DIARY OF A SINNER (1974)—Directed by Ed Hunt.  Stars Iain Ewing, Tom Celli.  Is this what happens when Canadian filmmakers get into softporn?  Good grief.  This is a terrible movie with poor writing, stiff acting, uneven direction, not helped by Champion Video’s long OOP cut print.  Two losers—lonely failed priest Tom (Celli) and cocky pimp Dave (producer/co-writer Ewing)—make a suicide pact with each other.  After one week of living it up, they’ll meet at the beach and flip a coin, the winner agreeing to kill himself.  During their week of armed robbery, sex, rape, devil worship and boring chat, Tom falls in love with a prostitute and kills her violent pimp to set her free.  Now that he’s in love, he isn’t too sure about going along with the deal at week’s end.  Hunt (STARSHIP INVASIONS) delivers on the sex and nudity front, even though he hasn’t hired Canada’s most attractive performers (I hope).  I don’t see how it could work as erotica or sexploitation, however, and Hunt’s periodic stabs at black comedy are just weird. 

DICK (1999)--Directed by Andrew Fleming. Stars Kirsten Dunst, Michelle Williams, Dan Hedaya, Will Ferrell, Bruce McCullough, Dave Foley, Harry Shearer, Saul Rubinek, Jim Breuer. Released the same weekend as the 25th anniversary of Richard Nixon's resignation as President of the United States, this fitfully amusing satire finally answers many of the questions weve been dying to have explained all these years: A) what was on that 18 1/2 minutes of erased tape? B) how was Nixon able to convince Soviet Premier Brezhnev to sign a peace agreement? And C) who was Deep Throat, the mysterious source that helped Washington Post reporters Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein to a Pulitzer Prize? Quite simply, A) a lovestruck teen crooning an Olivia Newton-John ballad to the President, B) some marijuana-laced cookies called Hello Dollys and C) two 15-year-old girls--Betsy (Dunst) and Arlene (Williams)--who stumble upon the break-in at the Watergate complex, and are appointed Official Dog Walkers by Nixon (Hedaya) in order to find out how much the girls know, which is not much (about anything).

These two airheads, one of whom lives with her mother in the Watergate, sneak out one night to mail their letter to TIGER BEAT for the "Win A Date With Bobby Sherman" contest, and slap a piece of duct tape on the door of the garage so they'll be able to get back in without disturbing Mom. Of course, a Watergate security guard discovers the tape, and five men are arrested for breaking into Democratic National Headquarters. Another man is spotted by the girls in the stairwell, and is recognized by them later during a school field trip to the White House. He, of course, is G. Gordon Liddy (Shearer), and the girls take home a piece of paper stuck to his shoe as a souvenir, not knowing it's a list of illegal donors to CREEP. Liddy also recognizes Betsy and Arlene, who are invited by H.R. Bob Haldeman (Foley) into the Oval Office for a chat with the President. During their daily visits to the White House (in which they delight the staff with cookies baked, unbeknownst to everyone, using Betsy's brother's pot stash), Arlene develops a mad crush on Nixon. In the film's funniest sequence, she rips all of her Bobby Sherman photos off her wall, replaces them with a Nixon shrine, and imagines the President as an heroic figure on a white mustang who rides up to her on a sandy beach and sweeps her off her feet. When the girls stumble upon the tape recorder hidden in Rose Mary Wood's desk and hear Nixon curse, utter anti-Semitic epithets and, worse of all, yell at his dog, they turn the tables on Nixon, making prank phone calls to the Washington Post, and contributing to the downfall of the Presidency.

Fleming's film is really cleverer than it is funny; he knows the people and dates involved, and most of DICK's pleasures come in the way he fits his characters and their actions into the historical backdrop like a jigsaw puzzle. Dunst and Williams as the teenybopping protagonists are good enough, but the real joys are in the supporting performances. Hedaya in particular stands out; his Nixon portrayal is one of the best ever filmed, bringing equal dollops of humanity and arrogance to the role, and it would be a treat if he one day got the chance to play the part in a more realistic setting. Ferrell (SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE) and McCullough (KIDS IN THE HALL) play Woodward and Bernstein much more broadly, but it is amusing to see these guys, who were so despised by The Establishment, portrayed as the insecure, bickering closet cases the White House staff probably imagined them to be. Foley (NEWSRADIO), Breuer (SNL) as John Dean and Rubinek (UNFORGIVEN) as an impeccable Henry Kissinger clone do good work as well. The real problem from the studio's standpoint is figuring out the audience for which this movie is aimed--DICK must be nearly incomprehensible to those under 25 who didn't live through the Watergate era and haven't read ALL THE PRESIDENTS MEN, but are undoubtedly the film's target audience. A few more big laughs would have been welcome, although the girls' final jab at the just-resigned Nixon will leave you with a smile on your face. Also with Teri Garr, Ted McGinley, Ana Gasteyer, Ryan Reynolds and G.D. Spradlin as Ben Bradlee. Music by John Debney. A smart fourth feature by the director of BAD DREAMS, THREESOME and THE CRAFT.

 

DICK SMART 2.007 (1967)—Directed by Franco Prosperi. Stars Richard Wyler, Margaret Lee, Ambrosio Fregolente. The CIA pays racecar driver Dick Smart (Wyler) $1 million to fly to Brazil (also the setting of KISS THE GIRLS AND MAKE THEM DIE) and find out who is building an atomic bomb. It takes this Italian picture a while to get going, as Dick spends the first half hour doing suave things like dancing, drinking, chasing girls (using a hand-held device that detects beautiful women within thirty yards!), and tooling around in his supercool motorcycle/submarine/whirlybird obviously inspired by 007’s Little Nellie. Smart’s foe is Lady Lister (the scrumptious Lee), who is using atomic scientists to create a machine that transforms carbon into diamonds. The confusing story is fairly conventional for a spaghetti spy spoof, except for Lady Lister’s associate, a mute named McDiarmid (Fregolente) who speaks through a mechanical device wrapped around his neck. Wyler, an English actor who previously made films as Richard Stapley, is stolid and square-jawed as Smart. His minicopter has more personality. Music by Mario Nascimbene. From the director of HERCULES IN THE HAUNTED WORLD and GOODBYE UNCLE TOM.

 

DICK TRACY (1937)--Directed by Ray Taylor & Alan James. Stars Ralph Byrd, Carleton Young, Kay Hughes, Fred Hamilton. Republic Pictures' first 15-chapter serial is one of their best. It features an interesting storyline, plenty of stunts and thrills, some neat visual effects (especially the villain's cool airplane, called The Wing) and, most importantly, it's the first appearance of Ralph Byrd in the role that made him famous--just as George Reeves IS Superman and Clayton Moore IS The Lone Ranger, Byrd IS Dick Tracy. He went on to portray the comic-strip dick in three more serials, some features and a TV series before his untimely death. In the serial, Tracy is no longer a plainclothes policeman--he's now a G-Man battling a crippled criminal genius known as The Spider to the rest of the world, but called The Lame One by his colleagues and underlings. The Spider Gang uses its super aircraft, The Wing (which looks a lot like the stealth bombers developed by the U.S. government during the '80s!), to bombard the newly-opened Bay Bridge with destructive sound waves in Chapter One, after kidnapping Tracy's brother Gordon (Young) and turning him into one of their henchmen using brainwashing and plastic surgery. Also with Lee Van Atta as Junior (the only other comic-strip character to make the transition to film), Smiley Burnette as clumsy comic relief Mike McGurk, John Piccori, Francis X. Bushman, Roy Barcroft and Richard Beach. Future serial director William Witney was one of the editors.

DICK TRACY (1945)--Directed by William Berke. Stars Morgan Conway, Anne Jeffreys, Mike Mazurki, Lyle Latell, William Halligan, Mickey Kuhn. Although Ralph Byrd played Chester Gould's comic strip detective Dick Tracy in four successful Republic serials, RKO for some reason cast journeyman Conway in the first of what would eventually be four TRACY features. Conway actually does a nice job in the role, balancing tough-guy action with family-man sensitivity. His biggest flaw--one that can't really be helped and for which he can hardly be blamed--is that he isn't Byrd, who remains the definitive screen Tracy.

 

Homicide dick Tracy and loyal partner Pat Patton (Latell) are called out to investigate the brutal slashing murder of a schoolteacher who was being extorted for $500. After more extortion notes pop up--including one addressed to the cowardly mayor (Halligan)--and a few more bloody corpses as well, the murderer is discovered to be Splitface (Mazurki), a horribly scarred brute who vows revenge on the fourteen jurors who sent him to prison, including the mayor and schoolteacher. Gorgeous blonde Jeffreys is Tracy's long-suffering lady Tess Trueheart, while Kuhn turns in a likable performance as Tracy's son Junior. Splitface kidnaps both characters in the final reel, which culminates in an exciting fistfight aboard an abandoned riverboat.

With a running time of just over an hour, DICK TRACY, despite a loose script by Eric Taylor (one character goes on the lam just so he can be considered a suspect, yet he never returns, and we never learn what his connection is to Splitface), is a tight, well-paced, fun B-picture with a decent cast, moody photography by Frank Redman and a couple of surprisingly scary killings. Conway (who sort of resembles Russell Johnson) displays nice chemistry in his romantic bantering with Jeffreys, and--perhaps most importantly--looks and sounds very much like Gould's Dick Tracy, though not as much as Byrd did.

Berke was an efficient B-pic director of some style whose credits include thrillers featuring the Falcon, Jungle Jim and Ed McBain's 87TH PRECINCT detective Steve Carella. Conway reprised the Dick Tracy role in the follow-up, DICK TRACY VS. CUEBALL (also with Jeffreys and Latell), with Byrd returning to the role that made him famous for the next two RKO films and a short-lived television series. Mazurki had a cameo in Warren Beatty's colorful 1990 version. Also with Jane Greer, Joseph Crehan, Trevor Bardette and Morgan Wallace. DICK TRACY was later reissued as DICK TRACY, DETECTIVE.

DICK TRACY (1990)--Directed by Warren Beatty. Stars Warren Beatty, Glenne Headly, Charlie Korsmo, Al Pacino, Madonna. The success of BATMAN inspired Beatty to direct this visually striking film version of Chester Gould's legendary comic strip. Tracy (Beatty) does battle with mob kingpin Big Boy Caprice (Pacino), rescues an orphan (Korsmo) from a life in the streets, and contemplates a life with the loyal Tess Trueheart (Headly) while dodging seduction attempts by the sexy Breathless Mahoney (Madonna). Full of colorful performances, except for Beatty, who is properly wooden. Major kudos to production designer Richard Sylbert and cinematographer Vittorio Storaro, who create a breathtaking comic book universe using only primary colors. All-star cast, many in cameos, includes William Forsythe, Paul Sorvino, Dustin Hoffman, Henry Silva, Dick Van Dyke, James Caan, Charles Durning, Mary Woronov, R.G. Armstrong, Michael J. Pollard, Hamilton Camp and Mandy Patinkin. Pacino received a Best Supporting Actor nomination. Music by Danny Elfman; songs by Stephen Sondheim.

