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THE MOD SQUAD (1999)--Directed by Scott Silver.
Stars Claire Danes, Giovanni Ribisi, Omar Epps, Dennis Farina. Based on the '60s-'70s TV series, this dopey action flick delivers
nothing new or substantial, and probably won't even appeal to fans of the old show. In a zippy opening sequence reminiscent
of TV credits, the cast is introduced: Danes as runaway shoplifter Julie Barnes, Ribisi as troublemaking rich kid Pete Cochran,
and Epps as morose arsonist Linc Hayes, all of whom have been recruited by LAPD Captain Adam Greer (Farina) to serve as undercover
cops ("These kids can go a thousand places we can't!"), albeit unconventional ones--they don't carry badges or guns. When
Greer is killed during an apparent drug deal, the squad becomes involved in the frame-up and a convoluted plot involving police
corruption, missing narcotics, a silly rock music promoter, and an ex-boyfriend of Julie's who may or may not be involved
in drugs and prostitution.
Of the leads, only Epps is believable in his role; Danes isn't mature or tough enough to
establish Julie's street "cred", and Ribisi continues to recycle the same obnoxious mannerisms he's been trotting out for
years. Silver (who also co-wrote the script with Kate Lanier) relies on slow motion, tilted angles and other MTV tricks instead
of a coherent story and some decent action scenes. As a further insult to his audience, THE MOD SQUAD opens with a dictionary
definition of the word "mod", followed by a definition of the word "squad" (!), apparently assuming its audience would be
too stupid to understand the film's title. On the plus side, BC Smith contributes a very funky retro musical score, and Linc
looks quite cool in his vintage '60s Lincoln Continental convertible. Also with Michael Lerner, Josh Brolin and THE PRACTICE's
Steve Harris.
MODERN PROBLEMS (1981)--Directed by Ken Shapiro. Stars Chevy Chase, Patti D'Arbanville,
Mary Kay Place, Dabney Coleman, Nell Carter. Another embarrassing Chase comedy. This time he plays an air traffic controller
who gains telekinetic powers as a result of his run-in with nuclear waste. When Coleman has a nude scene in a film, you know
the filmmakers are desperate for ideas.
MODERN ROMANCE (1981)--Directed by Albert Brooks. Stars Albert
Brooks, Kathryn Harrold, Bruno Kirby. Brilliant comedy about film editor Brooks, whose neurotic whining causes him to break
up, then get back together, with his beautiful girlfriend (Harrold). Has many great scenes. Takes satirical jabs at the film
industry too, as well as the dating scene. Kirby is funny in a supporting role. Great cameos by George Kennedy, Meadowlark
Lemon, BROADCAST NEWS director James L. Brooks and Bob Einstein (Brooks's brother and TV's Super Dave Osborne). Brooks to
Harrold: "We're in a no-win situation here. You know what that is? Vietnam. This. I'm telling you we're in one!"
THE MONKEY MISSION (1981)—Directed by Burt
Brinckerhoff. Stars Robert Blake, John Fiedler, Keenan Wynn, Mitchell Ryan. Blake returns as private eye Joe Dancer
in this TV sequel to THE BIG BLACK PILL. It’s better, taking the form of a caper movie, as Dancer is hired to
break into a museum and snatch a $3 million vase, while dodging suspicious insurance investigator Keyes (Ryan). Unfortunately,
writer Robert Crais appears to have been a MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE fan, as his caper bears resemblance to several episodes, including
the use of a small animal (here, a monkey named Gregor) to avoid security traps. Brinckerhoff is not a good enough
director to build suspense, but the film’s light tone and good use of old pros Fiedler and Wynn provide entertainment.
Also with Sondra Blake, Clive Revill, Andy Woods, Pepe Serna and Alan Napier in his final film. Music by George Romanis.
Blake made one more Joe Dancer movie, which NBC kept on the shelf until 1983.
MONSOON WEDDING (2001)--Directed by Mira Nair.
Stars Naseeruddin Shah, Lillete Dubey, Shefali Shetty, Vijay Raaz, Tilotama Shome, Vasundhara Das, Parvin Dabas, Kulbhushan
Kharbanda, Kamini Khana, Randeep Hooda, Neha Dubey, Kemaya Kidwai, Ishaan Nair, Randeep Hooda, Roshan Seth and Soni Razdan.
The only thing missing from this wedding is the chicken dance, but MONSOON WEDDING, a "small" comedy by Indian director Mira
Nair (MISSISSIPPI MASALA) that was shot in New Delhi in just 30 days, contains so many swirling colors, frothy song-and-dance
numbers, and appealing characters that it's doubtful you'll notice. A combination of old-fashioned "Bollywood" filmmaking
and Robert Altman-esque characterization, MONSOON WEDDING neatly captures both the joy and chaos of a huge family wedding,
even though a last-minute plot turn into LAW & ORDER: SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT territory left a sour taste in my mouth.
Anyone who's ever been involved in planning or just actively participating in a large wedding can appreciate
the frenzy felt by comfortably middle-class Lalit Verma (Naseeruddin Shah), whose only daughter, the delightfully dishy Aditi
(Vasundhara Das), is getting married in four days time to a handsome, successful young man named Hemant (Parvin Dabas), who
has emigrated to Texas to be an engineer. The marriage has been arranged by the parents; while the thoroughly modern
Hemant has little problem settling down with a woman he hardly knows, Aditi is still attracted to her boss, the host of a
TV talk show called DELHI.COM with whom she's been having an affair, and seems to be submitting to marriage only because her
boyfriend is slow to pull the trigger on divorcing his wife.
Where Nair really captures the craziness of it all is in one of MONSOON's earliest scenes, in which relatives,
family friends and employees come together for an engagement party. Like those all-too-familiar sprawling family reunions
in which you're left scratching your head wondering whether that old guy pounding Pabst is your Uncle Harry or just a party
crasher foraging for free booze, Nair's party scene throws all of her main characters together at once, leaving it up to us--and
the characters themselves--to figure out who is who. Adding to the confusion is the free flow of different languages--sometimes
English, sometimes Punjabi, sometimes Hindi--all twisted together within the same paragraph or sentence even, resulting in
a sort of Indian Mad Libs. It's disorderly, cheery, and frustrating all at once, just as it should be. There's
Aditi's younger brother Varun (Ishaan Nair, the director's nephew), who hates sports and loves cooking shows and is feared
by his father Lalit to be gay. We meet Aditi's voomy cousin Ayesha (Neha Dubey), a free-spirited dancer with the hots
for Rahul (Randeep Hooda), who's flown all the way from Australia for the ceremony. And still another cousin, Ria (Shefali
Shetty), who's harboring a dark secret about a Verma family friend that threatens to derail the whole steaming train of a
ceremony at the last minute.
Perhaps the sweetest story is not the budding romance between its bride and groom, but of Lalit's brash,
fast-talking wedding planner P.K. Dubey (Vijay Raaz), a gangly Huggy Bear-lookalike who finds satisfaction in making a deal
while flapping a mile a minute into his cell phone and collecting the fast buck that goes along with it, but would rather
sit and relax than follow through on it. His good-natured give-and-take with Lalit immediately establishes Dubey as
the sort of smooth hustler movie audiences love to love, which makes it more effective when he becomes smitten with the Vermas'
demure maid Alice (Tilotama Shome). Confident in his ability to turn a buck, but shy and awkward in anything involving
true emotions, Dubey's courtship of Alice becomes the relationship you really want to work.
Despite the late-in-the-game tawdriness involving Ria's personal drama (which does, admittedly, result in
a marvelously acted scene by Shah in which his heritage-minded character, Lalit, must make a bold decision that goes against
his old-fashioned beliefs), MONSOON WEDDING is not a "message" picture, but merely a joyous amalgamation of color, music and
style. I loved the opening credit sequence, an animated whirl of psychedelia punctuated by a tuba-driven blast of parade
music penned by Canadian composer Mychael Danna (GIRL, INTERRUPTED), whose traditional Punjabi score nicely complements the
on-screen ardor. Stephanie Carroll's production design, with its infusion of marigolds into the wedding theme, and Declan
Quinn's sunny cinematography lend plenty of warm splendor, and the performances are fine, particularly those of Shah, Das
and Shetty.
MONSOON WEDDING was a surprise winner of the Venice Film Festival's cherished Golden Lion Award last year--a
surprise, perhaps, because of its frothy nature. But froth certainly has its place in filmmaking, and as Nair shows
here, can be a refreshing alternative to the increasingly cynical comedy churned out by Hollywood.
MONSTER (1979)—Directed by Herbert L. Strock.
