DEADLY FORCE (1983)--Directed by Paul Aaron. Stars Wings Hauser, Joyce Ingalls, Paul Shenar. Hauser's follow-up to VICE SQUAD, in which he brilliantly portrayed a murderous pimp named Ramrod, was this sleazy swatfest from the same producers. This time Wings is on the side of the law, although he doesn't mind crossing the line once in a while to get the job done. He's ex-cop Stoney Cooper, bounced from the Los Angeles force for police brutality, who makes a living as a bounty hunter in New York. He returns to L.A. at the request of an old friend, whose granddaughter is the latest victim of a serial killer known as the X Killer. While dodging bullets, crashing cars, breaking into mobsters' homes in the middle of the night, and punching out punks, Stoney attempts a reconciliation with his TV reporter ex-wife (Ingalls), and runs afoul of a successful self-help guru (Shenar) with a sinister past. The story holds about as much water as a spaghetti strainer if you think about it too much, but the decent pace, sleek direction by Aaron (A FORCE OF ONE) and the always-welcome star turn by Hauser makes DEADLY FORCE one to be reckoned with. Also with Al Ruscio, Arlen Dean Snyder, Lincoln Kilpatrick, Gina Gallego, Estelle Getty as a reckless NYC cabbie, Aaron Norris and Bud Ekins (the stuntman who performed Steve McQueen's motorcycle jump over the barbed wire fence in THE GREAT ESCAPE). Music by Gary Scott.

DEADLY FRIEND (1986)--Directed by Wes Craven.  Stars Matthew Laborteaux, Kristy Swanson, Anne Twomey, Anne Ramsey, Richard Marcus.  After pretty Samantha (Swanson) is killed by her alcoholic rapist father, Paul (Laborteaux), the teenage genius living next door, implants his robot’s brain into her head and brings her back to life—sorta—as a killer zombie.  It’s probably the worst acted Craven movie; Marcus is particularly awful as a bug-eyed drunk right out of REEFER MADNESS.  It’s also one of Craven’s tamest, right down to its dud climax and ridiculous shock ending.  It does have one great kill, which is the only thing anybody ever remembers about the film.  The script by Bruce Joel Rubin (GHOST) tries to be a love story, a social drama and a Frankenstein parable, but, frankly, the shifts in tone don’t work, and the film’s exploitation of an abused child doesn’t sit well next to comic scenes of a robot imitating E.T.  Charles Bernstein’s score is pretty good until the awful robot rap that plays over the closing crawl.  Also with Michael Sharrett, Lee Paul, Russ Marin and Charles Fleischer voicing the ‘bot.

DEADLY GAME (1991)--Directed by Thomas J. Wright. Stars Marc Singer, Michael Beck, Jenny Seagrove. Made-for-TV MOST DANGEROUS GAME ripoff as the seven victims sit around a mysterious island telling their stories in flashback and waiting to be killed off. Also with Soon-Teck Oh, Roddy McDowall and Mitchell Ryan. Filmed near Mount Hood, Oregon, and originally aired on USA Cable. Director Wright went on to helm episodes of many acclaimed TV dramas like NYPD BLUE and MILLENNIUM.

DEADLY TARGET (1994)--Directed by Charla Driver.  Stars Gary Daniels, Ken McLeod, Byron Mann, Max Gail, Susan Byun.  British kickboxer Daniels plays "Charles Prince", a Hong Kong cop sent to Los Angeles to extradite Chinese druglord Chang (Mann) overseas.  Teaming up with a by-the-book L.A. detective, Jenson (McLeod), Prince manages to kill many people, destroy lots of property, blow up some cars, and fall in love with beautiful Asian card dealer "Diana" (Byun) before finally getting his man.  The names of the romantic leads represent the level of wit present in James Adelstein and Michael January's screenplay.  However, Driver and stunt/fight coordinator Jeff Pruitt throw so many martial arts fights, chases, shootouts and explosions at us that it's easy to overlook how knuckleheaded the story is.  Although not at the level of PM Entertainment's finest thrillers like RAGE and EXECUTIVE TARGET, DEADLY TARGET is slick, dumb fun with very good performances by the charming Byun (SGT. KABUKIMAN, N.Y.P.D.) and Gail (BARNEY MILLER's Wojo).  Try to tune out Michael J. Lewis' rancid score if you can.  This was Driver's directorial debut after serving as associate producer, producer and first assistant director on several PM features.  She's never directed again, and was probably aided on the set by her PM boss Richard Pepin, who worked as DEADLY TARGET's cinematographer.  Also with Lydia Look, Aki Aleong, George Lee Cheung, Al Leong and associate producer Marta Merrifield as a screaming court reporter.

DEATH AND DIAMONDS (1968)--Directed by Harald Reinl.  Stars George Nader, Carl Mohner.  Nader made several colorful spy thrillers in Germany during the late 1960s, playing an FBI agent named Jerry Cotton.  In the sixth in the Cotton series, Jerry impersonates a British safecracker named Rick Trevor, a recently released parolee who's been hired by an unseen crimelord named Stone, who communicates with his gang over short-wave radio.  Stone's elaborate (perhaps overly so) plan involves using poison gas to steal $12 million in diamonds, a caper Cotton can only stop if Stone's main henchman, Bloom (Mohner), doesn't kill him first, annoyed as he is with "Trevor"'s impertinent snooping.

Spies were, of course, huge in the 1960s--on television, as well as on the big screen--and so were spy spoofs, like the Matt Helm series.  DEATH AND DIAMONDS doesn't exactly play it seriously, but it mostly avoids the cartoony nature of the Flint movies, relying on an audacious if not wildly implausible storyline, several Cotton judo flips, a close call in a furnace, and a few nicely timed wisecracks.  Although set in Los Angeles, filming actually took place in Europe with poor process photography and second-unit shots of American commercial logos like Coca-Cola and Standard Oil attempting to create an illusion.  Even trickier is Nader's English accent, which may have actually been dubbed by someone else.  Peter Thomas provides the groovy score, adding flavor to scenes of Nader jumping off a suspension bridge in his pursuit of the bad guys or bikini-clad ladies frugging in a rough, tough bar where Cotton orders "very dry vodka martinis".

DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR (1987)--Directed by Terry Leonard.  Stars Fred Dryer, Joanna Pacula, Brian Keith, Paul Winfield.  Makes the RAMBO films look subtle.  Tough Marine sergeant Dryer joins his old friend and commanding officer Keith, stationed at the U.S. embassy in the fictional Middle Eastern country of Jemal.  Suffice to say, relations between the Americans and Jemalians are a bit tense, which is why U.S. ambassador Winfield is hesitant to use force when Keith is kidnapped by a ruthless band of terrorists.  Before you can say, "Fred, stay out of it!", big Dryer is armed with guns, rocket launchers and anything else that shoots, ready to storm into the terrorists' lair on a rescue mission.  Comparing DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR to THE GREEN BERETS is no exaggeration. This is a film in which the Americans are Good and Everybody Else is Bad. Heck, let's go further...Democrats, such as diplomats and politicians who believe in settling confrontations with words and rules, such as the character portrayed by Winfield, are Bad too. To be fair, DEATH's politics do sort of mirror the U.S.'s stance on foreign policy during the Reagan administration, sorry to say, and clearly its storyline couldn't be more topical than it is right now. It would work perfectly on a double bill with Cannon's INVASION U.S.A.  Politics aside, DEATH works just fine as a shoot-'em-up, packed with several really good stunts and quite a bit of gore. Dryer is one of Hollywood's prominent Republicans; I don't know anything about co-star Brian Keith's political views, but he played a similar right-wing action type earlier on the HARDCASTLE & MCCORMICK TV series.  DEATH is the only film directed by prominent stuntman Terry Leonard, who offers up a couple of nifty car stunts, plenty of explosions and a surprising amount of gore.  Also with Joseph Gian, Sasha Mitchell, Kasey Walker and Rockne Tarkington (BLACK SAMSON).  Dryer was starring in HUNTER at the time, but New World's release was not successful, and the former Los Angeles Ram never got a second shot in big-screen stardom.

