V-Voyage

Marty's Marquee

V-Voyage

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V (1983)--Directed by Kenneth Johnson. Stars Marc Singer, Faye Grant, Jane Badler, Richard Herd. This ambitious, sprawling four-hour TV-movie was, at the time, the most expensive miniseries ever made (the visual effects, including mattes, miniatures and animation, cost over a million dollars). Originally penned by Johnson (THE INCREDIBLE HULK) as a cautionary tale of an American takeover by hostile forces from within, he rethought the concept after suggestions from NBC executive Brandon Tartikoff, and turned it into a science fiction fable of epic proportions.

Johnson's plot involves the Visitors, seemingly friendly aliens from another planet who arrive on Earth in dozens of gigantic motherships which hover over most of the world's major cities, including Los Angeles. Led by their Supreme Commander, who calls himself John (Herd), and his comely assistant Diana (Badler), the Visitors come "in peace" to ask for our help in creating a chemical that they need to survive; in exchange, they'll provide us with medical and scientific knowledge far beyond what we already know. While most of the world welcomes our new friends with open arms--and even into their homes--some, such as maverick news photographer Mike Donovan (Singer), are wary--suspicions that prove to be correct when the Visitors begin kidnapping Earth's greatest scientific minds, manipulating the media and imposing martial law. To investigate, Donovan sneaks aboard the mothership hovering over L.A., where he discovers that the humanlike Visitors are actually reptilian creatures in disguise and that they're kidnapping Earth's population to use as food (Holy Soylent Green, Batman!). Joining up with a small army of resistance fighters led by biochemist Juliet Parrish (Grant), Donovan uses his journalistic instincts and friendly sources behind enemy lines to battle the Visitors' reign and, hopefully, rescue his son, who's one of the aliens victims.

V contains nearly sixty speaking parts, and it's interesting how Johnson has tied the characters plights and relationships together. The story bounces around from family to family, showing how the lives of ordinary Americans have been affected by the Visitors' arrival. Since V is obviously a not-so-subtle nod to the way in which Hitler and the Nazis were able to take over Europe in the '30s, one middle-class family is Jewish, including a suspicious patriarchal Holocaust survivor who tries to hide a scientist's family in his pool house Anne Frank-style and his disenfranchised grandson, who is seduced by the Visitors and becomes an informer for them.

Although four hours in length (with commercial interruptions), V doesn't feel padded at all, and, in fact, was followed a year later by a six-hour sequel and then nineteen episodes of a weekly series. Carefully mixing social commentary, preachy skepticism and healthy doses of good old-fashioned action and adventure, Johnson has created a fascinating "what if" scenario that still holds its power nearly twenty years later, even after projects that were clearly heavily influenced by V, including Johnson's ALIEN NATION television series and Roland Emmerich's big-budget Hollywood blockbuster INDEPENDENCE DAY, which lifted its big-money shots of huge, saucer-shaped motherships hovering over Washington D.C. directly from V.

One of V's best aspects is its casting and lack of marquee names. Although several actors, such as Singer (THE BEASTMASTER), Grant (THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO) and Herd (T.J. HOOKER), had plenty of experience on the large and small screens, none were established stars, which helps lend the film verisimilitude. Showing ordinary people react under extraordinary circumstances is more effective when the characters truly seem ordinary, a trait bigger-named stars would find difficult to portray, due to their fame. Singer, who was cast just three days before the start of principal photography, is very good in his man-of-action role, and Grant does a nice job playing a compassionate woman of science struggling to become tougher and less dependent when she finds herself the tower of guidance. Badler's sexy "bad girl" charisma is perfect for the role of the power-hungry Diana, and supporting actors like Leonardo Cimino as the elderly Holocaust victim and Michael Wright as a streetwise petty thief who goes straight after the murder of his brother have standout scenes of their own.

Also with Michael Durrell, Jenny Sullivan, Frank Ashmore, David Packer, Neva Patterson, Andrew Prine, Blair Tefkin, Bonnie Bartlett, Evan Kim, Richard Lawson, Jason Bernard, Denny Miller, Rafael Campos, Curt Lowens, William Russ, Stack Pierce, Joanna Kerns, Myron Healey and Robert Englund as friendly Visitor Willie. Dominique Dunne was originally cast in the role essayed by Tefkin, but was murdered by her jealous boyfriend during filming; only one shot of her (from behind) remains in the finished picture. Music by Joseph Harnell, backed by a sixty-piece orchestra. Johnson left V: THE FINAL BATTLE following creative differences with NBC, and the six-hour followup was directed by Richard T. Heffron (FUTUREWORLD).

VALDEZ IS COMING (1971)—Directed by Ed Sherin. Stars Burt Lancaster, Susan Clark, Jon Cypher, Richard Jordan, Frank Silvera. Stage director Sherin, who was later an executive producer on LAW & ORDER, made the jump to film with this gritty western filmed in Spain. Lancaster is miscast but manages to do pretty well as Mexican lawman Valdez, who vows vengeance against a cold-blooded rancher named Tanner (Cypher). Tanner’s bigotry leads to Valdez killing an innocent man in self-defense. When the humble sheriff asks Tanner for money to help the victim’s pregnant widow return to her reservation, he is beaten and crucified. Although his physical and emotional humiliation drives him to strike back against Tanner, Valdez doesn’t really do so for personal reasons, but to right a wrong. All he wants is the money he feels Tanner owes the widow. Elmore Leonard wrote the novel, and David Rayfiel (THREE DAYS OF THE CONDOR) and Lancaster pal Roland Kibbee adapted it. Their dialogue doesn’t crackle the way Leonard’s does, but the story and lean storytelling feel authentic. Jordan also co-starred with Lancaster in LAWMAN the same year. With Barton Heyman, Phil Brown, and Hector Elizondo. Music by Charles Gross.

VALET GIRLS (1987)—Directed by Rafal Zielinski. Stars Meri Marshall, April Stewart, Jack DeLeon, Mary Kohnert, John Terlesky, Matt Landers. If your eyes burn during this Empire Pictures quickie, it’s probably the brutal New Wave fashions. Maybe it played better late at night on USA’s UP ALL NIGHT, broken up by phone-sex ads and seen in a sleepy haze, but otherwise it’s an unfunny, poorly performed drag. Nearsighted rock singing brunette Lucy (Marshall) and British blond Rosalind (Stewart) make ends meet parking cars for sleazy boss Danny’s (Landers) Valet Girls agency. They land a major gig working a party at the Malibu mansion of big-shot talent agent Dirk Zebra (DeLeon), where they hope to land Lucy a big contract. Neither female lead appears to have acted in other films, which isn’t too surprising, considering their relative lack of presence and skill. Worst are Clark Carlton’s ugly screenplay and Zielinski’s (SCREWBALLS) pedestrian direction that leaves its unknown cast hanging out to dry. Also with Tony Cox, Richard Erdman, Jon Sharp, Michael Karm, and Patricia Scott Michel.

VALLEY GIRL (1983)--Directed by Martha Coolidge. Stars Deborah Foreman, Nicolas Cage, Elizabeth Daily, Michael Bowen. 19-year-old Cage plays his first lead in this surprisingly effective teen comedy that transcends its exploitation roots. In this punk take on ROMEO & JULIET, Cage is Randy, a sleepy-eyed, pink-haired punker who falls for a cute girl from the Valley, Julie (Foreman). Her friends, including squeaky-voiced Loryn (Daily), want Julie to go back to her jock ex Tommy (Bowen), but she and Randy do their best to make their relationship work, despite the massive culture clash. Don't be fooled by the rowdy rock soundtrack and occasional nudity--VALLEY GIRL is a sweet love story performed by a pair of likable leads. Also with Cameron Dye, Heidi Holicker, Lee Purcell, Richard Sanders, Melanie Mayrink, Tony Plana, Joyce Hyser and Colleen Camp and Frederic Forrest as Foreman's hippie parents. Music by Men at Work, Modern English, The Psychedelic Furs and Josie Cotton, who does the great "Johnny, Are You Queer?" Producer-screenwriters Wayne Crawford and Andrew Lane also made BARRACUDA and JAKE SPEED, in which Crawford played the title role.

THE VALLEY OF GWANGI (1969)--Directed by James O'Connolly. Stars James Franciscus, Richard Carlson, Gila Golan. Fun monster movie where the monsters are actually more animated than the human actors. An Old West traveling circus captures a giant dinosaur, and puts him on display in a stadium. He breaks free, fights other prehistoric creatures like an elephant and a pterodactyl, and is eventually trapped inside a church. The excellent stop-motion creatures of Ray Harryhausen are much more interesting than bland cowboy Franciscus.

VAMPIRE (1979)--Directed by E.W. Swackhamer. Stars Jason Miller, E.G. Marshall, Richard Lynch, Kathryn Harrold. Steven Bochco was the executive producer and co-writer of this made-for-TV vampire movie reminiscent of THE NIGHT STALKER. In San Francisco, an architect (Miller) and a retired cop (Marshall) team up to investigate a string of gory killings in which the victims' throats were torn out, but no blood was present. After Miller's wife (Harrold) becomes the latest victim, he becomes convinced the killer is a vampire, one Anton Vortek (Lynch). VAMPIRE is solid enough, although Bochco and Michael Kozoll's teleplay contains some serious holes in its final third. It suffers from a frustratingly open-ended finale (VAMPIRE was a pilot for a prospective series) and its failure to bring anything new to the genre. Not only is it extremely similar to NIGHT STALKER, but it also really is the same ol' same ol'--crosses, sleeping in coffins, holy water, super-strength. The cast is very good and Swackhamer's direction assured, but VAMPIRE is a decent timewaster and no more. Also with Jessica Walter, Michael Tucker, Barrie Longfellow and Joe Spinell. Music by Fred Karlin. Swackhamer also directed a Jack the Ripper TV-movie with David Hasselhoff. Gregory Hoblit (PRIMAL FEAR) produced for MTM Productions.

VAMPIRE CIRCUS (1972)--Directed by Robert Young. Stars Adrienne Corri, Thorley Walters, Anthony Corlan, Laurence Payne, Robert Tayman. One of Hammer's best horror films of the '70s is exceedingly difficult to find on home video these days, and stars none of the studio's familiar performers (Peter Cushing, Christopher Lee, Ralph Bates, Victoria Carlson, Michael Ripper et al.). While packed with more than its fair share of nudity and gore, it's also very exciting and creates a few interesting twists on traditional vampire lore.

Like Hammer's DRACULA A.D. 1972 the same year, VAMPIRE CIRCUS gets off to a strong start with a bloody and pulse-pounding pre-credits sequence. When Professor Mueller (Payne) spots his younger wife Anna leading one of the village children into the castle of Count Mitterhouse (Tayman), he organizes a lynch mob to storm the castle, rescue the child and destroy Mitterhouse, who's rumored to be not only a serial killer of children, but also a vampire. Mueller kills the Count, who curses the townspeople on his deathbed and swears to destroy the next generation of villagers.

Fifteen years later, it appears the Count's prophecies have come true. The village is riddled with plague, and the King's soldiers have cordoned it off--no one goes in or out. Except for a small traveling circus that somehow manages to break through the roadblock. Besides the gypsy woman (Corri) who appears to be running the show, the performers include a midget clown, male-and-female twin acrobats, a strongman played by David Prowse (STAR WARS' Darth Vader), a tiger woman and Emil (Corlan), who appears to be able to turn into a black panther. More bloody murders occur, as it becomes clear to the audience--if not to the villagers--that not only are the circus performers bloodsuckers, but also that Emil is the cousin of Count Mitterhouse and plans to revive his kin's corpse.

