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End-Eyewitness

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THE END (1978)--Directed by Burt Reynolds. Stars Burt Reynolds, Sally Field, Dom DeLuise. Another indication that Burt could make good movies when he really wanted to. Reynolds also directed this dark comedy about a terminally ill man (Burt) who decides to kill himself before he succumbs to disease. Sounds depressing, but Reynolds and a terrific supporting cast liven things up and deliver plenty of laughs. Also with Joanne Woodward, Strother Martin, Kristy McNichol, Carl Reiner, Myrna Loy and David Steinberg.
 
END GAME (2006)--Directed by Andy Cheng.  Stars Cuba Gooding Jr., Angie Harmon, James Woods, Anne Archer, Burt Reynolds.  I expected a lot from Andy Cheng’s directorial debut.  A former member of Jackie Chan’s legendary stunt team, Cheng came to the United States to, among other credits, serve as stunt coordinator and second unit director on U.S. SEALS II, a little-heralded direct-to-video adventure that offers some of the astounding fight scenes ever seen in a Hollywood film.  After several years of handling stunts and second-unit duties on major films like THE RUNDOWN and SHANGHAI NOON, Millennium Films gave Cheng a shot at directing an entire feature.

Cuba Gooding, Jr.--finally diminished to direct-to-video status after years of turkeys like RADIO and BOAT TRIP stinking up the multiplexes--stars as Secret Service agent Alex Thomas, who is wounded trying to protect the President (Jack Scalia, who got a promotion after playing the head of Homeland Security in last year’s RED EYE) during a successful assassination attempt.  The assassin is gunned down by other agents, and Thomas’ boss Vaughn Stevens (James Woods) places Alex on medical leave.  Not a very quiet one, however, as he partners with a reporter, Kate Crawford (Angie Harmon, formerly of LAW & ORDER), to snoop out a conspiracy which may involve half of Washington, D.C., up to and including a mysterious retired Army general (Burt Reynolds) and the widowed First Lady (Anne Archer).

Millennium is an off-shoot of Nu Image Films, which made a name for itself during the 1990s with an impressively vast production slate of DTV action movies with titles like CYBORG COP III, OPERATION DELTA FORCE 2 and dozens of movies about killer animals:  SPIDERS, CROCODILE, SHARK ATTACK, OCTOPUS et al.  In recent years, Millennium/Nu Image has made an effort to amp up its budgets and production scope, and END GAME appears to have been intended for theatrical release.  It instead went directly to DVD earlier this month, even though it compares favorably with something like THE SENTINEL, the Michael Douglas film that likely cost four times as much to make, but contains a story and action setpieces no more impressive.

Indeed, Cheng does handle a couple of END GAME’s chases pretty well, including an interesting car chase in which the fleeing heavy attempts to distract Gooding by shooting at passing vehicles.  The story by Cheng and J.C. Pollock is muddled--I’m not entirely sure what the conspiracy was all about--but the veteran cast, which also includes a welcome character turn by DARK SHADOWS’ David Selby, makes it somewhat believable.  Even Harmon--my least favorite “L&O” ADA--settles into a relaxed performance.

END OF DAYS (1999)--Directed by Peter Hyams. Stars Arnold Schwarzenegger, Gabriel Byrne, Robin Tunney, Kevin Pollak, Rod Steiger. A loopy supernatural thriller with its own sense of logic, END OF DAYS features a good number of action scenes, explosions and (mostly fake-looking) special effects, but is too dopey to be taken seriously. The screenplay by Andrew W. Marlowe (AIR FORCE ONE, an equally unbelievable action movie in which the President of the United States singlehandedly staves off a terrorist attack) asks us to believe that once every 1000 years, a baby girl will be born who, twenty years later on New Years Eve in the hour just before the new Millennium, if she is impregnated by Old Scratch, will eventually give birth to the Anti-Christ and bring about the destruction of the world, or the end of days. The girl is Christine (Tunney), who is unaware of her importance in the grand scheme of things, and has been under constant surveillance by the Vatican since her birth. One faction of the Church wants to kill Christine (the needs of the many outweighing the needs of the few, you know), while another, represented by priest Steiger, believes that murdering an innocent girl isnt a very godly way to save the universe. Her guardian angel turns out to be a suicidal, alcoholic ex-cop named Jericho Cane (very biblical), played in his usual manner by Schwarzenegger in his first action lead since 1996's ERASER. Satan (Byrne) takes the form of an important New York businessman (about whom we know nothing) whose life is saved by professional bodyguard Cane. The assassin is a homeless priest who has cut out his own tongue, and is later found crucified on the ceiling of his hospital room.

Hyams' films, which include CAPRICORN ONE and TIMECOP, have never relied on strong characterizations or tight scripting, and END OF DAYS is no exception. The action scenes don't even work too well, since Hyams chose to shoot them too close and edit them too quickly, so we don't get to see whats going on. Pollak gets all the best lines as Arnold's sardonic partner, Byrne makes for a marvelously charming Prince of Darkness, Tunney is cute (and performs a completely gratuitous topless scene) but lifeless, while Arnold is...well...Arnold, albeit a slightly more ambitious one.

Hyams, one of the few Hollywood directors who serves as his own cinematographer, achieves a decent look, with an OK score by John Debney and too-frantic editing by Steven Kemper. Stan Winston's briefly-seen creature design seems to indicate he's been watching a lot of SOUTH PARK, since his Satan closely resembles the one displayed in one of that series's episodes. Also with CCH Pounder, Renee Olstead, Linda Pine and the great Udo Kier.

ENEMY (1990)—Directed by George Rowe.  Stars Peter Fonda, Tia Carrere.  Fonda closed out the “tough guy” portion of his acting career with this decent Vietnam War actioner filmed in the Philippines.  From this point on, he moved gracefully into character roles in bigger, better films, such as ULEE’S GOLD, which earned Fonda his only Academy Award nomination as an actor.

More commonly seen on Media’s VHS as FATAL MISSION, ENEMY stars Fonda as Andrews, an American agent who assassinates a North Vietnamese official using a gun hidden inside a newsreel camera.  The helicopter assigned to pick him up from the jungle is destroyed by Mai (Carrere), a beautiful Chinese agent, who takes Andrews prisoner, but not before receiving a nasty bullet wound in the shoulder.  As the two enemy spies traipse on foot through the perilous jungle towards civilization, the realization hits both that they’ll have to work together to make it alive, as the elements and a seemingly inexhaustible supply of Viet Cong soldiers work against them.

It’s sort of an ENEMY MINE/DEFIANT ONES riff made cheaply but competently.  For some reason, it took six screenwriters (including Fonda) to cobble together one of the simplest scripts I’ve ever seen.  They may have been working against each other, rather than together, because ENEMY occasionally hints at more complex plotting involving a CIA plot to kill Andrews, but the whos and whys aren’t very clear, making the shock ending something of a dud.

Director Rowe (BLACK MAMBA) shoots the action with little flair, but plenty of squibbing.  Cameos by Mako, Ted Markland, Joe Mari Avellana and Jim Mitchum (with whom Fonda starred in Cannon’s MERCENARY FIGHTERS) add appeal, and the young Carrere is fine, whether acting in Chinese or English.  Fifteen years later, she and Fonda would reunite in the TV-movie SUPERNOVA.

THE ENFORCER (1976)--Directed by James Fargo. Stars Clint Eastwood, Tyne Daly, Harry Guardino, Bradford Dillman. Third DIRTY HARRY movie pits the San Francisco inspector (Eastwood) against a group of hippie terrorists that kidnap the city's mayor. What sets this action tale apart is the fact that Dirty Harry's partner this time is a woman (Daly)--one who sacrifices her life at the end and turns out to be just as courageous as her male partner. The action sequences are good, and Eastwood gets a lot of great one-liners. Music by Jerry Fielding. From the director of EVERY WHICH WAY BUT LOOSE.