DEATH CAR ON THE FREEWAY (1979)--Directed by Hal Needham. Stars Peter Graves, George Hamilton, Shelley Hack. The exploitative title tells you all you need to know about this stunt-filled made-for-TV movie. A psycho in a van causes a massive pileup on a Los Angeles freeway. The film opens with the elaborate crackup, then we see a number of flashbacks involving the cast of journeyman television actors, followed by the pileup again in slow motion. Look for TV vets Frank Gorshin, Dinah Shore, Abe Vigoda, Morgan Brittany, Barbara Rush, Sid Haig and Harriet Nelson. Teleplay by William Wood. Produced by Stan Shpetner.

DEATH CHASE (1990)—Directed by David A. Prior.  Stars William Zipp, Paul Smith, Jack Starrett, Bainbridge Scott.  The good news is that this AIP (that’s Action International Pictures) movie is packed with action almost wall-to-wall.  The bad news is that Prior doesn’t direct action very well.  The premise is intriguing, but not fleshed out very well by Prior and his two writers.  Steve Chase (Zipp), a construction worker, is on a casual bicycle ride with his sister Sheila one morning when they are inadvertently involved in a shootout among three strangers.  All are killed, as is Sheila, but one man manages to hand Steve an automatic pistol and a puzzling message:  “Tag, you’re it.”  Before he knows it, Steve is being pursued all over Los Angeles by assassins.  One, a large man dressed in black (top-billed Smith), pops up occasionally to deliver more cryptic messages and to kill cops who try to interfere.  Steve eventually meets up with a surprisingly understanding woman (Scott) and a tough cop (Starrett) who help him figure out what’s going on.  DEATH CHASE is ripe for a remake, although it bears a slight resemblance to David Fincher’s THE GAME.  The premise means Chase is continuously running, driving, jumping, hiding or dodging bullets.  It’s too bad that little of the action packs any excitement.  DEATH CHASE was one of Starrett’s last performances.  He looks ill, and he died of kidney failure before this film was released.

DEATH COMMANDO (1985)—Directed by Fernando di Leo.  Stars Henry Silva, Edmund Purdom.  Oil magnate Purdom hires a bunch of mercenaries, including assassin Silva, to break into a rival’s factory and rip off a formula for synthetic fuel.  They complete the mission successfully, but when Purdom sends his personal goon squad to murder them to ensure their silence, Henry gets angry, and when Henry gets angry, he gets vengeful.  Silly and cheap with nutty (dubbed) dialogue, but definitely watchable.  Silva is always fun when he’s playing someone completely deranged and pissed off.  Here, he’s headquartered in a zoo (!) and sics his pet cougars on Purdom’s invading henchman.  Also known as KILLER VS. KILLER.  Dalila de Lazzaro, Udo Kier’s beautiful naked monster in FLESH FOR FRANKENSTEIN, plays a sexy thief.

DEATH CURSE OF TARTU (1966)--Directed by William Grefe. Stars Fred Pinero, Babette Sherrill, Doug Hobart. Just a year after his senses-shattering horror debut STING OF DEATH, in which a stuntman wearing a plastic bag over his head portrayed cinema's first half-man/half-jellyfish, Florida-based filmmaker Grefe wrote and directed this silly zombie tale. 400 years after a Seminole Indian witch doctor (do Native Americans have witch doctors?) named Tartu was buried in the Everglades, archeologist Ed Tison (Pinero), his wife Julie (Sherrill) and some students invade his space, go-go dancing, making out and listening to rock music on their transistor radios on Tartu's hallowed ground. Rising from his coffin, Tartu (Hobart) stalks his trangressors by shape-shifting into snakes, sharks and alligators and munching his prey.

TARTU is neither as hilarious or entertaining as STING OF DEATH, filling too much running time with lifeless padding of the characters wandering through the swamp. This is very evident in the scenes in which Tartu attacks the campers; they go on much too long, well after any suspense has been sapped from it, leaving us shouting at the screen, "Get on with it already!" Like STING, TARTU proves that Grefe has a nice eye for the ladies--his actresses are among the loveliest found in drive-in flicks of this vintage and budget. On a ten-day schedule and $27,000 budget, TARTU is probably about as good as it could be. Hobart, who also played and created the jellyfish-man in STING OF DEATH, fills the same shoes here, but with slightly better success. Also with Mayra Christine, Maurice Stewart, Frank Weed, Bill Marcus and Sherman Hayes. Released by Thunderbird International Pictures, which also distributed Grefe's STING OF DEATH and THE DEVILS SISTERS. Grefe later worked with stars like William Shatner in IMPULSE and Richard Jaeckel in MAKO: THE JAWS OF DEATH. Filmed in Florida's Everglades.

DEATH DIMENSION (1978)--Directed by Al Adamson.  Stars Jim Kelly, George Lazenby, Harold Sakata, Myron Bruce Lee, Bob Minor.  Mondo Crash's DVD of DEATH DIMENSION is no more than an unremastered videotape source (complete with creases and rolls).  It's directed by Al Adamson, one of exploitation cinema's dullest filmmakers, although this one is pretty watchable by his standards.  It still sucks though. Jim Kelly (ENTER THE DRAGON) is a cop named Ash who is assigned by his boss (former 007 George Lazenby) to investigate a plot by an archvillain known as The Pig (Harold "Oddjob" Sakata) to detonate a "freeze bomb", a weapon that turns the landscape to ice.  It's nothing more than a McGuffin that never impacts the story.  The Pig can't use the bomb until he gets the formula for it, which is lodged inside the head of the pretty assistant to the dead scientist who created it.  The great stuntman Bob Minor is The Pig's vicious henchman (who gets hit by a car), Kelly is partnered with a Chinese actor who calls himself Myron Bruce Lee (!), and there's plenty of boring action sequences and unexceptional '70s tits to keep you mildly interested.  DEATH DIMENSION is probably about as good as BLACK SAMURAI, Kelly's other film for Adamson, although that one had jet packs and midgets in it.  Also with Aldo Ray, Terry Moore and Patch McKenzie.  Also known as BLACK ELIMINATOR, FREEZE BOMB, THE KILL FACTOR and ICY DEATH.

DEATH HOUSE--See ZOMBIE DEATH HOUSE.

DEATH MASK (1998)—Directed by Steve Latshaw.  Stars James Best, Linnea Quigley.  Best, the long-time character actor best known for playing Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane on THE DUKES OF HAZZARD, wrote and starred in this horror clunker, which was produced by his wife and daughter.  He plays Wilbur, a lonely carny who was scarred for life as a child, when his clown father pressed his face onto a hot stove.  Unfortunately, the makeup is so awful that Wilbur, whom the other characters can barely stand to glance at, out of fear they may vomit from his horrendous visage, wears only a slight scar on the left side of his face, which he covers with a patch.  Yeah, it’s an ugly scar, but hardly what it’s built up to be on-camera (and since Latshaw in one scene flips the film to show the scar on the right side of Wilbur’s face, it’s even harder to take his “affliction” seriously).

