CLASS OF 1984 (1982)--Directed by Mark L. Lester. Stars Perry King, Timothy Van Patten, Roddy McDowall. Brutal exploitation film about a gang of young punks terrorizing an inner-city high school. When gang leader Van Patten rapes the wife of peaceful music teacher King, King decides to fight fire with fire and wreaks revenge on the gang members one by one. McDowall is memorable as the nervous biology teacher who brings a gun to class. Look for a pudgy Michael J. Fox in an early role as a nerdy student. King commits some pretty creative killings. From the director of SHOWDOWN IN LITTLE TOKYO. Score by Lalo Schifrin; songs by Alice Cooper.

CLAWS (1977)—Directed by Richard Bansbach and Robert E. Pierson. Stars Jason Evers, Leon Ames, Anthony Caruso, Carla Layton, Glenn Sipes. Alaska Pictures produced this GRIZZLY ripoff—where else?—in Alaska. Writer/producer/cinematographer Chuck Keen worked on just about every film Alaska Pictures made, but this was the one-and-only for the co-directors. Whether they directed together or one replaced the other isn’t known to me.

If you’re excited by bloodless bear attacks filmed without imagination or even light some of the time, well, CLAWS may be for you. You’d be better off with GRIZZLY. You’re probably even better off with PROPHECY, which is as loony as it is inept. CLAWS is straightforward nonsense with clunky flashbacks thrown in to complicate its simple story. Lame dialogue and wooden performances also bog down this revenge tale.

Logger Jason (Evers) swears vengeance against the mean old grizzly bear that destroyed his arm in an attack—an obsession that has driven away his wife Chris (Layton) and five-year-old son Bucky. Although five years have passed since the “devil bear” was wounded by poachers, it continues to attack hikers and hunters in the Alaskan wilderness, building up quite a legend for itself among the locals.

As angry as Jason has become over those five years, you can imagine how he flips out when Bucky is chomped on a Scout campout that prefigures the hilarious sleeping bag bear attack in PROPHECY two years later. In a poor attempt to add complexity to the human relationships, Chris is given a new boyfriend, Howard Lockhart (Sipes), a Scoutmaster who talked her into allowing Bucky to go on the ill-fated outing.

Like GRIZZLY (and JAWS, the progenitor of all these Animals Attack flicks), the third act finds Jason, Howard, forest ranger Ames, and Indian medicine man Caruso stalking the woods in search of the bear—a hunt they obviously won’t all return from. Evers, a stiff performer who nevertheless appeared constantly on television during the 1960s and 1970s, plays his first feature lead since the infamous THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN’T DIE and not all that well. A bit of humor somewhere in the movie may have helped his dour performances, but all of the laughs are strictly accidental. Caruso’s goofy visions and the hilariously inexpressive bear suit are real gasses.

CLEAN AND SOBER (1988)--Directed by Glenn Gordon Caron. Stars Michael Keaton, Kathy Baker, Morgan Freeman, M. Emmet Walsh. Keaton turned a lot of moviegoers' and reviewers' heads in his first dramatic movie role. Keaton plays a yuppie cocaine addict who finally, after embezzling thousands of dollars from his employers and accidentally contributing to the overdose death of a woman, commits himself to a rehabilitation center. He clashes with counselor Freeman and patients Baker and Walsh. Despite his TV background, director Caron raises the level of this drama above that of a television movie, thanks to an Oscar-worthy performance by Keaton in the lead role. Also with Brian Benben, Claudia Christian and Harley Jane Kozak. Ron Howard executive-produced.

CLEANER (2008)—Directed by Renny Harlin.  Stars Samuel L. Jackson, Ed Harris, Eva Mendes, Luis Guzman, Keke Palmer.  Routine mystery is low-key for Harlin, who specializes in over-the-top action fare (DIE HARD 2, DEEP BLUE SEA).  Jackson’s Tom Cutler is an ex-cop who makes his living removing the blood and guts from crime scenes after the bodies have been taken away.  His latest job is at the home of a man reported missing by his wife (Mendes), but after destroying all trace evidence, he learns that Mendes didn’t make the appointment, nor did the cops, including Tom’s old partner Harris and investigating detective Guzman, who thinks Cutler may the killer.  The real killer’s identity isn’t that difficult to predict, and Jackson’s amiable performance is wasted in an actionless thriller that doesn’t deserve it.  Mendes is a poor actress who doesn’t even deserve this movie.  Robert Forster cameos as that Hollywood staple: the comic-relief coroner.  Music by Richard Gibbs.

CLEAR AND PRESENT DANGER (1994)--Directed by Philip Noyce. Stars Harrison Ford, Willem Dafoe, Anne Archer. Ford returns as his Jack Ryan character from PATRIOT GAMES, and attempts to capture a South American druglord played by Miguel Sandoval. One exciting action sequence showed up a year later virtually intact as stock footage in an episode of the CBS-TV series JAG. Script by Steven Zaillian, Donald Stewart and John Milius. Also with Harris Yulin, Donald Moffat, Henry Czerny, Hope Lange, Dean Jones and James Earl Jones.