While VAMPIRE CIRCUS contains enough crosses, wooden stakes and vampire bats to please purists, the next generation of horror fans certainly will find much to like. These vamps can float through the air, transform into cat creatures and, of course, mesmerize the beautiful young women of the village. Dripping with unusual touches (like a very sexy dance involving a naked woman painted in tiger makeup), period style and enough heavy dollops of sensuality and raw violence to push the "R" rating of the day, VAMPIRE CIRCUS makes Hammer's Dracula series appear almost quaint; even the films (such as THE SATANIC RITES OF DRACULA) that were made later seem old-fashioned compared to this audacious entry. Young bookends the film nicely with action setpieces that open and close the film, and his cast of veteran character actors, young leading men and fetching ingenues perform flawlessly.

Also with John Moulder-Brown, Lynne Frederick (probably better known for her marriages to Peter Sellers and David Frost), Domini Blythe, Lalla Ward, Robin Sachs and Elizabeth Seal. Corlan later changed his name to Anthony Higgins and became a star in British productions like THE DRAUGHTMAN'S CONTRACT and REILLY: ACE OF SPIES. Ward went on to become Tom Baker's sidekick (and real-life wife) on DOCTOR WHO. Director Young is, of course, not the MARCUS WELBY, M.D. star, but a young filmmaker making his debut--and making the most of that debut. David Whitaker provided the rousing score. VAMPIRE CIRCUS was originally released by 20th Century-Fox in the U.S. with a "PG" rating, which means it must have been drastically cut with, undoubtedly, much of its visceral power diluted.

VAMPIRE HOOKERS (1978)—Directed by Cirio H. Santiago. Stars John Carradine, Bruce Fairbairn, Trey Wilson, Vic Diaz. It’s difficult to recommend Santiago’s Filipino horror/comedy, although I and the enthusiastic crowd with which I saw it had a great time. VAMPIRE HOOKERS is a terrible film, but difficult to despise. It helps its case that it’s meant to be a comedy, although the funniest parts are likely unintentional, and the laughs that the supposed-to-be-funny gags receive are more ironic than earned. Sailors Fairbairn (just off THE ROOKIES) and Wilson (later to co-star in BULL DURHAM and RAISING ARIZONA) mix it up with decrepit vampire pimp Carradine (who actually appears to be having fun) and his foxy vampire harem, who lure unsuspecting servicemen into their cemetery hideout to ravish them and then drink their blood. That the frequently nude women portraying the vampires (Katie Dolan, Karen Stride, and Lenka Novak) sport visible tan lines is one indication of this film’s incompetence. Diaz’s grotesque hamming as Carradine’s wannabe-vampire assistant who enjoys sniffing his own farts is another. Fairbairn and Wilson perform with more effort than Santiago probably deserved, and some of their banter is genuinely amusing. I’m sure Fairbairn didn’t mind acting in the ridiculously dull ten-minute orgy sequence either. Frequent Roger Corman writer Howard R. Cohen (DEATHSTALKER) scripted, though the obscure Caprican 3 released VAMPIRE HOOKERS in the States.

THE VAMPIRE LOVERS (1970)--Directed by Roy Ward Baker. Stars Ingrid Pitt, Peter Cushing, Dawn Addams, George Cole, Madeline Smith. Controversial vampire thriller was Hammer's first R-rated release, thanks to a lesbian theme and an abundance of female nudity. The first of Hammer's "Karnstein Trilogy" details voluptuous vamp Carmilla's (played by Polish-born beauty Pitt) affairs and attacks on a number of young women during the 19th century. One of Pitt's victims is the niece of General Cushing, who leads the climactic attack against Carmilla. Some lush production values, a good performance by Pitt (despite being a bit too old for the part), the always solid presence of Peter Cushing, and plenty of sex and blood (including a pair of beheadings) to keep you interested.

VAMPIRELLA (1996)--Directed by Jim Wynorski. Stars Talisa Soto, Roger Daltrey, Richard Joseph Paul, Angus Scrimm. The character of Vampirella first appeared in VAMPIRELLA #1, a black-and-white comics magazine released by Warren Publishing in 1969. A scantily clad sexpot from the planet Drakulon, Vampi was conceived by a number of renowned comics professionals, including Warren publisher James Warren and artists Trina Robbins and Frank Frazetta. The first Vampirella story was penned by SF fan Forrest J Ackerman, the editor of Warren's FAMOUS MONSTERS OF FILMLAND, and drawn by the great Tom Sutton. After two issues of humorous Vampirella stories written by Ackerman, Warren put the character on ice--as least so far as full-length stories were concerned--and used her as a host to introduce stories in the VAMPIRELLA magazine. It wasn't until Archie Goodwin started writing her adventures in the eighth issue before the character as it is known today was developed; Goodwin's approach to Vampirella was more serious and horrific, and it was he who introduced supporting cast members Conrad and Adam Van Helsing.

VAMPIRELLA was one of executive producer Roger Corman's most anticipated films of the 1990's. Originally slated to be filmed in the mid-1970's with actress Barbara Leigh (TERMINAL ISLAND) in the title role--Leigh even appeared at events and on magazine covers in the familiar red-and-white costume--it wasn't until Showtime offered the idea for director Wynorski to make it for their ROGER CORMAN PRESENTS umbrella series that Vampi finally received her first filmed adventure. While many elements from the Warren reign made it to the screen intact, the movie's extremely low budget and illogical screenplay by Gary Gerani (PUMPKINHEAD) put a serious dent in its entertainment value.

3000 years ago on Drakulon, where the vampire populace subsists on blood that flows in its rivers like water (Wynorski violates a basic movie rule by telling, not showing, us this), evil Vlad (The Who lead singer Daltrey) is to be sentenced by a tribunal for opting to drink blood directly from humans. He escapes, in the process killing the High Elder (PHANTASM's Tall Man, Scrimm), the stepfather of Ella (Soto). Vlad and his followers make it to Earth, but Ella's spaceship develops engine trouble, and she crashlands on Mars, where she lives in suspended animation until American astronauts awaken her in the late 20th century.

When she finally arrives on Earth, she discovers that atmospheric conditions thirty centuries earlier have transformed Vlad and his brood into the vampires of myth we recognize today, including weaknesses from sunlight, crosses and garlic--none of which affect the newly rechristened (by a character loosely based on the real Forry Ackerman) Vampirella. She also falls in with PURGE, a government organization dedicated to wiping out vampirism and run by young Adam Van Helsing (Paul), whose family has been hunting bloodsuckers for generations.

Both Vampirella and Van Helsing discover separately that Vlad is masquerading in Las Vegas as a rock star named Jamie Blood--kind of a silly way for an immortal forever in hiding to remain incognito; come to think of it, even though Blood's disappearance makes the front page of the newspaper, PURGE was unable to identify him before now, so maybe Vlad's strategy of hiding in plain sight worked after all. They also learn that Vlad is building up to his master plan, using satellites to plunge the Earth into a nuclear winter, providing him and his horde of vampire followers with the means to conquer the planet. Obviously, this won't do, so Vampi and Van Helsing team up to foil Vlad's plot, of course falling madly in lust with each other in the process.

While Wynorski juggles his Nevada locations as best he can, it's obvious that the production lacks the scope needed to do the source material justice. The climax, if you can call it that, consists of Soto and Daltrey chasing each other through the bowels of Hoover Dam; why they're at Hoover Dam and why these powerful extraterrestrials--who can change into bats and fly--are engaging in a common footrace is beyond the limits of Gerani's script. Corman happily contributed 15-year-old stock footage from BATTLE BEYOND THE STARS and GALAXY OF TERROR to prop up the outer space sequences, but the plastic props and thrift-store costuming are just silly.

Worst of all--and unusually for the boob-happy Wynorski--Vampirella's costume has been altered to look less skimpy than in the comics. What was basically a G-string and a couple of thin suspenders in the magazines have been transformed to film as a pair of hot pants and a leather halter. Soto looks smashing, no doubt about it, but after seeing her in publicity stills in an outfit closer in sex appeal to that of the comics, it's difficult not to be disappointed. Undoubtedly, Soto would have had a difficult time performing the movie's action scenes in such a scanty outfit, but that's what double-sided tape is for.

As for Soto's performance, it's fine. She's not charismatic, but she is earnest, exotic and drop-dead gorgeous. You certainly won't be able to take your eyes off her. At the opposite end of the scale is Daltrey, who preens and shouts in such an over-the-top manner that you have no doubt he enjoyed the role. Of course, he's playing a rock god who makes out with hot women, so I suppose he didn't have much trouble finding the character. Paul is good and sturdy as the romantic lead, and backup players Lee de Broux, Brian Bloom, Playmate Corinna Harvey, Robert Clotworthy and Lenny Juliano lend support. Wynorski gives himself a cameo, and John Terlesky (DEATHSTALKER II) and John Landis (the director of NATIONAL LAMPOON'S ANIMAL HOUSE) appear. Joel Goldsmith provided the score. The closing credits promise a sequel, but it has yet to appear. When it does, it won't be with Soto, who is nearly 40 now. The Vampirella character now belongs to Harris Publishing, which continues to put out a monthly VAMPIRELLA magazine.

VAMPIRES (1998)--Directed by John Carpenter. Stars James Woods, Daniel Baldwin, Sheryl Lee. Carpenter has said that he's always wanted to make a Western. This isn't quite one, but it is a well-made and fun hybrid of the Western and vampire genres. Shot and set in the American Southwest, VAMPIRES (onscreen title: JOHN CARPENTER'S VAMPIRES) stars Woods as a smartass, leather-jacket-wearing, profanity-spouting Catholic who works as a vampire hunter for the Vatican. He and his team (and there are others stationed all over the world) travel around stalking and destroying bloodsuckers with financing and legwork from the Catholic Church. After a post-mission massacre in which most of his crew are killed in very bloody fashion, Woods teams up with beefy friend Baldwin and a hippie-like priest to battle The Master, who was the first vampire ever created hundreds of years ago, and commands an entire army of undead. The Master has discovered an ancient black crucifix that can make him invulnerable to the sun's rays and, in effect, turn him invincible.

Carpenter's film has more than enough gore and nudity to keep the more bloodthirsty viewers happy, while tossing in enough clever twists in conventional vampire lore and funny lines (mostly by Woods) to make a vampire flick almost as good as Robert Rodriguez's FROM DUSK TILL DAWN. Music by John Carpenter. Also with Thomas Ian Griffith, Gregory Sierra and Maximilian Schell (who's come a long way since JUDGMENT AT NUREMBERG). Makeup FX by The KNB Group.

VAMPIRES: THE TURNING (2005)--Directed by Marty Weiss. Stars Colin Egglesfield, Stephanie Chao, Meredith Monroe, Patrick Bauchau. This is, surprisingly, a sequel to 1998's JOHN CARPENTER'S VAMPIRES, a meanspirited and occasionally entertaining vampire western with a spirited, foulmouthed performance by James Woods as a badass vampire hunter. Carpenter wasn't involved with the direct-to-video sequel, VAMPIRES: LOS MUERTOS, which starred Jon Bon Jovi, of all people. I didn't see that one, but it had to have been better than VAMPIRES: THE TURNING, a confusing, dull and illogical DTV sequel with a colorless cast.

An American kickboxer (!), Connor (Egglesfield), and his girlfriend Amanda (DAWSON’S CREEK’s Monroe) are vacationing in Thailand, where she decides to break up with him after she gets a little blood on her blouse while watching a professional Muay Thai bout. Connor follows her out of the arena, just in time to see her being kidnapped by kung fu-fighting vampires. To get her back, he teams up with Raines (Bauchau) and his squad of vampire hunters, including the foxy Sang (Chao), whom he sleeps with on his urgent quest to rescue the girlfriend he loves (huh?). Confusing, pointless and unexciting with a disappointing climax, this VAMPIRES “turns” out to be much ado about nothing.