To save his job at the carnival, Wilbur and cute stripper Angel (Quigley), his only friend, seek out an “old swamp woman” (played by a 30-year-old actress), who gives him magic tree bark in which to carve a death mask that people will pay big bucks to see.  All it does is afflict Wilbur, who’s so hideous that he can’t even get laid in a whorehouse, with a curse that forces him to start killing those who have wronged him.  Since Latshaw stupidly previews every kill scene (and Quigley’s shower scene) in the opening titles, none of the murders are scary or surprising.

DEATH MASK is a real mess, that’s for sure.  A Best vanity project partially filmed on the writer/star’s own property, it’s a mélange of poor acting, cheap sets and shoddy production values.  Still, Best is an old pro, and even though DEATH MASK’s climax is a clumsy, illogical mess, I’ll be damned if the guy doesn’t manage to push the right emotional buttons to make you care about his character in a movie that bears no resemblance to reality.  He was about 70 when he made this, and went on to appear in more DUKES OF HAZZARD reunion movies and video games.

THE DEATH OF OCEAN VIEW PARK (1979)--Directed by E.W. Swackhamer. Stars Mike Connors, Martin Landau, Diana Canova. A good example of the crap Landau was forced to do to earn money before receiving his first Oscar nomination in 1987. It's a made-for-TV disaster movie about a hurricane that levels a Virginia amusement park on Fourth of July weekend. It's always great to see Mike "Mannix" Connors in action. Also with Mare Winningham, Perry Lang and Mel Welles. Teleplay by TV vets Barry Oringer and John Furia Jr.

THE DEATH OF THE INCREDIBLE HULK (1990)--Directed by Bill Bixby. Stars Bill Bixby, Philip Sterling, Elizabeth Gracen, Lou Ferrigno. Third and final TV-movie reuniting the cast of the 1977-81 television series. In this one, Dr. Banner (Bixby), working at a top-secret laboratory in an effort to reverse the effects of the gamma radiation that transforms him into the Hulk, becomes involved with government spies before succumbing to the title fate. The climax is pretty effective, thanks to Bixby's moving direction, although Jack Colvin as nosy reporter Jack McGee is sorely missed. Since Bixby died in real life from cancer, it appears that the Incredible Hulk's smashing days are over for good.

DEATH RACE 2000 (1975)--Directed by Paul Bartel. Stars David Carradine, Sylvester Stallone, Simone Griffeth, Mary Woronov, Roberta Collins, Martin Kove. The ultimate New World exploitation movie, this great cult classic has become even more relevant in this day of professional wrestling, Jerry Springer and AMERICAN GLADIATORS. Carradine is the black-leather-clad hero Frankenstein, the favorite in a government-sanctioned cross-country race where drivers receive bonus points for running down pedestrians. Frankenstein, a personal friend of the President, has received his name because of a series of accidents that has left him horribly scarred and with a number of bionic limbs. Other racers include brutal Machine Gun Joe Viterbo (Stallone), Nazi Matilda the Hun (Collins), sex-crazed Calamity Jane (Woronov), and egocentric Nero the Hero (Kove). Frankenstein's race to victory is marred by a group of resistance fighters who are opposed to the violent sport and have installed their leader's granddaughter (Griffeth) as his navigator.

Based loosely upon a story by Ib Melchior, Robert Thom and Charles B. Griffith's screenplay is more ambitious than most Roger Corman productions, interjecting satirical jabs at television, government, overpopulation, professional athletics and the price of fame between rousing scenes of racing action, gore and casual nudity. There's one touching scene where one of Frankenstein's most rabid fans (played by Wendy Bartel--related to the director?) offers herself up to him as a sacrifice, which is abnormally thoughtful for this type of film.

The cast is pretty great--Carradine always somehow manages to make these far-out characters believable, Stallone garners laughs in a pre-ROCKY role as the constantly pissed-off rival of Frankenstein's, Woronov and Collins (two of the decade's finest drive-in actresses) are both funny and sexy, and look out for other familiar faces like dizzy blonde Louisa Moritz, future Gopher Fred Grandy, Joyce Jameson, noted Italian horror actress Harriet White Medin, John Landis and director Bartel as Frankenstein's doctor.

Working with a low budget (Corman says about $400,000), Bartel--along with second-unit directors Griffith and Lewis Teague--managed to capture some pretty exciting racing footage, although the New World policy of "skip framing"--or removing every other frame of film in an attempt to speed up the action--mars the result a bit. Simultaneously a live-action cartoon (Collins's Wile E. Coyote-type death is a good example) and a sly look at violence in American culture, DEATH RACE 2000 works on enough levels to make it one of New World's finest releases.

The New Horizons DVD is presented full-frame with decent audio and video. Extras include a short interview of Corman by Leonard Maltin and trailers not only for DEATH RACE 2000 but also for other New World releases like EAT MY DUST, GRAND THEFT AUTO and BIG BAD MAMA.

DEATH RAGE (1976)--Directed by Antonio Margheriti.  Stars Yul Brynner, Barbara Bouchet, Massimo Ranieri.  Leonard Maltin claims a running time of 96 minutes.  The Internet Movie Database says 98.  Mill Creek’s DVD runs just 84, but it isn’t a TV print--Miss Bouchet’s full-frontal nude scene attests to that.  Perhaps the cuts explain why this Italian crime drama is so hard to follow.  One of Brynner’s last films (he died of lung cancer in 1985), DEATH RAGE casts the bald-pated star as Frank Marciani, an American hitman recruited by the Mafia to perform one last job--the touch of the Italian gangster who murdered Frank’s brother.  Frank was present at his brother’s death, which left him with psychosomatic eye pain whenever he witnesses a violent act (Margheriti demonstrates this by “painting” the lens with red animation).  In Naples, Frank shows the hitman ropes to an eager young man (Ranieri)--shades of THE MECHANIC--and fools around with a frequently nude stripper (Bouchet).  A couple of car chases and shootouts, Yul’s steady performance (draped in a black turtleneck and blazer) and Barbara’s luscious body make this one an adequate timewaster.  Also with Martin Balsam and Sal Borgese.  Music by Guido de Angelis.

DEATH RIDES A HORSE (1968)--Directed by Giulio Petroni.  Stars Lee Van Cleef, John Philip Law, Anthony Dawson.  Law plays Bill, a vengeful young man who watched his family be slaughtered by four masked bandits fifteen years earlier.  Van Cleef is Ryan, an ex-con out on parole after serving fifteen years and looking for the former friends who sold him out to the law.  Any guesses as to whether these two are looking for the same guys?

Since he was a boy, Bill has trained himself to be an expert with a gun, able to hit anything and anybody in the blink of an eye.  Filled with hate, he refuses the town's offer to be their deputy, wanting no responsibilities to tie him down in case he gets a lead as to the whereabouts of the men he's vowed to kill.  He meets Ryan as the older man visits the graves of Bill's parents and sister.  "I heard about (their deaths) a few years after," is Ryan's only reply before riding off into town, where a pair of gunmen attacks him.  After killing them, Ryan traces them back to Cavanaugh (Dawson), one of Ryan's partners who got rich and powerful while Ryan rotted in prison.  He extorts Cavanaugh for $15,000, $1000 for every year he spent behind bars.  He doesn't get it though, because Bill, who recognizes the town boss as one of his family's killers by the "four aces" tattoo on his chest, guns down Cavanaugh.  From then on, the two gunmen forge a reluctant relationship, each after the same goal, but for different reasons.  Reluctant, because Ryan can't collect any dough if Bill kills everyone first. 

This is among the better Italian westerns I've seen, although not on the same level as those directed by Sergio Leone.  Oddly, DEATH RIDES A HORSE contains just about every genre cliché you can imagine, from the young hothead teaming up with the experienced gunfighter to the familiar theme of revenge to slight smattering of black humor and male camaraderie to the weird score by il maestro, Ennio Morricone.  Law does most of his acting with his striking blue eyes--I don't think he even dubbed his own voice--but Van Cleef is very good indeed, stealing all of his scenes and often without much dialogue.

