THE BIG BUS (1976)--Directed by James Frawley. Stars Joseph Bologna, Stockard Channing, John Beck. Parody of disaster films is set on a nuclear-powered bus traveling non-stop from New York to Denver. A few good laughs and good performances by Bologna and Channing. The bus contains a swimming pool and a bowling alley! Also with Harold Gould, Larry Hagman, Ruth Gordon and Ned Beatty. Frawley directed many episodes of THE MONKEES, winning an Emmy for its pilot.

THE BIG BUST-OUT (1972)--Directed by Richard Jackson. Stars Vonetta McGee, Linda Fox, Karen Carter, Gordon Mitchell. "Soft skin bursting through hard prison walls!" A group of foxy female prisoners--and a nun!--escape from a Middle Eastern prison run by sadistic lesbian guards. They are recaptured by brutal Miller Drake (Mitchell), who plans to sell the women into white slavery. The prisoners bolt again, this time heading into the desert, where Drake recaptures them. Proving that the Italians can churn this kind of stuff out better than almost anybody, this has a much higher body count than most women-in-prison pictures, as well as a midget who likes to whip women, lots of machine-gun fire, and some decent skinny-dipping footage. None of the actors really registers, but I can't really say that I cared. Also with Tony Kendall, William Berger, Monica Taylor and Rose Margaret Keil. Released theatrically in the United States by New World Pictures, THE BIG BUST-OUT can also be found as CRUCIFIED GIRLS OF SAN RAMON. The director is actually Ernst R. von Theumer (JUNGLE WARRIORS), which the Internet Movie Database claims is a nom de plume for Mel Welles (LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS)! Is this really true?

THE BIG CHILL (1983)--Directed by Lawrence Kasdan. Stars William Hurt, Kevin Kline, Glenn Close, Tom Berenger, Meg Tilly, Jeff Goldblum, Mary Kay Place, and JoBeth Williams. Overrated comedy-drama about seven college radicals of the sixties reuniting for a weekend after a classmate's funeral. Dialogue is funny and the acting is generally good, but I hate any movie featuring successful people whining about their tough lives. Probably inspired TV's THIRTYSOMETHING and was inspired by John Sayles' RETURN OF THE SECAUCUS SEVEN. Kevin Costner received his big break as the dead classmate, but was cut out of the picture by Kasdan. Great soundtrack. From the director of SILVERADO and GRAND CANYON.

BIG CITY BLUES (1999)--Directed by Clive Fleury. Stars Burt Reynolds, William Forsythe, Giancarlo Esposito, Arye Gross, Georgina Cates. Fleury also served as writer and producer of this unbearable 2 DAYS IN THE VALLEY knockoff about one night in the lives of a pair of PULP FICTION-inspired hit men (Reynolds, Forsythe), two transvestites (Esposito, Gross) and a prostitute (Cates) searching for her doppelganger. Of course, all their paths intersect at the end for a terribly contrived climax, but it's doubtful you'll still be watching. The performances, dialogue, and situations are awful across the board. I guess Cates manages to bring a bit of sweetness to her role, but I don't know what kind of accent Reynolds is attempting. British? Cajun, maybe? It isn't consistent enough to pinpoint, and a scene in which Burt is stripped naked, strapped to a bondage table and splashed with chicken blood by a trio of devil worshippers has got to be the most humiliating of his career. Reynolds and Forsythe receive co-producer credits. Also with Balthazar Getty, Donovan Leitch, Roxana Zal and two scenes involving middle-aged men in embarrassing sexual situations. Music by Tomas San Miguel.

THE BIG DOLL HOUSE (1971)--Directed by Jack Hill. Stars Judy Brown, Roberta Collins, Pam Grier, Sid Haig, Pat Woodell, Gina Stuart, Brooke Mills, Christiane Schmidtmer, Kathryn Loder. Director Hill (COFFY), screenwriter Don Spencer (SWEET SUGAR), and executive producer Roger Corman basically created the women-in-prison genre with this fast-paced mixture of violence, nudity, feminism, and social commentary. It was also the first film appearance by Pam Grier, whom Hill discovered and directed in four films, all of which made big money and attracted cult followings.

Brown (THE MANHANDLERS) has the leading role as red-haired Collier, who is tossed into a crummy cell in a prison in the Phillippines along with brassy blonde Alcott (Collins), black lesbian Grear (Grier), political prisoner Bodine (Woodell), and junkie Harrad (Mills). Food fights, shower scenes, fights, seductions, and kinky tortures abound until the prisoners finally get their chance to bust out and get revenge against sadistic warden Dietrich (Schmidtmer) and loony head guard Lucian (Loder).

Although the subject matter sounds grim on the surface, Hill directs with wit, using comic-book-style wipes between scenes and camping up the more violent material (no blood is seen) to take the sting out of it. The leading actresses are not just beautiful and willing to disrobe on camera, but they also appear to “get” what Hill is aiming for and adjust their performances accordingly. THE BIG DOLL HOUSE is pure fantasy with many iconic scenes, lines (“Get it up, or I’ll cut it off!”), and images (Brown in cutoffs firing a pair of burp guns from the hip) that inspired a whole slew of women’s prison pictures, including Hill’s pseudo-sequel, THE BIG BIRD CAGE.