Stars Jim Mitchum, Philip Carey, Anthony Eisley, John Carradine. Strock has claimed responsibility for directing and
writing this monstrous film, though notorious producer Kenneth Hartford gets screen credit. Since Strock also has gone
on record as hating the film, I can’t imagine he’d say he directed it if he didn’t. It is pretty awful,
starting with the laughably crummy special effects and working up. Allegedly based on actual events occurring in Colombia
in 1971, MONSTER finds a village being ravaged by some sort of creature that even bites the legs off a sexy blonde on the
beach. Chemical magnate Carey, whose company has a large plant in the village, sends troubleshooter Mitchum down to
South America to investigate the killings. After a lot of stupid chatter and another death or two, it all culminates
in Mitchum leaping into the lake to set off some explosive charges swallowed by the monster. Neither Mitchum nor Eisley
appears particularly proud of the film, though Carradine, playing a priest who does nothing but eat screen time, gives it
his all, as usual. Carey’s part was obviously created later; his first scene finds him in conversation with a
completely off-screen Mitchum (who obviously wasn’t there), and another puts him on the telephone with the again unseen
Mitchum, whose off-screen voice is dubbed by someone who doesn’t sound at all like him. Filmed in New Mexico in
about three weeks, MONSTER is also known as MONSTROID, IT CAME FROM THE LAKE and TOXIC HORROR. By any other name, this
MONSTER still stinks.
THE MONSTER AND THE STRIPPER (1968)—Directed
by Ron Ormond. Stars Ron Ormond, Tim Ormond, June Ormond, Sleepy LaBeef. Is it a horror movie? Is it a stag
movie? Hell, yes! While crooked New Orleans strip-club owner Nemo (writer/director Ron Ormond) is auditioning
new dancers, a 7-foot-tall caveman (rockabilly singer LaBeef!) is eating cows and mauling farmers. The disparate plot
threads continue for awhile, as Nemo sits and watches one stripper after another doing her act, while occasionally attempting
to paw one. He also banters with a completely unthreatening police detective in a dorky hat and dumps the contents of
a spittoon down the throat of a flunky who tried to steal his drug profits. Meanwhile, the “Swamp Thing”
is eventually captured and taken to Nemo’s club to serve as a featured attraction, but if you saw KING KONG, you know
that’s a disaster waiting to happen. Also known as THE EXOTIC ONES, this movie is independent regional filmmaking
at its peak, intended to play a few drive-ins around the South and Midwest. It’s utterly ridiculous, but fascinating
due to its authentic local color and willingness to squeeze so much exploitation into its running time.
MONSTER FROM GREEN HELL (1958)--Directed by Kenneth G. Crane. Stars Jim Davis, Robert
Griffin. Distributors Corporation of America, which released Ed Wood's notorious PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE, also gave
us this stolid monster movie, probably the only film ever made about a killer wasp. Yep, Crane pits a young Davis (DALLAS'
Jock Ewing) against a giant papier-mâché wasp that's killing natives in Africa. Well, heck, it's his own fault.
He and partner Dan Morgan (Griffin) fired a rocket containing various animals into space to test their reactions, but the
craft went off-course and crashed in Africa. For some reason, only the wasps were affected (by radiation?), growing
to terrific size and murdering natives.
This movie exists only as an excuse to recycle stock footage from the 20-year-old STANLEY AND LIVINGSTONE,
which means Davis' safari has to land its airplane in one location and then hike for nearly a month through the jungle to
get to their destination. Why couldn't they have just landed where they want to go? 'Cause they had all this exciting stock
footage to use, that's why. The wasp is ridiculous, consisting of basically a large head with two stingers on either side
of it. Um, like real wasps don't really have. There is a stop-motion-animated wasp that fights a giant snake too, which is
probably the most interesting scene in the film. It's only 71 minutes, so it won't kill you to watch it, but GREEN HELL
is not among the decade's finest SF flicks. Also with Barbara Turner, Eduardo Ciannelli and Vladimir Sokoloff.
Albert Glasser did the score, which isn't bad, considering.
MONSTER FROM THE SURF (1965)--Directed by Jon Hall. Stars Jon Hall, Elaine Dupont,
Sue Casey, Richard Lessing, Walker Edmiston. Hall, whose acting career began in the 1930's and included several starring
roles opposite Maria Montez in Technicolor B-movies, served as director, cinematographer and star of this cheap laugh riot.
He plays famous oceanographer Otto Lindsay, who's frustrated by Vicky (Dupont), his teasing harlot of a trophy wife, and his
son Richard (Lessing), a basically good kid who has forsaken his days of helping Dad in the lab to party and frug nights away
on the beach. Richard also feels guilty about an auto accident that crippled his pal Mark (Edmiston), even inviting
Mark, a sculptor, to move into the Lindsays' spacious beach pad. Those nights of swimming and grilling wieners on the
beach are rudely interrupted, however, when a girl is murdered by what appears to be a sea monster. And a ridiculous
one too, with a pointed head, bulging eyes, a squishy face and sharp "claws" that strangely bend like rubber. As the
killings continue, no one seems very concerned except Richard, who finds himself investigating when Mark becomes a suspect.
Originally released as THE BEACH GIRLS AND THE MONSTER (also its DVD title), MONSTER is a ridiculous and
often hilarious response to Del Tenney's famous HORROR OF PARTY BEACH. Hall is just barely able to construct enough
material to reach feature length, but only by splicing in several minutes of extraneous surf footage that has nothing to do
with anything else in the movie (and which was originally shown in color, but the TV print I watched was completely in black-and-white).
The final revelation appears to be a copout, but it actually contains some interesting generational subtext if you choose
to look at it that way (and Joan Gardner's screenplay is so inept that you have to wonder if it was accidental). Dupont
has some nice moments as the vampy stepmom, and Edmiston, later a popular character actor and voice artist who also wrote
MONSTER's songs, at least appears to be a professional thespian, which is more than can be said for the rest of the decidedly
mature teen cast. Hall never directed another film, and, in fact, never even acted again. Frank Sinatra, Jr. provided
the groovy surf score.
MONSTER HOUSE (2006)—Directed by Gil Kenan.
Stars Mitchel Musso, Spencer Locke, Sam Lerner, Steve Buscemi, Kathleen Turner. Charming CGI-animated horror comedy
about three curious kids who investigate the creepy old house across the street, where mean old man Nebbercracker (voiced
by Buscemi) steals all the balls and toys that bounce into his yard. They discover that the house is alive and possessed
by the soul of Nebbercracker’s cranky dead wife (Turner). Of course, no adults believe their story, so the kids
try to defeat the monster alone. Surprisingly scary in spots and deserving of its PG rating, MONSTER HOUSE is great
fun for children that won’t bore the adults, so long as they’re in the right frame of mind. It’s also
fun to pick out the celebrity voices, including Kevin James, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Jason Lee, Jon Heder, Catherine O’Hara
and Fred Willard. Nominated for the Best Animated Feature Academy Award, but lost to HAPPY FEET.
THE MONSTER OF LONDON CITY (1964)--Directed by Edwin Zbonek. Stars Hansjorg Felmy, Marianne
Koch, Hans Nielsen, Fritz Tillmann. At the same time actor Richard Sand (Felmy) is portraying Jack the Ripper in a smash hit
play in London's East End, the city is being terrorized by a brutal slasher who's killing prostitutes the same way the real
Ripper did eighty years ago. Sand, a former drug addict who spent time years earlier in a sanitarium, becomes the prime suspect,
although there's no shortage of alternates, including police pathologist Michael (Nielsen), Richard's longtime friend who
also happens to be in love with Richard's girlfriend Ann (Koch); Sir George (Tillmann), Ann's guardian and a member of Parliament
who wants Richard's bloody show shut down; the play's director, who gets off on the publicity the murders provide for his
show; the play's furtive-looking stage manager; and a bumbling private eye investigating the killings on his own. Atmospherically
directed by Zbonek (THE MAD EXECUTIONERS), this West German "krimi" is based upon a novel by Bryan Edgar Wallace, and is pretty
good. Also with Dietmar Schonherr, Walter Pfeil, Peer Schmidt and Chariklia Baxevanos. Jazzy score by Martin Bottcher. Sinister
Cinema's dark-looking tape contains a number of jumps, splices and framing problems, is dubbed into English, contains some
surprising rear female nudity, and runs 89 minutes. Its original German title is DAS UNGEHEUER VON LONDON CITY.
MONSTER
ZERO (1966)--Directed by Inoshiro Honda. Stars Nick Adams, Akira Takarada. After destroying Tokyo 947 times, Toho
decided outer space would be an interesting setting for the King of the Monsters. When three-headed monster Ghidrah starts
wreaking havoc on Planet X, the alien government begs Earth to lend them Godzilla and Rodan to defeat the beast. Flying saucers
carry them to Planet X in plastic bubbles. However, it was all just a trick! Planet X plans to use all three monsters to invade
Earth! Pretty typical Japanese nonsense does feature three of the coolest monsters.
MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY
GRAIL (1974)--Directed by Terry Gilliam and Terry Jones. Stars John Cleese, Michael Palin, Eric Idle, Graham Chapman,
Jones, and Gilliam. The best of the Monty Python films is an amazingly silly and hilarious farce about King Arthur and the
Knights of the Round Table and their quest for the Holy Grail. Capitalizes on its low budget by poking fun at itself (the
knights ride invisible horses). Best scene involves a knight who is hacked limb from limb in a sword fight, but refuses to
accept defeat. Totally anarchic comedy takes jabs at all forms of British society.
