgia, FATE stumbles through territory already well-mined by SE7EN and its
many imitators. Moody synthesized music and drab digital photography mark this police procedural, as school janitor
Oscar Ogden (Majors) kidnaps former students who have, in his opinion, become sinners and kills them. Pare and Thomas
don't seem to care very much, as Cruz dishes out clues one at a time until one finally leads to Ogden's location. Majors,
who has aged into a believable grizzled performer, is actually not too bad in an atypically malevolent role, managing to demonstrate
a slight sympathy for his villain. I can't recommend FATE at all, but Majors' performance prevents it from being a total
loss.
FEAR (1996)--Directed by James Foley. Stars Mark Wahlberg, Reese Witherspoon, William
Petersen, Alyssa Milano, Amy Brenneman, Christopher Gray. Reese plays rich priss Nicole Walker, a 16-year-old girl living
in Seattle with her father Steve (Petersen), stepmom Laura (Brenneman) and younger stepbrother Toby (Gray). While clubbing
one night with her sexpot friend Margo (ex-sitcom tyke Milano), Nicole meets David (Wahlberg), a seemingly nice guy who says
all the right things, has nice manners and doesn't mind when Nicole removes his hand from her breast while they're making
out. Except for overprotective pater Steve, Nicole's family is enamored with her new beau, although their attitude begins
to change after David rib-kicks the stuffing out of Nicole's platonic male friend Terry in a jealous rage. Nicole, whose relationship
with her workaholic architect dad has turned rocky since his remarriage, is furious when she learns Steve has ordered David
to keep away from her; of course, she doesn't realize that David punched himself in the chest repeatedly to develop the bruises
he claims came from her jealous pop. After further examples of David's psychopathic behavior, Nicole finally breaks it off
with him, but this Funky Buncher doesn't take rejection well, recruiting several drug-dealing buddies for a late-night NIGHT
OF THE LIVING DEAD-style siege against Nicole's family.
Basically a teen version of FATAL ATTRACTION, FEAR contains
very few surprises, and is made watchable by its performances and outrageous potboiler climax, which is much more absurd than
the relatively realistic tone that comes before it. Witherspoon (ELECTION) does a fine job combining sweet innocence with
rebellious sexuality, and manages an amiable chemistry with the pre-BOOGIE NIGHTS Wahlberg, whos serviceable in his first
leading role. Petersen is fine as always, but seems to be struggling to add more to his role; one scene in which he becomes
aroused by a flirtatious Margo appears to be an attempt at adding some sort of incestuous subtext to his character, but the
idea is quickly forgotten.
Aided by Thomas Kloss' (PALMETTO) slick cinematography and Carter Burwell's ornate score,
director Foley (GLENGARRY GLEN ROSS) has put together an okay stalker thriller that won't make anyone forget PLAY MISTY FOR
ME, but works well enough for the 97 minutes it takes to watch it. A rollercoaster petting scene between Witherspoon and Wahlberg
might actually steam up your glasses a bit, and pet lovers might want to avert their eyes when the Walker family dog meets
his fate. Also with Tracy Fraim, Gary Riley, Jason Kristofer and David Fredericks. Filmed on location in Seattle and Vancouver.
Screenwriter Christopher Crowe also penned WHISPERS IN THE DARK, a much more ludicrous thriller which he also directed, and
the Joseph Sargent-helmed anthology horror film NIGHTMARES, which, among other stories, pitted priest Lance Henriksen against
a possessed pickup truck.
FEAR CHAMBER (1971)--Directed by Jack Hill
and Juan Ibanez. Stars Boris Karloff, Julissa, Carlos East, Isela Vega. Mexican producer Luis Enriquez Vergara
hired Hill (BLOOD BATH) to write screenplays for four horror movies that would star an 80-year-old Boris Karloff. Hill
would then direct Karloff’s scenes for all four movies in Hollywood on a four-week schedule, and finish the films at
a later date in Mexico. After shooting the Karloff footage (in five weeks) and sending it to Vergara, Hill never again
heard from the producer, and didn’t even know the movies had been completed by another director until many years later.
Colorful and slightly sleazy, FEAR CHAMBER stars a visibly infirm
Karloff as Dr. Mandel, a scientist who discovers an alien creature living underground that survives on a certain chemical
that can only be produced by a severely freaked-out human being. Therefore, Mandel and his staff must kidnap sexy young
women and place them in horrifying situations that produce a high level of fear. As usual in this type of movie, the
more food the creature ingests, the stronger it gets and the more fluid it needs to survive.
Ibanez does a nice job matching in cinematography and editing
his film with the Karloff footage lensed in California. He also provides extra spice in the form of several women stripped
down to their underwear before they are victimized in Mandel’s “fear chamber.” Hill believes FEAR
CHAMBER to be the best of his four Karloff movies, and he might be right. The unusual shooting schedule renders some
of the plot unintelligible, but the movie moves along well enough, and Dear Boris is quite good. The other films in
the unofficial “series” have been released under many different titles all over the world, but include THE INCREDIBLE
INVASION, CAULDRON OF BLOOD and ISLE OF THE SNAKE PEOPLE. Hill later directed SORCERESS in Mexico, but didn’t
take credit on that film either.
FEAR CITY (1985)--Directed by Abel Ferrara.
Stars Jack Scalia, Tom Berenger, Billy Dee Williams, Melanie Griffith, Michael V. Gazzo. This effort by cult director Ferrara
stars Scalia and Berenger as owners of a seedy New York City nightclub on the lookout for a psycho who's slashing topless
dancers. Williams lends strong support as a detective, and Griffith has plenty of nude scenes. With amazingly high doses of
sleaze, violence and nudity. Also with Rae Dawn Chong, Rossano Brazzi, Maria Conchita Alonzo (in her American film debut),
Melanie's sister Tracy Griffith and Jan Murray! From the director of BAD LIEUTENANT.
FEAR IN THE NIGHT (1972)—Directed by Jimmy
Sangster. Stars Ralph Bates, Judy Geeson, Peter Cushing, Joan Collins. Even if you guess what’s coming up
in Sangster’s twisty thriller, it’s still an intimate, properly acted whodunit. Nobody believes poor Peggy
(Geeson) after she’s accosted in her apartment by a one-armed burglar. Her new husband Robert Heller (Bates) still
doesn’t buy her story after she claims to have been attacked again at their new home across from the all-boys school
where Robert teaches. While the students are gone for the summer, the Hellers live there alone with the headmaster,
Michael (Cushing), and his younger wife Molly (Collins). Oh, did I mention Michael has only one arm? A typically
classy Hammer thriller that shies away from the sex and bloodshed that was creeping into the company’s films of the
era. Sangster directs with an ounce of wit, and the performances are smashing, of course.
FEAR IS THE KEY (1972)--Directed by Michael Tuchner.
Stars Barry Newman, Suzy Kendall, John Vernon, Dolph Sweet. Based on an Alistair MacLean novel, the best way to enjoy
this twisty thriller is to just let the surprises pour over you. Three years after his family is killed in a plane crash,
John Talbot (Newman) is arrested for brawling in a small Louisiana swamp town. He escapes from custody, taking beautiful
socialite Sarah Ruthven (Kendall) hostage, and eludes police in a crackling car chase choreographed by stunt pros Carey Loftin
and Joie Chitwood. He’s eventually captured by a crooked ex-cop named Jablonsky (Sweet), who doesn’t turn
him over to the police, but rather Vyland (Vernon), a business associate of Sarah’s father. From there, Robert
Carrington’s screenplay offers up several nifty plot turns certain to keep you guessing. The climax is quieter
than a typical thriller, yet effective. Ben Kingsley--with hair--makes his film debut as a hitman. Music by Roy
Budd.
FEARDOTCOM (2002)--Directed by William Malone.
Stars Stephen Dorff, Natascha McElhone, Stephen Rea, Udo Kier. Malone surely loves horror movies. I can tell by
counting the number of them he has ripped off for his movie. The little girl bouncing the white ball is blatantly ripped
from Mario Bava's Italian classic KILL, BABY...KILL!. One character's underwater swim through a flooded, corpse-infested
hallway comes from Dario Argento's INFERNO. Most of the violent imagery is quite reminiscent of THE CELL and even Malone's
own HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL remake. The sets and murky cinematography have been designed with SEVEN's rainy, gloomy atmosphere
in mind. Most egregiously, FEARDOTCOM has the exact same plot as Japan's acclaimed THE RING. And I think it goes
without saying that most of these antecessors are much better and certainly more original horror fare.
What begins as a mystery winds up as a nonsensical Nine Inch Nails
video awash in bad industrial music, grainy film stock, flashy editing and more than a cupful of illogic. Dorff (BLADE)
as New York (Luxembourg locations unconvincingly substitute for the Big Apple) detective Mike Reilly and Natascha McElhone
(THE TRUMAN SHOW) as health inspector Terry Houston (carrying on the time-honored tradition of genre heroines with "masculine"
names) investigate the deaths of a German couple who were discovered bleeding from their eyes. At the same time, a computer
expert played by genre vet Kier (FLESH FOR FRANKENSTEIN) is killed in a subway after experiencing the same physical symptoms.
Once Ebola is ruled out as the cause of death, clues lead towards a Web site all the victims (and there are more, including,
in a wild coincidence, McElhone's boss) accessed exactly 48 hours before they died. Meanwhile, a serial killer called
The Doctor (Rea of THE CRYING GAME) remains on the loose, taunting Reilly with evil letters and continuing his string of abducting
and torturing beautiful young women before scooping out their insides and killing them. I wonder if there's a connection...
To give Malone credit, he has tried to make a serious horror film
that frightens. There's no self-conscious comic relief or attempt to mock the genre. He pushes the R rating to
its limits, packing the film with tons of gore and grisly images. He even managed to squeeze a surprisingly unhappy
ending past the focus group-obsessed studio heads. Malone has made the ugly movie that he wanted to make; unfortunately,
not skillfully so.
I hope the poor actors enjoyed their free trip to Luxembourg, because
they couldn't have garnered much enjoyment from their job. I hesitate to call the roles they played "characters", because,
as written by Josephine Coyle from a story by producer Moshe Diamant (whose working relationship with Malone goes all the
way back to 1985's trashy Klaus Kinski-starrer CREATURE), there is little attempt at characterization, beyond giving them
names. In order to propel the plot, the screenplay forces them--and this is a Malone tradition--to do incredibly stupid
things, such as check out the Web site themselves, even after learning that to do so means instant, excruciating death in
two days. There's no discussion of contacting the Web provider to find out who owns the site or shut it down (that the
site is so dull and poorly designed that nobody would want to look at it anyway is the least of this movie's problems).
Dorff and McElhone, who are decent actors, have absolutely nothing to bite into; all they get to do is follow the mundane
and increasingly nonsensical plot from point to point. They still come off better than Rea, whose blabby speechmaking
gives non sequitur a new name, and supporting cast members Kier, Jeffrey Combs (RE-ANIMATOR) and Michael Sarrazin (who hasn't
been this animated since THE GUMBALL RALLY), who are completely wasted in short, unfulfilling cameos.
"Waste" is a good word to use in describing FEARDOTCOM, a campy title
that almost dares an audience to take it seriously. Listing nearly a dozen producers, including former actors Mark Damon
(HOUSE OF USHER) and Andrew Stevens (THE TERROR WITHIN), it shows signs of being some sort of tax shelter production, such
as the British, Canadian, German and Luxembourgian financing. Considering its complex genesis, perhaps it isn't surprising
the movie is a mess, but it at least could have been an entertaining one.
FEARLESS FIGHTERS (1971)—Directed by Man-Hung
Mo. Stars Ming Hsiung Wu, Yee Yuan, Wu Ming Hsia, Ching Ching Chang, Ma Gee, Hung Lieh Chen. Non-stop fighting
and silly comic-book heroics highlight this crazy Hong Kong chopsocky. Evil To Pa (Ming) steals some gold and frames
his goody-two-shoes brother Lei Ping (Yee) for the crime, murdering Lei’s family in the process. Obviously, since
this is a Chinese martial arts movie, it’s time for vengeance. Lei teams up with the son and the daughter of the
whip-wielding warrior from whom To swiped the gold, and let the chopsocky begin. With tighter pacing, FEARLESS FIGHTERS
would probably be a genre classic. It’s certainly colorful and boasts imaginative fantasy elements, like flying
women and a fighter that shoots spiked metal fists out of his wrists. Actor James Hong supervised the English dubbing,
so there’s some fun in listening for his voice pop out of various mouths.
FEARLESS FRANK (1965)--Directed by Philip Kaufman.
Stars Jon Voight, Monique von Vooren, Severn Darden. Voight's film debut. He plays Frank, a country bumpkin shot to death
by gangsters while making his first visit to The Big City. He's found in the gutter by The Good Doctor (Darden) and his assistant,
who cart Frank off to their penthouse laboratory and bring him back to life. They also endow Frank with superpowers, which
he uses to fight the gangsters who killed him and rescue a beautiful woman (von Vooren). He also fights False Frank (Voight),
the gangster's superman who turns out to be less evil than the original Frank. Kaufman shot one of his first features in and
around his hometown of Chicago, but unfortunately, as they say, "Satire is what closes on Saturday night", and much of FEARLESS
FRANK falls flat. Played as a parody of comic book superheroes (and filmed before the BATMAN TV series first aired), Kaufman
isn't able to inject much style to the proceedings, and the post-synched sound, limited sets and lack of special effects make
FEARLESS FRANK look like a home movie. The cast (many of them plucked from Second City) has plenty of energy--Voight is especially
good--and the screenplay by Kaufman (who also served as producer) has enough wit to make this movie worthwhile as a curiosity
more than anything else. It's pretty rare, and sat on the shelf for sometime before release; VARIETY reviewed it in 1967.