Les Baxter penned the appropriate score and theme song (sung by Pam Grier), but gave credit to his assistant, Hall Daniels. Also with Jerry Franks and Jack Davis. Woodell, looking for a change of pace after doing three seasons of PETTICOAT JUNCTION, stayed in the Philippines to do several more movies, as did Grier, Collins, and Haig. Hill pops up in a cameo at the end. Eddie Romero and John Ashley served as executive producers.

THE BIG HIT (1998)--Directed by Kirk Wong. Stars Mark Wahlberg, Lou Diamond Phillips, Avery Brooks. I really liked this energetic martial-arts comedy. Wahlberg (basically reprising his BOOGIE NIGHTS role) is a sweet and likable hitman working for mobster Brooks. His partner is the flamboyant and greedy Phillips, who decides to take a job on the side and kidnap the beautiful daughter of a Japanese billionaire for ransom. Wahlberg, who is strapped for cash since he's supporting both his Jewish fianc (Christina Applegate) and his scheming golddigging mistress (Lela Rochon), goes along with Phillips reluctantly. Unfortunately, the kidnapping victim (China Chow) turns out to be the goddaughter of Brooks, who gives Phillips the assignment of discovering the identities of the kidnappers and killing them. THE BIG HIT is populated with a number of engaging characters, and Wong, a veteran of Hong Kong action cinema, finds the right note between action and slapstick. Wahlberg is quite pleasant as a professional assassin who can't stand for anybody to dislike him, and China Chow is a real discovery as the pampered daughter of rich parents who falls for Wahlberg. Music by George S. Clinton. Also with Elliott Gould, Lainie Kazan, Antonio Sabato, Jr. and Sab Shimono.

BIG JAKE (1971)--Directed by George Sherman. Stars John Wayne, Richard Boone, Maureen O'Hara, Patrick Wayne. The Duke is Big Jake. Bad guy Boone kidnaps Big Jake's grandson and demands a one million dollar ransom. Pretty routine western has lots of action and a good cast. Was Wayne's fifth picture with O'Hara. Also with Chris Mitchum and Bobby Vinton!

THE BIG KAHUNA (1999)--Directed by John Swanbeck. Stars Kevin Spacey, Danny DeVito, Peter Facinelli. Be forewarned: there isn't a surfboard within a thousand miles of THE BIG KAHUNA, Kevin Spacey's first film to be released since winning the Best Actor Oscar for AMERICAN BEAUTY. Heck, there isn't even any sunshine, since nearly all the action takes place indoors on one set. Being a big-shot movie star means having the clout to make pictures just for your own enjoyment, and although KAHUNA is obviously a labor of love of Spacey, who produced the picture and hired his longtime acting coach John Swanbeck to direct it, it also contains a lot for fans of swell acting to love as well.

THE BIG KAHUNA is based upon HOSPITALITY SUITE, a prizewinning play by Roger Rueff, a former Amoco engineer who was inspired to write it after attending a convention just like the one in the film and experiencing all the drinking, glad-handing and false promises firsthand. KAHUNA contains a premise rather than a plot: three employees of a company that manufactures industrial lubricants attending a convention at a hotel in Wichita, Kansas man a tiny hospitality suite in an effort to land one specific potential client: Dick Fuller, the Big Kahuna, a corporate president who could become their biggest customer ever. While waiting for the Big Kahuna to arrive, the three talk. And talk. And talk, which is just fine with me, since Rueff's dialogue is sharp and witty, and delivered by three actors at the top of their game.

Spacey has the showiest role as Larry, and it's impossible to watch him in this movie without flashing back to GLENGARRY GLEN ROSS, David Mamet's riveting ode to fast-talking salesmen in which Spacey's passive character drew the brunt of everyone else's cruel barbs. Now it's his turn, and Larry emerges as one so caustic, so wired, so driven that, like many of James Woods characters, you assume he must be on something. Despite his fast-talking exterior, Larry is brutally honest, and even though he has an eye for the ladies, he's never cheated on his wife after 12 years on the road. Phil (Danny DeVito), Larry's longtime friend and partner, is hitting the far side of middle-aged, and is beginning to burn out. He's thinking of making some changes--he's already quit drinking and divorced his wife--and has a calmer outlook than Larry. They're teamed with first-timer Bob (Peter Facinelli from CAN'T HARDLY WAIT) from Research who's representing the brains of the company and has been brought along by Phil to answer any technical questions the Big Kahuna may have. Bob is newly married, wet behind the ears and still excited by life. He's also a born-again Christian, which leads to some fascinating discussions, arguments and even revelations about selling and sincerity.