THE VAN (1976)--Directed by Sam Grossman. Stars Stuart Gertz, Deborah White, Danny DeVito. A nerdy red-haired high school graduate named Bobby (Gertz) spends his life savings on a yellow customized van, complete with water bed, refrigerator and mirrors on the ceiling, and uses it to score with chicks. Even though women of all ages and sizes seem compelled to make it with Bobby in his van, he, of course, falls for the one girl (White) who isnt interested in him. Not especially funny or interesting, it's still a perfect example of a '70s drive-in flick, complete with nudity, muscle shirts, creatively painted vans and soft-rock music. DeVito followed up ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST with a role as Andy, Bobby's boss at the car wash where he works. Also known as CHEVY VAN, the title of Sammy Johns's 1975 hit that is played many times. Also with Marcie Barkin, Jim Kester, Stephen Oliver and Connie Lisa Marie (who has one of the most beautiful bodies I have ever seen). Grossman's only other directorial credit is a 1999 sci-fier called STATIC. He died that same year of cancer at the age of 53.

VAN HELSING (2004)--Directed by Stephen Sommers. Stars Hugh Jackman, Kate Beckinsale, Richard Roxburgh, Will Kemp. The great vampire hunter Van Helsing, introduced in Bram Stoker's novel DRACULA as Abraham Van Helsing, is made younger, given a new Christian name (Gabriel) and turned into a 19th-century 007 by THE MUMMY writer/director Sommers. Armed with neat-o gadgetry like a semi-automatic crossbow and accompanied by a comic-relief friar (Kemp), Van Helsing, employed by the Vatican to kill monsters, plunges into Transylvania to find Count Dracula (Roxburgh). While wrestling with a trio of foxy vampire babes in a small village, Van Helsing (Jackman) makes the acquaintance of the fetching, corset-clad Anna (Beckinsale, the most beautiful woman to appear in a monster movie), whose brother has been transformed into a werewolf. Together, the GQ monster hunters attempt to vanquish Dracula, who has found the Frankenstein Monster and is attempting to use it for...something, I'm not really sure what. Either Sommers doesn't clearly tell us, or I missed it while snoozing.

There's really nothing for which to recommend VAN HELSING. Even the sets and cinematography are awful; everything is blue--blue people, blue buildings, blue caves. I was happy for some explosions, since a little yellow was able to get on screen. The dialogue is puerile at best. Of course, all of the characters look, act, speak and dress like they're in the 21st century, rather than 1887 Transylvania. The CGI--and there's a LOT of it--is amateurish; Mr. Hyde looks more like Shrek than Shrek does.

VAN HELSING is a sloppy, boring film. Dracula allegedly survives by drinking the blood of humans, yet not only do we never see him suck any blood, he doesn't even live near any humans to feed from. There's a stagecoach that tumbles off a cliff...and explodes (I guess it was gas-powered)! There's an unfunny sequence shamelessly lifted from the Bond series where Van Helsing makes quips while his friar hands him his latest gadgetry.

VAN HELSING is unquestionably the product of people who have utter contempt for its audience. Why else would the movie have its hero spinning around in a circle trying to shoot small wooden darts at flying vampire women who can perform more elaborate aerobatics than a foam airplane? Or repeat the same action sequences over and over again without adding anything new (oh, look, a batwoman picked up another human...and put it down again...yawn. Oh, wow, Van Helsing is a master of the trapeze...and so is the sexy woman he just happened to meet...what a coincidence! Neat, they're swinging on ropes again!). None of the actors is good, but it's impossible to defend Roxburgh, whose performance had the audience simultaneously laughing and looking around the auditorium, wondering whether they were supposed to take him seriously or not. Count Dracula...the Son of Satan...the universe's most evil force...is about as threatening as Jm J. Bullock on 'ludes.

Sommers clearly believes that you and I and everyone else who would see his film is a complete moron. And I find that attitude utterly contemptible. VAN HELSING is more than a bad film. It's a personal insult to you and me. It doesn't really "make up its own rules". It has NO rules, meaning that anybody and anything can happen at any time. Having no rules makes for lazy scriptwriting--if human characters have superhuman characteristics, it takes much less skill, effort and intelligence to write about them. They can survive falling from great heights and swing hundreds of feet on thin ropes? Well, sure they can...they're making up their own rules! No rules also means no suspense--if Van Helsing and his posse can never be hurt, where's the suspense? Also with Shuler Hensley, David Wenham, Kevin J. O'Connor (a Sommers staple), Elena Anaya, Josie Maran and Robbie Coltrane. Alan Silvestri contributed the bloated score. Filmed mostly in Florida and California.

VAN NUYS BLVD. (1979)—Directed by William Sachs. Stars Bill Adler, Cynthia Wood, Dennis Bowen, Melissa Prophet, Tara Strohmeier, David Hayward. There might be a reward posted for VAN NUYS BLVD.’s missing plot. Not that it matters much, just so long as you enjoy custom autos, cute naked girls, mellow rock tunes, and the laidback Southern California car culture. Not much happens, but what there is is enjoyable. Young Bobby (Adler) takes his van cruising on Van Nuys Boulevard and gets involved with pretty Moon (Wood), who has a custom van of her own. The new couple starts hanging out with Greg (Bowen) and Moon’s friend Camille (Prophet, later in INVASION, U.S.A.), as well as older Chooch (Hayward) and his new girl, drive-in waitress Wanda (Strohmeier). They all have a good time driving go-karts, playing at Magic Mountain, cruising, playing pranks, and making out. That’s pretty much the movie. Not very deep, but an interesting and nostalgic portrayal of the late 1970s, which frankly looks more fun than today. From the director of GALAXINA.

THE VANISHING (1992)--Directed by George Sluizer. Stars Jeff Bridges, Kiefer Sutherland, Nancy Travis, Sandra Bullock. This remake of a 1986 Dutch thriller of the same title (by the same director) is said to be much worse. It certainly isn't very good, as obsessed Sutherland spends years searching for missing girlfriend Bullock (likable in a small role just before she hit superstardom), who just disappears from their car while on a vacation in the Pacific Northwest. New girlfriend Travis worries about Kiefer's sanity, although she ought to be worried about Bridges's voice coach; as the kidnapper, Jeff stuffed his cheeks with cotton and appears to be doing a Dutch dialect, but it's hard to tell. Also with Lisa Eichhorn and Park Overall. Music by Jerry Goldsmith.

VANISHING POINT (1971)--Directed by Richard C. Sarafian. Stars Barry Newman, Cleavon Little, Dean Jagger, John Amos, Charlotte Rampling. Pretentious action film about an ex-cop and ex-race car driver (Newman) who bets his drug dealer he can drive his white Dodge Challenger from Denver to San Francisco in 24 hours. He breaks so many traffic laws that he leads policemen from three states in a high-speed desert pursuit. Among the eccentric characters he comes in contact with along the way are a blind soul disc jockey (Little), a senile old prospector (Jagger) and a nude girl on a motorcycle (Rampling). Newman commits suicide in the end. Why? Who knows? Film makes no sense at all, but the stunts and chases are cool. From the director of THE MAN WHO LOVED CAT DANCING.

VANTAGE POINT (2008)—Directed by Pete Travis. Stars Dennis Quaid, Forest Whitaker, William Hurt, Matthew Fox, Edgar Ramirez. If you’re going to tell the same story over and again from various viewpoints, it had better be a riveting one. Writer Barry L. Levy’s is not, which made me cringe every time the film (literally) rewound itself to begin all over again through someone else’s eyes. U.S. President Ashton (Hurt) is the victim of an assassination attempt while speaking before a crowded Spanish courtyard, but did anyone see the killer? Quaid is humorless as a gun-shy Secret Service agent just back on the job after taking a bullet for Ashton a year earlier, while Whitaker plays an earnest American tourist who may have filmed the murderer in action. Also with Sigourney Weaver, Zoe Saldana, Ayelet Zurer, Bruce McGill, Richard T. Jones and James LeGros.

THE VAULT OF HORROR (1972)--Directed by Roy Ward Baker. Stars Daniel Massey, Curt Jurgens, Terry-Thomas, Tom Baker, Michael Craig, Anna Massey, Edward Judd. An Amicus anthology horror film featuring five tales of suspense--many played tongue-in-cheek. The best segment stars Baker as an artist who uses voodoo to get revenge on the men who cheated him. Others include Terry-Thomas as an insufferably tidy man who frustrates his wife with his nitpicking, and Jurgens as a magician who kills an Indian woman for her rope-in-a-basket trick. Brother and sister Daniel and Anna Massey appear in the opening tale, in which Daniel learns why a local village shutters its doors at night. Baker directs the horror with such visual flair that, even though they are the leading actors in their episode, Craig and Edward Judd speak only a handful of lines. Also with Dawn Addams, Denholm Elliott, Robin Nedwell, Geoffrey Davies and Glynis Johns. Milton Subotsky's script is taken from EC Comics stories written in the 1950s by Al Feldstein and William Gaines. A sequel of sorts to Amicus’ TALES FROM THE CRYPT (Craig is seen reading Jack Oleck’s paperback tie-in), VAULT OF HORROR was also released in some territories as TALES FROM THE CRYPT II. Most prints seen today are of the cut PG version, which censors some of the movie’s graphic punchlines.

THE VELVET VAMPIRE (1971)--Directed by Stephanie Rothman. Stars Michael Blodgett, Sherry Miles, Celeste Yarnall. If you can abide the overly arty direction and poor performances, you might find THE VELVET VAMPIRE to be an unusual horror entry in the New World Pictures canon. A with-it young married couple, Lee (Blodgett) and Susan Ritter (Miles), meet a mysterious and beautiful widower at a Los Angeles art gallery. Taking a liking to the two--or maybe just to hunky Lee--Diane (Yarnall) invites the duo to spend the weekend at her desert estate for a few days of sunbathing, dune buggying, spelunking and maybe some hot-and-heavy sexplay. Unbeknownst to the Ritters, Diane is a centuries-old vampire whose lust for sex is almost as heavy as her lust for the human blood she needs to ingest to stay alive. Rothman, who directed several exploitation films during the '70s, releasing many through Dimension, the company she owned along with her husband Charles S. Swartz, has a nice visual style and creates a dreamy atmosphere, but her actors are not strong enough to carry this film on their shoulders. Blodgett (BENEATH THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS) and Yarnall (BEAST OF BLOOD) fare better than Miles, one of the worst female leads I've ever seen in a film this professional. Music by Roger Dollarhide and Clancy B. Grass III. From the director of TERMINAL ISLAND.

VENDETTA FOR THE SAINT (1969)--Directed by Jim O’Connolly. Stars Roger Moore, Ian Hendry, Rosemary Dexter. Originally a two-part episode of the popular British television series, VENDETTA was cut together as a feature for American television and foreign theatrical dates. Moore is Simon Templar, the urbane international sleuth created in the 1920’s by author Leslie Charteris (Harry Junkin and John Kruse’s teleplay is based on a Charteris novel). In Naples, Templar investigates the murder of a banker, which raises the ire of Italian-American gangster Alessandro Destamio (Hendry). To get closer to his target, Simon snuggles up to Destamio’s curvy niece Gina (Dexter) and discovers that all of the Mob’s top men are gathering at a posh Italian castle to attend to their boss, who will appoint his successor on his deathbed. Hendry has some trouble maintaining his accent, but the fine actor is a worthy adversary for Moore, who handles the movie’s humor, dramatics and action with equal aplomb. O’Connolly (THE VALLEY OF GWANGI) filmed in Malta for maximum effect. Also with Aimi MacDonald, Finley Currie, Marie Burke and Steven Berkoff. Music by Edwin Astley. Moore appeared as the Saint in 112 one-hour episodes, which also aired in the U.S., first in syndication and later, when the show switched to color, on NBC’s prime-time schedule.