ENSIGN PULVER (1964)--Directed by Joshua Logan. Stars Robert Walker, Jr., Burl Ives, Walter Matthau. Despite the absence of Jack Lemmon, Henry Fonda and James Cagney, this follow-up to MISTER ROBERTS is a fairly pleasant comedy about World War II hijinks. Look for some familiar faces in small roles including Tommy Sands, Jack Nicholson and Larry Hagman.

ENTER THE DRAGON (1973)--Directed by Robert Clouse.  Stars Bruce Lee, John Saxon, Jim Kelly, Shih Kien, Bob Wall, Angela Mao Ying, Ahna Capri.  Lee was dead by the time this big-time Warner Brothers martial arts movie was released.  It was supposed to be the film that made him a true international movie star—and it did.  Too bad he wasn’t able to enjoy it.  Michael Allin’s comic-booky screenplay turns Lee into a government agent who accepts an invitation to a martial arts tournament in order to investigate the event’s sponsor, Han (Shih), a ruthless millionaire who runs a busy narcotics and prostitution ring from his private island.  Kelly and Saxon play Vietnam War buddies on the run from racist cops and Mafia loan sharks, respectively, who join Han’s competition, but become sickened by their host’s corruption.  Lee’s climactic battle with Shih and his detachable metal hand is a classic, but Clouse and Lee (who choreographed the fights) provide other memorable action scenes too.  Much credit goes to Lalo Schifrin for composing one of his finest scores, adding much gusto to the kicking and punching.

ENTER THE NINJA (1981)--Directed by Menahem Golan.  Stars Franco Nero, Sho Kosugi, Susan George, Christopher George, Alex Courtney, Sachi Noy.  This Cannon exploitation film shot in the Philippines more or less kicked off the short-lived "ninja" craze of the 1980s.  Not only did Cannon and other low-budget filmmakers rip off ENTER's success, but NBC even tried a television series co-starring Kosugi with Lee Van Cleef titled THE MASTER. 

 
Italian film star Nero (DJANGO) plays Cole, who opens the film by sneaking through the jungle in his bright white ninja suit, knocking off similarly tressed opponents (but wearing red or black).  Surprise--it's just a training exercise, and Cole is now the first American to master the ancient Japanese art of ninjitsu and be officially anointed a ninja, much to the dismay of Hasegawa (Kosugi), who throws down his sake and stalks off in a pout.  Cole's next stop:  Manila, where he meets his old mercenary buddy Frank Landers (Courtney, winner of the James Caan Lookalike Contest) and his sexy young wife Mary Ann (Susan George).  Frank and Mary Ann own a plantation, but are having trouble finding quality farmhands, since they're being threatened and bullied by Siegfried (Noy), a slimy fat man with a hook for a hand.  Siegfried works for Mr. Venarius (a hammy Christopher George), a wealthy but evil real-estate developer trying to buy the Landers' land, since he knows (but the Landers' don't) that there's "bubblin' crude" there all ready to be drilled.  Since Frank won't sell and Cole's martial arts skills have decimated nearly every able-bodied thug in Manila, Venarius decides to recruit his own ninja ("I want my black ninja!  And I want him now!"):  none other than Cole's old foe Hasegawa.
 
Although the plot is as old as the hills (heck, it would be right at home in a Tom Mix western) and Golan, Cannon's co-owner along with executive producer Yoram Globus, is not exactly known for his crackerjack action scenes, ENTER THE NINJA really is a heck of a lot of fun.  Nero, whose Italian accent has been redubbed by another actor, doesn't look like a ninjitsu expert, but he does look tough and know how to fight, and sharp editing by Mark Goldblatt (THE TERMINATOR) and Michael Duthie (3000 MILES TO GRACELAND) help make Nero a convincing ninja.  Susan George is spunky, but is mainly used as decoration, and Christopher George (no relation to Susan, although he was married to actress Lynda Day George) is energetic if not just a little embarrassing.  I mean, he's really into some heavy overacting here, although he probably was just happy not to be back in Italy doing Lucio Fulci zombie movies.  As for the action, well, there's lots of it.  Kosugi and stunt coordinator Mike Stone, a well-known Los Angeles karate instructor (he was Elvis'), do a nice job staging the fights, although don't expect elaborate Jackie Chan-like sequences.
 
ENTER THE NINJA did so well that Cannon immediately followed it with two Kosugi-starring "sequels" that were increasingly silly if no less entertaining:  REVENGE OF THE NINJA and NINJA III: THE DOMINATION in which dead ninja Kosugi possessed the shapely body of telephone linewoman Lucinda Dickey and started kicking ass with it.  Stone also provided ENTER's story (he probably was originally set to star, but if you can get Franco Nero instead...), but the screenplay was by Dick Desmond.  Music by Rinder Lauren.
 

EPICENTER (2000)--Directed by Richard Pepin.  Stars Traci Lords, Gary Daniels, Jeff Fahey, Daniela Nane.  Undercover cop Lords (I know...just go along with it) and industrial thief Daniels find themselves inexorably forced together during an earthquake in Los Angeles.  Infiltrating a gang of Russians who have hired computer expert Daniels to swipe stealth fighter technology from the thinktank he works for, Lords captures Daniels during an exhaustive car chase (swiped from the Eddie Murphy actioner METRO) in San Francisco in which two of the gang is killed, one the brother of juicy short-haired gang member Tanya (Nane).  Making their way to L.A., Traci, who.s planning to meet her estranged daughter at a mall, and Daniels, lamenting the fact that Traci has changed the password to access his Swiss bank account, are caught in the city's largest tremor in history.  As buildings crumble and streets flood, the handcuffed pair tries to make their way to safety while dodging the guns of revenge-driven Tanya and a corrupt FBI agent played by Fahey (DARKMAN III).

 

EPICENTER pales next to Pepin's wilder films for his company, PM Entertainment, which are notable for slicker production values and more outrageous stunts than demonstrated here.  One problem is that Pepin, instead of staging his own action sequences, decided to buy them instead; in addition to the METRO chase, stock footage from SPEED and MONEY TRAIN also pop in.  The earthquake scenes were also probably taken from another production, but I didn't recognize which.  In addition, both Lords (billing herself as "Traci Elizabeth Lords") and Daniels are miscast; Gary only has one very brief martial arts moment, while Traci, with her puffy cheeks and pouty lips, is never convincing as an undercover agent.  Fahey, a veteran of these things, is wryly amusing in his brief screen time.

 

EQUALIZER 2000 (1986)--Directed by Cirio H. Santiago.  Stars Richard Norton, Corinne Wahl, Robert Patrick.  After the apocalypse, a bunch of rebels fight a bunch of bad guys.  Both sides want badass Slade (Norton) on their side, but what Slade wants is the Equalizer 2000, a big gun that blows stuff up real good.  Despite wall-to-wall action, this film is quite dull--as many Santiago films are--and doesn't even bother to strip Penthouse Pet Wahl, who thankfully went au natural in AMAZON WOMEN ON THE MOON.  Patrick plays Deke, a redneck in a Confederacy cap.

 

EQUINOX (1970)--Directed by Jack Woods.  Stars Edward Connell, Frank Bonner, Barbara Hewitt, Robin Christopher.  If you were a horror fan growing up in the 1960’s and 1970’s, you were undoubtedly aware of FAMOUS MONSTERS OF FILMLAND.  A monthly magazine published by Warren, FMOF enchanted kids with wonderfully evocative articles and stills from science fiction, horror and fantasy movies past and present.  Much of it was written by its editor, Forrest J Ackerman (sic), in an inimitable “punny” style that clicked with a young audience fixated on monster movies and special effects.  It’s no exaggeration to say that FMOF influenced a generation of future filmmakers.

 

In 1965, a trio of young “monster kids” who had met through the FMOF classifieds decided to join forces and make a movie just like the ones they enjoyed watching on late-night TV.  Greatly influenced by KING KONG and the special effects wizardry of the legendary Ray Harryhausen, the three lads--Dennis Muren, Mark McGee and David Allen--created EQUINOX on weekends over the course of two years on a budget of only $6500.  Muren is a name many genre fans recognize immediately.  He’s an Oscar-winning visual effects technician whose credits include E.T. and JURASSIC PARK, just to name a handful.  Muren was still a teenager when he co-directed his first movie, along with McGee (who went on to write several films for Roger Corman) and Allen, who, like Muren, became renowned for his work in visual effects, specializing in stop-motion animation.