DICK TRACY MEETS GRUESOME (1947)--Directed by John Rawlins. Stars Ralph Byrd, Boris Karloff, Lyle Latell, Anne Gwynne, Skelton Knaggs, Tony Barrett. One of the best DICK TRACY features made by RKO benefits greatly from the presence of Karloff as the title villain. Upon his release from prison, the ugly-mugged Gruesome (Karloff) meets up with his old piano-playing sidekick Melody (Barrett) and a couple of crooked scientists developing a paralyzing gas that turns those affected by it temporarily into stiff zombies. Homicide detective Dick Tracy (Byrd) is called in after his chaste girlfriend Tess Trueheart (Gwynne, the third actress to play the role in four films) witnesses Gruesome's gang using the gas to rob a bank and shoot a guard.

Although the production values and the screenplay are among the lowest of the series, GRUESOME works thanks to the added emphasis on comic-strip antics (a scientist named Dr. A. Tomic? A taxidermist named V. Stuffem?) and rapid pace set by director Rawlins (DICK TRACY'S DILEMMA) and his professional cast. Although she isn't given much to do, Gwynne looks lovely as always, Latell provides solid comic relief as Tracy's sidekick Pat Patton (Latell was the only cast member to appear in all four RKO TRACY features), Knaggs is wonderfully quirky as Gruesome's henchman X-Ray, and, of course, Byrd was the consummate Dick Tracy. Karloff appears to have a great deal of fun with his role, which Patton refers to in the film as resembling Boris Karloff!

The name of the bar in which Gruesome meets Melody is The Hangman's Knot, not quite as provocative as The Dripping Dagger (accompanied by a ghastly neon sign) in DICK TRACY VS. CUEBALL and The Blinking Skull in DICK TRACY'S DILEMMA. Also with June Clayworth, Joseph Crehan, Robert Clarke, Milton Parsons, Robert Bray (LASSIE) and an unbilled Lex Barker as an ambulance driver who gets conked on the head by Karloff. Music by Paul Sawtell. Byrd was playing Tracy in a network television series when he died of a heart attack at age 43.

DICK TRACY VS. CUEBALL (1946)--Directed by Gordon M. Douglas. Stars Morgan Conway, Dick Wessel, Anne Jeffreys, Lyle Latell, Rita Corday, Harry Cheshire. The second of four features based upon Chester Gould's comic strip detective to be released by RKO. Conway returns as Tracy, who's assigned to investigate the murder of a diamond courier on a ship returning from South America. The killer is Cueball (Wessel), a bald-pated brute who strangles his victims with a leather hatband. Pursuing the clues and a trail of corpses to a diamond merchant named Jules Sparkle (Cheshire), Tracy discovers Sparkle's assistant, the beautiful Mona Clyde (Corday), is involved with the plot to fence the diamonds Cueball stole from his first victim, and isn't above a double-cross or two to get what she wants.

Jeffreys and Latell return from the first DICK TRACY as girlfriend Tess Trueheart and partner Pat Patton respectively, and both work quite well with Conway in presenting believable relationships among the lead characters. Besides the silly names (Percival Priceless? Jules Sparkle? Vitamin Flintheart?), the Conway TRACYs don't have much in common with the colorful comic-strip universe created by Gould--going for a more realistic film noir-type atmosphere in its action scenes and investigative techniques--but director Douglas keeps the pace from flagging over its sparse 62-minute running time.

DICK TRACY VS. CUEBALL would have benefited greatly from a stronger villain. As portrayed by Wessel, who isn't always able to hide the wrinkles in his bald cap, Cueball is nothing more than a brainless thug who's only able to express himself through killing. While the murders are tastefully and skillfully conducted off-camera or through shadows, it would have been nice to see Cueball figure out his next move mentally rather than just whacking another victim and moving on aimlessly to wherever the plot needed him to go next. Corday, who had appeared opposite Tom Conway in a number of FALCON flicks for RKO, portrays just another femme fatale, and that great screen heavy Skelton Knaggs is even wasted in a more-or-less good-guy role.

Still, CUEBALL is decent detective-thriller entertainment if you have a spare hour to kill. This may have been the 43-year-old Conway's final film; he was replaced by original Tracy Ralph Byrd for the next two series entries, and never appeared on screen again. He passed away in 1981. Although the first two TRACY movies were hits, RKO reportedly wasn't pleased with Conway's performances in them. His Tracy was a bit heavier and rougher than Byrd's, but that probably wasn't what the studio was looking for, since RKO's next two features played up the gimmickry and outrageous villainy of the comics. Also with Jimmy Crane as Junior, Joseph Crehan, Byron Foulger (who was in the first DICK TRACY serial in 1937), Trevor Bardette and Ian Keith as dandy raconteur Flintheart, who has a marvelous scene gathering information in an antiques shop.

DICK TRACY'S DILEMMA (1947)--Directed by John Rawlins. Stars Ralph Byrd, Lyle Latell, Jack Lambert, Ian Keith. Likable B-movie leading man Ralph Byrd, who had portrayed Chester Gould's comic-strip detective Dick Tracy in four Republic serials (beginning with DICK TRACY in 1937), reprised his most famous role in the third of four low-budget Tracy crime thrillers made by RKO, after audiences were unhappy with the performance of Morgan Conway in the first two (DICK TRACY and DICK TRACY VS. CUEBALL, both 1946).

Storywise, DILEMMA is not much more than a retread of CUEBALL. Once again, homicide dick Tracy and his comic-relief partner Pat Patton (Latell) are called in to capture a hulking, slow-witted murderer who's double-crossed by his partners in a theft. This time the theft is of furs, and the villain is The Claw (Lambert), a club-footed, hook-handed brute not far removed from Dick Wessel's Cueball or Mike Mazurki's Splitface from DICK TRACY. Former editor Rawlins directs at a rapid clip, while tossing in more action than the previous two TRACYs. The climactic chase through a railroad yard and into a high-voltage power station is pretty exciting.

Kay Christopher, who is given very little opportunity to shine, replaced Anne Jeffreys, who played neglected girlfriend Tess Trueheart to Conway's Tracy. With Tess's role drastically slashed and the character of Dick's son Junior mysteriously missing, more screen time was handed to Keith, who has a dandy time as foppish Shakespearean actor Vitamin Flintheart, whose assistance in Tracy's investigation is both amusing and well-played.

Also with Tony Barrett, Wade Crosby, Jimmy Conlin and future Ed Wood repertory player Tom Keene. Music by Paul Sawtell. Byrd, who had played another comic book hero, The Vigilante, in a 1947 serial, reunited with Rawlins and Latell the same year for one more Tracy feature, DICK TRACY MEETS GRUESOME, which starred Boris Karloff as the title heavy.

 

DIE ANOTHER DAY (2002)--Directed by Lee Tamahori.  Stars Pierce Brosnan, Halle Berry, Toby Stephens, Rosamund Pike.  Brosnan's fourth go-round as Ian Fleming's womanizing 007 is his worst, an overblown, uninteresting mishmash of unconvincing CGI set pieces and an incomprehensible storyline by Bond vets Neal Purvis and Robert Wade (THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH).  It starts in an intriguing fashion with James Bond being captured by North Korean soldiers and tortured for more than a year.  But after his return to Hong Kong and initial pledge of revenge, the film seems to forget all about his experiences in prison, giving Bond no aftereffects from his incarceration and settling into the same dull routine of hot girls, crazy gadgets and the End of the World As We Know It.  The villain this time is diamond industrialist Gustav Graves (Stephens), who plans to rule the world with his Icarus satellite, a death ray that harvests the sun's power to carve an explosive path across the Earth's surface.  Teaming up with sexy American agent Jinx (Berry) and sexy MI6 comrade Miranda Frost (Pike), Bond attempts to stop Graves' plot while seeking vengeance against the North Koreans responsible for his capture.

 

The most glaring strike against DAD is Berry, who is gorgeous in an orange bikini (and certainly knows how to walk in one), but just all wrong as Bond's main "girl". She isn't exotic or believable or interesting or a good actress. Berry is the Zoilo Versailles of Best Actress Oscar winners, and shows here she has no flair for comedy or action and little chemistry with Pierce Brosnan. What I did find interesting about her performance--and I can't believe no one involved with the film did while watching dailies--is how inferior it is to that of "unknown" actress Pike, who is both very sexy and very good, and especially eats Halle up in their scenes together. The current trend of casting familiar American faces as Bond Girls (Teri Hatcher, Denise Richards) has been a miserable failure (the reasons for which should be obvious), and I hope the next movie doesn't repeat the mistake.

 

DAD's other major deficit is the shoddy visual effects. A scene of Brosnan surfing down a glacier contains some of the most glaringly obvious and jarring CGI work I've ever seen, and another setpiece of a burning plane is even worse, probably because that effect could have easily been handled more realistically as a miniature. But heaven forbid Hollywood (and I think the 007 movies have really become Hollywood movies, another reason they aren't as fun as they used to be) should use old-fashioned model effects--not trendy enough.

 

It's hard to complain too much about the complicated story, since it's hardly the point of a movie like this, but I had no idea what was going on plot-wise most of the time, and I'm not sure the story would hold much water if I did. I thought it was a shame that an intriguing opening, with Bond being captured and tortured, was completely wasted, as after he shaved and cut his hair, he showed no lingering aftereffects of his months in captivity at all, and seemed to have forgotten his vow of vengeance. The MATRIX-ripoff effects also disturbed me; the 007 movies are supposed to set trends, not copy them, and it was a real shame to see hackneyed gimmicks like bullet-time and unmotivated slow-mo used. And I think the execrable title song and acting performance by Madonna, in a cameo as a fencing instructor, speak for themselves.

 

What does work? Not a lot. I was bored most of the time. I liked the novelty of the Icelandic setting, even though it was ill-used (some of these scenes were filmed in front of another obvious green screen). Besides Berry, the acting is pretty good, although I think Stephens was kind of a weak villain. The swordfight between Brosnan and Stephens is really good.

 

John Cleese, Judi Dench and Samantha Bond return as Q, M and Moneypenny, respectively.  Michael Madsen pops up like he's still mumbling his way through a PM Entertainment release, although he is fun to watch.  Also with Rick Yune, Will Yun Lee and Kenneth Tsang.  David Arnold scored his third straight Bond movie, although he had nothing to do with Madonna's awful title song.

 

DIE HARD (1988)--Directed by John McTiernan. Stars Bruce Willis, Alan Rickman, Bonnie Bedelia, Reginald VelJohnson, Alexander Godunov. The success of this exciting action film influenced countless imitators and established former television star Willis as a box-office draw. Terrific premise finds New York cop Willis in L.A. to visit his estranged wife (Bedelia). When terrorists take over a skyscraper on Christmas Eve and hold his wife and others hostage, Willis, clad in an undershirt and no shoes, must stop the bad guys' plan with no outside help. Rickman is outstanding as the suave terrorist leader, and Willis is adept at mixing wisecracks with the action. Also with William Atherton, Paul Gleason, James Shigeta, Hart Bochner and Clarence Gillard. The stunts and action scenes are first-rate. Produced by Joel Silver. Written by Steven E. DeSouza. Music by Michael Kamen.