VENGEANCE (1968)—Directed by Antonio Margheriti. Stars Richard Harrison. Decent Italian western finds half-breed Roko (or Rojo, depending on the dubbing) chasing the five men who tortured his friend Richie to death and took off with the loot he stole. He tracks them down, one at a time, and leaves a small piece of the bloody rope that killed Richie on each of the corpses. Standard revenger with solid anti-heroics by actor Harrison, a good Carlo Savina score, and an effective climax set inside a large cave.

THE VENGEANCE OF FU MANCHU (1967)--Directed by Jeremy Summers. Stars Christopher Lee, Douglas Wilmer, Tsai Chin, Horst Frank. British thesp Lee returns as the Asian mastermind Fu Manchu with another diabolical plot to rule the world. He kidnaps a prominent plastic surgeon and his daughter, and forces the doctor to create exact duplicates of important government officials. Fu Manchu's plan is to have these zombie-like clones commit murder, and, while the world is in an upheaval as its governments collapse, to step in and take over. His first victim is his archenemy, Sir Nayland Smith of Scotland Yard (Wilmer). Filmed on location in China, the third Fu Manchu adventure gives Lee and Chin (as his evil daughter) plenty of screen time (and they make the best of it), but is marred by an abrupt and confusing ending.

VENGEANCE OF SHE (1968)--Directed by Cliff Owen. Stars Olinka Berova, John Richardson, Edward Judd, George Sewell. The eye-popping curves of Yugoslavian beauty Berova are the best reasons to watch this sequel to Hammer's much superior SHE. In that 1965 period adventure, a young man named Leo (Richardson) is discovered to be the reincarnation of Killikrates--the long-dead lover of the immortal Ayesha (or She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed)--and treks across the desert to the hidden city of Kuma to be with her. Thanks to Robert Day's rousing direction, some nice desert scenery, and the always-welcome presence of Peter Cushing as Leo's friend Holly, SHE was a pretty fun adaptation of H. Rider Haggard's 19th-century adventure novel.

The less successful sequel follows basically the same plot with a gender switch. A gorgeous blonde amnesiac (Berova) who calls herself Carol stows away aboard a yacht headed for North Africa. She suffers hallucinations involving a woman named Ayesha, and seems to be pulled toward the African desert. After the drowning death of the yacht's owner, Carol disappears. Philip (Judd), a psychiatrist also traveling on the yacht who has fallen in love with Carol, and the ship's captain (Sewell) pursue Carol across the desert, rescue her from marauding Arabs, and eventually arrive at Kuma, where Killikrates (Richardson) awaits the reincarnation of his late lover Ayesha. He believes Carol to be her, but his evil High Priest has actually hypnotized her into believing it, so he can learn the secret of Killikrates's immortality.

Berova, while not much of an actress, is certainly beautiful, and probably performs at least as well as Ursula Andress in the original SHE (both she and Richardson appear to be dubbed; if so, it's done very well). At this point, Hammer was more interested in plugging its newest star discoveries than in finding capable actresses to fill their horror roles. Judd handles the two-fisted exploits well enough, but Owen's direction plods along, and Peter O'Donnell's screenplay doesn't introduce anything new to the backstory, preferring to ape the previous film instead. Also with Colin Blakely, Jill Melford, Andre Morell, Noel Willman, Daniele Noel and Derek Godfrey. Music by Mario Nascimbene. O'Donnell created the MODESTY BLAISE comic strip.

VENGEANCE OF THE ZOMBIES (1972)--Directed by Leon Klimovsky. Stars Paul Naschy, Rommy, Mirta Miller, Victor Alcazar. If anyone ever bothers to release a soundtrack album of Juan Carlos Calderon's mad, mod musical score, I'll be the first in line to get one. It falls somewhere between THE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E. and a Julie London backing track, and even though it doesn't exactly mesh with Klimovsky's Gothic zombie flick, it swings, baby, swings! Spanish horror legend Naschy plays three roles, including a guru named Krishna, his vengeance-seeking, scarred brother, and Pan (!) in a dream sequence. After the murders of her cousin, aunt and uncle, Elvira (Rommy) leaves London for Krishna's English estate for a rest. Scotland Yard and Elvira's psychiatrist/occult expert boyfriend Lawrence (Alcazar) investigate the gory killings, as well as mysterious disappearances. That happens when Krishna's masked brother melts wax voodoo figures over his victims and reanimates them as pasty zombies, all the better to rule the world with or some such. To be honest, I'm not sure I understood all the plot's nuances, but I still enjoyed ZOMBIES. Klimovsky uses slow-motion to fine advantage to create an occasionally unsettling mood, and star/writer Naschy can be thanked for thinking up the bloody killings (he, of course, also penned a sex scene with fetching co-star Miller). Originally LA REBELION DE LAS MUERTAS, ZOMBIES has also been seen as REVOLT OF THE DEAD ONES and WALK OF THE DEAD. Complete with picture credits!

VENOM (1982)--Directed by Piers Haggard. Stars Klaus Kinski, Oliver Reed, Sterling Hayden, Nicol Williamson, Susan George. I can't help wondering what it must have been like on the set of VENOM, a set populated by some notoriously hard-to-work-with actors. If there was any trouble, it doesn't show onscreen, as VENOM is a neat little thriller with a scary if implausible gimmick. Kinski plays the leader of a band of kidnappers after wealthy hunter Hayden's grandson. His conspirators include the chauffer (Reed) and nanny (George), Kinski's lover who uses her wiles to keep the muscle-headed Reed in line. Although their plan is well thought-out, they couldn't have foreseen this monkey wrench: a deadly black mamba, the most vicious and poisonous snake in the world, which was accidentally delivered to Hayden's townhouse and is now loose. With Williamson's laconic police inspector holding down the fort outside and the kidnappers--with Hayden and the boy--trapped inside with the black mamba, suspense runs high, as the large snake can be hidden anywhere--air vents, behind curtains, dangling from the ceiling, a dark corner--no place is safe.

If you have a paranoid fear of snakes, VENOM will certainly get your blood pumping and keep you on the edge of your seat (and your feet off the floor). It isn't a great thriller, but it is a very good one, thanks in part to its stellar cast and creepy cinematography by Gil Taylor (STAR WARS), who keeps the camera close to accentuate the claustrophobia of the characters' indoor plight. VENOM isn't about a super snake--like ANACONDA, for instance--just a ferocious and scarier one. Also with Sarah Miles, Cornelia Sharpe, Lance Holcomb, John Forbes-Robertson and Michael Gough. Producer Martin Bregman made SERPICO and THE BONE COLLECTOR. Music by Michael Kamen.

VENOMOUS (2001)--Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Ed Raymond). Stars Treat Williams, Mary Page Keller, Anthony Denison, Geoff Pierson. In the great tradition of SPASMS, VENOM and ANACONDA comes VENOMOUS, a straight-to-video killer-snake movie from schlockmeister Ray. VENOMOUS is actually slightly different in that it's not about one snake slithering around eating people, but about an army of snakes living underground in the desert infecting people with a plague.

More than a decade after terrorists blow up a government facility where the Army is creating "supersnakes" to send against Saddam's horde, tremors rock the tiny desert town of Santa Mira Springs. It seems some of the deadly rattlers survived the explosion and ended up in a cave beneath the town, where they, released from their tomb by the tremors, begin attacking the citizenry. Although physicians can routinely treat snakebites, these rattlers carry a plague that kills its victims within hours. Dr. David Henning (Williams), the first doctor to treat this scary new bug, puts in a call to his ex-wife Christine (Keller), now working at a viral laboratory in Maryland. Through the sinister machinations of military men Sparks (Denison) and Manchek (Pierson), Christine concludes that the virus is nothing more than E. coli, which experienced doctor David knows to be false. As more victims fall prey to the killer germ, the Hennings race against the clock to find a cure before the Army institutes a last-resort operation to ensure the plague doesn't spread to the rest of the American population: full-scale destruction of Santa Mira Springs.

Like other DTV fare by Phoenician Entertainment, VENOMOUS contains action-filled stock footage from other films, including a copter chase from DELTA FORCE 2, but not as many tongue-in-cheek thrills. After a decent start, the film begins to peter out in the second half, and the climax, involving a flare gun, is a dud. Even Williams, who thrives on playing whimsical, breezy monster fighters, seems bored, only loosening up during an amusing visit to the snakes' underground den (where the actor even captures a pair of real rattlesnakes without the use of a double). Ray's use of stock footage and location photography gives this cheap film a bigger feel, but if you're looking for tight scripting and lots of action, this is the wrong place to find it. Dan Golden's screenplay contains plenty of loopy holes and lines of dialogue, but I can usually let those go in a film like this (although the media's statement at the end that "all the snakes have been accounted for" seems like a real whopper when you consider how many snakes there are and how widespread their attacks were).

As usual for a Ray film, the most interesting aspect is the cast of familiar character actors. Familiar TV actress Keller (BABY TALK) is still cute as ever and has nice chemistry with Williams. Denison, the oily Ray Luca of CRIME STORY, and sitcom father Pierson (UNHAPPILY EVER AFTER) turn in nice work, and you'll also spot Jim Storm (DARK SHADOWS), Ron Harper (GARRISONS GORILLAS), Andrew Stevens (a partner in Phoenician), Marc McClure (SUPERMAN), Rick Hurst (ON THE ROCKS), and Lee de Broux (SALVAGE 1). Also with Catherine Dent, Meilani Paul, Ray's wife Kim Ray (VENOMOUS' line producer) and baby son Max, and newscaster Larry Carroll. Jim Wynorski produced under his "Noble Henry" pseudonym. Neal Acree composed an original score for VENOMOUS. Just one of six (!) films directed in 2001 by Ray.

VERBOTEN! (1959)--Directed by Samuel Fuller. Stars James Best, Susan Cummings. After an exciting opening reel showing G.I. Best chasing a sniper through the bombed-out ruins of Berlin, Fuller's anti-Nazi treatise eventually bogs down as a love story between Best and Cummings, playing a German woman who mends him after he's shot in the rump and then hides him from the SS. They marry and he becomes a civilian relief worker at the end of the war, even though he can't be sure whether Cummings really loves him or the food and cigarettes he provides. Her little brother also poses a problem, as he signs up with an underground Nazi group called The Werewolf, which steals food meant for German citizens and sells it on the black market. Fuller's realistic approach involves a musical score that appropriates Wagner and Beethoven compositions, as well as beaucoup stock footage of concentration camps and the Nuremberg war trials, which Fuller not-so-seamlessly or -subtly weaves into his narrative. Also with Tom Pittman, Dick Kallman, Steven Geray and Paul Dubov. Original music by Harry Sukman. Paul Anka provides a dreamy song over the opening titles that seems inappropriate if Fuller means it to be taken seriously.

THE VERDICT (1982)--Directed by Sidney Lumet. Stars Paul Newman, James Mason, Jack Warden, Milo O'Shea, Charlotte Rampling. Newman was nominated for his sixth Best Actor Oscar for his role as alcoholic attorney Frank Galvin, whose brass ring of a case brings him heartache and betrayal, along with a renewed sense of purpose. He somehow lost to GANDHI's Ben Kingsley, but finally nabbed the trophy on his seventh try in 1987 with THE COLOR OF MONEY (1994's NOBODY'S FOOL was his eighth nomination).