 

Three years after EQUINOX was finally completed, Hollywood producer Jack H. Harris bought the picture and hired Jack Woods to write additional scenes and reassemble the cast to direct new footage.  EQUINOX played across the United States and found an extra life in TV syndication and home video.  Criterion has released it in a sumptuous 2-disc DVD that includes not only the theatrical cut, but also--for the first time ever--the original 77-minute version from before Harris and Woods got hold of it.

 

Both versions have slightly different storylines, but the basic premise remains the same.  Four youths--David (Edward Connell), Susan (Barbara Hewitt), Vicki (Robin Christopher) and Jim (Frank Boers, Jr., who later changed his name to Frank Bonner and became famous as sleazy sales manager Herb Tarlek on WKRP IN CINCINNATI)--hiking through the woods to the cabin of Professor Waterman (fantasy author Fritz Leiber) encounter a crazy old man in a cave who hands them an ancient book.  This tome opens a doorway between Earth and a haunted dimension that unleashes a bevy of murderous creatures against them, including a green giant, a Harryhausen-like “Taurus” and a winged demon.  The Woods/Harris version attempts to flesh out a story that doesn’t need it by adding a spooky park ranger, Mr. Asmodeus (Woods), who warns the kids away from the woods, but also takes the time to mesmerize and make out with the two girls in scenes that appear to exist solely for the actor/director’s gratification.

 

Neither EQUINOX is what I would call “good,” but both are interesting in terms of their admittedly crude special effects.  It’s fun guessing how the budding filmmakers pulled off their ambitious vision without much money.  A lot of it was done “in the camera” using forced perspective, mirrors or matte paintings on glass that mingle perfectly with the real background.  The paintings were done by another “monster kid,” Jim Danforth, who was already a Hollywood professional on films such as THE 7 FACES OF DR. LAO.  The stop-motion scenes were mostly directed by Allen using front and rear projection techniques that seem impossible on $6500.  I particularly admire the cave set, which is one of the best I’ve ever seen.  It was basically a 40-foot cave wall constructed in Muren’s backyard, but, combined with exteriors filmed at Bronson Canyon and another Danforth matte painting, is indistinguishable from a real cave.

 

I’ve barely mentioned the performers, which is fair when discussing EQUINOX.  It’s difficult to accurately measure their work, since EQUINOX was shot without sound using a 16mm Bolex camera, and the voices were post-dubbed later.  The cast are inexperienced, but likable; it’s unsurprising that Bonner comes off best.  The performances are definitely hurt by Woods’ recutting, which eliminates nearly all the character buildup and backstory, turning the protagonists into teenage ciphers, rather than people we become invested in.

 

EQUINOX is perhaps the unlikeliest member of the vaunted Criterion Collection, which, according to its Web site, is “a continuing series of important classic and contemporary films“ and “dedicated to gathering the greatest films from around the world.”  I’m not certain EQUINOX qualifies on those counts, but there’s no denying the film’s impact on a select few individuals who went on to create some of Hollywood’s greatest fantasies.

 

ERIN BROCKOVICH (2000)--Directed by Steven Soderburgh. Stars Julia Roberts, Albert Finney, Aaron Eckhart. Although this crowd-pleasing star vehicle placed surprisingly high on several year-end Top Ten lists, ERIN BROCKOVICH, starring wide-lipped Roberts as a potty-mouthed activist, is nothing more than a solidly performed and directed Hollywood melodrama. Erin, a single mother of two younguns struggling to find both a job (her bank balance stands at $74) and a babysitter (to watch her kids when she finally lands that job), talks her way into a position file-clerking for local attorney Ed Masry (Finney). Masry unsuccessfully represented Erin in a civil suit after she was injured in a car accident. Her wiseass attitude, vulgar vocabulary and boob-baring wardrobe makes it difficult for her officemates to warm up to Erin, but Masry, in a fit of guilt and pity, agrees to take her on anyway, and assigns her to a faraway office. Her enthusiasm gets the best of her when she begins investigating a pro bono case on her own, one in which several people seem to have been poisoned by Pacific Gas & Electric, which allegedly dumped a toxic chemical into the local towns drinking water. Although Masry is initially annoyed at Erin's immersion in the case, he soon realizes that there's more to it than meets the eye, and eventually, with Erin's legwork and dedication, agrees to pursue a third-of-a-billion-dollar class action suit against PG&E.

The sort of David-meets-Goliath drama that Hollywood loves to produce, ERIN BROCKOVICH suffers from its similarity to 1998's A CIVIL ACTION, another true story about a colorful attorney who pursues a lonely pollution lawsuit against a major company. That movie, which starred John Travolta as New England lawyer Jan Schlichtmann, did a nice job showing the frustration of going up against an opponent with the power to bankrupt and destroy anyone who threatens its capitalist goals. ERIN is simply a feel good movie with plenty of one-liners and too few obstacles in our heroine's way. Need a babysitter? No problem--the unemployed nice-guy biker next door (Eckhart) is eager to help.

Roberts, who won a Best Actress Academy Award, is fine as Erin, but she's just coasting here, doing most of her acting with her cleavage and her smile. It's the work of a movie star with great charm, but hardly Oscar-worthy. On her behalf, it isn't easy making a character like Brockovich someone to root for, since she appears to make her own brand of bad luck. Instead of clucking our tongues at Erin for antagonizing anyone who attempts to help her or coming into work in outfits more fitting to Julia's PRETTY WOMAN character, we're supposed to be aroused by her sense of individuality. I thought she was more stupid than brave. Finney, on the other hand, delivers his most vigorous performance in years, while familiar faces Peter Coyote (E.T.), Marg Helgenberger (C.S.I.) and Conchata Ferrell (E/R) turn in nice support.

Also with Tracey Walter, William Lucking, Mimi Kennedy, Gina Gallego and the real Erin Brockovich as a waitress. Music by Thomas Newman. Writer Susannah Grant also penned the trite Sandra Bullock-in-rehab drama 28 DAYS. Danny DeVito was a producer. Soderburgh earned DGA, Academy Award and Golden Globe nominations for this and TRAFFIC the same year; he won the Best Director Oscar for TRAFFIC.

 
ERNEST GOES TO CAMP (1987)--Directed by John Cherry. Stars Jim Varney, John Vernon, Lyle Alzado, Iron Eyes Cody. TV commercial spokesman Ernest P. "Hey, Vern!" Worrell (Varney) comes to the big screen in his own full-length motion picture! I guess I've seen everything now. Kids should enjoy the various slapstick stunts and childish jokes, as Ernest becomes a counselor at a summer camp. He even sings in this movie! It's hard to believe Varney made a ton of money off of this one-joke character. Followed by a seemingly endless number of sequels.
 
THE EROTIC ADVENTURES OF ZORRO (1972)--Directed by William Allen Castleman & Robert Freeman (“Col. Bob Freeman” receives screen credit).  Stars Douglas Frey, Robyn Whitting, John Alderman, Jude Farese.  Exploitation king David F. Friedman produced this amusing softcore spin on the Zorro legend.  Don Diego de Vega (Frey) is recruited from his university in Madrid to defend his townspeople when sinister Luis Bonesario (Farese) takes control of 19th-century Los Angeles.  To protect his identity, Diego pretends to be a flaming homosexual, while donning a black mask and cape at night to battle Bonesario’s forces as the mysterious swordsman Zorro.  As the title would lead you to expect, much running time consists of sex scenes, which straddle the line between hardcore and late-night-Cinemax-style softcore in that the actors might not be simulating sex, but no penetration is shown.  More than just a sex film, ZORRO also provides a bit of action, as much spectacle as its low budget could handle, and enough silly slapstick and wordplay to filter out the raunch of the sex scenes.  Most of the actors were Friedman regulars, although a few, such as Alderman, who plays Bonesario’s main henchman, also appeared in mainstream films and television shows.  Another exploitation filmmaker, Bob Cresse, has a supporting role, as does Friedman.

