CLASS OF 1984 (1982)--Directed by Mark L. Lester. Stars Perry King, Timothy Van Patten, Roddy McDowall. Brutal exploitation film about a gang of young punks terrorizing an inner-city high school. When gang leader Van Patten rapes the wife of peaceful music teacher King, King decides to fight fire with fire and wreaks revenge on the gang members one by one. McDowall is memorable as the nervous biology teacher who brings a gun to class. Look for a pudgy Michael J. Fox in an early role as a nerdy student. King commits some pretty creative killings. From the director of SHOWDOWN IN LITTLE TOKYO. Score by Lalo Schifrin; songs by Alice Cooper.

CLEAN AND SOBER (1988)--Directed by Glenn Gordon Caron. Stars Michael Keaton, Kathy Baker, Morgan Freeman, M. Emmet Walsh. Keaton turned a lot of moviegoers' and reviewers' heads in his first dramatic movie role. Keaton plays a yuppie cocaine addict who finally, after embezzling thousands of dollars from his employers and accidentally contributing to the overdose death of a woman, commits himself to a rehabilitation center. He clashes with counselor Freeman and patients Baker and Walsh. Despite his TV background, director Caron raises the level of this drama above that of a television movie, thanks to an Oscar-worthy performance by Keaton in the lead role. Also with Brian Benben, Claudia Christian and Harley Jane Kozak. Ron Howard executive-produced.

CLEAR AND PRESENT DANGER (1994)--Directed by Philip Noyce. Stars Harrison Ford, Willem Dafoe, Anne Archer. Ford returns as his Jack Ryan character from PATRIOT GAMES, and attempts to capture a South American druglord played by Miguel Sandoval. One exciting action sequence showed up a year later virtually intact as stock footage in an episode of the CBS-TV series JAG. Script by Steven Zaillian, Donald Stewart and John Milius. Also with Harris Yulin, Donald Moffat, Henry Czerny, Hope Lange, Dean Jones and James Earl Jones.

CLEOPATRA JONES (1973)--Directed by Jack Starrett. Stars Tamara Dobson, Shelley Winters, Antonio Fargas, Bernie Casey. Dobson plays the title character, a black, six-foot, karate-chopping beauty out to stop the evil plans of drug-dealing Winters. With Brenda Sykes, Esther Rolle, Albert Popwell and Paul Koslo. Music by J.J. Johnson. Thanks to her exotic good looks and her tall stature, Dobson was a leading queen of 1970s black exploitation films, although not on the level of the great Pam Grier. Dobson returned two years later in CLEOPATRA JONES AND THE CASINO OF GOLD. Director Starrett was a character actor who appeared in a lot of exploitation films and TV. Co-writer Max Julien played the title role in THE MACK. Look for the great Cleopatra Schwartz parody in John Landis's KENTUCKY FRIED MOVIE.

CLEOPATRA JONES AND THE CASINO OF GOLD (1975)--Directed by Chuck Bail. Stars Tamara Dobson, Tanny, Stella Stevens, Norman Fell, Albert Popwell. Sequel finds Dobson's kung-fu fighting CIA agent in Hong Kong, where her mission is to stop the drug smuggling activities of the Dragon Queen (Stevens), a master sword-fighter who runs a gaudy casino in Macao. Newcomer Tanny is a sexy Chinese agent who helps Cleo. Exciting combination of the blaxploitation, kung fu and James Bond genres contains plenty of swift action sequences. Plus future "Mr. Roper" Fell plays a CIA authority named Stanley! The 6'2" Dobson wears lots of silver eye shadow and some truly huge hats. Music by Dominic Frontiere.

