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CHARLIE CHAN AT THE CIRCUS (1936)--Directed
by Harry Lachman. Stars Warner Oland, Keye Luke, J. Carrol Naish, Francis Ford, Shia Jung, Paul Stanton. Fun Charlie Chan
mystery (the 15th) set under the big top. Charlie, attending the circus with his large family (14 kids!), is recruited to
investigate when greedy circus owner Kenney (Stanton) is found strangled in a trailer locked from the inside. Suspects include
a kind-hearted ape handler, the victims ex-wife, his partner who stands to lose half of the circus and sinister snake charmer
Naish. Toss in a pair of married midgets, a rampaging ape, a sexy Chinese contortionist named Su Toy (Jung), the affable vitality
of Number One Son Lee Chan (Luke) and a wildly silly conclusion, and the result is one of the better Chan entries. Also with
Maxine Reiner, John McGuire, Shirley Deane and an uncredited bit by Shemp Howard. Lachman, who directed four Charlie Chan
movies, was also an accomplished painter. The Irish character actor Naish, who portrayed Japanese villain Daka in BATMAN,
later played Chan himself in the syndicated '50s series THE NEW ADVENTURES OF CHARLIE CHAN.
CHARLIE CHAN AT
THE OPERA (1936)--Directed by H. Bruce Humberstone. Stars Warner Oland, Boris Karloff, Keye Luke. Considered by many
to be the best of the Chan mysteries, this features the great Karloff as an escaped amnesiac mental patient suspected of murder.
While still a B-picture, 20th Century Fox seems to have lavished a bit more money and care on this entry. Features William
Demarest, Charlotte Beck, Thomas Henry, Gregory Gaye.
CHARLIE CHAN AT THE WAX MUSEUM (1940)--Directed
by Lynn Shores. Stars Sidney Toler, (Victor) Sen Yung, Marc Lawrence. A mildly successful effort at mixing horror into the
standard Chan mystery formula. Madman Lawrence gets out of prison swearing revenge on the detective who put him away--Charlie
Chan. He stalks Chan during a live radio broadcast in a creepy wax museum. With thunderstorms, locked doors and a good share
of red herrings. Also with C. Henry Gordon, Joan Valerie, Marguerite Chapman.
CHARLIE CHAN AT TREASURE ISLAND
(1939)--Directed by Norman Foster. Stars Sidney Toler, Cesar Romero, Sen Yung, Pauline Moore, Douglas Fowley. Another satisfying
Chan entry as Charlie (Toler) and Number Two Son Jimmy (Yung) pursue a false psychic named Dr. Zodiac, who may be involved
in the blackmail and suicide of a mystery writer friend. The title refers to an exhibition at the San Francisco Worlds Fair,
where the mystery takes place. The Chans are assisted in their investigation by Rhadini (Romero), a famous stage magician
out to expose Zodiac as a phony, and Pete Lewis (Fowley), a fast-talking crime reporter. The above-average cast and spook-show
atmosphere make up for the abnormally slow (for the Chan series) pacing. Also with June Gale, Douglas Dumbrille, Wally Vernon
and Sally Blane, Loretta Young's look-alike older sister and director Foster's wife, as the original victim's widow.
CHARLIE
CHAN IN EGYPT (1935)--Directed by Louis King. Stars Warner Oland, Pat Paterson, Rita Hayworth (Cansino), Thomas Beck,
Stepin Fetchit, George Irving, Frank Conroy. Average mystery stars Oland as philosophical dick Charlie Chan, sent to Egypt
to find out why archeologist Professor Arnold (Irving) failed to deliver some precious artifacts to his backers in Paris.
Turns out Arnold has been murdered, mummified and sealed in a sarcophagus. Suspects include Arnold's shady brother-in-law
Thurston (Conroy), his dashing former assistant Tom (Beck) and his prone-to-hysterics daughter Carol (Paterson). 17-year-old
Rita Hayworth, billed under her real name as Rita Cansino, skulks about in an early role as Egyptian servant girl Nayda. Oland
is good as always, but the picture suffers from a slow pace, creaky production values, not enough suspects and the sorely
missed Number One Son. The substitution of Fetchit as Chan's sidekick--a cowardly servant named Snowshoes--is ineffectual;
Fetchit hardly seems an actor, muttering his lines in a stoned whine. Also with Jameson Thomas, John Davidson and Paul Porcasi.
CHARLIE CHAN IN HONOLULU (1938)--Directed by H. Bruce Humberstone. Stars Sidney Toler, Phyllis Brooks,
(Victor) Sen Yung. Toler does well in his first outing as Earl Derr Bigger's famous Asian detective following the unexpected
death of Warner Oland. Chan and eager Number Two Son Jimmy (Yung) investigate a murder on a freighter while awaiting word
of his daughter's impending birth of Number One Grandchild. One of the few Chan films to feature the entire Chan brood is
very entertaining, with a good supporting cast including George Zucco, Marc Lawrence, Claire Dodd and Philip Ahn as Chan's
son-in-law.
CHARLIE CHAN IN LONDON (1934)--Directed by Eugene Forde. Stars Warner Oland, Ray(mond)
Milland, Drue Leyton. Charlie (Swedish actor Oland) solves a murder in an English country manor to save an innocent man from
hanging. Entertaining mystery with a solid supporting cast and an intriguing plot. It's interesting to see Welsh actor Milland
looking so young, a full eleven years before his Best Actor Oscar for THE LONG WEEKEND. Also with Mona Barrie, Alan Mowbray
and E.E. Clive as a fumbling constable. Forde helmed four other Chan programmers for 20th Century Fox. Scenarist Philip MacDonald,
who also penned some Mr. Moto mysteries for Fox, wrote the novel THE LIST OF ADRIAN MESSENGER.
CHARLIE CHAN
IN PARIS (1935)--Directed by Lewis Seiler. Stars Warner Oland, Mary Brian, Thomas Beck. Pretty routine Chan tale
from 20th Century Fox as the legendary Honolulu detective tracks down counterfeiters in France. Keye Luke appears for the
first time as Number One Son Lee Chan.
CHARLIE CHAN IN RENO (1939)--Directed by Norman Foster. Stars
Sidney Toler, Ricardo Cortez, Phyllis Brooks, Kane Richmond. Chan travels to the divorce capital of the world to save a Hawaiian
friend whos being framed for the killing of a debutante. Good cast and production values in this good Fox entry. Also with
Slim Summerville as a comic relief sheriff, Robert Lowery, Morgan Conway, Eddie Collins, Pauline Moore and (Victor) Sen Yung
as Number Two Son.
CHARLIE CHAN IN RIO (1941)--Directed by Harry Lachman. Stars Sidney Toler, Victor
Jory, Richard Derr, (Victor) Sen Yung. This slow-paced murder mystery is one of the weaker Chan entries. Charlie and Number
Two Son Jimmy go to Brazil to arrest a lounge singer for the murder of her lover, but she is murdered before they can slap
the cuffs on her. Chan arranges the usual suspects (fianc, servants, jealous rivals, etc.), and solves the crime. Not very
exciting, and not enough red herrings to keep the audience guessing.
CHARLIE CHAN IN THE SECRET SERVICE
(1944)--Directed by Phil Rosen. Stars Sidney Toler, Arthur Loft, George Lewis, Benson Fong, Marianne Quon, Mantan Moreland.
After many years under the 20th Century-Fox banner, the Charlie Chan series switched to Poverty Row Monogram Studios for ten
more low-budget entries over the next four years. Chan (Toler), on loan (I assume) to the United States Secret Service and
stationed in Washington, D.C., is called in to investigate when a prominent weapons inventor is murdered in his own home and
the plans for his new bomb stolen. The victim was throwing a cocktail party that night, and since the police allowed no one
to leave the house after the murder, one of the guests must be the killer. This time around, instead of Number One Son Jimmy,
Chan is aided by Number Two Son Tommy (Fong), as well as cute Number One Daughter Iris (Quon). Moreland debuts as Birmingham
Brown, the servant of one of the suspects who would go on to become Chan's chauffeur in future movies. Not a bad mystery,
though the mystery's solution stretches credulity a bit, and one protracted sequence of Chan leaving a building, getting into
a cab, arriving at his destination, climbing out of the cab, and entering another house exists only to eat up running time,
and is made unintentionally hilarious through the use of blaring action music intended to, I guess, make us believe something
exciting is actually happening. Also with Gene Roth, Muni Seroff, Lelah Tyler and Sarah Edwards. Music by Karl Hajos.
CHARRO!
(1969)--Directed by Charles Marquis Warren. Stars Elvis Presley, Victor French, Ina Balin. Western advertised as Elvis's first
"serious" film should leave you in stitches. Elvis is a bandit-gone-straight who is kidnapped by French's gang and framed
for their theft of a giant cannon. Script by Warren. Elvis sings only the title song (written by Mac Davis) over the opening
credits. Music by Hugo Montenegro.