ESCAPE FROM ALCATRAZ (1979)--Directed by Don Siegel. Stars Clint Eastwood, Patrick McGoohan, Roberts Blossom, Fred Ward. Clint and two colleagues plan to become the first convicts to break out of the legendary maximum-security prison on Alcatraz Island. McGoohan is good as the slimy warden. The escape sequence is tautly directed, and there are many other good action scenes along the way. Script by Richard Tuggle.

 
ESCAPE FROM DEATH ROW (1973)--Directed by Michele Lupo.  Stars Lee Van Cleef, Tony LoBianco, Jean Rochefort.  First released in Italy as DIO, SEI PROPRIO UN PADRETERNO! and the U.S. as MEAN FRANK AND CRAZY TONY, this action-packed prison flick was re-released by Aquarius Releasing in 1981 under the title ESCAPE FROM DEATH ROW in order to capitalize on Van Cleef's role in the John Carpenter film ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK. 
 
Van Cleef plays mobster Frankie Dio, a target for murder by his own partners in crime.  Tough and bent on revenge, Dio has himself tossed into jail, where he bribes a guard and escapes long enough to murder one of his old pals.  His plan backfires, though, when his associate breaks Dio's alibi under torture, and Frankie soon finds that prison walls aren't thick enough to protect him from assassination attempts by goons working for new crime boss Annunziata (Rochefort).  Frankie finds himself a new partner in prison, brash young hoodlum-in-training Tony Breda (LoBianco), who helps engineer an escape that puts the two new pals on the road to Marseilles, where Dio plans to ice his nemesis before he and Tony are gunned down themselves.
 
Chockfull of violent torture and fight scenes, as well as a spectacular chase where Van Cleef and LoBianco, behind the wheel of a truck filled with oil drums, outrun an army of cars and motorcycles, ESCAPE is greatly diluted by its Paragon Video release, which omits a great deal of gore, nudity and profanity.  It's still great fun, thanks mostly to the leads' charming performances and a great deal of humor, but it surely would be nice to see it uncut.  Look closely for French hottie Edwige French as LoBianco's sexy girlfriend.  Music by Riz Ortolani.
 
ESCAPE FROM HELL (1979)--Directed by Edoardo Mulargia.  Stars Anthony Steffen, Ajita Wilson, Christina Lay, Luciano Pigozzi.  This very sleazy Italian women-in-prison potboiler features the notorious Wilson, who was rumored after her death to have been a transsexual.  Mulargia gives you plenty of opportunities to get a good look at her nude body, as well as many others in this sweaty mess.  Several improbably beautiful women are imprisoned in a jungle facility where they spend their days doing manual labor and their nights being raped by vicious guards under the watchful eye of neat-freak warden Pigozzi.  The only decent male is Dr. Farrell (Steffen), who's a drunk.  Eventually the women convince the doc to help them escape, sending them on a treacherous cross-country journey on foot.  With lesbian sex scenes, rapes, snake attacks, tortures and beatings popping up at regular intervals, it's hard to argue that ESCAPE is boring, but you should have a fairly high tolerance for this type of material.  Also seen as HELL PRISON and HELLFIRE ON ICE, clips were later integrated into a Linda Blair cheapie called SAVAGE ISLAND.
 
ESCAPE FROM L.A. (1996)--Directed by John Carpenter. Stars Kurt Russell, Stacy Keach, Cliff Robertson, Valeria Golino. Disappointing sequel to Carpenter's 1981 cult sci-fi hit ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK finds snarling anti-hero Snake Plissken (Russell looking pretty much the same as he did 15 years ago) basically repeating the storyline of the original--even duplicating scenes and dialogue exchanges. This time the battle zone is Los Angeles, which was separated from the mainland by a tremendous earthquake, and has turned into the shipping ground for all the criminals, freaks and malcontents deemed unworthy by the federal government. Plissken is captured, infected with a virus, and sent into L.A. by prison warden Keach to rescue the daughter of the rightwing President of the United States (Robertson). A budget about five times that of the original does not make this a better film; many of the sets and special effects don't attain the level to which '90s audiences are accustomed. However, Russell is appealing as a basically unlikable hero, and Carpenter has compiled an amazing exploitation cast including Steve Buscemi, Peter Fonda, STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION's Michelle Forbes, blaxploitation beauty Pam Grier, George Corraface, A.J. Langer, Robert Carradine and EVIL DEAD cult star Bruce Campbell. Film is also distinguished by an unusually downbeat ending. Written by Russell, Carpenter and Debra Hill. Score by Shirley Walker and Carpenter.

ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK (1981)--Directed by John Carpenter. Stars Kurt Russell, Lee Van Cleef, Donald Pleasence, Isaac Hayes, Ernest Borgnine, Adrienne Barbeau, Harry Dean Stanton, Season Hubley. In the near future, Manhattan Island has become a maximum-security prison where the inmates are free to roam at will. When Air Force One crashes there, Snake Plissken (Russell) is promised a full pardon if he can rescue the U.S. President within 24 hours. If not, police commissioner Van Cleef will blow Russell's head off with explosive pellets implanted into his brain. Fun science-fiction film is like a comic book with lots of action and a terrific exploitation cast. Russell's Clint Eastwood imitation is pretty fun. Partially filmed in St. Louis.

ESCAPE FROM THE BRONX (1984)--Directed by Enzo G. Castelleri. Stars Mark Gregory, Henry Silva, Timothy Brent, Valeria D'Obici. Although titled to remind American filmgoers of ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK, Castelleri's futuristic action film is about people fighting to remain in the bombed-out Bronx. The villainous GC Corporation buys the Bronx, and plans to renovate it with state-of-the-art condominiums and office buildings. First, they have to get rid of the street people still living there, so they bring in their DAS--Disinfestation Assassination Squad--to force the residents out using any means necessary, including dynamite and flamethrowers. One inhabitant, Trash (Gregory), takes it personally when his parents become victims of the DAS, so, teaming with a nosy reporter (D'Obici), a charming thief (Brent), a little boy and members of an underground group of rebels, he fights back against DAS and their brutal leader Wrangler (Silva) by kidnapping GC's president.

Technically a sequel to Castelleri's 1990: THE BRONX WARRIORS (Gregory played Trash in both), ESCAPE has little to do with the previous film, and easily stands on its own. Its biggest drawback is Gregory, who has no charisma, little physical skills and just looks darn silly with his flowing dark locks. More screen time for Brent (who was the hero of Castelleri's WARRIORS OF THE WASTELAND) and especially Silva (who is his usual wonderful over-the-top self) would have helped, although Castelleri manages to keep things moving as fast as he can. Not up to other Italian MAD MAX imitations of the time, but it'll do. Also with Antonio Sabato, Ennio Girolami (Castelleri's brother) as the President, Andrea Coppola and Romano Puppo. Music by Francesco DeMasi. From the director of DEADLY MISSION. Was skewed by the MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 gang as ESCAPE 2000.

ESCAPE FROM THE PLANET OF THE APES (1971)--Directed by Don Taylor. Stars Roddy McDowall, Kim Hunter, Bradford Dillman, Natalie Trundy, Eric Braeden. Three intelligent apes escape the destruction of the world in the previous movie (BENEATH THE PLANET OF THE APES) and land their spaceship in modern-day Los Angeles. One is killed early on, but the other two (McDowall and Hunter as Cornelius and Dr. Zira) become celebrities. When the government becomes leery of the couple's unborn baby and the kind of society a race of talking apes could create, McDowall and Hunter flee with the help of friendly human scientists Dillman and Trundy. Sal Mineo (in his last film) plays the third ape survivor, and Ricardo Montalban cameos as the leader of a traveling circus.
 