CLEOPATRA JONES (1973)--Directed by Jack Starrett. Stars Tamara Dobson, Shelley Winters, Antonio Fargas, Bernie Casey. Dobson plays the title character, a black, six-foot, karate-chopping beauty out to stop the evil plans of drug-dealing Winters. With Brenda Sykes, Esther Rolle, Albert Popwell and Paul Koslo. Music by J.J. Johnson. Thanks to her exotic good looks and her tall stature, Dobson was a leading queen of 1970s black exploitation films, although not on the level of the great Pam Grier. Dobson returned two years later in CLEOPATRA JONES AND THE CASINO OF GOLD. Director Starrett was a character actor who appeared in a lot of exploitation films and TV. Co-writer Max Julien played the title role in THE MACK. Look for the great Cleopatra Schwartz parody in John Landis's KENTUCKY FRIED MOVIE.

CLEOPATRA JONES AND THE CASINO OF GOLD (1975)--Directed by Chuck Bail. Stars Tamara Dobson, Tanny, Stella Stevens, Norman Fell, Albert Popwell. Sequel finds Dobson's kung-fu fighting CIA agent in Hong Kong, where her mission is to stop the drug smuggling activities of the Dragon Queen (Stevens), a master sword-fighter who runs a gaudy casino in Macao. Newcomer Tanny is a sexy Chinese agent who helps Cleo. Exciting combination of the blaxploitation, kung fu and James Bond genres contains plenty of swift action sequences. Plus future "Mr. Roper" Fell plays a CIA authority named Stanley! The 6'2" Dobson wears lots of silver eye shadow and some truly huge hats. Music by Dominic Frontiere.

CLERKS (1994)--Directed by Kevin Smith. Stars Brian O'Halloran, Jeff Anderson, Marilyn Ghigliotti, Lisa Spoonhauer, Jason Mewes, Kevin Smith. Smith's first film was financed mainly through credit cards, an insurance settlement for his car that was ruined in a flood, and the sale of his comic book collection. It was made for $22,000, and filmed at night in the same convenience store in Leonardo, New Jersey where Smith worked during the day. CLERKS is a day in the life of Dante Hicks (O'Halloran), a college-aged slacker who works in a Quik Stop, plays hockey and video games, and trades philosophical barbs with his obnoxious best pal Randal (Anderson), who works (badly) at the video store next door. CLERKS isn't a story as much as a series of events involving Dante, Randal, Dante's sweet girlfriend Veronica (Ghigliotti), his slutty ex-girlfriend Caitlin (Spoonhauer), and the crazy customers who populate their day. If it isn't a chewing gum salesman holding a rousing anti-smoking rally, it's the middle-aged porn freak who dies in the store's bathroom. Or the culturally stunted video renters with a passion for NAVY SEALS. Or the guidance counselor mesmerized by his search for the perfect egg. Or potty-mouthed drug dealer Jay (Mewes) and his silent sidekick Silent Bob (Smith), who pop into the story at regular intervals.

Thanks to its sharp, witty dialogue (written by Smith) and some fine performances, CLERKS was noticed at the Sundance Film Festival, where Miramax snapped it up. Although budget limitations kept the camera mostly stationary and the number of set-ups low, resulting in some very long takes, CLERKS is never dull and was a striking debut for Smith, who went on to the notorious Universal flop MALLRATS, and then CHASING AMY, DOGMA and JAY & SILENT BOB STRIKE BACK. Also with producer Scott Mosier, Vincent Pereira, Walt Flanagan (in four roles!), cinematographer David Klein (on a low-budget picture like CLERKS, everybody gets into the movie!) and Ed Hapstak. Soul Asylum appears on the soundtrack.

Thirtysomething slackers Dante (Brian O'Halloran) and Randall (Jeff Anderson) now work at a fast-food joint called Mooby's, a year after their beloved Quik Stop burned to the ground as a result of Randall leaving the damn coffee pot turned on again. It's Dante's last day; he leaves the following morning with his fiancée Emma (Smith's wife Jennifer Schwalbach) for Florida, where her father plans to set Dante up managing a car wash. Although Dante manages to cover up whatever anxiety he may have about starting a new life without best buddy Randall, he isn't so successful breaking away from his boss Becky (Rosario Dawson), for whom he has feelings.

If nothing else, CLERKS II brings man-on-donkey sex into the mainstream, so I guess it's good for something. O'Halloran, Anderson and Smith and Jason Mewes still aren't charismatic enough to carry a feature, but Dawson is. She's so bright and energetic and natural and beautiful that she almost makes you believe that she could fall in love with Dante. Almost. CLERKS II is better than JERSEY GIRL, but no higher in Smith's repertoire, and it certainly isn't even as funny as the CLERKS TV series, an animated sitcom that ABC bitchslapped, mishandled and cancelled after only two telecasts. Also with Jason Lee, Ben Affleck, Wanda Sykes, Ethan Suplee and Trevor Fehrman. Music by James Venable.

CLIFFHANGER (1993)--Directed by Renny Harlin. Stars Sylvester Stallone, Janine Turner, John Lithgow, Michael Rooker. This stupid big-budget action film is actually watchable in a guilty-pleasure kind of way. After a group of hijackers (led by Lithgow) with lots of firepower is stranded in the Rocky Mountains, forest ranger Stallone is the only man who can capture them. Shot in the Italian Alps, the film opens with a spinetingling stunt sequence, and features plenty of slick action scenes. Unfortunately Michael France's screenplay is foolish, and some of the dialogue will make you howl. Ralph Waite, Paul Winfield and Leon also appear. Music by Trevor Jones. Harlin followed this with a number of major flops, such as CUTTHROAT ISLAND, THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT and DRIVEN (also with Stallone).

