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MAN ON FIRE (1987)--Directed by Elie Chouraqui.
Stars Scott Glenn, Jade Malle. Burned-out ex-CIA agent Creasy (Glenn) is hired to bodyguard 12-year-old Samantha (Malle),
the daughter of wealthy Americans who rarely spend any time at their ornate Italian villa. It's not a job Creasy wants,
since he still bears the emotional scars left by dead children on earlier assignments. Although he originally attempts
to keep the kid at arm's length, both lonely souls eventually take a liking to each other, and a warm friendship develops.
Returning from a friend's wedding, Creasy is ambushed at an empty intersection by armed kidnappers, who snatch Sam and leave
her guardian for dead. Chouraqui, adapting A.J. Quinnell's novel, shifts gears at this point, going from a relationship
drama to a gritty revenge flick, as the limping Creasy smashes, kicks and shoots his way through Italy's seamy underbelly
in an attempt to find and rescue Sam. Although it takes too long for the action to kick in, MAN ON FIRE is a decent
little drama, although it's probably too talky and arty for its own good. Glenn accurately captures Creasy's despair
and loneliness, and the fury he exhibits when on his self-destructive quest for revenge feels real. Joe Pesci pops up
as Creasy's friend, while Brooke Adams, Jonathan Pryce and Paul Shenar appear in well-credited cameos. Excellent score
by John Scott. Also with Danny Aiello, Giancarlo Prati and Lou Castel. 20th Century Fox remade this Tri-Star release
with Denzel Washington in 2004.
MAN ON THE MOON (1999)--Directed by Milos
Forman. Stars Jim Carrey, Danny DeVito, Courtney Love, Paul Giamatti. Andy Kaufman was the real thing. In one great episode
of TAXI, the sitcom in which Kaufman appeared as strangely-accented mechanic Latka Gravas, Latka had metamorphosed himself
into a smooth-talking, chick-hustling swinger named Vic Ferrari in the hope that women would find him more attractive. His
friends at the cab company despise Vic, but unfortunately Latka had immersed himself so deeply into his new personality that
Vic had completely taken over, and, in a marvelous scene, is able to transform back into his original identity only through
sheer force of will. It's an extraordinary performance, and one that may not have been as much of a stretch for Kaufman as
it appears.
Director Milos Forman's (ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST) version of Kaufman's life is entertaining, though
disappointingly shallow. Starring Jim Carrey in the title role, it bounces from one event in Kaufman's life to the next without
ever letting us know what Andy was really like. Beginning with his days of performing avant-garde shtick in smoke-filled comedy
clubs and hitting the major points in Kaufman's life--his casting in TAXI; his collaborations with writer Bob Zmuda (Giamatti),
which led to the creation of Kaufman's abrasive alter-ego, lounge-lizard comic Tony Clifton; his bizarre fetish for wrestling
women; and his (staged) live television brawls on FRIDAYS and the Letterman show--Forman and screenwriters Scott Alexander
and Larry Karaszewski (ED WOOD) accurately recreate the fashions and settings of the '70s, but sadly gloss over the main subject.
Was Kaufman, who obviously existed in another plane, really as out there as many who knew him claim? Or was his entire life
just another slice of performance art, creating for himself an Andy persona for the whole world to see--a joke that only he
got? In the filmmakers' defense, it's possible that nobody really knows the answer--Andy, who died in 1984, isn't around to
tell us--but Forman doesn't even try.
As for Carrey, he's very good in the same way Val Kilmer was as Jim Morrison
in THE DOORS. It's a startlingly real impersonation--he's got Kaufman down pat in the way he moves, looks and talks--but that's
all it is: an impersonation. Through no fault of Carrey's, the screenplay fails to sketch Andy as a flesh-and-blood human--only
as a caricature--leaving Carrey nothing to play but the surface Andy. None of the supporting cast has much to sink their teeth
into either, although they turn in fine work: Danny DeVito (Kaufman's TAXI co-star) as Andy's agent George Shapiro, Giamatti,
Courtney Love as Kaufman's barely-there girlfriend, Peter Bonerz (THE BOB NEWHART SHOW) as TAXI executive producer Ed. Weinberger
and pro wrestler Jerry Lawler as himself.
As I did with THE PEOPLE VS. LARRY FLYNT, Forman's previous collaboration
with Alexander and Karaszewski, I laughed a lot. The recreations of Kaufman's finest moments are amusing (I wouldn't have
minded seeing more of Kaufman's subversive Clifton character), Carrey has captured the essence of Andy, and it was fun to
pick out familiar faces in bit parts ("Hey, isn't that Norm Macdonald as future Kramer Michael Richards?"). I didn't learn
anything about Andy Kaufman that I didn't already know, but on the other hand, that's probably about as much as anyone else
knows about him. And that's the way Andy would have wanted it.
Also with Vincent Schiavelli, Tom Dreesen, Budd Friedman,
Caroline Rhea, Lorne Michaels, David Letterman, Paul Shaffer and TAXI regulars Judd Hirsch, Marilu Henner, Randall Carver,
Christopher Lloyd and Jeff Conaway. Music by R.E.M., who released a 1992 tribute single titled "Man on the Moon". DeVito,
Zmuda and Shapiro also served as producers.
THE MAN WHO KNEW TOO MUCH (1956)--Directed by Alfred
Hitchcock. Stars James Stewart, Doris Day, Christopher Olsen, Bernard Miles. Hitchcock's only remake was of his own 1934 thriller,
this time updated and set in French Morocco. American physician Stewart, his wife Day, and young son Olsen are enjoying a
vacation when they become involved in a plot to assassinate a British ambassador. Was not a big hit when originally released,
but is now considered a classic. The finale set in London's Albert Hall is one of the thriller genre's most suspenseful climaxes.
In color. Day sings her theme song, "Que Sera Sera", which was Oscar-nominated as Best Song.
THE MAN WHO LOVED
WOMEN (1983)--Directed by Blake Edwards. Stars Burt Reynolds, Julie Andrews, Kim Basinger, Marilu Henner, Cynthia
Sikes. Relatively funny comedy that comes alive during the slapstick sequences, but falls flat during the more serious moments.
Reynolds plays a compulsive womanizer who decides therapy may be a cure for his condition. Of course, he falls in love with
his psychiatrist, played by Andrews. Film's highlight is probably Reynolds's bout with Superglue in the bedroom of the married
Basinger. One of Burt's best performances. Remake of a 1977 French comedy directed by Francois Truffaut.
THE MAN WHO SAVES THE WORLD (1982)—Directed
by Cetin Inanc. Stars Cuneyt Arkin. It’s difficult for me to review this crazy Turkish adventure, since
the copy I saw had no English subtitles. I’m not entirely sure it’s important to know what’s going
on, and it may even be to one’s benefit not to know. Informally known as TURKISH STAR WARS, the movie has more
in common with FLASH GORDON. It appropriates (illegally) footage from the George Lucas film and a soundtrack comprised
of cues from MOONRAKER, RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK, THE BLACK HOLE and, yes, FLASH GORDON. It’s about a couple of
astronauts who survive a space battle and crashland on a planet where they fight a bunch of monsters and protect some peaceful
villagers from a madman. One of them (Arkin) befriends a lovely blond widow and her son. Most of the movie is
wacky action scenes and martial arts battles; in one, Arkin rips off a big furry monster’s arm and stabs it in the throat
with its own claws! It’s right up there with 3 DEV ADAM and TARKAN VS. THE VIKINGS for ridiculous Turkish fun.
THE MAN WHO WASN'T THERE (1983)--Directed
by Bruce Malmuth. Stars Steve Guttenberg, Lisa Langlois, Jeffrey Tambor, Art Hindle, Morgan Hart. Here's a movie
with one of the dumbest concepts I've ever seen--a 3-D movie about an invisible man. You heard me. A gimmick entirely
visual in nature used in a movie with a lead character that nobody can see. Brilliant. Of course, when you see
how tired and witless the movie is, it shouldn't surprise you that the same level of thought went into the idea.
Guttenberg stars (ah, the '80s) as Sam Cooper, a dweeby mid-level
federal government employee whose job is to keep happy all the diplomats from small, insignificant countries we don't much
care about. On the day of his wedding to bitchy Amanda (Hart), Sam is accosted by an invisible man carrying a small
silver sphere. He's stabbed to death by a trio of hired assassins, but manages to hand the sphere off to Sam with instructions
to take it to someone named Runkelman. At first, Sam is reluctant--he's made previous plans, after all--but the decision
is made for him when the wedding party bursts in on him standing with a bloody knife in each hand over a naked corpse.
The sphere contains tiny vials of a blue liquid, a formula that, upon drinking it, renders that person temporarily invisible.
This helps Sam get out of a jam or two, but his situation becomes even more manic when he discovers he's not only being pursued
by the same assassins that killed the first invisible man, but also his best friend Ted (Hindle) of Naval Intelligence and
Boris (Tambor), a friendly Russian acquaintance who wants the formula for his government. And Sam can't just give up
the spheres or destroy them, because, as a result of their using the formula themselves, the bodies of him and his future
sister-in-law Cindy (Langlois) carry residue that can be used to duplicate it.
For a film that's supposed to be a comedy, there isn't much in it
that's funny, but there also doesn't seem to be a lot that's supposed to be. There's mostly a lot of running around,
yelling and chasing, with a few smirky sex gags, stunts and nude scenes mixed in. There's also a surprising amount of
blood for a comedy. As we all know by now, Guttenberg is nobody's idea of a competent leading man, but Tambor manages
to score a few laughs and Langlois at least comes off as a good sport, performing several scenes in the nude, including one
where she has to simulate sex with an invisible Sam and another in which she appears to be floating while being carried by
him, a scene that must have involved an uncomfortable or even painful harness of some sort for the actress.
The cinematography and visual effects are among the worst I've ever
seen in a modern movie produced by a major studio. It's possible the murky photography is the result of Paramount's
poor video transfer on the videocassette I watched, but the Optimax III process used to create the 3-D effects (which are
rendered flat on video and TV) is probably mostly to blame (many 3-D features filmed in a similar single-camera process look
poor when projected flat). There's no excuse, though, for the ugly process photography with thick, black lines surrounding
anyone who stands in front of the blue screen.
Also with Charlie Brill, Ron Canada, William Forsythe, Vincent Baggetta,
Joseph Ruskin, Michael Ensign, Richard Paul, Don Calfa, director Malmuth, a young Miguel Ferrer and quick glimpses of a nude
Michelle Bauer and Brinke Stevens. Writer Stanford Sherman also penned the screenplays of THE ICE PIRATES and KRULL;
now there's a hat trick to be proud of! Music by Miles Goodman. From the director of NIGHTHAWKS and HARD TO KILL.
THE MAN WHO WOULDN’T DIE (1942)—Directed
by Herbert I. Leeds. Stars Lloyd Nolan, Marjorie Weaver, Paul Harvey, Helene Reynolds, Henry Wilcoxon. Private
detective Michael Shayne (Nolan) is hired by his friend Katie (Weaver) to pose as her husband and find out who took a shot
at her while she was asleep in her father’s estate. Her father Dudley (Harvey), his new wife Anna (Reynolds) and
scientist Haggard (Wilcoxon) are definitely up to something, since the movie opens with the three of them burying what appears
to be a body in the yard. It seems unlikely that Dudley would try to kill his own daughter, but he is under Senate investigation.
A lot of suspects populate this breezy mystery that is anchored by Nolan’s humor and charm. He’s not exactly
playing the Shayne of Brett Halliday’s novels, but he capably inhabited the character in several barely-an-hour B-pictures
made by 20th Century Fox. Look for Jeff Corey, Richard Derr and Olin Howlin to dot the supporting cast.
THE MAN WITH ONE RED SHOE (1985)--Directed
by Stan Dragoti. Stars Tom Hanks, Lori Singer, Dabney Coleman, Jim Belushi, Carrie Fisher, Charles Durning. A
long, long time ago, when Hanks was making movies that were actually fun, he churned out this dull spy comedy based on a French
farce by Francis Veber. I don't know how good Veber's film is, but it has to be better than this concoction by MR. MOM
director Dragoti and WHERE'S POPPA's writer Robert Klane.