DEATH doesn't seem to have been greeted well by critics upon its initial U.S. release in 1969--Roger Ebert called it a "bad film", although he criticized its mountainous "backdrop" for looking fake, when in fact it's clear Petroni shot the scene Ebert is referring to on location--but it really is an above-average entry in a genre that was mostly treated with indifference by film "experts", spicing up its rigid formula with fine work by Van Cleef and plenty of bang-bang action.  Dawson is a British actor who appeared in DR. NO and should not be confused with Italian director Antonio Margheriti (TAKE A HARD RIDE), who was often credited as "Anthony Dawson".

DEATH RING (1993)--Directed by R.J. Kizer.  Stars Mike Norris, Chad McQueen, Billy Drago, Isabel Glasser.  Here's another film version of THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME, but unlike most of them, this one actually gives screen credit to its inspiration.  Evil Danton Vachs (Drago) makes millions by kidnapping men and hiring out his private island to hunters who want to track the victims down and kill them.  Vachs' latest prey was too easy to kill, however, so to cut off his clients' grumbling, he snatches ex-Green Beret Matt Collins (Norris, son of Chuck) and, for good measure, his girlfriend Lauren (Glasser), leaving only Matt's buddy "Skylord" (McQueen) to perform a last-minute rescue.  As usual, Drago chews scenery to the hilt, leaving the inexpressive Norris in his wake.  The action scenes are decent enough, but DEATH RING really isn't anything special beyond its always-intriguing premise.  The cast also includes Elizabeth Sung, Don Swayze, Branscombe Richmond and George Cheung.  Norris also contributed to the story.  Music by John Massari.  From the director of GODZILLA 1985.

DEATH SENTENCE (2007)--Directed by James Wan.  Stars Kevin Bacon, Kelly Preston, John Goodman, Garrett Hedlund.  The director of SAW tackles Charles Bronson territory in this melodrama, which claims to be an adaptation of Brian Garfield's DEATH SENTENCE, but it actually has more in common with Garfield's DEATH WISH, which was made into Michael Winner's influential 1974 drama starring Bronson as a liberal architect who turns New York vigilante when his family is touched by crime.  Here, Bacon plays an insurance executive who goes up against a murderous street gang after his family is attacked.

The film's number one problem is its hero, who never earns the viewer's sympathy, despite all that happens to him, because he basically asks for what he gets. Usually in this type of film, the hero turns to vigilante justice as a last resort, after the system has failed him. But here, Bacon chooses to become a vigilante without letting the judicial system run its course. He chooses to let the villain go, so he can murder him. I was never on Bacon's side because of this (and because of some of the stupid things he does).

I also never believed either Bacon's unrealistically Cleaver family or the cartoony gang members. I swear the lead villain is only barely more real than Gavan O'Herlihy in DEATH WISH 3. Unfortunately, the film takes itself too seriously, so it fails as a popcorn action movie, but it's too inept dramatically to live up to its lofty agenda. It could have been something like FIGHTING BACK or more like a Jeff Wincott movie for PM Entertainment. Both would have been better than DEATH SENTENCE.

DEATH SHIP (1980)--Directed by Alvin Rakoff.  Stars Richard Crenna, George Kennedy.  DEATH SHIP is a fitfully creepy horror film with a good premise that doesn't work as a whole.  It's three days before cruise ship captain Ashland (Kennedy) is due to be "retired" by his employers, with first officer Marshall (Crenna) due to succeed him.  That night, the ship is rammed by another, a spooky, dark ship, with Ashland, Marshall, his wife and two kids, and four others the only survivors.  They eventually board the other ship (it's unclear if they know it's the same one that smacked into them), and are met with a series of spooky "accidents", such as the smarmy stand-up comic that's lifted into the air by a yardarm, dunked into the ocean and left to drown.  Eventually, Marshall discovers they're aboard a Nazi interrogation ship that's still haunted by the soldiers who sailed it and that Ashland is being slowly possessed by the ghost of its captain.

Before it sinks into a morass of illogic and shallow characterization, DEATH SHIP actually provides a few unsettling moments-as well as several unintentionally laughable ones.  The sight of Kennedy running in white pants (ain't your color, George!) is funny enough, but later, when Rakoff demands close-ups of George's fat, sweaty puss ranting about the blood of Crenna's kids, the camp factor is seriously upgraded.  Still, the idea of being trapped at sea with Nazi phantoms is a really good one, and Rakoff does manage a few scares, often through flash-forwards and moody lighting.  The gore factor is surprisingly low for an R-rated feature of this vintage (although the notorious "blood shower" offers some crimson-sprayed nudity), as Rakoff achieves whatever chills are here through atmosphere, rather than special effects.  Kennedy's rantings are pretty fun (I love when he tosses a nude female overboard), but Crenna, a genuinely good actor, is given little to do.  Also with Nick Mancuso (STINGRAY), Kate Reid (THE ANDROMEDA STRAIN), Sally Ann Howes (her first feature since CHITTY CHITTY BANG BANG), Victoria Burgoyne and Saul Rubinek.  Filmed in Quebec and Mobile, Alabama.  DEATH SHIP also boasts one of the coolest horror posters of the era, one that almost no movie directed by Alvin Rakoff could live up to.

DEATH STALK (1975)—Directed by Robert Day.  Stars Vic Morrow, Vince Edwards, Robert Webber, Carol Lynley, Anjanette Comer, Norman Fell, Neville Brand, Larry Wilcox.  Two city-slicker married couples on a white-water rafting vacation are waylaid by four escaped convicts.  Led by the dangerous Brenner (Morrow), the cons abduct the wives and leave their husbands (Edwards, Webber) tied up on the river bank.  They free themselves and follow their attackers downriver in a third raft with hopes of rescuing the women.  Yes, it’s influenced by DELIVERANCE, particularly in the scenes where Edwards and Webber are pushed to the edges of their masculinity, and, yes, I suspect THE RIVER WILD ripped it off two decades later.  Great cast, obviously, but NBC’s Standards and Practices department kept the violence and sadism from getting too extreme, which may have been what the movie needed.  Music by Pete Rugolo.

DEATH WARRANT (1990)--Directed by Deran Sarafian. Stars Jean-Claude Van Damme, Cynthia Gibb, Robert Guillaume. Van Damme is a kickboxing Canadian cop who goes undercover into prison to stop the Sandman, a nutjob killing convicts in order to sell their organs. Van Damme gets a conjugal visit from hot Gibb as his outside contact. He also works for Benson. Also with Patrick Kilpatrick and Art LeFleur. From the director of TERMINAL VELOCITY.

DEATH WISH 3 (1985)--Directed by Michael Winner. Stars Charles Bronson, Deborah Raffin, Martin Balsam, Ed Lauter. Bronson as an over-the-top urban Rambo. Paul Kersey (Bronson) seems to have forgotten all about his career as an architect to become a fulltime vigilante. He returns to New York and is coerced by cop Lauter into killing more vicious gang members and keeping the streets safe. This time Raffin (as Kersey's new girlfriend) is the film's sacrificial lamb that is required in all DEATH WISH movies to move Bronson to violence. Charlie blows out the side of a building with a grenade launcher just to kill one bad guy. Seems like overkill to me. 74 dead bodies in this one; I counted.