CLERKS (1994)--Directed by Kevin Smith. Stars Brian O'Halloran, Jeff Anderson, Marilyn Ghigliotti, Lisa Spoonhauer, Jason Mewes, Kevin Smith. Smith's first film was financed mainly through credit cards, an insurance settlement for his car that was ruined in a flood, and the sale of his comic book collection. It was made for $22,000, and filmed at night in the same convenience store in Leonardo, New Jersey where Smith worked during the day. CLERKS is a day in the life of Dante Hicks (O'Halloran), a college-aged slacker who works in a Quik Stop, plays hockey and video games, and trades philosophical barbs with his obnoxious best pal Randal (Anderson), who works (badly) at the video store next door. CLERKS isn't a story as much as a series of events involving Dante, Randal, Dante's sweet girlfriend Veronica (Ghigliotti), his slutty ex-girlfriend Caitlin (Spoonhauer), and the crazy customers who populate their day. If it isn't a chewing gum salesman holding a rousing anti-smoking rally, it's the middle-aged porn freak who dies in the store's bathroom. Or the culturally stunted video renters with a passion for NAVY SEALS. Or the guidance counselor mesmerized by his search for the perfect egg. Or potty-mouthed drug dealer Jay (Mewes) and his silent sidekick Silent Bob (Smith), who pop into the story at regular intervals.

Thanks to its sharp, witty dialogue (written by Smith) and some fine performances, CLERKS was noticed at the Sundance Film Festival, where Miramax snapped it up. Although budget limitations kept the camera mostly stationary and the number of set-ups low, resulting in some very long takes, CLERKS is never dull and was a striking debut for Smith, who went on to the notorious Universal flop MALLRATS, and then CHASING AMY, DOGMA and JAY & SILENT BOB STRIKE BACK. Also with producer Scott Mosier, Vincent Pereira, Walt Flanagan (in four roles!), cinematographer David Klein (on a low-budget picture like CLERKS, everybody gets into the movie!) and Ed Hapstak. Soul Asylum appears on the soundtrack.

Thirtysomething slackers Dante (Brian O'Halloran) and Randall (Jeff Anderson) now work at a fast-food joint called Mooby's, a year after their beloved Quik Stop burned to the ground as a result of Randall leaving the damn coffee pot turned on again. It's Dante's last day; he leaves the following morning with his fiancée Emma (Smith's wife Jennifer Schwalbach) for Florida, where her father plans to set Dante up managing a car wash. Although Dante manages to cover up whatever anxiety he may have about starting a new life without best buddy Randall, he isn't so successful breaking away from his boss Becky (Rosario Dawson), for whom he has feelings.

If nothing else, CLERKS II brings man-on-donkey sex into the mainstream, so I guess it's good for something. O'Halloran, Anderson and Smith and Jason Mewes still aren't charismatic enough to carry a feature, but Dawson is. She's so bright and energetic and natural and beautiful that she almost makes you believe that she could fall in love with Dante. Almost. CLERKS II is better than JERSEY GIRL, but no higher in Smith's repertoire, and it certainly isn't even as funny as the CLERKS TV series, an animated sitcom that ABC bitchslapped, mishandled and cancelled after only two telecasts. Also with Jason Lee, Ben Affleck, Wanda Sykes, Ethan Suplee and Trevor Fehrman. Music by James Venable.

CLIFFHANGER (1993)--Directed by Renny Harlin. Stars Sylvester Stallone, Janine Turner, John Lithgow, Michael Rooker. This stupid big-budget action film is actually watchable in a guilty-pleasure kind of way. After a group of hijackers (led by Lithgow) with lots of firepower is stranded in the Rocky Mountains, forest ranger Stallone is the only man who can capture them. Shot in the Italian Alps, the film opens with a spinetingling stunt sequence, and features plenty of slick action scenes. Unfortunately Michael France's screenplay is foolish, and some of the dialogue will make you howl. Ralph Waite, Paul Winfield and Leon also appear. Music by Trevor Jones. Harlin followed this with a number of major flops, such as CUTTHROAT ISLAND, THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT and DRIVEN (also with Stallone).