DIE HARD 2 (1990)--Directed by Renny Harlin.  Stars Bruce Willis, Bonnie Bedelia, William Sadler, Franco Nero.  I think this ambitious sequel, directed by Harlin back-to-back with THE ADVENTURES OF FORD FAIRLANE, is even better than the original DIE HARD.  Well-polished action scenes, an intriguing plot, an excellent supporting cast, and winking nods to the story’s implausibilities add up to a slam-bang sequel and a worthwhile viewing experience.  It’s Christmas Eve again, and New York cop John McClane (Willis), a hot celebrity due to his holiday adventure in Los Angeles the year before, arrives at Washington, D.C.’s Dulles Airport to meet the airplane carrying his wife (Bedelia).  Wouldn’t ya know that highly trained mercenaries led by terrorist Colonel Stuart (Sadler) have taken the entire airport hostage in order to rescue a South American druglord (Nero) from U.S. custody?  The chases, stunts, fights and visual effects are spectacular, and Willis is perfect as the wisecracking Everyman battling the bad guys and the Establishment.  William Atherton and Reginald VelJohnson awkwardly return from the first movie, and new cast members include John Amos, Dennis Franz, Fred Dalton Thompson and Art Evans.  Look closely and see pre-star John Leguizamo and Robert Patrick.  ILM created the miniature and matte effects.  Music by Michael Kamen.

 

DIE HARD WITH A VENGEANCE (1995)--Directed by John McTiernan. Stars Bruce Willis, Samuel E. Jackson, Jeremy Irons, Graham Greene, Sam Phillips. Much of the success of the first two DIE HARD chapters was due to the strength of their villains. So it is in this second sequel to the 1988 smash hit. Oscar-winner Irons (REVERSAL OF FORTUNE) plays Simon Gruber, the brother of Alan Rickman's character in the original film, who comes to New York City to get revenge on the N.Y. detective who killed Rickman, Lt. John McClane (Willis). Irons plans to detonate a series of bombs in the city unless Willis and Harlem pawnshop owner Jackson can solve a series of bizarre riddles and obstacles. As in the original, Irons's tactics are just a diversion to distract Willis from his real master plan, the theft of 140 billion dollars from the Federal Reserve. The pulse-pounding pace never lets up for a moment; film is filled with wall-to-wall fights, chases, explosions, gunfights and crashes. Needless to say, credibility is not an issue here. Willis plays his Everyman hero to the hilt, and Jackson is good in an atypical action-type role. Script by Jonathan Hensleigh. Interesting score by Michael Kamen. McTiernan also directed the first DIE HARD.

DIGGSTOWN (1992)--Directed by Michael Ritchie. Stars James Woods, Lou Gossett Jr., Bruce Dern, Heather Graham, Oliver Platt. I think this exciting and funny caper movie is one of the late Ritchie's most underrated films. MGM certainly didn't know what to do with it, barely releasing it with an ugly poster, and it died at the box office. It's possible it works even better today, now that Platt and Graham have become bigger names.

Fast-talking conman Gabriel Cane (Woods), upon being released from prison, heads to tiny Diggstown, Georgia, which is run by corrupt town boss John Gillon (Dern), who seized his li'l fiefdom after betting against the town's heavyweight champion--whom Gillon trained--and spiking his nose spray, earning Gillon the deeds to every property in town and the boxer permanent brain damage. Sending his partner Fitz (Platt) down in advance to stir the pot, Cane's scheme involves his old partner, retired boxer "Honey" Roy Palmer (Gossett). Cane bets that his man can knock out ten of Diggstown's finest fighters in less than 24 hours. The greedy Gillon takes the bait, even offering up his own son as one of his fighters. 22-year-old Graham, who began a relationship with the much older Woods on this shoot, looks nice in cutoffs, but really isn't given much of a part as the sister of Woods's friend in prison.

Almost all of Ritchie's best films involve macho competition, and DIGGSTOWN is no exception. Steven McKay's screenplay contains plenty of interesting twists (as the best caper films do), and, although the story may not be completely plausible (10 KOs in 24 hours?), it's funny enough and moves fast enough that you won't notice. As usual, it's nigh impossible to take your eyes off of Woods, who's nearly always the smartest guy in the room and usually seems to be thinking four steps ahead of everyone else. He and Gossett have nice chemistry together, while Dern is properly venal. Surprisingly, McKay and Ritchie resist the urge to add a romantic subplot between Woods and Graham, which only would have taken away from the harder-edged main story.  Also with Randall "Tex" Cobb, Thomas Wilson Brown, Orestes Matacena, Jim Caviezel, Marshall Bell, George Wallace, Gossett's wife Cyndi as "Honey" Roy's wife, Michael DeLorenzo and Benny "The Jet" Urquidez. Music by James Newton Howard. Filmed in California.

 

DIMENSION 5 (1966)—Directed by Franklin Adreon.  Stars Jeffrey Hunter, France Nuyen, Harold Sakata, Donald Woods.  United Pictures and Feature Film Corporation of America made this spy picture as a companion piece to CYBORG 2087.  Both films share the same director (who began in serials), writer (Arthur C. Pierce) and crew, but different casts.  It’s a tough call as to which film is duller.  After a particularly dunderheaded prologue (which does provide a good overview of Bronson Canyon), DIMENSION 5 jumps into a bland plot about Red Chinese agents attempting to construct an atomic bomb in Los Angeles.  American agent Justin Power (Hunter), who enjoys a jocular relationship with his boss Kane (Woods), teams up with Chinese Ki Ti (Nuyen) to stop the threat.  Pierce’s main gimmick is a time-travel belt that Power uses on his mission, but neither Pierce nor Adreon seems to understand it, and it’s used inconsistently and without regard to basic science.  As with CYBORG 2087, Adreon shoots everything quickly and flatly on what had to have been a very small budget.  One early scene finds Hunter and Woods talking and walking down the same (barely redressed) corridor three times!  Also with Robert Ito, Jon Lormer, Kam Tong, Robert Phillips, Maggie Thrett and Deanna Lund.

 

DINOCROC (2004)—Directed by Kevin O’Neill.  Stars Costas Mandylor, Charles Napier, Matt Borlenghi, Jane Longenecker, Jake Thomas, Bruce Weitz, Joanna Pacula.  Executive producer Roger Corman more or less reworks his hit CARNOSAUR movies with a large half-dinosaur/half-crocodile.  Of course, it’s genetically engineered in a sinister thinktank and escapes into the swamp, where it eats sensitive artist Borlenghi’s kid brother.  Props to special effects expert O’Neill, directing his only film to date, for unexpectedly killing a child in such a gory manner.  That’s about the only thing original about DINOCROC, which illogically teams the artist with a dogcatcher (Longenecker), her sheriff father (Napier) and an Australian crocodile hunter (Mandylor).  Two or three endings later, the movie finally closes with many characters dead, but the title creature still kicking for a possible DINOCROC 2.  It’s not awful as these Sci-Fi Channel creature features go, but it wouldn’t kill anybody to put some effort into making a better one.  Co-writer Frances Doel, who penned Corman’s BIG BAD MAMA and DEATHSPORT at New World, should know better.

DINOSAUR ISLAND (1993)--Directed by Jim Wynorski and Fred Olen Ray. Stars Ross Hagen, Toni Naples, Richard Gabai. Frequently shows up on USA's UP ALL NIGHT, which is the worst place to see it (if you really have to) since all the sex and nudity have been cut out. Crusty Army soldier Hagen leads his bumbling enlisted men into a lost world ruled by prehistoric creatures and gorgeous female natives with fake breasts. The special effects and dinosaurs are not bad, I guess, considering the film's low budget and frantic shooting schedule, but the best effects are those on cavebabes Michelle Bauer, Antonia Dorian and Becky LeBeau. Filmed in Bronson Canyon. Gary Graver was the cinematographer.

THE DION BROTHERS (1974)--Directed by Jack Starrett.  Stars Stacy Keach, Frederic Forrest, Barry Primus, Richard Romanus, Denny Miller.  Terrence Malick (BADLANDS, THE THIN RED LINE) co-wrote the screenplay for this comic crime movie as the pseudonymous "David Whitney".  It's certainly an overlooked classic reminiscent of an Elmore Leonard romp, and, to the best of my knowledge, has never appeared on U.S. home video in any form.  Director Starrett (RACE WITH THE DEVIL) is no longer living, and Malick doubtfully will talk, but THE DION BROTHERS is an entertaining oddball flick that's aching to be released on DVD with commentary or interviews with its stars.

 

Calvin Dion (Keach) is, if nothing else, quite a talker.  He's got the folk back home in West Virginia buzzing about what a bigshot restaurateur he has become up in Washington, D.C., when, in fact, he's not much more than a two-bit hood sticking up liquor stores.  His next job threatens to be trickier--an armored car heist--which he plans to pull with his confederates:  Puerto Rican Carlo (Romanus), muscleman Rex (Miller) and Italian smoothie Tony (Primus).  They need an explosives expert, however, so Calvin recruits his younger brother Russell (Forrest), an unsophisticated and somewhat hot-headed hick straight out of the West Virginny coal mines.  The robbery goes smoothly enough; it's the aftermath that spells trouble for the Dion brothers, thanks to Tony's double-cross that finds the Dions hightailing it away from a police shootout and wreaking havoc all over the capital in an attempt to settle the score and retrieve their share of the loot.

 

THE DION BROTHERS, which has also been seen as THE GRAVY TRAIN, is a real treat, filled with unexpected story turns and character quirks.  Leading the way are the marvelous performances by Keach and Forrest, playing a couple of good ol' country boys who are hopeless bunglers when left to their own devices in the big city.  The Dions believe so strongly in their pipe dream of opening their own seafood restaurant (never mind the fact they know nothing about seafood, much less running a business) that it's difficult not to root for them, even when they're stripping down a trio of drunks for their clothes or charging around the docks putting others in harm's way as a sniper's rifle takes potshots at them.  Touches like tough guy Keach dropping his gun during a shootout make the Dions lovable heroes, thieves or not.

 

Starrett, a specialist in crafting hard action, puts together an exciting climax featuring a chase, a shootout and a fight inside an abandoned building that's being demolished by a wrecking ball.  Aided by a jaunty theme by the late Fred Karlin (BORN INNOCENT) and accomplished location photography by Jerry Herschfeld (FAIL-SAFE), THE DION BROTHERS chugs right along from one scene to the next, spreading equal portions of exciting action and idiosyncratic comic dialogue.  It's easy to see why Quentin Tarantino is a fan, and DION's influence is visible in his work.  A pre-Lois Lane Margot Kidder also appears, as well as Clay Tanner (part of Starrett's regular repertory company) as an amusing bathing gunsel and veteran heavy Robert Phillips.  Keach moved to Miami Beach shortly after making THE DION BROTHERS to star in a Quinn Martin cop show called CARIBE, which vanished after 13 weeks.  He and Forrest were reunited by director Jim Wynorski for 2000's direct-to-video MILITIA.

