DEADLY FORCE (1983)--Directed by Paul Aaron. Stars Wings Hauser, Joyce Ingalls, Paul Shenar. Hauser's follow-up to VICE SQUAD, in which he brilliantly portrayed a murderous pimp named Ramrod, was this sleazy swatfest from the same producers. This time Wings is on the side of the law, although he doesn't mind crossing the line once in a while to get the job done. He's ex-cop Stoney Cooper, bounced from the Los Angeles force for police brutality, who makes a living as a bounty hunter in New York. He returns to L.A. at the request of an old friend, whose granddaughter is the latest victim of a serial killer known as the X Killer. While dodging bullets, crashing cars, breaking into mobsters' homes in the middle of the night, and punching out punks, Stoney attempts a reconciliation with his TV reporter ex-wife (Ingalls), and runs afoul of a successful self-help guru (Shenar) with a sinister past. The story holds about as much water as a spaghetti strainer if you think about it too much, but the decent pace, sleek direction by Aaron (A FORCE OF ONE) and the always-welcome star turn by Hauser makes DEADLY FORCE one to be reckoned with. Also with Al Ruscio, Arlen Dean Snyder, Lincoln Kilpatrick, Gina Gallego, Estelle Getty as a reckless NYC cabbie, Aaron Norris and Bud Ekins (the stuntman who performed Steve McQueen's motorcycle jump over the barbed wire fence in THE GREAT ESCAPE). Music by Gary Scott.

DEADLY FRIEND (1986)--Directed by Wes Craven.  Stars Matthew Laborteaux, Kristy Swanson, Anne Twomey, Anne Ramsey, Richard Marcus.  After pretty Samantha (Swanson) is killed by her alcoholic rapist father, Paul (Laborteaux), the teenage genius living next door, implants his robot’s brain into her head and brings her back to life—sorta—as a killer zombie.  It’s probably the worst acted Craven movie; Marcus is particularly awful as a bug-eyed drunk right out of REEFER MADNESS.  It’s also one of Craven’s tamest, right down to its dud climax and ridiculous shock ending.  It does have one great kill, which is the only thing anybody ever remembers about the film.  The script by Bruce Joel Rubin (GHOST) tries to be a love story, a social drama and a Frankenstein parable, but, frankly, the shifts in tone don’t work, and the film’s exploitation of an abused child doesn’t sit well next to comic scenes of a robot imitating E.T.  Charles Bernstein’s score is pretty good until the awful robot rap that plays over the closing crawl.  Also with Michael Sharrett, Lee Paul, Russ Marin and Charles Fleischer voicing the ‘bot.

DEADLY GAME (1991)--Directed by Thomas J. Wright. Stars Marc Singer, Michael Beck, Jenny Seagrove. Made-for-TV MOST DANGEROUS GAME ripoff as the seven victims sit around a mysterious island telling their stories in flashback and waiting to be killed off. Also with Soon-Teck Oh, Roddy McDowall and Mitchell Ryan. Filmed near Mount Hood, Oregon, and originally aired on USA Cable. Director Wright went on to helm episodes of many acclaimed TV dramas like NYPD BLUE and MILLENNIUM.

DEADLY ILLUSION (1987)--Directed by William Tannen and Larry Cohen.  Stars Billy Dee Williams, Morgan Fairchild, Vanity, Joe Cortese.  After being fired during shooting of a Mike Hammer movie that he wrote, I, THE JURY, Cohen penned the screenplay for this barely disguised Hammer film starring Williams as wiseass detective Hamberger and sexy Vanity as his Velda-like assistant Rina.  Believe it or not, Cohen got canned from this film too, with HERO AND THE TERROR's Tannen finishing up.  Approached by a wealthy man who pays him $25,000 to murder his wife, Hamberger (who carries no badge or license) visits Sharon Burton (Fairchild) to warn her.  He sleeps with her, but is shocked the next morning when his Pat Chambers-like policeman friend/rival Paul Lefferts (Cortese) attempts to arrest him for her murder.  What follows is a series of mistaken identities, chases, double-crosses and other genre conventions, filmed around New York on what must have been a low budget.  Few actresses have been as sexy on film as Vanity, and she and Billy Dee (smooth as ever) are a cute couple.  Cohen's story doesn't always hold water (not unusual for him) and I wish there had been more punch to the action scenes, but DEADLY ILLUSION is an okay timewaster, if not especially an innovative one.  John Beck, Fairchild's FLAMINGO ROAD co-star, appears, as do Joe Spinell and Michael Wilding Jr.  Music by Patrick Gleeson.

DEADLY INTENT (1988)—Directed by Nigel Dick. Stars Lisa Eilbacher, Steve Railsback, Maud Adams, Lance Henriksen, Clayton Rohner, Fred Williamson, Persis Khambatta, David Dukes, Curt Lowens. With a director better known for making Britney Spears videos, a screenwriter (John Goff) with a background in ‘70s drive-in flicks, and an oddball B-name cast, you may expect this direct-to-video action movie to be something of a mess, and it is. Laura Keaton, the widow (Eilbacher) of a vicious archeologist (a delicious Henriksen, who’s sadly gone ten minutes in), is the target of treasure hunters out to get a jewel her husband stole from a jungle expedition. Williamson and Khambatta (the bald alien from STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE) are mismatched assassins. Dukes is a phony priest. Railsback is Henriksen’s former partner who may want to help her. Eilbacher, who once played Patty Hearst in a TV-movie, was a good actress who deserved better parts, especially after the high-profile BEVERLY HILLS COP. Granted, DEADLY INTENT was a leading role for her, but an empty picture that seems to be taken too seriously by everyone involved (except Henriksen, who’s perfect).

DEADLY JUSTICE (1985)--See THE RAPE OF RICHARD BECK.

DEADLY MISSION--See THE INGLORIOUS BASTARDS.

THE DEADLY SPAWN (1983)--Directed by Douglas McKeown.  Stars Tom DeFranco, Charles George Hildebrand.  A group of friends made this entertaining low-budget homage to '50s SF movies on weekends over a period of more than two years.  By the time it was through, writer/director McKeown had moved on to other projects and was stunned to read in the newspaper that it had received a theatrical release as RETURN OF THE ALIENS: THE DEADLY SPAWN (as distributor 21st Century tried to fool people into thinking it was a sequel to ALIEN!).

A typical suburban New Jersey family awakens one rainy morning to discover alien spawn hatched from a crashed meteorite growing in their basement, eating everyone that moves.  Eleven-year-old Charles (Hildebrand, the son of STAR WARS poster artist Tim Hildebrand, in whose home much of SPAWN was shot) is a misunderstood fan of monster movies who figures out how to stop the rampaging horde.  But thankfully not until it has eaten most of his household and some of his brother Pete's (DeFranco) friends.  It all takes place during a 24-hour period, and includes a hilarious/fun massacre of vegetarian women who accidentally chop one of the spawn up in a blender.

DEADLY TARGET (1994)--Directed by Charla Driver.  Stars Gary Daniels, Ken McLeod, Byron Mann, Max Gail, Susan Byun.  British kickboxer Daniels plays "Charles Prince", a Hong Kong cop sent to Los Angeles to extradite Chinese druglord Chang (Mann) overseas.  Teaming up with a by-the-book L.A. detective, Jenson (McLeod), Prince manages to kill many people, destroy lots of property, blow up some cars, and fall in love with beautiful Asian card dealer "Diana" (Byun) before finally getting his man.  The names of the romantic leads represent the level of wit present in James Adelstein and Michael January's screenplay.  However, Driver and stunt/fight coordinator Jeff Pruitt throw so many martial arts fights, chases, shootouts and explosions at us that it's easy to overlook how knuckleheaded the story is.  Although not at the level of PM Entertainment's finest thrillers like RAGE and EXECUTIVE TARGET, DEADLY TARGET is slick, dumb fun with very good performances by the charming Byun (SGT. KABUKIMAN, N.Y.P.D.) and Gail (BARNEY MILLER's Wojo).  Try to tune out Michael J. Lewis' rancid score if you can.  This was Driver's directorial debut after serving as associate producer, producer and first assistant director on several PM features.  She's never directed again, and was probably aided on the set by her PM boss Richard Pepin, who worked as DEADLY TARGET's cinematographer.  Also with Lydia Look, Aki Aleong, George Lee Cheung, Al Leong and associate producer Marta Merrifield as a screaming court reporter.

DEATH AND DIAMONDS (1968)--Directed by Harald Reinl.  Stars George Nader, Carl Mohner.  Nader made several colorful spy thrillers in Germany during the late 1960s, playing an FBI agent named Jerry Cotton.  In the sixth in the Cotton series, Jerry impersonates a British safecracker named Rick Trevor, a recently released parolee who's been hired by an unseen crimelord named Stone, who communicates with his gang over short-wave radio.  Stone's elaborate (perhaps overly so) plan involves using poison gas to steal $12 million in diamonds, a caper Cotton can only stop if Stone's main henchman, Bloom (Mohner), doesn't kill him first, annoyed as he is with "Trevor"'s impertinent snooping.

Spies were, of course, huge in the 1960s--on television, as well as on the big screen--and so were spy spoofs, like the Matt Helm series.  DEATH AND DIAMONDS doesn't exactly play it seriously, but it mostly avoids the cartoony nature of the Flint movies, relying on an audacious if not wildly implausible storyline, several Cotton judo flips, a close call in a furnace, and a few nicely timed wisecracks.  Although set in Los Angeles, filming actually took place in Europe with poor process photography and second-unit shots of American commercial logos like Coca-Cola and Standard Oil attempting to create an illusion.  Even trickier is Nader's English accent, which may have actually been dubbed by someone else.  Peter Thomas provides the groovy score, adding flavor to scenes of Nader jumping off a suspension bridge in his pursuit of the bad guys or bikini-clad ladies frugging in a rough, tough bar where Cotton orders "very dry vodka martinis".

DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR (1987)--Directed by Terry Leonard.  Stars Fred Dryer, Joanna Pacula, Brian Keith, Paul Winfield.  Makes the RAMBO films look subtle.  Tough Marine sergeant Dryer joins his old friend and commanding officer Keith, stationed at the U.S. embassy in the fictional Middle Eastern country of Jemal.  Suffice to say, relations between the Americans and Jemalians are a bit tense, which is why U.S. ambassador Winfield is hesitant to use force when Keith is kidnapped by a ruthless band of terrorists.  Before you can say, "Fred, stay out of it!", big Dryer is armed with guns, rocket launchers and anything else that shoots, ready to storm into the terrorists' lair on a rescue mission.  Comparing DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR to THE GREEN BERETS is no exaggeration. This is a film in which the Americans are Good and Everybody Else is Bad. Heck, let's go further...Democrats, such as diplomats and politicians who believe in settling confrontations with words and rules, such as the character portrayed by Winfield, are Bad too. To be fair, DEATH's politics do sort of mirror the U.S.'s stance on foreign policy during the Reagan administration, sorry to say, and clearly its storyline couldn't be more topical than it is right now. It would work perfectly on a double bill with Cannon's INVASION U.S.A.  Politics aside, DEATH works just fine as a shoot-'em-up, packed with several really good stunts and quite a bit of gore. Dryer is one of Hollywood's prominent Republicans; I don't know anything about co-star Brian Keith's political views, but he played a similar right-wing action type earlier on the HARDCASTLE & MCCORMICK TV series.  DEATH is the only film directed by prominent stuntman Terry Leonard, who offers up a couple of nifty car stunts, plenty of explosions and a surprising amount of gore.  Also with Joseph Gian, Sasha Mitchell, Kasey Walker and Rockne Tarkington (BLACK SAMSON).  Dryer was starring in HUNTER at the time, but New World's release was not successful, and the former Los Angeles Ram never got a second shot in big-screen stardom.

DEATH BLOW: A CRY FOR JUSTICE (1987)—Directed by Raphael Nussbaum.  Stars Donna Denton, Peter Liapis, Terry Moore, Frank Stallone, Leslie Scarborough, Don Swayze, George “Buck” Flower.  Originally released as W.A.R.: WOMEN AGAINST RAPE, this lame rape-revenge piece plays like a typical CBS TV-movie of the period with nudity and cursing.  Bob Kelljan’s RAPE SQUAD is a much better film with essentially the same plot.  Rape victims who find the justice system unable or unwilling to prosecute their attackers (the film claims only one out of every 1000 accused rapists are ever convicted) join an organization founded by middle-aged Mrs. McCormack (Moore) to counsel victims.  Increasingly fed up by the ineffectualness of detective Buchanan (Liapis) and the Neanderthal social attitudes of district attorney Taggert (top-billed Stallone, who is woefully miscast), the ladies decide to strike back by abducting their rapists, stripping them, branding their asses, and leaving them wherever a TV camera crew can find them.  One can assume writer/director Nussbaum’s (PETS) heart was in the right place, but the crude production values and muddleheaded execution water down the film’s message.  Thankfully, the law’s attitudes toward rape and its victims have progressed leaps and bounds since 1987, making DEATH BLOW look as dated as REEFER MADNESS.  Jerry Van Dyke, of all people, is embarrassing as a rapist, while Martin Landau as a judge and Jack Carter as a victim’s father pick up fast paychecks.  The beautiful Denton, who plays the lead, regularly appeared as the mysterious “Face” on the Stacy Keach MIKE HAMMER series.

DEATH CAR ON THE FREEWAY (1979)--Directed by Hal Needham. Stars Peter Graves, George Hamilton, Shelley Hack. The exploitative title tells you all you need to know about this stunt-filled made-for-TV movie. A psycho in a van causes a massive pileup on a Los Angeles freeway. The film opens with the elaborate crackup, then we see a number of flashbacks involving the cast of journeyman television actors, followed by the pileup again in slow motion. Look for TV vets Frank Gorshin, Dinah Shore, Abe Vigoda, Morgan Brittany, Barbara Rush, Sid Haig and Harriet Nelson. Teleplay by William Wood. Produced by Stan Shpetner.

DEATH CHASE (1990)—Directed by David A. Prior.  Stars William Zipp, Paul Smith, Jack Starrett, Bainbridge Scott.  The good news is that this AIP (that’s Action International Pictures) movie is packed with action almost wall-to-wall.  The bad news is that Prior doesn’t direct action very well.  The premise is intriguing, but not fleshed out very well by Prior and his two writers.  Steve Chase (Zipp), a construction worker, is on a casual bicycle ride with his sister Sheila one morning when they are inadvertently involved in a shootout among three strangers.  All are killed, as is Sheila, but one man manages to hand Steve an automatic pistol and a puzzling message:  “Tag, you’re it.”  Before he knows it, Steve is being pursued all over Los Angeles by assassins.  One, a large man dressed in black (top-billed Smith), pops up occasionally to deliver more cryptic messages and to kill cops who try to interfere.  Steve eventually meets up with a surprisingly understanding woman (Scott) and a tough cop (Starrett) who help him figure out what’s going on.  DEATH CHASE is ripe for a remake, although it bears a slight resemblance to David Fincher’s THE GAME.  The premise means Chase is continuously running, driving, jumping, hiding or dodging bullets.  It’s too bad that little of the action packs any excitement.  DEATH CHASE was one of Starrett’s last performances.  He looks ill, and he died of kidney failure before this film was released.