MONTY PYTHON'S THE MEANING
OF LIFE (1983)--Directed by Terry Jones. Stars John Cleese, Michael Palin, Eric Idle, Graham Chapman, Terry Gilliam
and Terry Jones. The point of this hit-and-miss collection of Python skits seems to be to offend as many groups of people
as possible. The highlights of the typically irreverent Python project include the special-effects-laden lampoon of big business,
a bit on Catholicism and birth control, and an overweight man vomiting gallons of bile in a fancy restaurant. Not Monty Python's
best by a long shot, but there's enough here to amuse those with a strong stomach.
MOON OF THE WOLF (1972)--Directed by Daniel Petrie. Stars David Janssen, Bradford
Dillman, Barbara Rush, John Beradino, Geoffrey Lewis. An effective made-for-TV horror movie with very good performances,
MOON stars Janssen as Aaron Whitaker, the sheriff of the small Louisiana town where he grew up investigating the killing of
a pretty teenage girl whose body was ripped apart and left in the swamp. There doesn't seem to be any shortage of suspects,
including respected town doctor Druten (Beradino), who impregnated her, and her brother Lawrence Burrifors (Lewis), who had
a row with her the night she was killed. It soon appears someone has it in for the Burrifors family, as Lawrence and
his elderly father soon number among the victims. It also appears as though no man could have committed the murders,
but a monster with superhuman strength. A werewolf, perhaps?
Petrie's direction and Alvin Sapinsley's colorful, rich-in-characterization teleplay keep this 74-minute
froth moving at a nice clip, and Janssen brings a proper world-weary anchor to the fanciful proceedings. Authentic locations,
Bernardo Segall's unusual score and a fine cast of character actors make this above-average TV horror fare. Also with
Royal Dano, John Davis Chandler, Robert Phillips and Claudia McNeil. William and Thomas Tuttle created the werewolf
makeup, which is okay, but nicely hidden for the most part through quick cutting and smart camera placement.
MOON OVER PARADOR (1988)--Directed by Paul Mazursky. Stars Richard Dreyfuss, Raul Julia,
Sonia Braga, Dana Delany, Jonathan Winters. This uneven parody of banana republics features a wildly entertaining comic turn
by Dreyfuss. He plays an out-of-work New York actor who is recruited by Julia to impersonate a South American dictator after
the real ruler dies. No one else is aware of the scheme, which leads to funny confrontations with the ruler's sexy mistress
(Braga) and CIA man Winters. Sammy Davis, Jr. has a great cameo appearance.
MOONFIRE (1972)--Directed by Michael Parkhurst. Stars Richard Egan, Charles Napier,
Ken Norton. One of Napier's earliest lead roles was in this love song to truckers directed, produced and written by
a real-life semi driver. It's slow-moving, technically proficient and unusual in many ways. Egan (REDIGO) is the
nominal star, a trucker hired to deliver ransom money in exchange for a downed space capsule and its pilot. However,
he then vanishes for the next hour with a story of caring for his brother-in-law who lost his legs in a train accident, relinquishing
the job to his buddy Napier, who is teamed up with a taciturn truck driver known only as The Farmer (boxer Liston).
Meanwhile, there's some un-PC comic relief in the form of two lazy Mexicans, a reclusive Howard Hughesian billionaire, a Nazi
plantation owner hiding out in Texas, a lot of 18-wheelers cruising through the desert, a couple of original Marty Robbins
songs, a neat country score, and precious little action or plot logic. Also with Jose Gonzalez-Gonzalez, Rodolfo Hoyos
and Roger Galloway in about six different parts.
MOONRAKER (1979)--Directed by Lewis Gilbert. Stars Roger Moore, Lois Chiles, Michael Lonsdale,
Richard Kiel. Bottom-of-the-Bond-barrel adventure starts off strong with a pre-credit sequence involving 007 (Moore) and steel-toothed
villain Jaws (Kiel) in a freefall with only one parachute, but it's downhill quickly from there. Plot pits James Bond against
Hugo Drax (Lonsdale), who plans to rule the world from a space station and start his own master race. Moore is awful, the
jokes aren't funny, the action isn't thrilling, and the gadgetry is just too ludicrous. I loved it as a 12-year-old; that's
because it seems to be made for 12-year-olds. Chiles plays Holly Goodhead. Music by John Barry; silly theme performed by Shirley
Bassey.
MOONSHINE COUNTY EXPRESS (1977)--Directed by Gus Trikonis. Stars John Saxon, William Conrad,
Susan Howard, Maureen McCormick, Claudia Jennings. An outstanding cast and plenty of good ol' boy action propel this Southern-fried
'70s drive-in classic. Three sexy sisters--Dot (Howard), the oldest; middle sis Betty (Jennings); and teenaged Sissy (McCormick)--plot
revenge after their bootlegger father is murdered by goons employed by county boss Jack Starkey (Conrad). Starkey--an obese,
foulmouthed, bearded lout who can often be found playing kinky sex games with assorted teenaged tarts--killed their pap to
prevent competition in the illegal liquor market, which again becomes flooded when the Hammer sisters discover a massive cache
of aged whiskey hidden in a tunnel beneath their shack. Saxon stars in the Burt Reynolds role as fast-talkin', gum-chewin',
hard-drivin', skirt-chasin' racecar ace J.B. Johnson, who runs liquor for Starkey, but eventually changes sides after some
curvy persuasion by Dot.
Exploitation vet Trikonis (THE EVIL, THE SWINGING BARMAIDS) expertly keeps the action humming
along, and the actors all seem to be having a nice time. Conrad in particular, who was just coming off his successful five-season
run as TV's CANNON, chews scenery nicely, and holds the screen even opposite his comelier co-stars. In fact, the entire project
probably felt like a class reunion--Jennings and Morgan Woodward, who plays Starkey's chief assassin Sweetwater, both guest-starred
on CANNON, while Saxon appeared in an episode of PETROCELLI, the Barry Newman lawyer series that starred Howard as Newman's
wife and Albert Salmi, who plays MOONSHINE COUNTY's sheriff, as his legman. Also of interest is McCormick's post-BRADY BUNCH
role as a foxy teen in short shorts and former Playmate of the Year Jennings's amiable though fully-clothed appearance.
If
you like swampy locations (although MOONSHINE was actually lensed in California), hot cars, hot women, good acting and lots
of stunts, you could do a lot worse than MOONSHINE COUNTY EXPRESS, which was released by Roger Corman's New World Pictures
and produced by BATTLE BEYOND THE STARS's Ed Carlin. Also with Jeff Corey, Dub Taylor, Len Lesser, Bruce Kimball and the lovely
Candice Rialson as a teen sexpot. Fred Werner delivers the banjo-driven score.
MOONSTRUCK (1987)--Directed by Norman Jewison. Stars Cher, Nicolas Cage, Olympia Dukakis,
Vincent Gardenia, Danny Aiello. Italian-American widow Cher breaks off her engagement to Aiello to pursue his wilder younger
brother Cage. Offbeat love story is bolstered by terrific performances and an Oscar-winning screenplay by John Patrick Shanley
(JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO). Cher and Dukakis also won Academy Awards.
MOONTRAP (1989)—Directed by Robert Dyke.
Stars Walter Koenig, Bruce Campbell, Leigh Lombardi. Despite a tight budget and Koenig’s miscasting, MOONTRAP
is an ambitious space opera with interesting ideas and imaginative visual effects. Astronauts Grant (Koenig) and Tanner
(Campbell) discover a dead ship floating in orbit around Earth and bring back a skeleton and an odd container made from an
unbreakable alloy. The container is actually an alien robot that uses found objects to construct a much larger robot
that uses advanced weaponry to attack NASA headquarters. Grant destroys it, but it is clear that he and Tanner must
investigate its origins on the moon’s surface, where they discover an alien base and a humanoid woman (Lombardi) in
suspended animation. Setting aside the scientific unlikelihood that the alien’s ship and base, neither of which
are concealed, could go undetected all this time, MOONTRAP is fairly entertaining and decently paced. Dyke somehow convinces
us that his actors are really walking on the moon, and the design of the robots is creepy. Koenig, recognizable to SF
fans as STAR TREK’s Chekov, is not really up to his role as an action lead (who even plays a ludicrous love scene on
the moon’s surface), and his obvious hairpiece is a distraction. Fans, however, will likely enjoy Campbell’s
loose sidekick, an entertaining performance more restrained than his EVIL DEAD work. Dyke filmed MOONTRAP in Michigan
(Campbell’s home state), and went on to work again with both leads in separate productions down the road.