Hanks plays Richard, a concert violinist and innocent schmo who
becomes unknowingly embroiled in a power play between CIA rivals Cooper (Coleman) and Ross (Durning). For elaborate
reasons, Cooper becomes convinced that klutzy Richard is a master agent out to bring him down, so he deploys his crack team
of loyal helpers to find out what Richard knows before it's too late. Meanwhile, Richard is trying to break off his
affair with the wife of his best pal Morris (Belushi), which leads to more slapstick complications.
The concept is a good one, and it's easy to see how laughs could
be mined from it, but TMWORS just sits there like a toad on a log. Hanks is perhaps miscast in this type of physical
role (I wonder what Michael Keaton might have done with it), but the big problem is that Richard, as written, is an unsympathetic
foil, cheating with his best friend's wife and acting generally like a big yutz. It's a tribute to Coleman that he's
the only performer able to milk laughs from the stale material, but any film that manages to waste the considerable comic
talents of this cast is a real shame. On the other hand, it does present Singer (FOOTLOOSE) in the world's sexiest backless
dress and Fisher (STAR WARS) in a leopard-print bra and panties. Also with Edward Herrmann, Gerrit Graham, Tom Noonan,
David L. Lander, Irving Metzman, Art LeFleur, Julius Carry III and David Ogden Stiers. Music by Thomas Newman.
Filmed on location in Washington, D.C.
THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN (1974)--Directed
by Guy Hamilton. Stars Roger Moore, Maud Adams, Christopher Lee, Herve Villechaize, Britt Ekland, Marc Lawrence. One of the
worst James Bond films pits Agent 007 (Moore for the second time) against tri-nippled assassin Scaramanga (Lee), who wants
to conquer the solar-energy market with a hi-tech device. The acting, except for Lee, is pretty stiff, the sets unexciting,
the action dull. The film looks unusually cheap for a Bond film; Scaramanga appears to run his huge island complex with just
one lone technician. Clifton James returns as the redneck sheriff from LIVE AND LET DIE; he's vacationing in Thailand(!) and
buying a car(!!) when he coincidentally runs into Bond during a chase!!! Music by John Barry. Bad theme song performed by
Lulu.
THE MAN WITH TWO BRAINS (1983)--Directed by Carl Reiner. Stars Steve Martin, Kathleen
Turner, David Warner. "Into the mud, scum queen!" Reiner, Martin and George Gipe's screenplay contains a lot of
very funny dialogue in this silly parody of mad-scientist movies. Martin plays brain surgeon Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr--"spelled
just like it sounds"--who is married to a sexy golddigger (Turner). Unable to find love at home, Hfuhruhurr falls for
a disembodied female brain encased in a glass jar, the subject of Dr. Necessiter's (Warner) audacious transplant experiments.
Physical comedy, sight gags and spoofery abound, as Reiner stages several memorable scenes, such as an Austrian drunk test,
the introduction of Necessiter's roomy condo, and the "shaving" of Turner for surgery. Martin's brand of arrow-through-the-head
humor was very popular at the time, although his career took a slight turn towards the more dignified after his acclaimed
performance in ALL OF ME a year later. Also with Paul Benedict, Earl Boen, James Cromwell, George Furth, Randi Brooks,
Stepfanie Kramer, Merv Griffin and Sissy Spacek as the voice of the brain. Music by Joel Goldsmith.
MAN'S BEST FRIEND (1993)--Directed by John
Lafia. Stars Lance Henriksen, Ally Sheedy. Silly horror movie about a genetically altered dog on the loose in San Reno, California.
The canine, Max, is the subject of DNA experiments being conducted by Henriksen in a super-secret thinktank. Sheedy is a snoopy
TV reporter who breaks into the lab on a story, and steals Max to save him from any harm, not knowing that she is actually
unleashing a vicious monster onto the public. Also with Robert Costanzo, William Sanderson and J.D. Daniels. From the director
of CHILDS PLAY 2.
THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE (1962)--Directed by John Frankenheimer. Stars Frank Sinatra,
Janet Leigh, Laurence Harvey, Angela Lansbury, James Gregory, Henry Silva, Khigh Dhiegh. Chilling thriller stars Harvey as
a Korean War vet/hero who is actually a political assassin, thanks to the brainwashing he received by his Communist captors.
When war buddy Sinatra begins to suspect, he too becomes a target. The acting is terrific, particularly Lansbury's Oscar-nominated
turn as Harvey's ambitious mother now married to a budding presidential candidate (Gregory). After the assassination of President
Kennedy, Sinatra, who owned the film, reportedly had it taken out of circulation. It was not broadly seen publicly until its
highly-publicized theatrical and home video rerelease in 1987. Frankenheimer's best film is not to be missed. Also with Leslie
Parrish, John McGiver, Reggie Nalder, Whit Bissell and James Edwards. George Axelrod's screenplay is probably one of the best
ever written.
MANDINGO (1975)--Directed by Richard Fleischer. Stars James Mason, Perry King, Ken
Norton, Susan George. One of those big-budget studio misfires that leave heads shaking everywhere. It's hard to imagine what
kind of movie these people (Mason especially) thought they were making, but it couldn't have been this unintentionally hilarious
melodrama. Mason is the patriarch of an 1840s Louisiana plantation, who buys, sells and treats his slaves like cattle. His
son (King) marries his niece (George), both of whom find sexual pleasure elsewhere--King with a black bed wench, and George
with Mede (professional boxer Norton in his film debut), a slave who fights in competitions for King. Toss in some awful accents,
campy dialogue, outrageous plot twists, sleaze, full-frontal nudity (male and female) and violence, and you've got a movie
any exploitation junkie will love. The Catholic Church condemned it. Also with Ji-Tu Cumbuka, Brenda Sykes, Debbi Morgan,
Brenda Sykes, Paul Benedict and Ben Masters. Produced by Dino De Laurentiis. Screenplay by Norman Wexler (SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER)
was based on a novel by Kyle Onstott. Released by Paramount. Music by Maurice Jarre, with songs performed by Muddy Waters.
From the director of THE BOSTON STRANGLER.
MANEATER OF HYDRA (1967)—Directed by Mel
Welles. Stars Cameron Mitchell. Tourists arrive on an isolated island off the European coast to spend a weekend
with the hermetic Baron von Weiser (Mitchell). He needs the fees paid by the tourists in order to continue his experiments,
which involve the creation of a large bloodsucking tree. I imagine you can guess where it goes from there. Welles
was an American actor who managed to occasionally move behind the camera as a writer, producer or director on a handful of
features, including this Spanish/West German production lensed near Barcelona. While it may play better on a print that
isn’t so tightly cropped, not much happens in HYDRA for the first hour or so. We meet our cast of clichéd characters,
such as the shrewish old camera-toting woman, the sexy bitch married to an older man, the handsome hero-type, etc. Mitchell
does a good job holding it all together (even though someone else dubbed his voice), and even mostly restrains himself during
the finale, which finds him smacking the blood-spurting killer tree with an axe. Also with George Martin, Kai Fischer,
Hermann Nehlsen and Mike Brendel. You may have seen this on television as ISLAND OF THE DOOMED.
THE MANHANDLERS (1973)--Directed by Lee Madden.
Stars Judy Brown, Cara Burgess, Rosalind Miles, Henry Brandon, Vince Cannon. Three sexy young woman--Katie (Burgess),
red-haired Liz (Brown) and black Mo (Miles)--take over a massage parlor left to Katie by her late uncle. Believe it
or not, these manhandlers provide only massages, which doesn't prevent the Syndicate from trying to take over. Frank
(Cannon) tries to move in the sensitive way by romancing Katie, but when that doesn't work, brutal assassin Carlo (Brandon)
tries to take over more aggressively. Not enough manhandling really takes place under Madden's direction, although there
is some novelty in seeing veteran heavy Brandon, who played Fu Manchu in a Republic serial, punching his way through a cheap
drive-in flick. Produced and written by Gil Lasky (MAMA'S DIRTY GIRLS).
MANHUNT--See THE ITALIAN CONNECTION.
MANHUNT
IN MILAN--See THE ITALIAN CONNECTION.
MANHUNT IN THE AFRICAN JUNGLES (1943)--Directed by
Spencer Bennet. Stars Rod Cameron, Duncan Renaldo, Lionel Royce, Frederic Brunn, Joan Marsh. There are no jungles to be found
anywhere--African or otherwise--in this 15-chapter Republic thriller, but don't let that distract you from one of the most
exciting serials ever made, which reportedly was one of Steven Spielberg's inspirations for RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK. It's
easy to see how this could have stuck in Spielberg's memory for so long, and while no specific scenes or lines of dialogue
appear to have been aped by Spielberg, the similarities in characters, pace and setting must be more than just coincidence.
MANHUNT is filled with amazing stunts and fights, exciting chase scenes, international intrigue, secret passages and whizbang
pacing by director Bennet (SUPERMAN). Cameron is properly squarejawed as Secret Service agent Rex Bennett, based in Casablanca
and battling Nazi villains led by Baron von Rommler (Royce), who leads a his spy ring while in disguise as a sheik who hasn't
decided whether his people will side with the Allies or the Axis. The Baron's main henchman is a remarkably resilient Nazi-disguised-as-an-Arab
named Wolfe (Brunn), who always manages to fight dirty and escape Bennett's clutches, often using a secret underground staircase
which has its own musical theme that plays on the soundtrack every time--and I mean EVERY time--it's opened. Also known as
SECRET SERVICE IN DARKEST AFRICA, it was edited to feature length and released in the '60s as THE BARONS AFRICAN WAR. Also
with Kurt Kreuger, Sigurd Tor, Duke Green, Ken Terrell, John Davidson, Eddie Parker and Tom Steele. Music by Mort Glickman.
Cameron returned as Rex Bennett in G-MEN VS. THE BLACK DRAGON.
MANHUNTER (1974)--See FRANK CHALLENGE: MANHUNTER.
MANHUNTER (1986)--Directed by Michael Mann.
Stars William L. Petersen, Dennis Farina, Tom Noonan, Kim Greist, Joan Allen, Brian Cox. Petersen (TO LIVE AND DIE IN L.A.)
plays an FBI agent with a unique ability to get inside the minds of and think along with the criminals he pursues. His latest
quarry is a psychotic serial killer known as the Tooth Fairy (Noonan) who slaughters entire families. Cox is chilling in a
small role as Hannibal Lecter, the role made famous by Anthony Hopkins in THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS. This thriller is truly
scary with suspenseful direction by Mann and a spooky performance by Noonan--youll never listen to Iron Butterfly's heavy
metal anthem "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" the same way again. Music by Tangerine Dream. Script by Mann adapted from Thomas Harris's
1981 novel RED DRAGON.
MANIAC! (1977)--Directed by Richard Compton. Stars Oliver Reed, Stuart Whitman,
Deborah Raffin, Paul Koslo, John Ireland, Jim Mitchum. Psycho Koslo disguises himself as a war-painted Indian and goes on
a murderous rampage in a small Arizona town, slaughtering various townspeople with a bow and arrow. He also demands a five
million dollar ransom to stop. Millionaire Whitman doesn't want national law enforcement called in because of his own shady
business dealings, so he hires hitman Reed to track Koslo. Most of the cast is dead by the end. Filmed in Phoenix, Arizona.
The Byrds' Roger McGuinn performs the theme song. Also known as RANSOM.
MANIAC (1980)--Directed by
William Lustig. Stars Joe Spinell, Caroline Munro, Gail Lawrence, Kelly Piper. One of the most disturbing features ever made
contains some incredibly gory effects by Tom Savini, and was released with a self-imposed X rating. Spinell, who also served
as co-writer and executive producer, is Frank Zito, a sweaty, leisure-suit-wearing, overweight psycho with an Oedipal complex
who slaughters women, scalps them, then nails the scalps to the female mannequins he keeps in his bed. One of the film's many
implausibilities is when a gorgeous fashion model played by Brit Munro agrees to go on a date with this creepy-looking guy!
Even a few gore fans were offended by MANIAC's latent misogyny, although I have to admit that Savini's makeup effects are
effective. Re-released on video and laser in 1997 with audio commentary, trailers, TV spots, previously cut scenes and test
footage from a proposed sequel starring Spinell! Music by Jay Chattaway is very creepy and used to great effect, especially
during a subway restroom scene.