DEATH COMMANDO (1985)—Directed by Fernando di Leo.  Stars Henry Silva, Edmund Purdom.  Oil magnate Purdom hires a bunch of mercenaries, including assassin Silva, to break into a rival’s factory and rip off a formula for synthetic fuel.  They complete the mission successfully, but when Purdom sends his personal goon squad to murder them to ensure their silence, Henry gets angry, and when Henry gets angry, he gets vengeful.  Silly and cheap with nutty (dubbed) dialogue, but definitely watchable.  Silva is always fun when he’s playing someone completely deranged and pissed off.  Here, he’s headquartered in a zoo (!) and sics his pet cougars on Purdom’s invading henchman.  Also known as KILLER VS. KILLER.  Dalila de Lazzaro, Udo Kier’s beautiful naked monster in FLESH FOR FRANKENSTEIN, plays a sexy thief.

DEATH CURSE OF TARTU (1966)--Directed by William Grefe. Stars Fred Pinero, Babette Sherrill, Doug Hobart. Just a year after his senses-shattering horror debut STING OF DEATH, in which a stuntman wearing a plastic bag over his head portrayed cinema's first half-man/half-jellyfish, Florida-based filmmaker Grefe wrote and directed this silly zombie tale. 400 years after a Seminole Indian witch doctor (do Native Americans have witch doctors?) named Tartu was buried in the Everglades, archeologist Ed Tison (Pinero), his wife Julie (Sherrill) and some students invade his space, go-go dancing, making out and listening to rock music on their transistor radios on Tartu's hallowed ground. Rising from his coffin, Tartu (Hobart) stalks his trangressors by shape-shifting into snakes, sharks and alligators and munching his prey.

TARTU is neither as hilarious or entertaining as STING OF DEATH, filling too much running time with lifeless padding of the characters wandering through the swamp. This is very evident in the scenes in which Tartu attacks the campers; they go on much too long, well after any suspense has been sapped from it, leaving us shouting at the screen, "Get on with it already!" Like STING, TARTU proves that Grefe has a nice eye for the ladies--his actresses are among the loveliest found in drive-in flicks of this vintage and budget. On a ten-day schedule and $27,000 budget, TARTU is probably about as good as it could be. Hobart, who also played and created the jellyfish-man in STING OF DEATH, fills the same shoes here, but with slightly better success. Also with Mayra Christine, Maurice Stewart, Frank Weed, Bill Marcus and Sherman Hayes. Released by Thunderbird International Pictures, which also distributed Grefe's STING OF DEATH and THE DEVILS SISTERS. Grefe later worked with stars like William Shatner in IMPULSE and Richard Jaeckel in MAKO: THE JAWS OF DEATH. Filmed in Florida's Everglades.

DEATH DIMENSION (1978)--Directed by Al Adamson.  Stars Jim Kelly, George Lazenby, Harold Sakata, Myron Bruce Lee, Bob Minor.  Mondo Crash's DVD of DEATH DIMENSION is no more than an unremastered videotape source (complete with creases and rolls).  It's directed by Al Adamson, one of exploitation cinema's dullest filmmakers, although this one is pretty watchable by his standards.  It still sucks though. Jim Kelly (ENTER THE DRAGON) is a cop named Ash who is assigned by his boss (former 007 George Lazenby) to investigate a plot by an archvillain known as The Pig (Harold "Oddjob" Sakata) to detonate a "freeze bomb", a weapon that turns the landscape to ice.  It's nothing more than a McGuffin that never impacts the story.  The Pig can't use the bomb until he gets the formula for it, which is lodged inside the head of the pretty assistant to the dead scientist who created it.  The great stuntman Bob Minor is The Pig's vicious henchman (who gets hit by a car), Kelly is partnered with a Chinese actor who calls himself Myron Bruce Lee (!), and there's plenty of boring action sequences and unexceptional '70s tits to keep you mildly interested.  DEATH DIMENSION is probably about as good as BLACK SAMURAI, Kelly's other film for Adamson, although that one had jet packs and midgets in it.  Also with Aldo Ray, Terry Moore and Patch McKenzie.  Also known as BLACK ELIMINATOR, FREEZE BOMB, THE KILL FACTOR and ICY DEATH.

DEATH DRIVER: THE TRUE STORY OF REX RANDOLPH (1977)—Directed by Jimmy Huston.  Stars Earl Owensby, Mike Allen.  That business about this EO production being a true story is typical Owensby bunkum.  Ten years after winning the stunt driving world championship, Rex Randolph (producer Owensby) quits his job, leaves his cheating wife, and drives around North Carolina getting into mischief and trying to pick up women.  After getting his mechanic buddy Mike (Allen) fired from his job, Rex tries to make money betting some pool-hall denizens he can jump a police cruiser over five cars parked end to end.  He and Mike get into a food fight in a roadside spaghetti restaurant, and Rex picks up a middle-aged woman for a sexy picnic in an auto junkyard, before he makes the decision to win the 1975 motor rodeo and its first prize of a new Lincoln Continental.  Before the hilariously grim finale, Owensby and director Huston (FINAL EXAM) destroy a lot of cars by jumping them, flipping them and smashing them through flaming ice blocks.  Huston shoots the thrill show footage documentary-style, which adds to the movie’s local flavor.  Owensby seems like an interesting dude, a guy who made a lot of money, decided he wanted to be a movie star, and then did it.  He’s not an actor or much of a screen presence, but his movies possess a certain reality and low-budget charm that make them watchable.  Most of the actors are locals, and future director Worth Keeter (CHAIN GANG) appears as a very green deputy.

DEATH HOUSE--See ZOMBIE DEATH HOUSE.

DEATH MASK (1998)—Directed by Steve Latshaw.  Stars James Best, Linnea Quigley.  Best, the long-time character actor best known for playing Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane on THE DUKES OF HAZZARD, wrote and starred in this horror clunker, which was produced by his wife and daughter.  He plays Wilbur, a lonely carny who was scarred for life as a child, when his clown father pressed his face onto a hot stove.  Unfortunately, the makeup is so awful that Wilbur, whom the other characters can barely stand to glance at, out of fear they may vomit from his horrendous visage, wears only a slight scar on the left side of his face, which he covers with a patch.  Yeah, it’s an ugly scar, but hardly what it’s built up to be on-camera (and since Latshaw in one scene flips the film to show the scar on the right side of Wilbur’s face, it’s even harder to take his “affliction” seriously).

To save his job at the carnival, Wilbur and cute stripper Angel (Quigley), his only friend, seek out an “old swamp woman” (played by a 30-year-old actress), who gives him magic tree bark in which to carve a death mask that people will pay big bucks to see.  All it does is afflict Wilbur, who’s so hideous that he can’t even get laid in a whorehouse, with a curse that forces him to start killing those who have wronged him.  Since Latshaw stupidly previews every kill scene (and Quigley’s shower scene) in the opening titles, none of the murders are scary or surprising.

DEATH MASK is a real mess, that’s for sure.  A Best vanity project partially filmed on the writer/star’s own property, it’s a mélange of poor acting, cheap sets and shoddy production values.  Still, Best is an old pro, and even though DEATH MASK’s climax is a clumsy, illogical mess, I’ll be damned if the guy doesn’t manage to push the right emotional buttons to make you care about his character in a movie that bears no resemblance to reality.  He was about 70 when he made this, and went on to appear in more DUKES OF HAZZARD reunion movies and video games.

THE DEATH OF OCEAN VIEW PARK (1979)--Directed by E.W. Swackhamer. Stars Mike Connors, Martin Landau, Diana Canova. A good example of the crap Landau was forced to do to earn money before receiving his first Oscar nomination in 1987. It's a made-for-TV disaster movie about a hurricane that levels a Virginia amusement park on Fourth of July weekend. It's always great to see Mike "Mannix" Connors in action. Also with Mare Winningham, Perry Lang and Mel Welles. Teleplay by TV vets Barry Oringer and John Furia Jr.

THE DEATH OF THE INCREDIBLE HULK (1990)--Directed by Bill Bixby. Stars Bill Bixby, Philip Sterling, Elizabeth Gracen, Lou Ferrigno. Third and final TV-movie reuniting the cast of the 1977-81 television series. In this one, Dr. Banner (Bixby), working at a top-secret laboratory in an effort to reverse the effects of the gamma radiation that transforms him into the Hulk, becomes involved with government spies before succumbing to the title fate. The climax is pretty effective, thanks to Bixby's moving direction, although Jack Colvin as nosy reporter Jack McGee is sorely missed. Since Bixby died in real life from cancer, it appears that the Incredible Hulk's smashing days are over for good.

DEATH RACE 2000 (1975)--Directed by Paul Bartel. Stars David Carradine, Sylvester Stallone, Simone Griffeth, Mary Woronov, Roberta Collins, Martin Kove. The ultimate New World exploitation movie, this great cult classic has become even more relevant in this day of professional wrestling, Jerry Springer and AMERICAN GLADIATORS. Carradine is the black-leather-clad hero Frankenstein, the favorite in a government-sanctioned cross-country race where drivers receive bonus points for running down pedestrians. Frankenstein, a personal friend of the President, has received his name because of a series of accidents that has left him horribly scarred and with a number of bionic limbs. Other racers include brutal Machine Gun Joe Viterbo (Stallone), Nazi Matilda the Hun (Collins), sex-crazed Calamity Jane (Woronov), and egocentric Nero the Hero (Kove). Frankenstein's race to victory is marred by a group of resistance fighters who are opposed to the violent sport and have installed their leader's granddaughter (Griffeth) as his navigator.

Based loosely upon a story by Ib Melchior, Robert Thom and Charles B. Griffith's screenplay is more ambitious than most Roger Corman productions, interjecting satirical jabs at television, government, overpopulation, professional athletics and the price of fame between rousing scenes of racing action, gore and casual nudity. There's one touching scene where one of Frankenstein's most rabid fans (played by Wendy Bartel--related to the director?) offers herself up to him as a sacrifice, which is abnormally thoughtful for this type of film.

The cast is pretty great--Carradine always somehow manages to make these far-out characters believable, Stallone garners laughs in a pre-ROCKY role as the constantly pissed-off rival of Frankenstein's, Woronov and Collins (two of the decade's finest drive-in actresses) are both funny and sexy, and look out for other familiar faces like dizzy blonde Louisa Moritz, future Gopher Fred Grandy, Joyce Jameson, noted Italian horror actress Harriet White Medin, John Landis and director Bartel as Frankenstein's doctor.

Working with a low budget (Corman says about $400,000), Bartel--along with second-unit directors Griffith and Lewis Teague--managed to capture some pretty exciting racing footage, although the New World policy of "skip framing"--or removing every other frame of film in an attempt to speed up the action--mars the result a bit. Simultaneously a live-action cartoon (Collins's Wile E. Coyote-type death is a good example) and a sly look at violence in American culture, DEATH RACE 2000 works on enough levels to make it one of New World's finest releases.

The New Horizons DVD is presented full-frame with decent audio and video. Extras include a short interview of Corman by Leonard Maltin and trailers not only for DEATH RACE 2000 but also for other New World releases like EAT MY DUST, GRAND THEFT AUTO and BIG BAD MAMA.

DEATH RAGE (1976)--Directed by Antonio Margheriti.  Stars Yul Brynner, Barbara Bouchet, Massimo Ranieri.  Leonard Maltin claims a running time of 96 minutes.  The Internet Movie Database says 98.  Mill Creek’s DVD runs just 84, but it isn’t a TV print--Miss Bouchet’s full-frontal nude scene attests to that.  Perhaps the cuts explain why this Italian crime drama is so hard to follow.  One of Brynner’s last films (he died of lung cancer in 1985), DEATH RAGE casts the bald-pated star as Frank Marciani, an American hitman recruited by the Mafia to perform one last job--the touch of the Italian gangster who murdered Frank’s brother.  Frank was present at his brother’s death, which left him with psychosomatic eye pain whenever he witnesses a violent act (Margheriti demonstrates this by “painting” the lens with red animation).  In Naples, Frank shows the hitman ropes to an eager young man (Ranieri)--shades of THE MECHANIC--and fools around with a frequently nude stripper (Bouchet).  A couple of car chases and shootouts, Yul’s steady performance (draped in a black turtleneck and blazer) and Barbara’s luscious body make this one an adequate timewaster.  Also with Martin Balsam and Sal Borgese.  Music by Guido de Angelis.

DEATH RIDES A HORSE (1968)--Directed by Giulio Petroni.  Stars Lee Van Cleef, John Philip Law, Anthony Dawson.  Law plays Bill, a vengeful young man who watched his family be slaughtered by four masked bandits fifteen years earlier.  Van Cleef is Ryan, an ex-con out on parole after serving fifteen years and looking for the former friends who sold him out to the law.  Any guesses as to whether these two are looking for the same guys?

Since he was a boy, Bill has trained himself to be an expert with a gun, able to hit anything and anybody in the blink of an eye.  Filled with hate, he refuses the town's offer to be their deputy, wanting no responsibilities to tie him down in case he gets a lead as to the whereabouts of the men he's vowed to kill.  He meets Ryan as the older man visits the graves of Bill's parents and sister.  "I heard about (their deaths) a few years after," is Ryan's only reply before riding off into town, where a pair of gunmen attacks him.  After killing them, Ryan traces them back to Cavanaugh (Dawson), one of Ryan's partners who got rich and powerful while Ryan rotted in prison.  He extorts Cavanaugh for $15,000, $1000 for every year he spent behind bars.  He doesn't get it though, because Bill, who recognizes the town boss as one of his family's killers by the "four aces" tattoo on his chest, guns down Cavanaugh.  From then on, the two gunmen forge a reluctant relationship, each after the same goal, but for different reasons.  Reluctant, because Ryan can't collect any dough if Bill kills everyone first. 

This is among the better Italian westerns I've seen, although not on the same level as those directed by Sergio Leone.  Oddly, DEATH RIDES A HORSE contains just about every genre cliché you can imagine, from the young hothead teaming up with the experienced gunfighter to the familiar theme of revenge to slight smattering of black humor and male camaraderie to the weird score by il maestro, Ennio Morricone.  Law does most of his acting with his striking blue eyes--I don't think he even dubbed his own voice--but Van Cleef is very good indeed, stealing all of his scenes and often without much dialogue.

DEATH doesn't seem to have been greeted well by critics upon its initial U.S. release in 1969--Roger Ebert called it a "bad film", although he criticized its mountainous "backdrop" for looking fake, when in fact it's clear Petroni shot the scene Ebert is referring to on location--but it really is an above-average entry in a genre that was mostly treated with indifference by film "experts", spicing up its rigid formula with fine work by Van Cleef and plenty of bang-bang action.  Dawson is a British actor who appeared in DR. NO and should not be confused with Italian director Antonio Margheriti (TAKE A HARD RIDE), who was often credited as "Anthony Dawson".

DEATH RING (1993)--Directed by R.J. Kizer.  Stars Mike Norris, Chad McQueen, Billy Drago, Isabel Glasser.  Here's another film version of THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME, but unlike most of them, this one actually gives screen credit to its inspiration.  Evil Danton Vachs (Drago) makes millions by kidnapping men and hiring out his private island to hunters who want to track the victims down and kill them.  Vachs' latest prey was too easy to kill, however, so to cut off his clients' grumbling, he snatches ex-Green Beret Matt Collins (Norris, son of Chuck) and, for good measure, his girlfriend Lauren (Glasser), leaving only Matt's buddy "Skylord" (McQueen) to perform a last-minute rescue.  As usual, Drago chews scenery to the hilt, leaving the inexpressive Norris in his wake.  The action scenes are decent enough, but DEATH RING really isn't anything special beyond its always-intriguing premise.  The cast also includes Elizabeth Sung, Don Swayze, Branscombe Richmond and George Cheung.  Norris also contributed to the story.  Music by John Massari.  From the director of GODZILLA 1985.