Also with Joan Darling, Lou Gilbert, Ben Carruthers, Ken Nordine, Nelson Algren, David Fisher, Anthony Holland and David Steinberg.
Kaufman became one of Hollywood's most interesting filmmakers, directing INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS, HENRY & JUNE
and THE RIGHT STUFF, writing scripts for THE OUTLAW JOSEY WALES (which he was set to direct until star Clint Eastwood took
over) and RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK, and being nominated for a Best Adapted Screenplay Oscar for THE UNBEARABLE LIGHTNESS OF
BEING. Also known as FRANK'S GREATEST ADVENTURE.
FELONY (1996)--Directed by David A. Prior.
Stars Jeffrey Combs, Lance Henriksen, Leo Rossi, David Warner, Charles Napier, Joe Don Baker. What am I doing watching
another David Prior movie? I haven't seen a good one yet, but it's hard to ignore anything with a cast like this.
Videographer Combs, accompanying a drug bust for a COPS-like TV series, is the only witness when the cops are ambushed and
slaughtered in a hail of machine-gun fire by thugs led by gum-chomping Warner. Framed for the murder of his partner,
which leaves him as the only one who knows the hiding place of a videotape that would implicate Warner, Combs finds himself
being pursued by a whole army of individuals who want that tape, including Warner's employer, renegade CIA agent Henriksen;
good ol' boy government agent Baker; and detectives Napier and Rossi. Prior delivers a few impressive (if illogically
presented) stunts, and the cast is good (Henriksen and Baker are excellent), but FELONY is a flat time-waster at best, which
doesn't use its Alabama locations particularly well and fizzles out in a limp climax. Combs is a serviceable romantic
lead, but he's better off in character parts where he can be quirky. Also with Ashley Laurence (HELLRAISER), Red West,
Pat Gallagher and Cory Everson.
FER DE LANCE (1974)—Directed by Russ Mayberry.
Stars David Janssen, Hope Lange, Ivan Dixon, Frank Bonner. A nincompoop sailor (Bonner, later on WKRP IN CINCINNATI)
buys a bunch of snakes at a South America flea market and brings them back to his submarine. The snakes chomp on the
crew, which causes an accident that wedges the sub in some rocks more than 1000 feet beneath the surface. With the senior
crew either dead or incapacitated, frogman Janssen and doctor Lange assume the responsibility of saving the ship and its passengers.
This is really a “stranded underwater” thriller disguised as a killer-snake flick; the snakes exist mostly as
a plot device and cease to be a factor in the action during the second half. Under Mayberry’s inert direction,
FER DE LANCE is dull and could frankly have used more snakes. The big setpiece involves divers going outside the sub,
more divers going outside to save the divers, and even more divers going outside the save the divers who went outside to save
the first divers. Janssen is always watchable, but this film is not worthy of him. Writer Leslie Stevens and composer
Dominic Frontiere, who collaborated on THE OUTER LIMITS ten years earlier, produced this “snakes on a sub” thriller
for TV. I’m surprised MGM didn’t release this on DVD to capitalize on the SNAKES ON A PLANE buzz, maybe
as a double feature with SSSSS. Also with “guest star” Jason Evers, Ben Piazza, Charles Knox Robinson, Richard
LePore, Sherry Boucher, Georges Pan Andreas (later the director and star of the hilarious THE CRIME KILLER), Robert Ito, Shizuko
Hoshi, and William Mims.
FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF (1986)--Directed by
John Hughes. Stars Matthew Broderick, Mia Sara, Jeffrey Jones, Alan Ruck, Jennifer Grey. Unpleasant comedy about an obnoxious
Chicago teenager (Broderick) who plays hooky from high school and takes his beautiful girlfriend (Sara) and neurotic best
friend (Ruck) out for a day in the city. Ferris is supposed to be the coolest kid in school, but he comes off as more of an
arrogant jerk who uses his friends and exploits his parents. Jones is mostly a comic-book figure as the principal obsessed
with discovering Broderick's secrets. Look for Charlie Sheen in an early role as a juvenile delinquent attracted to Ferris's
bratty sister (Grey).
FEVER PITCH (1985)--Directed by Richard Brooks. Stars Ryan O'Neal, Catherine
Hicks, Chad Everett, Rafael Campos, Brigitte Andersen. O'Neal is just not a strong enough actor to carry this intense drama
about an L.A. sportswriter who becomes addicted to gambling. Despite the pleas of his girlfriend (Hicks) and daughter (Andersen),
O'Neal is unable to break the fever. Everett has a rare important role as a ruthless loan shark. From the director of ELMER
GANTRY. I believe this was Brooks's last film.
ffolkes (1980)--Directed by Andrew V. McLaglan. Stars
Roger Moore, Anthony Perkins, James Mason, Michael Parks, David Hedison. Moore has a more offbeat role in this fun adventure.
He plays ffolkes, a woman-hating, cat-loving mercenary who is called in to help when Perkins hijacks a pair of North Sea oilrigs.
Good cast.
THE FICTION-MAKERS (1968)—Directed by
Roy Ward Baker. Stars Roger Moore, Sylvia Syms, Kenneth J. Warren. “The Fiction-Makers,” a two-part
color episode of THE SAINT, was cut together and released theatrically and to television syndication as a feature. It’s
a crackling caper yarn that spoofs the James Bond series; the irony, of course, is that star Moore would go on to play Bond
in LIVE AND LET DIE five years later. Simon Templar (Moore) is mistaken for Amos Klein, a reclusive author of popular
spy novels, and is kidnapped by Warlock (Warren), a madman who has re-created Klein’s imaginary universe down to the
smallest detail. Warlock plans to rob an impenetrable vault, and forces “Klein” to write his way through
a successful theft without being caught. Luckily, the real Amos Klein—a woman (Syms) posing as “Klein”’s
secretary—was with Simon when he was snatched and can help the Saint pull off his masquerade. THE FICTION-MAKERS
is a bit of a change of pace for the series, awash as it is with electronic gadgetry, including infra-red beams that set off
explosive mines when broken and a massive death ray pointed at a trussed-up victim. Edwin Astley’s score helps
carry the suspense, and Moore is in tip-top leading-man shape. Also with Justine Lord, Tom Clegg, Philip Locke, Roy
Hanlon and Nicholas Smith.
FIDO (2006)—Directed by Andrew Currie.
Stars Billy Connolly, Carrie-Anne Moss, Dylan Baker, Henry Czerny, K’Sun Ray. Even if you’re sick of zombie
movies, you may enjoy this gentle comedy that parodies American family values. Stereotypical Eisenhower-era mores, styles
and cultures flourish in the current society, which follows the bloody “zombie wars” in which survivors were often
forced to destroy their own family members. Cities are surrounded by fences that keep zombies out, except for a few
undead which have been trained (through an obedience collar that emits an electrical charge) to become household servants.
Housewife Helen (Moss), the only one in her suburb without one, keeps up with the Joneses by adding zombie Fido (Connolly)
as her cook, valet, maid, etc. Lonely son Timmy (Ray) loves having a friend around, even if Fido sucks at throwing a
baseball, while repressed father Bill (Baker) despises him. The cast, particularly Baker and a silent Connolly, are
quite good in this Canadian comedy that wisely doesn’t overload us with gore. Currie has fun playing with accepted
zombie lore, and the sight of performers like Moss in her June Cleaver pearls wiping out the undead isn’t easily forgotten.
FIELD
OF DREAMS (1989)--Directed by Phil Alden Robinson. Stars Kevin Costner, Amy Madigan, James Earl Jones, Ray Liotta,
Timothy Busfield, Burt Lancaster. Beautiful sentimental drama about a struggling Iowa farmer (Costner) who is moved by the
ghost of legendary major leaguer Shoeless Joe Jackson (Liotta) to mow down his cornfield and build a baseball field on its
site. His obsession also leads him to locate a reclusive writer (Jones) and an old-time ballplayer (Lancaster). A great American
fairy tale. Oscar-nominated script by Robinson from W.P. Kinsella's novella is a moving and emotional tribute to childhood
and dreams. Also nominated for Best Picture and Score (James Horner). From the director of SNEAKERS.
FIEND OF DOPE ISLAND (1961)--Directed by Nate
Watt. Stars Bruce Bennett, Robert Bray, Tania Velia. Bennett's crazed performance as a tropical island despot
really keeps FIEND's 76-minute running time a-poppin'. As antisocial drug runner Charlie Davis, Bennett runs his island
paradise with an iron fist, never hesitating even the least bit with a cruel taunt or a cracked whip. His mail order
escort, the shapely Glory (Velia), finds Charlie's brutality not terribly attractive, and turns to nice guy boat captain David
(Bray), the island's only other white man, for support. Watt's pacing is brisk, and the sweaty cinematography adds to
the story's desperate atmosphere. Velia, a former Olympic swimmer from Yugoslavia, certainly fills out a dress well.
FIEND was Watt's final film; his career as a master of B-westerns dates back to the silent era.
FIEND
WITHOUT A FACE (1957)--Directed by Arthur Crabtree. Stars Marshall Thompson, Kim Parker, Kynaston Reeves. You won't
believe the gooey climax of this British-made monster mash (set in Canada) in which the title creatures--disembodied brains
with antennae that suck the brains and spinal cords out of their victims--are dispatched by bullet-wielding soldiers in bloody
splendor. A professor (Reeves) experimenting with telekinetic powers succeeds in creating a living replica of his own brain,
but, drawing energy from a nearby nuclear power plant, the brain monster has plans of its own, and begins to multiply and
kill off the areas residents. Oh, yeah, they're also invisible. An American Army major (Thompson) leads the pursuit of the
grisly fiends. Herbert J. Leder's script is pretty slow going for the most part, but picks up during the climax, which is
gorier than you might expect and contains some excellent stop-motion animation. Also with Terry Kilburn, Michael Balfour,
Gil Winfield and Peter Madden. Music by Buxton Orr.
15 MINUTES (2001)—Directed by John Herzfeld.
Stars Robert DeNiro, Edward Burns, Kelsey Grammer. Clumsy satire and an absolutely terrible final reel sink this urban
thriller that merits some props for a couple of decent action setpieces, particularly Burns' escape from a burning building.
Hey, did you know television journalism occasionally acts irresponsibly in its zeal for higher ratings? That’s
basically the message of this film, which finds a hot-shot New York police detective (DeNiro) reluctantly teamed with an arson
inspector (Burns) to track a pair of Eastern European spree killers who videotape their murders and send them to tabloid TV
host Grammer to get their 15 minutes of fame. Technically impressive, but dramatically inert. DeNiro, as he is
wont to do in junk like this, walks through his role, which is what Burns usually appears to be doing. It’s difficult
to believe anybody actually wrote the end of this movie, in which you’ll be able to guess everything that happens by
thinking back to other terrible movies you’ve seen. Also with Melina Kanakaredes, Avery Brooks, James Handy, Kim
Cattrall, Karel Roden, Oleg Taktarov, John DiResta, David Alan Grier, Rosanne Barr and Charlize Theron.
THE FIFTH FLOOR (1979)--Directed by Hikmet
Avedis. Stars Dianne Hull, Bo Hopkins. Pretty Hull, who never really did too much after tackling the female lead
in this sleazy thriller, plays Kelly, a disco-dancing waitress who collapses after someone slips a mickey into her drink.
Believing she tried to commit suicide, the authorities commit her to the psychiatric ward on the fifth floor of the local
hospital. There she makes friends with a wide variety of wackos and tries to fend off the malevolent advances of perverted
orderly Carl (Hopkins). It's pretty difficult to believe an entire medical staff could be convinced of Hull's seemingly
normal mental state, but you gotta love this down-and-out cast: Patti D'Arbanville, John David Carson, Robert Englund,
Julia Adams, Sharon Farrell, Anthony James, Earl Boen and Mel Ferrer. Veteran TV scribe Meyer Dolinsky (STAR TREK) penned
one of his few feature scripts, and a young Alan Silvestri (FORREST GUMP) provided the awful disco score. Released by
Edward L. Montoro's Film Ventures International.
THE FIFTH MUSKETEER (1979)--Directed by Ken
Annakin. Stars Beau Bridges, Cornel Wilde, Lloyd Bridges, Jose Ferrer, Alan Hale, Jr. Good-looking adventure about Bridges
and the Four Musketeers, and their quest to remove the evil King Louis XIV (Bridges again) from his regime. Doesn't move as
quickly as it should, but look at the cast: Sylvia Kristel, Ursula Andress, Rex Harrison, Olivia de Havilland, Ian McShane
and Helmut Dantine. Filmed in Austria.
FIFTY/FIFTY (1993)--Directed by Charles Martin Smith.