CLOAK & DAGGER (1984)--Directed by Richard Franklin.  Stars Henry Thomas, Dabney Coleman, Michael Murphy.  Lots of Atari product placement dots this fun kids' thriller.  Ten-year-old Davey (Thomas) has quite an active imagination, spending his summer playing fantasy spy games with his imaginary friend, super-spy Jack Flack (Coleman), who bears a remarkable likeness to Davey's father.  The fun turns to suspense when Davey witnesses a murder and the victim hands him a video-game cartridge containing a secret microdot.  Nobody believes Davey's story, leaving the lad on his own to dash around San Antonio with a trio of assassins on his tail.  Yep, it's the Boy Who Cried Wolf updated for the Atari Age, as Davey uses the strategies from the role-playing and video games he plays with Flack to outsmart the bad guys.  Coleman is good as both the macho Flack and the sensitive dad, while Thomas doesn't overdo the cutesy kid stuff.  There's more violence towards children than you're likely to see in a PG movie today, but there isn't anything here that's likely to upset the youngsters.  Also with Christina Nigra, William Forsythe, John McIntire, Jeanette Nolan, Robert DoQui, Linden Chiles and comic Louie Anderson.  Music by Brian May.  Holland and Franklin also did PSYCHO II together.

THE CLONES OF BRUCE LEE (1977)—Directed by Joseph Kong.  Stars Dragon Lee, Bruce Le, Bruce Lai, John Benn, Bolo Yeung.  I’m not certain whether fans of trashy movies have benefited more over the years from Bruce Lee’s untimely death, than if he had lived a normal lifespan.  Sure, we would have been treated to more of the wonderfully athletic and charismatic movie star, but we also would have missed out on all those dozens of ridiculous, cheap ripoffs that exploited Lee’s death.  Would you rather have had more movies like ENTER THE DRAGON or giddy crapola like THE DRAGON LIVES AGAIN and this Dick Randall production?

Bruce Lee suffers a heart attack and is rushed to a Thailand hospital, where he dies on the operating table.  Immediately, a British secret agent and a professor take a syringeful of Lee’s blood and take it back to a laboratory where they create three Lee clones, which are imaginatively named Bruce Lee #1, Bruce Lee #2 and Bruce Lee #3.  Bolo Yeung, who knew the real Lee and acted in ENTER THE DRAGON, plays the martial arts expert who must train the three new Lees how to fight (you would think a Bruce Lee clone would have Bruce Lee’s fighting skills, but oh well…).  Needless to say, the three “clones” look nothing like each other, much less Bruce Lee.

I suspect THE CLONES OF BRUCE LEE may actually be two different films spliced together, since the clones split up for separate missions.  #1 goes undercover as a movie star (!) to investigate gold smuggling at a studio, while #2 and #3 battle a scientist with the ability to destroy plant life.  The latter storyline is the most entertaining, as the Lees wander along a beach filled with full-frontal nude babes rubbing lotions on their breasts and then fight a bunch of human robots—actually Chinese stuntmen wearing only bronze paint and tighty whiteys—who can only be killed by eating grass!

Eventually, all three Lees get back together to fight their creator, the professor, who makes them fight each other to the death.  As crazy as the storyline is, the fight scenes (and there are a lot of them) are not particularly original or exciting.  Perhaps they would look better in their original 2.35:1 aspect ratio, as the current home video prints are tightly cropped and miss most of the action.  CLONES is still a lively and often hilarious film, but not exactly top-flight “Brucesploitation”.  That doesn’t mean you should steer clear of it, however.

CLONUS--See PARTS: THE CLONUS HORROR.

CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND (1977)--Directed by Steven Spielberg. Stars Richard Dreyfuss, Melinda Dillon, Teri Garr, Francois Truffaut, Bob Balaban. Brilliant science-fiction tale of an Indiana utilities worker (Dreyfuss) who witnesses a UFO and finds himself inexplicably drawn towards Wyoming's Devils' Tower. There he finds that a French scientist (Truffaut) and dozens of American officials and astronauts have gathered for the first meeting of visitors from another planet. Perhaps the greatest science-fiction film of all time. It's funny, touching, exciting, confusing, uplifting and emotional. The childlike dreamer played by Dreyfuss is obviously meant to represent Spielberg himself. Also with Lance Henriksen. Carlo Rambaldi designed the aliens. Visual effects by Douglas Trumbull. Cinematography by the best in the world, including Vilmos Zsigmond, Laszlo Kovacs, John Alonzo, Douglas Slocombe and others. Spielberg wrote the screenplay too. Unforgettable.