DEATH SCREAMS (1982)--See HOUSE OF DEATH.

DEATH SENTENCE (2007)--Directed by James Wan.  Stars Kevin Bacon, Kelly Preston, John Goodman, Garrett Hedlund.  The director of SAW tackles Charles Bronson territory in this melodrama, which claims to be an adaptation of Brian Garfield's DEATH SENTENCE, but it actually has more in common with Garfield's DEATH WISH, which was made into Michael Winner's influential 1974 drama starring Bronson as a liberal architect who turns New York vigilante when his family is touched by crime.  Here, Bacon plays an insurance executive who goes up against a murderous street gang after his family is attacked.

The film's number one problem is its hero, who never earns the viewer's sympathy, despite all that happens to him, because he basically asks for what he gets. Usually in this type of film, the hero turns to vigilante justice as a last resort, after the system has failed him. But here, Bacon chooses to become a vigilante without letting the judicial system run its course. He chooses to let the villain go, so he can murder him. I was never on Bacon's side because of this (and because of some of the stupid things he does).

I also never believed either Bacon's unrealistically Cleaver family or the cartoony gang members. I swear the lead villain is only barely more real than Gavan O'Herlihy in DEATH WISH 3. Unfortunately, the film takes itself too seriously, so it fails as a popcorn action movie, but it's too inept dramatically to live up to its lofty agenda. It could have been something like FIGHTING BACK or more like a Jeff Wincott movie for PM Entertainment. Both would have been better than DEATH SENTENCE.

DEATH SHIP (1980)--Directed by Alvin Rakoff.  Stars Richard Crenna, George Kennedy.  DEATH SHIP is a fitfully creepy horror film with a good premise that doesn't work as a whole.  It's three days before cruise ship captain Ashland (Kennedy) is due to be "retired" by his employers, with first officer Marshall (Crenna) due to succeed him.  That night, the ship is rammed by another, a spooky, dark ship, with Ashland, Marshall, his wife and two kids, and four others the only survivors.  They eventually board the other ship (it's unclear if they know it's the same one that smacked into them), and are met with a series of spooky "accidents", such as the smarmy stand-up comic that's lifted into the air by a yardarm, dunked into the ocean and left to drown.  Eventually, Marshall discovers they're aboard a Nazi interrogation ship that's still haunted by the soldiers who sailed it and that Ashland is being slowly possessed by the ghost of its captain.

Before it sinks into a morass of illogic and shallow characterization, DEATH SHIP actually provides a few unsettling moments-as well as several unintentionally laughable ones.  The sight of Kennedy running in white pants (ain't your color, George!) is funny enough, but later, when Rakoff demands close-ups of George's fat, sweaty puss ranting about the blood of Crenna's kids, the camp factor is seriously upgraded.  Still, the idea of being trapped at sea with Nazi phantoms is a really good one, and Rakoff does manage a few scares, often through flash-forwards and moody lighting.  The gore factor is surprisingly low for an R-rated feature of this vintage (although the notorious "blood shower" offers some crimson-sprayed nudity), as Rakoff achieves whatever chills are here through atmosphere, rather than special effects.  Kennedy's rantings are pretty fun (I love when he tosses a nude female overboard), but Crenna, a genuinely good actor, is given little to do.  Also with Nick Mancuso (STINGRAY), Kate Reid (THE ANDROMEDA STRAIN), Sally Ann Howes (her first feature since CHITTY CHITTY BANG BANG), Victoria Burgoyne and Saul Rubinek.  Filmed in Quebec and Mobile, Alabama.  DEATH SHIP also boasts one of the coolest horror posters of the era, one that almost no movie directed by Alvin Rakoff could live up to.

DEATH STALK (1975)—Directed by Robert Day.  Stars Vic Morrow, Vince Edwards, Robert Webber, Carol Lynley, Anjanette Comer, Norman Fell, Neville Brand, Larry Wilcox.  Two city-slicker married couples on a white-water rafting vacation are waylaid by four escaped convicts.  Led by the dangerous Brenner (Morrow), the cons abduct the wives and leave their husbands (Edwards, Webber) tied up on the river bank.  They free themselves and follow their attackers downriver in a third raft with hopes of rescuing the women.  Yes, it’s influenced by DELIVERANCE, particularly in the scenes where Edwards and Webber are pushed to the edges of their masculinity, and, yes, I suspect THE RIVER WILD ripped it off two decades later.  Great cast, obviously, but NBC’s Standards and Practices department kept the violence and sadism from getting too extreme, which may have been what the movie needed.  Music by Pete Rugolo.

DEATH WARRANT (1990)--Directed by Deran Sarafian. Stars Jean-Claude Van Damme, Cynthia Gibb, Robert Guillaume. Van Damme is a kickboxing Canadian cop who goes undercover into prison to stop the Sandman, a nutjob killing convicts in order to sell their organs. Van Damme gets a conjugal visit from hot Gibb as his outside contact. He also works for Benson. Also with Patrick Kilpatrick and Art LeFleur. From the director of TERMINAL VELOCITY.

DEATH WISH 3 (1985)--Directed by Michael Winner. Stars Charles Bronson, Deborah Raffin, Martin Balsam, Ed Lauter. Bronson as an over-the-top urban Rambo. Paul Kersey (Bronson) seems to have forgotten all about his career as an architect to become a fulltime vigilante. He returns to New York and is coerced by cop Lauter into killing more vicious gang members and keeping the streets safe. This time Raffin (as Kersey's new girlfriend) is the film's sacrificial lamb that is required in all DEATH WISH movies to move Bronson to violence. Charlie blows out the side of a building with a grenade launcher just to kill one bad guy. Seems like overkill to me. 74 dead bodies in this one; I counted.

DEATH WISH 4: THE CRACKDOWN (1987)--Directed by J. Lee Thompson.  Stars Charles Bronson, Kay Lenz, John P. Ryan.  You'd think by now that bad guys would leave Charles Bronson's family alone.  Wile E. Coyote has a better life expectancy than the loved ones of Paul Kersey (Bronson), the vigilante first seen in 1974's DEATH WISH.  Three sequels later, Kersey is back in business in Los Angeles, running a successful architectural firm and dating a beautiful writer (Lenz).  You know Kersey though; when he doesn't kill anybody for a while, he starts to get itchy, so perhaps he subconsciously regards it as a godsend when Lenz's teenage daughter dies from a cocaine overdose.  After (easily) tracking down the dealer who sold her the coke and putting a bullet into his chest, Kersey is summoned to the stately home of wealthy Nathan White (Ryan), who knows of Kersey's past and offers him a chance to clean up L.A.'s streets for good.  White will supply money, weapons (including an exploding wine bottle!) and information, and Kersey will murder the leaders and top gunmen of the city's two leading drug suppliers.  Of course, if this arrangement sounds too good to be true, it probably is, but at least it leads to several car explosions, squibbed chests, fights, chases and a lengthy shootout inside an improbably crowded roller rink.

Bronson must have been comfortable during this time, working almost exclusively for Cannon and favorite directors Michael Winner and Thompson (for whom he acted nine times).  "Comfortable" doesn't usually mean "challenging" though, and although Bronson is typically solid here and still believable doing action scenes (which more often involve big guns and explosions rather than fisticuffs), he makes little effort to differentiate Kersey from, say, the cops he played in MURPHY'S LAW and 10 TO MIDNIGHT.  Lenz is criminally underused, virtually vanishing long enough during the middle to almost make you forget she's even in the movie, while Ryan shamelessly overacts as usual.  Thompson and writer Gail Morgan Hickman (NUMBER ONE WITH A BULLET) make some attempt at ambition, getting into Kersey's dreams and throwing slight symbolism into the finale, but that's not really what DW4 is all about.  It's about the beatings and the shootings, and, truth be told, it's done pretty well.  It isn't as good as the original DEATH WISH, which actually had something worthwhile to say, but it's better than the dismal DW2 and probably even DW3, which is the funniest film in Bronson's canon.  DEATH WISH V: THE FACE OF DEATH arrived in 1994.  MESSENGER OF DEATH was next for Bronson and Thompson, a change of pace from the urban thrillers they had been doing for Cannon.  Also with Perry Lopez, Soon Teck-Oh, Dana Barron, George Dickerson, Tim Russ, Danny Trejo, Mitch Pileggi and Dale Robinette.  Music by Bronson's stepsons.

DEATH WISH V: THE FACE OF DEATH (1994)--Directed by Allan A. Goldstein. Stars Charles Bronson, Lesley-Anne Down, Michael Parks. Here we go again. Architect Paul Kersey (Bronson) goes after an L.A. mob boss (Parks) who messes up Kersey's fashion designer girlfriend (Down). Kersey's getting more creative with each film; he blows up one guy with an exploding remote-control soccer ball, wraps another in Saran Wrap, and knocks Parks into an acid pit in a dress warehouse! Bronson is into his seventies.

DEATHCHEATERS (1976)—Directed by Brian Trenchard-Smith. Stars Grant Page, John Hargreaves, Noel Ferrier, Margaret Gerard. This Australian action picture is purely about the high of driving fast, dangling from cliffs, and destroying property. And that is something I can totally dig. Page, the charismatic stuntman who had appeared as an assassin opposite Jimmy Wang Yu in Trenchard-Smith’s THE MAN FROM HONG KONG, graduated to leading man here as movie stuntman Rod Cann, who bails on his current production to chase bank robbers in his awesome customized dune buggy, then scale a tall building to rescue hostages from a closed bank vault. For fun, Rod and his stuntman friend Steve Hall (Hargreaves), who were commandos together in Vietnam, bust up patio furniture in mock fight scenes. Government bigwig Culpepper (Ferrier), capitalizing on their adrenaline addiction, recruits the duo to sneak into the compound of a Filipino criminal mastermind and heist some secret papers from his safe. Sometimes you want Chekhov, and sometimes you just want to see two macho dudes running through explosions and leaping sand dunes. Knowing how absurd his plot is, as it exists only as an excuse to string together cool action sequences, Trenchard-Smith plays everything very lightly, showcasing the breezy personalities of his stars. The director’s next film, STUNT ROCK, was even more meta, casting Page as himself and offering even less story and more stunts. And rock.

DEATHDREAM (1974)--Directed by Bob Clark.  Stars Richard Backus, John Marley, Lynn Carlin.  A rocky low-budget horror movie filmed in Florida that features a creepy performance by Backus as a zombie named Andy. He's not a standard Romero-style zombie, and the character is as much a vampire as he is a zombie. Andy is an American G.I. killed in Vietnam who supernaturally returns to his hometown, seemingly just because his grief-stricken mother (played by FACES' Lynn Carlin, who later provided the voice of Richard Thomas' spaceship in BATTLE BEYOND THE STARS) wants him to. Beyond looking abnormally pale, Andy acts very strangely, not eating or sleeping, refusing to speak to anyone, and generally creeping out his family, especially after he strangles to death the family dog. His father (John Marley, also in FACES and best known as the guy who wakes up with the horse's head in THE GODFATHER, a part he parodied in an SCTV episode) is the only one who acknowledges Andy's behavior, which grows worse when he goes on a killing spree to acquire the human blood he needs to keep it together. "It" being his skin, which is in a constant state of decay and begins peeling when he needs nourishment.

Directed by Bob Clark (A CHRISTMAS STORY) and written by Alan Ormsby (CAT PEOPLE) with makeup effects by Ormsby and Tom Savini (DAWN OF THE DEAD), DEATHDREAM is a bit ragged in its cinematography, dialogue and performances, but does a nice job of presenting Andy's "illness" in both a horrific sense and as a metaphor commenting on the then-current Vietnam War. Backus wears the makeup well, looking and acting very creepy, and might have been a good choice for the role later played by Keir Dullea in Clark's BLACK CHRISTMAS, one of the best horror films of the 1970's. That isn't a criticism of Dullea, but Backus has a similar look and placidity to his acting.  Also with Henderson Forsythe, Anya Ormsby, Michael Mazes and Arthur Anderson.  Music by Carl Zittrer.  Clark and Ormsby also made the similar CHILDREN SHOULDN'T PLAY WITH DEAD THINGS.

THE DEATHLESS DEVIL (1972)--Directed by Yilmaz Atadeniz.  Stars Kunt Tulgar, Mine Mutlu.  THE DEATHLESS DEVIL’s adult content is surprising, considering that it’s almost a note-for-note remake of MYSTERIOUS DR. SATAN, a pretty good 15-chapter serial produced by Republic Pictures in 1940.  Turkish filmmakers paid little or no attention to copyright laws, stealing characters, concepts, even music scores and film clips from American movies with reckless abandon.  Among Turkey’s more notorious hits are a film version of STAR TREK and THE MAN WHO SAVED THE WORLD, which nicked footage from STAR WARS without paying for it or asking permission.  Henry Mancini’s PINK PANTHER theme and some of John Barry’s James Bond music can be heard highlighting the action in THE DEATHLESS DEVIL, making for somewhat schizophrenic viewing.

As in the Republic chapterplay, Dr. Satan (Mine Mutlu) is a diabolical evil genius with a tremendous mustache who plots to use his robot creations to rule the world.  Even though three decades had passed since MYSTERIOUS DR. SATAN, Turkey hadn’t yet caught up with Hollywood technology, and Satan’s robots are the same giggle-inducing clunkers Republic tried to pass off as threatening in 1940.  Satan’s nemesis is Tekin (Kunt Tulgar), who discovers on his father’s deathbed that his real father was a costumed hero named Copperhead who died fighting Dr. Satan years earlier.  Tekin dons Copperhead’s trademark mask, scarf and tights, and spends the next hour fighting with various Satan underlings, rescuing beautiful women, and seducing Dr. Satan’s sexy moll to bait a trap.

THE DEATHLESS DEVIL is delirious, mostly due to its streamlined story, but also because of some ill-advised comic relief in the relentlessly unfunny form of a slapstick sidekick who believes he’s Sherlock Holmes.  However, it’s definitely worthy of late-night viewing when you’re in the mood for an unusual concoction of old-fashioned pulp action mixed with a lurid dose of macho fantasy reminiscent of the “men’s sweat” magazines of the 1960’s.

THE DEATHMASTER (1972)--Directed by Ray Danton.  Stars Robert Quarry, Bill Ewing, Brenda Dickson.  Topanga Canyon is the setting of this “hippie vampire movie”, produced by Quarry and Fred Sadoff just before beginning Quarry’s exclusive contract with American International Pictures.  Influenced by the Manson killings, DEATHMASTER spotlights Khorda, a charismatic, bearded mentor to a group of young hippies living in a mansion.  Only half-Indian war vet Pico (Ewing) sees through Khorda’s charming veneer to discover that he’s actually a vampire prowling for acolytes to provide him with a food supply.  Dated now, but an interesting period piece with a strong performance by Quarry, the star of two COUNT YORGA movies.  Also with John Fiedler as an aging hippie, William Jordan as a biker, Betty Ann Rees, John Lasell, LaSesne Hilton and Bobby “Boris” Pickett.  Music by Bill Marx.

DEATHSPORT (1978)--Directed by Henry Suso and Allan Arkush. Stars David Carradine, Claudia Jennings, Richard Lynch. This pseudo-sequel to New World's very successful DEATH RACE 2000 definitely falls beneath the heading of Guilty Pleasure. It contains a confusing plot, numerous lapses in logic and storytelling, cheap sets and props, and an absolute lack of humor. On the other hand, former PLAYBOY Playmate Jennings appears frequently nude, lots of stuff blows up, and Lynch is one of cinema's great bad-guy actors.