DEATH WISH 4: THE CRACKDOWN (1987)--Directed by J. Lee Thompson.  Stars Charles Bronson, Kay Lenz, John P. Ryan.  You'd think by now that bad guys would leave Charles Bronson's family alone.  Wile E. Coyote has a better life expectancy than the loved ones of Paul Kersey (Bronson), the vigilante first seen in 1974's DEATH WISH.  Three sequels later, Kersey is back in business in Los Angeles, running a successful architectural firm and dating a beautiful writer (Lenz).  You know Kersey though; when he doesn't kill anybody for a while, he starts to get itchy, so perhaps he subconsciously regards it as a godsend when Lenz's teenage daughter dies from a cocaine overdose.  After (easily) tracking down the dealer who sold her the coke and putting a bullet into his chest, Kersey is summoned to the stately home of wealthy Nathan White (Ryan), who knows of Kersey's past and offers him a chance to clean up L.A.'s streets for good.  White will supply money, weapons (including an exploding wine bottle!) and information, and Kersey will murder the leaders and top gunmen of the city's two leading drug suppliers.  Of course, if this arrangement sounds too good to be true, it probably is, but at least it leads to several car explosions, squibbed chests, fights, chases and a lengthy shootout inside an improbably crowded roller rink.

Bronson must have been comfortable during this time, working almost exclusively for Cannon and favorite directors Michael Winner and Thompson (for whom he acted nine times).  "Comfortable" doesn't usually mean "challenging" though, and although Bronson is typically solid here and still believable doing action scenes (which more often involve big guns and explosions rather than fisticuffs), he makes little effort to differentiate Kersey from, say, the cops he played in MURPHY'S LAW and 10 TO MIDNIGHT.  Lenz is criminally underused, virtually vanishing long enough during the middle to almost make you forget she's even in the movie, while Ryan shamelessly overacts as usual.  Thompson and writer Gail Morgan Hickman (NUMBER ONE WITH A BULLET) make some attempt at ambition, getting into Kersey's dreams and throwing slight symbolism into the finale, but that's not really what DW4 is all about.  It's about the beatings and the shootings, and, truth be told, it's done pretty well.  It isn't as good as the original DEATH WISH, which actually had something worthwhile to say, but it's better than the dismal DW2 and probably even DW3, which is the funniest film in Bronson's canon.  DEATH WISH V: THE FACE OF DEATH arrived in 1994.  MESSENGER OF DEATH was next for Bronson and Thompson, a change of pace from the urban thrillers they had been doing for Cannon.  Also with Perry Lopez, Soon Teck-Oh, Dana Barron, George Dickerson, Tim Russ, Danny Trejo, Mitch Pileggi and Dale Robinette.  Music by Bronson's stepsons.

DEATH WISH V: THE FACE OF DEATH (1994)--Directed by Allan A. Goldstein. Stars Charles Bronson, Lesley-Anne Down, Michael Parks. Here we go again. Architect Paul Kersey (Bronson) goes after an L.A. mob boss (Parks) who messes up Kersey's fashion designer girlfriend (Down). Kersey's getting more creative with each film; he blows up one guy with an exploding remote-control soccer ball, wraps another in Saran Wrap, and knocks Parks into an acid pit in a dress warehouse! Bronson is into his seventies.

DEATHDREAM (1974)--Directed by Bob Clark.  Stars Richard Backus, John Marley, Lynn Carlin.  A rocky low-budget horror movie filmed in Florida that features a creepy performance by Backus as a zombie named Andy. He's not a standard Romero-style zombie, and the character is as much a vampire as he is a zombie. Andy is an American G.I. killed in Vietnam who supernaturally returns to his hometown, seemingly just because his grief-stricken mother (played by FACES' Lynn Carlin, who later provided the voice of Richard Thomas' spaceship in BATTLE BEYOND THE STARS) wants him to. Beyond looking abnormally pale, Andy acts very strangely, not eating or sleeping, refusing to speak to anyone, and generally creeping out his family, especially after he strangles to death the family dog. His father (John Marley, also in FACES and best known as the guy who wakes up with the horse's head in THE GODFATHER, a part he parodied in an SCTV episode) is the only one who acknowledges Andy's behavior, which grows worse when he goes on a killing spree to acquire the human blood he needs to keep it together. "It" being his skin, which is in a constant state of decay and begins peeling when he needs nourishment.

Directed by Bob Clark (A CHRISTMAS STORY) and written by Alan Ormsby (CAT PEOPLE) with makeup effects by Ormsby and Tom Savini (DAWN OF THE DEAD), DEATHDREAM is a bit ragged in its cinematography, dialogue and performances, but does a nice job of presenting Andy's "illness" in both a horrific sense and as a metaphor commenting on the then-current Vietnam War. Backus wears the makeup well, looking and acting very creepy, and might have been a good choice for the role later played by Keir Dullea in Clark's BLACK CHRISTMAS, one of the best horror films of the 1970's. That isn't a criticism of Dullea, but Backus has a similar look and placidity to his acting.  Also with Henderson Forsythe, Anya Ormsby, Michael Mazes and Arthur Anderson.  Music by Carl Zittrer.  Clark and Ormsby also made the similar CHILDREN SHOULDN'T PLAY WITH DEAD THINGS.

THE DEATHLESS DEVIL (1972)--Directed by Yilmaz Atadeniz.  Stars Kunt Tulgar, Mine Mutlu.  THE DEATHLESS DEVIL’s adult content is surprising, considering that it’s almost a note-for-note remake of MYSTERIOUS DR. SATAN, a pretty good 15-chapter serial produced by Republic Pictures in 1940.  Turkish filmmakers paid little or no attention to copyright laws, stealing characters, concepts, even music scores and film clips from American movies with reckless abandon.  Among Turkey’s more notorious hits are a film version of STAR TREK and THE MAN WHO SAVED THE WORLD, which nicked footage from STAR WARS without paying for it or asking permission.  Henry Mancini’s PINK PANTHER theme and some of John Barry’s James Bond music can be heard highlighting the action in THE DEATHLESS DEVIL, making for somewhat schizophrenic viewing.

As in the Republic chapterplay, Dr. Satan (Mine Mutlu) is a diabolical evil genius with a tremendous mustache who plots to use his robot creations to rule the world.  Even though three decades had passed since MYSTERIOUS DR. SATAN, Turkey hadn’t yet caught up with Hollywood technology, and Satan’s robots are the same giggle-inducing clunkers Republic tried to pass off as threatening in 1940.  Satan’s nemesis is Tekin (Kunt Tulgar), who discovers on his father’s deathbed that his real father was a costumed hero named Copperhead who died fighting Dr. Satan years earlier.  Tekin dons Copperhead’s trademark mask, scarf and tights, and spends the next hour fighting with various Satan underlings, rescuing beautiful women, and seducing Dr. Satan’s sexy moll to bait a trap.

THE DEATHLESS DEVIL is delirious, mostly due to its streamlined story, but also because of some ill-advised comic relief in the relentlessly unfunny form of a slapstick sidekick who believes he’s Sherlock Holmes.  However, it’s definitely worthy of late-night viewing when you’re in the mood for an unusual concoction of old-fashioned pulp action mixed with a lurid dose of macho fantasy reminiscent of the “men’s sweat” magazines of the 1960’s.

THE DEATHMASTER (1972)--Directed by Ray Danton.  Stars Robert Quarry, Bill Ewing, Brenda Dickson.  Topanga Canyon is the setting of this “hippie vampire movie”, produced by Quarry and Fred Sadoff just before beginning Quarry’s exclusive contract with American International Pictures.  Influenced by the Manson killings, DEATHMASTER spotlights Khorda, a charismatic, bearded mentor to a group of young hippies living in a mansion.  Only half-Indian war vet Pico (Ewing) sees through Khorda’s charming veneer to discover that he’s actually a vampire prowling for acolytes to provide him with a food supply.  Dated now, but an interesting period piece with a strong performance by Quarry, the star of two COUNT YORGA movies.  Also with John Fiedler as an aging hippie, William Jordan as a biker, Betty Ann Rees, John Lasell, LaSesne Hilton and Bobby “Boris” Pickett.  Music by Bill Marx.