MORE WILD, WILD WEST (1980)--Directed by Burt Kennedy. Stars Robert Conrad, Ross
Martin, Jonathan Winters. CBS' 1979 telecast of THE WILD, WILD WEST REVISITED was a ratings success, so a year later
we got MORE WILD, WILD WEST. Unfortunately, the network botched it by airing it in on consecutive nights in two one-hour
segments opposite the 1980 World Series. When they repeated it the following year, it was opposite the Academy Awards.
It's doubtful anybody except diehard WWW fans ever saw this, not that there's any reason to seek it out. This slow-moving
sequel contains too much alleged comedy and not enough action, even though it was written (William Bowers) and directed by
the same team who made the first reunion movie.
Once again, 19th-century Secret Service agents James T. West (Conrad) and Artemus Gordon (Martin) are called
out of retirement to stop an evil genius from destroying the world. Paul Williams was too busy to reprise his WWWR role
as Miguelito Loveless, so Winters was hired to play Albert Paradine II, a Nevada loony who can turn himself invisible and
plans to blow up the world's leaders during a Washington, D.C. peace conference. West and Gordon barely go through the
motions of caring about stopping him, while Winters mugs up a storm in a pretty bad performance. Conrad and Martin still
have great chemistry together, but it's wasted in a movie that doesn't seem to understand what made the '60s TV show so memorable.
Jokes referring to Henry Kissinger and "The Incredible Hulk" have given it a dated feel the series doesn't have. Also
with Harry Morgan and Rene Auberjonois back from the first movie, as well as a gorgeous 20-year-old Emma Samms in what may
be her first American TV role (she's pretty stiff in it), "B.J. & the Bear" twins Candi & Randi Brough, Victor Buono,
Liz Torres, Avery Schreiber, Dave Madden, Gino Conforti, Dr. Joyce Brothers and Jack LaLanne. Jeff Alexander's score
hits the target. Less than a year after MWWW's initial airing, Martin died of a heart attack at age 61. Conrad
played G. Gordon Liddy in a made-for-TV movie next.
THE MORNING AFTER (1986)--Directed by Sidney Lumet. Stars Jane Fonda, Jeff Bridges, Raul
Julia, Diane Salinger. Alcoholic bleached-blond movie star Fonda wakes up after a drunken one-night stand to discover a dead
stranger in her bed. She runs into stranger Bridges at the airport, who helps her solve the mystery. Lumet throws a few too
many red herrings into the mix and the climax is weak, but Fonda and Bridges give good performances; in fact, Jane received
a Best Actress Oscar nomination.
MORTAL KOMBAT (1995)--Directed by Paul Anderson. Stars Christopher
Lambert. The best movie-based-on-a-popular-video-game made so far, which, I realize, is not great praise. However, I think
you'll find this slick adventure a tad better than your expectations. Some bad guys from "Atworld" (?) want to rule our world,
and will be able to do so if they can defeat our champions ten times in a row at Mortal Kombat (a series of martial-arts competitions).
The baddies have taken nine straight, so good god Rayden (Lambert in a long, white fright wig) recruits an egotistical karate-movie
star, a foxy blonde in tight pants (Bridgette Wilson of LAST ACTION HERO), and a Chinese teen avenging his brother's death
at the hands of evil god Shang-Chi. None of this makes a lick of sense, but the sets and FX are nice, the fight scenes are
plentiful and well done, and Lambert has the smarts not to take any of it too seriously.
MOST WANTED
(1997)--Directed by David Glenn Hogan. Stars Keenan Ivory Wayans, Jill Hennessy, Jon Voight. Wayans also wrote this routine
actioner about an Army soldier on death row who is whisked away from prison by a maverick general (Voight) and forced to work
as an assassin for the government. Wayans agrees to do so, since it's better than prison, although he quickly changes his
mind when Voight frames him for the murder of the First Lady! Movie details the chases, fights and misunderstandings that
ensue as Wayans tries to prove his innocence while avoiding Voight's men. Voight turns in the film's most colorful performance,
going way over the top in his portrayal of the crazed general. He's about the only entertaining thing in the movie; despite
an amazing exploitation cast including Paul Sorvino, Eric Roberts and Robert Culp, none of them are given much screen time
or opportunity to test their acting chops. Hennessy is beautiful as an innocent nurse drawn into the web by Wayans, but she's
wasted, and the filmmakers seem too timid to introduce any semblance of an interracial romance.
MOTHER, JUGS
& SPEED (1976)--Directed by Peter Yates. Stars Bill Cosby, Raquel Welch, Harvey Keitel. Guess who plays "Jugs".
Raucous episodic black comedy about three ambulance workers who come across all sorts of humorous and tragic emergencies in
the big city. Good cast includes Larry Hagman, Dick Butkus, Allen Garfield and Bruce Davison. One gag involving Hagman and
a dead teenager is a tad tasteless. From the director of BULLITT.
MOTHRA (1962)--Directed by Inoshiro
Honda & Lee Kresel. Stars Frankie Sakai, Hiroshi Koizumi, Yumi Ito, Jerry Ito. One of the best Japanese monster movies
involves a pair of twin six-inch-tall alien princesses (the Itos) who are kidnapped by an evil nightclub owner. The ladies
pray to their great god Mothra, and pretty soon, a giant moth is destroying all of downtown Tokyo. From the creators of Godzilla
and Gamera.
MOTOR PSYCHO (1965)--Directed by Russ Meyer. Stars Alex Rocco, Haji, Stephen Oliver,
Holle Winters. Meyer's bleak black-and-white thriller is awash in wild dialogue, sleazy action and harsh desert scenery.
Three bikers on wimpy Yamahas, led by psychotic 'Nam vet Brahmin (Oliver), roar through the Southwestern desert, where they
rape the sexy wife (Winters) of veterinarian Corey (Rocco) and murder the nasty husband of Cajun spitfire Ruby (Haji).
MOTOR PSYCHO's first half is dedicated to demonstrating the insouciant depravity of Brahmin's gang, and the rest to Corey's
pursuit of revenge, as he and Ruby rip through the dusty back roads in his rickety pickup truck. Igo Kantor's musical
tracks really swing, and even though there's no nudity in this one, the incredible bodies of Haji and Winters make you comprehend
how the men in their lives could become so obsessed with them. Meyer also produced, shot and edited MOTOR PSYCHO, an
amazing demonstration of his stature as one of independent cinema's great craftsmen. Also with Coleman Francis, Sharon
Lee, Joseph Cellini and Meyer.
MOTORCYLE GANG (1957)—Directed by Edward L. Cahn. Stars Steve Terrell, John
Ashley, Anne Neyland, Carl Switzer. AIP surely has some nerve remaking its own DRAGSTRIP GIRL just a few months later.
And with stars Terrell and Ashley, director Cahn and writer Lou Rusoff all returning. It must have been the easiest
two weeks of their lives, considering they had already made this movie once. Once again, good guy Terrell, a motorcycle
racer hoping to win the big race, and bad guy Ashley, who blames Terrell for the 15 months he spent in the slam for running
down an old man, find themselves battling for the attentions of a girl, this time cycle-loving hellion Neyland. Terrell
has to stay on the straight and narrow in order to stay eligible to compete in the race, but he finally buckles under to Ashley’s
constant baiting and is almost killed during a chicken run across an oily train trestle. MOTORCYCLE GANG plays like
an SCTV parody with Rusoff’s nutty slang-filled dialogue and the unrestrained performances perfect parody fare.
Supporting actor Switzer is best known as Alfalfa of the Little Rascals; his braying comic relief will have you pleading for
the comparatively subtle comic stylings of the Hal Roach shorts. Russ Bender plays a cop, as usual, and the still-working
Aki Aleong appears in his first film as a comic-relief cook. Music by Albert Glasser. Ashley made this film while
on furlough from the U.S. Army.
MOTORCYCLE GANG (1994)—Directed by John Milius.
Stars Gerald McRaney, Jake Busey, Carla Gugino, Elan Oberon, Marshall Teague. Who woulda thought someone, even a repressed
middle-aged war vet, could do so much damage to the human body with a shovel? DEADWOOD fans might want to seek out MOTORCYCLE
GANG, in which a typically tight-lipped 1950s family man played by McRaney (George Hearst on the HBO western series) sheds
his uptight skin when the safety of his family is at stake.
MOTORCYCLE GANG is one of a series of B-movie remakes the Showtime
cable network produced under the REBEL HIGHWAY umbrella title. All were based on movies released in the '50s by American International
Pictures, Hollywood's leading producer of action, science fiction, horror, fantasy, musical and other low-budget genre fodder
of the era. Like many of the REBEL HIGHWAY movies, MOTORCYCLE GANG was made by a name director, John Milius (of RED DAWN and
CONAN THE BARBARIAN fame), and took little more than its title from the earlier AIP film. It does preserve the 1950s setting
of the original, however, even though the timeline seems a bit off as events unwind in the film.