In the post-apocalyptic future of the 30th century, Range Guide Kaz Oshay (Carradine) wanders the desert mumbling platitudes like "must keep moving like sand in the wind" and battling Death Machine-riding soldiers--called Statemen--led by black-clad Ankar Moor (Lynch). Death Machines are blaster-beam firing motorcycles with silver-painted cardboard instrument panels that don't look the least bit futuristic. Oshay and another Guide--bikini-wearing Deneer (Jennings)--are captured by the Statemen and sentenced to play Deathsport, a Gladiator-style match in which they must battle an army of Death Machines while armed only with crystal-bladed swords. Escaping with a disgraced doctor and his whiny wimp son, Oshay and Deneer head for the domed paradisiacal city of Triton with Ankar Moor and his minions in hot pursuit.

DEATHSPORT shows signs of a troubled production--the introduction of plot threads (like an impending storm that threatens our heroes' journey) that are quickly forgotten or ignored, a cycle chase through an abandoned fuel dump that features mysterious ramps and empty striped barrels that blow up for no reason, an inexplicable torture chamber involving dangling Christmas-tree lights, hastily-produced matte paintings that don't look remotely believable. Carradine, although he doesn't have a particularly muscular build, is a serviceable action hero, and pulls off the faux-Shakespearean no-contraction-using dialogue the best he can. Jennings was a better actress than most former models, and Lynch again uses his scarred countenance to good effect.

Jennings had a major cult following in exploitation films before being killed in a car accident at age 29 shortly after DEATHSPORT was filmed. Director Suso is a pseudonym for scripter Nicholas Niciphor, who was fired as director by producer Roger Corman well into shooting after Niciphor and star Carradine engaged in a well-publicized fistfight on the set. Also with William Smithers, ex-Marlboro Man David McLean (who, ironically, died in 1995 of lung cancer), Jesse Vint and big, bald H.B. Haggerty. The maddening synth score by Andy Stein supposedly features guitar work by Jerry Garcia, but I didn't hear any guitar. Love the misleading Frazetta-style poster art; Carradine wishes he had pecs like that!

DEATHSTALKER (1983)--Directed by James Sbardellati (as John Watson).  Stars Richard Hill, Barbi Benton, Bernard Erhard, Richard Brooker, Lana Clarkson.  If you’re curious as to how many different monsters, swordfights and nude women Roger Corman can stuff into an 80-minute movie, DEATHSTALKER is a great place to start keeping tally.

Shot in Argentina to capitalize on the success of CONAN THE BARBARIAN (and maybe, to a lesser degree, THE BEASTMASTER), DEATHSTALKER stars TV actor Hill (TODAY’S F.B.I.) as, er, Deathstalker, an arrogant warrior who urged by an ousted king to overthrow evil wizard Munkar (Erhard), who has kidnapped the king’s nubile daughter Codille (PLAYBOY’s Benton, also in HOSPITAL MASSACRE).  Munkar terrorizes the land with a magic amulet and chalice and needs only Deathstalker’s mystical sword to become completely unstoppable.  With traveling companions Oghris (Brooker) and Kaira (Clarkson), who enjoys swordfighting while topless from time to time, Deathstalker invades Munkar’s celebration and volunteers to fight in the ruler’s competition to become the land’s greatest warrior.  Munkar’s plan is actually pretty clever; after all but one competitor have died in the arena, he’ll kill the winner, ensuring that no badasses are left alive to threaten his reign.

Sbardellati and writer Howard Cohen surprisingly play it all straight, which just makes the movie funnier.  I don’t know how they expected us not to giggle at the rubber hand puppet that subsists on human fingers, the giant pig man that battles Deathstalker or the lengths to which they go to show another gratuitously nude woman.  With Corman as executive producer, DEATHSTALKER is never boring and is one of New World’s most entertaining trash classics of the ‘80s.  Counting Benton’s lines is great fun; I think her ratio of boob shots to spoken words is close to even.

Corman may not have, but Jim Wynorski realized how silly DEATHSTALKER was.  When he was hired to direct the sequel (also in Argentina), he camped it up, casting the non-buff John Terlesky as the hero and piling anachronisms, jokes and puns on top of the action and nudity.  Lana Clarkson didn’t appear in DEATHSTALKER II; she got her own series instead, wielding more swords and baring more breasts in BARBARIAN QUEEN and BARBARIAN QUEEN II.  Benton had pretty much milked her former relationship with Hugh Hefner as far as it would go by this time and soon dropped out of sight.  Hill, who came back nearly a decade later for DEATHSTALKER IV, eventually left acting and ghostwrote Pete Rose’s autobiography.

DEATHSTALKER II: DUEL TO THE DEATH (1987)--Directed by Jim Wynorski.  Stars John Terlesky, Monique Gabrielle, John LaZar, Toni Naples.  Wynorski and writer Neil Ruttenberg (who may have been heavily rewritten by Wynorski and frequent collaborator R.J. Robertson) mine the sword-and-sorcery genre for laughs in this campy sequel produced by Roger Corman.  Deathstalker (non-bodybuilder Terlesky) rescues cute seer Reena (Gabrielle) from perverts and becomes convinced by her that treasure lies at the castle of Princess Evie.  What she fails to let on is that she actually is Evie, who was deposed by ruthless sorcerer Jurak (LaZar) and replaced by a sexy evil clone (also Gabrielle).  The road to the castle is a dangerous one, filled with assassins, exploding midgets, zombies, boobytrapped crypts, 300-pound female wrestlers, an army of scantily-clad Amazons and plenty of anachronistic gags ripped from Bugs Bunny, Abbott & Costello and even HAWAII FIVE-0. 

LaZar (BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS) and Naples as his sultry sidekick are appropriately over-the-top antagonists, while Terlesky and Gabrielle, while decidedly lightweight as performers, milk the spoofy material for all it's worth.  Meanwhile, the action and swordfighting (and bevy of beautiful damsels) are handled quite well by Wynorski, including a climatic battle choreographed by Terlesky himself, and Gabrielle provides a much-needed nude scene.  Filmed in Argentina.  Also with Maria Socas, Marcos Wolinsky and a cameo by Wynorski.  Chuck Cirino's score may have been composed and performed in haste (he didn't see the film; he just wrote cues that were spliced in later by editor Steve Barnett), but it's energetically cheesy with a catchy theme that sticks in your head.

DEATHSTALKER III: THE WARRIORS FROM HELL (1988)--Directed by Alfonso Corona. Stars John Allen Nelson, Carla Herd, Terri Treas, Thom Christopher. Nelson, following in the not-too-distinguished footsteps of Richard Hill and John Terlesky, plays a brave, blond warrior searching for a magical diamond, and battling evil necromancer Christopher. Acting, writing, sets and direction are all below par, and the fight choreography looks as though Tommy Tune designed it. Herd and Treas look nice in their skimpy costumes though. Filmed in Mexico.

DEATHSTALKER IV: MATCH OF TITANS (1990)—Directed by Howard R. Cohen.  Stars Rick Hill, Maria Ford, Brett Clark, Michelle Moffett.  This is one of the most poorly edited films I’ve ever seen.  In one scene, warrior Deathstalker and a female companion are trapped in a cave-in.  The villain who causes it mocks Deathstalker with taunts that he’ll never escape and will die there.  Deathstalker has a concerned look on his face.  Cut to the female stripping a dead woman and putting on her top (which provides a totally gratuitous nude scene).  Deathstalker walks over to her as she’s tying the top around her, starts to speak, and…dissolve to Deathstalker and the woman riding their horses across a prairie!  How did they escape?  Who knows?  Does writer/director Cohen give a damn?  Obviously not!

Executive producer Roger Corman must have only made this movie because he had nothing to lose.  He hired Hill to play the lead, so he could regurgitate Hill’s footage from the original DEATHSTALKER in flashbacks.  Cohen’s plundering of New Horizons’ stock footage library is so out of hand that, at one point, Hill looks into a room and is treated to about a minute of the orgy sequence from DEATHSTALKER (Corman was still reusing this footage in 2003’s BARBARIAN!).  Footage from Corman’s BARBARIAN QUEEN and SORCERESS also represents flashbacks in Cohen’s jagged remake of DEATHSTALKER (the two plots are virtually identical).

Deathstalker (Hill), on a mission to recover his magical sword from an old friend who accidentally took it (talk about weak motivation), agrees to compete in a gladiatorial competition at the castle of evil queen Kana (Moffett), who is only using the games as a cover to drug the barbarians and use her magic to transform them into stone zombies.  Deathstalker’s lover Dionara (Ford) has her own agenda for upsetting Kana’s reign, as her royal family was transplanted by Kana’s treacherous coup.

Except for trying to guess how many days it took for Cohen to shoot it (I say nine), there’s little reason to see DEATHSTALKER IV.  It contains some topless wenches, inept visual effects and a bit of gore, but the action scenes are truly incompetent and may have been inspired by watching 12-year-olds playing Conan the Barbarian in the backyard using yardsticks as swords.  “Over-the” Hill is miscast and saddled with a horrifying wig, and the dubbing of the Bulgarian supporting cast makes them sound like Hanna-Barbera characters.  The worst of an undistinguished franchise, DEATHSTALKER IV managed to kill it forever.

D.E.B.S. (2004)—Directed by Angela Robinson.  Stars Jordana Brewster, Sara Foster, Meagan Good, Jill Ritchie, Devon Aoki.  Fun but empty PG-13 spoof about four sexy schoolgirls in plaid skirts who battle crime as members of D.E.B.S., a top-secret government agency.  Their mission is stop their archenemy, Lucy Diamond (Brewster), a criminal mastermind who once tried to sink Australia.  Battling an international villain is difficult enough, but it’s even tougher when one of your agents, in this case “perfect agent” Amy (Foster), falls for her.  The action scenes aren’t exciting enough, and the love scenes aren’t sexy enough, but writer/director Robinson (who based her first feature on her short of the same title) has some clever ideas and a good sense of humor.  Holland Taylor and Michael Clarke Duncan provide grown-up support.

DECISION AT SUNDOWN (1957)--Directed by Budd Boetticher.  Stars Randolph Scott, Noah Beery Jr., John Carroll, Karen Steele, Andrew Duggan.  Boetticher and Scott made several thoughtful adult westerns together, but this is not one of their better collaborations.  It's claustrophobic and doesn't have a strong enough supporting cast, but is still worth a viewing.  Obsessive Bart Allison (Scott) storms into the town of Sundown, invades the wedding of town boss Tate Kimbrough (Carroll), and informs him that his new bride will be a widow before sundown.  Allison blames Kimbrough for the suicide of his wife Mary, and has been stalking him for three years.  As Kimbrough's sycophantic sheriff (Duggan) traps Allison in the local livery stable, meaning an eventual certain death, the townspeople begin to wonder why they should be so loyal to Kimbrough, a man whose presence has done nothing to enrich the town and everything to put money into his own pockets.  Also with John Archer, H.M. Wynant, Valerie French, John Litel, Ray Teal, Bob Steele and Richard Deacon.

DEEP BLUE SEA (1999)--Directed by Renny Harlin. Stars Saffron Burrows, Thomas Jane, LL Cool J, Samuel L. Jackson. Like many of Harlin's over-baked action flicks (such as CLIFFHANGER), DEEP BLUE SEA is a guilty pleasure at best. It isn't really Renny's fault--the pacing is quick, he doesn't waste time with a bunch of dull subplots, and he knows how to make an audience jump at the right moment. No, the problem is that DEEP BLUE SEA suffers from the same old plot that weve seen over and over again: a group of people stranded in a claustrophobic space who are being stalked by some sort of super-strong, super-intelligent and/or supernatural creatures. Sometimes, as in ALIEN, the direction and special effects are strong enough to transcend the basic premise. Other times, as in the underrated DEEP RISING, the cast and crew are wise enough to recognize the lethargy of the idea, and turn it into a parody. Harlin, battling his way back after two very expensive flops (CUTTHROAT ISLAND and THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT, both of which starred his then-wife Geena Davis), manages to pull off a slightly entertaining studio film that is probably no better than Warner Brothers wanted it to be.

The setting is the deep-sea research station Aquatica, headed by beautiful British egghead Dr. Susan McAlester (Burrows, who was awful in WING COMMANDER and not a whole lot better here, but looks great with wet hair). Dr. McAlester's funding is about to be withdrawn by wealthy pharmaceutical magnate Franklin (played by a what-is-he-doing-here Jackson), so she invites the man to spend the weekend at her lab while she spends her remaining 48 hours speeding up her experiment to achieve results before the deadline. McAlester is using the brain fluid of sharks to find a cure for Alzheimer's Disease, and has, unbeknownst to the rest of her staff, been enlarging their brains in order to provide more fluid. Unfortunately, this has also caused the sharks to become smarter, meaner and apparently hungrier, and after an attack, a typhoon, a helicopter smashup and many explosions, the cast, including Jane (BOOGIE NIGHTS) as ex-con shark wrangler Carter and LL Cool J as comic relief cook Preacher, is left to fend for themselves in an underwater tomb with three giant mako sharks on the prowl.

Sadly, almost everyone involved with the production seems to be just going through the motions--the CGI effects (many provided by Industrial Light and Magic) are mostly cartoony and not very scary, the screenplay by Duncan Kennedy and Donna & Wayne Powers is often frustratingly stupid (all the power has been knocked out, but the electric oven still works? And a shark knows how to work it??), and Harlin makes the fatal mistake of letting the most annoying characters live too long, especially the idiot scientist who caused all the trouble in the first place (although Burrows does battle a beastie clad only in a bra and panties--thanks, Renny!).

I liked Jane though--he's good-looking, possesses a certain amount of screen presence, and seems tough enough to eke out a career as an action hero if he so chooses--and Harlin does engineer one terrific shock, a frightening attack that is so sudden and so ferocious that it may leave you off-balance enough in anticipation of another, but may also disappoint you when another never comes. Trevor Rabin's by-the-numbers score couldn't possibly be more perfunctory. Also with Stellan Skarsgard (RONIN), Michael Rapaport, Jacqueline McKenzie and Aida Turturro. I couldn't decide which was more bewildering--Jackson doing an impression of Herve Villechaize, or the very brief unbilled appearance of Ronny Cox, who simply sits in a chair, gets a close-up, but speaks no lines!

DEEP RISING (1998)--Directed by Stephen Sommers. Stars Treat Williams, Famke Janssen, Kevin J. OConnor, Wes Studi. This January release appeared to be, from seeing the trailer, another killer-monster-picking-off-its-victims-in-an-enclosed-location thriller like LEVIATHAN or THE RELIC. Where Paramount may have screwed up in its marketing of DEEP RISING (besides the confusing title--whats a Deep Rising?) is in not showcasing the movie's humor. Like the 1989 sleeper TREMORS, which was about good ol' boys in the South fighting off a pair of giant worms, this film and the people who made it seem to realize the idea of a giant killer sea monster is basically silly, and so they jump into the assignment with good humor and good cheer.

Williams, a good actor who has been underused for most of his career, plays a standard, devil-may-care adventurer who rents his boat out to anyone willing to pay in cash. He and his mechanic (comic relief O'Connor, who has the movie's best lines) end up transporting a gang of terrorists led by Native American actor Studi to the middle of the ocean where the bad guys plan to hijack a luxurious floating casino. The problem is that when they get there, the cruise ship has been trashed, blood is everywhere, but no bodies can be found. One of the few survivors is a gorgeous jewel thief in a red dress (Janssen), who claims everyone on board was eaten by a big sea monster whose long tentacles (with mouths and big teeth at the end of them) can reach virtually anywhere aboard the ship. From that point on, the human characters try to find a way off the cruise ship, while the monster picks them off one by one.