CLOUD 9 (2006)—Directed by Harry Basil.  Stars Burt Reynolds, D.L. Hughley, Angie Everhart, Gabrielle Reece, Paul Rodriguez.  THE BAD NEWS BEARS goes beach volleyball in this frothy DTV comedy that would have fit perfectly on the USA cable network back in the day.  Fast-talking loser Billy Cole (Reynolds), who lives Rockford-style in a trailer on a Malibu beach, connives a way to get rich by hiring four sexy strippers to play beach volleyball.  Between training, hustling sponsors (Billy and his assistant/adopted son Tenspot, played by Hughley, break into Anthony Hopkins’ house and pass it off as Billy’s to impress some tequila promoters), booking the girls to perform at bachelor parties and car shows, and getting tossed into jail, Billy somehow manages to turn his team into championship material, heading into the big match against the defending champs led by former Olympic medalist Christina Hansen (real-life volleyball champ Reece).

Of course, it’s dumb, ridiculous and completely implausible, but, well, you could do a lot worse on a Friday night or even a Sunday afternoon.  Reynolds isn’t exactly busting his hump here, gliding through CLOUD 9 on the strength of his own immeasurable charm, and his good time appears to have carried over to his fellow cast members.  He probably did the film as a favor to his LONGEST YARD producer Albert S. Ruddy, who co-wrote the screenplay with one of the Hudson Brothers!  Ruddy must have paid off the MPAA to hand him an R rating, because CLOUD 9 is remarkably tame, considering the premise.  Marnette Patterson, Patricia DeLeon, Kenya Moore and Katheryn Winnick as Wong’s Banzai (the name of their beach volleyball team, named after Rodriguez’s nursery) have little to do except bounce around in bikinis, but they are really, really good at it.  Gary Busey, Tony Danza and Tom Arnold make cameos.

CLUB DREAD (2004)--Directed by Jay Chandrasekhar.  Jay Chandrasekhar, Steve Lemme, Kevin Hefferman, Paul Soter, Erik Stolhanske, Bill Paxton, Brittany Daniel, Jordan Ladd.  Broken Lizard's follow-up to their funny sleeper SUPER TROOPERS is a real disappointment, a mixture of absurdist sketch comedy and slasher movie that just doesn't play well.  A masked serial killer is stalking the staff of Coconut Pete's Paradise Island, a tropical resort run by a has-been '70s rock star played by Paxton as a hedonistic Jimmy Buffett.  Various members of Broken Lizard play staffers who serve as victims as well as red herrings, as do Daniel as a sexy aerobics instructor and Ladd (who has a topless scene) as a naïve guest.  The jokes don't seem nearly as sharp this time around, and Chandrasekhar's direction perhaps too closely apes that of an '80s slasher film, resulting in a gory, unfunny mess.  I really liked SUPER TROOPERS' irreverence, but CLUB DREAD feels forced.  Also with M.C. Gainey, Lindsay Price and Samm Levine.  Filmed in Mexico.

CLUB PARADISE (1986)—Directed by Harold Ramis.  Stars Robin Williams, Twiggy, Peter O’Toole, Jimmy Cliff, Eugene Levy, Rick Moranis.  Williams struggles for laughs in this sunbaked comedy that seems to co-star half the Second City stage.  Written by director Ramis (CADDYSHACK) and Brian Doyle-Murray as a Bill Murray vehicle, PARADISE casts Robin as a Chicago firefighter who retires to the islands and buys a rundown resort, where a variety of wacky employees and tourists provide intermittent laughs.  Coming off best are SCTV’s Moranis and Levy as hapless swingers and Cliff as, what else, a reggae performer.  Better than LAST RESORT, which came out three months earlier, CLUB PARADISE is worth viewing on cable when nothing else is on.  With its rich cast of fine comic actors, such as Joe Flaherty, Andrea Martin, Steven Kampmann, Bruce McGill and Doyle-Murray, you can count on enough funny bits to make the film worthwhile.  Also with Adolph Caesar, Joanna Cassidy, Carey Lowell, Mary Gross, Robin Duke and Antoinette Bower.

COAST TO COAST (1980)--Directed by Joseph Sargent. Stars Robert Blake, Dyan Cannon, Quinn Redeker. Eccentric but wealthy Cannon is unfairly committed to a mental hospital by husband Redeker. She escapes and hitches a ride to Los Angeles with rough truck driver Blake. Lots of action and a few laughs ensue. Of course, the finale includes Blake driving his semi into the side of a house.

COBRA (1986)--Directed by George P. Cosmatos. Stars Sylvester Stallone, Brigitte Nielsen, Andrew Robinson, Reni Santoni. Foolish action film stars Sly as still another maverick cop (named Marion Cobretti) protecting a beautiful witness (Nielsen) from a ruthless band of killers. I think this dumb thriller is supposed to be some sort of homage to DIRTY HARRY--right down to using similar scenes and the use of supporting actors Robinson and Santoni--but this movie makes DIRTY HARRY look like CITIZEN KANE. Stallone and Nielsen were married at the time, which explains how such an astonishingly bad actress got the lead in this mainstream studio pic. Why do the bad guys in this movie take part in bizarre axe-waving ceremonies?