When we first see Galvin, he's drinking raw eggs and beer and playing pinball alone in an empty Boston tavern on an early wintry morning. He's had four cases in the last three years--lost 'em all--and is reduced to handing out his business card to grieving widows in the condolence line at funerals (he scans the obituaries every day for potential new clients). Down, drunk and nearly out, Galvin is tossed a bone by his friend and mentor Mickey Morrissey (Warden)--young Deborah Ann Kaye went into an expensive Catholic hospital to deliver her baby, but suffered permanent brain damage and a coma when she was given the wrong anesthetic by her doctors. The Archdiocese is willing to settle for $210,000 to avoid a scandal, but seeing Deborah alone, hooked to machines, in the hospital bed where she'll spend the rest of her natural life has kicked Galvin in the rear. Finding his soul and realizing that no one but him cares about Deborah, Galvin turns down the money and, with only Mickey and his new lover Laura Fischer (Rampling) to help, prepares to try his case against the "Prince of Darkness", high-priced lawyer Edward Concannon (Mason), whose reputation and influence have gained him the obvious favor of Judge Hoyle (O'Shea).

THE VERDICT, based by David Mamet (GLENGARRY GLEN ROSS) on a novel by Barry Reed, is less a courtroom drama than a stirring character study of a man given a second chance. He once had--and lost--a wife, money, respect and a substantial law practice, but now spends his evenings buying drinks and telling jokes at the local Irish pub. Newman IS Frank Galvin, embodying his world-weariness and determination body and soul, and is always believable. Lumet's stark directing style complements Newman's performance perfectly, often shooting in one long take and placing the camera far across the room to accentuate Galvin's loneliness and stacked odds against him. Lumet (DOG DAY AFTERNOON) also isn't afraid to use silence or flat lighting, and Johnny Mandel's score is so effective, you won't even know it's there. Both Newman and Lumet have made dozens of landmark films (oddly, this is the only one they made together), and it's a great tribute to say that THE VERDICT is one of their best. Also with Edward Binns, Lindsay Crouse, Joe Seneca, Wesley Addy and Julie Bovasso. If you look closely, you'll spot Bruce Willis as an uncredited courtroom extra. Lumet, Mamet and Mason were also nominated for Academy Awards, as were producers Richard Zanuck and David Brown for Best Picture.

VERONICA GUERIN (2003)--Directed by Joel Schumacher. Stars Cate Blanchett, Gerard McSorley, Ciaran Hinds. Veronica Guerin really was murdered in 1996, and some time later (surely not in the manner presented in the film), Ireland's drug laws were changed, allowing the government to seize the assets of suspected dealers. Other than that, I'm not certain what to believe in VERONICA GUERIN, which tells the story of a investigative reporter in such hollow fashion that it would not seem terribly out of place on the Lifetime cable network. Imagine Victoria Principal affecting an Irish brogue, and you can imagine how much of this film plays.

Cate Blanchett (THE GIFT) plays Guerin and is very good, suggesting Veronica's charisma and drive, even when the screenplay doesn't. As depicted in the film that bears her name, Veronica was a Dublin journalist who wrote for the Sunday Independent, one of Ireland's largest newspapers. Tired of covering fluff, she decided to delve into Ireland's underworld and ferret out the identities of major drug dealers in hopes of sending them to prison and ending the narcotics problem that decimated Ireland during the mid-1990s. As a detour around Ireland's extremely strict libel laws, Guerin identified each crime figure with a colorful nickname: The Monk, The Viper, The General.

In the film at least, Guerin develops an interesting relationship with John Traynor (Ciaran Hinds, LARA CROFT TOMB RAIDER: THE CRADLE OF LIFE) aka "The Coach", a charming pimp who supplies Veronica with information concerning the dangerous men he works for. Why Traynor agrees to do this is unclear (although he clearly is attracted to Veronica), but when he eventually betrays the reporter under orders from Ireland's major crime boss, John Gilligan (Gerard McSorley), and even carries out an attempt on her life, Hinds allows the sorrow and mixed emotions of the situation to slip through.

Director Joel Schumacher (PHONE BOOTH), producer Jerry Bruckheimer (BAD BOYS II) and scripters Carol Doyle (WASHINGTON SQUARE) and Mary Agnes Donoghue (BEACHES) mostly leave the actors hanging in VERONICA GUERIN, approaching potentially hard-hitting material in a shallow manner, which forces the performers to manufacture much of the drama. Guerin seems like an actress' dream role, and Blanchett tackles it full bore, bringing out everything we simultaneously love to admire and despise in a reporter. Veronica flirts and manipulates, she's abrasive and ambitious. She's also stupid and reckless, which makes it quite difficult to root for her. We learn in the opening scene that Veronica was gunned down in her car by a pair of motorcyclists in June of 1996, which casts over the film a heavy pall that's rich in dramatic possibilities. Schumacher, as is his usual wont, glosses over the drama and anything else that would interfere with his heroine's martyrdom. The film Veronica, as was reportedly the case in real life, has a habit of visiting crime figures at their homes and asking them explicit questions, earning a vicious beating in one instance. Her incessant meddling also places the lives of her husband Graham (Barry Barnes) and young son Cathal (Simon O'Driscoll) in danger, although she doesn't seem very concerned about them, even after a bullet is fired through the front window of their home.

Was Veronica Guerin a hero? VERONICA GUERIN indicates she was, as Schumacher attempts to end it on a positive note with a voiceover extolling how Gilligan, Traynor and the rest were summarily arrested, tried and convicted after her death, while Harry Gregson-Williams' music soars to an uncomfortably treacly level. I still don't feel as though I understand what made Veronica tick, though. What drove her to stick her nose so passionately into an area of Dublin culture that no one else cared about? Poking around major crime lords like Gilligan was like smacking a beehive with a stick, so why did she continue to do it, even after the life of her son was threatened? I don't think GUERIN answers these questions, making it moot as a biography.

VERTIGO (1958)--Directed by Alfred Hitchcock. Stars James Stewart, Kim Novak, Barbara Bel Geddes. An entire book could, should and probably has been written about the making, history and subtext of this daring thriller, which easily counts as one of Hitch's best. Stewart plays a rare unlikable character as San Francisco detective Scottie, who falls in love with a beautiful blonde named Madeline (Novak). When she is killed in a fall from a church tower, he spirals into deep depression--until he meets a cute brunette named Judy who bears an amazing resemblance to the late Madeline... The plot has been ripped off many times since, but this was the original, and the twists remain pretty shocking. The script by Alec Coppel and Samuel Taylor was based on a novel by Pierre Boulle and Thomas Narcejac. Features some pretty nifty camera tricks and an amazing score by Bernard Herrman (which was remastered in stereo for the film's 1997 theatrical rerelease). Also with Ellen Corby, Henry Jones and Tom Helmore.

VICE RAID (1959)--Directed by Edward L. Cahn. Stars Mamie Van Doren, Richard Coogan, Brad Dexter. Tough vice cop Whitey Brandon (former CAPTAIN VIDEO Coogan) is getting a little too close to busting Vince Malone's (Dexter) crime operation for Malone's comfort, so he recruits high-priced call girl Carol Hudson (Van Doren) from Detroit to set Whitey up for a frame. Thanks to some circumstantial evidence and perjurious testimony by Whitey's partner, who's in Malone's pocket, Brandon is bounced from the force. Although he's without a badge, he still has a raging mad-on for the mob and, working undercover for his former boss, tries to convince Vince, who runs his girls out of classy modeling agencies, to hire him on. A pretty standard B-pic, VICE RAID really churns when Van Doren is on screen, strutting, bouncing and shaking along like a live-action Jessica Rabbit on wheels. Not only is she about as sexy as they come, but her performance is pretty good too, believably changing sides midway through the barely-70-minute picture. Carol Nugent is equally hot as Mamie's little sister, and keep an eye out for familiar faces Barry Atwater (THE NIGHT STALKER), Nestor Paiva and John Zaremba.

VICE SQUAD (1982)--Directed by Gary A. Sherman. Stars Gary Swanson, Season Hubley, Wings Hauser. “You wanna burn? I’m the Devil, baby!” 1982 was an interesting time for exploitation movies. The price of making movies, advertising them and shipping them to theaters across the country was soaring, and independent distributors whose bread-and-butter were low-budget genre fare could no longer compete. 1982 was indeed the last gasp for Avco Embassy Pictures, which folded that year as a feature-film company after legendary TV producer Norman Lear (ALL IN THE FAMILY) bought it and transformed it into a television unit. At least it went out on top, proudly displaying its colorful logo on one of the decade’s finest sleepers.

VICE SQUAD is a perfect example of what can happen when talented, ambitious filmmakers hired to deliver a cheap exploitation movie decide to add some elbow grease and try just a little bit harder than they're expected to. Certainly the hiring of Oscar-winning cinematographer John Alcott, a veteran of several Stanley Kubrick films, indicates that director Gary Sherman (DEAD & BURIED) was looking for something extra in the look of his film. Sherman also got more than he bargained for from Wings Hauser, then a virtually unknown performer whose gonzo performance as a sadistic pimp named Ramrod steals the picture, earning enough attention to become one of drive-in cinema's most popular stars.

To be sure, VICE SQUAD is sleazy, hitting the damp, hard-bitten streets of Los Angeles, wallowing with the perverts, hookers, pimps, reprobates, oddballs, degenerates and outcasts that make up the L.A. nightlife. One denizen of the cracked sidewalks is Princess (top-billed Season Hubley, soon to be Kurt Russell‘s ex-wife), a sexy and street-smart "outlaw"--a prostitute who works without a pimp. After a fellow prostitute is "pimpsticked" to death by Ramrod, Vice detective Tom Walsh (an understated Gary Swanson) convinces Princess to wear a wire and let Ramrod pick her up in order to get the goods on the creep. She does, and Ramrod is arrested, leaving the streets safe enough for her to return to work. That is, until the big Elvis-loving psychopath escapes from police custody, leaving one victim with a broken nose, and turns the town inside out on his quest for revenge against the "bitch" who set him up. The clock is ticking down towards morning on one of the longest nights of Walsh's life, as he and his squad seek to stop Ramrod before Princess becomes his next victim.

It's impossible to take your eyes off of Hauser, whose hyperkinetic, sweaty performance is a highlight of his career and one of the finest ever in an exploitation movie. No doubt about it--Wings dominates the film, dripping odious charisma in every frame. Ramrod is one of cinema’s great villains, alternately charming and sadistic and absolutely single-minded in his nocturnal pursuit of Princess, which will serve him no real good except petty revenge. Hauser followed up VICE SQUAD with the similarly sleazy DEADLY FORCE, also for executive producer Sandy Howard, in which he played another obsessive, this time an L.A. cop chasing a serial killer.

Hauser’s brilliant performance outshines those of his higher-billed co-stars Swanson and Hubley, who are still better than you might expect in this type of movie. Director Sherman scrounged extra time in the production schedule to rehearse his actors for tough scenes, resulting in realistically hard-nosed performances. Hubley's hooker comes off as too “Hollywood” at times; intelligent, classy, selfless and brave are probably not qualities you're likely to find in your common everyday streetwalker. However, Hubley fits the part well, asking us to empathize with a woman who allows herself to daily engage in repugnant sexual and sometimes violent behavior, and we do.

With the great Alcott (BARRY LYNDON) manning the camera, VICE SQUAD looks stunning, capturing late-night L.A. at its slimy worst/best. You can practically taste the grit from the streets and smell the neon in the air. Sherman handles the chases and shootouts as ably as he does the dramatic scenes, and surprisingly does so with a relative lack of blood and nudity. The screenplay’s episodic structure allows for short but substantive subplots that add humor and character touches and are, according to Sherman, based on true events.