Stars Peter Weller, Robert Hays, Charles Martin Smith. Ingratiating performances by Weller and Hays as buddy mercenaries
enliven his decent low-budget actioner filmed in Malaysia. The CIA, in the form of bearded Martin, recruit the stars
to train an unsophisticated village of Latin American rebels and help them overthrow a cruel dictator. Dennis Shryack
and Michael Butler’s (THE CAR) screenplay has trouble finding the right tone, bouncing back and forth too quickly and
without solid foundation between humorous banter a la BUTCH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE KID and the serious overtones of its
political subject. Martin directs the action pretty well, and if you’re looking for late-night viewing that won’t
hurt your brain too much, I guess this would do the trick. Not a ringing endorsement, I know, but FIFTY/FIFTY isn’t
very special and is similar to many other independent action pictures that barely slipped into theaters (like EXCESSIVE FORCE
and KEATON’S COP) just as the exploitation genre was drying up. One interesting twist is that the CIA agent played
by director Smith is not a weasel and a doublecrosser like similar characters in better movies generally are.
50 FIRST DATES (2004)--Directed
by Peter Segal. Stars Adam Sandler, Drew Barrymore, Rob Schneider, Blake Clark, Sean Astin, Dan Aykroyd. I have
an easier time comprehending the theory of cold fusion than I do the success of Adam Sandler. Going all the way back
to his Stud Boy days on MTV's REMOTE CONTROL, his grotesque attempts at off-the-wall humor have consistently left me shaking
my head in annoyance and disbelief. However, his status as one of Hollywood's biggest movie stars--and a $20 million
per picture salary to match--convinces me that maybe I'm the problem and not Sandler. He is funny, and I just don't
get it. Of course, then I would also have to admit to the genius of the ever-present Carrot Top, and I'm not ready yet
to take that step.
50 FIRST DATES, a supposed romantic comedy
tailored for the Valentine's Day crowd, suffers from one of the most repulsive concepts for a date movie that I can imagine.
Sandler is Henry Roth, a veterinarian at a Hawaii theme park who drops into a local café for breakfast one morning and is
smitten with a pretty blonde he spots building a house out of waffles. She's Lucy (Drew Barrymore), a friendly free
spirit who falls for Henry's fishy-smelling fingers. They connect, but when Henry returns for another date the next
morning, he's stunned to learn that Lucy has no idea who he is. A car wreck the previous fall left Lucy with short-term
memory damage, so she relives the same day over and over again. Her sick enablers--um, rather--her loving family, gruff
dad Marlin (Blake Clark) and 'roided lunkhead brother Doug (Sean Astin), help maintain the illusion by having extra copies
of the daily newspaper printed for her and rewatching every night THE SIXTH SENSE, whose twist ending always surprises her.
The idea of tricking a mentally disturbed
young woman into falling in love with you every day seems a distasteful one, and even more so when she's played by the vulnerable
Barrymore, whose stinted comic timing is counter-balanced by her cuddly optimism and cheer. Also good in impossible
roles are Clark, a former standup comic who lends a surprising warmth to his brusque personality, Astin, whose lisp and fondness
for mesh shirts provide silly fun, and Dan Aykroyd as Drew's patient physician. Rob Schneider, whose contract with Satan
remains pending, is his usual repulsive self as Henry's Hawaiian pal Ula; that there seems to be no reason an intelligent
veterinarian's only friend would be a shark-chasing moron is just one of the screenplay's many inconsistencies. Sandler
is Sandler, more or less, although writer George Wing's decision to make Henry a promiscuous playboy with a long line of beautiful
conquests seems a concession to the star's ego; scenes of women literally begging Sandler to sleep with them told me much
more about the actor than the character he was playing. Just like this artless remake of GROUNDHOG DAY tells me all
I need to know about the filmmaking ambitions of Sandler, Wing and director Peter Segal. Also with Amy Hill, Maya Rudolph,
Pomaika'i Brown, Lusia Strus, Kevin James and time-wasting cameos by Sandler's friends. Filmed in Hawaii and in Culver
City. Music by Teddy Castellucci. Film is touchingly dedicated to Sandler's late father.
THE 50 WORST MOVIES EVER MADE (2004)—Directed
by Brandon Christopher. Stars Carlos Larkin. Okay, these are in no way the fifty worst movies ever made, but any unseasoned
viewer looking for a gateway into cult movies will get some good tips. It’s basically the ‘00s version of IT CAME
FROM HOLLYWOOD. It looks as though the filmmakers may have only had access to trailers for non-public-domain films, which
limits the clips they could use. Some films whip by so quickly that the documentary forgets to explain why they’re one
of the worst ever, such as THE FAT SPY, which seems to get ripped just because Jayne Mansfield and Phyllis Diller are in it.
Strangely, TROLL is here, but not the notorious “Best Worst Film” TROLL 2. The perennial crapfests are here—ROBOT
MONSTER, GLEN OR GLENDA, SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS—but the inclusion of crowd-pleasers such as BLACK BELT JONES
and THE SWINGING CHEERLEADERS is perplexing. J.D.’S REVENGE is here, but not, say, BLACKENSTEIN. In fact, three Jack
Hill movies are here, but none by Larry Buchanan, Andy Milligan, Bill Rebane, or Ted V. Mikels. Apparently, no terrible films
were made after 1987. The arch narration by Larkin is overly smarmy but sometimes fun. I wouldn’t bet on some of his
facts though. For one thing, he implies that THE TRIAL OF BILLY JACK (which is awful) was a box office bomb, which is not
at all true. PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE is number four. Can you guess what’s number one?
52 PICK-UP (1986)--Directed by John Frankenheimer.
Stars Roy Scheider, Ann-Margret, John Glover, Vanity. Sleazy thriller by master craftsman Frankenheimer benefits from a wonderfully
slimy performance by Glover. Glover and his gang blackmail wealthy businessman Scheider with photographs of an affair he was
having. When Scheider refuses to pay, Glover kills Scheider's mistress and frames Scheider for the murder; then he kidnaps
Scheider's wife (Ann-Margret) and shoots her up with heroin. None of this sits well with Scheider, who concocts an elaborate
plan for revenge. Also with Clarence Williams III, Kelly Preston, Robert Trebor, Lonny Chapman and Doug McClure. Based on
a novel by Elmore Leonard.
FIGHT CLUB (1999)--Directed by David Fincher. Stars Brad Pitt, Edward
Norton, Helena Bonham Carter, Meat Loaf. Fincher's latest nihilist fantasy received plenty of pre-release buzz about its supposedly
realistic portrayal of violence, yet in this movie (like in all movies, but never in real life), characters bash each other
in the face and body over and over again without ever breaking their hand or suffering much permanent damage. They are often
bruised and bloodied, yet seem to walk away with hardly any harmful physical effects. They are changed psychologically however,
but FIGHT CLUB never rises above the level of a cartoon, and, despite a pair of charismatic lead performances, must go down
as a disappointment.
The story is told through the eyes of Jack (Norton), a depressed, cynical auto-manufacturer employee
who is so emotionally detached that he can no longer sleep, cry or connect with another person. He becomes addicted to support
groups, because only surrounded by people worse off than himself can he let loose with his own emotions. At one meeting for
survivors of testicular cancer, he meets Bob (rocker Meat Loaf), whose hormone treatments have caused him to grow female-sized
breasts. He also notices Marla (Bonham Carter), a chain-smoking Goth-looking woman who's also a faker like Jack. One night
while returning from a business trip, Jack meets Tyler Durden (Pitt), a charismatic frat-boy type who sells soap made from
human fat for a living. After an explosion destroys Jack's apartment, he moves into Tyler's dilapidated house, where the two
men create an unusual form of male therapy. In an effort to get back to their bestial roots, they form the Fight Club, where
two men bash each other with their fists over and over again in an effort to release the rage they receive from a society
in which they are beaten down and emasculated. At this point, Fincher and screenwriter Jim Uhls (who adapted a popular novel
by Chuck Palahnuik) create more of a plot than they really needed, with the evolution of Project Mayhem, in which Pitt trains
an army of militarized zombies to prank The Man, blowing up computer stores and destroying the logos of corporations. Norton,
who has come to believe that Tyler has gone too far, learns a powerful truth about his relationship with Tyler, while simultaneously
trying to prevent a potential tragedy.
Fincher, whose previous films were steadily improving works of style over substance,
disappoints this time around. He seems to know the material is weak, so he tosses in every directorial gimmick he can think
of, including freeze-frames, CGI shots from inside a person's brain, subliminal flashes and traditional animation, to distract
us from what should be our main focus: the story. The twist ending, which will remind many of THE SIXTH SENSE, isn't as brilliantly
set up as in the previous film, and feels more like it belongs in a NIGHT GALLERY episode. In fact, this whole movie would
probably work much better as a half-hour NIGHT GALLERY segment. Pitt basically reprises his hyper 12 MONKEYS performance,
which is actually the right way to go; he's still too mannered and actory for my taste, but he's certainly energetic, which
is what the script calls for. Norton is even better as a man who begins the movie almost less than human, but learns to grow
up very quickly. Bonham Carter is certainly colorful, but I really didn't get into her character much at all. Music by The
Dust Brothers works its groove well, but is often mixed so high that it drowns out dialogue, while Jeff Cronenweth's cinematography
(his first time after years as a camera operator) is appropriately shadowy. Also with Jared Leto and Zach Grenier.
FIGHTING
BACK (1982)--Directed by Lewis Teague. Stars Tom Skerritt, Patti LuPone, Michael Sarrazin, Yaphet Kotto. Urban vigilante
drama that transcends its exploitation roots, thanks to a strong performance by Skerritt as a South Philly deli owner who
becomes sick and tired of his neighborhood's climbing crime rate. After his wife suffers a miscarriage during a run-in with
a pimp and robbers attack his elderly mother, Skerritt organizes a neighborhood watch program. A straight action film would
stop right there, but Teague and his screenwriters David Z. Goodman and Thomas Hedley, Jr. expose the manner in which the
police, local politicians, the news media and even black activists are affected by Skerritt's actions--so much so that Skerritt
finds himself fighting them as much as the bad guys in the street. It doesn't always move as quickly as you would like, but
thanks to Skerritt and LuPone as his sometimes-frustrated wife, FIGHTING BACK is generally absorbing. Also with David Rasche,
Donna DeVerona, Pat Cooper, Frank Sivero, Peter Brocco and Ted Ross. Music by Piero Piccioni. From the director of ALLIGATOR.
THE FIGHTING FIST OF SHANGHAI JOE (1972)—Directed
by Mario Caiano. Stars Chen Lee, Gordon Mitchell, Klaus Kinski, Piero Lulli, Robert Hundar, Giacomo Rossi-Stuart. Bruno Nicolai’s
great score adds weight to this very cheap but fun Italian western. Of course, Nicolai wrote the score for an earlier Sartana
movie, but it’s still nice to listen to. Lee (a Japanese actor under an assumed name) made only a handful of films,
but is likable as Chinese immigrant Joe, who arrives in Texas with dreams of becoming a cowboy. Strong enough and skilled
enough in martial arts to make fools of the American racists who mess with him, Joe manages to earn a job with rancher Spencer
(Lulli). After Joe realizes Spencer is torturing and murdering illegal Mexican slaves, he fights back against his wealthy
boss and Spencer’s hired gang of colorful mercenaries, including cannibal Hundar, gambler Rossi-Stuart, victim-scalper
Kinski, and derby-wearing Mitchell. Surprisingly gory in spots and quite sloppy, FIGHTING FIST was popular enough around the
world to spawn a 1975 sequel (sans Lee), even though it didn’t receive an American release until 1976. Which means it
actually followed the better known THE STRANGER AND THE GUNFIGHTER—a spaghetti western teaming Lo Lieh and Lee Van Cleef
that anticipated SHANGHAI NOON—into America.
FIGHTING FOOLS (1949)—Directed by Reginald
LeBorg. Stars Leo Gorcey, Huntz Hall, Frankie Darro, Lyle Talbot, Bill Cartledge, Robert Wolcott, Dorothy Vaughan. The Bowery
Boys get jobs as vendors in the arena where their buddy Jimmy Higgins (Wolcott) is boxing. Jimmy dies in his fight with Joey
Prince (Cartledge). To raise dough for Jimmy’s destitute mother (Vaughan), Slip (Gorcey) organizes a comeback for Jimmy’s
ex-fighter brother Johnny (Darro) and runs afoul of crooked gambler Blinky Harris (Talbot). Less slapstick and more B-grade
melodrama than usual in this Monogram offering that asks the boys to perform with more weight. With Gabriel Dell, William
Benedict, Bernard Gorcey, David Gorcey, Benny Barlett, and Ben Welden.
FIGHTING MAD (1976)--Directed by Jonathan Demme.
Stars Peter Fonda, Lynn Lowry, Philip Carey, John Doucette. When greedy land developers out for his family's horse farm murder
Fonda's brother and sister-in-law, the pacifist hero of EASY RIDER becomes the film's title. Released at the end of the '70's
vigilante cycle inspired by the success of DEATH WISH, it transcends the genre by focusing more on characterization than action,
although being a Roger Corman production, FIGHTING MAD has more than its share of violence and nudity. Look for Scott Glenn
in an early role as Fonda's ill-fated kin. Edited by Monte Hellman. Filmed on location in Arkansas.
FINAL ANALYSIS (1992)--Directed by Phil Joanou.
Stars Richard Gere, Kim Basinger, Uma Thurman, Eric Roberts. San Francisco-lensed thriller reminiscent of VERTIGO. Gere is
a rich shrink who becomes sexually involved with a pair of unstable sisters, one of whom (Basinger) is married to a psychotic
gangster (Roberts, of course). It all climaxes on top of a lighthouse.