Selleck is still pretty rusty at this point in his career, but works well with the ever-relaxed Reed.  The script by former Hammer veteran Jimmy Sangster (HORROR OF DRACULA) is even looser than Reed, containing many extraneous characters, predictable plot elements, and barroom brawls.  The parade of familiar faces helps, including Claude Akins, Lucille Benson, Barbara Mandrell, Ray Stevens, Roy Acuff, Grace Zabriskie, Gene Evans and Red West.  When the movie (later titled RAMBLIN' MAN for video) became a series two years later, Geoffrey Scott (CLIFFHANGERS) played Selleck's character.  Executive producer Ernie Frankel worked with Reed, Akins and Benson on the shortlived NASHVILLE 99 series in 1977.

CONEHEADS (1993)--Directed by Steve Barron. Stars Dan Aykroyd, Jane Curtin, Michelle Burke, Michael McKean, David Spade. Another in a long line of bad films starring SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE cast members. Aykroyd, Curtin and Burke are a family of pinheaded aliens (from France!) who have blended into the American way of life just in time to be harassed by a pair of immigration agents (McKean and Spade), who want to deport our heroes. Why producer Lorne Michaels felt a feature-length version of a fifteen-year-old sketch was necessary, I'm not sure. Climax does feature some interesting stop-motion animation. Also with Chris Farley, Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Michael Richards from Seinfeld, Tom Arnold, Laraine Newman, Sinbad, Adam Sandler, Phil Hartman, Chris Rock, Garrett Morris, Jon Lovitz and Jan Hooks.

CONFESSIONS OF A DANGEROUS MIND (2002)--Directed by George Clooney.  Stars Sam Rockwell, Drew Barrymore, George Clooney, Julia Roberts.  Clooney made his directorial debut with this ambitious adaptation of game show host Chuck Barris' autobiography, in which the creator of THE GONG SHOW and THE NEWLYWED GAME claimed to have worked as a CIA assassin when not producing television shows.  Rockwell (GALAXY QUEST) plays Barris, who's recruited in the 1960's by shadowy operative Jim Byrd (Clooney) and trained to kill in a secret headquarters where it's implied Jack Ruby and Lee Harvey Oswald are his classmates!  He soon meets and falls in love with free-spirited Penny (Barrymore), but their relationship is a rocky one, what with Chuck busy creating dumb TV shows, assassinating foreign enemies and trysting with mysterious spy Patricia (Roberts).

I thought CONFESSIONS was energetic and intermittently entertaining, but nothing special. The performances were a big letdown. I never believed Rockwell was playing a character in his mid-50's or Barrymore was approaching 40? Roberts was out of her element as well, but I liked Clooney quite a bit and a lot of the character actors like Richard Kind, Rutger Hauer and especially Robert John Burke as the "drill instructor". I got a kick out of some of the in-jokes, such as a warm tribute to LUX SHOW star Rosemary Clooney (the director's aunt, of course).  As a director, I thought George did a nice job of telling a complicated story, using set changes (digital effects, I imagine), casting archetypes and time shifts as shorthand.  The musical score by Alex Wurman is fantastic, and the interview segments, featuring the real Barris, Jaye P. Morgan, Dick Clark and others, worked for me (although they were clearly scripted).

I had a schizophrenic response to CONFESSIONS, liking much of it and being disappointed by much of it. I think Rockwell has a career as a second banana ahead of him, but lacks star charisma. And I think Clooney shows great promise as a director (he obviously had a good mentor, as we know, in executive producer Steven Soderburgh), and I look forward to seeing what he does next.  Also with Kristen Wilson, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Krista Allen, and cameos by Matt Damon and Brad Pitt.

CONFESSIONS OF A SUPERHERO (2007)—Directed by Matt Ogens.  Stars Christopher Dennis, Max Allen, Joseph McQueen, Jennifer Gehrt.  If you’ve ever strolled along Hollywood Boulevard, you’ve seen the many wannabe actors dressed as superheroes and movie characters that pose for photos with tourists.  Director Ogens takes a look at four of them in this amusing and surprisingly affecting documentary to find out what makes them hang out on the street all day working for tips. 

Dennis (Superman) lives in a cluttered apartment loaded with Superman memorabilia and claims to be the son of the late actress Sandy Dennis (her family says otherwise).  Gehrt (Wonder Woman) is a smalltown high school cheerleader from Tennessee who moved to L.A. to become an actress.   McQueen (Hulk) is a formerly homeless man who answers criticisms from tourists who question why a black man portraying a green monster.  Allen claims to have been a Mafia enforcer and capitalizes on a slight resemblance to George Clooney by dressing as Batman.  They and other actors playing Jack Sparrow, Freddy Krueger, Marilyn Monroe, etc. share a love/hate relationship with the police and the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce, which tolerate their panhandling because of the tourists they attract. 

Seems like many recent documentaries follow the same format of following around a handful of “kooky” people and poking fun at them.  CONFESSIONS does this, but like the better documentaries, makes the effort to poke a little deeper.  Yes, the subjects are a tad eccentric, to say the least, but Ogens clearly likes them and finds a way to show their humanity, whether it’s McQueen taking us back to the alley where he used to sleep to Dennis’ proposal to his psychologist girlfriend at a Superman celebration in Metropolis, Illinois.  You’ll laugh at them (Allen, wearing his Batman costume, relates a story from his past about a revenge killing that is almost overwhelming in its ridiculousness), but you’ll also feel for them.