 

DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY (1991)—Directed by Peter Maris.  Stars Bruce Boxleitner, Billy Drago, Tom Bresnahan, Robert Forster.  Energetic direction and a more charismatic leading man might have helped this limp direct-to-video thriller, but probably not.  The ingredients are there for something really sleazy and outrageous, but Maris (TERROR SQUAD) plays it all too straight.  Marine Cole Hickel (TV hunk Boxleitner) is livid when his daughter is murdered by Klaus Hermann (Bresnahan), a psycho German with a photography fetish, but the killer is covered by diplomatic immunity and allowed to return to his mother’s private island off the Paraguayan coast.  With no help from the State Department, in the form of his old rival Stonebridge (Forster), Hickel sneaks down to South America and teams up with wisecracking Cowboy (Drago) to enact his own private justice.  Maris does a poor job subbing L.A. for Paraguay, and the performances and action scenes aren’t punchy enough.  I think Forster would have done a better job than Boxleitner, but I presume the SCARECROW AND MRS. KING star was more bankable at the time.  Meg Foster, Christopher Neame, Ken Foree, Kenneth Kimmins, Matthias Hues, Fabiana Udenio and Robert DoQui co-star.

 

DIRECT ACTION (2004)--Directed by Sidney J. Furie.  Stars Dolph Lundgren, Polly Shannon, Conrad Dunn.  He may be pushing 50, but direct-to-video action king Lundgren is still capable of belting bad guys as well as just about anyone.  His recent work looks even more impressive when you put it up against the DTV films being made by his butt-kicking contemporaries Jean-Claude Van Damme and Steven Seagal.  Unlike Seagal, who has grown as lazy as he has fat in his middle age, and Van Damme, whose ego has reportedly scared talented filmmakers away from working with him, Lundgren has actually improved with age, growing into a relaxed, comfortable screen performer with great presence.

 

Working with veteran Sidney J. Furie may have something to do with that.  The 72-year-old filmmaker has directed some of Hollywood's biggest stars--from Frank Sinatra and Michael Caine to Marlon Brando and Gene Hackman.  Never a highly acclaimed director, Furie has proven himself to be a talented craftsman who has helmed popular action favorites like THE IPCRESS FILE, IRON EAGLE, THE ENTITY and THE BOYS IN COMPANY C.  Yeah, okay, he also made SUPERMAN IV, but we'll blame Golan and Globus for that one.  Furie might have to take the hit on GABLE AND LOMBARD, however.

 

During the 1990's, Furie became virtually the only director of his era to segue comfortably into episodic television and direct-to-video features, pumping out one or two films per year.  Some of them, like THE RAGE with Lorenzo Lamas and Roy Scheider, have been quite good.  His first collaboration with Lundgren, 2003's DETENTION, was Dolph's first movie since returning from a shortlived retirement.  They must have enjoyed making it in Hamilton, Ontario, because they returned for this Nu Image crime drama.

 

In DIRECT ACTION, Lundgren is Frank Gannon, an Ohio (though the Ontario license plates give away the illusion) police detective assigned to the Direct Action Unit, which takes the most dangerous cases.  At 5:00pm, Frank plans to testify before a grand jury about the massive level of corruption and murder in his unit, which leads all the way up to his boss, Captain Stone (Dunn).  Almost all of Gannon's fellow officers appear to be dirty, as they attempt to prevent him from reaching the courthouse by threatening his life and framing him for multiple cop killings.  Partnered with a female rookie (busy Canadian actress Shannon) on her first day on the job, Frank runs the gauntlet of automatic weapons and screeching tires, risking his career and his life to do the right thing.

 

Furie's $7 million budget is a pitfall, since he could have used some extra dough for bigger chases and more stunts.  The actors shoot off a lot of blanks, but the action is mostly held to some decent martial-arts fight scenes, a lot of shootouts and one exploding van.  The action sequences may be medium-scale, but Furie does at least stage a lot of them, fluidly and accompanied by Adam Norden's energetic score.  Lundgren is still in good shape, and has no problem projecting believability as he snaps limbs and thumps heads.  He and Shannon have good chemistry, but thankfully avoid a superfluous romance (especially considering the whole film takes place during one day).

 

DIRECT ACTION is no classic, no matter how hard it attempts to remind you of SERPICO (one character is even made up to resemble Al Pacino in that Sidney Lumet drama), but it is a well-made, straightforward action movie that doesn't try to bop you over the head with extraneous camera movement, gimmicky editing and loud music.  Greg Mellott's screenplay is routine, but decades of experience have taught Furie how to spice up routine material, turning DIRECT ACTION into capable entertainment.  Furie and Lundgren planned to make a third film together, THE DEFENDER, but illness forced the director to drop out, leaving it to Dolph to make his directorial debut.

 

 

THE DIRTY DOZEN (1967)--Directed by Robert Aldrich. Stars Lee Marvin, Ernest Borgnine, Robert Ryan, John Cassevetes, Charles Bronson, Telly Savalas, Jim Brown, Donald Sutherland, Richard Jaeckel, George Kennedy, Trini Lopez, Clint Walker. Wildly entertaining World War II adventure about a group of 12 hardened criminals who are enlisted by a tough Army major (Marvin) for a suicide mission behind enemy lines. Film works because of its strong anti-establishment theme: the Dirty Dozen are outcasts and misfits looked down upon by the military elite. Aldrich does a skillful job mixing humor with the action, especially during the first half's training scenes. Cassevetes was nominated for a Best Supporting Actor Oscar. Bronson was also a member of THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN. Was a huge box-office success, despite being released during the Vietnam War.

 

THE DIRTY DOZEN: NEXT MISSION (1985)—Directed by Andrew V. McLaglen.  Stars Lee Marvin, Ernest Borgnine, Richard Jaeckel, Larry Wilcox, Sonny Landham, Wolf Kahler, Ken Wahl.  In this made-for-TV sequel, made nearly two decades after THE DIRTY DOZEN became one of Marvin’s best known films, the grizzled star looks weary and quite a bit older.  Like many sequels, NEXT MISSION is really a remake.  Once again, Major Reisman (Marvin) recruits twelve hardened military prisoners, all sentenced to death or years of hard labor, to undertake a dangerous mission behind enemy lines.  This time, they are to assassinate Dietrich (Kahler), a Nazi general, before he can assassinate Adolf Hitler.  The Allies feel that Hitler’s erratic behavior is certain to clinch the war for them in just a few months, whereas if he is assassinated, his replacement will likely be able to rejuvenate the Nazi forces.

 

Although NBC also lured Borgnine and Jaeckel back to reprise their roles from the first movie, the rest of the cast is comprised of B-level TV actors without the stature of Bronson, Brown, George Kennedy et al.: CHIPS star Larry Wilcox (miscast as an eccentric Kansas cropduster), Sonny Landham (48 HRS.), Ken Wahl (not yet on WISEGUY), Gavan O’Herlihy (DEATH WISH III) and no one else you’ve heard of. Director McLaglen (THE WILD GEESE) shot Michael Kane’s teleplay in England with full awareness of where to place the pyrotechnics and stuntmen for maximum impact, but the familiar story (with exact scenes and dialogue pulled from Nunnally Johnson and Lukas Heller’s original screenplay), unfamiliar actors and an unenergetic Marvin make THE DIRTY DOZEN: NEXT MISSION an average shoot-‘em-up at best.  NBC aired NEXT MISSION on February 4, 1985.  It was Marvin’s penultimate picture; he acted for the last time as the top-billed star of THE DELTA FORCE, Cannon and director/producer Menahem Golan’s jingoistic take on the 1970s disaster-film genre.

DIRTY HARRY (1971)--Directed by Don Siegel.  Stars Clint Eastwood, Reni Santoni, Andy Robinson, Harry Guardino, John Vernon, John Larch.  Arguably Eastwood’s most popular character, “Dirty” Harry Callahan, a maverick San Francisco police detective who believes in shooting first and reading rights later, is also one of cinema’s most influential, as nearly every movie cop that followed, to this day, has nicked from this movie.  Not that you couldn’t find pre-HARRY antecedents if you wanted, but DIRTY HARRY was both controversial and popular, creating the true archetype of the stoic lone-wolf policeman in pursuit of justice to the exclusion of everything and everyone else.

 

Working from a Harry Julian Fink and R.M. Fink script originally intended for Frank Sinatra (and punched up by Eastwood’s personal choice, former child actor Dean Reisner), Harry bucks his police superiors in his investigation of a psychotic sniper (Robinson) who demands a $200,000 ransom from the city.  Memorable scenes include Callahan's foiling a bank robbery (while eating a hot dog!) and delivering his famous "Do you feel lucky, punk?" speech, the shootout in Kezar Stadium culminating in Siegel’s stunning helicopter shot and the HIGH NOON-influenced ending with Callahan tossing his badge away in disgust.

 

Controversial at the time because of its supposedly fascist indictment of a liberal court system where killers are allowed to go free on mere technicalities, DIRTY HARRY has been ripped off and sequelized so many times (Eastwood played Dirty Harry four more times), it's easy to forget how groundbreaking it was at the time.  Pauline Kael, who never had anything good to say about Clint, was a particularly vocal foe of the film.  Matching Eastwood in intensity and charisma is screen newcomer Robinson, who is especially creepy as the Scorpio killer (clearly based on the Zodiac killer, who was the subject of David Fincher’s harrowing 2007 drama).  One of Siegel’s (and Eastwood’s) best, and propelled by a terrific jazzy score by Lalo Schifrin. 

DIRTY MARY CRAZY LARRY (1974)--Directed by John Hough.  Stars Peter Fonda, Adam Roarke, Susan George, Vic Morrow.  As the optimism and opulence of the flower-power Sixties crumbled seemingly overnight into the dubiosity and paranoia of the Watergate-era Seventies, Hollywood’s concept of what constituted a hero underwent enormous change.  The white-hat virtuousness typified by John Wayne was out.  Our new “good guys” were often barely more scrupulous as the heavies.  Sure, popular fiction had always had its share of anti-heroes--Robin Hood, for instance--but the new breed didn’t necessarily care who they robbed, and they certainly didn’t give the loot away to the poor.

 

Heroes didn’t get much more “anti” than in DIRTY MARY CRAZY LARRY, which overcame a meager plot and wafer-thin characters to become one of 20th Century Fox’s leading moneymakers of 1974.  Compared to today’s bloated action blockbusters, DIRTY MARY almost seems like an anti-movie.  No visual effects, no attempts to homogenize or sugarcoat its characters, not even a musical score designed to slather emotional keywords over the storyline.  The only music heard are songs played over the credits and source music emanating from a car radio.

 

Directed by John Hough, a British TV vet (THE AVENGERS) who made a truckload of money for Fox with 1973’s efficient shocker THE LEGEND OF HELL HOUSE, DIRTY MARY also has the distinction of being shot 100% “real”.  Not an inch of film was shot using process photography, special effects, undercranking or any other cinematic trick to make the car chases appear faster or more exciting.  The supercharged automobiles and helicopters that squeal, burn, leap and smash their way through DIRTY MARY’s high-octane story traveled at speed of 100 mph or more, and were often driven by the movie’s star, Peter Fonda.

