Murderous industrial spies break into a downtown Los Angeles skyscraper with a plot to steal DNA research known as the “Eden formula.”  Executives in charge of the project, Harrison Parker (Fahey) and Rhonda (Wallace Stone), are working late when they discover the break-in.  Figuring what’s up, they hide the formula (a few papers and some test tubes) in a toilet tank.  The building’s doors are hermetically locked, so no one can escape.  The mercenaries, led by psycho Radcliffe (Todd), who blames Parker for getting kicked out of the military back in their Desert Storm days (!), capture Parker, and try to force him to tell where he hid the formula.

Meanwhile—and this is a big “meanwhile”—the result of the Eden formula, a newly cloned Tyrannosaurus Rex, escapes from its cell, smashes a hole in the wall of the building, and escapes to the streets of downtown L.A., where, amazingly, nobody ever sees it.  Except, of course, for a steady stream of victims, who always follow the same “formula.”  The dino, with its little arms wobbling, wanders around, spots some prey, the human looks up, screams, gets chomped down to its neck, blood splashes, sometimes an arm falls to the ground.  Amazingly, the dino attacks, after the first couple, take place entirely apart from the main plot inside the building.  No, let me take that back.  The T-Rex escapes, eats some people, comes back, eats some bad guys, leaves again for most of the rest of the movie.  While Dee is cruising in a stolen squad car, trying to get the cops to believe her story, Rex “wreaks” havoc on the dozen people in all of L.A. who happen to spot it, and Fahey wiseasses his way through some torture.

The dinosaur effects are incredible, especially for this day and age.  The composite photography looks like it could have been done using PhotoShop, I mean, it’s terrible.  If this movie costs more than $100,000, I’d be shocked.  The CGI isn’t even good enough for an old Sega Genesis videogame, and most of the dinosaur effects look like a puppet on a stick.  Buechler even borrows some stock footage from Concorde/New Horizons’ CARNOSAUR movies, and a car chase and explosion also come from stock footage that is so incompatible, it has been horizontally squeezed to “match” the surrounding video footage.

Buechler, who has directed a couple of decent horror movies, including the seventh FRIDAY THE 13TH, even takes credit for some of the creature effects, although I don’t know why he would want to.  THE EDEN FORMULA is almost certainly the worst film of his career.  For that matter, I can’t imagine that Fahey, Todd and Wallace Stone have starred in anything worse.  Not many films that have ever been made are worse.

THE EDGE (1997)--Directed by Lee Tamahori. Stars Anthony Hopkins, Alec Baldwin, Elle Macpherson. Bet you never thought you'd see a David Mamet-scripted killer bear movie, did you? In what is basically a two-man drama, a city-bred billionaire (Hopkins) and a fashion photographer (Baldwin) find themselves stranded in the Canadian wilderness after a plane crash. Hopkins suspects that his life may be in danger from the philandering Baldwin, who is having an affair with his model wife (Macpherson), yet only Hopkins's expertise in wilderness situations (which he gained from reading books) can get the two men to safety. The duo also seem to be stalked by a giant bear that has already killed one of their party. The acting by the two leads and Mamet's dialogue are the strong points here, along with the gorgeous nature photography. There are plenty of twists in the story, and, although you will probably guess the ending, you should be well entertained. Music by Jerry Goldsmith. Also starring L.Q. Jones.

EEGAH! (1963)--Directed by Nicholas Merriwether. Stars Arch Hall Jr., Marilyn Manning, William Watters, and Richard Kiel as Eegah. Terrible low-budget horror film will make you laugh your head off. Eegah (Kiel), a prehistoric caveman, kidnaps a pretty blonde (Manning) and takes her back to his cave. She's rescued by her 16-year-old boyfriend (Hall), who takes her back to Palm Springs. But Eegah is determined. He crashes a party where Hall and his band--the Archers--are playing and tries to take Manning back. Acting, script, direction, sets and music are all bad. Actor Watters and director Merriwether are the same man using pseudonyms; he's actually Arch Hall Sr., who did everything possible to make his untalented son a film and rock-and-roll star. A must see. Check out the Halls in THE SADIST too!