Although Spacey and Facinelli turn in outstanding performances, it's DeVito who may surprise some people. His character is the most difficult of the three to play, since he's mostly asked to serve as a buffer between the brash Larry and the idealistic Bob, who are really two sides of the same coin. DeVito, a marvelous comedic actor who was astonishingly able to invest his venomous TAXI character Louie with a touch of pathos, delivers an introspective performance as a man learning the way he has lived his life maybe wasnt the best way, and injects his close-ups with the weight of a man in a state of conversion.

While KAHUNA doesn't exalt any new themes or messages (let's face it--Arthur Miller wrote the last word on salesmen fifty years ago), I liked it for its performances, the sometimes fast, sometimes contemplative dialogue, and its attempt at merging the worlds of Christianity and commerce.

THE BIG LEBOWSKI (1998)--Directed by Joel Coen.  Stars Jeff Bridges, John Goodman, David Huddleston, Tara Reid.  My favorite Coen Brothers movie to date, THE BIG LEBOWSKI is rip-roaringly funny and one of the most quotable films on the planet.  Stoned-out bowling enthusiast Jeff "The Dude" Lebowski (Bridges) comes home one afternoon to find two goons urinating on his rug and roughing him up because of outstanding gambling debts.  Turns out they've mistaken the Dude for another Jeff Lebowski (Huddleston), a millionaire with a missing trophy wife (Reid).  Lebowski promises to repay the Dude for his soiled rug if he and his gun-toting bowling buddy Walter (Goodman) deliver Reid's ransom.  There's more plot in the grand tradition of Raymond Chandler novels, but LEBOWSKI's charm lies in its uproarious dialogue and eccentric characters.  Also with Steve Buscemi, Julianne Moore, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Peter Stormare, John Turturro, Sam Elliott, Christian Clemenson, Richard Gant, Dom Irrera, Jon Polito, Aimee Mann and Ben Gazzara.  Music by Carter Burwell.

BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA (1986)--Directed by John Carpenter. Stars Kurt Russell, Kim Cattrall, Dennis Dun, James Hong. This comedy/kung-fu/fantasy/romance/action film received some good reviews, but was an inexplicable dud at the box office. Russell is hilarious as a dull-witted truck driver who finds himself in a battle with a 2000-year-old Chinese Godfather with magical powers (Hong). Russell plays reluctant hero Jack Burton as a swaggering wannabe-macho man who's seen too many John Wayne movies--a fish-out-of-water in this strange Chinatown underground society where sorcery and ancient myths are commonplace; he's the only character who doesn't know what's going on! Dun, who went on to co-star in TV's MIDNIGHT CALLER, is his Chinese sidekick. Russell goes through one action scene with lipstick smeared on his face after a kiss from Cattrall. The special effects (courtesy of Richard Edlund) and action sequences are fun, and Russell's parody of an action hero is priceless. Gary Goldman and W.D. Richter collaborated on the screenplay; Carpenter (as usual) provides the mostly synthesized score.

BIGFOOT (1970)—Directed by Robert F. Slatzer.  Stars John Carradine, John Mitchum, Chris Mitchum, Lindsay Crosby, Joi Lansing, Judy Jordan.  Chris Mitchum and girlfriend Jordan break away from their biker gang to do a little smooching.  They stumble upon a Sasquatch graveyard (Chris sweeps away some dirt, uncovering an obvious rubber mask that gives when he pokes it), and then are attacked by a family of Bigfoots (Bigfeet?) that kidnap bikini-clad Judy.  The sheriff refuses to go traipsing about in the forest late at night, so Chris recruits his gang and a pair of traveling peddlers played by Carradine and Chris’ uncle John.  They find Judy and lingerie-clad parachutist Lansing tied up in the Bigfoot camp, where they apparently are being saved for breeding purposes.  There is some goofy stuff in this movie (the bikers ride Yamahas), but it’s mostly boring and bad.  Seeing Ken Maynard play the storeowner made me wonder whether Al Adamson had anything to do with the movie.  Also with William Bonner, James Craig, Red West, Doodles Weaver and Anthony Cardoza.  The poster proclaimed Bigfoot the “greatest monster since King Kong,” which may well be true, but not in this movie.

BIGFOOT: THE MYSTERIOUS MONSTER (1976)—Directed by Robert Guenette.  Stars Peter Graves. "This may be the most startling film you ever see!"  MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE star Graves hosts this hilarious 1976 "documentary" from Sunn Classics, in which he convinces us that, yes, he too once was skeptical, but once you've seen the conclusive evidence, you'll have no choice but to believe that Sasquatch is real.  It covers the Loch Ness Monster and the Yeti a little bit, but the film’s focus is Sasquatch, complete with “dramatic” reenactments using actors wearing hairy suits created by Tom Burman’s studio.  Complete with psychics, plaster footprints, dramatizations, and Graves peering at Sasquatch feces through a microscope, this movie, also widely known as THE MYSTERIOUS MONSTERS, is funny stuff.  One reenactment appears to be ripped off from THE LEGEND OF BOGGY CREEK.  For some reason, the bit with Graves allowing a psychic to read vibes from a briefcase containing a plaster cast of Sasquatch’s footprint is my favorite.  You’ve got to admire Graves for keeping a straight face, although—who knows—maybe he’s sincere.  Of course, the notorious Patterson film is included.