CONFESSIONS OF SORORITY GIRLS (1994)—Directed by Uli Edel.  Stars Jamie Luner, Alyssa Milano, Brian Bloom.  Showtime remade a handful of AIP B-movies of the 1950s, and this one is based on 1957’s SORORITY GIRL, which was directed by Roger Corman.  Debra Hill and Gigi Vorgan’s screenplay more or less follows Leo Lieberman’s original plot, but pads it with unnecessary subplots while making the lead character less dimensional.  Stunning redhead Luner (formerly a child star on TV’s JUST THE TEN OF US) plays Sabrina, a rich bitch who joins her late sister’s college sorority and proceeds to rip it apart for no other reason than that she can.  She nearly kills a family of fisherman while driving a Chris Craft recklessly and seduces her French teacher into a compromising position so she can blackmail him for a passing grade.  She takes an immediate dislike to her good-girl roommate Rita (Milano, later to join Luner on MELROSE PLACE), the president of the sorority, and attempts to ruin her by revealing her family’s dark secret and by seducing her boyfriend Mort (Bloom).  Unlike Susan Cabot, the lead in SORORITY GIRL, who played the role with a degree of subtlety and cunning, Luner is just a bitch.  Whereas Cabot’s character had a specific purpose behind her cruel behavior, Luner is just pure evil and unrealistically so, eventually turning to arson and murder.  Also with Judson Mills, Danni Wheeler and Sadie Kratzig.  Music by Hummie Mann.  Edel filmed the climax on the beaches of Malibu, which may have also been where Corman shot his movie.

CONGO (1995)--Directed by Frank Marshall. Stars Laura Linney, Dylan Walsh, Ernie Hudson, Tim Curry. A good old-fashioned jungle adventure in the Spielberg mode. Plot finds a group of adventurers traveling deep into the heart of the African rain forest in search of an ancient lost city and the gold mines of King Solomon. Linney, a scientist working for mean-spirited millionaire Joe Don Baker, is on a quest for a flawless diamond that will revolutionize communications, while animal lover Walsh just wants to return his pet talking gorilla Amy to the wilderness in which she was born. Obviously the film would have worked better without one, or maybe both, of the subplots, despite the amazing technology that went into making the gorilla suits as realistic as possible (no actual apes were used). CONGO is a throwback to the old jungle movies of the '50s. All the clichs are present: the exploding volcano, the great White Hunter (Hudson), the token supporting players who are bumped off along the way, the stock one-dimensional characterizations. All this works to the film's favor, I think. It's a big-budget Saturday matinee for the '90s. Also with Joe Pantoliano and James Karen. Script by John Patrick Shanley. Music by Jerry Goldsmith. From the director of ARACHNOPHOBIA.

THE CONQUEROR OF ATLANTIS (1965)--Directed by Alfonso Brescia.  Stars Kirk Morris, Luciana Gilli, Andrea Scotti, Piero Lulli.  Heracles (Morris) is shipwrecked in the desert and nursed back to health by beautiful Princess Virna (Gilli).  The muscleman is instantly smitten, but Virna tells him it could never work between them and sends him on his way.  Heracles, never one to pass up an opportunity to score, finds Virna's ring where she had dropped it in the sand, and walks across the desert to return it.  He then finds himself involved in a bloody dispute between rival Arabs, which gets put on hold when Virna is kidnapped and spirited away to a mysterious hidden city wherein hides the last survivors of Atlantis.  Insidious, green-bearded despot Ramir (Piero Lulli) plans to use his army of sexy Amazon warriors and gold-skinned, zipper-jumpsuited zombies to rule, and has kidnapped Virna to be his next queen.  Accompanied by sidekick Karr (Scotti), Heracles manages to pound the life out of Ramir's zombies, destroying his castle and plans of terror in the process.  The combination of sword & sandal tomfoolery and pulp SF is a good match, allowing Brescia to engage in several badly choreographed fight scenes and setpieces, which often include the firing of a laser handgun shaped like a lizard.  CONQUEROR is an Italian/Egyptian co-production and may have been filmed in the Egyptian desert.  It may not be art.  It may not even be good.  But if you can't achieve a few laughs and a sense of riotous fun from it, you just aren't trying very hard.  Morris also played Maciste and Samson a number of times.

CONQUEST OF THE PLANET OF THE APES (1972)--Directed by J. Lee Thompson. Stars Roddy McDowall, Don Murray, Ricardo Montalban, Hari Rhodes. In this fourth segment of the highly profitable series, talking apes live as slaves under the reign of human governor Murray; that is, until chimp McDowell talks them into a full-scale rebellion. Not bad, but the series is beginning to show its age.

CONSPIRACY (2008)—Directed by Adam Marcus.  Stars Val Kilmer, Gary Cole, Jennifer Esposito.  A more shameless ripoff of BAD DAY AT BLACK ROCK, you’ve never seen.  You know how it goes:  crippled war vet (Kilmer) arrives in tiny desert town to visit a war buddy of non-American descent, gets shined on by the townspeople, hotel clerk tries not to give him a room, cops give him a hard time, he tries to rent a car or taxi to take him out to the (non-existent) address where his friend lived, etc., etc., etc.  Gary Cole basically plays Dick Cheney, the CEO of a billion-dollar company called “Halicorp” that’s involved with starting wars, arming both sides, and cleaning up the messes left behind.  He’s also living in some Arizona desert town, making life miserable for the fifty people who live in it.  Obviously, the basic story is a great one that's hard to screw up, which makes the movie as good as it is.  Also, director Marcus (JASON GOES TO HELL: THE FINAL FRIDAY) likes gore, so there are some sweet squibs, fingers chopped off, knives in mouths, etc.  The dull title and bland cover art (featuring Kilmer’s head PhotoShopped on someone else’s much trimmer body) won’t help CONSPIRACY’s chances of being seen by discriminating video renters.  Shot in New Mexico, where Kilmer lives.