 

Fonda, who graduated to become one of Hollywood’s more interesting character actors in films like ULEE’S GOLD (which earned him an Academy Award nomination) and THE LIMEY, was extremely popular at the time with young audiences, many of whom sported THE WILD ANGELS and EASY RIDER posters on their wall.  His gift was projecting a uniquely narcissistic type of cool, a way of telling the world--and, more apropos, The Man--to screw off, while still maintaining the audience’s trust.  Even when Fonda was playing a Grade-A jackass, his fans responded in droves.

 

Fonda plays Larry Rayder, a disillusioned NASCAR driver who teams up with his alcoholic mechanic, Deke (Adam Roarke, another graduate from AIP biker flicks), to rob a supermarket (Roddy McDowall plays the manager, unbilled) and outrace the cops to the border.  You get the sense that, for Larry, the robbery isn’t so much about the dough, but about recapturing the exhilaration and danger he used to feel on the racetrack.  They pull off a perfect heist, except for one thing:  unwanted tag-along Mary (Susan George), Larry’s one-nighter who forces herself along on the escape simply because she has nothing better to do and, gee, running from the cops might be kinda fun.

 

In pursuit of the terrible trio is state trooper Everett Franklin, an obsessive, relentless lawman portrayed by Vic Morrow, who was almost exclusively a television actor, but with the power and magnetism of a film star.  His performance is DIRTY MARY’s best, in that Franklin is just as anti-establishment in his manner and dress as the rebels he’s chasing.  His boss calls him on the carpet for sporting long hair and sideburns and refusing to carry a gun and a badge.  Franklin may be the only “redneck sheriff” of the era not to despise hippies; after all, in many ways, he’s one of them.  But he does hate lawbreakers, and there seems to be very little he won’t do to capture one.

 

That’s all the plot Hough needs to get this movie going.  More than half of the 92-minute running time is dedicated to the spectacular car chases and stunts that made DIRTY MARY’s reputation as one of the all-time great drive-in flicks.  The realization that the leading actors are actually driving the cars at eye-blurring speeds gives the action a level of verisimilitude lacking in today’s CGI-laden features.  An unintentional side-effect results from the shots of Morrow inside a helicopter that’s chasing Larry’s cherry ’69 Dodge Charger.  The chopper is flying down tree-lined roads literally inches from the roof of the Charger, and it’s impossible not to watch these scenes, as thrilling as they are, and not be reminded of the part a helicopter played in Morrow’s tragic death in 1982.

 

I’d be remiss in discussing DIRTY MARY CRAZY LARRY without mentioning the nihilistic ending, which has become one of the most famous “twists” in cult cinema history (even appearing each week in the title sequence of ABC’s THE FALL GUY) and definitely played a major role in the film’s everlasting popularity among car buffs and “heads” looking for the Next Big Thing in Existential Cinema.  What is Hough trying to say?  Who cares, man?  The car stunts are far out.  Also with Kenneth Tobey (THE THING), Elizabeth James (THE BORN LOSERS), Lynn Borden, Eugene Daniels and Bob Minor.  Hough left Jimmie Haskell’s score on the cutting room floor, although he still receives screen credit, probably for the source tracks.  James H. Nicholson, the former co-head of American International Pictures, was the original executive producer, but died during production and is not credited.

 

THE DIRTY MIND OF YOUNG SALLY (1970)--Directed by Bethel Buckalew.  Stars Sharon Kelly, Buck Flower.  Redhaired Kelly, who later lit up the hardcore scene as Colleen Brennan, brings a sweet freshness to her role as Sally, a sexy DJ of a one-woman pirate radio station who broadcasts erotic stories and music three times a day from the back of a truck driven by her loyal, older engineer Toby (Flower).  It's another Harry Novak sex film, but with the added attraction of the talented Kelly, who has the ability to make you believe that you'd have a chance with her if you ever got to meet her.  On the downside, one of Sally's conquests is the repugnant redneck Toby, and if there's ever anyone you didn't want to see doing naked sex scenes with a girl 20 years his junior, it's Flower, who escaped seedy softcore films to become a dependable mainstream supporting player in Hollywood.  Sandy Dempsey and Robyn Whitting also do nudity in this Boxoffice International production. 

DIRTY ROTTEN SCOUNDRELS (1988)--Directed by Frank Oz. Stars Steve Martin, Michael Caine, Glenne Headly, Barbara Harris. Funny farce about a pair of conmen on the French Riviera who reluctantly team up to bilk a wealthy woman (Headly). Good script by Dale Launer features some interesting plot twists and funny dialogue. Caine and Martin are a good comic team. Reportedly was written with David Bowie and Mick Jagger in mind. Remake of 1964's BEDTIME STORY starring David Niven and Marlon Brando. Director Oz was the voice of Yoda in THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK.

DIRTY WORK (1998)--Directed by Bob Saget. Stars Norm Macdonald, Artie Lange, Jack Warden, Chevy Chase. After lazy slacker Mitch (Macdonald) loses his menial pizza delivery job, he teams up with his slob best pal Sam to create their own revenge-for-hire business. It's all to raise $50,000 so an unscrupulous doctor (Chase) with gambling debts will boost Sam's dad (Warden) to the top of the heart-transplant list. Your tolerance for this often mean-spirited comedy will depend upon how much you like Macdonald, since his character is basically the same smart-aleck he portrays in his standup routines, on SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE's Weekend Update and on his ABC sitcom. I think Macdonald is funny, although this movie is only reasonably so. Chase is fairly amusing doing a Gerald-Ford-as-physician type, and the supporting cast includes Don Rickles, Christopher McDonald, Traylor Howard (from TWO GUYS, A GIRL & A PIZZA PLACE), Chris Farley, Rebecca Romijn, Gary Coleman, Adam Sandler, John Goodman and Ken Norton. Music by Richard Gibbs. The director is the smarmy star of AMERICAS FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS.

 

DISASTER ON THE COASTLINER (1979)—Directed by Richard C. Sarafian.  Stars William Shatner, Raymond Burr, Lloyd Bridges, Robert Fuller, Yvette Mimieux, E.G. Marshall, Paul L. Smith, Pat Hingle.  TV-movie with an all-star cast aired on ABC right as the disaster-movie genre was dying.  It’s actually pretty good with some nifty stunt sequences shot in Connecticut (but passing for California).  Disgruntled railroad employee Smith hijacks a southbound passenger train heading from San Francisco to Los Angeles.  He plans to smash it headlong into a northbound train on the same track to get back at the railroad for an earlier derailing that killed his family.  Railroad technician Marshall and Secret Service agent Bridges (the Vice President’s wife is on one of the trains) try to regain control of the computer system.  Both actors are very good, though one keeps expecting Bridges to announce he picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.  Among the endangered are Shatner as a con man who becomes a hero, Mimieux as the woman he tries to pick up, and Hingle as the northboard engineer.  Although writer David Ambrose invented a fictitious name for the railroad, the filmmakers made no attempt to disguise the Amtrak trains that were actually used.  Also with Michael Pataki, Peter Jason, Arthur Malet, Lane Smith, and Rockne Tarkington.  Music by Gerald Fried.  Shatner returned to the big screen in STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE less than two months later.

 

DISTURBING BEHAVIOR (1998)--Directed by David Nutter. Stars James Marsden, Katie Holmes, Nick Stahl, Bruce Greenwood, William Sadler. MGM released this teen thriller in the wake of the successful SCREAM and I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER movies. Against the wishes of director Nutter (whose horror experience includes some of the best episodes of THE X-FILES and MILLENNIUM), the studio cut out many important scenes containing plot exposition and character development, and added a silly coda which exists only to set up a possible sequel. The DVD contains eleven of the deleted scenes, and while the movie wouldnt have been a masterpiece in any form, the scenes do add much weight to the story, and clear up a few plot points that had me shaking my head during the original theatrical run.

The rowdy teenagers of Crater Bay, Washington have mysteriously begun cleaning up their act. Instead of losing themselves in a sea of sex, drugs, drinking and rock-and-roll, they've become straight-A students known as the Blue Ribbons. They're clean-cut and -shaven, they drink ice cream sodas at the local malt shoppe, and--even more frighteningly--listen to Olivia Newton-John and Wayne Newton records. They also don't seem to smile or dance, and are pretty darned freaky. New kid in school Marsden teams up with trailer-trash Holmes and stoner Stahl to investigate their creepy classmates, and discover them to be victims of a mind-control experiment led by mad scientist Greenwood. Even more provocatively, the kids' parents are 100% supportive of Greenwood's tampering, and after the suicide of Marsden's brother, his folks begin to think Marsden could use a little attitude adjustment. Of course, Greenwood's subjects tend to display some serious side effects, such as a tendency to become violent whenever they are sexually aroused (which for a typical teenager is about 79 times a day, but never mind...).

Technically, this is a gorgeous picture. Cinematographer John Bartley (another X-FILES vet) lit the movie in various shades of red, blue, green and yellow, which frequently lends the thriller a creepy hue. A scare sequence set in a mental hospital is particularly well photographed. The score by Mark Snow (X-FILES again) is original, and sets a menacing tone during the effective opening credit sequence. The film's biggest weakness is Scott Rosenberg's (CON AIR) screenplay, which doesn't fully flesh out its characters or develop its story to its full potential (although the 74-minute running time--excluding opening and closing credits--probably has a lot to do with this).

Nutter handles his actors well enough--Marsden is a handsome and likable hero, Holmes is so doggone cute that you just want to hug her (although she isn't wildly convincing as a bad girl), Stahl (in the film's best performance) performs a tricky mid-movie personality switch with much aplomb, Greenwood does his best with a seriously underwritten role, and Sadler is pretty entertaining chewing the scenery as an apparently slow-witted school janitor whose hobby is capturing rats. On the DVD's commentary track, Nutter seems quite upset over MGM's handling of the film's post-production, and I can't say that I blame him, since his version seems to be of higher quality than the one that hit theaters. It's more ambitious than most teen-oriented horror flicks, with its shocks tending to be more psychological than gory. Despite its flaws, I like it a little bit--it isn't dull--but regard it as a disappointment considering Nutter's work in television. Also with Steve Railsback, A.J. Buckley, Crystal Cass, Sarah-Jane Redmond, Terry David Mulligan, Derek Hamilton, Chris Owens, Stephen E. Miller and Chad Donella. The number of cast members who have also appeared on THE X-FILES and/or MILLENNIUM is pretty astounding.

 

DIXIE DYNAMITE (1976)--Directed by Lee Frost.  Stars Warren Oates, Christopher George, Jane Anne Johnstone, Kathy McHaley, Stanley Adams.  Johnstone and McHaley are the real stars of this tepid PG-rated rural comedy.  After their bootlegger daddy is accidentally killed by a trigger-happy deputy, sexy teen sisters Dixie (Johnstone) and Patsy (McHaley) decide to fight the system by robbing the stores and banks owned by sleazy town boss Dade McCrutchen (Adams), who had their father arrested and their home seized to benefit his own illegal liquor trade.  Top-billed Oates delivers a believable performance as Mack, a friend of the family, and George phones in his nothing role as a good-guy sheriff on Dade's payroll.