MANIAC COP (1988)--Directed by William Lustig. Stars Tom Atkins,
Bruce Campbell, Laurene Landon, Robert Z'Dar. "You have the right to remain silent...forever!" read the ad copy for this action/horror
flick with a nice sense of humor. A huge, disfigured psycho wearing a police uniform is slaughtering innocent people in New
York City, and detective Atkins is assigned to the case. Cop Campbell is falsely arrested for the killings after his wife
becomes a victim, which leads his lover, blond vice cop Landon, to team up with Atkins to find the real maniac.
Producer Larry Cohen's script is full of offbeat touches and clever
twists (like killing off the film's hero two-thirds of the way through). His villain is based in the classic Phantom of the
Opera/Frankenstein monster tradition: Matt Cordell (Z'Dar) was an honest but tough cop looking into departmental corruption
who was framed by his superior officers, sentenced to prison and slashed by inmates. Having returned to the land of the living
(thanks to a creepy prison doctor involved in illegal experiments), Cordell walks the streets searching for vengeance.
While Z'Dar is an imposing presence, he isn't given much of a chance
to act; Lustig is more concerned with (and rightly so) keeping the pace moving and the action scenes flaring. The stuntwork
by Spiros Razatos is exceptional. Amazing supporting cast includes Richard Roundtree as the arrogant police commissioner,
a bald William Smith and Sheree North as a crippled officer with an unusual relationship with the killer. Cameos by Sam Raimi,
Jake LaMotta and Lustig himself. Music by Jay Chattaway; songs performed by David Carradine! Executive producer: James Glickenhaus
(THE EXTERMINATOR). From the director of VIGILANTE.
MANIAC COP 2 (1990)--Directed by William Lustig.
Stars Robert Davi, Claudia Christian, Michael Lerner, Leo Rossi, Robert Z'Dar. Writer/producer Larry Cohen and director Lustig
team again for the return of supernatural psycho cop Matt Cordell (Z'Dar), the scarfaced slaughterer who returns from a watery
grave to wipe out more innocent New Yorkers. This time around, he teams up with bearded Rossi, a serial killer of exotic dancers.
Cop lovers Bruce Campbell and Laurene Landon return from MANIAC COP just long enough to get bumped off by Cordell, opening
the door for hard-boiled detective Davi and gorgeous police shrink Christian to stop the maniacs' murder spree. In many ways,
a better film than the original; the higher budget ($4.1 million) allowed for a large number of exciting chases, crashes,
stunts, and fire gags. The murders, while not excessively gory, are inventively staged, and the cast looks like it's having
a good time. With Charles Napier, Clarence Williams III (THE MOD SQUAD) and a bit by Sam Raimi. Music by Jay Chattaway.
MANIAC
COP 3: BADGE OF SILENCE (1993)--Directed by William Lustig and Joel Soisson. Stars Robert Davi, Caitlin Dulany, Gretchen
Becker, Robert Z'Dar. A voodoo ritual resurrects hulking psycho Matt Cordell (Z'Dar) from the dead. When comatose policewoman
Becker is wrongly accused of murder, Cordell stalks the corrupt doctors, cops and journalists he hold responsible for her
condition. Davi returns from MANIAC COP 2 as Detective Sean McKinney, Becker's good friend, who must stop Cordell's reign
of slaughter. Larry Cohen's screenplay is fast-paced, but the gimmick seems to have run its course. Production troubles led
Lustig to quit during filming; Soisson also received a credit for "Additional Scenes". Features quite a bit of gore and some
excellent fire gags. The climactic chase, involving a flaming Cordell driving a police car, stretches credibility some, but
is exciting to watch. Also with Paul Gleason, Julius Harris, Doug Savant, Jackie Earle Haley, Bobby DiCicco, Ted Raimi and
an unbilled Robert Forster. Music by Joel Goldsmith. Spiros Razatos handled 2nd unit direction and the stunt coordination.
MANIACTS (2001)--Directed by C.W. Cressler.
Stars Jeff Fahey, Kellie Waymire, John Furlong. Serial killers aren't evil. They're just wacky, misunderstood misfits
who have trouble fitting in. That seems to be the premise of this wildly uneven black comedy that stars independent
film regular Jeff Fahey (LAWNMOWER MAN) and television actress Kellie Waymire (Fox's THE PITTS). Joe (Fahey) and Beth
(Waymire) are serial killers who meet while incarcerated in a mental hospital, where they are routinely tortured through beatings,
electrocution and isolation. Joe manages to escape, but finds he can't adjust to "normal" life on the outside, and breaks
back into the institution to bust Beth out. The two manage to settle on a farm owned by crazy old psychic Boley (Furlong),
but soon realize that cool country air and hard physical labor won't allow them to escape their pasts or their sicknesses.
It's difficult to say what sort of tone Cressler was aiming at.
The scenes that take place inside the hospital are so broadly cartoonish that it's impossible to take seriously any statement
Cressler may be making about the inmates' living conditions, but when the second half bogs down in over-the-top action sequences
and a downbeat finale, you wonder whether you're supposed to be laughing or not. The actors, bless their little hearts,
seem to be trying to keep up with Cressler's schizophrenic script, and manage to acquit themselves pretty well. Fahey,
a genuinely fine actor bogged down in direct-to-video action films, is too old for the role, but proves he can handle the
film's comedic and dramatic moments equally well. Waymire is well cast as a woman with an odd fantasy life, and almost
manages to convince us she's a killer.
Filmed in New Mexico in 2001, MANIACTS has received an R rating
from the MPAA, and has been released to DVD by MTI Home Video. The screener we received was in full-frame mode only
with a soundtrack that was usually mixed too low to pick up all the whispered dialogue. It's also adorned with atrocious
cover art that has nothing to do with the movie, and seems designed to remind potential renters of LAWNMOWER MAN.
THE MANITOU (1978)—Directed by William Girdler.
Stars Tony Curtis, Michael Ansara, Susan Strasberg. Kentucky-bred filmmaker Girdler made nine movies in his twenties,
all of them, for better or for worse, products of his distinctively crude though energetic style. He bounced from one
exploitation genre to another, including blaxploitation, crime drama and espionage, but seemed most at home with horror.
And as clumsy as his early films were, one has to be impressed that Girdler seemed to be improving with every film.
His budgets were increasing, and his casts were filled with solid, recognizable Hollywood stars. His screenplays weren’t
any less silly, but that may have been to the films’ advantage.
THE MANITOU was Girdler’s final film. In fact, he died
before it even opened in a helicopter crash in the Philippines. He was 30. And what a finale. Girdler was
fond of the “kitchen sink” approach to filmmaking, and THE MANITOU is a definite example of the audience never
knowing what he would throw at them next, certainly the craziest film in an oeuvre filled with them.
Curtis, just coming off a short-lived stint as a con man on NBC’s
series MCCOY, stars as Harry Erskine, a phony spiritualist who fleeces elderly women by performing fake readings for them
in his San Francisco apartment. He’s surprised to receive a telephone call from Karen (Strasberg), his former
assistant and lover, who’s worried about a medical procedure she’s having that week. Some sort of tumor,
larger than a softball, is growing out of her back. Her doctors are flummoxed, since the only possible explanation they
can imagine is that it’s a fetus.
Harry discovers that Karen is “giving birth” to a 400-year-old
Indian medicine man—a Manitou—which is returning from the dead to wreck vengeance upon the White Man. The
delivery could kill her, not to mention the number of victims an unleashed supernatural demon could destroy, so Harry enlists
a Native American medicine man (Ansara) from South Dakota to exorcise the creature and save Karen’s life.
It’s very difficult to take any of this seriously, and, at
times, not even Curtis tries to. However, the only way to play such a ridiculous premise is to treat it completely straight,
and that’s just what the cast does. Poor Susan Strasberg has a thankless task: playing 28 at age 40, spending
most of the film mumbling with a rubber hump on her back, and performing the cosmic FX-filled climax with her boobs hanging
out (for no reason that I could tell, not that I'm complaining) and shooting fireballs out of her fingertips across outer
space. Or something like that. It’s difficult to tell what’s going on, yet that’s the charm
of THE MANITOU. Tony Curtis throws an exploding typewriter at a bloody 400-year-old Indian midget, and a frozen nurse
shatters into pieces as her head rolls across the floor in slow-motion. All in a day’s work for Bill Girdler.
Michel Hugo’s 2.35:1 cinematography mingles with Lalo Schifrin’s
score for an impressive A/V experience, even if the climax does remind one of a Pink Floyd laser show at the college planetarium.
Pros Stella Stevens, Ann Sothern, Burgess Meredith, Jeanette Nolan, Lurene Tuttle and Paul Mantee drop in to pick up quick
paychecks, knowing they can’t possibly compete with a long-haired, aphorism-spouting Ansara, a beer-drinking, disco-dancing,
typewriter-tossing Curtis, or a gooey, topless Strasberg. Not to mention the creepy blood-soaked midget trapped in Ansara’s
demon circle. The horror genre misses William Girdler, no doubt about it.
MANNAJA (1977)--Directed by Sergio Martino.
Stars Maurizio Merli, John Steiner, Philippe Leroy, Donal O'Brien. By 1977, the "spaghetti western" genre had pretty
much died out, but director Martino (TORSO) had one last gasp left inside of him. Merli, making his first western, plays
bounty hunter Blade ("mannaja" being the Spanish word for "blade"), so-called because of his trademark of flinging hatchets
at his enemies, rather than firing a six-shooter. Upon entering Suttonville to cash in his prisoner, one-handed (thanks
to Blade's "mannaja") Burt Craven, Blade discovers a town ruled with an iron fist by evil tycoon McGowan (Leroy) and his sadistic
sidekick Voller (Steiner), who keeps the slave laborers who man McGowan's silver mine on their feet through torture and intimidation.
Acting partially out of nobleness, but mostly out of vengeance, Blade takes on McGowan's empire, which is also being threatened
by a gang of thieves who keep snatching his silver shipments and leaving its guards punctured with bullet holes. Well
shot by Martino, who sets various action scenes in caves, muddy streets and thick fog, MANNAJA is about as brutal as Italian
westerns come, reaching its apex in a scene in which Merli is buried in the desert up to his head with his eyelids sewn open.
Never released in the United States before Blue Underground's sterling DVD in 2003, MANNAJA is a crisply photographed and
well-acted western with colorful characters and plenty of action--one of the genre's most obscure yet enjoyable entries.
Guido and Maurizio deAngelis provide the song-filled score.
MANNEQUIN (1987)--Directed by Michael Gottlieb.
Stars Andrew McCarthy, Kim Cattrall, James Spader, Meshach Taylor. Cattrall (SEX AND THE CITY) stars in this awful comedy
as a department store mannequin who is in reality an ancient Egyptian princess under a magic spell. Window dresser McCarthy
brings her to life, and falls in love with her. Ho hum. Taylor is embarrassing as an extremely swishy co-worker of McCarthy's.
Followed by MANNEQUIN 2: ON THEMOVE with Kristy Swanson replacing Cattrall.
MANSION OF THE DOOMED (1977)--Directed by
Michael Pataki. Stars Richard Basehart, Trish Stewart, Lance Henriksen. Basehart goes slumming big-time in this
sick horror movie based loosely on a French film titled EYES WITHOUT A FACE. Brilliant eye surgeon Dr. Leonard Chaney
(Basehart) is stricken with tremendous guilt after he accidentally causes an automobile accident that blinds his daughter
Nancy (Stewart). Along with the guilt comes madness, as Chaney decides to transplant the eyeballs of other humans into
Nancy to restore her sight. Given that no volunteers are likely to step forward, Chaney kidnaps unsuspecting donors,
starting with Nancy's fiancé Dan (Henriksen). Stan Winston's gruesome makeup effects and Basehart's chilling performance
are assets to this claustrophobic thriller, which takes place almost entirely within Chaney's suburban estate. Director
Pataki, usually a familiar character actor, and cinematographer Andrew Davis (later to direct THE FUGITIVE) maintain an unsettling
atmosphere, even though the screenplay becomes quite repetitious in its second half. Also with Gloria Grahame, Marilyn
Joi, Vic Tayback, Katherine Stewart and Donna Andresen. Music by Robert O. Ragland. Although MANSION was produced
by future Empire and Full Moon founder Charles Band, it was released by the obscure Group 1, which also put out THE GREAT
SPIDER INVASION and PARTS: THE CLONUS HORROR. MANSION is also notable as the first horror movie to feature prominent
genre star Henriksen (MILLENNIUM).