BILL & TED'S BOGUS JOURNEY (1991)--Directed by Peter Hewitt. Stars Keanu Reeves, Alex Winter, William Sadler, Joss Ackland. A rare example of a sequel that's more entertaining than the original. Our knuckle-headed heroes (Reeves and Winter) return from their "excellent adventure" just in time to be killed off by their evil robot duplicates from the future. They meet Death (Sadler) at the Pearly Gates, and challenge him to games of Battleship and Clue in an attempt to return to Earth. Sadler is terrific, and his performance is the best reason to see this movie. George Carlin and Pam Grier are good to see in supporting roles. Be sure to keep an eye out for a "special appearance" by William Shatner! Script by Chris Matheson and Ed Solomon, who wrote the first BILL & TED film. Followed by a short-lived Fox sitcom and a slightly more successful animated series on Saturday mornings, neither of which featured Reeves and Winter.

BILL & TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE (1989)--Directed by Stephen Herek. Stars Alex Winter, Keanu Reeves, George Carlin. Bill (Winter) and Ted (Reeves) are a couple of dumb guys who won't be able to perform with their rock & roll band (the Wyld Stallyns) unless they pass history. They do so by traveling with Carlin in his time-traveling phone booth and hanging out with Napoleon, Billy the Kid, Abe Lincoln, etc. Was a big hit with teens, but you may find it a bit silly and juvenile.

BILL COSBY--HIMSELF (1983)--Directed by William H. Cosby, Jr. Stars Bill Cosby. Very funny concert film with the standup doing routines on parenting, dentists, drunks, and other everyday subjects. Was taken from four Hamilton, Ontario shows in 1981. Not quite as good as Richard Pryor's best concert films, but it's up there with EDDIE MURPHY: RAW.

BILLION DOLLAR BRAIN (1967)—Directed by Ken Russell.  Stars Michael Caine, Karl Malden, Ed Begley, Oscar Homolka, Francoise Dorleac.  If producer Harry Saltzman was trying to out-Bond his own Bond franchise with this third Harry Palmer movie, it’s a big fail.  If director Russell was trying to parody the spy genre, it doesn’t work.  I presume a plot this convoluted—one that starts with ex-MI5 agent Palmer (Caine) assigned to transport a thermos of eggs to Helsinki—is intended as a big wank-off.  I have no idea what was going on through the first half, which sends Palmer to Latvia, where a Russian colonel (Homolka) takes a liking to him.  Eventually, he goes to Texas, where a right-wing billionaire (Begley) intends to start World War III with the aid of his super-computer.  The Finnish locations are properly cold and bleak, which is also how the story left me feeling.  Caine is charming, of course, and far outmatch villains Begley and Malden.

BILLY JACK (1971)--Directed by Tom Laughlin (as T.C. Frank).  Stars Tom Laughlin, Delores Taylor, Kenneth Tobey, Bert Freed, Clark Howat.  BILLY JACK is nothing less than one of the most popular motion pictures ever produced.  It isn’t much of a stretch to say that no movie released in 2006 will be as profitable or be seen by more people than BILLY JACK was in its theatrical releases.  The story of a half-Indian and ex-Green Beret who protects a schoolful of teenaged hippies from bigots, BILLY JACK is a testament to the tenacity and confidence of Tom Laughlin, who produced, wrote, directed and starred in the film as Billy Jack.

Although BILLY JACK was a tremendous hit in the early 1970s, it can be something of a chore to watch today.  Much of it has dated terribly--for instance, the drug humor of the improvisational group The Committee (including a long-haired Howard Hesseman) and the folk music performed by the flower children characters--but BILLY JACK’s stances against individualism, non-violence and racial intolerance are as relevant now (or more so, as Washington extremists strive to plaster Red and Blue labels over us) as ever.

The story behind BILLY JACK is a fascinating one.  The leading character portrayed by Laughlin had already appeared in a biker movie, THE BORN LOSERS, that American International released in 1967.  Laughlin, who produced and directed that picture too, held on to the rights to Billy Jack, and after THE BORN LOSERS became a hit, he landed financing from Warner Brothers to do a bigger-budgeted sequel called BILLY JACK, which first came out in 1971.  Warners, in Laughlin’s view, buried the film on the bottom of double bills in dirty, disreputable theaters, so he sued the studio and received the right to release the movie his way.  The Laughlin method was to travel around the country “four-walling” theaters--renting the auditoriums himself, playing BILLY JACK in them, keeping all the box office receipts, and giving the theaters the concession profits.  Laughlin and his family (who also appeared in the movie) made personal appearances to support the release, and relied on massive regional television advertising to get the word out.  BILLY JACK, which was already something of a hit in 1971, was a veritable smash upon its 1973 re-release, breaking box office records across the country and turning its karate-kicking anti-hero into a household name.