FINAL CHAPTER WALKING TALL--See WALKING TALL--FINAL
CHAPTER.
THE FINAL COUNTDOWN (1980)--Directed by Don Taylor. Stars Kirk Douglas, Martin Sheen,
James Farentino, Katharine Ross. Silly science fiction that plays more like a big-budget TWILIGHT ZONE episode. Commander
Douglas's nuclear aircraft carrier passes through a time warp, and emerges near Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941. The crew
must decide whether to intervene and possibly change history,or to let time run its natural course. Interesting premise is
not interestingly handled. Also with Ron O'Neal and Charles Durning. Shot on board the U.S.S. Nimitz. From the director of
ESCAPE FROM THE PLANET OF THE APES.
THE FINAL CUT (1995)--Directed
by Roger Christian. Stars Sam Elliott, Anne Ramsay, Charles Martin Smith. Elliott is an interestingly low-key
leading man in this effective mad-bomber thriller. Seattle is rocked by a series of intricate bombs that are blasting
office buildings to smithereens. After several Bomb Squad policemen are killed, officious boss Mamet (Smith) reluctantly
recruits his burned-out predecessor, the retired John Pierce (Elliott), who has written a non-fiction book on the subject
of bombs. Christian creates many suspenseful scenes, which are given weight by the experienced cast and occasionally
tricky screenplay. Also with Matt Craven, Amanda Plummer, John Hannah, Lisa Langlois and Ray Baker. Filmed in
Vancouver.
FINAL DESTINATION (2000)--Directed by James Wong. Stars Devon Sawa, Ali Larter,
Kristen Cloke. James Wong, who co-wrote and directed FINAL DESTINATION, and Glen Morgan, who served as co-writer and producer,
were responsible for many classic episodes of THE X-FILES, including the notorious "Home", about inbred serial killers who
kept their armless and legless mommy strapped to a board under the bed, and the Emmy-nominated "Musings of a Cigarette-Smoking
Man". So it was with high hopes that I watched their feature debut, which explores themes of fate, mortality, and our roles
in the grand scheme of life, and, until an ineptly edited climax and a Paris-set coda that was the product of a last-minute
reshoot, I wasn't disappointed.
The first 15 minutes are the film's best, as Wong atmospherically sets up the characters,
mood, and premise: high-school student Alex Browning (Devon Sawa), upon boarding an airplane along with his classmates for
a senior trip to Paris, has a violent premonition of the plane shaking apart and exploding. Freaking out like no one has since
William Shatner saw that gremlin on the wing, Alex--along with five other students and teacher Val Lewton (Kristen Cloke,
Morgan's real-life wife)--is removed from the aircraft, which then really does explode just after takeoff, killing everyone
aboard. Alex is viewed with suspicion by the survivors and a pair of FBI investigators, who believe he may have had something
to do with the plane's destruction. He hasn't, but as the survivors begin dying off one by one in freak accidents, Alex realizes
that since he and the others had, in a sense, cheated Death, Death is making a special effort to claim those lives that are
rightfully his. Teaming up with a cute though improbably named classmate--Clear Rivers (Ali Larter)--with an inexhaustible
supply of belly-baring blouses, Alex sets out to derail Death's design on their lives.
The killings themselves are
the movie's cleverest gimmick: a series of Rube Goldberg-like contrivances involving everyday household items or forces of
nature that, sure, probably would never occur in a million years--but they could. These scenes are original, well constructed,
and--most importantly--unexpected, and deliver the goods in the jolt department. The gore effects, including a beheading and
strangulation, are fine, although they almost certainly had more impact before MPAA-mandated re-cutting. Wong, who proves
adept at generating suspense, also uses songs by real-life plane crash victim John Denver to signify an impending victim,
and the juxtaposition of Denver's airy hits with brutal death has a strong black sense of irony. Sadly, neither Wong nor New
Line seems to have had confidence in their climax, cutting the film so quickly it's difficult to get a sense of what's happening
and adding one last bump that, frankly, feels a bit contrived.
Still, FINAL DESTINATION is a pleasing substitute for
the usual tongue-in-cheek horror spoof starring the latest television flavors-of-the-month, and although the picture does
contain humor, it isn't at the expense of its subject. The cast, which also includes a ripe Tony Todd (CANDYMAN) as a spooky
mortician, is likably adequate, and the Wong-Morgan team, whose genre credits also include TV's MILLENNIUM and THE OTHERS,
has demonstrated an ability to create the same sorts of scares on the big screen as they have on television.
Also with Kerr Smith (DAWSON'S CREEK), Daniel Roebuck (NASH
BRIDGES), Chad E. Donella (DISTURBING BEHAVIOR), Roger Guenveur Smith, Seann William Scott (AMERICAN PIE), Amanda Detmer,
and Robert Wisden. Music by Shirley Walker. Many characters are named after well-known horror filmmakers such as Hitchcock,
Lewton, Tod Browning, George Waggner, Lon Chaney and Max Schreck. The supporting cast includes a number of former X-FILES
guest stars, and the second-unit director was frequent X-FILES helmer Thomas J. Wright. To be honest, with a quick rewrite,
this could easily have been an X-FILES episode.
FINAL DESTINATION 2 (2003)--Directed by David
R. Ellis. Stars A.J. Cook, Ali Larter, Michael Landes. This gory sequel follows quite closely in the footsteps
of the original FINAL DESTINATION. One year after the events in the first movie, in which the Grim Reaper came to collect
the lives of a group of plane-crash survivors who had cheated death and fouled up the scythe swinger's master plan, teen Kimberly
(Cook) has a premonition that saves her and several strangers from a spectacular multi-car smashup. Since they were
all supposed to die on that highway, Death comes calling to take them out of the picture permanently in a series of bizarre
accidents. That is, unless Kimberly and hunky state trooper Burke (Landes), with the aid of FINAL DESTINATION holdover
Clear Rivers (Larter), can find a loophole in Death's formula. Not as clever as the original film and greatly lacking
in logic during its second half, FD2 does boast several impressive setpieces, including a death by plate glass (not the way
you're thinking), death by air bag and a remarkable car crash that reportedly took four weeks to film and utilized very little
CGI enhancement. Former stuntman Ellis is to thank for much of the mayhem, although it doesn't seem as though he had
much control over the clichéd characters. New Line must have some incriminating photos of MPAA members, because both
this and FREDDY VS. JASON are surprisingly gory considering their R ratings. Also with Tony Todd (back as the spooky
mortician), Jonathan Cherry, Lynda Boyd, Keegan Connor Tracy, James Kirk, T.C. Carson, Sarah Carter and Justina Machado.
Music by Shirley Walker.
FINAL DESTINATION 3 (2006)—Directed by James
Wong. Stars Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Ryan Merriman, Alexz Johnson, Gina Holden, Kris Lemche. Director Wong and
his co-producer/co-writer Glen Morgan (MILLENNIUM), who made the first FINAL DESTINATION, return for the second sequel, which
is more like a remake. As in the first movie, which this one directly references, a teenager, Wendy (Winstead, later
in GRINDHOUSE and LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD), freaks out upon boarding a rollercoaster and has a premonition of a horrible accident
that kills all the riders. No one heeds her warnings to stop the ride, and after she and a handful of others are kicked
off the coaster by park officials, it indeed crashes, killing her boyfriend and many of their schoolmates. As you know,
if you’ve seen one of these movies, Death will not be cheated, and it concocts a series of cleverly designed Goldbergian
booby traps in order to take those victims who got off the rollercoaster in time, including Wendy and her late best friend’s
boyfriend (Merriman).
It’s nicely put together by Wong and Morgan, who are capable
of better work, but FINAL DESTINATION suffers from Same-Ol’-Same-‘Ol Syndrome. This film exists to make
money cashing in on a successful franchise, but outside of the winning Winstead, the unknown cast is too lifeless to add any
zing to the tired premise. Some R-rated gore and nudity are welcome, but when you think about it, this is nothing more
than a retread slasher flick that isn’t worth any more attention than the genre was getting 25 years ago.
THE FINAL ENCOUNTER (2000)--Directed by David
and Tim Douglas. Stars Dean Cain, Thomas Ian Griffith, Justin Whalin, Jodi Bianca Wise. Lensed as FOR THE CAUSE,
this interesting SF/war movie looks to have sat on Dimension's shelf for a couple of years before its home video release.
Filmed on convincingly bleak Bulgarian locations by a pair of computer graphics experts, THE FINAL ENCOUNTER offers some surprisingly
offbeat ideas and beautiful low-budget visual effects. No question--the screenplay by David Douglas and Christopher
Salazar comes up painfully short in the development of said ideas. But I admired the effort and creative thinking that
went into them, which vault this picture a few notches higher than Nu Image's standard Sofia-shot fare.
The warring colonies of Brecca and Obsidian have been at war
for 99 years--so long that most of Brecca's soldiers are dead and children are being trained for combat. General Murren
(Cain) has discovered an ancient machine called "Warhammer", which he claims will end the fighting if he can only transport
it to the sewers running beneath Obsidian. He assembles a squad of five soldiers--including veteran Evans (Griffith),
loyal young infantryman Sutherland (Whalin) and Abel (Wise), a "witch" that uses computer technology to heal bone breaks and
manufacture powerful weapons out of thin air--to accompany him on foot across the desolate countryside on a six-month mission
to infiltrate Obsidian.
The Douglas' gross ambition both helps and hampers their film.
Technically, FINAL looks much better than it has any right to, partially because of Bulgaria's ruins and naturally oppressive
atmosphere, but also because of the marvelous digital matte paintings that add much spectacle to the production. Tim
Douglas supervised the special effects, which also include some nifty creature designs and better-than-average spaceships.
Even the cheap sets, such as a "wall of glass" that unfortunately looks too much like the Obsidian sewers, are colorful and
unusual-looking.
Unfortunately, the screenplay asks more questions than it answers.
We don't see enough of Breccan society to fully understand how the war has affected them. No explanation for the witches'
powers are ever given, and I have no idea how a witch fighting a digital creature can directly impact the results of a gun
battle taking place 150 miles away. Also, military experts would likely smack their foreheads in frustration at the
inept battle strategy often employed by Cain and company.
Although Cain and Griffith receive top billing, auburn-haired
Wise delivers the film's liveliest performance, as Abel struggles to maintain some semblance of a human relationship in the
midst of stark wartime conditions--the only existence she has ever known. Cain does well playing slightly against type,
while Griffith executes his supporting role solidly, but without much passion.
Also known in some territories as WARHAMMER, THE FINAL ENCOUNTER
falls apart somewhat at the end, where the fate of the human race once again hinges upon the good guy outpunching the bad
guy in hand-to-hand combat. As war-themed science fiction goes, it's nowhere near ALIENS territory, but worth checking
out. Also with Michelle Krusiec, Trae Thomas and Violeta Markovska. The Bulgarian supporting cast is heavily dubbed.
Kevin Memley's score adds an epic flavor.
FINAL EXAM (1981)—Directed by Jimmy Huston.
Stars Cecile Bagdadi, Joel S. Rice, DeAnna Robbins, Timothy L. Raynor, Ralph Brown, Sherry Willis-Burch, John Fallon.
Bless BCI for releasing this lesser-known horror flick on DVD, but I can’t say it’s worth the effort. A
step down from the regional action flicks director Jimmy Huston had been making for Earl Owensby’s North Carolina-based
production company, FINAL EXAM isn’t even average for the low-rent slasher genre. In and of itself, there’s
nothing wrong with making an R-rated slasher movie with less gore, sex and profanity than some PG films of the period, but
it’s got to have something extra to make up for a lack of visceral thrills. However, FINAL EXAM, working from
Huston’s screenplay, lacks any clever twists, tight plotting or even memorable performances that could have turned the
film into some sort of classic.
It’s the last week of the semester, and while most of Lanier
College’s student body have left for the holidays, a few guys and gals are sticking around to finish exams. Among
them are brainy Final Girl Courtney (Bagdadi), dumb jock Wildman (Brown), flirty Lisa (Robbins), sweet Janet (Willis-Burch),
horror-obsessed nerd Radish (Rice) and BMOC Mark (Fallon). While all the performances by the relatively inexperienced
actors are earnest, they also fail to make much of an impact, and it can be difficult to differentiate the characters from
each other.
Only Rice stands out, and that’s only because of his miscasting,
which asks us to accept this awkward, high-voiced and decidedly effete performer as the romantic lead. Scenes in which
he attempts to flirt with Bagdadi’s Courtney, while certainly intended to showcase Radish’s clumsiness around
women, come across as hilariously unbelievable.
At any rate, a bowlcutted killer (Raynor) in blue jeans and an Army
jacket is wandering around campus killing people, and that’s the extent of the story. Unfortunately, outside of
a reasonably effective prologue, Huston holds back the killings, i.e. the only reason anyone is watching this movie, until
just about the last 35 minutes. Until then, FINAL EXAM is a series of dumb frat-boy pranks and romantic longings.
While Huston likely intended this chatty approach to engender the audience’s identification with his characters, so
their eventual murders would have more impact, it only makes the viewer impatient, since the actors aren’t strong enough
to earn our sympathy nor are they given any dramatic backstories.
The killings do eventually arrive and at a fairly decent pace, but,
again defying genre conventions, are filmed in a tame fashion. Huston does occasionally show flair with the camera or
in establishing a suspenseful moment, but his heart doesn’t seem to have been in his work. FINAL EXAM was shot
on real college campuses near Owensby’s Shelby facility, and the old buildings provide some needed realism, as does
Gary Scott’s HALLOWEEN-aping score.