THE EIGER SANCTION (1975)--Directed by Clint Eastwood. Stars Clint Eastwood, George Kennedy, Vonetta McGee, Jack Cassidy. Lots of breathtaking Swiss Alps scenery in this adaptation of Trevanian's novel about a spy (Eastwood) forced out of retirement to assassinate an enemy hit man. Film has dated a bit in twenty years, especially in the scenes involving Eastwood's rival, a homosexual agent played by Cassidy. Strong espionage thriller with a bit by cult actress Candice Rialson as a student who tries to seduce college professor Eastwood.

EIGHT LEGGED FREAKS (2002)--Directed by Ellory Elkayem.  Stars David Arquette, Kari Wuhrer, Doug E. Doug, Scott Terra, Scarlet Johansson.  This well-intended attempt to ape giant-insect movies of the 1950s like THEM! and TARANTULA unfortunately plays up the camp angle too much to generate any real scares.  Toxic waste dumped illegally by the town's mayor causes giant spiders to invade the desert town of Prosperity, Arizona.  At the forefront of the resistance are mining heir Chris (Arquette), perky sheriff Sam (Wuhrer) and her two kids, rebellious teen daughter Ashley (Johansson) and science nerd Mike (Terra).  Elkayem plays up the comedy angle by inserting silly sound effects for the spiders, like Joe Dante did in GREMLINS.  The cast is game enough; they were probably chosen because they were available, not because of their particular skills, although Arquette can be darn likable when he isn't acting like a goofball.  Wuhrer, whose character upholds the time-honored genre tradition of possessing a "masculine" name, is no Mara Corday, but she's spunky and looks good in a tank top.  The CGI spiders are competent, but don't project enough menace and lose more of their fear factor by not killing off any major cast members.  I would have preferred an R-rated approach; if you want to see giant killer insects the way they should be, check out STARSHIP TROOPERS instead.  Also with Tom Noonan, Rick Overton, Leon Rippy and Eileen Ryan.  John Ottman's witty score is perhaps the film's best asset.  And, yes, the title should be EIGHT-LEGGED FREAKS.

8 MILE (2002)--Directed by Curtis Hanson.  Stars Eminem, Kim Basinger, Brittany Murphy.  Controversial rapper Eminem stars in this gritty drama by the director of L.A. CONFIDENTIAL.  It's surprisingly absorbing, although its unappealing female characters and routine storyline are nothing to shout about.  Young Rabbit (Eminem) dreams of escaping his depressing existence in rundown Detroit, surrounded by an alcoholic trailer-trash mom (Basinger), a beater car that breaks down all the time, and a dead-end job in a factory.  The only time he feels alive is when he takes the stage at a local rap club, performing in confrontational "rap battles".  Eminem is better than you might think, even if he is more or less playing himself, and Scott Silver's (THE MOD SQUAD) traditional screenplay is structured like a typical sports movie, leading you to root for the hero at the climactic "big game".  Basinger is sadly miscast as a drunken trollop though.  A sex scene involving Eminem and Murphy is one of the most erotic in recent cinema, even though it showcases not an inch of bare flesh.  Also with Mekhi Phifer, Evan Jones, Taryn Manning and Chloe Greenfield.  Music by Eminem.

8MM (1999)--Directed by Joel Schumacher. Stars Nicolas Cage, Joaquin Phoenix, James Gandolfini, Peter Stormare. Cage is miscast as a regular-Joe Pennsylvania private eye (with a wife and baby daughter) who is hired by a wealthy widow to investigate what appears to be a snuff film found among her late husbands belongings. She would like to know whether or not the film is real and the young girl victim dead. Cage sees this as his opportunity to join the Philadelphia jet set (why he thinks this is unclear), and goes full tilt boogie in his investigation, which leads him to the girl's mother, a twentysomething L.A. pornography dealer named Max California (Phoenix) and an artsy but sleazy New York City porn director named Dino Velvet (Stormare) and his hulking, masked actor Machine.