 

The soundtrack is padded by decent country-tinged soft-rock tunes by Duane Eddy, the Mike Curb Congregation, Dorsey Burnette and even Oates himself.  Although set in Georgia, Frost and producer/co-writer Wes Bishop clearly lensed in California, and their sloppy filmmaking abounds in their over-reliance on certain locations, such as a long montage of the girls looking for jobs which has them obviously walking back and forth in front of the same stores, a police car speeding across a paved bridge but stopping on a dirt road, and several car stunts occurring at different times on the exact same hill also used in Frost and Bishop's POLICEWOMEN and THE THING WITH TWO HEADS.  The most interesting aspect of DIXIE is the uncredited presence of Steve McQueen (!), who provided stunt work in a motocross race scene.

 

To the best of my knowledge, neither Johnstone nor McHaley made another picture; they're sexy, but lacking in charisma and acting talent.  Although not a very good movie, Claudia Jennings and Jocelyn Jones were much better in the similar THE GREAT TEXAS DYNAMITE CHASE.  Also with Phil Hoover, R.G. Armstrong, Mark Miller from the PLEASE DON'T EAT THE DAISIES sitcom, Roger Gentry, Alan Caillou, Bishop and Frost.  Oates and Armstrong acted for the two filmmakers a year earlier in RACE WITH THE DEVIL.

 

DIXIE RAY, HOLLYWOOD STAR (1983)—Directed by Anthony Spinelli. Stars John Leslie, Lisa de Leeuw, Cameron Mitchell. Adult-film legend Leslie is L.A. private dick Nick Popodopolis in this surprisingly evocative noir set in the 1940s. The somewhat confusing tale of a missing husband, a glamorous movie star (de Leeuw) with a sordid secret, betrayal, and murder, of course, comes in second to the hardcore sex scenes, which are appealingly and enthusiastically performed by Leslie, de Leeuw, Veronica Hart, Kelly Nichols, Juliet Anderson, and other noted porn actresses of the period. Because the sex is Spinelli’s priority, the mystery angle doesn’t play out as skillfully as you might like, simply because the story exists only to fill time between orgasms. For what DIXIE RAY is, however, it’s entertaining with good photography, music, and acting. Leslie, I think, could have had a career in mainstream Hollywood if he hadn’t chosen the XXX route. And, yes, the notable character actor Mitchell does appear in DIXIE RAY, though, thankfully, not in any hardcore scenes. Also with Samantha Fox, Steve Marlow, John Goff, and Buck Kartalian. The film I viewed runs 100 minutes, but there are reportedly a shorter cut with no hardcore sex and a much longer version with lots more plot.

 

DJANGO (1966)--Directed by Sergio Corbucci. Stars Franco Nero, Loredana Nusciak, Eduardo Fajardo. Nero became an international superstar as a result of this witty and very bloody spaghetti western filmed partially in Spain. Django (Nero) is a mysterious gunfighter who travels across the desert on foot while dragging a coffin in the mud behind him. He's evasive whenever he's asked whats in the coffin. Entering a filthy little town near the Mexican border, Django is upset to learn that an red-hooded army led by ex-Confederate Major Jackson (Fajardo) is heartlessly killing Mexican peasants simply for sport. After wiping out most of Jackson's men with a gatling gun, Django aligns himself with a band of Mexicans in order to steal a cache of gold hidden inside Jackson's fort.

Banned in Britain for two decades and only shown cut in the U.S., DJANGO features quite a few exciting action sequences and shootouts, with some of the gorier moments--a man having his ear sliced off and fed to him, for example--being surprisingly graphic for the time. It's hard to judge Nero's performance, since he was dubbed by an English-speaking actor, but his steely eyes, tight lips and physical charm make him right for the part. Dressed from head to toe in black, Nero cuts an imposing figure in Corbucci's widescreen compositions.

The enormous success of DJANGO--which was released right after Sergio Leones A FISTFUL OF DOLLARS--led to a large number of Italian westerns featuring the word Django in the title; however, only 1987's DJANGO STRIKES AGAIN, in which Nero reprised the role, is recognized as an official sequel. Music by Luis Enriquez Bacalov.

 

DJANGO, KILL! (1967)--Directed by Giulio Questi.  Stars Tomas Milian, Roberto Camardiel, Ray Lovelock, Marilu Tolo.  Half-white/half-Indian Milian takes part in a gold robbery, but is gunned down by his fellow bandits and left for dead.  Nursed back to health by a pair of Indians wandering in the desert and presented with bullets made from the stolen gold, "The Stranger" follows his attackers' tracks into a small town known as "The Unhappy Place", only to learn that the bandits have already been murdered by the townspeople and the gold stolen by the innkeeper.  Someone else wants the gold too:  Mr. Sorrow (Camardiel), a wealthy villain with a private army of black-shirted homosexuals who kidnap the innkeeper's teenage son for ransom and rape him.  Much like A FISTFUL OF DOLLARS, Milian attempts to play all the sides against one another, but finds himself crucified and attacked by vampire bats (!) in the process.  One of Italy's bloodiest westerns, DJANGO, KILL! was censored heavily before its U.S. release, with two scenes--a darkly comic one of the townspeople tearing apart a live body to retrieve the gold bullets inside of it and a gory scalping--snipped entirely.  Action fans may find the film overly arty, but Questi and his editor Franco Arcalli reveal themselves to be skillful filmmakers who may have been slumming in this case.  Ivan Vandor composed a jaunty theme, but it would have been nice if he had penned some more to go with it.  Blue Underground released this to DVD in 2003 in its original uncut form.  By the way, there is no character named "Django"; the title was tacked on to fool audiences into believing this was a sequel to the Franco Nero hit DJANGO.  Its Italian title is SE SEI VIVO SPARA, which translates as ...IF YOU LIVE, SHOOT!

 

DJANGO STRIKES AGAIN (1987)--Directed by Nello Rossati (billed as Ted Archer). Stars Franco Nero, Christopher Connelly, Donald Pleasence, William Berger. Two decades after the successful DJANGO, Nero reprises his role as the steely-eyed wandering gunfighter with a gatling gun hidden in a coffin. Django is also twenty years older, and attempting to live down his violent past by living in a monastery. After his daughter is kidnapped by brutal white slaver Connelly, Django is forced out of retirement for a series of explosions, shootouts and rescues.

I liked the original DJANGO much better--it's more stylish and violent, and Rossati doesn't seem to have the same wit as Sergio Corbucci, who helmed the original. Berger appears only during the prologue in a previously lost sequence that's presented in Italian only (the rest of the film has been dubbed into English), and Pleasence--as a flower expert who makes Django's acquaintance in Connelly's prison camp--is entertaining in an extended cameo. This was American actor Connelly's final feature; he died of cancer in 1988 at the age of 47. Music by Gianfranco Plenizio. AKA DJANGO II: IL GRANDE RITOMO.

D.O.A. (1988)--Directed by Rocky Morton and Annabel Jankel. Stars Dennis Quaid, Meg Ryan, Charlotte Rampling, Daniel Stern. Visually exciting film noir stars Quaid as a college professor who is poisoned and has just 24 hours to live. He spends his final hours searching for his killer. Quaid and Ryan work well together in this remake of the 1949 classic starring Edmond O'Brien. Features an attack with a nail gun. Script by Charles Pogue.

DO OR DIE (1990)--Directed by Andy Sidaris. Stars Erik Estrada, Pat Morita, Bruce Penhall. If you've even seen one of Sidaris's bosom-filled action movies, you'll know what to expect from this fast-paced adventure filmed in Hawaii, Louisiana, Texas and Las Vegas. Mr. Miyagi plays a megalomaniac planning to rule the world after hunting down former PLAYBOY centerfolds Dona Spier and Roberta Vasquez. Not much of this makes sense, but you'll realize it doesn't really matter; this generation's Russ Meyer gives us tons of chases, stunts, bullets, fires and gigantic breasts, including those of Cynthia Brimhall, Ava Cadall and Stephanie Schick. Sidaris used to direct ABC Sports telecasts.

 

DOA: DEAD OR ALIVE (2007)—Directed by Corey Yuen.  Stars Jaime Pressly, Devon Aoki, Sarah Carter, Holly Valance, Eric Roberts, Matthew Marsden.  If MAXIM had produced ENTER THE DRAGON using futuristic CGI, this ridiculous PG-13 action movie might have resulted.  With noted Hong Kong action director Yuen, who made the marvelous SO CLOSE, putting sexy American girls in skimpy clothing through some skillfully choreographed kung fu paces, it seems as though the movie couldn’t miss.  And it doesn’t for the most part, at least for what it is, which is a brainless action flick based on a video game.  However, I prefer my martial arts without CGI, which throws the action too far over the top into Cartoonland for my tastes.

 

Pro wrestler Tina (Pressly), Japanese princess Kasumi (Aoki), master thief Christie (Valance) and Helena (Carter), whose father invented the tournament, are summoned to the private island of Dr. Donovan (Roberts) to participate in DOA—a round-robin winner-take-all martial-arts tournament.  In between bouts, which Donovan announces at random intervals, Christie and her lover Max (Marsden) plot to steal the $10 million prize money for themselves, while Kasumi searches for her missing brother, who was presumed killed during last year’s tournament.  Meanwhile, Donovan (obviously, since Eric Roberts plays him) engineers his devilish plan to hijack the best fighters’ kung fu skills and beam them into his body—sort of like taking their “quickening,” I suppose.

 

It’s fast, it’s loud, and it features a lot of very hot women fighting in bikinis.  That makes DOA about as close to critic-proof as a movie can get, and you probably already know if it’s something you want to see.  I wish the film had gone much farther.  It’s all tease and empty style without any kind of edge.  The plot is kinda crazy, but not all that crazy, and a more audacious approach and actresses willing to do nudity probably would have resulted in a better movie—think SWITCHBLADE SISTERS or INVASION OF THE BEE GIRLS.  Dimension barely dumped it into U.S. theaters, long after it had already played in foreign markets, but I don’t know why they were so down on it.  Its premise and slick marketing should have been able to draw an audience.  Also with Kane Kosugi, Kevin Nash, Steve Howey and Natassia Malthe as a comely, purple-haired assassin.  Filmed in Hong Kong more than two years before its American premiere.

DOC SAVAGE: THE MAN OF BRONZE (1975)--Directed by Michael Anderson. Stars Ron Ely, Paul Wexler, Paul Gleason, Pamela Hensley. TV's Tarzan is Kenneth Robeson's pulp action hero of the 1930s. Savage and his Fabulous Five (sidekicks expert in everything from science to the martial arts) travel to the Caribbean to find Savage's father's killer. Was supposed to be the first of many Doc Savage movies, but was a dud critically and financially. Anderson's direction is terrible; it looks like a TV movie. Ely was a better Tarzan. Was the last production of the legendary George Pal (THE TIME MACHINE). From the director of LOGANS RUN.