FINAL JUSTICE (1985)--Directed by Greydon Clark.
Stars Joe Don Baker, Venantino Venantini, Helena Abella, Rossano Brazzi. Dull low-budget actioner about a Texas sheriff (Baker)
who escorts Italian bad guy Venantini to Malta and is held responsible when he escapes. Baker then teams with detective Abella
to hunt Venantini down. The many chases fail to enliven this movie, and Baker appears a little long-in-the-tooth for this
kind of role. Also with Bill McKinney and director Clark in supporting roles.
FINAL SCORE (1986)—Directed by Arizal.
Stars Chris Mitchum, Mike Abbott, Ida Iasha. Vietnam vet Richard Brown (Mitchum) is livid after he returns home to his 8-year-old
son’s birthday party to discover his boy and his wife have been brutally murdered. The culprit is Hawk (Abbott), who
has a long roster of hoods standing between Brown and his own death. After an hour of running dudes over with a car, cutting
them in half with a machine gun, blasting them with grenades, snapping their necks, and just generally kicking ass, Brown
finally faces his mortal enemy, who wants to “squeeze the living shit out of (Brown’s) rotten life.”
If that isn’t enough carnage for you, while dressing for
battle, Brown has flashbacks to ‘Nam, where many bamboo huts explode and Brown rescues a POW from an unlocked cage.
At least Brown doesn’t let being grief-stricken enough to kill the people who raped and murdered his wife stop him from
sexing up the hot ninja (Iasha) who helps him get Hawk. Her job is primarily to get evidence against Hawk to take to the police,
but after killing a hundred guys in pursuit of it, I’m not sure evidence means much.
I was not really sure why Hawk was so pissed at Brown, but anyone
familiar with Indonesian director Arizal’s unique brand of insane action filmmaking will agree that FINAL SCORE hits
the spot. If no stuntman ever died during one of his movies, it wasn’t for a lack of trying.
THE FINAL TERROR (1983)--Directed by Andrew
Davis. Stars John Friedrich, Daryl Hannah, Rachel Ward, Adrian Zmed, Joe Pantoliano. Some junior forest rangers
pick up some girls and head deep into the woods to clear brush and go rafting. Joey Pants strands their asses in the wilderness,
and a psycho roams around killing them, though unfortunately not nearly enough of them.
THE FINAL TERROR is a bad movie made worse when you pay attention
to the credits. It was filmed in 1981 when most of the creative team were nobodies, but was finally released by Aquarius in
1983 when several cast members were becoming hot Hollywood names. Between the time THE FINAL TERROR was filmed and the date
it hit theaters, Adrian Zmed was zooming around in a squad car with Bill Shatner on T.J. HOOKER, Daryl Hannah had done BLADE
RUNNER, Rachel Ward got big with SHARKY'S MACHINE and THE THORN BIRDS, and Joe Pantoliano was Guido The Pimp in RISKY BUSINESS.
Mark Metcalf had already been Niedermeyer in ANIMAL HOUSE, and striking co-star Akosua Busia went on to marry John Singleton.
Audiences must have been stunned to see the classy Ward stumbling through the mud and the dew in this crummy horror flick.
Behind the camera, the pedigree is just as interesting. Director
Andrew Davis jumped briefly onto Hollywood's A-list with action hits like THE FUGITIVE and UNDER SIEGE. Producer Joe Roth
went on to direct films and run Walt Disney Studios and Revolution Studios, as well as produce the Academy Awards telecast.
Roth was married to the daughter of legendary AIP owner Samuel Z. Arkoff, who "presented" THE FINAL TERROR (one wonders if
Arkoff was supposed to release it himself, but balked for whatever reason). Ronald Shusett, who co-wrote ALIEN, receives a
screenplay credit, and New World's resident post-production fixer-upper Allan Holzman (who directed FORBIDDEN WORLD and Jillian
Kesner's nude scenes in FIRECRACKER) supervised post. That job entailed hiring one of the few women ever to score a horror
movie, Susan Justin, who provides a very nice musicscape that is probably the best individual aspect of the movie.
So. If I told you the director of THE FUGITIVE and the writer
of ALIEN had teamed up to make a slasher movie with Daryl Hannah, Rachel Ward, Joe Pantoliano and Adrian Zmed, to be released
by Sam Arkoff, you'd probably think it had to be at least somewhat interesting. It really isn't, though I admit it contains
one or two brief scares and a somewhat effective though unfinished ending. Its story is confusing to the point that you don't
really know who the characters are or why they're in the woods. Davis even misses the point of a post-FRIDAY THE 13TH slasher
flick, in that THE FINAL TERROR drastically skimps on the sex, nudity, gore and body count. It could play easily on television
with just a couple of seconds snipped out (though so could FRIDAY THE 13TH, come to think of it).
FINAL VOYAGE (1999)--Directed by Jim Wynorski
(as Jay Andrews). Stars Dylan Walsh, Ice-T, Erika Eleniak, Claudia Christian. This lame Wynorski direct-to-video
thriller manages to ripoff UNDER SIEGE, which was a ripoff of DIE HARD. Amazingly, Wynorski got Eleniak, who was in
UNDER SIEGE, to star in it. The charisma-challenged Walsh (CONGO) stars as professional bodyguard Aaron Carpenter, who,
after screwing up a job in the opening scene (although it appears to me as though he did okay), receives an even better gig
(!) protecting an heiress (Eleniak) on a cruise ship. Unfortunately, the ship is the target of terrorists led by Josef
(Ice-T) and slinky Max (Christian). What's amazing is how shoddy the production looks--the cruise ship never has more
than a handful of extras, the "bowels" of the ship were obviously filmed in some sort of factory or refinery (check out the
concrete walls), and every other scene features the same prop life preserver hanging on the wall--one that misspells the name
of the ship! If you're looking for an exciting action movie, avoid this voyage at all costs, but if you don't mind mocking
the multitude of continuity errors (keep your eye on the shoulder Walsh gets shot in), cheap sets, clunky dialogue and mismatched
stock footage (one lengthy sequence borrows quite heavily from JUGGERNAUT, a movie made 25 years earlier!), you could have
a good time with it. Wynorski and (especially) Christian have a rollicking time ripping on it on the DVD commentary
track. Also with Heidi Schanz, Rick Ducummon, Stephen Macht, Chick Vennera and MIGHTY JOE YOUNG star Terry Moore.
Music by David and Eric Wurst. Wynorski also co-produced and co-wrote using his "Noble Henry" credit.
FIRE AND ICE (1983)--Directed by Ralph Bakshi.
Stars Randy Norton, Cynthia Leake, Susan Tyrell, Steve Sandor. Action-packed animated fantasy designed by comic book legend
Frank Frazetta contains some rousing battle scenes and an excellent majestic music score by William Kraft. An evil Ice Lord
named Nekron (who is dominated by his mother) uses his supernatural power to destroy a village with a massive glacier. The
lone survivor, a young man named Lorn (Norton), vows revenge, and eventually teams with mercenary Darkwolf (Sandor) to rescue
the very sexy Teegra (Leake), daughter of Nekron's archenemy King Jarol. Thanks to the process of rotoscoping--the tracing
of live-action footage containing human actors--the animation is quite fluid, and the design closely resembles Frazetta's
classic artwork. Also with Leo Gordon, Sean Hannon and Micky Morton. "Rascally" Roy Thomas and "Merry" Gerry Conway, two of
DC and Marvel Comics's most versatile and creative writers, penned the screenplay; they also contributed the original story
of CONAN THE BARBARIAN.
FIRE DOWN BELOW (1997)--Directed by Felix Enriquez Alcala. Stars Steven Seagal,
Marg Helgenberger, Kris Kristofferson. The latest Seagal ego trip features the Ponytailed Pugilist as an undercover ATF agent
(who attempts to remain incognito while sporting a dazzling array of brightly-colored Native American tunics and expensive
leather coats) investigating the death of a federal agent in the backwoods of Tennessee. Greedy mining magnate Kristofferson
is polluting the landscape, and he doesn't care who he has to kill in the process. Kristofferson chews up the scenery, but
Seagal barely flashes an emotion as he plows through a never-ending stream of evil henchmen, dispatching them way too easily,
as though Seagal's ego wouldnt allow his character to take a punch or two. The supporting cast, including Levon Helm, Richard
Masur and Harry Dean Stanton, does a good job, but the plot is flimsy, the action dull, and Seagal's ever-expanding waistline
makes him ever more difficult to take seriously.
FIRE IN THE SKY (1993)--Directed by Robert Lieberman.
Stars Robert Patrick, D.B. Sweeney, James Garner, Henry Thomas. This fact-based alien abduction tale stars Sweeney as Arizona
lumberjack Travis Walton, who, in 1975, was allegedly abducted by a UFO while in the woods with six other woodsmen. Thinking
Walton dead, his buddies returned to town, where their story was disbelieved and the men accused of murder by the same townspeople
who had known them all their lives. Five days later, Walton returned with the tale of being taken away and examined by alien
beings. Although the scenes of Walton's contact with the creatures are a bit implausible (albeit tense and spooky, thanks
to the visuals provided by Industrial Light and Magic), the story is convincingly told, and is played very realistically by
the talented cast, which also includes Peter Berg, Craig Sheffer and Noble Willingham. Garner stands out as a cynical sheriff.
The real-life characters reportedly took (and passed) a lie-detector test prior to the film's release. SLIDERS creator Tracy
Torme scripted. Filmed in Oregon.
FIREBACK (1978)--Directed by Teddy Page.
Stars Richard Harrison, Bruce Baron, Mike Monty. Good grief, it's another of Harrison's Asian-made action thrillers,
as implausible and incomprehensible as all the others he churned out clear through the 1980s. Here he's American Jack
Kaplan, a soldier out for revenge when his wife is murdered by a wealthy man named Duffy (Baron). While Jack was rotting
away in a Vietnamese POW camp (the opening scene in which Harrison demonstrates to his troops a ridiculously implausible super-weapon
and then never uses it against the ambushing enemy is hilarious), Duffy was attempting to woo his wife with flowers and sweet
talk. After she pushes him into the pool, he kidnaps and kills her. Jack's search for her leads him to an insane
number of Duffy's accomplices, one of whom is named Dennis and has a golden metal hand (which, typically for these movies,
Page doesn't take advantage of). FIREBACK is stupid but strangely watchable, and is quite similar to Harrison's BLOOD
DEBTS, which might be even crazier. Not as crazy, however, as the actor's later collaborations with Godfrey Ho...
FIREBALL 500 (1966)--Directed by William Asher.
Stars Frankie Avalon, Annette Funicello, Fabian, Julie Parrish, Harvey Lembeck. Few on-screen couples have been as popular
as Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello, two clean-cut Italian-American youths who starred together in nine films for AIP
between 1963 and 1966. With titles like BEACH BLANKET BINGO and HOW TO STUFF A WILD BIKINI, they were clearly made with
teenagers in mind, and that’s the audience that paid millions of dollars to watch them frugging and necking on drive-in
screens all across America. However, as the decade drew on, tastes changed. The country became a more complicated
place--Vietnam, the civil rights movement, the drug culture--and the question of whether Frankie and Annette would make up
in time for the big clambake at the beach didn’t seem so important anymore. In 1966, THE WILD ANGELS, starring
Peter Fonda and Bruce Dern as longhaired, nihilistic bikers, became one of AIP’s most profitable films. Anticipating
that success was FIREBALL 500, which placed AIP’s squeaky-clean Beach Party Bingoers into a more mature milieu.
Cocky racecar driver Dave Owens (Avalon), after conquering the
California circuit, crosses the country to South Carolina to engage the region’s #1 driver, Leander (fellow teen idol
Fabian in a role tailor-made for AIP regular John Ashley). Hooking up with shady promoter Charlie Bigg (Harvey Lembeck)
for racing and with Bigg’s wealthy financier Martha (Julie Parrish) for steamy sack time, Dave ends up competing on
and off the track with Leander, who takes pole position in the race for the affections of buxom carny singer Jane Harris (Funicello).
As if Dave isn’t busy enough, the Feds are blackmailing him to infiltrate Martha and Charlie’s moonshine operation
and agree to drive hooch across backwoods country, a route also targeted by murderous hijackers.
As the director and co-writer (with Leo Townsend), it was William
Asher’s job to make sure the toughening of traditional beach-movie elements was a smooth transition, and FIREBALL 500
moves pretty well, once you’ve convinced yourself that Frankie Avalon is a badass. Asher and his stunt team concoct
a corker of a fight scene between Avalon’s character and Lembeck’s that’ll make you blink twice. This
isn’t just fisticuffs; it’s a no-holds-barred swatfest that has the two men falling from platforms, bouncing off
cars, and, in one in-your-face shot, shoving Frankie’s head through a window into the camera. Likewise, the romantic
scenes have progressed from necking on the beach to a steamy scene in which Parrish squeezes the buttocks of a shirtless Avalon.
Okay, we’re not talking LAST TANGO IN PARIS here, but this is a Frankie-and-Annette movie we’re talking about!
With composer Les Baxter, cinematographer Floyd Crosby and art director Daniel Haller lending their professional sheen, as
they did on most of the decade’s best AIP films, FIREBALL 500 is an entertaining maturation of the BEACH PARTY genre,
complete with unusual Claymation title sequences by GUMBY creator Art Clokey, some totally boss custom cars by George Barris,
and narration by the Voice of the Dodgers, Vin Scully.