CLOAK & DAGGER (1984)--Directed by Richard Franklin.  Stars Henry Thomas, Dabney Coleman, Michael Murphy.  Lots of Atari product placement dots this fun kids' thriller.  Ten-year-old Davey (Thomas) has quite an active imagination, spending his summer playing fantasy spy games with his imaginary friend, super-spy Jack Flack (Coleman), who bears a remarkable likeness to Davey's father.  The fun turns to suspense when Davey witnesses a murder and the victim hands him a video-game cartridge containing a secret microdot.  Nobody believes Davey's story, leaving the lad on his own to dash around San Antonio with a trio of assassins on his tail.  Yep, it's the Boy Who Cried Wolf updated for the Atari Age, as Davey uses the strategies from the role-playing and video games he plays with Flack to outsmart the bad guys.  Coleman is good as both the macho Flack and the sensitive dad, while Thomas doesn't overdo the cutesy kid stuff.  There's more violence towards children than you're likely to see in a PG movie today, but there isn't anything here that's likely to upset the youngsters.  Also with Christina Nigra, William Forsythe, John McIntire, Jeanette Nolan, Robert DoQui, Linden Chiles and comic Louie Anderson.  Music by Brian May.  Holland and Franklin also did PSYCHO II together.

THE CLONES OF BRUCE LEE (1977)—Directed by Joseph Kong.  Stars Dragon Lee, Bruce Le, Bruce Lai, John Benn, Bolo Yeung.  I’m not certain whether fans of trashy movies have benefited more over the years from Bruce Lee’s untimely death, than if he had lived a normal lifespan.  Sure, we would have been treated to more of the wonderfully athletic and charismatic movie star, but we also would have missed out on all those dozens of ridiculous, cheap ripoffs that exploited Lee’s death.  Would you rather have had more movies like ENTER THE DRAGON or giddy crapola like THE DRAGON LIVES AGAIN and this Dick Randall production?

Bruce Lee suffers a heart attack and is rushed to a Thailand hospital, where he dies on the operating table.  Immediately, a British secret agent and a professor take a syringeful of Lee’s blood and take it back to a laboratory where they create three Lee clones, which are imaginatively named Bruce Lee #1, Bruce Lee #2 and Bruce Lee #3.  Bolo Yeung, who knew the real Lee and acted in ENTER THE DRAGON, plays the martial arts expert who must train the three new Lees how to fight (you would think a Bruce Lee clone would have Bruce Lee’s fighting skills, but oh well…).  Needless to say, the three “clones” look nothing like each other, much less Bruce Lee.

I suspect THE CLONES OF BRUCE LEE may actually be two different films spliced together, since the clones split up for separate missions.  #1 goes undercover as a movie star (!) to investigate gold smuggling at a studio, while #2 and #3 battle a scientist with the ability to destroy plant life.  The latter storyline is the most entertaining, as the Lees wander along a beach filled with full-frontal nude babes rubbing lotions on their breasts and then fight a bunch of human robots—actually Chinese stuntmen wearing only bronze paint and tighty whiteys—who can only be killed by eating grass!

Eventually, all three Lees get back together to fight their creator, the professor, who makes them fight each other to the death.  As crazy as the storyline is, the fight scenes (and there are a lot of them) are not particularly original or exciting.  Perhaps they would look better in their original 2.35:1 aspect ratio, as the current home video prints are tightly cropped and miss most of the action.  CLONES is still a lively and often hilarious film, but not exactly top-flight “Brucesploitation”.  That doesn’t mean you should steer clear of it, however.

CLONUS--See PARTS: THE CLONUS HORROR.

CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND (1977)--Directed by Steven Spielberg. Stars Richard Dreyfuss, Melinda Dillon, Teri Garr, Francois Truffaut, Bob Balaban. Brilliant science-fiction tale of an Indiana utilities worker (Dreyfuss) who witnesses a UFO and finds himself inexplicably drawn towards Wyoming's Devils' Tower. There he finds that a French scientist (Truffaut) and dozens of American officials and astronauts have gathered for the first meeting of visitors from another planet. Perhaps the greatest science-fiction film of all time. It's funny, touching, exciting, confusing, uplifting and emotional. The childlike dreamer played by Dreyfuss is obviously meant to represent Spielberg himself. Also with Lance Henriksen. Carlo Rambaldi designed the aliens. Visual effects by Douglas Trumbull. Cinematography by the best in the world, including Vilmos Zsigmond, Laszlo Kovacs, John Alonzo, Douglas Slocombe and others. Spielberg wrote the screenplay too. Unforgettable.