ESCAPE TO CANADA (2005)—Directed by Albert Nerenberg.  The United States: the Land of the Free?  Nerenberg makes a persuasive case that the Americans’ neighbor to the north is more deserving of that title in this overlong documentary.  The issues of gay marriage and the legalization of marijuana may be hot-button topics certain to get at least half the country frothed up, but the Canadians appear to have a calmer handle on them.  Although nowhere near unanimous, the Canadian government seems to hold more progressive stances on the issues, and Nerenberg shows how the citizens have reacted (mostly favorably) to the (off-and-on) legalization of pot and gay marriage.  He sets his sights too narrowly, neglecting other topics on which Canada’s approach opposes America’s (such as AWOL war vets and health care), and his film ultimately is too repetitive and loses its sting.
 
ESCAPE TO WITCH MOUNTAIN (1975)--Directed by John Hough.  Stars Ike Eisenmann, Kim Richards, Eddie Albert, Ray Milland, Donald Pleasence.  A lot of children wanted to be just like Tony and Tia when this Disney crowd-pleaser arrived in theaters in the spring of 1975.  An affable mixture of science fiction, adventure and comedy, ESCAPE TO WITCH MOUNTAIN is based, by television writer Robert Malcolm Young, upon a novel by Alexander Key and features just about everything a kid could want in a movie, including animals, action and young characters with super-powers he or she can relate to.
 
Tony (Eisenmann) and Tia (Richards) are orphans, newly arrived at a children's home where their mysterious psychic powers have made them outcasts among the other children.  They have no memory of where they come from or who their real parents were and no explanation for how they are able to levitate objects (including themselves), communicate using thought and foresee the future.  Evil millionaire Aristotle Bolt (Milland) neither knows nor cares where the siblings came from, just that he wants to use their powers to achieve greater power and wealth.  He sends minion Deranian (Pleasence) to pose as their uncle and bring them back to his oceanside estate, but Tony and Tia see through his plot and escape by stowing away aboard a Winnebago driven by crusty widower Jason O'Day (Albert), who grows attached to the confused children and agrees to take them to an area called Witch Mountain, where they believe the key to their past can be found.
 
ESCAPE TO WITCH MOUNTAIN is one of the most "grown-up" features Disney had made, up to that time.  Of course, children were its primary audience, but the advanced subject matter and Hough's edgy direction ensure it's an adventure film that parents could find excitement in too.  Using foreboding camera angles and Frank Phillips' shadowy lighting, Hough manages to inject a hint of danger into Tony and Tia's pursuit.  The casting of venerable character actors Milland and Pleasence adds suspense as well.  Both performers are excellent, finding the right balance of menace and light comedy and never playing "down" to their young audience.  Along with the immensely likable Albert, the adult stars take their roles seriously, which leads to some occasionally juicy scenes to play.  For instance, a scene in which the kids confront Jason with their knowledge of his wife's death provides Albert with a surprisingly rich dramatic moment, which he handles with great aplomb.
 
Obviously, since ESCAPE is a Disney film, it can't completely escape a case of the "cutes"--the dancing marionettes being a prime example--and discerning adults may be turned off by the mildness of the adventure.  Even though it looks and often feels unlike other Disney live-action films of the era, the action is strictly G-rated and relies on the charm of its young stars to sell it.  Eisenmann and Richards do amazingly look like brother and sister and were among the most talented child actors of the period, cute but not overly precocious.  Denver Pyle, Reta Shaw, Alfred Ryder, Lawrence Montaigne and Walter Barnes lend support, as does Johnny Mandel's lilting score.  The visual effects by Disney stalwarts Art Cruickshank and Danny Lee look uncomfortably quaint today, but fill the bill amiably enough.
 
ESCAPE was quite successful for Disney, which explains the deluxe treatment it has received on DVD.  In addition to presenting the film in its original 1.75:1 aspect ratio and enhanced for 16x9 televisions for the first time, Disney has provided a clean Dolby Digital 5.1 soundtrack (it was presumably mixed originally in mono) and a bevy of extras.  The most notable is the audio commentary track by Richards, Eisenmann and, recorded separately, Hough.  The young stars, who have remained quite close through the years, have a "Gee Whiz, wasn't that fun?" attitude towards the film, which is not unentertaining.  They're obviously as fond of the film as we are, and enjoy their close association with it.  Hough's comments are more nuts-and-bolts; he's also quite proud of ESCAPE, and provides some interesting details about its production.  Hough continues his thoughts in an on-camera interview titled CONVERSATIONS WITH JOHN HOUGH.  Eisenmann and Richards sit down for comments in an all-new making-of featurette, MAKING THE ESCAPE, which also includes Hough and Lee and provides additional insights into ESCAPE's origins, script and casting in particular.  DISNEY SCI-FI is a short music-video-styled vignette showcasing clips from various Disney movies, like THE ABSENT-MINDED PROFESSOR and MY FAVORITE MARTIAN.  1975 DISNEY STUDIO ALBUM is a quick rundown of the various projects the studio had going that year; not just in theaters, but also on television and at the theme parks.  There's a nice "Lost Treasure" spotlighting Disney's special effects team, and a good number of production stills, advertising materials and biographies of Hough and the main cast members.  The neatest extra may be PLUTO'S DREAM HOUSE, a color cartoon starring Pluto and Mickey Mouse that can be played as a lead-in to the main feature or accessed on its own.  Strangely, a trailer is not included, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was available as an Easter Egg somewhere.  The cover art and inset card pretty much give away Tony and Tia's secret origin, but, hey, ESCAPE FROM WITCH MOUNTAIN is almost thirty years old.
 
ESCAPE 2000--See TURKEY SHOOT.
 
E.T.: THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL (1983)--Directed by Steven Spielberg. Stars Henry Thomas, Drew Barrymore, Dee Wallace, Peter Coyote, Robert MacNaughton. Popular fantasy was a critical and box-office smash and tickled an emotional nerve with film audiences of all ages. Everyone knows the plot by now. Music by John Williams. Screenplay by Melissa Matheson (now Mrs. Harrison Ford). Carlo Rambaldi, who did the alien creatures in CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND, designed E.T.
 
EUROTRIP (2004)--Directed by Jeff Schaffer.  Stars Scott Mechlowicz, Jacob Pitts, Michelle Trachtenberg, Travis Wester, Jessica Bohrs.  EUROTRIP is what can happen when smart people attempt something dumb.  DreamWorks' amiable teen sex comedy was written, produced and directed by a trio of Harvard graduates whose credits include NATIONAL LAMPOON, SEINFELD and CLERKS (the funny, short-lived TV series).  Oh, and, uh, THE CAT IN THE HAT, one of 2003's worst films.  Well, nobody is perfect.
 
What David Mandel, Alec Berg and Jeff Schaffer (who takes sole directing credit to appease the DGA) have cobbled together is a surprisingly charming formula movie that offers plenty of satisfying lowbrow comic bits, as well as several clever out-of-left-field moments that suggest the filmmaking trio may be too bright for the material.  What EUROTRIP also supplies in healthy doses is good, old-fashioned nudity of both the male and female varieties.  Hollywood in recent years seems to have forgotten that teenagers like to see beautiful naked teenagers, so Mandel, Berg and Schaffer make up for past offenses by splashing enough skin on screen to fill a century of Coppertone ads.  And lest you believe the nudity is entirely gratuitous, a NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD homage set on an all-male nude beach provides one of EUROTRIP's most inspired comic setpieces.
 
The plot is a simple one, designed solely as an excuse to parade its youthful cast through the Prague locations unconvincingly disguised digitally as various European cities.  Scott (Scott Mechlowicz), reeling from a graduation-day dumping by girlfriend Fiona (SMALLVILLE's Kristin Kreuk in a vampy cameo), discovers that his German pen pal, "Mike", whose e-mails he blocked when he believed Mike was coming on to him, is actually Mieke (pop singer Jessica Bohrs), a major hottie who was saving herself for him.  Desperate to make amends with her, Scott recruits slacker pal Cooper (Jacob Pitts) and twins Jamie (Travis Wester) and Jenny (BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER's little sister Michelle Trachtenberg) for a backpack trip across the continent, where they encounter a series of comic misadventures:  an overly amorous Italian, a rowdy rugby team led by Vinnie Jones (SNATCH), a goose-stepping little boy, a losing battle with absinthe that summons a profanity-spewing fairy, a Eurosmoothie named Christoph with an eye for Jenny, a Bratislavian MIAMI VICE junkie and a Dutch dominatrix named Vandersexxx (Lucy Lawless), to name just a few.
 