BILLY JACK is nothing if not ambitious.  It preaches about so many subjects--gun control, education, racism, the generation gap--that the film often falls into tedium.  The script is by Laughlin and his wife Delores Taylor, who plays Jean, the teacher at the Freedom School, where troubled teens go to escape their uncaring families or recover from bouts with drugs or other dangerous lifestyles.  One is 15-year-old Barbara (Julie Webb), who escaped her abusive father Mike (Kenneth Tobey), a local deputy sheriff, ran off to Haight-Ashbury, got pregnant, came home to a beating from her father, and found shelter at Jean’s school, where she begins a loving relationship with an Indian boy.  Their miscegenational relationship is a burr under Mike’s saddle, spurring him to create trouble around their small Arizona town for the students, who are also harassed by weak Bernard (David Roya), the son of venal town boss Posner (Bert Freed).

Luckily for Jean and the kids, they have a protector in Billy Jack, one of Hollywood’s few liberal action heroes.  Laughlin’s clenched though charismatic performance makes Billy Jack an interesting character.  He learned to kill in Vietnam, where he saw so much senseless bloodshed that he makes a strong effort to return to his Native American roots and avoid the violence of the White Man’s world, even though mankind’s inhumanity to his fellow man forces him to seek justice using the skills taught to him by the government, namely hapkido karate.

If you’re patient enough to endure BILLY JACK’s pitfalls, there’s much to admire.  I agree--when the Laughlins’ daughter Teresa begins caterwauling her way through a self-penned folk ballad about her dead brother, you’ll want to strangle her.  However, Laughlin does an okay job staging his action scenes, which attempt to preach non-violence while simultaneously stimulating us with shots of Billy Jack kicking bad guys in the face.  Few cinematic moments are more moving than the opening title sequence involving an illegal roundup of wild mustangs, beautifully shot by 2nd-unit cinematographer John Stephens and set to Coven’s affecting Top 40 hit “One Tin Soldier.”  The acting is variable with hardy character actors like Tobey (THE THING FROM ANOTHER WORLD) and Clark Howat (as the sympathetic sheriff) doing nice work and amateurs such as Taylor barely able to recite dialogue with a vestige of emotion.  But what the lesser actors lack in technique, they make up for in honesty and earnestness.

This cinematic ode to tolerance and peace also has one classic moment that’s the stuff of Hollywood legend.  Bernard and his posse harass the children in an ice cream parlor by pouring flour over the head of a cute little girl.  Billy Jack waltzes in and gives a long speech about how, when he sees such beautiful young angels mistreated by idiotic savages.  Then, he “...just...goes...BERSERK,” freaks out and kicks the crap out of the hoods.  Irony or Laughlin’s commercial instincts kicking in?  Also with Victor Izay, Richard Stahl, Dan Barrows, Alan Myerson, Cisse Cameron, Stan Rice and Lynn Baker.  The melodramatic score is by Mundell Lowe.

BILLY JACK GOES TO WASHINGTON (1977)--Directed by Tom Laughlin (as T.C. Frank). Stars Tom Laughlin, Delores Taylor, E.G. Marshall, Sam Wanamaker, Dick Gautier. Laughlin's remake of MR. SMITH GOES TO WASHINGTON was even produced by Frank Capra Jr., son of the legendary director of the original that starred James Stewart. When the junior senator of Billy Jack's (unnamed) Southwestern state dies, the governor (Gautier) appoints Billy (Laughlin) to fill the post temporarily in order to lure the minority, poor and youth vote. When Billy attempts to introduce a bill allowing a youth camp to be built on land previously earmarked for a nuclear plant, greedy businessman Wanamaker and corrupt senator Marshall frame him. There is a lot of talk and only one action scene in this admittedly sincere drama, although Laughlin seems to have forgotten that the karate scenes were what made the original BILLY JACK such a hit in the first place. I believe Laughlin's heart was in the right place, and his performance--especially during the climactic filibuster--is pretty good, but the fourth and final (to date) BILLY JACK movie is worth seeing as a '70s curio at best. This film was never really finished, which explains the sometimes crude editing and jumbled plot. Laughlin struggled to obtain financing in order to complete his political diatribe, but the film was never released in theaters and only became available on videocassette in 1999. Also with John Lawlor, Lucie Arnaz, Pat O'Brien, Teresa Laughlin, Peter Donat, Victor Izay and William Wellman Jr. Suzanne Somers has a credit, but was cut out of the movie. Elmer Bernstein composed a stately score that's deserving of a soundtrack release. Laughlin actually ran for President in 1992. Heck, I would have voted for the guy.

BITE THE BULLET (1975)--Directed by Richard Brooks. Stars Gene Hackman, James Coburn, Candice Bergen. Entertaining epic western about a 700-mile cross-country horse race across a grueling desert landscape. Good performances all around--well, except for Bergen, of course. Also with Ben Johnson, Dabney Coleman and Jan-Michael Vincent. From the director of THE PROFESSIONALS.

God-fearing virgin Helen (Jones) is taken with a “puppet” on sale at her neighborhood junk store.  Although warned that said puppet (reportedly a Jerry Mahoney doll painted black and given dreadlocks) has always mysteriously returned to the store after the first four times it was sold, Helen buys it, takes it home, and sets it on her toilet while she showers.  The devil doll has sexual fantasies about Helen, and then sneaks into her bedroom that night and rapes her.