Selleck is still pretty rusty at this point in his career, but works well with the ever-relaxed Reed.  The script by former Hammer veteran Jimmy Sangster (HORROR OF DRACULA) is even looser than Reed, containing many extraneous characters, predictable plot elements, and barroom brawls.  The parade of familiar faces helps, including Claude Akins, Lucille Benson, Barbara Mandrell, Ray Stevens, Roy Acuff, Grace Zabriskie, Gene Evans and Red West.  When the movie (later titled RAMBLIN' MAN for video) became a series two years later, Geoffrey Scott (CLIFFHANGERS) played Selleck's character.  Executive producer Ernie Frankel worked with Reed, Akins and Benson on the shortlived NASHVILLE 99 series in 1977.

CONEHEADS (1993)--Directed by Steve Barron. Stars Dan Aykroyd, Jane Curtin, Michelle Burke, Michael McKean, David Spade. Another in a long line of bad films starring SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE cast members. Aykroyd, Curtin and Burke are a family of pinheaded aliens (from France!) who have blended into the American way of life just in time to be harassed by a pair of immigration agents (McKean and Spade), who want to deport our heroes. Why producer Lorne Michaels felt a feature-length version of a fifteen-year-old sketch was necessary, I'm not sure. Climax does feature some interesting stop-motion animation. Also with Chris Farley, Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Michael Richards from Seinfeld, Tom Arnold, Laraine Newman, Sinbad, Adam Sandler, Phil Hartman, Chris Rock, Garrett Morris, Jon Lovitz and Jan Hooks.

CONFESSIONS OF A DANGEROUS MIND (2002)--Directed by George Clooney.  Stars Sam Rockwell, Drew Barrymore, George Clooney, Julia Roberts.  Clooney made his directorial debut with this ambitious adaptation of game show host Chuck Barris' autobiography, in which the creator of THE GONG SHOW and THE NEWLYWED GAME claimed to have worked as a CIA assassin when not producing television shows.  Rockwell (GALAXY QUEST) plays Barris, who's recruited in the 1960's by shadowy operative Jim Byrd (Clooney) and trained to kill in a secret headquarters where it's implied Jack Ruby and Lee Harvey Oswald are his classmates!  He soon meets and falls in love with free-spirited Penny (Barrymore), but their relationship is a rocky one, what with Chuck busy creating dumb TV shows, assassinating foreign enemies and trysting with mysterious spy Patricia (Roberts).

I thought CONFESSIONS was energetic and intermittently entertaining, but nothing special. The performances were a big letdown. I never believed Rockwell was playing a character in his mid-50's or Barrymore was approaching 40? Roberts was out of her element as well, but I liked Clooney quite a bit and a lot of the character actors like Richard Kind, Rutger Hauer and especially Robert John Burke as the "drill instructor". I got a kick out of some of the in-jokes, such as a warm tribute to LUX SHOW star Rosemary Clooney (the director's aunt, of course).  As a director, I thought George did a nice job of telling a complicated story, using set changes (digital effects, I imagine), casting archetypes and time shifts as shorthand.  The musical score by Alex Wurman is fantastic, and the interview segments, featuring the real Barris, Jaye P. Morgan, Dick Clark and others, worked for me (although they were clearly scripted).

I had a schizophrenic response to CONFESSIONS, liking much of it and being disappointed by much of it. I think Rockwell has a career as a second banana ahead of him, but lacks star charisma. And I think Clooney shows great promise as a director (he obviously had a good mentor, as we know, in executive producer Steven Soderburgh), and I look forward to seeing what he does next.  Also with Kristen Wilson, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Krista Allen, and cameos by Matt Damon and Brad Pitt.