George C. Scott and director Paul Schrader did this much better in 1973's HARDCORE. The screenplay by Andrew Kevin Walker (SEVEN) provides convenient clues to propel Cage from one location to the next, little motivation for Cage's increasingly obsessive behavior, and no mystery in the plot at all--everything and everybody are exactly what and who they seem. Cage is best when portraying characters slightly eccentric or off the beaten path. His Tom Welles is completely straight, and speaks all his dialogue in a monotone. When he phones the girl's mother late in the movie to ask her permission to seek revenge, his motives for doing so are confusing, since there hasn't been any indication that his personality should have changed so dramatically, except that the script tells him to do so. The music by Mychael Danna is interesting. The cinematography seems much too dark, although it's possible the theater at which I saw this was saving pennies by keeping the projector bulb turned down too low. Also with Anthony Heald and Catherine Keener.

8 MILLION WAYS TO DIE (1987)--Directed by Hal Ashby. Stars Jeff Bridges, Rosanna Arquette, Andy Garcia, Alexandra Paul. Muddled adaptation of Lawrence Block's interesting novel about an alcoholic detective (Bridges) out to stop druglord Garcia with the help of prostitute Arquette. Bridges is excellent and Ashby's direction is fairly strong, but the script by David Lee Henry and Oliver Stone just doesn't make much sense, despite Robert Towne's uncredited polish. Arquette's role is very underwritten.

EL CISCO (1966)--Directed by Sergio Bergonzelli.  Stars William Berger, George Wang, Antonella Murgia.  This reasonably entertaining Italian western contains enough eccentricities to make it worthwhile, including a hero with a penchant for exploding cigars, a Mexican bandit played by Asian actor Wang, and a cache of stolen cash buried in the grave of Abraham Lincoln!  Five years after almost being hanged in Dallas for a robbery he didn't commit, El Cisco (Berger), masquerading as a cowhand named Larry, seeks revenge on the two men responsible.  He finds them in Calabasas, New Mexico, where he's working for a cattleman named Lowell.  Between doublecrosses and shootouts, Larry prevents citizens from learning his identity by hijacking incoming stagecoaches and stealing only his wanted poster from the mailbag.  He disguises himself as a Mexican and plants scarecrows along the ridge to fool his victims into believing he's part of a gang.  It's a pretty fun movie, and Berger, who reminds me slightly of Bruce Campbell, is fine in the lead.  Bruno Nicolai's score is not one of his best.  Wang appeared in several Italian genre films of the period.  Berger was actually Austrian, and appeared in Dan Curtis' epic miniseries THE WINDS OF WAR and WAR AND REMEMBRANCE.

EL CONDOR (1970)--Directed by John Guillermin. Stars Jim Brown, Lee Van Cleef, Patrick ONeal. Violent, action-packed western shot in Mexico about a pair of escaped convicts who battle evil Mexicans for the gold stashed in fort El Condor. Also with sexy Mariana Hill (who has a nude scene with Brown much like Raquel Welch's in 100 RIFLES), Iron Eyes Cody and Elisha Cook, Jr. Music by Maurice Jarre. Released by National General. Produced by one-eyed Andre de Toth (HOUSE OF WAX). Script by Larry Cohen (IT'S ALIVE) and Steven Carabatsos (STAR TREK).

ELECTION (1999)--Directed by Alexander Payne. Stars Matthew Broderick, Reese Witherspoon, Chris Klein, Jessica Campbell, Mark Harelik. Very sharp satire of high school life as seen mostly through the eyes of overachieving senior Tracy Flick (Witherspoon) and her thirtysomething history teacher Jim McAllister (Broderick). Witherspoon is pretty spooky as one of those prim and proper students who are so busy getting involved in extracurricular activities that she has no time for typical teen things like friends and hanging out and building those all-important social skills. Mr. M is one of the school's most popular teachers, but something of an underachiever; not completely satisfied with his dull marriage and social life, he tries to make up for it by watching porn secretly in his basement and playing (bad) '70s rock with his best friend Dave (Harelik). Being a bit jealous of (and more than a little frightened of) the Tracy Flicks of the world, McAllister sets out to sabotage her shot at winning the student council election by convincing a popular (and dim) football hero, Paul (Klein, a more likable Keanu Reeves), to run against her for president. Complications arise when Paul's budding lesbian sister Tammy decides to run too, more out of spite than anything else.