CHATTERBOX (1977)--Directed by Tom DeSimone. Stars Candice Rialson,
Larry Gelman, Perry Bullington, Jane Kean. It's become a cliche in our culture to say, "They don't make 'em the way they used
to". In the case of this silly but sweet sex comedy, however, it's as close to the truth as you can come. As directed by DeSimone,
whose previous experience was mainly in gay porn, CHATTERBOX would make a great double feature with THE FIRST NUDIE MUSICAL.
'70s drive-in regular Rialson (HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD) plays Penny, a sweet hairdresser who is astonished, as anyone would be,
to discover one night while making love with her boyfriend Ted (Bullington) that her vagina...um...well...talks. That's right.
It talks. And not kindly either, insulting Ted's sexual prowess, causing him to storm out of their relationship. It sings
too. Quite well, in fact.
After Virginia causes a lesbian client to come on to Penny and her boss to yell at her,
the harried hairdresser visits a psychiatrist, Dr. Pearl (Gelman), who sees in Penny not a freak or a pervert, but a ticket
to fame and fortune. Exploiting Penny's hidden skill to the max, she becomes the world's #1 singing sensation, cutting a hit
record ("Wang Dang Doodle"), performing on television (a talk show hosted by Professor Irwin Corey!), appearing on the cover
of TIME, and even making a minor celebrity of her sycophantic mother (Kean).
CHATTERBOX's most surprising asset is
its lack of sleaze. Although one would be tempted to believe a sex comedy about a singing vulva would be a little reckless
with the smut, the humor is about on the level of an early '70s TV sitcom with a bit of I DREAM OF JEANNIE-style slapstick
mixed in. Even the way in which the action is blocked and scored seems to anticipate a laugh track. The sex scenes are relatively
antiseptic, and, although Rialson's top half is often on display, Virginia is always discreetly covered or hidden from view,
even when talking on the telephone. OK, so the constant punning (Virginia's favorite TV show is, of course, LEAVE IT TO BEAVER)
is somewhat juvenile and the premise a little farfetched, but DeSimone manufactures an almost family-friendly approach to
his talking vagina movie that makes it easy to overlook its superficial flaws and admire its good-natured approach.
Much
of the film's success is due to its leading lady. 24-year-old Rialson appears in every scene, and is completely up to the
task of carrying such a nutty concept on her Santa Monica-born shoulders. Fans of Rialson's body will exalt in her many topless
scenes, although I liked the matter-of-fact manner in which she shed for them--her casual attitude towards the nudity helps
to deflect any feelings of exploitation. She brings a great vulnerability and "good sport" factor to her role, which lends
it much needed weight among the farfetched story in which it resides. Oddly enough, Rialson never again appeared in a leading
role, and, in fact, only a bit part in William Richert's WINTER KILLS lie ahead in her career. Although her biggest parts
were in low-budget drive-in movies, she was a very appealing screen presence and possessed a natural beauty and charm the
equal of another California blonde who went on to mainstream success: Michelle Pfeiffer.
Not that I want to make CHATTERBOX
out to be more than it really is; it's a talking vagina movie, for crying out loud! But in the hands of a cruder filmmaker
than DeSimone or a less likable actress than Rialson, it would come off as offensive and stupid, rather than the surprisingly
fluffy comedy that it is. Also with Jane Kean (one of the comediennes who played Trixie Norton in "Honeymooners" sketches),
Arlene Martel, Sandra Gould from BEWITCHED, Michael Taylor and Rip Taylor. Bullington later became Full Moon's resident casting
director. DeSimone went on to a pretty steady exploitation career, directing the Linda Blair slasher HELL NIGHT and the third
ANGEL installment. Jonathan Demme's regular cinematographer Tak Fujimoto shot CHATTERBOX, and several songs were contributed
by none other than Neil Sedaka! Released by American-International. Garry Shandling later made a movie about a humming penis,
WHAT PLANET ARE YOU FROM?, directed by Mike Nichols. It wasn't a hit.
CHECKERED FLAG OR CRASH (1977)--Directed by Alan
Gibson. Stars Joe Don Baker, Susan Sarandon. Redneck action star Baker and lots of car crashes. Sounds like
a perfect formula for good ol’ drive-in fun, but British director Gibson manages to make it all pretty tame. Character
development in Michael Allin’s (ENTER THE DRAGON) screenplay is nil, as all-or-nothing race car driver “Walkaway”
Madden enters a 1000-mile off-road race across the Philippine jungle in a quest for a $50,000 first prize. Sarandon,
pretty good in the kind of role she pretty much stopped playing after she was “discovered” in 1980’s ATLANTIC
CITY, plays a journalist who tags along with a reluctant Madden, and, of course, falls in love with him. There are plenty
of chase scenes and busted-up cars, but this movie is never as exciting or fun as it should have been, given the concept and
cast. It’s no great shakes either, but SAFARI 3000, with David Carradine and Stockard Channing playing similar
roles, is closer to the target. Larry Hagman plays the race promoter. Alan Vint and Parnelli Jones are in it too.
Heavyweight producer Jon Avnet got started in the business working as an associate producer on this Universal picture.
Aired on NBC on March 13, 1979 after an episode of CLIFF HANGERS!
CHEERLEADER CAMP (1988)--Directed by John Quinn.
Stars Betsy Russell, Lucinda Dickey, Leif Garrett, Teri Weigel, Rebecca Ferratti, Travis McKenna. A better-than-average
cast enlivens this routine slasher flick, which came out near the end of the '80s cycle. A bunch of college cheerleaders,
which includes two guys, arrive at the mountaintop Camp Hurrah to compete in a tournament, the winner of which gets to move
up to the state finals. Among them are Allison (Russell), a beautiful but somewhat neurotic pill-popper who suffers
from nightmares; her boyfriend Brent (Garrett), who starts flirting with other girls when Allison refuses to make out with
him; Cory (Dickey), the school mascot (in an alligator suit) who is scorned by the "real" cheerleaders; Brent's fat friend
Timmy (McKenna), a practical joker; and bitchy Pam (Weigel) and Theresa (Ferratti).
Director Quinn, a film distributor (ERASERHEAD) making his first
feature, is content to save the scares for the second half, as he and his writers establish the relationships between the
characters. Much of the material involves the girls popping their tops and the antics of the fat horny comic relief
attempting to either score or to spy on naked chicks. Even after the apparent suicide of a blonde cheerleader who was
flirting with Brent, the fun and games continue unabated. Not until the night of the big competition, as first Pam,
then Theresa, disappear mysteriously, does the slashing commence.
At least the body count is high, since the murders (with one exception)
aren't particularly imaginative or unusual. The MPAA apparently forced Quinn and producer Jeff Prettyman (who plays
the local sheriff) to make a few cuts, but the killings are still gory enough to make an impact. The problem is the
screenplay by David Fein and Ron O'Keefe, which forces the characters to act foolishly in order to set them up as bait for
the killer. It also sets up several red herrings, even though your first guess as to the killer's identity will probably
be correct (mine was).
Luckily, Quinn managed to assemble a semi-name cast, including Russell,
who had made a big splash a few years earlier while riding a horse topless in PRIVATE SCHOOL and then followed up with leads
in TOMBOY, AVENGING ANGEL and OUT OF CONTROL. Dickey, who also contributed to the singing and dancing numbers, had headlined
three films for Cannon, including the BREAKIN' films, while Garrett was a child actor and major teen idol in the late 1970s.
Weigel and Ferratti had just posed nude for PLAYBOY; Weigel later became the first (and, to date, only) Playmate to have a
career in hardcore cinema. McKenna, who also served as the stunt coordinator (although there really are no stunts),
popped up in ROAD HOUSE as a bouncer. Despite their fame, none of the performers appears to be slumming, even though
they appear a little old to still be in college.
I guess, as far as slasher films go, CHEERLEADER CAMP is okay, if
you're a fan of the genre. Bryan England's cinematography is pretty good as genre efforts go, and Jeffrey Reiner's crisp
editing soon catapulted him into the director's chair; his latest credits show him as a director and executive producer of
network dramas like L.A. DRAGNET and HAWAII. The United States is apparently one of the few countries to use the title
CHEERLEADER CAMP; the original title was BLOODY POM POMS, which is how the film was seen overseas. It also never saw
a domestic theatrical release, since the distributor, Atlantic, went bankrupt, although it did play on cable and on a Media
VHS tape. Also with Lorie Griffin, Vickie Benson, Buck Flower and Krista Pflanzer. Shot mostly in the Sequoia
National Forest and at Bakersfield High School.
Anchor Bay presents CHEERLEADER CAMP letterboxed at approximately
1.77:1 and enhanced for 16x9 televisions. In addition to a poster and still gallery, three trailers, and an alternate
title sequence bearing the BLOODY POM POMS moniker, the DVD contains an audio commentary by Quinn and Prettyman, who have
fond memories of CHEERLEADER CAMP's 24-day shooting schedule and all the Saturday night parties that went along with it.
It doesn't touch as much on the financing and pre-production as much as I would have liked (although the liner notes do),
but the co-producers do relate a few tales of the casting process, the excision of two unnecessary scenes, and how everyone
did a "really nice job". Not much trivia, except that Jimmy McNichol (NIGHT WARNING) was up for Garrett's part and Russell
refused to do any nude scenes. I picked this disc out of a Best Buy bargain rack for $5.99, and it's definitely worth
the value.