VICE SQUAD did okay in theaters, but found its largest and most loyal audience on cable television, where late-night audiences could groove on the film’s dichotomous attributes of Alcott’s dreamlike cinematography and Hauser’s intense masterpiece. Now that Sherman’s raw thriller can be experienced on Anchor Bay’s DVD in its original aspect ratio, it’s clear that VICE SQUAD has not lost its ability to draw an audience so thoroughly into its squalid streets that a shower may be in order afterwards. Hauser also performed the hard-rock theme song, “Neon Slime”. Keep an eye out for MTV VJ Nina Blackwood and cult favorite Cheryl “Rainbeaux” Smith. Also with Pepe Serna, Fred Berry (“Rerun” from WHAT’S HAPPENING), Stack Pierce, Jonathan Haze, Lydia Lei and Michael Ensign.

VICE VERSA (1988)--Directed by Brian Gilbert. Stars Judge Reinhold, Fred Savage, Corinne Bohrer, Swoosie Kurtz, William Prince. Yuppie businessman Reinhold and eleven-year-old son Savage have their souls switched into each other's bodies. Many films with the same premise were released around the same time, but, with the exception of BIG, this was the best. Reinhold and Savage are terrific, and the script (by Dick Clements and Ian La Frenais) is funnier and cleverer than the rest.

VICTORY (1981)--Directed by John Huston. Stars Sylvester Stallone, Michael Caine, Max von Sydow. Stallone and Caine are Allied prisoners of war in this implausible combination sports/war drama. A "friendly" challenge between British POW Caine, a former pro soccer star, and Nazi propaganda officer von Sydow results in a heavily publicized grudge match between the German national team and a ragtag squad of prisoners to be captained by Caine. After American goalie Stallone escapes to Paris, he is persuaded to allow himself to be captured in order to relay information about a bigger escape: the French resistance plans to rescue Caine's entire team during halftime of the match, which is to be played at Cologne Stadium in Paris.

The script co-written by Yabo Yablonsky is light on details, including Stallone's motivation for joining the team and Caine's for accepting him, and there's a twist during the halftime escape that might have you pulling your hair out in frustration. OK, actually there are a lot of flaws in logic that will drive you crazy if you let them. Caine and Sly are solid enough leads, and Huston keeps the action moving quickly enough. If nothing else, VICTORY is probably the finest film ever made about soccer (or "football", as it's properly called here). Brazilian superstar Pele is just one of many real-life international athletes whose fancy footwork is on display. Also with Carole Laure (who receives special "Introducing" credit, even though she had been acting in features for a decade), Daniel Massey, Bobby Moore and Anton Diffring. Music by Bill Conti. Filmed in Hungary.

A VIEW TO A KILL (1985)--Directed by John Glen. Stars Roger Moore, Christopher Walken, Tanya Roberts, Grace Jones, Patrick Macnee. Moore's final outing as James Bond is this routine adventure set mostly in San Francisco. Walken plays a madman bent on destroying Silicon Valley. Jones is interesting as Walken's karate-master sidekick May Day, but Roberts is a bore as Bond's blond love interest. Some of the action is exciting, including a climax above the Golden Gate Bridge. Hit theme performed by Duran Duran. Also with Fiona Fullerton and Dolph Lundgren in his film debut. Macnee joins Honor Blackman and Diana Rigg as AVENGERS alums to appear in the Bond series. Moore played 007 seven times, but this one was not a hit. Two years later, Timothy Dalton took over the role in THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS.

VIGILANTE (1982)--Directed by William Lustig. Stars Robert Forster, Fred Williamson. Forster is a regular Joe blue-collar worker and family man who becomes obsessed with revenge when his son is murdered and his wife raped by a New York street gang. While the gang's leader is set free by a corrupt judge, Forster is sentenced to six months in prison for his violent outburst in court following the judges decision. Upon getting out, he hooks up with Williamson's vigilante group and starts stalking the killers one at a time.

Intended by Lustig as a tribute to the Italian urban crime dramas of the '70s, VIGILANTE is quite gritty and violent with an outstanding electronic score by Jay Chattaway. The screenplay is often shaky--it's difficult to believe the harsh sentence handed down to Forster, and, in fact, the prison sequences lend nothing to the plot except to provide Strode (as a hardened convict with a soft spot for Forster for no reason whatsoever) with a chance to show off his powerful build as he smacks around a couple of thugs--but the authentically seedy New York locations, well-directed action scenes and very good performances by Williamson and Forster make up for it. Also with Rutanya Alda, Joe Spinell, Vincent Beck, Carol Lynley, Willie Colon, Woody Strode, Frank Pesce and Steve James. From the director of MANIAC and MANIAC COP.

VIGILANTE FORCE (1976)--Directed by George Armitage. Stars Kris Kristofferson, Jan-Michael Vincent, Victoria Principal. Here's a trashy action movie produced not by Roger Corman, but by his brother Gene, who was also a prolific Hollywood producer whose projects were usually a little classier and budgets a little higher than Roger's. It’s an exciting though implausible actioner written and directed by an interesting and unfortunately sporadic filmmaker who got his start working for Roger Corman at New World Pictures.

VIGILANTE FORCE casts Jan-Michael Vincent as a tractor salesman in a rural Southern California community that has been overrun by rowdy oil riggers that have brought violence, drunkenness, disorder, gambling and murder to the formerly quiet town. The police--at least the ones who haven't been killed by bank robbers--aren't equipped to handle the situation, so the town enlists Vincent to recruit his brother Kris Kristofferson, a Vietnam War veteran, to keep the peace. Kris agrees to come home and brings his war posse with him, including Shelly Novack (THE F.B.I.), Charles Cyphers (HALLOWEEN) and Carmen Argenziano (THE HOT BOX). Soon, Kris discovers that being a cop is chump change, and decides to take over the town for himself. Oh, he does his job alright. There's little crime left in town...that is, aside from his own major crime ring. After Kris murders his brother's girlfriend (a scrumptious Victoria Principal) and the sheriff, it's up to Jan to end the violence.

VIGILANTE FORCE is a good movie, very well paced with plentiful action sequences and explosions. Both Kristofferson and Vincent were major Hollywood players at the time, and they perform believably as brothers. They're also often shirtless, and it's a nice change from today's movies to see action heroes built like normal human beings. If you pay attention, you'll see a pre-WKRP Loni Anderson in the cast as "Peaches", along with Andrew Stevens, Brad Dexter from THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN, David "Bosley" Doyle (CHARLIE'S ANGELS), Paul "You're mine for two months, Bender" Gleason (THE BREAKFAST CLUB), Antony Carbone and Bernadette Peters. It's an unassuming, straightforward action movie with not much more to say about it, except that it's crafted very well and worth watching. Also worth noting is the kickass theatrical trailer for this PG movie, which features a great Ernie Anderson narration. Score by Gerald Fried.

VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED (1960)--Directed by Wolf Rilla. Stars George Sanders, Barbara Shelley, Martin Stephens, Michael Gwynn. Based upon John Wyndham's novel THE MIDWICH CUCKOOS, VILLAGE is set in the small English village of Midwich, whose entire population, including professor Gordon Zellaby (Sanders) and his beautiful young wife Anthea (Shelley), one day faints dead away, and is cut off from the rest of the world for hours. Anthea's brother, Major Alan Bernard (Gwynn), tries to investigate, but discovers that anyone entering town immediately passes out the same as everyone else.

When the Midwich residents awaken, they all feel fine, and there seems to be no ill-lasting effects...except one: all the women of child-bearing age are now pregnant, including a teenage virgin and a woman whose husband has been away at sea for a year. The babies are all born on the same night, and are virtually identical with their blond hair, enormous intelligence, telekinetic powers and a somewhat direct method of dispatching their enemies--forcing them to drive into a brick wall or to blow their heads off with a shotgun. The Zellabys' boy, David (Stephens), becomes the children's leader, and, while the Midwich townspeople are desperate to rid their village of the terrible tots, Zellaby, an intelligent and sensitive man, hopes to teach the kids to use their powers for the greater good--a hope that leads to a destructive finish.

While a bit languid by todays standards, VILLAGE stands as a rock-solid example of smart science fiction. The script by Rilla, Sterling Silliphant and George Barclay must have really affected Sanders, since he delivers one of his finest latter-day performances. Sanders had a tendency to walk through movies he didn't care about, but there's no indication of indifference here. Shelley is okay as the hysterical mother who desperately wants a mother-son bond with her little boy, while Stephens is outstanding as the stoic David; he appeared a year later in another fine performance in THE INNOCENTS.

Although it's never specifically stated, it's implicit that the children are the spawn of aliens who plan to use their offspring to conquer the Earth. I havent read Wyndham's novel, but presumably their motives are clearer there. The finale, involving a mental face-off between Sanders and the children in a one-room schoolhouse (this was used nearly shot-for-shot in John Carpenter's 1995 remake), is exciting, although the very last shot is a bit much and should have been dropped. Music by Ron Goodwin. Also with Laurence Naismith, John Phillips, Richard Vernon, Charlotte Mitchell and Janet Laird.

VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED (1995)--Directed by John Carpenter. Stars Christopher Reeve, Kirstie Alley, Linda Kozlowski, Mark Hamill. Carpenter's color remake of Wolf Rilla's 1960 original ups the gore content, but falls a bit short overall. After a mass blackout in which everyone in a small California town falls unconscious, every woman of child-bearing age finds herself pregnant (including the town virgin--apparently the only teenage girl in town!). Ten children are born nine months later to the day...all with blond hair and blue eyes. As the children begin to grow, many of the townspeople meet with strange "accidents", and it becomes increasingly obvious that the highly intelligent, emotionless children are the cause. Reeve is pretty good in George Sanders's old role, but Hamill is ridiculous as a jittery priest, and Alley is wasted as a government scientist sent to investigate the blackout. The small town setting and explosive climax are lifted straight from the original, and are the best aspects of the film (although the setting was switched from England to California). Not a bad update of John Wyndham's novel THE MIDWICH CUCKOO, but the original VILLAGE is the best.

VILLAGE OF THE GIANTS (1965)--Directed by Bert I. Gordon. Stars Tommy Kirk, Johnny Crawford, Beau Bridges, Ronny Howard. Another terrible "giant" movie by co-writer/producer/director/special effects supervisor Gordon. He had the nerve to claim this was based on H.G. Wells's classic novel THE FOOD OF THE GODS. An adolescent genius (Howard) invents some pink goo that turns ducks, cats, dogs and other animals into 30-foot giants. Beau Bridges and his gang of clean-cut teenage hoodlums come to town, and eat some goo in order to rule all the adults. See Tommy Kirk protect his girlfriend from a giant spider! Watch Johnny (THE RIFLEMAN) Crawford dangle from a pair of giant breasts! Be amazed at how quickly Bridges and Howard can erase this embarrassment from their resumes! Features some groovy go-go dancing by bodacious babes Joy Harmon, Tisha Sterling and Toni Basil. Also with Joseph Turkel, Tim Rooney and Jim Begg as "Fatso". The Beau Brummels and Freddy Cannon perform; music by Jack Nitzchke. Gordon also directed (badly) ATTACK OF THE PUPPET PEOPLE, THE AMAZING COLOSSAL MAN and WAR OF THE COLOSSAL BEAST. Sense any kind of trend?

THE VILLAIN (1979)--Directed by Hal Needham. Stars Kirk Douglas, Ann-Margret, Arnold Schwarzenegger. This bizarre live-action cartoon is exactly that. Douglas as the title character falls off of cliffs, gets pounded by boulders, blows himself up, even falls for the old Wile E. Coyote paint-a-tunnel-on-a-boulder trick. Kids will probably enjoy it. The cast is interesting, and it's amusing to see Arnold in an early role. Also with Paul Lynde (as a Native American!), Ruth Buzzi, R.G. Armstrong, Jack Elam, Strother Martin, Foster Brooks, Mel Tillis and Robert Tessier.