If this sounds like the kind of movie that might intrigue you, I should say that you haven’t really lived until you’ve seen a wooden dummy mounting a topless, not terribly attractive actress with frizzy hair and oversized eyeglasses while saying things like, “I’m gonna make you beg for it, bitch.”  Adding to the bad taste factor is the fact that Helen loves the sex so much, she invites a couple of strangers home for more of it.  Neither can satisfy her, however, so she goes back to the junk store to bring the dummy back home for another marathon sex session.

The ear-grinding score sometimes mixed so loudly that the dialogue is impenetrable.  The use of a kid to “play” the Devil Doll in some scenes.  The numbnuts dialogue that makes no sense half the time.  Turner’s directorial flourishes swiped from Doris Wishman that find him pointing the camera at a coffee maker, a miniature bible, a sofa covered in plastic, anything except where the action (such as it is) is.  Give Turner all the credit/blame for this nightmare, as he directed, wrote, produced, edited and scored it.  I can’t imagine watching BLACK DEVIL DOLL FROM HELL a second time, but I’ll never forget it.  Turner and Jones also made TALES FROM THE QUADEAD ZONE together.

BLACK DOG (1998)--Directed by Kevin Hooks. Stars Patrick Swayze, Randy Travis, Meat Loaf, Brenda Strong. The type of action flick that saturated Southern drive-ins during the mid-'70s. If you're nostalgic for those exploitation days of yore, you might enjoy this simple yet fun B-pic. Swayze is an ex-con mechanic blackmailed by his boss into driving a semi filled with illegal guns from Georgia to North Carolina. He's teamed up with a struggling country-music singer (Travis handles the in-joke well). An undercover FBI agent, tons of exploding eighteen-wheelers, and a crazy smuggler played by Meat Loaf all fit into the mix as well. The result is an enjoyable action movie that's easy on the visual effects and pretension, and heavy on the kind of fun you don't see much at the movies anymore. You may recognize Swayze's wife (Strong) as the braless Sue Ellen Mishke on TVs SEINFELD. Also with Stephen Tobolowsky and Charles S. Dutton. TV's Hercules, Kevin Sorbo, was originally signed as the lead, but had to drop out when he dislocated a shoulder shooting his television series in New Zealand.

BLACK DRAGON (1974)—Directed by Chin-Ku Lu.  Stars Jason Pai Pao, Ron Van Clief.  Black American martial artist and stuntman Van Clief made his major acting debut in this crummy kung fu picture produced in the Philippines.  Even though Van Clief only appears in a supporting role, he landed the lead on the U.S. posters.  You can’t tell whether he can act, but he’s good-looking and fights pretty well.  Nonsense plot has Tai Lin (Pao) going to Manila to find fortune working on the docks, but instead encounters gangsters.  Neither the action nor the story is engaging, though it’s fun trying to guess the American movies from which the score was swiped.

BLACK EYE (1974)--Directed by Jack Arnold. Stars Fred Williamson, Teresa Graves, Rosemary Forsyth, Richard Anderson, Richard X. Slattery, Bret Morrison, Teddy Wilson. Shot independently by producer Pat Rooney (HELLS ANGELS ’69) as SHEP STONE, BLACK EYE got a new title when Warners picked it up. It’s an effective B-picture filled with fights, shootouts, hard-boiled dialogue, and offbeat casting. Star Williamson, who had just played a Bondian spy in Universal’s THAT MAN BOLT, is definitely among the Seventies’ coolest badasses—charismatic as hell and walking through the sex and violence with plenty of flip remarks.

Based on the Jeff Jacks novel MURDER ON THE WILD SIDE, BLACK EYE casts the Hammer as ex-cop-turned-P.I. Stone investigating the murder of his next-door neighbor, a hooker who possessed an antique cane that once belonged to a silent film star. It seems half of L.A. is looking for that cane, including a porno producer named Max Majors (Morrison) and hitman Dole (Anderson), who tries to throw Stone off the trail by hiring the detective to find his missing daughter.

Interesting for its frank casting of the sexy Graves (GET CHRISTIE LOVE!) as Williamson’s bisexual girlfriend, BLACK EYE also features Forsyth as Stone’s lesbian rival, Wilson as a soul food proprietor, granite-voiced Slattery as Stone’s bantering ex-partner, and Anderson, who normally played authority figures, as the film’s villain. Populating the film with colorful supporting roles elevates the somewhat routine mystery, which is anchored by Williamson’s loose playing that’s more reminiscent of, say, James Garner than the super-cool Super Spade persona he cultivated for himself.