THE CHEERLEADER MASSACRE (2003)--Directed by Jim
Wynorski. Stars Tamie Sheffield, Lenny Juliano, John Colton. Undoubtedly one of schlockmeister Wynorski's worst
films, MASSACRE is crudely shot on videotape and provides neither thrills nor titillation. Its slasher-movie plot has
been done to death a million times over the past thirty years, and the no-name cast does nothing to spice up the routine.
A bunch of high-school cheerleaders, accompanied by their foxy coach (Sheffield), a comic-relief bus driver (Juliano, who
takes the screenwriting blame) and two stoner dudes, are stranded at a mountain cabin when their transportation breaks down
during a snowstorm. Wouldn't you know that the same area is being haunted by a madman named Jeremiah McPherson (Colton)
who just broke out of an insane asylum? Cheapness and clichés dominate this MASSACRE, as the cast of soft- and hardcore
porn actors pretend to be alternately scared or turned on, whatever the script calls for. The gore is laughable, and
only a few nude scenes, including a rousing shower scene with the gorgeous Sheffield, keep this film off the bottom of the
barrel. The score is inappropriately lifted from BATTLE BEYOND THE STARS, made 23 years earlier, and the jarring clash
between Wynorski's video and the 35mm stock footage lifted from SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE and other (better) features only accentuates
the threadbare atmosphere. SLUMBER PARTY star Brinke Stevens reprises her role. Also with Charity Rahmer, E. Eddie
Edwards, Erin Byron, XXX star Diana Espin, Tylo Tyler, Michelle Brasselle, Nikki Fritz, CHOPPING MALL writer Steve Mitchell
and Wynorski as the school principal. Composer Chuck Cirino is credited with the cinematography.
THE CHEERLEADERS (1972)--Directed by Paul
Glickler. Stars Stephanie Fondue, Denise Dillaway, Jonathan Jacobs. An attractive cast of no-name actresses headlines
this skin-filled T&A comedy. Cute virgin Jeannie (Fondue) makes the cheerleading squad of Amorosa High, replacing
a girl who dropped out to have a baby. Since Jeannie's never "made it", the cheerleaders feel she's a safe bet not to
follow her predecessor to the maternity ward. On the other hand, Jeannie, who is 15 years old, is desperate to have
sex, but she's constantly rebuffed by her workaholic boyfriend Norman (Jacobs) and other attempts to seduce a male fall flat.
Meanwhile, the rest of the cheerleaders overdo the fun the night before a big game, making love with nearly the entire football
team, making the players too tired to play. They solve that problem by rushing pell-mell to their opponents' hometown,
seducing their players and putting all the guys on a level playing field.
That's more or less what passes for a plot, although the storyline
is incidental to the nude scenes and silly sexual hijinks. While there's no profanity, perversion or violence, THE CHEERLEADERS
is nearly wall-to-wall with nubile young women who disrobe at the drop of a bra, flaunting women's newfound freedom (this
was the early '70s, you know) to be the aggressors in a sexual relationship. Although many scenes would be viewed as
very politically incorrect by today's standards (some of the bits involving nudity veer close to "date rape" territory or
at the very least sexual harassment), THE CHEERLEADERS is a quite likable if not exactly deep or overly amusing time capsule.
If viewed as a telescope into the wild 'n' wooly scene of the '70s, when it was still permissible for people to not only have
sex in movies, but also enjoy it, or as merely an excuse to check out good-looking nude women with "real" bodies, THE CHEERLEADERS
is a good time. Glickler, who also served as a writer and producer, mainly directs by pointing his camera at his actresses'
buns or breasts and yelling, "Action!" but the girls, none of whom went on to significant acting careers, seem to be having
a good enough time, and, at only about 75 minutes, the frothy nature of the film doesn't have time to drag.
Dillaway, as cheerleading captain Claudia, is the sexiest of the
stars, but Fondue carries the film on her lithe shoulders. Also with Brandy Woods, Kim Stanton, Jovita Bush, Raoul Hoffnung,
Jack Jonas and Richard Meatwhistle. Music by David Herman includes a really goofy opening theme song. Richard
Lerner, who worked on THE CHEERLEADERS as a writer, producer, editor and cinematographer, later wrote and directed a loose
sequel, REVENGE OF THE CHEERLEADERS, which is perhaps most notable for featuring a young David Hasselhoff, who does nude scenes
as a high school jock named Boner. Originally released with a self-imposed X rating (although none of the sex was of
the hardcore variety), later versions were cut and given an R by the MPAA (I believe the R version is the print released on
videocassette by Prism Entertainment).
CHERRY FALLS (2000)--Directed by Geoffrey
Wright. Stars Brittany Murphy, Michael Biehn, Jay Mohr, Gabriel Mann. This slick slasher movie with a clever premise
by writer Ken Selden was hacked up severely by the MPAA, then dumped to USA cable without domestic theatrical fanfare (it
did play in theaters overseas). It's too bad USA Films thinks so little of it--they released it on a double-feature
DVD with a made-for-TV thriller starring John Ritter called TERROR TRACT--because it's a neat little thriller.
Someone is murdering teenagers at Cherry Falls High School in picturesque
Cherry Falls, Virginia. But not just any teens. Only the virgins. So, to escape the killer's wrath, the
students organize a huge sex party at an abandoned mansion to get everybody laid once and for all. Meanwhile, plucky
Jody (Murphy) is doing some investigating after one of her best friends becomes a victim, winnowing through the red herrings
and learning a shocking secret involving her father, the local sheriff (Biehn) in charge of the case.
Besides the lurid concept, which spins the old "have-sex-and-die"
slasher formula on its ear, there isn't much about CHERRY FALLS that distinguishes it from other similar films, but that concept,
along with a game cast and clever direction, goes a long way. Unfortunately, to achieve an R rating, much of the guts
were removed from Wright's film, including all of the nudity and his main setpiece, a particularly gruesome murder that is
now seen only in almost-subliminal flash cuts. Murphy, as wasted-looking as ever, is a likable heroine, and it's good
to see Biehn in a major role. Walter Werzowa's score provides a few jolts as well. Also with Jesse Bradford, Kristen
Miller, Keram Malicki-Sanchez, Amanda Anka, Joe Inscoe and Candy Clark.
CHERRY, HARRY AND RAQUEL (1969)--Directed
by Russ Meyer. Stars Larissa Ely, Linda Ashton, Charles Napier, Franklin Bolger. Typically action-packed Meyer film with healthy
doses of sex and humor. Napier is a corrupt desert sheriff involved in marijuana smuggling. He sleeps with Cherry and Raquel.
So does his elderly boss. His deputy only sleeps with Raquel. Also with Meyer regular Uschi Digard, who runs nude through
the desert for no reason. So does Napier. Ugh. Features sharp photography and editing, and the action sequences are exciting.
Napier became a regular in Jonathan Demme's films. The mind-blowing BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS was next for Meyer.
CHERRY
HILL HIGH (1976)--Directed by Alex E. Goitein. Stars Linda McInerney, Lynn Hastings, Nina Carson, Carrie Olson. Five
sexy high school graduates on a two-week bicycle trip have a contest to see which of them can lose her virginity in the most
original and creative manner. The judge is their not-so-sexually-repressed teacher (McInerney)! One girl does it with a ghost
(maybe), another with an alien (not really) and a third with a guy dressed like a chicken. I hope I'm not making this lame
sex comedy sound interesting, because it's very poorly written, directed and acted. The girls are pretty good-looking though,
and they all do topless scenes.
CHERRY 2000 (1988)--Directed by Steve DeJarnett. Stars Melanie Griffith,
David Andrews, Tim Thomerson, Ben Johnson, Pamela Gidley. Interesting offbeat science fiction set in the year 2017. When Andrews's
sexy robot wife (Gidley) goes on the fritz, he travels across a desert wasteland to buy a replacement. He meets up with tomboyish
guide Griffith, who leads Andrews across The Zone, which is patrolled by bands of outlaws and nutcases. The excellent supporting
cast includes Harry Carey Jr., Robert Z'Dar, Larry Fishburne and Brion James. Filled with good performances, nice stunts and
a sense of humor, CHERRY 2000 should have been a hit. Andrews later starred in the NBC-TV series MANN & MACHINE as a cop
with a robot partner played by Yancy Butler. Sat on the shelf for three years before a token release by Orion.
CHESTY
ANDERSON, U.S. NAVY (1976)--Directed by Ed Forsyth. Stars Shari Eubank, Rosanne Katon, Marcie Barkin, Dorrie Thomson,
Frank Campanella, Fred Willard, Joyce Mandel. SUPERVIXENS star Eubank, in her second (and sadly last) feature film, plays
Chesty, a Navy WAVE stationed somewhere in Southern California. When her younger sister Suzi (Mandel) is kidnapped by thugs
working for an underworld boss known as the Baron (Campanella), Chesty recruits three members of her sexy squad--blonde sexpot
Tina (Thomson), wisecracking Pucker (Barkin) and black DJ-groupie Cocoa (Katon)--to investigate, and, in the process, runs
across a crooked U.S. senator, plenty of barfights, a lecherous Navy doctor (who begins every examination, no matter the symptoms,
with, "Strip to the waist!"), a deadly trash compactor, some poor excuses for martial-arts battles and a smarmy Senator's
aide (Willard) who falls for Chesty.