MARATHON MAN (1976)--Directed by John Schlesinger.
Stars Dustin Hoffman, Laurence Olivier, Roy Scheider, Marthe Keller, William Devane. Taut thriller starring Hoffman as an
NYU graduate student/long-distance runner who becomes involved in a diamond-smuggling plot involving Nazi Olivier and brother/spy
Scheider. Film's most memorable scene is undoubtedly Olivier's torture of Hoffman with a dentist's drill. Hoffman turns the
tables in the exciting climax. Olivier received a Best Supporting Actor Oscar nomination for this bloody espionage drama scripted
by William Goldman (MISERY).
THE MARINE (2006)—Directed by John Bonito.
Stars John Cena, Kelly Carlson, Robert Patrick. THE MARINE is a lunkheaded under-90-minutes action picture that almost
could have been made in 1985. In fact, if it had been made then, it would have been a Cannon movie and starred Michael Dudikoff.
It also would have been better, though, as it stands, I guess it serves just fine if you just want to see stuff blow up for
awhile. It's a very safe, obviously focus-grouped movie, carefully sculpted to acquire a PG-13, even though it's obvious to
the world that the target audience demands an R rating in its action fare. I watched the "unrated" cut on DVD, but I didn't
see anything in it that looked R-rated to me. THE MARINE barely made back its production budget at the box office, probably
because the action fans who went to see it came home and told their buddies how tame the violence is (and, sorry, guys, no
boobs, though there's plenty of opportunity).
Director John Bonito, making his first film, shows signs of becoming
a solid action filmmaker, but he falls back on a few distracting crutches. If THE MARINE was really made for $15 million,
as the IMDb claims, I'm impressed, and all the money is up on the screen. There are some direct-to-video actioners that cost
more than $15 million. However, lack of money doesn't excuse the movie's excess of closeups that often makes it look like
a TV show. I also suspect that a lack of care went into choosing locations. Much of the film takes place in a swamp, yet Bonito
shot in a "swamp" about as swampy as my Illinois backyard. The characters try to convey their treacherous conditions, but
the landscape looks like a dead forest, and the "critters" like a snake and alligators are never seen in the same shot as
the actors, kinda like a Jungle Jim programmer. The credits reveal that Australia substituted for "South Carolina," probably
to save money, but the fakery doesn't work. Think back to AVENGING FORCE, a 1986 low-budget adventure very similar to THE
MARINE. Remember how director Sam Firstenberg took star Michael Dudikoff and the other actors and stuntmen into the bayou,
and you could taste the rain and the mud and the blood? You don't get any of that here.
THE MARINE marks the screen debut of WWE wrestler John Cena. Considering
how flamboyant professional wrestling is, Cena seems like an unlikely selection for film stardom, as he comes across as dull
and expressionless, no more than a slab with ridiculously huge muscles. Comparing him to fellow athletes-turned-actors like
Dolph Lundgren, Brian Bosworth or even The Rock, you notice that Cena is more "rock" than "The Rock." The clumsy screenplay
doesn't help much in Cena's attempt to find a character either.
Cena is John Triton, a U.S. Marine who is drummed out of the Corps
for killing nine terrorists and rescuing three fellow Marines singlehandedly. Since Triton disobeyed a direct order by not
sitting on his ass until backup could arrive, he accepts a premature discharge and returns home to his fake-breasted blond
wife Kate (Kelly Carlson from NIP/TUCK and STARSHIP TROOPERS 2). He gets a job as a security guard, but is fired his first
day when he throws an obnoxious asshole through a plate-glass window. He shares a final beer with his new work friend, who
drives John home and then drives out of the movie forever. So what the hell was the point of the last 15 minutes?
John and Kate decide to take a trip, but are waylaid at the gas
station by psycho diamond thief Rome (a hammy Robert Patrick, the recipient of a TERMINATOR gag) and his gang, who kill some
cops, blow the place up, and jet outta there with Kate as a hostage. Triton, who takes a ridiculous amount of physical punishment
in THE MARINE without showing more than slight scratches, jumps into the souped-up police cruiser, which looks like something
out of BLADE RUNNER, and chases them. The laughs grow to a fever pitch when Triton loses control, flips the car into the air
and upside down, and leaps out of it as it plunges over a cliff and into the water below. The punchline is that the bad guys
continue shooting at the car, even though it's flying over their head, over a cliff, and on fire. How many times did they
think they could kill that fucking car?
Triton, completely unscathed except for a half-inch red mark under
his eye (you gotta see this crash to believe it), pursues the baddies into the "swamp." The rest of THE MARINE pretty much
plays out exactly as you guess it will. The lame twist reveals that Rome's secret partner is the only other character in the
film and the only person it could be. The whole story boils down to a fistfight between bodybuilder Cena and 50-year-old Patrick,
so you can imagine how that plays out. And do you think there's a Villain Back From The Dead moment? Woooooo, better watch
your back, John Cena!
THE MARINE is simple and fast-paced. One benefit to filming in Australia
was that Bonito got David Eggby, MAD MAX's cinematographer, to shoot it, so it doesn't look too bad. Making Cena seem more
human would have been an enormous improvement. He takes the brunt of several massive explosions, blows to the head, crashes...he
even hangs onto the side of a semi-truck as it smashes through buildings. We're used to superheroics in our action movies,
but even Indiana Jones felt pain. John Triton really is, as one character says, The Terminator.
MARINES (2003)--Directed by Mark Roper.
Stars Brent Cotton, Lawrence Monoson, George Roberson, Hristo Shopov. Another cut-and-dried military action vehicle
from Nu Image, who also made two U.S. SEALS and five OPERATION DELTA FORCE movies. A bunch of generic U.S. Marines team
up with a bunch of generic Russian soldiers in Eastern Europe to oust a dictator. The action is fast and loud, and Nu
Image knows how to get the biggest bang for the meager bucks. Shot in Bulgaria. Monoson was the star of Cannon's
THE LAST AMERICAN VIRGIN.
MARJOE (1972)--Directed by
Howard Smith & Sarah Kernochan. Stars Marjoe Gortner. Before he was a hammy actor in terrible exploitation
films (like HELLHOLE) and TV shows, Marjoe Gortner was a child evangelist and faith healer. He gave up the Jesus business
in his teens, but returned in his late 20s for one last hurrah. He retired again after growing weary of the cynicism
and hypocrisy of the revival circuit, but not before taking part in this fascinating backstage documentary detailing what
really happens during a traveling revival show. I suspect Gortner expected this film to serve as an audition reel for
producers, as it’s evident he has hopes of a Hollywood future. He certainly comes across as more likable and charismatic
as he ever did in any of his acting roles, and it’s easy to see how he was able to convince parishioners to pull their
biggest bills out of their purses and wallets and hand them over to him. MARJOE will probably anger true believers,
but still shouldn't be missed--maybe for that very reason. MARJOE won the Oscar for Best Documentary Feature.
MARK OF THE GORILLA (1950)--Directed by William
Berke. Stars Johnny Weissmuller, Trudy Marshall, Onslow Stevens, Suzanne Dalbert. The third Jungle Jim picture
opens with five minutes of wildlife stock footage while a portentous narrator (Holmes Herbert) babbles on about survival of
the fittest yada yada. Then we cut to five minutes of Jungle Jim (Weissmuller fishing). The plot kicks in ten
minutes after that. MARK OF THE GORILLA runs 68 minutes. Jim is summoned to a game preserve where his friend the
warden lies dying from fever. Gorillas are stalking and killing the natives, including the messenger who summoned Jim.
The strange thing is that A) there are no gorillas in this area of the jungle and B) when Jim flings a knife into one of them,
it screams like a human. Later, when Jim chases one, it stops to release a leopard from its cage. “Pretty
smart for a gorilla,” says the slow-witted Jim. Of course, the gorillas are actually thieves wearing gorilla suits,
who are scaring away the natives so they can steal some Nazi treasure buried in a nearby mine. The warden learned of
their plan and that his doctor, Brandt (Stevens), was the ringleader, so Brandt had him killed. I’d like to see
somebody try to remake this plot. Jim gets beaten up again and fights another stuffed leopard, as well as a sea snake.
Director Berke, making his third Jungle Jim movie, keeps the action moving along pretty well once he gets past the first ten
minutes of padding. Also with Selmer Jackson and Robert Purcell. Sources clash as to whether MARK OF THE GORILLA
came before or after CAPTIVE GIRL, but the Internet Movie Database lists a January 1950 playdate for MARK and an April premiere
for CAPTIVE GIRL.
MARKED FOR DEATH (1990)--Directed by Dwight
H. Little. Stars Steven Seagal, Keith David, Basil Wallace. Violent but routine Seagal flick starring the kung-fu fighter
as a former DEA agent in Los Angeles targeted for revenge by Jamaican drug smugglers and voodoo practitioners. Originally
known as SCREWFACE after the lead villain. Written by Seagal, Mark Grais and Mark Victor, the cast features some gorgeous
women (Joanna Pacula, PLAYBOY playmate Elizabeth Gracen, Teri Weigel) and Jimmy Cliff as himself!
MARLOWE
(1969)--Directed by Paul Bogart. Stars James Garner, Gayle Hunnicutt, Carroll O'Connor, Rita Moreno. Garner is a pretty good
Philip Marlowe in this screen adaptation of Raymond Chandler's THE LITTLE SISTER. Private eye Marlowe is hired by a young
woman from Kansas to search for her missing brother. The investigation leads him to television actress Mavis Wald (Hunnicutt),
who appears to be connected to the icepick murders of two men, and a Latina stripper (Moreno) with the hots for Marlowe. Bruce
Lee makes an early appearance in an American feature as Winslow Wong, who trashes Marlowe's office in a neat martial-arts
scene.
MARLOWE is perhaps more interesting viewed as Garner's training ground for his ROCKFORD FILES series, which
began five years later. He doesn't quite find the proper balance between hard-boiled noir P.I. and whimsical MAVERICK-type
humor, but he's getting there--one line ("Does your mother know what you do for a living?") popped up verbatim in a ROCKFORD
episode. Like HARPER, in which Paul Newman played Ross Macdonald's literary sleuth Lew Archer (Harper in the film), MARLOWE
is a relatively faithful detective yarn with an all-star cast and a focus on character over action. It's a neat little private
eye piece--nothing special, but still decent. Supported by some talented actors including Jackie Coogan, Paul Stevens, Sharon
Farrell, H.M. Wynant, William Daniels, Corinne Camacho, Christopher Cary and Kenneth Tobey. Screenplay by Sterling Silliphant
(IN THE HEAT OF THE NIGHT). Moreno, Stevens, Daniels and Camacho later guested on ROCKFORD.
MAROONED
(1969)--Directed by John Sturges. Stars Gregory Peck, Richard Crenna, Gene Hackman, James Franciscus. Oscar-winning visual
effects highlight this slow-moving drama about three astronauts (Crenna, Hackman, Franciscus) stranded in orbit and the efforts
of NASA official Peck to bring them down before they suffocate. Not too exciting, but the cast is good. Also with David Janssen,
Scott Brady, Lee Grant, Mariette Hartley, Nancy Kovack and Ted Knight. Best viewed as an episode of MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER
3000.