CONSPIRACY: THE TRIAL OF THE "CHICAGO 8" (1987)--Directed by Jeremy Kagan. Stars Peter Boyle, Robert Carradine, Robert Loggia, Elliott Gould. This gripping docudrama uses actual dialogue from the trial of eight antiwar activists, including Abbie Hoffman and Jerry Rubin, accused in the riots following the Chicago Democratic national convention of 1968. Well-done performances and good use of news footage and interviews with the trial's real participants. Made for HBO.

CONTACT (1997)--Directed by Robert Zemeckis. Stars Jodie Foster, Matthew McConaughey, James Woods. Zemeckis' first film after winning the Academy Award for FORREST GUMP was this ambitious, intelligent, but ultimately disappointing adult science-fiction drama. Foster is Dr. Ellie Arroway, an idealistic astronomer who spends her entire life peering through telescopes and listening to faraway radio signals with hopes of someday learning of life on other planets. One night, she does pick up something: transmissions from a faraway star called Vega, which could only have been sent intentionally from someone (or something) more advanced than us. Whoever is sending the signals also sends blueprints for a machine that, just maybe, will enable us to travel to their planet. Foster wants to go, but, unfortunately, so does her superior in the project, a two-faced Presidential advisor played by Tom Skerritt. She also butts heads with government officials, who refuse to believe this machine could be used for anything but conquest, and a former lover, a theologian (McConaughey). The film's big letdowns are some extremely silly scenes involving a Howard Hughes-like billionaire played by John Hurt and an anticlimactic copout of an ending. However, the film does ask some interesting questions about our faith in God, our insignificance in the vast universe, and, while not serving up the sense of wonder and awe that Steven Spielberg did in CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND, is reasonably effective sci-fi. The opening shot is truly breathtaking, but Zemeckis can't sustain the momentum. Perhaps some humor would have helped. Co-written by James V. Hart, who scripted mediocre films for Spielberg (HOOK) and Coppola (BRAM STOKER'S DRACULA). Music by Alan Silvestri. Visual effects by Ken Ralston. Also with Angela Bassett, Rob Lowe, Jake Busey, David Morse and President Bill Clinton (thanks to the use of the same computer technology that allowed Forrest Gump to shake hands with John F. Kennedy).

CONTINENTAL DIVIDE (1981)—Directed by Michael Apted.  Stars John Belushi, Blair Brown.  CONTINENTAL DIVIDE was written by Lawrence Kasdan, executive-produced by Steven Spielberg, directed by Michael Apted (COAL MINER’S DAUGHTER), stars John Belushi, and you probably never heard of it.  It was likely a bold attempt by Belushi to play "not John Belushi" as a follow-up to 1941 and THE BLUES BROTHERS.  It's a meandering romantic comedy in which Belushi plays a man-about-town Chicago newspaperman (think Mike Royko) who pursues a human-interest story about an ornithologist (Brown, a good actress who never again got a feature role this big) living alone away from civilization in a cabin in the Rockies.  The concept of pudgy, chain-smoking Belushi mountain-climbing is a good one, feeding the standard romcom formula of a mismatched couple with nothing in common that end up falling in love.  Kasdan, who had written RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK and THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK and whose directorial debut, BODY HEAT, also came out in 1981, adds a distracting subplot about Belushi using his column to bring down a corrupt Chicago alderman (Val Avery) that ends up not really going anywhere and could have used another polish. Aside from the presence of Belushi, who, after all, only really appeared in a mere seven films, CONTINENTAL DIVIDE is indeed forgettable. But Belushi is in it, and he is charming.  It's hard to believe that, only a few months after CONTINENTAL DIVIDE was in theaters, Belushi was dead.

CONTRACT ON CHERRY STREET (1977)--Directed by William A. Graham.  Stars Frank Sinatra, Martin Balsam, Harry Guardino.  Frank Sinatra's first and only made-for-TV movie was his first acting job since 1970's DIRTY DINGUS MAGEE.  He plays Inspector Frank Hovannes, head of the New York Police Department's Organized Crime Unit, a good cop constantly frustrated by the System's increasingly lenient method of dispensing justice.  His bosses threaten to shut down the OCU without results, yet corruption in the upper police ranks prevents him from making any big busts.  After one of Hovannes' men is killed in a raid on an automobile chop shop, he decides to take the law into his own hands, converting his team into a death squad, hoping to start a Mob war between two opposing factions by killing one of their leaders.