Forsyth built his sexploitation credentials by directing SUPERCHICK and THE RAMRODDER,
but CHESTY ANDERSON's R rating is tame at best. In fact, Forsyth seems to bend over backwards to keep his cast clothed for
the most part by asking them to (frequently) strip to their brassieres, but no further. The movie isn't very funny or titillating,
but is perhaps worth watching for its cast, which also includes John Davis Chandler, Scatman Crothers, Royce Applegate, Russ
Meyer regular Uschi Digard, Herschel Gordon Lewis regular Nancy Lee Noble, Stanley Brock (the doc with the hammy Austrian
accent), ILSA's Dyanne Thorne as Brock's nurse and future HILL STREET BLUES star and PRIVATE PARTS director Betty Thomas.
Timothy Carey nearly steals the film as a whacked-out hitman in a pink tank top and pink shorts. He appears to be improvising
nearly all of his dialogue, and even his fellow actors seem surprised by what comes out of his mouth. Carey's character doesn't
make a whole lot of sense, but he's certainly fun to watch.
CHESTY is also worthwhile as the only other feature to
star Eubank, the beautiful and talented lead in Russ Meyer's SUPERVIXENS. A product of tiny Farmer City, Illinois, Eubank
doesn't command the screen here the way she did in the Meyer film (and in a dual role), but does display a remarkable stage
of intelligence, fun and great sexiness. It's not unlikely that she could have developed into a major cult star at the same
level as Claudia Jennings or Pam Grier if her film career had continued. Today, she teaches drama at her old Farmer City high
school, and would reportedly prefer to leave her Hollywood career undiscussed and in the past.
Also known as ANDERSON'S
ANGELS and CHESTY ANDERSON, USN, CHESTY was released theatrically by tiny Atlas Films, which also released Fred Williamson's
DEATH JOURNEY and Pete Walker's THE CONFESSIONAL. The ebullient Katon also appeared in LUNCH WAGON GIRLS and EBONY, IVORY
& JADE (among many other drive-in flicks), and went on to become a PLAYBOY Playmate. Barkin popped up in JACKSON COUNTY
JAIL and THE VAN at about the same time as CHESTY.
THE CHICKEN CHRONICLES (1977)—Directed
by Francis Simon. Stars Steve Guttenberg, Phil Silvers, Branscombe Richmond. Passable adaptation of Paul Diamond’s
novel about a teenage boy (Guttenberg) growing up in Beverly Hills in 1969. David Kessler works at Silvers’ chicken
joint, chases cute girls, and occasionally gets into trouble with his pothead pal Richmond. It feels like it wants to
be AMERICAN GRAFFITI, but is neither as funny nor involving as George Lucas’ film. Guttenberg, later to strike
it big in the POLICE ACADEMY movies, was still an unknown and is fine in the role. It seems good preparation for his
shortlived sitcom BILLY about a daydreaming teen. Also with Ed Lauter, Meredith Baer, Lisa Reeves, Gino Baffa, Jon Gries
and Clark Brandon. Songs by Classic IV dot the soundtrack.
THE CHILD (1977)—Directed by Robert Voskanian.
Stars Laurel Barnett, Rosalie Cole, Richard Hanners, Frank Janson. Harry Novak’s Boxoffice International released
this slow, dull BAD SEED copy that doesn’t start smoking until the zombie attack that erupts near the end. As
the romantic leads are trapped NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD-style inside a building besieged by rampaging corpses, the staging
and makeup effects are reasonably startling, at least for a movie at this level. It’s nowhere near the best zombie
movie you’ve seen, but I suppose it isn’t the worst either. In fact, I know it isn’t. I still
can’t recommend THE CHILD though, because the first hour is exceedingly boring, telling the story of a little girl (Cole)
who has the ability to resurrect her “friends” buried in a nearby cemetery and siccing them on her family and
neighbors. Her brother and her live-in nanny (Barnett) are the ones trapped by pursuing zombies in the final reels.
Technically something of a mess (it was filmed mainly on short ends by a one-time director), THE CHILD generates too few scares
too late.
THE CHILDREN OF THE CORN (1984)--Directed by
Fritz Kiersch. Stars Peter Horton, Linda Hamilton, John Franklin, R.G. Armstrong. Another bad Stephen King film about a small
Nebraska town where all adults have been systematically slaughtered by a child cult led by the redheaded Franklin. When travelers
Horton and Hamilton pass through, they are sucked into the horror. Franklin's acting is terrible. Some gripping scenes, but
pretty silly for the most part. Hamilton filmed this before THE TERMINATOR. Music by Jonathan Elias.
CHILDREN OF THE CORN II: THE FINAL SACRIFICE
(1993)—Directed by David Price. Stars Terence Knox, Paul Scherrer, Ryan Bollman, Ned Romero, Rosalind Allen, Christie
Clark. The morning after the events of the first film, in which all the adults in tiny Gatlin, Nebraska were murdered
by their children, authorities take the kids to the nearby town of Hemmingford to stay with foster families. Enter tabloid
reporter John Garrett (Knox) and his estranged teenage son Danny (Scherrer), who poke around Hemmingford in search of a story
and become targets when more adults begin to die in various gruesome manners. Dimension actually got this into theaters,
where it did decent business, considering its sub-million-dollar budget. Price (DR. JEKYLL & MS. HYDE) concocts
plenty of bloody demises certain to entertain gorehounds, and Romero’s witty turn as a Native American professor who
knows the true story behind the killings steals the movie, which throws in an odd subplot about moldy corn with psychedelic
properties.
CHILDREN OF THE CORN IV: THE GATHERING (1996)—Directed
by Greg Spence. Stars Naomi Watts, Karen Black, William Windom, Jamie Renee Smith. This DTV sequel is not good,
and is only worth seeing if you’re curious about a 28-year-old Watts (KING KONG) in her first leading role in an American
film. As premed student Grace Rhodes, she returns to her sleepy hometown to care for her ailing mother (Karen Black),
who is haunted by a recurring nightmare where she is horribly murdered by a strange boy. Meanwhile, the town’s
children start suffering from an identical virus, while several adults turn up dead. Of course, you know what’s
going on, but Grace doesn’t, even after it appears her little sister Margaret (Smith) may hold the key to the mysterious
killings. Watts is beautiful and appealing (though, like Ned Romero in CORN II, Windom’s crotchety doctor steals
all his scenes) in a film that is neither, though a few gory moments may perk you up.
CHILD'S PLAY
(1988)--Directed by Tom Holland. Stars Catherine Hicks, Chris Sarandon, Alex Vincent, Brad Dourif. Slick horror film about
a dead child killer (Dourif) whose soul inhabits the "Chucky" doll bought by Hicks for her six-year-old son (Vincent). No
one believes the boy when he says the doll can walk, talk and kill people. Well-crafted by Holland, but it's hard to take
a sadistic three-foot doll seriously. If you can watch with a straight face the scene where cop Sarandon is attacked while
driving by Chucky, you're a better person than I. Followed by two sequels.
THE CHILL FACTOR (1973)--See A COLD NIGHT'S
DEATH.
THE CHINA SYNDROME (1979)--Directed by James
Bridges. Stars Jane Fonda, Jack Lemmon, Michael Douglas. Paranoid thriller about an accident and cover-up at a nuclear power
plant had the good fortune to be released at the same time as the Three Mile Island incident. Fonda and Douglas as a TV news
reporter and cameraman are taking a tour of the plant when a small tremor occurs, and it becomes apparent to them the plant
is unsafe. Plant officials use their influence to prevent their story from airing. Lemmon is a plant employee who tries to
help spread word of the danger. Very exciting movie says a lot about the dangers of nuclear power, while still fulfilling
the requirements of a popcorn thriller. With James Hampton, Scott Brady, James Karen and Wilford Brimley. Lemmon and Fonda
were Oscar-nominated; Douglas is also good, although it wasn't until 1984's ROMANCING THE STONE that he became a big movie
star. Produced by Michael Douglas. The lack of a musical score doesn't hurt the suspense one bit. From the director of URBAN
COWBOY.
CHINATOWN (1974)--Directed by Roman Polanski. Stars Jack Nicholson, Faye Dunaway, John Huston,
Perry Lopez, Burt Young. Nicholson had one of his best roles as private detective Jake Gittes, a smart-aleck specializing
in divorce cases, who finds himself investigating the murder of Los Angeles's Water Commissioner and having an affair with
the Commissioner's mysterious widow (Dunaway). The screenplay by Robert Towne is one of the genre's all-time best--it's full
of interesting plot twists and character developments. Polanski has an excellent feel for L.A. life in the late 1930s. Period
is faithfully recreated down to the last detail. Towne's screenplay won an Academy Award; Nicholson and Dunaway were both
nominated. Jerry Goldsmith composed the beautiful score. Also with John Hillerman, Bruce Glover, Richard Bakalyan and James
Hong. One of only two American features directed by Polanski (ROSEMARY'S BABY was the other). Nicholson directed the 1990
sequel THE TWO JAKES, which was also scripted by Towne. Look for Polanski in a small but memorable role as the thug who cuts
Jake's nose.