Milius spends the first half of his 83-minute film setting up his
characters, which are little more than clichés of Ike-era Caucasians. Cal Morris (McRaney), a veteran of World War II who
keeps his emotions tightly coiled within, is driving crosscountry through the desert to California along with his sexually
confused wife Jean (Milius' wife Oberon), who's having an affair with the next-door neighbor, and their virginal teenage daughter
Leeann (Gugino), who wears a photo of fab Fabian pinned to the sweater stretched tightly over her womanly bosom. Cal's increased
emotional reticence over the years of their marriage has caused Jean to seek acceptance with another man, and she reacts to
the flattery of a pair of beatnik photographers complimenting her beauty with a combination of embarrassment and exhilaration.
Leeann, meanwhile, is a good girl, but just becoming aware of her burgeoning sexuality and more than a little curious about
it. She's naive, but not foolish, and is open enough about sex to tell her father about the honeymooning couple she heard
through the thin motel walls the night before.
J. Edgar Hoover's dream family is shattered when it's attacked by
a foursome of motorcycle toughs led by toothy Jake Busey. The object of a manhunt involving Texas police and a Texas Ranger
(Teague) interested in "frontier justice," Busey and his boys attack the Morris' Ford and kidnap Leeann, taking her across
the border to Mexico where the gang deals in pills and heroin.
Leeann seems strangely at ease with her abduction, although maybe
it was the way of '50s women not to argue, even with greasy-haired kidnappers. This section of the film, which also depicts
Cal's dubious decision to handle the situation himself, rather than seek the help of law enforcement, feels incomplete. Cal,
up to his point, has appeared to be a by-the-book guy, and we're given no indication that the police are incapable or uninterested
in taking his complaint seriously. Meanwhile, Leeann barely struggles with her captor and even goes along with his initial
attempt at seduction, at least until it turns violent.
What Milius doesn't prepare us for is the satisfyingly violent and
surprisingly bloody climax to the story, where McRaney, who has done his best to keep his violent war experiences from his
family, sharpens up his camping shovel and invades the bikers' country hideout, armed for gory vengeance. It's a royal ass-shiving
that earns the film's R rating and a whole mess o' drive-in satisfaction the makers of the original MOTORCYCLE GANG (directed
by B-movie stalwart Edward L. Cahn) could barely have imagined.
MOVERS & SHAKERS (1985)—Directed by William
Asher. Stars Walter Matthau, Charles Grodin, Vincent Gardenia, Bill Macy, Tyne Daly. MGM barely released this
short (79 minutes) PG comedy written, co-produced and starring Grodin. It played on cable and on home video, but was
hardly remembered by anyone until Grodin chose it to run on his “guest programmer” night on Turner Classic Movies—a
brave selection, since nobody ever programs one of his own movies.
It probably isn’t strongly recalled because it isn’t
very funny, though Grodin is always good for a few scattered laughs. He plays Herb Derman, a screenwriter tasked with
an impossible assignment. Studio head Matthau, as a promise to a dying friend (Gardenia), wants to buy the rights to
a best-selling sex manual and make a film out of it using only the title—LOVE IN SEX. How does one do that?
Damned if Matthau knows, and neither do Derman or Sid Spokane (Macy), the crazy director hired to shape Derman’s screenplay—if
he ever writes it—into a feature film.
The “inside baseball” material, including some off-the-wall
story conferences, deliver the most laughs, but Grodin also opens up the film to include his character’s home life,
such as his sexless marriage to wife Daly, which we really don’t care about. Asher, a former director of I LOVE
LUCY and AIP Beach Party movies, should have been able to mine this material for outside-the-box gags, but he directs efficiently
but coldly. Steve Martin in an outrageous cameo as a 70-year-old Italian lothario is the only performer willing to stick
his neck out and be broad.
Asher never again directed a feature film, though he did tackle
a pair of TV-series reunion movies. The short running time, an evident low budget and some technical shortcomings indicate
a troubled production that perhaps Grodin will get around to writing about in a book someday. Also with Gilda Radner,
Earl Boen, Michael Lerner, William Prince and Penny Marshall.
MOVIN' WITH NANCY (1967)--Directed by Jack Haley Jr. Stars Nancy Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy
Davis Jr., Frank Sinatra. Sponsored by Royal Crown Cola and broadcast over NBC Television in 1967, this variety special starring
Frank's blond bombshell daughter was unusual in that it was shot in 16mm and consisted of filmed vignettes done music-video
style on location, rather than being taped in a studio in front of a live audience. While some of the songs--including "Sugartown"
and "Jackson", a duet with music supervisor Lee Hazlewood--are pretty fun, you'd have to be a pretty big Nancy fan to get
a thrill out of most of them. Dino does a solo number clad in a tux and duets with Nancy on Bobby Darin's "Things", a Nehru-jacket
clad Sammy does a funky dance during Nancy's cover of Ray Charles' "What'd I Say?", and Frank is filmed in a recording studio
with his arranger Billy Strange.
Surprisingly, both Nancy and Haley recorded an audio commentary for the DVD; it isn't
particularly insightful, but they do seem quite chummy together and provide a few interesting facts, such as pointing out
locations in Griffith Park, Sepulveda Basin, Carmel, Malibu, Fort Pierce in San Francisco and the Los Angeles County Museum;
identifying THE EVIL director Gus Trikonis as one of the T-shirt-wearing trampoline-bouncing dancers in a production number;
and revealing that one of the cameramen was future CHINATOWN cinematographer John Alonzo.
Haley received an Emmy Award
for his direction, while Nancy was nominated for a Golden Globe as Best Female TV Star. The DVD also contains the original
RC Cola commercials featuring Art Linkletter, Nancy, and Dino, Desi & Billy (which appear in their proper context during
the special) and scrumptious shots of the original Nancy Sinatra LP covers, including SUGAR, which features Nancy in a hot
pink bikini; I once worked for a radio station that had this album hanging on the wall of the newsroom so we could gaze upon
this lovely photo every day. Oh, yeah, Frank Sinatra Jr. appears briefly too.
MOVING TARGET (1997)--Directed by Damian Lee.
Stars Michael Dudikoff, Billy Dee Williams, Ardon Bess. Action fans may be disappointed by this talky Dudikoff vehicle.
Bounty hunter Sonny McLean (Dudikoff) takes a freelance gig bringing in a Russian bail jumper. His target is killed,
and Sonny is blamed. Turns out the man was involved with the Russian mob, which puts out a hit on Sonny. Williams
is wasted as Dudikoff’s pal on the police force. Also with Michelle Johnson as Sonny’s pregnant girlfriend.
Filmed in Toronto by the director of AGENT RED.
MOVING VIOLATION (1976)--Directed by Charles S. Dubin. Stars Stephen McHattie, Kay
Lenz, Lonny Chapman. Roger and Julie Corman served as executive producer and producer, respectively, in this 20th Century
Fox car-chase movie. A pair of young hippies, drifter Eddie (McHattie) and hometown cheerleader Camille (Lenz), witness
the town sheriff (Chapman) murdering one of his deputies. Running for their lives in a series of stolen vehicles, the
two youths are blamed for a resulting crime spree and targeted by the local cops as "armed and dangerous" terrorists.
Dubin, who jumped a lot of cars and blew up plenty of stuff on TV shows like KOJAK and CANNON, but who rarely directed features,
provides the drive-in audience with a steady stream of smashed-up cars, shootings and stunts, although Roger Corman's habit
of "skip-framing" to make the chases look faster is annoying and distracting. I think the mumbly McHattie, who acted
in Corman's VON RICHTOVEN AND BROWN, is slightly miscast (he, not surprisingly, played James Dean in a telefilm the same year),
and I would prefer more star power in Chapman's role (perhaps Eddie Albert, who pops up in the final half-hour as a sympathetic
lawyer), but Lenz is appealing as always, and Dubin's pacing, assisted by the stunt coordination by Barbara Peeters (who directed
New World films for Corman), helps to provide a fun romp. Also with Will Geer, John S. Ragin, Jack Murdock, Jason Wingreen,
Norman Bartold and Dick Miller. Good score by Don Peake. Phil Everly contributes the catchy theme, "Detroit Man".
MOVING VIOLATIONS (1985)--Directed by Neil Israel. Stars Joel Murray, James Keach, Jennifer
Tilly, Brian Backer. Relatively lame POLICE ACADEMY ripoff about raucous students in a mandatory drivers education class.
Murray does an embarrassing impression of real-life brother Bill. Also with Fred Willard, Sally Kellerman and Clara "Where's
the beef?" Peller.