CONFESSIONS OF SORORITY GIRLS (1994)—Directed by Uli Edel.  Stars Jamie Luner, Alyssa Milano, Brian Bloom.  Showtime remade a handful of AIP B-movies of the 1950s, and this one is based on 1957’s SORORITY GIRL, which was directed by Roger Corman.  Debra Hill and Gigi Vorgan’s screenplay more or less follows Leo Lieberman’s original plot, but pads it with unnecessary subplots while making the lead character less dimensional.  Stunning redhead Luner (formerly a child star on TV’s JUST THE TEN OF US) plays Sabrina, a rich bitch who joins her late sister’s college sorority and proceeds to rip it apart for no other reason than that she can.  She nearly kills a family of fisherman while driving a Chris Craft recklessly and seduces her French teacher into a compromising position so she can blackmail him for a passing grade.  She takes an immediate dislike to her good-girl roommate Rita (Milano, later to join Luner on MELROSE PLACE), the president of the sorority, and attempts to ruin her by revealing her family’s dark secret and by seducing her boyfriend Mort (Bloom).  Unlike Susan Cabot, the lead in SORORITY GIRL, who played the role with a degree of subtlety and cunning, Luner is just a bitch.  Whereas Cabot’s character had a specific purpose behind her cruel behavior, Luner is just pure evil and unrealistically so, eventually turning to arson and murder.  Also with Judson Mills, Danni Wheeler and Sadie Kratzig.  Music by Hummie Mann.  Edel filmed the climax on the beaches of Malibu, which may have also been where Corman shot his movie.

CONGO (1995)--Directed by Frank Marshall. Stars Laura Linney, Dylan Walsh, Ernie Hudson, Tim Curry. A good old-fashioned jungle adventure in the Spielberg mode. Plot finds a group of adventurers traveling deep into the heart of the African rain forest in search of an ancient lost city and the gold mines of King Solomon. Linney, a scientist working for mean-spirited millionaire Joe Don Baker, is on a quest for a flawless diamond that will revolutionize communications, while animal lover Walsh just wants to return his pet talking gorilla Amy to the wilderness in which she was born. Obviously the film would have worked better without one, or maybe both, of the subplots, despite the amazing technology that went into making the gorilla suits as realistic as possible (no actual apes were used). CONGO is a throwback to the old jungle movies of the '50s. All the clichs are present: the exploding volcano, the great White Hunter (Hudson), the token supporting players who are bumped off along the way, the stock one-dimensional characterizations. All this works to the film's favor, I think. It's a big-budget Saturday matinee for the '90s. Also with Joe Pantoliano and James Karen. Script by John Patrick Shanley. Music by Jerry Goldsmith. From the director of ARACHNOPHOBIA.

THE CONQUEROR OF ATLANTIS (1965)--Directed by Alfonso Brescia.  Stars Kirk Morris, Luciana Gilli, Andrea Scotti, Piero Lulli.  Heracles (Morris) is shipwrecked in the desert and nursed back to health by beautiful Princess Virna (Gilli).  The muscleman is instantly smitten, but Virna tells him it could never work between them and sends him on his way.  Heracles, never one to pass up an opportunity to score, finds Virna's ring where she had dropped it in the sand, and walks across the desert to return it.  He then finds himself involved in a bloody dispute between rival Arabs, which gets put on hold when Virna is kidnapped and spirited away to a mysterious hidden city wherein hides the last survivors of Atlantis.  Insidious, green-bearded despot Ramir (Piero Lulli) plans to use his army of sexy Amazon warriors and gold-skinned, zipper-jumpsuited zombies to rule, and has kidnapped Virna to be his next queen.  Accompanied by sidekick Karr (Scotti), Heracles manages to pound the life out of Ramir's zombies, destroying his castle and plans of terror in the process.  The combination of sword & sandal tomfoolery and pulp SF is a good match, allowing Brescia to engage in several badly choreographed fight scenes and setpieces, which often include the firing of a laser handgun shaped like a lizard.  CONQUEROR is an Italian/Egyptian co-production and may have been filmed in the Egyptian desert.  It may not be art.  It may not even be good.  But if you can't achieve a few laughs and a sense of riotous fun from it, you just aren't trying very hard.  Morris also played Maciste and Samson a number of times.

CONQUEST OF THE PLANET OF THE APES (1972)--Directed by J. Lee Thompson. Stars Roddy McDowall, Don Murray, Ricardo Montalban, Hari Rhodes. In this fourth segment of the highly profitable series, talking apes live as slaves under the reign of human governor Murray; that is, until chimp McDowell talks them into a full-scale rebellion. Not bad, but the series is beginning to show its age.