THE CHINESE CAT (1944)—Directed by
Phil Rosen. Stars Sidney Toler, Benson Fong, Mantan Moreland, Joan Woodbury. Charlie Chan (Toler) solves a classic
locked-room mystery in this low-budget Monogram B-pic. An antique porcelain cat is missing from the scene of the crime,
and a novel based on the unsolved murder pins the blame on the victim’s wife, so the daughter (Woodbury) recruits Chan
to find the real culprit. #3 son Tommy (Fong) comes along to help dad Charlie, as does taxi driver Birmingham Brown
(Moreland), though reluctantly. The fun climax takes place in an abandoned fun house full of secret doors, passages
and scary mirrors. Also with John Davidson in a dual role, Ian Keith and I. Stanford Jolley.
THE CHINESE CONNECTION (1971)--Directed by
Lo Wei. Stars Bruce Lee, Nora Miao. Lees second feature was a major box-office smash all over the world. While the film is
undeniably crude and amateurish, Lee's charisma and skill as a martial artist are plainly evident. In 1908 Shanghai, Bruce
seeks the killers of his teacher. At one point, he beats up an entire school of Japanese fighters. Was made as FIST OF FURY,
but title had to be changed when his first movie was released in the United States using that title. Of course, by the time
Lee's movies reached wide release here, he was already dead (at age 33).
A CHINESE GHOST STORY (1987)--Directed
by Ching Siu-Tung. Stars Leslie Cheung, Wang Tsu Hsien. Legendary Asian filmmaker Tsui Hark was the executive producer of
this atmospheric fantasy about a guy on the run who falls in love with a beautiful ghost. Features lots of special effects
and creepy makeup, including a giant tongue. Wang is quite sexy as the mysterious spirit.
CHITTY CHITTY BANG
BANG (1968)--Directed by Ken Hughes. Stars Dick Van Dyke, Sally Ann Howes, Lionel Jefferies, Gert Frobe, Benny Hill.
As a kid, I loved this fantasy about an eccentric inventor (Van Dyke) who builds a flying car. Evil king Frobe wants it, and
kidnaps Van Dyke's two children to get it. Based on a novel by Ian Fleming, who wrote the James Bond novels. Frobe played
the title villain in GOLDFINGER. Other Bond alumni include producer Albert R. Broccoli, special effects supervisor John Stears
and co-scripter Richard Maibaum (with Roald Dahl). Songs by Richard M. Sherman and Robert B. Sherman. Filmed in England, France
and West Germany.
THE CHOIRBOYS (1977)--Directed by Robert Aldrich.
Stars Charles Durning, James Woods, Perry King, Don Stroud, Tim McIntire. One of Aldrich's final films, THE CHOIRBOYS
was based on a Joseph Wambaugh novel and seems to have been intended as the M*A*S*H of police dramas. However, Aldrich
and screenwriter Christopher Knopf never find the right tone, and the cops' ribald behavior comes across as crudely juvenile
rather than funny and mawkish instead of dramatic. It certainly doesn't like women or homosexuals very much and certainly
teeters on that thin line between politically incorrect and offensive. THE CHOIRBOYS, which was reportedly denounced
by Wambaugh upon its release, is a plotless exercise involving a group of stressed-out Los Angeles patrolmen who get together
after work for regular "choir practices" aka drunken parties in MacArthur Park. Characters include Sperm Whale (Durning),
the veteran with six months until retirement; 'Nam buddies Bloomguard (Woods) and Lyles (Stroud); rich kid Baxter (King);
and racist loudmouth Roscoe (McIntire). After several childish pranks and heavy-handed assaults on most racial and social
minorities you can think of, the film does an about-face into plodding melodrama, wrapping up in an unconventional manner
bordering on social irresponsibility. Joseph Biroc's cinematography makes the film look cheap, but Frank DeVol's music
has its clever stings. The cast is damned incredible: Lou Gossett Jr., Charles Haid, Robert Webber, Clyde Kusatsu,
Burt Young, Vic Tayback, Phyllis Davis, Jeanne Bell, Stephen Macht, Blair Brown, Randy Quaid, Michele Carey, Barbara Rhoades
(in a bikini), David Spielberg, Chuck Sacci, Cheryl "Rainbeaux" Smith, Bob Minor, Jim Davis, George DiCenzo and Claire Brennen.
THE FRISCO KID was next for Aldrich.
CHOKE CANYON (1986)--Directed by Chuck Bail.
Stars Stephen Collins, Janet Julian, Bo Svenson, Lance Henriksen, Nicholas Pryor. A range-riding physicist (Collins) believes
sound waves can be transformed into energy, and is preparing for a breakthrough experiment that will take place during Halley's
Comet. Pilgrim (Pryor), the industrialist who leased Collins the titular Utah property in which to conduct his studies, wants
it back so he can dump illegal toxic waste there. When Collins refuses, Pilgrim has him beaten up and his equipment destroyed.
With time running out before the comets appearance, Collins kidnaps Pryor's cute daughter (Julian) and forces Pryor's henchmen
(led by oily Henriksen) to rebuild his machine. Svenson plays The Captain, a brutal mercenary hired by Pilgrim to run Collins
out of the canyon, and in one of this movie's many highly implausible scenes, the hulking Svenson is beaten up by the much
slighter Collins. Director Bail is a noted stuntman, so it isn't surprising that CHOKE CANYON features a number of astonishing
stunt sequences, including a breathtaking chase between a helicopter and a biplane. The script (co-written by Italian producer
Ovidio G. Assonitis) doesn't contain much in terms of characterization, dialogue or plot twists, and Roberto Silvi's editing
is often rough. Sylvester Levay's score runs the gamut from rock guitar to synth to warmed-over Jerry Goldsmith licks. Julian
was formerly known as Janet Louise Johnson when she starred in ABC's THE NANCY DREW MYSTERIES. Also with Victoria Racimo,
Robert Hoy, Victor Robles and Kurt Woodruff. From the director of CLEOPATRA JONES AND THE CASINO OF GOLD.
C.H.O.M.P.S. (1979)—Directed by Don Chaffey.
Stars Wesley Eure, Valerie Bertinelli, Conrad Bain. This Hanna-Barbera live-action comedy stars LAND OF THE LOST's Wesley
Eure (just coming off the grimy horror flick THE TOOLBOX MURDERS, a complete 180 from the sweetness of C.H.O.M.P.S.) as a
super-smart security expert who invents a Canine Home Protection System that looks like a cute dog. Its powers include super-strength
(it knocks a truck over), X-ray vision, super-speed and explosive-detection. Naturally, some bad guys try to steal C.H.O.M.P.S.,
but the robot Rover knocks them all on their asses. Super-cutie Valerie Bertinelli (ONE DAY AT A TIME) is the female lead,
and Conrad Bain (DIFF'RENT STROKES) plays Eure's boss. Also yukking it up are Chuck McCann ("Hi, guy!") and Red Buttons as
the bumbling burglars, Jim Backus as Bain's rival, and Larry Bishop, recently seen stealing KILL BILL, VOL. 2 as Michael Madsen's
strip-club boss, as Eure's rival for Val's affections.
C.H.O.M.P.S. is actually kinda cute and fun and would likely still
entertain children, as it has a lot of harmless action scenes with the robot doggie doing its tricks. Hoyt Curtin's score
sounds exactly like a typical DYNOMUTT episode, which makes sense when you think about it. MGM's DVD is a bonus in that it
resurrects American International Picture's original PG cut, even though the DVD packaging promises a G rating. When C.H.O.M.P.S.
first came out in the summer of 1979, it was rated PG because of a mean rival dog who "talked" to the audience, occasionally
using mild swear words like "shit" and "up your pooper." AIP redubbed that dialogue and re-released C.H.O.M.P.S. at Christmas
time in a G-rated cut. MGM, as it often does with its DVDs, whether purposely or not, used the original PG version for the
DVD.
THE CHOPPERS (1961)--Directed by Leigh Jason.
Stars Arch Hall Jr., Tom Brown, Marianne Gaba, Bruno VeSota. "Monkey's in my hatband/I can do a handstand"? Aided
by his producer/writer/father Arch Hall Sr., 16-year-old Arch Jr. shows off his complete lack of screen charm and musical
talent in this eccentrically entertaining JD flick. Rich kid Cruiser (Hall) and his merry band of car thieves terrorize
their desert community by stripping (or "chopping") cars stranded on the side of the road. Like a mini-Impossible Missions
Force, Cruiser's gang includes a welder, a strongman, an electronics expert, etc. The great character actor VeSota plays
their fence, a fat slob junkyard owner named Moose. What's really great are the oddball peripheral bits--the cop who's
always bitching about his mother-in-law's sandwiches, the bad acting, the extremely hot blonde secretary (PLAYBOY's Gaba)
who's dating her gruff, older cop boss (suuuuurrrre...), the bad acting, Arch's singing of his own dopey compositions like
"Monkey's in My Hatband" and "Kongo Joe" (which admittedly aren't any more stupid than the stuff Elvis was singing in his
movies at the time). I guess you can't blame Arch too much--if my dad had bankrolled movies for me to star in, I would
have done it too. Also with Rex Holman, Robert Paget and William Shaw. Music by Al Pellegrini.