MARS NEEDS WOMEN (1966)--Directed by Larry Buchanan. Stars Tommy Kirk, Yvonne Craig. Don't
let its campy title and so-bad-it's-good reputation fool you. This is one of six low-budget features made by Texas-based schlockmeister
Buchanan and released by American-International directly to television, and it's terrible. Acting, photography, script, sound
and special effects are inept. Former Disney star Kirk plays Dop, the leader of five Martians who travel to Earth (in an unconvincing
spaceship model) to kidnap Earth women to use for insemination to prevent their population from dying out. They wear green
rubber wetsuits and orange earphones with long antennae sticking out of them. Dop falls in love with curvy scientist Marjorie
(Craig), whose lecture on "Sex in Outer Space" drives Dop wild. This movie is slow, slow, SLOW. A loudspeaker through which
the Martians initially speak to the military gets more screen time than most of the actors, and Buchanan pads his film with
yards of stock footage. Not even Yvonne, a year away from fame as TV's Batgirl, can save it. A theater marquee for the Jack
Lemmon-Walter Matthau comedy THE FORTUNE COOKIE appears prominently in one scene. Yvonne's character's name is misspelled
"Majorie" on a placard in another. Filmed in Dallas. Also with Anthony Huston, Cal Duggan, Pat Delaney, Sherry Roberts, Byron
Lord, Bill Thurman and Bubbles Cash as a stripper. The (inappropriately-tracked) music is probably from the AIP library.
MARTIAL LAW (1990)--Directed by Steve Cohen.
Stars Chad McQueen, Cynthia Rothrock, David Carradine, Andy McCutcheon. “Martial Law” is the nickname given
to badass cop Sean Thompson (McQueen), who teams up with another karate kicker, Billie Blake (Rothrock), to investigate a
hot car ring led by--who’da guessed it?--another karate expert, sinister Dalton Rhodes (Carradine). Making the
case personal to Thompson is that his younger brother Michael (McCutcheon) is an unwitting member of Rhodes’ gang.
Expect a series of gun battles, martial arts fights and chases staged all over Los Angeles, including the Griffith Park Observatory.
It’s nothing special, but you’ve seen worse DTV action movies. Jeff Wincott took over for McQueen in the
sequel. Also with Tony Longo, John Fujioka and Professor Toru Tanaka.
MARTIAL LAW II: UNDERCOVER (1992)--Directed
by Kurt Anderson. Stars Jeff Wincott, Cynthia Rothrock, Paul Johansson, Billy Drago. One day after receiving a
promotion to detective and a transfer to a new division, LAPD's Sean Thompson (Wincott) finds himself immediately embroiled
in controversy and corruption. Thompson believes a fellow officer's drunk-driving death was no accident and that Spencer
Hamilton (Johansson), a wealthy nightclub owner, is somehow involved. Recruiting his former partner Billie Blake (Rothrock)
to nose around Hamilton's club in the guise of a bartender, Thompson pokes his nose around, finding a steady stream of karate-happy
ambushers to keep the sports fans in the audience awake. Although Wincott and Rothrock share few scenes together, almost
as though MARTIAL LAW II were the result of two short films with similar storylines punched together, director Anderson keeps
the fights moving along nicely. They're fairly fast and violent for an American DTV production, boasting some nifty
choreography that's better than other films of this ilk. Drago is miscast playing it mostly straight as Wincott's boss.
Also with Sherrie Rose, Evan Lurie, Deborah Driggs, Charles Taylor and Denice Duff. Chad McQueen played Sean Thompson
opposite Rothrock in the first MARTIAL LAW.
MARTIAL OUTLAW (1993)--Directed by Kurt Anderson.
Stars Jeff Wincott, Gary Hudson, Richard Jaeckel. Cain and Abel, told with exciting fight choreography by Jeff Pruitt
that makes this DTV actioner worth watching. DEA agent Kevin White (Wincott) travels to Los Angeles in his investigation
of a Russian druglord and is reluctantly teamed up with his hothead brother, LAPD patrolman Jack (Hudson). Jack, jealous
of Kevin's success and resentful at having to care for their ill alcoholic father (Jaeckel), is a dirty cop who murders Kevin's
informant and makes a deal with the Russians to keep Kevin's task force off their back. The story isn't much, but the
leads are fine, and Anderson--with Pruitt's help--stages several competent brutal fight scenes, including one with Wincott
taking on several Russians in a gymnasium. This was Jaeckel's final film, and it seems likely he was already in the
grips of the cancer that would kill him in 1997, as he's missing the intensity and energy he's known for. Also with
Krista Errickson, Al Leong, Gary Wood and Natasha Pavlovich. From the director of MARTIAL LAW II: UNDERCOVER.
THE
MARTIAN CHRONICLES (1979)--Directed by Michael Anderson. Stars Rock Hudson, Darren McGavin, Gayle Hunnicutt. Richard
Matheson adapted Ray Bradbury's classic novel for this slow-moving but smart six-hour miniseries. Bradbury's narrative style--filled
with poetic imagery--is very difficult to capture on film, but Anderson (1984) and a good cast do their best. Hudson stars
as Captain John Wilder, who leads the first expedition to colonize Mars and is the link among the different stories told here.
Also with Nicholas Hammond, Bernadette Peters, Fritz Weaver, Christopher Connelly, Maria Schell, Jon Finch, Barry Morse and
Roddy McDowall.
MARYJANE (1968)--Directed by Maury Dexter.
Stars Fabian, Diane McBain, Kevin Coughlan, Michael Margotta. Screenwriters Hymie the Robot from GET SMART (Dick Gautier)
and the host of THE HOLLYWOOD SQUARES (Peter Marshall) expose themselves as squares with this anti-drug screed starring Fabian
as a pot-smoking art teacher. Well, actually he only smoked once (and he inhaled!) in college, which is enough for the
local police chief to brand him a “dope fiend”. One of his students, rich brat Jordan Bates (Coughlan),
runs the local marijuana trade and frames Fabian by planting some grass in his convertible. After fellow teacher McBain
bails him out, Fabian splits his time between clearing his name (Jordan’s connection drives an ice cream truck) and
trying to prevent nerdy student Margotta from getting his brains beat in by doublecrossed dopers. Some mild swearing
and brief nudity seem out-of-place in this naïve drama, which perpetuates the myth that pot smokers eventually morph into
heroin junkies. Mike Curb’s score provides a bit of coolness, and the cast, which also includes Patty McCormack,
Booth Colman and Russ Bender, is good. Look for Garry Marshall, Teri Garr, Carl Gottlieb and Jo Ann Harris.
M*A*S*H (1970)--Directed by Robert Altman.
Stars Donald Sutherland, Elliott Gould, Tom Skerritt, Robert Duvall, Sally Kellerman, Gary Burghoff, John Schuck, Roger Bowen,
Jo Ann Pflug, Fred Williamson. Popular anti-war comedy was one of the few war films to make money during the Vietnam period.
Lots of black humor in this film about the surgeons and nurses stationed at the 4077th Mobile Army Surgical Hospital near
the front lines of the Korean War. There's no plot, just a series of pranks, bombings, drunken binges and golf games. Highlights
include Hawkeye (Sutherland) and Trapper's (Gould) prank on a showering Hot Lips (Kellerman) and the climactic football game
against a rival camp. Screenplay by Ring Lardner, Jr. won an Academy Award, even though much of the dialogue is obviously
improvised. Only Burghoff (as Radar) went on to the phenomenally successful TV series.
THE MASK (1961)—Directed by Julian
Roffman. Stars Paul Stevens, Claudette Nevins, Martin Lavut. The first Canadian horror film stars TV mainstay Stevens as Dr.
Allan Barnes, a psychiatrist treating jumpy Michael Radin (Lavut). Michael claims he is forced to don an ancient mask, stolen
from a museum, which causes blackouts and forces him to commit murder. Barnes doesn’t quite believe Michael’s
story, but after his patient commits suicide, he receives the mask in the mail. And he puts in on. Not only is THE MASK the
first horror movie produced in Canada, it was also that country’s first 3D feature, and the psychedelic 3D effects are
the only reason to watch the movie. When the movie tells you to “put on the mask…now!”, director Roffman
treats us to an utterly bizarre mélange of lights, colors, swirls, and spooky imagery. Eyeless monks shoot fire from their
hands, sacrifice a woman on an altar, and worship a large stone replica of the mask. I don’t know what all the symbolic
mumbo-jumbo means, but it’s silly fun. The rest of the movie is pretty drab, though. The mask is really creepy; nice
job, propmaster. Also with Bill Walker, Anne Collings, and Norman Ettlinger. Great score by Louis Applebaum.
THE MASK OF FU MANCHU (1932)--Directed by Charles
Brabin. Stars Boris Karloff, Myrna Loy, Lewis Stone. The veddy British Boris may seem miscast as Sax Rohmer's notorious Chinese
supervillain, but this is one marvelously campy (and sleazy) piece of pulp fiction. Karloff plots to steal the legendary sword
of Genghis Khan, which, when charged with electricity, will enable Fu Manchu and his massive Asian army to rule the world.
This was made just before the Hays Office was created to make sure America's pure sensibilities weren't tarnished by offensive
sex and violence, so Brabin and his writers drench almost every scene with brutal, racist, sadomasochistic and jingoistic
overtones. Loy practically drips with sensuality as Fu Manchu's lusty daughter, who openly seduces the tied-up-and-helpless
shirtless hero at one point. Produced by MGM, who seemingly spared no expense. This was no B-picture. Sets, special effects,
props and production values are surprisingly lavish for this type of production. Also with Charles Starrett, Karen Morley
and Jean Hersholt. Much of the more politically incorrect dialogue was edited out for television broadcasts, but the racist
talk was restored for a late '90s video release.
THE MASK OF ZORRO (1998)--Directed by Martin Campbell.
Stars Antonio Banderas, Anthony Hopkins, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Stuart Wilson. The kind of swashbuckler Hollywood doesn't make
anymore, but definitely should. This latest telling of the Zorro legend (first told in book form in the 1900s) is a heckuva
lot of fun, combining shrewd casting with plenty of action and jawdropping stuntwork; surprisingly, there are hardly any special
effects in this summer blockbuster. Hopkins has a great time as the original Zorro, who risks life and limb to help the poor
Mexican peasants against a cruel dictatorship. However, he is captured by Governor Montero (Wilson), his wife is murdered
and his baby daughter Elena taken away to be raised by Montero. After two decades in prison, Hopkins escapes, befriends a
roguish thief named Alejandro (Banderas) whose brother was killed by Montero's men, and trains him to be a worthy follower
in Zorro's mask. Of course, sparks fly between Alejandro and the now-grown-up Elena (a ravishingly beautiful Zeta-Jones),
who doesn't realize the treachery of the man she believes to be her father. Campbell, who rejuvenated the James Bond franchise
with GOLDENEYE, does the same for the Zorro legend--the Mexican locations (shot by Phil Meheux) look great, the story (while
a bit thin perhaps) keeps the action moving along, and when was the last time you saw a good swordfight anyway (the action
storyboards were reportedly drawn by Robert Rodriguez [FROM DUSK TILL DAWN] when he was originally tabbed to direct)? Music
by James Horner is one of his best '90s scores. Viva el Zorro!
THE MASKED MARVEL (1943)--Directed
by Spencer G. Bennet. Stars Tom Steele, William Forrest, Louise Currie, Johnny Arthur. Four investigators for the Worldwide
Insurance Company investigate sabotage by Japanese agents in this rock-'em-sock-'em 12-chapter serial. One of them is secretly
the Masked Marvel, a crimefighter garbed in hat, gloves and a green mask. The identity of the Masked Marvel is kept secret
from the audience until the final chapter, and Bennet does a good job with the mystery, although he cheats by not giving us
any clues and by casting a completely different actor as the Masked Marvel! The Marvel is played (uncredited) by ace Republic
stuntman Tom Steele, whose voice appears to have been dubbed by a different actor (not one of the men playing the investigators).
Reportedly Steele was supposed to receive a credit, but was accidentally left off the card. THE MASKED MARVEL contains some
of Republic's most exciting fight scenes and stuntwork, and is a must for chapterplay fans. Also with Rod Bacon, Richard Clarke,
Anthony Warde, David Bacon, Bill Healy, Eddie Parker and Dale Van Sickel.
THE MASQUE OF THE RED DEATH
(1964)--Directed by Roger Corman. Stars Vincent Price, Jane Asher, Hazel Court, Nigel Green. Corman went to England to film
this version of Edgar Allen Poe's great short story. In the 12th century, Satanist Prince Prospero (Price) avoids the plague
killing his villagers by holding nightly orgies in his castle. He tries to convert a beautiful girl (Asher) to Satanism by
torturing her lover and father. Underrated film has been compared to Bergman's THE SEVENTH SEAL. Price gives one of his best
performances, and the look of the film is incredible. AIP gave Corman a larger budget than usual, and set designer Daniel
Haller and cinematographer Nicolas Roeg (both later became directors in their own right) used the extra money to great advantage.