Sommers' screenplay moves very quickly, dispenses with the obligatory scientific explanation of the creature's origin in a winking tone, and contains a good number of humorous turns on the clichd formula. Williams subtly creates what amounts to a parody of a square-jawed action hero (like Kurt Russell's amusing performance in BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA), while ex-model Janssen plugs along in cute Sandra Bullock mode. Jerry Goldsmith probably pounded out his musical score in a couple of weeks, but he proves that he "got" the film and the tone Sommers wanted to take. The clever final shot sets up a sequel that, unfortunately, probably won't happen, since DEEP RISING dumped at the box office.

DEEP SPACE (1987)--Directed by Fred Olen Ray. Stars Charles Napier, Ann Turkel, Ron Glass, Bo Svenson, Julie Newmar. Average (at best) ALIEN rip-off filmed on a low budget ($1.5 million), and starring the welcome presence of Charles Napier in a rare heroic lead. The toothy Napier plays a typically unorthodox movie detective assigned by by-the-book boss Svenson to investigate the bloody murders of a pair of teenagers. Napier and partner Glass (BARNEY MILLER) encounter interference from the U.S. Government, while Napier simultaneously receives mysterious phone calls from a psychic (Newmar) and quality sack time with sexy policewoman Turkel. The killings are being perpetrated by a trio of slimy monsters with tentacles and big teeth that were developed by the Defense Department to use against our enemies, but are now on the loose in Los Angeles. None of this is original or even all that interesting, but director Ray tosses in enough action, humor (Napier serenades his date by playing bagpipes!) and recognizable character actors (Anthony Eisley! Michael Forest!) to make DEEP SPACE an OK time-passer. Screenplay by Ray and T.L. Lankford is strictly paint-by-numbers, while Newmar's role seems to have only been added because the lazy writers couldn't figure out any other way to wrap up the plot. A good role for Napier, who tosses off some one-liners ("I'm gonna kick some monster ass!"), gets all gored up while whaling his opponent with a chainsaw, and even gets the girl. Also with James Booth, Peter Palmer, Norman Burton, Elisabeth Brooks, Dawn Wildsmith and Ray in a cameo. Robert O. Ragland and Alan Oldfield contribute a cheesy synth score.

DEEP THRUST--See LADY WHIRLWIND.

DEF-CON 4 (1985)--Directed by Paul Donovan. Stars Lenore Zann, Tim Choate, Maury Chaykin, Kate Lynch. Three astronauts orbiting the Earth in a missile-launching satellite return home to a post-apocalyptic wasteland after a nuclear war. Marauding cannibals immediately kill one, another is injured, and the third (Choate) meets up with a survivalist (Chaykin) and the ex-girlfriend (Zann) of the brutal leader of a reigning gang of punks. Not very original--it's another in a long line of '80s MAD MAX rip-offs--but some decent performances and dialogue, plenty of action and good use by co-producer/writer/director Donovan of a limited budget should make this worth your while. The first reel or two, showing the astronauts in space and their reactions to the destruction of their world, is very good with some nice special effects. Tony Randel (TICKS) was New World's post-production supervisor on this, and reportedly was brought in to doctor Donovan's film in the editing room. Christopher Young's score is properly moody. Filmed during the fall and winter of 1984 in Nova Scotia. Also with Kevin King, John Walsch, Jeff Pustil and Donna King.

THE DEFENDER (2005)--Directed by Dolph Lundgren.  Stars Dolph Lundgren, Jerry Springer, Caroline Lee Johnson.  Sidney J. Furie was reportedly supposed to direct this direct-to-video actioner on location in Romania, but when he fell ill, star Lundgren made it his directorial debut.  As a first film, it’s not too bad.  The complex plot seemed fuzzy to me (maybe that's because I dozed off a couple of times).  What Lundgren needed was a stronger supporting cast, rather than a supermodel, some Eastern Europeans and Jerry Springer. You can't blame Dolph for the budget, I suppose, and when he isn't falling back on lazy camera gimmicks (even the majors do this), he's assembled a decent little political thriller that I call DIE HARD IN AN ABANDONED PALACE.

As Secret Service agent Lance Rockford (!), Lundgren and his squad accompany the U.S. National Security Advisor (Johnson) to a secret rendezvous at an abandoned Bucharest hotel, where she meets with a foreign dignitary so hush-hush that his identity is concealed even from Rockford.  The supposedly secret meeting is interrupted by an army of mercenaries who invade the hotel, killing many guards and forcing Rockford, the NSA, his surviving team members and his boss’ meeting partner into a labyrinth of tunnels located underground.  Rockford, a loyal American dedicated to his country, begins to reconsider his core values as he slowly uncovers the identities of his assailants and the man he’s risking his life to protect.

DEFENDING YOUR LIFE (1990)--Directed by Albert Brooks. Stars Albert Brooks, Meryl Streep, Rip Torn, Lee Grant. This terrific satire by one of America's best comic filmmakers was a box-office dud, despite a wonderful cast and a fascinating premise: when you die, you are transported to a surreal purgatory, where, with the help of legal counsel, you must either argue your way into heaven by defending your past actions, or return to Earth in another incarnation to do it all over again. Brooks plays a neurotic yuppie killed in a car accident, and is aided by fast-talking defense attorney Torn (in a terrific prelude to his brilliant supporting role on TV's THE LARRY SANDERS SHOW) against acerbic prosecutor Grant. Unfortunately, a monkey wrench is thrown into the proceedings when Brooks falls in love with fellow defendant Streep. Warmer and less cynical than previous Brooks entries, but very funny and an interesting look at the human condition.

THE DEFIANT ONES (1958)--Directed by Stanley Kramer. Stars Tony Curtis, Sidney Poitier, Theodore Bikel, Cara Williams. Excellent drama about a pair of convicts, black Poitier and bigoted white Curtis, who escape from a chain gang handcuffed together and must rely on each other to reach safety. Controversial film remains one of the screen's finest indictments of racism. Good supporting cast includes Claude Akins, Charles McGraw, Whit Bissell, Lon Chaney, Jr. and even Alfalfa! Script and black-and-white photography won Oscars; also nominated for Best Picture, Director, Actor (Curtis and Poitier), Supporting Actor (Bikel) and Supporting Actress (Williams).

THE DELICATE DELINQUENT (1957)--Directed by Don McGuire. Stars Jerry Lewis, Darren McGavin, Martha Hyer, Horace McMahon. Jerry's first solo effort is one of his best. He's a bit more restrained than he would be in his self-directed movies, and McGavin (as a beat cop) is a decent stand-in for Dean. In this parody of THE BLACKBOARD JUNGLE and other '50s movies about troubled teens, Jerry is a janitor who is rounded up with a group of juvenile delinquents. Former actor McGuire received an Oscar nomination for co-writing TOOTSIE.

DELINQUENT SCHOOLGIRLS (1975)—Directed by Gregory Corarito.  Stars Michael Pataki, Bob Minor, Stephen Stucker, Brenda Miller, Sharon Kelly.  Familiar actor/stuntman Minor receives above-the-title billing, as do Pataki and Stucker, in this flimsy sexploitation movie that played under several titles, including CARNAL MADNESS.  The trailer makes it look like an action movie, but it’s really a light sex movie with some eye-raising un-PC scenes.  Mimic Pataki, horny athlete Minor and gay dress designer Stucker break out of a mental hospital and invade a nearby girls’ school, which is nearly empty because of an upcoming holiday, except for a dozen or so exceptionally bad girls who have to stay on campus as punishment.  Vestron Video’s VHS runs about 80 minutes, but it looks as though scenes are missing.  The prison breakout happens entirely off-screen, one exceptionally large-breasted girl is picked up by two dudes in a van and never seen again, and a few scenes where rape is implied seem truncated.  Corarito’s ace weapon is his eye for gorgeous young women; brunette Miller as hot-panted Penny and red-haired Kelly, who later went into hardcore porn, are the film’s major lookers, but the cast is filled with stunning girls who don’t seem to have had long film careers.  The leading men are ridiculous—Pataki’s character is supposed to be a master mimic, but his impressions are so terrible, you don’t know who he’s supposed to be half the time.  Also with John Alderman, Buck Flower, Zoe Grant, Roberta Pedon, Drew Berman and Jane Steele.

THE DELINQUENTS (1957)—Directed by Robert Altman.  Stars Tom Laughlin, Richard Bakalyan, Peter Miller, Rosemary Howard.  Altman’s first feature film was shot in his hometown of Kansas City and stars Laughlin (BILLY JACK), who, like Altman (M*A*S*H), would become one of the biggest cinema icons of the early 1970s.  I don’t think there’s any way one could watch this cheap drive-in feature and predict that Altman would have the successful, influential career that he did.  Editing and sound are quite crude, and THE DELINQUENTS bears no sign of Altman the iconoclast; in fact, it preaches that kids should respect civil and parental authority.

After good kid Scotty (Laughlin) is forbidden by her father to see his steady girl Jan (Howard), he meets a group of unruly teenagers at the local drive-in and is seduced into a friendship with the leader, Cholly (Miller), whose friendly demeanor masks his sadistic tendencies.  Volunteering to pick up Jan at home and bring her to meet Scotty, Cholly forces the couple to attend an illegal party, which is busted by the cops just after Scotty and Jan leave.  Figuring Scotty for a snitch, Cholly and the gang force Scotty to chug whiskey, leave him drunk at the scene of a stickup, and kidnap Jan, setting the stage for Altman’s tepid climax and the scolding of an officious narrator.

Written, produced and directed by Altman, who earned his filmmaking chops doing industrial shorts in Kansas City, THE DELINQUENTS is a drab affair lacking suspense or drama.  The romantic leads are kinda drippy and could have avoided much trouble if they had acted more intelligently.  Laughlin, clearly an admirer of James Dean (as was Altman), and Bakalyan (who returned to Kansas City to co-star in the similar THE COOL AND THE CRAZY) are solid performers, but most of the (local) actors, particularly Rosemary Howard, are awful.

THE DELINQUENTS at least got Altman through Hollywood’s door, as he began more than a decade shooting television series like ALFRED HITCHCOCK PRESENTS, COMBAT and ROUTE 66.  It wouldn’t be until 1968’s COUNTDOWN that he received another shot at directing a feature.  COUNTDOWN isn’t very good, but M*A*S*H came along in 1970, changing the movies—and Altman’s career path—forever.

DELIVERANCE (1972)--Directed by John Boorman. Stars Jon Voight, Burt Reynolds, Ned Beatty, Ronny Cox. Powerful adventure about four Atlanta businessmen who take a weekend canoe trip through the backwoods of Georgia and find themselves fighting for their lives against a group of illiterate hillbillies. Exciting film is marked by thrilling action scenes and excellent performances by the four leads. Reynolds proved he could really act as the macho member of the group, but Voight stands out as the sensitive pacifist who finds he is just as capable of killing as his attackers. The scene where two backwoodsmen rape Beatty is a film classic, as is Cox's "Dueling Banjos" duet with a young hillbilly. Beautifully photographed by Vilmos Zsigmond. The actors reportedly did many of their own stunts. Based on a novel by James Dickey, who has a role as a sheriff.

THE DELPHI BUREAU (1972)--Directed by Paul Wendkos. Stars Laurence Luckinbill, Celeste Holm, Dean Jagger. THE DELPHI BUREAU was one of three rotating segments on ABC-TV's THE MEN series. The pilot stars Luckinbill as secret agent Glenn Garth Gregory, whose gimmick is that he has a photographic memory. The amazing supporting cast includes Cameron Mitchell, Bob Crane, Joanna Pettet, Bradford Dillman, Dub Taylor and Pamelyn Ferdin from SPACE ACADEMY. Anne Jeffreys, who co-starred with Bela Lugosi in his two RKO comedies with Wally Brown & Alan Carney, replaced Holm in the series as Gregory's superior. Created by THE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E.'s Sam Rolfe.

THE DELTA FORCE (1986)--Directed by Menahem Golan.  Stars Lee Marvin, Chuck Norris, Robert Forster.  This slam-bang action movie was just about the biggest smash hit Cannon ever produced.  Norris was at the top of his game as a B-level action star, and Golan and James Bruner’s screenplay is reminiscent of both the real-life TWA hijacking and an Irwin Allen disaster movie.  Certainly the cast was chosen for that reason with Martin Balsam, Shelley Winters, Joey Bishop, Lainie Kazan, Susan Strasberg and George Kennedy (as a priest) playing hostages, Robert Vaughn as a general, Hanna Schygulla as a stewardess and Bo Svenson as a pilot.  Arab terrorists led by Abdul (Forster) hijack a commercial airliner and divert it to Beirut.  Marvin looks a little haggard in his final film as the leader of an elite squad of terrorist-fighting commandos who leap into battle with the latest and loudest in artillery.  Chuck spends much of his screen time on a super-badass motorcycle that fires rockets.  Alan Silvestri’s score is subpar, but Golan’s Israeli locations feel realistic, the action is plentiful, the veteran cast is fun though underused, and THE DELTA FORCE was successful enough to lead to two mostly unrelated sequels.

DELTA FORCE 2: THE COLOMBIAN CONNECTION (1990)--Directed by Aaron Norris.  Stars Chuck Norris, Billy Drago, John P. Ryan, Richard Jaeckel.  Colonel Scott McCoy (Norris) returns to Cannon to capture a ruthless South American druglord named Ramon Cota (Drago).  Chuck had a decent run of mildly successful action pictures for Golan/Globus during the 1980s, but he was just about finished as a big-screen presence by the time this sequel came along.  Not only had Menahem Golan, one of Cannon's "Go-Go Boys", split the company to form his own low-budget studio, 21st Century, but the production was plagued by a fatal helicopter accident on location in the Philippines, which cost five stuntmen their lives.  Obviously, this third Cannon action film to be directed by Aaron Norris, Chuck's brother, isn't worth the lives of five men, but it is an eminently watchable drive-in picture, armed with enough varied acting styles and big explosions to keep the undiscerning amused.  It's also excessively meanspirited, as Drago saunters through the scenery with a big hunk of it always between his cheek and gum, killing as many extras as possible, even a baby just so he can smuggle cocaine inside its corpse.  Director Norris and his second-unit director Dean Ferrandini assemble some nice action sequences, including a chase between a helicopter and a limousine, a skydiving freefall and the climactic assault upon Drago's mountain fortress, guarded by dozens of machine-gun-wielding cards and a few missile-launching choppers.  Ryan has a grand old time as Chuck's hammy superior, while Norris says fewer words than usual, choosing to let his feet do the talking.  Frederic Talgorn's score is pretty nifty too.  Also with Mark Margolis, Begonia Plaza, Michael Heit, Dick Warlock and Paul Perri.  Apparently seen in theaters as DELTA FORCE 2: OPERATION STRANGLEHOLD, home video prints list DELTA FORCE 2: THE COLOMBIAN CONNECTION in their opening and closing titles.  After one more disappointing Cannon release, THE HITMAN, Chuck moved into television and became a major success on WALKER, TEXAS RANGER.

DELTA FORCE 3: THE KILLING GAME (1991)--Directed by Sam Firstenberg.  Stars Nick Cassavetes, Eric Douglas, Mike Norris, Matthew Penn.  When you can’t get big stars, get their barely famous family members instead.  Chuck Norris toplined Cannon’s first two DELTA FORCE pictures, but when he bowed out of a third, director Firstenberg (AMERICAN NINJA) landed his son Mike in a supporting role as one of a bunch of colorless, faceless U.S. commandos led by John Cassavetes’ son Nick, who should never be cast as someone who hits people.  Arab terrorists plan to blow up a Miami TV station, so it’s the Delta Force, which also includes Kirk Douglas’ son Eric and Sean Penn’s brother Matthew, to the rescue.  Despite some nice location shooting in Israel, there isn’t much to recommend this sequel besides some undistinguished action scenes and a howler of a climax.