THE VIOLENT BREED (1984)--Directed by Fernando di Leo. Stars Henry Silva, Harrison Muller, Woody Strode. Like many Italian action movies of the period, RAZZA VIOLENTA makes hardly any sense, but it’s action-packed and very loony. While rescuing children in Vietnam, platoon leader Kirk (Silva) is shot in the chest. Big Polo (Strode) digs the bullet out, and then pulls a piece on Kirk and Mike (Muller), ordering them to split and leave him behind in the jungle, where he becomes a major druglord. Years later, CIA boss Kirk recruits old buddy Mike (they kiss when they greet each other!) to sneak into Thailand and take Polo out. Mike begins a tender relationship with an underage hooker, and a massive climactic assault that leaves almost the whole cast dead takes place at a large whorehouse. There’s a goofy twist ending that makes no sense whatsoever, and Silva never changes clothes throughout most of the movie, even though his scenes take place on different days. Certainly worth viewing in the right mood.

VIOLENT CITY (1970)--Directed by Sergio Sollima. Stars Charles Bronson, Jill Ireland, Telly Savalas. Bronson wasn't yet a major star in the U.S. when he made this Italian crime drama. He was a recognized character actor, yes, but only in Europe, after the success of ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST, was a big name. He gives a very good and typically understated performance in VIOLENT CITY as Jeff Huston, a professional assassin double-crossed by his lover, model Vanessa (Ireland), and marked for death by his boss. Jeff kills most of the hit team, but is prosecuted for their deaths and serves time in a prison in the Virgin Islands. Upon his release, he tracks both the shooter and Vanessa to New Orleans, where she's now married to a local mobster named Al Weber (Savalas). Unfortunately for Jeff, he finds out just killing them isn't going to be as easy as he thought, as Weber wants him to work exclusively for his outfit and Vanessa seems to still be attracted to him. Or is she?

Don't let the rock 'em opening reel car chase and shootout fool you into expecting a fast-paced action picture, because that's just about all there is. VIOLENT CITY, which was released several years later in the U.S. as THE FAMILY, is mostly a character study of two people--a hard-nosed killer betrayed by the only person he ever allowed himself to get close to and a beautiful woman who loves him, but loves power more. Sollima's tight direction maximizes the unusual New Orleans locations; it's interesting how foreign directors seem to find better places to shoot here than American filmmakers do. Ennio Morricone's wild score is among his best and is a classic of Italian crime dramas. The film's biggest wrong note is struck by Ireland, who was forced upon Sollima by her husband Bronson and has trouble playing one dimension, much less a character with as many faces as Vanessa. Also with Umberto Orsini, Michel Constantin, George Savalas and Goffredo Unger. Remy Julienne choreographed the thrilling car chases.

VIOLENT NAPLES (1976)--Directed by Umberto Lenzi. Stars Maurizio Merli, John Saxon, Barry Sullivan. Hot on the heels of THE FRENCH CONNECTION comes another gritty Italian crime drama meant to capitalize on the success of William Friedkin's Oscar winner. Inspector Betti (Merli) is transferred from Rome to Naples, where he discovers crime is just as rampant. While his ultimate goal is to wipe out a vicious protection racket operated by the Commandante (Sullivan), Betti finds time in his head-busting schedule to chase and beat the crap out of muggers, rapists, bank robbers and other lawbreakers. Like DIRTY HARRY and several other contemporary films about American policemen, Betti is disgusted by a liberal-leaning justice system that appears to punish the victims and go easy on the criminals. He's a very '70s man's man--sensitive to the plight of the weak and harsh, even cruel, to those who do the victimizing. Saxon is properly oily as Sullivan's financier, and Lenzi captures the violent milieu using memorably bleak images like an informer being bashed in the head with a bowling ball and an innocent female whose face is smashed against a moving train. Also with Elio Zamuto, Maria Grazia Spina, Massimo Deda and Guido Alberti. The awesome score by Franco Micalizzi is perfect for Merli to kick ass by. Merli became typecast as a tough cop in films like this, HIGHWAY RACER, CONVOY BUSTERS and others. He did prematurely in 1989 at the age of 49.

THE VIOLENT PROFESSIONALS (1973)--Directed by Sergio Martino. Stars Richard Conte, Luc Merenda. Brutal Milan undercover cop Merenda is out for revenge when gangsters murder his boss. If there's a dirty job to be done, Luc isn't one to stand by and let someone else handle it, so he leaps into the fray with guns and knuckles blazing. I'm not sure if the problem lies in the script or the dubbing, but not much of what happens makes much sense. Merenda infiltrates a gang of bank robbers, beats up a pimp and shakes down his sexy prostitute, kills many people and destroys much property, and puts the hurt on mobster Conte. Martino directs several well-done car chases, fights and shootouts that put THE VIOLENT PROFESSIONALS in the upper echelon of Italian crime dramas. Music by Guido and Maurizio de Angelis.

VIRGINS FROM HELL (1987)—Directed by Ackyl Anwari. Mondo Macabro’s DVD print carries no credits for this crazy action movie that will remind you of other wild Indonesian movies like THE STABILIZER and LADY TERMINATOR. Ruthless druglord Mr. Tiger murders a middle-aged couple, so he can operate from their lavish home, which includes a long front staircase and a dungeon. The couple’s daughters survive and grow up to form an ass-kicking squad of super-sexy bikers in hot pants and high boots. The girls attack Mr. Tiger’s base, but are captured and thrown into a large underground cell (that includes a grotto), along with Larry, a medical student Mr. Tiger kidnapped to help produce a new supply of aphrodisiac. Various girls are whipped and abused until the big finale, in which everyone still alive fights Mr. Tiger’s army of jumpsuited henchmen. An odd combination of James Bond adventure and women-in-prison sleaze, VIRGINS FROM HELL is fast, colorful fun aided by bad dubbing, tons of action, hot chicks, hilarious setpieces, and a knowingly camp attitude that doesn’t grow stale.

VIRTUAL ASSASSIN (1995)--Directed by Robert Lee. Stars Michael Dudikoff, Brion James, Suki Kaiser. There's little reason for this DIE HARD-inspired DTV thriller to be set in the future, except that "virtual reality" was trendy at the time. Janitor Nick James (Dudikoff) is the only hope when a terrorist named Nassim (James) invades the building where he works and forces a group of scientists to hand over a deadly computer virus that will allow its possessor to control every computer in the world. Or some such drek. Nick, a former cop whose partner was murdered by Nassim (ain't that a coincidence), bounces around the building, sliding through air ducts and scampering past Nassim's inattentive guards, knocking off the baddies one by one until the expected climactic showdown. Painless enough, I suppose, but not particularly colorful or original, and it's only necessary for Dudikoff or James completists. James isn't particularly good in this film, to be truthful, and I would have liked to have seen more of the statuesque Topaz Hasfal-Schou as his Amazonian assistant. Also with Jon Cuthbert, James Thom and Terry Barkley. Shot in Canada. Also released as CYBERJACK.

VIRTUAL SEDUCTION (1995)--Directed by Paul Ziller. Stars Jeff Fahey, Ami Dolenz, Carrie Genzel, Meshach Taylor. Fahey seems a bit old for his role as a regular schlub who agrees to take part in an experiment testing virtual reality pods for home use. After his fiancé Paris (Genzel) is murdered by thugs, Fahey begins using the VR booth to resurrect her, eventually falling in love with her all over again. His new girlfriend (Dolenz) and a sympathetic lab tech (Taylor) try to bring Fahey back out of his emotional funk. Very little action, excitement, suspense or exploitative material. Dolenz is notorious among B-actresses for not doing nude scenes, and she looks more like Fahey's daughter than his love interest. Produced cheaply by Roger Corman's New Horizons, which hired Ziller several times (BLOODFIST IV: DIE TRYING). Also with Rick Dean, Kevin Alber and Frank Novak.

VIRTUOSITY (1995)--Directed by Brett Leonard. Stars Denzel Washington, Russell Crowe, Kelly Lynch, William Forsythe. This ridiculous "cyber-thriller" is, without question, Denzel's career nadir. I read an interview in which Washington was quoted as saying he wanted to do an action flick, so his kids wouldn't think he was a wimp. Well, after seeing VIRTUOSITY, they must think Dad is an idiot for choosing a script like this.

In this futuristic cop movie, Washington plays an L.A. cop who is sent to prison on a murder charge after executing the serial killer who butchered his family. He is also chosen to serve as a guinea pig for a new police simulator involving virtual reality. For some inexplicable reason, a simulation bad guy named Sid (Crowe), made up using information from over 20 famous killers (including Manson, Dahmer and--of course--the guy who killed Denzel's wife and child), is allowed to escape into the real world, where he continues his exploits of terror. Since Washington has experience chasing Crowe in V.R., he is released from prison and promised a pardon if he can stop Sid's spree of slaughter. Lots of loud music, gunfire, breaking glass and plot inconsistencies. Lynch and Forsythe are totally wasted in cliche "cop-movie" roles.

VIRUS (1996)--See SPILL.

VISION QUEST (1985)--Directed by Harold Becker. Stars Matthew Modine, Linda Fiorentino, Ronny Cox, Michael Schoeffling. Routine teenage sports drama enlivened somewhat by an intriguing performance by newcomer Fiorentino. Modine is a Spokane high school wrestler obsessed with losing weight for an upcoming match. He is somewhat distracted by his seduction by a sexy older woman (Fiorentino) boarding with Modine and his father (Cox). Director Becker takes what could have been a sleazy sex comedy, and turns it into a fairly compelling drama. Cox's character is well written too, but it's the offbeat and erotic presence of Fiorentino that makes this film worth watching. Also with Charles Hallahan, Harold Sylvester and a bit by Madonna (who performs "Into the Groove" in a nightclub). From the director of SEA OF LOVE.

VISITING HOURS (1982)—Directed by Jean Claude Lord. Stars Lee Grant, William Shatner, Linda Purl, Michael Ironside. I bet you wouldn’t expect to see an Emmy- and Oscar-winning actress like Lee Grant (SHAMPOO) headlining a Canadian slasher flick, but here she is. As Deborah Ballin, crusading TV journalist, Grant is attacked in her home by a misogynist psycho (the always intimidating Michael Ironside, who may have played the role before his star-making turn in SCANNERS, which was released first) who witnessed his mother throwing boiling water on his abusive father. Grant survives the attack and wakes up in County General Hospital under the care of nurse Sheila (Linda Purl).

Ironside's fixation on Grant lies in her highly publicized support of a woman who shot her husband in self-defense, but was found guilty by a jury anyway. So he continues his assault on her by stalking her in the hospital, where he manages to kill nurses, patients, security guards--just about everyone else in the building except for Grant. And when he grows weary of chasing Grant, he sets his sights on Purl, a single mother of two youngsters.

Sharp photography and an excellent score by Jonathan Goldsmith aren't enough to make up for the deficiencies in Brian Taggart's screenplay, which ensures that a huge metropolitan hospital will always be empty when Ironside makes his attacks and that the characters who enjoy sex will be among the dead. Also not helping is the world’s most clueless police force that manages to always be at the wrong place at the wrong time.

Receiving #2 billing behind Grant is none other than William Shatner, who is pretty much wasted as Grant's ineffectual boss and lover. However, the name cast and the creepy one-sheet were probably responsible for making VISITING HOURS a slight theatrical hit in the U.S. It actually debuted at #2, behind ROCKY III, Memorial Day weekend of 1982. One week later, when STAR TREK II: THE WRATH OF KHAN debuted at #1 at the box office, VISITING HOURS was still #6, probably the last time Shatner was ever on nearly 3000 motion picture screens at the same time.

Ironside says very little in VISITING HOURS, but plays a very sick dude, whether snapping photos of his victims' last breaths or stalking around naked except for Grant's jewelry dangling from his neck, ears and nose. Fans of Canadian exploitation movies (or “canuxploitation”) will recognize mustachioed Harvey Atkin (the put-upon camp counselor from MEATBALLS) and foxy Lenore Zann (also in HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, MURDER BY PHONE and DEF-CON 4 around this time).