MUGGABLE MARY, STREET COP (1982)--Directed by Sandor Stern. Stars Karen Valentine,
John Getz, Michael Pearlman. The extremely likable Valentine stars in this true story as Mary Glatzle, a divorcee with
a seven-year-old son with a medical condition who decides to join the New York City Police Department because of its health
benefits. After facing hazing and discrimination during training from macho instructors and colleagues, Mary becomes
one of the department's leading undercover policewomen, leading her precinct in arrests through her decoys as prostitutes,
pregnant housewives and mugging victims. Son Eric (Pearlman) worries about his overprotective mother as much as she
dotes over him, which leads to a domestic crisis when she decides to join the team tracking a Central Park serial killer who
has already slashed one well-trained police decoy. Based on a book by the real-life Glatzle, who served as MARY's technical
advisor, Stern's teleplay finds the right mix of domestic and professional material, sensitively not going overboard into
soap-opera territory. While the diminutive Valentine hits the right notes, getting us to root for "Muggable" Mary, Getz
is too smarmy as her co-worker and lover--too much of a jerk for our beloved Karen. Stern shot entirely in NYC and assembled
a fine supporting cast, including Vincent Gardenia, Bill Smitrovich, Alan North, Dan Lauria, Anna Maria Horsford, Ray Abruzzo,
Frederick Coffin, Tom Nardini, Richard Kind and Steve James in a ski mask. Music by Earle Hagen. I remember this
as being a ratings smash for CBS. Valentine, an Emmy winner for ROOM 222, appeared regularly in made-for-TV movies during
the 1980's, but seems to have retired after that decade.
THE MUGGER (1958)--Directed by William Berke. Stars Kent Smith, Nan Martin, James Franciscus.
Another low-budget programmer produced and directed by Berke, and based on one of Ed McBain's 87TH PRECINCT novels. A mugger
who attacks women at night, steals their purses, and carves a gash into their left cheek baffles police. Police shrink Pete
Graham (Smith in probably his only film lead) is called in to investigate while nuzzling undercover cop Martin and helping
cabbie Franciscus deal with his precocious teenage sister-in-law. Not quite as good as Berke's COP HATER, which was harder-hitting
and had a stronger cast (including Robert Loggia), but it's sharply photographed and moves at a brisk pace (it's only 74 minutes
long). Also with Dick ONeill, Leonard Stone, Renee Taylor, Beah Richards, George Maharis and Michael Conrad. Music by Albert
Glasser.
MULE FEATHERS (1977)--Directed by Donald R. von
Mizener. Stars Rory Calhoun, Arthur Roberts and the voice of Don Knotts. This leaden comedy is just about as bad
as movies get. It's a PG slapstick western starring Calhoun as a conman who poses as a priest and carries on conversations
using mental telepathy (!) with his donkey (!), who's voiced by Don Knotts. It's like a much stupider version of A BOY
AND HIS DOG, but with no cannibalism. The post-synched sound makes it look really cheap, as does the fact that they
only shoot the western town set from two angles. The comedy is grim, the editing incomprehensible, and the sound effects
juvenile. MULE FEATHERS is a tough 80 minutes. Also with Nicholas Worth, Doodles Weaver and Richard Webb. Von
Mizener also wrote and produced the damn thing. He didn’t make another movie, probably because some ticket buyer
strangled the bastard.
MULHOLLAND FALLS (1996)--Directed by Lee Tamahori. Stars Nick Nolte, Chazz Palminteri,
Melanie Griffith, Jennifer Connelly, Michael Madsen, Chris Penn. An effective attempt at film noir, this mystery borrows quite
a bit from CHINATOWN. In the 1950s, Nolte is the leader of a band of L.A. cops called "The Hat Squad" (played by Palminteri,
Madsen and Penn) who use vigilante-like tactics in their battle to keep organized crime out of the City of Angels. They are
called to investigate the murder of a gorgeous young girl found crushed to death in a construction site--a debutante (Connelly
in a breathtakingly sexy performance) once involved in a six-month secret affair with the married Nolte, who broke it off
so he wouldn't hurt his wife (Griffith). No one--not even his partners--was aware of the relationship between Nolte and the
dead girl, so everyone finds it unusual when Nolte becomes obsessed with the case. Meanwhile, since things are never as they
seem in movies like this, the Squad becomes involved with national security, atomic testing, blackmail, pornography and threats
from the FBI.
The Madsen and Penn characters are, unfortunately, not developed very well, but an atmospheric screenplay
by novelist Pete Dexter, gorgeous production design by Richard Sylbert (who worked on CHINATOWN) and good performances by
an all-star cast make this an entertaining mystery. Nolte gives his best performance in a while, and Connelly is a real standout.
This is her first decent role in sometime, and she makes the best of it, coming off as a sweet and sexy combination of Marilyn
Monroe and Betty Page. Great cast includes Bruce Dern, John Malkovich, Treat Williams, Andrew McCarthy, William Petersen,
Daniel Baldwin and Rob Lowe.
MULTIPLICITY (1996)--Directed by Harold Ramis. Stars Michael Keaton,
Andie MacDowell, Harris Yulin. Funny fluff with Keaton in prime comic mode as a father, husband and construction engineer
who discovers there are just not enough hours in the day to devote himself to all three. Therefore, with the aid of scientist
Yulin, Keaton clones himself so he can stay home and take care of the house and kids, while wife MacDowell returns to her
real estate job. Meanwhile, the clone (named Two, a macho workaholic) takes care of his duties at work. This causes even more
stress and confusion (wife, kids and co-workers are kept in the dark about this extra Keaton), so clone number Three (a prissy
fussbudget) is created. Eventually a Four creeps into the mess (the film refers to him as an "idiot", but he seems more retarded
than anything else).
Unlike director Ramis' previous hit, GROUNDHOG DAY (also with Andie MacDowell), in which Bill
Murray kept reliving the same day over and over again, MULTIPLICITY doesn't really seem to be making any kind of statement
about family life or anything else. It just wants to make people laugh, and it does a good job of that. Keaton is absolutely
marvelous; he's one of the funniest actors around, and here he has created four different characters--all very distinctive,
yet, since they are identical clones, all containing small similarities. The eyeboggling visual effects created by Oscar-winner
Richard Edlund (CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND) complete the job--scenes involving two or more Keatons on screen together
are technically flawless. Also with Eugene Levy, Richard Masur, John de Lancie and Ann Cusack. MacDowell is gorgeous, but
continues to be one of Hollywood's most wooden actresses.
THE MUMMY (1999)--Directed by Stephen Sommers.
Stars Brendan Fraser, Rachel Weisz, Arnold Vosloo, John Hannah. More Indiana Jones-type thrills than Karloff-style chills
in this loose remake of Universals 1932 horror classic, but that's all right, since this is a rip-roaring, edge-of-your-seat
adventure that should bring a smile to the face of kids of all ages. Sommers, whose 1998 sea-monster flick DEEP RISING was
a pleasant surprise, containing just the right mixture of action, thrills and tongue-in-cheek humor, duplicates that successful
formula here.
3000 years after his assassination by the Pharaoh, Imhotep (South African actor Vosloo) returns from
his tomb to exact vengeance upon the world and to find a human sacrifice to reincarnate his long-lost love Anck-Su-Namann
(played in a visually stunning prologue by visually stunning supermodel Patricia Velasquez). Long buried beneath the lost
City of the Dead, Imhotep is discovered by a group of 1920s explorers including cute and clumsy British librarian Evelyn (Weisz),
her roguish sot of a brother Jonathan (Hannah), some arrogant American explorers whose role is merely to pad out the body
count, and the hero: American Rick O'Connell (Fraser), a cocky wisecracker who's recruited by Weisz while his life is (literally)
hanging in the balance. O'Connell's job, as he puts it himself in one of many clever asides in Sommers's screenplay, is to
"rescue the damsel in distress, stop the bad guy, and save the world". Imhotep is quite a formidable foe too; he kills people
in order to harvest their skin and organs, he can control sand (and transform himself into a raging sandstorm), and he plans
to unleash an army of plagues unto the Earth.
There's a lot of fun stuff here. Industrial Light and Magic's CGI effects
(led by John Berton) are pretty amazing while sometimes reminiscent of Ray Harryhausen's stop-motion work. Sommers's direction
is slick and fast-paced--he rarely stops to take a breather--and while his script contains its fair share of holes, the cast
is game enough to make you forget them. Fraser in particular is a revelation--he's big, good-looking, handles the action scenes
well, and, while not possessed of Harrison Ford-like charisma, is very charming and likable. After his work in this and GODS
AND MONSTERS, this could be the beginning of a very successful movie career. Also with Kevin J. O'Connor, Jonathan Hyde, Oded
Fehr, Erick Avari, Aharon Ipale and Bernard Fox. Rousing score by Jerry Goldsmith. Filmed in Morocco.
MURDER AT 1600 (1997)-Directed by Dwight Little.
Stars Wesley Snipes, Diane Lane, Alan Alda, Daniel Benzali, Dennis Miller. Don't ask me how I've managed to miss this
loopy thriller up to now, but 1997's MURDER AT 1600 is one of the most delightfully bad movies I've seen in awhile.
It has a delicious premise-sexy young woman is found murdered in a White House restroom-and an oddball cast of supporting
actors that may have been picked at random from a casting director's "old white guys" binder. Under the direction of
schlockmeister Dwight Little, the action scenes are serviceable and the pacing flows well...so well that you might occasionally
forget how ludicrous the plot is.
Wesley Snipes stars as Harlan Regis (!), a Washington, D.C. homicide
detective (a part reportedly earmarked for Bruce Willis) who is summoned to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue to investigate a murder.