I don’t know if Williamson’s major studio films didn’t perform well at the box office or if it was due to the actor’s individualism, but just a couple of years later, the Hammer was making real bottom-of-the-barrel schlock for distributors like Atlas and Lone Star—a long way from Warners, Universal, or even AIP. He also made BOSS NIGGER with director Jack Arnold; Williamson once said that, being an old-timer, Arnold worked too slowly for his tastes, but they got along pretty well. Arnold made his bones on B-movies in the 1950s, and this tight action flick is right in his wheelhouse. Also with Floy Dean, Cyril Delevanti, Frank Ashmore, Bob Minor, Susan Arnold, and Belinda Balaski. Music by Mort Garson.

BLACK FIST (1974)--Directed by Timothy Galfas and Richard Kaye.  Stars Richard Lawson, Dabney Coleman, Richard Kaye.  This ragged blaxploitation movie shows signs of post-production woes, just one of which being Kaye's credit for "additional direction".  Scenes bump into each other without proper transitions, and a few plot threads in Tim Kelly's screenplay appear to be left hanging.  Strong performances by Lawson as a charming street fighter named Leroy Fisk and Coleman as corrupt cop Heineken go a long way towards off-setting the production's cruder aspects.  Coleman is particularly fun to watch, already cultivating his smarmy-villain-you-love-to-hate persona that eventually made him a star in films like 9 TO 5 and TOOTSIE and on television as BUFFALO BILL.  He and Lawson have good chemistry, even though Fisk and Heineken, a lackey of Fisk's mobster/manager Kaye, is shaking the street fightin' man down for kickbacks.  BLACK FIST, which was released several times under different titles like THE BLACK STREET FIGHTER and the X-rated BOGARD, gets bogged down in a standard revenge plot late in the game, but to that point is an interesting entry in the genre.  Kaye was also the producer of THE WIZARD OF SPEED AND TIME, ironically playing a sleazy producer and allegedly also acting the part of one off-stage, cheating filmmaker Mike Jittlov out of some profits.  Galfas later directed thrillers for television, and reunited with Coleman for MANEATERS ARE LOOSE!

BLACK MAMBA (1974)--Directed by George Rowe.  Stars John Ashley, Marlene Clark, Pilar Pilapil, Eddie Garcia, Rosemarie Gil.  Probably the most obscure of the many exploitation movies Ashley made in the Philippines, BLACK MAMBA was never released in the United States, although the women-in-prison picture it was produced back-to-back with, SAVAGE SISTERS, was.  It's pretty limp stuff with Ashley playing an American physician outside of Manila who's surprised to learn witchcraft and voodoo are alive and kicking in the 20th century.  For some reason I must have missed, black witch Clark (SWITCHBLADE SISTERS) puts a curse on pretty young widow Pilapil, who discovers Clark is wearing a valuable ring that was buried with her late husband.  A shopkeeper who sees the Grim Reaper (complete with black robe and scythe), a hunchbacked grave robber who dies of fear, an exorcist who tries to whip the curse out of Pilar's back, and a nighttime ritualistic dance number for Satan himself fail to kick this sorry horror movie in the pants.  Reportedly, some scenes were never completed, which might explain the confusing haphazard editing.  Ashley told interviewer Tom Weaver an actual human corpse was used for the graphic autopsy scene.

BLACK MOON RISING (1986)--Directed by Harley Cokliss.  Stars Tommy Lee Jones, Linda Hamilton, Robert Vaughn, Richard Jaeckel, Bubba Smith.  John Carpenter contributed to the screenplay, but chose not to direct, this entertaining B-picture.  Master thief Sam Quint (Jones) is hired by U.S. government flunky Smith to rip off evidence needed for a big federal trial, but before he's captured by security, he manages to hide the MacGuffin in the license plate holder of a super high-tech racecar built by engineer Jaeckel.  Trouble ensues when the "Black Moon" is snatched by sexy car thief Nina (Hamilton), who hides it away in one of two enormous office towers owned by reptilian businessman Edward Ryland (Vaughn).  Not much of a budget for Cokliss (MALONE) to work with, but Jones really shines in his first real turn as an action-movie leading man.  Linda suffers from awful '80s hair and fashions, but follows up THE TERMINATOR with another top-popping on-top sex scene.  It's a fun but empty picture with a cool exploitation cast.  Also with William Sanderson, Nick Cassavetes, Keenan Wynn, Dan Shor, Lee Ving, Don Opper and Al White.  Music by Lalo Schifrin.

BLACK NOON (1971)--Directed by Bernard L. Kowalski.  Stars Roy Thinnes, Ray Milland, Yvette Mimieux, Lynn Loring.  Unusual TV-movie mixes the horror and western genres.  It's moody, but not especially memorable.  Stranded and dying of thirst in the desert, a minister (Thinnes) and his wife (his real wife Loring) are rescued by kindly Caleb Hobbs (Milland) and his family and taken to their quaint small town of New Melas to recuperate.  The young couple was on their way to Thinnes' new church, but since New Melas has been without religion since the old church burned down, Caleb tries, with a little persuasion from his beautiful mute daughter Delieverance (Mimieux), to convince them to stay.  Andrew Fenady's teleplay really doesn't have anywhere to go beyond this premise, and even at 74 minutes, it's not able to sustain interest until the end.  The twist ending isn't much of a shock, and I think BLACK NOON's reputation rests on the fact that it's so hard to see these days.  It's not bad, and it offers some good performances; it's just thin.  Also with Henry Silva, Gloria Grahame, Hank Worden, Leif Garrett and Buddy Foster.  Music by George Duning.