DEATHSPORT (1978)--Directed by Henry Suso and Allan Arkush. Stars David Carradine, Claudia Jennings, Richard Lynch. This pseudo-sequel to New World's very successful DEATH RACE 2000 definitely falls beneath the heading of Guilty Pleasure. It contains a confusing plot, numerous lapses in logic and storytelling, cheap sets and props, and an absolute lack of humor. On the other hand, former PLAYBOY Playmate Jennings appears frequently nude, lots of stuff blows up, and Lynch is one of cinema's great bad-guy actors.

In the post-apocalyptic future of the 30th century, Range Guide Kaz Oshay (Carradine) wanders the desert mumbling platitudes like "must keep moving like sand in the wind" and battling Death Machine-riding soldiers--called Statemen--led by black-clad Ankar Moor (Lynch). Death Machines are blaster-beam firing motorcycles with silver-painted cardboard instrument panels that don't look the least bit futuristic. Oshay and another Guide--bikini-wearing Deneer (Jennings)--are captured by the Statemen and sentenced to play Deathsport, a Gladiator-style match in which they must battle an army of Death Machines while armed only with crystal-bladed swords. Escaping with a disgraced doctor and his whiny wimp son, Oshay and Deneer head for the domed paradisiacal city of Triton with Ankar Moor and his minions in hot pursuit.

DEATHSPORT shows signs of a troubled production--the introduction of plot threads (like an impending storm that threatens our heroes' journey) that are quickly forgotten or ignored, a cycle chase through an abandoned fuel dump that features mysterious ramps and empty striped barrels that blow up for no reason, an inexplicable torture chamber involving dangling Christmas-tree lights, hastily-produced matte paintings that don't look remotely believable. Carradine, although he doesn't have a particularly muscular build, is a serviceable action hero, and pulls off the faux-Shakespearean no-contraction-using dialogue the best he can. Jennings was a better actress than most former models, and Lynch again uses his scarred countenance to good effect.

Jennings had a major cult following in exploitation films before being killed in a car accident at age 29 shortly after DEATHSPORT was filmed. Director Suso is a pseudonym for scripter Nicholas Niciphor, who was fired as director by producer Roger Corman well into shooting after Niciphor and star Carradine engaged in a well-publicized fistfight on the set. Also with William Smithers, ex-Marlboro Man David McLean (who, ironically, died in 1995 of lung cancer), Jesse Vint and big, bald H.B. Haggerty. The maddening synth score by Andy Stein supposedly features guitar work by Jerry Garcia, but I didn't hear any guitar. Love the misleading Frazetta-style poster art; Carradine wishes he had pecs like that!

DEATHSTALKER (1983)--Directed by James Sbardellati (as John Watson).  Stars Richard Hill, Barbi Benton, Bernard Erhard, Richard Brooker, Lana Clarkson.  If you’re curious as to how many different monsters, swordfights and nude women Roger Corman can stuff into an 80-minute movie, DEATHSTALKER is a great place to start keeping tally.

Shot in Argentina to capitalize on the success of CONAN THE BARBARIAN (and maybe, to a lesser degree, THE BEASTMASTER), DEATHSTALKER stars TV actor Hill (TODAY’S F.B.I.) as, er, Deathstalker, an arrogant warrior who urged by an ousted king to overthrow evil wizard Munkar (Erhard), who has kidnapped the king’s nubile daughter Codille (PLAYBOY’s Benton, also in HOSPITAL MASSACRE).  Munkar terrorizes the land with a magic amulet and chalice and needs only Deathstalker’s mystical sword to become completely unstoppable.  With traveling companions Oghris (Brooker) and Kaira (Clarkson), who enjoys swordfighting while topless from time to time, Deathstalker invades Munkar’s celebration and volunteers to fight in the ruler’s competition to become the land’s greatest warrior.  Munkar’s plan is actually pretty clever; after all but one competitor have died in the arena, he’ll kill the winner, ensuring that no badasses are left alive to threaten his reign.

Sbardellati and writer Howard Cohen surprisingly play it all straight, which just makes the movie funnier.  I don’t know how they expected us not to giggle at the rubber hand puppet that subsists on human fingers, the giant pig man that battles Deathstalker or the lengths to which they go to show another gratuitously nude woman.  With Corman as executive producer, DEATHSTALKER is never boring and is one of New World’s most entertaining trash classics of the ‘80s.  Counting Benton’s lines is great fun; I think her ratio of boob shots to spoken words is close to even.

Corman may not have, but Jim Wynorski realized how silly DEATHSTALKER was.  When he was hired to direct the sequel (also in Argentina), he camped it up, casting the non-buff John Terlesky as the hero and piling anachronisms, jokes and puns on top of the action and nudity.  Lana Clarkson didn’t appear in DEATHSTALKER II; she got her own series instead, wielding more swords and baring more breasts in BARBARIAN QUEEN and BARBARIAN QUEEN II.  Benton had pretty much milked her former relationship with Hugh Hefner as far as it would go by this time and soon dropped out of sight.  Hill, who came back nearly a decade later for DEATHSTALKER IV, eventually left acting and ghostwrote Pete Rose’s autobiography.

DEATHSTALKER II: DUEL TO THE DEATH (1987)--Directed by Jim Wynorski.  Stars John Terlesky, Monique Gabrielle, John LaZar, Toni Naples.  Wynorski and writer Neil Ruttenberg (who may have been heavily rewritten by Wynorski and frequent collaborator R.J. Robertson) mine the sword-and-sorcery genre for laughs in this campy sequel produced by Roger Corman.  Deathstalker (non-bodybuilder Terlesky) rescues cute seer Reena (Gabrielle) from perverts and becomes convinced by her that treasure lies at the castle of Princess Evie.  What she fails to let on is that she actually is Evie, who was deposed by ruthless sorcerer Jurak (LaZar) and replaced by a sexy evil clone (also Gabrielle).  The road to the castle is a dangerous one, filled with assassins, exploding midgets, zombies, boobytrapped crypts, 300-pound female wrestlers, an army of scantily-clad Amazons and plenty of anachronistic gags ripped from Bugs Bunny, Abbott & Costello and even HAWAII FIVE-0. 

LaZar (BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS) and Naples as his sultry sidekick are appropriately over-the-top antagonists, while Terlesky and Gabrielle, while decidedly lightweight as performers, milk the spoofy material for all it's worth.  Meanwhile, the action and swordfighting (and bevy of beautiful damsels) are handled quite well by Wynorski, including a climatic battle choreographed by Terlesky himself, and Gabrielle provides a much-needed nude scene.  Filmed in Argentina.  Also with Maria Socas, Marcos Wolinsky and a cameo by Wynorski.  Chuck Cirino's score may have been composed and performed in haste (he didn't see the film; he just wrote cues that were spliced in later by editor Steve Barnett), but it's energetically cheesy with a catchy theme that sticks in your head.

DEATHSTALKER III: THE WARRIORS FROM HELL (1988)--Directed by Alfonso Corona. Stars John Allen Nelson, Carla Herd, Terri Treas, Thom Christopher. Nelson, following in the not-too-distinguished footsteps of Richard Hill and John Terlesky, plays a brave, blond warrior searching for a magical diamond, and battling evil necromancer Christopher. Acting, writing, sets and direction are all below par, and the fight choreography looks as though Tommy Tune designed it. Herd and Treas look nice in their skimpy costumes though. Filmed in Mexico.