Script by Corman regulars Charles Beaumont and R. Wright Campbell. Asher was dating Beatle Paul McCartney at the time. Also
with Patrick Magee and David Weston.
MASSACRE AT CENTRAL HIGH (1976)--Directed by Rene
Daalder. Stars Derrel Maury, Andrew Stevens, Kimberly Beck, Ray Underwood, Rainbeaux Smith, Lani O'Grady. According
to Danny Peary's CULT MOVIES 2, Brian Distributing Corporation gave Dutch cameraman Daalder money to direct a trashy teen
slasher movie, and received a thoughtful art film in disguise. While it displays a large body count, the murders are
basically bloodless and service the plot, rather than being the plot.
David (Maury) is the new kid at Central High, which is terrorized
by a quartet of jocks led by Bruce (Underwood). One of Bruce's pals is Mark (Stevens), David's best friend, who tries
to integrate David into the gang. A natural loner, David resents the oppressive atmosphere of fear Bruce's boys have
instilled in the student body, and he refuses to go along with them. After he beats them up while they're attempting
to rape a pair of schoolgirls (except for Mark, who is torn between his old friend and his new ones, and appears to retain
a dose of morality), they drop a car onto his leg, crippling him. For revenge, David strikes back, killing each of them
in hopes that the students will use their new freedom to make a positive change in their lives.
And that's where MASSACRE takes a left turn from the dozens of exploitation
movies that focus on dead teenagers. Daalder uses the strict format to tackle themes of class division, non-conformity
and the corruption of those in power, and does so within a commercial framework. Don't let the lurid title and explosive
trailer fool you into thinking MASSACRE is just another horror picture. It's well-acted and ambitious. Beck is
particularly good as Teresa, Mark's sweet girlfriend who finds herself torn between her beau and his friend David; she ultimately
is the film's most positive character. Beck, who possesses a knockout body, performs nude scenes, as do drive-in queen
Smith and O'Grady, who would become a regular on EIGHT IS ENOUGH. Interestingly, Beck was originally cast as O'Grady's
sister in the EIGHT IS ENOUGH pilot, but was replaced by Dianne Kay (1941). Also with Steve Bond (PICASSO TRIGGER),
Steve Sikes, Robert Carradine and Jeffrey Winner. Tommy Leonetti performed the wildly inappropriate theme song and composed
the score.
MASTER OF THE FLYING GUILLOTINE (1975)--Directed
by Jimmy Wang Yu. Stars Jimmy Wang Yu, Kang Kam. An old blind man named Fung Sheng Wu Chi (Kang Kam) vows revenge
upon the one-armed man who killed his two disciples. Since he doesn't know exactly who to be pissed off at, he roams
China murdering every one-armed man he runs into (you'd be surprised how many there are) with his "flying guillotine", sort
of a retractable birdcage with sharp spikes at the end of a long chain that Fung whips through the air and over the heads
of his victims. He finally finds the One-Armed Boxer (writer/director Jimmy Wang Yu), who's preparing his martial arts
students for a big tournament. The climactic battle takes place in a coffin store rigged with booby-trapped caskets.
Describing the plot seems almost counterproductive, since it doesn't really matter what MASTER is about; in fact, the storyline
is just a clothesline upon which to hang several energetic kung fu battles. I'd say at least 75% of the running time
is made up of fight scenes, so if you're looking for tight plotting and characterization, go someplace else. MASTER
is incredibly primitive in its production values and dubbing, but there's no denying the excitement of the individual fights,
which involve a great number of colorful characters, including an Indian with a pet bird, a guy with stretchable arms (like
Mr. Fantastic), a cute young woman, a man named Win-Without-A-Knife and, of course, the elderly blind man and his one-armed
foe. The version I saw ran about 80 minutes and was riddled with scratches and washed-out color; a restored print received
a small U.S. theatrical re-release in 2002.
MASTER OF THE WORLD (1961)--Directed by William
Witney. Stars Vincent Price, Charles Bronson, Henry Hull, Mary Webster, David Frankham. In 1868 Pennsylvania, government agent
Bronson, wealthy Hull, Hull's daughter Webster and Webster's hot-tempered fianc Frankham are taken prisoner aboard Price's
flying airship, the Albatross. Price (as Robur the Conqueror) has a good idea (to end warfare between nations) but a bad method
for carrying out the concept--using his futuristic vehicle to destroy battleships, munitions factories and the men who run
them. Bronson (in a silly-looking blue-and-white striped T-shirt) tries to foil Price's plan. Richard Matheson's screenplay,
based on a story by Jules Verne, is aimed mainly at kids, but Price does a wonderful job making Robur into not just another
megalomaniac, but a three-dimensional character whose best intentions have turned deadly. Music by Les Baxter. The miniatures
and special effects aren't too bad considering. An American-International Picture.
MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE (1987)--Directed
by Gary Goddard. Stars Dolph Lundgren, Frank Langella, Courteney Cox, Robert Duncan McNeill, Chelsea Field, Jon Cypher,
Billy Barty. Dolph is He-Man, a sword-wielding hero from the planet Eternia, which is being threatened by evil despot
Skeletor's (Langella) plot to conquer the universe. During He-Man's latest skirmish with Skeletor's troops, he and his
cronies are accidentally transported to Earth by a mysterious "cosmic key", an instrument vital to Skeletor's plans.
Landing in Los Angeles circa 1987, He-Man and his partners Teela (Field), Duncan (Cypher) and gnome Gwildor (Barty) team up
with teens Julie (Cox in her film debut) and Kevin (McNeill, later to co-star on STAR TREK: VOYAGER) as Skeletor's army invades
a surprisingly deserted L.A. I had fun watching MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE, which moves quickly, has a game cast, seems
aware of its inherent silliness, and is never meanspirited in its mayhem. Lundgren is perfectly cast, while Langella,
completely hidden behind a skull mask and cloak, appears to be having a ball. Bill Conti's score is a wink at SUPERMAN's
majestic music, right down to the opening credit sequence (where the names "Chelsea Field" and "Jon Cypher" don't exactly
stack up with Susannah York and Gene Hackman). Also with James Tolkan, Meg Foster, Christina Pickles, Gwynne Gilford
and MY THREE SONS' Barry Livingston. Based on a very silly TV cartoon show.
MATANGO (1963)--Directed by Ishiro Honda.
Stars Akira Kubo, Kumi Mizuno, Miki Yashiro. The director of GODZILLA, KING OF THE MONSTERS helmed this low-key Japanese
horror thriller that relies on mood and atmosphere, rather than monsters, to achieve suspense. While it's unlikely that
Sherwood Schwartz ever saw this, it's amusing to note MATANGO's similarity to GILLIGAN'S ISLAND, as a ship's captain, his
crew member, a millionaire, a professor, a sexpot entertainer, a cute virgin and one other sailor are shipwrecked on a mysterious,
fog-bound island. There's evidence of earlier expeditions to the island, but no sign of surviving human beings, just
a strange fungus stuck to the surfaces of a landlocked ship that the castaways use as shelter. One thing becomes clear
to all of them: don't eat the mushrooms growing all over the island, especially after they gather clues that indicate,
however improbably, the previous castaways had somehow transformed into mushroom people after consuming them. Don't
let the B-level plot description and the silly monster suits keep you away from this Gothic chiller, which relies on complex
characterizations and story turns, as well as remarkable, colorful production design, to create a feeling of paranoia and
terror. The sexy Mizuno (the "Ginger" character) sings a song; she's familiar to Japanese genre fans from FRANKENSTEIN
CONQUERS THE WORLD, WAR OF THE GARGANTUANS and MONSTER ZERO.
MATINEE (1993)--Directed by Joe Dante. Stars
John Goodman, Cathy Moriarty, Simon Fenton, Kellie Martin. Probably Dante's best feature, it stars Fenton as a monster-movie-loving
kid in Key West, Florida during the Cuban Missile Crisis. He tries to distract himself from the possibility of nuclear war
by attending the premiere of MANT!, a new horror movie by director Lawrence Woolsey (Goodman in an homage to William Castle),
who arrives in Key West with his acerbic actress star and girl friend Ruth Corday (Moriarty in a nod to Mara Corday). Dante
and his scripter Charlie Haas have done a fantastic job creating the perilous atmosphere surrounded one of contemporary American
historys scariest periods, yet capturing exactly the nostalgia and whimsy of what it must have been like to have been a kid
at that time. MATINEE's best parts, however, are the scenes of the film-within-the-film, MANT!, which are hilarious and feature
'50s throwbacks Kevin McCarthy, William Schallert and Robert Cornthwaite. Filmed in Florida with a supporting cast that includes
Robert Picardo, Dick Miller, John Sayles, Omri Katz, Lisa Jakub, Jesse Lee and Jesse White. Music by Jerry Goldsmith.
THE MATRIX (1999)--Directed by Andy & Larry
Wachowski. Stars Keanu Reeves, Laurence Fishburne, Carrie-Anne Moss. One of the most influential (re: most frequently
ripped-off) films of its era, THE MATRIX stars Reeves ("Whoa!") as Tom Anderson, a typical '90s computer programmer working
for a large, nameless, colorless corporation, who is recruited by a band of underground rebels led by Morpheus (Fishburne).
Turns out that life as we know it is not real, but a fantasy created for us by a mysterious alien race that has imprisoned
the entire human race to use as energy for its conquest of the universe. Using telephone lines and drugs, Morpheus and
his followers, including sultry Trinity (Moss), can travel back and forth between the "real" and real worlds in their efforts
to smash the Matrix.
For a film that has been so highly touted as innovative and intelligent,
it sure did seem pretty derivative and simple-minded to me. The basic concept is certainly not new, taking bits and
pieces from sources as disparate as TWILIGHT ZONE and Marvel's Killraven series of the 1970s, except written with a lot less
humanity and dimension. The two-guys-in-sunglasses-and-leather-coats-shooting-at-each-other-in-slow-motion-and-hitting-everything-except-each-other
gimmick has been done to death, and the action scenes are only cutting-edge to anyone who's never seen a Hong Kong martial
arts flick. I won't even mention the blankness of Keanu Reeves as a lead, since it's a given his casting as anyone with
intelligence is a joke (the "I know kung fu" line actually made me laugh). THE MATRIX is sadly mediocre in every aspect,
including its obvious visual effects and knuckleheaded insistence on taking itself completely seriously. How a movie
with robot space squids in it can fail to see the humor in itself is beyond me, but this one does. That this movie was
the critical and commercial success that it was tells me that there's a serious shortage of good science fiction cinema out
there. Also with Joe Pantoliano, Hugo Weaving and Gloria Foster. Industrial score by Don Davis. After $171
million at the domestic box office, look for two sequels in 2003.
THE MATRIX RELOADED (2003)--Directed by Andy
& Larry Wachowski. Stars Keanu Reeves, Laurence Fishburne, Carrie-Anne Moss, Hugo Weaving. Back for another
go-round with shades-wearing Agent Smith (Weaving) inside the Matrix are Neo (Reeves), Morpheus (Fishburne) and Trinity (Moss),
still fighting the evil machines that have imprisoned Earth's populace inside a massive computer program. I found little
in this big-budget, highly anticipated sequel to be interesting, especially the miles of ponderous double-speak (written by
the Wachowski Brothers) that passes for dialogue and the dour performances of the main actors. With so little sense
of humor about itself, it's no wonder that some scenes made me laugh out loud, working more like MAD parodies of THE MATRIX
than an actual sequel.
With only three days until the alien probes discover the human survivor's
underground basecamp of Zion, Neo (who can now fly and repel bullets, in addition to his superhuman kung fu skills) and his
followers attempt to face down their captors in a series of admittedly impressive action scenes. Impressive, that is,
as long as you don't think about how stupid and illogical they are. Don Davis returns with an unusual techno score,
while sultry Monica Bellucci and old pros Anthony Zerbe and the late Gloria Foster add a touch of class to this zombie show.
