A Living Bomb Explodes In Madness, Agony, And Death
Now Playing: CSI: MIAMI
To the left I have posted the back cover of the RABID paperback I picked up for a quarter at the flea market yesterday. I had a couple of people ask about it after seeing the front of the book in yesterday’s post. I’m hoping the novel is about a dog running rampant around a populated area, spreading a deadly virus among the populace. What an absurd idea, and I can’t wait to read about it.

I watched CSI: MIAMI tonight for the simple reason that Eric Roberts was guest-starring. If you’ve seen as many direct-to-video thrillers as I have, you’re aware of Eric’s peculiar acting style. Surprisingly, he was rather subdued in this episode, playing a convicted murderer on Death Row commonly called the “Axeman” by the crime scene investigators working his case.

I’ve watched CSI: MIAMI a handful of times and have concluded that it’s simply awful. The writing--more specifically, the dialogue--is frequently laughable; for instance, I once saw an episode where the ludicrously lip-glossed CSI played ineptly by Emily Procter announced during a ballistics test that she had found the “bullet that killed the victim fatally!” Tonight’s episode began with a man carrying a crime file down a prison corridor with the words “Convicted: 1st Degree Murder--Axe” written in bold type across the top of it. Do these files really have the murder weapon prominently displayed across the front? What about when Bruce Dern hijacked the Goodyear Blimp in BLACK SUNDAY? “Convicted: 1st Degree Murder--Dirigible?”

Something else that struck me about the Eric Roberts episode is how violent it was, something I’ve noticed in other viewings. I’m convinced that if the MPAA were to give this show a rating, it might pull an R. It featured several gory crime-scene photos (in color), a bludgeoning, a hit-and-run, as well as two strangulations and two axe murders shown repeatedly in flashbacks from different angles and viewpoints.

Only two more hours of 24 left. This season might be the best so far, although it’s becoming difficult to see how far producers can take the concept in future seasons. This year, Jack Bauer (a remarkable Kiefer Sutherland) has nearly single-handedly rescued the Secretary of Defense (William Devane) and his daughter (Kim Raver) from kidnappers and has killed and/or tortured most of Los Angeles in pursuit of an Arab terrorist played by Arnold Vosloo (HARD TARGET). Tonight’s episode closed on quite a cliffhanger, pulling luscious Naked Mandy (the alluring Mia Kirshner) out of Character Limbo and having her take Jack’s faithful sidekick Tony Almeida (Carlos Bernard) hostage. Mandy appeared in the first episode of the first season, picking up a stranger on a 747, taking him into the growler for some mile-high action, stealing his ID, parachuting from the plane and blowing it up in mid-air. She then glided to the desert surface in the middle of the night, where she stripped nude and motorcycled away with her lesbian lover. She then returned unexpectedly in the last minute of Season Two, shaking the hand of President Palmer (Dennis Haysbert) and infecting him with what appeared to be a deadly virus or something similar that burned his hand and brought the former athlete to his knees. An effective cliffhanger, but one that was never appropriately addressed in following episodes.

Jesse Vint, the earthy star of New World’s 1974 drive-in classic MACON COUNTY LINE, served as producer, writer and star of BLACK OAK CONSPIRACY, which will seem familiar to anyone versed in the ‘70s phenomenon of rural revenge movies. Quite similar to MOONSHINE COUNTY EXPRESS and FIGHTING MAD, BLACK OAK stars Vint as Jingo Johnson, a Hollywood stuntman who returns to his Oklahoma hometown after he receives word that his mother has fallen into ill health. Jingo comes home to find that the family farm is now in the hands of a large mining company owned by the father of his childhood rival (Robert F. Lyons), the same rich scumbag who’s now dating his ex-girlfriend Lucy (Karen Carlson). Turns out his mother’s illness is directly related to the farm’s mineral rights, forcing Jingo to turn to vigilante justice, since the local sheriff (Albert Salmi) may be involved. The final theatrical film directed by Bob Kelljan, a solid action director whose above-average screen work includes the two COUNT YORGA movies, SCREAM, BLACULA, SCREAM and the STARSKY & HUTCH episode that pitted the two cops against a vampire (?) played by John Saxon, BLACK OAK could have used more judicious editing and a few more action beats. Vint looks and feels right, and he has a seasoned supporting cast to back him up, but the film feels longer than 90 minutes, and either the material or the budget kept out another chase or two that could have made this one of the better Southern-fried action movies. It’s still worth a look, if only to be reminded of the kind of low-key non-FX action programmer that isn’t made often these days.