Thanks in part to EUROTRIP's game cast, none of the potentially embarrassing or incendiary comedy feels offensive or forced.  Of the leads, only the (then-) 17-year-old Trachtenberg is a familiar face (you might remember her as HARRIET THE SPY), and she certainly has matured into a game foil, equally at home playing the tomboy Jenny begins the film as and the sex bomb into which her European coming-of-age transforms her.  Mechlowicz brings a Tom Hanks-ish charm to his role (don't forget Hanks started out in similar ventures like BACHELOR PARTY), suggesting a larger career down the line.
 
Is EUROTRIP the SEINFELD of sex-and-slapstick teen comedies?  Besides a few surface resemblances in the characters, both offer similarly anarchic and occasionally un-PC comic styles that reach beyond the conventions of their genres.  I'm not ready to anoint a movie that contains the finest robot-mime kung fu battle ever filmed as the heir apparent to one of TV's all-time smartest comedies, but there's much to admire about EUROTRIP.  Including, of course, the finest robot-mime kung fu battle ever filmed.  Also with Steve Hytner, Diedrich Bader, Jakki Degg, Jeffrey Tambor, Joanna Lumley, J.P. Manoux and Matt Damon.  Shot almost entirely in Prague by MAD MAX cinematographer David Eggby.  Contains perhaps the funniest David Hasselhoff joke I've ever experienced.
 
EVENT HORIZON (1997)--Directed by Paul Anderson. Stars Laurence Fishburne, Sam Neill. Visually stunning but confusing and dull ALIEN/HELLRAISER mishmash. It was a box-office flop and deservedly so. Captain Fishburne and his crew are sent to Neptune to investigate the mysterious disappearance of the spaceship Event Horizon six years previously. Neill, who created and built the Event Horizon, is along for the ride. What the space travelers discover, I think, is that the Event Horizon passed through a black hole into Hell, and brought back an evil presence that destroyed the ship and its crew. The same bloody terror begins to affect Fishburnes crew and Neill in particular. I really had no idea what was going on most of the time; the cast is very good, the sets and SFX are truly breathtaking, and there's lots of blood for a studio flick, but I lost interest very early. Also with Kathleen Quinlan, Richard T. Jones and Jack Noseworthy. Music by Michael Kamen. From the director of SOLDIER.

EVERY WHICH WAY BUT LOOSE (1978)--Directed by James Fargo. Stars Clint Eastwood, Geoffery Lewis, Ruth Gordon, Sondra Locke, Beverly D'Angelo and Clyde. Silly comedy starring Clint as Philo Beddoe, a not-too-bright bare-knuckles brawler who falls in love with a classy country singer (Locke). Not exactly Noel Coward material, but you'll find yourself laughing a lot. Much of the humor comes from the antics of Philo's pet orangutan Clyde and his senile mother, played by Gordon. ANY WHICH WAY YOU CAN was the sequel.

EVERYTHING YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT SEX (BUT WERE AFRAID TO ASK) (1972)--Directed by Woody Allen. Stars Woody Allen, Louise Lasser, Gene Wilder, Tony Randall. As far as I know, the only motion picture where Burt Reynolds plays sperm. Comedy is made of several sketches, loosely based on chapters from Dr. David Reuben's best-selling book. In one, Gene Wilder sleeps with a sheep. In another, Woody is chased across the countryside by a giant milk-squirting breast created by mad scientist John Carradine. Pretty hilarious and just as bizarre as it sounds. Also with Anthony Quayle, Lynn Redgrave and Regis Philbin.

THE EVICTORS (1979)--Directed by Charles B. Pierce. Stars Vic Morrow, Michael Parks, Jessica Harper, Sue Ane Langdon. Effective PG-rated thriller co-written, produced and directed in Texas and Louisiana by regional auteur Pierce (THE LEGEND OF BOGGY CREEK). In 1942, newlyweds Ben (Parks) and Ruth Watkins (Harper) move into a quaint old farmhouse located just outside of a small Louisiana community. While the townspeople seem friendly enough, they also seem a bit squeamish about the Watkins' new place. Real estate agent Jake Rudd (Morrow) tosses off Ruth's concerns by saying the locals need more time to warm up to the newcomers. Meanwhile, Ruth hears stories from a door-to-door peddler and from her cheery next-door neighbor Olie Gibson (Langdon) about the house's earlier occupants--all of whom were killed in mysterious ways. You won't be too surprised to learn that it isn't long before Ruth becomes a target as well. The lovely rural cinematography by Chuck Bryant, lively score by Jaime Mendoza-Nava and well-done period detail go a long way toward making THE EVICTORS a worthwhile see. Although it won't take you very long to guess the identity of the killer, Pierce delivers some effective shocks, and the cast--especially the resplendent Harper (PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE)--is excellent. Also with Dennis Fimple, Bill Thurman, Jimmy Clem and Harry Thomasson.
 
THE EVIL (1978)--Directed by Gus Trikonis.  Stars Richard Crenna, Joanna Pettet, Andrew Prine, Victor Buono.  Someone should interview Gus Trikonis one of these days.  Not only is he a former actor and dancer (WEST SIDE STORY) who once was married to Goldie Hawn, but he also made a mark of sorts in the 1970's as a director of solid exploitation movies in a variety of genres.  MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 fans may recognize Gus as the director of THE SIDEHACKERS.  I haven't seen SUPERCOCK (!), his reunion with SIDEHACKERS star Ross Hagen as a cockfighter in the Philippines, but I have seen the rest of his theatrical oeuvre:
 
* THE SWINGING BARMAIDS with cop William Smith chasing an impotent serial killer who's knocking off the sexy waitresses in a dumpy bar.
* NASHVILLE GIRL, a sexy soap about young farm girl Monica Gayle's efforts at becoming a country-western star.
* THE STUDENT BODY, as college professor Warren Stevens performs sexual experiments on hot college girls.
* MOONSHINE COUNTY EXPRESS, a fast-drivin' good-ol'-boy car-chase flick with a classic trash cast including John Saxon, William Conrad (CANNON), Claudia Jennings, Maureen McCormick (THE BRADY BUNCH), Susan Howard (DALLAS) and Candice Rialson (CHATTERBOX).
 
And now THE EVIL, one of Trikonis' last feature films before entering a busy career in television.  Released by Roger Corman's New World Pictures in 1978 with an R rating, THE EVIL is a somewhat hokey haunted-house movie with ethereal spirits, floating people and objects, a thunderstorm, shutters that rattle in the night, a demonic dog, an invisible rapist and other tried-and-true ghost-story gimmicks.  It also piles up a decent body count using a cast of performers who should be quite familiar to fans of Crappy Movies.
 
The late Richard Crenna, a dependable journeyman leading man who moved back and forth between television and features with aplomb and who starred in the laugh-tastic DEVIL DOG: THE HOUND OF HELL the same year, toplines as C.J. Arnold, a professor of psychology who rents a spooky old mansion as the site for his new drug rehabilitation center.  In reality, Trikonis and producer Ed Carlin secured as their prime location a gorgeous 19th-century structure near Las Vegas, New Mexico called Montezuma Castle.  It's gigantic, dark and creepy, giving Trikonis plenty of atmosphere to work with.
 
The place needs to be cleaned up, so C.J., along with his gorgeous wife Caroline (Joanna Pettet), recruits a small group of friends and students to spend the summer getting the place ready for business: physicist Raymond Guy (Andrew Prine, recently in the C.S.I. episode directed by Quentin Tarantino) and his student/girlfriend Laurie (Mary Louise Weller, ANIMAL HOUSE); ex-junkie Felicia (Lynne Moody, one of the innocents sent to Robert Reed's corrupt prison in NIGHTMARE IN BADHAM COUNTY); pet lover Mary (Cassie Yates, THE OSTERMAN WEEKEND), joker Pete (George O'Hanlon Jr., whose father was the voice of George Jetson); and handyman Dwight (Robert Viharo, star of BARE KNUCKLES).
 