CHOPPING MALL (1986)--Directed by Jim
Wynorski. Stars Kelli Maroney, Tony O'Dell, John Terlesky, Suzanne Slater, Barbara Crampton. Silly horror film about a group
of teenagers trapped overnight in a shopping mall guarded by deadly laser-wielding robots. As usual, the teens die in reverse
order of their sexual promiscuity; i.e. the virgins are the only survivors. Played mostly for laughs with a typical Wynorski
touch of nudity and violence. Also with Paul Bartel, Mary Woronov, Gerrit Graham, Mel Welles, Dick Miller and a lot of in-jokes.
Gotta love the title. Originally made as KILLBOTS. Produced by Julie Corman for Concorde. From the director of SORORITY HOUSE
MASSACRE II.
CHOSEN SURVIVORS (1974)--Directed by Sutton
Roley. Stars Jackie Cooper, Bradford Dillman, Diana Muldaur, Richard Jaeckel. A bunch of familiar TV actors are
awakened in the night and whisked away to a secret underground lair, where they witness the destruction of the world above
in a nuclear holocaust. A computerized voice explains that each of them has been selected by the U.S. government to
survive the blast, that each has skills that will enable them to rebuild society after the fallout has subsided. After
the initial bouts with paranoia, loss, shock and claustrophobia, the survivors' stress level goes through the roof when they
discover an army of vampire bats (!) has invaded their new home. CHOSEN SURVIVORS' somewhat obscure status (it's never
been on home video) has made it something of a unsung gem, but it really isn't any better than an average TV-movie with an
admittedly oddball premise that unfortunately peters out in its twist ending. The stars deliver professional performances,
but none shines. Also with Pedro Armendariz Jr., Alex Cord, Lincoln Kilpatrick, Barbara Babcock and Kelly Lange.
Music by Fred Karlin.
CHRISTINE (1983)--Directed by John Carpenter. Stars Keith Gordon, John
Stockwell, Alexandra Paul. Fans of Stephen King's novel CHRISTINE will be disheartened to know that the book's major setpieces
have mostly been jettisoned for this somewhat bloodless translation to film. The scene in the book where Christine smashes
her way into a victim's house has been changed so the victim is now dully crushed to death between the front seat and steering
wheel of a car. Carpenter himself has expressed his dissatisfaction with this Columbia release, saying he did it only for
the money after the box-office failure of THE THING, but he's certainly made worse films (like VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED, for
instance).
Nerdy Arnie Cunningham (Gordon) undergoes a radical change in disposition after purchasing Christine, a
beat-up 1958 Plymouth Fury he first sees rusting away in its owners front yard. Warned against buying it by his loyal best
friend Dennis (Stockwell) and his overbearing parents, Arnie begins spending all of his free time at a local garage, fixing
up Christine until she looks brand new. As Christine's appearance becomes more attractive, so does Arnie's; he even finds
the self-confidence to ask out the cute new girl in school, Leigh (future BAYWATCHer Paul), who becomes his girlfriend. She
and Dennis become wary of Christine, however, when some school bullies turn up dead, victims of hit-and-run accidents. Arnie
has an alibi for the killings, but does Christine?
Carpenter and scripter Bill Phillips actually do a very nice job
setting up the relationship between Arnie and Dennis--despite Dennis's reputation as a jock, he really does care about his
less popular pal--and the opening high school scenes work quite well. Unfortunately, once Arnie begins to change, so does
my interest in the picture. The murders are blandly shot (although scenes of a flaming Christine are sort of spooky), and
the pacing really slows in the second half. Gordon is acceptable in a Jekyll-and-Hyde type of role, but Stockwell, though
likable (think Chris Klein), is too lunky to carry the hero duties, and Paul does the bulk of her acting with her lower lip.
Also with Robert Prosky, Christine Belford, David Spielberg (nice as a shop teacher), Roberts Blossom, William Ostrander,
and look for Kelly Preston as a coquettish classmate. Carpenter and Alan Howarth composed the score, with rock songs by Little
Richard, Buddy Holly, George Thorogood and others used to fine effect.
CHRISTMAS EVIL (1980)--Directed by Lewis
Jackson. Stars Brandon Maggart, Jeffrey DeMunn. More psychological drama than slasher, CHRISTMAS EVIL, also known
as TERROR IN TOYLAND and YOU BETTER WATCH OUT (the director's preferred title), features a very good performance by Maggart
as Harry, a meek middle-management type who likes Christmas a little too much. Especially considering he’s been
scarred from sneaking downstairs one Christmas Eve as a child and seeing Mommy doing more than kissing Santa Claus in the
living room. These days, Harry spends much of his time spying on the neighborhood children, keeping a list of their
deeds, both naughty and nice (nosepicking goes on the “naughty” list). This finally sends him over the edge
on Christmas Eve, when he goes on a (relatively tame) killing spree, cruising around New York City in his custom-painted Santa
van and even being chased by good Samaritans with torches! Pretty slow-going and bloodless, but perhaps well worth watching
for the what-the-hell ending, which left me literally crying from laughter. Maggart went on to several seasons on the
Showtime sitcom BROTHERS and fathered Garett Maggart, co-star of the TV series THE SENTINEL, and pop singer Fiona Apple.
Look for familiar faces Patricia Richardson (HOME IMPROVEMENT), Mark Margolis, Philip Casnoff, Raymond J. Barry, Rutanya Alda
and probably many more actors who have appeared on LAW & ORDER.
A CHRISTMAS STORY (1983)--Directed by Bob Clark.
Stars Darren McGavin, Melinda Dillon, Peter Billingsley. How could this funny and poignant comedy come from the same directorial
mind that created PORKY'S? Billingsley is nine-year-old Ralphie, growing up in Indiana in the 1940s, and enjoying his most
memorable Christmas season with his simple middle-class family. A series of vignettes about growing up that will strike a
similar chord in all viewers. McGavin is excellent as the father. This movie has become a classic holiday film on the order
of ITS A WONDERFUL LIFE. Clark's sequel, A SUMMER STORY with a totally different cast, was due to be released in the summer
of 1994, but by the spring of '95, had not seen the light of day. Starring Charles Grodin and Mary Steenburgen, it eventually
came out as IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY.
CHROME AND HOT LEATHER (1971)--Directed by
Lee Frost. Stars William Smith, Tony Young, Michael Haynes, Marvin Gaye. This GP-rated biker flick has too little
action and wastes the presence of the great William Smith, who's neither protagonist nor antagonist here. Young, who
starred as brooding gunslinger Cord on the short-lived TV western GUNSLINGER a decade earlier, plays Mitch, a Green Beret
who gets very pissed off when he finds out his fiancé Helen has been killed during a run-in with a biker gang called The Devils.
So he and a trio of Army buddies, one of whom is played by Gaye in his only feature film role, buy wimpy red Kawasakis and
go "undercover" as bikers, finally tracking the Devils down in a small desert town. Smith is T.J., the Devils' leader
who wants to kick out Casey (Haynes), the guy who caused all the trouble in the first place by forcing Helen's car off a rocky
cliff. Smith tries his best, but his character is neither hero nor villain and seems a little awkward. What little
action there is is mostly confined to the climax, which appears to have been filmed in Bronson Canyon and lacks punch, since
The Devils, while greater in number, are no match for the four highly trained Green Berets. Also with Peter Brown, Larry
Bishop, Kathy Baumann, Robert Ridgely, producer Wes Bishop and Cheryl Ladd (billed as "Cherie Moor"). Dan Haggerty is
supposedly there too, but I missed him. Gaye released WHAT'S GOING ON, one of the best soul albums ever recorded, the
same year. Brown and Smith starred together on the LAREDO TV series in the '60s. Co-writer Don Tait went from
penning biker flicks to joining Disney's stable, contributing kiddie comedies like THE APPLE DUMPLING GANG and UNIDENTIFIED
FLYING ODDBALL to his resume.
CIA: CODE NAME ALEXA (1993)--Directed by Joseph
Merhi. Stars Lorenzo Lamas, Kathleen Kinmont, O.J. Simpson, Alex Cord. There's just something about Lamas that
I don't like. Whether it's his ponytail, his smug expression or his complete lack of acting talent, I don't know.
I just know that it's difficult for me to get into anything that he's in. And that includes this early PM potboiler,
which casts Lamas as CIA agent Graver, who captures a sexy assassin named Alexa (Kinmont) and forces her to betray her employer
and lover, a neo-Nazi named Mahler (Cord) who wants some sort of microchip in Graver's possession. O.J. plays a cop
who stumbles onto Mahler's evil plan when his partner is killed and becomes Graver's unwilling partner. As late-night
cable fare, I supposed ALEXA is all right, but nothing about it is very interesting, except for Simpson's scenes with pretty
blond women. Kinmont, who appeared in nude in PM's THE ART OF DYING, stays under the covers for her love scene with
off-screen husband Lamas this time. Music by Louis Febre (SWIMFAN). Merhi's PM partner Richard Pepin was the director
of photography.