DELTA HEAT (1992)--Directed by Michael Fischa.  Stars Anthony Edwards, Lance Henriksen, Betsy Russell.  Edwards is wildly miscast and just plumb looks ridiculous in his swept-back mullet, earring and loud shirts, playing a maverick Los Angeles detective who arrives in New Orleans to investigate the murder of his partner, who was on the trail of a drug ring operating out of the bayou.  As in all buddy-cop movies, Edwards is reluctantly teamed with ex-cop Henriksen, a swamp rat with a hook for an arm after a gator destroyed it during his pursuit of the same druglord years earlier.  Henriksen brings some amusing color to his grizzled role, but Edwards has nothing to contribute, and Fischa's direction is bland.  The most arresting feature is the stunning Russell, who could play sexpots in her sleep and provides some much-needed nudity, even though it's unlikely she would fall for Edwards' dull character.

DEMOLITION MAN (1993)--Directed by Marco Brambilla. Stars Sylvester Stallone, Wesley Snipes, Sandra Bullock, Nigel Hawthorne. The setting is Los Angeles in the year 2032. Crime, violence, aggressiveness--even swear words--have been eliminated from society, so when crazed madman Simon Phoenix (Snipes sporting a silly-looking orange 'do) escapes from his cryogenic prison, the police are ill-equipped to deal with his rampage of killing and destruction. Leave him to framed ex-cop John Spartan (Stallone), who is released from his frozen state and granted a pardon if he can bring Phoenix to justice. Some welcome humor is added to the usual mix of bullets-and-broken-glass as fish-out-of-water Spartan adjusts to a new, peaceful L.A. Bullock adds spunk (and looks good in Spandex pants) as Sly's cop partner, a role that led to bigger parts and, eventually, stardom a year later in SPEED.

DEMOLITION UNIVERSITY (1997)--Directed by Kevin Tenney.  Stars Corey Haim, Ami Dolenz, Robert Forster, Todd Allen.  A sequel to DEMOLITION HIGH that makes no reference to the original that I could see.  I don’t plan to watch it to find out either, after sitting through this rotten DIE HARD ripoff.  I should have know what it would be like, considering wimpy Haim is no Bruce Willis and crap actor Allen no Alan Rickman.  Some college physics students take a field trip to a water treatment plant, where a disgruntled Gulf War veteran (Allen) has teamed up with Iraqi terrorists to poison Los Angeles’ water supply.  Haim and Dolenz, playing a snob he has a crush on, manage to wipe out practically the whole gang, while colonel Forster, Allen’s former commanding officer, negotiates from outside.  I don’t know how many times I’ve seen this water treatment facility in a low-budget movie, but it’s kind of refreshing to see it actually “playing” a water treatment facility for a change.  Otherwise, outside of Forster’s professionalism and Dolenz’s cute nose, there’s no real reason to watch this movie.  Also with Khrystyne Haje, Erin Beaux, Dick Van Patten and Laraine Newman.

THE DEMON LOVER (1977)—Directed by Donald G. Jackson & Jerry Younkins. Stars Jerry Younkins, Val Mayerik, Gunnar Hansen, Tom Hutton. A bunch of young assholes hang out and get drunk at the castle of long-haired Laval (narcissistic co-director/co-writer/co-producer Jerry Younkins). One of them, a short guy with a high voice named Charlie, dances hilariously. Laval demands his guests participate in a black mass. They refuse and leave. He then conjures a silly-looking monster that stalks the rest of the cast and kills them, as a dumb detective (Tom Hutton in the worst performance as a cop since ASYLUM OF SATAN) follows the clues.

The acting is astonishingly bad—the cast includes THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE’s Leatherface, Gunnar Hansen, and Marvel Comics artist Val Mayerik (“Man-Thing”)—which matches the screenplay, sets, and photography. Director/writer/producer Jackson once implied that DEMON LOVER was intended as a parody of horror movies, but both the film itself and DEMON LOVER DIARY, which notoriously documented its making, belie that claim.

I don’t know how Mayerik got involved (the characters are named after comic book artists and horror filmmakers), but he’s easily the film’s most attractive and accomplished performer, which is not as big a compliment as it sounds. The astonishing arrogance of director/star Younkins provides most of the unintentional humor, especially his big moment of practicing karate for several minutes for no reason except he thinks he looks badass (he doesn’t).

Definitive proof that, at one time, there was an audience for any horror movie, THE DEMON LOVER managed to score some Midwestern drive-in dates and a home video release as THE DEVIL MASTER. Fiddle Faddle gets product placement, and the detective character shoots a female witness in the ass with a rubber band.

DEMON LOVER DIARY (1980)—Directed by Joel DeMott. Stars Joel DeMott, Jeff Kreines, Donald G. Jackson, Jerry Younkins, Ted Nugent. Jeff Kreines is a cameraman who drove from New York to Jackson, Michigan to help his friend Donald Jackson and Jackson’s friend Jerry Younkins shoot a low-budget horror film to be called THE DEMON LOVER. To chronicle the behind-the-scenes story, Krienes brought along his girlfriend Joel DeMott to make a 16mm documentary that captures the confusion and contention of amateur filmmaking. DIARY has not been officially released in any form since a few 1980 screenings, but is one of the most fascinating portraits of moviemaking I’ve ever seen.

Seeing the delusional Jackson and Younkins dispense their bullshit regarding the quality of their movie is DIARY’s greatest entertainment. Touting their “masterpiece” as being “two-thirds action,” for instance, or bragging how they put two years into pre-production; DeMott’s footage exposes the directors as completely disorganized and mostly clueless. Jackson and Younkins left their jobs at a speedometer cable factory to make THE DEMON LOVER using money Younkins received from an insurance settlement after he lost a finger in a (self-inflicted?) accident. For their climax, the baffled directors film at rock star Ted Nugent’s house, where they have access to real guns and bullets for their action scene.

Surprisingly, considering what we see of him in DIARY, Don Jackson went on to a long, if not particularly profitable, career as a schlock filmmaker with titles like HELL COMES TO FROGTOWN and (the stunningly inept) ROLLER BLADE to his credit. DeMott’s film certainly doesn’t make low-budget filmmaking look glamorous or even particularly fun, as resentment and paranoia boil over into an ambiguous conclusion that suggests Jackson’s mood toward the interlopers, whose intrusive filmmaking he wasn’t high on anyway, may have turned violent.

DEMON LOVER DIARY is chaotic, crude, and consistently interesting—only two of which adjectives also apply to THE DEMON LOVER.

DEMONOID (1979)--Directed by Alfredo Zacarias.  Stars Samantha Eggar, Stuart Whitman, Roy Jenson.  Has there ever been a really good movie about a disembodied hand killing people?  THE CRAWLING HAND…THE HAND…DEMONOID…nope.  This is, however, a pretty funny movie about a disembodied hand that kills people.  Filmed in Guanajuato, Mexico City, Las Vegas, Los Angeles and Oxnard (!), DEMONOID (or DEMONOID, MESSENGER OF DEATH) starts South of the Border where miner Mark Baines (Jenson) is having difficulties getting his superstitious workers to go down into his silver mine that housed a Satanic torture chamber 300 years earlier.  Mark and his wife Jennifer (Eggar) find a hand-shaped box down there and bring it back to their hotel room, where it attacks a drunken Mark and possesses him.  After blowing up all the miners, he dashes to Las Vegas, where he runs off a spectacular winning streak at craps (due, apparently, to his spirited new hand) and is kidnapped by a gambler and his moll, who threaten to slice off his hands unless he reveals his winning formula.  Mark kills his attackers and immolates himself.  Meanwhile, Jennifer, in search of her mass-murderer husband (law enforcement officials apparently aren’t), travels to Los Angeles, where she believes Mark’s body is buried.  Father Cunningham (Whitman) isn’t convinced of her story of a Satanic hand that crawls, leaps through the air, crushes the faces of its victims with spectacular strength, and possesses their souls, not even after it appears that Mark’s corpse has leapt out of the ground, cut off its hand in the door of a police car, and possessed a cop who fights Cunningham in a boxing ring the next day.

From there, DEMONOID turns into “Button, Button, Who’s Got the Button?” with the shriveled hand in place of the button.  The cop kidnaps Jennifer and takes her to a plastic surgeon, on whom he pulls his pistol and demands, “Either you cut off my hand, or I’ll kill you.”  Using a ridiculously futuristic scalpel that “cauterizes while it cuts,” the doctor cuts off the possessed hand, which leaps to a nearby table, grabs the cop’s gun, and blasts the boobilicious nurse in the back before taking over the doctor.  He also kidnaps Jennifer and straps her to his table so he can take her hand, before Cunningham somehow figures out where she is and rescues her, leading to a silly BARNABY JONES-style car chase that culminates in a few crashes and the plastic surgeon letting a train run over his hand and amputate it.

The hand logs more travel time than the L.A. Lakers during the regular season, showing up at the most inopportune moments without competent explanation from Zacarias (THE BEES) or his co-writers David Fein and F. Amos Powell.  Adding to the general hilarity of the script and lackluster direction is the wildly overplayed score by Richard Gillis and the somnambulant performance by Whitman, whose accent fluctuates from scene to scene (hell, line to line) and who plays a scene in which he burns his own hand off like he’s got a mosquito bite.  Since it’s the 1970’s, DEMONOID closes on an overwrought, downbeat manner that flies in the face of physics or logic, but it’s only 79 minutes long, and what better do you have to do?  This is a terrible movie, but a compulsively watchable one for some reason.  Russ Meyer regular Haji is in it and Lew Saunders, who played a ton of cops on TV.

THE DEMONS OF LUDLOW (1983)--Directed by Bill Rebane.  Stars Paul von Hausen, Don Arthur, Mary Walden.  Acting, special effects, scripting and direction are bad, but at least the Wisconsin exteriors make the actors look really, really cold.  The small town of Ludlow is haunted by a creepy harmonium that lures ghosts that chop off hands and possess the townsfolk.  It’s slowly paced and not much happens, but a bit of nudity and gore might perk you up a bit.  From the director of THE COLD.

DEMONS OF THE MIND (1972)—Directed by Peter Sasdy.  Stars Robert Hardy, Shane Briant, Gillian Hills, Patrick Magee.  DEMONS OF THE MIND is one of Hammer's more intriguing and little-watched films. It barely received U.S. distribution, and played to few audiences until Anchor Bay released it on DVD a few years ago. I watched a dark, but uncut, Canadian TV print, which may have been taken from a VHS master. It probably plays better on DVD, where at least Hammer's typically lush sets and costumes can be seen to their full extent.

Like many Hammers, DEMONS opens slowly and builds to a suitably violent ending. Set in 19th-century Bavaria, Baron Zorn (Robert Hardy) keeps his two children Emil (Shane Briant) and Elizabeth (the extraordinarily beautiful Gillian Hills) locked away in separate rooms, terrified that their late mother, a suicide victim, passed along to them a curse. The fact that the two share incestuous feelings may have something to do with Zorn's fears too. Zorn's sister Hilda (Yvonne Mitchell) uses barbaric bleeding rites to keep Elizabeth anemic and weak after an escape attempt leads to her one-night stand with Carl (former Manfred Mann musician Paul Jones), who falls for her and tries to rescue her from her cruel father.

DEMONS isn't a typical horror movie, even though it offers several brutal murders and an appropriately gory climax. Performances by old pros Hardy and Patrick Magee as a quack hired by Zorn to cure his children are sharp, and Harry Robertson's music adds a touch of class. It's too unusual to strongly recommend, however, and Briant's placid performance is a good indicator of why Hammer's attempt to mold him into the new Peter Cushing fell flat. It's not a bad movie at all, but certainly an uninvolving one.

DEMONWARP (1988)--Directed by Emmett Alston.  Stars George Kennedy, David Michael O'Neill.  Killer apes, zombies, Satanic space aliens, human sacrifices, Bronson Canyon, gore, nudity and George Kennedy.  What the hell else could you want in a trashy monster movie?  Big George stars as Bill Crafton, a divorcee enjoying a vacation with his daughter at a cabin in the woods.  A vacation turned deadly when a hairy Bigfoot-like creature smashes in the front door, knocks George on his huge ass, and scurries off with the daughter dragging behind.  Months later, a group of idiot college students arrives for a weekend of fun, although none thinks it's strange that one of them, intense Jack (O'Neill), has dragged along a couple of guns and thousands of dollars in electronic equipment.  Not that he bothered to tell his friends about it, but Jack has come to find his uncle Clem, who owns the cabin, but disappeared a couple of weeks ago when he came to investigate a number of strange, unexplained events that have occurred in the area over the past 100 years.

One of the most delightfully dopey horror movies of the era, DEMONWARP's novelty is its crazy-quilt story, which lulls you into accepting the movie as a gory Bigfoot-goes-amok splatterfest, only to switch gears not once, but twice, transforming into a movie about zombies shambling through Bronson Caverns and eventually shape-shifting again into a marvelously campy climax involving a possessed priest ripping the heart out of a topless woman and feeding it to his Almighty, a demonic rubber head in a stone pedestal that strikes with a scorpion tail that protrudes out of the rock where his genitalia should be.  Based on a story by director/special effects expert John Carl Buechler (TROLL), the screenplay by Jim Bertges and Bruce Akiyama, who reportedly took no fee from Vidmark in exchange for their first script credit, may not be focused, but it certainly is unique, if only for its hodge-podge approach to throwing in as many fantastic elements as the writers could think of.  It's a sure bet you'll never guess what's coming up next as you watch DEMONWARP, and there's nothing wrong with that.

Another source of entertainment is O'Neill's ultra-serious Method acting.  Although his character is to blame for getting his friends killed, O'Neill's glowering performance challenges us to look at him in an unsympathetic manner.  Jack confidently does all the heroic things, like shoot guns and fight the villains, and O'Neill is so darned concentrated that he almost makes you forget how unlikable his character actually is.  As out of place as it seems among Kennedy, who is solid, but clearly only there to pick up easy dough, the zombies, an accomplished monster ape suit and a bunch of topless chicks, O'Neill's teeth-clenched execution serves to anchor Bertges and Akiyama's fantastic story elements in reality.

Michelle Bauer's fans should go ga-ga over the scream queen's appearance here, in which she appears without a top more often than with one.  Pamela Gilbert and Colleen McDermott also do nude scenes.  George Kennedy thankfully does not.  Also with Hank Stratton, John Durbin, Jill Marin, Joe Praml, Larry Grogan and Kennedy's daughter Shannon.  Billy Jacoby (BLOODY BIRTHDAY) delivers the film's worst performance, playing the unfunny comic relief (has there ever been in a film like this a comic relief character who actually was funny?) with a terribly annoying Jack Nicholson impression.  The drunken guy who slicked back his hair with his hand and did his Nicholson for you at the last party you attended was better than Jacoby, I'm sure.  Score by Dan Slider.  As Vidmark was strictly a home-video outfit at the time, I'm not sure whether DEMONWARP ever saw a theater screen, but I'd love to see how it plays with a big crowd.  Kennedy did THE NAKED GUN and a stint on DALLAS around this time.