Unlike most high school movies, this one doesn't talk down to its intended audience. Adults will probably enjoy it as much (if not more) than teens. Director/co-writer Payne also refuses to take any sides in the McAllister/Flick conflict; both characters have their moments of vulnerability and idiocy, and we find ourselves laughing at them rather than with them. Casting a naturally affable actor like Broderick was a masterstroke; since we immediately want to like him, we find ourselves growing more uncomfortable with the decisions McAllister makes and the situations he gets himself into. Also with Molly Hagan, Colleen Camp, Holmes Osborne, Jeanine Jackson, Matt Malloy and Phil Reeves. Music by Rolfe Kent, who uses some old Ennio Morricone riffs to great comic effect to illustrate Tracy's whacked-out state of mind.

ELECTRA (1996)--Directed by Julian Grant.  Stars Shannon Tweed, Joe Tabbanella, Sten Eirik, Katie Griffin  It's pretty bad, but not boring and is easy to mock.  A crippled billionaire named Roach (Eirik) with a pair of sexy, leather-clad, kung-fu-fighting sidekicks wants a secret serum that will allow him to walk again.  It provides its subject with super-strength and -stamina, but the scientist who created it is dead, and the only person who knows anything about it is his son, a muscle-bound, long-haired wuss named Billy (Tabbanella) who lives with his widowed stepmother Lorna, played by late-night-Cinemax staple Shannon Tweed.  The only way the serum can be transmitted to another human is through sexual contact (why?), which is why teenaged Billy has so far refused to give in to his horny girlfriend Mary Ann's desires.  Lorna also has the hots for Billy, so when Roach eventually captures her and convinces her to seduce her son, she doesn't put up much resistance.  And, stepmom or not, if you're Billy and strapped to a table and Shannon Tweed strides in, clad in an eyepopping leather ensemble, and straddles you, there's no way you're not going to perform.  He does, and Shannon is transformed into an evil superpowered minx named Electra.  Mary Ann  (Griffin), who has one of Billy's power pills in her possession, pops it and receives the same powers as Electra.  She kicks the shit out of the two sexy sidekicks, pulling the heart out of one of them and feeding it to the other.  She also has a battle with Tweed where the two shoot lightning out of their fingers like Dr. Doom.  The sad part is that Shannon only gets naked once briefly and doesn't even disrobe for her on-top sex scene with hunky Billy.  Lara Daans and Dyanne DiMarco play the leggy henchwomen.  Not to be confused with ELEKTRA with Jennifer Garner, although I bet this movie is more watchable.

ELECTRA GLIDE IN BLUE (1973)--Directed by James William Guercio. Stars Robert Blake, Billy Green Bush, Mitchell Ryan. The producer of the rock group Chicago gets to direct a movie! The result is this confusing and overly arty crime drama about a motorcycle cop (Blake) whose dreams of making detective almost come true when he is picked to investigate the apparent suicide of a desert hermit. Film doesn't always make sense, but Blake shows the charm that would lead him to stardom as TV's Baretta, and there's an exciting cycle chase. Cast includes Jeannine Riley, and Royal Dano and Elisha Cook, Jr. as desert rats. Look for bits by Chicago members Peter Cetera, Terry Kath and Bobby Lamm.

ELECTRIC DREAMS (1984)--Directed by Steve Barron. Stars Lenny Von Dohlen, Virginia Madsen, Maxwell Caulfield. Routine fantasy mixes elements of DEMON SEED and 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY, but isn't as good as either. A computer nerd (Von Dohlen) falls for his sexy neighbor (Madsen), but is prevented from acting on his feelings by his malevolent computer, which also loves her. Bud Cort provides the machine's voice. Music by Giorgio Moroder. By the director of TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES.