Danger erupts almost immediately...well, even before that, as a drunken handyman is incinerated by the furnace during the opening titles.  After Crenna's group arrives, all Hell--literally--breaks loose after C.J. accidentally unlocks a Doorway to Hell (where's Lin Ye Tang when you need him) hidden in the basement.  The doors and shutters lock, the window glass becomes unbreakable, and there's no way out of the house.  While agnostic C.J. tries to figure out a logical explanation for everything, various characters are murdered in creative ways--dog attack, electrocution, power saw, mud.  Felicia is stripped to her underwear and battered about by an unseen force.  Only Caroline has something resembling a clue, since she's the only one who can see the ghost of the house's previous resident as he shambles about.
 
Eventually, the Arnolds are the only ones left and end up in the fog-filled basement pit, where they encounter none other than Satan himself, dressed in white and sitting atop a white throne in a white room (no black curtains) brimming with dry ice.  You might be surprised to learn that the Devil is fat and looks a lot like Victor Buono.  Reportedly, some prints of THE EVIL are missing all Buono's scenes, meaning, I guess, that Crenna and Pettet are able to slam the door to Hell and lock it without much of a hitch.  It's true that the climax is a little silly, with Crenna forced to his knees in pain and Pettet leaping out of the fog to jam a pointy iron cross into the chest of a horned Buono, but, gee, that's kind of the point, isn't it?
 
EVIL BRAIN FROM OUTER SPACE (1965)--Directed by Teruo Ishii, Akira Mitsuwa & Koreyoshi Akasaka.  Stars Ken Utsui.  Shintoho, a subsidiary of Japan's Toho Studios, made nine short black-and-white adventures starring a super-hero named Super Giant.  American distributor Walter Manley cut them into four feature-length films, dubbed them into English, and sold them into syndication (I don't think any of them played in U.S. theaters).  EVIL BRAIN was the fourth and is about as coherent as you would expect from a 78-minute film spliced together from three unrelated films.  Starman (Utsui) is summoned to Earth to battle a Sumerian invasion force, which includes guys in fedoras, kung-fu-fighting monsters and, yes, an evil brain in a glass case.  Starman, who is made from steel, uses his unusual fighting style, including an amazing ability to leap tall distances with the help of his jump-cutting editor, to vanquish his foes.  You'll go mad trying to make sense of the story, so don't even try.  Just sit back and find out where the concept for the MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER RANGERS TV show originated.
 
THE EVIL DEAD (1983)--Directed by Sam Raimi. Stars Bruce Campbell, Ellen Sandweiss, Hal Delrich, Betsy Baker, Sarah York. Filmed in an actual Tennessee backwoods cabin and in various basements and backyards in Michigan under the title BOOK OF THE DEAD, Sam Raimi's feature film debut is a startlingly original and audacious horror movie, made with more imagination than money. Five college-age youths--Ash (Campbell), his girlfriend Linda (Baker), his sister Cheryl (Sandweiss), Scotty (Delrich) and Scotty's girlfriend Shelly (York)--drive to an abandoned cabin in the woods for the weekend. Finding an ancient and tattered book in the cabins cellar, as well as a tape recording of a professor reading from it, the group manages to awaken mysterious demonic forces that begin to take them over one at a time. Those possessed turn into monstrous, gooey beasts, which start attacking their unpossessed friends, until only Ash, armed with a chainsaw and shotgun, is left to defend himself.

Plot and characterization take a back seat to directorial style as Raimi twists, turns, tilts and swishes his camera every direction known to man--and then invents a few more angles. Campbell, the only cast member who would go on to a substantial acting career, wasn't yet the polished performer he would become, so Raimi is left with the burden of carrying the film, which he does with ingenious aplomb. Obviously influenced by genre classics such as TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD and THE EXORCIST, THE EVIL DEAD is a visual and visceral delight, and manages to accomplish a rare feat in our increasingly jaded world: to be genuinely scary. Filled with enough gore and mayhem to be released in theaters unrated (rather than receive the X from the MPAA that the filmmakers expected), THE EVIL DEAD is one of horror's great kinetic experiences--an amazing achievement, considering it was made by college students who had never before made a feature.

Raimi and Campbell were childhood friends who had been making Super 8 shorts since they were kids. Meeting up with producer Robert Tapert in college, the three formed their own production company--Renaissance Pictures--and began raising money to make a low-budget horror movie. Location filming in Tennessee was only supposed to last six weeks, but when shooting ran over, most of the cast and crew went home to Michigan, leaving a skeleton crew of four or five and Campbell the only cast member to finish the film. Various friends and family members were enlisted to double (or, in Raimi-speak, "fake-shemp") for missing actors.

Raimi and Tapert appear as extras in fisherman garb. The voice on the tape recording belongs to future American Movie Classics host Bob Dorian. Campbell was also the executive producer. Joseph LoDuca's imaginative score (that at times pays homage to Bernard Herrmann's MYSTERIOUS ISLAND music) was his first for Raimi; he would provide the soundtrack for Raimi and Tapert's TV series HERCULES, XENA and JACK OF ALL TRADES. THE EVIL DEAD is mockingly referred to in the closing titles as THE EVIL DEAD, THE ULTIMATE EXPERIENCE IN GRUELING HORROR. Followed by a pair of sequels: EVIL DEAD II and ARMY OF DARKNESS. Raimi will direct the upcoming SPIDER-MAN feature (with a cameo by Campbell).

EVIL DEAD 2 (1987)--Directed by Sam Raimi. Stars Bruce Campbell, Ted Raimi and a lot of blood. This follow-up to 1983's EVIL DEAD is more of a remake than a sequel. This low-budget gorefest involves an ancient book, evil spirits and a haunted cabin. Horror film is very violent and bloody, yet it's not squeamish to look at because it's all played for broad comedy. Campbell may be attacking monsters with a chainsaw or struggling in a violent battle with his own amputated arm, but it's filmed more in the vein of The Three Stooges than TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE. Music by Joseph LoDuca. Made by Dino DeLaurentiis' DEG Studios. Star/producer Campbell grew up with the Raimis in Detroit.

THE EVIL THAT MEN DO (1984)--Directed by J. Lee Thompson. Stars Charles Bronson, Theresa Saldana, Joseph Maher. Bronson plays a retired assassin in this bloody thriller shot in Mexico. He's recruited from his cushy island retreat to kill a notorious torturer known as The Doctor (Maher), whose services are paid for not only by Central American puppet regimes, but also the CIA. That's about all there is to the plot, as Bronson first picks off the Doctor's henchmen one at a time, and then kidnaps his sister in order to bring the notorious monster out into the open. I don't know how much of it comes out of R. Lance Hill's novel, but much of the screenplay by David Lee Henry (ROAD HOUSE) and John Crowther doesn't hold water. Bronson's character pulls a lot of dumb stunts, like bringing the sister over to the house of his friend (which unsurprisingly signs his death warrant). Bronson even tells him to make himself scarce since "by now they've tied you to me". Well, they wouldn't have made the connection if you hadn't brought your kidnap victim over for tea, Charlie!

The effete, British-accented Maher is an interesting choice as the Doctor, playing the character as a dignified yet sadistic believer, rather than a brutal thug. Bronson is his usual solid self, important since EVIL has fewer action scenes than his usual fare. Saldana as the widow of one of the Doctor's victims gives a numb performance, although she isn't helped by a script that requires her to alternately A) avow her thirst for vengeance against the man who tortured and murdered her husband and B) berate Bronson for being a cold-blooded killer. Even after Bronson repeatedly urges her to go home, she sticks around, only to protest his efficient killing skills.