Look out for THE MATRIX REVOLUTIONS in late 2003.
MATT HELM (1975)--Directed by Buzz Kulik.
Stars Anthony Franciosa, Laraine Stephens, Ann Turkel, John Vernon, Patrick Macnee, Hari Rhodes. Franciosa is tough-talkin',
wisecrackin', gum-chewin' Los Angeles private eye Matt Helm, a former government agent now content to chase bad guys around
in his sporty red Datsun and come home at night to his groovy, double-deck bachelor pad and sexy attorney girlfriend Claire
Kronski (Stephens). In this series pilot, Helm investigates the murder of an acquaintance, a fellow P.I. looking into
the murder of an Army soldier more than a decade before. The client is beautiful actress Maggie Gentry (Turkel), the
soldier's daughter. Helm's path leads him to shady arms dealer Harry Paine (Vernon), who may or may not be the killer
and who may or may not have had plastic surgery to conceal his identity. The case gets even more complicated when Helm's
old bosses at "The Machine" become involved, as well as an English mercenary (Macnee) and an African revolutionary (Rhodes).
It's no surprise that MATT HELM, the series, lasted only 13 weeks,
because, judging from the pilot, there was little to distinguish it from the zillion other cop shows glutting the networks
during the 1970s. A great indicator is its opening Credit Sequence o' Clichés, which is unintentionally hilarious as
it cuts to Helm shooting, running, fighting, driving, jumping and kicking ass to the wildly wailing strains of Jerry Fielding's
jazzy theme. Actually, some of the more serious moments, as Helm reflects upon his dirty past as an agent, hold a bit
of weight and give a hint of the Show That Could Have Been. Unfortunately, Kulik (THE HUNTER) and scripter Sam Rolfe
(THE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E.) chose to concentrate on the hip, swinging Matt Helm instead of the tough, edgy one. Franciosa
is fine in a part he could play in his sleep (and perhaps did), while the rest of the strong cast groove with little effort.
For some reason, no producer has ever wanted to tackle Helm as he
was originally written. Created by novelist Donald Hamilton in the early 1960s, Matt Helm was a no-nonsense government
spy who would just as soon slap a woman as make love to her and punched, shot, and belted his way through several pulpy novels
with grit and conviction. However, when Helm first hit the screen in 1966, Dean Martin, who sleepwalked through the
part at best and was insouciantly lifeless at worst, played him as a boozy spy spoof. Spy movies were huge at the time,
and Martin managed to squeeze four increasingly silly adventures out of the series (whose level of wit may have been Matt's
secretary, whose name was "Lovey Kravezit"). Rolfe inexplicably made Helm a California private eye in the series, albeit
one with a secret agent past. Franciosa is no acting heavyweight, but there's no reason to believe he couldn't have
pulled off a darker, more action-oriented Matt Helm. We'll never know, but Hamilton's books, 25 or so, are still out
there if anyone wants to adapt them someday. Also with Gene Evans, Val Bisoglio, James Shigeta, Joan Shawlee, Frank
Campanella and a pre-DUKES OF HAZZARD Catherine Bach. Music by Jerry Fielding.
MAU MAU SEX SEX (2001)—Directed by Ted Bonnitt.
Stars David F. Friedman, Dan Sonney. Friedman and Sonney were pioneers of exploitation cinema, back in the days when
charming hucksters could hit the road with a cheaply produced melodrama or jungle documentary, craft an outrageously hyperbolic
poster and trailer, and make back their investment dozens of times over. Films like CHILD BRIDE, MOM AND DAD and THE
DEFILERS didn’t win any awards or critical plaudits (very few were ever even reviewed in publications of the time),
but they made their producers millionaires. Catching up with Friedman and Sonney decades later is a lot of fun, and
you’d never believe that these good-naturedly grumpy senior citizens wallowed in such sleazy fare. Film historian
(and BASKET CASE director) Frank Henenlotter is interviewed, and a highlight is Friedman and Sonney’s visit to Something
Weird Video’s warehouse, where curator Mike Vraney shows off extremely rare reels of their old films that he has salvaged
over the years. Makes for a great double feature with SEX AND BUTTERED POPCORN, even though some material overlaps.
MAUSOLEUM (1983)—Directed by Michael Dugan.
Stars Bobbie Bresee, Marjoe Gortner, Norman Burton, LaWanda Page. Laughable supernatural horror at least contains boobs
and interesting visuals, thanks to some clever angles, creepy lighting, and John Buechler's makeup effects. All the
acting is bad, and I'll gladly pay a bounty to anyone who can adequately explain the ending. Rich housewife Bresee (in
her film debut) is possessed by a demon that makes her really horny. She seduces the gardener and rips him apart with
her claws. She also kills her aunt, a flower delivery boy, an art dealer (the movie’s coolest kill), and her businessman
husband (Gortner) before shrink Burton saves the day. Bresee, who was 37 when she filmed this, had a brief run as an
‘80s scream queen (EVIL SPAWN).
MAVERICK (1994)--Directed by Richard Donner.
Stars Mel Gibson, Jodie Foster, James Garner. Wonderful western/comedy based on the 1957-63 TV series starring Garner as gambler
Bret Maverick, a fast-talking dandy who would much rather play cards than fight. Gibson takes the Maverick role this time
around; Garner plays Marshal Zane Cooper, and Foster plays a foxy lady gambler named Annabel. Plot concerns Maverick's efforts
to raise $3000 in order to participate in a high-stakes winner-take-all poker tournament on a Mississippi riverboat. However,
the plot takes a back seat to the amiable performances and the action and comic set pieces, including Gibson trying to stop
a runaway stagecoach. Script by BUTCH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE KID's William Goldman is full of twists and double-crosses;
also a couple of wide plotholes, but you'll have no problem ignoring them. Also with James Coburn, Graham Greene and Alfred
Molina; cameos by familiar western stars Doug McClure, Robert Fuller, William Smith, William Marshall, Henry Darrow, Dennis
Fimple, Clint Black and others. Gorgeous cinematography by Vilmos Zsigmond. Neat twist ending.
MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE
(1986)--Directed by Stephen King. Stars Emilio Estevez, Pat Hingle, Laura Harrington, Yeardley Smith. Author King directs
his own terrible Stephen King movie. When Earth moves too close to the tail of an orbiting comet, inanimate mechanical objects--everything
from semi-trucks to soda machines--come to life and terrorize the staff and customers of a North Carolina truck stop. The
concept is interesting, but King shows no flair for filmmaking whatsoever. Look for Giancarlo Esposito and Marla Maples. Score
by AC/DC.
MAXIMUM RISK (1996)--Directed by Ringo Lam. Stars Jean-Claude Van Damme, Natasha Hentsridge.
Is it some kind of rule that Hong Kong action directors coming to the U.S. must work with Jean-Claude Van Damme before moving
on to Western success? John Woo's initial American actioner was 1993's HARD TARGET, which was no classic by Woo standards,
but was J-C's best outing yet. Too bad Lam couldn't have done the same. MAXIMUM RISK really looks no different that any other
Van Damme film. It's not really a bad film; there's just nothing here we haven't seen dozens of times before. Van Damme is
a French cop named Alain who discovers the dead body of the twin brother he never knew he had. The brother, Mikhail, grew
up in New York, and became a key player in the Russian mob. Alain flies to New York, impersonates his brother, sleeps with
his brother's gorgeous girlfriend (played by Canadian model Henstridge of SPECIES), and becomes mixed up with mobsters and
some renegade FBI agents. Film contains plenty of chases, crashes, explosions, shootings, stabbings and fights with a bit
of sex tossed in, but it really isn't too interesting.
MAYDAY (2005)--Directed by TJ Scott.
Stars Aidan Quinn, Kelly Hu, Dean Cain, Charles S. Dutton, Gail O‘Grady, Michael Murphy, Sasha Roiz. Kudos to
CBS for being virtually the only television network to continue producing crappy movies for its Sunday night lineup.
MAYDAY is based on a novel co-written by Nelson DeMille. I have read most of DeMille's work, including THE GENERAL'S
DAUGHTER, CATHEDRAL and WORD OF HONOR, but somehow missed this one. If director Scott adapted it accurately, then it
doesn't seem as though it was worth reading.
MAYDAY is a movie you've already seen a zillion times, from
big-budget studio affairs like AIRPORT 1975 and SKYJACKED (hmmm, both with Charlton Heston) to low-budget DTV schlock like
GROUND CONTROL and TURBULENCE 3: HEAVY METAL. It's the 1,583,433rd movie about a novice pilot who takes over the cockpit
of a passenger jet and manages to land it with help from the control tower and a stiff-upper-lipped stew. MAYDAY does
throw in an interesting twist that I don't think I've seen before, in that the people on the ground don't particularly want
the disabled plane to land and try to sabotage it.
Aidan Quinn (BLINK) stars as a "weekend pilot" taking a flight
from San Francisco to Tokyo. After the U.S. Navy fires a test missile that accidentally smashes into the passenger jet, ripping
a hole in one side of the fuselage and exiting through another on the other side, most of the passengers and crew are either
sucked out 65,000 feet above the Earth or in an oxygen-deprivation coma. Only a handful of able-bodied passengers remain,
including Quinn and stewardess Kelly Hu (X-MEN 2). The radio is out, so Quinn can only communicate with the authorities
in San Fran via a datalink that involves text messaging. Unfortunately, an icy insurance executive (Gail O'Grady of AMERICAN
DREAMS) convinces an oily airline executive (Sasha Roiz) that it would be better off for their companies--and certainly cheaper--if
the airplane were to crash, so they IM false instructions to Quinn. Meanwhile, the dumbass Naval commander (Dean Cain,
the 21st-century Dack Rambo) that fired the missile also wants to cover up his mishap, so he orders his fighter pilots to
blow the jet out of the sky. His superior officer (Charles S. "Roc" Dutton, currently starring in CBS' THRESHOLD) seems opposed
to it, but he doesn't exactly exert himself to stop Cain.
All the clichés are here, and it says something about the cast
that they almost make you believe what's going on, even though director Scott provides zero suspense and the story is ludicrous
(I mean, really, how did the airline think it was going to cover up its instructions to Quinn to turn off his engines?). The
crummy CGI effects would have been laughable in a LAND OF THE LOST episode thirty years ago and make one long for a return
to three-dimensional miniature effects. Also with Richard Fitzpatrick and Victoria Pratt (CLEOPATRA 2525). Music
by Sean Callery. CBS followed MAYDAY with a movie about Kansas’ notorious BTK serial killer, a WALKER, TEXAS RANGER
reunion and VAMPIRE BATS, a sequel (!) to LOCUSTS starring Lucy Lawless.
MAZES AND MONSTERS (1982)--Directed by Steven
H. Stern. Stars Chris Makepeace, Tom Hanks, Wendy Crewson, Louise Sorel. Probably most notable as an early starring role for
Oscar-winner Hanks not long after his BOSOM BUDDIES series was cancelled. Hanks, Makepeace and some friends become obsessed
with Dungeons and Dragons, and start playing it for real. This TV-movie features Anne Francis, Vera Miles, Lloyd Bochner,
Susan Strasberg and Murray Hamilton. Based on a novel by Rona Jaffe, it's sometimes known as RONA JAFFES MAZES AND MONSTERS.
MCBAIN (1991)—Directed by James Glickenhaus.
Stars Christopher Walken, Maria Conchita Alonzo, Steve James, Chick Vennera, Michael Ironside. Walken is miscast as
McBain, a soldier of fortune who once was rescued from a Vietnamese POW camp by his buddy Santos. Now, years later,
Santos (Vennera), a Latin American revolutionary, is dead, and his sister (Alonzo) shows up asking McBain to join her cause
and avenge Santos’ murder. The politics is just as cartoony as the violence, as McBain and his squad shows up
in Colombia and starts slaughtering druglords and corrupt politicians. Despite Glickenhaus’ obvious affinity for
staging explosive action sequences, I found MCBAIN lacking in excitement, partially because Walken’s eccentricities
are incompatible with the crude storytelling on display. Music by Christopher Franke.
THE McMASTERS
(1970)--Directed by Alf Kjellin. Stars Brock Peters, Burl Ives, David Carradine, Jack Palance, Nancy Kwan. Former
slave Benjie (Peters) returns to the Southern ranch of Neil McMasters (Ives) after serving four years in the Union army.