ELF (2003)--Directed by Jon Favreau.  Stars Will Ferrell, James Caan, Bob Newhart, Zooey Deschanel, Edward Asner.  Cute PG Christmas movie starring Ferrell as a human who accidentally crawled out of his crib at the orphanage and into Santa’s toy bag one Christmas Eve.  Named Buddy, he was reared to adulthood as the only human at the North Pole by Papa Elf (Newhart).  When Buddy discovers his real father (Caan) is a workaholic New York City publisher on Santa’s “naughty list”, he walks to the Big Apple and ingratiates himself into the man’s life.  Fish-out-of-water tale is hampered by Ferrell’s insistence upon playing Buddy as borderline retarded; it seems irresponsible for Papa Elf and Santa Claus (Asner) to allow Buddy to wander around the big city unchaperoned.  ELF was a monster hit and is, admittedly, an intermittently amusing comedy for the whole family, even though it seems to me as though more could have been done with the fantastic premise.  Also with Mary Steenburgen, Peter Dinklage, Andy Richter, Kyle Gass, Artie Lange, Amy Sedaris and Leon Redbone.  Score by John Debney.

ELIMINATORS (1986)--Directed by Peter Manoogian.  Stars Patrick Reynolds, Andrew Prine, Denise Crosby, Conan Lee, Roy Dotrice.  One of Empire Pictures' best films was penned by Paul DeMeo and Danny Bilson, the screenwriting team that created TRANCERS.  This fast-moving comic book sends Mandroid (Reynolds, heir to the R.J. Reynolds fortune), a cyborg that can transform itself into a tank; scientist Colonel Hunter (Crosby), a cybernetics expert; wisecracking sea captain Harry (Prine); ninja Kuji (Lee, who also choreographed the martial-arts scenes); and Hunter's flying droid SPOT into the Mexican jungle to track down Mandroid's creator, evil mad scientist Abbott Reeves (Dotrice of BEAUTY AND THE BEAST), who plans to travel back through time and rule ancient Rome.  Our heroes' journey is interrupted by cavemen, a vengeful lesbian, deathtraps and Reeves' army of ATV-driving henchmen.

It would have been nice if producer Charles Band had given Manoogian (whose only previous directing credit was a segment of Band's THE DUNGEONMASTER) more money to work with, as the visual effects are woeful by 1986 standards.  DeMeo and Bilson manage to get their characters into a lot of fun situations, and the tongue-in-cheek atmosphere is bolstered by Prine's roguish performance (I wonder what TRANCERS star Tim Thomerson would have been like in this role), Mandroid's silly hardware and many explosions.  Crosby flashes some very brief PG nudity.  The fine score is credited to "Bob Summers", which may be a pseudonym for Richard Band (RE-ANIMATOR).  Filmed in Spain.

ELVIS: THAT'S THE WAY IT IS (1970)--Directed by Denis Sanders. Stars Elvis Presley. Terrific concert film featuring Presley's return to Las Vegas. Elvis hadn't quite gotten fat yet, and the electricity he displays on stage is tremendous. Film also includes fascinating scenes of Elvis rehearsing his act, as well as interviews with fans and friends. Songs include "Love Me Tender", "Polk Salad Annie", "Can't Help Falling in Love", "All Shook Up", "Blue Suede Shoes", "I Just Can't Help Believing" and "Bridge Over Troubled Waters".

EMMANUELLE (1973)--Directed by Just Jaeckin. Stars Sylvia Kristel, Marika Green, Alain Cuny. One of the most successful sex films of all time was made in France, and was released with an X rating. It was followed by dozens of sequels (official and unofficial) and ripoffs. Kristel is the sexy free spirit who has sex in a number of interesting locations. Better than your average grindhouse fodder, this made over $100 million worldwide! Based on the autobiography of Emmanuelle Arson.

EMMANUELLE V (1992)--Directed by Walerian Borowczyk and Steve Barnett. Stars Monique Gabrielle, Heidi Payne, Michelle Burger. This unofficial sequel to the smash French film stars an American actress, big-breasted blonde Gabrielle, and was first made in 1986. Roger Corman bought it, added new scenes, and re-released it six years later. I caught it on Cinemax one night, and can't really tell you what it's about because it only grabbed my attention during the many topless sex scenes (which are surprisingly erotic, thanks to Monique's enthusiasm). Filmed in Africa.

EMMANUELLE VS. DRACULA (2004)—Directed by KLS.  Stars Natasja Vermeer.  A great title, but a dog of a film.  This is a late-night “Skinemax” perennial shot cheaply and quickly on video in Romania.  It has hot women with large breasts getting naked and having sex, sometimes with vampire dudes and sometimes with each other.  All the women, including Emmanuelle (Vermeer), are together for a bachelorette party that is invaded by sexy vampires.  A real turkey with awful dialogue, acting and production values.