FIRECRACKER (1981)--Directed by Cirio H. Santiago.
Stars Jillian Kesner, Darby Hinton, Ken Metcalfe. Santiago remakes his own TNT JACKSON with blond Kesner stepping in
for blaxploitation star Jeanne Bell. Suzanne Carter (Kesner) flies to Manila to investigate the disappearance of her
journalist sister and discovers a local mobster (co-writer Metcalfe) may be responsible. Suzanne begins a relationship
with Metcalfe’s right-hand man, Chuck (Hinton), who recruits fighters to perform in his boss’ “arena of
death”. As in TNT JACKSON, the movie’s highlight is Kesner’s topless karate fight, which begins when
she’s jumped on the street after dark by two men, who systematically strip her of her clothing during the protracted
martial arts battle. Executive producer Roger Corman loved the concept of a beautiful woman fighting topless that he
used it again in ANGELFIST (Cat Sassoon this time under Santiago’s direction) and ANGEL OF DESTRUCTION (Maria Ford),
which also was a remake of Don “The Dragon” Wilson’s BLACKBELT. Corman surely knew how to milk a concept.
FIRECRACKER is pretty crude with poor post-synch sound, but Santiago manages to find an excuse to stage a fight every five
minutes or so. Allan Holzman (FORBIDDEN WORLD) receives credit for writing and directing “additional scenes,”
which are likely Kesner's topless fight scene and her kinky sex scene with Hinton.
FIREFOX
(1982)--Directed by Clint Eastwood. Stars Clint Eastwood, Freddie Jones, David Huffman, Ronald Lacey. Implausible but effective
espionage yarn about a flashback-ridden Vietnam vet (Eastwood) who is commissioned to sneak into the Soviet Union and escape
with the Russians' secret hi-tech jet. It's STAR WARS meets THE IPCRESS FILE as Clint flies to safety courtesy of some Death
Star-style special effects provided by SFX wizard John Dykstra. Script by Alex Lasker & Wendell Wellman based on a novel
by Craig Thomas.
FIREPOWER (1979)--Directed by Michael Winner.
Stars James Coburn, Sophia Loren, O.J. Simpson. This international thriller filmed in the Caribbean possesses one of
the most absurdly convoluted storylines I've ever seen, right down to an exact double of Coburn who's quickly introduced and
dispensed with: the ultimate deux es machina, surely created only to paint the screenwriters out of a corner.
The husband of Adele Tasca (Loren), a chemist, is murdered. She believes the man responsible is a wealthy recluse named
Karl Stegner, who's wanted by American authorities on charges of tax evasion and fraud, among others, but can't be extradited
from his Caribbean stronghold. The government, at the behest of Adele, hires her old flame, mercenary Jerry Fanon (Coburn),
to sneak down there and bring Stegner back. That's really all there is to the story, except Winner and writer Gerald
Wilson (THE STONE KILLER) spice it up with so many senseless twists and doublecrosses that it becomes pretty hilarious.
FIREPOWER is a pretty decent potboiler, filled with enough explosions and chases to keep you awake, and it's always nice to
see accomplished actors doing their thing. Also with Tony Franciosa, George Grizzard, Eli Wallach, Vincent Gardenia,
Fred Stuthman, Billy Barty, Vincent Beck, Jake LaMotta and a very strange cameo by Victor Mature. Gato Barbieri composed
the score, which was arranged and conducted by Jay Chattaway.
FIREPOWER (1993)--Directed by Richard Pepin.
Stars Chad McQueen, Gary Daniels, Joseph Ruskin, James Hellwig. It's 2006, and a large section of Los Angeles has been designated
a Zone of Personal Freedom, where so-called "victimless" crimes such as prostitution, drug use and gambling go unpunished
and police officers fear to tread. The main source of entertainment in this "Hellzone" is the Death Ring, a Thunderdome-like
cage where fist fighters bash each other's brains out using randomly selected weapons like maces and swords. The Death Ring's
biggest champion is the Swordsman (Hellwig aka WCW's Ultimate Warrior), who's also the leader of the Zone's deadliest gang.
When the Swordsman manages to escape from police custody, two of the LAPD's finest armor-plated cops, Sledge (Daniels) and
Daryn (McQueen), go undercover as Death Ring fighters in a club owned by pockmarked Drexal (Ruskin), who's developing and
selling on the black market a counterfeit AIDS vaccine.
The potentially interesting AIDS subplot is mostly ignored
in favor of fights--lots of fights. There are almost as many punches thrown as lines spoken in this movie, which might be
okay if they were excitingly staged. Pepin's direction of these lethal battles is static, relying on the chemistry between
buddy cops McQueen and Daniels to carry the action. Unfortunately, neither is a good actor or fighter (even though Daniels
is a former martial-arts champion), so we're left with many minutes of monotonous fight scenes featuring two actors we neither
believe nor care about in the ring. Pepin does much better in the early stages, putting together some reasonably well-done
car chases and a spectacular burning car stunt. The science fiction elements aren't handled very well either, only being used
as an excuse to avoid explaining how the murderous Death Ring matches could be allowed to continue without being shut down
by the authorities. Unless you love to watch the same basic chopsocky fight over and over again or are just curious to see
what Steve McQueen's son looks like, I'd suggest skipping FIREPOWER.
Also with George Murdock, Alisha Das, Art Camacho
(also the fight coordinator) and Vanessa Hampton. Produced by PM Entertainment, owned by director Pepin and producer Joseph
Mehri and a reliable distributor of straight-to-video action movies. There's a lot of bad hair in this movie--Daniels has
a prissy ponytail, and Hellwig's '80s glam rock 'do is hilariously out of date. McQueen was a crewmember on his dad's final
two films, but has starred consistently in low-budget direct-to-video programmers since 1990. Since he and his sister Terry
own the trademark on his father's name, I wouldn't imagine he'd have to work if he didn't want to.
FIRESTARTER
(1983)--Directed by Mark L. Lester. Stars Drew Barrymore, David Keith, Martin Sheen, George C. Scott, Art Carney.
Another bad Stephen King movie. This one stars little Drew as a girl who can start fires using telekinetic powers. She and
her father (Keith) are on the run from the U.S. government, who want to use her power for war purposes. The main bad guy is
Scott as a ponytailed American Indian! Lots of stuff burns. With Louise Fletcher, Moses Gunn and babe-ilicious Heather Locklear.
Filmed in North Carolina. Music by Tangerine Dream. From the director of SHOWDOWN IN LITTLE TOKYO.
FIRESTORM (1998)--Directed by Dean Semler.
Stars Howie Long, William Forsythe, Suzy Amis. Former Los Angeles Raider Long kicked off a three-picture contract with
20th Century Fox in this dopey action movie. Box office was dismal, and the other two films were never made. Long
isn't bad really, not that Chris Soth's screenplay gives him much to do. He's neither good nor bad enough to be interesting,
but that isn't to say he couldn't have improved in further vehicles. Here he plays Jesse, a "smokejumper": a firefighter
who parachutes into forests to help extinguish major blazes. Psycho prison escapee Randall Shaye (Forsythe) engineers
a forest fire to cover up his escape from the Wyoming State Penitentiary. Using the $37 million he swiped in an armored
train heist four years earlier as bait, he and four fellow inmates disguise themselves as Canadian firemen, using comely birdwatcher
Jennifer (Amis) as a hostage. On their trail is Jesse, who uses his firefighting expertise to prevent their escape.
Very similar to Andrew Stone's 1961 film RING OF FIRE, which
starred David Janssen as a small-town cop held hostage in a forest fire by juvenile delinquents led by Frank Gorshin, FIRESTORM
is a sumptuous-looking production--no shock there, considering it was the directorial debut of Oscar-winning cinematographer
Semler (DANCES WITH WOLVES). The visual effects are mostly good, and the action is decently paced. But there's
little here that's fresh. Forsythe has played this type of heavy too many times to count, and Semler sinks to stealing
shots from better movies like 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY, PSYCHO and THE RIGHT STUFF. He even casts Scott Glenn in more or
less the same role he played in BACKDRAFT! Also with Christianne Hirt, Barry Pepper, Sebastian Spence, Jonathon Young
and Jon Cuthbert. Music by J. Peter Robinson. Released in January 1998, Fox obviously didn't expect much from
this picture. And they didn't get much. Semler directed one more film, the DTV Steven Seagal vehicle THE PATRIOT,
before returning to camerawork.
FIRETRAP (2001)--Directed by Harris Done. Stars
Dean Cain, Richard Tyson, Jim Storm, Mel Harris. Cain is a gentleman thief who is hired by the CIA to break into a high-rise
and steal a valuable microchip from under the nose of wealthy industrialist Jack Calloway (Storm). But what bad luck--as
Cain is crawling through the building's air vents, a saboteur starts a fire, trapping Cain on an upper floor along with Calloway,
his security chief (Tyson), his estranged wife (Harris) and several other types. It wouldn't be a PM Entertainment picture
without a car chase, so Done tosses one in during the early reels (a pretty subdued chase by PM standards), but most of the
film is a low-budget mix of DIE HARD and THE TOWERING INFERNO. Cain has done these good-guy parts to death--and he's
fine in FIRETRAP--but there's little in the film to set it apart from any other direct-to-video thriller you could pick off
the shelf. Also with Lori Petty, Steven Williams, Vanessa Angel, Jenna Gering, Lisa London and TO TELL THE TRUTH host
John O'Hurley. Cain was a co-producer.
FIREWALKER (1986)--Directed by J. Lee Thompson.
Stars Chuck Norris, Lou Gossett, Jr., Melody Anderson, Sonny Landham. This Cannon film gets a bad rap, although I think
it's mostly undeserved. It received attention as a change-of-pace for Norris, who plays Max, a lighter, more comedic adventurer,
in this ROMANCING THE STONE ripoff. The irony is that characters often refer to Max as getting by on the strength of his charm.
There are a lot of words you could use to describe Norris' acting--some good and many bad--but "charming" is not likely to
be one of them. He does seem to be having a good time hamming it up alongside Gossett as his partner Leo. What the hell happened
to Gossett? In less than five years, he went from winning an Oscar to appearing as Chuck Norris' sidekick in a PG Cannon movie.
Hollywood can be a rough place sometimes.
Max and Leo team up with a beautiful legal secretary, Patricia
(played by the charming Anderson from FLASH GORDON), to follow a treasure map into Central America, where they hope to find
an Aztec treasure. On their trail is a "red Cyclops", a medicine man played by Landham (48 HRS.), who wants the treasure for
himself and wants to turn Patricia into a human sacrifice. Directed by veteran J. Lee Thompson, who ended his career
with several Cannon thrillers, most of them starring Charles Bronson (FIREWALKER was his only movie with Norris), FIREWALKER
is pretty dumb and pretty sloppy, full of continuity errors and story points that go nowhere. It was filmed in Mexico, and
offers plenty of chases, karate fights, secret passages, elaborate death traps and other jungle adventure staples. It's the
only Norris vehicle that could be accurately called a comedy (an intentional one, that is), which gives it some novelty value.
Also with John Rhys-Davies, Will Sampson and Ian Abercrombie. One of Norris' rare PG films before making "family" fare
on TV with WALKER, TEXAS RANGER.
FIREWALL (2006)--Directed by Richard Loncraine.
Stars Harrison Ford, Virginia Madsen, Paul Bettany, Mary Jane Rajskub. FIREWALL commits the blasphemy of wasting a terrific
supporting cast. One scene finds Alan Arkin, Robert Patrick, Robert Forster and Harrison Ford sharing a scene, and I'll
be damned if director Richard Loncraine couldn't find anything cool for them to do together. Ford plays a Seattle bank
manager whose family is kidnapped by Standard Effete Eurotrash Villain #354 (Paul Bettany), who forces Ford to tap into his
bank's computer system and transfer $100 million to an offshore account. In their effort to make all movies inoffensive
to everybody, Hollywood has become extremely bland when it comes to casting heavies. Aren't you tired of snobby Brits in business
suits waving guns? Particularly when they're played by Paul Bettany, who is about as threatening as a junebug.
I can think of about 100 actors off the top of my head who would have not only been more charismatic than Bettany, but would
have the screen presence to hold the screen opposite Ford, who looks tired and bored in FIREWALL, but is still believable
kicking Paul Bettany's ass. FIREWALL is neither very good nor very bad--both of which would have made it more fun to
watch. Music by Alexandre Desplat.
FIRST BLOOD (1982)--Directed by Ted Kotcheff. Stars
Sylvester Stallone, Brian Dennehy, Richard Crenna. One of the most influential films of the 1980s is a tough, lean action
picture miles ahead of its cartoonish sequels. Stallone is John Rambo, a drifter and former Green Beret who is hassled
and roughed up by Teasle (Dennehy), sheriff of Hope County, Oregon, and his deputies. Just wanting to be left alone
and tortured by flashbacks of his term in a Viet Cong POW camp, Rambo explodes against his captors, knocking them about and
escaping into the mountains, where he survives using his military training against hundreds of policemen and National Guardsmen.