A beautiful young blonde is found stabbed to death in the White House, and a janitor is quickly arrested. Of course,
he couldn't be the killer, because he isn't played by a name actor (and the movie would be over), but Regis' attempts to look
into the victim's personal life are stonewalled by the Secret Service. Daniel Benzali (MURDER ONE) portrays the head
of the Secret Service, and Alan Alda (M*A*S*H) is the President's National Security Advisor. We know this because there's
actually a scene where the two men say to each other, "I run the Secret Service." "And I'm the National Security Advisor."
Obviously, the two men know this already, but, as if they realize they're being watched by an audience, they graciously introduce
themselves for us.
Also here is Diane Lane as Nina Chance, apparently the only non-sinister
Secret Service agent on staff. Little establishes early on that Nina won an Olympic gold medal in sharpshooting-no prize
for guessing whether that skill comes into play later on. The Presidential-looking Ronny Cox (ROBOCOX) plays the wimp
Chief Executive, who refuses to send U.S. troops into North Korea to rescue American hostages, against the wishes of his entire
staff and Cabinet. The strangest casting choice is Dennis Miller, who spent the mid-1990's popping up in mainstream
movies as the wisecracking best pal/sacrificial lamb that you knew was going to end up dead or maimed by the end of the movie.
Here he's Steve Stengel, Wesley's partner who spends most of his time sleeping or watching TV while Snipes is out investigating
the murder. Miller's job is to fill in extraneous plot information and to get shot, giving the hero a personal motive
to solve the case.
Perhaps the film's wackiest scene takes place in Snipes' apartment.
It's established that Wesley is a history buff who has built a huge scale model of 19th-century Washington, D.C. that takes
up his entire living room. Again, no prize for guessing that this unusual skill will eventually come into play.
He comes home one night and notices a couple of his little figures have fallen to the floor. Hmmm, how could that have
happened? Then he finds a bolt on the floor. He looks up to see a heating grid in the ceiling. This ceiling
is very high off the floor, and as we see in a later scene, can only be reached by ladder. Wesley figures there must
be a prowler in his pad, so he pulls his piece and wanders around. In the bedroom, he sees an open window and wet footprints
(it's raining out) leading away from it. He follows the prints into the bathroom and is ambushed by the burglar, leading
to a fight and a chase. The intruder was sent by the Secret Service to bug Wesley's apartment, but the absurdity of
the scene-never mind that the guy could never have reached the vent and that he sure did a terrible job of covering his tracks-lies
in the footprints. So what happened? The guy heard Wesley and started to leave via the window? Stepped outside,
then changed his mind, came back in, and hid in the bathroom, leaving an easy trail for Snipes to follow?
The writing gets even more howlingly funny, as we find out that
the White House is accessible through secret underground passages built by Abraham Lincoln as a potential escape route from
invading Confederate troops. The killer turns out to be the one character not an obvious red herring, as they always
are in these films. The killer's motive is completely ridiculous, as the murder is revealed to be just one part of an
elaborate Goldbergian scenario that would require an enormous amount of planning-off the top of your head, you can probably
think of a dozen easier ways the character could achieve the same ultimate goal. And the climax is revealed to be completely
senseless, if you think about it. There's no reason Snipes and Lane have to risk their lives the way they do; like the killer,
there are a dozen ways they could successfully achieve their mission that are safer and easier.
Also with Tate Donovan, Diane Baker, Nicholas Pryor, Tom Wright,
Harris Yulin, Charles Rocket and Mary Moore as the dead chick. One of the assassins is named "John Kerry"! Music
by Christopher Young. Toronto appears to have substituted for D.C. in most of the exteriors. Little has settled
into directing episodic television, but his resume contains other dumb, entertaining action movies like RAPID FIRE (with Brandon
Lee) and MARKED FOR DEATH (with Steven Seagal).
MURDER BY CONTRACT (1958)--Directed by Irving Lerner. Stars Vince Edwards, Philip
Pine, Herschel Bernardi. Columbia released this independently financed drama, probably on the bottom of a double bill.
It's one of the most unusual films about a professional assassin I've ever seen. Filmed in black-and-white and scored
solely by Perry Botkin, Jr. on guitar, MURDER stars future BEN CASEY star Edwards as young hitman Claude, an unemotional fellow
looking to save up enough money to buy a modest riverside home. He accepts a $5000 assignment to travel to Los Angeles
and kill a woman before she can testify against a mobster. Although he arrives more than a week before the trial, Claude
takes his time planning the hit, much to the confusion and frustration of the two low-level goons assigned to keep an eye
on him, Marc (Pine) and George (Bernardi). All three actors are excellent in this modest character study that treasures
Ben Simcoe's tight dialogue and Lerner's introspective direction over story and action. Also with Steven Ritch, Michael
Granger, Caprice Toriel and Kathie Browne.
MURDER BY DECREE (1979)--Directed by Bob Clark. Stars Christopher Plummer, James Mason,
John Gielgud. Propelled by winning performances and an ingenious story by John Hopkins (THUNDERBALL), MURDER BY DECREE is
one of the best Sherlock Holmes films ever made. Toronto-born Plummer invests Holmes with tremendous warmth and a twinkly
sense of humor, while partner Watson, as opposed to being the blustery nitwit Nigel Bruce portrayed in the '40s series with
Basil Rathbone, is portrayed by Mason as both intelligent and human. The two stars possess a remarkable chemistry, and the
relationship between Holmes and Watson is a touching, jocular one. One scene involving Holmes teasing his friend at the dinner
table may go on too long for some--it adds nothing to the plot--but speaks volumes in terms of characterization, and Mason
uttering "You squashed my pea!" got a big laugh from me.
Hopkins' concept, not original to MURDER, is a clever one.
It pits Holmes against Jack the Ripper, who turns out to be part of a government conspiracy to protect the identity of the
illegitimate child of the Prince of Wales. Clark--who, like many filmmakers of the period, was influenced by Watergate--does
a fine job unpeeling each layer of the mystery, leading Holmes--and us--from one stop to the next in search of the next clue.
As the story reaches its tense climax, in which Holmes becomes a swashbuckler on the docks of London's foggy East End, it
becomes clear that such a cover-up would necessitate the acquiescence of important government officials, which leads to an
excellently acted epilogue in which Holmes dresses down the Prime Minister (Gielgud).
Although a primarily setbound
production, Clark does a fine job imbuing his film with plenty of Victorian atmosphere, and is assisted by a terrific cast,
including David Hemmings, Frank Finlay, Anthony Quayle, Susan Clark (who also appeared in PORKY'S for Clark), Donald Sutherland
as a psychic and a memorable cameo by Genevieve Bujold. Music by Paul Zaza and Carl Zittrer. I'm confused as to how a filmmaker
as gifted as Clark must be to make this, A CHRISTMAS STORY and BLACK CHRISTMAS could also be the same director who gave us
BABY GENIUSES and LOOSE CANNONS.
MURDER BY NUMBERS (2002)--Directed by Barbet Schroeder.
Stars Sandra Bullock, Ryan Gosling, Michael Pitt, Ben Chaplin. Bullock is never believable playing a tough homicide
detective in this pallid thriller loosely based on the Leopold/Loeb murders. Brilliant high school kids Gosling and
Pitt--one a smug, rich know-it-all, the other, a nervous wimp--concoct and engineer a perfect murder, then taunt Cassie Mayweather
(Bullock), the cop on the case. Making Sandra's work more difficult is the fact that Cassie is supposed to be screwed
up psychologically, aggressively pursuing her sensitive new partner (Chaplin) and then ignoring him after they sleep together.
She just isn't a hard enough actress to pull it off. Bullock began dating the much-younger Gosling in real life, adding
some slight backstage zip to their scenes, but Schroeder's film is merely routine though slick junk. Also with Chris
Penn, Agnes Bruckner and Tom Verica.
MURDER BY PHONE--See BELLS.
THE MURDER GANG (1975)--Directed by Al Adamson. Stars Timothy Brown, Russ Tamblyn, Geoffrey
Land, Tanya Boyd. This Vegas-set crime drama isn't particularly good, but it's pretty decent by Adamson's standards,
which means it's professional looking and is reasonably coherent. Sold as a blaxploitation entry in some markets as
BLACK HEAT, it stars former football star Brown (M*A*S*H) as cop Kicks Carter, out to bust some drug pushers and gunrunners
led by Tamblyn (who appeared in many Adamson movies) who are operating out of a hotel that caters exclusively to women.
When Carter's white partner (Land) is forced over a cliff by a maniacally giggling Tamblyn, Kicks bears down on the operation.
When, that is, he isn't trysting with sexy news photographer Stephanie (Boyd, BLACK SHAMPOO). Jana Bellan co-stars as
Land's girlfriend, whose gambling addiction urges her to offer her body as collateral to a group of greasy card players, and
Adamson's wife Regina Carrol gets to sing. In typical Independent-International fashion, this was released under several
titles, including GIRL'S HOTEL and U.S. VICE, and in different versions that emphasized the sex, crime and black angles.