 

DR. BLACK, MR. HYDE (1976)--Directed by William Crain.  Stars Bernie Casey, Rosalind Cash, Marie O'Henry.  The director of BLACULA sets another horror classic in the blaxploitation arena.  Former L.A. Ram Casey plays Dr. Henry Pride, a renowned physician and biochemist working with his girlfriend Dr. Billie Worth (Cash) on a serum that would cure liver disease.  Testing it on a rat, Pride discovers that it A) turns the rodent's fur white and B) enrages it into such a fury that it kills the other rats in the cage.  He tries to test the serum on a prostitute (O'Henry) with hepatitis, but when she turns him down, he injects himself with it instead.  It turns him into "Mr. Hyde", a monstrous white man (we'll get to that in a moment) with super-strength and a deep hatred for hookers.

 

Once you get past Stan Winston's silly Hyde makeup, Crain's film is actually a pretty good one.  The makeup in and of itself isn't so awful, but Larry LeBron's screenplay insists that everyone who encounters Hyde believes him to be a Caucasian, even those who see him up close.  Since Hyde really looks like Bernie Casey with a layer of flour covering his face and some white around the bottom edge of his Afro, illusions of Pride transforming into a white man are immediately shattered.  However, Casey works hard at pulling off the illusion, and his performance is an excellent one, lending his Pride a kindly, dignified manner that contrasts harshly with the animalistic Hyde.  LeBron and Crain work hard to establish the racial metaphors in Casey's transformation; instead of the class divide present in Robert Louis Stevenson's story, DR. BLACK is about the "evils" of selling out to white society.  It's too bad Dimension didn't pony up a few more bucks that would have honed the rough edges, since the script and Casey deserved better.  The finale, which echoes KING KONG, was shot at the famous Watts Towers.  Milt Kogan and Ji-Tu Cumbuka register as cops investigating Hyde's murders.  Also with Marc Alaimo, Sam Laws, Bob Minor and Stu Gilliam as a pimp named Silky.  Tak Fujimoto shot it, and Johnny Pate scored it.  I'm guessing on the exact title, since it was missing from the Liberty Home Video version I watched.  Also known as THE WATTS MONSTER.

 

DR. CYCLOPS (1940)--Directed by Ernest B. Schoedsack.  Stars Albert Dekker, Janice Logan, Thomas Coley.  This fun Technicolor science fiction film was justly Oscar-nominated for its imaginative special effects.  Francois Truffaut was supposedly a fan of this adventure, which sends a group of scientists and their guide into Peru jungle at the call of mad doctor Thorkel (Dekker), who shrinks them to the size of mice.  Escaping into the jungle, the tiny titans do battle with “giant” animals, such as a rooster and an alligator (which is scary enough at regular size), in their attempt to break into Thorkel’s lab and reverse the effects of his shrinking ray.  Paramount must have spent a few bucks on the large-scale props and 3-strip color film, but it was worth it.  More pulpy and less thoughtful than the justly celebrated THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING MAN, but still a terrific Saturday matinee.  Schoedsack was the co-director of KING KONG.

 

DOCTOR DETROIT (1983)—Directed by Michael Pressman. Stars Dan Aykroyd, Howard Hesseman, Donna Dixon, T.K. Carter, Kate Murtagh. Aykroyd’s first outing as a comic leading man was this Jekyll/Hyde riff about a nebbishy college professor who becomes a flashy Chicago pimp. It was a flop, and Aykroyd went back to co-starring in ensemble comedies (GHOSTBUSTERS). His biggest hits—THE BLUES BROTHERS, SPIES LIKE US, TRADING PLACES, DRAGNET—always co-starred another leading man, such as Eddie Murphy or Chevy Chase. I don’t think this is a knock on Aykroyd, who was consistently the most inventive Not Ready for Prime-Time Player, but was maybe just too weird for movies.

 

Aykroyd and Dixon (BOSOM BUDDIES), who plays a classy call girl, fell in love during this movie and later married, which probably makes DOCTOR DETROIT one of their favorites, if nobody else’s. Nice pimp Smooth Walker (Hesseman) needs a patsy to avoid legbreakers belonging to loanshark Mom (Murtagh) and tricks nerd Clifford Skridlow (Aykroyd) into becoming his new partner. Aykroyd’s transformation from bow-tied bookworm to sword-slinging swinger is extraordinary, but stuck in a less-than-ordinary vehicle. Considering the screenwriters included Bruce Jay Friedman (STEAMBATH) and Carl Gottlieb (THE JERK), DOCTOR DETROIT really should be funnier.

 

Devo and James Brown perform. Score by Lalo Schifrin. Emmy winner Lynn Whitfield (THE JOSEPHINE BAKER STORY) made her film debut as one of Aykroyd’s girls. Also with Fran Drescher, Lydia Lei, Andrew Duggan, Nan Martin, George Furth, Robert Cornthwaite, and Parley Baer. The STAR TREK gag that finishes the picture is probably its biggest laugh.

 

DR. FRANKENSTEIN ON CAMPUS (1970)-Directed by Gilbert Taylor.  Stars Robin Ward, Ty Haller, Kathleen Sawyer.  I'm not exactly sure what I think about this strange hippie horror movie.  Young Viktor Frankenstein (Ward), tired of being teased about his name (the Frankenstein legend seems to be limited to fictional works in Taylor's universe) and getting kicked out of various universities, ends up at a Canadian medical school, where he continues to annoy his fellow students through his condescending manner and his political apathy.  When he's expelled once again on a trumped-up drug charge, Viktor goes into revenge mode, hypnotizing his martial-arts expert buddy Tony (Haller) through an electronic implant in his head and using a clunky hand-held remote control to guide him around campus, eliminating enemies with tae kwan do.  The twist ending didn't take me by surprise, but this movie is unusual, and female lead Sawyer is topless a lot.  Also with Austin Willis, Alan Dean, Tony Moffat-Lynch and Sean Sullivan.  Also known as FLICK, but I'm not sure why.

 

DR. GOLDFOOT AND THE BIKINI MACHINE (1966)--Directed by Norman Taurog. Stars Vincent Price, Frankie Avalon, Dwayne Hickman. Ludicrous comedy from the makers of American-International Pictures' series of beach movies. Price stars as a mad scientist bent on ruling the world with his gorgeous bikini-clad robot women, who are programmed to seduce our world leaders. It's up to secret agent Frankie and sidekick Dobie Gillis to foil Price's perverted plan. Also with sexy Susan Hart, Fred Clark, Jack Mullaney and cameos by AIP regulars Harvey Lembeck (as Eric Von Zipper), Deborah Walley and Annette Funicello. Dopey script by Robert Kaufman and Ellwood Ullman. Title song performed by the Supremes! Vincent returned (with Fabian!) in an Italian-made sequel, DR. GOLDFOOT AND THE GIRL BOMBS.

DR. JEKYLL AND SISTER HYDE (1972)--Directed by Roy Ward Baker. Stars Ralph Bates, Martine Beswick. Entertaining variation on Robert Louis Stevenson's classic story as good Dr. Henry Jekyll turns himself into a beautiful but evil woman, Miss Hyde. Bates and Beswick are excellent in very tricky roles; they even resemble each other strongly! Baker uses some clever camera tricks in the transformation scenes.

DR. NO (1962)--Directed by Terence Young. Stars Sean Connery, Ursula Andress, Joseph Wiseman, Jack Lord, Anthony Dawson. 32-year-old Sean Connery was a virtual unknown when producers Albert R. "Cubby" Broccoli and Harry Saltzman tapped him to star as Ian Fleming's British agent 007. This film and its sequels made him an international superstar. Bond travels to an island near Jamaica to track down the title villain, played by Wiseman. Memorable scenes include Bond's first appearance (as John Barry's famous theme plays over the soundtrack), Andress's first appearance (in an unforgettable white bikini), Bond's travails in Dr. No's obstacle course and the exciting climactic fight in a nuclear reactor. Tightly edited by Peter Hunt. John Barry's exciting musical score set the standard for Bond films to come. Lord is CIA man Felix Leiter, six years before HAWAII FIVE-0. Bernard Lee is M; Lois Maxwell plays flirtatious Miss Moneypenny. Connery played Bond six more times.

 

DOCTOR OF DOOM (1962)--Directed by Rene Cardoza.  Stars Lorena Velazquez, Elizabeth Campbell, Armando Silvestre, Chucho Salinas.  What's not to like about DOCTOR OF DOOM?  If you're curious about the world of Mexican wrestling movies, this is a good one to start with.  It plays like a Republic serial, full of superhero-type action, mad science, deathtraps and mind control.  A masked mad doctor is kidnapping women to use in his brain transplant experiments.  Unfortunately, they all fail, resulting in the women's deaths.  At first, he believes the women are too stupid to handle the mental strain of having their brains removed, so he kidnaps a scientist named Alice.  That doesn't work either, so he decides to try a physically strong woman instead, and attempts to snatch wrestling star Gloria Venus (Velazquez) and her new roommate Golden Ruby (Campbell).  Gloria, coincidentally, is Alice's sister, and teams up with a pair of cops, rugged Mike (Silvestre) and diminutive Tommy (Salinas), to investigate Alice's death.

 

DOCTOR OF DOOM is even structured like a serial, with three distinct story arcs complete with cliffhangers, a super-strong man-ape named Gomar, plenty of fistfights and empty cardboard boxes, cheap sets, a masked villain with a surprise secret identity, a spiked-wall trap and more.  Plus, American distributor K. Gordon Murray's decision to create a dubbed English soundtrack that matches the Mexican actors' lip movements, rather than accurately translate the original script, results in some wild dialogue.  Plus, it doesn't hurt that Velazquez and Campbell are easy on the eyes.  A sequel, THE WRESTLING WOMEN VS. THE AZTEC MUMMY, followed.  Something Weird Video released both on a single DVD.  Cardoza's son more or less remade it as NIGHT OF THE BLOODY APES.

 

DR. STRANGELOVE OR: HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE THE BOMB (1964)--Directed by Stanley Kubrick. Stars Peter Sellers, George C. Scott, Sterling Hayden, Keenan Wynn, James Earl Jones, Slim Pickens, Tracy Reed. Kubrick's masterpiece: a black comedy about American bombers ordered by a crazed general (Hayden) to attack Russia and the efforts by U.S. officials to recall the planes. Sellers is brilliant in three roles, including Dr. Strangelove, a wheelchair-bound former Nazi who has a plan to escape to an underground bomb shelter where there will be ten women for every man. Sellers should have won the Oscar, but lost to MY FAIR LADYs Rex Harrison. Screenplay by Kubrick, Terry Southern and Peter George, based on George's novel RED ALERT. Believe it or not, George's novel was a serious work. Pickens is unforgettable as the pilot who rides a nuclear bomb like a rodeo stallion.