Crenna (in a role intended for Kirk Douglas) is on hand as Rambo's former Army commander, Colonel Trautman. Some of
Kotcheff's exceedingly well-crafted action scenes are a bit implausible, yet the story and performances are tight enough to
lure you into suspending your disbelief. Andrew Laszlo's camera captures the thick British Columbia locations, and Jerry
Goldsmith's churning score is among his best work. Also with Jack Starrett, David Caruso, Michael Talbott, John McLiam,
Chris Mulkey and Bill McKinney. Bruce Greenwood is in there somewhere. Suzee Pai appeared nude as a Vietnamese
hooker in a scene that was cut before release. Screenplay by TV vets Michael Kozoll and William Sackheim (HILL STREET
BLUES) was polished heavily by Stallone.
THE FIRST DEADLY SIN (1980)--Directed by Brian G. Hutton.
Stars Frank Sinatra, Faye Dunaway, David Dukes. Frank's last film (unless you count his fleeting appearance in CANNONBALL
RUN II) is a good thriller based upon Lawrence Sanders's novel about New York detective Francis X. Delaney (Sinatra), who
cares for his invalid wife (an underused Dunaway) while pursuing a psycho who's killing people with a hammer used for mountain-climbing.
Basically follows the novel's plot until the climax. Sinatra does a good job in his only theatrical lead after 1970's DIRTY
DINGUS MAGEE. Also with Anthony Zerbe, James Whitmore, Brenda Vaccaro and Joe Spinell. Roman Polanski was supposed to direct
at one point. Dukes died of a heart attack in 2000; he was appearing in a semi-regular role on TV's DAWSON'S CREEK at the
time.
THE FIRST NUDIE MUSICAL (1976)--Directed by
Mark Haggard and Bruce Kimmel. Stars Bruce Kimmel, Cindy Williams, Diana Canova, Stephen Nathan. SOUTH PARK fans would probably
love this funny yet surprisingly sweet parody of both Busby Berkeley-type musicals and porno films. Just don't be distracted
by the cardboard sets, clunky direction and miniscule budget. Harry Schechter (Nathan), who runs his father's Poverty Row
movie studio, is threatened with bankruptcy if he can't produce a low-budget X-rated musical comedy in just two weeks. To
make an impossible task even more difficult, Harry is forced to hire as his director John Smithee (Kimmel, who wrote the screenplay
and songs as well), a naive bumbler who is also the nephew of one of Harry's investors. Williams, who began her starring role
on LAVERNE & SHIRLEY that same year, is wonderful as Harry's sarcastic but loyal secretary Rosie, who's always quick with
a quip or even a tap dance. The songs are great--I'd put them on the same level as THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW--and you
haven't truly lived until you've seen the Dancing Dildos. Movie is loaded with full frontal nudity, profanity and sexual content,
yet it isn't the least bit offensive. Paramount had no idea whatsoever how to release this film; as a result, it was a box-office
flop. Also with Leslie Ackerman, Alan Abelew, Rene J. Hall and Alexandra Morgan. Ron Howard has an unbilled cameo. Williams
and Kimmel later reteamed for THE CREATURE WASN'T NICE aka SPACESHIP, an AIRPLANE!-like spoof of outer-space movies co-starring
Leslie Nielsen. Nathan went on to produce TV series like EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND and FAMILY LAW.
THE FIRST
POWER (1990)--Directed by Robert Resnikoff. Stars Lou Diamond Phillips, Tracy Griffith, Jeff Kober, Mikel T.
Williamson. 27-year-old Phillips is ridiculously miscast as a badass Los Angeles homicide detective named Russell Logan,
who is L.A.'s King of Serial Killer Tracking. Some baffling police work somehow leads Logan to the Pentagram Killer, Patrick
Channing (hideous Kober, perfectly cast as a creepy bastard), who sacrifices his victims to the Devil and carves pentagrams
in their chests. An anonymous tipster warns Logan not to send Channing to the gas chamber (like an L.A. cop has anything to
do with the decision), and after the killer's execution, one of Logan's fellow detectives is found murdered in an identical
manner, right down to the knife wounds on her chest.
Reluctantly teaming with the anonymous phone caller, a beautiful
red-haired psychic named Tess Seaton (Griffith), Logan slowly comes to realize that Channing has returned from Hell and is
possessing human bodies to carry out his murderous vendetta. What's really funny about Phillips' character is that, despite
what the other characters tell us about him, he's really an inept cop. Nothing he does has any positive impact on his investigation
or pursuit, even though we're supposed to identify with his lone wolf. When he captures Channing at the beginning, he runs
out of bullets (and throws his gun at the villain!), then is stabbed several times in the stomach before help arrives to apprehend
the killer. Logan gets his ass kicked by just about every opponent, including a ninja-like bag lady right out of a Ronny Yu
movie who floats up to the cop's loft and perpetrates some kung fu on Lou's not-bad self.
Writer/director Resnikoff, whose only film THE FIRST POWER is
(I'm curious as to who he was and what happened to him), does have a knack for handling stunts and action scenes. The pacing
is good, and the chases and action are brisk. There's a cool spinning car jump and crash, and a stuntman playing Channing
leaps off a tall building, lands on his feet, and runs off, all in one shot. I don't know how he accomplished this, unless
it was an early example of visual effects using computers to "wipe away" the stuntman's bungee wires.
Between the silly plot, Logan's incompetence and the lousy acting,
THE FIRST POWER provides much to laugh at, but the ending is a real howler. Once you learn that the Los Angeles Department
of Water and Power keeps gigantic vats of boiling acid (!) in its basement, you'll be wondering whether this movie was being
written as it was being filmed. Maybe Resnikoff was a big BATMAN fan, who the heck knows? THE FIRST POWER is not a good movie,
but if you enjoy lovable crap, you need to check it out. Look for Daughter of Kirk Melanie Shatner, along with Dennis Lipscomb
and David Gale. Music by Stewart Copeland.
FIRST STRIKE--See JACKIE CHAN'S FIRST STRIKE.
A FISH CALLED WANDA (1988)--Directed by Charles Crichton. Stars John Cleese, Jamie Lee Curtis, Kevin
Kline, Michael Palin. Brilliant comedy about a gang of double-crossing diamond thieves. After one is arrested, the other three,
who don't know where the loot is hidden, plot to get the information from British lawyer Cleese. Many hilarious scenes and
the cast is terrific, especially Palin as an animal-loving stutterer and Best Supporting Actor Oscar winner Kline as Curtis's
dimwitted lover. Also nominated for Best Direction and Screenplay (Crichton and Cleese). Director Crichton was 77 years old
at the time.
FIST OF STEEL (1991)—Directed by Teddy Page.
Stars Dale “Apollo” Cook, Cynthia Khan, Don Nakaya Nielsen. I’d say a good 2/3 of this movie consists
of fight scenes, which is good if you like fight scenes and bad if you like story and characters. The arena-style fights
are at least pretty well done in this post-apocalyptic saga, which finds arrogant loner Amp (Cook) and cute Wild (Khan) striking
out across the desert to find Mainframe (Nielsen), the madman who murdered Amp’s girl (who bore a startling resemblance
to Wild for no real reason I could see) and left Amp staked to the sand to die. Punch, punch, kick, kick. This
may be the only American production for Taiwanese Khan, who showcased her great beauty and solid action skills in many Asian
films, including YES, MADAM and the IN THE LINE OF DUTY series.
FISTFIGHTER (1989)--Directed by Frank Zuniga.
Stars George Rivero, Edward Albert, Mike Connors, Brenda Bakke, Matthais Hues. Rivero travels to South America to find the
brute (Hues) who murdered his friend. Crippled Albert trains him for the big fistfighting match. Bakke is beautiful, and Connors
(TV's MANNIX) properly evil as Hues's manager, but film's low-budget and crude direction make it pretty hard to watch.
A
FISTFUL OF DOLLARS (1964)--Directed by Sergio Leone. Stars Clint Eastwood, Gian Maria Volonte, Marianne Koch. First
of Leone/Eastwood's spaghetti western trilogy was released in the United States in 1967 with fake American credits. Clint
was still on RAWHIDE at the time. The Man With No Name pits two warring families against each other by working as a gunfighter
for both sides, kills a ton of people, and leaves town a lot richer. This movie and its two sequels made Eastwood a superstar,
and Leone's unique direction was imitated by dozens of western directors on both sides of the Atlantic. Leone shows an interesting
visual flair, an offbeat use of Fellini-esque supporting players and Ennio Morricone's score is terrific. Eastwood's anti-hero
was widely embraced during the counterculture sixties. An obvious remake of Akira Kurosawas YOJIMBO, it was again remade by
Walter Hill in the '90s as LAST MAN STANDING.
FISTS OF FURY (1972)--Directed by Lo Wei. Stars Bruce
Lee. Lee's first feature was his second (after THE CHINESE CONNECTION) to be released in the U.S. It's a crudely filmed and
badly dubbed story involving a quiet guy out for revenge against the ice factory owner who killed his friend. Lee had already
appeared in the TV series THE GREEN HORNET and LONGSTREET before filming this.
FIVE BLOODY GRAVES (1969)—Directed by Al Adamson.
Stars Robert Dix, Scott Brady, Jim Davis, John Carradine, John Cardos. Hack director Adamson proved he could make crummy
pictures in the horror, crime, blaxploitation, sexploitation and kung fu genres. Here he demonstrates he was a terrible
director of westerns too. Marketed as a gruesome, horrific gore movie, FIVE BLOODY GRAVES is tame and boring.
Dix, who co-produced and wrote the screenplay, plays Ben Thompson, a gunslinger on the prowl for the Yaqui chief, Satago (Cardos),
who murdered his wife on their wedding day. He hooks up with a wagon train carrying a gambler, a preacher and some prostitutes,
as well as Joe Lightfoot, Satago’s half-brother (also played by Cardos), and a pair of gunrunners in bed with Satago.
Almost everyone is dead by the end of the picture, but the action scenes are flat and the script void of interesting characters
or situations. At least the cast is professional, and cinematographer Vilmos Zsigmond lensed some attractive Utah scenery
(not that you can tell by Brentwood’s hideously cropped DVD). Also with Paula Raymond, Kent Osborne, Ray Young,
Vicki Volante and Darlene Lucht from AIP’s Beach Party pictures. Adamson’s father, Victor, who used the
name Denver Dixon in ‘30s westerns, appears, as does Al as an Indian. Gene Raymond narrates as The Voice of Death!
Death is a yammerer, that’s for sure.
FIVE CARD STUD (1968)--Directed by Henry Hathaway.
Stars Dean Martin, Robert Mitchum, Inger Stevens, Roddy McDowall, Yaphet Kotto, Katherine Justice. Paramount released
one of my favorite westerns, one that played (and still does!) incessantly on local television when I was a kid. I've
probably seen it twenty times, and I always find it to be enormously entertaining, thanks to its terrific cast, odd Maurice
Jarre score and intriguing premise. To the best of my knowledge, FIVE CARD STUD is the world's first serial killer/murder
mystery/Western. Maybe the last too, as far as I know.
Rincon, Colorado. 1880. A poker game involving laidback
professional gambler Van Morgan (Martin) comes to a violent end when one of the players is accused of cheating. Despite
the protestations of Morgan (who is hit in the head and knocked out trying to stop it) and young, black bartender George (Kotto),
the other five players lynch their cheating companion, who is buried in an unmarked grave. Several weeks later, Rincon
is struck by a series of gruesome murders in which the victims are strangled or smothered or hanged. All the victims
were members of the lynching party, which the rest of Rincon knows nothing about. Morgan, who's carrying on dual romances
with virginal Nora (Justice) and prostitute Lily (Stevens) and a feud with Nora's sociopath brother Nick (McDowall), another
member of the lynch mob, decides to find the murderer before he becomes the next victim. Adding to the mystery is Rincon's
new preacher, the mysterious but kindly Jonathan Rudd (Mitchum).
Although Hathaway and scenarist Marguerite Roberts throws in a couple
of gunfights and one fairly violent fistfight between Martin and McDowall to satisfy the oater fans, FIVE CARD STUD is more
or less an Agatha Christie mystery with spurs. Its major weakness is that it's fairly obvious early on who the killer
is--there just aren't many suspects to choose from--although watching Martin slowly put the clues together is kind of fun.
He and Mitchum, both among the most relaxed movie stars of their generation, work well together, fostering an uneasy, polite
relationship between the man-of-God-with-a-past and nomadic cardsharp. A nifty cast of western veterans, including John
Anderson, Roy Jenson, Bill Fletcher, Denver Pyle, Whit Bissell and Don Collier, supports them, but the most interesting performances
come from unexpected sources. 30-year-old Kotto is wonderfully warm as bartender George, a loyal friend to Morgan who
is treated as an equal, still an unusual sight in a late-1960s western. Also great is McDowall, who may not have been
appearing in his first western, but he certainly didn't make many. As the venal and vicious Nick (and obvious red herring),
McDowall makes the most of his rivalry with Martin, emerging as the film's most hateful character. Dino, who had already
started making Matt Helm movies and appearing in his own variety series, seems to have taken his role seriously for a change;
he made this and BANDOLERO!, another western shot in Mexico, the same year. Also with Ted de Corsia, Ruth Springford
and Robert Hoy. Martin performed the catchy theme, written by Jarre and Ned Washington.
FIVE EASY PIECES (1970)--Directed by Bob Rafelson.