THE DEPARTED (2006)—Directed by Martin Scorsese.  Stars Matt Damon, Leonardo DiCaprio, Jack Nicholson, Mark Wahlberg, Alec Baldwin, Martin Sheen.  This Best Picture Oscar winner also earned a Best Director trophy for Scorsese, surprisingly the first of his esteemed career.  That said, THE DEPARTED is probably no better than the 8th or 9th best film he’s ever made.  It’s a good if overlong crime drama that treads familiar ground, but does it with a fine cast that’s fun to watch.  A pair of young cops find themselves wrapped up in the criminal career of notorious Boston gangster Frank Costello (Nicholson).  Colin Sullivan (Damon), who grew up in Costello’s neighborhood, leaps from the police academy to a high-placed position within a special State Police unit, where he filters Frank information about when and where the next bust is going down.  Meanwhile, Billy Costigan (DiCaprio) is placed undercover within Costello’s ranks, his identity known only to his superiors, Dignam (Oscar nominee Wahlberg) and Queenan (Sheen).  Each “rat” attempts to ferret out the other one with inevitable bloody results.

THE DEPARTED is not at all a bad film, and is a better movie than other recent Best Picture winners than TITANIC and GLADIATOR. It's also not a very special movie. Its ludicrous finale looks as though Scorsese started killing off characters because the story was over, but he still had a contractual body count to hit. Mark Wahlberg's Oscar nomination is a joke. He was fine, I suppose, in a nothing role, but he's at best the fifth best performance in the movie. Alec Baldwin and Martin Sheen were both outstanding and probably the most credible performers in the movie. How does Wahlberg get a Supporting nod, but not Sheen or Baldwin?

I'm glad Marty won, 'cause he's earned one many times over, but it's like giving Paul Newman an Oscar for THE COLOR OF MONEY.  I was imagining during THE DEPARTED how much cooler it would have been if it had been made in the '70s when it could have starred actual tough guys in the Damon and DiCaprio roles. Imagine a young Robert Forster as Costigan, for instance, and maybe James Caan as Sullivan.  Also with Ray Winstone, James Badge Dale (24), Anthony Anderson, Vera Farmiga and Kevin Corrigan.

DERBY (1971)—Directed by Robert Kaylor. Now an almost completely forgotten sport, roller derby was once incredibly popular in America, even airing in prime time on network television. By the time Kaylor (CARNY) made this critically acclaimed documentary, the sport had already faded quite a bit, but still managed to pack loudly enthusiastic lower- to middle-class fans into dingy arenas. The heavy downside of DERBY is that you’ll learn very little about the sport. I have no idea of the rules or even the objective of each match. It just looks like skating and fighting to me, and you may wonder how many people have been killed playing it.

Kaylor’s main subjects are Charlie O’Connell, a bona fide roller derby star with the San Francisco Bay Bombers, and Mike Snell, a 23-year-old blue-collar worker from Ohio who quits his job at a tire factory, uproots his family, and moves to Cailfornia to chase his dream of joining the derby. The film is a sometimes interesting but nonessential view of a peculiar subculture that looks, feels, and practically smells “1970s,” and Kaylor and producer William Richert (WINTER KILLS) populate it with some real oddballs. DERBY meanders occasionally with scenes like white trash women bitching at each other about screwing each other’s husbands, which I suppose hold some perverse interest, but have little to do with roller derby. A friend telling Mike and Mike’s dimwit little brother Butch about his Vietnam experience is a highlight.

DESERT WARRIOR (1988)—Directed by “Jim Goldman.”  Stars Lou Ferrigno, Shari Shattuck.  I suspect this is a Philippines production, although the credits are filled with (pseudonymous) American names.  Another post-apocalypse flick, this one casts big Lou (who provides his own voice for a change) as Zerak, the sidekick to a leader of radiation-affected mutants who tries to find a healthy woman to impregnate in order to keep the population going.  Zerak’s latest kidnap victim is Racela (Shattuck), who comes from a strict underground society that stays immune to radiation sickness by executing anyone who goes outside the safety zone.  Many switched allegiances, cheap sets, laser battles and a ridiculous happy ending dot this stupid action movie that helped keep Ferrigno employed as an actor far longer than he should have.

DESPERATE (1947)--Directed by Anthony Mann. Stars Steve Brodie, Raymond Burr, Audrey Long, Jason Robards Sr. Another solid noir by a master of the genre, Anthony Mann, who also made T-MEN, RAW DEAL and HE WALKED BY NIGHT. 28-year-old Brodie plays independent trucker Steve Randall, who is tricked into helping his old buddy Walt Radak (a 30-year-old Burr) rip off some furs from a warehouse. Not wanting to get involved, Randall uses his headlights to alert a passing beat cop. In the shootout, the cop is killed, Radak's kid brother is arrested, and everybody else gets away--including Randall, who grabs his pregnant wife Anne (a gorgeous blond Long), and beats feet for her aunt and uncle's farm in Minnesota to escape a vengeful Radak, who blames Steve for his brother's capture and impending execution. Nice use of shadows by Mann and cinematographer George Diskant (THE NARROW MARGIN) to create atmosphere, and Burr is an effective heavy as usual. Music by Paul Sawtell. Also with a breezy performance by Robards as a detective also in pursuit of Randall, Douglas V. Fowley as a sleazy P.I., Freddie Steele as a henchman, and unbilled bits by Robert Bray (LASSIE), Robert Clarke (THE HIDEOUS SUN DEMON) and Carol Forman (SUPERMAN).

DESTROY ALL MONSTERS (1968)--Directed by Ishiro Honda.  Stars Godzilla, Ghidrah, Rodan, Mothra.  It's hard not to have fun with this Toho monsterfest, which joins together most of Japan's biggest names (except for Gamera, which was owned by rival Toei Studios) for a colorful SF adventure.  Foxy aliens from the planet Kilaak have invaded the Moon and are ready to begin taking over the Earth.  To do so, they brainwash all of Earth's monsters, including the Big Four listed above and several others, including Manda (a giant prehistoric snake) and Barugon, forcing them to escape captivity on their private island of Monster Land and attack various cities (Godzilla trashes New York City for the first time).  Some Japanese astronauts blast off for the moon and take over the Kilaaks, who have one more arrow in their quiver:  Ghidrah, the Three-Headed Monster.  But who cares about plot?  I sure didn't.  I just wanted to see giant Japanese monsters beating the crap out of each other, which DESTROY ALL MONSTERS delivers in spades.  Between bouts, director Honda serves up a few neat outer-space effects, spaceships and laser-gun battles that are also cool, as are the Japanese women in sparkly hoodies that represent the evil Kilaaks.  Perhaps the ultimate in giant Japanese monster battle royals. 

THE DESTROYER (1988)--Directed by Robert Kirk. Stars Deborah Foreman, Clayton Rohner, Lyle Alzado, Anthony Perkins. Former Oakland Raider Alzado plays an electrocuted murderer who comes back to life, and kills various crewmembers shooting a film in an abandoned prison. Foreman (as a stuntwoman) and Rohner are appealing leads, and some of the film-within-a-film segments are clever, but Alzado (who died in 1992 after years of abusing steroids) is a pretty lame villain, and film fails to frighten. Twitchy Perkins plays a director, a role he played in real life with 1986's PSYCHO III.

THE DESTRUCTORS (1974)--Directed by Robert Parrish. Stars Anthony Quinn, Michael Caine, James Mason. Good British policier about an American DEA agent in Paris (Quinn) who teams up with an English hitman (Caine) to get a French druglord (Mason). It's unfortunate that the screenplay seems so sketchy, since this could have been much better than it is--Quinn's relationship with the wife of a fellow agent goes nowhere, the reason for his obsession with killing Mason's character is lost, and, though we're told Quinn and Caine are old friends, we aren't given any background into their relationship at all (is Caine a former cop?). Characterization seems to have been sacrificed for story and action, which is fine, since it's all handled very well. Parrish uses his French locations wisely, and the chases, fights and explosions are handled with much aplomb. THE DESTRUCTORS is more quickly paced than most British crime movies, which is to its advantage. Look for Pierre Salinger as a poker player. Music by Roy Budd. Douglas Slocombe (RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK) was the director of photography. From the director of JOURNEY TO THE FAR SIDE OF THE SUN.

THE DETECTIVE (1968)--Directed by Gordon Douglas. Stars Frank Sinatra, Lee Remick, Jacqueline Bisset, Ralph Meeker. Hard-hitting crime drama with tough New York cop Sinatra investigating the death of a homosexual. Film has dated some, especially in the way gays are portrayed, but Sinatra and a fine cast make it worthwhile. Also with Jack Klugman, William Windom, Robert Duvall and Sugar Ray Robinson. Based on a novel by Roderick Thorp.

DETENTION (2003)--Directed by Sidney J. Furie.  Stars Dolph Lundgren, Alex Karzis.  The clichés start pretty early in this direct-to-video action film that plays like DIE HARD meets THE PRINCIPAL.  Once you learn that today is Sam Decker's last day on the job as a history teacher at Lincoln High School and that he's carrying around a flask in his shirt pocket, you know damn well that A) something baaaad is going to happen to Sam and that B) it's gonna involve him stopping a bullet with that flask.  Babysitting four troubled youths in after-school detention, Decker (Lundgren) finds himself using his Special Forces training to fight a quartet of terrorists who have infiltrated Lincoln High as part of their scheme to hijack a police shipment of confiscated drugs.  Quite frankly, I'm not entirely sure why their plan involved taking over the school, but D.J. Sheppard's screenplay is pretty consistent when it comes to cheap plot turns and gaps of illogic.  Lundgren is really pretty good in DETENTION and has the ability to become a decent character actor in his middle age if Hollywood will give him the chance.  He's certainly better than the boring bang-bang stuff provided here, although veteran Furie (IRON EAGLE) gives it his best shot.  Also with the fetching Kata Dobo, Mpho Koaho, Dov Tiefenbach, Larry Day, Danielle Hampton and Jennifer Baxter.  Filmed in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada.  Furie and Lundgren next did DIRECT ACTION together, which also featured Karzis, who is terrible in DETENTION.

DETONATOR (1993)--Directed by David S. Jackson.  Stars Pierce Brosnan, Alexandra Paul, Patrick Stewart, Ted Levine, Christopher Lee.  A nice warm up for Brosnan’s future 007 run, as the Irishman plays a sexist government agent with an insouciant sense of humor.  While in Kentucky gearing up for a professional motorcycle race, Michael Graham (Brosnan) is summoned to West Berlin by his boss and old friend, Malcolm Philpott (Stewart).  American terrorist Alex Tierney (Levine in a beard and trucker cap), in the employ of a rogue Russian general (Lee), has hijacked a train carrying a nuclear bomb and is transporting it across Eastern Europe.  With Philpott calling the shots from a German base, Graham, with the aid of rookie agent Sabrina Carver (Paul) and several foreign operatives, attempt to stop the train and defuse the bomb.  Based on Alistair MacLean’s DEATH TRAIN, Jackson delivers the goods in a solid fashion, using his Slovanian and Croatian locations to fine avail.  Despite DETONATOR’s made-for-TV origins (it was partially produced by the USA cable channel), it boasts production values several steps above.  Brosnan, who was still best known as Remington Steele at that point, is funny and charming and very Bond-like in his approach.  Paul (BAYWATCH) seems out of place, but it’s great to see Lee playing a major role, mostly speaking his dialogue in Russian.  Music by Trevor Jones.  Brosnan and Paul returned for a sequel.

DETONATOR 2: NIGHT WATCH (1995)--Directed by David S. Jackson.  Stars Pierce Brosnan, Alexandra Paul, William Devane, Michael Shannon.  Jackson dropped the ball a bit in DETONATOR 2, which was also filmed overseas and based on an Alistair MacLean novel, but feels cheaper and less original.  Brosnan and Paul return (with William Devane playing the boss this time), this time to Hong Kong to investigate an art forgery, which escalates into a complex scheme involving North Korean terrorists and a computer chip that can eavesdrop on any telephone call.  Brosnan is even more Bondian than in the first movie, sporting a gadgety watch and flirting with coquettish Paul.  By this point, he had already landed the James Bond role for good, and GOLDENEYE opened barely a month after DETONATOR 2 made its television debut on the USA network.

DETOUR (1999)--Directed by Joey Travolta.  Stars Jeff Fahey, Michael Madsen, James Russo, Robert Miano, Michael Madsen, Darnell Williams, Locky Lambert.  The first reel of this DTV caper movie is pretty dull, featuring another shootout between bad guys and worse guys in another empty warehouse.  However, after one of the baddies, Danny (Fahey), splits up with his partners and hides out at the farm where he grew up, DETOUR improves a bit.  Back in Rosalia, New York after a long absence, Danny discovers his mother has recently died and his old girlfriend Britt (Lambert) has married his stepbrother Burl (Madsen), who's also the local sheriff.  Danny's mom's will left the bulk of her estate to Danny, but only if he promises to stay on the farm and keep it running, which city boy Danny is loathe to do.  Rosalia's idyll existence is upset when Danny's partners, Ziggy (Russo) and Gillette (Williams), arrive in town looking for some missing loot, as well as mobster Grasso (Miano), out to avenge the death of his brother.  Travolta lends the action scenes a bit of pop, but he doesn't have the budget to do them right.  Some sloppy scripting, including a strange decision to make Miano and his goons comic-relief Italians, prevent DETOUR from being any kind of classic, but a cast like this is always fun to watch.  Also with Gary Busey, Tim Thomerson, Stacie Randall and Evan Rachel Wood (THIRTEEN).  Why are 18 producers credited on this thing?

DETOUR TO TERROR (1980)--Directed by Michael O'Herlihy.  Stars O.J. Simpson, Randall Carver, Arte Johnson, Lorenzo Lamas, Gerald O'Laughlin.  The Juice served as executive producer and star of this solid made-for-TV thriller filmed on an Indian reservation in New Mexico.  A tour bus on an Albuquerque-to-Las Vegas weekend jaunt is hijacked by a trio of dune buggy-driving goons, led by clean-cut Neil (Carver, who had recently been fired from TAXI).  The 'jackers force driver Lee (Simpson) to take the bus off-road, where they rob the passengers, shoot up the bus, rough up a jock, and kidnap the wealthy wife of Martin Brane (O'Laughlin).  O.J. is properly heroic as a wisecracking party boy who accepts responsibility for the safety of his passengers and rallies them to repair the bus and hit the road before the bad guys can come back for more mayhem.  It's a bit disturbing to see Simpson flirting with pretty Kathryn Holcomb, who bears a slight resemblance to Nicole Brown Simpson, but otherwise you can do a lot worse when looking for a breezy adventure.  Johnson plays it mostly straight as the by-the-book tour guide, and Lamas imitates Elvis' snarl as one of Carver's goons.  Holcomb was slightly well known, coming off two TV series, HOW THE WEST WAS WON and SKAG, but this was her last movie.  The miscast Carver disappeared for several years before hitting the TV guest star circuit in the mid-1990s.  POLICE STORY vet Mark Rodgers scripted.  Music by Morton Stevens.  Also with Anne Francis, Richard Hill and AIP beach movie regular Chris Noel as a hooker.

DETROIT 9000 (1973)--Directed by Arthur Marks.  Stars Alex Rocco, Hari Rhodes, Rudy Challenger.  Perhaps '70s exploitation filmmaker Marks' finest film, DETROIT 9000 was given a brief theatrical re-release in the late 1990s by fan Quentin Tarantino under his Rolling Thunder banner.  Originally marketed as a blaxploitation movie, D9000, like ACROSS 110TH STREET, is actually a solid urban police thriller with a complex performance by white star Rocco.