BLACK OAK CONSPIRACY (1977)--Directed by Bob Kelljan.  Stars Jesse Vint, Albert Salmi, Robert F. Lyons, Karen Carlson.  Vint, the earthy star of New World's 1974 drive-in classic MACON COUNTY LINE, served as producer, writer and star of BLACK OAK CONSPIRACY, which will seem familiar to anyone versed in the '70s phenomenon of rural revenge movies.  Quite similar to MOONSHINE COUNTY EXPRESS and FIGHTING MAD, BLACK OAK stars Vint as Jingo Johnson, a Hollywood stuntman who returns to his Oklahoma hometown after he receives word that his mother has fallen into ill health.  Jingo comes home to find that the family farm is now in the hands of a large mining company owned by the father of his childhood rival (Robert F. Lyons), the same rich scumbag who's now dating his ex-girlfriend Lucy (Karen Carlson).  Turns out his mother's illness is directly related to the farm's mineral rights, forcing Jingo to turn to vigilante justice, since the local sheriff (Albert Salmi) may be involved.

The final theatrical film directed by Bob Kelljan, a solid action director whose above-average screen work includes the two COUNT YORGA movies, SCREAM, BLACULA, SCREAM and the STARSKY & HUTCH episode that pitted the two cops against a vampire (?) played by John Saxon, BLACK OAK could have used more judicious editing and a few more action beats.  Vint looks and feels right, and he has a seasoned supporting cast to back him up, but the film feels longer than 90 minutes, and either the material or the budget kept out another chase or two that could have made this one of the better Southern-fried action movies.  It's still worth a look, if only to be reminded of the kind of low-key non-FX action programmer that isn't made often these days.  Also with Seymour Cassel, Douglas Fowley, James Gammon, Vic Perrin and SCTV's Mary Charlotte Wilcox.  Don Peake wrote the score, and Don Everly the closing theme.

BLACK OPS (2008)—Directed by Roel Reine.  Stars Lance Henriksen, Gary Stretch, James Russo.  Dull blend of ALIENS and DEATH SHIP puts Henriksen and his team of commandoes aboard a World War II-era Nazi ship that the U.S. military is using to “interrogate” Muslim terrorists.  Everyone on board has been brutally murdered, and the evidence shows that only one man, as impossible as it seems, was responsible.  Lance and his boys have eight hours to find out what happened before the ship drifts into Iranian waters.  Filmed without gusto by PISTOL WHIPPED director Reine (who uses the pseudonym “Rebel Wang” here), BLACK OPS is slow-going stuff that owes much to earlier movies that did this type of thing better.  Russo appears in a couple of quick landlocked scenes before the movie gets to the “good stuff,” which was shot aboard real ships in San Pedro, California.  Tom Hanks’ brother Jim plays comic relief in a role that I think is supposed to be riffing on his classic BUFORD’S BEACH BUNNIES (!), and Katherine Randolph gamely pulls off one of DTV cinema’s most gratuitous topless scenes.

BLACK SUNDAY (1977)--Directed by John Frankenheimer.  Stars Robert Shaw, Bruce Dern, Marthe Keller.  Frankenheimer continued his reputation as one of Hollywood's preeminent directors of slick thrillers with this nail-biter based upon a novel by Thomas Harris (SILENCE OF THE LAMBS). 

Black September terrorists led by Palestinian Dahlia Iyad (Keller, who was just coming off another Paramount thriller, MARATHON MAN) plot to explode a bomb during the Super Bowl, potentially killing up to 80,000 innocent Americans, including President Jimmy Carter.  Iyad seduces Goodyear blimp pilot Michael Lander (Dern), a deranged Vietnam veteran, and enlists him in the scheme, which involves a device that will fire several hundred thousand tiny steel darts in all directions.  Israeli agent Kabakov (Shaw) tries to prevent the attack. 

Frankenheimer and producer Robert Evans went to great expense to lend BLACK SUNDAY a sheen of verisimilitude and plenty of excitement, letting down only during its climax, which suffers from confusing cutting and subpar visual effects.  The story and performances, particularly Dern's sympathetic and eminently watchable turn as a war hero who feels abandoned by his country and strikes back out of helpless revenge, never let up however, and there's no denying the timeliness of Harris' plot, which is crisply rendered by vets Ernest Lehman (NORTH BY NORTHWEST), Kenneth Ross (THE DAY OF THE JACKAL) and Ivan Moffat (GIANT). 

Also with Steven Keats, Fritz Weaver, Michael V. Gazzo, William Daniels, Victor Campos, Walter Gotell and Miami Dolphins owner Joe Robbie.  Frankenheimer filmed during Super Bowl X in Miami, using real football players and CBS broadcasters and providing BLACK SUNDAY with enormous production value that couldn't have been simulated using paid extras.  Great score by John Williams.