THE VISITOR (1979)--Directed by Giulio Paradisi. Stars Lance Henriksen, Joanne Nail, John Huston, Mel Ferrer, Glenn Ford, Paige Conner, Shelley Winters. This typically incoherent Italian OMEN ripoff might be worth a few laughs. Despite all the big-name actors on the cast list, the real stars are Henriksen (ALIENS) as professional basketball team owner Raymond Armstead and Nail (SWITCHBLADE SISTERS) as his girlfriend Barbara Collins. The mysterious Raymond lives in an enormous mansion with Barbara and Katy (Conner), her eight-year-old daughter from a previous marriage. Although he frequently asks Barbara to marry him, she always refuses, having pledged never to remarry after her previous marriage ended in divorce shortly after Katy was born. What Barbara doesn't know is that Katy is imbued with evil supernatural powers (which we first see her use to explode a basketball, spoiling a last-second shot and securing a victory for Raymond's team) and Raymond is working for a mysterious conglomeration of dark-suited men led by Dr. Walker (Ferrer), who need him to impregnate Barbara with a male child who can be used to eventually mate with Katy and create a master race of evil superpowered creeps.

While this is all strange enough, the movie's real joy is in watching all the major stars stumble around trying to make sense out of what they're doing. Huston (CHINATOWN) has a major role as Jerzy, a kindly old man who's working on the side of Good and may be a visitor from outer space. He and Katy are certainly rivals, who talk smack to each other during a game of Pong (!), each politely pledging to destroy the other. Winters delivers the lamest performance as the household maid suspicious of Katy's powers, while, at the other end of the spectrum, Ford actually does an excellent job with what he's given, a short role as a police detective who is murdered by Katy in the film's most exciting action scene, a spectacular, drawn-0ut automobile accident featuring some expert stuntwork. As for the (at the time) lesser known performers, Nail, who was magnetic as gangleader Maggie in Jack Hill's SWITCHBLADE SISTERS, suffers through a thankless role that has her being shot, artificially inseminated by aliens, confined to a wheelchair, shoved into a glass aquarium and other indignities. Henriksen is his usual creepy self, while Conner overacts in a style typical of child actors, although the scene in which she curses out Ford is a hallmark in hilarity.

So what the heck does THE VISITOR mean? Beats me, and I doubt even director Paradisi (credited on U.S. prints as Michael J. Paradise) or his writers and producers know. If you insist on following the plot from beginning to end, you'll find THE VISITOR to be pretty frustrating, but if you've seen enough Italian horror movies, you probably know that the best way to enjoy them is to sit back, let the violence, inept editing, massive plotholes and inappropriate music flow over you, and not take it too seriously. I certainly can't say THE VISITOR is a good movie in any sense, but the actors make it worth a cursory viewing, and there are a few interesting scenes to keep you from nodding off (Ford's death scene, for one). Look closely for director Sam Peckinpah (JUNIOR BONNER) in a (dubbed) cameo and Franco Nero (DJANGO) as Jesus Christ! According to some Internet sources, the U.S. print of THE VISITOR, including the out-of-print video release from Samuel Goldwyn Studios, may be heavily cut, with Nero's footage being a prime victim of edits. Music by Franco Micalizzi. Filmed in Atlanta, Georgia. Many cast members worked in other films for producer Ovidio Assonitis; Henriksen starred in PIRANHA II: THE SPAWNING (James Cameron's directorial debut) and CHOKE CANYON, while Winters and Huston appeared briefly in TENTACLES.

VIVA KNIEVEL! (1977)--Directed by Gordon Douglas. Stars Evel Knievel, Lauren Hutton, Gene Kelly, Leslie Nielsen. Under no circumstance should this unintentionally hilarious "adventure" be missed! The ultimate '70s pop culture icon plays himself, a motorcycle daredevil preparing for a big stunt in Mexico with alcoholic mechanic Kelly. Unbeknownst to Evel, druglord Nielsen has a plan to murder him and smuggle 50 million dollars worth of cocaine across the border in his coffin! Knievel also finds time to visit an orphanage, rescue Kelly from a sanitarium, engage in countless stunts, and romance bimbo journalist Hutton. The dialogue and acting are awful. And check out the cast: Cameron Mitchell, Red Buttons, Marjoe Gortner, Dabney Coleman, Albert Salmi and Frank Gifford in a hideous mustard-colored leisure suit! Marjoe sings the title song! Music by Charles Bernstein. The last movie directed by Douglas, whose first film was GENERAL SPANKY in 1936!

VIVA LAS VEGAS (1964)--Directed by George Sidney. Stars Elvis Presley, Ann-Margret, Cesare Danova. One of Presley's best-known pictures. Elvis plays still another racecar driver, who needs a new engine to beat bitter rival Danova in the Las Vegas Grand Prix. To come up with the cash, he takes a job as a hotel waiter, and falls for luscious swimming instructor Ann-Margret. Of course it's silly and flat, but Ann-Margret is great to look at (especially in that white bikini!) and she works well with Elvis. Besides the theme, songs include "What'd I Say?" and "The Yellow Rose of Texas". Also with William Demarest and Jack Carter.

VIXEN! (1968)--Directed by Russ Meyer. Stars Erica Gavin, Garth Pillsbury, Jon Evans, Peter Carpenter, Harrison Page. Probably Meyer's most successful film financially, this sexploitation classic returned box-office receipts of over $6 million on a budget of under six figures. Filmed in color, it tells the story of Vixen (Gavin), a sexually insatiable woman living in the Canadian forest with her pilot husband, who finds carnal satisfaction with not just her spouse, but also a Mountie, a fisherman, and her own brother! Theres a lot of social commentary, racist talk and a bit of action, but VIXEN! succeeds mostly because of Erica Gavin. Just 19 years old, with her enormous brunette hairdo, painted eyebrows and sexual self-confidence, she gives the illusion of being more mature. She is undeniably sexy, and her softcore scenes are frankly erotic. Also produced, shot and edited by Meyer.

VOLUNTEERS (1985)--Directed by Nicholas Meyer. Stars Tom Hanks, John Candy, Rita Wilson, Tim Thomerson, Gedde Watanabe. Tom Hanks and John Candy reunite the year after SPLASH was a big hit, CHEERS writers Ken Levine and David Isaacs did the screenplay, and Nicholas Meyer, hot off TIME AFTER TIME and STAR TREK II: THE WRATH OF KHAN, directed it. Of course, Meyer isn't exactly known for rollicking comedy, and VOLUNTEERS is pretty flat. Thomerson is really good as a psycho CIA agent, and Hanks has some nice chemistry with Watanabe (GUNG HO), but oddly gets nothing going with Candy. Hanks met his wife-to-be Rita Wilson on this film, so at least it worked out for somebody. There are a handful of clever sight gags, and a couple of lines made me laugh, but Hanks' character is an unlikable jag, and there isn't much funny here. Set in 1963, Hanks is a rich Yalie who impulsively joins the Peace Corps to escape a gambling debt and ends up on a flight to Thailand on bridge-building duty. His partners include the enthusiastic “Tom Tuttle from Tacoma” (Candy) and the idealistic Beth (Wilson), who is eventually kidnapped by a Thai druglord. Also with Clyde Kusatsu, George Plimpton, Xander Berkeley, Ji-Tu Cumbuka and Allan Arbus. Score by James Horner.

VOODOO WOMAN (1957)--Directed by Edward L. Cahn. Stars Tom Conway, Marla English, Mike Connors, Lance Fuller, Mary Ellen Kay. There is some entertainment value in this cheapjack AIP flick, partially in the sight of the formerly urbane leading man Conway (star of RKO's FALCON series) wearing a ridiculous fur hat. Deep in the jungle, mad doctor Gerard (Conway) attempts to create an indestructible creature by mixing his advanced science and primitive tribal voodoo. Why he wants this creature is anybody's guess, but he is able to turn a pretty native into a hairy beast impervious to bullets. The experiment is unsuccessful, though, since the creature refuses to kill upon command. Gerard reasons that the monster is unable to do anything that its former self wouldn't do, which is why it's fortuitous for the evil dog when ruthless bitch Marilyn Blanchard (English), who has hired stalwart guide Ted Bronson (Connors) to escort her and her henpecked fiancé (Fuller) into the jungle in search of gold, falls into his clutches. Russ Bender and V.I. Voss' script is juvenile and inane, a perfect match for Cahn's robotic staging. The dialogue is just bad enough to be amusing, though, and Conway, English and Connors are professional enough to give it their all. VOODOO WOMAN isn't good, but it isn't boring either. Cahn, perhaps wisely, never really gives us a good glimpse at Paul Blaisdell's monster suit, which is reportedly recycled from THE SHE-CREATURE.

VOYAGE TO THE PLANET OF PREHISTORIC WOMEN (1968)—Directed by Peter Bogdanovich. Stars Mamie Van Doren. Not to be confused with VOYAGE TO THE PREHISTORIC PLANET or WOMEN OF THE PREHISTORIC PLANET, this AIP oddity was the directing debut of snobby film critic-turned-acclaimed filmmaker Bogdanovich. Just three years later, he’d be nominated for an Academy Award for directing THE LAST PICTURE SHOW. Producer Roger Corman is more to blame for VOYAGE’s (many) shortcomings than Bogdanovich, who was hired to take footage from AIP’s earlier VOYAGE TO THE PREHISTORIC PLANET and shoot a handful of new scenes to insert into it. That the previous film consisted mainly of effects footage from a Russian film, PLANETA BUR, is enough to make your head explode.

Astronauts on a mission to rescue a previous expedition land on Venus, where they eventually encounter sexy pterodactyl-worshipping telepaths in hiphuggers and clamshell bikini tops. Well, encounter is the wrong word, as the men and the women were filmed on different continents several years apart. This is pathetic moviemaking at its worst. Dull, confusing, senseless, and the rubber pterodactyl is the phoniest creature you ever saw. The women are telepaths only because Bogdanovich was too cheap to shoot with sync sound. Some of the visual effects in the original PLANETA BUR aren’t half bad, and Mamie in little clothing obviously holds some interest. But. Skip it.

VOYAGE TO THE PREHISTORIC PLANET (1965)—Directed by Curtis Harrington. Stars Basil Rathbone, Faith Domergue. Once upon a time, there was a Soviet science fiction movie called PLANETA BUR about cosmonauts who travel to Venus. Loving the (good) visual effects, but apparently hating everything else, Roger Corman bought the rights and hired Harrington (NIGHT TIDE) to redub it into English and hire faded scream queen Domergue (CULT OF THE COBRA) and old-timer Rathbone to appear in new wraparound scenes. The Americans not only don’t appear on-screen with the Soviet actors (obviously), but they also don’t appear together. I doubt Harrington spent more than a day apiece with either Domergue or Rathbone, who doesn’t appear to be trying hard.

Corman’s record proves he knew what he was doing more often than not, though PLANETA BUR had to have been a better picture than the dud he pressured Harrington to create. Two separate teams of astronauts (a third is killed when a meteor obliterates their spaceship) land on Venus and explore it. One team encounters a weird octopus-like creature, while the other rides atop its big robot’s shoulders to escape a river of lava. The cool effects include a floating car that sort of anticipates STAR WARS’ landspeeder.

Despite the hijinks, Harrington’s new script is complicated and boring, and it certainly isn’t helped by the dumb dialogue he’s forced to put into the actors’ mouths to match their Russian dialogue (“There’s no fair or unfair to a meteor. You get hit, you die.”). Harrington used the name “John Sebastian” in the credits, leading me to wonder if anyone caught this on late-night television and wondered if they were going to see a Lovin’ Spoonful movie.