THE CINCINNATI KID (1965)--Directed by Norman
Jewison. Stars Steve McQueen, Edward G. Robinson, Karl Malden, Ann-Margret, Tuesday Weld. A terrific cast bolsters this drama
about a cocky young gambler (McQueen) who takes on a world-class champion (Robinson) in a game of high-stakes poker. One of
McQueen's best performances. Malden has some good scenes as McQueen's card-dealing mentor. Robinson's last great role. Was
originally to be directed in black-and-white by Sam Peckinpah. McQueen and Peckinpah worked together later in THE GETAWAY
and JUNIOR BONNER. McQueen and Jewison reteamed for THE THOMAS CROWN AFFAIR.
CINDERELLA (1977)--Directed
by Michael Pataki. Stars Cheryl Smith, Kirk Scott, Brett Smiley. Soft-porn version of the classic fairy tale directed by a
recognizable character actor. You know the story already, but I bet you haven't seen it told like this before.
CINDERELLA
LIBERTY (1973)--Directed by Mark Rydell. Stars James Caan, Marsha Mason, Kirk Calloway. Warm drama about a sailor
on leave (Caan) who falls for hooker Mason and her mulatto son Calloway. Mason was Oscar-nominated, but Caan is equally good.
Like THE LAST DETAIL, which was released the same year, film is based on a novel by Darryl Ponicsan. Also with Eli Wallach,
Burt Young and Dabney Coleman. Music by Paul Williams.
CINDERELLA 2000 (1977)—Directed by
Al Adamson. Stars Catherine Erhardt. You may not believe it, but grownup men and women actually used to go to
a movie theater and pay to see silly softcore adaptations of childhood fairy tales. Setting the pace was 1976's ALICE IN WONDERLAND,
a raunchy musical comedy version of Lewis Carroll's classic novel, which was available in both "soft" R-rated and hardcore
X-rated cuts. I have the X-rated ALICE with a few extra minutes of bizarre "hard" inserts that must be seen to be believed.
Actually, there are at least three different versions of ALICE, because B-Fest once ran a print that eliminated some hardcore
sex scenes (with gag "Scene Missing" cards), but not all of them, which probably came as quite a shock to the dad and his
two preteen sons sitting in front of us.
ALICE IN WONDERLAND made a ton of money for its producer, Bill
Osco, who earlier tread similar ground with FLESH GORDON, an X-rated spoof of Alex Raymond's legendary comic strip FLASH GORDON.
Seeing box office gold, rival producers decided to rush out their own sexy fairy tales to market. One of them was Sam Sherman,
the president of Independent-International Pictures, who set to work on what would eventually be titled CINDERELLA 2000. Director
Al Adamson, a more likely nominee for World's Worst Director than even Ed Wood, was Sherman's I-I partner and made CINDERELLA
2000 in Los Angeles on a very frugal budget. Not only was it a musical comedy, but it was also a science fiction movie, an
angle that Sherman concedes (in his DVD commentary) was created to set his movie apart in the marketplace from other ripoffs
released at the same time.
Being as CINDERELLA 2000 is an Adamson movie, it stinks on ice
(VIDEO WATCHDOG's John Charles calls it Adamson's worst film, which is saying a lot). Catherine Erhardt, then known for her
leading roles in classy porno productions (when there was such a thing) like THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS, nails the title role
and is actually fairly good. As Cindy, she is tormented by her perpetually horny stepmother (Renee Harmon) and bitchy stepsisters,
one white (Adina Ross) and one black (Buri Cowans).
However, Adamson's sci-fi take is set in a futuristic society
where sex has been outlawed by The Controller (Erwin Fuller). Anyone caught doing the dirty is wrapped in bubble wrap and
shrunk to the size of a Barbie doll (just one of several inept visual effects accomplished by MGM's Titles & Opticals
department). When Tom Prince (Vaughn Armstrong, still working in TV thirty years later) convinces The Controller to throw
a masquerade ball and allow free love to occur, Cindy, with the help of her Brit-accented fairy godfather (Jay B. Larson),
shows up.
As great as a softcore sex sci-fi musical version of CINDERELLA
sounds (one...two...three...), Adamson's film is neither sexy nor funny. On the bright side, Erhardt, as previously mentioned,
is quite a fetching lead, and a few of the songs, particularly one that plays over Bob LeBar's entertaining animated titles,
are toe-tappers. On the other hand, once you've seen Roscoe, one of cinema's lamest robots, singing and dancing or a field
full of actors in bunny costumes simulating sex, you'll wish you could forget it. The same year, Charles Band produced
CINDERELLA, another (slightly better) musical sex comedy with drive-in queen Cheryl "Rainbeaux" Smith (and her "snapping pussy")
in the lead. Band also produced the similarly R-rated FAIRY TALES in 1979.
CINDERFELLA (1960)--Directed by Frank Tashlin.
Stars Jerry Lewis, Anna Marie Alberghetti, Ed Wynn, Judith Anderson. Typical Lewis fare tells a modern-day version of the
classic fairy tale with a switch in gender and a load of slapstick. Wynn plays Jerry's fairy godfather. Henry Silva and Robert
Hutton are the evil stepbrothers. Script by Lewis and Tashlin.
CINDY AND DONNA (1970)—Directed by Robert Anderson.
Stars Debbie Osborne, Nancy Ison. Crown International released this pointless softporn with an X rating in 1970, but
it was later re-edited to an R. I’m assuming the R version is what BCI has released on DVD, as its unerotic gropings
are sure not to excite anyone. Half-sisters Cindy (Osborne) and Donna (Ison) live unhappily with their alcoholic mother
and Cindy’s horny father, who sometimes makes it with Donna when he isn’t carousing with teen hookers. While
Donna is into sex and pot, Cindy isn’t so sure, though spying on her sister getting it on with Dad and other guys has
piqued her curiosity. Basically a series of boring vignettes showing couples rubbing each other with their underwear
on, CINDY AND DONNA goes off on a lot of odd tangents before coming together in a hilariously overwrought ending that I suppose
is intended as an object lesson. The title song isn’t bad.
CINEMA OF VENGEANCE (1994)—Directed by
Toby Russell. Stars Jackie Chan, Jimmy Wang Yu, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Sammo Hung. Russell’s documentary
about Hong Kong cinema looks cheap and unfocused. Although he does interview several notable Hong Kong filmmakers, much
of his footage is taken from other sources, including a black-and-white screen test made in Hollywood by Bruce Lee and EPK
interviews with Van Damme and Lance Henriksen on the set of HARD TARGET. However, I found the segment on Hong Kong’s
1940s and ‘50s cinema quite interesting, and you can rarely go wrong with cutting together a bunch of random footage
of skilled martial artists doing their thing. It’s mostly an empty exercise, and even fighting gets dull after
awhile without its proper context, but CINEMA OF VENGEANCE is worth a viewing for those with an interest in Asian movies (though
experts would probably find it dull). Also with Sophia Crawford, Steve James, Cynthia Rothrock, Gary Daniels, Donnie
Yen, Richard Norton, Carter Wong and Don “The Dragon” Wilson.
CIRCLE OF IRON (1979)--See
THE SILENT FLUTE.
CISCO PIKE (1972)--Directed by B.W.L. Norton. Stars Kris Kristofferson, Gene Hackman,
Karen Black. Kris made his film debut as a heroin dealer hounded by a corrupt detective (Hackman, who must have filmed this
just before THE FRENCH CONNECTION). Kristofferson sings, and Harry Dean Stanton costars along with Joy Bang, Allan Arbus,
Antonio Fargas, Severn Darden and Roscoe Lee Browne.
THE CITY (1977)--Directed by Harvey Hart. Stars
Robert Forster, Don Johnson, Jimmy Dean, Mark Hamill. Los Angeles detectives Forster and Johnson investigate the murders of
a lawyer and Forster's partner in this made-for-TV crime drama executive-produced by Quinn Martin. The young killer (Hamill)
is stalking a famous country-western singer (Dean) who punched him in the face when he was six months old. Seems to have been
a pilot for what might have been a pretty good series, considering the credentials of Martin and the leads. The gimmick is
that Forster's character is a tough, compassionate cop from the wrong side of the tracks, whereas Johnson's is a cocky, rich
kid from Texas. Features plenty of chases, screeching tires and narration by William Conrad (CANNON). Also with Ward Costello,
Susan Sullivan, Joby Baker, Felton Perry, Paul Fix, Adam Rich, Jay Varela and Paul Cavonis. Teleplay by producer John Wilder.
Hart's TV credits include STAR TREK, THE ALFRED HITCHCOCK HOUR and COLUMBO.
CITY BY THE SEA (2002)--Directed by Michael
Caton-Jones. Stars Robert DeNiro, James Franco, Frances McDormand, William Forsythe, George Dzundza, Eliza Dushku.