D.E.B.S. (2004)—Directed by Angela Robinson.  Stars Jordana Brewster, Sara Foster, Meagan Good, Jill Ritchie, Devon Aoki.  Fun but empty PG-13 spoof about four sexy schoolgirls in plaid skirts who battle crime as members of D.E.B.S., a top-secret government agency.  Their mission is stop their archenemy, Lucy Diamond (Brewster), a criminal mastermind who once tried to sink Australia.  Battling an international villain is difficult enough, but it’s even tougher when one of your agents, in this case “perfect agent” Amy (Foster), falls for her.  The action scenes aren’t exciting enough, and the love scenes aren’t sexy enough, but writer/director Robinson (who based her first feature on her short of the same title) has some clever ideas and a good sense of humor.  Holland Taylor and Michael Clarke Duncan provide grown-up support.

DECISION AT SUNDOWN (1957)--Directed by Budd Boetticher.  Stars Randolph Scott, Noah Beery Jr., John Carroll, Karen Steele, Andrew Duggan.  Boetticher and Scott made several thoughtful adult westerns together, but this is not one of their better collaborations.  It's claustrophobic and doesn't have a strong enough supporting cast, but is still worth a viewing.  Obsessive Bart Allison (Scott) storms into the town of Sundown, invades the wedding of town boss Tate Kimbrough (Carroll), and informs him that his new bride will be a widow before sundown.  Allison blames Kimbrough for the suicide of his wife Mary, and has been stalking him for three years.  As Kimbrough's sycophantic sheriff (Duggan) traps Allison in the local livery stable, meaning an eventual certain death, the townspeople begin to wonder why they should be so loyal to Kimbrough, a man whose presence has done nothing to enrich the town and everything to put money into his own pockets.  Also with John Archer, H.M. Wynant, Valerie French, John Litel, Ray Teal, Bob Steele and Richard Deacon.

DEEP BLUE SEA (1999)--Directed by Renny Harlin. Stars Saffron Burrows, Thomas Jane, LL Cool J, Samuel L. Jackson. Like many of Harlin's over-baked action flicks (such as CLIFFHANGER), DEEP BLUE SEA is a guilty pleasure at best. It isn't really Renny's fault--the pacing is quick, he doesn't waste time with a bunch of dull subplots, and he knows how to make an audience jump at the right moment. No, the problem is that DEEP BLUE SEA suffers from the same old plot that weve seen over and over again: a group of people stranded in a claustrophobic space who are being stalked by some sort of super-strong, super-intelligent and/or supernatural creatures. Sometimes, as in ALIEN, the direction and special effects are strong enough to transcend the basic premise. Other times, as in the underrated DEEP RISING, the cast and crew are wise enough to recognize the lethargy of the idea, and turn it into a parody. Harlin, battling his way back after two very expensive flops (CUTTHROAT ISLAND and THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT, both of which starred his then-wife Geena Davis), manages to pull off a slightly entertaining studio film that is probably no better than Warner Brothers wanted it to be.

The setting is the deep-sea research station Aquatica, headed by beautiful British egghead Dr. Susan McAlester (Burrows, who was awful in WING COMMANDER and not a whole lot better here, but looks great with wet hair). Dr. McAlester's funding is about to be withdrawn by wealthy pharmaceutical magnate Franklin (played by a what-is-he-doing-here Jackson), so she invites the man to spend the weekend at her lab while she spends her remaining 48 hours speeding up her experiment to achieve results before the deadline. McAlester is using the brain fluid of sharks to find a cure for Alzheimer's Disease, and has, unbeknownst to the rest of her staff, been enlarging their brains in order to provide more fluid. Unfortunately, this has also caused the sharks to become smarter, meaner and apparently hungrier, and after an attack, a typhoon, a helicopter smashup and many explosions, the cast, including Jane (BOOGIE NIGHTS) as ex-con shark wrangler Carter and LL Cool J as comic relief cook Preacher, is left to fend for themselves in an underwater tomb with three giant mako sharks on the prowl.

Sadly, almost everyone involved with the production seems to be just going through the motions--the CGI effects (many provided by Industrial Light and Magic) are mostly cartoony and not very scary, the screenplay by Duncan Kennedy and Donna & Wayne Powers is often frustratingly stupid (all the power has been knocked out, but the electric oven still works? And a shark knows how to work it??), and Harlin makes the fatal mistake of letting the most annoying characters live too long, especially the idiot scientist who caused all the trouble in the first place (although Burrows does battle a beastie clad only in a bra and panties--thanks, Renny!).

I liked Jane though--he's good-looking, possesses a certain amount of screen presence, and seems tough enough to eke out a career as an action hero if he so chooses--and Harlin does engineer one terrific shock, a frightening attack that is so sudden and so ferocious that it may leave you off-balance enough in anticipation of another, but may also disappoint you when another never comes. Trevor Rabin's by-the-numbers score couldn't possibly be more perfunctory. Also with Stellan Skarsgard (RONIN), Michael Rapaport, Jacqueline McKenzie and Aida Turturro. I couldn't decide which was more bewildering--Jackson doing an impression of Herve Villechaize, or the very brief unbilled appearance of Ronny Cox, who simply sits in a chair, gets a close-up, but speaks no lines!

DEEP RISING (1998)--Directed by Stephen Sommers. Stars Treat Williams, Famke Janssen, Kevin J. OConnor, Wes Studi. This January release appeared to be, from seeing the trailer, another killer-monster-picking-off-its-victims-in-an-enclosed-location thriller like LEVIATHAN or THE RELIC. Where Paramount may have screwed up in its marketing of DEEP RISING (besides the confusing title--whats a Deep Rising?) is in not showcasing the movie's humor. Like the 1989 sleeper TREMORS, which was about good ol' boys in the South fighting off a pair of giant worms, this film and the people who made it seem to realize the idea of a giant killer sea monster is basically silly, and so they jump into the assignment with good humor and good cheer.

Williams, a good actor who has been underused for most of his career, plays a standard, devil-may-care adventurer who rents his boat out to anyone willing to pay in cash. He and his mechanic (comic relief O'Connor, who has the movie's best lines) end up transporting a gang of terrorists led by Native American actor Studi to the middle of the ocean where the bad guys plan to hijack a luxurious floating casino. The problem is that when they get there, the cruise ship has been trashed, blood is everywhere, but no bodies can be found. One of the few survivors is a gorgeous jewel thief in a red dress (Janssen), who claims everyone on board was eaten by a big sea monster whose long tentacles (with mouths and big teeth at the end of them) can reach virtually anywhere aboard the ship. From that point on, the human characters try to find a way off the cruise ship, while the monster picks them off one by one.

Sommers' screenplay moves very quickly, dispenses with the obligatory scientific explanation of the creature's origin in a winking tone, and contains a good number of humorous turns on the clichd formula. Williams subtly creates what amounts to a parody of a square-jawed action hero (like Kurt Russell's amusing performance in BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA), while ex-model Janssen plugs along in cute Sandra Bullock mode. Jerry Goldsmith probably pounded out his musical score in a couple of weeks, but he proves that he "got" the film and the tone Sommers wanted to take. The clever final shot sets up a sequel that, unfortunately, probably won't happen, since DEEP RISING dumped at the box office.