CONSPIRACY (2008)—Directed by Adam Marcus.  Stars Val Kilmer, Gary Cole, Jennifer Esposito.  A more shameless ripoff of BAD DAY AT BLACK ROCK, you’ve never seen.  You know how it goes:  crippled war vet (Kilmer) arrives in tiny desert town to visit a war buddy of non-American descent, gets shined on by the townspeople, hotel clerk tries not to give him a room, cops give him a hard time, he tries to rent a car or taxi to take him out to the (non-existent) address where his friend lived, etc., etc., etc.  Gary Cole basically plays Dick Cheney, the CEO of a billion-dollar company called “Halicorp” that’s involved with starting wars, arming both sides, and cleaning up the messes left behind.  He’s also living in some Arizona desert town, making life miserable for the fifty people who live in it.  Obviously, the basic story is a great one that's hard to screw up, which makes the movie as good as it is.  Also, director Marcus (JASON GOES TO HELL: THE FINAL FRIDAY) likes gore, so there are some sweet squibs, fingers chopped off, knives in mouths, etc.  The dull title and bland cover art (featuring Kilmer’s head PhotoShopped on someone else’s much trimmer body) won’t help CONSPIRACY’s chances of being seen by discriminating video renters.  Shot in New Mexico, where Kilmer lives.

CONSPIRACY: THE TRIAL OF THE "CHICAGO 8" (1987)--Directed by Jeremy Kagan. Stars Peter Boyle, Robert Carradine, Robert Loggia, Elliott Gould. This gripping docudrama uses actual dialogue from the trial of eight antiwar activists, including Abbie Hoffman and Jerry Rubin, accused in the riots following the Chicago Democratic national convention of 1968. Well-done performances and good use of news footage and interviews with the trial's real participants. Made for HBO.

CONTACT (1997)--Directed by Robert Zemeckis. Stars Jodie Foster, Matthew McConaughey, James Woods. Zemeckis' first film after winning the Academy Award for FORREST GUMP was this ambitious, intelligent, but ultimately disappointing adult science-fiction drama. Foster is Dr. Ellie Arroway, an idealistic astronomer who spends her entire life peering through telescopes and listening to faraway radio signals with hopes of someday learning of life on other planets. One night, she does pick up something: transmissions from a faraway star called Vega, which could only have been sent intentionally from someone (or something) more advanced than us. Whoever is sending the signals also sends blueprints for a machine that, just maybe, will enable us to travel to their planet. Foster wants to go, but, unfortunately, so does her superior in the project, a two-faced Presidential advisor played by Tom Skerritt. She also butts heads with government officials, who refuse to believe this machine could be used for anything but conquest, and a former lover, a theologian (McConaughey). The film's big letdowns are some extremely silly scenes involving a Howard Hughes-like billionaire played by John Hurt and an anticlimactic copout of an ending. However, the film does ask some interesting questions about our faith in God, our insignificance in the vast universe, and, while not serving up the sense of wonder and awe that Steven Spielberg did in CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND, is reasonably effective sci-fi. The opening shot is truly breathtaking, but Zemeckis can't sustain the momentum. Perhaps some humor would have helped. Co-written by James V. Hart, who scripted mediocre films for Spielberg (HOOK) and Coppola (BRAM STOKER'S DRACULA). Music by Alan Silvestri. Visual effects by Ken Ralston. Also with Angela Bassett, Rob Lowe, Jake Busey, David Morse and President Bill Clinton (thanks to the use of the same computer technology that allowed Forrest Gump to shake hands with John F. Kennedy).

CONTINENTAL DIVIDE (1981)—Directed by Michael Apted.  Stars John Belushi, Blair Brown.  CONTINENTAL DIVIDE was written by Lawrence Kasdan, executive-produced by Steven Spielberg, directed by Michael Apted (COAL MINER’S DAUGHTER), stars John Belushi, and you probably never heard of it.  It was likely a bold attempt by Belushi to play "not John Belushi" as a follow-up to 1941 and THE BLUES BROTHERS.  It's a meandering romantic comedy in which Belushi plays a man-about-town Chicago newspaperman (think Mike Royko) who pursues a human-interest story about an ornithologist (Brown, a good actress who never again got a feature role this big) living alone