EVIL is also one of Bronson's most violent films. Amid the bloodshed is a shotgun blast to the head, a man being tortured by having electricity zapped into his testicles, and another man ravaged by dozens of pick-wielding miners. Perhaps the most harrowing scene is a videotape played by Bronson which convinces him to bring down the Doctor--a tape in which the madman's victims describe in detail the physical horrors inflicted upon them. It's probably a little harrowing for a mainstream exploitation film, but it does work as a primer to root for Bronson. Also with Jose Ferrer, Rene Enriquez, Raymond St. Jacques, John Glover and Antoinette Bower. The busy score is by Ken Thorne (SUPERMAN II). Bronson's actress wife Jill Ireland served as associate producer. Thompson and Bronson made nine films together, 1989s KINJITE: FORBIDDEN SUBJECTS the most recent.
 
EVIL TOWN (1987)—Directed by Larry Spiegel, Edward Collins, Peter S. Traynor and Mardi Rustam.  Stars James Keach, Robert Walker Jr., Dean Jagger, Jillian Kesner.  Can you believe Rustam was involved in a virtual remake of his own POS movie EVILS OF THE NIGHT from just two years earlier?  It appears as though he got ahold of an unfinished thriller from the early 1970s titled GOD BLESS DR. SHAGETZ and then shot additional scenes (and hired other directors to shoot more additional scenes) to make it resemble EVILS OF THE NIGHT’s plot, such as it is.  In the original footage, Keach and Walker, along with their girlfriends, are stranded in a quaint small town where everyone seems to be a senior citizen.  The sweet old people turn out to be quite nasty, kidnapping the youths and sending them over to Dr. Shagetz (Jagger), who uses their body fluids to create an immortality formula for the oldies.  The new footage, which doesn’t match the old stuff at all, copies EVILS OF THE NIGHT almost exactly, as Kesner, playing Jagger’s nurse (they never occupy the same shot), hires two nasty mechanics to kidnap sexy topless campers and deliver them to Shagetz’s hospital for draining.  GOD BLESS DR. SHAGETZ may have actually been a decent movie—veteran character actors Dabbs Greer, Lurene Tuttle and Regis Toomey play the kindly old people—but it’s an uncomfortable tandem with Rustam’s sleaze-filled filler, which includes impressive toplessness by Lynda Wiesmeier (JOYSTICKS).  Spiegel also directed SURVIVAL RUN.
 
EVILS OF THE NIGHT (1985)—Directed by Mardi Rustam.  Stars John Carradine, Tina Louise, Julie Newmar, Aldo Ray, Neville Brand.  World War II hero and B-movie notable Brand (THE MAD BOMBER) made his final film appearance in this ridiculous sci-fi/horror hybrid.  And it’s not exactly an auspicious swan song.  Space aliens Carradine, Louise and Newmar (who arrive in a spaceship that looks nothing like the outer space stock footage) take over an abandoned hospital in the woods, where they extract the blood from California youths to use in experiments to discover a life-lengthening serum.  For some reason, instead of capturing their own specimens, they hire aging garage mechanics Brand and Ray to attack camping teenagers, bonk ‘em on the head, and drag ‘em back to the clinic in exchange for a gold coin reward.  Porn stars Jerry Butler and Amber Lynn are among the many performers delighting us with surprisingly graphic (R-rated) nude scenes, although I most wanted to see bosomy actresses Karrie Emerson (CHOPPING MALL) and G.T. Taylor pop their tops.  Rustam is a washout as a producer, director and (especially) writer, cobbling together a loony, barely comprehensible film and one of the most hilarious endings I’ve seen in awhile.  Brand lived for several more years after this, but doesn’t look very good—making him all the more creepy-looking in the scenes where he paws young actresses.
 
EVILSPEAK (1981)--Directed by Eric Weston.  Stars Clint Howard, R.G. Armstrong, Claude Earl Jones, Charles Tyner, Joseph Cortese, Don Stark.  Holy crap, how could it be possible that I could have seen so many crappy horror movies, yet EVILSPEAK never crossed my path?  EVILSPEAK, an independent CARRIE-inspired thriller set in a military academy, is perhaps best known for starring the ubiquitous Clint Howard.  The juvenile star of the GENTLE BEN television series (which I faithfully watched in reruns every morning before grade school) and brother of Ron Howard, Clint followed up his iconic role as fast-talking scrounger Eaglebauer in New World's ROCK AND ROLL HIGH SCHOOL with EVILSPEAK, in which he plays a very un-Eaglebauer loser.
 
Clint is Stanley Coopersmith, imaginatively dubbed Cooperdick by the bullies on his soccer team, an orphan who was placed in a military school after the death of his parents in an accident.  Co-writer/director Weston goes to great lengths to establish Stanley as a real putz.  He's clumsy, overweight and tardy.  Not only do the kids tease him, push him around and pull his pants down (!), but so do the adults, including the soccer coach (Jones) who tries to get him kicked off the team, the colonel/principal (Tyner) who spanks him and even the reverend (Cortese) who doesn't punish the kids who steal Stanley's hat.
 
So when Cooperdick...uh, I mean, Coopersmith...finds in the chapel's (unusually huge) cellar a creepy old book of Satanic chants written by an exiled 14th-century Spanish monk--played by NIGHT COURT's Richard Moll, no less--you just know that black magic is going to contribute to his classmates' untimely demises.  A sexy, naked blonde taking a shower is eaten by wild boar (!), a boy is set on fire, another has his heart ripped out and--yes, indeed--heads do roll.  Lots of them (perhaps the film's wittiest moment is a shock cut between a topless woman's decapitated head rolling off her shoulders and a soccer ball kicked through the air).
 
The trouble with EVILSPEAK is that the payoff is a long time coming.  While the mayhem is definitely worth the wait, it takes about 75 minutes to get there, as Weston and Howard establish over and over again what a schlub Coopersmith is and how nasty his tormenters are.  It's fun to watch, especially the drunken stylings of perpetual redneck R.G. Armstrong ("Cocksuckers!"), but more of a body count up front would have helped.  Best of all, EVILSPEAK is a nice showcase of Clint Howard, who maybe never escaped the shadow of his older brother Ron (who was still on HAPPY DAYS at the time), but, then again, Ron never received a Lifetime Achievement honor on the MTV Movie Awards.  Also with Hamilton Camp, Loren Lester, Lenny Montana, Haywood Nelson (WHAT'S HAPPENING) and Katherine Kelly Lang.  Filmed partially in Pasadena.
 
EVOLUTION (2001)--Directed by Ivan Reitman.  Stars David Duchovny, Orlando Jones, Julianne Moore, Seann William Scott.  Considering that it’s basically a remake of Reitman’s GHOSTBUSTERS, this CGI-laden PG-13 comedy is pretty fun.  Duchovny (who mocks his X-FILES role) and Jones have good comic chemistry as a pair of junior college science teachers who discover alien lifeforms in a meteor that crashes in the desert.  The military, of course, takes over the project and shuts the civilians out, but klutzy Center for Disease Control representative Moore and slacker Scott team up with the duo when it becomes clear that only they have the skills necessary to prevent the aliens from taking over the Earth.  Moore shows decent comic chops in this DreamWorks picture that was surprisingly not a hit.  Also with Dan Aykroyd (funny), Ted Levine, Ethan Suplee, Gregory Itzin, Kyle Gass and Katharine Towne.  Good score by John Powell.

EXCESSIVE FORCE (1992)--Directed by Jon Hess.  Stars Thomas Ian Griffith, Lance Henriksen, Charlotte Lewis, Burt Young.  This looks like a straight-to-video release, but it actually played in theaters.  Black belt Griffith (who also wrote the screenplay) plays Terry McCain, a tough Chicago cop obsessed with nailing mobster Sal DiMarco (Young).  So tough that he's been known to use "excessive force" a time or two when bringing bad guys to justice.  Unfortunately, this time he goes too far, and when DiMarco is arrested during a drug deal gone badly, a judge releases him on a technicality.  Even though it's McCain's own damn fault, he continues to harass DiMarco--a situation that grows more personal after the Don's gang starts killing Terry's partners.  It seems $3 million of DiMarco's drug money has disappeared fro