THE EMPEROR AND THE ASSASSIN (1999)--Directed by Kaige Chen. Stars Gong Li, Fengyi Zhang, Xuejian Li. Reportedly the most expensive film production in Asian history, Chen's follow-up to his acclaimed FAREWELL, MY CONCUBINE and TEMPTRESS MOON was a prize-winner at the Cannes Film Festival, and, although boasting some incredible battle scenes and phenomenal production design, the lengthy narrative left me somewhat cold.

Its 221 B.C., and Ying Zheng (Xuejian Li), the King of Qin, has a dream in which China's seven rival kingdoms would be unified into one solid country--with himself as ruler, of course. Zheng plans to invade the neighboring territories, but can take them only one at a time; he doesn't have the manpower to protect himself should all the kingdoms band together to gang up on him. His concubine, Lady Zhao (played by the stunningly beautiful Gong Li, who was also in FAREWELL, MY CONCUBINE), concocts a plot on his behalf: she has her face branded as a traitor, then journeys to the kingdom of Yan to recruit an assassin to kill Zheng. After the attempt on Zheng's life fails, he will then have an excuse to invade Yan.

The assassin Zhao chooses is Jing Ke (Fengyi Zhang), a remorseful tough guy who appears to have viewed Clint Eastwood's UNFORGIVEN too many times. Jing Ke, who attacks while wearing tiny bells in his cornrows (which looks cool, but doesn't seem to be a wise accessory for creeping up behind your victims), is having a change of heart after being unable to prevent the suicide of a young blind girl (Xun Zhou)--a girl whose family he had just killed. Lady Zhao, who begins to fall in love with this obviously brave warrior who is not afraid to die, yet refuses to ever kill again, rescues him from prison. Her emotions are given another jolt when her lover Ying Zheng, whose thirst for power is making him more cruel, breaks his promise not to invade her homeland of Zhao, going so far as to murder all of Zhao's children so her roots will eventually completely die out.

This is one of the most gorgeous features I have seen in some time. Comparing Chen's visuals to those of epic filmmakers David Lean and Akira Kurosawa would not be a broad leap. Aided by production designers Qi Lin and Juhua Tu and cinematographer Fei Zhao, Chen has created a sumptuous world, filled with gigantic, detailed sets (one of which remains standing in China as a tourist attraction today), posh costumes and glorious scenery. Unfortunately, like many big-budget productions that rely on spectacle to sell its story, THE EMPEROR AND THE ASSASSIN comes up dry in the drama department. Told in five chapters and a languid 161-minute running time, the film spends too much of its energy focusing on subplots, when I was more interested in the principal triangle involving the king, the assassin, and the woman they both love. Gong Li vanishes from the screen at one point for an inordinate period of time, and I missed her. The performances by the leads are fine, Li in particular as a woman who would destroy her beauty for love, only to discover that her love was misplaced.

EMPIRE (2002)--Directed by Franc. Reyes.  Stars John Leguizamo, Peter Sarsgaard, Delilah Cotto, Denise Richards.  Crime doesn't pay.   Rich people don't like to hang out with poor people.  Wealth and power can be corrupting influences.  If these messages are new to you, you might consider EMPIRE, which stars John Leguizamo (THE PEST) as a South Bronx drug dealer who hits it big, to be an absorbing drama filled with surprises.  The rest of us, who have already seen PUBLIC ENEMY, SCARFACE, NEW JACK CITY and a million other urban gangster movies, will recognize EMPIRE as the spiraling stack of clichés that it is.

Actually, the movie that most reminded me of this one was DEUCES WILD, an overcooked street gang drama from May that played as if its director had screened prints of every Brooklyn gang flick he could think of, like WEST SIDE STORY and THE COOL AND THE CRAZY, kept a list of the customs and clichés they all had in common, and put them all in his movie, hoping the audience had never seen of the others.  Of course, he was wrong, and so is EMPIRE writer/director Franc. Reyes, making his feature-film debut.