A dense but solid teleplay by Edward Anhalt (THE SNIPER), based on Philip Rosenberg's novel, gritty New York City locations and a comfortably world-weary performance by Sinatra make this CONTRACT well worth signing.  Although constrictions of network TV prevent too much bloodshed and sleaze, the intricate story and occasional action scenes well staged by Graham give this TV-movie the feel of a feature, as do the name cast, very effective Jerry Goldsmith score and surprisingly (for TV) downbeat ending.  Sinatra's next acting role--his last--was also as a New York detective, Edward X. Delaney, in THE FIRST DEADLY SIN, adapted from a Lawrence Sanders novel.  Also with Frank's Rat Pack crony Henry Silva, Michael Nouri, Verna Bloom, James Luisi, Robert Davi, Sonny Grosso, Randy Jurgensen and Richard Ward.  Originally aired by NBC in a three-hour slot.  Graham was (and is) a busy television director with occasional forays into features, most recently with RETURN TO THE BLUE LAGOON with Milla Jovovich.

THE CONVERSATION (1974)--Directed by Francis Ford Coppola. Stars Gene Hackman, Robert Duvall, John Cazale, Allen Garfield, Fredric Forrest. Fascinating character study about a surveillance expert (Hackman) hired by a powerful businessman (Duvall) to spy upon his young wife and her lover. Hackman then has an attack of conscience because he knows that if he turns over his information, Duvall will have the young lovers killed. Hackman is incredible as Harry Caul, a lonely, dull, depressed, and paranoid man; one who feels very guilty about the results of his actions, yet a man who has nothing else except his work. Coppola made this exceptional little film between GODFATHER epics. It wasn't a box-office hit, despite rave reviews and constant news about Watergate. Look for Cindy Williams and Harrison Ford in early roles.

CONVICTS 4 (1962)--Directed by Millard Kaufman.  Stars Ben Gazzara, Stuart Whitman.  Screenwriter Kaufman’s (BAD DAY AT BLACK ROCK) only film as a director was this earnest prison drama released by Allied Artists.  Based on the autobiography of John Resko, CONVICTS 4 tells the story of Resko (Gazzara), whose death row sentence was commuted to life the night of his execution.  In prison, he developed his artistic skills, and, with the help of a sympathetic guard (Whitman), was eventually paroled.  The oddball cast--Sammy Davis Jr., Broderick Crawford, Rod Steiger, Ray Walston, Vincent Price--and title (were they going after an OCEAN’S 11 vibe?) make it sound like an exploitation movie, but it’s a serious movie carried well on Gazzara’s shoulders.  Timothy Carey, Jack Albertson, Jack Kruschen, Myron Healey and Reggie Nalder are also in it with a jazzy score by Leonard Rosenman.

CONVOY (1978)--Directed by Sam Peckinpah.  Stars Kris Kristofferson, Ali MacGraw, Ernest Borgnine, Burt Young.  This troubled production was a comeback of sorts for Peckinpah, whose substance-abuse problems and unreliability had made him virtually persona non grata around the Hollywood studios.  Inspired both by SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT and C.W. McCall’s #1 country single, CONVOY was a hit, but didn’t save Peckinpah’s career; he didn’t make another film for five years.  Good-’ol-boy trucker Rubber Duck (Kristofferson) runs afoul of corrupt sheriff Lyle (Borgnine), and becomes a folk hero, leading a long convoy of rebellious truckers across the Southwestern desert.  MacGraw doesn’t stand out in her return to the big screen after her marriage to Steve McQueen, who forbade her to continue her career, but she and Kris looked good on the one-sheet.  With Cassie Yates, Franklin Ajaye, Madge Sinclair and Seymour Cassel.  The most impressive stunt is one that wasn’t supposed to happen; a semi-truck flipped over accidentally, and Peckinpah rewrote the script to accommodate it.

CONVOY BUSTERS (1978)--Directed by Stelvio Massi.  Stars Maurizio Merli.  Schizophrenic crime drama casts Merli as a Rome detective investigating the murders of two teenagers.  His investigation leads him to a powerful politician, but the corrupt judge who signed Merli's arrest warrant tips the killer off, and he escapes to Switzerland.  Eventually, Merli moves to a small oceanside town to escape the relentless misery and depression of city life, and takes a job leading a squad of detectives who do little but read the newspaper all day.  There he discovers a gunrunning operation that uses the local television station as a lookout.  As you can tell, the story is all over the place, and, between the poor dubbing and confusing plot, I was completely lost.  Massi pieces together a couple of nice action scenes, but I found it hard to get into CONVOY BUSTERS.  I might have liked it better if Merli had busted a convoy or two.  Music by Stelvio Cipriani.

COOGAN'S BLUFF (1968)--Directed by Don Siegel. Stars Clint Eastwood, Susan Clark, Lee J. Cobb, Don Stroud, Tisha Sterling. Clint's first contemporary starring role. With a quick rewrite, it could have easily been turned into a western. Clint is an Arizona deputy sent to New York City to escort a murderer (Stroud) back to the desert for trial. Like Eastwood's Dirty Harry character, Coogan is disgusted with the liberal court systems and red-tape bureaucracy of the police departments; unlike Harry Callahan, he has an eye for the ladies, even to the point of sleeping with Stroud's girlfriend (Sterling) for information. Stroud is great as usual as the bad guy. The scene with Clint taking on a group of punks in a poolroom is an Eastwood classic. Film was the inspiration for Dennis Weaver's MCCLOUD TV series.