 

DR. SYN, ALIAS THE SCARECROW (1962)-Directed by James Neilson.  Stars Patrick McGoohan.  TV's future DANGER MAN, SECRET AGENT and PRISONER gets an early workout in this fun, action-packed Walt Disney adventure.  By day, Dr. Christopher Syn (McGoohan) serves his small English village as the local clergyman, but at night, he does a scary-looking sackcloth mask and becomes the mysterious Scarecrow, who recruits a handful of locals and robs from the rich to redistribute to the poor.  Yes, it's equal parts ZORRO, ROBIN HOOD and BATMAN, as the Scarecrow's menacing laugh and costume are meant to frighten his foes-and some of his friends.  DR. SYN appears to have originally been three half-hour episodes for the Disney television series, which explains its episodic structure.  It's pretty violent by today's standards, filled with swordplay and threats of death which stand out among what passes for bland family entertainment today.  McGoohan is excellent in "both" roles, and plays well against veteran British heavy Geoffrey Keen as a brutal Royal Army general.  Also with George Cole, Tony Britton, Eric Pohlmann and Patrick Wymark.  Music by Gerard Schurmann with a catchy opening theme performed by folksinger Terry Gilkyson.  Also known as THE SCARECROW OF ROMNEY MARSH.  DR. SYN, ALIAS THE SCARECROW may have been its theatrical title.

 

DODGEBALL: A TRUE UNDERDOG STORY (2004)--Directed by Ransom Marshall Thurber.  Stars Vince Vaughn, Ben Stiller, Christine Taylor, Rip Torn.  It's hard not to get wrapped up in this silly movie, which mixes a creaky old plot about raising money to save a local gymnasium (that one goes all the way back to the Andy Hardy years) and an inventive new mythology about the sport of dodgeball.  Nice-guy slacker Peter LaFleur (Vaughn) is about to lose his gym, Average Joe's, unless he can come up with the $50,000 he owes on its mortgage.  His evil pumped-up rival White Goodman (Stiller), a grotesque hunk with a whole chain of in-your-face hardbody centers, plans to turn Average Joe's into another of his insidious, impersonal gyms.  Although pretty bank representative Kate (Taylor) is on his side, it doesn't look like Peter stands much of a chance to raise that much dough in just thirty days.  That is, until the dorky regulars at Average Joe's hit upon the idea of winning a national dodgeball tournament in Las Vegas that offers a $50,000 grand prize.  None are experienced in the sport, but receive a savior in the form of Patches O'Houlihan (Torn), dodgeball's greatest star of the 1930's.

 

Much of the comedy involves various people getting hit in the face, head and crotch with dodgeballs, but under the direction of Thurber, who made some very funny TERRY TATE, OFFICE LINEBACKER commercials in the same vein, DODGEBALL offers a lot of laughs involving sweet characters you really want to root for.  I didn't like Stiller's performance too much--it was a sketch-comedy caricature out-of-place among everyone else--but I loved that DODGEBALL didn't take the obvious route by casting big, aggressive Vince Vaughn as the heavy and nebbishy Stiller as the underdog. Vaughn made his character much more sympathetic than the whiny Stiller probably would have been.  The supporting cast is also great, including Stephen Root (NEWSRADIO), Justin Long (ED), Hank Azaria (THE BIRDCAGE), Jason Bateman (ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT) and cameos by David Hasselhoff, Curtis Armstrong, William Shatner, Lance Armstrong and Chuck Norris ("Thank you, Chuck Norris.").  DODGEBALL also contains an extremely funny performance by workhorse Gary Cole as a typically smarmy play-by-play announcer broadcasting the dodgeball tournament on ESPN8 ("the Ocho").  Stiller and Vaughn appeared in three films together in 2004, including STARSKY & HUTCH and ANCHORMAN.

 

DOG DAY AFTERNOON (1975)--Directed by Sidney Lumet. Stars Al Pacino, John Cazale, Charles Durning, Chris Sarandon. Black comedy about two incompetent robbers (Pacino and Cazale) who stick up a bank to get money for a sex-change operation for Pacino's gay lover (Sarandon). Things go wrong, and the bank robbers find themselves surrounded by policemen, television cameras, and bloodthirsty onlookers. Pacino is excellent as the not-so-bright robber trapped in a situation he can't control. Look for Lance Henriksen in an early role. Frank Pierson's screenplay won an Oscar. From the director of SERPICO. "Attica! Attica!"

DOG EAT DOG (1963)--Directed by Ray Nazarro. Stars Cameron Mitchell, Jayne Mansfield. You can't beat the opening minutes of this strange West German melodrama, which features a nearly naked Jayne writhing in ecstasy on a bed stacked with dollar bills while her husband, who laughs a lot, kicks Mitchell in the face and knocks him off a cliff. The three characters were involved in a million-dollar bank robbery, and, not surprisingly, are in disagreement over the size of the shares. Mitchell, of course, isn't dead, and more characters are drawn into their circle of greed and backstabbing. Jayne says "Crackers!" a lot, and another actor dubs Mitchell's voice. Also with Pinkas Braun, Aldo Camarda and Elisabeth Flickenschildt. Albert Zugsmith (COLLEGE CONFIDENTIAL) allegedly co-directed.

 

DOG SOLDIERS (2002)--Directed by Neil Marshall.  Stars Sean Pertwee, Kevin McKidd, Emma Cleasby.  Highly derivative of ALIENS, PREDATOR and NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, Marshall's horror movie pits a special squad of British commandos against a family of vicious eight-foot werewolves in a Scottish forest.  There's little more to the plot than that, as the interchangeable soldiers alternately curse, shoot, scream and shoot again their automatic weapons as they attempt to defend their makeshift base--an abandoned home fifty miles from civilization--from their hirsute foes.  The werewolf makeup and gore quotient are phenomenal, and even though I think Marshall took a lazy approach to the material, it works well enough on a single viewing.  It never received a U.S. theatrical release, instead bowing on the Sci-Fi Channel.  Considering the later success of the less interesting (and less action-oriented) British zombie flick 28 DAYS LATER, I wonder if Artisan missed the boat on this one.  Also with Liam Cunningham, Chris Robson and Leslie Simpson.  Music by Mark Thomas.

 

DOGMA (1999)--Directed by Kevin Smith. Stars Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Linda Fiorentino, Salma Hayek, Chris Rock, Jason Mewes, Kevin Smith, Alan Rickman, George Carlin. The Catholic Church hated this cheeky, smartly written, often crude religious satire. Jesus Christ's great-great-grandniece Bethany (Fiorentino) is recruited by God's right-hand man (Rickman) to journey from Illinois to New Jersey, where two renegade angels--Loki (Damon) and Bartleby (Affleck)--who were cast out of Heaven plan to sneak back in by entering a church run by Cardinal Glick (Carlin), thereby proving God fallible and causing all of Existence to be destroyed. Bethany, who works in an abortion clinic, is assisted by Rufus (Rock), the 13th apostle (whose existence was omitted from the Bible for racial reasons); muse Serendipity (Hayek), a stripper; and two unlikely prophets--Jay (Mewes) and Silent Bob (writer/director Smith). Although knowledge of the Bible and Catholicism isn't necessary to enjoy this sharp-tongued comedy, it probably couldn't hurt. I thought there was way too much of Jay and Silent Bob--a duo who appear in all of Smith's films, and are better taken in small doses--and that the sophomoric scatological humor often felt out of place, but the sharp cast and insolent spirit (Damon and Affleck's agents must have had coronaries when they saw what their Golden Boy clients were up to in this film) won me over. Also with Jason Lee, Bud Cort, Janeane Garofolo and Alanis Morissette. Music by Howard Shore.

 

DOGS OF HELL (1982)—Directed by Worth Keeter.  Stars Earl Owensby, Bill Gribble.  A small North Carolina town is under attack by a pack of Rottweilers mutated by the government to hate humans and serve as an alternate to American soldiers in combat.  The military assigns one sleepy driver to transport the dogs on a winding mountain road at night.  With a military braintrust like that, no wonder we lost in Vietnam.  The semi crashes, and the dogs start chomping on campers, models, waitresses, and smoochers.

 

The first of several 3D movies shot regionally by producer Owensby, who stars as the local sheriff trying to protect the townspeople from the vicious mutts.  Bloodier than Owensby’s usual fare, but the attacks are crudely directed and over much too quickly to scare anyone.  They also don’t make strong use of the 3D gimmick, which is most amusing in a scene in which Owensby throws darts (on a wobbly string) into the camera.  The body count really perks up during the second half, at least.  The dialogue is post-synched; this, coupled with the grim, cropped VHS print and the unfamiliar supporting cast, gives DOGS OF HELL the impression of looking like an Italian export of the same period.  Also seen as ROTTWEILER and ROTTWEILER: DOGS OF HELL.

 

DOLEMITE (1975)--Directed by D'Urville Martin. Stars Rudy Ray Moore, D'Urville Martin, Lady Reed. The ads for this fondly remembered blaxploitation hit promised "Bone-crushing, Skull-splitting, Brain-blasting ACTION", but anyone suckered into seeing it instead received one of the most inept movies ever made. No question--Rudy Ray IS Dolemite, a pimp/standup comedian/nightclub owner who is released from prison at the urging of a madam named Queen Bee (Lady Reed) to bring down dope pusher Willie Green (Martin). Changing into a variety of wild outfits and talking a lot of smack ("Dolemite is my name, and f***ing up muthaf***as is my game!"), Dolemite teams up with his all-girl kung-fu army of ho's to put the smackdown on Green, as well as the corrupt white cop who originally framed Dolemite and put him in prison.

It's hard to know where to start when criticizing DOLEMITE. Technically, it's a mess--microphones bounce into view with stunning regularity, the ineptly choreographed martial-art sequences clearly show Moore and others missing their punches by a mile, the slipshod editing and cinematography are hard to look at, and Martin's staging as a director wouldn't pass muster in a sixth-grade Passion Play. Still, it's difficult to hate DOLEMITE. Despite its profanity, nudity and violence, it's a very good-natured movie, and Moore, although clearly not an actor, has a good time doing all the things he probably dreamed about as a boy--kicking the crap out of evil, tossing off funny lines, and bedding all the sexy babes. His humor is a matter of taste, and I found his longwinded raps to be more tedious than laugh-inducing, but you may be different. Also with Jerry Jones (who also wrote DOLEMITE) and reportedly James Ingram. Moore returned as Dolemite in THE HUMAN TORNADO.

THE DOLL SQUAD (1973)--Directed by Ted V. Mikels. Stars Francine York, Michael Ansara, Anthony Eisley, John Carter. Mikels, one of the worst filmmakers on the planet, scores with this hilariously inept action tale that he claims was the genesis of the TV hit CHARLIE'S ANGELS (he even sued Aaron Spelling for stealing his idea; he lost). After talking trash to a U.S. Senator (Carter) over a transistor radio and causing an American rocket ship to explode, former CIA agent Eamon O'Reilly (Ansara) claims he'll cause more destruction unless he is paid a hefty ransom. The senator and a government man (Eisley) program their computer to pick out the agent best suited to stop O'Reilly, and the result is a busty, red-haired butt-kicker named Sabrina (York), who just happens to be O'Reilly's old flame. Sabrina assembles an all-girl hit squad, and invades O'Reilly's island stronghold (which in no way resembles an island, since the scenes were obviously shot in the huge, desolate Nevada desert), wearing lots of bikinis and mowing down scores of jumpsuited thugs along the way.