Stars Jack Nicholson, Susan Anspach, Billy Green Bush, Karen Black. Nicholson is outstanding as oilrig worker Bobby Dupea,
who returns to his rich, upstanding childhood home to visit his dying father. This rich character study of a social misfit
who doesn't fit in with his upper-class family or his new lower-class environment is brilliantly scripted by Adrien Joyce
(a pseudonym for Carole Eastman), photographed by Laszlo Kovacs and directed by Rafelson. The scenes with Nicholson playing
the piano on the back of a flatbed truck, and Nicholson berating a rude waitress in a diner are film classics. Jack's second
Oscar nomination and first as Best Actor; Black was also nominated by the Academy. From the director of HEAD.
FIVE FINGERS OF DEATH--See KING BOXER.
FIVE GUNS TO TOMBSTONE (1961)—Directed by Edward
L. Cahn. Stars James Brown, Robert Karnes, John Wilder, Walter Coy. United Artists released this convoluted western
that reads like a cheap paperback. Reformed outlaw Billy Wade (Brown) is forced into carrying a gun again after his
escaped-con brother Matt (Karnes) frames him for a bank robbery. With Matt’s teenage son Ted (Wilder), who blames
him for Matt’s death, now against him, Billy has to beware the guns of both the law and Matt’s gang, as he infiltrates
a plot to knock over a Wells Fargo wagon to clear his name. There’s a lot going on here, and FIVE GUNS moves pretty
well for a Cahn movie. The no-name cast is respectable, and the action scenes reasonably potent. The script is
weak, particularly in regards to Wilder’s character—it’s hard to believe he would turn against his uncle
so quickly and rabidly—and the supporting villains, who are exceptionally stupid. Also with Gregg Palmer, Della
Sharman and Jeff DeBenning. Cahn, an exceptionally prolific director who made 23 (!) films from 1960–1962, died
in 1963.
FIVE GUNS WEST (1955)—Directed by Roger Corman. Stars John Lund,
Dorothy Malone, Mike Connors, Jonathan Haze, R. Wright Campbell, Paul Birch. Jim Nicholson and Sam Arkoff’s American
Releasing Corporation (which would eventually become AIP) released this color western, which is best known as the first film
directed by Corman, who had to this point produced and co-written a couple of low-budget movies (THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS
being one of them). Written by Campbell, whom Corman also cast to save money on actors, FIVE GUNS WEST shares a plot
with THE DIRTY DOZEN, which came a decade later (as does Corman’s 1964 World War II adventure THE SECRET INVASION, proving
Corman was further ahead of the times than he’s often given credit for).
The Confederacy springs five hardened men from prison and sends them on a three-day journey
to ambush a Union stagecoach and rescue a Confederate prisoner before he can spill secrets to the enemy. Led by Govern
Sturges (Lund), the misfit squad includes smooth-talking gambler Connors (then billed as “Touch” Connors), middle-aged
prospector Birch, and psycho brothers Haze and Campbell. While hints of a pardon don’t motivate the men to do
their jobs, the lure of Union gold traveling about the stage does, and the five make their treacherous cross-country journey
while fighting among themselves and feeling out possible partnerships in case of a double-cross.
It’s cheap and it’s short, but Corman’s wise decision to cast capable actors
and to shoot in color adds a touch of class to this routine programmer. Corman exhibits little directorial style, though
he hardly could be expected to considering the short six-day schedule (and it rained heavily the first day). Campbell’s
script is a notch above a typical B-western, however, and even though Lund is somewhat stiff (and implausible in his romantic
scenes with Malone), the colorful Connors and the hammy Haze make enjoyable acting choices, left by their nervous director
to their own devices. The casting of Malone (who was in THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS) was a fortuitous choice; she was just
a year away from an Oscar (WRITTEN ON THE WIND). Also with Jack Ingram, James Stone, Larry Thor and someone who could
be James B. Sikking (HILL STREET BLUES). Cinematographer Floyd Crosby and editor Ron Sinclair would become part of Corman’s
regular crew.
THE FIVE MAN ARMY (1969)--Directed by Don Taylor.
Stars Peter Graves, James Daly, Bud Spencer, Nino Castelnuovo, Tetsuro Tamba. If you’ve ever wondered what MISSION:
IMPOSSIBLE would look like as an Italian western, here you go. Graves’ casting as The Dutchman, who plans an elaborate,
split-second scheme to rob a train using four specialists, couldn’t have been coincidental. During the Mexican
Revolution, The Dutchman recruits explosives expert Augustus (Daly, then starring on MEDICAL CENTER), burly Mesito (Spencer),
master swordsman Samurai (Tamba) and cocky young Luis (Castelnuovo) to steal $500,000 in gold from a moving train guarded
by Army soldiers and monitored at regular intervals along the track. Co-written by horror specialist Dario Argento,
THE FIVE MAN ARMY is solidly directed by American Taylor, whose editors could have trimmed some padding to make the 105-minute
film flow better. Action fans will get their fill, and the major setpiece--the train robbery--is handled extremely well
with plenty of suspense. Give credit to the actors for finding their characters with little help from the screenplay.
Graves badly imitates a Mexican accent at one point, but he performed others on M:I and wasn’t any good at those either.
Outstanding score by Ennio Morricone. Filmed in Arizona.
FIVE MINUTES TO LIVE (1961)--Directed by
Bill Karn. Stars Johnny Cash, Cay Forrester, Donald Woods, Vic Tayback, Ronnie Howard. Cash's flamboyant film
debut was as psycho bank robber Johnny Cabot in this low-budget gem filmed in Los Angeles. Cabot teams up with a more
experienced hood, Fred Dorella (Tayback, later in ALICE), for a bank heist in which he holds Nancy Wilson (Forrester, who
also penned the screenplay) hostage in her home while Fred shakes down her bank president husband Ken (former matinee idol
Woods) for the loot. If Fred fails to call Johnny at the Wilson home at regular five-minute intervals, Cabot has instructions
to kill her. Director Karn doesn't rein in the country-western legend's acting much, allowing him to chat, smack, clown
and even sing a little bit. While Cash isn't entirely comfortable, he is watchable and doesn't grow old over the film's
75-minute running time. Actually, little Howard, who had already started as Opie on THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW, practically
steals the show from his adult co-stars. It's also interesting to see Tayback, in a very early role, with hair.
Also known as DOOR-TO-DOOR MANIAC. I'm not certain whether Cash's theme ever appeared on a record, but it should have.
THE FLAMINGO KID (1984)--Directed by Garry
Marshall. Stars Matt Dillon, Richard Crenna, Janet Jones, Jessica Walter, Hector Elizondo. Amiable comedy about a Brooklyn
teenager (Dillon) from a blue-collar family who gets a summer job at a fancy Long Island country club. There he is taught
values by wealthy snob Crenna and romanced by Crenna's gorgeous niece Jones over the objections of his hard-working plumber
father (Elizondo). Don't worry--it's a Marshall comedy, so everything works out in the end. Charming with good performances.
If you blink, you might miss Marisa Tomei in her film debut.
THE FLASH (1990)--Directed by Rob Iscove.
Stars John Wesley Shipp, Alex Desert, Amanda Pays, Tim Thomerson. Pilot for the critically-acclaimed but audience-ignored
1990-91 CBS-TV series starring soap star Shipp as Central City police scientist Barry Allen, who was working late in his lab
one night when a bolt of lightning crashed through his window and splashed him with a mixture of chemicals. The accident resulted
in Allen gaining powers of super-speed, with which he decided (after donning a sleek-looking red and yellow costume) to battle
the forces of evil. The only series regular to know the Flash's true identity was gorgeous computer whiz Tina McGee (Pays),
who helped Allen battle a variety of costumed super-villains. In the opener, Allen's brother (Thomerson) is murdered, and
the Flash is compelled to use his newfound powers to catch the killer. Script by series creators Danny Bilson and Paul DeMeo
(THE ROCKETEER) is witty and fast-moving, and the special effects are nicely done on a television budget. Even viewers who
aren't enamored with comic-book movies might want to give THE FLASH a try. Also with Priscilla Pointer and M. Emmet Walsh
as Barry's parents, Richard Belzer, Paula Marshall as Barry's girlfriend Iris, Robert Hooks and Michael Nader as the villain.
FLASH GORDON (1980)--Directed by Mike Hodges. Stars Sam J. Jones, Max von Sydow, Melody Anderson,
Topol, Timothy Dalton, Ornella Muti, Brian Blessed, Mariangela Mulato. Goofy comic-book fantasy about New York Jets quarterback
Flash Gordon (Jones with a blond dye job and blue contacts), who is transported along with cute real-estate agent Dale Arden
(Anderson) and scientist Dr. Hans Zarkov (Topol) to the planet Mongo, which is ruled by an evil dictator named Ming the Merciless
(von Sydow). Ming plans to marry Dale and destroy the Earth, neither of which enamors him to Flash. Dalton is properly heroic
as Prince Barin of Arboria, and Muti truly erotic as Ming's daughter Princess Aura, who has a yen for Flash. Terrific campy
fun with purposely tacky special effects (including some great-looking miniatures reminiscent of the '30s serials) and an
overly lavish rock score by Queen. Flash and Barin's whipfight on a wavering spiked platform is an action highlight. Screenplay
by Lorenzo Semple, Jr (BATMAN). Another actor dubbed Jones's voice in post-production.
FLASH GORDON CONQUERS
THE UNIVERSE (1940)--Directed by Ford Beebe & Ray Taylor. Stars Buster Crabbe, Carol Hughes, Frank Shannon, Charles
Middleton. Crabbe (playing Alex Raymond's comic-strip hero for the third and last time) travels to Mongo, the forest world
of Arboria, an arctic land known as Frigia, the deserts of the Land of the Dead, and battles Rock Men, traitors and the soldiers
of Ming the Merciless (Middleton) in this imaginative 12-chapter Universal cliffhanger. Obviously made on a low-budget, many
of the sets and action scenes are pretty creaky, yet much effort was made to duplicate the quality of Universal's first two
Flash Gordon serials, considered to be among the best serials ever made. Flash, a brunette Dale Arden (Hughes, replacing Jean
Rogers) and Dr. Zarkov (Shannon) blast off from Earth to prevent Ming from destroying the planet with a deadly dust known
as the Purple Death. Also with Anne Gwynne, Beatrice Roberts as Ming's daughter Princess Aura and Roland Drew as Aura's husband,
Prince Barin of Arboria. Has been retitled and re-released many times since; look for it as SPACE SOLDIERS CONQUER THE UNIVERSE,
PURPLE DEATH FROM OUTER SPACE and PERILS FROM THE PLANET MONGO.
THE FLASH II: REVENGE OF THE TRICKSTER
(1990)--Directed by Danny Bilson. Stars John Wesley Shipp, Mark Hamill, Amanda Pays, Joyce Hyser. Video release of two episodes
of the 1990-91 series THE FLASH. The Flash comes to the rescue of a cute private eye (Hyser) when she is stalked and kidnapped
FATAL ATTRACTION-style by a homicidal maniac called the Trickster (Hamill), who uses deadly toys and novelties to carry out
his crimes. Fans of the BATMAN films should certainly check this out. Witty, action-packed script by Howard Chaykin and John
Francis Moore is based upon the DC Comics character created by Gardner Fox and Carmine Infantino in 1956. Music by Shirley
Walker; theme by Danny Elfman. Series created by Bilson and Paul DeMeo.
FLASHBACK (1990)--Directed
by Franco Amurri. Stars Dennis Hopper, Kiefer Sutherland. Wooly comedy is propelled mainly by Hopper's manic charm. He's a
sixties radical who has finally been arrested for a minor crime after years on the lam. He's being escorted to Spokane, Washington
by a straightlaced FBI agent (Sutherland). Buddy movie has an interesting cast, but just doesn't interest. Also with Carol
Kane, Richard Masur, Michael McKean, Paul Dooley and Cliff DeYoung. Script by David Loughery (STAR TREK V: THE FINAL FRONTIER).
FLASHDANCE (1983)--Directed by Adrian Lyne. Stars Jennifer Beals, Michael Nouri, Belinda Bauer. Ridiculous
drama about an 18-year-old welder, played by Beals in her film debut, who lives alone in a huge, expensive Pittsburgh loft
and has plenty of time at night to strut her stuff as an improbable go-go dancer at a downtown nightclub. Beals is not a bad
actress, but Lyne's MTV-style directing and editing style is nauseating, and the story is silly. Marine Jahan was Beals's
dancing double. Music by Giorgio Moroder. Irene Cara's "Flashdance--What A Feeling" won a Best Song Oscar. From the director
of INDECENT PROPOSAL.
FLASHPOINT (1984)--Directed by William Tannen.
Stars Kris Kristofferson, Treat Williams. Texas border patrolmen Wyatt (Williams) and Logan (Kristofferson) receive
a respite from their boring daily routine of cruising the sand dunes and rounding up illegals when they stumble upon a Jeep,
buried in the sand for two decades and stuffed with thousands of dollars in cash. Initially torn between keeping the
dough, which doesn't appear to belong to anybody, and turning it in to the authorities, the partners find themselves drawn
into mystery and conspiracy when the CIA becomes involved in the case...especially when it begins to appear as though the
cash is related to the assassination of President Kennedy. Good performances, an intriguing story by Michael Butler
and Dennis Shryack and bleak Texas scenery are highlights of this interesting thriller, which also stars Rip Torn, Kurtwood
Smith, Jean Smart, Tess Harper, Miguel Ferrer, Mark Slade and Kevin Conway. Score by Tangerine Dream.
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