DEEP SPACE (1987)--Directed by Fred Olen Ray. Stars Charles Napier, Ann Turkel, Ron Glass, Bo Svenson, Julie Newmar. Average (at best) ALIEN rip-off filmed on a low budget ($1.5 million), and starring the welcome presence of Charles Napier in a rare heroic lead. The toothy Napier plays a typically unorthodox movie detective assigned by by-the-book boss Svenson to investigate the bloody murders of a pair of teenagers. Napier and partner Glass (BARNEY MILLER) encounter interference from the U.S. Government, while Napier simultaneously receives mysterious phone calls from a psychic (Newmar) and quality sack time with sexy policewoman Turkel. The killings are being perpetrated by a trio of slimy monsters with tentacles and big teeth that were developed by the Defense Department to use against our enemies, but are now on the loose in Los Angeles. None of this is original or even all that interesting, but director Ray tosses in enough action, humor (Napier serenades his date by playing bagpipes!) and recognizable character actors (Anthony Eisley! Michael Forest!) to make DEEP SPACE an OK time-passer. Screenplay by Ray and T.L. Lankford is strictly paint-by-numbers, while Newmar's role seems to have only been added because the lazy writers couldn't figure out any other way to wrap up the plot. A good role for Napier, who tosses off some one-liners ("I'm gonna kick some monster ass!"), gets all gored up while whaling his opponent with a chainsaw, and even gets the girl. Also with James Booth, Peter Palmer, Norman Burton, Elisabeth Brooks, Dawn Wildsmith and Ray in a cameo. Robert O. Ragland and Alan Oldfield contribute a cheesy synth score.

DEEP THRUST--See LADY WHIRLWIND.

DEF-CON 4 (1985)--Directed by Paul Donovan. Stars Lenore Zann, Tim Choate, Maury Chaykin, Kate Lynch. Three astronauts orbiting the Earth in a missile-launching satellite return home to a post-apocalyptic wasteland after a nuclear war. Marauding cannibals immediately kill one, another is injured, and the third (Choate) meets up with a survivalist (Chaykin) and the ex-girlfriend (Zann) of the brutal leader of a reigning gang of punks. Not very original--it's another in a long line of '80s MAD MAX rip-offs--but some decent performances and dialogue, plenty of action and good use by co-producer/writer/director Donovan of a limited budget should make this worth your while. The first reel or two, showing the astronauts in space and their reactions to the destruction of their world, is very good with some nice special effects. Tony Randel (TICKS) was New World's post-production supervisor on this, and reportedly was brought in to doctor Donovan's film in the editing room. Christopher Young's score is properly moody. Filmed during the fall and winter of 1984 in Nova Scotia. Also with Kevin King, John Walsch, Jeff Pustil and Donna King.

THE DEFENDER (2005)--Directed by Dolph Lundgren.  Stars Dolph Lundgren, Jerry Springer, Caroline Lee Johnson.  Sidney J. Furie was reportedly supposed to direct this direct-to-video actioner on location in Romania, but when he fell ill, star Lundgren made it his directorial debut.  As a first film, it’s not too bad.  The complex plot seemed fuzzy to me (maybe that's because I dozed off a couple of times).  What Lundgren needed was a stronger supporting cast, rather than a supermodel, some Eastern Europeans and Jerry Springer. You can't blame Dolph for the budget, I suppose, and when he isn't falling back on lazy camera gimmicks (even the majors do this), he's assembled a decent little political thriller that I call DIE HARD IN AN ABANDONED PALACE.

As Secret Service agent Lance Rockford (!), Lundgren and his squad accompany the U.S. National Security Advisor (Johnson) to a secret rendezvous at an abandoned Bucharest hotel, where she meets with a foreign dignitary so hush-hush that his identity is concealed even from Rockford.  The supposedly secret meeting is interrupted by an army of mercenaries who invade the hotel, killing many guards and forcing Rockford, the NSA, his surviving team members and his boss’ meeting partner into a labyrinth of tunnels located underground.  Rockford, a loyal American dedicated to his country, begins to reconsider his core values as he slowly uncovers the identities of his assailants and the man he’s risking his life to protect.

DEFENDING YOUR LIFE (1990)--Directed by Albert Brooks. Stars Albert Brooks, Meryl Streep, Rip Torn, Lee Grant. This terrific satire by one of America's best comic filmmakers was a box-office dud, despite a wonderful cast and a fascinating premise: when you die, you are transported to a surreal purgatory, where, with the help of legal counsel, you must either argue your way into heaven by defending your past actions, or return to Earth in another incarnation to do it all over again. Brooks plays a neurotic yuppie killed in a car accident, and is aided by fast-talking defense attorney Torn (in a terrific prelude to his brilliant supporting role on TV's THE LARRY SANDERS SHOW) against acerbic prosecutor Grant. Unfortunately, a monkey wrench is thrown into the proceedings when Brooks falls in love with fellow defendant Streep. Warmer and less cynical than previous Brooks entries, but very funny and an interesting look at the human condition.

THE DEFIANT ONES (1958)--Directed by Stanley Kramer. Stars Tony Curtis, Sidney Poitier, Theodore Bikel, Cara Williams. Excellent drama about a pair of convicts, black Poitier and bigoted white Curtis, who escape from a chain gang handcuffed together and must rely on each other to reach safety. Controversial film remains one of the screen's finest indictments of racism. Good supporting cast includes Claude Akins, Charles McGraw, Whit Bissell, Lon Chaney, Jr. and even Alfalfa! Script and black-and-white photography won Oscars; also nominated for Best Picture, Director, Actor (Curtis and Poitier), Supporting Actor (Bikel) and Supporting Actress (Williams).

THE DELICATE DELINQUENT (1957)--Directed by Don McGuire. Stars Jerry Lewis, Darren McGavin, Martha Hyer, Horace McMahon. Jerry's first solo effort is one of his best. He's a bit more restrained than he would be in his self-directed movies, and McGavin (as a beat cop) is a decent stand-in for Dean. In this parody of THE BLACKBOARD JUNGLE and other '50s movies about troubled teens, Jerry is a janitor who is rounded up with a group of juvenile delinquents. Former actor McGuire received an Oscar nomination for co-writing TOOTSIE.

DELINQUENT SCHOOLGIRLS (1975)—Directed by Gregory Corarito.  Stars Michael Pataki, Bob Minor, Stephen Stucker, Brenda Miller, Sharon Kelly.  Familiar actor/stuntman Minor receives above-the-title billing, as do Pataki and Stucker, in this flimsy sexploitation movie that played under several titles, including CARNAL MADNESS.  The trailer makes it look like an action movie, but it’s really a light sex movie with some eye-raising un-PC scenes.  Mimic Pataki, horny athlete Minor and gay dress designer Stucker break out of a mental hospital and invade a nearby girls’ school, which is nearly empty because of an upcoming holiday, except for a dozen or so exceptionally bad girls who have to stay on campus as punishment.  Vestron Video’s VHS runs about 80 minutes, but it looks as though scenes are missing.  The prison breakout happens entirely off-screen, one exceptionally large-breasted girl is picked up by two dudes in a van and never seen again, and a few scenes where rape is implied seem truncated.  Corarito’s ace weapon is his eye for gorgeous young women; brunette Miller as hot-panted Penny and red-haired Kelly, who later went into hardcore porn, are the film’s major lookers, but the cast is filled with stunning girls who don’t seem to have had long film careers.  The leading men are ridiculous—Pataki’s character is supposed to be a master mimic, but his impressions are so terrible, you don’t know who he’s supposed to be half the time.  Also with John Alderman, Buck Flower, Zoe Grant, Roberta Pedon, Drew Berman and Jane Steele.

THE DELINQUENTS (1957)—Directed by Robert Altman.  Stars Tom Laughlin, Richard Bakalyan, Peter Miller, Rosemary Howard.  Altman&