Now a free man, Benjie rejoins his former master, a man he loves like his own father, and is rewarded with an equal partnership
in McMasters' property. Neil may welcome Benjie back with open arms, but the rest of the community doesn't, as one-armed
racist Kolby (Palance) and his men begin a violent revolution against the new black landowner. Benjie's only allies
are a few scattered townspeople and some local Indians, including young, educated White Feather (Carradine) and his sister,
Robin (Kwan), who becomes Benjie's wife.
This independently produced western was financed by a British
company and filmed in New Mexico by a Swedish director of American television. The screenplay by Harold Jacob Smith
(INHERIT THE WIND) is unabashedly liberal and terribly violent, aided by Coleridge-Taylor Perkinson's foreboding score.
Several reports, including Carradine's autobiography, claim the film was heavily cut by its English financier before release,
although another 98-minute version favored by the director, writer and stars also saw theatrical release. The television
print I saw was crudely edited, and was probably the shorter 90-minute version. Kjellin seems to have been a good choice,
contributing a stark atmosphere reminiscent of a Bergman film. With L.Q. Jones, R.G. Armstrong, Dane Clark, John Carradine,
Alan Vint and Frank Raiter. Peters and producer Monroe Sachson worked together on THE INCIDENT.
McQ
(1974)--Directed by John Sturges. Stars John Wayne, Eddie Albert, Colleen Dewhurst, Clu Gulager, Al Lettieri. The Duke is
a Seattle detective looking for the killer of a fellow cop, and in the process uncovers corruption in the Department. Wayne
was a bit long-in-the-tooth for this kind of action role (and looks kind of silly in an ill-fitting toupee), but he puts enough
into it to make you wonder why he didn't play more contemporary cop roles. Features a few good action scenes and an excellent
car crash on the beach. Jazzy score by Elmer Bernstein. Also with Diana Muldaur, Jim Watkins and Bobby Kelton. From the director
of THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN.
MEAN DOG BLUES (1978)--Directed by Mel Stuart.
Stars Gregg Henry, George Kennedy, Kay Lenz. Henry, a blond leading man still extremely busy in films and TV guest shots
(GILMORE GIRLS, 24), plays Jack Ramsey, a wannabe songwriter driving cross-country to Nashville to audition for a music producer.
His car breaks down, and he's picked up by an obnoxious alcoholic politician (William Windom, usually dependable, but overacting
in this one) and his horny wife (Tina Louise). A drunken Windom runs down a 10-year-old girl with his car, but he and his
sympathetic wife frame Jack on manslaughter charges and convince him that he'll receive a suspended sentence if he goes along
quietly. Windom crosses Jack up, however, and the young man ends up on a Southern chain gang run by the hardnosed Captain
Omar Kinsman (George Kennedy), who wanders about sleeveless and loves his killer Doberman more than he does any one person,
including his horny jailbait daughter (the delicious Christina Hart, who performs her obligatory topless scene as well as
she did in the earlier JOHNNY FIRECLOUD).
After running into trouble with a big tough con (John Daniels of BLACK
SHAMPOO), Jack volunteers to be Kinsman's new "dog nigger" after the Doberman chomps on the current job holder, Mudcat (Scatman
Crothers). What the gig entails is running your ass off six hours a day through the swamp while Kinsman's #1 guard (James
Wainwright) and his trustees chase you with the tracking dogs...and the Doberman, which Kinsman may decide to run without
its muzzle if you give him enough trouble...or get caught in a compromising position with his daughter. Meanwhile, as
Jack designs a plan to exercise the dogs for real by making an actual break for freedom, his wife (Kay Lenz) appeals to Windom
and Louise to make things right and admit who the real driver of the car was.
Also in the film: Gregory Sierra (BARNEY MILLER), Felton Perry (MAGNUM
FORCE), Ian Wolfe, Marc Alaimo and Edith Atwater. Mel Stuart (WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY) directed it, probably
in Southern California. As you can see, MEAN DOG BLUES is worth watching for its cast, if for nothing else. It's not often
you see a group of actors like this hanging out together. Henry hadn't done much film at this time, besides appearing as Nick
Nolte's son in RICH MAN, POOR MAN: BOOK II. Despite a choice role in Brian DePalma's BODY DOUBLE, he never really broke out,
although he has been a dependable performer in films and television ever since. A year later, he reunited with Kennedy in
Jeff Lieberman's DELIVERANCE takeoff JUST BEFORE DAWN. Music by Fred Karlin.
MEAN FRANK AND CRAZY TONY--See ESCAPE FROM
DEATH ROW.
MEAN JOHNNY BARROWS (1975)--Directed by Fred Williamson.
Stars Fred Williamson, Stuart Whitman, Roddy McDowall, Luther Adler, Anthony Caruso. The Hammer's directorial debut
is mainly an exercise in bizarro casting. Would you believe McDowall as the son of Italian mobster Caruso? Or
that Williamson and Whitman could have gone to high school at the same time? Me neither. Fred is Johnny Barrows,
a Vietnam vet unjustly discharged dishonorably and sent home to L.A., where he discovers his high-school football stardom
and his Silver Star aren't much help in getting a job or finding shelter. A gangster named Mario Ricconi (Whitman) tries
to help, but Johnny wants no more to do with killing and ends up sweeping floors in a gas station. On the other hand,
it's hard to hold on to your dignity when you're scrubbing toilets for $21 a month, and Johnny soon finds himself drawn into
a Mob war between the Ricconis and the DaVinces. Williamson's film is very crude and clearly lensed on the cheap, but
it aims higher than most of his oeuvre, creating a sadly believable existence for Johnny that culminates in a downer of an
ending. There's hardly any action until the final half-hour or so, which is where Fred seems more at home, clad in a
white turtleneck and gunning down the bad guys. "Special Guest Star" Elliott Gould pops up in a strangely brief and
seemingly improvised cameo as a hobo. Also with Jenny Sherman, R.G. Armstrong, Robert Phillips, Mike Henry and Leon
Isaac Kennedy.
THE MEAN MACHINE (1973)--Directed by Tulio
Demicheli. Stars Christopher Mitchum, Barbara Bouchet, Arthur Kennedy, Malisa Longo. Ex-con Ricco (Mitchum) is released after
a two-year prison sentence, and finds his late mobster father's empire has been taken over by his father's murderer, Don Vito
(Kennedy). After a reunion with his invalid mother and oversexed sister and brother-in-law, Ricco attempts to pay a visit
on his old flame Rosa (Longo), only to discover that she too is in Vito's possession. Ricco is soon the only surviving member
of his clan--thanks to Vito's goons--and, teaming up with Rosa's sexy blonde cousin (Bouchet), seeks vengeance against the
Don, who, although he never uses it himself, makes his own soap in the basement, and frequently uses the lye vats to dispose
of his enemies.
Mitchum is a pretty inexpressive actor, and he isn't real believable
in the action scenes either (in one swatfest with a thug, he actually flinches in a very unmanly manner to avoid being hit!),
but Demicheli keeps the sex and violence quotient so high that Mitchum's inadequacies are soon forgiven. One of Vito's victims
is castrated before being turned into soapsuds, there's a graphic closeup of a head with a bullet hole in it, and Bouchet
performs a jawdropping strip tease that still has my eyes reeling. I have seen a poster advertising this as THE CAULDRON OF
DEATH with taglines like "Tender Flesh, Burning Acid" to make you believe it's a horror movie! Also known as THE DIRTY MOB,
RICCO and GANGLAND, THE MEAN MACHINE was released by Monterey Home Video in a cropped but decent-looking print that may or
may not be cut, but still contains quite a bit of nudity and gore.
THE MEAN SEASON (1985)--Directed
by Philip Borsos. Stars Kurt Russell, Mariel Hemingway, Richard Jordan. Set in hot, humid Miami, Russell stars as newspaper
Malcolm Anderson, who feels burned out at his job and is considering a move with his girlfriend (Hemingway) to sedate Colorado.
He is reinvigorated when, after covering the murder of a teenage girl, the killer (Jordan) begins calling him and giving him
details of his next murders. Russell and the police form an uneasy alliance, but when Jordan gets jealous of Russell's new
fame, the story heads in a different (but not unexpected) direction. The screenplay (by Leon Piedmont, based upon the novel
IN THE HEAT OF THE SUMMER by John Katzenbach) relies on too many false scares and a clichd ending, but Borsos does a fair
job generating suspense, and Jordan is pretty good as the psycho. Also with Richard Masur, Joe Pantoliano, Richard Bradford,
William Smith and Andy Garcia. Music by Lalo Schifrin is an odd mixture of jazz and orchestral styles.
MEAN
STREETS (1973)--Directed by Martin Scorsese. Stars Robert DeNiro, Harvey Keitel. One of the decade's best films is
this story of Italian-American gangsters in New York City. Who could have guessed the director of BOXCAR BERTHA would come
up with such a rich and fascinating document of city life? Features plenty of violence and cursing (Scorsese staples). Watch
for the scene where an unbilled David Carradine gets shot in a bar. Also with Cesare Danova, Jeanne Bell (TNT JACKSON), Richard
Romanus, Amy Robinson and Robert Carradine.
THE MEANEST MEN IN THE WEST (1967?)--Directed
by Samuel Fuller, Abner Biberman & Charles S. Dubin. Stars James Drury, Lee J. Cobb, Lee Marvin, Charles Bronson,
Lance Kerwin, Michael Conrad, Sara Lane. This "movie" is a compilation of at least two and maybe more episodes of NBC's
acclaimed 90-minute western series THE VIRGINIAN. Unlike most films of this type, which are usually either two-part
episodes cut together or two unrelated episodes stitched together to create two distinct halves, MEANEST actually attempts
to make its two disparate storylines into one through the use of lengthy voiceover narration, clumsy editing and hilariously
bad inserts. Top-billed Cobb barely appears in the first half, and series regular Doug McClure ("Trampas") receives
no billing at all. Although only Fuller and Dubin receive directorial credit, the episodes used are "It Tolls for Thee",
first telecast 11/21/62 and written and directed by Fuller, and "Reckoning", telecast 11/13/67, penned by Ed Waters and directed
by Biberman. I think Dubin may have directed new footage shot exclusively for MEANEST MEN, a prologue featuring young
Kerwin and Conrad as his brutal stepfather.
After young Kalig murders his stepfather, he takes his newborn brother
Harge (their mother died in childbirth) to be raised by an aunt, then sets out alone to become one of the Old West's most
notorious outlaws. Now played by Marvin, Kalig blames Harge for his mother's death. Harge (Bronson) has also become
a noted outlaw, whose own wife is due with their first child. While Kalig kidnaps Judge Garth (Cobb), who sentenced
him to prison years ago, for a little game of psychological torture, Harge kidnaps the judge's daughter Elizabeth (Lane, who's
actually playing the daughter of Judge Grainger, who was portrayed by Cobb's successor on THE VIRGINIAN, Stewart Granger)
both to help with the childbirth and to bring into the open the Virginian (Drury), whom Harge blames for his own jail term.
Since the two episodes were filmed five years apart, the footage
suffers from mismatched grain and color. Plus, Universal's attempts at convincing us that Marvin and Bronson actually
worked together consist mostly of cutting jarring shots of one actor into scenes involving the other, the result of which
is a confusing muddle. In its attempt to play up the star presence of Bronson and Marvin, Universal mostly ignores the
TV stars, and if you didn't know going in you were watching VIRGINIAN reruns, you'd be hard-pressed to guess who Cobb and
Drury were or what the relationship between them was. To stretch the running time, the editors frequently cutaway to
a family journal, which reveals the Bronson character to be about 24 years old, a mean feat for the craggy-faced 45-year-old
actor!
The supporting cast is worth pointing out, however: Albert
Salmi, Don Mitchell, Warren Kemmerling, Ross Hagen, Regis Cordic, Bonnie Bartlett and a young Charles Grodin (!) as a snarling
gunsel. Hal Mooney receives composer credit, but, as he was heading Universal's music department at the time, his contribution
was probably no more than assigning a spotter to piece together library cues for the score.
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