Tamblyn is pretty fun to watch, and some of the action scenes will at least keep you awake, but this is really only for Adamson
completists (look for Al's customary cameo).
MURDER IN THE AIR (1940)--Directed by Lewis Seiler. Stars Ronald Reagan, Eddie Foy
Jr., James Stephenson. 55 minutes of serial-type thrills with Treasury agent Brass Bancroft, played amiably by Reagan.
Brass impersonates a hobo who was found dead with $50,000 hidden in a money belt around his waist. His investigation
leads him to the West Coast, where he discovers a plot to sabotage a zeppelin containing a powerful new weapon to be tested
in the sky. Strong production values and a talented cast keep this brisk Warners programmer aloft, although I could
do without Foy's sidekick clowning. Also with Lya Lys, John Litel, John Hamilton and Kenneth Harlan.
MURDER ON FLIGHT 502 (1975)--Directed by George McCowan. Stars Robert Stack, Hugh
O'Brian, George Maharis, Sonny Bono, Ralph Bellamy, Theodore Bikel, Fernando Lamas, Polly Bergen. After Flight 502 lifts
off from New York to London, airport security chief Davenport (Maharis) discovers a letter in the First Class lounge claiming
that murders will occur on the overnight flight. As Davenport and his staff scour the passenger list in an attempt to
ascertain the killer's identity, pilot Larkin (Stack) and off-duty NYPD detective Myerson (O'Brian) investigate from the air.
Suspects include a rock star (Bono) on his way to Italy to act in a western, a grieving widower (Bikel) who made threatening
phone calls to the physician (Bellamy) he blames for his wife's death, a mystery novelist (Bergen) and a suspected bank robber
(Lamas). That all these red herrings would just happen to be on the same airliner stretches credulity enough, but David
P. Harmon's teleplay really reaches at times, neglecting to provide a strong enough motive for the murders and leaving Maharis
with nothing to do but provide conveniently timed information for Stack and O'Brian. Farrah Fawcett-Majors and Brooke
Adams play the stewardesses. Walter Pidgeon, Dane Clark, Molly Picon, Vincent Baggetta, Laraine Day, Danny Bonaduce
and Steve Franken also star. Music by Laurence Rosenthal.
MURDER OVER NEW YORK (1940)--Directed by Harry Lachman. Stars Sidney Toler, Marjorie Weaver,
Robert Lowery, (Victor) Sen Yung, Kane Richmond. Legendary detective Charlie Chan (Toler), in New York for a police convention,
becomes involved in the murder case of a friend who was investigating the sabotage of a new bomber plane. Lively script and
direction, with sprightly performances by the entire cast. Sen Yung provides adequate comic relief as Number Two Son Jimmy.
Also with Ricardo Cortez, Donald MacBride, Melville Cooper, Joan Valerie, Clarence Muse and unbilled Shemp Howard and Frank
Coghlan, Jr. Lowery, Richmond and Coghlan would all shortly star as comic book serial heroes in BATMAN, SPY SMASHER and THE
ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN MARVEL respectively.
MURDERERS' ROW (1966)--Directed by Henry Levin. Stars
Dean Martin, Ann-Margret, Karl Malden, Camilla Sparv, Tom Reese. Dino returns for his second go-round as suave secret agent
Matt Helm. When a hammy Malden plans to destroy Washington, D.C. with a death ray, Martin must save the day, while still finding
time to romance Ann-Margret. Also with Helm regulars James Gregory and Beverly Adams. Songs by Dino, Desi & Billy (featuring
Dino's son)! Probably the best of the four Matt Helm movies, which isn't saying a heck of a lot. Martin's performances as
Matt Helm must have been the easiest of his career; he basically seems to be playing himself--or at least the audience's perception
of his persona.
MURDERS IN THE RUE MORGUE (1971)--Directed by Gordon Hessler. Stars Jason Robards,
Herbert Lom, Christine Kaufmann. American International Pictures released this Edgar Allan Poe adaptation in the U.S.
in a censored form, but the uncut "director's version" has recently popped up on American cable TV. Members of Cesar
Charron's (Robards) Parisian acting troupe are being slaughtered by a masked killer. Charron's young wife Madeleine
(Kaufmann) has nightmares about a mysterious axe murderer. Yeah, they're all connected, as Rene Marot (Lom) attacks
PHANTOM OF THE OPERA-style to gain revenge for the death of the woman he loved, Madeleine's mother (and Cesar's wife).
Robards, an excellent actor, is perhaps miscast, and Kaufmann is not at all a good actress, but Poe's central premise holds
up pretty well under Christopher Wickings' (SCREAM AND SCREAM AGAIN) screenplay. It's clear Hessler was going more for
atmosphere than explicit chills, although some moments are quite grisly. Keep a sharp eye out for a lovely young Brooke
Adams in an early role as a nurse. Also with Adolfo Celi, Michael Dunn, Lilli Palmer and Maria Perschy. Filmed
in Spain.
MURDERS IN THE ZOO (1933)--Directed by Edward Sutherland. Stars Charlie Ruggles, Lionel
Atwill, Randolph Scott, Kathleen Burke, John Lodge, Harry Beresford. Paramount produced this surprisingly graphic thriller
just after ISLAND OF LOST SOULS, which featured Burke as the sensual Panther Woman. Atwill, one of cinema's great villains,
plays Eric Gorman, a very jealous husband and sportsman. We find out just how jealous in the opening scene, which finds Gorman
crouched in the jungle sewing together the lips of the poor bastard who made the mistake of attempting to kiss his wife! Gorman's
Oriental safari is a successful one, and he returns to the United States to donate the captured animals to the local zoo run
by Professor Evans (Beresford). On the ship back, Gorman notices his wife Evelyn (Burke) getting a little too chummy with
family friend Hewitt (Lodge). At a fundraising dinner to raise money for the zoo, Gorman murders Hewitt with a dried-up head
of a green mamba snake containing the world's deadliest venom for which there is no antidote. The killings continue, as zoo
biochemist Woodford (Scott) and his assistant Jerry (Patrick) seek a life-saving toxin.
Much of the thrill of MURDERS
IN THE ZOO comes from scenes that would be unthinkable under the Production Code, which went into effect the following year,
the notorious mouth-sewing scene being the most obvious. Some, like Atwill's sexual libido being stirred after each killing,
are subtler. The film's major flaw is top-billed Charlie Ruggles, who ruins the tension each time he's on screen as a comic-relief
press agent hired by the zoo to garner positive publicity. His mugging and unfunny wordplay does not work in this movie's
context, and the thrills screech to a halt each time he appears. Thank goodness director Sutherland, who never again directed
a horror film, had the good sense to keep him off-screen during the wild finale, which features a 25-foot python.
Also
with Jane Darwell, Edward McWade and Syd Saylor. Patrick was also considered for the Panther Woman in ISLAND OF LOST SOULS;
she found greater fame behind the camera as the executive producer of TV's long-running PERRY MASON series. Scott, who would
also appear as an extra in ISLAND OF LOST SOULS, doesn't exhibit much talent or charisma here, and displays no sign of the
stardom that lie ahead. Cinematographer Ernest Haller won an Oscar for GONE WITH THE WIND.
MURPHY'S LAW (1986)--Directed by J. Lee Thompson. Stars Charles Bronson, Kathleen Wilhoite,
Carrie Snodgress, Angel Tompkins, Robert F. Lyons, Richard Romanus. "Don't fuck with Jack Murphy!" That's "Murphy's
Law", and as you can imagine, it gets violated quite a lot, since strict adherence would surely result in the dullest Charles
Bronson movie ever. MURPHY'S LAW, one in a long line of action movies Bronson made for Cannon during the 1980's, is
also the least grim of the series, containing less sleaze and more humor than the rest.
You've seen Los Angeles police detective Jack Murphy (Bronson) before. He's a burned-out alcoholic
cop with a stripper ex-wife (43-year-old Tompkins, who looks great in her topless scenes), a loyal partner (Lyons, also with
Bronson in 10 TO MIDNIGHT) and a lieutenant who yells a lot and tells Murphy, "You look like shit!" Murphy's problems
get a lot worse when he is arrested for the murder of his ex and her new boyfriend and handcuffed to an extremely foulmouthed
teen car thief (Wilhoite). He's being framed by the unstable and recently paroled Joan Freeman (Snodgress), who's killing
everyone she holds responsible for her prison stay and framing Murphy for the murders. Bronson, still attached to Wilhoite,
escapes in an attempt to clear his name while staying one step ahead of both the law and a vengeful mob boss (Romanus).
One thing's for certain. MURPHY'S LAW must be the fastest-paced of Bronson's Cannon oeuvre.
A car smashes into a diner. A helicopter crashes into a barn (one populated with shotgun-wielding pot farmers, coincidentally
enough). The body count is high. The bloody final confrontation takes place in the Bradbury Building and finds
Bronson deftly dodging crossbow bolts. The su
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