Detroit detective Dan Bassett (Rocco) is assigned to investigate a $400,000 armed robbery that took place during a black-tie fundraising event for black congressman Aubrey Hale Clayton (Challenger), who announced his candidacy for governor the same night.  Detroit's racial climate, as well as accusations of police corruption by the local black community, has made the case a hot potato, a frustrating situation for Bassett, who knows that, even if he solves it, the credit will surely go to his partner on the case, a silky-smooth black ex-athlete named Jesse Williams (Rhodes). 

Although D9000 contains the right mixture of gritty violence, sex and racial tension to make it palatable for drive-in audiences, it also goes a step further in accentuating Rocco's character, saddling him with a sinus problem, a racist invalid wife and a headstrong attitude toward fighting crime that has nothing to do with a suspect's race.  Orville H. Hampton, whose career in potboilers (like THE ALLIGATOR PEOPLE) dates back to the 1950s, went the extra mile in the screenplay, and Marks delivers the action elements like a pro, including a rough but rousing climactic chase and shootout around the Detroit railroad yards.  In fact, the location work is among the film's finer traits, as are the performances by Rocco, who had just been in THE GODFATHER, and Rhodes.  Luchi DeJesus provides the funky score, while Motown greats Dozier-Holland-Dozier penned the songs.  Also with Vonetta McGee, Robert Phillips, Scatman Crothers, Herb Jefferson Jr. and real Detroit police commissioner John Nichols.

DEUCES WILD (2002)--Directed by Scott Kalvert.  Stars Stephen Dorff, Brad Renfro, Fairuza Balk, Norman Reedus, Balthazar Getty, Deborah Harry.  Here's a movie that might have been a fun nostalgic nod to classic '50s melodramas like THE COOL AND THE CRAZY or THE BLACKBOARD JUNGLE, where overage Hollywood greasers defended their turf from the leather-jacketed poseurs on the next block while rising against the Establishment which just didn't understand, man. Instead, director Scott Kalvert seems to have spent the seven years since his last film, THE BASKETBALL DIARIES, screening prints of every Brooklyn gang movie he could find and keeping a list of gang movie customs to recycle.  Take a slice of THE WARRIORS, a dash of THE OUTSIDERS and a heaping helping of WEST SIDE STORY, and you're got the main ingredients for DEUCES WILD.  What Kalvert neglected to nick from earlier productions, unfortunately, was anything approaching a sense of humor or even a sense that he knew how silly this all is. 

The plot, set in Brooklyn during the summer of 1958, plays out like a FAMILY FEUD with lead pipes.  On one side of the street, the Deuces, led by brooding Leon (Stephen Dorff), rule supreme, befriending young children, joshing with the local shopkeepers, and, most importantly, keeping their block drug-free after the overdose death of Leon's brother Allie Boy three years earlier.  And on the other side, the sinister Vipers, led by crazy doper Jimmy Pockets (Balthazar Getty), who are looking to expand their horizons by opening a gambling joint on Deuces territory.  Helping the Vipers' cause is the Snidely Whiplash-esque machinations of sneering ex-con Marco Vendetti (Norman Reedus), just released after serving three years for selling the junk that killed Allie Boy. 

Meanwhile (and you knew there had to be a "meanwhile" or two in there, didn't you?), Leon has another brother, a dim bulb named Bobby (Brad Renfro), who has fallen in love with the new girl across the street.  No, not Natalie Wood, but you're on the right track.  She's Annie (Fairuza Balk), and, yes, she is the sister of Jimmy Pockets, but she doesn't like him much and is always telling him to lay off their addle-brained mother (Blondie's Deborah Harry), who shambles around the apartment playing Christmas music in July and asking when Santa Claus is coming to town (one of writers Paul Kimatian and Christopher Gambale's great groaners is Fairuza softly telling her sobbing mother, "Santa Claus does exist, Ma.  He just don't come to Brooklyn no more.").  Will Leon and Marco settle their long-simmering feud?  Will Bobby and Annie face ostracism from their respective peer groups?  Will Bobby have to make a life-changing choice between true love and loyalty to the Deuces?  Will director Kalvert like the effect of a fake thunderstorm so much that he'll repeat it later in the movie during another flashy rumble scene?  If you don't know the answers to these questions by now, you just aren't trying.

Oddly, I think Kalvert actually was trying to make a good movie, but I also believe he was under the delusion that nobody had ever seen any of the earlier (and better) gang movies he was ripping off.  Like THE LORDS OF FLATBUSH was some kind of lost film that only he had access to.  His finest achievement was assembling a cast that at least feels authentic, if not a little overripe.  Dorff, an actor I sometimes like and sometimes don't (for instance, his villainous Deacon Frost was a major weakness in BLADE), lends a hefty moral weight to Leon, and I believed him as a guy others would respect and even awe--so much so that I hardly blinked when the wiry Dorff took on an entire gang all by himself.  Renfro overdoes the hotheaded, openmouthed dummy bit, but there is something ingratiating that comes across, and I could almost see why Balk's character, who's much smarter and ambitious than his, would fall for him so quickly.  Much of Getty's work seems to have hit the cutting room floor--there's a subplot involving how he ratted on Marco to the cops that rears its head briefly and then is just as quickly forgotten forever--and Reedus, whose snarling villain is actually more sympathetic than the obnoxious sidekick he played in BLADE II, appears to be one of the few cast members having a good time, maybe because he alone recognized the silliness of the situation.

Note I: I counted a whopping 13 (!) producers in the credits, including actor Scott Valentine, best known as Mallory's lunkheaded boyfriend Nick on FAMILY TIES, and Charlie Loventhal, his director on the soporific horror movie MY DEMON LOVER.  Is it possible that DEUCES WILD was once intended as a vehicle for Valentine's sub-Danza persona?  The mind boggles.

Note II:  DEUCES WILD was the final feature film to be lensed by the great cinematographer John A. Alonzo, whose credits include CHINATOWN and BLACK SUNDAY.  Alonzo died well over a year ago, which means DEUCES must have been sitting on the shelf for quite awhile before MGM finally released it.

Also with James Franco (FREAKS & GEEKS), Frankie Muniz (MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE), Max Perlich (HOMICIDE: LIFE ON THE STREET), Johnny Knoxville (JACKASS), Josh Leonard (THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT), Matt Dillon as local Mafiosi "Fritzy" and two SOPRANOS actors, Vincent "Big Pussy" Pastore and Drea "Adriana" de Matteo.  Music by Stewart Copeland.

THE DEVIL AND MAX DEVLIN (1981)--Directed by Steven H. Stern. Stars Bill Cosby, Elliott Gould, Susan Anspach, Adam Rich. Uninteresting Disney comedy about an evil landlord (Gould) who is killed and finds himself in Hell. The Devil (Cosby) offers to send Gould back to Earth if he can recruit the souls of three children.

THE DEVIL BAT (1940)--Directed by Jean Yarbrough.  Stars Bela Lugosi, Suzanne Kaaren, Dave O’Brien.  Boy, this really is an insane movie, but if it was any better, it wouldn’t be this much fun.  This outrageous Poverty Row horror from PRC features a typically “Lugosian” performance by its star, who plays a vindictive scientist named Dr. Paul Carruthers.  Carruthers feels cheated of his share of a million-dollar cosmetics company, so, using electricity, he engineers a giant killer bat that he uses to eliminate his greedy enemies.  The “devil bat” is attracted to Carruthers’ special new shaving lotion, which he must trick each of his targets into wearing.  Lugosi seems to be having a great time--he gets plenty of screen time, top billing and was treated like a big star by PRC--and his ripe performance is the movie’s best aspect.  Despite the pitiful budget, the swooping bat effects are pretty good, and there are plenty of killings to keep the pace moving, one about every six minutes or so, it seems.  Also with Guy Usher, Yolande Donlan, Donald Kerr, Gene O’Donnell and Arthur Q. Bryan, who sounds familiar as the voice of Elmer Fudd in early Warner Brothers cartoons.  Believe it or not, PRC remade THE DEVIL BAT six years later as THE FLYING SERPENT with George Zucco in the Lugosi role.

DEVIL DOG: THE HOUND OF HELL (1978)--Directed by Curtis Harrington.  Stars Richard Crenna, Yvette Mimieux.  Laughable, ridiculous and utterly craptastic, DEVIL DOG: THE HOUND OF HELL appears to have been taken seriously by the men and women who made it, which demonstrates an admirable level of professionalism.  The wonderful Richard Crenna stars as Michael Barry, a typical suburban dad with a wife (Yvette Mimieux) and two kids who take in a new pup the same day the beloved household pet is run down by a hit-and-run driver.  Little Lucky proves to be less than an angel after various Barry friends, employees, neighbors (and their animals) die mysteriously.  Even the wife and kids start acting batty (it helps the movie that director Curtis Harrington cast the unearthly siblings from the WITCH MOUNTAIN movies).  What’s a beleaguered pop to do but climb an Ecuadorian mountain in search of a wizened old shaman (Victor Jory) who can reveal the only method of destroying the demon that possesses Crenna’s German shepherd.

“That damn dog tried to force me to stick my hand into the lawn mower!” is just one of many laughable lines given to Crenna by scenarists Stephen and Elinor Karpf.  The woeful animated visual effects that punctuate the limp climax would barely pass muster on ELECTRA WOMAN AND DYNAGIRL, but there’s probably no way to make a dog with glowing eyes wearing a South American Indian headdress scary anyway.  You’ll admire Crenna, who survives this indignity with surprising grace, but the rest of DEVIL DOG: THE HOUND OF HELL is a real howler.  Also with Kim Richards, Ike Eisenmann, Ken Kercheval, Lou Frizzell and Martine Beswicke and R.G. Armstrong, whose fault it all is.  Music by Artie Kane.  CBS ran this Halloween night of 1978.  Crenna starred in THE EVIL that year.

DEVIL GODDESS (1955)--Directed by Spencer G. Bennet. Stars Johnny Weissmuller, Angela Stevens, Selmer Jackson. End of the vine for Weissmuller, who at age 51 retired from Hollywood after this, his 31st movie and 16th in the JUNGLE JIM series. Actually, in the final three JUNGLE JIM flicks, the Jungle Jim name was dropped, and Weissmuller played...Johnny Weissmuller! In this one, Johnny escorts a woman and her father into the jungle to find a colleague of her fathers, a professor who's using science to convince the natives that hes a god. This movie seems to rely more on grainy stock footage and tiresome chimpanzee comic relief than ever before; it opens with almost five minutes of monkey shines before Weissmuller shows up on screen. Columbias budget was lower than ever, the action scenes are dull, and Weissmuller was too far out of shape to be convincing as an action hero. Weissmuller, who married six times, had invested his money wisely, and retired to Fort Lauderdale, Florida, where he only occasionally appeared again onscreen in cameos. He died in Acapulco in 1984 at the age of 79 after a series of strokes. Also with William Tannen, Ed Hinton, William M. Griffith, Abel Fernandez and George Berkeley. Produced by Sam Katzman, who continued producing low-budget movies at Columbia and elsewhere well into the 1960s.

DEVIL ON THE MOUNTAIN (2006)—Directed by Steven R. Monroe.  Stars Lance Henriksen, Cerina Vincent, Craig Wasson, Rance Howard, Michael Worth.  Is Henriksen (SASQUATCH, ABOMINABLE) the only actor to ever star in three Bigfoot movies?  This one, shot in Arizona for the Sci-Fi Channel, is the worst.  If you’re looking for it, check the video store shelves for SASQUATCH MOUNTAIN, which is the title on the DVD box and menu, even though the print says DEVIL ON THE MOUNTAIN.

Five bank robbers, their female hostage (Vincent from CABIN FEVER), a small-town sheriff (Howard) and his deputies, and widowed tow-truck driver Chase Jackson (Henriksen) end up in the forest together, where they are stalked by a Sasquatch.  Worth (U.S. SEALS II), who plays the “nice” robber, also wrote the screenplay, which attempts to branch off into several subplots, but never finishes them.  Who’s the hit-and-run driver that killed Henriksen’s wife?  Why is Vincent on the run?  What are the veiled references to Howard turning down Henriksen’s application to join the force, and why does he want to become a cop if he has a steady job as a mechanic?  Why does the wealthy Wasson rob banks when he appears to be doing quite well for himself on the stock market?

I guess Worth and Monroe (TIMECOP 2) didn’t give a damn about the details, and maybe we wouldn’t either if we got plenty of rough Sasquatch action (we don’t) or if the film didn’t look and sound like shit (it does).  DEVIL’s hideous shot-on-video cinematography pumps up the color so everybody has purple skin, which is ridiculous.  I appreciate Worth’s attempt at creating colorful dialogue for his characters, and anytime you get pros like Henriksen and Tim Thomerson sharing screen time, you have no choice but to watch (the gorgeous Vincent is very good at commanding the screen too, but for different reasons).  Also with Karen Kim, Frank Rivera, Kate Connor and Tiny Ron as the Sasquatch.

THE DEVIL-SHIP PIRATES (1964)—Directed by Don Sharp.  Stars Christopher Lee, Andrew Keir, Barry Warren, Suzan Farmer, Ernest Clark.  Budget limitations keep this Hammer swashbuckler landlocked, but Jimmy Sangster’s swinging screenplay and Lee’s hissable villain provide plenty of Saturday matinee thrills.  A pirate ship, led by Captain Robeles (Lee), deserts the Spanish Armada in the late 16th century and docks for repairs near a small English village.  Needing slave labor to refurbish his ship, called “Diablo,” Robeles convinces the villagers that Spain has conquered England and he is their new ruler.  The local blacksmith (Keir) and his one-armed son (Warren) grow suspicious and form a rebellion, not just against Robeles and his crew of cutthroats, but also their own mayor, the simpering Sir Basil (Clark).  Sharp (THE BRIDES OF FU MANCHU), who directed Lee in several Hammer and non-Hammer movies, keeps the fighting, sword-battling and floggings coming fast and steady, and Hammer’s art department surprisingly constructed a full-size Diablo for Sharp to shoot on and burn down, which adds considerable production value.  Lee also starred in Hammer’s THE PIRATES OF BLOOD RIVER.  Also with Michael Ripper, John Cairney and Duncan Lamont.  Rousing score by Gary Hughes.

DEVIL TIMES FIVE (1974)--Directed by Sean MacGregor.  Stars Gene Evans, Taylor Lacher, Sorrell Booke.  Production problems plagued this very low-budget horror movie about three bickering couples stranded for the weekend at a snowy mountain lodge.  Director MacGregor was sacked halfway through, and producers David Sheldon and Sandra Blowitz reportedly did the rest.  It’s a tasteless tale that is really only of interest because of it.  The couples’ fighting is broken up by the appearance of some children, who claim their bus crashed and their driver is dead.  Actually the kids are from a nearby mental hospital.  They killed their driver, and spend the rest of the movie knocking off the cast in a number of imaginative ways (impaling, hanging, hatchet...).  Portraying kids as killers was pretty bold in 1974, particularly as seen here, as in one scene where they drag a nude female corpse across the snow.  That the actress was the real-life mother of two of the child actors makes it just that much sicker.  The performances are pretty good (Evans has played a blustering loudmouth so many times over the years, I’m sure he could do it in his sleep; Lacher is very likable in what is basically the hero’s role, and it’s too bad he got stuck playing heavies in episodic TV), and the kids are genuinely creepy.  With Dawn Lyn, Leif Garrett, Shelley Morrison, John Durren, Joan McCall, Tierre Turner and Henry Beckman.  Also known as PEOPLE TOYS and THE HORRIBLE HOUSE ON THE HILL.