Clichés abound in this cop melodrama about Vincent LaMarca (DeNiro), a Manhattan cop who abandoned his ex-wife and son years
earlier in the city of Long Beach, a bustling resort town in the 1970s that has grown as dilapidated in the years since as
LaMarca's filial relationships. As a kid, he was abandoned when his father was executed for the murder of a child, and
now his own estranged son Joey (Franco) is suspected of murdering a drug dealer. Ken Hixon's screenplay tries to create
some heavy dramatics here, but piles on too many plot complications. It isn't enough that Vince's own son is the prime
suspect in his murder case, but the son is also being hunted by a psychopath (Forsythe), his girlfriend downstairs (McDormand)
wants to break up with him after finding out he has a son, Joey's girlfriend Gina (Dushku) abandons Vince's grandson on his
doorstep, and his partner (Dzundza, who played basically the same role in BASIC INSTINCT) is gunned down in Joey's hideout.
That much of this happens on the same day or even the same minute is too much to believe, and Caton-Jones (SCANDAL) fails
to make CITY sizzle as either a thriller or a family drama. Not even the performances are anything special; DeNiro overacts
the overwrought climax, and the lovely well-fed Dushku is never convincing as an ex-junkie. Casting Franco as the son
of DeNiro was a masterstroke, but their two scenes together don't much crackle. Actually filmed in Asbury Park, New
Jersey rather than Long Beach. Music by John Murphy.
CITY HEAT (1984)--Directed by Richard
Benjamin. Stars Clint Eastwood, Burt Reynolds, Jane Alexander, Madeline Kahn. Clint and Burt give appealing light-hearted
performances in this action/comedy about a cop (Clint) and a private eye (Burt) teaming up to stop a 1930s gang war. Eastwood
is especially hilarious in a parody of his DIRTY HARRY character. Also with Irene Cara, Rip Torn, and Richard Roundtree. Blake
Edwards was the original director, but Benjamin replaced him after "creative differences" with the two stars.
CITY KILLER (1984)--Directed by Robert Michael
Lewis. Stars Heather Locklear, Gerald McRaney, Terence Knox. Locklear, who was pulling double duty on DYNASTY
and T.J. HOOKER that year, stars as Andrea McKnight, a cute executive being harassed by an ex-boyfriend, who unfortunately
just happens to be a demolitions expert. Five years and several moves after breaking off their relationship, Andrea
finds Leo's obsession has sunk to a new level. Now he's blowing up downtown office buildings to demonstrate her love,
and plans to blast more of them unless he gets $2 million, a plane to Costa Rica, and, oh yeah, Andrea as a traveling companion.
SIMON & SIMON star McRaney plays sensitive "psycho squad" cop Eckford, still mourning his late wife five years after her
death and feeling guilt tinges over his growing infatuation for Andrea.
It looks as though Lewis and producer Stan Shpetner may have demolished
some actual skyscrapers to give their thin plot some added production value, although some grainy stock footage is easily
discernible (and it may not be quite so much fun anymore to see big-city office buildings being demolished to rubble).
All of the actors are handed pretty thankless roles, although McRaney manages to bring a little something to the table.
Knox plays a standard TV psycho, while Locklear is hopelessly out of her depth, robotically repeating her goopy dialogue and
hardly convincing as a securities trader. William Wood's teleplay is often laughable, especially a pathetically suspenseless
sequence in which a fat, old executive has a heart attack while rescuing his pet mouse during a bomb scare, while one of his
panicky colleagues calls for an elevator, waits for the doors to open, and then goes over to drag the man to his feat, getting
him to the elevator just as the doors close on their fate. Actor John Rubenstein (THE CAR) provides the score.
Also with Peter Mark Richman, John Harkins, Jason Bernard, Todd Susman and Audrey Totter. From the director of PRAY
FOR THE WILDCATS.
CITY LIMITS (1985)--Directed by Aaron Lipstadt.
Stars Darrell Larson, Kim Cattrall, Rae Dawn Chong, James Earl Jones. After a plague has wiped out the Earth's population,
civilization continues in the form of two rival biker gangs, the D.A.s and the Clippers. Evil D.A. boss Robby Benson uses
weapons in an effort to gain control of both gangs, which is really just an excuse for motorcycle stunts and fight scenes.
Larson contributes bland heroics, Jones takes a stab at dignity, and Cattrall contributes whatever it is that Kim contributes
to movies. Scripted by Don Opper, who also plays a supporting role.
CITY OF FEAR (1959)—Directed by Irving Lerner.
Stars Vince Edwards, John Archer, Lyle Talbot. Columbia produced this taut B-picture in just seven days. Con Vince Ryder
(Edwards) busts out of San Quentin with a sealed metal canister of heroin, which he plans to sell for a million bucks.
Only it isn’t heroin. It’s actually Cobalt-60, a deadly radioactive material that could potentially infect
all of Los Angeles if the authorities, in the form of police chief Jensen (Talbot) and detective lieutenant Richards (Archer),
can’t capture Ryder before he manages to open the package. Contributing to the suspense is Lucian Ballard’s
striking black-and-white cinematography and Jerry Goldsmith’s jangly score, one of the first of his studded career.
According to screenwriter Bernard Gordon's autobiography, Lerner was blacklisted in Hollywood and ended up in Spain during
the 1960s as part of Philip Yordan's small coterie of filmmakers. There, Lerner worked as an occasional editor or director,
whatever Yordan needed. How blacklisted Lerner was, I don't know, as he was working in Hollywood during the late '50s (obviously),
and went on to direct some episodes of Edwards' BEN CASEY TV series. Actress Cathy (Kathie) Browne, who plays the shoe
store clerk, went on to marry Darren McGavin, who starred in a Spanish production Lerner directed during the '70s. Also
with Patricia Blair, Steven Ritch (who wrote the film along with Robert Dillon), Joseph Mell and Kelly Thordsen. Lerner
and Edwards also made the equally fine thriller MURDER BY CONTRACT together.
CITY OF GHOSTS (2002)--Directed by Matt Dillon. Stars
Matt Dillon, James Caan, Stellan Skarsgard, Natascha McElhone, Gerard Depardieu, Sereyvuth Kem. As a young man in the 1980's, Matt Dillon was the poster boy for moody, tortured adolescence. Consider his destructive teen rebel Richie in the criminally underseen OVER THE EDGE, the heavy-lidded
Randy vying for Kristy McNichol's, um, love in LITTLE DARLINGS, or the leather-jacketed hoods of RUMBLE FISH and THE OUTSIDERS. With a handsome, dark look and a mumbling, introspective acting style, Dillon was
considered the new James Dean--a comparison that was unfair and surely somewhat daunting for Dillon. He took his craft as
seriously as Dean did, though, and, besides an occasional stab at multiplex approval (for instance, his likable turn opposite
Richard Crenna in THE FLAMINGO KID or as the son of milquetoast secret agent Gene Hackman in TARGET), starred in a steady
stream of low-key dramas aimed at arthouse audiences.
It comes as little surprise that Dillon's
first feature as a director would demonstrate the same attention to detail and moral ambiguity he often brings to the table
as an actor. In CITY OF GHOSTS, which Dillon also scripted with novelist Barry
Gifford (WILD AT HEART), he studies the seamy political underbelly of Cambodia, which is pictured as a sweaty nightmare straight
out of Joseph Conrad. He plays Jimmy Cremmins, a conman mixed up in an insurance
swindle who splits New York to escape the watchful eyes of the FBI. After a layover
in Thailand to trade stories with Kaspar (Stellen Skarsgard), one of his partners in the scheme, Jimmy winds up in Phnom Penh,
where his mentor and mastermind of the con, Marvin (James Caan), is hiding out. All
Jimmy wants is his cut of the take and a ticket far away from the grifting business, but his complex relationship with the
garrulous charmer leads him into a run-of-the-mill kidnap plot that involves double-crosses, bumps on the head, money drops,
the Russian Mafia and, of course, a twist ending.
Dillon's directorial debut is flawed,
to be sure, but not totally without merit. The actors are mostly on target, although
Caan, one of Hollywood's most unpredictable stars, doesn't project enough menace to give us the willies we should have. Natascha McElhone (SOLARIS) is luminous but not very credible as a beautiful art restorer
hanging out with the Phnom Penh hippie crowd, and Gerard Depardieu steals his scenes as the-bartender-who-knows-everything
who breaks up fights while holding a baby in his arms. I got a huge kick out
of seeing Bo Hopkins (THE WILD BUNCH) drawl his way through a head-scratching 30-second cameo, but a real joy was watching
the previously unknown Sereyvuth Kem, who imbues his role as Dillon's loyal guide with an innate goodwill and likeability
that counterbalances the edginess of the other characters.
I can't completely recommend CITY OF
GHOSTS, however, despite the fine cast. The story is not only pedestrian, but
much too thin for its 116-minute running time, and by the third time Dillon was knocked out by a conk on the head, it was
clear the idea tree had dried up. What might have worked better as a lean crime
thriller is diluted by meandering camerawork and half-assed pretension.
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